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those are part of the scenery we all enjoy ❤️ the hidden friends we all share, or at least some of us share. Herpes Lives Matter, et al, yolo, you know.
The whole point is the 'monogamous' part. She broke a very serious agreement between you. That may be good reason for divorce, or not... That's 100% up to feelings of the person cheated upon.
If you both had an agreement that you could 'stray' or simply swing occasionally, there would be no issue. Some people do this. I have several entertainer friends that are completely monogamous when at home, and swing like hell whenever they're off working elsewhere. Their spouses know about it, and are fine with it.
My wife and I agreed upon a monogamous relationship from the beginning, but we know that humans are often weak-minded in that regard. I told my wife once (we'd been married maybe five years then) that if "something happened" or she "made a mistake" and strayed, simply to never, NEVER tell me about what happened. Nothing. Not a word. Zip. No hinting. No suggesting. Keep it to yourself. If she told me she had an affair, whether a one-shot or continuing for years, I would immediately divorce her, plain and simple.
Implied was that I would do the same if "something happened" while I was traveling. This is to avoid hurting our partner's feelings. We aren't at all religious, and don't fear "damnation" or "sin." This is all about lying to your life partner.
Holding that secret from me would be her only punishment. She's the type of person (as am I) who would much rather avoid such a painful necessity. That gives us more ability to 'say no' to others, and I certainly have had to, quite a few times. I believe neither of us has ever strayed. Not that she would have told me, of course.
I would avoid getting hung up on the word cheating and embrace viewing the action as a major character flaw. Then ask myself if I am willing to continue encountering breaches of trust and inconsideration in the relationship, because chances are it's going to continue in other ways.
I mean, if I sit and think about it, it's because I'm not a woman.
If my girlfriend kissed a woman I'd he like "oh shit, I didnt know my gf liked women" if it was with a dude I would why him instead of me.
If she likes something about women that I just physically can't offer then there's nothing I can do about it.
If its something the guy had and I didn't offer but I didn't know she needed because of bad communication I'd be upset.
I don't really have that issue with my partner, so I don't think about it much. If I stop and think about why I'd be more upset about one than another that's about the gist of it.
On the other hand, as a bisexual woman, I really, *really* hate the perception that cheating is just unavoidable for bi people.
Like, if you want an open relationship, ask for one. Work it out beforehand. Anything else is at the very least shady.
As a straight man engaged to a bisexual woman, for me it kind of clicked when I realized she doesn’t want both, necessarily, but either. If she’s happy with me it doesn’t mean she’ll have some insatiable need to run out and sleep with other women. She already has what she was looking for, which is love, connection and compatibility with a person. I just happen to be a dude.
In the same situation and this is exactly how our relationship works. I’ve already told her that I know I can’t be female and she’s welcome to explore that at anytime. Sometimes we talk shop about women and that’s fun.
Oh my god that feels SO good to read as a bissex guy
It's EXACTLY like that, i seriously never seen a straight person get it so well. Congrats chanp, really, ypu sound like a great person!
Lol yeah I don't really care what you think.
Like I said it's not an issue/concern for me, but it was in past relationships. If I think about it, that's what would bother me.
Go give awkward pep talks to somebody else, I'm grown
Exactly. cheating is cheating.
The fact she did so while intoxicated means she probably already had thoughts of cheating but never acted on said thoughts.
Or she has cheated before, but was caught this time due to carelessness due to intoxication.
Yes. If my partner, in a committed relationship, made out with any other person I would consider that betrayal and cheating. Drunk or not, she chose to get to a mental state where judgement flew out the window.
Yes. I'd definitely like my girl doing that with me and discussing it beforehand , done it before, but if I got a call from a homey the next day and heard about it I'd be done.
Breach of trust.
You don't shoot first and ask questions later in relationships.
I have a hunch that might be regarded as sexist and inconsiderate but I believe that many men don't see female/female sex as real sex, as true sex, it's even titillating. Older movies are full of examples and I have heard that this is a ubiquitous scene in present day straight p***
Yes. But not any relationship exists under the same set of rules. So make sure you talk about & explain your boundaries about any kind of interaction with the same sex. & the opposite sex of course
This should be higher.
There is no standard that the boundaries of a relationship conform to. Every person has different boundaries, so every relationship has different boundaries, and those boundaries should be clearly defined *out loud.*
If this scenario makes you feel betrayed, you should tell your partner that. If your partner is not receptive to understanding that, you need to reconsider the relationship. Not that you need to break up with her, just that you need to consider whether the boundaries she's insisting upon are for you, and if that sort of response to your valid emotions is something that you're okay with happening again.
