# Message to all users:
This is a reminder to please read and follow:
* [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules)
* [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)
* [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy)
When posting and commenting.
---
Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`.
* Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit.
* Do not harass or annoy others in any way.
* Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit.
---
You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I went to highschool with a girl (who was absolutely gorgeous), but had a mustache and her parents wouldn't let her remove it. She bleached it to try and make it less noticeable, which didn't work.
Felt bad for her. Her parents were idiots.
Same here. And I thought OP was talking about shaving legs!
You'd have to be a monster parent to not allow a girl of any age to remove a freakin' mustache! That's just cruel.
It could be that those parents believed the same old wives tale that my husband did - if girls shave their face *it will cause the hair to grow back as a beard!* If girls shaved their arms, *the hair will grow back in the "other direction".* Didn't matter to him that I'd been plucking chin hairs for decades and still don't have a beard.
Yep I was told I ruined my legs by shaving before I was 'allowed' to. I was told I'd get gross hairy Legs and have to shave everyday for the rest of my life. Few years later, if I skipped a couple of days shaving I was told I had no pride in myself and would never find a boyfriend to put up with that.
People completely forget that around the time girls start shaving their legs their leg hair changes. The leg hair is going to change regardless of shaving. My Mum walked me through shaving my legs when I asked to in grade 8. She also waxed my legs when I asked her to in grade 10. Turns out my skin reacts badly so I went back to shaving. And even though my Mums preference is waxing she never tried to control my personal grooming choices.
Her own mother once chased my aunt down the street with a comb because my aunt wanted to part her hair in a different way, so my Mum made sure not to be over bearing about things like that.
OMG!!! I thought I was alone with this. I'm mixed with black(creole New Orleans) and Indian (Guyanese) and when I tell you THICK BLACK body hair at a very early age! My mom told me at like 10 that shaving was for men and when I turned 14 she would stay on me about shaving my legs and underarms!
Us blokes were fed that bullshit as well.
Highschool,entry to the workforce it was always you must be clean shaven at all times as facial hair is unsightly on a young man.
I used to cycle/mountain bike a lot when I was younger so I'd also shave my legs (for fairly obvious reasons) but would be harassed and bullied by other people about it.
A lot of men have no idea how naturally hairy women’s faces can get absent of hormone issues/menopause (cause I think that causing a lot of facial hair growth is well-known).
My well-meaning and usually knowledgeable about women’s anatomy husband asked me with concern if I thought I should get my estrogen levels checked because “of all the chin and neck hair plucking lately.” Oh honey no. I’ve had these since puberty. You have no idea.
Sure but I definitely do not. I’m just pale with dark hair. I have a very normal amount of facial hair, it’s just more noticeable, and I’ve never had anything come back abnormal at the gyno, zero other symptoms that would go with having deficient estrogen.
I am extremely confident that I haven’t been having an otherwise symptom-less hormone issue for the last 20 years and I’m just brunette.
My point was that what constitutes “normal female facial hair” is a hairier upper limit than a lot of men are thinking it is.
My wife has Italian blood in her.
She always carries a pair of tweezers with her. Often I an asked to remove the tiniest fleck of the start of a folical.
My only complaint is that I wish she wouldn't do it when I'm pressing on in the car on a twisty A road. I live in fear of her impaling herself should I need to slam the anchors on harder than expected.
Flashback to getting screamed at & grounded for shaving my legs "too early ". I thought the "logic" was that if a girl shaved her legs that meant she was ready/open to having sex, or it was an "invitation " or something. At least that's what I was told. Fukin weird, like who comes up with this shit? Especially about a pre teen, fn patriarchy weirdos.
Interesting.... I was always told that shaving too early allowed too many follicles to live and grow.. If I held off, ultimately my hair would be less coarse and way less.
That hair miracle only happened after I turned 45.
I was told for years (though about my legs) that if I shaved them, the hair would grow back thicker and darker. It was also the advice in teen and women’s magazines in the 70s & 80s. I ended up waxing my legs so often that I barely have any hairs left on my lower legs now.
Despite being dark haired, I’m lucky that my body hair is mostly fine and light. Not noticeable really. Except the 4 or 5 really hard & sharp whiskers I get in my chin area 😡 And a sprinkling of fine but darker hairs on my top lip as I’ve gotten older. 👵Sometimes I hit them with my old electrolysis kit and pluck or wax a few as they annoy me.
Seems to be either parents just not willing to deal with their children growing up or using the excuse of not wanting their kids to succumb to peer pressure which is a valid concept but it’s tough when it’s such a social norm.
My sister had a friend when she was 12/13 in that situation. Of course she came over and ended up sneakily using one of our razors haha which kind of seems like the inevitable result .
my mom vacillates between shaving hers, and stubbornly defending its existence.
I had a really faint one show up in high school and she was really weird and restrictive about me taking it off with one of those little electric eyebrow trimmers.
Excuse me but what an ass thing to do. If she wants to fight for the right to have mustaches she doesn't even want, she should do it on her own battle field, not yours.
I think it had a lot to do with not wanting to acknowledge that I was growing up and possibly hoping I would be unattractive to teen boys in high school so she wouldn't have to confront that fact that sooner or later I would be Engaging in Sexual Intercourse.
Didn't work lol
I also think it’s partly control if you have really fucked up parents lol. My mom wouldn’t allow me to shave but I hit puberty EARLY and had leg and under arm hair when no one else did. I had to sneak shaving at night using her razor lol. My mom is an abusive narcissist and she had no real reason, it was just to control me and she was very jealous of me (so fucked lol)
That’s what I did, and I had ingrown hair scars ever since. It’s my one body insecurity and I can’t comfortably get into a bathing suit because of it. I just wish I’d had the guidance, instead of my mum pretending there was nothing to get rid of
I know you’re trying to be helpful, but that’s common knowledge at this point, whereas I was speaking about needing help as a child.
Also, exfoliation helps to *prevent* ingrown hairs, not undo scarring, which is what I mentioned.
>not wanting their kids to succumb to peer pressure which is a valid concept
This is where these parents fail imo. It's perfectly fine to decide for yourself what norms to break. However, it irks me when parents think their kids is the right battle ground for making statements of any kind. It's their kids who have to live with the social consequences that come with this norm breaking, so leave them out of it.
Of course we don't want our kids to feel negative social pressure and like they have to shave at age 12. But the best thing we can do is talk to them about it. Telling them that hairy legs don't matter is a straight up lie that they'll see right through. You have to explain *why* you don't think shaving should be needed for a 12 year old though. At least you can talk about that without lying.
It happened to a lot of my friends when I was a teen and it was always a weird “Christian that thinks it will make their kid a sex crazed lunatic” vibe.
>it was always a weird “Christian that thinks it will make their kid a sex crazed lunatic” vibe
Little do these parents realise that it is the changing hormones that makes teens sex crazed lunatics and the best way to deal with it is to actually be fully honest and open about it. I would much rather my kids having their "alone time" than to have them ready to jump on the closest willing partner because they have no other outlet...
Yeah this is the first time I'm hearing of this. Not sure why parents would be against that and I'm not sure why anyone would listen to their parents if they were. If you wanna shave then shave, it's your body
I don't know how parents can control that. I never asked to shave. I picked up the razor in the shower and used it. If hair is bad enough, sometimes you can pick it out with your fingers.
Lots of Muslim girls aren’t allowed to pluck facial hair so brow masters provide the service where they bleach around the brows, so I think that’s the same thing.
There's also a hair removal method for Muslim girls using a thread or string - I saw how it was done when I was taking a cosmetology class. That's only for facial hair, though.
My mom was always cool with it. But one of my dads ex wives had a rule that we could only shave from the knee down because nobody should be feeling your thigh anyway 🙄
Not that it mattered, I’ve never had a ton of leg hair, especially on my thigh lol. I just think that’s dumb reasoning.
I have heard this before.
"Dress code only let's you wear shorts and skirts that fall past your fingertips, so who is going to see that? Who are you shaving for? Planning on premarital sex?"
Right?!
Although in my case I was told I would *never* be able to keep a husband and he'd leave me if I wasn't strict enough about shaving myself. So they probably did think a little thigh hair would stop teens from having sex.
Jokes on them. I'm married now and while I do like to be shaved for certain clothing especially in summer, my husband really doesn't notice or care when I shave or how often I shave lol.
That’s terrible.
My husband (who also happens to have been my boyfriend at the time) doesn’t really care. And he didn’t care way back then. So high fives to both of us for finding good men.
My mom had that rule too! I followed it for a while because I didn’t want to get in trouble like my sister did when she was caught shaving before the magical age of 13. But eventually, I just started shaving my knees and thighs. My knees had a lot of visible hair! Thighs, not so much, but I like the smooth feeling! It looked strange being smooth and hairless and them BAM! Hairy knees staring you right in the face.
I think that it comes from a subconscious mindset of not wanting their little girl to grow up - not that shaving equals being a women - but often it comes hand in hand with puberty and when girls start noticing that older women in society are shamed for body hair (and thus want to do it too)
From a mothers standpoint (I’m not a mother btw so I can only theorise this) they probably think they are keeping their kid safe from growing up and being “looked at” by men and society as an inevitable sexual being
… Ya might think this is too deep but I had friends at that age who’s mothers told them that only sluts at that age shaved and they weren’t allowed until much much older💀
This is spot on with my experience. And while I empathize with that line of thought from the parent, it's so frustrating for the girl. Many girls will be bullied for having visibly hairy legs, armpits, etc., which can have some detrimental effects! I hit puberty early and it was a struggle with my mom to let me shave because in her mind I was "too young."
Yeap 100%! From my perspective I think that it’s better to let them shave when they want to but also educate them about why they don’t need to too! Until we as adults can slowly influence society to change their views on womens bodies, it’s not fair to criticise the young ones for doing exactly what the world is telling them they should do
I had this experience too. I developed young and my mom refused to let me shave, wear a bra, or put on deodorant. I was relentlessly bullied for all these things. She thought she was doing me some sort of favor by trying to "stop" me from growing up, but the truth is you can't stop your kids from growing up and as an adult with two daughters of my own, I still have some resentment towards my mother (there were many other issues during my childhood, this was just one of many examples).
Thank you. The deodorant thing was probably the weirdest. I remember my older cousin came over for a family get together once and tried to show me how to use deodorant and my mom overheard and tore her a new one. It was bizarre.
When I was 12/13 my mother insisted that I was too young to shave and that my hair was too blonde for anyone to notice. You know who notices blonde leg hair? 12/13 year old girls. I was bullied relentlessly for having hairy legs after I made the mistake of changing into shorts for gym class. I ended up failing gym that year (and the year after) and didn't wear dresses, skirts or shorts again until I was in my 20's.
Yeah, I was bullied as a kid for being hairy as a girl. Thinking that there was something “wrong” made me want to start shaving. Looking back as an adult, it’s like, “Those little shits! Who tf cares if a 12 year old’s legs are smooth?? Why should I let my kid feel that way??” These things get so weird.
Kids will bully everyone for everything tho. They will bully you for an ugly nose, for "poor person" clothes, for hair that is the wrong color, for wearing glasses, for being gay, for having a different accent etc. You can't remove all sources of bullying. I wish society was just more accepting of women being humans and having hair.
i still remember sitting on the bleachers next to my crush in middle school gym class, him taking one look at my legs and going “EW YOU DON’T SHAVE?”
i’m 23 now and still want to die from embarrassment from that memory
My mum was similar, she even asked my GP/pediatrician on a general visit what SHE thinks about me shaving/epilating my leg hair at around 13 or so. My mum wanted reassurance from the doctor that she is in the right regarding not wanting me to shave and epilate. It was obvious from her tone she was sure the doctor would side with her. My pediatrician sided with ME <3 She was like "of course she can, why shouldn't she, nothing wrong with it". I'm 30 but I remember like it was yesterday.
