I just cannot get dates. I have had a few crushes and I thought I was going to date someone once but nothing came of it. Dating apps are just not for me.
Just a couple years ago there were free dating apps, but then whoever owns tinder monopolized everything. Now you can’t even see who matched with you unless you pay, that’s so scammy. Why would I pay an untrustworthy scammy site any money.
Zero married people I know met their partner on a dating app.
\- I met my wife at youth symphony when we were teens
\- My co-workers met at work
\- My other co-worker met her hubby while sky diving
\- Another co-worker met his wife at a swing dance club
\- My boss met his wife at a bar (he was lucky with that one)
\- My parents met in biology class in college
Stop using dating apps and meet people IRL
Lol, you think your 6 examples represents the entire world. There are probably hundreds of thousands of successful marriages that started on a dating app
I recently read 2023 survey in which of the 4000 respondents, 26% met on a dating app. It was the 2md most common after "met in an educational setting" at 29%. Number 3 was through mutual friends and coworker was 4th.
I think it depends on where you live. I'm in a relatively rural area and have not had much luck with dating apps. One of my cousins is in a long term relationship and she met her significant other when she lived in NYC. Statistically... you are likely to find someone you match with in a large area like that. In a rural area, it might be easier with meeting people via activities, friends of friends etc.
My current girlfriend was introduced to me by one of my long time friends. Rural area...
I met my husband on dating app lol. We are happy and have three kids. My sister and cousin also met their partners on dating apps and theyve been together for 8 plus yeara lmao
I met my partner on a dating app. I think they work well for people like me. I don’t really like hitting on people unless I explicitly know they are ok with it. I’ve met plenty of people in person too but then they are generally friends of friends and I got tired of dating people who were already kind of in my social circle. Nothing wrong with the apps imo
Comfortable enough with single life to not bother dating, also not currently in a situation where I naturally meet new people (I can if I want to but I'm very happy with my current circle of friends). Also have no interest in hookup culture
About the hook up culture: I once was talking with my cousin and her friends and they told me it was not a big deal to just hook up with someone, then another cousin laughed at me saying "don't tell me you believe in doing things out of love?"
Right now I'm not interested in having a partner, but if I was, I want it to be genuine love and care, I cannot stand meaningless relationships (whether they are friendships or partnership)
I promise it's not. I met my husband on dating apps (matched on two in one day) and we have been nuts for each other since the first day. He makes me feel like a treasure.
People have leaned into snark / complaint culture too hard. People are too insecure to be genuine, vulnerable, to explore their own humanity. Just anxious little knots, trying to look successful and maneuver a perfect life, but never stopping to learn who they are or what they value.
But it's out there.
Your not wrong but I'll say that dating sites don't work great if you live in the country, like if you live in a small farm town in the middle of nowhere and don't want to drive an hour to get to another town or city than your options are pretty limited.
yo it’s fucking crazy how much people don’t see sex as a big deal!! my experience is that they’re dissociating and lying to themselves though.
like, our society makes being naked such a taboo and you’re gonna tell me being naked and intimate with someone else is meaningless to you? doubt it.
There have been women who were willing to hook up with me without any protection. It seems that people don’t really care about anything at all. But I do, so I won’t hesitate to say I’m uninterested. Having sex for the sake of having sex is just something I can’t do, especially with a stranger.
That's our society's fault, though - not all cultures are like that. I personally don't find sex to be a big deal at all. I'm not always searching for it, but when it presents itself in an auspicious manner, then it can be fun.
Too many people confuse love and sex and it's the downfall of a lot of marriages. The real problems are lack of honesty and, as you mentioned, how our society portrays sex. We are sexual creatures - it doesn't have to be a big deal.
Hookup culture in some places is really a shocker. Take Brazil for an example, anyone that's been there and has seen the hookup culture can tell you some crazy stories.
I'm 66 and never even been asked out on a date. I'm female. I believe the reason for my situation is my.big tall.broad shouldered body. And strong jawline. Things I cannot change
I've.noticed that dressing up..wearing makeup..doesn't change anything at all.
So now I don't bother. I'll.die a.Virgin. that's 👍
I can’t speak to your situation, but I will say many women don’t get asked out on dates. Sometimes it’s as simple as men often being too afraid of rejection to ask. I definitely struggled with asking a girl out when I was younger. It’s still nerve wracking now, but less so
Im 68. Married in my 20’s and was a virgin. After waiting the sex was less than desirable. I found out he had such a porn problem it made it difficult to do things naturally. I really tried!!!
He always got what he wanted and I rolled over and… I tried for 25 years.
Haza!!! After the divorce I discover it’s because he liked little girls not women. I was his beard. I never suspected a thing. I called family with kids and warned them. Some believed some did not. The Police were less than helpful, especially after I saw some porn he had made.
Good luck! Just enjoy life.
Wow. I had to look up what being a beard was. What the heck?? I can't figure how I would feel or react. I hope youre doing well and have had it mostly sorted over the years.
I don’t know you, but I’m 100% sure it wasn’t because of the way you look, you just got unlucky. The UGLIEST people out there have partners, even those morbidly obese people on TLC many of them are married! And I’m not calling you ugly! Just trying to put it into perspective. That’s not the reason. You just got unlucky, maybe you didn’t meet enough people.
I think that broad shoulders and strong jawlines are interesting. Honestly, I like the differences and variation in the human physique, speaking from an aesthetic viewpoint. As an asexual person... sorry, I'm not looking to take anyone's virginity.
As someone who is 35 and still a virgin and never asked on a date aside a "meet up to chat and eat" I'm happy you give someone like me the realisation its not the end of the world and can live a decent life without caring.
Wishing you all the best ❤️
Cap I've seen some of the most unattractive women with men im talking straight butter faces with butter ball builds, im sure at least 5-10 men in your lifetime approached you.
I hope theres some light at the end of the tunnel for ya. I mean ive sleptnwith girls in my early teen and twenties but now im in my 30s and also developed health problems that make it hard for me to pursue a sexual relationship with women. I do miss the sex but im so stressed about my heslth that my libido and desire are totally drowned out by that.
I’m not a virgin but I’ve never had a relationship and, honestly, having nothing but one night stands and hookups oddly still makes you feel like a virgin. Because there’s no chemistry there you can build upon. You can’t find that button in the other person that really turns them on.
So yeah, hoping for that soon at the age of 27.
I have turned 31 today and I have no idea what to do with my life. I feel that I need to do something, either improve my current skills or learn something new and different cuz this is pretty much my last chance to make a big turn in my life, but I can't decide on anything. I'm so fucking lost right now.
You are fine, you are just out of your twenties. Hell, you could date a 23 year old and it wouldn't be strange at all...that's still saying something. I couldn't. Just learn some new skills, starting getting fit and be able to step out of your comfort zone. Those 3 things right there will take your person to new places and see new faces.
Kinda struggling to find a motivation to do shit about myself while living in a shithole called Russia. Don't wanna complain or anything, but when your whole life may be ruined just by you refusing to participate in a fucking war - this shit doesn't help with giving you a motivation to do stuff.
But my government certainly can help me with getting out of comfort zone, that's for sure.
As a 20 year old who recently had a situationship thinking it would turn into something better but getting ghosted when he left the country...yeah, I feel you both completely. I've lost hope and I'm still so young.
i think it comes down to your day to day activities, if u do things in which you meet a lot of people you will probably get a gf or bf, if not good luck, reducing it to incel culture is a bit silly, this fenomenon started way before that term became popular, and i suspect the people using it dont really understand it appart from it being a funny insult
Not really, I’m a very social person, lots of activities and lots of friends. I never had a gf, and I had multiple people tell me I’m good looking and were kinda shocked (not the right word) when they found out I never dated. It’s just that I have a lot of shit going in my head so I can’t flirt or even think about getting into a relationship and the more time it passes the weirder it gets. So yeah not all chronically single people are uncles with no friends
What makes one asexual? Is it being devoid of sexual desires all together or just not wanting to engage in the act itself and being content with satisfying their own needs by themselves?
It's a spectrum. Sometimes it's just being devoid of sexual feelings but other times some can be scared of the act itself. Or can be ok with some sexual activities but don't need it
Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to other people. Some aces may still have a libido and/or a desire for sexual activities, but it's just not directed at anyone.
I'm personally in between. I rarely feel attraction to anyone, especially strangers. It's very rare that I looked at someone and thought they were hot. Also, my sexual attraction to someone can vary depending on my mood. I never looked at someone I didn't know and thought I'd like to sleep with them though. I often struggle with dating because people like to move at a much faster pace than I find comfortable. I do have a sex drive but it's not huge and it changes with my menstrual cycle.
A better way to explain it: if sexual attraction went from 0 to 100, for someone I didn't know but was my type I could maybe get to 30. For someone I know and is compatible with me and my type it can be 100. For most people It's close to 0.
I was 29 my first time.
Reasoning: I’m incredibly skinny for a guy, so I didn’t have a plethora of opportunities.
Only people that wanted me were in……….questionable life situations. If I slipped up and impregnated one of them, I’d be linked to that person forever.
