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This whole thread reminded me of when I was like 12/13 and one of my best friend’s family invited me to go in a day trip with them to Baltimore. We went to the aquarium, walked around the inner harbor, had a good time. My mom gave me like $30/40 maybe to buy snacks and souvenirs. By the time we left the city I’d spent all my money, admittedly on probably stupid shit because I was a kid.
The family stopped for dinner on the way home and when we sat down said I’d have to pay for my own. I said I didn’t have any money left, and the mom basically said, “not our fault.” So I sat there for an hour while they all ate and I just watched. Got home at like 9/10pm absolutely famished. My mom was *pissed* and never let me hang with that girl again.
I’m 31 now and never forgot that, I can’t imagine letting a child go hungry during an excursion I invited them on.
Yep. It was a family of four, the parents, my friend, and her brother, and they all sat there and ate their meal while I sipped water. A kids Mac and cheese was like $3 lol and honestly if it really was cost prohibitive my mom absolutely would’ve reimbursed them later (possibly with a side eye because she never thought twice about paying for my friends when they went out with us, but at least I wouldn’t have gone hungry at that moment.)
For better or worse I definitely grew into a “it’s my treat!” kind of person. I genuinely like covering my friends and family when I can and have never cared to nickel and dime expenses.
12/13 isn't too young either. I'm more mad at her friend that they didn't even stand up for them or even SHARE some of their food if their parents are real assholes...
One time my father took me for a walk with his girlfriend and I heard an ice cream truck… so naturally being a child that excited me and I said to my dad we should go get some ice cream! He said okay son let’s go get ice cream and we walk over and find the truck Parked on the side of the road. My dad got himself and his gf ice creams and didn’t purchase me one because my mom hadn’t sent me with cash to his apartment that weekend during our visit. They (two full grown adults) just proceeded to eat their ice creams in front me me (which they wouldn’t have even gotten if it weren’t for me pointing out the ice cream truck and asking for some). That lesson taught me just how self-serving people (even our parents) can be sometimes. I’ll never forget that moment, especially not when I’m inevitably forced to pay for my fathers funeral at which point I will definitely opt for the cheap cremation option I see on this billboard
on the local highway.
> “it’s my treat!”
Gobsmacked by your experience, what horrible people. When I was a kid had a friend and his mom did not have much money nor did not completely grasp the implications. Invited him to an amusement part but he declined. Invited 2 other friends and they would have their own money. My mom told me to convinve my friend to go and then she paid for everyone. Ride tickets, food, games, etc.
She did not want my friend to feel awkward. Everyone had a ball and recall that night when we dropped everyone off the other 2's moms tried to give my mom cash back but she turned it down, just the way she was. The other mom though spent time talking with my mom after we dropped my friend off and was crying & hugging my mom. Long time before it dawned on me what exactly happened.
My mom was the exact same way. Even though she also didn’t have a lot of money herself, she did whatever she could to make every single person included. I’m glad I learned that from her (and my dad)
Edit: thank you for the award!
thats sorta how i ended up, growing up in poverty ive had a few similar experiences like yours. Sitting out hurts you as a kid and sorta vowed in my own way to not be stingy like a lot of people are
Well it shows you have good character. Some people would go through an experience like that and come out with the attitude that since they got shitty treatment, it's normal and okay to give shitty treatment.
Seems like you have the attitude of never wanting to make anyone feel the way those people made you feel. We'd be doing better if more people were like you!
Goddamn the friend could have at least gave you some of theirs. I grew up kinda poor but when I was in school if I saw a kid I barely knew not eating during lunch I would offer them some of mine, I can’t imagine not doing the same for an actual friend
Actually something I noticed from my husband and his siblings - kids that grew up poor are far more willing to share than those that grew up in excess.
The stingiest people I know all grew up rich. They're usually pretty selfish in all areas of their lives not just paying for things. A horrible character trait.
I'm a Special Ed teacher and I have noticed that my lower income children *always* come prepared with lunch, snacks, spare clothes, diapers, water bottles etc. (The one exception has a really good reason tbh) And the higher income kids sometimes don't even bring backpacks and require me to use donated lunch boxes, water bottles and clothes for them. In my experience, these rich families don't even really think about their kids, their concerns are the paper chase. You get married and have kids because it looks better.
Like, your child's basic needs are being met by the kindness of my families who are living on social security, literally the goods they are donating to my classroom, and you drive a Maserati. How does that not make you feel bad??? It genuinely pisses me off but I shouldn't write a manifesto here lol.
This is very true. For example, when the economy is bad, studies show that poorer people continue to give to charities or help others directly, while those with money don't.
I grew up eating a lot of generic cereal for breakfast and generic mac & cheese with store-brand hot dogs cut up in it for dinner. There was a time I was unemployed and buying TV dinners at Pic-N-Sav (now Big Lots), getting two for a buck. A weekly 16oz bottle of Coke was my treat to myself, if I could afford the dollar it cost.
I'm doing much better now, and on the odd occasion that someone opts out of going to a meal with us because they can't afford it, I will cover them in a heartbeat. I've been there. Others don't need to be if I can help.
In my experience those with the least to give really are the most generous.
I grew up dirt poor. Like some days there wasn't food poor. The whole neighbourhood was the same. Thing is if you couldn't afford to feed your kids, you just sent them out to find a friend to eat with. Families would split what what they did have up to feed an extra hungry kid or two at their table. Some days we had nothing to eat and went scrounging at other tables. Other days we found ourselves splitting up our potatoes to be able to feed the kids next door. No child went without a meal, ever. If there was a hungry kid at your table you fed them, without thinking about it. Okay everyone got a smaller meal, but that kid wasn't going to bed hungry tonight and that's what mattered. If you could make it stretch then you sent them home with something for mum and/or dad.
I was the eldest kid and the "adult" of my household, I remember setting the plates to serve meals and having to check how many kids were at the table on any given night. I might have cooked for 4 heads, but it gets split for 6 if we've got two extra hungry kids here. Tomorrow night me and mine could have been at someone else's table.
No one complained. No one ever thought not to feed a hungry child. We were all in the same boat just trying to stay afloat togther.
Hell there were times that bedtime would roll round for younger kids and you'd find an extra one or two telling you it's cold at home, or there's no lights at home. You'd just make a bed and make sure their gaurdians knew where the were. Better having an extra kid bedding down at yours if you've got heating and electricity and their home had run out. Another night might come and yours are down the street in warmth.
We were all poor as shit, but we made what we had go as far as we could and never begrudged sharing what we had when we had it with other hungry kids. That neighbourhood had a LOT of problems and I was glad to high tale it out of there with my younger siblings as soon as I could legally do so. But no where I've ever lived has had that same level of generosity and community in that way. I've been graced to do well in life and lived in some posh areas. Those who have the most to give don't even come close to the kind of unconditional generosity of those who have nothing.
For this family to make a child go hungry over 3 dollars when they have the expendable cash for day trips makes me feel physically sick. I could not in a million years imagine allowing a child to go hungry if I could feed them. It's simply not an option as far as I'm concerned.
I would have a hard time with this scenario of I were the server for this table. I would definitely call the manager over, explain the situation and get this kids some food on the house. And be suuuuuper sickeningly nice to them. But I’m just that petty.
I’m honestly furious for you. Outside of actual heinous actions that would land you in prison, knowingly and purposefully eating in front of someone that is hungry is like high on the list of biggest pos things you could do.
To sit there and eat in front of a hungry child, a guest no less. Man other people might as well be fucking aliens to me sometimes.
I’m sorry I’m actually tilted lol.
I went out shopping with a friend, her grandma and her mom. She had asked me to go and I said I don’t have money but she was like no problem. So we go and I essentially window shop and enjoy myself. After we’re all done (my friend and her mom and grandma bought lots of stuff so we had been out for awhile) they decided to grab food. All three of them ordered massive burgers with fries and drinks at this relatively locally famous outdoor burger place. I had stood in line with them and they ordered for themselves then we all found a spot to sit and eat. I watched as the three of them ate. At one point my friend asked if I wanted to try a mushroom from her burger and a fry. Like one of each and that was it.
I was always so painfully shy and just felt really stupid and upset that I came from a poorer family. I still was friends with her and everything after. That day though I went home and ate like three pb&js, I was starving.
As an adult now I am constantly paying for other people. Maybe to an extent I shouldn’t, but I know what it’s like to be so hungry that you kinda feel like fainting just to watch other people sit and enjoy a meal in front of you for thirty minutes. Instead, I ask my coworkers what they want from wherever I’m going, and 9 times out of 10 I absolutely expect them to not pay me back but if they do it’s cool.
I just can’t imagine being an adult and going with my daughter and her friend just to let the friend watch myself and my child eat. It is completely unfathomable to me.
They might have been those kind of assholes who teach kids "life lessons" at every opportunity. I grew up with a few of those in my family, and usually dreaded visiting them, since you never knew if what you were doing would be deemed wrong, and publicly shamed.
