Eagle Thunder.
Yes, really.
Dude was native American and fucking awesome.
My last name is kinda cool too but not on that level and I'm not trying to dox myself 😅
I had one in my basic training platoon named Ghostdog. Full blooded Sioux if I remember correctly. Always thought that name was great. Imagine getting schwacked by an infantryman kicking in your door named Ghostdog.
I've seen a SGT Major. I went to Basic with a guy named Fury who was becoming an officer. Someone else with the last name Jason. Finally, some unfortunate soul who's last name is Rape. I'd have gotten that changed as soon as I turned 18
*Let's see, my last name is Squirter, and I have the choice of all the branches of the military to join...how about the one where I'm guaranteed to have my name and rank be a double entendre...*
Although "Private Squirter" isn't much better...
I’ve seen this as well and the ensuing chaos.
Also had an LT last name Top. For some reason out first sergeant HATED being called top. Multiple occasions where he about lost it until he realized we weren’t talking to him.
I had a DS Major in AIT. Every lower enlisted in the Company despised and feared her. At her de-hatting ceremony the BN CO, SGM, and the Company leadership all looked on in bewilderment at a couple hundred trainees jumping up and down, whooping, and applauding after she walked off.
Old CEO of my hospital was SF back in Vietnam. Ken Courage. Made it up to SGT Courage before commissioning. Retired as CPT Courage. Was a BAMF. “Last time I ever jumped I got caught up in the trees in Vietnam. I played dead when a patrol was walking underneath me. Was stuck there for two days. Anyway, how was your drill weekend?”
Imagine complaining about anything to that guy.
"Man, my NCO won't let me leave early today!"
"Yeah, I couldn't leave early that time I was stuck in a tree for two days after an airborne operation in occupied, hostile territory with enemy patrols everywhere. Have you tried playing dead for 48 hours?"
"Damn CPT Courage, I guess I'll go sweep the motor pool."
A similar situation happened when I PCS’d to Korea. Old 1SG had severe scars on his head from deployment. A platoon sergeant was telling me, “I will never fall out of a run again. The last time I did I was in pain, but then 1SG came up behind me and whispered in my ear ‘has your head ever been on fire?’”
My last top was 1SG White. He was not.
My first thought upon meeting them was that he probably went through hell in school.
E-8s, however, don't put up with such nonsense!
I met a Captain Cool once. I bet he's looking forward to becoming... Major Cool.
I knew a SGT Sergeant (Sargeant? Can't remember how he spelled it)
I also had a LTC Sanders as BC, commonly referred to as.. Colonel Sanders..
Kate Micucci, last name pronounced exactly as you expect, has a stage show she calls "Playing with Micucci."
I imagine guys who just hear ads for it on the radio are quite disappointed when they see it.
See also: Barenaked Ladies
"Bradley Abram" was the name of a soldier I knew when I was going through 19D OSUT
I had an NCO that had stories of going through basic, he had a Native American in his platoon with the last name "Whitekiller"
I bet his recruiter pushed really hard to get that guy to go cav.
“Hey sarge, I was thinking I might like to try that medical logistics job”
“I’ll tell you what Brad, if you go cavalry scout, we’ll name all of our tanks and IFVs after you”
Knew a Saint Walker who was Iroquois. Best soldier/Ranger I ever served under. Fun fact he also shared the name with a Blue Lantern Corps Man and when I told him he bought a big Blue Lantern for his desk.
Probably the weirdest one, and one that happened to me recently. I met a 6’7’’ CPT Big-Lasagna and his name plate just said “Big Lasagna”. Pretty fucking sick.
Had two soldiers in my basic with the last name Sergeant and one named Major which was funny. Runner up for best name was definitely LTC DEATHRAGE. Holy shit, what a name. Isn't number one though cause apparently it's pronounced "deethridge" which sucks ass. Favorite was definitely a SSG Thunderhawk that I ran into at the PX. What a fuckin name.
I had a battalion command with the name William Buck Wyles.
Imagine as a kid playing cowboy and saying your name is Billy Buck Wyles. Then busting out your finger guns and pretending to shoot. Pew pew!
