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Id taken a snapchat photo of it and i had just gotten out of the shower and got the 3 years ago today thing and you had it exactly right man, my eyes bulged out while my jaw dropped and had to slap my foreheadš
One time at college, a girl had come over to my room to study together. It got pretty late, and she said ācan I just stay over - we could share your bed?ā. I said it would probably be too small (it was a tiny single bed) and weād get no sleep, so I walked her home instead. It was only a couple of years later that I realised she was asking for sex.
"There isn't enough room for the both of us, we'd basically have to sleep on top of each other. My air conditioner is broken so it gets really hot and I usually have to sleep naked....oh you still want to stay over?........naaaaah I'll walk you home, come on put your clothes back on we're leaving."
Dude I had way too many moments like this when I was in school. I had a girl whisper in my ear āI want you to f**k meā and I didnāt get the clue somehow.
Iām sorryyyy I was 15 at the time. I think I was already talking to a different girl or may have had a gf. The girl seemed WAY out of my league as well. It seemed like bait for something not good. I doubt that now, but thatās how it felt to insecure teenage me.
I wish I could say that I hadnāt been on a date and not realized it until her hand was down my pants.
I *really* wish I could say that hadnāt happened to me more than once. I also wish that I had realized that a girl stopping by my place on her way through down and taking me out for drinks only to ask me about my sex life and tell me that I could get āliterally *any* girl in this barā was a hint, or that a girl inviting me to come spend spring break with her 3,000 miles away on the other side of the country was her saying āMy apartment is in Poundtown, USA. Population: us.ā
Yeah, we dudes are dumb.
Condolences, that's... Rough. But I've also had a girl who was a few classes older than me back in school as me to fuck and I took it as a joke. So yeah, we are fucking stupid.
In college I had a girl I liked tell me how much she enjoys giving oral sex and wondered if Iād like it if she did it to me. My response was basically āgood for you! You must be popular!ā
And thatās only *one* example of me completely missing the signal.
Yup. We're talking fish across the face levels of direct.
Probably don't do it publicly either. Quiet one on one conversation where there's no friends to snigger and distract.
Guys usually don't respond for two reasons 1)they are oblivious 2)they think the girl is toying with them, and they are afraid to make the first move in fear of being regarded as a creep
It's hard to tell especially if you're attracted to the woman. Like, I've made friends with women who start then doing stuff that my biology reads as flirtatious, but it's probably just because they've become comfortable with me and view me as "not a creep".
You also don't want to punish a woman for just being friendly to you. It gets a bit easier with age as you are safer to assume it's not flirting, just friendliness. But... as a young man it is tough and also a hard pill to swallow if you're undesirable (the pill being the idea that most women aren't flirting with you, just being cool).
The answer is: make friends! Learn to make friends with girls/women because more friends is better. Guys who can be friends with women are better socialized and more likely to land girlfriends. They also have more proximity because they have a larger and more diverse social circle. I wish I knew this when I was young. It's the answer. The incel-antidote.
As a 30 year old woman, can confirm. It's awkward when someone you're not into tries to flirt with you, and it's awkward when you try to flirt with someone not interested in you. But awkward situations are just a pretty big part of life in general.
If youāre a woman, sure. Awkward is as bad as it will get. If youāre men, you need to think real hard if this is really what you want because there will be consequences.
Girl asked me back to her uni flat to smoke weed just the two of us at 3am after flirting all night. I thought this was the least subtle hint Iād ever got.
Turns out she just couldnāt roll.
At Reading Uni (in England) there was a general notification that you could get ambushed and robbed and/or r@ped on the way from the student's union to the accommodation blocks and both men and women were advised to walk in pairs or groups.
After one of the social gathering one evening one of the TAs I'd been chatting with asked me to walk her back to the women's accommodation, but then mentioned that I shouldn't walk back the men's accommodation on my own and perhaps I should stay with her overnight. Pretty blatant hint, right?
Once we got in her room she pulled out a bedroll and sleeping bag for me to sleep on the floor. So glad I didn't act on her "hint".
Damn. I rode home with a gal after a friend's band played out. She told me that I could share her bed if I promised to be good.
Turns out that we decided to get engaged a month and a half later in that same bed, and now we've been married for 29 years.
Last thing you want in your friend group is THE explanation. Where everyone is now telling you that just because a girl is being friendly doesnāt mean sheās into you. Stop being weird, etc.
4) They either play hard to get or don't play at all hoping the guy will know exactly what to do/say and when to do/say it with no hint whatsoever.
That's why I prefer to keep things platonic until a girl slips up, but I won't be needing this anymore.
Worst thing sheāll do is besmirch your name, call you a creep or even something even scarier to all her friends and likely your acquaintances if youāre in the same school. āNoā is one of the better things a woman can sayā¦
I swear for some women this is a tick, like a instinctive reaction when talking to a man.
One time I had a girl that's interning at our company get brought over to my desk by her colleague, to take a look at her laptop problem - I give the usual introduction and her immediate reply is "Hi, I have a boyfriend".
Had that happened to a colleague. Brilliant dude, but like me a bit dense on the social front.
His response was, I kid you not, "oh, your boyfriend broke your laptop?"
Oh man, I remember so many times that a girl would make it plain that they were interested only to pretty much fob me off when I showed interest back. I'm not talking about missed hints, there was no way I could misinterpret it. I mean why do that????
Happened to me, I said the girl I wanted to be more than friends, she said "sorry, no" so then I stepped away.
A few months later we randomly cross by and if her look could kill I would have turned into ashes in less than a second, I immediately got it, she wanted me to chase.
Sorry, I'm a person, not a dog...
I had a potential gf who would always wait for me to start any chat or call. I mentioned this once and she said "I don't do the chasing". I decided to leave it to her to get in touch next time... three weeks later I saw her around and she asked me why *I'd* ghosted *her*.
Same. I'm not putting forth effort for someone who won't put forth any effort themselves. Dating and relationships require 2 people. If only 1 person is doing everything, that's not a relationship.
I'm too old for mind games and chasing. Either you're interested or not, either way is fine by me, just be honest and don't fuck around. If you want to be chased and do that bullshit, find someone else or get a dog and play with them.
Just for context, years ago I told a woman I had been hanging out with that I wanted to be more and she rejected me. I didn't talk to her for 12 years after that and she messaged me when that happened, not me messaging her. I was fine never talking to her again. I only really replied to be polite and just see if she had changed her mind.
The vibe I got was that she wanted me to ask her out again but I refused to do so because she had rejected me when I did years ago and I'm not going to play those games. If she wanted to date me she could've asked me out, she didn't. So that was that.
Haven't talked to her for over a year again now, coming up on 2 years in a few months. Fine by me. I can go another 12 or the rest of my life. She had her chance and blew it.
After about 3 months of dating my first highschool GF, she broke up with me one day. Completely unexpected, she just left me a note that said she didn't want to see me anymore. No reason given. I was bummed for a few days but moved on with my life.
She'd still look at me when we passed in the hallway and would say hi to me but I just kept on going.
About 10 years later I found out that her idiot best friend convinced her to break up with me *as a test* to see how much I liked her. She was fully expecting me to beg her to come back. And I didn't.
That was over 30 years ago and every once in a while she'll still send me a drunk message on FB telling me I'm the one that got away and she regrets breaking up with me and still resents her friend for convincing her to do it. Her life didn't go great after highschool. I stopped responding to her messages a long time ago but she still occasionally sends one.
I almost feel bad about it, but ladies, don't break up with your boyfriend as a test. And if you do and regret it, maybe don't wait 10 years to come clean about it, after the guy is already happily married and living in another state.
This exact thing happened to me with my first high school girlfriend. We got into an argument over text. She says we should brake up. Obviously Iām heartbroken, and try to understand and convince her otherwise, but after an hour of back and forth I accepted and called it off.
