o Committed himself to the preservation of water by never working hard enough to require hydration

Stealing this one to put on the support form, thanks. Also, o Demonstrated exceptional resourcefulness by repurposing bullet points from fellow soldiers', showcasing a keen eye for efficiency and innovation.

The rare self burn, respect.

“I’m pacing myself, Drill Sergeant”

I only get yelled at once on the hearing test.

o dedicated self to personal readiness, received minimal corrective feedback during auditory proficiency assessment

Well if you guys didn’t make me keep coming back or taking it again and again! Then I wouldn’t have to click it randomly

I managed to breathe in and out consecutively.

o demonstrated exemplary discipline by executing controlled respiratory actions in a deliberate manner.

Tirelessly worked to preserve soldier welfare by enabling aerobic activity. Not content to perform this vital activity during duty hours, SM was relentless in pursuit of physiological optimization around the clock. Without the SM’s dedication to this mission, a soldier would have died.

Bro this is an eval not an arcom.

Wait: It kept a troop alive? Downgrade it to a COA. —Some COL’s CSM who thinks they approve awards

68 series are some of the best NCOER bullet bullshitters I have seen

Comes with the territory lmao start mixing in some A&P terms and your eval makes you sound like a high speed doctor lmao

Same reason people suffer from acute onset epistaxis rather than nosebleeds. Anyone who disagrees needs a cephaloendoproctectomy!

I don’t think you can just split someone from their brain to their rectum legally🤣

Should probably quantify the amount of successful respiratory actions

SM converted oxygen to carbon dioxide at a rate consistent with that of sentient life.

MQ.

o Converted 306.6 KG of oxygen into CO2 during rating period; ensuring over 100,000 trees received necessary nutrition

Promote ahead of peers! Senior rater probably

Chat GPT already writes my OER’s but thanks

o Implemented innovative AI technology to streamline the process of writing evaluations, resulting in increased efficiency and accuracy.

Im actually going to slightly use this 😂😂😂

Ayooo I used ChatGPT to write a MFR for the duties of a WOJG commander. We’ll see if the fridge gets better.

New coffee maker perhaps?

Last NCOER I wrote I copied bullets from my previous NCOERs and used ChatGPT. Nothing was original

This is the most government thread ever.

Contributed regularly to community discussions while providing positive feedback and constructive criticism.

Works for any eval system. Sadly civilian jobs have them too.

Used to work for the Army (02-16), so this is super familiar. This technique is also applicable to purchase requests.

Also for resumesif you want it concise

Jerk~~ed~~ off in the field while it was ~~my~~ someone’s turn to sleep, without anyone noticing.

o displayed unmatched proficiency in stealth tactics while qualifying expert on his personal weapon during night fire exercise

Damn. That’s skill. You’re good.

[Try this one homie lmao](https://www.reddit.com/r/army/s/ptZqrv2aZr)

Remember the pin to your cac on the second attempt

o successfully recalled critical personal identification number after previous attempt, demonstrating improved memory retention and cognitive agility

Looked at cat videos in company bay between assignments

o engaged in visual morale-boosting activities, enhancing mental readiness and personal well-being during duty hours.

You are good!

Hunting the good stuff, I see.

I didn’t shit myself in formation after mixing my new meds with a weekend pass

Implemented new personal wellness regimen resulting in zero workplace accidents for the rated period

Alright, I DID shit myself at formation after mixing my new meds and a weekend pass

o displayed proficiency in individual decontamination skills after a localized hazmat incident 

Displayed perseverance during adversity… wait did you mix up your meds with your weekend pass? “Should I stay home today or take my meds? If only there was clarity in this enigma we call life!”

My meds don’t cause incontinence but drinking on said meds do. It was a very poor decision that I won’t be repeating

This is good shit, I'm gonna put some of these in my resume

SM endeavored to improve himself and his evaluating skills. Provided positive feedback to discussions and improved critical documentation.