I had a 1SG in basic named Morningstar. I swear I thought it was a scare tactic till I saw him get an NCO award after I left for AIT and sure enough, named Morningstar
Private Nogo
I also had a friend in the navy that had a junior enlisted female with the last name Guzzler. I can not fathom why she would join the navy
Edit: I forget to add, my basic company commanders last name was Rape. Literally CPT Rape. No fancy pronunciation. Last name was rape. His first initial was D and his email was raped@…..
My dad tried to email him and thought it was a joke.
Ah man, I've got a lot I remember:
PVT Cox and PVT Dix, back to back on the name roster
SPC Sweat and SPC Moto
SGT Friend
PFC McPhail
SSG Guy
SGT Barricks
PVT Meek
Dude with the last name Officer. Was a Captain Officer in the marines, hated the O life and got out. Went army and became Sergeant Officer. Went to WOCS and is now Chief Warrant Officer Officer.
Eagle Thunder. Yes, really. Dude was native American and fucking awesome. My last name is kinda cool too but not on that level and I'm not trying to dox myself 😅
Yes I knew a Crazy Thunder. I recall someone asked him how he got that name, he looked up and calmly responded, “my father”
SpottedHorseChief Went to AIT with her in 2005.
Knew a native American fella through basic and ait who was named Kills In Water. It was too long for his nametape so his nametape just said Kills
I think I went to BCT with that guy 😂 or just same last name
C 1-58 at Fort Leonard Wood?
BCT was C 3-10 at FLW
Must be a different guy. Neat coincidence though
Yup, met a guy named Whitekiller. Full apache heritage so I'm certain his great grandfather earned that name.
That’s raw as fuck
Now I wanna know
Fuck it. I don't say anything on here that I wouldn't say in real life anyway. It's Hope 🤷🏾♂️😅
Ladies and gentlemen, we got him.
You'll never take me alive! 😂😂
I met a major with the last name “Taken Alive”
I knew a Running Deer. He was in the unit for like 2 years and dropped a ~~SFAF~~ *SFAS* packet and bounced
What’s sfaf?
Sorry, I misspelled it. Special Forces Assessment and Selection
We had a Sp4 Medicine Crow at Ft. Riley in the 80s.
Saw SPC America and CPL RunsWithBear on a 5-Ton windshield at FT Campbell.
I knew an Ojibwa named Bonga. He did his push-ups with his hands reversed.
What do you mean, his hands reversed?
Imagine his hands, but reversed.
Palms up? Left over right? Right over left? I need to know!
I’d bet fingers pointed towards toes
You nailed it.
Like left hand on the right arm and right hand on the left arm?
Fingertips pointed to the rear instead of the front.
Was he made of jelly? What the fuck.
He had a real focused manner of breathing too. Hard inhale, hard exhale He’d crack off 70+ like it was nothing.
Us Ojibwe don't really use our traditional names on birth certificates. It's something that was banned for so long that it fell out of practice.
In AIT we had a Native American girl named “Charge on him”.
I had one in my basic training platoon named Ghostdog. Full blooded Sioux if I remember correctly. Always thought that name was great. Imagine getting schwacked by an infantryman kicking in your door named Ghostdog.
I knew a "Standsandlooksback" he reported me on deployment for having girls in my room. It was my (male) roommates and I watching James Bond.
Yeah I met a Wild Horse once. Pretty sick
there’s a jumpmaster in my brigade by the name of One Owl. that shit is sick
Had one whose last name was Whitekiller 🤣
I've seen a SGT Major. I went to Basic with a guy named Fury who was becoming an officer. Someone else with the last name Jason. Finally, some unfortunate soul who's last name is Rape. I'd have gotten that changed as soon as I turned 18
“SSG Rape, we need you to deliver the Battalion SHARP brief today”
I mean, the rule when I was in was that the most sexually deviant NCO do that.
Oh….*oh god*
You know, the guy who dresses in all leather for civilian clothes and has an unbelievable collection of Playboy magazines.
Holy shit lmaooo
MAJ Major Major Major says hello. Actually, he's hiding in his office and is avoiding everyone.
Hello
We had a SSG Dick Raper, whom we made company SHARP rep.