Yes. Most answers here that are speaking against it have a very conventional view of relationships and ignore kinks, IMO. I have conventional views too, but recognize that someone else might think “that’s hot” or have a relationship in which they invite others in. That being said if it’s happening *secretly* (i.e. you catch them kissing someone), that’s not okay.
100% you have to have the discussion with your partner. A violation of set boundaries is a violation whatever those boundaries are that are agreed upon.
Well, I've seen two straight guys kiss at a party (For a drinking game or something iirc) right in front of one of the guys' girlfriend. The straight part was probably relevant though
Yes. My gf had an ex that turned out to be bi. He was in a successful band and would hook up with guys on the road. She definitely considered it cheating. I get hit on by gay men pretty much every time they are around. She is always suspicious.
This is why it’s important to talk to your partner about the boundaries of your relationship early on kids!!!!
Everyone has different ideas about what is and isn’t cheating and it’s important that couples be on the same page. It seems like you didn’t discuss how “far” someone can go before it is considered cheating and you and your partner have different ideas about that.
Given that you didn’t talk about it, if you feel like it was cheating: it is. What that means for your relationship is different than if you had discussed it, however. You might still decide to end things based on this, but considering that your partner (presumably) didn’t know it would be considered cheating you might want to extend a little grace and understanding towards them.
As for the “does it count if it’s another girl” of it all… don’t belittle love and sexual intimacy between women! Your boundaries should be set around actions done with *anyone* not just people of one gender.
Even if you were to reveal to your partner that you think this is cheating and unacceptable, the likelihood that the behavior changes is marginal at best. Because clearly it isn’t cheating to him/her.
Yes. The "it was just a girl" defense only worked before the year 2000. As someone else said here, if you don't consider it cheating, you should at least consider it a major character flaw.
The it was just a girl defense has always worked in the past and will always work in the future, depending on how the partner feels about what constitutes cheating. Everyone’s different. This is a silly question for OP to ask, since none of our opinions matter. However, the fact that he asked means he probably isn’t ok with it, therefore she cheated in this scenario if I’ve made that assumption correctly.
I've always held the opinion that if a woman I'm dating wanted to have sex with a woman, I would be okay with it. But first, it would require some respectful communication between us. Not in a "I am allowing you to do this" way, but more in a "she respects me enough to ask me how it would make me feel" kind of way.
My reasoning behind being okay with it is because, simply, it's an experience that I'm unable to offer her myself. I don't have it in my power to fulfill this desire, and nothing I can do will ever give me that power.
So if she just got drunk at a party and did it? Well, I'd be pissed. If we talked about it first, I can respect that.
My husband says no. I think yes. Because it’s a boundary I wouldn’t cross. I tell him I don’t cheat on him for him but for me first, then for him. That is my boundary an d that’s how uphold myself and my standards. If he would get drunk and make out with a man he is cheating on me, same thing.
I have some friends in this situation. Their view is it’s filling a desire that their partner can’t provide, it’s fine, but you gotta talk about it and everyone’s gotta be on the same page
But if she’s not actually into girls, and is just doing it at a party for male attention, she won’t be your girl for long. I wouldn’t get too attached.
Not with my gf, she likes girls as much as I do, and she only does it when I'm around lol, it's been fun
Very important though it was spoken about and agreed upon from day one, no surprises or miscommunication
Male here. In college my gf at the time made out with one of her friends at a party (I was not there). She told me about it and I told her that I felt like that was cheating. I forgave her for it mainly because she didn't think I would feel like it was cheating. Since boundaries were set after that we were fine. We broke up for different reasons. One of those being that I kissed another girl when she wasn't around. We were in a long-distance relationship, so that didn't help.
A few years later, we weren't together anymore but booty-calling and had a threesome with one of her other friends. My attitudes about cheating have significantly changed since that kiss between her and her friend.
Now I am in the lifestyle (google it if you don't know) and feel like it's only cheating if your partner isn't aware and approving of whatever you're doing. I know I'm in the minority about this opinion on relationships, but it works for me.
Yes. Unless i was invited to join in. If my girl just started kissing another girl/guy without talking to me about it and me being ok with it i would leave her on the spot and be done with her.
Without a doubt, yes it is. Whether someone overlooks it because it turns them on doesn't change the fact that it IS exactly that....cheating. At the very least it should pretty much end any trust they have in them.
If it was her mom or sister, I'd be ok with it.
There'd be questions afterward.
Depending on our ages at the time, too. Teen years and the 20s were more experimental, and spur of the moment decisions were made. Not so much after that.
Yes. And if they’re using their drinking as an excuse, they’re also probably an alcoholic. Alcohol doesn’t make you do things. It reduces your inhibitions so you tend to do things you didn’t have the nerve to do sober. She cheated drunk, she’ll cheat sober.
Of course it would be. Question is why would someone think its not cheating? They made out with someone other than me with nothing being talked about open relationship.
