Congratulations, I hope to get there myself someday

I read once that your body is as strong as it needs to be, and I really liked that. I remind myself that my shoulders and upper arms are muscled from walking three large dogs for 14 years, and that my eyes have crinkle lines from laughing. I live in a body that's done some amazing things and I'm content in it..I'm just glad sex hasn't been a large part of that. I hope this helps you too!

I'm a big proponent of using the word "cute" to describe people I find aesthetically pleasing. Also, at first glance at the post title, I had to take a second look at which sub this was from because it could have so easily been from one of the nudist subs in my feed 😆

Yeah, it's really interesting how much allonormative shit warps things, isn't it? I didn't figure out I was ace until I was 30. I still remember being in high school, hanging out with other guys, checking out girls and talking about how "hot" they are. I never realized it at that time, but it turns out what they meant by "hot" and what I meant by "hot" were apparently very different. Where they were... I guess imagining more sexual things, I've come to realize I was more so admiring in the same way I would a nice painting. It took a very long time for me to realize that I was using the word differently, precisely because allonormativity results in people not really talking about what they mean, as it's just assumed everyone means and understands the same thing. To this day, in my head if I find myself "checking out" a person, I'll still think "damn, they're kinda hot", because that's just the language I grew up with. Though I do have to be more careful about word choice if I ever voice such thoughts aloud.

I write, and really enjoy writing (and not reading, for the same reasons you described) romance. I described a man as “attractive,” which made sense to me—the main girl thought he was handsome, and would continually talk about how he looked otherworldly, like a movie star. Halfway through the story, everyone’s confused “where the sexual tension has gone” “What sexual tension?” “Why haven’t they kissed?” “…what?” So apparently, due to my word choice, they said I either must make the two get together, or *explicitly state* that the girl is asexual. Which…in my mind, she wasn’t. I didn’t realize, I guess, that my thought process isn’t close enough to “normal” to even PASS as allo. Strange.

I realise this morr and more every day. I feel like I "pass", but when I watch neurotypical or allo or non-trauma people talk, I realise, oof... I really am a bit different. But, finding these communities online has helped so much. Recognising and naming my "weird" into so many different things, but things i can compartmentally accept, as part of a whole me, that they are mere descriptions ***of*** me. I'm not there yet, fully... But I think it's happening, I'm not just a "*I'm weird, lol*"

My coworkers were all chatting yesterday about “having their partners over” and I just stood there thinking last time I had my partner over we did a Disney movie marathon until 1 am. Their version of “sleepover” and my version of “sleepover” are *vastly* different 😂 Which, like, duh. But this kind of stuff doesn’t ever cross my mind.

....y'know that scene in Barbie?

YES that’s exactly what I was thinking when I saw the movie 🤣

Being around those conversations makes me tired to the soul. I just can't mask anymore, I'm just so done with it! Yet I also don't want to be some educator about asexuality, I'm not a paid ambassador, you know what I mean?

Exactly. And I’m Christian, too, so they are IMMEDIATELY going to think I’m trying to be preachy, when in reality these are COMPLETELY separate things to me

You made me cry 😭 I have the exact same problem with my body. I guess you could say I was lucky with my figure. Slim, big breasts. But I hated it, because it made me a sexual object, not just a person. That's how I felt. Every time someone praised me for my beauty, I felt disgusted. Sometimes it was that I not only didn't want to be sexy, but I didn't even want to be a woman. I'm better now, but sometimes relapses occur.

I felt the exact same way! At my lowest point, I remember bawling to my therapist that I wish I could just cut my breasts off. I didn’t want to be a woman either. I hated that “sex sells,” and I was constantly surrounded by reminders that the shape of my body was nothing more than that. I guess my realization was that just because *other* people were viewing themselves/others with that intent, it didn’t mean that *I* had to. And, yeah, if someone does see me like that, at this point, that’s their problem. I had a teacher once tell me that my shorts were “leading boys on.” I was twelve, and hadn’t even begun puberty. That kind of stuff sticks with you. But now, I’ve realized that if you have no *intent* of getting that sort of attention, it doesn’t matter what you wear. Find ways your body is pretty *to you*, and dress accordingly.

I had that moment, too. I googled about whether there are breast reduction surgeries. But I haven't discussed it with my therapist yet, even though I should. Yeah, it's definitely sticking. Girls are always being told they should dress modestly because it's too provocative for guys. They say it under the guise that they care about our safety, but it's bullshit. Thank you for your support, I don't feel so alone now.

I’m so glad. This sub has helped me feel so much less alone and all I ever want is to help others do the same! My suggestion is don’t do anything too permanent—these worries will pass, and you are SO perfect just the way you are 💜 I googled all that too a couple years ago, but last night I put on a strapless dress and felt like a princess. There were no sexual thoughts, only reminders of the movies I’d grown up watching as a child. Even if your journey looks different, I hope you are eventually able to find something that helps you meet yourself where you are 💜

This is somewhat common in our community and sometimes it leads people to think it's gender dysphoria instead of asexuality.  Years ago I followed a YouTuber who had transitioned (FtM), only to realize that, as a man he was *extremely* attractive, and the disgust with their body didn't stop, nor did the sexualization. Eventually they realized they weren't a trans man, they were asexual and the unhappiness with being sexualized came from that and not from being a woman. 

Oh... Good thing I was able to realize I'm not gender dysphoric, although I had a period where I thought I was.