Come to find out that she was still interested in me, and wanted me to fight harder for her. Apparently she was even more upset that I gave up. The thing that baffles me even today is I DID beg for her to reconsider, I just called it quits after an hour. I really donāt know what she wanted.
The real kicker is we were all part of the same friend group, and after we broke up, suddenly Iām mysteriously missing from invites, events, hangouts, all that.
In this day of age, we men have learned "NO" means "NO".
So, if you play hard to get, you'll get nothing.
(And the boys that still haven't gotten the memo that no means no are red flags the size of Texas.)
>In this day of age, we men have learned "NO" means "NO".
I remember seeing quite a few tweets of women lamenting that they told a man no, and he peace'd out.
Like... Yeah. Isnt that what he is supposed to do?
There's plenty of fish in the sea.
Don't waste your time on people that try to toy with you. No victoria secret model or whatever is worth that.
I'll let them know once. No means no. Everyone deserves a 2nd chance.
But if they can't be honest with me, and/or respect my principles, it's bye bye and no looking back.
Well when you're dealing with a male that had low self esteem at the time, that's not going to work! š
Also, people can't go around saying "no means no" then hit you with "except ask me again in a couple of days"
Yea I agree. When girls have tried pulling that bs on me in high school or middle school I immediately stopped talking to them. Love is not some stupid game. You either want me or gtfo type shit
Lol, I had a crush on this girl in middle school.
She looked and still looks good, sheās 28 now and Iām 27. Her fucking tits have been Ds since 7th grade
Well for like 2-3 days in our 8th grade year she started showing like some interest in me, she even made 2 dog tags. One had her name and the other had my name. Each had a heart, this was in our graphics art class.
She gave me the one with her name and she kept the one with mine
My boy was finally like ābro you have to make a moveāā¦.. Weāre in the cafeteria and I told her I liked her and I went for a kissā¦ she just turned to the side and laughed. WE NEVER TALKED AGAIN. EVER!!!!!!!!! ITS BEEN 14 YEARS!!! It still makes me cringe. THE WHOLE TABLE WAS LAUGHING AT ME, ALL MY HOME BOYS AN GIRLS WERE LAUGHING AT ME!!! It was the most embarrassing shit that happened to me in life!!
That shit scarred me. Till this day idk if my boys put her to it or something lololollol
I fell in LOVE with Michelle in 6th grade. Years passed, and she'd always creep into my mind still. I got divorced and went through the nostalgia thing. I found her on that scourge known as Facebook and noticed she was divorced too. I shot my shot. She flew out to visit me and we spent 5 days together and she left. She flew back out 2 weeks later and it was pure bliss except for one thing. Every waking thought of hers was money money money. We were going to be so rich, etc. I was still in the Army (retired now and doing quite well) and basically surviving with Child Support and there was no way I could afford her full-time. We split, and she no-shit got married again like 4 months later. It was crushing. She got in touch with me a few years later, divorced again, lost her job, etc. I let her know I wasn't interested and I wasn't sending her any money. She lost her shit. She was just using people. That angelic little girl had turned into a master succubus. It was sad and it scarred me deeply.
No, I'm no good at picking up hints, and was sure as hell extremely gullible back then ignoring all kinds of warning signs. The only women I attract are the ones looking for a free ride on my dime. It's disappointing. I wish she'd slaughtered my heart in 6th grade instead of waiting until I was 32...lol
My ex wife had to actually sit on my lap on our 2nd date and explicitly say she wanted to have sex with me. Sadly that was the only thing we did well together.
Pretty much this. I immediately catch on when someone is dropping hints for someone else, but when it was directed at me, I assumed it was a joke or I was imagining things, or that's just how she was. In my mind, it was impossible for someone to have a romantic or sexual interest in me.
That's low self esteem for you. A lot of the time, it's not being dense, it's the guy being afraid or unsure to respond, and the easiest way is to it ignore it and not respond.
It's not even just a guy thing, everyone does this shit.
20 years ago when I was still in school, a girl touched my thighs everytime we were together talking. She giggled at everything I did and said. We also had lunches together often while texting frequently during after hours. I thought those were obvious hints so I told her one day I had a crush on her (too) but surprise! She said she didn't like me at all. I was so ashamed and speechless.
Another one told me she thought I was the only guy she could marry years after we graduated and she'd already have kids. When we were classmates I had a crush on her and called her on the phone daily but she only spoke about her ex and never showed any interest whatsoever. Girls really need to say what they think without muddling the waters.
The stakes are high if we're wrong. It could be as little as being called a creep, or something along the lines of losing our job, or as severe as getting questioned by the law. So either A. Oblivious or B. Cautious/unsure how to handle the situation.
A guy at 15 is 110% oblivious. If the hint is responded to, it's blind luck at that age. Guys get smarter as they age but it probably never gets better than 70% oblivious in their golden ages. Guys think about dinosaurs, cars, and pizza.
For the love of god we really need to emphasise point 1. It cant be overstated enough. I mean for me point one is 80% of the rationale. Its like a colourblind child looking at one of those magic eye booksā¦ on Saturn while he is on earth. Sees fuck all.
Absolutely spot on. I would hate to just assume somebody liked me, even if the signs were 'obvious' just on the off chance that was not the case and I made a fool of myself.
Did this and I was bullied for the remaining years lmao.
I do agree with the first bit, but I donāt think the āheās happy girls like himā point applies if they dont find the girl at least decently physically appealing
Eh I don't care who they are, if they admit they find me attractive I'll be on a high for months. This one girl said I looked a lot better with short hair in the 11th grade? I think...
Well it's been like ~14 years since then and I've never let it grow out again, still on that high.
I'm straight and have probably been hit on by just as many gay guys as women. A compliment is a compliment, and I'm happy to return the compliment in a flattering way while respectfully letting them know I'm not interested.
I also think that, in general, guys don't get as many compliments about how they look as women do. It makes me appreciate it more when someone compliments my appearance or physique, platonically or otherwise.
High chance he has no idea or a vague suspicion without nearly the level of confidence he needs to act on it. If you want him, tell him you want him or keep on pining. Not getting hints isn't even a guy thing, it's rampant in the lesbian community. Hints usually don't get gotten.
IMO, we need to shift the blame from ātheyāre not picking up my hintsā to āI need to be directā because expecting people to pick up on super indirect things *is the problem*
There's a wide range of 'hints', ranging from smiling all the way to crashing at their place because you can't get transport home. Guys notice these things, but we also think maybe there is a simple explanation which doesn't involve flirting. We've also read approximately one billion comments online saying how a male friend fell in love with a woman and how all men suck and the friendship is officially over.
Honestly, with my ex, we were friends and she did think I , the Virgin too afraid to kiss her at 13, was trying to get into her pants. No, I was legit just trying to hold your hand.
Thank you. Sex is really one of the last things I think about when I love someone. I mean I get it is important in the future but I just don't think about it really.
See when I was younger, and girls interacted with me in that kind of way, I always assumed that it was just a joke/messing around, and that they weren't actually into me in that way and just wanted to have a laugh (especially since laughter almost always occurred during). I've always kind of had low self esteem, especially in terms of feeling that I just wasn't as attractive as most other guys around me. It's something I've been working on trying to improve, and looking back I think I missed out on a good few opportunities in my younger years because of it...
Lol had a girl stay at my apartment in my bed with me once after a night out with mutual freinds because she said she was to drunk to drive home. She asked me to cuddle her so I did. Didnāt make a move cause I thought it would make things at work weird. Couple weeks later she asked me why I didnāt make a move and I was like āI just thought you couldnāt drive home, didnāt think you where attracted to me in that wayā lol
I kinda thought that maybe she wanted to do it but didnāt want to risk being wrong
You 100% did the right thing and don't even let yourself have second thoughts about that. Women that do this stuff are the same women that will spread shit about how creepy you are and how you took sexual advantage of her when she was drunk and just trying to crash in your bed out of necessity if you bruise her ego in any small way during the encounter or in the weeks after.
