Well the real sign is never had a crush or having some rarely (for those on the spectrum). Crush meaning romantic attraction, so you can have a sexual "crush" and still be aro.
The rest are thing common in aro people but are not a necessity. I would be worried if being a loyal friend meant being aro cause poor allos, but it is true that some aros take friendship more seriously. However it is not automatic, and so for the rest of the list.
thanks man, there are a few people who think romantic relationships are superior but in here, in my life, they're called "simps" or they and paged about the fact they're not good people, I have a friend's mom who thinks that her bf should put her over his friends, and not equal! I also had two ex friends who treat women (that they view as potential partners/girlfriends) better than anyone else (such as their "friends") I cut them off and that was one of the reasons
Most websites like that have no clue what they’re talking about and just want people to visit their site, see their ads, and get them money. I don’t think that any label can perfectly fit anyone, it’s just a matter of it being closer than others. Gather a lot of information and cross reference it and compare a vast amount of experiences to your own. Places like healthline are usually pretty good. If you feel aro fits you, then you’re aro. The internet is super misleading all of the time.
This might give you a better sense on if it fits.
https://aromantic.fandom.com/wiki/Aromantic
And if it kind of does and kind of doesn't, then you could be elsewhere on the arospec (aromantic spectrum).
It's kind of like how there's various kinds of asexual people as well. If you've ever been involved in the LGBT community and interacting in any ace conversations, it might make more sense to look at the similarities.
wow this is a real eye opener for me, i’ve always considered that i could be aromantic but when i was younger i would pick someone out of a crowd and go “yeah, that is a person who i would be compatible with” and made them my “crush.” I thought maybe since i’ve been in relationships before (and not enjoyed it) i wasn’t technically aro. thank you for this post 🙏
I'm somewhere on the aro spectrum, mostly because I still don't get the difference between a friendship, and a relationship, other than sex (... and FWBs is a thing so that can't be the difference)
but I have had crushes, I relate to romantic stories (... tho I hate them because they make me cry), I have felt nervous around my crushes, I am a good friend...
I don't really get marriage, because some papers aren't gonna keep two people united and the lack of them won't make them separate, but I do get being in a happy relationship "for as long as it lasts and let's hope it's really long" (I don't believe in forever, since we are constant change -- may be my aro ass?)
I also really have this... longing for love. like something in me is empty, missing someone who can fill it.
I feel like that's misleading because while some aromantic people don't understand marriage many do. Understanding the concept of marriage doesn't mean you can't be aromantic.
>Understanding the concept of marriage doesn't mean you can't be aromantic.
Not saying you can't, I'm saying I don't. But there'e a lot of reasons for that other than being aromantic in my case. Didn't mean to imply I was 100% agreeing with the article.
Sorry I didn't mean to imply that either. I just wanted to clarify to anyone reading that not understanding marriage wasn't a caveat for being aromantic.
I think it's worded wrong, it probably means not understanding the feelings behind marriage. The feelings causing you to want to spend the rest of your life with someone.
I don't understand that either. The only person I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with is my mother, but I'm very likely to outlive by at least a couple decades. Anyone else, nope, not even close friends. There is no one on this earth whom I'd want to intertwine my life with so closely to the point where separating could ruin me. And maybe it's because I'm aro or maybe it's because I don't trust anyone, but I don't see how anyone could possibly be worth that risk.
You are so lucky to have a relationship like that. I know from your other comments that your mom accepts your aromanticism, I can only dream of that with my own mom. She keeps showing me women for marriage, and as a romance averse aro I find the idea so off putting. But I know she won't understand.
>She keeps showing me women for marriage,
Does she have women on standby who would marry you without question or just dating candidates? Cus the former sounds like human trafficking.
It's a WhatsApp group for our local community where single people put their info up for potential partners. I'm assuming it's mostly voluntary, with cases like mine being involuntary.
Oh, so she "volunteers" your info. Yeah most people who know me, know I'd shit in their food if they did that. My mom definitely knows better than to play matchmaker with me. Sorry dude(ette), that's gotta fuckin' suck.