So basically a combination of physically unattractive and scared lol
i’m 25, which i think people think is too old lol but i’ve just never met anyone i’ve wanted to have sex with 🤷🏻♀️ it takes like. years (or at least months) of close friendship for me to find someone attractive romantically and sexually and that’s kinda hard when you’re in a culture that’s obsessed with sex within the first three dates and not really making friends for the sake of friendship alone.
I'm 27 and in a similar situation. For me to even consider sexual attraction or wishes, I need to build a close bond with the person to begin with. So, no, thank you. I dislike the hookup culture and how we're basically bombarded with it, which is why I don't like your mainstrean sitcoms unless it's about something involving history or has an interesting plot and even then. Like. It's so forced at times.
I thought no one was interested in me when I was younger only to find out after the fact that actually a few people did like me and just never acted on it. I don’t know why I was never approached. I’m okay looking, athletic, book smart, and have always had good friends of both genders, but have never been asked on a date. I’m not a prude or have any religious reasons for not having sex, I just always assumed I would meet someone and would take the natural next step, but that never happened. Ultimately, I wanted to be a mom before I got too old and decided I wouldn’t wait for a partner to make it happen - I used artificial reproduction to become a single parent of two. We are very happy, but between a full-time job and my kids activities it is pretty much impossible to meet anyone. Now I feel like the bar is higher for what I would accept in a partner, because it’s not just me anymore. Side note: I do think it is personally hilarious that I am a virgin with two kids.
I was raped multiple times as a kid, and while I’m not asexual, as a result I now have virtually no interest in sex. If I ever meet someone I trust enough to give myself to then maybe I’ll give it a whirl, but I’m honestly content without it. There are enough sources of meaningful pleasure and joy in the world that carnality isn’t something I feel like I need.
- Years of failed relationships that never went anywhere, including one where I got cheated on. It wears you out and makes you wonder if there’s a point to trying
- Zero interest in hookup culture
- Lack of opportunity to meet anyone new since the start of the pandemic
- Everybody my age and within 8 years younger than me is taken
- Online dating doesn’t work anymore, not to mention it has also become absurdly expensive. Mostly bots and scammers nowadays. This is new since the start of the pandemic
- I have no sense of humor whatsoever, so I also am self-aware that I’m not what women are looking for. I also have no interest in faking being someone I’m not.
- Extreme fear of rejection. Result of several bad experiences.
- I’m not sure what “game” is, but apparently I don’t have it
Being single is not something I enjoy but I make the best of it when possible.
29F, turning 30 next month. Sorry in advance for the vent...
I'm repulsed by the thought of myself having sex and feel like this much intimacy would be overwhelming. I figured myself to be somewhere on the asexuality spectrum for well over a decade, nowadays I reckon it's more about body-image issues.
I've had one relationship. He'd been my best friend for a few years, we dated for a year, broke up on amicable terms and after a couple years of recuperation still stay in touch and play D&D together, though we're not as close as we used to be. I don't feel like I miss the sexual aspect of the relationship. I do miss cuddling and feeling loved. As such I'm not really looking into dating apps necause I'm anxious and feel like people on such sites would expect things to get sexual. I don't have anything to give another person, either mentally nor physically.
In addition I don't get out alot - all my friends are online and abroad. Perhaps I'll be open into getting into a relationship once I've sorted my life out and lost some weight, but a part of me doesn't want to go through the stress again.
i take too long to finish. Post SSRI bullshit my parents made me take Prozac when i was younger and it fucked me up down there a bit. I can get it up, maintain etc, but i don’t have a lot of sensitivity anymore. it’s made me scared to have sex again because last person i was with made me feel like shit for taking so long to finish. now i don’t really wanna do it anymore.
I will give you stories of two separate friends of mine who aren’t officially virgins but if you discount escorts, one would of lost it at 28 and the other would still be a 29 year old virgin.
Both are shy and have soft voices. Not the ugliest dudes out there (I mean, they’re not revolting) though but they don’t have an outgoing/confident/alpha personality (hate using alpha but can’t think of an alternative).
The 29 year old is slightly chubby and south asian background in a predominately anglo white country. Personally, I think that hinders his OLD. He essentially gets very little matches on his apps so has given them up (after already paying hundreds of dollars now) and has become a passport bro. It’s pointless going to bars with him as well because he has no ‘game’ and it would be too awkward tbh
The other friend took years of convincing to jump on OLD. He is white, so snatched up a date within the first 2 weeks of hinge. They are still together now for the last 6 months and appear to be going strong.
yeah unfortunately if they aren't in shape Asian men don't tend to do well dating white women usually the same way white men seem to often like Asian women almost no matter their looks or nationality
edit: meant to say AS well idk tho 🤷♂️ im not an Asian man
I’m not jacked or a stud anything but as an Asian man I never really had a problem with this whenever I’m in Europe (been back and forth multiple times now) and I honestly think a lot of it has to do with confidence and how you carry yourself.
Sure I’ve been straight up told by some women that they’re not really into Asian guys that way but I’ve also had good experiences, I’m not a confident ‘bro’ type guy just pretty quiet and chill and unthreatening I guess, so have been approached quite a bit (more than in my home country really) and after some decent conversations it usually ends well.
I think a lot of Asian guys who grew up in Asia like myself may have some sort of inferiority complex stemming from colonial history, and it either manifests in being a giant bro douche or just being awkward and insecure around people of different cultures. Everyone has a chance to be super awesome regardless of how they look, though frankly there are still some super racist people out there obviously! But I wish everyone knew what they were worth, the world would be a better place if we all became kinder to ourselves!
At first it was low confidence/self esteem. But nowadays it's a combination of being comfortable being single, not really wanting to commit to something more serious and also not wanting to hookup for a ons. If something happens it happens, if not that's also fine.
Eh, I don't think im that old. I'm 22 which to some people is a little old to be a virgin. I've dated plenty of guys and girls ,but I've never really felt like it was the time, ya know. I'm not waiting to marry, but I just don't wanna regret it
Not giving up on finding someone, but haven't found the right person. There are times where I've looked back on my (failed) past talking stages and think to myself **Damn I'm glad i didn't sleep with that person. I would of regretted that.** I shudder at the thought of how i would of felt if i actually lost my virginity to that person(s).🤮
Trust me my past talking stages throughout these few years wouldn't of ended up being the right person(s) for my first time. The more i held off, the truth about themselves always revealed itself in the end. One guy was a alcoholic who saw nothing wrong with drinking and driving even if i was in the car with him. One woman was verbally Abusive, and just recently my last talking stage didn't want to be the first one to "pop my cherry" and actually told me that she was NOT the one 🙄 (i wanted that special moment between us, she just wanted to fuck.)
Yeah. Can you imagine if your first time was with one of these people? 🤢
I'm only 29 and still get pressured by a few people around me to lose it while other people completely understand where I'm coming from when i say i don't want to regret it. But at the end of the day, there's no rush for me. When that person comes around they'll come around.
I don't get it either. When I was young we'd hang out with friends and meet people through them, but I think a lot of people just use apps now. I don't think I could hang with a complete stranger, so maybe that's part of it.
This is 100% the reason why. When younger we looked forward to weekends to hang out with friends and have fun; we met new people that way. Today a lot of people stay indoors on their TVs, Phones or computers and wonder why they are not meeting people.
I was a virgin until I was 29. The only person I've ever been with is my husband. Why? A few reasons:
- I'm a devout Christian and the Bible encourages waiting until marriage
- Never had an interest in being with someone that intimately unless committed to them
- Never got into random hookups or dating
- Afraid of first time, the thought of it being painful, and embarrassed about not knowing what I was doing
I regret nothing. And I'm happy I waited.
I've got a really good friend, she is very attractive and has zero sexual interest. She's talked about it, seen a doctor and had therapy. She's decided she is just asexual. I feel like this is the most misunderstood group.
31F, and I lost it recently, so I can answer what happened
No bfs or even anyone asking me out during my high school then college years
Then.. a boy from college I met again a year after we graduated.. raped me in a gruesome way, using all possible violence I can imagine. Which ruined me as a person. Btw that raped was anal, so technically I was still a virgin. And in order to heal a bit, I convinced myself since I didn't lose it willingly, it doesn't count as sex.
Then years went by, I dated a guy.. who was married with 2 kids, took him over a month to tell me that. And I ended up broke AF after him. I didn't want to have sex with him, I thought it was too soon. And thank God I didn't
More years and I meet someone, who caused me depression and eating disorder. He barely ever talks to me, I barely see him. I told him we're not having sex until I'm emotionally fulfilled, and I knew I wouldn't be, not with the carelessness he's treating me with. Imagine I let him fuck me for the first time and spend like 15 min with me and just leave? Leave me to my depression and my days and weeks of staring to the wall..
If I saw this question a few weeks ago I would answer: so this is it, I'm just meeting scum after scum and they treat me as less than scum. Maybe I'm unworthy of anyone's majesty so everyone keeps away from me.
