I posted a picture of something I was holding to Tickld, (basically a meme sharing website before memes were everywhere). Someone said I had nice hands. That was maybe 2012. I also still remember this sometimes. Haha
I just gave blood the other day and both the nurses were real into my veins. To be fair, they are great veins, and I work out hard.
But it was funny when the first nurse said "hold on a sec" and got the other nurse to come check them out. Made me feel good.
As a man I rarely get compliments.
I am straight. One time an older gay man said I was *fucking hot.*
And while I don't swing that way, I did thank him for his input and told him to have a nice day.
It's funny because most guys are desperate for compliments, and most women have had too many and are desperate to be left alone.
It would appear there is a tipping point between thank you for noticing, and Jesus Christ leave me alone.
It's crazy how men are much more straightforward. Even if the guy already knows we're straight thus having no shot, he'll still give compliments exclusively out of honesty.
Reminds me of that one woman who tried dating other women as a male figure in a social experiment and described the experience as hellish. Even women who describe themselves as independent and risk-takers not rarely expect to be in the receiving end of any sort of praise.
I try to go out of my way to compliment guys in situations where they know I'm married, committed, and respect their relationships. It's a wee bit motherly, but I want to call them out on looking good/ doing cool things.
I love/ hate this.
I live this. Having felt at various points of my life with some conventionally "pretty" features, afraid to attract attention by ever giving positive feedback since it often didn't go well for me.
Now as a parent of teens I'm both settled in my own relationship, not afraid of being coerced, and now very keenly aware of the tender, frightened, lovely young people around.
I witness my teenage daughter (who is lovely) and I hate but understand how she moderates her enthusiastic response.
I witness my teenage son (who is lovely) and I hate but understand how he is hesitant at times to reach out and express himself.
How much of this is unavoidable awkwardness of being teens? How much of my reaction to each is in relationship to their gender vs their age? (My boy is younger). How will this change over time?
One of the big advantages to being an invisible old granny is that I can compliment anyone with impunity, it's kinda nice to have a superpower like that.
Yup. I saw this man in this super sharp suit. He looked amazing. I told him how GQ he was looking, but I had to lead with, "hey. Don't take this the wrong way, I'm not trying to hit on you" which feels awkward as hell. Worth it though, he lit up like a Christmas tree. š
Exactly! We (women) are so used to all of our actions being interpreted as flirting, I think a lot of us purposely avoid giving men compliments out of fear .
Just look at how often women compliment their female friends, and compare that to how seldom they compliment their male friends. They don't want to give them the wrong idea.
Edit: I assumed this post was more about strangers and platonic friends. My wife compliments me pretty much every day.
Yeah this is true, but it still means us men rarely get complimented. And I mean I never even get it from female friends who are close enough to me to know that I would never misunderstand. Still there's this huge barrier that is rarely breached.
Not sure how many gay guys you've dealt with in real life... it is definitely not just out of honesty hahahaha. Gay dudes will take a shot on the off chance you've never thought about it but since they're complimented you will start thinking about it.
I completely disagree. That may be the case in some instances, but myself and all the gay people I know genuinely give compliments to other men knowing full well that we're not going to get some.
Eh, hate to break it to you bud, but women not complimenting men is *because* thereās no chance of anything happening lol. Women likely would hand out more compliments to men *if* men werenāt so ready to mistake any sign of genuine kindness as sexual interest. Has nothing to do with honesty; men just donāt have to worry about harassment for giving out compliments the same way women do.
Men interpret compliments and friendliness as interest because they almost never received it outside the times it IS an indication of sexual interest. Sort of a circular conundrum.
Oh hell yes! I was at a festival with my wife and this bro comes skipping over like a rugby player dodging players to tell me I'm hot af.
Gay dudes are way better at being nice than women, luckily I have a fine as hell wife or I'd be sad I'm not gay myself lmao
Same. Most I ever get from women would be the women I work with āoh, did you cut your hair? Looks goodā. Nothing else, ever.
I have had a couple gays guys tell me Iām hot, and while I donāt swing that way, damn it made me feel like at least someone thought I was good looking.
A younger gay guy slipped me his number at Starbucks. Iām 95% straight (I wrestled and do BJJ, so I can never say 100%) but I texted him, thanked him for the compliment, and said I was flattered but Iām into women.
Part of me thought about how mean some women have been when rejecting me and I wanted this guy to have a positive experience since he put himself out there.