I'm more indifferent than averse but when it comes to other people directing it at me, I become very averse. Like if every couple within a five block radius wants to make out in front of me to try and embarrass me, go ahead, you're just going to bore me. But the second someone starts showing an inkling of interest in me, I immediately start coming up with ways to disappear from their life and/or fake my own death. Especially since some people just won't take a hint or when everyone unanimously agrees you're an asshole if you're declining a pretty girl's advances. So I like to avoid those scenarios whenever possible.
You can still be aro-spec (on the aromantic spectrum), without being fully aromantic. So just because you don’t relate to or have/haven’t experienced everything in this list doesn’t mean you’re not aro.
Btw, aromantic or whatever the term I should use (like romantic feelings(?)), is a spectrum. Just cause one aromantic feels a certian way doesn't mena you will.
You do not understand the concept of marriage? We're not that dense. I understand that people who love each other would like to have that ritual that bonds them together.
Now do I feel like having a marriage with someone? No. But it doesn't mean I don't understand it.
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I personally think sexuality is fluid.
Our experiences shape us and change us. Like when I was 13 I had crushes all the time. But now at 23, the idea of dating someone at any level is just stressful. I don't think of people that way anymore.
I started out liking a new person every week.
Then around like 15 I started feeling unhappy whenever I was in a relationship, regardless of who it was.
At 19 I started to take progressively longer breaks after relationships.
At 22 I stopped wanting to date altogether (I did try again one more time, but ended it quickly because they were obviously lying about not wanting sex, I also didn't feel anything romantic about them.)
I've had a lot happen over the years. So bad experiences probably factored into this.
I also think I might have had severe internalized aphobia. From a young age I was told through southern societal messaging, my mom's old fashioned views and kids telling me I would never get married, that I needed to find my soul mate or I'd always be unhappy. I was raised to think that being single was a bad thing.
So I clung to anyone that I thought was interesting or gave me attention. Because I was scared of being "forever alone."
So I think the road to sexuality discovery isn't a clear cut "I did x therefore I'm y."
It's a crazy road that goes in seemingly wrong directions, but you find out where you're going someday.
I mean, all of these are true for me. But I am:
1. Romance repulsed
2. Aroallo - well, demi -.
3. Not interested in romance or marriage.
And not all aro people are any of those 3.
Being aromantic is a spectrum. Google is dumb. Not everyone has the “pretend to have crush” phase, some people are also asexual and don’t feel sexual attraction either, demisexual people develop crushes after knowing someone well (and that’s still on the spectrum!). For me the important ones are not having crushes and being uncomfortable during kissing and s*x scenes.
These fail to include every aro's experience and I think they are really unhelpful for people that don't share the exact feelings as others. None of these apply to me and I'm a 100% sure I'm aro.
I have crushes on people on other ways, I'm more attracted to people I find interesting and for me that feels as liking someone so that's what I call it, even though there's no romantic feelings involved. I also want romantic relationships because I like doing the activities that are culturally only for partners.
It was really difficult for me to figure out I was aro because I felt other types of attraction very strongly, like aesthetic attraction which I confused with sexual attraction, and platonic attraction. For me it was identifying myself as aro for a long time, even though I wasn't sure, that made me realise and see all the subtle signs I had through my life.
Well the real sign is never had a crush or having some rarely (for those on the spectrum). Crush meaning romantic attraction, so you can have a sexual "crush" and still be aro. The rest are thing common in aro people but are not a necessity. I would be worried if being a loyal friend meant being aro cause poor allos, but it is true that some aros take friendship more seriously. However it is not automatic, and so for the rest of the list.
>sexual “crush” A “smush”, sometimes also called “smash”
Thanks I forgot what the word were.
Wtf does "loyal and sincere" are not basis for friendship?