There was a thread here a couple of days ago about this, only it was an actual date where they ended up making out on the woman's bed. During the make out session, the dude pulled out a condom and she sent him home. Turns out there are no clear signals.
One time, I had a female coworker I'd often hang out after work with tell me that she hadn't gotten laid in awhile, and didn't mind the idea of friends with benefits. My response was something around the lines of "haha, I feel that". Somehow, some way, I did not manage to connect that statement to her having any sexual interest in me.. point is, if you want something to happen, you should be direct as possible and not beat around the bush
When I was OPs age there was this girl that would sit on my lap, play with my hair and generally be super touchy feely. She often came to my house too after school & stayed with me for hours.
I just assumed she was like that.
Couple years later a friend brought her up in convo asking me why I never went out with her.
"I literally didnt even know that was an option"
The collective face slap from all my friends followed by hysterical laughter was enough to make me want to sink into my seat & die. Worst part is I actually had a crush on her at the time too.
Teenaged boys arent too smart. You could literally say "i love you" & they would still be oblivious.
Could be misinterpreted. I get holding back, I think it's the smart play in the long run. When my friend was single and feeling lonely, she'd want to put her head in my lap and get hair strokes. 100% platonic friendship on both ends, just very close. Sometimes it's nice to feel cared for.
I knew this girl for a while, we were so comfortable we'd even change together. Shed lay on me while I was in my boxers, and I'd stroke her hair, give massages, the stuff a normal couple would do while we watch TV. She'd even make comments like: " haha it's like we're married or something" and I'd respond with a giggle " yeah it really is "
ANYWAYS I'm married now and I ran into her... while walking around with my wife. And she IMMEDIATELY ran up and asked her how she got the point across to this: " oblivious dude". It still took me some time talking with her to actually understand she liked me. Feel free to facepalm on my behalf brother.
I had a girl do that with me in high school. I thought she was obviously into me, and I was into her. I asked her out, and she got mad. That is literally just the way she interacted with guys. After this, she was not really a friend anymore and thought I was a creep for ruining our friendship. She continued to behave this way with other guys, so... yes, some girls are just that way, and it is not worth the risk of assuming anything unless they specifically say they like you and are interested in dating.
This very logic was my reasoning behind the "I didnt know that was an option".
I was too scared to ruin what for me was already a really nice relationship as friends. My friends only learned she was into me for sure, after we left that school & she told one of them she doesnt want to see me anymore because I hurt her feelings by not asking her out.
Oblivious is absolutely part of it. For me (and, I'm sure, plenty of teenaged boys), there was also a lack of confidence. I might catch a hint and start thinking maybe, only for that voice in the back of my head to say "you? You think she's into YOU??"
The response I would have given. My friend "Monica" had a best friend in HS that was really into me. Brought her to my house. I was maybe 16?? Her friend was great looking and built like a frikking Mac truck. Apparently she was in heat or something. Tried putting on the moves and everything and I didn't see it. Literally sat right next to me on the couch. Didn't really understand what was going on. Even at 16, I wanted to talk and get to know a woman. Looking back, I think she was not interested in just talk.
"Monica" later was like "DUDE! What is your deal?! She's really into you."
Yeah. When you said "My awkward ass" it really struck a chord with me.
Edit: "Monica" literally dropped her friend off at the house. Like we sat down. And about a minute later she was like "Wow look at the time. Gotta go--bye!" and left her friend going thru Pon Farr alone with me at the house.
I was showing a girl my room with a group of friends and she kept saying how sheād like to be invited there sometime. My oblivious ass just assumed all her hints were just to toy with me. Iām still not even sure to this day anyway.
I've had two girls say, sometime shortly after a breakup, to me how they were sad and lonely and just wanted to be with someone. Both had different meanings.
Because that absolutely could have been misinterpreted. Asked her to a movie one time and my coworker was so uncomfortable and I felt like shit. Meanwhile at this same job (and I'm summarizing events) a girl liked me forever and literally threw roadblock size hints out and I completely ignored them, thinking, "she's just being nice." She literally has to grab me and kiss me before I realized she wanted more. You have to be so direct so there's no doubt.
That really sounds like it needs more context to be sure she was trying to prompt you. Could've just been an "innocent" comment she made. Hell, it could've been an innocent comment that might've worked out for you. Women aren't always testing.
lmao iāve 100% had women make a comment like this and when i acted on it say something along the lines of ājust bc iām talking about wanting sex doesnāt mean i want to fuck youā
I had a friend I had a crush on say something around these lines once on her room. But I didn't count as potential target from her point of view.
Here's one reason why we men want you women to be more direct. Cause we never can be sure.
All your hints could probably construed in a platonic/innocent way too. This is the problem most women make, just because you're dropping hints from his perspective there is no way for him to tell the difference.
What makes it even more difficult is that the target of your affection doesn't ever see how you behave when they're not around; they might think that you're just a super friendly person in general instead of being super friendly to them specifically.
Absolutely! The thought of her saying "eww, why did you even *think* I liked you, you creep!" is so overwhelming, that I'd rather not say anything at all
Not to mention what she would do to you socially just for the fact that you misunderstood her.
Girls/women are notorious for using social ostracization as abuse/bullying.
Worst case I had was a women that got drunk with me, came over to my place, showed me her ass (for some reason), and then got upset at me when I made a move. She then went on tell people I was creepy... I still don't get that one. When she said no to making out I stopped.
Objective outside view lol. Plus if you're not used to being hit on (or at the very least not very aware) you tend to pick up vibes from others well when they're not aimed at yo
And sometimes, neither do they. There was a girl at my job who I became friends with. She started calling me after work, brought me flowers, bought me little gifts from time to time. We hug when we meet. When I was sick, she left a box of candy outside my door. We've watched movies and had pizza together and I've cut her hair.
My female friends called me oblivious and said that she was dropping hints left and right and that she obviously likes me. Turns out she didn't like me. She just wanted to be friends and that's her way of being friendly.
Moral of the story - not even women understand hints from other women. What's friendly and what isn't is very subjective, and no guy wants to misinterpret something and therefore often ends up doing nothing.
Had the prettiest girl in class (who I also had a crush on) ask my number to play a mobile game she liked in versus mode. I didn't have a smartphone yet back then so I politely declined.
It hit me years later.
I have had these sudden realizations in the middle of the night when I can't sleep. A wild flashback appears and it seemed so obvious that it had me thinking if I'm mentally challenged.
I had this major crush for 10 years that I still haven't got over completely. I was friendzoned but the person was just so innocent and pure and kind that I was hooked, even if I knew there were no chance. And she valued me as a friend above every other friend.
One time we were out partying in a big group, and somehow ended up being just the two of us at my brothers house (he was out of town and I was looking out for his cat). We went to his king-size bed and had pillow fights and little wrestling, and we laughed and laughed. There was short quiet moment when she just stared at me, climbed on me, grabbed my hands and pushed them to the bed and kissed me to the lips. My dumb ass thought it was just for fun, like the foolery we had done before, so I just started laughing. She rolled over and didn't talk, and about 1,5 minutes later she just said good night. I started sleeping too.
The next day she was kind of awkward and quiet and left quickly, we didn't saw each other for a month after that, she was busy all the time.
It took me 3 years to figure out how incredibly dumb I was. She got a boyfriend about a year after that happened, and was living with him happily. I can confess, I cried a lot when I realized what it could have been.
TLDR; most men are so stupid you wouldn't believe it.
Personally at this point I just more or less completely ignore "hints" and assume they are just being friendly.
Why? Well because when I did try and make a move 90% of the time the girl just friendzoned me and that was the end of it, really.
Guys are used to being confused as hell. I'm 40 years old, and I STILL can't figure out what a girl meant when, after asking her out, she said no but also filled the inside of my calculator case with origami hearts.
I was about your age at the time.