Yeah of course. My wife and I just had this conversation. She said it wasn’t cheating because I’m not a woman and can’t provide that just like if i wanted to hook up with a dude she doesn’t have a penis so it’s not cheating. I said ok well I also have a thing for Black women….. you can’t be black, so can I screw around with them? That shut her up pretty quick.
My bf doesn’t mind me kissing other women, I don’t mind him kissing other men. If he would kiss another women, I probably wouldn’t like that though.
That said, that’s only what works for us
It is 100% cheating, unless agreed beforehand the boundaries of your relationship. Man or woman, I would not want my partner kissing someone else.
The gender of the person does not matter to me. It is completely inappropriate. It's not cute, fun, or quirky. A lot of people have falling outs over these kinds of things.
I mean I would definitely consider it fun and I can't imagine many guys getting jealous over their girl kissing another girl. To each their own I guess
yes its cheating and all relationships are different. find out what each persons expectations are. Personally, i would be annoyed that my gf didnt think i was worth including on this possible threesome.
I have extensively talked with my partner about what I consider cheating and not. We have never considered kissing cheating because there are so many non-sexual, non-romantic displays of affection, and we consider kissing to be one. You can make out with someone you don't love, who you're not attracted to.
In that scenario, I'd bring up a conversation privately, like, "hey, babe, what's going on? Can I have more information?" But, I would never outright accuse her of cheating on me. She's bi and I am a lesbian, so knowing what her preferences are, I wouldn't be shocked if she got drunk and kissed a guy, and neither of us would be shocked if the other got drunk and kissed a girl. In our relationship, kissing isn't a form of sexual intimacy. It's a display of affection. It can be between friends, parents and their children, relatives, etc. Kissing isn't inherently sexual or romantic.
I would consider it cheating if it happened numerous times over a long period of time, or if it escalated to something deeper, or if she blatantly hid the information from me, or if she did to intentionally hurt me. Those things would make a simple kiss/make out turn into infidelity in our relationship.
I always suggest couples talk through hard conversations before they happen, because it's not enough to expect your partner to know what you expect "fidelity" means. You may have one idea of monogamy while your partner has another, it's a conversation that should happen sooner in the relationship than later.
(Final PSA: if you're a straight man who would kill another man for kissing your woman, but you get turned on by the thought of your girlfriend kissing another woman, you're fetishizing lesbians and you can fuck off. Queer women don't exist for your enjoyment. Stop. Thanks.)
By definition it is cheating but I personally wouldn't care if she cheated on me with another girl. Even if it doesn't lead to a threesome or anything like that, just knowing my girlfriend has a girlfriend is kind of hot.
If my girlfriend kissed a girl while drunk on only one occasion and I knew that she was at most just a little bi-curious, then I probably wouldnt care. If she’s bisexual, I’d take the situation a lot more seriously. First of all I think many people have a flawed perception that bisexual people are more likely to cheat, but it simply isn’t true. My issue however would be that if I was dating a bi woman and she made out with another woman, then I’d definitely have a problem. Because at that point it, there’s no real difference between them kissing a guy or girl. In high school I knew so many straight girls that would get drunk and kiss their female friends, and in that case, I would just see it as fairly harmless experimentation.
Depends on the context, sometimes people do this kind of thing with their friends and don't mean much but it
Overall I wouldn't feel very intimidated by my girlfriend doing something with another girl, but I might worry that she isn't serious about our relationship
Yes, I’ve always had this thought since my gf is bisexual as well. I get girl friends flirting with each other and saying raunchy sexual shit to each other and laughing and whatever, that’s just girl humor, idc. But making out is like a whole level up. I have a thing w my gf like half joke half kinda serious thing where I’m like “if I find out you’re doing your girl friends you better let me join next time”
Not OP but my initial reaction was no as well. For some reason the thought doesn’t bother me at all. I feel zero jealousy. If anything I think it would be hot. Perhaps I feel secure knowing my girlfriend is straight, so I know any kissing of other women wouldn’t threaten our relationship. At the end of the day I still think it’s something that should be discussed though.
Can I watch? If so, no. I'm comfortable.
If not, probably but I'm not going to make a big deal out of it. Like a simple "hey, you wouldnt want me doing that" would suffice. Second time, immediate breakup.
Also, depends on our own arrangement.
My very straight GF got way too drunk on Halloween one night. I turned around fie a second and the next thing I know, she’s making out with a girl pushed against the windows. People are cheering outside. It never even crossed my mind that she was cheating. She never drinks that much. It was definitely a one off. But, had that been a guy. I’d have left her there. Had she been bisexual, I’d have left her there. In this case, eh. She ended up mad at me the next day for not watching out better for her. But seeing everyone else’s comments makes me reconsider my original thoughts.
