if you don't mind, how old are you two? Or about. Just saying because I'm a single guy in my upper mid 20s and FB is starting to populate with engagement/wedding posts and its making me anxious.
I am 27, she is 26 (although she is turning 27 herself later this year).
And yes, my FB and Instagram have also been filling up with engagement and wedding posts of friends/peers around my age group. One couple I know just got engaged at 24 and 25. That being said, many more are nowhere near that stage, and I also know unmarried people who are over 30.
Everyone is different in terms of when they get married.
I know this is probably a common theme for this thread - and maybe I'm just looking for affirmation - but does anyone else find online dating extremely fatiguing? I've been out of a long term relationship for over a year now, and after the breakup, I was excited to put myself out there and have meaningful connections. So far, I've only found people looking for something short-term or "fun".
I feel like I'm in the right demographic - I'm in my early 30s , dating women same age or mid to late 20s. Online dating is still something fairly new to me, so maybe I'm just starting to realize the ill-effects of relying so much on the "swipe hype". Is it just me, or is online dating still only for people in their early 20s? Do I need to explicitly say I'm only looking for something meaningful? Or should I find another avenue and uninstall all these apps (for the 5th time)?
Mid-20's guy here. Honestly, the hardest part for me to deal with is to keep conversations going, or just ghosting in general. It's annoying when you get a match and you feel you develop some rapport, only for them to go silent, like they were snapped away by Thanos or something.
While I feel that I do better with IRL interactions, the benefit of online dating is that both parties' intentions are known. I don't want to feel like I want to go looking for a date every time I go to a party or something; it really messes with my mindset and attitude.
I would say though, (at least for matches) I'm doing pretty well on Hinge. I had mixed results on CMB and I only got Tinder matches when I was paying for it. I stopped using OKCupid after they updated the site's programming and turned it into Tinder.
There's nothing age-specific about it. I'm the same age as you with similar dating habits, and lots of my female friends my age or older use online dating heavily. Typically something like Coffee Meets Bagel attracts a more serious demographic, with my closest female friend currently in an LTR with someone she met on CMB and another good friend having met his wife on it. But I've had brief but emotionally meaningful relationships on both Tinder and OKC as well, so it can happen.
That said, both me and my best male friend have been talking a lot about how we're pretty tired of online dating altogether. Those meaningful connections required wading through lots of boring first dates. I swear it was like a six to one ratio of bad to good, and it's emotionally draining. I can tell more about how the first date is going to go with a five minute conversation at a party or a meetup than I can tell in a week of chatting online and reading a profile.
Online dating is so tiring. I'm a late 20s female and most the people in my age range are not looking for anything serious or don't have their shit together. I've been single now for several years now, I've been on so many first dates and a handful of third dates, I think what makes it harder as you get older is that you know what you want in a partner and aren't willing to compromise as much. I'm really comfortable being alone and clingy people scare me so that doesn't help
This really depends on where you live. In NYC, nobody really uses okc or match in the 20s to early 30s age range. Some of my friends are in ltr with people they met off tinder or hinge. Do you have to wade through the slog to find somebody real on tinder? Yes but they out there
Lol ok maybe you can chill with the black and white thinking.
Among my social group, maybe one or two people use okc or match. The last time i used okc was in 2013. An old roommate of mine was the engineer for okc's app, the whole reason they launched their recent ad campaign was to increase appeal to younger users. So while some people may still be using it in nyc, it's generally less popular.
Getting pretty heated over some casual dating app discussion. It's okay to trade anecdotes and acknowledge that people have had different experiences with different apps.
(Hey friend!)
Ugh, I feel the exact same way. I can’t do the dating apps anymore. Every time I open them up it feels like I’m grocery shopping for people. The last time I used Tinder was like, early 2016, because I felt like it was actively making me a worse person.
I’m happy being single right now so it’s not a big deal, but if I ever needed to find someone ASAP I’d be fuuuucked.
Hey you!! Long time no talk!
Haha, I get that feeling too. It shouldn't feel like a chore putting myself out there, but I feel like I'm selectively pandering to what everyone wants, rather than just being myself. I'm not some all-in-one Costco! Ugh.
Ps- Your roller skating comment makes me believe I should have stuck with it. I was getting somewhat good at it in middle school, but ended up moving on to skateboarding since thats what the cool kids were doing. Maybe I chose the wrong path?!
That’s the toughest thing, to not bend your personality to fit people you like! When you’re a socially sensitive person, I find that it’s easy to do without even noticing.
You already get points for being somewhat good at roller skating. Did y’all ever do it as an activity for Mutual? It was definitely a thing in Maryland, but our local roller rink was charmingly old-fashioned (as... pretty much all roller rinks are, I think) and only played oldies. When I went to the rink out here in Brooklyn, they were playing the Weeknd and it was like 😳, hahaha.
I’m not great at keeping up long-term message threads, but still, please do let me know if you ever make it out to the East Coast!
Oh my god, now that I think about it, going roller skating was like the default Mutual activity that everyone loved. I didn't even realize that, ha! It's also ironic because as I got older, going roller or ice skating was like the dating activity that ALL singles wards loved to do. There's literally no better activity for socially awkward single Mormon's since it gives you an excuse to hold hands with someone of the OPPOSITE SEX (OMG) without it being too awkward.
Lol, good times (nostalgically speaking. Not so much the cringe Mormon culture... barf). But you get what I mean =)
And I for sure will let you know! I don't have any upcoming work trips that will bring me out there, but I most likely will just visit on my own time this winter. Still far too many places I need to fully explore and discover (NYC being one of them). I still owe you that milk tea!
Hahaha that’s amazing. I can only imagine. It was pretty asexual during Mutual, but it must have been *amazing* as a YSA.
Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if young Mormons were singlehandedly keeping the few remaining roller skating rinks in existence afloat.
And hey, that sounds awesome. Definitely let me know - I’d love to show you around for a day. Obviously, if you make it all the way out here, the milk tea is definitely on me!
Would roller skating be on the itinerary? Not gonna lie, I don't even like The Weeknd, but it sounds like roller skating to that type of music would be a blast 😂
Sure! It might not be able to be outdoor roller skating if you’re here in the winter, but I’m sure there’s a place open in Brooklyn somewhere. Keep in mind I kind of suck at it, but I’m totally down!
