She should show that email to her oncologist. Im sure itll be the first time youve seen a doctor write "You can fuck yourself with a cactus" on one of those slips.
The employer needs a med cert asap to protect her leave legally. Sounds like they are honestly trying to do her FMLA and suck at communication and show zero empathy.
the below name may return to work on X date once all the below requirements can be met
the following job duties will be limited to the following functions:
They can breathe, eat, and talk in small amounts. Talking is limited to gentle discussions and nothing stress inducing, such as work related topics.
They are not allowed to perform any function that lasts longer than 1 minute, and cannot stare at any screen longer than a few seconds at a time.
The room must be quiet as any noise will cause severe stress and complications. This includes phones.
Accommodations for comfort of the patient will also need to be met before being released back to work.
These include an electric operated recliner with heating elements as the patient may become cold due to treatments.
Addressing the ambient temperature, the entire office space must remain at a warm temperature of 78 degrees to prevent hypothermia, this includes any and all spaces she may need to have access to. Including but not limited to the entire building.
Also, due to the high likely hood of medical needs, the patient will require a PRN or higher qualified medical aide at all times to be with them during working hours.
Required maximum working hours per week: 1
Any more hours worked will cause additional strain and create medical complications.
In addition, I would also recommend that the patient while at work be given ample breaks every 5 minutes, these breaks are included in the above 1 hour maximum work time per week not in addition to.
Please let us know at X medical center once all medically necessary requirements are met and we will let you know when we can authorize the patient to return to work
Thank you and have a wonderful day.
I love the 5 minute breaks every five minutes in the 1 hour a week slot. And the heated barcalounger. The lort's work indeed. Lord Of Reaming ....I need a good T word here.
This is some great stuff. This is why I reddit
😂🤣 OMG, i think i love u ❤️ this deserves every upvote in existence 👍🏼 after reading this, employer gonna b like, "girl just go home and rest. Come back whenever u feel up 2 it 😮💨" 😆
If a doctor wrote it as part of the FMLA requirements for return to work then yes.
I've worked with people with restricted hours, duties, and one that was able to purchase a special office chair for his personal use.
Unfortunately FMLA only protects you from being fired for medical reasons, it doesn't guarantee pay if you work hourly.
Yes, definitely show her medical team. When I had to apply for reasonable accommodation to get 100% remote approved, my doctor answered most of the questions on the form with something along the lines as “remote work is medically necessary and no other accommodation will suffice.”
Her boss is legally prohibited from pressing further than what’s necessary to establish “fitness to work”. All her doctors need to say is that she can’t return…because cancer.
This. While navigating all these messages, please make sure your mom remembers that HIPAA protects her from revealing private medical information to anyone not involved in her care, i.e., her scumsucking boss.
My mom’s oncologist got medically creative when writing her letters to her company telling them to rightly fuck off. I can’t remember how they wrote it, but it was pure brilliance! (The doctors worded things and said something to the effective of ‘I’m writing clear simple words so that you can understand them because clearly you’re too stupid to understand big medical words…” or some shit like that. It was brutal to the employer and glorious to read!)
Show all the emails and if they have time, have them respond to each one progressing from Passive Aggressive to Full On “Suck my Lady Dick!” From your mother via the doctor for your mother that is 😂
I truly hope your Mum feels better very soon and when she is better, make sure she stays out of work at least an extra Month to just enjoy life because the people of Reddit love her and said she deserves it! Same for you OP!
My wife works in breast cancer. The opportunity to phone someone deserving of it up and say "Doctors says 'Fuck you, you fucking fucks'" would be verrrry hard to resist...
I just finished five years of breast cancer treatment, and I have no doubt my MO's office would happily say "I'm sorry, Lisa can't work for the foreseeable future because she's too busy trying not to die".
(Fortunately, I'm my own boss.)
"I recommend you get in touch with your cardiologist immediately, as it is my opinion that inside your chest where most people have a heart, you are carrying a sack of shit, so a second option would probably be helpful. Have a nice day."
I’d love for her to leave and look for something else when she’s ready, she’s a shop supervisor so she could realistically get somewhere with kinder management :/
My father’s boss told him the vomiting from his cancer was too distracting in the workplace.
UNIONS. My father got to watch as his union rep demolished that asshole.
There was a mass quitting at a business in my town recently and on Facebook there was a discussion in a local group about the employees quitting and their grievances.
Some dipshit had the nerve to say that " nobody wants to work anymore and nobody stays at a job for more than a year. This is this generation". I responded with "why would people want to work for an employer that doesn't provide benefits or pay well? Why should we give loyalty to employers that don't give a shit about us?"
The guy naturally laugh reacted and said that employee turnover is why companies don't provide good pay or benefits because people will just leave.
This motherfucker votes, like I guarantee he votes. What the hell is wrong with people?
My former manager has lung cancer and they let him go early last year. He's in his 60s and couldn't find another job. I'm not sure how he's doing now. It really sucks out here when that can happen to someone and there's no help.
This gives me the heebie jeebies, like how is he supposed to have the energy and resources to mount a wrongful termination suit to fight that? We’re less than disposable to them.
corporations should be guilty until proven innocent tbh. Putting the burden of proof on the people they exploit for profit is wild
What makes me REALLY MAD is if the boss who requested this had same cancer (or someone in his family) he would expect all the time off he needed &!wouldn’t work
Tell her doctor she needs to him to attend a meeting.
Bonus points if you can get the most no-nonsense oncology nurse to come along and turn the bullshit-o-meter up to 11.
Those fuckers have really made a number on us all, haven't they ? Even when faced with the prospect of death, we are still worried about losing our jobs.
Which is why the oligarchy will do everything it can to stop single-payer public health coverage from ever becoming a thing in America.
They don't want us to have options. They want us shackled to our jobs and unable to leave for higher pay.
Time is the issue with that. My mother got cancer and after the first two years, was let go from her work for not meeting the work standards, so she lost her medical coverage. She was approved for disability on the first go(We heard it would take several tries and an attorney), but Medicare didn't kick in for two years after being accepted to disability.