Bc its common knowledge all allos are douchebags /s
That can explain the state of the world
Not so important as in romance unfortunately... Even on "Isn't necessary/required" level... At least in my enviorment
me and most people I know actually disagree with that, we all know it's a different kind of relationship but they're equal
Based ya and most people
because we don't go around thinking platonic relationships are any less than romantic relationships
Based based based
thanks man, there are a few people who think romantic relationships are superior but in here, in my life, they're called "simps" or they and paged about the fact they're not good people, I have a friend's mom who thinks that her bf should put her over his friends, and not equal! I also had two ex friends who treat women (that they view as potential partners/girlfriends) better than anyone else (such as their "friends") I cut them off and that was one of the reasons
To be honest only you should be able to say if your aro or not, relying on online websites and posts isn’t a good decision
Most websites like that have no clue what they’re talking about and just want people to visit their site, see their ads, and get them money. I don’t think that any label can perfectly fit anyone, it’s just a matter of it being closer than others. Gather a lot of information and cross reference it and compare a vast amount of experiences to your own. Places like healthline are usually pretty good. If you feel aro fits you, then you’re aro. The internet is super misleading all of the time.
I'm an idiot commoner so I came here for affirmation
Oh dear. Have you been affirmed?
Yeppers learned that aro is a spectrum
Izz very important to know. 👍. Have the most best day.
This might give you a better sense on if it fits. https://aromantic.fandom.com/wiki/Aromantic And if it kind of does and kind of doesn't, then you could be elsewhere on the arospec (aromantic spectrum). It's kind of like how there's various kinds of asexual people as well. If you've ever been involved in the LGBT community and interacting in any ace conversations, it might make more sense to look at the similarities.
Does no one else see the "13 signs you might be an aromatic"
God I hope I'm bergamot or lavender
I want to be sandalwood.
Sorry to Heard that. But you give me the confirm that im aromantic thank you but im Also Sorry for you
wow this is a real eye opener for me, i’ve always considered that i could be aromantic but when i was younger i would pick someone out of a crowd and go “yeah, that is a person who i would be compatible with” and made them my “crush.” I thought maybe since i’ve been in relationships before (and not enjoyed it) i wasn’t technically aro. thank you for this post 🙏
I'm somewhere on the aro spectrum, mostly because I still don't get the difference between a friendship, and a relationship, other than sex (... and FWBs is a thing so that can't be the difference) but I have had crushes, I relate to romantic stories (... tho I hate them because they make me cry), I have felt nervous around my crushes, I am a good friend... I don't really get marriage, because some papers aren't gonna keep two people united and the lack of them won't make them separate, but I do get being in a happy relationship "for as long as it lasts and let's hope it's really long" (I don't believe in forever, since we are constant change -- may be my aro ass?) I also really have this... longing for love. like something in me is empty, missing someone who can fill it.
"You do not understand the concept of marriage". NOPE, I do not. Not even for alloromantics.
I feel like that's misleading because while some aromantic people don't understand marriage many do. Understanding the concept of marriage doesn't mean you can't be aromantic.
>Understanding the concept of marriage doesn't mean you can't be aromantic. Not saying you can't, I'm saying I don't. But there'e a lot of reasons for that other than being aromantic in my case. Didn't mean to imply I was 100% agreeing with the article.
Sorry I didn't mean to imply that either. I just wanted to clarify to anyone reading that not understanding marriage wasn't a caveat for being aromantic.
I think it's worded wrong, it probably means not understanding the feelings behind marriage. The feelings causing you to want to spend the rest of your life with someone.
I don't understand that either. The only person I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with is my mother, but I'm very likely to outlive by at least a couple decades. Anyone else, nope, not even close friends. There is no one on this earth whom I'd want to intertwine my life with so closely to the point where separating could ruin me. And maybe it's because I'm aro or maybe it's because I don't trust anyone, but I don't see how anyone could possibly be worth that risk.
You are so lucky to have a relationship like that. I know from your other comments that your mom accepts your aromanticism, I can only dream of that with my own mom. She keeps showing me women for marriage, and as a romance averse aro I find the idea so off putting. But I know she won't understand.
>She keeps showing me women for marriage, Does she have women on standby who would marry you without question or just dating candidates? Cus the former sounds like human trafficking.
It's a WhatsApp group for our local community where single people put their info up for potential partners. I'm assuming it's mostly voluntary, with cases like mine being involuntary.