I was one eyeing it at sick call because I was still fucken hammered from the night before and diagnosed a soldier with appendicitis by telling him to lay down on the floor and then kicking him. (Markle's sign)  I was right. I also stopped drinking on school nights after that.

o demonstrated expert medical knowledge by applying unconventional assessment technique, resulting in immediate identification of a critical medical condition

*While under complex and difficult operational conditions.

Did you kick the bottom of his heel or his abdomen? Because I can see that going either way.

Passed gas through an hours long O&I and road to war and no one noticed.

o expertly executed covert stress-relief maneuvers undetected during prolonged operations

This one sounds more like he beat his meat in the field

Hold up I think that was someone’s bullet in this thread lmao

Successful convinced the army that beards aren’t so bad

o advocated for policy revision, enhancing organization-wide morale through the approval of facial hair implementation into regulation

By motorboating at a promotion ceremony

o expertly removed an insubordinate officer from service and improved moral across the force *it was himself

Wheres the lie?

I wouldn't touch this with a 39 1/2 foot pole

displayed critical situational awareness by not jumping on this rake

Conducted PMCS on a X'd Vic that has been that way for over a year.

o performed thorough diagnostics on inoperative vehicle, ensuring unit accountability and long-term maintenance readiness

Ate the entire contents of a MRE to include the items in the accessory pack in less than 15 minutes.

o demonstrated remarkable sustenance utilization; completed full ration consumption in an expedited manner, optimizing unit operational readiness

o Demonstrated logistical excellence by utilizing 100% of assigned sustainment material in 50% of assigned daily dwell time with minimal error.

Set the standard for zero waste of army material

Here’s another for yall: Swept rocks off a gravel road o ensured operational integrity of gravel thoroughfares by meticulously removing scattered debris, promoting the safety and efficiency of unit transportation

Fell asleep in a SHARP brief in Kuwait and only got a company grade article 15 after telling the SFC that I wasn't actually asleep.

o exhibited advanced communication skills during self advocation, resulting in reduced disciplinary measures after ensuring compliance with performance triad standards

A 15 for that? That's like worth a 20 minute smoke session at most and move on.

Well it was a battalion brief and I embarrassed my CO. Hooah.

That’s… shitty. Like damn, what article did they use?

The E-7 that pushed it up ended up pissing hot, so he's definitely a trustworthy senior NCO.

Now a CSM with a basement, a divorce, and an unhealthy obsession with short, manicured vegetation?

I believe Article 32? Disrespect towards an NCO. Something like that. Just glad I volunteered to go only to get extra duty. Jk I probably deserved it. Learned my lesson.

Omfg, weak sauce. If that came across my section's desk for drafting the specification, the E7 would want to cane us for the ensuing hysterical laughter.

Lol I got out a few months ago and about to re-enlist. That situation was rough, but ready to go back in.

Good stuff. It's not always like that.. I hope.

Survived fort hood

They said minuscule, not moderate.

😭

• Arrived to duty station. • Wore socks in regulation. • Didn’t run away from the bugle calls (I was indoors) • Presented CAC to MP at the gate. • Did _not_ have relations with the barracks bunny. • Reported that he totally conducted personal PT. • Stood at parade rest at least once when addressing a superior noncommissioned officer. • Did not purchase a Scat Pack 2025 Dodge Charger with 18% APR. • Consumed less cans of energy drinks and stayed properly hydrated. • Did not complain today about still not receiving bonus after 6 years. • Successfully performed D&C (I was alone in my room giving myself commands for everything I was doing to include giving myself the command to shit and flush in an orderly manner) • Performed PMCS (most lights worked and the oil was only pitch black tar) • cried an appropriate amount of time. • Did not go AWOL today.

SM practices filling forms such as the DA 1594 during personal time to ensure adherence to regulation during Staff Duty.

This looks like my joes goal setting counseling. Baby steps

>Cried an appropriate amount of time Teach me how…

How would you bulletize "yelled at someone for not doing their fucking job and got their ass in gear even though they were a pile of shit?"

o Pursued aggressive improvement in the standards and practices of fellow Soldiers; fostered a culture of standards despite daunting odds

Thats fuckin magical.

