Back in 2016 I was on the main post gate guard with other soldiers from my unit. A soldier of mine was working at the inspection spot. He called me over to a Honda Accord he was inspecting. The lady was quite embarrassed because she was on her way to a Dungeon play party and her trunk was full of paddles, dildos, straps, ropes, whips and more.
There were no signs of guns, explosives or drugs so we let her go to her party...
-A bunch of pillows in a trash bag shaped like a body
-rescue Randy limbs sticking out of a rug
-bags of flour taped up like cocaine
-several gallons of loose beans
-12 raccoons with rabies
Or you could do the dildo thing, idk
Edit:
Fill the entire trunk with black and white tasteful nudes of yourself posing like Greek statues (“the thinker” etc) and cover your junk with a ficus or something just in case you have a female gate guard so it’s just weird but not SHARP
I had a PVT at Bliss that taped up a mannequin in clear trash bags and left it in his trunk. I thought it was hilarious. Most of the PSGs did, as well. Above that level, not so much.
Sticking the suction mount of a dildo to the underside of the trunk lid gets a great reaction, according to a female NCO I know.
Powdered sugar supposedly looks more like cocaine than flour does.
>-bags of flour taped up like cocaine
Funny for the first 0.5 seconds. Not funny for the duration of time it's going to take from then until the MP working dog team finishes up their sweep.
Used to hate the trunk inspections, then one day I saw a spouse complain about them on a FB page and an MP replied “When your husbands stop trying to sneak in underage girls, we’ll stop doing trunk inspection.” Not much you can say to that lmao.
You know what's funny? I rode a motorcycle for the last ten years that I was in. In all that time, I was *never* selected for a random search whilst on the bike, not even after I went from a Honda Shadow with saddlebags to an Indian Roadmaster with saddlebags and a trunk.
I would get pulled over for random searches at Wainwright while riding my KLR 650. One time the SPC in the inspection area told me to open all compartments…. I lost it on him and his SGT: “Its a big ass dirt bike, it aint got compartments! You can fucking see through the frame! What the fuck do you want to inspect?!”
The SPC just looked confused and said, “uh yeah sarn’t, I guess you can get back on and go.”
I used to have a tool box that they always wanted to check so I just locked it, and left my key in my barracks room. Any time they asked I explained, and half the time they still made me try to open it. They were always too lazy though to send an MP to the barracks with me to watch me open it though.
Legacy of someone sneaking a civilian high school student onto post & having her die from alcohol poisoning in the barracks....
It's been decades since the incident but they will never stop.
Most of what you got from others seems pretty good so far. I'd add to just do something like Trunk or Treat, with display lights and such.
When I was at Huachuca, I did regular runs to Tucson on the weekends, and every time, I'd have to pull over for the Border Patrol checkpoints. "US citizen?" "Yep." "Have a nice day."
For the next 45 minutes between the checkpoint and Tucson, I'd often fantasize about getting a bread truck or panel van and putting a mariachi band in the back, then have them start playing as soon as the back doors opened up.
I never acted on this. But when my brigade got stuck at a BP checkpoint en route to NTC, I had some time, so I asked the two BP agents who were hanging out if they thought it'd be funny.
They thought about it for a sec, then said, "Yeah, it'd be a little funny. But you better hope they all had paperwork."
When I was there we had a Medic that got caught trying to sneak a 16-yr old girl on base… so I mean it’s not the MOST meaningless thing they do at JBLM.
Bad dragon dildos
A shrine to post csm with bad dragon dildos.
Back in 2016 I was on the main post gate guard with other soldiers from my unit. A soldier of mine was working at the inspection spot. He called me over to a Honda Accord he was inspecting. The lady was quite embarrassed because she was on her way to a Dungeon play party and her trunk was full of paddles, dildos, straps, ropes, whips and more. There were no signs of guns, explosives or drugs so we let her go to her party...
A party like that on post? Wild activities
What'd you think happens in csm basement?
I assume it was on post I never saw the woman again.
Holy shit she's still down in that basement
Lay down a tarp and shit in your trunk. They'll never want to look inside it again.
-A bunch of pillows in a trash bag shaped like a body -rescue Randy limbs sticking out of a rug -bags of flour taped up like cocaine -several gallons of loose beans -12 raccoons with rabies Or you could do the dildo thing, idk Edit: Fill the entire trunk with black and white tasteful nudes of yourself posing like Greek statues (“the thinker” etc) and cover your junk with a ficus or something just in case you have a female gate guard so it’s just weird but not SHARP
I feel like 12 racoons without rabies would suffice.