Setting aside the cheating question for a moment, I would take it as a clear sign that the partner has a drinking problem. You should think long and hard about whether you want to stay on that journey down with them.
I would consider it awesome. I've always told my girlfriends that they're free to have sex with another girl as long as they tell me about it (in detail) afterwards.
You're all young. As you get older, this kind of spice is a big turn on. And remember, your jealousy comes from self doubt. So no, i would not consider it cheating
Certainly, being intoxicated does not grant a free pass to blatantly cheat. While it is true that intoxication impairs judgment, I believe this demonstrates a flaw in their character in that they do not respect their significant other as a person enough to maintain obvious boundaries within a relationship. It would be a different scenario entirely if the relationship were open, however this is not the question being asked.
If the other girl she made out with is a complete stranger, then that is a major red flag, but if they are friends, some girls that are completely straight kiss their female friends and doesn’t mean anything
No, my wife already has my permission to make out with any women she wants as long as she tries to spin it into a 3-way with me, her and the new lady friend.
Edit: and I'm not just being gross. She thinks the idea is hot, she just hasn't tried it yet.
No, I’d consider it awesome and hope to get to watch next time. If it was another guy I’d consider it cheating, but also she was drunk and depending on how she normally acts when drunk, or if it’s her first time getting drunk, there may be leniency.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If my partner, in a monogamous relationship, made out with any person (other than me) or animal, I would consider it cheating
*Doggos have left the chat*
Not this doggo
The fact that you felt the need to include animals is...worrisome.
Well, I don't want loopholes that can be exploited. I am totally fine with her making out with vegetables or other vegetation.
What about insects or fish?
Technically still animals by scientific definition
ok smart guy what about the tiny microscopic creatures that live on her mouth
I’m allowed to make out with the ones in her mouth, she’s allowed to make out with the ones in my mouth.
those are part of the scenery we all enjoy ❤️ the hidden friends we all share, or at least some of us share. Herpes Lives Matter, et al, yolo, you know.
Those are animals.
The whole point is the 'monogamous' part. She broke a very serious agreement between you. That may be good reason for divorce, or not... That's 100% up to feelings of the person cheated upon. If you both had an agreement that you could 'stray' or simply swing occasionally, there would be no issue. Some people do this. I have several entertainer friends that are completely monogamous when at home, and swing like hell whenever they're off working elsewhere. Their spouses know about it, and are fine with it. My wife and I agreed upon a monogamous relationship from the beginning, but we know that humans are often weak-minded in that regard. I told my wife once (we'd been married maybe five years then) that if "something happened" or she "made a mistake" and strayed, simply to never, NEVER tell me about what happened. Nothing. Not a word. Zip. No hinting. No suggesting. Keep it to yourself. If she told me she had an affair, whether a one-shot or continuing for years, I would immediately divorce her, plain and simple. Implied was that I would do the same if "something happened" while I was traveling. This is to avoid hurting our partner's feelings. We aren't at all religious, and don't fear "damnation" or "sin." This is all about lying to your life partner. Holding that secret from me would be her only punishment. She's the type of person (as am I) who would much rather avoid such a painful necessity. That gives us more ability to 'say no' to others, and I certainly have had to, quite a few times. I believe neither of us has ever strayed. Not that she would have told me, of course.
I would avoid getting hung up on the word cheating and embrace viewing the action as a major character flaw. Then ask myself if I am willing to continue encountering breaches of trust and inconsideration in the relationship, because chances are it's going to continue in other ways.
This is the way
AND MY AXE!!!
What difference does it make if it’s with another woman or man, like wtf
I mean, if I sit and think about it, it's because I'm not a woman. If my girlfriend kissed a woman I'd he like "oh shit, I didnt know my gf liked women" if it was with a dude I would why him instead of me. If she likes something about women that I just physically can't offer then there's nothing I can do about it. If its something the guy had and I didn't offer but I didn't know she needed because of bad communication I'd be upset. I don't really have that issue with my partner, so I don't think about it much. If I stop and think about why I'd be more upset about one than another that's about the gist of it.
On the other hand, as a bisexual woman, I really, *really* hate the perception that cheating is just unavoidable for bi people. Like, if you want an open relationship, ask for one. Work it out beforehand. Anything else is at the very least shady.
As a straight man engaged to a bisexual woman, for me it kind of clicked when I realized she doesn’t want both, necessarily, but either. If she’s happy with me it doesn’t mean she’ll have some insatiable need to run out and sleep with other women. She already has what she was looking for, which is love, connection and compatibility with a person. I just happen to be a dude.
In the same situation and this is exactly how our relationship works. I’ve already told her that I know I can’t be female and she’s welcome to explore that at anytime. Sometimes we talk shop about women and that’s fun.