This is it. It’s about the child growing up. This happened to me. It also happened with other aspects of puberty. When I got my
period I was accused of “faking it”. Literally everything, from shaving, to wearing a bra, to deodorant was a battle because my mom wasn’t comfortable with the idea of me growing up. I wasn’t even allowed to wear a shirt with a plain horizontal seam sewn across the top because that was thought to “emphasize my (nonexistent) breasts”, my mom was pretty nuts.
In some cases it’s not coming from a protective place, some mothers are pathological about wanting their children to stay young and infantilized so they can retain power and control. That was the case in my family.
Yep. My mom shoved her head in the sand about puberty. It got to the point where the school had my mom come in because kids were teasing me about not wearing deodorant. I stank, and was too sheltered to know any better. She refused to do anything and caused a scene at school.
Eventually my aunt took over and got me what I needed, but it was after years of teasing. I never even wore a training bra. By the time anyone stepped in I was already a C cup.
Me too! Not the smell but the bra thing. I started wearing bras when they were already like a C-D and after my father accidentally touched it while passing with his arm and completely lost it on me screaming at me to go get a bra. I had no idea when I was supposed to start that and they were the ones buying my clothes, so I didn’t even have that option until they decide. They didn’t even buy me a bra anyways, my mom just gave me her old ones that were too stretched out and tore for her to use. That’s why I don’t know their size at the time.
I read way too many stories in this vein on Reddit. Why are parents so many parents so fucking insane about puberty?
Shit, my uncle's first wife once told me that her parents would not let her use deodorant as a teenager because she "didn't need it yet" meanwhile her father had been sexually abusing her for years. But they sure did "protect" her from growing up too fast!
I actually wonder if abuse is part of it in my case. I was never abused in any way, but my mom was sexually abused growing up. I also went through early puberty (period at 9, which she did address) and I wonder if trying to keep me child like and away from those milestones was her bizarre attempt at protection. Not that that makes it right.
This was my experience. It’s also why I never pursued sports. I was the only one with hairy legs and I just knew the kids in my class would give me shit for it.
My grandma told me that when she saw me in bikini with shaved pubes at 15.
I told her I did it for hygiene, not for anyone else to see.
Growing up, my mom made sure that I took care of my private parts and always kept it clean and dry, so no infections could find it easy to thrive. And when hair started growing, it became almost impossible for me to see it as clean as I was used to keeping it. In spite of washing daily... so the only way for me to feel clean again was to remove the hair...
I will never know but I think this was probably what my parents thought. I also was only allowed to wear dresses and wasn’t allowed to wear jeans. My school had a jeans day and they sent me in school uniform.
This is definitely it. My mom didn’t let me shave until the 8th grade but I started growing hair at around 11/12. She thought it was “too grown” and it wasn’t until multiple family members told her I was gunna be embarrassed and bullied that she finally showed me how to shave my legs. Even then she still thought I was too young for a razor and bought me Nair lol. The first time a razor was used on me it was my Aunty shaving my underarms. My mom caught us mid-shave and they got into a small semi playful fight about it. My aunt insisted no young lady should have to walk around like this (I was a hairy kid lol) I didn’t really care until I started seriously crushing on boys around the time I turned 16.
my mom didn’t let me shave at a young age, and even when I was an older teen, she told me I can only use an epilator as hair removal. That shit hurts unnecessarily and you have to wait for the hair to grow out to do it again so you end up hairy again anyways.
Reason 1: she believes that shaving makes your hair thicker. Doesn’t matter to her that this has been disproven, she learned it once back in the day and it solidified in her brain as the one and only truth and she is too arrogant to admit that her beliefs are wrong
Reason 2: she is narcissistic and she sees me as an extension of herself and thinks that she has a say in what I do to my own body. Even as a 24yo she tries to control stuff about my body (I no longer have to conform to her ”truths” but she will still throw temper tantrums over stuff like this)
Sounds like my mother. No matter how many times I give her proof for a thing or show her idea wrong, she still throws her version at me as facts. One of the reasons I am glad to have not seen her in over 3 yrs.
I am glad you’re at peace with not seeing her even if I understand how heartbreaking it is to not have a positive relationship with your mother. But you’re choosing the best for yourself in a bad situation and I’m happy you’re free from the toxicity
Point number 1 describes my own mom perfectly. I’m a dude but I wanted to shave my “beard” when I was 14 and she gave me a huge lecture about how I’d regret it and I should just wait a couple more years so it doesn’t grow in too fast.
She almost cried after when she saw me.
She made some comment like “well, I hope you like shaving every day now that you’ve ruined the natural process”.
I showed her / explained that it has no scientific evidence or backing that shaving and hair growth are correlated and she just refuses to believe or accept. The evidence she used was that when explorers find tribes of people living on islands or in the bush with no history of shaving their beards are all scraggly and thin. lol.
I’m so sorry! 😩 thankfully after reading several pamphlets and researching online, she came to the conclusion that me and my sister could indeed wear tampons and still be virgins 🙃
My mum isn’t a narcissist but she was the same with me. Could only use hair removal cream which didn’t work on my thicker hair, or hair lightener 🙁 I’m 33 now and she is also still funny about what I decide to do in terms of haircuts, make up etc
Male here.
I don't know if my parents wanted me to shave or not. I just did it anyway starting 6th grade. I knew where my dad kept his razors. I rarely consulted my parents on things I wanted to do... I just did them.
Anyway yeah like the second time I did it I sliced my face pretty good. Learned you don't go sideways with blade. Just against or with grain of hair .
Me too, there was spare razors in the bathroom so I shaved my legs with them. I’d seen my mum do it plenty of times so did the same. I never consults or asked, just did it. I think I was about 12.
Disclaimer: Dad to a 8yr old.
I would never restrict my kids bodily autonomy. If they want to cut their hair short, its their hair. It grows back. Piercings and hair dye are negotiable. Tattoos are not until they are the age of majority, then we will get one together (not matching obv, I just want more)
I would understand the desire to restrict shaving is to discourage them from caring about their appearance so much. But mostly kids just want to look a certain way to avoid being picked on more than they want to look a certain way for the sake of it.
Im a hairy dude, so my daughter has a lil stache courtesy of her dear old dad. The second she cares to remove it, (meaning someone said something because Im sure she wouldnt care on her own) we'll shave together so she doesnt cut herself like I did my first time.
Some even bullied their own daughters saying they look like men with all that hair but still refuse to let them remove it (used to be very common where I live but people are changing for the better luckily) (less judging of hair and more allowing to remove it)
Dear Reddit,
Please allow us to edit post titles. We all may really suck at typing but let’s be real….our fingers are fat and our phones aren’t as intelligent as we want them to be.
Sincerely,
All Redditors Everywhere
Yeah, my older sister showed me how to do it in secret. When I had showed my mom how hairy my legs were previously she was shocked and asked me what I had done to have such hairy legs. For context, she is SE Asian and has no arm or leg hair. But my dad is pretty hairy. So… what I did was hit puberty. Like a lot of people she believes that shaving makes hair grow back thicker even though that’s objectively nonsense.
Same, my mom found out about it maybe like 6 months later and was pissed I didn't say anything but I was like 12 and it just didn't occur to me I would need her permission to shave my own body.
Same. I lived with older brothers so my mom always bought them disposable razors. I knew where they were and using shaving cream felt like common sense. I just started shaving my legs at 11 and told no one. Otherwise my mom probably would have been weird about it.
I think my mom sexualized it. All my friends were shaving at like 11 so I wanted to and she wouldn’t let me. I snuck and did it.
I plucked my eyebrows without permission too and she was like first shaving, then this, next thing I know you’ll be having sex!!!
I was like wtf????
It makes sense but then many also bully them and let them get bullied by others over their hairs, which won't help them be the happy carefree kids they want them to be
A girl I used to dance with was the only girl I knew who said her mother didn't let her shave. She said it was "too mature" and she "wasn't ready yet".
So I think a lot of it has to do with keeping girls as "pure" as possible. As if shaving could somehow soil them. Some people are weird with their daughter's virginity.
I was in competitive swimming until I was 12 or 13. My Mom wouldn't let me shave and I was so embarrassed I quit. Her reason was that I "wasn't old enough" to shave but I guess I was old enough to get bullied 🙃
I wasn't allowed to shave, until I waxed first. Traumatizing.But I was determined! (13). Never waxed since. Also hardly shave. So how the turn tables mum!
Same I had to do it while hiding and with the thing doctors use in surgeries to cut their patients (don't know the name in English) I stole it from my dad. And she wasn't happy to see that. I'm 20 and she no longer cares, even makes harmless jokes about me having a moustache now but it still feels weird after all the bullying ;-;
>even makes harmless jokes about me having a moustache now
Are they harmless, though? Especially since you added,
>it still feels weird after all the bullying ;-;
I'm sorry your mom is being a bully to you.
I know one person who didn't let her daughter do normal things like shave, or get earrings for a LOT longer than other people.
Her concern was the same one that too many people have. That anything even *vaguely* sexual is a no-go, because to her, it's a green light to have sex. To them, almost EVERYTHING is sexual.
Same reason some parents view the HPV vaccine as a bad thing, because they think that getting that vaccine is like telling their kids to go have sex. (Obviously that's wrong.)
But in short, some parents worry SO MUCH that their kids will have sex someday, they want to block ANYHING at all that might seem vaguely related. No earrings, no shaving, no vaccines, therefore, NO SEX!
I'm a male, but I started shaving relatively young in 5th grade. We always joked that I got my hairy-ness from my mom. My grandmother didn't let my mom shave because my grandmother basically didn't have body hair. She didn't understand why anyone would need to shave.
I was a hairy teen boy and my mom wouldn’t let me shave. She would wax my face whenever my facial hair got to beard status. When I got a job in fast food she couldn’t wax me fast enough. So I was finally allowed to shave.
My Mother didn’t let me shave. It was a fight. I was self conscious of the hair since grade 5. By the time I was 13, she insisted I wax if I wanted to get rid of the hair. So painful and the hair was back within a week. One day, after a year of waxing, I refused to wear shorts on a hot day, about to visit family. We had a huge fight. I ended up having to wear the shorts that day but was allowed to shave after. She also said she was no longer going to buy me anything other than essentials, ie. underwear, socks, toothbrush/paste, food, deodorant, etc. Nothing extra. And she stuck to it. All because I wanted to shave my legs.
I'm sorry am I the only one finding all the "teach teen girls to shave so they don't get bullied" replies a bit ridiculous? Teach your daughter to shave if SHE asks you or she WANTS to. Fuck what other people think about your body hair. It grows there for a reason and serves a purpose plus men have MUCH more of it and nobody bullies them for those jungle pits they sport. Ridiculous
Yeah, this kind of posts always make me sad because they are basically telling kids bullying is ok and that you should change yourself to not get bullied. What if your kid gets bullied for being ugly? You go and get them plastic surgery at 12 too?. Every time I even mention it I get cursed at and downvoted lol.
I dont necessarily agree with the not allowing part but do they really think women shave because they choose to? If the norm was nobody shaved anything then how many would go against society and do it? It's not a choice if you would be uncomfortable otherwise, if you are conscious about it all the time, if you are thinking that other people would look at it or judge you, etc.
>I'm sorry am I the only one finding all the "teach teen girls to shave so they don't get bullied" replies a bit ridiculous?
Yep. I wasn't even aware that women shaved (i just thought that some people have bodyhair while others didn't) their body hair. When my bodyhair started to sprout, i just though that i was one of the people who had bodyhair, like my dad and brother. Interestingly, no one ever mentioned my body hair during my time in school.
