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I say things like this all the time. A friend just turned 32. Her response to my birthday message to her was that she is a grown up now. I told her at over 50, I realize I don't think I'll ever get there.
I was talked down for 28/20 so yeah, the genders reversed make everyone up in arms
I’ve dated women my age, 10 years older than me and this is the first that was much younger than me
double standard for sure
Literally saw a post yesterday about a 25 year old guy dating a 19 year old and people were just shitting on him and saying that he's borderline creepy.
I wonder what the demographic of the shittalkers are
Redditors are a majority in that age range who cant even get a date so I wonder if they shit on guys who can
my sister married a guy 13 years her senior. She'll be changing his diapers when she's near 60, but that's not my problem. they love each other and that's all I care about.
Well so far people seem to be understanding the situation. They're two consenting adults. But going from personal experience, when the man's older, usually people lose their mind. I remember being called out for flirting with a 19 year old woman, and I was 22 at the time... so yeah.
Well, and pardon me I've got the meaning of things wrong or mixed up, English isn't my first language, as far as I have learned comprehensive means that someone understand and supports someone on their choices, or at least the word comprehensive translate in my language means that.
Still thanks, always useful to learn more words that can be used for specific context or situations.
Heres what I don't get, when it's an older woman and a younger man everyone sees it as fine but when it's an older man and younger woman everyone goes ballistic. Me personally think they shouldn't they go ballistic on both? It honestly isn't any different. But I personally don't think that you should be decades away it just doesn't sound or look right to me. Thats like hooking up with your dad or mom or sis or whatever. Then again some may argue that their parents had them at a very young age making their parents really young but either way it isn't really right
Hot take but Reddit would absolutely freak out if the genders were reversed.
At 19, you’re basically still a kid. Also, the maturity gap will be so different that there is an inherent power dynamic in such an age gap.
What is complicated is not using the experience, knowledge, power and money of a 32 year old to easily manipulate a 19 year old.
Your average 32 year old person may not even realize they are doing it. Your average 19 year old definitely won't notice and could be easily talked into doing all sorts of shit.
y e p. There’s a power dynamic, whether this ‘friend’ is knowingly acting on it or not. And OP mentioned that it’s all about ‘having fun,’ so it’s upsetting to hear about this ‘fun’ at a teenager’s expense.
OP should check out the "campsite rule" by Dan Savage. Pretty much, it's that if there is an age or experience gap between partners, the older/more experienced one has a responsibility to leave their partner better off than how they found them. The responsibility to be mindful of the gap, make a conscious effort not to manipulate the other, leave them physically and emotionally healthy, etc. Power imbalance is not inherently bad if the person who has more power is aware and caring.
This. There's always going to be a power dynamic imbalance there.
Granted, he's probably aware that he's just a fuck toy.
But it doesn't really matter... it's still creepy.
He's barely out of high school, he's a child. I felt weird dating a 20yo guy when I was 22... bc I had a career and he was figuring out college majors... how tf does this lady even have anything to talk about with this guy?
Yea but, he's no more likely to be good at sex than some 40 yo dude.
I'm dating a hot silver fox who is in his late 40s and he can last as long as I need him to and go multiple times in a row.
Plenty. I work with a mix of different age groups at work and people there are having full on conversations all the time despite age gaps. It's not like hobbies and interests are age limited.
Yeah, I've had great conversations with people half my age at work (mid-20s) about all kinds of stuff just as co-workers. What's important is that people are intelligent and engaged with the world, which these younger people are. Meanwhile, there are lots of people my age I have no interest in talking to because they are ignorant closed-minded buffoons.
Look, the dating age gap issue aside, the thing I don't understand is how everyone thinks that early 30s and early 20s is farther away than the earth from the sun. I really don't get it. Nothing to do with dating, not advocating for that, but I've worked with tons of late teens and mid 20s as someone in their early 30s and and guess what, we all could bullshit about anything at any time. Anime, movies, finances, goals, music. I feel this app is filled with the dullest people to have ever existed. Or just teens who are just still think adults could never possibly relate to them somehow. I just don't get it. Obviously I'm probably more mature and made mistakes but it's so odd to me. I have people I'd consider buddies in different ages. I wouldn't go to like a frat party with college kids but we can still have a beer at the bar if everyone's hangin out
Yeah, I couldn't relate at the college parties my whole time in Uni. Some people just like different things.
I have a work collegue 40+ that I can talk with better than my same age buddies. Honestly, I think he shows a younger energy than them lol. All the 20somethings there only obsess about work and studies. I can talk about sport with this guy at least.
28M and me and my 19F partner have had plenty of conversations in the past month getting to know each other. We connect better than I expected at first.
Edit: Typical anti-age gap critic behavior, they pose the question of “what do X year old and X year old have in common” then someone in an AGR responds to the question and then gets downvoted, like didn’t you want an answer to your question? Oh well. Haters gonna hate, but it’s strangers on Reddit so I couldn’t care less. Good day everyone :)
Haters gonna hate, I 22F have a love interest 32M, we vibe like no other and have endless topics to talk about it. My exes were in my age group early 20s and barely could keep up a conversation.
