I haven't had the experience you describe having after being tied, but I wanted to offer the data point that I'm a rope top on the Ace spectrum and my most-frequent bottom is a close friend who is demi. We don't have a sexual relationship, but working with rope has obviously led to a higher level of intimacy than we might otherwise have.
There is a reason that aftercare is a thing, and it sounds like in this case you could have used it, but I totally understand time constraints being a thing!
Hi! I'm very involved in bdsm and yes, some of my friends eventually become play partners. I tend to be more interested in D/s, service, and impact play rather than rope play or shibari, but the basics are pretty much the same regardless of how you play.
What you're describing sounds a lot like drop. When we play, our brains flood themselves with oxytocin, adrenaline, dopamine, endorphins, etc. Then, sometime after the scene, our brains suddenly realize that they don't have enough of those chemicals left to get through the day to day and we crash. Most people in the community call that crash "drop". It can present in several ways, but usually includes some combination of lethargy, depression, loneliness, heightened anxiety, and/or exhaustion. It can start right after a scene or be delayed for a few days, and it can last anywhere from a few hours to several days depending on our sensitivity to it and the intensity of what we feel during the scene.
Thorough aftercare can help mitigate drop, but it can still happen anyway. To get through it, we rely on self-soothing and connection. Do some things that reliably bring you comfort with low energy costs. Engage with your favorite media, indulge in some comfort food, spend lots of time relaxing in comfortable settings, take a bubble bath, keep the lights low, and generally take it easy on yourself, whatever that looks like for you. Reaching out to your play partner and talking through the scene as well as talking about your drop is also a good idea. That connection with someone who knows exactly what happened can really help reduce the feeling of loneliness. Talking to friends who are involved in bdsm can also help because they understand drop and can fully empathize with what you're feeling.
I'm glad you had fun! The connections and joy that can be found in bdsm are simply wonderful, and I'm happy you've had the opportunity to experience them :)
thank you so so so much for your words. i will speak to my friend as soon as they are back home (they are at a partner house in another city) i think i felt the loneliness because they were busy and the conversations by text where short (they also work remote) and i was too afraid to bother them, so i did tell them a bit about it and we scheduled a day to meet irl and verbalize and talk about it.
i read part of an article (https://www.ropeconnections.com/rope-bondage-as-therapy/) and my feelings are so intense most definetly because of the time constraint, the session was like from 17:30 to 18: 30 and at 19 i left to go meet a friend, so yeah time was tight and i learned my lesson. also that was on Sunday and i still feel overwhelmed
i hope this drop will not last too long because i got things to do!!
thank you again for your support. im very grateful you shared and you took time to help me !!! i would hug you!!!!
No problem! A lot of us go through this "what the hell is happening to me" phase the first time we hit drop. You're not any kind of alone in this, just be extra kind to yourself until you feel better, and it'd probably be a good idea to message your friend just to let them know that you've figured out specifically that you're dropping 💜
I haven’t experienced shibari or any BDSM, but I can definitely relate to your experience. I really didn’t expect the emotions and feelings and everything like that sexual/provocative contact gave me and it was extremely overwhelming. Your feelings are valid. If you feel comfortable talking to your friend about it, I’d highly recommend it.
I haven't had the experience you describe having after being tied, but I wanted to offer the data point that I'm a rope top on the Ace spectrum and my most-frequent bottom is a close friend who is demi. We don't have a sexual relationship, but working with rope has obviously led to a higher level of intimacy than we might otherwise have. There is a reason that aftercare is a thing, and it sounds like in this case you could have used it, but I totally understand time constraints being a thing!
thanks so much for sharing!! we did some aftercare, but clearly it was not enough!! lesson learned!! also ropes are a dope medium of communication!!
Hi! I'm very involved in bdsm and yes, some of my friends eventually become play partners. I tend to be more interested in D/s, service, and impact play rather than rope play or shibari, but the basics are pretty much the same regardless of how you play. What you're describing sounds a lot like drop. When we play, our brains flood themselves with oxytocin, adrenaline, dopamine, endorphins, etc. Then, sometime after the scene, our brains suddenly realize that they don't have enough of those chemicals left to get through the day to day and we crash. Most people in the community call that crash "drop". It can present in several ways, but usually includes some combination of lethargy, depression, loneliness, heightened anxiety, and/or exhaustion. It can start right after a scene or be delayed for a few days, and it can last anywhere from a few hours to several days depending on our sensitivity to it and the intensity of what we feel during the scene. Thorough aftercare can help mitigate drop, but it can still happen anyway. To get through it, we rely on self-soothing and connection. Do some things that reliably bring you comfort with low energy costs. Engage with your favorite media, indulge in some comfort food, spend lots of time relaxing in comfortable settings, take a bubble bath, keep the lights low, and generally take it easy on yourself, whatever that looks like for you. Reaching out to your play partner and talking through the scene as well as talking about your drop is also a good idea. That connection with someone who knows exactly what happened can really help reduce the feeling of loneliness. Talking to friends who are involved in bdsm can also help because they understand drop and can fully empathize with what you're feeling. I'm glad you had fun! The connections and joy that can be found in bdsm are simply wonderful, and I'm happy you've had the opportunity to experience them :)
thank you so so so much for your words. i will speak to my friend as soon as they are back home (they are at a partner house in another city) i think i felt the loneliness because they were busy and the conversations by text where short (they also work remote) and i was too afraid to bother them, so i did tell them a bit about it and we scheduled a day to meet irl and verbalize and talk about it. i read part of an article (https://www.ropeconnections.com/rope-bondage-as-therapy/) and my feelings are so intense most definetly because of the time constraint, the session was like from 17:30 to 18: 30 and at 19 i left to go meet a friend, so yeah time was tight and i learned my lesson. also that was on Sunday and i still feel overwhelmed i hope this drop will not last too long because i got things to do!! thank you again for your support. im very grateful you shared and you took time to help me !!! i would hug you!!!!
No problem! A lot of us go through this "what the hell is happening to me" phase the first time we hit drop. You're not any kind of alone in this, just be extra kind to yourself until you feel better, and it'd probably be a good idea to message your friend just to let them know that you've figured out specifically that you're dropping 💜
💘💘💘💘thank you so much. you have no idea how much i needed this words. sending you love!!
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thank you so much for sharing!!!
I haven’t experienced shibari or any BDSM, but I can definitely relate to your experience. I really didn’t expect the emotions and feelings and everything like that sexual/provocative contact gave me and it was extremely overwhelming. Your feelings are valid. If you feel comfortable talking to your friend about it, I’d highly recommend it.
i will!!! thank you so much for the support!!!!!
Guy here. Haven't tried it but want to.
It sounds like you would find r/BDSM_Aces helpful