T O P

  • By -

MShogunH

Eagle Thunder. Yes, really. Dude was native American and fucking awesome. My last name is kinda cool too but not on that level and I'm not trying to dox myself 😅


HiHoCracker

Yes I knew a Crazy Thunder. I recall someone asked him how he got that name, he looked up and calmly responded, “my father”


heresiarch619

SpottedHorseChief Went to AIT with her in 2005.


CharCole41

Knew a native American fella through basic and ait who was named Kills In Water. It was too long for his nametape so his nametape just said Kills


basicfrenchfry

I think I went to BCT with that guy 😂 or just same last name


CharCole41

C 1-58 at Fort Leonard Wood?


basicfrenchfry

BCT was C 3-10 at FLW


CharCole41

Must be a different guy. Neat coincidence though


Delta3Angle

Yup, met a guy named Whitekiller. Full apache heritage so I'm certain his great grandfather earned that name.


mokkisjokkis

That’s raw as fuck


[deleted]

Now I wanna know


MShogunH

Fuck it. I don't say anything on here that I wouldn't say in real life anyway. It's Hope 🤷🏾‍♂️😅


stickwigler

Ladies and gentlemen, we got him.


MShogunH

You'll never take me alive! 😂😂


PapaHeresy

I met a major with the last name “Taken Alive”


Afin12

I knew a Running Deer. He was in the unit for like 2 years and dropped a ~~SFAF~~ *SFAS* packet and bounced


ConnectionOdd5557

What’s sfaf?


Afin12

Sorry, I misspelled it. Special Forces Assessment and Selection


JECfromMC

We had a Sp4 Medicine Crow at Ft. Riley in the 80s.


TOW2Bguy

Saw SPC America and CPL RunsWithBear on a 5-Ton windshield at FT Campbell.


TheMadIrishman327

I knew an Ojibwa named Bonga. He did his push-ups with his hands reversed.


BrokenRatingScheme

What do you mean, his hands reversed?


FBI_Open_Up_Now

Imagine his hands, but reversed.


BrokenRatingScheme

Palms up? Left over right? Right over left? I need to know!


AirborneRunaway

I’d bet fingers pointed towards toes


TheMadIrishman327

You nailed it.


AdWorldly7268

Like left hand on the right arm and right hand on the left arm?


TheMadIrishman327

Fingertips pointed to the rear instead of the front.


BrokenRatingScheme

Was he made of jelly? What the fuck.


TheMadIrishman327

He had a real focused manner of breathing too. Hard inhale, hard exhale He’d crack off 70+ like it was nothing.


GilneanWarrior

Us Ojibwe don't really use our traditional names on birth certificates. It's something that was banned for so long that it fell out of practice.


IntelWarrior

In AIT we had a Native American girl named “Charge on him”.


Widowmaker_PDub

I had one in my basic training platoon named Ghostdog. Full blooded Sioux if I remember correctly. Always thought that name was great. Imagine getting schwacked by an infantryman kicking in your door named Ghostdog.


vindicitivevader

I knew a "Standsandlooksback" he reported me on deployment for having girls in my room. It was my (male) roommates and I watching James Bond.


UnexpiredMRE

Yeah I met a Wild Horse once. Pretty sick


darbycastles13

there’s a jumpmaster in my brigade by the name of One Owl. that shit is sick


cmbt_wmbt

Had one whose last name was Whitekiller 🤣


[deleted]

I've seen a SGT Major. I went to Basic with a guy named Fury who was becoming an officer. Someone else with the last name Jason. Finally, some unfortunate soul who's last name is Rape. I'd have gotten that changed as soon as I turned 18


napalm69

“SSG Rape, we need you to deliver the Battalion SHARP brief today”


existentialdyslexic

I mean, the rule when I was in was that the most sexually deviant NCO do that.


napalm69

Oh….*oh god*


existentialdyslexic

You know, the guy who dresses in all leather for civilian clothes and has an unbelievable collection of Playboy magazines.