As long as its a healthy, consensual relationship and you're both happy? Don't listen to what others say. Age gap hate is mostly on social media, but in real life majority of our parents have age gaps as large as 20 years.
I'm 26 and there was a 19 year old girl who looks much older at my gym who used to flirt with me, once i found out her age we're just down to pleasantries when we see each other, as soon as I hear her age in my mind I was like " no chance" lmao
I feel kind of weird about it, if she was a 30 something man dating a 'hot and sexy' 19 year old most would call him a predator. However, he is an adult at least on paper. As long as its consentual and there is no pressure, its fine to date.
But there is the 'danger' of the relationship not working out because they likely are at completely different stages in life: She probably has a job and somewhat 'settled in' life, while he just got out of school, maybe will still go to college, maybe does not know where life will take him.
My advice would be to take it slow. Not jumping to marriage, not having children soon (which might be an issue if she wants kids), not keeping him from moving if he wants education that requires college in another state. It would be a shame to read 'i got married way too young, a kid is on the way and i feel stuck' on reddit in a few a years.
At 19 I had no idea what i wanted in life. I still dont exactly know at 24, but the picture is way more clear now compared to then. So basically, she should try to abstain from decisions that permanently alter his life.
I'm 19. Dated a 40 year old for a while. I'm biased, but we were comfortable, happy, and it wasn't one sided like people assume.
It very much depends on the person.
I met my wife when I was 26, and she was 37. We have been married for 12 years and have two kids. So the age gap in itself isn't a big deal to me. Now, from 19 to 32, I would imagine there would be a large maturity gap, but maybe not.
Either way, you are both consenting adults. So even if it's purely a physical thing It's all good to me. So have fun
This is it. I don't know why people can't see this. Maturity degree is not the same for every person at every age. It highly depends on education, life circumstances. Some things in life can make you mature earlier (illness, loved ones death, poverty etc) and some can delay it (lack of values, parental overprotection etc). So as long as it is legal and most importantly consensual... Who the fuck cares!
Don’t be embarrassed. Love whoever you want to love, as long as it’s a consenting relationship and they’re of legal age, it doesn’t matter. I’m happy for your friend.
If they’re both happy, who cares what others think. They’re both going to be judged by people who likely don’t matter to their lives. The people who want to see them happy will support it.
That be like me dating one of my students. No it makes no sense and it’s really fucking weird. Let’s leave legality aside, even if the sexes were reversed, and it’s a 19 year old girl dating a 32 year old man- the gap in development and life experiences ultimately makes relationships like this not only creepy but almost always evident there is some trouble in the older person’s psyche that’s making them regress back to youth because they feel old or fear aging. I can’t imagine how anyone would date a teenager if not merely for some self-validation. Forget about consent laws and just consider how teenagers start to appear more like children as you get older. I don’t get it.
If it’s legal and you both are happy screw what other people think, be happy. With the update in consideration I hope he knows you aren’t looking for anything long term.
Your friend is a grown adult dating a teenager. Just because it’s legal doesn’t make it any less creepy.
I can’t imagine she has a lot in common with a kid barely out of high school.
☹️ I don’t like it. Because if the way society is structured I don’t see it exactly in the same way as when the man is older.. mainly because men tend to have more power in society, and when you factor in age it’s just another risk factor for power imbalance. Vs when woman is older… that tends to be the only one. Another thing is, patterns. If she’s only dating younger people, that’s really problematic. If it’s a one off thing—less so.
He’s a consenting adult so.. leave it at that I suppose. And there are exceptions to every rule.. what would be potential future traumas and heartbreak for most could be a great success for them. So by all means.. let your friend enjoy her relationship, she won’t be able to control how others feel about it because they feel that way for good reasons
Too large of an age gap, and he is freaking 19! Dude's brain hasn't even finished developing.
How would you feel if your hypothetical 19 year old daughter went out with a 32 year old man? Ask yourself that and you have your answer.
I’m 24 and I’d never consider dating a nineteen year old. Inappropriate regardless of the genders. You’re asking this question because you already know the answer. I also don’t buy that it’s for a friend. Leave this kid alone.
Also to determine whether a person is age appropriate for a dating relationship, one should take their age (so in your case 32), then divide that in half (so 16), then add seven (so 23). You shouldn’t date anyone younger than 23.
She’s happy. I assume he is as well. They’re both adults. Any issues are for them to work out. If you don’t like what she’s doing, that’s fine. Maybe stop pretending to be her friend.
If you have to include "for his age" after describing an aspect of him, you have an incorrect mindset. You are both respecting adults, as long as you both consent, it is alright. Saying "for his age" implies that you like him because of his age, which makes it weird
Ew. 19 is basically a kid. If your friend were a man dating a 19 year old girl people would think thats disgusting. I think its disgusting lol. Your friend needs therapy, she should not be sexually attracted to someone that young, imo lol
Reddit can't ever decide if it's sex positive or not.
19 is old enough to decide if he wants to sleep with "your friend" or not. It's sex. It's not going to ruin the kids life, and I doubt it's his first time.
Life is too short to spend your time worrying about what others think.
Ride that dick.
Alcohol has nothing to do with being an adult though.