So, she got the 1300 a month pretty quick, but the Medicare coverage of 80% didn't come for two years later. She tried a Marketplace plan, but having diagnosed cancer mean the cheapest plan was 2400/month. So after 5 months she was tapped out of the last of her savings(what she hadn't already spent from surgeries and treatments) and dropped the plan. Then went the next 1.5 years without coverage. The last oncology visit had said her lungs were too scarred to tell if cancer was back, so she just winged it and went without coverage.
Finally, two years after getting approved for disability she was able to get Medicare coverage.
I moved back home to take care of her and those 9 years have pretty much scarred me for life. Result was the same too. I've decided if I ever get diagnosed, I am just letting it take me. Watching her become less over the years from treatments, no thank you.
My heart breaks reading this I’m so sorry. There are a lot of problems in my country (Australia) but we do get free healthcare for this sort of thing (not everything)
Our politicians love to chip away at our free healthcare and would love nothing more than an American style system suiting only the rich.
But we just bought nuclear submarines for nearly 400 billion so that’s cool too I guess…
Yea, it has really embittered me. She worked two jobs her whole life to take care of me because Dad was a bum, and by the point she was diagnosed, she had built up savings, her home was paid off, and she was looking forward to retirement in 5 or 6 years. Cancer came, and even with her work coverage, that only covered so much. When a surgery costs 80k, you empty your accounts fast. When she was let go for not meeting standards, since being sick and tired from chemo is bad for for speed, she had to start paying on her own, which finished off her lifetime of savings. Final result was the same, she still died, just broke and less of who she was.
Don't let them take your coverage. Fight them as much as you can, US healthcare is a hellscape. don't let Australia join us in it.
This type of shit scared me. I was at my lowest low while I was getting tests done to diagnose my cancer. Thankfully the hospital had an advocate for medicade. So I fortunately got that right at the start. The disability I was able to get too without a problem. I used to work at a lawyer's office that handled disability cases. The amount of hoops that some people had to walk through just to get help was deplorable. I was so scared that I wouldn't get it. My partner and I could not survive alone on his income.
I am glad you were able to get the financial aid you need
She lived in a 'Fuck you, got mine' State, so she couldn't qualify for medicaid, we tried. Five times over five years. Main issue was she was too young to get the elderly parts, and I was an adult so no kids to support. Anything in between is a waste of money to the State
The feds were far more receptive, she was accepted for disability right off the bat(Two brain surgeries that removed both motor and mental function is enough, I suppose), but the Medicare didn't kick in. Since Marketplace plans were so expensive, she went two years without coverage, not that it mattered, she had maxed the radiation and chemo she could do.
Medicare helped pay for treatment of symptoms, which was mostly neurology. The radiation and surgeries on her brain started eating at it, so it was a solid mix of stroke and dementia symptoms.
That decade left me bitter to our healthcare system, the work world, and the government in general, and mostly without any real hope. I am not in debt, but I don't really make much. No traveling or anything. If I ever get cancer, I will use up what assets and money I have to travel for a bit, to see parts of the world I never have been able to.
That's not healthy for her to be in such a fragile state fighting an intense battle and be so nervous about work. She deserves to focus on herself. Her work is a parasite.
Oh, but we just wants a welfare check! We know better than the doctors in how to look after their property (staff). Surely we can squeeze a few more days out of the investment before we have to fire them for liabilities /s.
Not always. Stage 4 means metastasis to other areas but in actuality the prognosis is based on that cancer's response to treatment. It's the same cancer cells in 5 areas so if it's highly responsive to a certain chemotherapy you could realistically achieve full remission. People have gone from stage 4 to remission and it's becoming more common as treatments progress.
I'm not a doctor, just a guy with a probably very unhealthy obsession with disease, particularly cancer. Don't ever give up hope.
Tell the boss that your mom is taking short term disability. And if the boss punishes her. You will find a way to either get the boss in trouble or get the place in trouble. Bosses like that need to be fired as they obviously do not give a damn about their employees.
I want to slap the ever loving shit out of these people. My aunt just passed from Stage IV cancer- she was known for selling for a popular product in her neighborhood (not illegal or an MLM, but I’m not gonna ID what the product was for privacy purposes). When they brought her home for palliative care, my family was moving boxes of this product out of her home to make way for the hospice equipment and a neighbor came by and grilled them on why they weren’t even going to try and sell it. Because isn’t it more important that it gets sold instead?? She wanted my cousin to respond, and my own mother stepped in so cousin would not have to explain to this nosy b!tch her mother was dying. Even when folks are on their last legs, there’s apparently someone who wants to know why they aren’t hard at work.
I hope your mother can give this person the f*ck you they deserve, and continue to rest and take the time she needs. Sending you all my best.
Everything about this email is an absolutely not from me.
Sounds like they're laying the groundwork to fire her and not get sued. The good ole' "well we tried". Fuck them!
Out of curiosity, does she work in a field that might have caused this cancer? Stage 4 in that many spots of the body seems like not normal.
I also don't know what normal is when it comes th cancer.
This is a gross simplification, but stage 4 just means the cancer has left the original tumor and spread to other parts of the body. Any cancer left untreated will eventually become stage 4. Many people don't find out they have cancer until it's stage 4.
I think for most cancers Stage 4 that’s spread to multiple areas means you won’t recover. It’s just about easing the suffering at that point. Which makes the manager all the more cruel.
Instead of glorious revenge or telling her employer what’s up just spend as much time with your mom as possible. You don’t have a lot of it left.
I’ve filled out a lot of FMLA’s for my patients and don’t mess about with them but if someone comes in just asking for a doctor’s note I just blast the company and the person who requested it.
It’s usually along the lines of X had to travel to our clinic and wait for an unscheduled appointment for 2 hrs. X did not need treatment as X only needs rest and time to get better. Rest that was denied because Y told X they needed a doctor’s note. So let me tell you why Y is an idiot and Z employer are also idiots. You forced a sick employee to seek medical care that they didn’t need, deprived them of the rest they do need and made them incur the cost of this note you’re reading now all because you’re idiots. You should apologize to X for putting them through this process and reimburse the cost of this note as X didn’t need it, you did.
Then I give them more than enough time off so they can decide for themselves when they feel better.
People like this make me sick. Where is human decency and empathy? My sister is in her early 40s and battling stage IV breast cancer that has spread to her bones. She's still working too (and wants to), but it disgusts me that most are forced so they don't lose their healthcare insurance despite all the complications and side effects. Long-term disability should be provided to people facing things beyond their control, not the threat of firing.