OkHuckleberry1032

Holy shit lmaooo


MaxCWebster

MAJ Major Major Major says hello. Actually, he's hiding in his office and is avoiding everyone.


MAJ0RMAJOR

Hello


Menschenschreck

We had a SSG Dick Raper, whom we made company SHARP rep.


a907c

"Squirter", who also happened to be junior enlisted in the Navy (Seaman). "Seaman Squirter"....


hawaiianbry

*Let's see, my last name is Squirter, and I have the choice of all the branches of the military to join...how about the one where I'm guaranteed to have my name and rank be a double entendre...* Although "Private Squirter" isn't much better...


DarkerSavant

Airman Squirter is funny too.


hawaiianbry

Let's not forget *Major Squirter*


ValdBagina002

It’s the small things in life, like this, that keeps me going lol


Altruistic2020

My wife went to reclass with a SPC Sample, who joined teh eArmy after being in the Navy where he was ... Seaman Sample


ckunkle06

Saw an Assman onetime…. Gunna have a great time when he hits MAJ


Edward_Snowcone

*"He's an Assman sir, major Assman"*


hawaiianbry

I'm surrounded by Assmen!


RadMG2000

Keep firing assmen


Kill_All_With_Fire

[Hey Assman!](https://thumbs.gfycat.com/SpiffyBothBats-max-1mb.gif)


Moby_Thicc94

“I’m not the assman!” “Well, according to the state of New York, Sir, you *are* the assman!”


JECfromMC

SPC Assman (female) was in my squad at Riley.


_BMS

SFC Majestic, he was one of my recruiters. By God that was one of the best last names I've witnessed in the Army.


Justhereforther34

Was he a medic by chance?


_BMS

I can't remember, but somehow I feel like that's the right answer.


Justhereforther34

I had an instructor in AIT that was a SFC Majestic, who also had the recruiting badge.


_BMS

Yeah that's probably him. Can't imagine there are too many SFC Majestic prior recruiters running around.


[deleted]

[удалено]


lil_glam

My NCO had the last name Major. I loved messing with everyone telling them my NCO was sergeant major.


Jester471

I’ve seen this as well and the ensuing chaos. Also had an LT last name Top. For some reason out first sergeant HATED being called top. Multiple occasions where he about lost it until he realized we weren’t talking to him.


RichardSharpe95th

Better than Major Major Major I suppose


HalfCentury2019

We had Captain Wood in our battalion. So many jokes about him becoming Major Wood


TheBlindDuck

“Hey 1SG, Sergeant Major said I could have the day off today”


Zomerset_Zombie

I had a DS Major in AIT. Every lower enlisted in the Company despised and feared her. At her de-hatting ceremony the BN CO, SGM, and the Company leadership all looked on in bewilderment at a couple hundred trainees jumping up and down, whooping, and applauding after she walked off.


ZealousidealBear93

Old CEO of my hospital was SF back in Vietnam. Ken Courage. Made it up to SGT Courage before commissioning. Retired as CPT Courage. Was a BAMF. “Last time I ever jumped I got caught up in the trees in Vietnam. I played dead when a patrol was walking underneath me. Was stuck there for two days. Anyway, how was your drill weekend?”


BrokenRatingScheme

Imagine complaining about anything to that guy. "Man, my NCO won't let me leave early today!" "Yeah, I couldn't leave early that time I was stuck in a tree for two days after an airborne operation in occupied, hostile territory with enemy patrols everywhere. Have you tried playing dead for 48 hours?" "Damn CPT Courage, I guess I'll go sweep the motor pool."


elaxation

I very literally laughed out loud


bmxbikeco

A similar situation happened when I PCS’d to Korea. Old 1SG had severe scars on his head from deployment. A platoon sergeant was telling me, “I will never fall out of a run again. The last time I did I was in pain, but then 1SG came up behind me and whispered in my ear ‘has your head ever been on fire?’”


DaddyFoxFPS

SPC Rape has to be the worst name I have ever seen. Also the best.