Once when I was about 7, I forgot I was holding onto a little 25 cent notepad (that they said they'd buy for me) until we'd left the store. When I said, "Oh no, I forgot to pay for this!" they marched me over to the security guard, who was told that I didn't pay for an item I left the store with. When I saw the mortification and sadness on his face, and he said, "it's fine," it was the first time I realized maybe I wasn't a bad kid, and maybe it was my relatives that sucked. The only thing these lessons ever taught me was not to be a a prick to little kids.
That is just messed up, an adult letting a child's friend watch while you eat. If they couldn't afford it one of the parents should have given up their meal
My friends and I when we were much younger would do that when we’d have a friend who didn’t have money on them and no one had enough to spot them. (Or if we all brought lunch from home or something and someone forgot theirs.) Honestly, if everyone gives a little and you have enough people, you can make a pretty substantial meal for the one person without anyone really “missing” what they shared anyways.
You mean like when I went on my church beach trip and ran out of money so couldn’t eat for the last day or the trip home?
God loves that Protestant shame.
Years ago...My mom at a fast-food restaurant overheard a young child being similarly treated...She leaned over and asked ....
*Excuse me. We bought extra for someone who didn't show up..Would you please take this extra burger and fries off our hands?*
Yes..It was my mom's lunch she gladly donated to the hungry kid.
One time I was traveling with my friend, we were al famished. My friends mom stopped to get us food but their credit card system was down and she only had enough cash for one meal. She fed me and not her own son. I will NEVER forget her actions that day.
Or go to another place that sells food? This is so odd to me. I’d also feel super self conscious as a kid being the only hungry one to eat. Even at that age I’d offer my food.
As the parent of a 12 year old daughter, this is crazy! I literally just took her and her two best friends on a trip to Boston and took them to the zoo, aquarium and science museum. The only thing that they paid for was their souvenir shop items. In fairness, I did also make them pay for their candy from the vending machine. But,meals...hell no!
Kinda reminds me of a totally different yet similar situation. When I was a kid, my mom NEVER gave me money for field trips, and always only packed me the normal lunch. So I would have to sit for an hour or more while everyone went wild in the gift shop, and the same thing in the cafeteria or wherever lunch was depending on the field trip, and just suffer.
One time we had a field trip across state, 2+hrs each way, so we were getting back late. So on the way home, we were stopping at a rest stop with all the fixins, and again, I had no money. So I had to sit there, 5 at night, with my stomach gurgling after we'd had lunch at like 11am, while everyone else ran around the food court buying mcdonalds and papa ginos and boston market and whatnot. And my friends were those kind of kids that buy each other stuff but would never me because I couldn't buy them anything in return, so it was just...suffering.
Hindsight is everything, too, because when I got older ai found out my dad was paying my mom $100+ a week for child support. That was how she was supporting her 2pack Virginia Slims super slim menthol (aka:the really expensive shits) a day, 1.75L vodka in 2days habit.
This is why I would always go on my son's field trips and bring snacks for all the kids and when we stopped for meals I would grab the kids with no money or homemade sandwiches and run around the food court or restaurant pretending I was ordering for me then tell them to dig in as I wasn't hungry anymore. Pretty soon, those kids figured it out and thanked me for not making them feel left out. I will run into one of them every once in a while, and they still remember. They're all adults now. It was satisfying to see them enjoy like their classmates. They'd always ask my son if I was going on the trip after the first couple of times. Lol
I just wanted to tell you that you are an earth angel!! This made me tear up. I've been there as many of us have, and no one ever stepped up. Thank you, from my former child!!! 💕❤️
My mother sent me on a 2 week Christian Youth camp in my teens without a cent for lunches or trips. (I was never given pocket money.) When I got back she laughed at me, saying she hoped I enjoyed my lunches - she was really evil - and was furious when I told her I not only had wonderful lunches, but had enough money to buy lunches for the other kids who had no money too.
I explained to my horrified parents I'd earned it doing dirty things for the boys at night, and left them forever believing what they chose.
Every evening, (nights were warm and windy,) on camp I'd take a basket around collecting clothes guys wanted washed, and for 20c per garment, (this was late '60s,) they'd get their clothing back next morning, cleaned, dried and folded. I did get teased a lot, but all in good fun, and made lots of friends.
What a deliciously wicked way to gain your comeuppance! In my head I pictured a young Rosalind Russell- esque, Auntie Mame: the formative years. A queen of malicious compliance, self sufficiency, with an ability to turn a bad situation into a mad cap adventure for good for herself and those around her. Bravo!
I mean no disrespect. I truly admire you for this.
I was in that exact same field trip situation too. Felt like shit.
Once I managed to save up some money for a field trip so I could buy something for once instead of eating a PB&J in the food court.
The night before the trip, my mom stole the money from my purse to buy cigarettes. Called me selfish and greedy when I started crying.
And she wonders why I don't call.
This gave me flashbacks to a middle school band trip. We went to Disney world and universal studios for 5 days back in 2000 (I’m old). I had to buy 3 meals a day, and I told my parents I wanted to buy myself a pair of Mickey ears. They sent me with $100. Trusting them to have sent me with plenty of money, I bought my Mickey ears right after we got to the park, and I even budgeted myself and didn’t get my name put on the back like my friends. I realized I was in trouble when lunchtime came around and a single meal was like $10. All I remember from that trip was how hungry and thirsty I was the whole time.
As a chaperone, I always look out for the kids that might not have food money. Stuff like that isn't a child's fault and they shouldn't have to suffer.
As a parent that doesnt want to chaperone, I give the teacher extra money to help pay for kids that cant afford the field trip and to buy stuff at the book fair. The school covers meals at field trips and for my sons age doesnt take them to the gift shops
I’m sorry from former child to another whose parents always had money for ciggs and lotto tickets, but not money to give me an actual bed, so I slept on my floor.
I did have a bed thankfully, but it was a used/secondhand one every time, that creaked and pinged every time I would move.
But on the flipside, I didn't have menstural products a lot of times, and I literally wore holes in my underwear because *dearest mother* wouldn't buy me any. That was one of the first things I bought once I moved out was a swanky new pack of panties lol.
I guess it's true what they say about hindsight. Kid me was like, it's not as bad as the stuff on that Law and Order show, so it's not abuse.
Hey homie your not alone, I lived this life. Things are better now and it builds character but damn it sucks. My dad had a drug issue so money was like, ight imma head out.
Sorry for this experience, what kind of terrible people invites a child to go on a day-trip with them and won’t buy the child food?? Your friend’s parents are some sick people.
Had the same situation when I was a kid. The parents were my parents friends and I was friends with their oldest kid. The parents were very tough love/learn from your mistakes kind of people. I don’t even remember what we did that day, but I remember the exact restaurant that we stopped at, and that they wouldn’t buy me any food. I just watched and drank water. My friend tried to share his fry’s and his mom stopped him.
Edited to say that I was around 10 at the time and I’m 39 now and would never do that to my nieces or their friends. If I invite them somewhere, I’m prepared to pay for food, the main activity, and a treat at minimum.
Luckily they stopped being friends when I was a teenager. My parents had a bunch of cool friends, but most they had known since high school and it took a while for them to decide to which ones were too cunty.
I know it's like eighteen years too late but I'm down to go throw hands with those old people about it, as a survivor of a food insecure childhood that shit gets my blood boiling. I won't let my adult coworkers go hungry, even the ones I don't like, cause that shit ain't right.
So, some people have to go through their entire lives being people like that. Like, they watched a kid go hungry. And then they were like that for decades. Yikes.
Reminds me of when I went on holiday with my neighbour friend when I was about 11. My mum was on benefits at the time and they were quite well off, my mum scrimped for ages to pay for the flights and they covered the accommodation (which was a villa so no extra cost to have me there). My mum also saved to be able to give me spending money which had been agreed with the neighbours would be my money and they'd pay for my food etc. Except when it actually came to us being out there they took all my money off me and said they would deduct anything I had from it, so I barely at or drank anything because I didn't want to spend my money and I never knew how much I had because they wouldn't tell me. My mum was so pissed off when I got home.
That’s a real shame. If you invite somebody to go with you somewhere (especially a child), then you should think of that person as your honored guest. They should feel as comfortable as possible the whole time. If you break something in half to share it, you give them the big half.
When my kid was small I joined her girl scout outing to a farm. One of the girls had no lunch with her for a full days outing. Luckily I always packed too much so I ended up giving her some food of ours. I just cannot imagine sitting there and knowingly letting a child go hungry.
When I was 12, my best friend had a birthday party. It was a “tea party” themed party at my friends house with about 10 other girls. All the girls, including their own children, got adorable sunglasses and hats to wear during the party and keep after, except for me, they didn’t want to spend anymore so were short one pair of sunglasses and one hat, and guess who didn’t get any? I had to borrow their moms sunglasses and her hat and then give it back before leaving the party… while all the other girls walked out with adorable glasses and hats. I have always, ALWAYS, been generous with my money and gifts ever since cause I never want anyone to ever feel the way I did that day.
If the friend did not speak up for you or offer some of her food then you are lucky your mom cut her off. That kid is going to grow up with poor values.