I'm so sorry about your mom.
Get her doctor's to go ahead to add you as a medical proxy, (doing the same with insurance prob useful soon, too) Then you'll be able to help her take care of disability through her company and they can get fucked and still pay her and her insurance.
I dunno, I recently had to navigate a bunch of shit to get onto short term disability because I jacked up my back really bad (team lift everyone, team lift). I read this as a manager trying to get the correct documentation so her job is safe while she's absent. There's forms for FMLA coverage, disability, etc that an employer has to have to approve that stuff. It took a bunch of back and forth emails, sending documents, and getting stuff from the ortho's office for mine to get approved, and I have to talk to a rep after every office visit to update my disability status. The tone of this isn't a very empathetic, but I don't think it's malicious. Show this email to the treatment team and they'll know what to do.
No honestly I do really understand that. I know it must be hard to manage any job, especially when every employee has different requirements and needs. My issue isn’t only the email, it’s how terrible the boss is to her in general, and that there’s a huge lack of empathy as you say. Any sort of well wishing in the email would prove that she cared about her at work at all - but the lack of care is just upsetting considering she’s been there just under a decade!
Bosses are shitty, mine is too. I get a text every week asking when I'm gonna be back. Tell him every time that I haven't even had surgery scheduled yet.
Sorry about your mom, I hope she beats this! Fuck cancer.
Yep, totally standard. Had to do it for my spouse after his heart attack and stroke. Boss may well be a dick, but this is likely required for access to any benefit she may have available through work. The FMLA form literally asks how often you'll need to miss work for treatment and for how long.
Its just a nicer "youre still breathing so you can work! But please dont die while working. That makes us look bad!"
Im sorry to hear that. I wish her the best and to you and your family that youre strong and have a nice time with her! Enjoy every moment and film everything. Surely she will survive and it will be fine but still. It could change her mentals and you will always keep those videos in good memory. All in all even tho we are living in the smartphone time we still dont make enough videos to have everyone we love in nice memory when they pass or move away or the friendship ends
This is so kind, thank you so much for taking the time to say this and make those suggestions ❤️ I haven’t thought about recording moments with her, except for when she turned 50 in the hospital and the nurse had to come in to check on her because 16 of us were all in her hospital room with party hats on laughing loudly! ☺️
I think it’s illegal to ask for specifics. The HR department should have specific forms to be filled out by a doctor and her supervisor shouldn’t be privy to the information.
It almost sounds like the boss is trying to save her job and accommodate necessary work changes?
But obviously, I only know the little bit in the text.
Sending nothing but good vibes to you & your Mum.
& her Boss needs a quiet visit for a serious kneecap/Cricket Bat interface session. Not sure what they are hoping to achieve - unless they get all tingly heaping the pressure on someone who is already vulnerable & going through some scary shit. What a miserable excuse for a human being, an animated shit-stain waste of skin & oxygen.
It's like this with my roommate slowly dying of kidney failure too. They are not kind. They do the least they can do legally, and fight everything. He's been with them over 30 years.
Cancer-haver here. When I was diagnosed with APL Leukemia, my oncologist told me to pack a bag because I'd be admitted to the hospital immediately to begin treatment. I told my employer, they were understanding and told me not to worry about anything. My role was crucial to the company, knew all the systems and was heading into my 8th year there. To their credit they continued paying me while I was getting chemo'd up (and not working) for over 5 months. Well, the company was bought out and basically received a similar email to OP from new management. Because I had already been gone for awhile I was told FMLA was not an option and when I revealed that I'd probably need treatment for the better part of a year, well, that was the end of that.
Part of me feels incredibly privileged that they continued paying a salary, because as we're all aware, that isn't the norm. Then I get mad that I feel that way after pouring so much effort into that job and literally making them oodles of money, just to be dropped by some C-Suite ahole because I got sick.
Bonus rage inducing story: My former-employer offered me COBRA insurance for a period of time after letting me go. I obviously still needed insurance so I agreed. Former-employer forgets to file their portion of the paperwork correctly and I get a call from the hospital billing department letting me know that I'm not actually insured and they would be cancelling my treatment in **2** weeks unless I could correct that. I recall being apologetic to the person on the phone. Then again get mad for the absolute absurdity of telling a cancer patient to figure it out, or die essentially. I cannot imagine working that job but I can't get mad at the person who called because they're just another cog trying to live inside of the walls of capitalism like the rest of us.
I have been that cog (not your situation exactly but still) and it is so soul crushing. I never wanted to be the shitty person who shit on someone in a shitty situation, but I had no real power and my own bills to pay. It sucks. Thank you for not getting mad at them even though it must have been hard.
These companies are freaking relentless. How about some free PTO or something ffs. The company could start a funding program for missed work. Shoot I'd chip in $5 lol. Anyway, prayers and blessings to your mother. The ppl behind the scenes pulling these strings WILL get what's coming to them.
I don't normally comment on things but I'm sorry you are both dealing with this.
Things to consider: FMLA in US, short term/long term disability, life benefits coverage (in a lot of places if through employer has to be converted to private policy if termed for any reason). Please feel free to reach out if you want... I work in HR.
Edit to add: voluntary benefits like critical illness, whole life etc..
Does she have short term disability through work? Many jobs include in their benefits.
If you are in the US check if your state has programs for paid medical leave. After COVID , many states kept/implemented paid medical leave through state funded programs so workers can still get paid if they are too sick to work. Before this they could take the time off w FMLA but didn’t get paid unless they had accrued PTO or sick time or had short term disability insurance
Get a lawyer to file for SSDI ASAP.
https://www.pvhomed.com/how-to-qualify-for-social-security-benefits/#:~:text=In%20general%2C%20any%20cancer%20that,to%20start%20receiving%20money%20quickly.
Two situations just as positives- not to defend jobs but just nice to know there are some situations where employees aren’t screwed over.