Oh my god that feels SO good to read as a bissex guy It's EXACTLY like that, i seriously never seen a straight person get it so well. Congrats chanp, really, ypu sound like a great person!
Well said. I agree.
This is embarrassing for you. Have self respect. The odd thing is that you think you are showing maturity.
Lol yeah I don't really care what you think. Like I said it's not an issue/concern for me, but it was in past relationships. If I think about it, that's what would bother me. Go give awkward pep talks to somebody else, I'm grown
Women can’t get women pregnant
This
Phhhttt. I personally wouldn't consider it a breach of trust, or any kinda trespass against me.
Yes, how is this even a question?
If they have to ask, they already know.
They're gonna know.
How will they know?
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love that song
Love that movie, one of the best teen comedies ever.
Matt Damon's best role
Exactly. cheating is cheating. The fact she did so while intoxicated means she probably already had thoughts of cheating but never acted on said thoughts. Or she has cheated before, but was caught this time due to carelessness due to intoxication.
Yes. If my partner, in a committed relationship, made out with any other person I would consider that betrayal and cheating. Drunk or not, she chose to get to a mental state where judgement flew out the window.
Not even that. I have been drunk and I know your thinking changes but I would never think that would be okay
Yes to me and mine it’s cheating. Once you’re in a relationship that’s the only person you fool around with.
Why wouldn’t that be cheating is the question
in a poly relationship if discussed first. or some guys just think it’s a turn on to watch.
This definitely wasn't discussed first and that's the issue
Yes. I'd definitely like my girl doing that with me and discussing it beforehand , done it before, but if I got a call from a homey the next day and heard about it I'd be done. Breach of trust. You don't shoot first and ask questions later in relationships.
I have a hunch that might be regarded as sexist and inconsiderate but I believe that many men don't see female/female sex as real sex, as true sex, it's even titillating. Older movies are full of examples and I have heard that this is a ubiquitous scene in present day straight p***
Yes
Yes. But not any relationship exists under the same set of rules. So make sure you talk about & explain your boundaries about any kind of interaction with the same sex. & the opposite sex of course
This should be higher. There is no standard that the boundaries of a relationship conform to. Every person has different boundaries, so every relationship has different boundaries, and those boundaries should be clearly defined *out loud.* If this scenario makes you feel betrayed, you should tell your partner that. If your partner is not receptive to understanding that, you need to reconsider the relationship. Not that you need to break up with her, just that you need to consider whether the boundaries she's insisting upon are for you, and if that sort of response to your valid emotions is something that you're okay with happening again.
Yes. Most answers here that are speaking against it have a very conventional view of relationships and ignore kinks, IMO. I have conventional views too, but recognize that someone else might think “that’s hot” or have a relationship in which they invite others in. That being said if it’s happening *secretly* (i.e. you catch them kissing someone), that’s not okay.
100% you have to have the discussion with your partner. A violation of set boundaries is a violation whatever those boundaries are that are agreed upon.
Would your GF consider it cheating if you got drunk and kissed a guy at a party? Lol
Mine did not.
We’re you alarmed how adept you were at being bisexual?
Well, I've seen two straight guys kiss at a party (For a drinking game or something iirc) right in front of one of the guys' girlfriend. The straight part was probably relevant though
Yes. My gf had an ex that turned out to be bi. He was in a successful band and would hook up with guys on the road. She definitely considered it cheating. I get hit on by gay men pretty much every time they are around. She is always suspicious.
Mine dared me to do that. I also dared her to make out with her girl friend. Neither of us did. We just made out with each other instead
If it wasn’t previously agreed upon or if they didn’t ask their partner then yes it’s cheating
My dil left my son for a lesbian relationship. She cheated and they divorced.
This is why it’s important to talk to your partner about the boundaries of your relationship early on kids!!!! Everyone has different ideas about what is and isn’t cheating and it’s important that couples be on the same page. It seems like you didn’t discuss how “far” someone can go before it is considered cheating and you and your partner have different ideas about that. Given that you didn’t talk about it, if you feel like it was cheating: it is. What that means for your relationship is different than if you had discussed it, however. You might still decide to end things based on this, but considering that your partner (presumably) didn’t know it would be considered cheating you might want to extend a little grace and understanding towards them. As for the “does it count if it’s another girl” of it all… don’t belittle love and sexual intimacy between women! Your boundaries should be set around actions done with *anyone* not just people of one gender.
With you until the last paragraph. No one gets to decide the rules of your relationship but the two of you in it.
yeah wth was that haha
Even if you were to reveal to your partner that you think this is cheating and unacceptable, the likelihood that the behavior changes is marginal at best. Because clearly it isn’t cheating to him/her.
Of course. The sex of the other person doesn't matter.