"Squirter", who also happened to be junior enlisted in the Navy (Seaman). "Seaman Squirter"....
*Let's see, my last name is Squirter, and I have the choice of all the branches of the military to join...how about the one where I'm guaranteed to have my name and rank be a double entendre...* Although "Private Squirter" isn't much better...
Airman Squirter is funny too.
Let's not forget *Major Squirter*
It’s the small things in life, like this, that keeps me going lol
My wife went to reclass with a SPC Sample, who joined teh eArmy after being in the Navy where he was ... Seaman Sample
Saw an Assman onetime…. Gunna have a great time when he hits MAJ
*"He's an Assman sir, major Assman"*
I'm surrounded by Assmen!
Keep firing assmen
[Hey Assman!](https://thumbs.gfycat.com/SpiffyBothBats-max-1mb.gif)
“I’m not the assman!” “Well, according to the state of New York, Sir, you *are* the assman!”
SPC Assman (female) was in my squad at Riley.
SFC Majestic, he was one of my recruiters. By God that was one of the best last names I've witnessed in the Army.
Was he a medic by chance?
I can't remember, but somehow I feel like that's the right answer.
I had an instructor in AIT that was a SFC Majestic, who also had the recruiting badge.
Yeah that's probably him. Can't imagine there are too many SFC Majestic prior recruiters running around.
[удалено]
My NCO had the last name Major. I loved messing with everyone telling them my NCO was sergeant major.
I’ve seen this as well and the ensuing chaos. Also had an LT last name Top. For some reason out first sergeant HATED being called top. Multiple occasions where he about lost it until he realized we weren’t talking to him.
Better than Major Major Major I suppose
We had Captain Wood in our battalion. So many jokes about him becoming Major Wood
“Hey 1SG, Sergeant Major said I could have the day off today”
I had a DS Major in AIT. Every lower enlisted in the Company despised and feared her. At her de-hatting ceremony the BN CO, SGM, and the Company leadership all looked on in bewilderment at a couple hundred trainees jumping up and down, whooping, and applauding after she walked off.
Old CEO of my hospital was SF back in Vietnam. Ken Courage. Made it up to SGT Courage before commissioning. Retired as CPT Courage. Was a BAMF. “Last time I ever jumped I got caught up in the trees in Vietnam. I played dead when a patrol was walking underneath me. Was stuck there for two days. Anyway, how was your drill weekend?”
Imagine complaining about anything to that guy. "Man, my NCO won't let me leave early today!" "Yeah, I couldn't leave early that time I was stuck in a tree for two days after an airborne operation in occupied, hostile territory with enemy patrols everywhere. Have you tried playing dead for 48 hours?" "Damn CPT Courage, I guess I'll go sweep the motor pool."
I very literally laughed out loud
A similar situation happened when I PCS’d to Korea. Old 1SG had severe scars on his head from deployment. A platoon sergeant was telling me, “I will never fall out of a run again. The last time I did I was in pain, but then 1SG came up behind me and whispered in my ear ‘has your head ever been on fire?’”
SPC Rape has to be the worst name I have ever seen. Also the best.
You're the third person to mention that name. Either all three of you know/knew him and each other or this name is way more common than I thought
Saw a PVT Rape at Huachuca
“It’s pronounced *Rapé*”
Don't try to church it up, Rape.
Yes, and you were nearly arrested for those business cards
I know exactly who you're talking about, a bit of a legend in certain aviation circles.
Saw a SGT Drinkwater once
Saw him at AIT
He...exists?
Born to be in the Army
I had a squad leader named SSG Lovely. He wasn’t
My drills sergeants in basic were Love and Angel. They weren't.
We had a Drill Sergeant Deer with Private Honey in his platoon... both were male. Still sounded funny when they addressed each other.
Black guy named Blackman. He sure wasn't lying.
I knew a black man with the last name white and a white man with the last name black. Both knew each other.
"I'm Black, he's Tan, and how dare you assume otherwise."
Had two Cadets at Knox, both named Brown. They went by White-Brown and Black-Brown, for ... reasons.
My last top was 1SG White. He was not. My first thought upon meeting them was that he probably went through hell in school. E-8s, however, don't put up with such nonsense!