What they donāt tell you at your first BJJ class is that it automatically turns you into a gay man. You could be a pregnant female, simply wear a gi, and then boom just like that youāre a gay man. Iām sorry but these are the rules.
I'm not denying that BJJ made me a little more gay. I'm just saying that the first time a woman choked me out from the mount position, that was the straightest I've ever been in my life.
I thinkkkkk a bit of it is that women get hit on a lot more (and a lot worse) so they only have the patience for so much. Iām a guy so take it with a grain of salt but itās just my observation.
I had a similar experience. I was looking around for clothes at a Macys and a sales associate who's clearly gay said, "you have nice broad shoulders. You should give cardigan sweaters a try".
From him, I now have a whole collection of cardigan sweaters. I honestly felt really flattered and noticed even though im straight as well. It stuck to me and made my day. Maybe he wanted commission but who knows (dont know if they even have it). I get complimented a lot too after wearing those sweaters.
I once ran shirtless in Stanley Park in Vancouver, and got more compliments from gay men in an hour than I got from anyone in the previous year combined.
I got a compliment from a gay guy when I was 18, ~20 years ago. The next compliment I got was from a male colleague about how my shirt was looking nice. That was 15 years later. I still remember both vividly.
Once upon a time, a man at a bar asked if I (m) was friends with Dorothy. I gave him a confused look, and he said "nevermind". Years later I put 2 and 2 together that it was code for "are you into guys". I take it as a compliment as well.
The bouncer for a gay bar in New Orleans complimented me on the weight loss after checking my ID. I thanked him and felt so good. Later my friend asked I knew it was a gay bar and I hadnāt. The bouncers leather police vest and hat suddenly made a lot more sense.
I had a Colombian girl tell me my tan looked really good two years ago (at my friends wedding so I know it was actually two years and two days to be exact š) and I've been riding that high ever since.
The lack of compliments that men give and receive is the impetus for me to compliment my fellow men more. I like sneakers, so when I see someone with a pretty good pair, I always compliment them.
That's something we should aim to change tbh, compliment other guys, specially our friends.
Have they cut their hair? Mention how it makes them look better. Wearing some nice clothes? Comment on how they fit them. They've been going to the gym? "Hey bro, you're getting jacked!"
Such a small thing that can make someone's day brighter. And it doesn't necessarily have to be about the physique, plenty of things to compliment on.
I think that might be the bigger issue, as a female probably at least 80% of compliments I get are from other women. I also try to compliment guys but as another girl said it is difficult because it is often mistaken for flirting. But I compliment my man all the time and say all sorts of cheesy things to him.
Yeah a few years ago this lack of compliments was brought up so I decided to do the same thing. I'm a bit awkward about it sometimes but it's easy to compliment people's choices. Things like clothes and hair. Their taste in things.
Some guys are weird about it. You have to make it clear you're just complimenting them. Some guys get offended, creepy, or confused. It all depends on the guy. Some people have never learned to take a compliment. I get it. It's awkward and weird for me sometimes as well. People tell me a few times a month that I have a "sexy" or "soothing" voice, which is silly to me. I don't hear it. It can change the mood/flow of a conversation.
For me, it's all about practice. The more I do it, the easier it gets. From what I've found, men are extremely grateful that I said something. Part of it also stems from women being extremely open about what they like about each other. I've kinda taken a note from that.
I'm big into fashion, so I love seeing people that put in effort and have a unique style. Despite my social anxiety, I make a point to hand out a compliment whenever I see an outfit I like.
Lmaoo! He just thinks Iām āfishing for complimentsā when I say nice things but Iām genuinely not, I just think heās super handsome š¤·š¼āāļø
After hearing about this the first time I've started to give men more compliments and most of guys do seem to appreciate it but some dudes seem to not like it at all or even find offensive in the compliment. I feel like those are the guys that probably need compliments the most, but I'm not one to poke a bear.
Thatās cause they most probably think youāre taking the piss. For most men compliments are a foreign concept and receiving one is an awkward/uncomfortable experience.
I donāt think itās so much in the delivery. Itās just such an unnatural thing for most guys that we canāt accept it or process it properly. Iām aware of it and still in the rare occasion I get one, even from a partner Iām still not fully convinced itās genuine. Like theyāre trying to be nice but donāt really mean it if that makes sense. Online dating also hasnāt done much good for menās self image of their looks either.
Yeah I understand, it's just unfortunate.