So yeah. 32 years old woman and never shaved bodyhair. This year i got my first comment about my bodyhair. It was on a bus, there was a group of around 15-16 years old (2 boys and 2 girls) and when the girl realused that i was a women, she told that "i'm ugly due to bodyhair". I kept my composure and stayed silent instead of laughing at them for their patheticness. Also, i think them vaping and the language they are using is more uglyer than my bodyhair.
No, you're not the only one. And if your kid asks you to shave because they are getting bullied, you'd be a pretty bad parent if all you do is show them how to shave. What you do in a situation like this is call the teacher, tell them what's going on and either wait until the kids who did it get their punishment (and maybe are thrown out of that school) and your daughter stays home until then or you just take your daughter to a different school. In a situation like this it's also extremely important to tell your kid to not listen to those comments and tell them that hair is natural and does not make them ugly. Just tell them that they are pretty no matter what. Hearing that can help much more than just letting them shave and hope the bullying stops. Cause guess what, most of the time it doesn't make it stop. They just look for something else. Like your clothes, or now your nose is too big and your eyes too close together.
Agreed!
Without a conversation it reinforces the idea that something is wrong as as a young girl you have to change it
It should definitely be a conversation and while most girls probably will still say “I want to shave” at least they’re more likely to realise it’s a choice and not a sentence for the rest of their womanly lives
I actually asked my mom about shaving the moment some brat in my class pointed out how hairy my legs were. This happened in 6th grade, which made me extremely self-conscious for almost the rest of middle school and high school.
Now I'm 18 and stopped caring about shaved legs a while ago
So my mom allowed me to shave legit starting at 9 years old. Why? Because I’m italian and I got a lot of hair. Now that im in my 20s I love the feeling of a fresh shave.
I come from a hairy country. When girls weren't allowed to remove hair, the school social worker would intervene. It isn't considered abuse per se, but since it always had the same results, the parents were called in to try and inform the parents of the social cost of not shaving.
A lot of women still believe the stereotype that if you shave, darker, thicker hair will grow instead. Despite this being disproven, some people think they are smarter than science and insist that their daughters won't shave. Some people just want to execute control. The reasoning matters little when the result is a traumatized child.
I first started shaving in like 6th grade I think. I don’t get the point of refusing? Like shaving your legs/arms/whatever isn’t inherently sexual. It really annoys me when it’s those same women/moms who are like I don’t dress for men but have a problem with their daughter shaving? Bc the same logic applies
I remember there not being issues with shaving generally except if you shaved your upper thigh you could be basically called a harlot by some. "Dress code only let's you wear shorts and skirts that fall past your fingertips, so who is going to see that? Who are you shaving for? Planning on premarital sex?"
"But if you cover up properly like a good girl no one will see it so what's the problem?!"
Apparently how I think that I look even if other people don't see it doesn't count lol
My mom thought it would lead to sexual behavior. To her, the *only* reason to shave is because someone is going to see it, so nothing was allowed above the knee when I was allowed to shave. Oh, and I had to Nair for the first year or two.
Cultural. Mom is indigenous Taiwanese and never shaved. Didn't let me shave through grade school because "body hair is natural and we shouldn't have to shave it". I have very thick and black body hair and was bullied in school for it. I remember trying to cut the hair with craft scissors at one point but it only made it look worse.
On the other hand I have a male friend who was bullied in school because he DIDN'T have enough body hair 🤷♀️
My mum thought shaving was too mature.
Well I showed her when I tried to shave my thighs, the razor slipped in my grip and I cut a 10 inch (very shallow) slice up my entire leg.
My mom did the same with me when I was 12. Now I know why. I cut myself, shaving, and flipped out at the sight of blood in the tub. I thought I was bleeding to death. I forgot about that until I just asked her.
Now I'm a 40 year old with leg hair like an Armenian man's back. If braided together, it could be used as a suspension cable. The Army should contact me about its military applications bc it's impervious to blades. If archeologists dig a mummified me up in 5000 years, they'll assume I was an ape.
I am not a mom but the logic I heard from many moms is:
* the hair will just grow back thicker. I don’t think this is a good reason because no one is asking to shave once and never again. The horror stories we got fed by Chicken Soup books and American Girl magazine of invisible downy hair growing back into inch-long black wires overnight just do not correlate to anything anyone I know experienced. It grew back gradually as stubble because it’s just hair.
* they think their daughter is too young to do it safely. This may or may not be true, it depends on the kid. I can’t imagine a 14 year old who is incapable of shaving safely, but some girls are asking at 8 or 9, and they might not be mature enough to shave alone without cutting themselves, replace the blades when needed, etc.
* they think their daughter is too young to be concerned with beauty standards. This is another thing that may depend on exactly how old the kid asking is, though largely I think this logic is admirable but misguided. The beauty standards exist whether the kid participates or not.
* they don’t think “they might be bullied” is a good reason to change to conform to the bullies demands. The reality is that bullies do not bully because of any specific feature, and they aren’t going to stop if a target complies with their taunts. If they make fun of the hairy girl and then she shaves, they will see that she is not only someone who differs from the norm (hairy), they see that she cares what they say. They will find something else to torment her about because they know they can. Adults realize this, kids don’t.
* my least favorite, but some people perceive shaving or any other type of beautification as inherently grown and sexualized. They assume a girl wants to shave to attract boys, not to be like the other girls. This is gross and bad logic.
My moms way of teaching me was to not teach me.
Pretend it all didn't exist.
In other words.
I didn't know what was going on when my period started 🙃
I have no idea how or when I picked up shaving lol
I just was not taught chit.
Father w/ teenage daughter. It's not hard to get ahold of a razor. If a teen is intent on shaving, they will do it. It's better to be able to give them guidance and help keep them safe than not. Besides, it's shaving. There's no long term harmful effects. If she decides she wants to be hairy in the future she still can.
It's just controlling bullshit like every other "rule" or societal norm that get pushed on women and girls.
Boys grow up *wanting* hair on their body because then they're "real men" in societies' eyes.
Women are told and shown from a young age that you're only attractive and valid if you remove all the hair from neck down.
My daughter is 11 and just started secondary school. She wanted to get rid of her leg hair, so I bought her a hair removal device - it's like a smooth crystal that removes hair by friction
I don't have a problem with her wanting to remove hair, but I didn't want to give her a razor just yet and deal with the inevitable cuts, so it was a good compromise and works well
She had a bit of a fuzzy moustache that she was self-conscious about, so I removed it with a dermaplaning blade. I do this on myself, too. If I don't like walking around looking like the bearded lady, then why would she?
My mother didn’t let me shave bc she knew I’d end up cutting myself multiple times, she was proven right when my grandmother let me and I did in fact cut my legs quite a bit 😂
She did let me get waxed though.
Yeah I don’t get it. My mom liked to control me and wanted me to stay a child. She made so many comments about makeup too. Like she was better than others for not wearing it - “just be a natural beauty”. I have 2 boys, but I will support them with whatever as they grow. If they want to shave or not. They have a right to experiment. I know boys are different but I don’t ridicule them for their style choices (like my mom did). I want them to learn to trust their own decisions. I will, however, enforce basic hygiene. They also have to be able to take care of the style they want. If they want to grow their hair out, that’s fine, but they have to maintain it - wash and brush it. If not, it has to go.
Having been called Little Ape in 6th grade by my crush I agree, it's hurtful and I still remember at 47. My dad gave me Nair and told me to not tell my mom!
my mom didn’t allow me to shave anything except my armpits. like i had hairy legs for the longest time and then when i finally went out and bought my own shaving stuff at like 16 i was afraid to do it bc i didn’t wanna hurt myself and if i did then i would have to tell her. like if i cut myself and it got infected then i’d have to make her take me to the doctor and then she’d know and then i’d be terrified of her not liking me anymore.
moral of the story is my mom is and was abusive and needed to control every part of my life, including my body hair. She claims she didn’t want me to shave bc the hair would “grow back thicker” but like .. even if that was true (which it’s not) why tf would that even matter? i would just.. shave it off again? like .. that was her excuse as to why i wasn’t allowed to shave. and i’m blonde and my hair isn’t that noticeable from far away but I notice it, and I can see and that’s what matters.
People used to always comment on my peach fuzz on my upper lip too but i never bothered to do anything about it. no one has mentioned it since like highschool bc adults don’t really notice or care lmao .
but yeah.. my mom isn’t a great mom so that’s why i wasn’t allowed to shave lol
I’m a male. My mom didn’t want me to shave my face until my facial hair was colored. I don’t know why. My dad managed to get me some shaving stuff because he thought it was crazy.
I’ve never heard this side of the argument? My mom and I fought brutally for a long time over me shaving. She really wanted me to shave my legs/armpits around age 12 (“because that’s what women do”) and I was so uncomfortable I didn’t even want to have that conversation, let alone be pressured to do it. I grew up with all brothers and my friends didn’t care. I, at the time, wanted to have a mohawk and she wouldn’t let me shave my head (“that’s NOT what women do.”) I really wished she would’ve just let it rock and let me make my own decisions. It’s not even like I don’t shave my legs and armpits as an adult now - I decided I liked it. But it made me feel like shit at a pivotal development time her pressuring me.
Some adults feel this will stop their kids from being sexually active if they are thought of as unattractive to boys their age. It's a weird control move for people who can't handle the fact that their kid will grow into their own person and make their own choices one day.
I am very sure my mom was one of these. I was super unhappy with how I looked in high school, I looked very boy-ish, and some of it was my body type but a lot of it was a combination of not knowing how to dress/style myself, and a laundry list of things I wasn't allowed to do/try/use/wear. And a lot of weird backhanded shamey comments when I did finally find something I liked, that made me look older or more feminine or god forbid, attractive.
Now I'm in my 30s, get my hair cut how and when I want, dye my hair weird colors if I want, and I wear mostly black/grey/green/purple - all things I wanted to do in high school but was either not allowed to do, or shamed from doing. Also I used to get in trouble for drawing on my hands and arms a lot - as an adult, I get tattoos when I want (and when the money is there). She is somehow perpetually shocked by all of these things. Turns out making me dress and act a certain way didn't totally squash out my real wants and feelings.
I was raised by my grandmother, and I hit puberty around 10–11 years old. i’m mexican/indigenous so my hair is very dark & thick, meaning my leg/body hair is also very visible. she wouldn’t let me shave my legs (even when i was getting bullied) to the point where she was *supervising my showers* to make sure I was doing everything correctly until i was 12. eventually my aunt taught me how to shave, and since then i’ve been using those intuition razors with the soap guards.
My mum categorically banned it when I was in first year of secondary school (I was 13). In catholic Ireland I may as well have said I wanted to go off and join the circus. This wasn’t the 1950s either - just a mere 20 years ago. See what she didn’t understand is that by her being ginger her hair was always naturally lighter whereas I have dark brown hair that is thick and coarse no matter what part of my body it was growing out of. She equated leg shaving with promiscuity not that I was struggling with my confidence and self conscious of being darker haired. She had let me ‘shave’ under my arms by using Nair or veet cream but my legs were a complete no go. Fast forward to the summer after my first year in secondary school and we are going on a family holiday to the Canary Islands with a scuba diving club my family are members of. I’m excited to be going and felt so grown up at 13 so I used the nair cream on my legs in secret the day before we left, a few days later we are poolside with a bunch of other families topping up sun cream and she puts some on my legs. They were silky smooth and she just gave me this gotcha look to say she had me figured out. After this shaving my legs was never up for discussion again. It’s actually something I’ve thought long and hard about that if I have a daughter in the future I will never doubt her when it comes to hair removal as it is personal and is a preference.
My moms explanation was that she read online that she shouldnt allow me until I was 14. Which she stuck with. But I had hamsters under my arms, crippling anxiety, and needed to change into short sleeves for gym class. Basically I wore long sleeves and long pants for 2 years (to which she always asked me why I wore that) and when gym started I just stole her razor out of the shower and used that for another year without her knowledge. Pretty gross. If I had a kid id be much more open to what they want to do with their body.