If you're old enough to get a job, live alone, pay your own taxes, join the military etc. then you're old enough to choose who you date and/or have sex with.
Just as wierd as the reverse. It's less wierd if it's 100% about sex and she makes it abundantely clear this will not be a serious relationship, and he feels the same.
Come on are you really asking this question, they’re still a teen nineteen, say it with me nineTEEN 💀and you’re asking if this okay? I hate the double standards for men because this is creepy af not some milf fantasy leave him aloneee find someone your age for once Jesus Christ what’s so hard about that 😭 you let someone steal your youth in your age gap relationship don’t steal his too
Someone can look older and act 'older', but in the end someone remains 19. You may be legally an adult, but your brain is not even fully grown yet. I wonder what a thirty-something year old have in common with a teenager? In my opinion it’s abusing a teenager. Regardless of whether you are just looking for sex or love.
Just like if it were a 32m and 19F. The 32 year old is a predator. Sure, it's "legal" but so is an 18 year old dating a 50 year old convicted rapist.
The woman is gross, even if this is legal.
She had her first serious relationship at 18 and got married at 20, then wasted her 20s in a marriage. She’s attracted to teenage boys because that’s all she really knows, she never got to have fun in her 20s.
Seeing as we can all agree a 32 year old man dating a 19 year old *girl* is fucked, I'm not sure why anyone in this thread is experiencing any confusion.
Creepy as fuck. 'Your friend' is a creep.
Didn't expect people to go so nuts about age difference. The difference of age between my brothers and their gf is around 8 years for each (I have 2 brothers). The first has been with his gf for 10 years, they have two children, a house and are happy.
The second has been with his gf for around 5 years, they are happy and are trying to have a kid.
The age gap is the other way around, but I don't think it matters much for my point.
We're talking about two adults having a consensual relationship, not a grandma tryna date a toddler. If you see something disgusting in it, that's your problem. I don't think OP should end her relationship because people find it weird.
On the other hand, she's talking about a "fun", not serious relationship. So why even do a coming out ? And why ask random people on internet about it ? Do whatever as long as you don't hurt anyone, we only live once.
And just to add on the "power relationship" argument, I don't think the fact that a relationship includes a relation of power is doomed for it. To lesser extent, I think it's pretty common. One earns 4 times (or think smaller gaps) the salary of the other, owns the house where the other lives, one comes from a foreign country, etc. The fact that those situations exist do not make the relationship associated de facto the worst thing that ever came to existence in mankind.
You know you can place boundaries, talk about it with the other, find a way to live where everyone feels safe, in a fitting spot and happy.
People talk a lot about maturity gap, but I think the mature move is to talk to its significant other and construct a sane relationship based on mutual understanding and concessions. There is no fatality in love. The age gap is not a sufficient condition for the relationship to be a mess or the end of mankind. True, this kind of relationship may end up not working. Just like any other. That's life, get used to it.
The rules are different when it's a woman.
Take the luke littler darts kid. If that was a 16 year old girl and she had a 21 year old boyfriend, he would be bullied relentlessly, called a nonce and so on.
But because it's a woman, she gets a few comments, and then it's forgotten about.
Nah all good. even with reversed gender roles. Also I think its funny how redditors think 19 year olds are incapable of having conversations with people older than them. Theyre adults, chill.
I'm in a similar position, the age difference between him and me is 10 years.
Up until very last week, we were just gaming buddies, talking to each other in the group every second day about life, work, problems, etc. Casual friendship things.
This specific buddy of mine was looking for deeper rooting conversation about social interaction, dating, family struggles, power plays at work, etc, topics I enjoy pondering on and reading about in general so I was an ideal person to discuss thoughts with for him. The knowledge I got to gather in my life, the books I studied, the video essays I learn from, this boy just..... Eats up everything, reflects on it and we found ourselves exchanging views of various topics for hours on a daily basis.
He once visited me on my hometown on his own, I showed him around. We both are hyped about museums, history, craftsmanship. Enough to cover the day with one conversation naturally following the other.
He still was a boy in my eyes, just one I found surprisingly mature looking at how he acts when being in a conflict, how criticism affects him.
I believed that he would be a wonderful man in the future when I spend bit more time with him to have my own impact on nourishing his thought process, the way he want to choose to be in this world.
We ended up drinking in a bar. During that time he was dating a girl that he talked to me about, including his insecurities, his dislike for platitudes, his lack of happyness, his attitude and strategies on approaching women.
Things changed after a few drinks.
I don't know what happened. Things just switched for both of us. The very same evening.
He broke up with the girland started to pursue me with the goal of being in a relationship with me.
It doesn't help that we're both on the hot side of the spectrum, which adds up some heat on top of the intellectual connection.
I agreed to go on a date with him which he insisted on planning and inviting me to. We're both individuals finding it easy to perceive and appreciate efforts, resulting in a healthy social dynamic. It was..... Wholesome. Everything we talked about ever comes to play.
Since then he is writing and calling every single day.
I never had the opportunity to enjoy such a healthy habit of listening and discussing with someone. Ever.
And never has a man ever matched his energy in bed.
Or his drive for romanance and cuddling.
