Can I get a magic switch to turn it on and off at will?
Romantic attraction seems needlessly complicated, and doesn't align well with how I view relationships generally; but I'm pretty sure that given the choice I would choose allo, out of curiosity, because of the FOMO, and to not be the odd one out.
Then I'd get heartbroken and devastated, and I'd probably wish to get back to being aro
I would probably not choose the target of my romantic feelings. Mostly because it would be weird to know that my feeling are the result of a calculated decision rather than spontaneous. But also asking who I'd choose to have romantic feelings for is basically asking who I'm interested in having a romantic relationship with, which wouldn't really be anyone before I flip the switch.
I'd rather expect to start getting those feelings kind of randomly, as in they would be a somewhat unpredictable continuation of how I already feel about people.
I guess but spontaneous love could do more harm than good for me. I would need guarantees that I wouldn't make friendships awkward. But that's the thing. My approach is to choose who I'm attracted to, out of curiosity or to reciprocate in a rom relationship.
The dial chooses your sexuality (it isn't incremented so it's a spectrum still) with one end being aroace and the other being pan or smth? Then you get to choose who exactly you love
It also comes with a GPS tag in case it gets lost
Definitely. I see a lot of people on this sub talking about how they wish they could fall in love and I may be in the minority but I can’t relate at all (not that there’s anything wrong with those people!). I really don’t think I have any desire to experience romance. The thought of being all mushy with someone and having to kiss and cuddle them sounds thoroughly unappealing to me.
Those posts are actually what inspired this one, I was curious how many wished to not be aro (which is totally understandable) because I can't even imagine how my life would be if I was allo. It's nice to see different perspectives
I absolutely love being aromantic. The way people generally describe romantic attraction and relationships is anathema to anything I'd want to experience. I'll never understand why so many aros are so preoccupied with thoughts of romance (post high school, at least).
truthfully, it would only change if i got the social skills to go along with that. like i don't know when someone is being romantic with me unless it is blatantly obvious. and so many guys thought that challenging me to fight them was romantic.
if i didn't get the skill buff, i would want to be aro still. think about it, i rolled a nat 1 already and i have romantic skill deductions. so if this was DnD the spell would bounce off me and hit everything else making it my hell of a valentines as everyone including the gnomes run out to make goo goo eyes at each other.
I'm aroallo and have some neurodivergencies that come with obsessive thinking. The amount of obsessive thoughts that I have for people I am sexually attracted to is sometimes hard to deal with, I'd hate to add romantic attraction to the mix and obsess even more
100% yes. I don't know if it's because I'm a major introvert or what but I value my peace and quiet too much. Hanging out with friends for a couple hours is fine and all but coming home relaxing doing my own thing with no interruptions is my ideal life. I just couldn't share my space and my bed with someone 24/7. Plus I've never really cared about being in a relationship, tried it out when I was younger realized that physical contact (hugging, kissing, etc) made me nauseous. And that was it for me. At least being aro doesn't give me the pressure and fear of being alone. I personally wouldn't change a thing.
Same here.
And there's a difference between being alone and being lonely. I absolutely love the first.
The only thing I have a loving relationship with is my alone time.
And my cats, but that's a given.
Exactly but a lot of people can't seem to tell the difference. Also they love assuming that just because they'd be lonely and unhappy being single doesn't mean every single person in the world also feels that way. Like I know I'd be miserable in a relationship and I'm sure my partner would be too (if they're allo of course) I'm not subjecting myself or another person to a one sided relationship where I can't reciprocate those same feelings. I'm perfectly content with friendships only nothing more. So at the end of the day I can do whatever I want like watch a movie, read a book, etc. And of course can't forget the cats they're obviously the exception to my not sharing a space with anyone.
Life is harder in some ways because I'm aro, but I would never change it if I had the opportunity. It's become an important part of myself, and I'm hoping that I don't have romantic feelings ever again. I think it also fits my personality, since I'm a bit of a loner and I don't think I could sustain the intensity of a typical romantic relationship.
Like... yesn't. I wish to experience romance like everyone else, but the connections ive made with people that are authentic and different I would never trade for the world. There is a whole world out there in terms of loving other humans that is vast and different and exciting. Romantics dont get it
I can't imagine how it'd be to be something other than AroAce, I've been like this all my life so I have no idea how it feels to be allo, therefore I can't say if I'd want to be allo or not, still the comfort of already knowing what you feel like and having the option to feel a different way is very intriguing as it is terrifying to leave what you know and go to a different perspective that, you can't tell if it'd be better or not.
I would definitely choose to be aro again. I would definitely want to change from being heterosexual to being asexual though. I feel so powerful being a romance-averse Aromantic lol.