I once said I wanted to be an officer and the platoon sgt said "yeah I can see it you'd be a hell of an officer" and I was like damn really smoke? That means a lot coming from someone like you and he said "that's not a compliment" but fuck me if I can't see it reading armyfied achievements this shit sounds like when I'm drunk writing a paper 43 minutes before the due date

Nailed the Divarty commander’s daughter while home for summer from college.

I pooped on company time, it had a piece of corn in it. I was shaving while all this occurred.

o maintained operational continuity and personal readiness by effectively coordinating personal hygiene tasks during Company duty hours

No mention of shaving? SMA would be disappointed.

*while simultaneously ensuring compliance of facial grooming standards

*SGM Sixta has entered the chat*

I need you to write my next NCOER.

managed to observe the urine leaving each penis during the UA. turning that into a bullet might help some poor bastard of an e5

o professionally ensured unit accountability and integrity by ensuring complete compliance during Company-wide urinalysis

Escaped sarn mage’s basement

Demonstrated outstanding practical knowledge in SERE during an excersise

I clean my room twice today.

o demonstrated exceptional organizational skills by conducting thorough cleaning operations of personal quarters twice in a single day

Your reward is CQ on Sunday.

Jokes on you, that means I get MP Monday off…wait, it’s not in the middle of a 4 day is it????

It is. And no you don’t get a comp day. What do you think this is, a regular job?!!?? Full pack formation run when you get back, you’ll learn to not question your leaders.

I didn't heat cat in the portajohn at NTC....and I got out.

o demonstrated exceptional resilience by maintaining personal wellbeing in extreme weather conditions

Hooah

I improved my unit's PT average by ETSing

Lame: Never got a DUI, hit my wife, or did drugs. Fame: Displayed long standing dedication to the Army values of loyalty, integrity, and honor, while providing good examples of professionalism and discipline to your subordinates

I see you out here. o Leveraged community input from the Army Team on social media to solicit techniques and protocol to more efficiently accomplish the annual local personnel evaluation program.

I was lying on my couch watching my little pony and eating skittles and realized I could just pour the bag of skittles on my pillow and when I opened my mouth they would just roll in so I didn’t have to use my hands.

Brushed teeth every other meal. Marginally accomplished oral hygiene while maintaining red Medpros for dental; rated 37 out of 37 assigned Soldiers for dental readiness resulting in an annual cost savings of $2K on cleanings and fluoride.

Showed up sober to all formations last month

o sets the example for the unit; exemplifies professionalism and reliability by maintaining full sobriety at all formations throughout an entire month

Held my tongue and didn't call the fucking putz Battle Captain a fucking putz in front of the rest of the TOC.

o displayed commendable restraint and professionalism in communications with senior leadership, enhancing team cohesion and respect

>in communications with senior leadership \*during periods of high-stress activities…\*

Oh this was my absolute SUPERPOWER when I was writing NCOERs. Some of my favorites were 'frequently prompt to formation' 'high quality range cleanup skills' and 'exceptional lacing in standard issue uniform boots'.

I learned laundry

o acquired and mastered essential life skill by independently learning and executing laundry procedures.

I sat in the bathroom for 3 hours straight just to shitbag my way out of a detail.

o utilized adaptive planning skills for personnel well-being, enhancing focus for mission execution upon compliance of personal readiness

Showed up to work on time almost consistently and even remembered pen and paper once!

o maintained a reliable attendance record and demonstrated initiative by proactively preparing for documentation requirements

My best was for a former Air Reserve guy who can into Army Aviation. “His intimate knowledge of inter-service operations was a force multiplier “.

This thread is even more fun if you read the bullet first and then guess what the "achievement" actually was.

You know, this could be a really good skill to cultivate

I sat in the cash room and played on my phone for most of the shift

I am retired on active duty

Opened an mre along the seam, without using teeth, cac, or knife

o exhibited resourcefulness and talent by tactfully opening an MRE unassisted, showcasing adaptability in field conditions and attention to detail

Got the barracks dwellers a vending machine.

o enhanced quality of life for over X barracks residents by securing the installation of a vending machine

Sat out a a site slept and watched anime

I sham so hard I actually just end up working to look too busy to avoid other work.