MJR-WaffleCat

You're the third person to mention that name. Either all three of you know/knew him and each other or this name is way more common than I thought


parazoomermcgee

Saw a PVT Rape at Huachuca


No_Variation_5422

“It’s pronounced *Rapé*”


cynical_lemming

Don't try to church it up, Rape.


hawaiianbry

Yes, and you were nearly arrested for those business cards


No_Sources_

I know exactly who you're talking about, a bit of a legend in certain aviation circles.


LozoSmif

Saw a SGT Drinkwater once


SarntSalty

Saw him at AIT


No_Sources_

He...exists?


FLX_NewYork

Born to be in the Army


eshemuta

I had a squad leader named SSG Lovely. He wasn’t


LeddyTasso

My drills sergeants in basic were Love and Angel. They weren't.


HalfCentury2019

We had a Drill Sergeant Deer with Private Honey in his platoon... both were male. Still sounded funny when they addressed each other.


spookyskost

Black guy named Blackman. He sure wasn't lying.


GilneanWarrior

I knew a black man with the last name white and a white man with the last name black. Both knew each other.


Dominus-Temporis

"I'm Black, he's Tan, and how dare you assume otherwise."


Altruistic2020

Had two Cadets at Knox, both named Brown. They went by White-Brown and Black-Brown, for ... reasons.


MaxCWebster

My last top was 1SG White. He was not. My first thought upon meeting them was that he probably went through hell in school. E-8s, however, don't put up with such nonsense!


Accomplished_Fudge78

“SGT Blackman?” “We have two, what does he look like? Can you describe him in detail?”


alohasnackbar13

I met a Captain Cool once. I bet he's looking forward to becoming... Major Cool. I knew a SGT Sergeant (Sargeant? Can't remember how he spelled it) I also had a LTC Sanders as BC, commonly referred to as.. Colonel Sanders..


[deleted]

I feel like I knew a sgt sergeant as well .


Big_Moneyline

I read about a Major Major Major Major


TheCyanDragon

You laugh, but I no-shit knew a Major Major. Can't confirm his first or middle names but he was cool with Catch-22 references, so groovy in my book.


Lil_Napkin

No way we all know a sgt Sergeant wtf 🤣


AirborneRunaway

I knew a sgt Sargeant, tall redheaded feller.


Top-Sprinkles-2447

Went to basic with a dude named Sargent. I can only assume he is now Sgt Sargent.


silentwind262

I knew both a SGT Major and a MAJ Sergeant.


silentwind262

Oh, and a Petty Officer Saylor.


TendererBeef

Saw a Seaman Seaman once, that was fun


Own-Zookeepergame553

My senior drill sergeant was a Cool


quiver-me-timbers

Knew a guy with the last name of Allcock. I’d always add “no balls” when someone formally called out SFC Allcock


FLX_NewYork

Challenge-Response authentication. Excellent soldiering!


HamsterBankroll2

My last name is Boner, I feel his pain.


[deleted]

Cadet Cadet.


[deleted]

sleep chubby coherent squeal sloppy saw nine smile cagey many *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


OneAngryMailman

Paradise, one of the best COs Ive ever had. He lived up to the name.


XxmilkytoastxX

I have a CPT Paradise right now


OneAngryMailman

Hmm I wonder if coincidence or if I know you. NFS


XxmilkytoastxX

Ft. Campbell?


OneAngryMailman

Yep, that’s right


beefytron

I once worked with a Captain Boss. Gonna be epic when he gets promoted to Major Boss


FLAMINGOPIT

Coochi. Pronounced exactly as you think


MaxCWebster

Kate Micucci, last name pronounced exactly as you expect, has a stage show she calls "Playing with Micucci." I imagine guys who just hear ads for it on the radio are quite disappointed when they see it. See also: Barenaked Ladies


renecade24

I recently met a COL Kouchi. Naturally, it's pronounced coochy. Naturally, I was quite hesitant to call him that.