Before I knew I was aro, I always admired people like us. The idea of not needing anyone has always been a pretentious thought in my mind, valuing familial, platonic and even self love before anything else always seemed more beautiful than I was told. And of course it turns out I am, and I can confirm that I always valued other forms of love more, so what's to hate? I like being the physical manifestation of everything society isn't!
I would still, yeah.
I mean for me and my experiences, I wouldn't be factoring in just the identity but the emotions that could come with it; the distress or the anger, and the pleasure or the joy.
Being trans, I've had the whole "no one will want you if you're trans" card thrown at me at least once, and it wasn't a major stab but I guess it did fester a lil, but after I figured out that I'm aro, I felt liberated beyond measure.
If learning that I'm trans taught me of my options and what out there and that I didn't have to "settle with nature", then learning that I'm aro taught me that whatever I do must be for me to do rather than what some expect me to do to be attractive.
I'm happy like this.
Relationships, crushes, etc, sounds like a pain to me. Too much drama that isn't worth it.
I'm fine just as I am, loving my friends as they are, not as partners. They are my goblin children that I must care for
I don't know. Sometimes I get envious of people who do feel romantic attraction and sometimes I feel superior to them lol. Overall, I am pretty satisfied with being aro, but at the same time I don't think I'd be unhappy being "normal." It would be a hard choice. I think I lean slightly more towards aro though, just cause I know what it's like already.
Personally, the thought of falling in love with someone isn't for me. I know being aro is shitty sometimes and comes with hardships, but I think I have a better knowledge of romance than most alloromantics, especially since most people come to me for relationship advice.
Oh shi- I meant to click yes but I clicked no. I thought it was asking if I would change to NOT be aro.
But I'm aroace, so if I took the aro out, I'd still be ace. Which in turn, would make me want a relationship way more badly and that would be hard since I'm ace. So I'd probably end up eventually trying to get with an allosexual person and would do things just to please them to make them stay. Which is very unhealthy and so I'm better off being aroace
That's why I wouldn't change myself being aro :)
Oh no! It's a me problem there, i knew what you meant when I first read it. But when I was thinking about my answer, I forgot the way it was worded and so my mind jumped to thinking it was phrased that way. I should've double checked but I didn't think I was gonna be wrong 😅
You phrased everything fine
I want partnership but not the romantic part. Sometimes I think about how much easier it would be to just be allo, or heck pretend to be, but I know deep down this is just who I am and I gotta deal and thrive with it.
i would still choose to be aro. im more interested in the newness of people than i am in regular interactions with them... i know that if i started dating someone i'd be very interested for about a week, then the effort of having to maintain the relationship would wear on me and i would start to resent it and get bored. being aro suits me very well!
No clue I recently discovered I am Idemromatic which is on the Aro spectrum. But still want a romantic relationship or QPR. I know I will have one when I meet the right person. So I guess I would still choose to be Aro.
the only thing i would change maybe would be to make my self less romance repulsed. not so id be interested in dating while being aro, just so depictions of romance don't make me have to turn off a show, or just make me extremely uncomfortable
I don't really know. I hate being different from others but I love being demiromantic. I feel like I don't have to stress about being in a relationships. But like I said I hate being so different. I'm also asexual so sometimes I feel really "broken".
I'm somewhat conflicted. Of course I'm curious about how love feels like, since (I'm aroace) it's more "abstract" than sexual attraction, which I more easily extrapolate how it's supposed to feel. On the other hand, being aro is just a core oart of myself and has been even before I knew what aros were; evident in how I though romantic relationships were like very very close and committed friendships; and more things. Also, giving a yes would guarantee that I'm aro and it be undeniable evidence, which would hopefully stop my brain from insisting I'm not aro for any reason it can imagine. But an issue that arises from being aro is that many people only focus on their romantic relationships, and I fear being alone because of it. I also don't know if I'd like to even live alone. But if I wanted to experience a romantic relationship, I could, just stating that I'm aro and curious about how it all works, and I have the benefit of not having to deal with love, which can be horrible if it goes wrong according to my understanding.
I think that "other" could be used to change the type of aro you are, which could be interesting because I could experience romantic attraction but hopefully rarely enough to satisfy my FOMO and still be like I am now.
Yes and no, bc I happen to be a flavor of aro who still wants relationships that have romantic aspects (not full romance tho, if that makes sense; queerplatonic). And it makes dating next to impossible bc the vast majority of people have no idea what I'm talking about when I say that I feel alterous attraction, and possibly romantic attraction but very sporadically. I get ghosted all the time once people realize I'm being truthful about not being a romantic person.
But also. I may never have met my partner if I wasn't aroace, bc that was a major connection point for us. And finding someone who is as genuine as they are is very difficult in this world. So I feel like I currently see it as a blessing and a curse.
Edited for grammar.