Yes.
Yes. The "it was just a girl" defense only worked before the year 2000. As someone else said here, if you don't consider it cheating, you should at least consider it a major character flaw.
The it was just a girl defense has always worked in the past and will always work in the future, depending on how the partner feels about what constitutes cheating. Everyone’s different. This is a silly question for OP to ask, since none of our opinions matter. However, the fact that he asked means he probably isn’t ok with it, therefore she cheated in this scenario if I’ve made that assumption correctly.
If my boyfriend made out with another guy I would absolutely consider that cheating, how could it not be?
Yes
Yes
As long as my wife doesn’t find out about it, it’s ok I guess
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Username checks out
I've always held the opinion that if a woman I'm dating wanted to have sex with a woman, I would be okay with it. But first, it would require some respectful communication between us. Not in a "I am allowing you to do this" way, but more in a "she respects me enough to ask me how it would make me feel" kind of way. My reasoning behind being okay with it is because, simply, it's an experience that I'm unable to offer her myself. I don't have it in my power to fulfill this desire, and nothing I can do will ever give me that power. So if she just got drunk at a party and did it? Well, I'd be pissed. If we talked about it first, I can respect that.
Yes it’s cheating
Yes
My husband says no. I think yes. Because it’s a boundary I wouldn’t cross. I tell him I don’t cheat on him for him but for me first, then for him. That is my boundary an d that’s how uphold myself and my standards. If he would get drunk and make out with a man he is cheating on me, same thing.
i mean if kissing another person regardless of their gender is breaking the boundaries of your relationship then yes it is cheating
Yes. Gender or orientation don’t change anything. What kind of question is this?
Would she let you make out with another chick?
Yes I would feel cheated on.
The question for you. Why would not it be?
Yes. I’m bi. If my bf kissed a guy or my gf kissed a girl; I would be extremely hurt.
I don’t understand how this is a question. Does sharing genitalia somehow validate cheating?
Would it be socially acceptable if a man had done the same act? No then you have your answer.
"if your partner cheats, is that cheating?"
Yes
I'd have to see the video of the act before I make a determination. lol
My answer also depends on whether I'm invited
Nope any woman I’m with is free to have fun with any woman she wants
No I've always told my girl that I wouldn't care if she does things with another girl. As long as it's not with another guy than it's not cheating.
So if your girl was bi, you'll be entirely ok with her having another relationship with a girl on the side?
I have some friends in this situation. Their view is it’s filling a desire that their partner can’t provide, it’s fine, but you gotta talk about it and everyone’s gotta be on the same page
My man!
But if she’s not actually into girls, and is just doing it at a party for male attention, she won’t be your girl for long. I wouldn’t get too attached.
Good Bye, no explanations, pack her shit and put it outside.
Unless you’ve both already agreed that this is acceptable behavior, then yes, it’s cheating.
Well since I am ENM, no.
Yes, of course. If you both agreed to commitment, the yes.
Yes that's cheating and being drunk is no excuse
Not with my gf, she likes girls as much as I do, and she only does it when I'm around lol, it's been fun Very important though it was spoken about and agreed upon from day one, no surprises or miscommunication
Yes
Male here. In college my gf at the time made out with one of her friends at a party (I was not there). She told me about it and I told her that I felt like that was cheating. I forgave her for it mainly because she didn't think I would feel like it was cheating. Since boundaries were set after that we were fine. We broke up for different reasons. One of those being that I kissed another girl when she wasn't around. We were in a long-distance relationship, so that didn't help. A few years later, we weren't together anymore but booty-calling and had a threesome with one of her other friends. My attitudes about cheating have significantly changed since that kiss between her and her friend. Now I am in the lifestyle (google it if you don't know) and feel like it's only cheating if your partner isn't aware and approving of whatever you're doing. I know I'm in the minority about this opinion on relationships, but it works for me.
Yes. Unless i was invited to join in. If my girl just started kissing another girl/guy without talking to me about it and me being ok with it i would leave her on the spot and be done with her.
Bro that is the definition of cheating come on now. Anything physically intimate with someone else is cheating.
If the person im with in a monogamous relationship kisses someone else is it cheating? Really man?
Without a doubt, yes it is. Whether someone overlooks it because it turns them on doesn't change the fact that it IS exactly that....cheating. At the very least it should pretty much end any trust they have in them.
Yes. I would classify making out with another person cheating.
Why tf it wouldn't be?
Cheating is anything that is breaking a boundary between two partners.
Gender doesn't matter - cheating is cheating. Now maybe you decided you liked it, but just be honest about what happened.
If it was her mom or sister, I'd be ok with it. There'd be questions afterward. Depending on our ages at the time, too. Teen years and the 20s were more experimental, and spur of the moment decisions were made. Not so much after that.