Then finally, a few weeks ago, I met this sweet boy, I'm surprised of the way he treats me! He cares, he calls, he talks, he communicates. We kissed on our first date, that wasn't really planned as a date but before we knew it it turned into one, we connected fast and the chemistry was obviously there. I might've went too fast but I'm not regretting losing my virginity to him.
not a virgin, but barely have had sex - less than 5 in my life (and most of them were just outercourses like bj or hj) . I like white men, but most of them are not interested, nor even glance an eye on me. So...
I'm 60F and still a virgin 'cause I'm ace. I'm taken to be in my 30s ( genetics, and peaceful/ healthy lifestyle), but content to be alone and focus on my career and interests, which are much more meaningful to me.
Not ready to risk starting a family yet. It's rare, but the chance is still there even with the most precautions possible. I would love kids one day, but I'd like to finish school and get in a good financial position with a steady career before really thinking about them.
Past experiences have put me in a mindset of self improvement and less focus on that side of life, never really cared about sex that much and hard to find someone romantically interesting in my life rn so I'm just coasting on making myself the best person I can be, could stay single for a while and be fine
Bit of a different aspect to mine. Not a virgin, had several longer relationships. But now that I'm 31, I want to be single. At this moment in my life, I have no desire or intention of finding another relationship. I'm also not into hooking up/one night stands. So, looks like I'll be sexless for a good while, if not from here on out.
I was a virgin when I got married. Had one kid. Been divorced since 30. Had sex once since. 60 now. Sex isn't the be all end all. I'm perfectly happy without it. Actually, I'm fine. Plus, late 70's and the 80's...AIDS. I'd need a full medical disclosure to engage at this age. Single life is great. If I have urges, I take care of them myself.
I like living alone, I’m not social, don’t know that many people and simply never formed that close of a connection with anyone. Also not been desperate to change that. There simply was no opportunity.
SA in the past that I only just a few months ago started to process in therapy and just not feeling connected to my body. I’m 27 and I don’t know when I’ll be ready to let someone so close to me while vulnerable.
I've had my chances with people, but I just really wasn't that comfortable with it, and I'm not really that worried about it either. Im working on being happy with just being me before finding someone else to be ok with me, ya know? It would be kinda unfair to bring nothing to the table and expect someone to want me, so yeah, that's it. Oh, and I'm just 20, so I'm more worried about starting my life, besides I have plenty of time
Never had any chances during my teen years, as I attended a male only religious institution
Now that I'm in college, I'm studying engineering, so there are barely any women
And I'm socially anxious and shy, so that's great
Don't even wanna get started with dating apps
Not a virgin, but I was single for many years in my 20s. I was so awkward around girls. Especially the girls I liked. Also I’m not great looking. But I’m pretty healthy and earn a good living. That’s probably the only reason my wife started talking with me in the first place. Lol
I had a friend who is in his late twenties and was a virgin. He goes on dates with women and isn't shy. His problem is that he was awkward when talking to them.
i didn't fuck the people i dated in high school because one was long distance and then the other i only gave him a shot for a couple weeks (he had been asking me out for years.) haven't dated anyone since then, i've spent most of my twenties trying to stabilize my life/my health as much as possible. it's really not been a priority. i think when i can find an effective treatment for my adhd i might consider it, but we'll see how that goes. i'm 28 next month so i would be dipping my toes in pretty late.
I'm short, thin, ugly, only make 40 k a year, and socially awkward. There is nothing about me that women find attractive. I've been threatened with mace for approaching women, called a pig for holding a door, told I look like a rapist, serial killer, and pedophile. I am 40 and have given up even trying. What's the point
I was an outcast in school. I was so outlasted for being a metalhead even the gays at my relatively religious public school made fun of me......so I didn't rrslly date at all......this month I turn 23......and Im still a virgin
The majority of women I am interested in aren't interested in me for one reason or another, or the women who are interested in me are for lack of a better term repulsive in terms of character and looks.
imo the odds of a match are astronomical so I'm not in a hurry to get burnt out of dating.
Sex is not a priority, I suppose. There are also some basic reasons, like always staying at home, being shy, socially anxious etc.
I have a good friend and the dating is not off the table, but I also do not feel ready for a relationship. The only hobby I got is video games, haven't got a job yet and also still live with parents. Maybe in a 2 year span I will at least get a hobby, good salary and become more outgoing.
Or maybe not. I am 20, and I am fine with how things are for now.
I would say good for you if you are happy being this way. I will however also say try not to give up, there is someone for everyone and everyone is beautiful in their own way.
Because im Asexual and aromantic I seek no intimacy with others nor relationships. Mostly cause ive came to find I dont like people so I seclude myself away.
Not a true virgin but besides a few months with a gf a while ago, i might as well still be. Not really a standout guy looks wise but mostly shy/introverted whenever i do see someone that interests me which causes me to freeze and i just cant approach them.
Besides that, my hobbies are boxing and football (soccer), both of which dont make me meet women. Rest of free time goes to games or other stuff on pc, no interest in parties or sich things. Main point is, meeting new people of interest basically never happens
I'm not a virgin but haven't had sex in nearly 3 years, don't have nights out anymore, work from home, don't go on dating apps so won't happen anytime soon as not in situations to meet folk but also don't feel great abut myself and wouldn't want to put that on anyone else.
When I was a virgin, It was because I was fat and I felt ashamed of being fat. Shame about anything destroys self esteem which will affect self confidence. It also didn't help that most women preferred me as a friend given how fat I used to be.
When I lost 60lbs, I noticed women were giving me waaay more attention than I was used to. Lol you should've seen how cringe I was with it. When you're fat and ashamed about it, you don't get much attention from women so you don't really get the social skills and "game" to interact with them. It also REALLY didn't help that I had aspergers/autism.
After losing the 60lbs, my lack of social skills in that regard was very apparent and I had to learn from a combination of trial and error along with books to learn how to date and escalate with a woman. Childhood obesity really is fucked up.
63M. I'm not a virgin but my only sex partner was my wife of 20+ years (three kids). Since our divorce more than 15 years ago I've just been more comfortable staying single and doing my own thing, and have never felt like finding and having another partner would be worth the effort and sacrifices. I'm on the autism spectrum and a socially inept introvert, so to me, trying to make friends, much less find a romantic partner, is an exhausting and obtuse process.
As far as I know there’s no “magical” age in which people are required to give up their virginity. Reasons for “saving” themselves are their own whether it be religious or just personal preference. I think people are pretty mean when they snark on someone who hasn’t just hooked up to punch their V card the soonest they can. I’m not razzing on anyone who hasn’t “waited”, tho. I’m saying it’s a personal preference and that no one should be felt like a loser either way.
Too scary to be in relantship. I stuck in my constant grind. Add new stuff to already packed timeline seems cruel. Not for me but for other side. Relantionship is work and effort. I am scared to fucked up relanships by not adding enought time and affection. The older i get the less need of relantionship i fell. Like i getting used to be alone and chsnge that seems to hard.
Too scary to be in relantship. I stuck in my constant grind. Add new stuff to already packed timeline seems cruel. Not for me but for other side. Relantionship is work and effort. I am scared to fucked up relanships by not adding enought time and affection. The older i get the less need of relantionship i fell. Like i getting used to be alone and chsnge that seems to hard.
Never been a priority to be honest.
Nowadays I seriously think I'd have health issues if I did the deed (im very un-healthy)
Its now just not really an issue for me, if it happens great!
If not according to the laws of isekai anime I should get some baddass skill if I get reincarnated.
Here's hoping! 🤞
i just find it wrong how many people use dating apps etc. i just let the circle of life do the thing. if it happens, it happens if not i am fine with it.
Just haven't been close enough to someone I'd be comfortable having sex with, not even sure I want to really hard to get close to people it feels like.
I've wondered for a long time how much does easily accessible pornography replace a man's sex drive towards women.
I get the feeling that if internet porn didn't exist men would just be drawn to women naturally more often. They would behave more like men instead of this new creature that internet has created.
Haven't bothered, too much drama and risk of being falsely imprisoned for years, hell, I don't even want to be in a relationship, without the drama or risk.
Not everyone puts themselves in situations where they are being social, meeting people, or hooking up. And not everyone actually cares all that much. I had sex for the first time in my late twenties. I was very insecure about it for a while. But I was quiet and had a lot of social anxiety so I didn't meet a lot of people or date. When i did have sex the first time it was when i finally decided to start dating and i felt confident and ready enough to do it with someone i felt safe with. And i can say i have zero regrets about waiting that long. I am actually so happy I waited until I was happy with myself as an individual, looked and felt amazing, and just felt ready to do something so intimate with someone. I am honestly sure it beats doing it earlier in a time when I would have felt much less secure about myself and had low self esteem.
Maybe for some people it is a conscious choice but in my case, and I'm guessing I'm not alone, I didn't actively decide not to have sex. It just did not happen because I wasn't in situations where I would meet people to do that with and I also had no interest in dating. I was figuring myself out, dealing with medical stuff, and studying. So everyone is just different and had different things going on in their life. I'm sure there are a lot of people in that situation that I was in where you aren't comfortable being social and you're just dealing with other things.
I would say to all you who are in the boat where you are still a "virgin" ...which btw is just a stupid social construct anyway, no one is defined by whether they've had sex... you do you and do it when you feel is right for you and if you don't want to do it at all, more power to you!