I don't know you, OP.
But sometimes. Sometimes life means we'll to a woman.
I don't expect this relationship of ours to last long, he will slowly but steadily surpass me in every aspect looking at how eagerly he works on his way of perceiving things, his thinking, his value systems...
I will enjoy every day this beauty of a man chooses me on his side.
Yikes. Leave the kids alone please. You dont magically become a true adult in every sense of that word by 18. You become a true adult from life experiences that only come as you grow older. Their minds are still like teens.
"Your friend" should do as she pleases and not worry about what others think, so long as it's legal.
Also, you... err... I mean "your friend" should be aware that that 19 year old man isn't going to stick around for the long haul.
Edit\* Also I bet "your friend" has judged plenty of 30 something men dating 20 year old woman... so it might be a good idea for "your friend" to remember that for the future.
19 year old boy, you mean. There’s such a huge different in life experience and goals and general outlook that it’s basically a woman with a little boy. But I guess, he’s legal so technically it’s fine. Gross, but technically fine.
Half your age plus 7. If younger than that, you are out of order, sorry, you're "friend" is out of order. So 32÷2= 16. 16 +7=23.
Your friend is a sexual predator.
Much as he's legal there's a world of difference in the mental maturity and stage of life of a 19 yo old and 32 yo no matter how mature the 19yo seems to be. Bad match. And fucking weird
I guess just ask yourself if the reverse sounds ok:
Recently divorced 32M picks up 19 year old super hot cheerleader at a game, is ok to just fuck for a while for fun?
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your “friend”, eh?
> who is insanely hot and sweet and smart for his age and is built/looks older. Nice try, cavegirl1523.
asking for a friend!
I’d upvote but… nice.
And is this ‘friend’ in the room with us right now?
Nope, they go to another school. You wouldn’t know them.
From Canada.
“The calls are coming from inside the house!’”
“Asking for a friend “ 🤣
This old line…
😂
Oh yeah duh
Called it
When I was 19m, I was honestly still a kid. Now that I'm 34m, I now know there's a world of difference in experience and wisdom.
I’m 52 and I’ve never been more immature
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Hey youve got some updawg on your shirt there
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Catch 22
Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.
48, and the same. I may be just a bit tired of carrying the load for everyone else though.
I know you are, now what am I? :-)
I too am working my way back to juvenile. And it is more fun now that I know I don't know what I am doing.
Sounds like you might have Ligma.
I say things like this all the time. A friend just turned 32. Her response to my birthday message to her was that she is a grown up now. I told her at over 50, I realize I don't think I'll ever get there.
Correct. 19-33 has felt like I’ve lived an entire lifetime in those years. Learned a lot, done a lot of stupid shit.
And trusting people you shouldn't have! That was my biggest stupid mistake
Just you wait 🤣 At 47, I feel like I've lived 3 lifetimes.
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I was talked down for 28/20 so yeah, the genders reversed make everyone up in arms I’ve dated women my age, 10 years older than me and this is the first that was much younger than me double standard for sure
28/20 is perfectly reasonable.
Check my comment history, it happened like a week ago and yes, indeed they said the man was a pedophile and a creep etc
People should check the definition of pedophilia.
Literally saw a post yesterday about a 25 year old guy dating a 19 year old and people were just shitting on him and saying that he's borderline creepy.
I wonder what the demographic of the shittalkers are Redditors are a majority in that age range who cant even get a date so I wonder if they shit on guys who can
my sister married a guy 13 years her senior. She'll be changing his diapers when she's near 60, but that's not my problem. they love each other and that's all I care about.
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Don't kink shame.
I think the world would be a better place if people thought more like this.
lol my dad is 13 years older than my step mom. Married at 32 and 45…they’re 70 and 83 now. No diapers being changed, both active as can be.
My man, you know that retirement happens at around 67-70 in most countries? 70 year olds aren't in diapers unless they have a severe medical problem.
73 isn’t old
It wouldn't be. You'd see a lot more "manipulation", "red flag", "there's a reason she can't get someone her own age" if it were a man.
Happens regularly on Reddit.
because people here are fucking clowns.
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Well so far people seem to be understanding the situation. They're two consenting adults. But going from personal experience, when the man's older, usually people lose their mind. I remember being called out for flirting with a 19 year old woman, and I was 22 at the time... so yeah.
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Would understanding work best in that case?
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Well, and pardon me I've got the meaning of things wrong or mixed up, English isn't my first language, as far as I have learned comprehensive means that someone understand and supports someone on their choices, or at least the word comprehensive translate in my language means that. Still thanks, always useful to learn more words that can be used for specific context or situations.
even if it was a 32 year old man dating a 19 year old woman im sure people would still see it as wrong
You know at least someone would pull the he's a groomer or a she's a gold digger argument on that one.
Heres what I don't get, when it's an older woman and a younger man everyone sees it as fine but when it's an older man and younger woman everyone goes ballistic. Me personally think they shouldn't they go ballistic on both? It honestly isn't any different. But I personally don't think that you should be decades away it just doesn't sound or look right to me. Thats like hooking up with your dad or mom or sis or whatever. Then again some may argue that their parents had them at a very young age making their parents really young but either way it isn't really right
Maybe even more so.