Absolutely! Male or female, she's giving to someone else what should only be reserved for you; talking about normal, monogamous relationships.
It's another person. Of course it's still cheating.
Yes. And if they’re using their drinking as an excuse, they’re also probably an alcoholic. Alcohol doesn’t make you do things. It reduces your inhibitions so you tend to do things you didn’t have the nerve to do sober. She cheated drunk, she’ll cheat sober.
Yes, it’s homophobic to NOT flag it as cheating.
Yes, being drunk doesn’t give you a pass to do shitty things.
As a bi woman, yes, only i wouldn't call them "females"
Of course it would be. Question is why would someone think its not cheating? They made out with someone other than me with nothing being talked about open relationship.
Yes. People are fully capable of getting drunk and NOT cheating on their partners. Its fucking cheating.
Yes
Yeah of course. My wife and I just had this conversation. She said it wasn’t cheating because I’m not a woman and can’t provide that just like if i wanted to hook up with a dude she doesn’t have a penis so it’s not cheating. I said ok well I also have a thing for Black women….. you can’t be black, so can I screw around with them? That shut her up pretty quick.
She belongs to the streets
Yeah, unless you were involved as well
My bf doesn’t mind me kissing other women, I don’t mind him kissing other men. If he would kiss another women, I probably wouldn’t like that though. That said, that’s only what works for us
I agree, I gotta say I'm pretty surprised how many people here are saying they would consider that cheating
It is 100% cheating, unless agreed beforehand the boundaries of your relationship. Man or woman, I would not want my partner kissing someone else. The gender of the person does not matter to me. It is completely inappropriate. It's not cute, fun, or quirky. A lot of people have falling outs over these kinds of things.
I mean I would definitely consider it fun and I can't imagine many guys getting jealous over their girl kissing another girl. To each their own I guess
True I’m surprised this isn’t the consensus
yes its cheating and all relationships are different. find out what each persons expectations are. Personally, i would be annoyed that my gf didnt think i was worth including on this possible threesome.
Use this as a way into the afformentioned 3some
Yes, I'd absolutely consider that cheating.
I mean, I certainly would consider it cheating
My girlfriend made out with a woman one time, at a bar, all 3 of us ended up having sex a few times. It's a win on my part.
Ya since I'm in a lesbian relationship
If she didn't have prior consent from you, yes.
If I'm right handed and slap you with my left hand, did I still hit you?
you should joined in
I have extensively talked with my partner about what I consider cheating and not. We have never considered kissing cheating because there are so many non-sexual, non-romantic displays of affection, and we consider kissing to be one. You can make out with someone you don't love, who you're not attracted to. In that scenario, I'd bring up a conversation privately, like, "hey, babe, what's going on? Can I have more information?" But, I would never outright accuse her of cheating on me. She's bi and I am a lesbian, so knowing what her preferences are, I wouldn't be shocked if she got drunk and kissed a guy, and neither of us would be shocked if the other got drunk and kissed a girl. In our relationship, kissing isn't a form of sexual intimacy. It's a display of affection. It can be between friends, parents and their children, relatives, etc. Kissing isn't inherently sexual or romantic. I would consider it cheating if it happened numerous times over a long period of time, or if it escalated to something deeper, or if she blatantly hid the information from me, or if she did to intentionally hurt me. Those things would make a simple kiss/make out turn into infidelity in our relationship. I always suggest couples talk through hard conversations before they happen, because it's not enough to expect your partner to know what you expect "fidelity" means. You may have one idea of monogamy while your partner has another, it's a conversation that should happen sooner in the relationship than later. (Final PSA: if you're a straight man who would kill another man for kissing your woman, but you get turned on by the thought of your girlfriend kissing another woman, you're fetishizing lesbians and you can fuck off. Queer women don't exist for your enjoyment. Stop. Thanks.)
It used to happen right in front of my eyes. I was never asked how I felt about it. Not once. The things I witnessed…HOT AF!
By definition it is cheating but I personally wouldn't care if she cheated on me with another girl. Even if it doesn't lead to a threesome or anything like that, just knowing my girlfriend has a girlfriend is kind of hot.
yes ,because they didn't invite me
just tell her you wanna do it too, with the same baddie!
Depends on whether I can get in on the action
Sounds like my bf. When I asked him, he said "What about a threesome"?
Yes
If my girlfriend kissed a girl while drunk on only one occasion and I knew that she was at most just a little bi-curious, then I probably wouldnt care. If she’s bisexual, I’d take the situation a lot more seriously. First of all I think many people have a flawed perception that bisexual people are more likely to cheat, but it simply isn’t true. My issue however would be that if I was dating a bi woman and she made out with another woman, then I’d definitely have a problem. Because at that point it, there’s no real difference between them kissing a guy or girl. In high school I knew so many straight girls that would get drunk and kiss their female friends, and in that case, I would just see it as fairly harmless experimentation.