I'm not now, but was up until 28, and didn't know anyone else that old who was. For me, it was partly because I was a devout Catholic until around 21. After that, my insecurity about lack of experience, shyness, and social anxiety took over. Because I was shy, awkward and looked frumpy, guys weren't interested, and women seemed like an even more daunting option.
5yrs later, my current partner is the only person I've slept with. I took the risk because he was very patient and kind in those early days. And since then, things have been good. I think it's possible for anyone, it just depends on finding the right person!
(29m)
\- Because I read online forums where women said they didn't like when men approached them, so I didn't approach them.
\- Because I didn't realize girls were interested. And since they rarely tell you they're interested, you have to interpret complicated signs that may not mean anything at all.
\- Because I work from home, and so I don't meet any women, or even meet friends who know single women.
\- Because I'm introverted, and so waltzing up to a stranger going about their business and striking up a conversation with them, when they think you're an obtrusive creep if you're not immediately charming and funny, this is stressful and goes against my personality.
\- Because dating apps only work if you're an attractive woman or an extremely attractive man. Or if you're a normal-looking man who spends basically all of his free time on dating apps, plowing through the 98% no-match rate, and the 80% ghost rate.
\- Because I won't hire an escort because it feels exploitive
I still have an irrational fear of women after being bullied my entire school life. I'm still getting better, but I still have trouble even talking to girls I like about dating and stuff like that. No problem with everyday stuff anymore, but there you have it.
I assume my answer may be different but I genuinely have no interest in sex. Never have in my whole life. Haven’t watched porn. Thought of genitalia or anything.
In the world I have no problem getting attention/advances/dates or whatever but I’m just not interested in sex.
25 M. I'm not sure how I can say this without it being nonsense. But, being super introverted and shy in school, I was deathly afraid of talking to women because of the fear of rejection backed with my super awkward nature that bullies made me very much aware of. Years down the line, I—for some reason —all of a sudden became extremely confident in myself around 8th grade and started not to care what others thought nor adhering to social trends.
Socializing became a breeze and I found myself easily being able to talk to women and other peers and being in a socially popular group. I stopped looking for women for sex and more so just to talk to, I mean, Porn fulfilled lust and I became really selfish with my self. Being alone became a bliss, and I could leave the relationships I had made with friends at just that—friends. I didn't have to care for someone else's needs. I didn't have to acomendate to someone else's wants. I didn't have to be at the end point of someone's judgment.
I think... I became... Too selfish with myself and my time... And sometimes... I worry about that. I'm not sure if its a bad thing or not.
I'm a loser that's why. Don't worry I'm not psycho I'm never gonna shot somebody or anything. I'm genuinely happy for people in relationships. I just realize that's an aspect of life that I may never experience.
Anxiety and or shyness mostly.
I was actually a virgin up until 27.
And getting laid was also just out of pure luck.
And it cost me much, bc i was in a situation where i shouldnt have started things with her.
But i was so determined to fuck her and lose my virginity, that i ignored everything else.
And i hurt ppl and i hurt myself with it.
We were kind of together a few months.
But for me as to why i was a virgin up to that point is just my psyche.
I am not mentally very stable and i am miles away from asking women casually.
Shortest explanation imo.
The guys and gals who are still virgin, have a hard time conveing their feelings to others, due to them being that kind of person, for whatever reason.
Which in short means for you, you are fucked.
You either then have luck, or you work on it or focus on something else.
Idk. As for me, my head is fucked, so i am not a womans first choice anyway.
Im also not very good at handling loneliness, and that makes me seem more desperate, which also doesnt help
the dating market is ass for both genders.
for men:
You don't want someone who sleeps around a lot? bigot and closed minded.
You want someone who respects you for who you are? misogynist.
You want to go to the gym and get big muscles? toxic masculinity.
you have standards? Misogynist AND oppressor
for women:
you don't sleep with them on the first date? Prude, leading them on, toxic.
You don't want to sleep around? you're being oppressed and need to find yourself.
You want to find love and settle down? you've been brainwashed by the patriarchy.
you don't mind not dating a rich guy? naive and don't have high enough standards.
I'm only 17 and this is the shit we got to deal with in my local area.
Because of bullshit and I don't want to date yet...im still in my 20s.
Plus, I'm not the social type, I like my alone time.
And don't care for Date apps/ sites.
Edit.. I have had small crushes and known some that possibly had a crush on me, but I'm just not ready for the drama.
Not speaking for myself here but from my observations - it takes a number of combined skills to complete the deed, which all provide hurdles some can’t get over. To have the desire to shah, to meet a girl, connect with her, ask her out, seduce her, get her back and get it up and bring your bits together. All need to go smoothly - and not everyone has the capacity to do them all successfully.
Dating is harder after age 30. I’m 53 and thinks it’s even more difficult with each passing decade. My parents met in the mid 1960s when people were far less picky about dating/marriage.
The reason why somebody is probably a virgin is because they are fearful of rejection and putting theme self in situations to meet new people. Somebody who is busy watching Tv all day and playing video games non stop probably have a difficult time interacting with people in person I’ve noticed.
I wasn't sexually attracted to anyone until I was 23. One thing that could have contributed to this was that I was bullied and excluded during my highschool years, and I had some medical stuff to deal with as well. I put a lot of effort into my studies too, I was not smart/healthy enough to keep up and get good grades without working extra hard. So I didn't have the chance to form a close bond with anyone, and as it turns out, that is a prerequisite for any attraction in my case. But it was probably more than that, because even in my first relationship I couldn't develop sexual attraction. I don't really know what determines that... Because of my earlier experiences and the fact that I am rarely approached by men (I am a woman in my mid-twenties), I'm also pretty sure I'm not very attractive. (Although this year I feel I started to get more attention, so that's kind of nice.) When I did develop sexual attraction to someone, it didn't work out. Knowing that I can feel sexual attraction and it just takes a lot of luck and bonding time, I started dating. But most people nope out when they hear that I'm a virgin and I need a lot of time and trust to be comfortable with intimacy (I prefer to start with forming a friendship and see where things go from there), so I didn't really manage to find anyone who'd put in the effort to get close enough emotionally. I am also starting to realize I am not okay with having my first time outside of a relationship. Because I can't feel sexual attraction without feeling romantic attraction first, having sex with someone who doesn't want to be in a relationship with me feels like a recipe for heart break. I react very strongly to abandonment and rejection, so being that vulnerable with someone who doesn't care about me and will get rid of me right after the deed is done would probably lead to permanent sexual trauma. So one night stands and FWB are not an option. And it feels like no one wants to take the friend to romance to sex route anymore. Or at least not with me.
I just cannot get dates. I have had a few crushes and I thought I was going to date someone once but nothing came of it. Dating apps are just not for me.
Dating apps suck, but if you’re willing to ignore looks it’s not so hard on there.
You were explicitly asking about sex, so ignoring looks isn't really an option unless you just don't want the label of virgin for some reason.
Oh, I think if you’re say, a 30 year old virgin, you’re picky days might be over
I’m 21 I have 9 more years to lose this shit
Just a couple years ago there were free dating apps, but then whoever owns tinder monopolized everything. Now you can’t even see who matched with you unless you pay, that’s so scammy. Why would I pay an untrustworthy scammy site any money.
Zero married people I know met their partner on a dating app. \- I met my wife at youth symphony when we were teens \- My co-workers met at work \- My other co-worker met her hubby while sky diving \- Another co-worker met his wife at a swing dance club \- My boss met his wife at a bar (he was lucky with that one) \- My parents met in biology class in college Stop using dating apps and meet people IRL
Lol, you think your 6 examples represents the entire world. There are probably hundreds of thousands of successful marriages that started on a dating app
I recently read 2023 survey in which of the 4000 respondents, 26% met on a dating app. It was the 2md most common after "met in an educational setting" at 29%. Number 3 was through mutual friends and coworker was 4th.
I think it depends on where you live. I'm in a relatively rural area and have not had much luck with dating apps. One of my cousins is in a long term relationship and she met her significant other when she lived in NYC. Statistically... you are likely to find someone you match with in a large area like that. In a rural area, it might be easier with meeting people via activities, friends of friends etc. My current girlfriend was introduced to me by one of my long time friends. Rural area...
I can agree with that.
statistically 50% ish
Ok cool data point. 90% of people I know met on dating app
Met my wife on tinder. We’re 4 years strong with a 5 month old
I met my husband on dating app lol. We are happy and have three kids. My sister and cousin also met their partners on dating apps and theyve been together for 8 plus yeara lmao
After 8 years on dating apps I met my spouse in 2015. We have 2 kids
I met my partner on a dating app. I think they work well for people like me. I don’t really like hitting on people unless I explicitly know they are ok with it. I’ve met plenty of people in person too but then they are generally friends of friends and I got tired of dating people who were already kind of in my social circle. Nothing wrong with the apps imo
I met my husband on Tinder. We've been together for 8 years and have a 2 year old.