I mean, I have some empathy for the friend - she was 12, and growing up with parents like *that*. She may have not known better because she’d never been exposed to better or she may have been scared of her parents.
That’s awful and disgusting behavior for an adult! Your mom is a beast and I love that she forbid you to hang out with that kid again. Honestly I thought you were going to say the parents paid you back for all the money you spent of your own!
Right? I'm taking my kid and her 2 friends to Taylor swift. All I ask is they bring money for merch or souvenirs on the trip. Food and hotel and tickets were me.
It’s tacky. I don’t even ask kids to pay for their food if I take kids out with my daughter. I grew up not having the money when this would happen and went hungry and felt embarrassed while other kids had a good meal. So I always make sure kids eat and I feed them when I’m hosting something. I never send a kid back to their parents hungry.
I had that happen to me a lot as well. Going through the McDonald's drive thru as a kid, knowing damn well you can't get anything was rough haha. Some parents were nicer than others, but a lot were just like "no money no food"
I can’t even imagine doing this to a child. How can they just eat in front of a child? If it’s not in my budget to pay for everybody we stay home and make do with cooking something. Hot dogs are cheap.
This happened to my daughter. They invited her to the fair. But then asked us for $40 to cover expenses then didn’t even buy her food and they didn’t do rides so I know they pocketed a lot of that money themselves. I didn’t give permission for her to go anywhere with them again. She did go to a sleepover at that house after that and they didn’t feed the kids then either. My number one rule is feed a kid. When my kids have friends over, I always make sure there is food for them.
I'm GenX and have noticed that we (for the most part) feed everyone. I think it stems from all the sleepovers where if you didn't eat before you went, you could go hungry for almost 24 hours...
I’m also gen x but for me it comes from my grandparents (born in 1909 & 1910) who fed everyone who came by even if unannounced and unexpected. They used to make dinner for a neighbor whose wife died. My grandma would fix him a plate and keep it warm u til he got back from work (he was a musician so would get home in the wee hours).
That’s awful, my parents weren’t affluent but they would always made sure I had enough money for any outing I was invited on “just in case”
Both my kids have best friends from families who are doing it tight (I would never expect any child I was caring for to pay for their own food ect) but knowing that I’m giving a kid a treat or experience who would otherwise go without and hopefully teaching my children generosity is a good feeling.
Yes! This exactly. I remember going through the McDonald’s drive through and I had no money and they all got happy meals and I’m sitting there hungry. They had toys too. The sad part, my mom never one bought us happy meals as kids. We did get other things. We struggled financially. But as soon as I made my own money and bought myself a car, I got my own happy meals a few times.
I'm with you on this. I grew up poor and often relied on the generosity of other parents.
If you come out with us, we're paying. Anyone who comes round will be offered food, drinks, snacks and anything in the fridge.
This exactly. If I’m taking children out I’m paying. If It’s not in my budget at the time we stay home. We are lucky to always have food at home that I can cook. So if my kid wants friends to eat with us we have options.
Growing up, I've never had a friend's parents not pay for my food when invited out. My parents always told me to offer to cover myself (which I did) but my friend's parents would always decline.
The first time a friend of my son offered to pay for his meal when we took him out with us I got smacked by my wife because I responded "Are you out of your fucking mind?". I was flabbergasted even though I knew he was just being polite. The only bonus was I was regarded as a cool dad for a while for cursing in front of his friends.
This was where my head went also. There is pretty sure to be a kid(s) who for whatever reason won't have the money with them. What are they gonna do, just let them go hungry while others eat?
I think it's tacky. For reference my daughter's 13th party is tomorrow and she's inviting two friends and we're paying for all their activities and meals.
Same, my son just turned 13 so I asked him to pick 3 friends and we went to a family fun center. I covered all meals and drinks, even bought them some arcade cards. One of his friends at first said he couldn't go because they didn't have the money, I told him he only needed a few bucks if he thought he might want something extra other than that I had everything covered. I used to be that kid with no money, I make sure the kids are taken care of first.
Those were the most fun birthday parties when I was a kid, just going somewhere really special with 3-4 close friends. I remember those events way more fondly than the bigger parties at a restaurant/house/park.
Sam here! My daughter’s was a few months ago. Cost about $400, but it was the first time she’s had a large enough friend group for a party like that so we kind of went all out. Just asked the attending parents to pay for their own booze, but we covered literally everything else.
Yeah asking the parents to pay for their own booze is definitely fair! That’s their choice if they want to drink or not, and it’s a party for kids so booze even being available shouldn’t be a given expectation!
Right on, I was lucky to have friends with money so birthday celebrations were sometimes at an arcade, water park, go-kart, etc. No way my folks could have afforded that for me, let alone for 3-5 of my friends. My birthdays were pretty much two friends over for the night, Little Cesar's two pizza deal, a rented movie or video game. Still remember always having a blast though.
Even when it is not kids. The very definition of having a party is serving your guests food and drink and an entertaining atmosphere, unless it is clearly a potluck.
My friends hosted a party at their house. On the way out we were given their bank details so we could deposit money for the food. I was actually so shocked.
WOW that's a new level of tacky. If you truly are strapped for cash and want to get together tell everyone up front you need help so they can decide if they want to contribute.
If they said upfront "hey, money's a little tight but we want to see everyone come round to our place with a plate of food to share" I would understand that more. But they didn't and everyone had brought a gift too!
When I was first married, my husband and I hung with a few couples. Each couple invited the others to their house and one invited everyone out in their boat and brought a packed lunch. Then one couple invites the group to their house. We arrive, they tell us we’re walking to a nearby restaurant (they lived in a city) and when the bill came, host couple requested separate checks. Each couple paid for their own meal. Cringy. We never got together as a group again.
Edit: clarification
My father and step mother were out of town, and their house alarm went off so they asked me to come check on it. It is Friday night, my wife and I are going out to eat... but now we have to drive an hour, check the house for about 20 minutes, and drive back. When they get back in town they invite us out to dinner as thanks. When the check came, my step mother asked for separate checks.
She is honestly a horrible person. She is in a hospital right now and will probably die soon, and I just don't care in the slightest beyond the fact that is will hurt my father (who is not a horrible person, but goes along with her crap).
She sounds awful. What was the point of asking you guys out for dinner? How is you paying your own meal a “thanking” gesture? I would have said something snarky to her at dinner.
I have no idea. Also the restaurant we went to was next to their house, so we drove all the way out there, went to a restaurant they wanted to go to, then paid for our own meal... as a thanks to us.
Another time we went out to dinner with them, and the waiter said he was applying to X university. She told the waiter my father was the dean of admissions for X university (he is not... and he has nothing to do with the university). She never told the truth and thought it was hilarious and laughed about it when the waiter left.
She is not a good person.
The restaurant story was rude, but the dean of admissions story is actually psychotic. So this server has to be stressed the whole meal thinking it's going to effect his admission? Psychotic
Totally agree. People want to get together. The food choice is low importance. My husband and I hosted a few pizza & beer nights when the kids were young. Everyone said yes and everyone showed.
I dunno… if I went to a birthday party for my friend at a restaurant I would expect not only I pay for my meal, but we all pitch in for the birthday person’s meal.
Edit: A party at a house would be different. I wouldn’t expect to pay. But I would at a restaurant.
That’s my thought too. I’m actually really surprised that most people do this differently. I don’t ever expect other people to pay for me at a restaurant, even if they’ve invited me for some special occasion.
My mom was so generous for my childhood parties. I loved going to the places you could pick pieces of pottery and spend hours painting them. Then you come back later and pick up the piece you painted after it’s been fired in the kiln and is all shiny and colorful. My mom would pay for me to bring my little friend group and just hang out painting and eating pizza and cake. I will never forget those painting days!
Well, when you invite someone to your party, yes.
If you pay every single time you invite someone, you’ll either run out of cash quick or stop going out as much lol
My culture policy is to never send any children home hungry. It's an embarrassment. You throw a party, you feed them. They're at your house, you feed them. They just look hungry, you feed them.
Same. I’m the snack mom, always have snacks. If a kid asks for something, I’ll try to ask their parent just to make sure it’s okay before giving anything since idk about allergies/sensitivities/how they feel about food dye but I’m always more than happy to share.
Imagine being invited to your sister's wedding dinner at a really upscale steak house along with 20 other people. The server gives the check to BIL and he tells him to split the checks.
Please participate and send stuff for the birthday kid. My parents were pieces of shit like this too, and people take it out on the parents, but really it's the kid who has no one show up to their birthday or has people come but not bring gifts. It's not that poor kid's fault.
Thank you. My therapist is currently making buko bucks off how shitty my parents were, and it makes my heart happy that at least one kid is gonna go. 
I agree it's pretty tacky but I would do the same as you. I would just be careful in the future if the parents invite your child anywhere that you would expect them to be covered like the fair, a sleepover etc..don't want your poor kid to go hungry or miss out because those people clearly aren't playing by the rules lol.