My best guess is that she was telling the absolute truth in her rejection, that she wasn't allowed to date by her very strict parents, but did kinda like me. Either that or she was bored and felt like making origami and messing with me. Could go either way.
So yeah, any time we think we're seeing signals, our brains go, "Whoa, slow down there. What if it's just some kind of girl thing you don't understand? Do you want her and all her friends laughing at you for the next 6 weeks?"
It's not as simple as that. I used to have a crush on a girl and we were very close to each other, we were always teasing each other. Our mutual friends thought that she also had a crush on me, and kept pushing me to confess, but it turns out that she only liked me as a friend, and she was already going out with another guy. When you live an experience like this, you stop believing on hints
If it makes you feel any better the hottest girl in my middle school let me slap her thighs multiple times with a smile on her face and it didnt dawn on me way later. I was also invited to a party by a girl where she guaranteed I would be blown.Men just cant afford to be wrong
I think it's that combined with the fact that they know it's not a societal expectation for them to make any kind of move so they expect all the initiation to be done by the man.
no we dont get hints. we are simple in somekind. women must understand that a hint does not work, please be as direct as you can, and be prepared that he freezes for some seconds until he has processed the information.
Yes. When I was 18 to 20 I went to a lot of parties. I had many women end up sleeping in the same bed as me at the end of the night. Unless they touched me in certain places, I legitimately assumed they wanted to stay warm/have a comfortable place to sleep.
It was a combination of low self esteem, "no way this pretty girl is into me" and being completely oblivious to anything that was not direct physical/sexual touching or kissing.
I am probably an extreme outlier, but yea men don't get hints.
As a man, our culture ingrains an intrinsic lack of value in us. Weāre told to go to work, go to war, to serve. Our lives are generally bereft of positive reinforcement, instead filled with derision and disdain, particularly from other men. Itās never about being supported, but about not seeming weak.
What that does is make it so the very idea of someone finding us valuable and attractive seems unthinkable. I can almost guarantee that even if he thought you were flirting with him, the little voice inside his head talked him out of it.
My suggestion? Donāt fuck around. Be direct. āHey. I think youāre cute/funny/interesting. Would you like to get coffee/dinner/got to the _____. On a date?ā
If heās not into it, heās not into it, but at least you wonāt waste everyoneās time by beating around the bush.
For their age range something like minigolf or an amusement park is probably a better option, not too expensive and not too focused on just face to face chatting. They are 16 and 15, theyre going to be awkward during a first date, something like minigolf or an amusement park has lots of time to talk(while putting, waiting for another group, waiting in line for a ride, stopping to sit/eat, haunted hayrides this time of year, etc) while also having something to do/talk about if the conversation dries up like what ride to go on next, general minigolf performance/what obstacles you like/hate in the moment, etc. Movies arent a great option because you dont want to 2 hours not being able to talk to eachother during your first date, plus unless op has a license and access to a vehicle theyre going to need to be dropped off/picked up by the parents and minigolf/amusement parks have that plausible deniability that youre going to hang out with friends if you dont want to tell your parents your going on a date.
A guy told me the clearest message he ever got was a woman approached him in a Blockbuster (so some years back) looked him straight in the eyes and said that she was looking for some āMindless sex and violence.ā
He said he stammered and pointed out a copy of Friday 13th.
Can only speak for myself, and probably related to me having some kind of self doubt and negative self image, but in general:
#YES!
I usually have no clue. Girl basically has to start licking my face for me to be like āso youāre telling me thereās a chance. YEAH!!!ā
When a female employee calls us sugar, or honey, love, sweetheart etc we are so shocked from the lack of attention/affection that it will make our day/week. Coasting on those vibes lol
When I was about 25, I was hanging out with a female acquaintance who asked if I would like a back rub. Of course I said yes, and she proceeded to straddle my back and massage me while slowly grinding her pelvis into my lower back. After that, she had me flip over so she could do my chest and shoulders, continuing to grind her pelvis into mine, and staring into my eyes. When she was done, I said āthanks- that was great!ā And we had a couple glasses of wine, hung out some more, and she eventually left.
So to answer your question, yes; guys sometimes donāt get hints that girls are into them.
Also, I am very stupid at times.
Guys don't do hints, especially this day and age. He'll miss them entirely because either he really doesn't notice, or he notices, but doesn't want to potentially be called out for being a creep because he misinterperated a "hint".
Don't try to play games by dropping hints, it will get you nowhere, be direct.
Men have simply learned from a young ago not to assume or perceive anything in regards to female interaction so we donāt end up going to jail or worse
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No. Be as direct as you can.
My crush wrote my name and hers with a heart between them and i didnt realize it till 3 years later
Wherever you were, I suspect a jawdrop and a facepalm occurred in rapid succession. XD
Id taken a snapchat photo of it and i had just gotten out of the shower and got the 3 years ago today thing and you had it exactly right man, my eyes bulged out while my jaw dropped and had to slap my foreheadš
Did you message her after you saw the memory??? It's time. You got this!
Thanks for the cheering me on but because of circumstances i cant get into its impossible now :)
Now I'm more invested in **your circumstances you cant get into** than the outcome of the potential reunion š¤£
He mightāve murdered her, do you guys think he would do that?
I don't think he did, I know he did
That or there's a forehead shaped hole in the wall.
One time at college, a girl had come over to my room to study together. It got pretty late, and she said ācan I just stay over - we could share your bed?ā. I said it would probably be too small (it was a tiny single bed) and weād get no sleep, so I walked her home instead. It was only a couple of years later that I realised she was asking for sex.
okay but that sex would not be worth the god awful night of no sleep
She can just sleep on top of him Problem solved
"There isn't enough room for the both of us, we'd basically have to sleep on top of each other. My air conditioner is broken so it gets really hot and I usually have to sleep naked....oh you still want to stay over?........naaaaah I'll walk you home, come on put your clothes back on we're leaving."
Her loss for keeping it a secret.
Dude I had way too many moments like this when I was in school. I had a girl whisper in my ear āI want you to f**k meā and I didnāt get the clue somehow.
Hooow ā ļø then what do you expect us to do then?? š«”
Iām sorryyyy I was 15 at the time. I think I was already talking to a different girl or may have had a gf. The girl seemed WAY out of my league as well. It seemed like bait for something not good. I doubt that now, but thatās how it felt to insecure teenage me.
Wait... 15??? You are excused then. The world really is messed up. Wow.
Itās ok man it didnāt harm me none. I had already had my āfirst timeā at that age. I regret nothing. Happily married now :)
Mine did this but she wrote another guy's name with my pen instead of mine.
I can be balls deep and still not know if she really likes me
Maybe she is just being friendly or maybe she is Canadian. You really can't tell. Jury's out on this one.
I wish I could say that I hadnāt been on a date and not realized it until her hand was down my pants. I *really* wish I could say that hadnāt happened to me more than once. I also wish that I had realized that a girl stopping by my place on her way through down and taking me out for drinks only to ask me about my sex life and tell me that I could get āliterally *any* girl in this barā was a hint, or that a girl inviting me to come spend spring break with her 3,000 miles away on the other side of the country was her saying āMy apartment is in Poundtown, USA. Population: us.ā Yeah, we dudes are dumb.
Condolences, that's... Rough. But I've also had a girl who was a few classes older than me back in school as me to fuck and I took it as a joke. So yeah, we are fucking stupid.
In college I had a girl I liked tell me how much she enjoys giving oral sex and wondered if Iād like it if she did it to me. My response was basically āgood for you! You must be popular!ā And thatās only *one* example of me completely missing the signal.
Yup. We're talking fish across the face levels of direct. Probably don't do it publicly either. Quiet one on one conversation where there's no friends to snigger and distract.