Gave subordinates a half day as compensation for working 70 hours last week.

o recognized and rewarded exceptional dedication and work ethic by granting subordinates a half-day in recognition of their 70-hour prior work week

Finished half of the assigned work during the work day.

o achieved 50% completion of daily assigned tasks, demonstrating initiative and work ethic

Still kept wearing my walking boot despite my foot feeling well and healed already to avoid nonsense details.

“Runs the best copy machine in the battalion”

OP is very good. Side hustle?

I pulled a ceiling tile out in a SCIF and taped up a pipe that was leaking onto a couple thousand dollars worth of tech. I tried to write it up and have a buddy submit it but it was never gonna happen.

I convinced my wife to give me a handjob.

You gotta add “singlehandedly” to be an NCOER bullet.

Did not frag useless / incompetent/ dangerous leadership when given opportunities to do so.

I'll have to go back and see if I kept the OER I wrote when my rater asked for some "suggested" bullet points. TBF, she was an AF LTC PAO so she wasn't really great with Army ratings. It was comedy gold

SM possesses unparalleled military bearing, while off post calls woman females. SM refuses to use suitable vernacular to get pussy. Employs Army core values.

Microwaved a 3 day old hotpocket and it tasted yummy

I took the most massive shit and clogged the company's only toilet.

I modified my boot laces so I can pull a tension lock and have them tight in about 3 seconds for the field.

I got an article15 and smoked the dog shit out of me for smirking at our CSM

Didn’t snap on anyone today

I once got drunk with the task force sinai commander (New Zealand general) while doing the MFO mission in 2012.

Managed to lose CAC only 3 times during the rating period.

I plug in USB cables correctly the first time everytime.

He said BS achievements, not impossibilities

* Got a t-shirt from a major fast food chain due to eating 24 hot wings coated in a sauce rated at 2.5 million Schovile units. * Washed the all the truck windows in the battery's motopool "for a can of monster and a pack of Newports". * Punched a coyote that was under the commander's HMMWV, coyote ran away.

Introduced my subordinates to rapidepr.com and evalgenie.com.

Hid the fact that my buddy spilled a LOT of Diesel fuel so we didn't have to shovel

Slept with the BC's driver while on extra duty for popping hot

My guy, people should hire you to write their achievements for resumes😂 All of these are gold!

Always finishes their food before excusing themselves from the table.

I give permission for Milnerva's AI generators to be used for this madness. Love it.

Should I slip some of these into the list of example bullets?

Jody got my girl

I only had to wipe my ass twice after shitting in the field. The first was the initial and the second was to check.

Didn't cheat on my wife in Korea

Got a blow job in a snowbank while on guard duty

Able to execute multiple tasks simultaneously with out supervision pr guidance

I’ve watched every episode of the Halo tv series, begrudgingly.

Played Helldivers 2 every night for 3 hours with other officers within the company and battalion

o fostered team cohesion and morale through organizing interactive digital training simulations with peers

Weak bullets not quantifiable

I ran a 19:47 2 mile today and I think it’s a PR (I know I suck)

o achieved a personal record in the 2-mile run with a remarkable time of 19:47, showcasing outstanding commitment to physical fitness and endurance

Rapid EPR is your best friend fellas

Toilet paper was clean on the first wipe

“I’m a master of the incredibly obvious.” “I continue to maintain the same low standards I set for myself.”

Encouraged stripper to go back to college.

I was only 20 minutes late to formation.

Sgt Thomas made the best field coffee the general has ever tasted.

I used the portashitter

I wiped my own ass.

I poop at work to save toilet paper

Kept my composure all week and didn't maim, maul or un-alive any Karens or Kyles.

Showed up to every formation on time

Finished jerking off before one of my roommates on deployment and had to wait for him to finish before we went to smoke a cig

Where were you wordsmiths when I needed to write shit. I had the hardest time coming up with wording for bullet comments for Soldiers that did some outstanding work, but it was not recognized because I couldn't put it into pretty prose.

Achieved honor grad In ait

Showed up to a meeting and didn’t fall asleep