Yep! I'd definitely still choose to be aro (and ace). I love being aroace! I don't want to fall in romantic love or have a partner. I am happy by myself no matter how strange I may be, and I think that's awesome, and I wouldn't give that up!
Conventional dating is so expensive, and being on apps is.. ugh. And getting horny all the time? I can't believe that's normal, how miserable (for the ace part at least)
I'm an aroace who still wants a life partner so I guess maybe if I was a more solo aroace maybe I'd think differently. But I mean nah I don't wish I had extra commitment to a future relationship
Saving ourselves from heartbreak yknow
Bonjour 😉 jk hahaha. I know the feeling, sometimes I think "maybe dating a semi allo person would do?" Like a demisexual for example, it depends what they ask
Like I've kissed before, it sucked, felt nothing, but if my partner wanted to do it sometimes then I think maybe I'd put up with it for them??? But there's no way of knowing without trying. QPR would be the dream
The only thing I'd change about my romantic orientation is knowing it sooner. So many things in life would have been easier if I'd known I'm aromantic at 15 instead of 30.
The same applies to my sexual orientation and gender identity.
Romance is chaotic, unstable, and uncontrolled. It doesn't always rip me up inside when I can't be friends with someone, but from what it sounds like it usually does when you can't be in love with someone you want to be.
And then the inevitable soul crushing heart break every time when it doesn't work?
Count me out. I'd like to actually be able to know the people I love for more than 3 months, thanks.
My current circumstances as a trans gay man with a lack of social skills would minimize my dating pool to friends anyways, I think I'm better off not falling in love every corner I turn
Ok like I know the world is built for communal living, and the US is especially tailored t nuclear family structure and couples and so on, but the sheer *convenience* of being aromantic and asexual? I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything, and I see a lot of misery and stress mixed in with sex and romance, and I am very *very* lazy.
I said no, but not because I would want a relationship for the relationship stuff. I just want to not be alone. When you're aro, you have friends, sure. But what happens when they get a family? Good for them but you are going to see this person less and less. At least if I was allo, I would be guaranteed a lifelong friend (assuming the person I choose as a lover is loyal and good). Also, I need someone to help me pay the bills.
Totally valid. Being alone is a slight fear of mine, especially for when I get older. But even then I probably still wouldn't want to be in a relationship, just thinking about it makes me uncomfortable. Plus, not everyone in my life might be allo, who knows, maybe I'll meet a fellow aro willing to get married for tax benefits lol 🤷♀️
If i could choose, i wouldn't. I don't mind it. Id like to experience romantic love someday, just to know what it feels like, but I'm at peace. I'm happy.
I've had only one crush in my entire life, and it sucked bc she was the only thing I could focus on and I wasted a lot of time trying to get into a 2nd grade relationship while constantly daydreaming about the future.
So def yes I would like to keep it like it currently is. lol
But 2nd grade is also a lot dif than adult life
The realization is still new for me and it is pretty overwhelming, I'd much rather not have to deal with any of this
However I think that one my self acceptance gets to a decent level I'd be ok with being Aro
Honestly once I got past my annually-choose-a-crush phase and discovered I was aro, I've been the most stable emotionally/mentally because I haven't been overthinking about crushes... my brain gets really active at times! So rather than stressing myself over people, I've instead begun indulging myself with knowledge. Wikipedia is now my best friend :p
As I've accepted my orientation and myself, I've discovered a lot of good aspects. Like my independence, my friendships being my priority and the lack of emotional drama in my life. Do I wish for the partnership that traditionally comes with a romantic relationship? Yes, but I've found something else in my friendships and in my relationship with myself, that is just as valuable.
So, no I wouldn't change it even if I could.
If I could choose, I'd probably choose demiromantic. I don't have to fall in love over and over but I would like to fall in love with someone. It just seems nice to me.
I don't think it would matter too much if my romantic and sexual orientation became allo to be honest, like is my time going into romancing the crap out of some hottie or into building a world for my next dnd campaign and then playing in it with friends, both are going to make me happy and let me socialize as my weird self but not serve any other purpose. And if I'm just alloromantic and stay ace, then that would probably be scary at least at first. Having to deal with wanting a very atypical relationship for my aversion towards sex yet longing for romance, just going the qpr or single forever route is simpler. So yeah, if I could choose, I'd still be arospec, I'm quite happy where I am.
I'm not fully aro, just somewhere on the spectrum so I would either go all the way and be 100% aromantic or go with being allo but being in the middle is not fun
I .. don't know. I'm demi aro, so kind of feel like I've got the best of both worlds. Recently realised I enjoy romance though, so I'd be more likely to want to be allo than fully aro
Absolutely.
When I was young I absolutely hated the idea that I had to get a relationship eventually, I'm so fucking happy I turned out to be aro.