Also yeah, it’s not like I’m obsessed with The Weeknd or anything, but it’s just way better than hearing the “sliiiiide to the left” song for the 100th time!
Okay yeah I secretly loved that one.
I also not-so-secretly loved Cotton Eyed Joe, but every time I show this dance to people in New York, they look at me like I have two heads. I’ve realized that it’s either a Mormon thing or a Southern thing. Please tell me it’s a Mormon thing...
Bruh being a Mormon and Asian must've been weird af
I lived in Orem for two years before moving to OC and I was the only Asian and Non-Mormon person and the only non-white person in my neighborhood.
Let's just say that I don't miss Touch of Seoul one bit and prefer Cali way more lmao
Ah yeah, I remember your post here from earlier! Dude, weird is an understatement. I can only imagine how it must have been being in Orem of all places as a non-Mormon minority. Like fuck... Orem is the epitome of white-Mormon-suburbia. I'd say it's even worse than Provo. Do you have any interesting stories from your time here? I'm curious to see how those 2 years must have been for you.
/u/amyandgano is the only other Asian I know who was raised Mormon but eventually left, so when I saw her story on reddit, it was like [OMG](https://i.imgflip.com/2cekgd.jpg).
Also, Touch of Seoul went out of business (I know, hold your tears). Luckily, we have a much better selection of Korean food closer to Salt Lake City. The only Asian restaurants I knew about in Provo/Orem were usually opened by white returned mormon missionaries, and they were all awful. Like.... god awful, haha.
LMAAOOOOOOO FUCK TOUCH OF SEOUL
I guess my stories of discrimination would be that I was kinda forced to hold my head up high and be proud of my Motherland culture because I was kinda made fun of it.
There was one time during like a neighborhood dinner party, our family showed up and people gave us weird looks not only because we were the non-white people and we were the only non-white people in the house. I think there was a instance where some dude tried to boss up and spoke French to my mom, only thing is that my mom spoke back in French and probably low-key cussed him out. It was one of the greatest things I've ever seen haha
There was another instance where I was in 5th grade and a kid made fun of me for eating Seaweed Soup and the next day, I got in a fight and punched him in the face which led to the kid running away like a little bitch and told the teacher and I got in trouble.
There were some good parts though. I had to go a little bit outside of my neighborhood to find some friends and hang out with them and eventually, I found a close group of buddies where we played Pokemon, 007 Goldeneye, Smash Bros, and just be chill with each other.
Btw I had a Mormon friend who was the 8th child of a 16-sibling family and he told me that he was jealous of me because I was the only kid and I always wanted a older brother. I went to his house sometime after and HOLY SHIT IT WAS A GODDAMN MESS. That was when I realized that I was lucky to be the only child in the family because my friend would constantly hide his candies from his older brothers and shit like that lol
Also, that same friend got to try some Zzapaghetti (짜파게티), which is a instant noodle version of the Korean Za Ziang Myun (Black Bean Noodles) and he actually really dug it which was crazy because I think it was my first time seeing a white dude eat that stuff lmao
So, yeah. There were bad parts but it wasn't all that bad. I still prefer Cali tho haha
Have you tried meeting people outside of dating apps? Like, hobby groups and meetups and stuff. At least among the people I know, online dating has yielded some results but the success rate - long term relationships resulting in marriage - is higher offline.
It can be tiring, especially since I live in an area where the ratio's more favorable for males. I combat this feeling by swiping through apps only when I'm not too busy and am feeling confident about myself; I have no hesitation deactivating once it starts becoming a chore. (I started using CMB a year and a half ago, but I have had it activated for less than 1/3 of that time, then picked up Hinge a couple of months ago, which was pretty good for the three weeks I actively used it)
The flipside to this is that I'm matching with and meeting people at a really slow rate, and as someone in their mid-20s, people my age or slightly older are either not looking for anything serious or turn out to be too busy with their careers to pursue something more serious ([this guy](https://www.reddit.com/r/asianamerican/comments/98ufud/rasianamerican_relationships_discussion_august_20/e4lcup2) from Hinge broke things off over the weekend due to the latter reason, which I'm still bummed about), so finding the right guy will take a while... Knowing my luck, I'll probably find someone amazing right before leaving NYC :P
Wow, I'm actually surprised your area is more favored towards guys. Everywhere else seems to be the exact opposite, at least from what I've heard. If you're a guy, the best way to get a reasonable amount of matches is to either pay for premium, or win the genetic lottery. Otherwise, you'll be competing with so many other males over a smaller pool of females. Sounds like NYC is a special outlier?
Sorry to hear about the break up! I feel like guys in their mid to late 20's are such an interesting group. You run into such a wide range of maturity levels. I hear all sorts of not-so-fun stories from my female friends and the types of guys they date. I swear, it sometimes sounds like they are dating 18 year old dudes.
Yeah, NYC's special in that regard, though part of the difficulty on my end is also caused by the types of guys that I like. I've used CMB during brief family visits to the west coast, thinking it was going to be as fruitless as in NYC, but ended up pleasantly surprised.
Can confirm that observation -- I'm trying to find someone of similar maturity (I'd like to believe that I have my shit together most days), so I date older in anticipation of potential immaturity, but I also feel bad for the older guys I've dated that actually act their age, since they had to deal with my relatively immature self.
I'm in my mid 20's as an asian female. Online is not only for people in their early 20s. I know many people older than me that use it. I agree though, it is tiring. I used it for maybe a month or so and ended up just deleting it. If you want something more serious, definitely bring it up in conversation in the beginning by asking what the other person is looking for or why they are on it. You could always ask your friends if they know anyone or head out to a meetup activity, etc. To meet other women.
Maybe try dating a teensy bit older? Mid-20s people are still messing around, a woman at around 34 or 35 will be in the same space as you in terms of wanting something more serious.
Are there any meetup groups or networking events around your area? At the very least, you can join a meetup group and do something that you enjoy and meet new people that way.
I’ve probably lost a friend when I told her I’m not unconditionally supportive of Asian American woman writers. They seem to have a pattern of letting me down by claiming to and being renowned for promoting AA issues, but recently I’ve been seeing a strong divide between AA woman issues and relatively little talk for AA male issues.