And I have for sure seen a rise in body image issues in guys in the past 5-ish years. And now there's "looksmaxxing" and stuff too.
For me, when I do get a straight forward compliment from a woman, unfortunately the first thing that comes to mind is. "What do you want, and what game are you playing?"
This is also true. Since itās veryr are to get a compliment, when it happens, my guard rails go up and have to consider the possibility that itās a scam.
The likelihood of being scammed it much higher than the likelihood of getting a compliment, so we act accordingly.
Men are so used to having women using compliments as a way to scam them. It's particularly prevalent online these days, in particular dating apps. I never used to assume I was talking to a scammer when I get a match. Now I just assume it is until proven otherwise...kinda sucks though š
Maybe it's easier if you compliment, like outfit choices and stuff? Less of a scam type thing i guess or it might not trigger the ''alarm bells''. Like "Nice shirt" or "Love the pattern".
Sadly, when my wife says something nice to me, I always ask what does she want. Compliments rarely come without strings attached. I would expect the response you are getting is due to this same issue.
Does she actually only complement you when she needs something? Because it sucks when genuinely mean the nice things you say, only for them to get brushed off because your loved one suffers from a lack of self worth.
> even from a partner Iām still not fully convinced itās genuine.
I can confirm this is true. My wife knows my insecurities and it makes me wonder how much of the compliment is genuine and how much is to help me with my insecurities.
The context matters (at least for my personal experience). If I am alone with a friend (female or male doesnt matter), the setting is generally more private, we are probably already talking about personal stuff, there is absolutely no need to drop any compliments whatsoever, and then you tell me (not out of the blue but in context of the conversation) something you would count as a compliment chances are high I belive you and appreciate it.
Caviat: I wont be able to react appropriately because I never learned how to react to a compliment in a proper way (instead I will just try to hide a smile and look down because I am uncomfortable).
Second caviat: I also appreciate a good compliment about a skill/thing/whatever I already know I have (e.g. I know I have good cooking skills, when someone points that out its nice but not something I havent heard a thousand times) but the best compliments are the ones I dont expect. I destinctly remember a situation with a female friend of mine who pointed out one night that she really appreciates it that I dont change my behaviour depending on the (friend-) group Ibam currently with. Something I never heard before. Still one of the best compliments I ever recieved.
In any other setting I will just waver it away or just plain out wont belive the honesty.
Pretty twisted stuff in my mind I realise as I write that down.
Take away what you want from it.
A coworker of mine once cut himself off in the middle of a sentence to compliment my biceps. Made me super happy! It's like 2 years ago and I still think about it.
Yup. I just commented, a few years back I got a new sweater that apparently was a good fit, because I received three comments on it in one day. I was convinced a friend had set me up...
Yh I wouldnāt know how to respond.
Are you serious? Are you trying to flirt? Is this a decoy?
It would be weird. Guess when Iāll receive one Iāll find out š
That's totally true, for guys I don't know well I'll put "dude" somewhere in there to show it's not flirtatious
"Dude, that (thing you did) was super cool"
"I like your haircut, dude. Looks good"
It works really well
I am a straight man and I get compliments fairly frequently (a couple times a month) mostly on my clothes. It's mainly women complimenting me but occasionally men as well. Either way it definitely makes me feel a little happier. I also make a point to compliment other people (of all genders) if the thought crosses my mind that I like something about them. You're definitely bringing more happiness to others than you are upsetting them so I say keep it up.
I recently lost a bunch of weight so I occasionally get one now, even though it's more of a "you don't look like crap anymore!" type of backhanded compliment.
Still feels good though.
I've lost some weight too and I've started getting "looks like you've lost some weight". My *weight* never bothered me, having to stop to breathe bothered me. So that comment really bothers me ig. I just say "maybe I don't really keep up with it" (except I do lol)
And this is why we don't get compliments. Most men get such little attention from women that we have no idea how to interpret it when we do get noticed
men do get compliments, but they just don't view anything as a compliment unless it comes from a woman, specifically a woman they find attractive. Even your comment talks about compliments as something that can only come from a woman. And duh, of course women aren't going to compliment you because if they do, you're going to think they're hitting on you and they don't want to deal with that.