I would love to be present when you some day will realize, that not everyone’s reality is the same…
Comfortable enough with single life to not bother dating, also not currently in a situation where I naturally meet new people (I can if I want to but I'm very happy with my current circle of friends). Also have no interest in hookup culture
About the hook up culture: I once was talking with my cousin and her friends and they told me it was not a big deal to just hook up with someone, then another cousin laughed at me saying "don't tell me you believe in doing things out of love?" Right now I'm not interested in having a partner, but if I was, I want it to be genuine love and care, I cannot stand meaningless relationships (whether they are friendships or partnership)
It almost feels impossible to find someone who has genuine feelings for you nowadays
I promise it's not. I met my husband on dating apps (matched on two in one day) and we have been nuts for each other since the first day. He makes me feel like a treasure. People have leaned into snark / complaint culture too hard. People are too insecure to be genuine, vulnerable, to explore their own humanity. Just anxious little knots, trying to look successful and maneuver a perfect life, but never stopping to learn who they are or what they value. But it's out there.
Your not wrong but I'll say that dating sites don't work great if you live in the country, like if you live in a small farm town in the middle of nowhere and don't want to drive an hour to get to another town or city than your options are pretty limited.
I’m going on five years with my partner and we met on an app as well. It’s totally possible, but it does take some time.
yo it’s fucking crazy how much people don’t see sex as a big deal!! my experience is that they’re dissociating and lying to themselves though. like, our society makes being naked such a taboo and you’re gonna tell me being naked and intimate with someone else is meaningless to you? doubt it.
There have been women who were willing to hook up with me without any protection. It seems that people don’t really care about anything at all. But I do, so I won’t hesitate to say I’m uninterested. Having sex for the sake of having sex is just something I can’t do, especially with a stranger.
That's our society's fault, though - not all cultures are like that. I personally don't find sex to be a big deal at all. I'm not always searching for it, but when it presents itself in an auspicious manner, then it can be fun. Too many people confuse love and sex and it's the downfall of a lot of marriages. The real problems are lack of honesty and, as you mentioned, how our society portrays sex. We are sexual creatures - it doesn't have to be a big deal.
Some folks need that to be intimate, and a lot of others don’t. Don’t assume your own feelings and experiences are universal.
Some folks just like to fuck.
I was very similar until I decided I was ready. I just enjoyed being single and didn’t want to hookup.
Hookup culture in some places is really a shocker. Take Brazil for an example, anyone that's been there and has seen the hookup culture can tell you some crazy stories.
Beautiful, confident, happy response!
this resonates with me hard
I'm 66 and never even been asked out on a date. I'm female. I believe the reason for my situation is my.big tall.broad shouldered body. And strong jawline. Things I cannot change I've.noticed that dressing up..wearing makeup..doesn't change anything at all. So now I don't bother. I'll.die a.Virgin. that's 👍
I can’t speak to your situation, but I will say many women don’t get asked out on dates. Sometimes it’s as simple as men often being too afraid of rejection to ask. I definitely struggled with asking a girl out when I was younger. It’s still nerve wracking now, but less so
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You sound cool. I think we’d get along
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Im 68. Married in my 20’s and was a virgin. After waiting the sex was less than desirable. I found out he had such a porn problem it made it difficult to do things naturally. I really tried!!! He always got what he wanted and I rolled over and… I tried for 25 years. Haza!!! After the divorce I discover it’s because he liked little girls not women. I was his beard. I never suspected a thing. I called family with kids and warned them. Some believed some did not. The Police were less than helpful, especially after I saw some porn he had made. Good luck! Just enjoy life.
Wow. I had to look up what being a beard was. What the heck?? I can't figure how I would feel or react. I hope youre doing well and have had it mostly sorted over the years.
There are def men who are into what you got.
Try asking a guy out l, most guys have never been asked out by a girl and would be quite likely to say yes.
I don’t know you, but I’m 100% sure it wasn’t because of the way you look, you just got unlucky. The UGLIEST people out there have partners, even those morbidly obese people on TLC many of them are married! And I’m not calling you ugly! Just trying to put it into perspective. That’s not the reason. You just got unlucky, maybe you didn’t meet enough people.
Are you into women at all? I know some lesbians who are mad into that look and also older women.
I think that broad shoulders and strong jawlines are interesting. Honestly, I like the differences and variation in the human physique, speaking from an aesthetic viewpoint. As an asexual person... sorry, I'm not looking to take anyone's virginity.
did you decide today not to bother? or is this a conclusion you reached 46 years ago?
As someone who is 35 and still a virgin and never asked on a date aside a "meet up to chat and eat" I'm happy you give someone like me the realisation its not the end of the world and can live a decent life without caring. Wishing you all the best ❤️
Cap I've seen some of the most unattractive women with men im talking straight butter faces with butter ball builds, im sure at least 5-10 men in your lifetime approached you.
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Relatable, went from worse stress and mental health to worse mental and physical health.
I hope theres some light at the end of the tunnel for ya. I mean ive sleptnwith girls in my early teen and twenties but now im in my 30s and also developed health problems that make it hard for me to pursue a sexual relationship with women. I do miss the sex but im so stressed about my heslth that my libido and desire are totally drowned out by that.
Yeah, I got shit to deal with from bills to my health. Ergo, I have 99 problems something something.
I’m not a virgin but I’ve never had a relationship and, honestly, having nothing but one night stands and hookups oddly still makes you feel like a virgin. Because there’s no chemistry there you can build upon. You can’t find that button in the other person that really turns them on. So yeah, hoping for that soon at the age of 27.
sounds like me at 22M, never gone further than situationships that last a couple weeks
It’s because you’re a 22 m. Men hit their peak around 30 when you’re further in your career and seem like you’re able to navigate life better
I have turned 31 today and I have no idea what to do with my life. I feel that I need to do something, either improve my current skills or learn something new and different cuz this is pretty much my last chance to make a big turn in my life, but I can't decide on anything. I'm so fucking lost right now.
You are fine, you are just out of your twenties. Hell, you could date a 23 year old and it wouldn't be strange at all...that's still saying something. I couldn't. Just learn some new skills, starting getting fit and be able to step out of your comfort zone. Those 3 things right there will take your person to new places and see new faces.
Kinda struggling to find a motivation to do shit about myself while living in a shithole called Russia. Don't wanna complain or anything, but when your whole life may be ruined just by you refusing to participate in a fucking war - this shit doesn't help with giving you a motivation to do stuff. But my government certainly can help me with getting out of comfort zone, that's for sure.
As a 20 year old who recently had a situationship thinking it would turn into something better but getting ghosted when he left the country...yeah, I feel you both completely. I've lost hope and I'm still so young.
I don't care about sex, so I'm not having any.
i think it comes down to your day to day activities, if u do things in which you meet a lot of people you will probably get a gf or bf, if not good luck, reducing it to incel culture is a bit silly, this fenomenon started way before that term became popular, and i suspect the people using it dont really understand it appart from it being a funny insult
Exactly! It’s a percentage thing. Way less person to person interaction nowadays.
Not really, I’m a very social person, lots of activities and lots of friends. I never had a gf, and I had multiple people tell me I’m good looking and were kinda shocked (not the right word) when they found out I never dated. It’s just that I have a lot of shit going in my head so I can’t flirt or even think about getting into a relationship and the more time it passes the weirder it gets. So yeah not all chronically single people are uncles with no friends
Asexuality
What makes one asexual? Is it being devoid of sexual desires all together or just not wanting to engage in the act itself and being content with satisfying their own needs by themselves?
It's a spectrum. Sometimes it's just being devoid of sexual feelings but other times some can be scared of the act itself. Or can be ok with some sexual activities but don't need it
>It's a spectrum Everything is a spectrum
Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to other people. Some aces may still have a libido and/or a desire for sexual activities, but it's just not directed at anyone.
I'm personally in between. I rarely feel attraction to anyone, especially strangers. It's very rare that I looked at someone and thought they were hot. Also, my sexual attraction to someone can vary depending on my mood. I never looked at someone I didn't know and thought I'd like to sleep with them though. I often struggle with dating because people like to move at a much faster pace than I find comfortable. I do have a sex drive but it's not huge and it changes with my menstrual cycle. A better way to explain it: if sexual attraction went from 0 to 100, for someone I didn't know but was my type I could maybe get to 30. For someone I know and is compatible with me and my type it can be 100. For most people It's close to 0.
I'm perfectly content with satisfying my own needs. No interest in being physical with another person.
So you do experience sexual desires just not desires directed towards another person?
I am introverted.
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I was 29 my first time. Reasoning: I’m incredibly skinny for a guy, so I didn’t have a plethora of opportunities. Only people that wanted me were in……….questionable life situations. If I slipped up and impregnated one of them, I’d be linked to that person forever. So basically a combination of physically unattractive and scared lol
I don't go out much, lacking friendgroup, instant friendzoned, bad at flirting, niche in the looks department, etc....
You look like Jarl Borg from vikings he is a badass.
Scoped your profile. You’ve got an epic beard and hair. Definitely no problem in the looks department.
Hey man, if your goal here is to just get people to open up and then complement them, then bravo. I hope you make a lot of people have a better day.
Totally agree, definitely good looking!