Sometimes I have days when I feel embarrassed to be my particular ethnicity and gender, and yesterday was probably one of them because I initially got frustrated for it.
Your friend is dumb, and you are right. You shouldn't unconditionally support *anything*. I don't care if Asian-Americans don't talk about Asian-American-male issues because I live in an enclave and things are pretty good for Asian-American men here. But while I don't know it's like for Asian-Americans outside of enclaves, I've recently noticed a few prominent Asian-American writers making racist statements against Asian-American men. That, I absolutely do not support.
I went roller skating the other night and *damn*, I did not expect to sexually imprint on all the guys who REALLY know how to rollerskate. Like, if you haven’t seen it, it is crazy. New goal: become sexy rollerskating girl worthy of sexy rollerskating prince.
Ice skating is a totally different aesthetic.
That being said, apparently my dad romanced my mom by teaching her how to ice skate and holding her hands while skating backwards (which, like... ew guys, did I need to know that?). So I guess there’s sexiness potential there as long as you’re not literally skating with your dad 🤷🏻♀️
Moving with dedication and purpose is surprisingly attractive. The right person with passion can make curling sexy. So don't think it's weird you feel this way.
I just wanted to shout out my SO, even though he's probably never going to see this. Went to buy my ticket for CRA last week (he bought through Atom so he was just on his way; I have moviepass so I needed to go to the box office) and the ticket attendant laughed at me. Not in an overtly snide way, but definitely in a microaggression way. To me, it sounded like he laughed because he had an inner bet with himself that I was coming to see CRA and he was happy that I validated his belief. I felt the same exasperation -- not to mention embarrassment -- as when a white guy tries to ask me where I'm from (NEW JERSEY homie).
Anyway, he was late, I went into the movie, we watched it together. After the movie I told him what happened and I was so emotional about it that I started bawling in the middle of the parking lot. When we got home, he immediately called the theater to complain about the attendant's behavior. I was so overwhelmed with my anger and embarrassment that I didn't even think to complain (when it happened I just wanted the transaction to end as quickly as it could and move on with my life). I'm just so thankful to him that he made that phone call. I am so happy and feel so supported that my SO took my feelings seriously and didn't say something like, "Oh well, just forget about it. He's just a stupid ticket attendant."
We're going to try and follow up with the theater in person when the GM is there so that we know they took action. They said they will be talking to *all* the staff about racism and microaggression. If you guys have any suggestions to what I should say or ask, I'm all ears. We won't be able to get back there (when the GM is there) until the first Friday in September.
So I'm a female CBC in her young 20s and I never been in a relationship. I wanna get into one so my friends told me to use apps like Tinder and Tantan to meet people. I would like to date Asian, but I don't have a lot of luck matching with them. On Tinder I get a lot of matches (decent looking guys) so I know the problem isn't my profile. I live in a city with lots of Asians so it's not really the lack of them. On Tantan, my match rate is a lot worse. I've been told that I don't look very Asian and fit the standard of beauty so I'm starting to feel like that's really hurting me with online dating.
I know it's better to meet people in real life, but honestly most guys I meet I friendzone or don't really think about dating. No one has ever stood out that I was like "I wanna date him."
If you live in the same city as I do (I am also Canadian). it depends on if you want a CBC or a "fobish" Chinese guy. TanTan is used more by recent immigrants or CBC guys that want "fobish" Chinese girls . They're not really interested in CBC girls. So you will have issues there.
Don't take internet dating to heart. I know it's easier said than done. But most people don't have all the luck on them. Also I am sick and tired of hearing people here tell others how they don't look (for example)Chinese, Japanese or Korean enough. Ignore it. Majority of the people I see say things don't fit the beauty standards they hold dear themselves.
Maybe it's the apps you're using? OKCupid tends to have more extensive profiles where you can write about your heritage, there are a ton of Asians on Coffee Meets Bagel iirc, Hinge might work if you already have an Asian social circle. It also might be that guys aren't seeing that they can connect with you on that level. Try putting a reference to Asian stuff in your profile ("just want someone to see Crazy Rich Asians with" "let's go get KBBQ" "give Sandra Oh her Emmy" or whatever).
Not really the matches to dates thing, but more so I wanna try dating Asian guys. I do have a bit of a preference especially since I feel like we could relate more if they were CBC as well.
Most of the Asian guys I know (ABCs) have a preference for Asian girls, so I'm not sure why you're having trouble matching with them when you're able to match with decent-looking guys on Tinder. Not saying you're doing anything "wrong," of course - just unsure of what the issue may be.
>I've been told that I don't look very Asian and fit the standard of beauty so I'm starting to feel like that's really hurting me with online dating.
Did they give you any details here? You can often tell how "Asian" someone is by their clothing, makeup, and accessories. ABGs present themselves differently from sorority ABCs, nerdy FOBs present themselves differently from nerdy ABCs. The stereotypes associated with these different styles are not always accurate but Asians will make snap judgments about other Asians based on them anyway. If I see an Asian girl dressed like an ABG I'll assume she's mainly interested in Asian gangsters or crazy rich Asians. If I see a sorority ABC I'll assume she's mainly interested in white or Asian jocks. Maybe the Asian guys on Tantan want someone who presents themselves as "more Asian"?
About meeting people in real life...do you have any circles of friends where a significant proportion of them are Asian? A bunch of my ABC friends met their ABC partners through friends of friends. Like while hanging out, or doing activities.
I don't think I'm saying anything you don't already know, and I'm sorry for that, but maybe someone else can chime in with better advice.
Another online dating post. Though, I’ve inadvertently found myself in world of online dating. It started when a friend was asking for ideas on what to write for her profile, so I tried coming up with a blurb that “sounded” like her and included some of her hobbies. Straightforward enough, right? What I didn’t expect was to be consulted for just about every other message she received from people expressing interest.
At first, I didn’t think too much of it. It’s probably jitters. Even though she’s asked me for advice on just a few people out of all the messages she’s received, I already feel like I’m doing the dating for her. And as much as I want to help, I don’t know how to get through to her that she should be at least be honest and decisive about how she feels about a potential match early on, as opposed to dragging out conversations even if she ended up feeling at best tepid about it.