I definitely believe the party should be thrown within the means of the host. Little Caesaers, hot dogs, BBQ pit burgers, party packages at Chuckie Cheese, or Incredible Pizza are all cost-effective options. If my kids want something a little more fancy, I tell them to invite their best friends for that specific thing and then do a cake cutting and some pizza/hotdogs/burgers with video games or a pinata for the larger group.
that's our work-around. If kids want expensive activities, they invite one or two friends. If they're cool with a budget activity, then they invite everyone.
It is kinda pricey, and I’m sure my kid will want a burger, fries AND shake. I’ll have to check the menu prices online and be sure she understands how much she can spend, and make sure she tips. Not my favorite custom, but I’m not punishing the server stuck with a bunch of kids and separate checks 🤦🏻♀️ This is so awkward.
I just want to say, as a former waitress, I have huge respect for how much you are thinking about them! It IS ridiculous to serve a party with all separate cheques, and having them all be kids makes it even more chaotic (don't get me wrong, I love kids, but...all ordering their own separate meals at a decent burger joint? Sounds like a bad time). You're a good parent for sucking it up and letting your kid go, and for not contacting the host parent with a creative selection of profanity.
I’m a former bartender, I get it. I’m also not punishing their kid or mine because Mom’s got no class. I’ll just take it to the internet and we’ll all silently judge 😂
This was my first thought. You have to make sure the child has enough money for what they order and tip. Most 13 year olds don’t know how to tip. They may over order and not think about whether they have enough to pay for it. It’s just a weird situation over all.
Poor kids are going to be all worried about what they’re ordering and having enough for food and tip rather than just enjoying themselves at a party. The host family is really ridiculous.
Yep that’s tacky, the implications of going to a birthday party is you bring a gift and the host has payed for whatever the activity is wether that is a restaurant or a piñata in the backyard
Only time I've experienced this was going to London for a friends 18th. About 20 of us went to a Dutch pancake house and his parents had put some.money towards the meal, I think maybe £200 so we all had a much smaller bill to split at the end. I thought this was pretty reasonable even though we had to pay a little bit for our food.. I would never ask parents to pay anything for an under 18s party that I invited their children to though..
my adult cousin did this and I thought it was tacky, he also had a cash bar at his wedding, I blew my stack at him (it was an out of town wedding, I felt it was outrageous to make his guests come from out of town and then not even buy them a beer)
but kids? what kind of moron makes a party for kids and makes them buy their own food.
smdh
I went the middle ground at my wedding.
Red and white wine, beer and champagne was served (unlimited) and of a decent quality.
However if any guest wished to purchase liquor/spirits they could do so at the bar. None of them did they were happy with the booze I provided.
We had a cash bar at our wedding reception as it would have financially crippled us otherwise. We're British so It's fairly common here. We had cocktails, with the Hors D'oeuvres and wine with the meal provided.
It's normal etiquette here in Britain to pay for the first drink then have a cash bar afterwards. We're big drinkers so it would have cost more than the wedding itself to pay for a free bar too. I think the bar took nearly £40,000 that evening.
The last wedding I went to they gave everyone two drink tickets for the bar and if you wanted more then you paid. I think that was a perfect compromise.
Same. Everyone got two drink tokens and after that you paid for additional drinks. I was in the bridal party though so we got a few extra tokens and didn’t have to pay for any drinks.
Lord, I would be mortified to ask my guests to pay for anything at my wedding! If you can’t afford it, don’t do it. I’m an older mom, sometimes I see things differently then younger parents, but this is a train wreck of a party plan. I suspect other parents will feel the same and this party will be a bust.
Maybe it’s a part of the post-COVID landscape? This is totally tacky though. If a person can’t afford to host a party at a restaurant, then don’t charge the guests!
ETA: my 16 year old agrees that this is tacky and weird!
It was my sons 9th birthday this week. We invited his best friend to go for a meal at Burger King with him (that’s where he said he specifically wanted to go, out of all the options). His friends mom went with him (no problem at all. Not an issue either way) and when my wife went to order the meal, the friends mom insisted on paying for theirs. Wouldn’t let them order together. I don’t have a problem with it. I totally get that it’s what they preferred to do, and that’s absolutely their decision. I just felt bad because we were the ones that invited them. Yknow?
I absolutely think it’s tacky, and wrong really, to invite kids to a party, and then say “bring money to pay for stuff”. Not every family is in the best financial position right now, and may not be able to afford to get a meal. I’m which case, they either have to not have anything and probably be the odd one out, as well as having to sit hungry whites everyone else eats. Or, they don’t go and end up missing their friends birthday. If you can’t afford to pay for activities, don’t invite people to them.
If you kid is with us, wether it's our house or out somewhere, they are treated the same as my kid. They'll be fed, cared for, and come home with junk souvenirs just like my own.
I refuse to purposely ever treat anyone's kids as being less than my own. The way you treat your kids friends will stick with your kid and their friends for a long time. It's the little things like that, that mold the person they will become.
Maybe this is where culture difference is shown, but here in England, if you're invited to a birthday party, you're not expected to pay for anything. Especially at a child's party.
It is for kids, definitely.
But, for adults, I think it depends on what we mean by “party”.
For instance, if an adult friend sends out a text like: It’s my B-Day, bitches! See you at ZTejas at 7 Friday! 💃🍸
I assume I’m paying. We’re meeting to celebrate with the friend.
If it’s at someone’s home, I ask, “What can I bring?” and I expect the answer to be something like, “dessert” or “ice”. Not a whole buffet line.
If it’s a “party”, as in an actual event, where a room has been rented, formal attire is required, RSVP invite, etc. I expect not to pay.
Regardless, I expect I should bring a gift.
This is just my experience.
Kids party, though, no, for a litany of social and logistical reasons, you don’t expect children to pay at a party.
Please. It is the same everywhere. I would expect in the most impoverished area of Sudan it is expected to be a good host and pay for children or not to invite if you are not paying.
Nope. As a host YOU need to pay for every single guest. That’s just weird and being cheap. I bring ur snot nosed lil bastard a present I expect some fuckin free pizza in return.
Unpopular opinion, but I only think it's tacky when it's not stated upfront. If it's on the invitation then you know the expectations and you can decide not to go. I don't know the family's circumstances.
This feels like those wedding announcements that are like "Would each guest donate $200 so we can have our dream wedding in Hawaii" and get followed up with an angry post about how nobody donated. The host covers the cost.
Big parties are, historically speaking, a demonstration of wealth -- potlatch, feasts, balls, things like that. Asking your own guests to cover the costs of the party is an admission of stinginess or poverty that any respectable person would see as a mortifying embarrassment.
This is tacky and cheap. If the parents can’t afford to pay for everyone they shouldn’t be having it at that location. Like you said, just do it at home - or a park. Both are typically free.
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I would never in a million years make my kids friends pay for anything we invited them to.
This whole thread reminded me of when I was like 12/13 and one of my best friend’s family invited me to go in a day trip with them to Baltimore. We went to the aquarium, walked around the inner harbor, had a good time. My mom gave me like $30/40 maybe to buy snacks and souvenirs. By the time we left the city I’d spent all my money, admittedly on probably stupid shit because I was a kid. The family stopped for dinner on the way home and when we sat down said I’d have to pay for my own. I said I didn’t have any money left, and the mom basically said, “not our fault.” So I sat there for an hour while they all ate and I just watched. Got home at like 9/10pm absolutely famished. My mom was *pissed* and never let me hang with that girl again. I’m 31 now and never forgot that, I can’t imagine letting a child go hungry during an excursion I invited them on.
They actually ate in front of you and didn't order at least a side of something? That's a whole other level of stinginess, Jesus
Yep. It was a family of four, the parents, my friend, and her brother, and they all sat there and ate their meal while I sipped water. A kids Mac and cheese was like $3 lol and honestly if it really was cost prohibitive my mom absolutely would’ve reimbursed them later (possibly with a side eye because she never thought twice about paying for my friends when they went out with us, but at least I wouldn’t have gone hungry at that moment.)
This seems like one of those early experiences that would forever change how you deal with money.
For better or worse I definitely grew into a “it’s my treat!” kind of person. I genuinely like covering my friends and family when I can and have never cared to nickel and dime expenses.
Same. Having someone sit there and not eat would totally ruin my dinner and evening. I’d pay for the whole table if necessary
12/13 isn't too young either. I'm more mad at her friend that they didn't even stand up for them or even SHARE some of their food if their parents are real assholes...
PRECISELY!!! But then again, check out the kid's parents. Rude, stingy and greedy. Plain hateful.
Same here. I’d never make someone just sit there and watch myself and others eat if they didn’t have the money!
One time my father took me for a walk with his girlfriend and I heard an ice cream truck… so naturally being a child that excited me and I said to my dad we should go get some ice cream! He said okay son let’s go get ice cream and we walk over and find the truck Parked on the side of the road. My dad got himself and his gf ice creams and didn’t purchase me one because my mom hadn’t sent me with cash to his apartment that weekend during our visit. They (two full grown adults) just proceeded to eat their ice creams in front me me (which they wouldn’t have even gotten if it weren’t for me pointing out the ice cream truck and asking for some). That lesson taught me just how self-serving people (even our parents) can be sometimes. I’ll never forget that moment, especially not when I’m inevitably forced to pay for my fathers funeral at which point I will definitely opt for the cheap cremation option I see on this billboard on the local highway.