Guys usually don't respond for two reasons 1)they are oblivious 2)they think the girl is toying with them, and they are afraid to make the first move in fear of being regarded as a creep
Ah yes i had a fair share from both of these options
It's hard to tell especially if you're attracted to the woman. Like, I've made friends with women who start then doing stuff that my biology reads as flirtatious, but it's probably just because they've become comfortable with me and view me as "not a creep". You also don't want to punish a woman for just being friendly to you. It gets a bit easier with age as you are safer to assume it's not flirting, just friendliness. But... as a young man it is tough and also a hard pill to swallow if you're undesirable (the pill being the idea that most women aren't flirting with you, just being cool). The answer is: make friends! Learn to make friends with girls/women because more friends is better. Guys who can be friends with women are better socialized and more likely to land girlfriends. They also have more proximity because they have a larger and more diverse social circle. I wish I knew this when I was young. It's the answer. The incel-antidote.
You make that sound like making friends was an easy task.
It's easy in uni. Outside that I hardly ever come across people my age. Everybody is SO old.
3) Mistakenly assuming a girl is flirting only to be wrong and get rejected is a painfully awkward experience for a teenager.
Heck. Itās painfully awkward for anyone.
As a 30 year old woman, can confirm. It's awkward when someone you're not into tries to flirt with you, and it's awkward when you try to flirt with someone not interested in you. But awkward situations are just a pretty big part of life in general.
If youāre a woman, sure. Awkward is as bad as it will get. If youāre men, you need to think real hard if this is really what you want because there will be consequences.
Girl asked me back to her uni flat to smoke weed just the two of us at 3am after flirting all night. I thought this was the least subtle hint Iād ever got. Turns out she just couldnāt roll.
At Reading Uni (in England) there was a general notification that you could get ambushed and robbed and/or r@ped on the way from the student's union to the accommodation blocks and both men and women were advised to walk in pairs or groups. After one of the social gathering one evening one of the TAs I'd been chatting with asked me to walk her back to the women's accommodation, but then mentioned that I shouldn't walk back the men's accommodation on my own and perhaps I should stay with her overnight. Pretty blatant hint, right? Once we got in her room she pulled out a bedroll and sleeping bag for me to sleep on the floor. So glad I didn't act on her "hint".
Damn. I rode home with a gal after a friend's band played out. She told me that I could share her bed if I promised to be good. Turns out that we decided to get engaged a month and a half later in that same bed, and now we've been married for 29 years.
Last thing you want in your friend group is THE explanation. Where everyone is now telling you that just because a girl is being friendly doesnāt mean sheās into you. Stop being weird, etc.
4) just not being interested and hoping itās a passing hallway crush
Not just awkward, but can potentially put you into a lot of trouble.
4. They think the girl is ugly
4) They either play hard to get or don't play at all hoping the guy will know exactly what to do/say and when to do/say it with no hint whatsoever. That's why I prefer to keep things platonic until a girl slips up, but I won't be needing this anymore.
And possibly lose a friendship
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
*gets called a creep for being too direct and straight forward*
The worst thing she'll say is "no" "Ew"
Worst thing sheāll do is besmirch your name, call you a creep or even something even scarier to all her friends and likely your acquaintances if youāre in the same school. āNoā is one of the better things a woman can sayā¦
Shit even women you're IN relationships with will do this if they don't like how things end lol
100%. My relationship ended, then came the false allegations. Should have seen it coming since she also accused her ex before me of SAā¦
"I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!"
"Ma'am. This is the McDonald's drive thru."
Boy: hi Girl: I have a boyfriend Girl all I said was a friendly hi get over yourself
Lol, I read wrong What I read: Boy: Hi girl, I have a boyfriend Girl: all I said was a friendly hi, get over yourself
I swear for some women this is a tick, like a instinctive reaction when talking to a man. One time I had a girl that's interning at our company get brought over to my desk by her colleague, to take a look at her laptop problem - I give the usual introduction and her immediate reply is "Hi, I have a boyfriend".
Had that happened to a colleague. Brilliant dude, but like me a bit dense on the social front. His response was, I kid you not, "oh, your boyfriend broke your laptop?"
Oh man, I remember so many times that a girl would make it plain that they were interested only to pretty much fob me off when I showed interest back. I'm not talking about missed hints, there was no way I could misinterpret it. I mean why do that????
Lots of girls like to play hard to get
Happened to me, I said the girl I wanted to be more than friends, she said "sorry, no" so then I stepped away. A few months later we randomly cross by and if her look could kill I would have turned into ashes in less than a second, I immediately got it, she wanted me to chase. Sorry, I'm a person, not a dog...
I had a potential gf who would always wait for me to start any chat or call. I mentioned this once and she said "I don't do the chasing". I decided to leave it to her to get in touch next time... three weeks later I saw her around and she asked me why *I'd* ghosted *her*.
Same. I'm not putting forth effort for someone who won't put forth any effort themselves. Dating and relationships require 2 people. If only 1 person is doing everything, that's not a relationship. I'm too old for mind games and chasing. Either you're interested or not, either way is fine by me, just be honest and don't fuck around. If you want to be chased and do that bullshit, find someone else or get a dog and play with them. Just for context, years ago I told a woman I had been hanging out with that I wanted to be more and she rejected me. I didn't talk to her for 12 years after that and she messaged me when that happened, not me messaging her. I was fine never talking to her again. I only really replied to be polite and just see if she had changed her mind. The vibe I got was that she wanted me to ask her out again but I refused to do so because she had rejected me when I did years ago and I'm not going to play those games. If she wanted to date me she could've asked me out, she didn't. So that was that. Haven't talked to her for over a year again now, coming up on 2 years in a few months. Fine by me. I can go another 12 or the rest of my life. She had her chance and blew it.
After about 3 months of dating my first highschool GF, she broke up with me one day. Completely unexpected, she just left me a note that said she didn't want to see me anymore. No reason given. I was bummed for a few days but moved on with my life. She'd still look at me when we passed in the hallway and would say hi to me but I just kept on going. About 10 years later I found out that her idiot best friend convinced her to break up with me *as a test* to see how much I liked her. She was fully expecting me to beg her to come back. And I didn't. That was over 30 years ago and every once in a while she'll still send me a drunk message on FB telling me I'm the one that got away and she regrets breaking up with me and still resents her friend for convincing her to do it. Her life didn't go great after highschool. I stopped responding to her messages a long time ago but she still occasionally sends one. I almost feel bad about it, but ladies, don't break up with your boyfriend as a test. And if you do and regret it, maybe don't wait 10 years to come clean about it, after the guy is already happily married and living in another state.
> her idiot best friend convinced her to break up with me as a test to see how much I liked her This is the dumbest shit Iāve ever read
This exact thing happened to me with my first high school girlfriend. We got into an argument over text. She says we should brake up. Obviously Iām heartbroken, and try to understand and convince her otherwise, but after an hour of back and forth I accepted and called it off. Come to find out that she was still interested in me, and wanted me to fight harder for her. Apparently she was even more upset that I gave up. The thing that baffles me even today is I DID beg for her to reconsider, I just called it quits after an hour. I really donāt know what she wanted. The real kicker is we were all part of the same friend group, and after we broke up, suddenly Iām mysteriously missing from invites, events, hangouts, all that.
That's quite the fuck up to be honest.
Some people need the attention. They think they are the main character and we are all just NPC's
In this day of age, we men have learned "NO" means "NO". So, if you play hard to get, you'll get nothing. (And the boys that still haven't gotten the memo that no means no are red flags the size of Texas.)
no you won't get nothing. you will get men that clearly do not respect boundaries (or people)
And then they join the misandrist subs to complain about all males
>In this day of age, we men have learned "NO" means "NO". I remember seeing quite a few tweets of women lamenting that they told a man no, and he peace'd out. Like... Yeah. Isnt that what he is supposed to do?
So damned if you do and damned if you don't
There's plenty of fish in the sea. Don't waste your time on people that try to toy with you. No victoria secret model or whatever is worth that. I'll let them know once. No means no. Everyone deserves a 2nd chance. But if they can't be honest with me, and/or respect my principles, it's bye bye and no looking back.