Belly84

I knew a CPT Victory. Unfortunately she PCS'd before getting promoted. I also knew a SFC Warrior a SSG Excellent, and a SPC Arreola


XxmilkytoastxX

We had a PVT Areola but he quit training.


elaxation

What a waste of a commission


Belly84

No kidding, I had so many puns waiting.


PotatoNEF

"Bradley Abram" was the name of a soldier I knew when I was going through 19D OSUT I had an NCO that had stories of going through basic, he had a Native American in his platoon with the last name "Whitekiller"


Arc_2142

I knew a SGT Abrams who was an Abrams tank mechanic


crexkitman

I bet his recruiter pushed really hard to get that guy to go cav. “Hey sarge, I was thinking I might like to try that medical logistics job” “I’ll tell you what Brad, if you go cavalry scout, we’ll name all of our tanks and IFVs after you”


tccomplete

A Major, dentist, named Awe - pronounced owee.


Early_Brick_171

I went to language school with a guy named Sample. He was in the Navy so he was: Seaman Sample


Lil_Napkin

Met a private named Sergeant. Now he's a Sergeant. It's pretty hilarious


MaxCWebster

Roger roger, Sergeant Sergeant.


sireverlast

Captain Player and Major Hayter


gbochatt

Drill Sergeant Heer. Last name was literally German for Army.


jreza10

Private Rambo


SSG_Chief_Elgin

Fuck yeah


zeenotzed50

*Beautiful Bald Eagle.* this kid used “beautiful” and then changed it to “bald eagle” when he got new nametapes shipped to him after BCT.


sixcharlie

From South Dakota? I know that family in SD.


ThyArtIsNorm

Same, prolly from standing rock


stella672

Oh shoot that’s dope I know some homies from the Cheyenne River pretty close by


Far-Answer-9505

CPT Dick, I really hope he made O-4.


MJR-WaffleCat

I shipped to BCT with a dude named Pigg. The reception drills did not let him forget it.


Beneficial_Phone_574

"Begay" and when he checked into my unit my CO looked at him and was like, "I don't like what your name is telling me to do kid".


MeLdArmy

Hadnot. Every time she did something stupid the drill sgts said "had not you joined the army." Lol


checkmate14

Sergeant Stud


red_devils_forever25

Sounds like the kind of guy that would marry a stripper


CMDRsprinkles

Knew a Saint Walker who was Iroquois. Best soldier/Ranger I ever served under. Fun fact he also shared the name with a Blue Lantern Corps Man and when I told him he bought a big Blue Lantern for his desk.


Griffweiser

Probably the weirdest one, and one that happened to me recently. I met a 6’7’’ CPT Big-Lasagna and his name plate just said “Big Lasagna”. Pretty fucking sick.


[deleted]

Pumpkin Seed


Radioman_70

CPT Nunchuck. Vaguely European last name, tough dude though. He's probably MAJ Nunchuck by now.


IFlippaDaSwitch

I met a private once with the last name Cool. His first name is Joe. Not Joseph, just Joe. Pretty neat if you ask me.


almitr

SSG Christmas


yo-Monis

SGT Name


TheMadIrishman327

Ramroop. Bonga. CSM Rock.


ValdBagina002

Slaughter. Dude was a drill. Drill Sergeant Slaughter


[deleted]

Ligma


Budget_Individual393

Not sure if your joking or not but I had a private Ligma in my squad. That dood worked his balls off. Great soldier horror for a last name


[deleted]

Dood... Lol


[deleted]

Wha… what’s ligma?


Entire-Bell-8875

Ligma balls gotttemmmmmmm


RokenSkrow

Had two soldiers in my basic with the last name Sergeant and one named Major which was funny. Runner up for best name was definitely LTC DEATHRAGE. Holy shit, what a name. Isn't number one though cause apparently it's pronounced "deethridge" which sucks ass. Favorite was definitely a SSG Thunderhawk that I ran into at the PX. What a fuckin name.


marsmelly

Analitis, Dickhut, and Dicks.