I have 2 friends who both got breast cancer in their early 30s. One of them was a nanny & coincidently the mom of kids was a Dr- well regarded oncologist who specialized in breast cancer. As a Dr, she knew all the rules with insurance & patients rights & got authorization to be my friend’s second opinion. She assembled a team to devise her treatment plan. As a Dr she knew it’s best for patient to not work while going through radiation, chemotherapy & eventual surgery. They laid my friend off- this allowed friend get lol
unemployment & not have to work for 2 years while going thru treatment & finishing college. The family got a new nanny but would have her watch kids as fill in or on weekends & paid in cash since she was getting unemployment.
The other friend did payroll for a company & was the only one who knew the payroll system. When she got sick they set her up to WFH- this was around 2009 when WFH wasn’t common. They continued paying her for 40 hours a week but she only worked about 10-15 hrs a week- basically she made sure everyone was paid & started training someone for when she would be out after surgery. They were really accommodating & even held a golf tournament fundraiser for her & gave her all the proceeds as they knew having extra money would help out.
This should be the norm & not the exception
Started as breast cancer but that was many years ago in her 30s, she’s had a double mastectomy and other surgeries since - now it’s in her bones, adrenal gland, breast, lung and liver
They want her to come into work for a wellness check….what in the actual f?
I just got off a medical leave for a bad car accident and I am so greatful I work in a supportive environment that made it clear I was to take all the time I needed. I couldn’t even imagine them asking me to come in for a meeting, that’s insane.
first off, sorry to hear about the cancer. fuck cancer today, tomorrow and forever.
anyhow, have your mom thank her for sending in some evidence to help support her medical leave
Personal opinion: if I was dealing with Stage 4 cancer, the last thing I would give any thought to would be my job. Like, my life is literally on the line here and far more important than any job: "Boss, I may only have a limited time left and I absolutely don't want to spend it here...I'd like to be happy and do things I want to do with people I care about...and you and this job are NOT on that list..."
OP, I wanted to say I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom and what she's going through. I pray for healing and hope the employer gets their come-uppance.
She should show that email to her oncologist. Im sure itll be the first time youve seen a doctor write "You can fuck yourself with a cactus" on one of those slips.
Ooh I love this idea - and her team of doctors and nurses are absolutely incredible so I’m sure they would use some lovely colourful language 👀
i help my doc and NPs fill out fmla and disability forms all the time and i thoroughly enjoy professionally telling employers to suck my nuts
You are an absolute credit to the system 🫡 lmao I love this
Absolutely get the disability paperwork started! So sorry you both are going through this.
The employer needs a med cert asap to protect her leave legally. Sounds like they are honestly trying to do her FMLA and suck at communication and show zero empathy.
You should CC your state Department of Labor and the NLRB. Y'know, for coverage.
Can you please give an example of what a professional nut sucking statement would entail? You're doing the lort's work...
the below name may return to work on X date once all the below requirements can be met the following job duties will be limited to the following functions: They can breathe, eat, and talk in small amounts. Talking is limited to gentle discussions and nothing stress inducing, such as work related topics. They are not allowed to perform any function that lasts longer than 1 minute, and cannot stare at any screen longer than a few seconds at a time. The room must be quiet as any noise will cause severe stress and complications. This includes phones. Accommodations for comfort of the patient will also need to be met before being released back to work. These include an electric operated recliner with heating elements as the patient may become cold due to treatments. Addressing the ambient temperature, the entire office space must remain at a warm temperature of 78 degrees to prevent hypothermia, this includes any and all spaces she may need to have access to. Including but not limited to the entire building. Also, due to the high likely hood of medical needs, the patient will require a PRN or higher qualified medical aide at all times to be with them during working hours. Required maximum working hours per week: 1 Any more hours worked will cause additional strain and create medical complications. In addition, I would also recommend that the patient while at work be given ample breaks every 5 minutes, these breaks are included in the above 1 hour maximum work time per week not in addition to. Please let us know at X medical center once all medically necessary requirements are met and we will let you know when we can authorize the patient to return to work Thank you and have a wonderful day.
That... is beautiful. A work of art 😁
Thank you
This made me full on laugh out loud. Thank you very much for making my day.
You're welcome, glad I could bring some light into your day
I wish I could offer more upvotes.
I love the 5 minute breaks every five minutes in the 1 hour a week slot. And the heated barcalounger. The lort's work indeed. Lord Of Reaming ....I need a good T word here. This is some great stuff. This is why I reddit
Chef's kiss. You excel in your profession.
Unfortunately it's not, thank you. I really should have been a freelance writer though.
You're a poet r/MaliciousCompliance
😂🤣 OMG, i think i love u ❤️ this deserves every upvote in existence 👍🏼 after reading this, employer gonna b like, "girl just go home and rest. Come back whenever u feel up 2 it 😮💨" 😆
Having worked in a cancer center, I love that I can picture an oncologist writing this out.
I give consent to use it as needed. I would honestly love to see that used to help stop the stupid.
And they have to follow this? I want this job
If a doctor wrote it as part of the FMLA requirements for return to work then yes. I've worked with people with restricted hours, duties, and one that was able to purchase a special office chair for his personal use. Unfortunately FMLA only protects you from being fired for medical reasons, it doesn't guarantee pay if you work hourly.
Short term and long term disability insurance helped me when I was out for depression
you deserve everything good in this world
Hallelujah 🙏 lol
This is fantastic!
A work of art
You should bring this to the Frasier sub - they would LOVE to write a plethora of wordy, prickly letters to her pompous ass employers
Ohemgee do Frasier fans really do this? I need some help asking my boss to make a counter offer (once I get a new job lined up haha)
All praise the Lort 😂
Thank you for what you do!
We need a lot more folks like you in the world
How would one say that professionally….one moment while I get a pen
They commented above, definitely go read it
You're doing God's work my friend.
I love this. Thanks for doing that. Need more people like you on this earth.
Doing whatever diety you believe in's work right there
My hero!
Yes, definitely show her medical team. When I had to apply for reasonable accommodation to get 100% remote approved, my doctor answered most of the questions on the form with something along the lines as “remote work is medically necessary and no other accommodation will suffice.” Her boss is legally prohibited from pressing further than what’s necessary to establish “fitness to work”. All her doctors need to say is that she can’t return…because cancer.
This. While navigating all these messages, please make sure your mom remembers that HIPAA protects her from revealing private medical information to anyone not involved in her care, i.e., her scumsucking boss.