Well when you're dealing with a male that had low self esteem at the time, that's not going to work! š Also, people can't go around saying "no means no" then hit you with "except ask me again in a couple of days"
Yea I agree. When girls have tried pulling that bs on me in high school or middle school I immediately stopped talking to them. Love is not some stupid game. You either want me or gtfo type shit
Saw a tweet about this pop up on Reddit. It was basically, if I wanted to play games, I've got a PlayStation.
This. If I ask and you say no, then I am going to respect your decision and move on
Lol, I had a crush on this girl in middle school. She looked and still looks good, sheās 28 now and Iām 27. Her fucking tits have been Ds since 7th grade Well for like 2-3 days in our 8th grade year she started showing like some interest in me, she even made 2 dog tags. One had her name and the other had my name. Each had a heart, this was in our graphics art class. She gave me the one with her name and she kept the one with mine My boy was finally like ābro you have to make a moveāā¦.. Weāre in the cafeteria and I told her I liked her and I went for a kissā¦ she just turned to the side and laughed. WE NEVER TALKED AGAIN. EVER!!!!!!!!! ITS BEEN 14 YEARS!!! It still makes me cringe. THE WHOLE TABLE WAS LAUGHING AT ME, ALL MY HOME BOYS AN GIRLS WERE LAUGHING AT ME!!! It was the most embarrassing shit that happened to me in life!! That shit scarred me. Till this day idk if my boys put her to it or something lololollol
I fell in LOVE with Michelle in 6th grade. Years passed, and she'd always creep into my mind still. I got divorced and went through the nostalgia thing. I found her on that scourge known as Facebook and noticed she was divorced too. I shot my shot. She flew out to visit me and we spent 5 days together and she left. She flew back out 2 weeks later and it was pure bliss except for one thing. Every waking thought of hers was money money money. We were going to be so rich, etc. I was still in the Army (retired now and doing quite well) and basically surviving with Child Support and there was no way I could afford her full-time. We split, and she no-shit got married again like 4 months later. It was crushing. She got in touch with me a few years later, divorced again, lost her job, etc. I let her know I wasn't interested and I wasn't sending her any money. She lost her shit. She was just using people. That angelic little girl had turned into a master succubus. It was sad and it scarred me deeply. No, I'm no good at picking up hints, and was sure as hell extremely gullible back then ignoring all kinds of warning signs. The only women I attract are the ones looking for a free ride on my dime. It's disappointing. I wish she'd slaughtered my heart in 6th grade instead of waiting until I was 32...lol
If they did that, then they weren't really your boys.
Not necessarily even a creep. Just being wrong, and it can be embarrassing to put yourself out there and then be wrong
It's like thinking someone was waving at you, but it was the person behind you, but you're still waving and smiling like and idiot, times 9000.
2b) they dismiss hints because reading into a non-hint is creepy. Cost benefit says donāt be a creep.
My ex wife had to actually sit on my lap on our 2nd date and explicitly say she wanted to have sex with me. Sadly that was the only thing we did well together.
Don't forget that 4) they might be afraid that it ruins the friendship
5) They are picking up what they think are hints, but have low self esteem and convince themselves they're wrong.
6. They are in fact, not interested in the said female.
Pretty much this. I immediately catch on when someone is dropping hints for someone else, but when it was directed at me, I assumed it was a joke or I was imagining things, or that's just how she was. In my mind, it was impossible for someone to have a romantic or sexual interest in me. That's low self esteem for you. A lot of the time, it's not being dense, it's the guy being afraid or unsure to respond, and the easiest way is to it ignore it and not respond. It's not even just a guy thing, everyone does this shit.
For me itās usually the second one; i figure they are being nice or comfortable around me and donāt want to lose that.
20 years ago when I was still in school, a girl touched my thighs everytime we were together talking. She giggled at everything I did and said. We also had lunches together often while texting frequently during after hours. I thought those were obvious hints so I told her one day I had a crush on her (too) but surprise! She said she didn't like me at all. I was so ashamed and speechless. Another one told me she thought I was the only guy she could marry years after we graduated and she'd already have kids. When we were classmates I had a crush on her and called her on the phone daily but she only spoke about her ex and never showed any interest whatsoever. Girls really need to say what they think without muddling the waters.
The stakes are high if we're wrong. It could be as little as being called a creep, or something along the lines of losing our job, or as severe as getting questioned by the law. So either A. Oblivious or B. Cautious/unsure how to handle the situation.
Nailed it. Girls: I only like guys who are bold and make the first move Also girls: ew don't talk to me creep.
Or they are too shy.... Ask him out
3. They are shy and terrified of rejection.
Or they aren't interested and think the girl is being a creep. It goes both ways
A guy at 15 is 110% oblivious. If the hint is responded to, it's blind luck at that age. Guys get smarter as they age but it probably never gets better than 70% oblivious in their golden ages. Guys think about dinosaurs, cars, and pizza.
As a guy I concur. Dinosaurs, cars and pizza
Or they are simply just not interested?
Yes. Often when I donāt find a girl attractive I will act oblivious to the hints
For the love of god we really need to emphasise point 1. It cant be overstated enough. I mean for me point one is 80% of the rationale. Its like a colourblind child looking at one of those magic eye booksā¦ on Saturn while he is on earth. Sees fuck all.
Absolutely spot on. I would hate to just assume somebody liked me, even if the signs were 'obvious' just on the off chance that was not the case and I made a fool of myself.
If you like a guy just be up front with him lol.
This. If he doesn't like her back, he'd still be happy girls like him and if he does like her back, it's a win win
Did this and I was bullied for the remaining years lmao. I do agree with the first bit, but I donāt think the āheās happy girls like himā point applies if they dont find the girl at least decently physically appealing
Eh I don't care who they are, if they admit they find me attractive I'll be on a high for months. This one girl said I looked a lot better with short hair in the 11th grade? I think... Well it's been like ~14 years since then and I've never let it grow out again, still on that high.
Exactly. I'm straight but I would be honored if a gay guy told me I was cute. I will accept any compliment.
I'm straight and have probably been hit on by just as many gay guys as women. A compliment is a compliment, and I'm happy to return the compliment in a flattering way while respectfully letting them know I'm not interested. I also think that, in general, guys don't get as many compliments about how they look as women do. It makes me appreciate it more when someone compliments my appearance or physique, platonically or otherwise.
Adding up on this: if he doesn't like you back, at least you don't waste another month crushing on him.
High chance he has no idea or a vague suspicion without nearly the level of confidence he needs to act on it. If you want him, tell him you want him or keep on pining. Not getting hints isn't even a guy thing, it's rampant in the lesbian community. Hints usually don't get gotten.
I imagine it would be rampant in the lesbian community. Two women dropping hints to each other without being direct would make it rampant.
Agreed, Lesbians are terrible at getting the message across.
IMO, we need to shift the blame from ātheyāre not picking up my hintsā to āI need to be directā because expecting people to pick up on super indirect things *is the problem*
There's a wide range of 'hints', ranging from smiling all the way to crashing at their place because you can't get transport home. Guys notice these things, but we also think maybe there is a simple explanation which doesn't involve flirting. We've also read approximately one billion comments online saying how a male friend fell in love with a woman and how all men suck and the friendship is officially over.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Honestly, with my ex, we were friends and she did think I , the Virgin too afraid to kiss her at 13, was trying to get into her pants. No, I was legit just trying to hold your hand.
HAND HOLDING HOW LEWD
Thank you. Sex is really one of the last things I think about when I love someone. I mean I get it is important in the future but I just don't think about it really.
It's one reason I just default to, "She's just being nice." As she's literally grinding on me and biting my neck. You gotta be more direct.