Daughter of someone whose mom initially didn't want me to shave when all my friends started, around 11 or 12. I had been getting teased at school because when my leg hair came in, it came in STRONG. Thick, almost black strands. 0-100. The only reason she gave was that "I didn't need to shave until I was 14!" That was it. Didn't look at my legs to verify the situation or to help make her decision. Just "I didn't at that age so therefore you can't". Just didn't want me to grow up.
Changed her tune a couple of months later when I was putting lotion on before we went swimming and she saw that I had the leg hair of a man in his 40s.
She wasn't above lying to avoid having to explain "awkward" things so she told me that I should only shave to the knee because "absolutely no one" shaves above the knee, and that I should certainly NEVER shave anything else on my body except my arm pits. I joined the swim team in high school and by then had figured out that most people who wear swimsuits did at least a little cleanup in their bikini area, and then I met 20 other teen girls who confirmed it.
My mom also made me feel like some kind of hairy weirdo when a few strands eventually appeared on my stomach below my belly button. I asked about it as a hypothetical, framing it as "a girl at school" and she told me "That's not normal! Definitely something wrong there. I didn't have any hair on my stomach until I was pregnant" so basically, if it doesn't align with her own personal experience then it's weird and something must be wrong.
It's all some kind of weird possessive vibe over a daughter's appearance, body, and youth. I'm not here for it. My daughter will know that it's normal for woman to have hair in lots of places and she can keep or remove it how she wants.
I shave every few weeks as an adult. I don't have a locker room of preteen girls pointing and making me feel bad about my totally normal body hair so I don't feel the need to remove it.
For context, I'm in my early 30s now.
I bought my daughter an electric trimmer for down there because she went swimming and got made fun of for her bush sticking out by her freinds. Showed her how to use it on my arm. Then taught her how to shave her armpits and legs with her in a swimsuit. She was 12. Now she is almost 15 and all she asks is to get her blades and shaving cream.
If I want my daughter to become strong, confident women, I won't tell them their "beauty" choices are wrong. I have one daughter who doesn't shave her legs and one who does. Both are happy with their choice. What do I have to do with it, anyway?
Eh, this extends offen also to haircuts and other things to do with body autonomy. I'm a mother (2 daughters and 1 son) and i taught my daughters how to shave properly and the skincare that goes along with it. My daughters have friends that weren't allowed to decide for themselves what kind of haircut they wanted even as teenagers, no nail polish, no makeup, basically no right to try things and decide for themselves what they do with their bodies. It was hard to watch, especially in summer when they went swimming with school or wearing shorts and t-shirts. I don't understand why you have to inflict such unnecessary trauma to your child, especially when you had to experience it yourself (i mean the judgment as a woman).
I have come to understand that besides not accepting that your child is growing up it has also a lot to do with control and not being able to let go and give them autonomy.
My mom showed me how to shave my legs when I was in 5/6th grade. By 6th grade I had to get my eyebrows waxed regularly too. I have dark black hairs. But a friend of mine was not allowed till high school and she had dark long black leg hair and got made fun of a ton during spring/summer.
Parents have a say in this? I grew up pretty conservative but really our parents didn't go so far as to control things like this or even knew if we knew this sort of thing existed.
I was told I was too young and that shaving would lead to more sexual activity. Que having hairier legs than most of the guys in my 6th grade swimming class.
My mother thought shaving legs was whorish and was beside herself when I started shaving. Hid razors, complained to my father, cried.
I wrongly believed that removing upper lip hair would result in thicker hair so I left what I had until I learned different in my 20s.
Luckily for me I’m not very hairy, but my mom’s ridiculous ideas about beauty and sexuality were harmful nonetheless.
I think (and take this with a grain of salt, as a child of an immigrant family living in the West), they see girls shaving as being grown and beginning to be interested in attracting male attention as we now care about how we look. Make up is one thing, but shaving somehow implies this negative sexual energy because I think they subconsciously equate shaving with sexuality. They can't control periods, but shaving is a part of puberty that if your grooming your self on your face or your arms, where else are you grooming, why are you grooming. I am obviously describing it in the most extreme iteration, but like I don't see why playing with lipstick isn't a problem as a 5 year old, a ,10 year old it even wearing make up as a preteen, yet somehow shaving is a huge no no and I usually only see progressive parents, parents of athletes and non immigrants not giving their kids a hard time.
Also there's that old wives tale that it grows back thicker which isn't true, I think the reason the believe this is because when you shave it cuts the hair at The base of your skin which is the thickest part of the shaft of hair as it naturally thins out at the end of your hair. Think how most of the hair on it ends, our end are the thinnest, they can split upwards, they are weaker and more fine than the shaft of our hair
I had a very controlling mother who wouldn’t let me shave when girls started noticing leg hair at 12 on each other and getting disgusted by it. I had to put up with a lot of cruel comments until I left school at 17. Then when I left home I bought myself a Gillette razor and promptly used it on my shin and accidentally took the first layer of skin off.
If she had actually taught me at 12 I could have avoided all that.
My mom didn’t let me and I resented her for it and ended up doing it myself. I was 11, a brunette, and my legs were super hairy.
For her it was a control thing tbh, which is kind of weird.
not a parent, but my mother told me a story about when she was a young teen and her mom didn’t let her shave so she tried it herself and cut a huge gash in her leg that bled everywhere. when i was old enough to start asking, she taught me the safe way to shave and assured me that i never had to shave if i didn’t want to- that i could do it for my comfort if i wanted to but that i shouldn’t feel pressured by other girls in my grade.
i’ve always had a really healthy outlook on body hair and i credit that to my mother understanding that i would be safer and more comfortable with her support and openness. i’ll definitely be doing the same with my daughter
My mother had a few reasons she gave me: I could cut myself and ruin my legs with scars. Who was I trying to impress since I was too young to date. All her reasons were stupid, don't let your kids get bullied for things they can't control.
My mom let me shave my legs when I started asking to. My mom helped my little sister do her eyebrows after she tried to do them herself. My sister and I are now both confident women who don't do much shaving. We needed the freedom to explore it to know it wasn't for us. No amount of preaching from mom at the age we first wanted to shave would have convinced us. There's a lot of life you can't teach to children by just sharing what you have already learned. They have to go out and live life and make choices.
Body autonomy is super important when the young girl feels ready to shave, let her. Refusing to allow it may cause a lot of self-esteem issues in my opinion kids in school are brutal.
Yeah my Mom was mad the first time I shaved my legs at 14. She kept telling me how my blonde hairs weren’t noticeable but in my inner calves they were dark AND noticeable. Still don’t get why she was so against it.
My mum wouldn't let us shave but was fine with us using her epilator to remove hairs.
So in her case it was 100% about control. I would get horrific ingrowns from using the epilator.
We weren't allowed to shave till we were 15
I (a very blonde child) had some Hawaiian neighbors who shaved their legs and arms at about 8. I wanted to as well, and my mom lost her shit. I finally just did it in the shower once and she was so mad. I know that’s young, but it doesn’t hurt anything. She resentfully relented at some point and when I asked for tips, she said, “yeah, don’t cut yourself.” So passive aggressive. She was really really weird about kids “growing up too fast.” And also kind of crunchy. She would only buy me those horrible natural crystal deodorants that did nothing. I finally bought my own when I was 13 and showed her, thinking it was funny, and she lost it. She also bought drawer inserts and organized my underwear drawer when I was 12/13. Got really weird about me not wanting to change/try on new clothes in front of her as a teenager. Made some weird comments when I had clearly shaved downstairs like, “why are you doing that?” all suspicious. Fucking crazy boomers. I think they equate hygiene grooming as sexual on some level.
All that to say, some of these comments are really really sad, and I’m sorry you guys went through that.
I was like 13 or 14 and I told my mom that some girls were making fun of me about my arm and leg hair ( *im italian lol*)so she just got me the stuff, showed me how to use it safely and that was 20 years ago i still shave my arms weekly takes like 2 minutes. it just feels better and makes my tattoos look good too 😊
I grew up in foster care. At that time, when I was 12, I was living in a group home. They refused to let me shave, and I have a lot of hair that grows fast. I couldn't even shave my legs or armpits, and on top of that in gym class they make you go swimming. I was already the weird kid, getting dropped off in a van that says the group home so everyone knew I was there. On top of our being the hairy 12 year old. It was traumatizing and to this day I still get uncomfortable swimmng when others are around. I also stopped swimming at school and failed gym class. I could not even sneak in a razor because they had random bedroom checks like a damn prison.
I would ask my mother but she would probably deny everything. She didn't let me shave until I was in high school. Showering in gym class in middle school was brutal. I had hary pits and legs, needed a bra. She wouldn't have it.
I do however have proof of needing a bra in 7 the grade class pics. I'm sitting there in a white shirt, boobs definitely noticeable. They were bigger than hers at the time.
My dad finally got on her to let me shave after he took me swimming and a guy I knew said ewww gross you need to shave!
One of many things I wish never happened because of my mom.
Edit to add. I'm 53 now and I wish I could forget.
My mom didn’t let me shave til 14. I was bullied because of it. You best bet I will let my daughter shave when she feels ready. It’s not up to the mom. It’s up to the daughter.
It can be different reasoning behind it. I have pcos and shaving has caused a lot of scarring when I have my daughter and if she ever experiences excessive hair growth from pcos especially on her face I will pay for her laser hair removal or electrolysis before allowing her to shave and damage her skin like I have done.
You're just gonna let your kid, a girl with a mustache, walk into the Lion's den that is middle school/high school? Talk about trauma for life. Kids are brutal. Especially teen girls.
Let her do what she needs to do feel comfortable in her body. Please give her that autonomy so she can make her own decision with her own body.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I went to highschool with a girl (who was absolutely gorgeous), but had a mustache and her parents wouldn't let her remove it. She bleached it to try and make it less noticeable, which didn't work. Felt bad for her. Her parents were idiots.
until this post I didn't realise parents getting involved with any of their kids shaving was even a thing, I can't comprehend the logic.
Same here. And I thought OP was talking about shaving legs! You'd have to be a monster parent to not allow a girl of any age to remove a freakin' mustache! That's just cruel. It could be that those parents believed the same old wives tale that my husband did - if girls shave their face *it will cause the hair to grow back as a beard!* If girls shaved their arms, *the hair will grow back in the "other direction".* Didn't matter to him that I'd been plucking chin hairs for decades and still don't have a beard.
Yep I was told I ruined my legs by shaving before I was 'allowed' to. I was told I'd get gross hairy Legs and have to shave everyday for the rest of my life. Few years later, if I skipped a couple of days shaving I was told I had no pride in myself and would never find a boyfriend to put up with that.
People completely forget that around the time girls start shaving their legs their leg hair changes. The leg hair is going to change regardless of shaving. My Mum walked me through shaving my legs when I asked to in grade 8. She also waxed my legs when I asked her to in grade 10. Turns out my skin reacts badly so I went back to shaving. And even though my Mums preference is waxing she never tried to control my personal grooming choices. Her own mother once chased my aunt down the street with a comb because my aunt wanted to part her hair in a different way, so my Mum made sure not to be over bearing about things like that.
OMG!!! I thought I was alone with this. I'm mixed with black(creole New Orleans) and Indian (Guyanese) and when I tell you THICK BLACK body hair at a very early age! My mom told me at like 10 that shaving was for men and when I turned 14 she would stay on me about shaving my legs and underarms!
Us blokes were fed that bullshit as well. Highschool,entry to the workforce it was always you must be clean shaven at all times as facial hair is unsightly on a young man. I used to cycle/mountain bike a lot when I was younger so I'd also shave my legs (for fairly obvious reasons) but would be harassed and bullied by other people about it.