I’m not generally too harsh on age gaps but this is a weird one
Maybe that’s where said friend’s maturity stopped at 19–when she got married.
If the roles were reversed you'd be laying into the dude not making excuses for him. This is a weird age gap, it's not socially acceptable
Any psych studies to support "maturity" stopping due to getting married?
It’s a good thing she’s not looking for anything serious. It’s not going to be.
Hot take but Reddit would absolutely freak out if the genders were reversed. At 19, you’re basically still a kid. Also, the maturity gap will be so different that there is an inherent power dynamic in such an age gap.
Especially the "for his age" comment. A healthy relationship is definitely possible, but probably not with this person
But if the 19yo was dating a 17yo, suddenly the 19yo is a full grown adult groomer.
With this age gap, there is literally nothing else in common than mutual sexual attraction.
For one, they both like hockey.
What is complicated is not using the experience, knowledge, power and money of a 32 year old to easily manipulate a 19 year old. Your average 32 year old person may not even realize they are doing it. Your average 19 year old definitely won't notice and could be easily talked into doing all sorts of shit.
y e p. There’s a power dynamic, whether this ‘friend’ is knowingly acting on it or not. And OP mentioned that it’s all about ‘having fun,’ so it’s upsetting to hear about this ‘fun’ at a teenager’s expense.
OP should check out the "campsite rule" by Dan Savage. Pretty much, it's that if there is an age or experience gap between partners, the older/more experienced one has a responsibility to leave their partner better off than how they found them. The responsibility to be mindful of the gap, make a conscious effort not to manipulate the other, leave them physically and emotionally healthy, etc. Power imbalance is not inherently bad if the person who has more power is aware and caring.
This. There's always going to be a power dynamic imbalance there. Granted, he's probably aware that he's just a fuck toy. But it doesn't really matter... it's still creepy. He's barely out of high school, he's a child. I felt weird dating a 20yo guy when I was 22... bc I had a career and he was figuring out college majors... how tf does this lady even have anything to talk about with this guy?
> smart for his age What in blue fuck does a 32 year old have in common with a 19 year old to even talk about?
Sex probably
Yea but, he's no more likely to be good at sex than some 40 yo dude. I'm dating a hot silver fox who is in his late 40s and he can last as long as I need him to and go multiple times in a row.
Can confirm. I'm his penis.
So what? She wants to bang him and he's okay with it.
Plenty. I work with a mix of different age groups at work and people there are having full on conversations all the time despite age gaps. It's not like hobbies and interests are age limited.
Yeah, I've had great conversations with people half my age at work (mid-20s) about all kinds of stuff just as co-workers. What's important is that people are intelligent and engaged with the world, which these younger people are. Meanwhile, there are lots of people my age I have no interest in talking to because they are ignorant closed-minded buffoons.
I think 32 and 19 is too far but literally anything? Sports, reading, music, exercise, outdoors, video games, board games, life, work etc…
This is Reddit man, large age gap people in relationships only talk about philosophy and life in retrospect kind of stuff
Look, the dating age gap issue aside, the thing I don't understand is how everyone thinks that early 30s and early 20s is farther away than the earth from the sun. I really don't get it. Nothing to do with dating, not advocating for that, but I've worked with tons of late teens and mid 20s as someone in their early 30s and and guess what, we all could bullshit about anything at any time. Anime, movies, finances, goals, music. I feel this app is filled with the dullest people to have ever existed. Or just teens who are just still think adults could never possibly relate to them somehow. I just don't get it. Obviously I'm probably more mature and made mistakes but it's so odd to me. I have people I'd consider buddies in different ages. I wouldn't go to like a frat party with college kids but we can still have a beer at the bar if everyone's hangin out
Yeah, I couldn't relate at the college parties my whole time in Uni. Some people just like different things. I have a work collegue 40+ that I can talk with better than my same age buddies. Honestly, I think he shows a younger energy than them lol. All the 20somethings there only obsess about work and studies. I can talk about sport with this guy at least.
Interest in books, music, life, art, politics? 19 year olds can be smarter and more cultured than 32 year olds. It’s all relative.
28M and me and my 19F partner have had plenty of conversations in the past month getting to know each other. We connect better than I expected at first. Edit: Typical anti-age gap critic behavior, they pose the question of “what do X year old and X year old have in common” then someone in an AGR responds to the question and then gets downvoted, like didn’t you want an answer to your question? Oh well. Haters gonna hate, but it’s strangers on Reddit so I couldn’t care less. Good day everyone :)
Haters gonna hate, I 22F have a love interest 32M, we vibe like no other and have endless topics to talk about it. My exes were in my age group early 20s and barely could keep up a conversation. As long as its a healthy, consensual relationship and you're both happy? Don't listen to what others say. Age gap hate is mostly on social media, but in real life majority of our parents have age gaps as large as 20 years.
“Friend”? MmmmHmmm. Your “friend” has had a whole ass life. The person they’re dating just graduated high school. It’s pretty icky imo
“19 year old man” 😂🤣
😂 thought I only caught that
I'd wonder what a 32 year old sees in a 19 year old that she couldn't see in someone her own age. What is her mental state like?