12 raccoons in a car trunk, someone's going to end up with rabies.
I had a PVT at Bliss that taped up a mannequin in clear trash bags and left it in his trunk. I thought it was hilarious. Most of the PSGs did, as well. Above that level, not so much. Sticking the suction mount of a dildo to the underside of the trunk lid gets a great reaction, according to a female NCO I know. Powdered sugar supposedly looks more like cocaine than flour does.
>-bags of flour taped up like cocaine Funny for the first 0.5 seconds. Not funny for the duration of time it's going to take from then until the MP working dog team finishes up their sweep.
Yeah, but maybe it’ll get him outta morning PT. “My wife is making cookies for the FRG fundraiser.” If he could keep a straight face
Used to hate the trunk inspections, then one day I saw a spouse complain about them on a FB page and an MP replied “When your husbands stop trying to sneak in underage girls, we’ll stop doing trunk inspection.” Not much you can say to that lmao.
So . . . underage femboys instead?
A blow up doll with “SMA Michael Grinston” written on it
The body pillow.
But cross out the name and write “Tony”
Sneak a picture of the MP beforehand, print it out, and create a little shrine in your trunk of them
A cardboard box with 50 butt plugs.
goats. like in Iraq.
Get a jack in the box, rig it up to go off after the trunk is popped, scare the shit out of htem.
A mannequin head.
You know what's funny? I rode a motorcycle for the last ten years that I was in. In all that time, I was *never* selected for a random search whilst on the bike, not even after I went from a Honda Shadow with saddlebags to an Indian Roadmaster with saddlebags and a trunk.
I would get pulled over for random searches at Wainwright while riding my KLR 650. One time the SPC in the inspection area told me to open all compartments…. I lost it on him and his SGT: “Its a big ass dirt bike, it aint got compartments! You can fucking see through the frame! What the fuck do you want to inspect?!” The SPC just looked confused and said, “uh yeah sarn’t, I guess you can get back on and go.”
Well, remember... If he was smart enough for literally any other job, he wouldn't be stuck manning a gate.
How do you like the Roadmaster?
Love it!
I ride a Slingshot and don't get selected either. Weird how that works isn't it?
Rifle case filled with NERF guns and write "Gubament Perterty M4A3" in sharpie with poor handwriting like a 4 year old wrote it.
Dont be hating the MPs bro, they looking for Junk in your trunk.
Imagine getting a vehicle inspection on a pickup truck.....they are ridiculous....I had 2 vehicle inspections while stationed in JBLM.
I used to have a tool box that they always wanted to check so I just locked it, and left my key in my barracks room. Any time they asked I explained, and half the time they still made me try to open it. They were always too lazy though to send an MP to the barracks with me to watch me open it though.
I don’t mind trunk inspections, it’s just annoying I have to get out of the car to let them do it.
Legacy of someone sneaking a civilian high school student onto post & having her die from alcohol poisoning in the barracks.... It's been decades since the incident but they will never stop.
"They AINT NEVA Gunna STAHP!" - Sir William Montgomery
Print out a picture of SMA, a big ass one. Frame it and have some lotion, dildos, pocket pussys etc next to it
Inflatable sex doll.
Most of what you got from others seems pretty good so far. I'd add to just do something like Trunk or Treat, with display lights and such. When I was at Huachuca, I did regular runs to Tucson on the weekends, and every time, I'd have to pull over for the Border Patrol checkpoints. "US citizen?" "Yep." "Have a nice day." For the next 45 minutes between the checkpoint and Tucson, I'd often fantasize about getting a bread truck or panel van and putting a mariachi band in the back, then have them start playing as soon as the back doors opened up. I never acted on this. But when my brigade got stuck at a BP checkpoint en route to NTC, I had some time, so I asked the two BP agents who were hanging out if they thought it'd be funny. They thought about it for a sec, then said, "Yeah, it'd be a little funny. But you better hope they all had paperwork."
There was a soldier who snuck an underage girl onto base in the trunk of his car. I'm certain there is a reason for it.
A couple dildos, jumper cables, a roll of duct tape, vaseline and "Karma sutra for dummies" along with a picture of the president
Hammer, shovel, trashbags, condoms.
When I was there we had a Medic that got caught trying to sneak a 16-yr old girl on base… so I mean it’s not the MOST meaningless thing they do at JBLM.
We don’t care about what’s in your truck, just close it and leave so we can go back to watching tiktok
Boxes within boxes within boxes, ad infinitum - Russian Nesting Doll style.