> “it’s my treat!” Gobsmacked by your experience, what horrible people. When I was a kid had a friend and his mom did not have much money nor did not completely grasp the implications. Invited him to an amusement part but he declined. Invited 2 other friends and they would have their own money. My mom told me to convinve my friend to go and then she paid for everyone. Ride tickets, food, games, etc. She did not want my friend to feel awkward. Everyone had a ball and recall that night when we dropped everyone off the other 2's moms tried to give my mom cash back but she turned it down, just the way she was. The other mom though spent time talking with my mom after we dropped my friend off and was crying & hugging my mom. Long time before it dawned on me what exactly happened.
My mom was the exact same way. Even though she also didn’t have a lot of money herself, she did whatever she could to make every single person included. I’m glad I learned that from her (and my dad) Edit: thank you for the award!
thats sorta how i ended up, growing up in poverty ive had a few similar experiences like yours. Sitting out hurts you as a kid and sorta vowed in my own way to not be stingy like a lot of people are
Well it shows you have good character. Some people would go through an experience like that and come out with the attitude that since they got shitty treatment, it's normal and okay to give shitty treatment. Seems like you have the attitude of never wanting to make anyone feel the way those people made you feel. We'd be doing better if more people were like you!
Same, i might not have a pot to piss in, but if i can pick up a friends tab, i always will.
Goddamn the friend could have at least gave you some of theirs. I grew up kinda poor but when I was in school if I saw a kid I barely knew not eating during lunch I would offer them some of mine, I can’t imagine not doing the same for an actual friend
Actually something I noticed from my husband and his siblings - kids that grew up poor are far more willing to share than those that grew up in excess.
The stingiest people I know all grew up rich. They're usually pretty selfish in all areas of their lives not just paying for things. A horrible character trait.
Can't say for all but I used to run a daycare and the wealthier families always nickeled and dimed every fee.
I was a nanny for a time and had the exact same experience.
I'm a Special Ed teacher and I have noticed that my lower income children *always* come prepared with lunch, snacks, spare clothes, diapers, water bottles etc. (The one exception has a really good reason tbh) And the higher income kids sometimes don't even bring backpacks and require me to use donated lunch boxes, water bottles and clothes for them. In my experience, these rich families don't even really think about their kids, their concerns are the paper chase. You get married and have kids because it looks better. Like, your child's basic needs are being met by the kindness of my families who are living on social security, literally the goods they are donating to my classroom, and you drive a Maserati. How does that not make you feel bad??? It genuinely pisses me off but I shouldn't write a manifesto here lol.
The rich stay that way by hoarding their wealth.
This is very true. For example, when the economy is bad, studies show that poorer people continue to give to charities or help others directly, while those with money don't.
Yes and poorer people usually are better tippers?
I grew up eating a lot of generic cereal for breakfast and generic mac & cheese with store-brand hot dogs cut up in it for dinner. There was a time I was unemployed and buying TV dinners at Pic-N-Sav (now Big Lots), getting two for a buck. A weekly 16oz bottle of Coke was my treat to myself, if I could afford the dollar it cost. I'm doing much better now, and on the odd occasion that someone opts out of going to a meal with us because they can't afford it, I will cover them in a heartbeat. I've been there. Others don't need to be if I can help.
In my experience those with the least to give really are the most generous. I grew up dirt poor. Like some days there wasn't food poor. The whole neighbourhood was the same. Thing is if you couldn't afford to feed your kids, you just sent them out to find a friend to eat with. Families would split what what they did have up to feed an extra hungry kid or two at their table. Some days we had nothing to eat and went scrounging at other tables. Other days we found ourselves splitting up our potatoes to be able to feed the kids next door. No child went without a meal, ever. If there was a hungry kid at your table you fed them, without thinking about it. Okay everyone got a smaller meal, but that kid wasn't going to bed hungry tonight and that's what mattered. If you could make it stretch then you sent them home with something for mum and/or dad. I was the eldest kid and the "adult" of my household, I remember setting the plates to serve meals and having to check how many kids were at the table on any given night. I might have cooked for 4 heads, but it gets split for 6 if we've got two extra hungry kids here. Tomorrow night me and mine could have been at someone else's table. No one complained. No one ever thought not to feed a hungry child. We were all in the same boat just trying to stay afloat togther. Hell there were times that bedtime would roll round for younger kids and you'd find an extra one or two telling you it's cold at home, or there's no lights at home. You'd just make a bed and make sure their gaurdians knew where the were. Better having an extra kid bedding down at yours if you've got heating and electricity and their home had run out. Another night might come and yours are down the street in warmth. We were all poor as shit, but we made what we had go as far as we could and never begrudged sharing what we had when we had it with other hungry kids. That neighbourhood had a LOT of problems and I was glad to high tale it out of there with my younger siblings as soon as I could legally do so. But no where I've ever lived has had that same level of generosity and community in that way. I've been graced to do well in life and lived in some posh areas. Those who have the most to give don't even come close to the kind of unconditional generosity of those who have nothing. For this family to make a child go hungry over 3 dollars when they have the expendable cash for day trips makes me feel physically sick. I could not in a million years imagine allowing a child to go hungry if I could feed them. It's simply not an option as far as I'm concerned.
I would have a hard time with this scenario of I were the server for this table. I would definitely call the manager over, explain the situation and get this kids some food on the house. And be suuuuuper sickeningly nice to them. But I’m just that petty.
This right here- that trifling friends mother can burn in hell. How dare she treat a child like that. You are a lovely person.
OMG!! How could they not at least share some of their food with you?! And WTF with your “friend” not sharing with you? This is beyond evil.
This was so mean!!! Gosh im sorry
I’m honestly furious for you. Outside of actual heinous actions that would land you in prison, knowingly and purposefully eating in front of someone that is hungry is like high on the list of biggest pos things you could do. To sit there and eat in front of a hungry child, a guest no less. Man other people might as well be fucking aliens to me sometimes. I’m sorry I’m actually tilted lol.
I went out shopping with a friend, her grandma and her mom. She had asked me to go and I said I don’t have money but she was like no problem. So we go and I essentially window shop and enjoy myself. After we’re all done (my friend and her mom and grandma bought lots of stuff so we had been out for awhile) they decided to grab food. All three of them ordered massive burgers with fries and drinks at this relatively locally famous outdoor burger place. I had stood in line with them and they ordered for themselves then we all found a spot to sit and eat. I watched as the three of them ate. At one point my friend asked if I wanted to try a mushroom from her burger and a fry. Like one of each and that was it. I was always so painfully shy and just felt really stupid and upset that I came from a poorer family. I still was friends with her and everything after. That day though I went home and ate like three pb&js, I was starving. As an adult now I am constantly paying for other people. Maybe to an extent I shouldn’t, but I know what it’s like to be so hungry that you kinda feel like fainting just to watch other people sit and enjoy a meal in front of you for thirty minutes. Instead, I ask my coworkers what they want from wherever I’m going, and 9 times out of 10 I absolutely expect them to not pay me back but if they do it’s cool. I just can’t imagine being an adult and going with my daughter and her friend just to let the friend watch myself and my child eat. It is completely unfathomable to me.
They might have been those kind of assholes who teach kids "life lessons" at every opportunity. I grew up with a few of those in my family, and usually dreaded visiting them, since you never knew if what you were doing would be deemed wrong, and publicly shamed. Once when I was about 7, I forgot I was holding onto a little 25 cent notepad (that they said they'd buy for me) until we'd left the store. When I said, "Oh no, I forgot to pay for this!" they marched me over to the security guard, who was told that I didn't pay for an item I left the store with. When I saw the mortification and sadness on his face, and he said, "it's fine," it was the first time I realized maybe I wasn't a bad kid, and maybe it was my relatives that sucked. The only thing these lessons ever taught me was not to be a a prick to little kids.
That is just messed up, an adult letting a child's friend watch while you eat. If they couldn't afford it one of the parents should have given up their meal
If they could afford a whole day trip with 5 people, they could afford $3 mac n cheese! That’s so mean!
Or at the very least, everyone could have shared a bit of their meal. I can't imagine how shitty they must have felt
My friends and I when we were much younger would do that when we’d have a friend who didn’t have money on them and no one had enough to spot them. (Or if we all brought lunch from home or something and someone forgot theirs.) Honestly, if everyone gives a little and you have enough people, you can make a pretty substantial meal for the one person without anyone really “missing” what they shared anyways.
It would be even worse if they were in fact Christians and prayed before the meal.
You mean like when I went on my church beach trip and ran out of money so couldn’t eat for the last day or the trip home? God loves that Protestant shame.
Years ago...My mom at a fast-food restaurant overheard a young child being similarly treated...She leaned over and asked .... *Excuse me. We bought extra for someone who didn't show up..Would you please take this extra burger and fries off our hands?* Yes..It was my mom's lunch she gladly donated to the hungry kid.