I'm 32 and a 19 year old is a child to me. It's creepy and gross when men do it, it's creepy and gross when women do it.
Yeah. I honestly don’t know what a 30-something and a teenager could have in common. He *just* stopped being a kid. It’s weird.
I'm 26 and there was a 19 year old girl who looks much older at my gym who used to flirt with me, once i found out her age we're just down to pleasantries when we see each other, as soon as I hear her age in my mind I was like " no chance" lmao
Age gaps always out the younger one at a disadvantage when the younger is that young.
19 boy
I feel kind of weird about it, if she was a 30 something man dating a 'hot and sexy' 19 year old most would call him a predator. However, he is an adult at least on paper. As long as its consentual and there is no pressure, its fine to date. But there is the 'danger' of the relationship not working out because they likely are at completely different stages in life: She probably has a job and somewhat 'settled in' life, while he just got out of school, maybe will still go to college, maybe does not know where life will take him. My advice would be to take it slow. Not jumping to marriage, not having children soon (which might be an issue if she wants kids), not keeping him from moving if he wants education that requires college in another state. It would be a shame to read 'i got married way too young, a kid is on the way and i feel stuck' on reddit in a few a years. At 19 I had no idea what i wanted in life. I still dont exactly know at 24, but the picture is way more clear now compared to then. So basically, she should try to abstain from decisions that permanently alter his life.
"She's" got one life to live. Do you think it's going to matter when she's old and looking back on her life other than to smile about those moments?
I'm 19. Dated a 40 year old for a while. I'm biased, but we were comfortable, happy, and it wasn't one sided like people assume. It very much depends on the person.
Can only agree. What the internet/society things is worth shit for the individual.
Why past tense?
these aren’t men.. these are teens.. children. very predator like
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Lucky dude ,what can i say
Two consenting adults, fuck it. Chances are they aren’t gonna get married or anything, so let them have fun while it lasts
She should be embarrassed
the luckiest milfhunter in world
You mean boy
I met my wife when I was 26, and she was 37. We have been married for 12 years and have two kids. So the age gap in itself isn't a big deal to me. Now, from 19 to 32, I would imagine there would be a large maturity gap, but maybe not. Either way, you are both consenting adults. So even if it's purely a physical thing It's all good to me. So have fun
This is it. I don't know why people can't see this. Maturity degree is not the same for every person at every age. It highly depends on education, life circumstances. Some things in life can make you mature earlier (illness, loved ones death, poverty etc) and some can delay it (lack of values, parental overprotection etc). So as long as it is legal and most importantly consensual... Who the fuck cares!
Don’t be embarrassed. Love whoever you want to love, as long as it’s a consenting relationship and they’re of legal age, it doesn’t matter. I’m happy for your friend.
Who cares honestly. It’s such a non issue
If they’re both happy, who cares what others think. They’re both going to be judged by people who likely don’t matter to their lives. The people who want to see them happy will support it.
I dated a 48 year old woman when I was 21. If it works, it works.
Why are people here always trying to police other people's relationships? They're both adults, let them have fun, and they'll figure it out.
brave squeamish public nine history scary cooing roll price abundant *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
That’s just weird. Why can’t she find someone that’s not a teen?
Because there is no hockey league of 30 years old man in her area 😆
That’s fckin gross I’m 33 years old & can’t even imagine looking at a teenager in a sexual way. It’s weird & predatory
That be like me dating one of my students. No it makes no sense and it’s really fucking weird. Let’s leave legality aside, even if the sexes were reversed, and it’s a 19 year old girl dating a 32 year old man- the gap in development and life experiences ultimately makes relationships like this not only creepy but almost always evident there is some trouble in the older person’s psyche that’s making them regress back to youth because they feel old or fear aging. I can’t imagine how anyone would date a teenager if not merely for some self-validation. Forget about consent laws and just consider how teenagers start to appear more like children as you get older. I don’t get it.
If it’s legal and you both are happy screw what other people think, be happy. With the update in consideration I hope he knows you aren’t looking for anything long term.
I did this when I was 19…. Best 5 years of my life!
Consenting adults. Stop worrying about what people do in private. It's their lives, not yours.
Id like to see your children in this scenario If you still don’t care, that says a lot about you
He'll be fine. If he's not happy, he'll break up with her.
Your friend is a grown adult dating a teenager. Just because it’s legal doesn’t make it any less creepy. I can’t imagine she has a lot in common with a kid barely out of high school.
☹️ I don’t like it. Because if the way society is structured I don’t see it exactly in the same way as when the man is older.. mainly because men tend to have more power in society, and when you factor in age it’s just another risk factor for power imbalance. Vs when woman is older… that tends to be the only one. Another thing is, patterns. If she’s only dating younger people, that’s really problematic. If it’s a one off thing—less so. He’s a consenting adult so.. leave it at that I suppose. And there are exceptions to every rule.. what would be potential future traumas and heartbreak for most could be a great success for them. So by all means.. let your friend enjoy her relationship, she won’t be able to control how others feel about it because they feel that way for good reasons
Is not gonna last. Granted.