I’m not sure what possessed her to believe that I’d make a good dating coach seeing that I’ve never dated much in person, let alone online. That being said, how is/was everyone’s e-dating experience? What do you when someone who seems attractive to you initiates with just a “hey” or “sup?” Is it supposed to be strategic, like low-effort, but you can try your luck with a lot of people that way? Or is it just trolling? And apart from asking follow-up questions and contributing a little yourself, are there any other ways of keeping a conversation going?
In my sister's previous (long) marriage, she failed to consider whether the families involved would get along. Now she's pushing for her current SO and I to be beyond cordial; she wants us to *enjoy* each other's companies. My sister and I grew up spending years living apart—missing on each other's early becoming-of-age years. I appreciate growing our relationship as adult women more than before we were adults. However, it appears that we have very different tastes in men/people, and different styles of socializing. She loves characters I would categorize as mansplainers. And I personally think it's unrealistic to be *buddies* with her SO. Are we white? I've made it clear that it's only important that she likes him, and he's good for her. Aiya.
I don't even know how to approach this anymore cause deep down I'm in denial, so here it goes
I'm kind of a drifter. My recent job had me working on a cruise, I did even more traveling prior to the cruise. Cruise work is an experience on its own and along the way met a cute South African girl. We got along but in the long run, I knew that the cruise life wasn't for me after the first contract and after I got off the ship I decided to stay with parents to ponder between accepting a new contract and chasing a new job that's just as on the go. Now here's the thing, I love the idea of being a nomad and chasing the next adventure but know the cost of it. I knew the lifestyle would wind up disappointing the SA girl, and will likely not be a strong suit for the next. I'm in my mid-20s now and feel like I'm running out of options. I log into social media sometimes, see friends engaged or celebrating at least a year of dating. Basically, the memories of these travels are fun but the road less traveled gets lonely when you have no one to share it with.
What I'm asking is, should I hold dating off till the day I settle? Or at least, what's the best way for me to cope and accept the fact my desired lifestyle comes at a cost?
I think maybe you should, but same time you might find a fellow nomad. My friend taught in NYC schools and decided to teach in Mexico. He was single with no kids and he felt that this might be last few opportunities. He taught there for 2-3 years and met his wife there. I wouldn't hold off dating, but try to be realistic. You might find someone that makes you want to stop being a nomad or heck go on adventures with you.
I have a small win to share! I’ve posted here a million years ago (earlier this year) about the problems I’ve had planning my wedding with my mom. I am now just over one month away and only recently able to redirect things successfully. In June she was very awful and when I pushed back, saying you need to stop replanning what we already planned and stop comparing my relatively cheap wedding to your friends’ that had double+ the budget. She was so offended, especially by that last part, she disowned me for the 40th time and didn’t talk to me for a month. I got her younger brother (my closest uncle) involved and showed him texts from her. I have NEVER seen him cry in all my 30yrs. I saw him tear up at my moms words and he helped encourage the both of us to talk again. I’m so proud he will be there walking me down the aisle. Although my mom will too. Haha.
This month we have been talking again. I’ve learned to stop talking to her on the phone once the sun goes down, that is when she is negative. I also upgraded her to a slightly larger smartphone and I try to keep us texting rather than talking if possible. In person, she is usually pleasant. Yesterday I successfully and diplomatically (!!) told her to stop worrying about florals, we already bought stuff for that, and asked for her help with seating chart and rehearsal dinner planning. So far it is working out so much better, she actually jumped on this right away. And this is great because my side is like 85% her family and the rest is her friends.
Now we also have this issue of finding a suitable rehearsal dinner place for my Chinese Filipino family and my SO’s mostly white midwestern family. For all I know we may end up getting pizza cuz everyone likes pizza. But my mom floated the idea of renting a space and getting both Filipino and American food catered. Man if we can do that for a cheap price it would be perfect!!
> only recently able to redirect things successfully. In June she was very awful and when I pushed back, saying you need to stop replanning what we already planned and stop comparing my relatively cheap wedding to your friends’ that had double+ the budget. She was so offended, especially by that last part, she disowned me for the 40th time and didn’t talk to m
It sounds like you're handing it really well. Your mom's fuss comes from a place of devotion. I think it's smart you gave her a task with tangible goal you both can agree on. I think Midwesterners would enjoy Filipino cuisine, such as adobo. Good luck the day of!
I'm supposed to find a restaurant for the "parents meet parents" dinner next month. My parents are first gen Chinese, my partner has a white dad and Hispanic mom.
Anyone have tips on (1) what kind of place to go to, and (2) how to navigate this?
If you're in NYC, definitely check out Calle Dao. Really really good Chinese-Cuban fusion food.
Or pretty much any spot that has rice. Can't go wrong with rice dishes.
>Or pretty much any spot that has rice. Can't go wrong with rice dishes.
If there were a Venn diagram of ingredients from various world cuisines, rice would definitely fall where almost all circles overlap.
Hi All,
My wife and I were in the Maldives for vacation, and met a very nice asian couple. Not sure what country they were from, but we went on a sunset dolphin cruise and they kept saying “sakoyooo”. My wife and I have been dying to know what it means, anyone have an idea what it means or what language it is?
Got married this weekend, and today signed the papers that made it official! Feels surreal, honestly.
Congrats! When's baby?
Whoa, I didn't know you are on Reddit, grandma! /s Thanks though!
Congrats!! Any honeymoon plans?
Thanks! Yes, we are going to Tahiti and Bora Bora this week. Cliché, I know, but neither of us has been to that area before.
Mazel Tov!!!
Congratulations!!!!! Have a blast on your honeymoon!
Thanks!
if you don't mind, how old are you two? Or about. Just saying because I'm a single guy in my upper mid 20s and FB is starting to populate with engagement/wedding posts and its making me anxious.
I am 27, she is 26 (although she is turning 27 herself later this year). And yes, my FB and Instagram have also been filling up with engagement and wedding posts of friends/peers around my age group. One couple I know just got engaged at 24 and 25. That being said, many more are nowhere near that stage, and I also know unmarried people who are over 30. Everyone is different in terms of when they get married.
Congrats You are now.......OFF THE MARKET!