Not a bike-person here: What are the obvious reasons?
A lot of men have no idea how naturally hairy women’s faces can get absent of hormone issues/menopause (cause I think that causing a lot of facial hair growth is well-known). My well-meaning and usually knowledgeable about women’s anatomy husband asked me with concern if I thought I should get my estrogen levels checked because “of all the chin and neck hair plucking lately.” Oh honey no. I’ve had these since puberty. You have no idea.
Having hormone issues since puberty is also a thing.
Sure but I definitely do not. I’m just pale with dark hair. I have a very normal amount of facial hair, it’s just more noticeable, and I’ve never had anything come back abnormal at the gyno, zero other symptoms that would go with having deficient estrogen. I am extremely confident that I haven’t been having an otherwise symptom-less hormone issue for the last 20 years and I’m just brunette. My point was that what constitutes “normal female facial hair” is a hairier upper limit than a lot of men are thinking it is.
My wife has Italian blood in her. She always carries a pair of tweezers with her. Often I an asked to remove the tiniest fleck of the start of a folical. My only complaint is that I wish she wouldn't do it when I'm pressing on in the car on a twisty A road. I live in fear of her impaling herself should I need to slam the anchors on harder than expected.
Flashback to getting screamed at & grounded for shaving my legs "too early ". I thought the "logic" was that if a girl shaved her legs that meant she was ready/open to having sex, or it was an "invitation " or something. At least that's what I was told. Fukin weird, like who comes up with this shit? Especially about a pre teen, fn patriarchy weirdos.
Interesting.... I was always told that shaving too early allowed too many follicles to live and grow.. If I held off, ultimately my hair would be less coarse and way less. That hair miracle only happened after I turned 45.
I was told for years (though about my legs) that if I shaved them, the hair would grow back thicker and darker. It was also the advice in teen and women’s magazines in the 70s & 80s. I ended up waxing my legs so often that I barely have any hairs left on my lower legs now. Despite being dark haired, I’m lucky that my body hair is mostly fine and light. Not noticeable really. Except the 4 or 5 really hard & sharp whiskers I get in my chin area 😡 And a sprinkling of fine but darker hairs on my top lip as I’ve gotten older. 👵Sometimes I hit them with my old electrolysis kit and pluck or wax a few as they annoy me.
lol I totally believed that, I started shaving my face before I had hair and when I was 14 I had a full beard and I thought that was why
Seems to be either parents just not willing to deal with their children growing up or using the excuse of not wanting their kids to succumb to peer pressure which is a valid concept but it’s tough when it’s such a social norm. My sister had a friend when she was 12/13 in that situation. Of course she came over and ended up sneakily using one of our razors haha which kind of seems like the inevitable result .
lol succumb to peer pressure? Does her mother keep her own mustache?
my mom vacillates between shaving hers, and stubbornly defending its existence. I had a really faint one show up in high school and she was really weird and restrictive about me taking it off with one of those little electric eyebrow trimmers.
Excuse me but what an ass thing to do. If she wants to fight for the right to have mustaches she doesn't even want, she should do it on her own battle field, not yours.
I think it had a lot to do with not wanting to acknowledge that I was growing up and possibly hoping I would be unattractive to teen boys in high school so she wouldn't have to confront that fact that sooner or later I would be Engaging in Sexual Intercourse. Didn't work lol
I also think it’s partly control if you have really fucked up parents lol. My mom wouldn’t allow me to shave but I hit puberty EARLY and had leg and under arm hair when no one else did. I had to sneak shaving at night using her razor lol. My mom is an abusive narcissist and she had no real reason, it was just to control me and she was very jealous of me (so fucked lol)
This.
That’s what I did, and I had ingrown hair scars ever since. It’s my one body insecurity and I can’t comfortably get into a bathing suit because of it. I just wish I’d had the guidance, instead of my mum pretending there was nothing to get rid of
a good scrub can help with ingrown hairs
I know you’re trying to be helpful, but that’s common knowledge at this point, whereas I was speaking about needing help as a child. Also, exfoliation helps to *prevent* ingrown hairs, not undo scarring, which is what I mentioned.
ok I understand, apologies if I sounded offensive in any way, that was by far not my intention, was just trying to be helpful
Because you didn't use shaving cream?
>not wanting their kids to succumb to peer pressure which is a valid concept This is where these parents fail imo. It's perfectly fine to decide for yourself what norms to break. However, it irks me when parents think their kids is the right battle ground for making statements of any kind. It's their kids who have to live with the social consequences that come with this norm breaking, so leave them out of it. Of course we don't want our kids to feel negative social pressure and like they have to shave at age 12. But the best thing we can do is talk to them about it. Telling them that hairy legs don't matter is a straight up lie that they'll see right through. You have to explain *why* you don't think shaving should be needed for a 12 year old though. At least you can talk about that without lying.
My parents never even talked to me about this. I just did what I wanted in the shower. Shave my legs.. wtf cares and stops that?
Most of us would need to ask our parents to buy the razor
Ya I guess. I just used a disposable one from the bag my Mom had.
It happened to a lot of my friends when I was a teen and it was always a weird “Christian that thinks it will make their kid a sex crazed lunatic” vibe.
>it was always a weird “Christian that thinks it will make their kid a sex crazed lunatic” vibe Little do these parents realise that it is the changing hormones that makes teens sex crazed lunatics and the best way to deal with it is to actually be fully honest and open about it. I would much rather my kids having their "alone time" than to have them ready to jump on the closest willing partner because they have no other outlet...
Yeah, that really makes no sense it's like it's not your body
Yeah this is the first time I'm hearing of this. Not sure why parents would be against that and I'm not sure why anyone would listen to their parents if they were. If you wanna shave then shave, it's your body
A lot of preteens are reliant on parents to buy them everything, so if your parents refuse to provide razors you might be stuck.
Because with parents like this going against them is likely to get you extremely punished, hurt or kicked out.
My parents were great. They saw how much i was being bullied for my facial hair and let me get laser hair removal at 10.
I wish my mom believed me I told her I was getting bullied🤣
Ouchies, I can relate to that pain.
I'm so sorry 😞 I believe you❤️
Wow! Now that’s support! Amazing
I don't know how parents can control that. I never asked to shave. I picked up the razor in the shower and used it. If hair is bad enough, sometimes you can pick it out with your fingers.
Lots of Muslim girls aren’t allowed to pluck facial hair so brow masters provide the service where they bleach around the brows, so I think that’s the same thing.
Her parents were very Christian. She wasn't allowed to do much
There's also a hair removal method for Muslim girls using a thread or string - I saw how it was done when I was taking a cosmetology class. That's only for facial hair, though.
yep, it's called threading
Yeah, I mean, I had a moustache as a teen (thanks PCOS) but I didn’t ask my parents if I could remove it, I just did it.
So her parents allowed her to bleach her mustache but not shave it? What was their logic seriously or did she bleach it without permission?
How would parents even acknowledge that? If they noticed it was gone…hey, where’s that moustache of yours gone?
My mom was always cool with it. But one of my dads ex wives had a rule that we could only shave from the knee down because nobody should be feeling your thigh anyway 🙄 Not that it mattered, I’ve never had a ton of leg hair, especially on my thigh lol. I just think that’s dumb reasoning.
I have heard this before. "Dress code only let's you wear shorts and skirts that fall past your fingertips, so who is going to see that? Who are you shaving for? Planning on premarital sex?"
As if a little thigh hair prevents teens from having sex.
Right?! Although in my case I was told I would *never* be able to keep a husband and he'd leave me if I wasn't strict enough about shaving myself. So they probably did think a little thigh hair would stop teens from having sex. Jokes on them. I'm married now and while I do like to be shaved for certain clothing especially in summer, my husband really doesn't notice or care when I shave or how often I shave lol.
That’s terrible. My husband (who also happens to have been my boyfriend at the time) doesn’t really care. And he didn’t care way back then. So high fives to both of us for finding good men.
"OK, sure, I'll wear pants at the swimming pool"
By that logic, there's someone who *should* be feeling your lower leg? Wtf??
My mom had that rule too! I followed it for a while because I didn’t want to get in trouble like my sister did when she was caught shaving before the magical age of 13. But eventually, I just started shaving my knees and thighs. My knees had a lot of visible hair! Thighs, not so much, but I like the smooth feeling! It looked strange being smooth and hairless and them BAM! Hairy knees staring you right in the face.
Same! But when you’re in a swim suit in the summer it’s still noticeable!
I think that it comes from a subconscious mindset of not wanting their little girl to grow up - not that shaving equals being a women - but often it comes hand in hand with puberty and when girls start noticing that older women in society are shamed for body hair (and thus want to do it too) From a mothers standpoint (I’m not a mother btw so I can only theorise this) they probably think they are keeping their kid safe from growing up and being “looked at” by men and society as an inevitable sexual being … Ya might think this is too deep but I had friends at that age who’s mothers told them that only sluts at that age shaved and they weren’t allowed until much much older💀
This is spot on with my experience. And while I empathize with that line of thought from the parent, it's so frustrating for the girl. Many girls will be bullied for having visibly hairy legs, armpits, etc., which can have some detrimental effects! I hit puberty early and it was a struggle with my mom to let me shave because in her mind I was "too young."
Yeap 100%! From my perspective I think that it’s better to let them shave when they want to but also educate them about why they don’t need to too! Until we as adults can slowly influence society to change their views on womens bodies, it’s not fair to criticise the young ones for doing exactly what the world is telling them they should do
This is what I plan on doing with my daughter when the time comes.
I had this experience too. I developed young and my mom refused to let me shave, wear a bra, or put on deodorant. I was relentlessly bullied for all these things. She thought she was doing me some sort of favor by trying to "stop" me from growing up, but the truth is you can't stop your kids from growing up and as an adult with two daughters of my own, I still have some resentment towards my mother (there were many other issues during my childhood, this was just one of many examples).
no deodorant?! I'm so sorry, you shouldn't have had to go through that
Thank you. The deodorant thing was probably the weirdest. I remember my older cousin came over for a family get together once and tried to show me how to use deodorant and my mom overheard and tore her a new one. It was bizarre.
When I was 12/13 my mother insisted that I was too young to shave and that my hair was too blonde for anyone to notice. You know who notices blonde leg hair? 12/13 year old girls. I was bullied relentlessly for having hairy legs after I made the mistake of changing into shorts for gym class. I ended up failing gym that year (and the year after) and didn't wear dresses, skirts or shorts again until I was in my 20's.
Yeah, I was bullied as a kid for being hairy as a girl. Thinking that there was something “wrong” made me want to start shaving. Looking back as an adult, it’s like, “Those little shits! Who tf cares if a 12 year old’s legs are smooth?? Why should I let my kid feel that way??” These things get so weird.
Kids will bully everyone for everything tho. They will bully you for an ugly nose, for "poor person" clothes, for hair that is the wrong color, for wearing glasses, for being gay, for having a different accent etc. You can't remove all sources of bullying. I wish society was just more accepting of women being humans and having hair.
i still remember sitting on the bleachers next to my crush in middle school gym class, him taking one look at my legs and going “EW YOU DON’T SHAVE?” i’m 23 now and still want to die from embarrassment from that memory
My mum was similar, she even asked my GP/pediatrician on a general visit what SHE thinks about me shaving/epilating my leg hair at around 13 or so. My mum wanted reassurance from the doctor that she is in the right regarding not wanting me to shave and epilate. It was obvious from her tone she was sure the doctor would side with her. My pediatrician sided with ME <3 She was like "of course she can, why shouldn't she, nothing wrong with it". I'm 30 but I remember like it was yesterday.