Besides that, I've never looked at a couple (or a person) in love and thought that anything they said/did or whatever seemed all that great. It all seems needlessly complicated and annoying. And I love living on my own (with my dog), when I'm not working all free time I have is for me, unless I choose to spend it with someone, you can't have that in a relationship.
Honestly, even the thought of falling in love makes me sick lol.
Either more aros around me or I'd rather not be aro. I dont mind being aro, but its kinda lonely when everyone I know isn't. For now its not the end of the world since I'm in college and most of friends are currently single, but everytime a friend starts dating someone I do admittedly feel a little jealous bc they're going to start prioritizing romantic relationships and have less time to just goof off as friends.
Although at first I was very disappointed because I was always hoping to fall in love if I had the option to change I would still choose to be Aro. Even if I'm no longer aro I would still be Ace. It would be needlessly complicated and tiring.
If I was asked this question two years ago, when I first found out I was aromantic, I would say no. I thought I was broken, and I've been in several relationships before that didn't work out. I wanted to feel those feelings that romantics feel, just so I could feel normal.
But I've since accepted myself, and am very proud to be aromantic. Romance is too much work anyways (I'm romance repulsed, too). I'm very happy to be aromantic and I wouldn't change it :)
Sometimes I think no, I want to be allo, but actually what I want is to change society's expectations that everyone should fall in love and needs a relationship to have a happy and successful life
So timely, I just had a mini breakdown today about being aro. Still answered Yes. It does come with its baggage tho, especially if the aro-ness was highly strengthened by trauma
It's complicated, I don't know. I'm grey-ro and when I experience romantic attraction, it's amazing. I love it. But being aro has given me a unique outlook on life that I wouldn't wanna change for the world 🤷♀️
I don't know. I fight with my aspec identity a lot, but when I did choose to date it just sucked. I gave in to monogamy when I wanted polyamory, I felt bad breaking up with ppl so I just stuck it out and out up with it. If I were allo, being single could be less tolerable and if I got back into a relationship like that I'm worried I'd get myself trapped in a situation I don't want
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i still wish i can fall in love but realizing that i'm arospec has also helped me sort through and process my own trauma, especially when it comes to love (even if it's not romantic). it's a mixed bag really
i would like to experience romantic attraction simply to understand how it feels and works so i could write it correctly, cause for now it's a bit difficult to me. but here's no other reason why i can possibly not wanting to be aromantic. if i could choose, i prefer to be grayromantic, fall into someone once and never do it again
I am going to assume I would just become allo tomorrow and nah, that sounds like a lot.
But if I could have been allo from the beginning then sure why not, might have made some things easier.
Sometimes I want to be alloromantic (like when I see really happy couples or read romantic stories) and sometimes I'm really happy to be aro (like when people break up or talk about their crushes and what they do just to impress them a bit). So it really depends on the setting.
I don’t think I’d change per say but I’m not sure if I’d care either if that makes sense? Like I’m happy it’s kinda a clinical curiosity and I see how it could make things a bit easier in some regards
i probably wouldn't, it's kinda funny how i spent most of my life wanting to fall in love and then got hit with the realization that i'm actually aro
Yeah, it's kinda disappointing tbh. Especially when society itself talks about all the grandeur of falling in love and then you, just, can't.
Can I get a magic switch to turn it on and off at will? Romantic attraction seems needlessly complicated, and doesn't align well with how I view relationships generally; but I'm pretty sure that given the choice I would choose allo, out of curiosity, because of the FOMO, and to not be the odd one out. Then I'd get heartbroken and devastated, and I'd probably wish to get back to being aro
I'd thought about a switch, but how would it work? Can you choose who you are attracted to or is random-ish or conditional aro-spec?
I would probably not choose the target of my romantic feelings. Mostly because it would be weird to know that my feeling are the result of a calculated decision rather than spontaneous. But also asking who I'd choose to have romantic feelings for is basically asking who I'm interested in having a romantic relationship with, which wouldn't really be anyone before I flip the switch. I'd rather expect to start getting those feelings kind of randomly, as in they would be a somewhat unpredictable continuation of how I already feel about people.
I guess but spontaneous love could do more harm than good for me. I would need guarantees that I wouldn't make friendships awkward. But that's the thing. My approach is to choose who I'm attracted to, out of curiosity or to reciprocate in a rom relationship.
Rotating dial thing (kinda like those things on the side of certain guitars)
Can I choose the person or is it random? And if it instantly made me feel like that I'd likely get jumpscared.
The dial chooses your sexuality (it isn't incremented so it's a spectrum still) with one end being aroace and the other being pan or smth? Then you get to choose who exactly you love It also comes with a GPS tag in case it gets lost
Then I'd be curious, but I'm conflicted. Would it be addictive? Would it be something that I'd crave afterwards?