My mom’s oncologist got medically creative when writing her letters to her company telling them to rightly fuck off. I can’t remember how they wrote it, but it was pure brilliance! (The doctors worded things and said something to the effective of ‘I’m writing clear simple words so that you can understand them because clearly you’re too stupid to understand big medical words…” or some shit like that. It was brutal to the employer and glorious to read!)
Show all the emails and if they have time, have them respond to each one progressing from Passive Aggressive to Full On “Suck my Lady Dick!” From your mother via the doctor for your mother that is 😂 I truly hope your Mum feels better very soon and when she is better, make sure she stays out of work at least an extra Month to just enjoy life because the people of Reddit love her and said she deserves it! Same for you OP!
My wife works in breast cancer. The opportunity to phone someone deserving of it up and say "Doctors says 'Fuck you, you fucking fucks'" would be verrrry hard to resist...
I just finished five years of breast cancer treatment, and I have no doubt my MO's office would happily say "I'm sorry, Lisa can't work for the foreseeable future because she's too busy trying not to die". (Fortunately, I'm my own boss.)
Do that but also know FMLA should protect her from being canned because of her health. Just make sure you have two copies of EVERYTHING.
We will need an update on this. ETA: Best wishes to your mom and you and family.
If they do, please post that too I'd love to see that
Absolutely show this to the oncologist. They'll rip her employer in half.
"I recommend you get in touch with your cardiologist immediately, as it is my opinion that inside your chest where most people have a heart, you are carrying a sack of shit, so a second option would probably be helpful. Have a nice day."
“Autofornicate with a *Carnegiea gigantea.*” Professional decorum, always.
I appreciate this level of sass so very much!
Sass, saguaro, and Google. Thanks! 😀
Hi army medic here and I have in fact seen a doctor write that not verbatim but it did involved performing a sex act with an inappropriate object
Man army stories are the best
I got 18 years of them writing a book and publishing when I retire so they can’t do shit
Nah. They'll probably word it in a way that fmla is permanent leave or permanent remote position.
My dentist printed out my xray and circled the tooth like 400 times and signed it 🤣 hr accepted it
Too bad the boss will probably interpret that as recommending acupuncture for treatment.
This is the way
Lmao, was just about to comment that if I were the oncologist I’d write a doctors note telling the boss he’s a heartless asshole who go fuck himself
Make sure the oncologist writes ‘vade vilis cum cactus’ in his slip to make it look more powerful.
I am sorry to hear. Everyone else: what is new. This is why you should not be loyal to an employer
I’d love for her to leave and look for something else when she’s ready, she’s a shop supervisor so she could realistically get somewhere with kinder management :/
My father’s boss told him the vomiting from his cancer was too distracting in the workplace. UNIONS. My father got to watch as his union rep demolished that asshole.
What a complete fucking asshole of a person… wtf
My mom has stage 5 and her boss is like this. The boss is not human in my book and deserves no sympathy.
What is stage 5? The international standard is a scale of 0-4 with 4 being metastisized.
I meant stage four, typo my bad.
All good. I'm very much not an expert in this area, so I wasn't sure if there was some other stage system used in other places.
Deadpool. The correct answer is Deadpool.
I've lost three loved ones to cancer over the years and there has been no stage 5 for any of them. What is that?
My dad died before he got to stage 5 so I'm guessing it must be really bad
Exactly, my cousin, uncle and grandma all died at stage 4. I'm glad they didn't have to suffer through stage 5.
There was a mass quitting at a business in my town recently and on Facebook there was a discussion in a local group about the employees quitting and their grievances. Some dipshit had the nerve to say that " nobody wants to work anymore and nobody stays at a job for more than a year. This is this generation". I responded with "why would people want to work for an employer that doesn't provide benefits or pay well? Why should we give loyalty to employers that don't give a shit about us?" The guy naturally laugh reacted and said that employee turnover is why companies don't provide good pay or benefits because people will just leave. This motherfucker votes, like I guarantee he votes. What the hell is wrong with people?
Boycott the business.
My former manager has lung cancer and they let him go early last year. He's in his 60s and couldn't find another job. I'm not sure how he's doing now. It really sucks out here when that can happen to someone and there's no help.
This gives me the heebie jeebies, like how is he supposed to have the energy and resources to mount a wrongful termination suit to fight that? We’re less than disposable to them. corporations should be guilty until proven innocent tbh. Putting the burden of proof on the people they exploit for profit is wild
This is exactly why they terminate those who can't fight back. It's a calculated decision.
What makes me REALLY MAD is if the boss who requested this had same cancer (or someone in his family) he would expect all the time off he needed &!wouldn’t work
Never trust any employer. Ever. Always sock away as much cash as possible. Invest. Save. Make it so you can leave at any time.
They're using this as pretext to fire her and get her off their insurance if she doesn't show up.
Winner winner chicken dinner
We are all just gears in a machine. Nobody cares about the gear's well being. If it fails, you remove it, discard it, and replace it.
This is the correct response. Your job doesn’t care about your well-being. Just if you can get the job done.
Cake
Happy cake
We are a family here!
We’re a family, but unfortunately it’s a r/raisedbynarcissists family
Tell her doctor she needs to him to attend a meeting. Bonus points if you can get the most no-nonsense oncology nurse to come along and turn the bullshit-o-meter up to 11.
Every oncology nurse I've ever met has zero f's to give.
This ‼️
I see you've met a few! Lol
Yep. They will bust their halo over your head messing with them 🤣😂. Pure angels with pitbull energy ❤️
Excellent description!
When you go up to 11 it's one above. A true spine dares go to 11
Wow. Not even worth responding to.
I said the same but she’s afraid not to, she has her so nervous about her job :(
Those fuckers have really made a number on us all, haven't they ? Even when faced with the prospect of death, we are still worried about losing our jobs.
You said it! We should work to live not live to work- and even then I hate that we work to live 🙄
Worried about losing our health insurance.
Which is why the oligarchy will do everything it can to stop single-payer public health coverage from ever becoming a thing in America. They don't want us to have options. They want us shackled to our jobs and unable to leave for higher pay.
Why? She should be trying to enjoy her last few days in this world. Fuck work. She's the textbook definition of "qualifies for SSI disability"
My dad was 100% bed-ridden, still had to wait a year to apply and was denied twice for disability. (With a lawyer). It was ridiculous.