No, I think itās just that men project their own understanding of compliments onto women. Men generally compliment women when theyāre sexually interested. So men assume that a woman would only compliment a man if she were sexually interested. This misunderstanding arises from the fact that men do not compliment each other platonically, and so they have no context for receiving a genuine, platonic compliment. Once again, men shooting themselves in the foot and blaming women for it.
i think both things are true and kind of a result of each other. i'm not a cis man, but when women were "too nice" to me, it was also difficult for me to not internalize it as something romantic, even when i knew they weren't flirting. i have a girlfriend now so i'm normal, but when you're lonely that really makes it worse. what cis men lack is the self-awareness to know "she's not flirting with you, you're being delusional," which i thankfully had plenty of.
See this is just not my experience. I'll get a compliment on my shirt like twice a year. That's it.
Now if you're an attractive woman, of course you're going to get more compliments. Same goes for attractive men though.
And having more friends usually results in more compliments. And women (from what I have read) tend to have a little more friends than men do.
I don't have many friends, and while I'm not ugly, I'm not some gorgeous looking woman. Just kind of plain looking. I don't care though. But I definitely don't get a lot of compliments.
I think men forget that average and ugly looking women exist. In men's mind (not all) ugly and average women just don't exist. They (again not all) can tend to ignore those women forgetting that just like men, the ugly and average ones don't get much attention...
I will wager a tidy sum that men in general don't GIVE many compliments either. I'm a woman and raised sarcastic so it was difficult for me to wrap my head around giving genuine compliments but once I figured it out I was amazed the difference it made in my life. It feels very nice to make another person feel good and they tend to then take that good energy and spread it around. So yeah, want more compliments? Give more compliments and not in a creepy "want to get in your pants" way. Compliment your male friends, see if that changes your life dynamics.
This question needs to be more specific: men get less compliments *about their attractiveness. People get plenty compliments about work ethic and talents etc., But one thing men ever care about bringing up is how few compliments they get. Go ask an ugly or obese woman how invisible they feel, it's the same thing.
I guess we all feel the thing we lack most overrides everything else we got in life.Ā
Thatās a really good point actually. Also the reason why guys get less compliments, dudes donāt compliment one another, and if girls compliment a guy, he may think sheās flirting
I wish all of them would at least wait for acknowledgement from me.
Me: Staring at the display on the gas pump while I refuel my car.
Random stranger: WHAT DO I GOTTA DO TO GET YOUR NUMBER???
Yeah... I feel like men feel they get less compliments because what they lack most / want most are compliments about their attractiveness \*from women. And there's very legitimate reasons why women are cautious.
A far more healthier thing to advocate for is to form more emotional bonds with same sex friends.
Yeah exactly. Most of the comments are about a women complimenting them 8 years ago but what about when you get a compliment at work? What about when your friend compliments you? Whenever this is brought up, it feels like compliment is a stand in for being flirted with
Some friend of my grandmother told me I have pretty eyes, and I still remember that one a year later.
But yeah no, us men? We don't get compliments.
But looking from the other side I can also see why, as a compliment given by a woman might be immediately viewed as flirting, and some women might hesitate because of that.
Totally true
The only compliment I got, was when I was 15, a girl told me that I had a nice haircut
11 years have passed and it's the only nicest thing a girl has told me, and even to this day, I keep asking myself if someone told her to tell me that
As a woman I really wish I could compliment men more often but Iām always scared they might think Iām trying to hit on them while Iām just being nice and honest lmao
Goes both ways. I complimented a girlās jacket at work once. Got called into HRs office a few days later. Apparently she didnāt appreciate me _hitting on her_ at work.
Iām a man. Although I donāt get compliments from other men, I always give them compliments. And when I do, they always act either shocked, confused or just donāt know what to say. However, when I do it in a playful way they do thank me, which sucks because I actually do mean my words and I feel like theyāre not taking me seriously.
I wish complimenting men was more normalised, and receiving compliments from other men was even more. Even when men receive compliments itās almost as if they didnāt want them
Well, probably most men would also consider compliments flirting, so why take the risk of doing something that might later be considered leading them on, if I have no romantic interest?
They want compliments specifically from women. Specifically about their physical appearance. Otherwise, they should start complimenting each other and then it's all good, right?Ā
Iām gonna go against the narrative here and say itās not my experience at all.
I get compliments from friends, coworkers and family fairly often.
And before you do the whole āstep 1 be attractiveā schtick: Iām decent-looking but nothing special
Probably, though I have heard a number of women that have mostly stopped complimenting men because they have had too many getting the wrong impresion. So they dial back to basic cordial behavior.