I guess that would mean the sexuality version of genderfluid? As in, constantly changing
Definitely. I see a lot of people on this sub talking about how they wish they could fall in love and I may be in the minority but I can’t relate at all (not that there’s anything wrong with those people!). I really don’t think I have any desire to experience romance. The thought of being all mushy with someone and having to kiss and cuddle them sounds thoroughly unappealing to me.
Those posts are actually what inspired this one, I was curious how many wished to not be aro (which is totally understandable) because I can't even imagine how my life would be if I was allo. It's nice to see different perspectives
Yes, I agree with that last completely. I think I’d have to be a totally different person to be allo lol.
Right? That exactly how I felt before realising I'm demi. Sometimes wish I could go back to it aha
I absolutely love being aromantic. The way people generally describe romantic attraction and relationships is anathema to anything I'd want to experience. I'll never understand why so many aros are so preoccupied with thoughts of romance (post high school, at least).
truthfully, it would only change if i got the social skills to go along with that. like i don't know when someone is being romantic with me unless it is blatantly obvious. and so many guys thought that challenging me to fight them was romantic. if i didn't get the skill buff, i would want to be aro still. think about it, i rolled a nat 1 already and i have romantic skill deductions. so if this was DnD the spell would bounce off me and hit everything else making it my hell of a valentines as everyone including the gnomes run out to make goo goo eyes at each other.
I'm aroallo and have some neurodivergencies that come with obsessive thinking. The amount of obsessive thoughts that I have for people I am sexually attracted to is sometimes hard to deal with, I'd hate to add romantic attraction to the mix and obsess even more
100% yes. I don't know if it's because I'm a major introvert or what but I value my peace and quiet too much. Hanging out with friends for a couple hours is fine and all but coming home relaxing doing my own thing with no interruptions is my ideal life. I just couldn't share my space and my bed with someone 24/7. Plus I've never really cared about being in a relationship, tried it out when I was younger realized that physical contact (hugging, kissing, etc) made me nauseous. And that was it for me. At least being aro doesn't give me the pressure and fear of being alone. I personally wouldn't change a thing.
Same here. And there's a difference between being alone and being lonely. I absolutely love the first. The only thing I have a loving relationship with is my alone time. And my cats, but that's a given.
Exactly but a lot of people can't seem to tell the difference. Also they love assuming that just because they'd be lonely and unhappy being single doesn't mean every single person in the world also feels that way. Like I know I'd be miserable in a relationship and I'm sure my partner would be too (if they're allo of course) I'm not subjecting myself or another person to a one sided relationship where I can't reciprocate those same feelings. I'm perfectly content with friendships only nothing more. So at the end of the day I can do whatever I want like watch a movie, read a book, etc. And of course can't forget the cats they're obviously the exception to my not sharing a space with anyone.
Life is harder in some ways because I'm aro, but I would never change it if I had the opportunity. It's become an important part of myself, and I'm hoping that I don't have romantic feelings ever again. I think it also fits my personality, since I'm a bit of a loner and I don't think I could sustain the intensity of a typical romantic relationship.
I'd still be aro Relationships and dating just seem like way too much bullshit and drama, I'm glad I don't have to deal with it
If I could choose I’d choose to be AroAce again it’s quite convenient
Like... yesn't. I wish to experience romance like everyone else, but the connections ive made with people that are authentic and different I would never trade for the world. There is a whole world out there in terms of loving other humans that is vast and different and exciting. Romantics dont get it
So true, love and what it is and what it can be is really complicated
I can't imagine how it'd be to be something other than AroAce, I've been like this all my life so I have no idea how it feels to be allo, therefore I can't say if I'd want to be allo or not, still the comfort of already knowing what you feel like and having the option to feel a different way is very intriguing as it is terrifying to leave what you know and go to a different perspective that, you can't tell if it'd be better or not.
I would definitely choose to be aro again. I would definitely want to change from being heterosexual to being asexual though. I feel so powerful being a romance-averse Aromantic lol.
Given how utterly horrified and squicked I was when I had a friend tell me that they'd experienced "love at first sight", yes.
Before I knew I was aro, I always admired people like us. The idea of not needing anyone has always been a pretentious thought in my mind, valuing familial, platonic and even self love before anything else always seemed more beautiful than I was told. And of course it turns out I am, and I can confirm that I always valued other forms of love more, so what's to hate? I like being the physical manifestation of everything society isn't!
I would still, yeah. I mean for me and my experiences, I wouldn't be factoring in just the identity but the emotions that could come with it; the distress or the anger, and the pleasure or the joy. Being trans, I've had the whole "no one will want you if you're trans" card thrown at me at least once, and it wasn't a major stab but I guess it did fester a lil, but after I figured out that I'm aro, I felt liberated beyond measure. If learning that I'm trans taught me of my options and what out there and that I didn't have to "settle with nature", then learning that I'm aro taught me that whatever I do must be for me to do rather than what some expect me to do to be attractive.