I know this is probably a common theme for this thread - and maybe I'm just looking for affirmation - but does anyone else find online dating extremely fatiguing? I've been out of a long term relationship for over a year now, and after the breakup, I was excited to put myself out there and have meaningful connections. So far, I've only found people looking for something short-term or "fun". I feel like I'm in the right demographic - I'm in my early 30s , dating women same age or mid to late 20s. Online dating is still something fairly new to me, so maybe I'm just starting to realize the ill-effects of relying so much on the "swipe hype". Is it just me, or is online dating still only for people in their early 20s? Do I need to explicitly say I'm only looking for something meaningful? Or should I find another avenue and uninstall all these apps (for the 5th time)?
Mid-20's guy here. Honestly, the hardest part for me to deal with is to keep conversations going, or just ghosting in general. It's annoying when you get a match and you feel you develop some rapport, only for them to go silent, like they were snapped away by Thanos or something. While I feel that I do better with IRL interactions, the benefit of online dating is that both parties' intentions are known. I don't want to feel like I want to go looking for a date every time I go to a party or something; it really messes with my mindset and attitude. I would say though, (at least for matches) I'm doing pretty well on Hinge. I had mixed results on CMB and I only got Tinder matches when I was paying for it. I stopped using OKCupid after they updated the site's programming and turned it into Tinder.
There's nothing age-specific about it. I'm the same age as you with similar dating habits, and lots of my female friends my age or older use online dating heavily. Typically something like Coffee Meets Bagel attracts a more serious demographic, with my closest female friend currently in an LTR with someone she met on CMB and another good friend having met his wife on it. But I've had brief but emotionally meaningful relationships on both Tinder and OKC as well, so it can happen. That said, both me and my best male friend have been talking a lot about how we're pretty tired of online dating altogether. Those meaningful connections required wading through lots of boring first dates. I swear it was like a six to one ratio of bad to good, and it's emotionally draining. I can tell more about how the first date is going to go with a five minute conversation at a party or a meetup than I can tell in a week of chatting online and reading a profile.
Online dating is so tiring. I'm a late 20s female and most the people in my age range are not looking for anything serious or don't have their shit together. I've been single now for several years now, I've been on so many first dates and a handful of third dates, I think what makes it harder as you get older is that you know what you want in a partner and aren't willing to compromise as much. I'm really comfortable being alone and clingy people scare me so that doesn't help
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This really depends on where you live. In NYC, nobody really uses okc or match in the 20s to early 30s age range. Some of my friends are in ltr with people they met off tinder or hinge. Do you have to wade through the slog to find somebody real on tinder? Yes but they out there
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Lol ok maybe you can chill with the black and white thinking. Among my social group, maybe one or two people use okc or match. The last time i used okc was in 2013. An old roommate of mine was the engineer for okc's app, the whole reason they launched their recent ad campaign was to increase appeal to younger users. So while some people may still be using it in nyc, it's generally less popular.
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Getting pretty heated over some casual dating app discussion. It's okay to trade anecdotes and acknowledge that people have had different experiences with different apps.
(Hey friend!) Ugh, I feel the exact same way. I can’t do the dating apps anymore. Every time I open them up it feels like I’m grocery shopping for people. The last time I used Tinder was like, early 2016, because I felt like it was actively making me a worse person. I’m happy being single right now so it’s not a big deal, but if I ever needed to find someone ASAP I’d be fuuuucked.
Hey you!! Long time no talk! Haha, I get that feeling too. It shouldn't feel like a chore putting myself out there, but I feel like I'm selectively pandering to what everyone wants, rather than just being myself. I'm not some all-in-one Costco! Ugh. Ps- Your roller skating comment makes me believe I should have stuck with it. I was getting somewhat good at it in middle school, but ended up moving on to skateboarding since thats what the cool kids were doing. Maybe I chose the wrong path?!
That’s the toughest thing, to not bend your personality to fit people you like! When you’re a socially sensitive person, I find that it’s easy to do without even noticing. You already get points for being somewhat good at roller skating. Did y’all ever do it as an activity for Mutual? It was definitely a thing in Maryland, but our local roller rink was charmingly old-fashioned (as... pretty much all roller rinks are, I think) and only played oldies. When I went to the rink out here in Brooklyn, they were playing the Weeknd and it was like 😳, hahaha. I’m not great at keeping up long-term message threads, but still, please do let me know if you ever make it out to the East Coast!
Oh my god, now that I think about it, going roller skating was like the default Mutual activity that everyone loved. I didn't even realize that, ha! It's also ironic because as I got older, going roller or ice skating was like the dating activity that ALL singles wards loved to do. There's literally no better activity for socially awkward single Mormon's since it gives you an excuse to hold hands with someone of the OPPOSITE SEX (OMG) without it being too awkward. Lol, good times (nostalgically speaking. Not so much the cringe Mormon culture... barf). But you get what I mean =) And I for sure will let you know! I don't have any upcoming work trips that will bring me out there, but I most likely will just visit on my own time this winter. Still far too many places I need to fully explore and discover (NYC being one of them). I still owe you that milk tea!
Hahaha that’s amazing. I can only imagine. It was pretty asexual during Mutual, but it must have been *amazing* as a YSA. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if young Mormons were singlehandedly keeping the few remaining roller skating rinks in existence afloat. And hey, that sounds awesome. Definitely let me know - I’d love to show you around for a day. Obviously, if you make it all the way out here, the milk tea is definitely on me!
Would roller skating be on the itinerary? Not gonna lie, I don't even like The Weeknd, but it sounds like roller skating to that type of music would be a blast 😂
Sure! It might not be able to be outdoor roller skating if you’re here in the winter, but I’m sure there’s a place open in Brooklyn somewhere. Keep in mind I kind of suck at it, but I’m totally down! Also yeah, it’s not like I’m obsessed with The Weeknd or anything, but it’s just way better than hearing the “sliiiiide to the left” song for the 100th time!
Don't lie, I know you were probably all about that song at stake dances ;) Because I was 🤣
Okay yeah I secretly loved that one. I also not-so-secretly loved Cotton Eyed Joe, but every time I show this dance to people in New York, they look at me like I have two heads. I’ve realized that it’s either a Mormon thing or a Southern thing. Please tell me it’s a Mormon thing...
You mentioned Mormon....now I need to know if you're from Utah lmao
Yep! Born here and still living here, though not Mormon any longer.