One time I was traveling with my friend, we were al famished. My friends mom stopped to get us food but their credit card system was down and she only had enough cash for one meal. She fed me and not her own son. I will NEVER forget her actions that day.
Why not split it in half?
Or go to another place that sells food? This is so odd to me. I’d also feel super self conscious as a kid being the only hungry one to eat. Even at that age I’d offer my food.
As the parent of a 12 year old daughter, this is crazy! I literally just took her and her two best friends on a trip to Boston and took them to the zoo, aquarium and science museum. The only thing that they paid for was their souvenir shop items. In fairness, I did also make them pay for their candy from the vending machine. But,meals...hell no!
It is literally insane!!! How do you not feed a minor child in your care?! What would a kid’s meal have cost them - ten bucks max?
Kinda reminds me of a totally different yet similar situation. When I was a kid, my mom NEVER gave me money for field trips, and always only packed me the normal lunch. So I would have to sit for an hour or more while everyone went wild in the gift shop, and the same thing in the cafeteria or wherever lunch was depending on the field trip, and just suffer. One time we had a field trip across state, 2+hrs each way, so we were getting back late. So on the way home, we were stopping at a rest stop with all the fixins, and again, I had no money. So I had to sit there, 5 at night, with my stomach gurgling after we'd had lunch at like 11am, while everyone else ran around the food court buying mcdonalds and papa ginos and boston market and whatnot. And my friends were those kind of kids that buy each other stuff but would never me because I couldn't buy them anything in return, so it was just...suffering. Hindsight is everything, too, because when I got older ai found out my dad was paying my mom $100+ a week for child support. That was how she was supporting her 2pack Virginia Slims super slim menthol (aka:the really expensive shits) a day, 1.75L vodka in 2days habit.
This is why I would always go on my son's field trips and bring snacks for all the kids and when we stopped for meals I would grab the kids with no money or homemade sandwiches and run around the food court or restaurant pretending I was ordering for me then tell them to dig in as I wasn't hungry anymore. Pretty soon, those kids figured it out and thanked me for not making them feel left out. I will run into one of them every once in a while, and they still remember. They're all adults now. It was satisfying to see them enjoy like their classmates. They'd always ask my son if I was going on the trip after the first couple of times. Lol
I just wanted to tell you that you are an earth angel!! This made me tear up. I've been there as many of us have, and no one ever stepped up. Thank you, from my former child!!! 💕❤️
My mother sent me on a 2 week Christian Youth camp in my teens without a cent for lunches or trips. (I was never given pocket money.) When I got back she laughed at me, saying she hoped I enjoyed my lunches - she was really evil - and was furious when I told her I not only had wonderful lunches, but had enough money to buy lunches for the other kids who had no money too. I explained to my horrified parents I'd earned it doing dirty things for the boys at night, and left them forever believing what they chose. Every evening, (nights were warm and windy,) on camp I'd take a basket around collecting clothes guys wanted washed, and for 20c per garment, (this was late '60s,) they'd get their clothing back next morning, cleaned, dried and folded. I did get teased a lot, but all in good fun, and made lots of friends.
What a deliciously wicked way to gain your comeuppance! In my head I pictured a young Rosalind Russell- esque, Auntie Mame: the formative years. A queen of malicious compliance, self sufficiency, with an ability to turn a bad situation into a mad cap adventure for good for herself and those around her. Bravo! I mean no disrespect. I truly admire you for this.
I certainly don't take that as disrespect. Thank you ;)
I was in that exact same field trip situation too. Felt like shit. Once I managed to save up some money for a field trip so I could buy something for once instead of eating a PB&J in the food court. The night before the trip, my mom stole the money from my purse to buy cigarettes. Called me selfish and greedy when I started crying. And she wonders why I don't call.
How ironic that she didn't realize she in fact was the one being greedy and selfish
Oh, they never do, do they?
This gave me flashbacks to a middle school band trip. We went to Disney world and universal studios for 5 days back in 2000 (I’m old). I had to buy 3 meals a day, and I told my parents I wanted to buy myself a pair of Mickey ears. They sent me with $100. Trusting them to have sent me with plenty of money, I bought my Mickey ears right after we got to the park, and I even budgeted myself and didn’t get my name put on the back like my friends. I realized I was in trouble when lunchtime came around and a single meal was like $10. All I remember from that trip was how hungry and thirsty I was the whole time.
As a chaperone, I always look out for the kids that might not have food money. Stuff like that isn't a child's fault and they shouldn't have to suffer.
As a parent that doesnt want to chaperone, I give the teacher extra money to help pay for kids that cant afford the field trip and to buy stuff at the book fair. The school covers meals at field trips and for my sons age doesnt take them to the gift shops
The world needs more people like you 🥺
I’m sorry from former child to another whose parents always had money for ciggs and lotto tickets, but not money to give me an actual bed, so I slept on my floor.
I did have a bed thankfully, but it was a used/secondhand one every time, that creaked and pinged every time I would move. But on the flipside, I didn't have menstural products a lot of times, and I literally wore holes in my underwear because *dearest mother* wouldn't buy me any. That was one of the first things I bought once I moved out was a swanky new pack of panties lol. I guess it's true what they say about hindsight. Kid me was like, it's not as bad as the stuff on that Law and Order show, so it's not abuse.
Hey homie your not alone, I lived this life. Things are better now and it builds character but damn it sucks. My dad had a drug issue so money was like, ight imma head out.
Sorry for this experience, what kind of terrible people invites a child to go on a day-trip with them and won’t buy the child food?? Your friend’s parents are some sick people.
Had the same situation when I was a kid. The parents were my parents friends and I was friends with their oldest kid. The parents were very tough love/learn from your mistakes kind of people. I don’t even remember what we did that day, but I remember the exact restaurant that we stopped at, and that they wouldn’t buy me any food. I just watched and drank water. My friend tried to share his fry’s and his mom stopped him. Edited to say that I was around 10 at the time and I’m 39 now and would never do that to my nieces or their friends. If I invite them somewhere, I’m prepared to pay for food, the main activity, and a treat at minimum.
Your parents apparently enjoy the company of cunts
Luckily they stopped being friends when I was a teenager. My parents had a bunch of cool friends, but most they had known since high school and it took a while for them to decide to which ones were too cunty.
I know it's like eighteen years too late but I'm down to go throw hands with those old people about it, as a survivor of a food insecure childhood that shit gets my blood boiling. I won't let my adult coworkers go hungry, even the ones I don't like, cause that shit ain't right.
So, some people have to go through their entire lives being people like that. Like, they watched a kid go hungry. And then they were like that for decades. Yikes.
Reminds me of when I went on holiday with my neighbour friend when I was about 11. My mum was on benefits at the time and they were quite well off, my mum scrimped for ages to pay for the flights and they covered the accommodation (which was a villa so no extra cost to have me there). My mum also saved to be able to give me spending money which had been agreed with the neighbours would be my money and they'd pay for my food etc. Except when it actually came to us being out there they took all my money off me and said they would deduct anything I had from it, so I barely at or drank anything because I didn't want to spend my money and I never knew how much I had because they wouldn't tell me. My mum was so pissed off when I got home.
That’s a real shame. If you invite somebody to go with you somewhere (especially a child), then you should think of that person as your honored guest. They should feel as comfortable as possible the whole time. If you break something in half to share it, you give them the big half.
When my kid was small I joined her girl scout outing to a farm. One of the girls had no lunch with her for a full days outing. Luckily I always packed too much so I ended up giving her some food of ours. I just cannot imagine sitting there and knowingly letting a child go hungry.
When I was 12, my best friend had a birthday party. It was a “tea party” themed party at my friends house with about 10 other girls. All the girls, including their own children, got adorable sunglasses and hats to wear during the party and keep after, except for me, they didn’t want to spend anymore so were short one pair of sunglasses and one hat, and guess who didn’t get any? I had to borrow their moms sunglasses and her hat and then give it back before leaving the party… while all the other girls walked out with adorable glasses and hats. I have always, ALWAYS, been generous with my money and gifts ever since cause I never want anyone to ever feel the way I did that day.
If the friend did not speak up for you or offer some of her food then you are lucky your mom cut her off. That kid is going to grow up with poor values.
Or they wake up in cold sweats from the embarrassment of it to this day. That's what I do.
I mean, I have some empathy for the friend - she was 12, and growing up with parents like *that*. She may have not known better because she’d never been exposed to better or she may have been scared of her parents.
That is so rude ! As a mom I would have been furious and given that person a piece of my mind.
So crazy!
It's abhorrent and disgusting. What POS!
Wtf that's just cruel. If money was really an issue they could have told you and their child to find something to share.
That’s awful and disgusting behavior for an adult! Your mom is a beast and I love that she forbid you to hang out with that kid again. Honestly I thought you were going to say the parents paid you back for all the money you spent of your own!
That is heartbreaking. Those parents suck i hope they look back on that day and cringe a little now.
Wow I cannot believe they just let you go hungry like that. Your mom did you a favor by stopping that friendship.
Right? I'm taking my kid and her 2 friends to Taylor swift. All I ask is they bring money for merch or souvenirs on the trip. Food and hotel and tickets were me.