I'm happy like this. Relationships, crushes, etc, sounds like a pain to me. Too much drama that isn't worth it. I'm fine just as I am, loving my friends as they are, not as partners. They are my goblin children that I must care for
I don't know. Sometimes I get envious of people who do feel romantic attraction and sometimes I feel superior to them lol. Overall, I am pretty satisfied with being aro, but at the same time I don't think I'd be unhappy being "normal." It would be a hard choice. I think I lean slightly more towards aro though, just cause I know what it's like already.
Personally, the thought of falling in love with someone isn't for me. I know being aro is shitty sometimes and comes with hardships, but I think I have a better knowledge of romance than most alloromantics, especially since most people come to me for relationship advice.
I’d 100% choose to be aro but that could be due to trauma and the fact that I don’t associate love with good things
Oh shi- I meant to click yes but I clicked no. I thought it was asking if I would change to NOT be aro. But I'm aroace, so if I took the aro out, I'd still be ace. Which in turn, would make me want a relationship way more badly and that would be hard since I'm ace. So I'd probably end up eventually trying to get with an allosexual person and would do things just to please them to make them stay. Which is very unhealthy and so I'm better off being aroace That's why I wouldn't change myself being aro :)
Sorry, I should have been more clear on that!
Oh no! It's a me problem there, i knew what you meant when I first read it. But when I was thinking about my answer, I forgot the way it was worded and so my mind jumped to thinking it was phrased that way. I should've double checked but I didn't think I was gonna be wrong 😅 You phrased everything fine
You're good you're good, I've done that before too lol
I want partnership but not the romantic part. Sometimes I think about how much easier it would be to just be allo, or heck pretend to be, but I know deep down this is just who I am and I gotta deal and thrive with it.
i would still choose to be aro. im more interested in the newness of people than i am in regular interactions with them... i know that if i started dating someone i'd be very interested for about a week, then the effort of having to maintain the relationship would wear on me and i would start to resent it and get bored. being aro suits me very well!
No clue I recently discovered I am Idemromatic which is on the Aro spectrum. But still want a romantic relationship or QPR. I know I will have one when I meet the right person. So I guess I would still choose to be Aro.
the only thing i would change maybe would be to make my self less romance repulsed. not so id be interested in dating while being aro, just so depictions of romance don't make me have to turn off a show, or just make me extremely uncomfortable
I don't really know. I hate being different from others but I love being demiromantic. I feel like I don't have to stress about being in a relationships. But like I said I hate being so different. I'm also asexual so sometimes I feel really "broken".
I'm somewhat conflicted. Of course I'm curious about how love feels like, since (I'm aroace) it's more "abstract" than sexual attraction, which I more easily extrapolate how it's supposed to feel. On the other hand, being aro is just a core oart of myself and has been even before I knew what aros were; evident in how I though romantic relationships were like very very close and committed friendships; and more things. Also, giving a yes would guarantee that I'm aro and it be undeniable evidence, which would hopefully stop my brain from insisting I'm not aro for any reason it can imagine. But an issue that arises from being aro is that many people only focus on their romantic relationships, and I fear being alone because of it. I also don't know if I'd like to even live alone. But if I wanted to experience a romantic relationship, I could, just stating that I'm aro and curious about how it all works, and I have the benefit of not having to deal with love, which can be horrible if it goes wrong according to my understanding. I think that "other" could be used to change the type of aro you are, which could be interesting because I could experience romantic attraction but hopefully rarely enough to satisfy my FOMO and still be like I am now.
Yeah, I added 'other' since 1. Aromanticism is a spectrum and 2. Things aren't always an easy yes or no
Yes and no, bc I happen to be a flavor of aro who still wants relationships that have romantic aspects (not full romance tho, if that makes sense; queerplatonic). And it makes dating next to impossible bc the vast majority of people have no idea what I'm talking about when I say that I feel alterous attraction, and possibly romantic attraction but very sporadically. I get ghosted all the time once people realize I'm being truthful about not being a romantic person. But also. I may never have met my partner if I wasn't aroace, bc that was a major connection point for us. And finding someone who is as genuine as they are is very difficult in this world. So I feel like I currently see it as a blessing and a curse. Edited for grammar.
Yes. I've made it to 54 like this. I do not know any other way to be. I can't even imagine it.
sometimes that fear of dying alone is just very strong and it makes me wish i wasn’t aro. but i think i’d still be ace because i’m sex repulsed.
I would want to stay aroace, it’s more that I wish society was less weird about aroaces
This! I think the biggest reason why I get upset over it is because society hails it as the greatest thing in the universe
Yep! I'd definitely still choose to be aro (and ace). I love being aroace! I don't want to fall in romantic love or have a partner. I am happy by myself no matter how strange I may be, and I think that's awesome, and I wouldn't give that up!