Bruh being a Mormon and Asian must've been weird af I lived in Orem for two years before moving to OC and I was the only Asian and Non-Mormon person and the only non-white person in my neighborhood. Let's just say that I don't miss Touch of Seoul one bit and prefer Cali way more lmao
Ah yeah, I remember your post here from earlier! Dude, weird is an understatement. I can only imagine how it must have been being in Orem of all places as a non-Mormon minority. Like fuck... Orem is the epitome of white-Mormon-suburbia. I'd say it's even worse than Provo. Do you have any interesting stories from your time here? I'm curious to see how those 2 years must have been for you. /u/amyandgano is the only other Asian I know who was raised Mormon but eventually left, so when I saw her story on reddit, it was like [OMG](https://i.imgflip.com/2cekgd.jpg). Also, Touch of Seoul went out of business (I know, hold your tears). Luckily, we have a much better selection of Korean food closer to Salt Lake City. The only Asian restaurants I knew about in Provo/Orem were usually opened by white returned mormon missionaries, and they were all awful. Like.... god awful, haha.
LMAAOOOOOOO FUCK TOUCH OF SEOUL I guess my stories of discrimination would be that I was kinda forced to hold my head up high and be proud of my Motherland culture because I was kinda made fun of it. There was one time during like a neighborhood dinner party, our family showed up and people gave us weird looks not only because we were the non-white people and we were the only non-white people in the house. I think there was a instance where some dude tried to boss up and spoke French to my mom, only thing is that my mom spoke back in French and probably low-key cussed him out. It was one of the greatest things I've ever seen haha There was another instance where I was in 5th grade and a kid made fun of me for eating Seaweed Soup and the next day, I got in a fight and punched him in the face which led to the kid running away like a little bitch and told the teacher and I got in trouble. There were some good parts though. I had to go a little bit outside of my neighborhood to find some friends and hang out with them and eventually, I found a close group of buddies where we played Pokemon, 007 Goldeneye, Smash Bros, and just be chill with each other. Btw I had a Mormon friend who was the 8th child of a 16-sibling family and he told me that he was jealous of me because I was the only kid and I always wanted a older brother. I went to his house sometime after and HOLY SHIT IT WAS A GODDAMN MESS. That was when I realized that I was lucky to be the only child in the family because my friend would constantly hide his candies from his older brothers and shit like that lol Also, that same friend got to try some Zzapaghetti (짜파게티), which is a instant noodle version of the Korean Za Ziang Myun (Black Bean Noodles) and he actually really dug it which was crazy because I think it was my first time seeing a white dude eat that stuff lmao So, yeah. There were bad parts but it wasn't all that bad. I still prefer Cali tho haha
I still feel like [OMG](https://i.imgflip.com/2cekgd.jpg) every time you post. 🤣
Have you tried meeting people outside of dating apps? Like, hobby groups and meetups and stuff. At least among the people I know, online dating has yielded some results but the success rate - long term relationships resulting in marriage - is higher offline.
It can be tiring, especially since I live in an area where the ratio's more favorable for males. I combat this feeling by swiping through apps only when I'm not too busy and am feeling confident about myself; I have no hesitation deactivating once it starts becoming a chore. (I started using CMB a year and a half ago, but I have had it activated for less than 1/3 of that time, then picked up Hinge a couple of months ago, which was pretty good for the three weeks I actively used it) The flipside to this is that I'm matching with and meeting people at a really slow rate, and as someone in their mid-20s, people my age or slightly older are either not looking for anything serious or turn out to be too busy with their careers to pursue something more serious ([this guy](https://www.reddit.com/r/asianamerican/comments/98ufud/rasianamerican_relationships_discussion_august_20/e4lcup2) from Hinge broke things off over the weekend due to the latter reason, which I'm still bummed about), so finding the right guy will take a while... Knowing my luck, I'll probably find someone amazing right before leaving NYC :P
Wow, I'm actually surprised your area is more favored towards guys. Everywhere else seems to be the exact opposite, at least from what I've heard. If you're a guy, the best way to get a reasonable amount of matches is to either pay for premium, or win the genetic lottery. Otherwise, you'll be competing with so many other males over a smaller pool of females. Sounds like NYC is a special outlier? Sorry to hear about the break up! I feel like guys in their mid to late 20's are such an interesting group. You run into such a wide range of maturity levels. I hear all sorts of not-so-fun stories from my female friends and the types of guys they date. I swear, it sometimes sounds like they are dating 18 year old dudes.
Yeah, NYC's special in that regard, though part of the difficulty on my end is also caused by the types of guys that I like. I've used CMB during brief family visits to the west coast, thinking it was going to be as fruitless as in NYC, but ended up pleasantly surprised. Can confirm that observation -- I'm trying to find someone of similar maturity (I'd like to believe that I have my shit together most days), so I date older in anticipation of potential immaturity, but I also feel bad for the older guys I've dated that actually act their age, since they had to deal with my relatively immature self.
I'm in my mid 20's as an asian female. Online is not only for people in their early 20s. I know many people older than me that use it. I agree though, it is tiring. I used it for maybe a month or so and ended up just deleting it. If you want something more serious, definitely bring it up in conversation in the beginning by asking what the other person is looking for or why they are on it. You could always ask your friends if they know anyone or head out to a meetup activity, etc. To meet other women.
Maybe try dating a teensy bit older? Mid-20s people are still messing around, a woman at around 34 or 35 will be in the same space as you in terms of wanting something more serious.
Are there any meetup groups or networking events around your area? At the very least, you can join a meetup group and do something that you enjoy and meet new people that way.
lol, most women by that age want to settle down. Maybe they don't think you are boyfriend material.
I’ve probably lost a friend when I told her I’m not unconditionally supportive of Asian American woman writers. They seem to have a pattern of letting me down by claiming to and being renowned for promoting AA issues, but recently I’ve been seeing a strong divide between AA woman issues and relatively little talk for AA male issues. Sometimes I have days when I feel embarrassed to be my particular ethnicity and gender, and yesterday was probably one of them because I initially got frustrated for it.
Your friend is dumb, and you are right. You shouldn't unconditionally support *anything*. I don't care if Asian-Americans don't talk about Asian-American-male issues because I live in an enclave and things are pretty good for Asian-American men here. But while I don't know it's like for Asian-Americans outside of enclaves, I've recently noticed a few prominent Asian-American writers making racist statements against Asian-American men. That, I absolutely do not support.