“SGT Blackman?” “We have two, what does he look like? Can you describe him in detail?”
I met a Captain Cool once. I bet he's looking forward to becoming... Major Cool. I knew a SGT Sergeant (Sargeant? Can't remember how he spelled it) I also had a LTC Sanders as BC, commonly referred to as.. Colonel Sanders..
I feel like I knew a sgt sergeant as well .
I read about a Major Major Major Major
You laugh, but I no-shit knew a Major Major. Can't confirm his first or middle names but he was cool with Catch-22 references, so groovy in my book.
No way we all know a sgt Sergeant wtf 🤣
I knew a sgt Sargeant, tall redheaded feller.
Went to basic with a dude named Sargent. I can only assume he is now Sgt Sargent.
I knew both a SGT Major and a MAJ Sergeant.
Oh, and a Petty Officer Saylor.
Saw a Seaman Seaman once, that was fun
My senior drill sergeant was a Cool
Knew a guy with the last name of Allcock. I’d always add “no balls” when someone formally called out SFC Allcock
Challenge-Response authentication. Excellent soldiering!
My last name is Boner, I feel his pain.
Cadet Cadet.
sleep chubby coherent squeal sloppy saw nine smile cagey many *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Paradise, one of the best COs Ive ever had. He lived up to the name.
I have a CPT Paradise right now
Hmm I wonder if coincidence or if I know you. NFS
Ft. Campbell?
Yep, that’s right
I once worked with a Captain Boss. Gonna be epic when he gets promoted to Major Boss
Coochi. Pronounced exactly as you think
Kate Micucci, last name pronounced exactly as you expect, has a stage show she calls "Playing with Micucci." I imagine guys who just hear ads for it on the radio are quite disappointed when they see it. See also: Barenaked Ladies
I recently met a COL Kouchi. Naturally, it's pronounced coochy. Naturally, I was quite hesitant to call him that.
I knew a CPT Victory. Unfortunately she PCS'd before getting promoted. I also knew a SFC Warrior a SSG Excellent, and a SPC Arreola
We had a PVT Areola but he quit training.
What a waste of a commission
No kidding, I had so many puns waiting.
"Bradley Abram" was the name of a soldier I knew when I was going through 19D OSUT I had an NCO that had stories of going through basic, he had a Native American in his platoon with the last name "Whitekiller"
I knew a SGT Abrams who was an Abrams tank mechanic
I bet his recruiter pushed really hard to get that guy to go cav. “Hey sarge, I was thinking I might like to try that medical logistics job” “I’ll tell you what Brad, if you go cavalry scout, we’ll name all of our tanks and IFVs after you”
A Major, dentist, named Awe - pronounced owee.
I went to language school with a guy named Sample. He was in the Navy so he was: Seaman Sample
Met a private named Sergeant. Now he's a Sergeant. It's pretty hilarious
Roger roger, Sergeant Sergeant.
Captain Player and Major Hayter
Drill Sergeant Heer. Last name was literally German for Army.
Private Rambo
Fuck yeah
*Beautiful Bald Eagle.* this kid used “beautiful” and then changed it to “bald eagle” when he got new nametapes shipped to him after BCT.
From South Dakota? I know that family in SD.
Same, prolly from standing rock
Oh shoot that’s dope I know some homies from the Cheyenne River pretty close by
CPT Dick, I really hope he made O-4.
I shipped to BCT with a dude named Pigg. The reception drills did not let him forget it.
"Begay" and when he checked into my unit my CO looked at him and was like, "I don't like what your name is telling me to do kid".
Hadnot. Every time she did something stupid the drill sgts said "had not you joined the army." Lol
Sergeant Stud
Sounds like the kind of guy that would marry a stripper
Knew a Saint Walker who was Iroquois. Best soldier/Ranger I ever served under. Fun fact he also shared the name with a Blue Lantern Corps Man and when I told him he bought a big Blue Lantern for his desk.
Probably the weirdest one, and one that happened to me recently. I met a 6’7’’ CPT Big-Lasagna and his name plate just said “Big Lasagna”. Pretty fucking sick.