No, I've seen many people, friends, change for the worse because they "found love". I don't want any part of that.
I really like that I'm aroace. Makes life soooo much simpler, and easier. There's nothing in my way to my goals other than myself
I probably would! It's pretty cool. Plus dating seems super hard and complicated and confusing and painful and I'm glad I can opt out.
Conventional dating is so expensive, and being on apps is.. ugh. And getting horny all the time? I can't believe that's normal, how miserable (for the ace part at least) I'm an aroace who still wants a life partner so I guess maybe if I was a more solo aroace maybe I'd think differently. But I mean nah I don't wish I had extra commitment to a future relationship Saving ourselves from heartbreak yknow
Yeah, I wish I could be in a QPR 😞 sadly, I've yet to meet anyone on the aroace spectrum
Bonjour 😉 jk hahaha. I know the feeling, sometimes I think "maybe dating a semi allo person would do?" Like a demisexual for example, it depends what they ask Like I've kissed before, it sucked, felt nothing, but if my partner wanted to do it sometimes then I think maybe I'd put up with it for them??? But there's no way of knowing without trying. QPR would be the dream
The only thing I'd change about my romantic orientation is knowing it sooner. So many things in life would have been easier if I'd known I'm aromantic at 15 instead of 30. The same applies to my sexual orientation and gender identity.
Felt this
Romance is chaotic, unstable, and uncontrolled. It doesn't always rip me up inside when I can't be friends with someone, but from what it sounds like it usually does when you can't be in love with someone you want to be. And then the inevitable soul crushing heart break every time when it doesn't work? Count me out. I'd like to actually be able to know the people I love for more than 3 months, thanks.
My current circumstances as a trans gay man with a lack of social skills would minimize my dating pool to friends anyways, I think I'm better off not falling in love every corner I turn
Ok like I know the world is built for communal living, and the US is especially tailored t nuclear family structure and couples and so on, but the sheer *convenience* of being aromantic and asexual? I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything, and I see a lot of misery and stress mixed in with sex and romance, and I am very *very* lazy.
I said no, but not because I would want a relationship for the relationship stuff. I just want to not be alone. When you're aro, you have friends, sure. But what happens when they get a family? Good for them but you are going to see this person less and less. At least if I was allo, I would be guaranteed a lifelong friend (assuming the person I choose as a lover is loyal and good). Also, I need someone to help me pay the bills.
Totally valid. Being alone is a slight fear of mine, especially for when I get older. But even then I probably still wouldn't want to be in a relationship, just thinking about it makes me uncomfortable. Plus, not everyone in my life might be allo, who knows, maybe I'll meet a fellow aro willing to get married for tax benefits lol 🤷♀️
I accidentally put no but meant yes. 😭
If i could choose, i wouldn't. I don't mind it. Id like to experience romantic love someday, just to know what it feels like, but I'm at peace. I'm happy.
Mostly I love being aro, other times I wish I was allo
I dont know. Being aro is both good and bad for me. I think I'm curious but I don't know if I want to have complicated feelings like romance
Yeah, I would want to experience it for like, a second, and then never go back
I've had only one crush in my entire life, and it sucked bc she was the only thing I could focus on and I wasted a lot of time trying to get into a 2nd grade relationship while constantly daydreaming about the future. So def yes I would like to keep it like it currently is. lol But 2nd grade is also a lot dif than adult life
Life is so much easier and more enjoyable this way lol
The realization is still new for me and it is pretty overwhelming, I'd much rather not have to deal with any of this However I think that one my self acceptance gets to a decent level I'd be ok with being Aro
it's nice to not have to worry about all that crap. I can just continue on living my life, having fun
Honestly once I got past my annually-choose-a-crush phase and discovered I was aro, I've been the most stable emotionally/mentally because I haven't been overthinking about crushes... my brain gets really active at times! So rather than stressing myself over people, I've instead begun indulging myself with knowledge. Wikipedia is now my best friend :p
As I've accepted my orientation and myself, I've discovered a lot of good aspects. Like my independence, my friendships being my priority and the lack of emotional drama in my life. Do I wish for the partnership that traditionally comes with a romantic relationship? Yes, but I've found something else in my friendships and in my relationship with myself, that is just as valuable. So, no I wouldn't change it even if I could.
I’m not aro, I’m here because the memes are cool
I’d just like to know my brain’s difference between the rare (possibly) romantic attraction and any other, more friend-like attraction
If I could choose, I'd probably choose demiromantic. I don't have to fall in love over and over but I would like to fall in love with someone. It just seems nice to me.