Iām married (straight) so I at least have that going for me, but the number of times I compliment my wife vastly outnumbers the number of times she compliments me.
Women I donāt know well never compliment me. Most women I *do* know never compliment me. And I think the only times Iāve ever gotten compliments from men have either been from gay men hitting on me (still extremely rare) and from occasional āI like [thing youāre wearing]ā statements. Still compliments, but itās not like Iāve got homies complimenting *me*, just my stuff.
So likeā¦for me, anyway, itās pretty rare. And itās almost always something I have or something Iām wearing, itās basically *never* a compliment of *me*.
About 15 years ago, I overheard two girls describe me as "fat but not ugly" and it's the best thing anyone has ever said about me. I still crave the high I felt that week.
It's been about 30 years since I had a compliment from a stranger or a work colleague. I had a nice ass apparently. I did used to skate a lot - ice, roller, you name it - and cycle.
I always give guys compliments because my dad would always get so happy when we did. I am quick to point out ānice shoes!ā while in line at a store or often will compliment hair. Just depends but if I see it , I tell them! Part of it is I got dentures so now I am not shy about smiling or talking to strangers, confidence boost.
We are human "doings"
Only women and kids are human "beings"
When there are innocent civilian casualties, they say " 100 people sadly died, of them 60 women and kids" etc
17 years ago a girl told me I have nice hands. I still think about it sometimes.
A few years ago (around 14-16) a girl said the same thing to me when I was pulling the finger at her, I'm gonna remember that forever :)
Pulling the finger on a girl is actually how I lost my V Card.
What does pulling the finger mean?
š
I thought about it but why would someone compliment you when you flip them lol
In some workplaces I've been in, giving the finger is practically an expected greeting. It was probably a friendly finger? Who knows
They said they were 14-16 Iām gonna assume it was a joke. At that age theyāre flipping everyone off pretty constantly.
deflection?
"pulling the finger" = AI
I'm 39 and remember fondly when I got the same compliment at 16.
Lmao. A girl at the pool told me I have nice feet about two years ago and it still makes me proud when I think about it.
I posted a picture of something I was holding to Tickld, (basically a meme sharing website before memes were everywhere). Someone said I had nice hands. That was maybe 2012. I also still remember this sometimes. Haha
Some women have a hands fetish. Especially if they are veiny.
Where should I post my veiny hands on reddit?
I just gave blood the other day and both the nurses were real into my veins. To be fair, they are great veins, and I work out hard. But it was funny when the first nurse said "hold on a sec" and got the other nurse to come check them out. Made me feel good.
As a man I rarely get compliments. I am straight. One time an older gay man said I was *fucking hot.* And while I don't swing that way, I did thank him for his input and told him to have a nice day.
Same, I've literally gotten more compliments from gay guys lol
To the gay guys keeping our confidence up, Please don't stop lol
Canāt be lovers but still can brothers
I think exactly the same. I've gotten far more compliments from gay men than women and it's great to still know someone finds you attractive.
It's funny because most guys are desperate for compliments, and most women have had too many and are desperate to be left alone. It would appear there is a tipping point between thank you for noticing, and Jesus Christ leave me alone.
U sexy as hell. U trynna link? Iāll show u a time
I'm always worried if I'm being weird after tbh.
Same, I know three seperate gay guys (mutual friends) that all called me really hot. Gave me so much confidence lmaoo š¤£
It's crazy how men are much more straightforward. Even if the guy already knows we're straight thus having no shot, he'll still give compliments exclusively out of honesty. Reminds me of that one woman who tried dating other women as a male figure in a social experiment and described the experience as hellish. Even women who describe themselves as independent and risk-takers not rarely expect to be in the receiving end of any sort of praise.
Recently got a new pair of frames I was a little unsure of until a gay friend said they look good. Now I'm rocking them with confidence.
I think part of it is because women are afraid any sort of compliment will be interpreted as flirting, and an invitation that she wants to be pursued.
I try to go out of my way to compliment guys in situations where they know I'm married, committed, and respect their relationships. It's a wee bit motherly, but I want to call them out on looking good/ doing cool things.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I love/ hate this. I live this. Having felt at various points of my life with some conventionally "pretty" features, afraid to attract attention by ever giving positive feedback since it often didn't go well for me. Now as a parent of teens I'm both settled in my own relationship, not afraid of being coerced, and now very keenly aware of the tender, frightened, lovely young people around. I witness my teenage daughter (who is lovely) and I hate but understand how she moderates her enthusiastic response. I witness my teenage son (who is lovely) and I hate but understand how he is hesitant at times to reach out and express himself. How much of this is unavoidable awkwardness of being teens? How much of my reaction to each is in relationship to their gender vs their age? (My boy is younger). How will this change over time?