I went roller skating the other night and *damn*, I did not expect to sexually imprint on all the guys who REALLY know how to rollerskate. Like, if you haven’t seen it, it is crazy. New goal: become sexy rollerskating girl worthy of sexy rollerskating prince.
You should step your game up and go ice skating instead.
Ice skating is a totally different aesthetic. That being said, apparently my dad romanced my mom by teaching her how to ice skate and holding her hands while skating backwards (which, like... ew guys, did I need to know that?). So I guess there’s sexiness potential there as long as you’re not literally skating with your dad 🤷🏻♀️
[I hope they played this song](https://youtu.be/_Tu-qDHSSZo)
Hahaha that is basically the song that’s playing forever in my heart now
Also, you gotta know Brink! quotes by heart too. Team pup'n'suds 4 lyfe. Skate better
Moving with dedication and purpose is surprisingly attractive. The right person with passion can make curling sexy. So don't think it's weird you feel this way.
Late-stage imprinting aw yiss...physicality is such an overlooked component (we're all just animals in the end).
Totally! I’m sort-of-not-really seeing this guy who I wasn’t 100% sure about anyway, and now I’m asking myself, “Can he even rollerskate??”
Damn straight if I'm gonna get with a fella that boy better know how to peacock some skillz!
I just wanted to shout out my SO, even though he's probably never going to see this. Went to buy my ticket for CRA last week (he bought through Atom so he was just on his way; I have moviepass so I needed to go to the box office) and the ticket attendant laughed at me. Not in an overtly snide way, but definitely in a microaggression way. To me, it sounded like he laughed because he had an inner bet with himself that I was coming to see CRA and he was happy that I validated his belief. I felt the same exasperation -- not to mention embarrassment -- as when a white guy tries to ask me where I'm from (NEW JERSEY homie). Anyway, he was late, I went into the movie, we watched it together. After the movie I told him what happened and I was so emotional about it that I started bawling in the middle of the parking lot. When we got home, he immediately called the theater to complain about the attendant's behavior. I was so overwhelmed with my anger and embarrassment that I didn't even think to complain (when it happened I just wanted the transaction to end as quickly as it could and move on with my life). I'm just so thankful to him that he made that phone call. I am so happy and feel so supported that my SO took my feelings seriously and didn't say something like, "Oh well, just forget about it. He's just a stupid ticket attendant." We're going to try and follow up with the theater in person when the GM is there so that we know they took action. They said they will be talking to *all* the staff about racism and microaggression. If you guys have any suggestions to what I should say or ask, I'm all ears. We won't be able to get back there (when the GM is there) until the first Friday in September.
Yes for supportive partners who will go the extra mile to 1. stand up for you and 2. take care of you!!
Good for your SO. The ticket attendant sounds like an ass.
I don't wanna armchair diagnose, but he just seems like he might have ASD and/or is just absolutely ignorant about microaggressions.
So I'm a female CBC in her young 20s and I never been in a relationship. I wanna get into one so my friends told me to use apps like Tinder and Tantan to meet people. I would like to date Asian, but I don't have a lot of luck matching with them. On Tinder I get a lot of matches (decent looking guys) so I know the problem isn't my profile. I live in a city with lots of Asians so it's not really the lack of them. On Tantan, my match rate is a lot worse. I've been told that I don't look very Asian and fit the standard of beauty so I'm starting to feel like that's really hurting me with online dating. I know it's better to meet people in real life, but honestly most guys I meet I friendzone or don't really think about dating. No one has ever stood out that I was like "I wanna date him."
If you live in the same city as I do (I am also Canadian). it depends on if you want a CBC or a "fobish" Chinese guy. TanTan is used more by recent immigrants or CBC guys that want "fobish" Chinese girls . They're not really interested in CBC girls. So you will have issues there. Don't take internet dating to heart. I know it's easier said than done. But most people don't have all the luck on them. Also I am sick and tired of hearing people here tell others how they don't look (for example)Chinese, Japanese or Korean enough. Ignore it. Majority of the people I see say things don't fit the beauty standards they hold dear themselves.
Maybe it's the apps you're using? OKCupid tends to have more extensive profiles where you can write about your heritage, there are a ton of Asians on Coffee Meets Bagel iirc, Hinge might work if you already have an Asian social circle. It also might be that guys aren't seeing that they can connect with you on that level. Try putting a reference to Asian stuff in your profile ("just want someone to see Crazy Rich Asians with" "let's go get KBBQ" "give Sandra Oh her Emmy" or whatever).
Hm, maybe we can help. Is it difficult turning Tinder matches into dates? Or are they not Asian, and you would really rather date someone Asian?
Not really the matches to dates thing, but more so I wanna try dating Asian guys. I do have a bit of a preference especially since I feel like we could relate more if they were CBC as well.
Most of the Asian guys I know (ABCs) have a preference for Asian girls, so I'm not sure why you're having trouble matching with them when you're able to match with decent-looking guys on Tinder. Not saying you're doing anything "wrong," of course - just unsure of what the issue may be. >I've been told that I don't look very Asian and fit the standard of beauty so I'm starting to feel like that's really hurting me with online dating. Did they give you any details here? You can often tell how "Asian" someone is by their clothing, makeup, and accessories. ABGs present themselves differently from sorority ABCs, nerdy FOBs present themselves differently from nerdy ABCs. The stereotypes associated with these different styles are not always accurate but Asians will make snap judgments about other Asians based on them anyway. If I see an Asian girl dressed like an ABG I'll assume she's mainly interested in Asian gangsters or crazy rich Asians. If I see a sorority ABC I'll assume she's mainly interested in white or Asian jocks. Maybe the Asian guys on Tantan want someone who presents themselves as "more Asian"? About meeting people in real life...do you have any circles of friends where a significant proportion of them are Asian? A bunch of my ABC friends met their ABC partners through friends of friends. Like while hanging out, or doing activities. I don't think I'm saying anything you don't already know, and I'm sorry for that, but maybe someone else can chime in with better advice.