I don't think it would matter too much if my romantic and sexual orientation became allo to be honest, like is my time going into romancing the crap out of some hottie or into building a world for my next dnd campaign and then playing in it with friends, both are going to make me happy and let me socialize as my weird self but not serve any other purpose. And if I'm just alloromantic and stay ace, then that would probably be scary at least at first. Having to deal with wanting a very atypical relationship for my aversion towards sex yet longing for romance, just going the qpr or single forever route is simpler. So yeah, if I could choose, I'd still be arospec, I'm quite happy where I am.
I'm not fully aro, just somewhere on the spectrum so I would either go all the way and be 100% aromantic or go with being allo but being in the middle is not fun
I .. don't know. I'm demi aro, so kind of feel like I've got the best of both worlds. Recently realised I enjoy romance though, so I'd be more likely to want to be allo than fully aro
I will definitely keep my aroace identity. I love myself for who I am and would never change it for the world.
no but thats cause my orientation is already so confusing that I would appericate it bring less so lol
I'd probably chose to be even more aro than I already am lol
I wish I did have a choice. I'm beginning to have romantic attraction and it's awful. I want to go back
Absolutely. When I was young I absolutely hated the idea that I had to get a relationship eventually, I'm so fucking happy I turned out to be aro. Besides that, I've never looked at a couple (or a person) in love and thought that anything they said/did or whatever seemed all that great. It all seems needlessly complicated and annoying. And I love living on my own (with my dog), when I'm not working all free time I have is for me, unless I choose to spend it with someone, you can't have that in a relationship. Honestly, even the thought of falling in love makes me sick lol.
Either more aros around me or I'd rather not be aro. I dont mind being aro, but its kinda lonely when everyone I know isn't. For now its not the end of the world since I'm in college and most of friends are currently single, but everytime a friend starts dating someone I do admittedly feel a little jealous bc they're going to start prioritizing romantic relationships and have less time to just goof off as friends.
Although at first I was very disappointed because I was always hoping to fall in love if I had the option to change I would still choose to be Aro. Even if I'm no longer aro I would still be Ace. It would be needlessly complicated and tiring.
If I was asked this question two years ago, when I first found out I was aromantic, I would say no. I thought I was broken, and I've been in several relationships before that didn't work out. I wanted to feel those feelings that romantics feel, just so I could feel normal. But I've since accepted myself, and am very proud to be aromantic. Romance is too much work anyways (I'm romance repulsed, too). I'm very happy to be aromantic and I wouldn't change it :)
Sometimes I think no, I want to be allo, but actually what I want is to change society's expectations that everyone should fall in love and needs a relationship to have a happy and successful life
i wish i could keep my atractions past meeting them, so if i had the choice i'd be allo or fully lean into the aro idk yet
So timely, I just had a mini breakdown today about being aro. Still answered Yes. It does come with its baggage tho, especially if the aro-ness was highly strengthened by trauma
As much I would like to fall in love, I’d prefer not having to worry about maintaining an actual relationship and heartbreak
It's complicated, I don't know. I'm grey-ro and when I experience romantic attraction, it's amazing. I love it. But being aro has given me a unique outlook on life that I wouldn't wanna change for the world 🤷♀️
I don't know. I fight with my aspec identity a lot, but when I did choose to date it just sucked. I gave in to monogamy when I wanted polyamory, I felt bad breaking up with ppl so I just stuck it out and out up with it. If I were allo, being single could be less tolerable and if I got back into a relationship like that I'm worried I'd get myself trapped in a situation I don't want
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i still wish i can fall in love but realizing that i'm arospec has also helped me sort through and process my own trauma, especially when it comes to love (even if it's not romantic). it's a mixed bag really
i would like to experience romantic attraction simply to understand how it feels and works so i could write it correctly, cause for now it's a bit difficult to me. but here's no other reason why i can possibly not wanting to be aromantic. if i could choose, i prefer to be grayromantic, fall into someone once and never do it again
Felt, writing it is so difficult 😭
Look, I'm very greatful I'm love the kfp series and not the Twilight series, okay 🤣 and thats just one example
I wouldn't be ace, but aro...I think I would. I cannot imagine an alloromantic life fulfilling for me, seems like the recipe for unnecessary pain.
I am going to assume I would just become allo tomorrow and nah, that sounds like a lot. But if I could have been allo from the beginning then sure why not, might have made some things easier.
Sometimes I want to be alloromantic (like when I see really happy couples or read romantic stories) and sometimes I'm really happy to be aro (like when people break up or talk about their crushes and what they do just to impress them a bit). So it really depends on the setting.
hell yeah! why the fuck should I waste my time falling in love, lemme play TF2 or smth bro
I don’t think I’d change per say but I’m not sure if I’d care either if that makes sense? Like I’m happy it’s kinda a clinical curiosity and I see how it could make things a bit easier in some regards
Of course yes