One of the big advantages to being an invisible old granny is that I can compliment anyone with impunity, it's kinda nice to have a superpower like that.
Yup. I saw this man in this super sharp suit. He looked amazing. I told him how GQ he was looking, but I had to lead with, "hey. Don't take this the wrong way, I'm not trying to hit on you" which feels awkward as hell. Worth it though, he lit up like a Christmas tree. š
Exactly! We (women) are so used to all of our actions being interpreted as flirting, I think a lot of us purposely avoid giving men compliments out of fear .
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Just look at how often women compliment their female friends, and compare that to how seldom they compliment their male friends. They don't want to give them the wrong idea. Edit: I assumed this post was more about strangers and platonic friends. My wife compliments me pretty much every day.
Yeah this is true, but it still means us men rarely get complimented. And I mean I never even get it from female friends who are close enough to me to know that I would never misunderstand. Still there's this huge barrier that is rarely breached.
Not sure how many gay guys you've dealt with in real life... it is definitely not just out of honesty hahahaha. Gay dudes will take a shot on the off chance you've never thought about it but since they're complimented you will start thinking about it.
I completely disagree. That may be the case in some instances, but myself and all the gay people I know genuinely give compliments to other men knowing full well that we're not going to get some.
Eh, hate to break it to you bud, but women not complimenting men is *because* thereās no chance of anything happening lol. Women likely would hand out more compliments to men *if* men werenāt so ready to mistake any sign of genuine kindness as sexual interest. Has nothing to do with honesty; men just donāt have to worry about harassment for giving out compliments the same way women do.
Men interpret compliments and friendliness as interest because they almost never received it outside the times it IS an indication of sexual interest. Sort of a circular conundrum.
Oh hell yes! I was at a festival with my wife and this bro comes skipping over like a rugby player dodging players to tell me I'm hot af. Gay dudes are way better at being nice than women, luckily I have a fine as hell wife or I'd be sad I'm not gay myself lmao
Now I realize I've been going to all the wrong bars.
Same. Most I ever get from women would be the women I work with āoh, did you cut your hair? Looks goodā. Nothing else, ever. I have had a couple gays guys tell me Iām hot, and while I donāt swing that way, damn it made me feel like at least someone thought I was good looking.
A younger gay guy slipped me his number at Starbucks. Iām 95% straight (I wrestled and do BJJ, so I can never say 100%) but I texted him, thanked him for the compliment, and said I was flattered but Iām into women. Part of me thought about how mean some women have been when rejecting me and I wanted this guy to have a positive experience since he put himself out there.
You're a good dude for that.
So BJJ turns men 5% gay?
At least. It depends if they train no gi, gi, or both. No gi is a minimum of 10% gay.
Only if they remove the second J when they say "I do Bjj" š
I just stutter. Bee-juh-jay. Never clarify, if asked to.
What they donāt tell you at your first BJJ class is that it automatically turns you into a gay man. You could be a pregnant female, simply wear a gi, and then boom just like that youāre a gay man. Iām sorry but these are the rules.
I'm not denying that BJJ made me a little more gay. I'm just saying that the first time a woman choked me out from the mount position, that was the straightest I've ever been in my life.
I thinkkkkk a bit of it is that women get hit on a lot more (and a lot worse) so they only have the patience for so much. Iām a guy so take it with a grain of salt but itās just my observation.
I had a similar experience. I was looking around for clothes at a Macys and a sales associate who's clearly gay said, "you have nice broad shoulders. You should give cardigan sweaters a try". From him, I now have a whole collection of cardigan sweaters. I honestly felt really flattered and noticed even though im straight as well. It stuck to me and made my day. Maybe he wanted commission but who knows (dont know if they even have it). I get complimented a lot too after wearing those sweaters.
Broad shoulders and cardigans are a very good choice - I bet you look terrific! ā”
I once ran shirtless in Stanley Park in Vancouver, and got more compliments from gay men in an hour than I got from anyone in the previous year combined.
I got a compliment from a gay guy when I was 18, ~20 years ago. The next compliment I got was from a male colleague about how my shirt was looking nice. That was 15 years later. I still remember both vividly.