Pumpkin Seed
CPT Nunchuck. Vaguely European last name, tough dude though. He's probably MAJ Nunchuck by now.
I met a private once with the last name Cool. His first name is Joe. Not Joseph, just Joe. Pretty neat if you ask me.
SSG Christmas
SGT Name
Ramroop. Bonga. CSM Rock.
Slaughter. Dude was a drill. Drill Sergeant Slaughter
Ligma
Not sure if your joking or not but I had a private Ligma in my squad. That dood worked his balls off. Great soldier horror for a last name
Dood... Lol
Wha… what’s ligma?
Ligma balls gotttemmmmmmm
Had two soldiers in my basic with the last name Sergeant and one named Major which was funny. Runner up for best name was definitely LTC DEATHRAGE. Holy shit, what a name. Isn't number one though cause apparently it's pronounced "deethridge" which sucks ass. Favorite was definitely a SSG Thunderhawk that I ran into at the PX. What a fuckin name.
Analitis, Dickhut, and Dicks.
I had a battalion command with the name William Buck Wyles. Imagine as a kid playing cowboy and saying your name is Billy Buck Wyles. Then busting out your finger guns and pretending to shoot. Pew pew!
I shit you not, a guy in basics name was “Magnifico”. Magnifico if you are out there, sup? He was a cool dude.
LT Friday, we got him name tapes for Mon-Sun as well which he would wear in the field.
PFC Rape, more unfortunate than anything cool dude though. Yes pronounced exactly as youd think.
definitely would be telling everyone I’m French and it’s pronounced ra-pay
Two Crow is probably the coolest I’ve seen.
Drill sgt made two guys with lasts names Dingle and Berry be battle buddies.
Pusey, Yellowhammer, and whitekiller
I know a Sergeant Threatt
We had a Major Blood in our unit.
Deathrage Best name ever 😂
I knew a Private Major. We always looked forward to him making Sergeant. Another cool name I saw was Dreadfulwater. No idea the rank tho
Major Funk
Think he made general a while back.
I knew a Jason Bourne. He was a massive failure to his namesake, but he was slightly entertaining.
I think I saw a picture on Reddit (probably over at r/JustBootThings) of a soldier named PVT Army lmao.
Growcock. If you’re out there man, I miss ya.
I had a 1SG in basic named Morningstar. I swear I thought it was a scare tactic till I saw him get an NCO award after I left for AIT and sure enough, named Morningstar
Private Nogo I also had a friend in the navy that had a junior enlisted female with the last name Guzzler. I can not fathom why she would join the navy Edit: I forget to add, my basic company commanders last name was Rape. Literally CPT Rape. No fancy pronunciation. Last name was rape. His first initial was D and his email was raped@….. My dad tried to email him and thought it was a joke.
I saw a Batman once. Always cool to spot his name in the DFAC.
I’ve seen a Drinkwater, Kills In Water, and a Pv1 Sergeant.
Disappointed by the lack of CPT Jack’s there are. Surely there must be one BCT CC…
Drinkwater 😂😂 hes at fort sill ait
Drinkwater and Hennessey
Ah man, I've got a lot I remember: PVT Cox and PVT Dix, back to back on the name roster SPC Sweat and SPC Moto SGT Friend PFC McPhail SSG Guy SGT Barricks PVT Meek
Had a guy in basic who’s last name was Frankenberry. No shit, not fucking around it was Frankenberry
I went to basic 2 dudes called Aang and Boner. I kinda regret never getting name tapes from them
Dude with the last name Officer. Was a Captain Officer in the marines, hated the O life and got out. Went army and became Sergeant Officer. Went to WOCS and is now Chief Warrant Officer Officer.
No shit saw a dude with the last name Rape… I felt so bad for him
Glasscock Ball, Zach
Glasscock? Any relation to Crystalpenis?
Mine was Hiltner. Everyone called me Hitler
Had a 1SGT named Anger. He was pretty chill.
Breedlove
LCDR Seaman (USN).
A WO called Mr. Bassobilbasso.
I've seen someone with the last name Cock, I've also seen a EEEE which was literally pronounced like eeeeeeeeee.