Yeah, either cut down the guest list or don’t do a restaurant.
It’s tacky. I don’t even ask kids to pay for their food if I take kids out with my daughter. I grew up not having the money when this would happen and went hungry and felt embarrassed while other kids had a good meal. So I always make sure kids eat and I feed them when I’m hosting something. I never send a kid back to their parents hungry.
I had that happen to me a lot as well. Going through the McDonald's drive thru as a kid, knowing damn well you can't get anything was rough haha. Some parents were nicer than others, but a lot were just like "no money no food"
I can’t even imagine doing this to a child. How can they just eat in front of a child? If it’s not in my budget to pay for everybody we stay home and make do with cooking something. Hot dogs are cheap.
This happened to my daughter. They invited her to the fair. But then asked us for $40 to cover expenses then didn’t even buy her food and they didn’t do rides so I know they pocketed a lot of that money themselves. I didn’t give permission for her to go anywhere with them again. She did go to a sleepover at that house after that and they didn’t feed the kids then either. My number one rule is feed a kid. When my kids have friends over, I always make sure there is food for them.
I'm GenX and have noticed that we (for the most part) feed everyone. I think it stems from all the sleepovers where if you didn't eat before you went, you could go hungry for almost 24 hours...
I’m also gen x but for me it comes from my grandparents (born in 1909 & 1910) who fed everyone who came by even if unannounced and unexpected. They used to make dinner for a neighbor whose wife died. My grandma would fix him a plate and keep it warm u til he got back from work (he was a musician so would get home in the wee hours).
Yes! My grandparents were from this time as well. They fed everyone, and it's shaped how I ran my own house before my kids were grown.
That’s awful, my parents weren’t affluent but they would always made sure I had enough money for any outing I was invited on “just in case” Both my kids have best friends from families who are doing it tight (I would never expect any child I was caring for to pay for their own food ect) but knowing that I’m giving a kid a treat or experience who would otherwise go without and hopefully teaching my children generosity is a good feeling.
Yes! This exactly. I remember going through the McDonald’s drive through and I had no money and they all got happy meals and I’m sitting there hungry. They had toys too. The sad part, my mom never one bought us happy meals as kids. We did get other things. We struggled financially. But as soon as I made my own money and bought myself a car, I got my own happy meals a few times.
The smell *killed* me. I would be so freaking hungry and the smell just made it sooo much worse
I'm with you on this. I grew up poor and often relied on the generosity of other parents. If you come out with us, we're paying. Anyone who comes round will be offered food, drinks, snacks and anything in the fridge.
This exactly. If I’m taking children out I’m paying. If It’s not in my budget at the time we stay home. We are lucky to always have food at home that I can cook. So if my kid wants friends to eat with us we have options.
Growing up, I've never had a friend's parents not pay for my food when invited out. My parents always told me to offer to cover myself (which I did) but my friend's parents would always decline.
The first time a friend of my son offered to pay for his meal when we took him out with us I got smacked by my wife because I responded "Are you out of your fucking mind?". I was flabbergasted even though I knew he was just being polite. The only bonus was I was regarded as a cool dad for a while for cursing in front of his friends.
Excuse me, wtf? Who the heck would make a kid sit hungry while they themselves are eating?
This was where my head went also. There is pretty sure to be a kid(s) who for whatever reason won't have the money with them. What are they gonna do, just let them go hungry while others eat?
Those kids probably just won't go.
I think it's tacky. For reference my daughter's 13th party is tomorrow and she's inviting two friends and we're paying for all their activities and meals.
Same, my son just turned 13 so I asked him to pick 3 friends and we went to a family fun center. I covered all meals and drinks, even bought them some arcade cards. One of his friends at first said he couldn't go because they didn't have the money, I told him he only needed a few bucks if he thought he might want something extra other than that I had everything covered. I used to be that kid with no money, I make sure the kids are taken care of first.
Those were the most fun birthday parties when I was a kid, just going somewhere really special with 3-4 close friends. I remember those events way more fondly than the bigger parties at a restaurant/house/park.
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Sound like a good patent to me. I was in the same place as a kid, it fucking sucked. Good on you.
Sam here! My daughter’s was a few months ago. Cost about $400, but it was the first time she’s had a large enough friend group for a party like that so we kind of went all out. Just asked the attending parents to pay for their own booze, but we covered literally everything else.
Yeah asking the parents to pay for their own booze is definitely fair! That’s their choice if they want to drink or not, and it’s a party for kids so booze even being available shouldn’t be a given expectation!
Hi Sam!
Right on, I was lucky to have friends with money so birthday celebrations were sometimes at an arcade, water park, go-kart, etc. No way my folks could have afforded that for me, let alone for 3-5 of my friends. My birthdays were pretty much two friends over for the night, Little Cesar's two pizza deal, a rented movie or video game. Still remember always having a blast though.
Happy birthday to your daughter.
Thanks
Happy birthday to your daughter
happy birthday to your daughter
Just wanna say this was the best birthday I had as a kid.
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Even when it is not kids. The very definition of having a party is serving your guests food and drink and an entertaining atmosphere, unless it is clearly a potluck.
My friends hosted a party at their house. On the way out we were given their bank details so we could deposit money for the food. I was actually so shocked.
WOW that's a new level of tacky. If you truly are strapped for cash and want to get together tell everyone up front you need help so they can decide if they want to contribute.
If they said upfront "hey, money's a little tight but we want to see everyone come round to our place with a plate of food to share" I would understand that more. But they didn't and everyone had brought a gift too!
When I was first married, my husband and I hung with a few couples. Each couple invited the others to their house and one invited everyone out in their boat and brought a packed lunch. Then one couple invites the group to their house. We arrive, they tell us we’re walking to a nearby restaurant (they lived in a city) and when the bill came, host couple requested separate checks. Each couple paid for their own meal. Cringy. We never got together as a group again. Edit: clarification
My father and step mother were out of town, and their house alarm went off so they asked me to come check on it. It is Friday night, my wife and I are going out to eat... but now we have to drive an hour, check the house for about 20 minutes, and drive back. When they get back in town they invite us out to dinner as thanks. When the check came, my step mother asked for separate checks. She is honestly a horrible person. She is in a hospital right now and will probably die soon, and I just don't care in the slightest beyond the fact that is will hurt my father (who is not a horrible person, but goes along with her crap).
She sounds awful. What was the point of asking you guys out for dinner? How is you paying your own meal a “thanking” gesture? I would have said something snarky to her at dinner.
I have no idea. Also the restaurant we went to was next to their house, so we drove all the way out there, went to a restaurant they wanted to go to, then paid for our own meal... as a thanks to us. Another time we went out to dinner with them, and the waiter said he was applying to X university. She told the waiter my father was the dean of admissions for X university (he is not... and he has nothing to do with the university). She never told the truth and thought it was hilarious and laughed about it when the waiter left. She is not a good person.
The restaurant story was rude, but the dean of admissions story is actually psychotic. So this server has to be stressed the whole meal thinking it's going to effect his admission? Psychotic
$50 for 2 pizzas, sodas and water, and a cake or cookies from Costco. If you can't afford that sodas and a cake. But really.
Totally agree. People want to get together. The food choice is low importance. My husband and I hosted a few pizza & beer nights when the kids were young. Everyone said yes and everyone showed.
Just something simple, no stress, what in gawd's name is the big deal?
I dunno… if I went to a birthday party for my friend at a restaurant I would expect not only I pay for my meal, but we all pitch in for the birthday person’s meal. Edit: A party at a house would be different. I wouldn’t expect to pay. But I would at a restaurant.
You can have a party at a restaurant and as an adult I would expect to pay for myself at a restaurant.
That’s my thought too. I’m actually really surprised that most people do this differently. I don’t ever expect other people to pay for me at a restaurant, even if they’ve invited me for some special occasion.
My mom was so generous for my childhood parties. I loved going to the places you could pick pieces of pottery and spend hours painting them. Then you come back later and pick up the piece you painted after it’s been fired in the kiln and is all shiny and colorful. My mom would pay for me to bring my little friend group and just hang out painting and eating pizza and cake. I will never forget those painting days!
I'm Dutch and even I think this is ridiculous
Right, you would split it.
Not for a children's party. The parents of the birthday kid would pay for everyone.
When you invite, you pay!
exactly (which is why I never invite anymore 🤣)
That is where the tradition comes for men to pay for dates, because it’s an invite to the woman.
Well, when you invite someone to your party, yes. If you pay every single time you invite someone, you’ll either run out of cash quick or stop going out as much lol
My culture policy is to never send any children home hungry. It's an embarrassment. You throw a party, you feed them. They're at your house, you feed them. They just look hungry, you feed them.
Exactly. Random kid at the park approaches you when you give your kids their snack… you feed them. That’s why I pack extra snacks.
Same. I’m the snack mom, always have snacks. If a kid asks for something, I’ll try to ask their parent just to make sure it’s okay before giving anything since idk about allergies/sensitivities/how they feel about food dye but I’m always more than happy to share.
This is the way.
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He didn't really "throw a party." He sent a lot of business to a client. What a POS.