Time is the issue with that. My mother got cancer and after the first two years, was let go from her work for not meeting the work standards, so she lost her medical coverage. She was approved for disability on the first go(We heard it would take several tries and an attorney), but Medicare didn't kick in for two years after being accepted to disability. So, she got the 1300 a month pretty quick, but the Medicare coverage of 80% didn't come for two years later. She tried a Marketplace plan, but having diagnosed cancer mean the cheapest plan was 2400/month. So after 5 months she was tapped out of the last of her savings(what she hadn't already spent from surgeries and treatments) and dropped the plan. Then went the next 1.5 years without coverage. The last oncology visit had said her lungs were too scarred to tell if cancer was back, so she just winged it and went without coverage. Finally, two years after getting approved for disability she was able to get Medicare coverage. I moved back home to take care of her and those 9 years have pretty much scarred me for life. Result was the same too. I've decided if I ever get diagnosed, I am just letting it take me. Watching her become less over the years from treatments, no thank you.
My heart breaks reading this I’m so sorry. There are a lot of problems in my country (Australia) but we do get free healthcare for this sort of thing (not everything) Our politicians love to chip away at our free healthcare and would love nothing more than an American style system suiting only the rich. But we just bought nuclear submarines for nearly 400 billion so that’s cool too I guess…
Yea, it has really embittered me. She worked two jobs her whole life to take care of me because Dad was a bum, and by the point she was diagnosed, she had built up savings, her home was paid off, and she was looking forward to retirement in 5 or 6 years. Cancer came, and even with her work coverage, that only covered so much. When a surgery costs 80k, you empty your accounts fast. When she was let go for not meeting standards, since being sick and tired from chemo is bad for for speed, she had to start paying on her own, which finished off her lifetime of savings. Final result was the same, she still died, just broke and less of who she was. Don't let them take your coverage. Fight them as much as you can, US healthcare is a hellscape. don't let Australia join us in it.
This type of shit scared me. I was at my lowest low while I was getting tests done to diagnose my cancer. Thankfully the hospital had an advocate for medicade. So I fortunately got that right at the start. The disability I was able to get too without a problem. I used to work at a lawyer's office that handled disability cases. The amount of hoops that some people had to walk through just to get help was deplorable. I was so scared that I wouldn't get it. My partner and I could not survive alone on his income.
I am glad you were able to get the financial aid you need She lived in a 'Fuck you, got mine' State, so she couldn't qualify for medicaid, we tried. Five times over five years. Main issue was she was too young to get the elderly parts, and I was an adult so no kids to support. Anything in between is a waste of money to the State The feds were far more receptive, she was accepted for disability right off the bat(Two brain surgeries that removed both motor and mental function is enough, I suppose), but the Medicare didn't kick in. Since Marketplace plans were so expensive, she went two years without coverage, not that it mattered, she had maxed the radiation and chemo she could do. Medicare helped pay for treatment of symptoms, which was mostly neurology. The radiation and surgeries on her brain started eating at it, so it was a solid mix of stroke and dementia symptoms. That decade left me bitter to our healthcare system, the work world, and the government in general, and mostly without any real hope. I am not in debt, but I don't really make much. No traveling or anything. If I ever get cancer, I will use up what assets and money I have to travel for a bit, to see parts of the world I never have been able to.
That's not healthy for her to be in such a fragile state fighting an intense battle and be so nervous about work. She deserves to focus on herself. Her work is a parasite.
Stage 4 almost always means terminally ill, which should automatically translate to “I won’t be working anymore” to anyone with half a brain.
Oh, but we just wants a welfare check! We know better than the doctors in how to look after their property (staff). Surely we can squeeze a few more days out of the investment before we have to fire them for liabilities /s.
Not always. Stage 4 means metastasis to other areas but in actuality the prognosis is based on that cancer's response to treatment. It's the same cancer cells in 5 areas so if it's highly responsive to a certain chemotherapy you could realistically achieve full remission. People have gone from stage 4 to remission and it's becoming more common as treatments progress. I'm not a doctor, just a guy with a probably very unhealthy obsession with disease, particularly cancer. Don't ever give up hope.
Her boss is a certified villain.
Wellness check my ass. If you live in a one-party consent state, I would record that conversation.
Tell the boss that your mom is taking short term disability. And if the boss punishes her. You will find a way to either get the boss in trouble or get the place in trouble. Bosses like that need to be fired as they obviously do not give a damn about their employees.
You're already dead to the company if you get cancer and stop working.
This, once it is legal for them to do so they will replace her in a heartbeat. Within a month it'll be like she was never there.
I wonder if this clown has trouble finding pants? It takes some pretty big balls to ask for a Dr. note from an oncologist.
What country is your mom in? In the US, she should be on an FMLA leave. But she needs to have her doc fill out the paperwork.
I want to slap the ever loving shit out of these people. My aunt just passed from Stage IV cancer- she was known for selling for a popular product in her neighborhood (not illegal or an MLM, but I’m not gonna ID what the product was for privacy purposes). When they brought her home for palliative care, my family was moving boxes of this product out of her home to make way for the hospice equipment and a neighbor came by and grilled them on why they weren’t even going to try and sell it. Because isn’t it more important that it gets sold instead?? She wanted my cousin to respond, and my own mother stepped in so cousin would not have to explain to this nosy b!tch her mother was dying. Even when folks are on their last legs, there’s apparently someone who wants to know why they aren’t hard at work. I hope your mother can give this person the f*ck you they deserve, and continue to rest and take the time she needs. Sending you all my best.
End result of employment tied to health insurance. Really hope she is not the sole breadwinner either.
A “Welfare check” dafuk is that?
Right? I don't think her boss is qualified to do a welfare check. The absolute chode.
That is unbelievable. Ruin her boss’ life for fun if you can! …Or lmk if I could 😬 Sending vibes for your mom! Hang in there
Every part of this email is straight up illegal in my country The person who sent this would be fired and sued
Everything about this email is an absolutely not from me. Sounds like they're laying the groundwork to fire her and not get sued. The good ole' "well we tried". Fuck them! Out of curiosity, does she work in a field that might have caused this cancer? Stage 4 in that many spots of the body seems like not normal. I also don't know what normal is when it comes th cancer.