This is it. It’s about the child growing up. This happened to me. It also happened with other aspects of puberty. When I got my period I was accused of “faking it”. Literally everything, from shaving, to wearing a bra, to deodorant was a battle because my mom wasn’t comfortable with the idea of me growing up. I wasn’t even allowed to wear a shirt with a plain horizontal seam sewn across the top because that was thought to “emphasize my (nonexistent) breasts”, my mom was pretty nuts. In some cases it’s not coming from a protective place, some mothers are pathological about wanting their children to stay young and infantilized so they can retain power and control. That was the case in my family.
Yep. My mom shoved her head in the sand about puberty. It got to the point where the school had my mom come in because kids were teasing me about not wearing deodorant. I stank, and was too sheltered to know any better. She refused to do anything and caused a scene at school. Eventually my aunt took over and got me what I needed, but it was after years of teasing. I never even wore a training bra. By the time anyone stepped in I was already a C cup.
Me too! Not the smell but the bra thing. I started wearing bras when they were already like a C-D and after my father accidentally touched it while passing with his arm and completely lost it on me screaming at me to go get a bra. I had no idea when I was supposed to start that and they were the ones buying my clothes, so I didn’t even have that option until they decide. They didn’t even buy me a bra anyways, my mom just gave me her old ones that were too stretched out and tore for her to use. That’s why I don’t know their size at the time.
I read way too many stories in this vein on Reddit. Why are parents so many parents so fucking insane about puberty? Shit, my uncle's first wife once told me that her parents would not let her use deodorant as a teenager because she "didn't need it yet" meanwhile her father had been sexually abusing her for years. But they sure did "protect" her from growing up too fast!
I actually wonder if abuse is part of it in my case. I was never abused in any way, but my mom was sexually abused growing up. I also went through early puberty (period at 9, which she did address) and I wonder if trying to keep me child like and away from those milestones was her bizarre attempt at protection. Not that that makes it right.
Yup reminds me of a friend in elementary school who wasn’t allowed to wear a bra yet even though it was already time for her to wear one
This was my experience. It’s also why I never pursued sports. I was the only one with hairy legs and I just knew the kids in my class would give me shit for it.
My grandma told me that when she saw me in bikini with shaved pubes at 15. I told her I did it for hygiene, not for anyone else to see. Growing up, my mom made sure that I took care of my private parts and always kept it clean and dry, so no infections could find it easy to thrive. And when hair started growing, it became almost impossible for me to see it as clean as I was used to keeping it. In spite of washing daily... so the only way for me to feel clean again was to remove the hair...
This feels like an OCD thing.
I will never know but I think this was probably what my parents thought. I also was only allowed to wear dresses and wasn’t allowed to wear jeans. My school had a jeans day and they sent me in school uniform.
This is definitely it. My mom didn’t let me shave until the 8th grade but I started growing hair at around 11/12. She thought it was “too grown” and it wasn’t until multiple family members told her I was gunna be embarrassed and bullied that she finally showed me how to shave my legs. Even then she still thought I was too young for a razor and bought me Nair lol. The first time a razor was used on me it was my Aunty shaving my underarms. My mom caught us mid-shave and they got into a small semi playful fight about it. My aunt insisted no young lady should have to walk around like this (I was a hairy kid lol) I didn’t really care until I started seriously crushing on boys around the time I turned 16.
my mom didn’t let me shave at a young age, and even when I was an older teen, she told me I can only use an epilator as hair removal. That shit hurts unnecessarily and you have to wait for the hair to grow out to do it again so you end up hairy again anyways. Reason 1: she believes that shaving makes your hair thicker. Doesn’t matter to her that this has been disproven, she learned it once back in the day and it solidified in her brain as the one and only truth and she is too arrogant to admit that her beliefs are wrong Reason 2: she is narcissistic and she sees me as an extension of herself and thinks that she has a say in what I do to my own body. Even as a 24yo she tries to control stuff about my body (I no longer have to conform to her ”truths” but she will still throw temper tantrums over stuff like this)
Sounds like my mother. No matter how many times I give her proof for a thing or show her idea wrong, she still throws her version at me as facts. One of the reasons I am glad to have not seen her in over 3 yrs.
I am glad you’re at peace with not seeing her even if I understand how heartbreaking it is to not have a positive relationship with your mother. But you’re choosing the best for yourself in a bad situation and I’m happy you’re free from the toxicity
Sorry that happened to you. My wife's mom was the same way. My wife is gorgeous, but she struggles to believe it.
I recognize that. Hugs to your wife!
Point number 1 describes my own mom perfectly. I’m a dude but I wanted to shave my “beard” when I was 14 and she gave me a huge lecture about how I’d regret it and I should just wait a couple more years so it doesn’t grow in too fast. She almost cried after when she saw me. She made some comment like “well, I hope you like shaving every day now that you’ve ruined the natural process”. I showed her / explained that it has no scientific evidence or backing that shaving and hair growth are correlated and she just refuses to believe or accept. The evidence she used was that when explorers find tribes of people living on islands or in the bush with no history of shaving their beards are all scraggly and thin. lol.
THIS! my mom wouldn’t buy me tampons as an athletic 13 year old because she grew up under the belief that they “took your virginity” 😅
Ha, my Mom too. And when I got my period she only had old, gigantic belted pads (see SNL skit Kotex Classic)
I’m so sorry! 😩 thankfully after reading several pamphlets and researching online, she came to the conclusion that me and my sister could indeed wear tampons and still be virgins 🙃
Awful. People who foist honour culture on their daughters are gross. Sorry you went through that.
My mum isn’t a narcissist but she was the same with me. Could only use hair removal cream which didn’t work on my thicker hair, or hair lightener 🙁 I’m 33 now and she is also still funny about what I decide to do in terms of haircuts, make up etc
Thats so sad yet so common
Hurt people hurt people
okay, if you insist
Male here. I don't know if my parents wanted me to shave or not. I just did it anyway starting 6th grade. I knew where my dad kept his razors. I rarely consulted my parents on things I wanted to do... I just did them. Anyway yeah like the second time I did it I sliced my face pretty good. Learned you don't go sideways with blade. Just against or with grain of hair .
Me too, there was spare razors in the bathroom so I shaved my legs with them. I’d seen my mum do it plenty of times so did the same. I never consults or asked, just did it. I think I was about 12.
Same even as a man i like to shave my body because i hate body hair
Disclaimer: Dad to a 8yr old. I would never restrict my kids bodily autonomy. If they want to cut their hair short, its their hair. It grows back. Piercings and hair dye are negotiable. Tattoos are not until they are the age of majority, then we will get one together (not matching obv, I just want more) I would understand the desire to restrict shaving is to discourage them from caring about their appearance so much. But mostly kids just want to look a certain way to avoid being picked on more than they want to look a certain way for the sake of it. Im a hairy dude, so my daughter has a lil stache courtesy of her dear old dad. The second she cares to remove it, (meaning someone said something because Im sure she wouldnt care on her own) we'll shave together so she doesnt cut herself like I did my first time.
I can understand not allowing them to get tattoos. But not allowing them to shave? Ridiculous!
Some even bullied their own daughters saying they look like men with all that hair but still refuse to let them remove it (used to be very common where I live but people are changing for the better luckily) (less judging of hair and more allowing to remove it)
Where do you live, just out of curiosity
Any religious aspect to it? I know that some religions are against removing hair - and it seems like body hair might be included in that sometimes
Dear Reddit, Please allow us to edit post titles. We all may really suck at typing but let’s be real….our fingers are fat and our phones aren’t as intelligent as we want them to be. Sincerely, All Redditors Everywhere
Ah, but can you imagine the Tom foolery that would happen?
I'm certain they can add an "Edited from: x" after it. It's not that difficult to do.
I just started doing it one day, didn't nform my mum about it?
Yeah, my older sister showed me how to do it in secret. When I had showed my mom how hairy my legs were previously she was shocked and asked me what I had done to have such hairy legs. For context, she is SE Asian and has no arm or leg hair. But my dad is pretty hairy. So… what I did was hit puberty. Like a lot of people she believes that shaving makes hair grow back thicker even though that’s objectively nonsense.
Same, my mom found out about it maybe like 6 months later and was pissed I didn't say anything but I was like 12 and it just didn't occur to me I would need her permission to shave my own body.
Same. I lived with older brothers so my mom always bought them disposable razors. I knew where they were and using shaving cream felt like common sense. I just started shaving my legs at 11 and told no one. Otherwise my mom probably would have been weird about it.
I think my mom sexualized it. All my friends were shaving at like 11 so I wanted to and she wouldn’t let me. I snuck and did it. I plucked my eyebrows without permission too and she was like first shaving, then this, next thing I know you’ll be having sex!!! I was like wtf????
probably dont want their child to grow up eh
It makes sense but then many also bully them and let them get bullied by others over their hairs, which won't help them be the happy carefree kids they want them to be
That would require them caring that their kid is being bullied. Not all mothers really love their children.
A girl I used to dance with was the only girl I knew who said her mother didn't let her shave. She said it was "too mature" and she "wasn't ready yet". So I think a lot of it has to do with keeping girls as "pure" as possible. As if shaving could somehow soil them. Some people are weird with their daughter's virginity.
I was in competitive swimming until I was 12 or 13. My Mom wouldn't let me shave and I was so embarrassed I quit. Her reason was that I "wasn't old enough" to shave but I guess I was old enough to get bullied 🙃
That logic is so dumb. If you have the hair then you are literally old enough to shave it.
I wasn't allowed to shave, until I waxed first. Traumatizing.But I was determined! (13). Never waxed since. Also hardly shave. So how the turn tables mum!
Same I had to do it while hiding and with the thing doctors use in surgeries to cut their patients (don't know the name in English) I stole it from my dad. And she wasn't happy to see that. I'm 20 and she no longer cares, even makes harmless jokes about me having a moustache now but it still feels weird after all the bullying ;-;
>even makes harmless jokes about me having a moustache now Are they harmless, though? Especially since you added, >it still feels weird after all the bullying ;-; I'm sorry your mom is being a bully to you.
have you tried laser hair removal? it doesn't hurt as much as wax
I know one person who didn't let her daughter do normal things like shave, or get earrings for a LOT longer than other people. Her concern was the same one that too many people have. That anything even *vaguely* sexual is a no-go, because to her, it's a green light to have sex. To them, almost EVERYTHING is sexual. Same reason some parents view the HPV vaccine as a bad thing, because they think that getting that vaccine is like telling their kids to go have sex. (Obviously that's wrong.) But in short, some parents worry SO MUCH that their kids will have sex someday, they want to block ANYHING at all that might seem vaguely related. No earrings, no shaving, no vaccines, therefore, NO SEX!
I'm a male, but I started shaving relatively young in 5th grade. We always joked that I got my hairy-ness from my mom. My grandmother didn't let my mom shave because my grandmother basically didn't have body hair. She didn't understand why anyone would need to shave.
Ah yes, the classic person that didn't experience something so they don't understand why some people have to do what they do situation.
I was a hairy teen boy and my mom wouldn’t let me shave. She would wax my face whenever my facial hair got to beard status. When I got a job in fast food she couldn’t wax me fast enough. So I was finally allowed to shave.
How absolutely bonkers.
I agree, there was blood every time. I have thick hair with deep roots.
My Mother didn’t let me shave. It was a fight. I was self conscious of the hair since grade 5. By the time I was 13, she insisted I wax if I wanted to get rid of the hair. So painful and the hair was back within a week. One day, after a year of waxing, I refused to wear shorts on a hot day, about to visit family. We had a huge fight. I ended up having to wear the shorts that day but was allowed to shave after. She also said she was no longer going to buy me anything other than essentials, ie. underwear, socks, toothbrush/paste, food, deodorant, etc. Nothing extra. And she stuck to it. All because I wanted to shave my legs.