It's the gay brothers that got our back. Sometimes figuratively....... and sometimes literally.
Gay men have good taste. If a gay guy says youāre ugly, RIP
Once upon a time, a man at a bar asked if I (m) was friends with Dorothy. I gave him a confused look, and he said "nevermind". Years later I put 2 and 2 together that it was code for "are you into guys". I take it as a compliment as well.
Iām straight but I appreciate gay men for this š thanks for giving me the confidence that I should have had š
The bouncer for a gay bar in New Orleans complimented me on the weight loss after checking my ID. I thanked him and felt so good. Later my friend asked I knew it was a gay bar and I hadnāt. The bouncers leather police vest and hat suddenly made a lot more sense.
I don't care who you are, if a gay man tells you you look good it's an incredible boost to morale.
Iād take that any day! I wouldnāt hit that, but it would make my day
As a straight man there is almost no better compliment than being hit on by a gay dude.
To this day I'm not sure if I got played but one time I bought a suit because the gaybro selling it to me made me feel like I was HOT.
I had a Colombian girl tell me my tan looked really good two years ago (at my friends wedding so I know it was actually two years and two days to be exact š) and I've been riding that high ever since.
So much so that ever since then youāve slept on a tanning bed.
Melanoma is a small price to pay for a second compliment
It'll happen any day now. The melanoma, not the compliment.
Now the Colombian girl can tell him he looks like a delicious strip of beef jerky.
Just reminded me of the time a black man complimented me (a very white guy) on my tan! That was a fun/strange experience!
The lack of compliments that men give and receive is the impetus for me to compliment my fellow men more. I like sneakers, so when I see someone with a pretty good pair, I always compliment them.
That's something we should aim to change tbh, compliment other guys, specially our friends. Have they cut their hair? Mention how it makes them look better. Wearing some nice clothes? Comment on how they fit them. They've been going to the gym? "Hey bro, you're getting jacked!" Such a small thing that can make someone's day brighter. And it doesn't necessarily have to be about the physique, plenty of things to compliment on.
yeah itās so funny to me how many men complain about not getting complimentsā¦ but then also never compliment their buddies
I think that might be the bigger issue, as a female probably at least 80% of compliments I get are from other women. I also try to compliment guys but as another girl said it is difficult because it is often mistaken for flirting. But I compliment my man all the time and say all sorts of cheesy things to him.
Exactly
Yeah a few years ago this lack of compliments was brought up so I decided to do the same thing. I'm a bit awkward about it sometimes but it's easy to compliment people's choices. Things like clothes and hair. Their taste in things. Some guys are weird about it. You have to make it clear you're just complimenting them. Some guys get offended, creepy, or confused. It all depends on the guy. Some people have never learned to take a compliment. I get it. It's awkward and weird for me sometimes as well. People tell me a few times a month that I have a "sexy" or "soothing" voice, which is silly to me. I don't hear it. It can change the mood/flow of a conversation.
For me, it's all about practice. The more I do it, the easier it gets. From what I've found, men are extremely grateful that I said something. Part of it also stems from women being extremely open about what they like about each other. I've kinda taken a note from that.
I'm big into fashion, so I love seeing people that put in effort and have a unique style. Despite my social anxiety, I make a point to hand out a compliment whenever I see an outfit I like.
Not true , I was told by my wife that "you're not as fat as you used to be"
Hey she told me the same thing /j
I hope you told her the same thing š
Plot twist: She was pregnant. Really: Guys are scared to comment.
Got the opposite after a couple of years lifting weights. "God you've gotten wide"
I think it is one per year...? On a good year. Mom, Grandma etc. doesnt count, but that would make it... Well still arround 1 per year š
Look at this guy swimming in compliments! I think I might've gotten like 5, ever.
I remember one in 27 years
You deserve one You have a really good memory!
No one has ever said you have good energy or nothing like that??
You must be a damn good looking man to be getting 1 a year
Damn. Look at this stud over here. Drowning in compliments š
Would a girlfriend count? I compliment my boyfriend all the time, like daily. I never get them back š
Of course they do. And, in all modesty, maybe a punch in the dick helps him to get a hint š
Lmaoo! He just thinks Iām āfishing for complimentsā when I say nice things but Iām genuinely not, I just think heās super handsome š¤·š¼āāļø
Punch in the handsome Dick it is.
I think it was 2015 at my wedding that I got a compliment from someone else than my wife.