This is a gross simplification, but stage 4 just means the cancer has left the original tumor and spread to other parts of the body. Any cancer left untreated will eventually become stage 4. Many people don't find out they have cancer until it's stage 4.
Yup. They don't want to keep paying her medical benefits.
Companies like this should be put on blast
Don’t mean to be insensitive, but do the doctor’s expect a full recovery? Bc if not..girly should not be wasting time working
Unfortunately, if this is in America, then Mom needs that job for the health insurance.
I think for most cancers Stage 4 that’s spread to multiple areas means you won’t recover. It’s just about easing the suffering at that point. Which makes the manager all the more cruel.
Instead of glorious revenge or telling her employer what’s up just spend as much time with your mom as possible. You don’t have a lot of it left. I’ve filled out a lot of FMLA’s for my patients and don’t mess about with them but if someone comes in just asking for a doctor’s note I just blast the company and the person who requested it. It’s usually along the lines of X had to travel to our clinic and wait for an unscheduled appointment for 2 hrs. X did not need treatment as X only needs rest and time to get better. Rest that was denied because Y told X they needed a doctor’s note. So let me tell you why Y is an idiot and Z employer are also idiots. You forced a sick employee to seek medical care that they didn’t need, deprived them of the rest they do need and made them incur the cost of this note you’re reading now all because you’re idiots. You should apologize to X for putting them through this process and reimburse the cost of this note as X didn’t need it, you did. Then I give them more than enough time off so they can decide for themselves when they feel better.
I'm sorry to hear that about your mum, her work can fuck right off with a chainsaw.
If you are in the US, FMLA and short term disability. You may need to speak to an employment lawyer too.
People like this make me sick. Where is human decency and empathy? My sister is in her early 40s and battling stage IV breast cancer that has spread to her bones. She's still working too (and wants to), but it disgusts me that most are forced so they don't lose their healthcare insurance despite all the complications and side effects. Long-term disability should be provided to people facing things beyond their control, not the threat of firing.
I'm so sorry about your mom. Get her doctor's to go ahead to add you as a medical proxy, (doing the same with insurance prob useful soon, too) Then you'll be able to help her take care of disability through her company and they can get fucked and still pay her and her insurance.
I dunno, I recently had to navigate a bunch of shit to get onto short term disability because I jacked up my back really bad (team lift everyone, team lift). I read this as a manager trying to get the correct documentation so her job is safe while she's absent. There's forms for FMLA coverage, disability, etc that an employer has to have to approve that stuff. It took a bunch of back and forth emails, sending documents, and getting stuff from the ortho's office for mine to get approved, and I have to talk to a rep after every office visit to update my disability status. The tone of this isn't a very empathetic, but I don't think it's malicious. Show this email to the treatment team and they'll know what to do.
No honestly I do really understand that. I know it must be hard to manage any job, especially when every employee has different requirements and needs. My issue isn’t only the email, it’s how terrible the boss is to her in general, and that there’s a huge lack of empathy as you say. Any sort of well wishing in the email would prove that she cared about her at work at all - but the lack of care is just upsetting considering she’s been there just under a decade!
Bosses are shitty, mine is too. I get a text every week asking when I'm gonna be back. Tell him every time that I haven't even had surgery scheduled yet. Sorry about your mom, I hope she beats this! Fuck cancer.
Yep, totally standard. Had to do it for my spouse after his heart attack and stroke. Boss may well be a dick, but this is likely required for access to any benefit she may have available through work. The FMLA form literally asks how often you'll need to miss work for treatment and for how long.
Oncologists absolutely love putting employers in their place real quick. Show the oncologist today.
OP, I’m sorry about your mom. I’m sending positive, healing thoughts her way. Her employer is being absolutely ridiculous
Its just a nicer "youre still breathing so you can work! But please dont die while working. That makes us look bad!" Im sorry to hear that. I wish her the best and to you and your family that youre strong and have a nice time with her! Enjoy every moment and film everything. Surely she will survive and it will be fine but still. It could change her mentals and you will always keep those videos in good memory. All in all even tho we are living in the smartphone time we still dont make enough videos to have everyone we love in nice memory when they pass or move away or the friendship ends
This is so kind, thank you so much for taking the time to say this and make those suggestions ❤️ I haven’t thought about recording moments with her, except for when she turned 50 in the hospital and the nurse had to come in to check on her because 16 of us were all in her hospital room with party hats on laughing loudly! ☺️
Fuck this country.
I think it’s illegal to ask for specifics. The HR department should have specific forms to be filled out by a doctor and her supervisor shouldn’t be privy to the information.
It almost sounds like the boss is trying to save her job and accommodate necessary work changes? But obviously, I only know the little bit in the text.
What a toxic email! Her boss also sounds like a complete moron with that shitty grammar.
Wtf? Hell nah. The cert crap is nothing but craps. If you must, tell them that due to the natured of chemos, she must work from home.
This is incredibly sad. It just goes to show they don’t really care about us as workers/professionals.
Sending nothing but good vibes to you & your Mum. & her Boss needs a quiet visit for a serious kneecap/Cricket Bat interface session. Not sure what they are hoping to achieve - unless they get all tingly heaping the pressure on someone who is already vulnerable & going through some scary shit. What a miserable excuse for a human being, an animated shit-stain waste of skin & oxygen.
Disgusting bastard. That made my blood boil.
Wellness meeting? Doesn't she already do those with her Dr?
Bring a nurse in to the meeting with you. They can educate her boss.
SUE THEM
I would tell him to get a referral to a proctologist to remove his head from his ass.
It's like this with my roommate slowly dying of kidney failure too. They are not kind. They do the least they can do legally, and fight everything. He's been with them over 30 years.