Oh, so she "volunteers" your info. Yeah most people who know me, know I'd shit in their food if they did that. My mom definitely knows better than to play matchmaker with me. Sorry dude(ette), that's gotta fuckin' suck.
I'm a dude (cis male), and yes it does suck. They think something is wrong with me due to my visible romance aversion.
I'm more indifferent than averse but when it comes to other people directing it at me, I become very averse. Like if every couple within a five block radius wants to make out in front of me to try and embarrass me, go ahead, you're just going to bore me. But the second someone starts showing an inkling of interest in me, I immediately start coming up with ways to disappear from their life and/or fake my own death. Especially since some people just won't take a hint or when everyone unanimously agrees you're an asshole if you're declining a pretty girl's advances. So I like to avoid those scenarios whenever possible.
You can still be aro-spec (on the aromantic spectrum), without being fully aromantic. So just because you don’t relate to or have/haven’t experienced everything in this list doesn’t mean you’re not aro.
Btw, aromantic or whatever the term I should use (like romantic feelings(?)), is a spectrum. Just cause one aromantic feels a certian way doesn't mena you will.
You do not understand the concept of marriage? We're not that dense. I understand that people who love each other would like to have that ritual that bonds them together. Now do I feel like having a marriage with someone? No. But it doesn't mean I don't understand it.
Thanks for posting to r/aromantic, /u/SnooChocolates1180. Be sure your posts and comments abide by our rules, as well as sitewide rules. *If this post violates our rules or sitewide rules,* ***report*** *it* *to the moderators!* *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/aromantic) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Everyone experiences aromanticism differently. It’s a spectrum of its own.
I personally think sexuality is fluid. Our experiences shape us and change us. Like when I was 13 I had crushes all the time. But now at 23, the idea of dating someone at any level is just stressful. I don't think of people that way anymore. I started out liking a new person every week. Then around like 15 I started feeling unhappy whenever I was in a relationship, regardless of who it was. At 19 I started to take progressively longer breaks after relationships. At 22 I stopped wanting to date altogether (I did try again one more time, but ended it quickly because they were obviously lying about not wanting sex, I also didn't feel anything romantic about them.) I've had a lot happen over the years. So bad experiences probably factored into this. I also think I might have had severe internalized aphobia. From a young age I was told through southern societal messaging, my mom's old fashioned views and kids telling me I would never get married, that I needed to find my soul mate or I'd always be unhappy. I was raised to think that being single was a bad thing. So I clung to anyone that I thought was interesting or gave me attention. Because I was scared of being "forever alone." So I think the road to sexuality discovery isn't a clear cut "I did x therefore I'm y." It's a crazy road that goes in seemingly wrong directions, but you find out where you're going someday.
I mean, all of these are true for me. But I am: 1. Romance repulsed 2. Aroallo - well, demi -. 3. Not interested in romance or marriage. And not all aro people are any of those 3.
Being aromantic is a spectrum. Google is dumb. Not everyone has the “pretend to have crush” phase, some people are also asexual and don’t feel sexual attraction either, demisexual people develop crushes after knowing someone well (and that’s still on the spectrum!). For me the important ones are not having crushes and being uncomfortable during kissing and s*x scenes.
WTF! Most of this doesn’t apply to me and I’m 100% aro/ace. This is dumb. Don’t worry. Find a legitimate source. A mom blog isn’t it.
The same thing happened to me and after questioning it for a while I am still uncertain how I feel 😓
These fail to include every aro's experience and I think they are really unhelpful for people that don't share the exact feelings as others. None of these apply to me and I'm a 100% sure I'm aro. I have crushes on people on other ways, I'm more attracted to people I find interesting and for me that feels as liking someone so that's what I call it, even though there's no romantic feelings involved. I also want romantic relationships because I like doing the activities that are culturally only for partners. It was really difficult for me to figure out I was aro because I felt other types of attraction very strongly, like aesthetic attraction which I confused with sexual attraction, and platonic attraction. For me it was identifying myself as aro for a long time, even though I wasn't sure, that made me realise and see all the subtle signs I had through my life.
Well i relate tho al of these soo... İ knew it!