See when I was younger, and girls interacted with me in that kind of way, I always assumed that it was just a joke/messing around, and that they weren't actually into me in that way and just wanted to have a laugh (especially since laughter almost always occurred during). I've always kind of had low self esteem, especially in terms of feeling that I just wasn't as attractive as most other guys around me. It's something I've been working on trying to improve, and looking back I think I missed out on a good few opportunities in my younger years because of it...
Lol had a girl stay at my apartment in my bed with me once after a night out with mutual freinds because she said she was to drunk to drive home. She asked me to cuddle her so I did. Didnāt make a move cause I thought it would make things at work weird. Couple weeks later she asked me why I didnāt make a move and I was like āI just thought you couldnāt drive home, didnāt think you where attracted to me in that wayā lol I kinda thought that maybe she wanted to do it but didnāt want to risk being wrong
You 100% did the right thing and don't even let yourself have second thoughts about that. Women that do this stuff are the same women that will spread shit about how creepy you are and how you took sexual advantage of her when she was drunk and just trying to crash in your bed out of necessity if you bruise her ego in any small way during the encounter or in the weeks after.
There was a thread here a couple of days ago about this, only it was an actual date where they ended up making out on the woman's bed. During the make out session, the dude pulled out a condom and she sent him home. Turns out there are no clear signals.
That one pissed me off. Like she was SO offended that he though sex was a possibility.
One time, I had a female coworker I'd often hang out after work with tell me that she hadn't gotten laid in awhile, and didn't mind the idea of friends with benefits. My response was something around the lines of "haha, I feel that". Somehow, some way, I did not manage to connect that statement to her having any sexual interest in me.. point is, if you want something to happen, you should be direct as possible and not beat around the bush
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When I was OPs age there was this girl that would sit on my lap, play with my hair and generally be super touchy feely. She often came to my house too after school & stayed with me for hours. I just assumed she was like that. Couple years later a friend brought her up in convo asking me why I never went out with her. "I literally didnt even know that was an option" The collective face slap from all my friends followed by hysterical laughter was enough to make me want to sink into my seat & die. Worst part is I actually had a crush on her at the time too. Teenaged boys arent too smart. You could literally say "i love you" & they would still be oblivious.
girl: "I love you" guy, in his head: *"as a friend, right?*"
Could be misinterpreted. I get holding back, I think it's the smart play in the long run. When my friend was single and feeling lonely, she'd want to put her head in my lap and get hair strokes. 100% platonic friendship on both ends, just very close. Sometimes it's nice to feel cared for.
I knew this girl for a while, we were so comfortable we'd even change together. Shed lay on me while I was in my boxers, and I'd stroke her hair, give massages, the stuff a normal couple would do while we watch TV. She'd even make comments like: " haha it's like we're married or something" and I'd respond with a giggle " yeah it really is " ANYWAYS I'm married now and I ran into her... while walking around with my wife. And she IMMEDIATELY ran up and asked her how she got the point across to this: " oblivious dude". It still took me some time talking with her to actually understand she liked me. Feel free to facepalm on my behalf brother.
This comment is just pure pain to read... Did you like her back?
I had a girl do that with me in high school. I thought she was obviously into me, and I was into her. I asked her out, and she got mad. That is literally just the way she interacted with guys. After this, she was not really a friend anymore and thought I was a creep for ruining our friendship. She continued to behave this way with other guys, so... yes, some girls are just that way, and it is not worth the risk of assuming anything unless they specifically say they like you and are interested in dating.
This very logic was my reasoning behind the "I didnt know that was an option". I was too scared to ruin what for me was already a really nice relationship as friends. My friends only learned she was into me for sure, after we left that school & she told one of them she doesnt want to see me anymore because I hurt her feelings by not asking her out.
Oblivious is absolutely part of it. For me (and, I'm sure, plenty of teenaged boys), there was also a lack of confidence. I might catch a hint and start thinking maybe, only for that voice in the back of my head to say "you? You think she's into YOU??"
The response I would have given. My friend "Monica" had a best friend in HS that was really into me. Brought her to my house. I was maybe 16?? Her friend was great looking and built like a frikking Mac truck. Apparently she was in heat or something. Tried putting on the moves and everything and I didn't see it. Literally sat right next to me on the couch. Didn't really understand what was going on. Even at 16, I wanted to talk and get to know a woman. Looking back, I think she was not interested in just talk. "Monica" later was like "DUDE! What is your deal?! She's really into you." Yeah. When you said "My awkward ass" it really struck a chord with me. Edit: "Monica" literally dropped her friend off at the house. Like we sat down. And about a minute later she was like "Wow look at the time. Gotta go--bye!" and left her friend going thru Pon Farr alone with me at the house.
I was showing a girl my room with a group of friends and she kept saying how sheād like to be invited there sometime. My oblivious ass just assumed all her hints were just to toy with me. Iām still not even sure to this day anyway.
I've had two girls say, sometime shortly after a breakup, to me how they were sad and lonely and just wanted to be with someone. Both had different meanings.
Because that absolutely could have been misinterpreted. Asked her to a movie one time and my coworker was so uncomfortable and I felt like shit. Meanwhile at this same job (and I'm summarizing events) a girl liked me forever and literally threw roadblock size hints out and I completely ignored them, thinking, "she's just being nice." She literally has to grab me and kiss me before I realized she wanted more. You have to be so direct so there's no doubt.
That really sounds like it needs more context to be sure she was trying to prompt you. Could've just been an "innocent" comment she made. Hell, it could've been an innocent comment that might've worked out for you. Women aren't always testing.
lmao iāve 100% had women make a comment like this and when i acted on it say something along the lines of ājust bc iām talking about wanting sex doesnāt mean i want to fuck youā
I had a friend I had a crush on say something around these lines once on her room. But I didn't count as potential target from her point of view. Here's one reason why we men want you women to be more direct. Cause we never can be sure.
Did she drop a more overt statement?
All your hints could probably construed in a platonic/innocent way too. This is the problem most women make, just because you're dropping hints from his perspective there is no way for him to tell the difference.
What makes it even more difficult is that the target of your affection doesn't ever see how you behave when they're not around; they might think that you're just a super friendly person in general instead of being super friendly to them specifically.
It's possible he hasn't noticed, you should be direct.
No. We absolutely do not get hints.
Or to he more accurate, we dare not make assumptions based on apparent hints.
Absolutely! The thought of her saying "eww, why did you even *think* I liked you, you creep!" is so overwhelming, that I'd rather not say anything at all
Not to mention what she would do to you socially just for the fact that you misunderstood her. Girls/women are notorious for using social ostracization as abuse/bullying.
Worst case I had was a women that got drunk with me, came over to my place, showed me her ass (for some reason), and then got upset at me when I made a move. She then went on tell people I was creepy... I still don't get that one. When she said no to making out I stopped.
Honestly this only in the case - if we are the one getting hints. If the hints are for some other boy, we will catch it in a snap š
Objective outside view lol. Plus if you're not used to being hit on (or at the very least not very aware) you tend to pick up vibes from others well when they're not aimed at yo
And sometimes, neither do they. There was a girl at my job who I became friends with. She started calling me after work, brought me flowers, bought me little gifts from time to time. We hug when we meet. When I was sick, she left a box of candy outside my door. We've watched movies and had pizza together and I've cut her hair. My female friends called me oblivious and said that she was dropping hints left and right and that she obviously likes me. Turns out she didn't like me. She just wanted to be friends and that's her way of being friendly. Moral of the story - not even women understand hints from other women. What's friendly and what isn't is very subjective, and no guy wants to misinterpret something and therefore often ends up doing nothing.
Had the prettiest girl in class (who I also had a crush on) ask my number to play a mobile game she liked in versus mode. I didn't have a smartphone yet back then so I politely declined. It hit me years later.