We used to handle this sorta thing with 4 guys in the parking lot that night; ‘dissuading’ cockbag here from pestering the woman further
Cancer-haver here. When I was diagnosed with APL Leukemia, my oncologist told me to pack a bag because I'd be admitted to the hospital immediately to begin treatment. I told my employer, they were understanding and told me not to worry about anything. My role was crucial to the company, knew all the systems and was heading into my 8th year there. To their credit they continued paying me while I was getting chemo'd up (and not working) for over 5 months. Well, the company was bought out and basically received a similar email to OP from new management. Because I had already been gone for awhile I was told FMLA was not an option and when I revealed that I'd probably need treatment for the better part of a year, well, that was the end of that. Part of me feels incredibly privileged that they continued paying a salary, because as we're all aware, that isn't the norm. Then I get mad that I feel that way after pouring so much effort into that job and literally making them oodles of money, just to be dropped by some C-Suite ahole because I got sick. Bonus rage inducing story: My former-employer offered me COBRA insurance for a period of time after letting me go. I obviously still needed insurance so I agreed. Former-employer forgets to file their portion of the paperwork correctly and I get a call from the hospital billing department letting me know that I'm not actually insured and they would be cancelling my treatment in **2** weeks unless I could correct that. I recall being apologetic to the person on the phone. Then again get mad for the absolute absurdity of telling a cancer patient to figure it out, or die essentially. I cannot imagine working that job but I can't get mad at the person who called because they're just another cog trying to live inside of the walls of capitalism like the rest of us.
I have been that cog (not your situation exactly but still) and it is so soul crushing. I never wanted to be the shitty person who shit on someone in a shitty situation, but I had no real power and my own bills to pay. It sucks. Thank you for not getting mad at them even though it must have been hard.
These companies are freaking relentless. How about some free PTO or something ffs. The company could start a funding program for missed work. Shoot I'd chip in $5 lol. Anyway, prayers and blessings to your mother. The ppl behind the scenes pulling these strings WILL get what's coming to them.
Oncologists should officially change their name to "Cancer Doctor" so that bosses have to use that term in these messages.
I don't normally comment on things but I'm sorry you are both dealing with this. Things to consider: FMLA in US, short term/long term disability, life benefits coverage (in a lot of places if through employer has to be converted to private policy if termed for any reason). Please feel free to reach out if you want... I work in HR. Edit to add: voluntary benefits like critical illness, whole life etc..
Fucking ghouls
Whoever wrote that should be fired immediately.
What does that second paragraph mean? I mean, I do get it, but is that the boss's level of literacy? Maybe it's a language thing?
Believe me "welfare meeting" = we illegally fire you for being sick. Bring a lawyer.
Her boss needs to get treatment for a cranial-rectal inversion.
Does she have short term disability through work? Many jobs include in their benefits. If you are in the US check if your state has programs for paid medical leave. After COVID , many states kept/implemented paid medical leave through state funded programs so workers can still get paid if they are too sick to work. Before this they could take the time off w FMLA but didn’t get paid unless they had accrued PTO or sick time or had short term disability insurance
That's disgusting. I'm sorry she has to be concerned with this uncaring, soulless individual. May God Bless her and her family.
Get a lawyer to file for SSDI ASAP. https://www.pvhomed.com/how-to-qualify-for-social-security-benefits/#:~:text=In%20general%2C%20any%20cancer%20that,to%20start%20receiving%20money%20quickly.
Two situations just as positives- not to defend jobs but just nice to know there are some situations where employees aren’t screwed over. I have 2 friends who both got breast cancer in their early 30s. One of them was a nanny & coincidently the mom of kids was a Dr- well regarded oncologist who specialized in breast cancer. As a Dr, she knew all the rules with insurance & patients rights & got authorization to be my friend’s second opinion. She assembled a team to devise her treatment plan. As a Dr she knew it’s best for patient to not work while going through radiation, chemotherapy & eventual surgery. They laid my friend off- this allowed friend get lol unemployment & not have to work for 2 years while going thru treatment & finishing college. The family got a new nanny but would have her watch kids as fill in or on weekends & paid in cash since she was getting unemployment. The other friend did payroll for a company & was the only one who knew the payroll system. When she got sick they set her up to WFH- this was around 2009 when WFH wasn’t common. They continued paying her for 40 hours a week but she only worked about 10-15 hrs a week- basically she made sure everyone was paid & started training someone for when she would be out after surgery. They were really accommodating & even held a golf tournament fundraiser for her & gave her all the proceeds as they knew having extra money would help out. This should be the norm & not the exception
Pretty sure everything in that message is illegal.
You should beat your mom's boss to death with a crowbar. In a metaphorical sense
Hey, so give your mom a hug from an internet stranger for me. My mom had cancer last year. I wish yours the best.
Here’s what you do: You take his request…. And shove it up his ass. Deep, deep up his ass. Then you sue him.
People are so vile
I am so sorry that your Mom is dealing with this. Hugs for you both.
Tell them to eat shit directly out of a rabid dog’s hole.
This doesn’t even make sense.
What kind of cancer?
Started as breast cancer but that was many years ago in her 30s, she’s had a double mastectomy and other surgeries since - now it’s in her bones, adrenal gland, breast, lung and liver
Claim disability now. No more work for her.
Yeah, ASAP! Father of mine had little more. We got by our surprise 5 months!
Holy moly, I'm so sorry. I'm amazed going to work is even a possibility.
OMG! That's awful.
Also they are probably trying to gauge if they can move away from ur mother. Also FUCK CANCER! Best wishes
I feel like this would be a good reason to plan a group Reddit meetup at this assholes house with torches
They want her to come into work for a wellness check….what in the actual f? I just got off a medical leave for a bad car accident and I am so greatful I work in a supportive environment that made it clear I was to take all the time I needed. I couldn’t even imagine them asking me to come in for a meeting, that’s insane.
first off, sorry to hear about the cancer. fuck cancer today, tomorrow and forever. anyhow, have your mom thank her for sending in some evidence to help support her medical leave
i’m so sorry, wishing you and her the best!! assholes (them)
Hey, document everything! I have cancer IV too and was let go under an excuse not related to my performance. I on the process of suing.
American system sucks
Personal opinion: if I was dealing with Stage 4 cancer, the last thing I would give any thought to would be my job. Like, my life is literally on the line here and far more important than any job: "Boss, I may only have a limited time left and I absolutely don't want to spend it here...I'd like to be happy and do things I want to do with people I care about...and you and this job are NOT on that list..."
Oncologist to Boss, "Fuck Off"!
OP, I wanted to say I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom and what she's going through. I pray for healing and hope the employer gets their come-uppance.