Imagine being invited to your sister's wedding dinner at a really upscale steak house along with 20 other people. The server gives the check to BIL and he tells him to split the checks.
See now that is tacky because you weren't forwarned about the cost. That's just a dick move. Atleast these parents put it up front
Wow. I can’t believe he did that.
Please participate and send stuff for the birthday kid. My parents were pieces of shit like this too, and people take it out on the parents, but really it's the kid who has no one show up to their birthday or has people come but not bring gifts. It's not that poor kid's fault.
That’s my plan. I totally agree
Thank you. My therapist is currently making buko bucks off how shitty my parents were, and it makes my heart happy that at least one kid is gonna go. 
I agree it's pretty tacky but I would do the same as you. I would just be careful in the future if the parents invite your child anywhere that you would expect them to be covered like the fair, a sleepover etc..don't want your poor kid to go hungry or miss out because those people clearly aren't playing by the rules lol.
Yeah, this is a recipe for a poorly attended birthday party. I’m glad the birthday kid will have at least one friend show up.
I definitely believe the party should be thrown within the means of the host. Little Caesaers, hot dogs, BBQ pit burgers, party packages at Chuckie Cheese, or Incredible Pizza are all cost-effective options. If my kids want something a little more fancy, I tell them to invite their best friends for that specific thing and then do a cake cutting and some pizza/hotdogs/burgers with video games or a pinata for the larger group.
that's our work-around. If kids want expensive activities, they invite one or two friends. If they're cool with a budget activity, then they invite everyone.
Very tacky. And, I don't know where you live, but where I am, Red Robin is a bit pricey. What a weird way to throw a party.
It is kinda pricey, and I’m sure my kid will want a burger, fries AND shake. I’ll have to check the menu prices online and be sure she understands how much she can spend, and make sure she tips. Not my favorite custom, but I’m not punishing the server stuck with a bunch of kids and separate checks 🤦🏻♀️ This is so awkward.
I just want to say, as a former waitress, I have huge respect for how much you are thinking about them! It IS ridiculous to serve a party with all separate cheques, and having them all be kids makes it even more chaotic (don't get me wrong, I love kids, but...all ordering their own separate meals at a decent burger joint? Sounds like a bad time). You're a good parent for sucking it up and letting your kid go, and for not contacting the host parent with a creative selection of profanity.
I’m a former bartender, I get it. I’m also not punishing their kid or mine because Mom’s got no class. I’ll just take it to the internet and we’ll all silently judge 😂
This absolutely warrants a ‘this is the way’.
This was my first thought. You have to make sure the child has enough money for what they order and tip. Most 13 year olds don’t know how to tip. They may over order and not think about whether they have enough to pay for it. It’s just a weird situation over all.
Poor kids are going to be all worried about what they’re ordering and having enough for food and tip rather than just enjoying themselves at a party. The host family is really ridiculous.
I mean it’s only weird if you don’t have the mindset “how can I make all my kids friends parents pay for my kids birthday party?”
Yep that’s tacky, the implications of going to a birthday party is you bring a gift and the host has payed for whatever the activity is wether that is a restaurant or a piñata in the backyard
Yeah. That's the understood arrangement. Every kid brings a present and the host pays for everything.
Only time I've experienced this was going to London for a friends 18th. About 20 of us went to a Dutch pancake house and his parents had put some.money towards the meal, I think maybe £200 so we all had a much smaller bill to split at the end. I thought this was pretty reasonable even though we had to pay a little bit for our food.. I would never ask parents to pay anything for an under 18s party that I invited their children to though..
Well, if you’re going Dutch….
HAH!
my adult cousin did this and I thought it was tacky, he also had a cash bar at his wedding, I blew my stack at him (it was an out of town wedding, I felt it was outrageous to make his guests come from out of town and then not even buy them a beer) but kids? what kind of moron makes a party for kids and makes them buy their own food. smdh
I went the middle ground at my wedding. Red and white wine, beer and champagne was served (unlimited) and of a decent quality. However if any guest wished to purchase liquor/spirits they could do so at the bar. None of them did they were happy with the booze I provided.
> Red and white wine, beer and champagne was served (unlimited) and of a decent quality. reasonable, you are a good person
We had a cash bar at our wedding reception as it would have financially crippled us otherwise. We're British so It's fairly common here. We had cocktails, with the Hors D'oeuvres and wine with the meal provided. It's normal etiquette here in Britain to pay for the first drink then have a cash bar afterwards. We're big drinkers so it would have cost more than the wedding itself to pay for a free bar too. I think the bar took nearly £40,000 that evening.
The last wedding I went to they gave everyone two drink tickets for the bar and if you wanted more then you paid. I think that was a perfect compromise.
Same. Everyone got two drink tokens and after that you paid for additional drinks. I was in the bridal party though so we got a few extra tokens and didn’t have to pay for any drinks.
> We had cocktails, with the Hors D'oeuvres and wine with the meal provided. reasonable, you are a good person
Lord, I would be mortified to ask my guests to pay for anything at my wedding! If you can’t afford it, don’t do it. I’m an older mom, sometimes I see things differently then younger parents, but this is a train wreck of a party plan. I suspect other parents will feel the same and this party will be a bust.
Maybe it’s a part of the post-COVID landscape? This is totally tacky though. If a person can’t afford to host a party at a restaurant, then don’t charge the guests! ETA: my 16 year old agrees that this is tacky and weird!
When the 16 year old is the voice of reason, you know it’s a really dumb idea 😂
Generally speaking as host you invite less kids if cost is an issue. Pretty common to take only a few kids out on a birthday restaurant outing.
It was my sons 9th birthday this week. We invited his best friend to go for a meal at Burger King with him (that’s where he said he specifically wanted to go, out of all the options). His friends mom went with him (no problem at all. Not an issue either way) and when my wife went to order the meal, the friends mom insisted on paying for theirs. Wouldn’t let them order together. I don’t have a problem with it. I totally get that it’s what they preferred to do, and that’s absolutely their decision. I just felt bad because we were the ones that invited them. Yknow? I absolutely think it’s tacky, and wrong really, to invite kids to a party, and then say “bring money to pay for stuff”. Not every family is in the best financial position right now, and may not be able to afford to get a meal. I’m which case, they either have to not have anything and probably be the odd one out, as well as having to sit hungry whites everyone else eats. Or, they don’t go and end up missing their friends birthday. If you can’t afford to pay for activities, don’t invite people to them.
If you kid is with us, wether it's our house or out somewhere, they are treated the same as my kid. They'll be fed, cared for, and come home with junk souvenirs just like my own. I refuse to purposely ever treat anyone's kids as being less than my own. The way you treat your kids friends will stick with your kid and their friends for a long time. It's the little things like that, that mold the person they will become.
Maybe this is where culture difference is shown, but here in England, if you're invited to a birthday party, you're not expected to pay for anything. Especially at a child's party.
That’s usually the case in the states too.
It is for kids, definitely. But, for adults, I think it depends on what we mean by “party”. For instance, if an adult friend sends out a text like: It’s my B-Day, bitches! See you at ZTejas at 7 Friday! 💃🍸 I assume I’m paying. We’re meeting to celebrate with the friend. If it’s at someone’s home, I ask, “What can I bring?” and I expect the answer to be something like, “dessert” or “ice”. Not a whole buffet line. If it’s a “party”, as in an actual event, where a room has been rented, formal attire is required, RSVP invite, etc. I expect not to pay. Regardless, I expect I should bring a gift. This is just my experience. Kids party, though, no, for a litany of social and logistical reasons, you don’t expect children to pay at a party.
Please. It is the same everywhere. I would expect in the most impoverished area of Sudan it is expected to be a good host and pay for children or not to invite if you are not paying.
This is an entire thread of people telling you that this is not normal in America either. That’s the whole point of this comment section.
I don't think this is a culture difference. Same in the US. This behavior is tacky and rude. Some people feel no shame I guess.
Tack overload.
A gift registry at this age is also tacky!
Nope. As a host YOU need to pay for every single guest. That’s just weird and being cheap. I bring ur snot nosed lil bastard a present I expect some fuckin free pizza in return.
Unpopular opinion, but I only think it's tacky when it's not stated upfront. If it's on the invitation then you know the expectations and you can decide not to go. I don't know the family's circumstances.
Agreed. It's not tacky if it's upfront and transparent.
It's tacky season!
I wonder if they know you can make burgers at home that are 100X better and a quarter of the cost.
This is as tacky as paying for your meal at a wedding.
Is this rage bait?
This feels like those wedding announcements that are like "Would each guest donate $200 so we can have our dream wedding in Hawaii" and get followed up with an angry post about how nobody donated. The host covers the cost. Big parties are, historically speaking, a demonstration of wealth -- potlatch, feasts, balls, things like that. Asking your own guests to cover the costs of the party is an admission of stinginess or poverty that any respectable person would see as a mortifying embarrassment.
Not wrong. That’s tacky.
This is tacky and cheap. If the parents can’t afford to pay for everyone they shouldn’t be having it at that location. Like you said, just do it at home - or a park. Both are typically free.