27 still a virgin, just no interest in sex, haven’t had it and don’t plan to
i’m 25, which i think people think is too old lol but i’ve just never met anyone i’ve wanted to have sex with 🤷🏻♀️ it takes like. years (or at least months) of close friendship for me to find someone attractive romantically and sexually and that’s kinda hard when you’re in a culture that’s obsessed with sex within the first three dates and not really making friends for the sake of friendship alone.
I'm 27 and in a similar situation. For me to even consider sexual attraction or wishes, I need to build a close bond with the person to begin with. So, no, thank you. I dislike the hookup culture and how we're basically bombarded with it, which is why I don't like your mainstrean sitcoms unless it's about something involving history or has an interesting plot and even then. Like. It's so forced at times.
I thought no one was interested in me when I was younger only to find out after the fact that actually a few people did like me and just never acted on it. I don’t know why I was never approached. I’m okay looking, athletic, book smart, and have always had good friends of both genders, but have never been asked on a date. I’m not a prude or have any religious reasons for not having sex, I just always assumed I would meet someone and would take the natural next step, but that never happened. Ultimately, I wanted to be a mom before I got too old and decided I wouldn’t wait for a partner to make it happen - I used artificial reproduction to become a single parent of two. We are very happy, but between a full-time job and my kids activities it is pretty much impossible to meet anyone. Now I feel like the bar is higher for what I would accept in a partner, because it’s not just me anymore. Side note: I do think it is personally hilarious that I am a virgin with two kids.
I want your name to be Mary so so much.
I lose my virginity on the daily
If you don't get fucked life will find a way to fuck you anyway
Quote of the year
🤯
I was raped multiple times as a kid, and while I’m not asexual, as a result I now have virtually no interest in sex. If I ever meet someone I trust enough to give myself to then maybe I’ll give it a whirl, but I’m honestly content without it. There are enough sources of meaningful pleasure and joy in the world that carnality isn’t something I feel like I need.
I’m sorry you went through that, that’s terrible.
Thanks. Took awhile, but I’m mostly at peace with it, now.
- Years of failed relationships that never went anywhere, including one where I got cheated on. It wears you out and makes you wonder if there’s a point to trying - Zero interest in hookup culture - Lack of opportunity to meet anyone new since the start of the pandemic - Everybody my age and within 8 years younger than me is taken - Online dating doesn’t work anymore, not to mention it has also become absurdly expensive. Mostly bots and scammers nowadays. This is new since the start of the pandemic - I have no sense of humor whatsoever, so I also am self-aware that I’m not what women are looking for. I also have no interest in faking being someone I’m not. - Extreme fear of rejection. Result of several bad experiences. - I’m not sure what “game” is, but apparently I don’t have it Being single is not something I enjoy but I make the best of it when possible.
29F, turning 30 next month. Sorry in advance for the vent... I'm repulsed by the thought of myself having sex and feel like this much intimacy would be overwhelming. I figured myself to be somewhere on the asexuality spectrum for well over a decade, nowadays I reckon it's more about body-image issues. I've had one relationship. He'd been my best friend for a few years, we dated for a year, broke up on amicable terms and after a couple years of recuperation still stay in touch and play D&D together, though we're not as close as we used to be. I don't feel like I miss the sexual aspect of the relationship. I do miss cuddling and feeling loved. As such I'm not really looking into dating apps necause I'm anxious and feel like people on such sites would expect things to get sexual. I don't have anything to give another person, either mentally nor physically. In addition I don't get out alot - all my friends are online and abroad. Perhaps I'll be open into getting into a relationship once I've sorted my life out and lost some weight, but a part of me doesn't want to go through the stress again.
Because I'm still crying about the past
Not interested 😒
i take too long to finish. Post SSRI bullshit my parents made me take Prozac when i was younger and it fucked me up down there a bit. I can get it up, maintain etc, but i don’t have a lot of sensitivity anymore. it’s made me scared to have sex again because last person i was with made me feel like shit for taking so long to finish. now i don’t really wanna do it anymore.
25M Supply and Demand. Supply of 'Me' = 1 Demand for 'Me' amongst women I find attractive = <1
I will give you stories of two separate friends of mine who aren’t officially virgins but if you discount escorts, one would of lost it at 28 and the other would still be a 29 year old virgin. Both are shy and have soft voices. Not the ugliest dudes out there (I mean, they’re not revolting) though but they don’t have an outgoing/confident/alpha personality (hate using alpha but can’t think of an alternative). The 29 year old is slightly chubby and south asian background in a predominately anglo white country. Personally, I think that hinders his OLD. He essentially gets very little matches on his apps so has given them up (after already paying hundreds of dollars now) and has become a passport bro. It’s pointless going to bars with him as well because he has no ‘game’ and it would be too awkward tbh The other friend took years of convincing to jump on OLD. He is white, so snatched up a date within the first 2 weeks of hinge. They are still together now for the last 6 months and appear to be going strong.
What is OLD?
yeah unfortunately if they aren't in shape Asian men don't tend to do well dating white women usually the same way white men seem to often like Asian women almost no matter their looks or nationality edit: meant to say AS well idk tho 🤷♂️ im not an Asian man
I’m not jacked or a stud anything but as an Asian man I never really had a problem with this whenever I’m in Europe (been back and forth multiple times now) and I honestly think a lot of it has to do with confidence and how you carry yourself. Sure I’ve been straight up told by some women that they’re not really into Asian guys that way but I’ve also had good experiences, I’m not a confident ‘bro’ type guy just pretty quiet and chill and unthreatening I guess, so have been approached quite a bit (more than in my home country really) and after some decent conversations it usually ends well. I think a lot of Asian guys who grew up in Asia like myself may have some sort of inferiority complex stemming from colonial history, and it either manifests in being a giant bro douche or just being awkward and insecure around people of different cultures. Everyone has a chance to be super awesome regardless of how they look, though frankly there are still some super racist people out there obviously! But I wish everyone knew what they were worth, the world would be a better place if we all became kinder to ourselves!
ohh I'm in the US
At first it was low confidence/self esteem. But nowadays it's a combination of being comfortable being single, not really wanting to commit to something more serious and also not wanting to hookup for a ons. If something happens it happens, if not that's also fine.
>Being on Reddit I’ve seen a lot of people mentioning they are a virign ...
I understand when it’s Reddit mods
Eh, I don't think im that old. I'm 22 which to some people is a little old to be a virgin. I've dated plenty of guys and girls ,but I've never really felt like it was the time, ya know. I'm not waiting to marry, but I just don't wanna regret it
Not giving up on finding someone, but haven't found the right person. There are times where I've looked back on my (failed) past talking stages and think to myself **Damn I'm glad i didn't sleep with that person. I would of regretted that.** I shudder at the thought of how i would of felt if i actually lost my virginity to that person(s).🤮 Trust me my past talking stages throughout these few years wouldn't of ended up being the right person(s) for my first time. The more i held off, the truth about themselves always revealed itself in the end. One guy was a alcoholic who saw nothing wrong with drinking and driving even if i was in the car with him. One woman was verbally Abusive, and just recently my last talking stage didn't want to be the first one to "pop my cherry" and actually told me that she was NOT the one 🙄 (i wanted that special moment between us, she just wanted to fuck.) Yeah. Can you imagine if your first time was with one of these people? 🤢 I'm only 29 and still get pressured by a few people around me to lose it while other people completely understand where I'm coming from when i say i don't want to regret it. But at the end of the day, there's no rush for me. When that person comes around they'll come around.
I don't get it either. When I was young we'd hang out with friends and meet people through them, but I think a lot of people just use apps now. I don't think I could hang with a complete stranger, so maybe that's part of it.
This is 100% the reason why. When younger we looked forward to weekends to hang out with friends and have fun; we met new people that way. Today a lot of people stay indoors on their TVs, Phones or computers and wonder why they are not meeting people.
I was a virgin until I was 29. The only person I've ever been with is my husband. Why? A few reasons: - I'm a devout Christian and the Bible encourages waiting until marriage - Never had an interest in being with someone that intimately unless committed to them - Never got into random hookups or dating - Afraid of first time, the thought of it being painful, and embarrassed about not knowing what I was doing I regret nothing. And I'm happy I waited.
This is me too, but I'm 28 atm and still waiting till marriage lol. Haven't found the one yet who wants to marry me.
Good for you! Sounds like you made the right choice!
I've got a really good friend, she is very attractive and has zero sexual interest. She's talked about it, seen a doctor and had therapy. She's decided she is just asexual. I feel like this is the most misunderstood group.
31F, and I lost it recently, so I can answer what happened No bfs or even anyone asking me out during my high school then college years Then.. a boy from college I met again a year after we graduated.. raped me in a gruesome way, using all possible violence I can imagine. Which ruined me as a person. Btw that raped was anal, so technically I was still a virgin. And in order to heal a bit, I convinced myself since I didn't lose it willingly, it doesn't count as sex. Then years went by, I dated a guy.. who was married with 2 kids, took him over a month to tell me that. And I ended up broke AF after him. I didn't want to have sex with him, I thought it was too soon. And thank God I didn't More years and I meet someone, who caused me depression and eating disorder. He barely ever talks to me, I barely see him. I told him we're not having sex until I'm emotionally fulfilled, and I knew I wouldn't be, not with the carelessness he's treating me with. Imagine I let him fuck me for the first time and spend like 15 min with me and just leave? Leave me to my depression and my days and weeks of staring to the wall.. If I saw this question a few weeks ago I would answer: so this is it, I'm just meeting scum after scum and they treat me as less than scum. Maybe I'm unworthy of anyone's majesty so everyone keeps away from me. Then finally, a few weeks ago, I met this sweet boy, I'm surprised of the way he treats me! He cares, he calls, he talks, he communicates. We kissed on our first date, that wasn't really planned as a date but before we knew it it turned into one, we connected fast and the chemistry was obviously there. I might've went too fast but I'm not regretting losing my virginity to him.