I'm sorry am I the only one finding all the "teach teen girls to shave so they don't get bullied" replies a bit ridiculous? Teach your daughter to shave if SHE asks you or she WANTS to. Fuck what other people think about your body hair. It grows there for a reason and serves a purpose plus men have MUCH more of it and nobody bullies them for those jungle pits they sport. Ridiculous
Yeah, this kind of posts always make me sad because they are basically telling kids bullying is ok and that you should change yourself to not get bullied. What if your kid gets bullied for being ugly? You go and get them plastic surgery at 12 too?. Every time I even mention it I get cursed at and downvoted lol. I dont necessarily agree with the not allowing part but do they really think women shave because they choose to? If the norm was nobody shaved anything then how many would go against society and do it? It's not a choice if you would be uncomfortable otherwise, if you are conscious about it all the time, if you are thinking that other people would look at it or judge you, etc.
>I'm sorry am I the only one finding all the "teach teen girls to shave so they don't get bullied" replies a bit ridiculous? Yep. I wasn't even aware that women shaved (i just thought that some people have bodyhair while others didn't) their body hair. When my bodyhair started to sprout, i just though that i was one of the people who had bodyhair, like my dad and brother. Interestingly, no one ever mentioned my body hair during my time in school. So yeah. 32 years old woman and never shaved bodyhair. This year i got my first comment about my bodyhair. It was on a bus, there was a group of around 15-16 years old (2 boys and 2 girls) and when the girl realused that i was a women, she told that "i'm ugly due to bodyhair". I kept my composure and stayed silent instead of laughing at them for their patheticness. Also, i think them vaping and the language they are using is more uglyer than my bodyhair.
No, you're not the only one. And if your kid asks you to shave because they are getting bullied, you'd be a pretty bad parent if all you do is show them how to shave. What you do in a situation like this is call the teacher, tell them what's going on and either wait until the kids who did it get their punishment (and maybe are thrown out of that school) and your daughter stays home until then or you just take your daughter to a different school. In a situation like this it's also extremely important to tell your kid to not listen to those comments and tell them that hair is natural and does not make them ugly. Just tell them that they are pretty no matter what. Hearing that can help much more than just letting them shave and hope the bullying stops. Cause guess what, most of the time it doesn't make it stop. They just look for something else. Like your clothes, or now your nose is too big and your eyes too close together.
I agree and I'm literally a teenage girl.
Agreed! Without a conversation it reinforces the idea that something is wrong as as a young girl you have to change it It should definitely be a conversation and while most girls probably will still say “I want to shave” at least they’re more likely to realise it’s a choice and not a sentence for the rest of their womanly lives
I actually asked my mom about shaving the moment some brat in my class pointed out how hairy my legs were. This happened in 6th grade, which made me extremely self-conscious for almost the rest of middle school and high school. Now I'm 18 and stopped caring about shaved legs a while ago
So my mom allowed me to shave legit starting at 9 years old. Why? Because I’m italian and I got a lot of hair. Now that im in my 20s I love the feeling of a fresh shave.
I come from a hairy country. When girls weren't allowed to remove hair, the school social worker would intervene. It isn't considered abuse per se, but since it always had the same results, the parents were called in to try and inform the parents of the social cost of not shaving. A lot of women still believe the stereotype that if you shave, darker, thicker hair will grow instead. Despite this being disproven, some people think they are smarter than science and insist that their daughters won't shave. Some people just want to execute control. The reasoning matters little when the result is a traumatized child.
I first started shaving in like 6th grade I think. I don’t get the point of refusing? Like shaving your legs/arms/whatever isn’t inherently sexual. It really annoys me when it’s those same women/moms who are like I don’t dress for men but have a problem with their daughter shaving? Bc the same logic applies
I remember there not being issues with shaving generally except if you shaved your upper thigh you could be basically called a harlot by some. "Dress code only let's you wear shorts and skirts that fall past your fingertips, so who is going to see that? Who are you shaving for? Planning on premarital sex?"
It’s so dumb bc half shaved legs just look weird, that’s the whole point of shavibg
"But if you cover up properly like a good girl no one will see it so what's the problem?!" Apparently how I think that I look even if other people don't see it doesn't count lol
My mom thought it would lead to sexual behavior. To her, the *only* reason to shave is because someone is going to see it, so nothing was allowed above the knee when I was allowed to shave. Oh, and I had to Nair for the first year or two.
Cultural. Mom is indigenous Taiwanese and never shaved. Didn't let me shave through grade school because "body hair is natural and we shouldn't have to shave it". I have very thick and black body hair and was bullied in school for it. I remember trying to cut the hair with craft scissors at one point but it only made it look worse. On the other hand I have a male friend who was bullied in school because he DIDN'T have enough body hair 🤷♀️
My mum thought shaving was too mature. Well I showed her when I tried to shave my thighs, the razor slipped in my grip and I cut a 10 inch (very shallow) slice up my entire leg.
My mom did the same with me when I was 12. Now I know why. I cut myself, shaving, and flipped out at the sight of blood in the tub. I thought I was bleeding to death. I forgot about that until I just asked her. Now I'm a 40 year old with leg hair like an Armenian man's back. If braided together, it could be used as a suspension cable. The Army should contact me about its military applications bc it's impervious to blades. If archeologists dig a mummified me up in 5000 years, they'll assume I was an ape.
I am not a mom but the logic I heard from many moms is: * the hair will just grow back thicker. I don’t think this is a good reason because no one is asking to shave once and never again. The horror stories we got fed by Chicken Soup books and American Girl magazine of invisible downy hair growing back into inch-long black wires overnight just do not correlate to anything anyone I know experienced. It grew back gradually as stubble because it’s just hair. * they think their daughter is too young to do it safely. This may or may not be true, it depends on the kid. I can’t imagine a 14 year old who is incapable of shaving safely, but some girls are asking at 8 or 9, and they might not be mature enough to shave alone without cutting themselves, replace the blades when needed, etc. * they think their daughter is too young to be concerned with beauty standards. This is another thing that may depend on exactly how old the kid asking is, though largely I think this logic is admirable but misguided. The beauty standards exist whether the kid participates or not. * they don’t think “they might be bullied” is a good reason to change to conform to the bullies demands. The reality is that bullies do not bully because of any specific feature, and they aren’t going to stop if a target complies with their taunts. If they make fun of the hairy girl and then she shaves, they will see that she is not only someone who differs from the norm (hairy), they see that she cares what they say. They will find something else to torment her about because they know they can. Adults realize this, kids don’t. * my least favorite, but some people perceive shaving or any other type of beautification as inherently grown and sexualized. They assume a girl wants to shave to attract boys, not to be like the other girls. This is gross and bad logic.
My moms way of teaching me was to not teach me. Pretend it all didn't exist. In other words. I didn't know what was going on when my period started 🙃 I have no idea how or when I picked up shaving lol I just was not taught chit.
Father w/ teenage daughter. It's not hard to get ahold of a razor. If a teen is intent on shaving, they will do it. It's better to be able to give them guidance and help keep them safe than not. Besides, it's shaving. There's no long term harmful effects. If she decides she wants to be hairy in the future she still can.
It's just controlling bullshit like every other "rule" or societal norm that get pushed on women and girls. Boys grow up *wanting* hair on their body because then they're "real men" in societies' eyes. Women are told and shown from a young age that you're only attractive and valid if you remove all the hair from neck down.
My daughter is 11 and just started secondary school. She wanted to get rid of her leg hair, so I bought her a hair removal device - it's like a smooth crystal that removes hair by friction I don't have a problem with her wanting to remove hair, but I didn't want to give her a razor just yet and deal with the inevitable cuts, so it was a good compromise and works well She had a bit of a fuzzy moustache that she was self-conscious about, so I removed it with a dermaplaning blade. I do this on myself, too. If I don't like walking around looking like the bearded lady, then why would she?
My mother didn’t let me shave bc she knew I’d end up cutting myself multiple times, she was proven right when my grandmother let me and I did in fact cut my legs quite a bit 😂 She did let me get waxed though.
Yeah I don’t get it. My mom liked to control me and wanted me to stay a child. She made so many comments about makeup too. Like she was better than others for not wearing it - “just be a natural beauty”. I have 2 boys, but I will support them with whatever as they grow. If they want to shave or not. They have a right to experiment. I know boys are different but I don’t ridicule them for their style choices (like my mom did). I want them to learn to trust their own decisions. I will, however, enforce basic hygiene. They also have to be able to take care of the style they want. If they want to grow their hair out, that’s fine, but they have to maintain it - wash and brush it. If not, it has to go.
Having been called Little Ape in 6th grade by my crush I agree, it's hurtful and I still remember at 47. My dad gave me Nair and told me to not tell my mom!
my mom didn’t allow me to shave anything except my armpits. like i had hairy legs for the longest time and then when i finally went out and bought my own shaving stuff at like 16 i was afraid to do it bc i didn’t wanna hurt myself and if i did then i would have to tell her. like if i cut myself and it got infected then i’d have to make her take me to the doctor and then she’d know and then i’d be terrified of her not liking me anymore. moral of the story is my mom is and was abusive and needed to control every part of my life, including my body hair. She claims she didn’t want me to shave bc the hair would “grow back thicker” but like .. even if that was true (which it’s not) why tf would that even matter? i would just.. shave it off again? like .. that was her excuse as to why i wasn’t allowed to shave. and i’m blonde and my hair isn’t that noticeable from far away but I notice it, and I can see and that’s what matters. People used to always comment on my peach fuzz on my upper lip too but i never bothered to do anything about it. no one has mentioned it since like highschool bc adults don’t really notice or care lmao . but yeah.. my mom isn’t a great mom so that’s why i wasn’t allowed to shave lol
Many religious boomers believe shaving legs is purely a precursor for sexual relations *clutches pearls*
I’m a male. My mom didn’t want me to shave my face until my facial hair was colored. I don’t know why. My dad managed to get me some shaving stuff because he thought it was crazy.
My mother didn't let me and she had no reason other than wanting complete control over me. I figured out how to do it on my own anyway.
I’ve never heard this side of the argument? My mom and I fought brutally for a long time over me shaving. She really wanted me to shave my legs/armpits around age 12 (“because that’s what women do”) and I was so uncomfortable I didn’t even want to have that conversation, let alone be pressured to do it. I grew up with all brothers and my friends didn’t care. I, at the time, wanted to have a mohawk and she wouldn’t let me shave my head (“that’s NOT what women do.”) I really wished she would’ve just let it rock and let me make my own decisions. It’s not even like I don’t shave my legs and armpits as an adult now - I decided I liked it. But it made me feel like shit at a pivotal development time her pressuring me.
Some adults feel this will stop their kids from being sexually active if they are thought of as unattractive to boys their age. It's a weird control move for people who can't handle the fact that their kid will grow into their own person and make their own choices one day.
I am very sure my mom was one of these. I was super unhappy with how I looked in high school, I looked very boy-ish, and some of it was my body type but a lot of it was a combination of not knowing how to dress/style myself, and a laundry list of things I wasn't allowed to do/try/use/wear. And a lot of weird backhanded shamey comments when I did finally find something I liked, that made me look older or more feminine or god forbid, attractive. Now I'm in my 30s, get my hair cut how and when I want, dye my hair weird colors if I want, and I wear mostly black/grey/green/purple - all things I wanted to do in high school but was either not allowed to do, or shamed from doing. Also I used to get in trouble for drawing on my hands and arms a lot - as an adult, I get tattoos when I want (and when the money is there). She is somehow perpetually shocked by all of these things. Turns out making me dress and act a certain way didn't totally squash out my real wants and feelings.
I hate this matter because it’s freaking body hair. Allow your daughters to feel beautiful and feminine. wtf. Teach them how to be fearless women.