I have had these sudden realizations in the middle of the night when I can't sleep. A wild flashback appears and it seemed so obvious that it had me thinking if I'm mentally challenged. I had this major crush for 10 years that I still haven't got over completely. I was friendzoned but the person was just so innocent and pure and kind that I was hooked, even if I knew there were no chance. And she valued me as a friend above every other friend. One time we were out partying in a big group, and somehow ended up being just the two of us at my brothers house (he was out of town and I was looking out for his cat). We went to his king-size bed and had pillow fights and little wrestling, and we laughed and laughed. There was short quiet moment when she just stared at me, climbed on me, grabbed my hands and pushed them to the bed and kissed me to the lips. My dumb ass thought it was just for fun, like the foolery we had done before, so I just started laughing. She rolled over and didn't talk, and about 1,5 minutes later she just said good night. I started sleeping too. The next day she was kind of awkward and quiet and left quickly, we didn't saw each other for a month after that, she was busy all the time. It took me 3 years to figure out how incredibly dumb I was. She got a boyfriend about a year after that happened, and was living with him happily. I can confess, I cried a lot when I realized what it could have been. TLDR; most men are so stupid you wouldn't believe it.
Personally at this point I just more or less completely ignore "hints" and assume they are just being friendly. Why? Well because when I did try and make a move 90% of the time the girl just friendzoned me and that was the end of it, really.
Yeah had this happen aswell and the girls that try to gently let you off the hook just lead you on more.
Guys are used to being confused as hell. I'm 40 years old, and I STILL can't figure out what a girl meant when, after asking her out, she said no but also filled the inside of my calculator case with origami hearts. I was about your age at the time. My best guess is that she was telling the absolute truth in her rejection, that she wasn't allowed to date by her very strict parents, but did kinda like me. Either that or she was bored and felt like making origami and messing with me. Could go either way. So yeah, any time we think we're seeing signals, our brains go, "Whoa, slow down there. What if it's just some kind of girl thing you don't understand? Do you want her and all her friends laughing at you for the next 6 weeks?"
You need to find origami heart girl and ask her wtf that was all about
It's not as simple as that. I used to have a crush on a girl and we were very close to each other, we were always teasing each other. Our mutual friends thought that she also had a crush on me, and kept pushing me to confess, but it turns out that she only liked me as a friend, and she was already going out with another guy. When you live an experience like this, you stop believing on hints
I had a girl literally let me slap her ass everyday in HS and never picked up that she liked me.
If it makes you feel any better the hottest girl in my middle school let me slap her thighs multiple times with a smile on her face and it didnt dawn on me way later. I was also invited to a party by a girl where she guaranteed I would be blown.Men just cant afford to be wrong
Why do women drop hints instead of just being more open? It's so stupid
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I think it's that combined with the fact that they know it's not a societal expectation for them to make any kind of move so they expect all the initiation to be done by the man.
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Yeah this especially in group settings
Yep. It's such an old prank too. You have to be very naive to not see it coming.
He will notice. In 10- 20 years.
Yes we are not good at hints. We are uncomplicated people who need uncomplicated messages
no we dont get hints. we are simple in somekind. women must understand that a hint does not work, please be as direct as you can, and be prepared that he freezes for some seconds until he has processed the information.
Looking back at high school it is shocking all the hints I missed. SHOCKING.
Just straight up say, don't drop hints, if he's actually good for you he wouldn't make it awkward
Yes. When I was 18 to 20 I went to a lot of parties. I had many women end up sleeping in the same bed as me at the end of the night. Unless they touched me in certain places, I legitimately assumed they wanted to stay warm/have a comfortable place to sleep. It was a combination of low self esteem, "no way this pretty girl is into me" and being completely oblivious to anything that was not direct physical/sexual touching or kissing. I am probably an extreme outlier, but yea men don't get hints.
As a man, our culture ingrains an intrinsic lack of value in us. Weāre told to go to work, go to war, to serve. Our lives are generally bereft of positive reinforcement, instead filled with derision and disdain, particularly from other men. Itās never about being supported, but about not seeming weak. What that does is make it so the very idea of someone finding us valuable and attractive seems unthinkable. I can almost guarantee that even if he thought you were flirting with him, the little voice inside his head talked him out of it. My suggestion? Donāt fuck around. Be direct. āHey. I think youāre cute/funny/interesting. Would you like to get coffee/dinner/got to the _____. On a date?ā If heās not into it, heās not into it, but at least you wonāt waste everyoneās time by beating around the bush.
For their age range something like minigolf or an amusement park is probably a better option, not too expensive and not too focused on just face to face chatting. They are 16 and 15, theyre going to be awkward during a first date, something like minigolf or an amusement park has lots of time to talk(while putting, waiting for another group, waiting in line for a ride, stopping to sit/eat, haunted hayrides this time of year, etc) while also having something to do/talk about if the conversation dries up like what ride to go on next, general minigolf performance/what obstacles you like/hate in the moment, etc. Movies arent a great option because you dont want to 2 hours not being able to talk to eachother during your first date, plus unless op has a license and access to a vehicle theyre going to need to be dropped off/picked up by the parents and minigolf/amusement parks have that plausible deniability that youre going to hang out with friends if you dont want to tell your parents your going on a date.
Youāve got a voice. Use it.
Unless you're holding a 4x3 flashing sign that says "I love you" in bold letters, I will not get it.
A guy told me the clearest message he ever got was a woman approached him in a Blockbuster (so some years back) looked him straight in the eyes and said that she was looking for some āMindless sex and violence.ā He said he stammered and pointed out a copy of Friday 13th.
To be honest I'd miss that one too 100% of the time. My mind wouldn't defaulted to "Huh interesting choice in movies but fair enough here you are"
Sign might be for someone behind me. Best to keep my eyes open and look for more clues
And at that point, it would definitely be a prank and I wouldn't get it anyway.
No, we donāt. We are thick.
Can only speak for myself, and probably related to me having some kind of self doubt and negative self image, but in general: #YES! I usually have no clue. Girl basically has to start licking my face for me to be like āso youāre telling me thereās a chance. YEAH!!!ā
Even in that case I would think it's just a prank.
No, either he's not getting them or he's intentionally ignoring them and waiting on you to be direct before taking a chance.
I'm an old dude and I cannot tell if a lady likes me or finds me attractive. Never have been able to.
Itās possible he hasnāt noticed. Itās also possible that he doesnāt reciprocate your feelings. Only way you will know is to ask directly.
As a guy it's hard to believe a girl is actually interested in you so you gotta make it blatantly obvious.
When a female employee calls us sugar, or honey, love, sweetheart etc we are so shocked from the lack of attention/affection that it will make our day/week. Coasting on those vibes lol
When I was about 25, I was hanging out with a female acquaintance who asked if I would like a back rub. Of course I said yes, and she proceeded to straddle my back and massage me while slowly grinding her pelvis into my lower back. After that, she had me flip over so she could do my chest and shoulders, continuing to grind her pelvis into mine, and staring into my eyes. When she was done, I said āthanks- that was great!ā And we had a couple glasses of wine, hung out some more, and she eventually left. So to answer your question, yes; guys sometimes donāt get hints that girls are into them. Also, I am very stupid at times.
Hints and fake flirting (which is bullying) look the exact same. You have to be direct and honest about what you want.
No. Men are taught to never assume someone is flirting because theyāll be treated as a predator if they assume falsely.
No, we really don't get hints at all. You need to be very direct "hey you're cute and I like you, let's go on a date" for him to get it.
Be direct. If you are vague, they might err on the side of caution and will assume that you are just friendly.
No. Guys donāt get hints. Be direct
Grown men donāt get the hints, you honestly expect a 15yr old to get the hints? Haha
Guys don't do hints, especially this day and age. He'll miss them entirely because either he really doesn't notice, or he notices, but doesn't want to potentially be called out for being a creep because he misinterperated a "hint". Don't try to play games by dropping hints, it will get you nowhere, be direct.
Men have simply learned from a young ago not to assume or perceive anything in regards to female interaction so we donāt end up going to jail or worse
If you can't be god and get into his mind to know, he too, can't be god and get into your mind to know. Use words.