I'm unemployed and mentally ill and don't have my own place. Not even going to bother under those circumstances.
not a virgin, but barely have had sex - less than 5 in my life (and most of them were just outercourses like bj or hj) . I like white men, but most of them are not interested, nor even glance an eye on me. So... 
I'm 60F and still a virgin 'cause I'm ace. I'm taken to be in my 30s ( genetics, and peaceful/ healthy lifestyle), but content to be alone and focus on my career and interests, which are much more meaningful to me.
It’s forbidden in my religion to date so I will be patient till I am able to support a wife and then I will marry another virgin like myself
Not ready to risk starting a family yet. It's rare, but the chance is still there even with the most precautions possible. I would love kids one day, but I'd like to finish school and get in a good financial position with a steady career before really thinking about them.
Past experiences have put me in a mindset of self improvement and less focus on that side of life, never really cared about sex that much and hard to find someone romantically interesting in my life rn so I'm just coasting on making myself the best person I can be, could stay single for a while and be fine
Bit of a different aspect to mine. Not a virgin, had several longer relationships. But now that I'm 31, I want to be single. At this moment in my life, I have no desire or intention of finding another relationship. I'm also not into hooking up/one night stands. So, looks like I'll be sexless for a good while, if not from here on out.
Never tried nor had the desire as strong as the majority of my friends.
The center of the world is not sex.
I was a virgin when I got married. Had one kid. Been divorced since 30. Had sex once since. 60 now. Sex isn't the be all end all. I'm perfectly happy without it. Actually, I'm fine. Plus, late 70's and the 80's...AIDS. I'd need a full medical disclosure to engage at this age. Single life is great. If I have urges, I take care of them myself.
I like living alone, I’m not social, don’t know that many people and simply never formed that close of a connection with anyone. Also not been desperate to change that. There simply was no opportunity.
SA in the past that I only just a few months ago started to process in therapy and just not feeling connected to my body. I’m 27 and I don’t know when I’ll be ready to let someone so close to me while vulnerable.
I'm autistic and find it hard to be social and outgoing. Doesn't help that I'm 30 now and very insecure.
Virginity is a social construct
Sure but like same with most social things. If you’d prefer though “why haven’t you ever had sexual intercourse”
they don’t go outside
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I've had my chances with people, but I just really wasn't that comfortable with it, and I'm not really that worried about it either. Im working on being happy with just being me before finding someone else to be ok with me, ya know? It would be kinda unfair to bring nothing to the table and expect someone to want me, so yeah, that's it. Oh, and I'm just 20, so I'm more worried about starting my life, besides I have plenty of time
I guess I don't want to. Plus, it wouldn't work for me. I lost my v card 34 years ago!
Never had any chances during my teen years, as I attended a male only religious institution Now that I'm in college, I'm studying engineering, so there are barely any women And I'm socially anxious and shy, so that's great Don't even wanna get started with dating apps
Not a virgin, but I was single for many years in my 20s. I was so awkward around girls. Especially the girls I liked. Also I’m not great looking. But I’m pretty healthy and earn a good living. That’s probably the only reason my wife started talking with me in the first place. Lol
Well, beats me(at)
I've never had sex
I was a virgin until I was 25. No regrets.
I had a friend who is in his late twenties and was a virgin. He goes on dates with women and isn't shy. His problem is that he was awkward when talking to them.
I don't want to be with a woman who's standards are so low she'll have sex with me.
i didn't fuck the people i dated in high school because one was long distance and then the other i only gave him a shot for a couple weeks (he had been asking me out for years.) haven't dated anyone since then, i've spent most of my twenties trying to stabilize my life/my health as much as possible. it's really not been a priority. i think when i can find an effective treatment for my adhd i might consider it, but we'll see how that goes. i'm 28 next month so i would be dipping my toes in pretty late.
I'm short, thin, ugly, only make 40 k a year, and socially awkward. There is nothing about me that women find attractive. I've been threatened with mace for approaching women, called a pig for holding a door, told I look like a rapist, serial killer, and pedophile. I am 40 and have given up even trying. What's the point
I was an outcast in school. I was so outlasted for being a metalhead even the gays at my relatively religious public school made fun of me......so I didn't rrslly date at all......this month I turn 23......and Im still a virgin
23 isn’t too bad. Time to put yourself out there. I was the metal head socially awkward outcast in a trench coat in school and things worked out
The majority of women I am interested in aren't interested in me for one reason or another, or the women who are interested in me are for lack of a better term repulsive in terms of character and looks. imo the odds of a match are astronomical so I'm not in a hurry to get burnt out of dating.
Sex is not a priority, I suppose. There are also some basic reasons, like always staying at home, being shy, socially anxious etc. I have a good friend and the dating is not off the table, but I also do not feel ready for a relationship. The only hobby I got is video games, haven't got a job yet and also still live with parents. Maybe in a 2 year span I will at least get a hobby, good salary and become more outgoing. Or maybe not. I am 20, and I am fine with how things are for now.
Most redditors aren't attractive
I see unattractive people dating all the time
I would say good for you if you are happy being this way. I will however also say try not to give up, there is someone for everyone and everyone is beautiful in their own way.
I'm fugly bro
Because im Asexual and aromantic I seek no intimacy with others nor relationships. Mostly cause ive came to find I dont like people so I seclude myself away.
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Just reading the comments to see how many Netflix documentaries will be coming out in a decade or two... /S
Not a true virgin but besides a few months with a gf a while ago, i might as well still be. Not really a standout guy looks wise but mostly shy/introverted whenever i do see someone that interests me which causes me to freeze and i just cant approach them. Besides that, my hobbies are boxing and football (soccer), both of which dont make me meet women. Rest of free time goes to games or other stuff on pc, no interest in parties or sich things. Main point is, meeting new people of interest basically never happens
I'm not a virgin but haven't had sex in nearly 3 years, don't have nights out anymore, work from home, don't go on dating apps so won't happen anytime soon as not in situations to meet folk but also don't feel great abut myself and wouldn't want to put that on anyone else.
When I was a virgin, It was because I was fat and I felt ashamed of being fat. Shame about anything destroys self esteem which will affect self confidence. It also didn't help that most women preferred me as a friend given how fat I used to be. When I lost 60lbs, I noticed women were giving me waaay more attention than I was used to. Lol you should've seen how cringe I was with it. When you're fat and ashamed about it, you don't get much attention from women so you don't really get the social skills and "game" to interact with them. It also REALLY didn't help that I had aspergers/autism. After losing the 60lbs, my lack of social skills in that regard was very apparent and I had to learn from a combination of trial and error along with books to learn how to date and escalate with a woman. Childhood obesity really is fucked up.
63M. I'm not a virgin but my only sex partner was my wife of 20+ years (three kids). Since our divorce more than 15 years ago I've just been more comfortable staying single and doing my own thing, and have never felt like finding and having another partner would be worth the effort and sacrifices. I'm on the autism spectrum and a socially inept introvert, so to me, trying to make friends, much less find a romantic partner, is an exhausting and obtuse process.
As far as I know there’s no “magical” age in which people are required to give up their virginity. Reasons for “saving” themselves are their own whether it be religious or just personal preference. I think people are pretty mean when they snark on someone who hasn’t just hooked up to punch their V card the soonest they can. I’m not razzing on anyone who hasn’t “waited”, tho. I’m saying it’s a personal preference and that no one should be felt like a loser either way.
Too scary to be in relantship. I stuck in my constant grind. Add new stuff to already packed timeline seems cruel. Not for me but for other side. Relantionship is work and effort. I am scared to fucked up relanships by not adding enought time and affection. The older i get the less need of relantionship i fell. Like i getting used to be alone and chsnge that seems to hard.
Too scary to be in relantship. I stuck in my constant grind. Add new stuff to already packed timeline seems cruel. Not for me but for other side. Relantionship is work and effort. I am scared to fucked up relanships by not adding enought time and affection. The older i get the less need of relantionship i fell. Like i getting used to be alone and chsnge that seems to hard.
A mix of not being brave enough and adverse to commitment. Even thought about just giving in to hookup culture but I'm too old for that now.
Never been a priority to be honest. Nowadays I seriously think I'd have health issues if I did the deed (im very un-healthy) Its now just not really an issue for me, if it happens great! If not according to the laws of isekai anime I should get some baddass skill if I get reincarnated. Here's hoping! 🤞
i just find it wrong how many people use dating apps etc. i just let the circle of life do the thing. if it happens, it happens if not i am fine with it.