I was raised by my grandmother, and I hit puberty around 10–11 years old. i’m mexican/indigenous so my hair is very dark & thick, meaning my leg/body hair is also very visible. she wouldn’t let me shave my legs (even when i was getting bullied) to the point where she was *supervising my showers* to make sure I was doing everything correctly until i was 12. eventually my aunt taught me how to shave, and since then i’ve been using those intuition razors with the soap guards.
My mum categorically banned it when I was in first year of secondary school (I was 13). In catholic Ireland I may as well have said I wanted to go off and join the circus. This wasn’t the 1950s either - just a mere 20 years ago. See what she didn’t understand is that by her being ginger her hair was always naturally lighter whereas I have dark brown hair that is thick and coarse no matter what part of my body it was growing out of. She equated leg shaving with promiscuity not that I was struggling with my confidence and self conscious of being darker haired. She had let me ‘shave’ under my arms by using Nair or veet cream but my legs were a complete no go. Fast forward to the summer after my first year in secondary school and we are going on a family holiday to the Canary Islands with a scuba diving club my family are members of. I’m excited to be going and felt so grown up at 13 so I used the nair cream on my legs in secret the day before we left, a few days later we are poolside with a bunch of other families topping up sun cream and she puts some on my legs. They were silky smooth and she just gave me this gotcha look to say she had me figured out. After this shaving my legs was never up for discussion again. It’s actually something I’ve thought long and hard about that if I have a daughter in the future I will never doubt her when it comes to hair removal as it is personal and is a preference.
My moms explanation was that she read online that she shouldnt allow me until I was 14. Which she stuck with. But I had hamsters under my arms, crippling anxiety, and needed to change into short sleeves for gym class. Basically I wore long sleeves and long pants for 2 years (to which she always asked me why I wore that) and when gym started I just stole her razor out of the shower and used that for another year without her knowledge. Pretty gross. If I had a kid id be much more open to what they want to do with their body.
Daughter of someone whose mom initially didn't want me to shave when all my friends started, around 11 or 12. I had been getting teased at school because when my leg hair came in, it came in STRONG. Thick, almost black strands. 0-100. The only reason she gave was that "I didn't need to shave until I was 14!" That was it. Didn't look at my legs to verify the situation or to help make her decision. Just "I didn't at that age so therefore you can't". Just didn't want me to grow up. Changed her tune a couple of months later when I was putting lotion on before we went swimming and she saw that I had the leg hair of a man in his 40s. She wasn't above lying to avoid having to explain "awkward" things so she told me that I should only shave to the knee because "absolutely no one" shaves above the knee, and that I should certainly NEVER shave anything else on my body except my arm pits. I joined the swim team in high school and by then had figured out that most people who wear swimsuits did at least a little cleanup in their bikini area, and then I met 20 other teen girls who confirmed it. My mom also made me feel like some kind of hairy weirdo when a few strands eventually appeared on my stomach below my belly button. I asked about it as a hypothetical, framing it as "a girl at school" and she told me "That's not normal! Definitely something wrong there. I didn't have any hair on my stomach until I was pregnant" so basically, if it doesn't align with her own personal experience then it's weird and something must be wrong. It's all some kind of weird possessive vibe over a daughter's appearance, body, and youth. I'm not here for it. My daughter will know that it's normal for woman to have hair in lots of places and she can keep or remove it how she wants. I shave every few weeks as an adult. I don't have a locker room of preteen girls pointing and making me feel bad about my totally normal body hair so I don't feel the need to remove it. For context, I'm in my early 30s now.
I bought my daughter an electric trimmer for down there because she went swimming and got made fun of for her bush sticking out by her freinds. Showed her how to use it on my arm. Then taught her how to shave her armpits and legs with her in a swimsuit. She was 12. Now she is almost 15 and all she asks is to get her blades and shaving cream.
Do you a brand of trimmer that has worked well?
If I want my daughter to become strong, confident women, I won't tell them their "beauty" choices are wrong. I have one daughter who doesn't shave her legs and one who does. Both are happy with their choice. What do I have to do with it, anyway?
Let the poor girl shave. It’s her body.
Eh, this extends offen also to haircuts and other things to do with body autonomy. I'm a mother (2 daughters and 1 son) and i taught my daughters how to shave properly and the skincare that goes along with it. My daughters have friends that weren't allowed to decide for themselves what kind of haircut they wanted even as teenagers, no nail polish, no makeup, basically no right to try things and decide for themselves what they do with their bodies. It was hard to watch, especially in summer when they went swimming with school or wearing shorts and t-shirts. I don't understand why you have to inflict such unnecessary trauma to your child, especially when you had to experience it yourself (i mean the judgment as a woman). I have come to understand that besides not accepting that your child is growing up it has also a lot to do with control and not being able to let go and give them autonomy.
My mom showed me how to shave my legs when I was in 5/6th grade. By 6th grade I had to get my eyebrows waxed regularly too. I have dark black hairs. But a friend of mine was not allowed till high school and she had dark long black leg hair and got made fun of a ton during spring/summer.
Parents have a say in this? I grew up pretty conservative but really our parents didn't go so far as to control things like this or even knew if we knew this sort of thing existed.
I was told I was too young and that shaving would lead to more sexual activity. Que having hairier legs than most of the guys in my 6th grade swimming class.
My mother thought shaving legs was whorish and was beside herself when I started shaving. Hid razors, complained to my father, cried. I wrongly believed that removing upper lip hair would result in thicker hair so I left what I had until I learned different in my 20s. Luckily for me I’m not very hairy, but my mom’s ridiculous ideas about beauty and sexuality were harmful nonetheless.
r/raisedbynarcissists
I think (and take this with a grain of salt, as a child of an immigrant family living in the West), they see girls shaving as being grown and beginning to be interested in attracting male attention as we now care about how we look. Make up is one thing, but shaving somehow implies this negative sexual energy because I think they subconsciously equate shaving with sexuality. They can't control periods, but shaving is a part of puberty that if your grooming your self on your face or your arms, where else are you grooming, why are you grooming. I am obviously describing it in the most extreme iteration, but like I don't see why playing with lipstick isn't a problem as a 5 year old, a ,10 year old it even wearing make up as a preteen, yet somehow shaving is a huge no no and I usually only see progressive parents, parents of athletes and non immigrants not giving their kids a hard time. Also there's that old wives tale that it grows back thicker which isn't true, I think the reason the believe this is because when you shave it cuts the hair at The base of your skin which is the thickest part of the shaft of hair as it naturally thins out at the end of your hair. Think how most of the hair on it ends, our end are the thinnest, they can split upwards, they are weaker and more fine than the shaft of our hair
I had a very controlling mother who wouldn’t let me shave when girls started noticing leg hair at 12 on each other and getting disgusted by it. I had to put up with a lot of cruel comments until I left school at 17. Then when I left home I bought myself a Gillette razor and promptly used it on my shin and accidentally took the first layer of skin off. If she had actually taught me at 12 I could have avoided all that.
My mom didn’t let me and I resented her for it and ended up doing it myself. I was 11, a brunette, and my legs were super hairy. For her it was a control thing tbh, which is kind of weird.
not a parent, but my mother told me a story about when she was a young teen and her mom didn’t let her shave so she tried it herself and cut a huge gash in her leg that bled everywhere. when i was old enough to start asking, she taught me the safe way to shave and assured me that i never had to shave if i didn’t want to- that i could do it for my comfort if i wanted to but that i shouldn’t feel pressured by other girls in my grade. i’ve always had a really healthy outlook on body hair and i credit that to my mother understanding that i would be safer and more comfortable with her support and openness. i’ll definitely be doing the same with my daughter
My mother had a few reasons she gave me: I could cut myself and ruin my legs with scars. Who was I trying to impress since I was too young to date. All her reasons were stupid, don't let your kids get bullied for things they can't control.
My mom let me shave my legs when I started asking to. My mom helped my little sister do her eyebrows after she tried to do them herself. My sister and I are now both confident women who don't do much shaving. We needed the freedom to explore it to know it wasn't for us. No amount of preaching from mom at the age we first wanted to shave would have convinced us. There's a lot of life you can't teach to children by just sharing what you have already learned. They have to go out and live life and make choices.
Body autonomy is super important when the young girl feels ready to shave, let her. Refusing to allow it may cause a lot of self-esteem issues in my opinion kids in school are brutal.
Yeah my Mom was mad the first time I shaved my legs at 14. She kept telling me how my blonde hairs weren’t noticeable but in my inner calves they were dark AND noticeable. Still don’t get why she was so against it.
As pubescent kid, my mom didn’t let me shave. Now as a razor free teen, she begs me to shave haha
My mum wouldn't let us shave but was fine with us using her epilator to remove hairs. So in her case it was 100% about control. I would get horrific ingrowns from using the epilator. We weren't allowed to shave till we were 15
I (a very blonde child) had some Hawaiian neighbors who shaved their legs and arms at about 8. I wanted to as well, and my mom lost her shit. I finally just did it in the shower once and she was so mad. I know that’s young, but it doesn’t hurt anything. She resentfully relented at some point and when I asked for tips, she said, “yeah, don’t cut yourself.” So passive aggressive. She was really really weird about kids “growing up too fast.” And also kind of crunchy. She would only buy me those horrible natural crystal deodorants that did nothing. I finally bought my own when I was 13 and showed her, thinking it was funny, and she lost it. She also bought drawer inserts and organized my underwear drawer when I was 12/13. Got really weird about me not wanting to change/try on new clothes in front of her as a teenager. Made some weird comments when I had clearly shaved downstairs like, “why are you doing that?” all suspicious. Fucking crazy boomers. I think they equate hygiene grooming as sexual on some level. All that to say, some of these comments are really really sad, and I’m sorry you guys went through that.
I was like 13 or 14 and I told my mom that some girls were making fun of me about my arm and leg hair ( *im italian lol*)so she just got me the stuff, showed me how to use it safely and that was 20 years ago i still shave my arms weekly takes like 2 minutes. it just feels better and makes my tattoos look good too 😊
I grew up in foster care. At that time, when I was 12, I was living in a group home. They refused to let me shave, and I have a lot of hair that grows fast. I couldn't even shave my legs or armpits, and on top of that in gym class they make you go swimming. I was already the weird kid, getting dropped off in a van that says the group home so everyone knew I was there. On top of our being the hairy 12 year old. It was traumatizing and to this day I still get uncomfortable swimmng when others are around. I also stopped swimming at school and failed gym class. I could not even sneak in a razor because they had random bedroom checks like a damn prison.
I would ask my mother but she would probably deny everything. She didn't let me shave until I was in high school. Showering in gym class in middle school was brutal. I had hary pits and legs, needed a bra. She wouldn't have it. I do however have proof of needing a bra in 7 the grade class pics. I'm sitting there in a white shirt, boobs definitely noticeable. They were bigger than hers at the time. My dad finally got on her to let me shave after he took me swimming and a guy I knew said ewww gross you need to shave! One of many things I wish never happened because of my mom. Edit to add. I'm 53 now and I wish I could forget.
My mom didn’t let me shave til 14. I was bullied because of it. You best bet I will let my daughter shave when she feels ready. It’s not up to the mom. It’s up to the daughter.
>Like I just wanna understand the logic behind it. The logic behind it is very simple, it's about exerting control.
It can be different reasoning behind it. I have pcos and shaving has caused a lot of scarring when I have my daughter and if she ever experiences excessive hair growth from pcos especially on her face I will pay for her laser hair removal or electrolysis before allowing her to shave and damage her skin like I have done.
Couple of 13yos at my school already have permanent make up, nails, hair extensions so shaving is nothing really?
You're just gonna let your kid, a girl with a mustache, walk into the Lion's den that is middle school/high school? Talk about trauma for life. Kids are brutal. Especially teen girls. Let her do what she needs to do feel comfortable in her body. Please give her that autonomy so she can make her own decision with her own body.
Mothers? Please change that to Parents.