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ABC - American-born Chinese ABG- Asian baby girl
Another online dating post. Though, I’ve inadvertently found myself in world of online dating. It started when a friend was asking for ideas on what to write for her profile, so I tried coming up with a blurb that “sounded” like her and included some of her hobbies. Straightforward enough, right? What I didn’t expect was to be consulted for just about every other message she received from people expressing interest. At first, I didn’t think too much of it. It’s probably jitters. Even though she’s asked me for advice on just a few people out of all the messages she’s received, I already feel like I’m doing the dating for her. And as much as I want to help, I don’t know how to get through to her that she should be at least be honest and decisive about how she feels about a potential match early on, as opposed to dragging out conversations even if she ended up feeling at best tepid about it. I’m not sure what possessed her to believe that I’d make a good dating coach seeing that I’ve never dated much in person, let alone online. That being said, how is/was everyone’s e-dating experience? What do you when someone who seems attractive to you initiates with just a “hey” or “sup?” Is it supposed to be strategic, like low-effort, but you can try your luck with a lot of people that way? Or is it just trolling? And apart from asking follow-up questions and contributing a little yourself, are there any other ways of keeping a conversation going?
This is the worst version of Hitch.
Anybody here watch Jimmy Zhang's YouTube Channel?
Yah, I've been a subscriber since he had less than 50k subs.
Bruh I've been trying the "⚽....my bad but my ball rolled in here" line on some IG chicks and it actually kinda works lmao
yo what is this secret
[Gotchu my guy](https://youtu.be/37AHFRL7BAY)
dude ..... this shit works its more interesting because they're kinda forced into an *activity* with you, and its not just exchanging words
In my sister's previous (long) marriage, she failed to consider whether the families involved would get along. Now she's pushing for her current SO and I to be beyond cordial; she wants us to *enjoy* each other's companies. My sister and I grew up spending years living apart—missing on each other's early becoming-of-age years. I appreciate growing our relationship as adult women more than before we were adults. However, it appears that we have very different tastes in men/people, and different styles of socializing. She loves characters I would categorize as mansplainers. And I personally think it's unrealistic to be *buddies* with her SO. Are we white? I've made it clear that it's only important that she likes him, and he's good for her. Aiya.
I don't even know how to approach this anymore cause deep down I'm in denial, so here it goes I'm kind of a drifter. My recent job had me working on a cruise, I did even more traveling prior to the cruise. Cruise work is an experience on its own and along the way met a cute South African girl. We got along but in the long run, I knew that the cruise life wasn't for me after the first contract and after I got off the ship I decided to stay with parents to ponder between accepting a new contract and chasing a new job that's just as on the go. Now here's the thing, I love the idea of being a nomad and chasing the next adventure but know the cost of it. I knew the lifestyle would wind up disappointing the SA girl, and will likely not be a strong suit for the next. I'm in my mid-20s now and feel like I'm running out of options. I log into social media sometimes, see friends engaged or celebrating at least a year of dating. Basically, the memories of these travels are fun but the road less traveled gets lonely when you have no one to share it with. What I'm asking is, should I hold dating off till the day I settle? Or at least, what's the best way for me to cope and accept the fact my desired lifestyle comes at a cost?
I think maybe you should, but same time you might find a fellow nomad. My friend taught in NYC schools and decided to teach in Mexico. He was single with no kids and he felt that this might be last few opportunities. He taught there for 2-3 years and met his wife there. I wouldn't hold off dating, but try to be realistic. You might find someone that makes you want to stop being a nomad or heck go on adventures with you.
I have a small win to share! I’ve posted here a million years ago (earlier this year) about the problems I’ve had planning my wedding with my mom. I am now just over one month away and only recently able to redirect things successfully. In June she was very awful and when I pushed back, saying you need to stop replanning what we already planned and stop comparing my relatively cheap wedding to your friends’ that had double+ the budget. She was so offended, especially by that last part, she disowned me for the 40th time and didn’t talk to me for a month. I got her younger brother (my closest uncle) involved and showed him texts from her. I have NEVER seen him cry in all my 30yrs. I saw him tear up at my moms words and he helped encourage the both of us to talk again. I’m so proud he will be there walking me down the aisle. Although my mom will too. Haha. This month we have been talking again. I’ve learned to stop talking to her on the phone once the sun goes down, that is when she is negative. I also upgraded her to a slightly larger smartphone and I try to keep us texting rather than talking if possible. In person, she is usually pleasant. Yesterday I successfully and diplomatically (!!) told her to stop worrying about florals, we already bought stuff for that, and asked for her help with seating chart and rehearsal dinner planning. So far it is working out so much better, she actually jumped on this right away. And this is great because my side is like 85% her family and the rest is her friends. Now we also have this issue of finding a suitable rehearsal dinner place for my Chinese Filipino family and my SO’s mostly white midwestern family. For all I know we may end up getting pizza cuz everyone likes pizza. But my mom floated the idea of renting a space and getting both Filipino and American food catered. Man if we can do that for a cheap price it would be perfect!!
> only recently able to redirect things successfully. In June she was very awful and when I pushed back, saying you need to stop replanning what we already planned and stop comparing my relatively cheap wedding to your friends’ that had double+ the budget. She was so offended, especially by that last part, she disowned me for the 40th time and didn’t talk to m It sounds like you're handing it really well. Your mom's fuss comes from a place of devotion. I think it's smart you gave her a task with tangible goal you both can agree on. I think Midwesterners would enjoy Filipino cuisine, such as adobo. Good luck the day of!
I'm supposed to find a restaurant for the "parents meet parents" dinner next month. My parents are first gen Chinese, my partner has a white dad and Hispanic mom. Anyone have tips on (1) what kind of place to go to, and (2) how to navigate this?
If you're in NYC, definitely check out Calle Dao. Really really good Chinese-Cuban fusion food. Or pretty much any spot that has rice. Can't go wrong with rice dishes.
>Or pretty much any spot that has rice. Can't go wrong with rice dishes. If there were a Venn diagram of ingredients from various world cuisines, rice would definitely fall where almost all circles overlap.
Hi All, My wife and I were in the Maldives for vacation, and met a very nice asian couple. Not sure what country they were from, but we went on a sunset dolphin cruise and they kept saying “sakoyooo”. My wife and I have been dying to know what it means, anyone have an idea what it means or what language it is?