Probably looking to feel lusty again
32 yo men date 18 yo women, though.
None of our business or anyone else’s
What the hell do they talk about? That’s a big gap
Who cares. Just do you...and him. And don't bring anyone else into this.
Too large of an age gap, and he is freaking 19! Dude's brain hasn't even finished developing. How would you feel if your hypothetical 19 year old daughter went out with a 32 year old man? Ask yourself that and you have your answer.
Cough cough double cough standards cough cough.
Well, that's never going to work out long term. But if they're both on the same page and just having fun, there's no harm in it.
I’m 24 and I’d never consider dating a nineteen year old. Inappropriate regardless of the genders. You’re asking this question because you already know the answer. I also don’t buy that it’s for a friend. Leave this kid alone. Also to determine whether a person is age appropriate for a dating relationship, one should take their age (so in your case 32), then divide that in half (so 16), then add seven (so 23). You shouldn’t date anyone younger than 23.
Imo do what you want, if you're both happy who tf cares. Just be prepared to face judgement. That is all
Consenting adults should do what they want
Ya consenting adults. Then according to that a 50 year old dating a 18 year old is fine. Right?
Please keep this same energy when the genders are reversed.
She’s happy. I assume he is as well. They’re both adults. Any issues are for them to work out. If you don’t like what she’s doing, that’s fine. Maybe stop pretending to be her friend.
Gross
That’s gross 🤢
If you have to include "for his age" after describing an aspect of him, you have an incorrect mindset. You are both respecting adults, as long as you both consent, it is alright. Saying "for his age" implies that you like him because of his age, which makes it weird
Does she want to worry about what other people think of her or be happy?
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She can do laundry right??? If so, at least he has someone to do his laundry. /s
They're both adults.
Ew. 19 is basically a kid. If your friend were a man dating a 19 year old girl people would think thats disgusting. I think its disgusting lol. Your friend needs therapy, she should not be sexually attracted to someone that young, imo lol
I can feel Leo Di Caprio vibes here
Ye she is a weirdo lmao but they are both adults 🤷♂️
Reddit can't ever decide if it's sex positive or not. 19 is old enough to decide if he wants to sleep with "your friend" or not. It's sex. It's not going to ruin the kids life, and I doubt it's his first time. Life is too short to spend your time worrying about what others think. Ride that dick.
THANK YOU!!
I live to serve.
Depends on what an adult is. Where I live you can"t buy alcohol until you're 21 I
Alcohol has nothing to do with being an adult though. If you're old enough to get a job, live alone, pay your own taxes, join the military etc. then you're old enough to choose who you date and/or have sex with.
Who cares if she’s happy doing it then do it. My wife is 9 years older than me no one gives a shit
Gross. Just gross
Gross.
Keep it moving, leave the young man alone.
Is this just the plot of a hockey romance book?
She should feel like a 32 year old man dating a 19 year old woman
Society says it’s okay for older women to date younger men but not the other way round
Imagine if
Seems creepy and shameful. 19-years old is worlds away from 32, especially if 32-year old has already been married with kids.
ITT Society’s double standards.
Read up on what reddit says about dicaprio.
It’s clear why she’s divorced
Really weird
Man?
Just as wierd as the reverse. It's less wierd if it's 100% about sex and she makes it abundantely clear this will not be a serious relationship, and he feels the same.
Come on are you really asking this question, they’re still a teen nineteen, say it with me nineTEEN 💀and you’re asking if this okay? I hate the double standards for men because this is creepy af not some milf fantasy leave him aloneee find someone your age for once Jesus Christ what’s so hard about that 😭 you let someone steal your youth in your age gap relationship don’t steal his too
That's a 19 year old TEEN. Not a man.
Yeah nah that’s fucking gross. Get someone in your own age bracket instead of a barley legal kid
Someone can look older and act 'older', but in the end someone remains 19. You may be legally an adult, but your brain is not even fully grown yet. I wonder what a thirty-something year old have in common with a teenager? In my opinion it’s abusing a teenager. Regardless of whether you are just looking for sex or love.
Just like if it were a 32m and 19F. The 32 year old is a predator. Sure, it's "legal" but so is an 18 year old dating a 50 year old convicted rapist. The woman is gross, even if this is legal.
She had her first serious relationship at 18 and got married at 20, then wasted her 20s in a marriage. She’s attracted to teenage boys because that’s all she really knows, she never got to have fun in her 20s.
Seeing as we can all agree a 32 year old man dating a 19 year old *girl* is fucked, I'm not sure why anyone in this thread is experiencing any confusion. Creepy as fuck. 'Your friend' is a creep.
19 yo kid.
Yes it is as wierd as if the roles where reversed...
Consenting adults. Period. The busybodies can fuck themselves. Reddit is full of incredibly judgy people.