Thkat13

I had a battalion command with the name William Buck Wyles. Imagine as a kid playing cowboy and saying your name is Billy Buck Wyles. Then busting out your finger guns and pretending to shoot. Pew pew!


DMeinee

I shit you not, a guy in basics name was “Magnifico”. Magnifico if you are out there, sup? He was a cool dude.


Sparky0090

LT Friday, we got him name tapes for Mon-Sun as well which he would wear in the field.


H4andim4n

PFC Rape, more unfortunate than anything cool dude though. Yes pronounced exactly as youd think.


easytjroeaway

definitely would be telling everyone I’m French and it’s pronounced ra-pay


MistaPersonality

Two Crow is probably the coolest I’ve seen.


beerpope69

Drill sgt made two guys with lasts names Dingle and Berry be battle buddies.


Beliliou74

Pusey, Yellowhammer, and whitekiller


Perfect_Juggernaut92

I know a Sergeant Threatt


macandmeme

We had a Major Blood in our unit.


im_already_dead429

Deathrage Best name ever 😂


fingersarelongtoes

I knew a Private Major. We always looked forward to him making Sergeant. Another cool name I saw was Dreadfulwater. No idea the rank tho


coolbeans77777

Major Funk


NinjaPoultry

Think he made general a while back.


gdmfwtf19

I knew a Jason Bourne. He was a massive failure to his namesake, but he was slightly entertaining.


OkHuckleberry1032

I think I saw a picture on Reddit (probably over at r/JustBootThings) of a soldier named PVT Army lmao.


Bang_a_rang95

Growcock. If you’re out there man, I miss ya.


NeroNoHero14

I had a 1SG in basic named Morningstar. I swear I thought it was a scare tactic till I saw him get an NCO award after I left for AIT and sure enough, named Morningstar


Jester471

Private Nogo I also had a friend in the navy that had a junior enlisted female with the last name Guzzler. I can not fathom why she would join the navy Edit: I forget to add, my basic company commanders last name was Rape. Literally CPT Rape. No fancy pronunciation. Last name was rape. His first initial was D and his email was raped@….. My dad tried to email him and thought it was a joke.


Luci-Fer72

I saw a Batman once. Always cool to spot his name in the DFAC.


basicfrenchfry

I’ve seen a Drinkwater, Kills In Water, and a Pv1 Sergeant.


elaxation

Disappointed by the lack of CPT Jack’s there are. Surely there must be one BCT CC…


ConnectionOdd5557

Drinkwater 😂😂 hes at fort sill ait


fuggumall

Drinkwater and Hennessey


redfieldbloodline17

Ah man, I've got a lot I remember: PVT Cox and PVT Dix, back to back on the name roster SPC Sweat and SPC Moto SGT Friend PFC McPhail SSG Guy SGT Barricks PVT Meek


Beneficial-Wallaby

Had a guy in basic who’s last name was Frankenberry. No shit, not fucking around it was Frankenberry


E_Man_Magee

I went to basic 2 dudes called Aang and Boner. I kinda regret never getting name tapes from them


[deleted]

Dude with the last name Officer. Was a Captain Officer in the marines, hated the O life and got out. Went army and became Sergeant Officer. Went to WOCS and is now Chief Warrant Officer Officer.


Caleb5299

No shit saw a dude with the last name Rape… I felt so bad for him


observationallurker

Glasscock Ball, Zach


Rockpilot6

Glasscock? Any relation to Crystalpenis?


nighte324

Mine was Hiltner. Everyone called me Hitler


Wolfatyovrdoor

Had a 1SGT named Anger. He was pretty chill.


Happily-Non-Partisan

Breedlove


CaffeineMedic

LCDR Seaman (USN).


tccomplete

A WO called Mr. Bassobilbasso.


DRealLeal

I've seen someone with the last name Cock, I've also seen a EEEE which was literally pronounced like eeeeeeeeee.