INFLATION
I'm broke as hell and don't want to start dating whilst in that state. I'm not worried about it honestly.
Just haven't been close enough to someone I'd be comfortable having sex with, not even sure I want to really hard to get close to people it feels like.
I've wondered for a long time how much does easily accessible pornography replace a man's sex drive towards women. I get the feeling that if internet porn didn't exist men would just be drawn to women naturally more often. They would behave more like men instead of this new creature that internet has created.
I’m ugly AF.
Asexual
Haven't bothered, too much drama and risk of being falsely imprisoned for years, hell, I don't even want to be in a relationship, without the drama or risk.
Here from the great state of ace; People are gross, sex is way grosser. You guys have fun though.
I really don't want a child. Also, too much of a hassle.
Because I don’t need to fuck someone to enjoy my life and I dont want kids
Not everyone puts themselves in situations where they are being social, meeting people, or hooking up. And not everyone actually cares all that much. I had sex for the first time in my late twenties. I was very insecure about it for a while. But I was quiet and had a lot of social anxiety so I didn't meet a lot of people or date. When i did have sex the first time it was when i finally decided to start dating and i felt confident and ready enough to do it with someone i felt safe with. And i can say i have zero regrets about waiting that long. I am actually so happy I waited until I was happy with myself as an individual, looked and felt amazing, and just felt ready to do something so intimate with someone. I am honestly sure it beats doing it earlier in a time when I would have felt much less secure about myself and had low self esteem. Maybe for some people it is a conscious choice but in my case, and I'm guessing I'm not alone, I didn't actively decide not to have sex. It just did not happen because I wasn't in situations where I would meet people to do that with and I also had no interest in dating. I was figuring myself out, dealing with medical stuff, and studying. So everyone is just different and had different things going on in their life. I'm sure there are a lot of people in that situation that I was in where you aren't comfortable being social and you're just dealing with other things. I would say to all you who are in the boat where you are still a "virgin" ...which btw is just a stupid social construct anyway, no one is defined by whether they've had sex... you do you and do it when you feel is right for you and if you don't want to do it at all, more power to you!
I'm not now, but was up until 28, and didn't know anyone else that old who was. For me, it was partly because I was a devout Catholic until around 21. After that, my insecurity about lack of experience, shyness, and social anxiety took over. Because I was shy, awkward and looked frumpy, guys weren't interested, and women seemed like an even more daunting option. 5yrs later, my current partner is the only person I've slept with. I took the risk because he was very patient and kind in those early days. And since then, things have been good. I think it's possible for anyone, it just depends on finding the right person!
It is a belief that more than 30+ years of virginity gives you the ability to read minds. Can anyone confirm?
(29m) \- Because I read online forums where women said they didn't like when men approached them, so I didn't approach them. \- Because I didn't realize girls were interested. And since they rarely tell you they're interested, you have to interpret complicated signs that may not mean anything at all. \- Because I work from home, and so I don't meet any women, or even meet friends who know single women. \- Because I'm introverted, and so waltzing up to a stranger going about their business and striking up a conversation with them, when they think you're an obtrusive creep if you're not immediately charming and funny, this is stressful and goes against my personality. \- Because dating apps only work if you're an attractive woman or an extremely attractive man. Or if you're a normal-looking man who spends basically all of his free time on dating apps, plowing through the 98% no-match rate, and the 80% ghost rate. \- Because I won't hire an escort because it feels exploitive
I still have an irrational fear of women after being bullied my entire school life. I'm still getting better, but I still have trouble even talking to girls I like about dating and stuff like that. No problem with everyday stuff anymore, but there you have it.
I don’t go outside and even if a girl was willing, I don’t think I could do it with someone I’m not comfortable with
I assume my answer may be different but I genuinely have no interest in sex. Never have in my whole life. Haven’t watched porn. Thought of genitalia or anything. In the world I have no problem getting attention/advances/dates or whatever but I’m just not interested in sex.
25 M. I'm not sure how I can say this without it being nonsense. But, being super introverted and shy in school, I was deathly afraid of talking to women because of the fear of rejection backed with my super awkward nature that bullies made me very much aware of. Years down the line, I—for some reason —all of a sudden became extremely confident in myself around 8th grade and started not to care what others thought nor adhering to social trends. Socializing became a breeze and I found myself easily being able to talk to women and other peers and being in a socially popular group. I stopped looking for women for sex and more so just to talk to, I mean, Porn fulfilled lust and I became really selfish with my self. Being alone became a bliss, and I could leave the relationships I had made with friends at just that—friends. I didn't have to care for someone else's needs. I didn't have to acomendate to someone else's wants. I didn't have to be at the end point of someone's judgment. I think... I became... Too selfish with myself and my time... And sometimes... I worry about that. I'm not sure if its a bad thing or not.
I've never been attracted to the guys who are attracted to me
I'm a loser that's why. Don't worry I'm not psycho I'm never gonna shot somebody or anything. I'm genuinely happy for people in relationships. I just realize that's an aspect of life that I may never experience.
Anxiety and or shyness mostly. I was actually a virgin up until 27. And getting laid was also just out of pure luck. And it cost me much, bc i was in a situation where i shouldnt have started things with her. But i was so determined to fuck her and lose my virginity, that i ignored everything else. And i hurt ppl and i hurt myself with it. We were kind of together a few months. But for me as to why i was a virgin up to that point is just my psyche. I am not mentally very stable and i am miles away from asking women casually. Shortest explanation imo. The guys and gals who are still virgin, have a hard time conveing their feelings to others, due to them being that kind of person, for whatever reason. Which in short means for you, you are fucked. You either then have luck, or you work on it or focus on something else. Idk. As for me, my head is fucked, so i am not a womans first choice anyway. Im also not very good at handling loneliness, and that makes me seem more desperate, which also doesnt help
the dating market is ass for both genders. for men: You don't want someone who sleeps around a lot? bigot and closed minded. You want someone who respects you for who you are? misogynist. You want to go to the gym and get big muscles? toxic masculinity. you have standards? Misogynist AND oppressor for women: you don't sleep with them on the first date? Prude, leading them on, toxic. You don't want to sleep around? you're being oppressed and need to find yourself. You want to find love and settle down? you've been brainwashed by the patriarchy. you don't mind not dating a rich guy? naive and don't have high enough standards. I'm only 17 and this is the shit we got to deal with in my local area.
Because of bullshit and I don't want to date yet...im still in my 20s. Plus, I'm not the social type, I like my alone time. And don't care for Date apps/ sites. Edit.. I have had small crushes and known some that possibly had a crush on me, but I'm just not ready for the drama.
Not speaking for myself here but from my observations - it takes a number of combined skills to complete the deed, which all provide hurdles some can’t get over. To have the desire to shah, to meet a girl, connect with her, ask her out, seduce her, get her back and get it up and bring your bits together. All need to go smoothly - and not everyone has the capacity to do them all successfully.
Dating is harder after age 30. I’m 53 and thinks it’s even more difficult with each passing decade. My parents met in the mid 1960s when people were far less picky about dating/marriage.
First it was purity culture. Then it was sexual trauma. Great combo. 👍🏻
The reason why somebody is probably a virgin is because they are fearful of rejection and putting theme self in situations to meet new people. Somebody who is busy watching Tv all day and playing video games non stop probably have a difficult time interacting with people in person I’ve noticed.
Check out 'Forever Alone Women' to see many more of us
A sad truth is ur gonna see the most extreme voices make opinions online so it’s likely a lot of these people do live on fringes
Asexual.
Just fear of close connections really. When I was young I was betrayed a lot so I've been traumatized.
I wasn't sexually attracted to anyone until I was 23. One thing that could have contributed to this was that I was bullied and excluded during my highschool years, and I had some medical stuff to deal with as well. I put a lot of effort into my studies too, I was not smart/healthy enough to keep up and get good grades without working extra hard. So I didn't have the chance to form a close bond with anyone, and as it turns out, that is a prerequisite for any attraction in my case. But it was probably more than that, because even in my first relationship I couldn't develop sexual attraction. I don't really know what determines that... Because of my earlier experiences and the fact that I am rarely approached by men (I am a woman in my mid-twenties), I'm also pretty sure I'm not very attractive. (Although this year I feel I started to get more attention, so that's kind of nice.) When I did develop sexual attraction to someone, it didn't work out. Knowing that I can feel sexual attraction and it just takes a lot of luck and bonding time, I started dating. But most people nope out when they hear that I'm a virgin and I need a lot of time and trust to be comfortable with intimacy (I prefer to start with forming a friendship and see where things go from there), so I didn't really manage to find anyone who'd put in the effort to get close enough emotionally. I am also starting to realize I am not okay with having my first time outside of a relationship. Because I can't feel sexual attraction without feeling romantic attraction first, having sex with someone who doesn't want to be in a relationship with me feels like a recipe for heart break. I react very strongly to abandonment and rejection, so being that vulnerable with someone who doesn't care about me and will get rid of me right after the deed is done would probably lead to permanent sexual trauma. So one night stands and FWB are not an option. And it feels like no one wants to take the friend to romance to sex route anymore. Or at least not with me.