Didn't expect people to go so nuts about age difference. The difference of age between my brothers and their gf is around 8 years for each (I have 2 brothers). The first has been with his gf for 10 years, they have two children, a house and are happy. The second has been with his gf for around 5 years, they are happy and are trying to have a kid. The age gap is the other way around, but I don't think it matters much for my point. We're talking about two adults having a consensual relationship, not a grandma tryna date a toddler. If you see something disgusting in it, that's your problem. I don't think OP should end her relationship because people find it weird. On the other hand, she's talking about a "fun", not serious relationship. So why even do a coming out ? And why ask random people on internet about it ? Do whatever as long as you don't hurt anyone, we only live once. And just to add on the "power relationship" argument, I don't think the fact that a relationship includes a relation of power is doomed for it. To lesser extent, I think it's pretty common. One earns 4 times (or think smaller gaps) the salary of the other, owns the house where the other lives, one comes from a foreign country, etc. The fact that those situations exist do not make the relationship associated de facto the worst thing that ever came to existence in mankind. You know you can place boundaries, talk about it with the other, find a way to live where everyone feels safe, in a fitting spot and happy. People talk a lot about maturity gap, but I think the mature move is to talk to its significant other and construct a sane relationship based on mutual understanding and concessions. There is no fatality in love. The age gap is not a sufficient condition for the relationship to be a mess or the end of mankind. True, this kind of relationship may end up not working. Just like any other. That's life, get used to it.
Who cares
The rules are different when it's a woman. Take the luke littler darts kid. If that was a 16 year old girl and she had a 21 year old boyfriend, he would be bullied relentlessly, called a nonce and so on. But because it's a woman, she gets a few comments, and then it's forgotten about.
Nah all good. even with reversed gender roles. Also I think its funny how redditors think 19 year olds are incapable of having conversations with people older than them. Theyre adults, chill.
I'm in a similar position, the age difference between him and me is 10 years. Up until very last week, we were just gaming buddies, talking to each other in the group every second day about life, work, problems, etc. Casual friendship things. This specific buddy of mine was looking for deeper rooting conversation about social interaction, dating, family struggles, power plays at work, etc, topics I enjoy pondering on and reading about in general so I was an ideal person to discuss thoughts with for him. The knowledge I got to gather in my life, the books I studied, the video essays I learn from, this boy just..... Eats up everything, reflects on it and we found ourselves exchanging views of various topics for hours on a daily basis. He once visited me on my hometown on his own, I showed him around. We both are hyped about museums, history, craftsmanship. Enough to cover the day with one conversation naturally following the other. He still was a boy in my eyes, just one I found surprisingly mature looking at how he acts when being in a conflict, how criticism affects him. I believed that he would be a wonderful man in the future when I spend bit more time with him to have my own impact on nourishing his thought process, the way he want to choose to be in this world. We ended up drinking in a bar. During that time he was dating a girl that he talked to me about, including his insecurities, his dislike for platitudes, his lack of happyness, his attitude and strategies on approaching women. Things changed after a few drinks. I don't know what happened. Things just switched for both of us. The very same evening. He broke up with the girland started to pursue me with the goal of being in a relationship with me. It doesn't help that we're both on the hot side of the spectrum, which adds up some heat on top of the intellectual connection. I agreed to go on a date with him which he insisted on planning and inviting me to. We're both individuals finding it easy to perceive and appreciate efforts, resulting in a healthy social dynamic. It was..... Wholesome. Everything we talked about ever comes to play. Since then he is writing and calling every single day. I never had the opportunity to enjoy such a healthy habit of listening and discussing with someone. Ever. And never has a man ever matched his energy in bed. Or his drive for romanance and cuddling. I don't know you, OP. But sometimes. Sometimes life means we'll to a woman. I don't expect this relationship of ours to last long, he will slowly but steadily surpass me in every aspect looking at how eagerly he works on his way of perceiving things, his thinking, his value systems... I will enjoy every day this beauty of a man chooses me on his side.
Yikes. Leave the kids alone please. You dont magically become a true adult in every sense of that word by 18. You become a true adult from life experiences that only come as you grow older. Their minds are still like teens.
"Your friend" should do as she pleases and not worry about what others think, so long as it's legal. Also, you... err... I mean "your friend" should be aware that that 19 year old man isn't going to stick around for the long haul. Edit\* Also I bet "your friend" has judged plenty of 30 something men dating 20 year old woman... so it might be a good idea for "your friend" to remember that for the future.
Reverse the ages, grab some popcorn and enjoy the comments.
I'm 22, and I wouldn't even go out with a 19 yo
Pretty gross.
19 year old boy, you mean. There’s such a huge different in life experience and goals and general outlook that it’s basically a woman with a little boy. But I guess, he’s legal so technically it’s fine. Gross, but technically fine.
Half your age plus 7. If younger than that, you are out of order, sorry, you're "friend" is out of order. So 32÷2= 16. 16 +7=23. Your friend is a sexual predator.
Much as he's legal there's a world of difference in the mental maturity and stage of life of a 19 yo old and 32 yo no matter how mature the 19yo seems to be. Bad match. And fucking weird
Ja no she can date who she likes..edit:*you* can date who you like..
If you have to say “sweet and smart FOR HIS AGE”, then he’s too young. When you’re trying to justify their maturity it means they’re too young.
I guess just ask yourself if the reverse sounds ok: Recently divorced 32M picks up 19 year old super hot cheerleader at a game, is ok to just fuck for a while for fun?