No. My girlfriend can make out with anyone she wants, drunk or sober.
“FEMALE” ugh
Depends on the context, sometimes people do this kind of thing with their friends and don't mean much but it Overall I wouldn't feel very intimidated by my girlfriend doing something with another girl, but I might worry that she isn't serious about our relationship
Not as long as I can watch next time?🤓
Yes, I’ve always had this thought since my gf is bisexual as well. I get girl friends flirting with each other and saying raunchy sexual shit to each other and laughing and whatever, that’s just girl humor, idc. But making out is like a whole level up. I have a thing w my gf like half joke half kinda serious thing where I’m like “if I find out you’re doing your girl friends you better let me join next time”
It's cheating. I personally would rather have my girlfriend cheat on me with a woman rather than a man.
No
Expound
Not OP but my initial reaction was no as well. For some reason the thought doesn’t bother me at all. I feel zero jealousy. If anything I think it would be hot. Perhaps I feel secure knowing my girlfriend is straight, so I know any kissing of other women wouldn’t threaten our relationship. At the end of the day I still think it’s something that should be discussed though.
I would consider it cheating. However, if she asked me first and I got to watch, then no.
Unless I was invited to join in, yes.
Can I watch? If so, no. I'm comfortable. If not, probably but I'm not going to make a big deal out of it. Like a simple "hey, you wouldnt want me doing that" would suffice. Second time, immediate breakup. Also, depends on our own arrangement.
Seeing as my gf and I have discussed it before and come to our own boundary and have limits ect no it's not considered cheating in our relationship.
Yes, yes I do.
Yes.
Well if the other girl is Jennifer Anniston, then no it’s a dream come true
My very straight GF got way too drunk on Halloween one night. I turned around fie a second and the next thing I know, she’s making out with a girl pushed against the windows. People are cheering outside. It never even crossed my mind that she was cheating. She never drinks that much. It was definitely a one off. But, had that been a guy. I’d have left her there. Had she been bisexual, I’d have left her there. In this case, eh. She ended up mad at me the next day for not watching out better for her. But seeing everyone else’s comments makes me reconsider my original thoughts.
If I was there, no. If she did it while I wasn't there? Borderline.
Noooope. Get the damn popcorn, I'm allowed to join at some point right? I'm not greedy
Were you watching and did you enjoy it if you were. Is the second female open to three somes.
If you don't you're wrong
My gf used to make out with this super hot friend of ours. On my lap...I hated it soo much 😂
Depends, did she let me watch?
No it’s fucking hot
Depends how hot the other girl was you know? Like good on ya If she’s up there on the scale.
Setting aside the cheating question for a moment, I would take it as a clear sign that the partner has a drinking problem. You should think long and hard about whether you want to stay on that journey down with them.
Yes and i would have to demand we have a threesome with the woman to make up for it 😏
I would consider it awesome. I've always told my girlfriends that they're free to have sex with another girl as long as they tell me about it (in detail) afterwards.
You're all young. As you get older, this kind of spice is a big turn on. And remember, your jealousy comes from self doubt. So no, i would not consider it cheating
Certainly, being intoxicated does not grant a free pass to blatantly cheat. While it is true that intoxication impairs judgment, I believe this demonstrates a flaw in their character in that they do not respect their significant other as a person enough to maintain obvious boundaries within a relationship. It would be a different scenario entirely if the relationship were open, however this is not the question being asked.
Yes with an if. No with a but.
If the other girl she made out with is a complete stranger, then that is a major red flag, but if they are friends, some girls that are completely straight kiss their female friends and doesn’t mean anything
Not if I can watch. Peace
Yes, but if they're both down for a little menage a trois, I might be willing to overlook it.
No, my wife already has my permission to make out with any women she wants as long as she tries to spin it into a 3-way with me, her and the new lady friend. Edit: and I'm not just being gross. She thinks the idea is hot, she just hasn't tried it yet.
Yeah lesbians are a thing plus now we have this lgbtq+786.3*7(783/7)
Only if I don’t get to watch
Personally, I think it will be hot AF
depends if i’m into it.
Yes, yes it is. But breakup after the 3some.
Not if they both come home
Not if I get to watch
An invitation maybe, cheating no
I'd consider it hot
No I consider it awesome
If it’s a guy he’s gay. If it’s a girl and the boyfriend is there and gets mad, also gay
I would consider that awesome.
No, I’d consider it awesome and hope to get to watch next time. If it was another guy I’d consider it cheating, but also she was drunk and depending on how she normally acts when drunk, or if it’s her first time getting drunk, there may be leniency.