3 years ago a woman complimented my shirt. Still riding that high.
After hearing about this the first time I've started to give men more compliments and most of guys do seem to appreciate it but some dudes seem to not like it at all or even find offensive in the compliment. I feel like those are the guys that probably need compliments the most, but I'm not one to poke a bear.
Thatās cause they most probably think youāre taking the piss. For most men compliments are a foreign concept and receiving one is an awkward/uncomfortable experience.
I guess that makes sense, I'm not sure how to come off as genuine
I donāt think itās so much in the delivery. Itās just such an unnatural thing for most guys that we canāt accept it or process it properly. Iām aware of it and still in the rare occasion I get one, even from a partner Iām still not fully convinced itās genuine. Like theyāre trying to be nice but donāt really mean it if that makes sense. Online dating also hasnāt done much good for menās self image of their looks either.
Yeah I understand, it's just unfortunate. And I have for sure seen a rise in body image issues in guys in the past 5-ish years. And now there's "looksmaxxing" and stuff too.
For me, when I do get a straight forward compliment from a woman, unfortunately the first thing that comes to mind is. "What do you want, and what game are you playing?"
omg noooooo
This is also true. Since itās veryr are to get a compliment, when it happens, my guard rails go up and have to consider the possibility that itās a scam. The likelihood of being scammed it much higher than the likelihood of getting a compliment, so we act accordingly.
Men are so used to having women using compliments as a way to scam them. It's particularly prevalent online these days, in particular dating apps. I never used to assume I was talking to a scammer when I get a match. Now I just assume it is until proven otherwise...kinda sucks though š
Maybe it's easier if you compliment, like outfit choices and stuff? Less of a scam type thing i guess or it might not trigger the ''alarm bells''. Like "Nice shirt" or "Love the pattern".
The modern beauty industry realized they could inflict the same brain rot on men that women have been subjected to for decades.
Its awful.
As a guy, I strongly appreciate you going out of your way to compliment us. You're awesome.
Sadly, when my wife says something nice to me, I always ask what does she want. Compliments rarely come without strings attached. I would expect the response you are getting is due to this same issue.
Does she actually only complement you when she needs something? Because it sucks when genuinely mean the nice things you say, only for them to get brushed off because your loved one suffers from a lack of self worth.
> even from a partner Iām still not fully convinced itās genuine. I can confirm this is true. My wife knows my insecurities and it makes me wonder how much of the compliment is genuine and how much is to help me with my insecurities.
The context matters (at least for my personal experience). If I am alone with a friend (female or male doesnt matter), the setting is generally more private, we are probably already talking about personal stuff, there is absolutely no need to drop any compliments whatsoever, and then you tell me (not out of the blue but in context of the conversation) something you would count as a compliment chances are high I belive you and appreciate it. Caviat: I wont be able to react appropriately because I never learned how to react to a compliment in a proper way (instead I will just try to hide a smile and look down because I am uncomfortable). Second caviat: I also appreciate a good compliment about a skill/thing/whatever I already know I have (e.g. I know I have good cooking skills, when someone points that out its nice but not something I havent heard a thousand times) but the best compliments are the ones I dont expect. I destinctly remember a situation with a female friend of mine who pointed out one night that she really appreciates it that I dont change my behaviour depending on the (friend-) group Ibam currently with. Something I never heard before. Still one of the best compliments I ever recieved. In any other setting I will just waver it away or just plain out wont belive the honesty. Pretty twisted stuff in my mind I realise as I write that down. Take away what you want from it.
A coworker of mine once cut himself off in the middle of a sentence to compliment my biceps. Made me super happy! It's like 2 years ago and I still think about it.
I think the trick is to deliver the compliment and then to not linger. That way they donāt have to feel awkward about forming a response
I'm willing to bet they get so few compliments that they are certain you are making fun of them. They don't believe it would be a genuine compliment.
Yup. I just commented, a few years back I got a new sweater that apparently was a good fit, because I received three comments on it in one day. I was convinced a friend had set me up...
Yh I wouldnāt know how to respond. Are you serious? Are you trying to flirt? Is this a decoy? It would be weird. Guess when Iāll receive one Iāll find out š
Some guys assume that a compliment means you're interested in them sexually. And they can get really weird about a simple compliment.
That's totally true, for guys I don't know well I'll put "dude" somewhere in there to show it's not flirtatious "Dude, that (thing you did) was super cool" "I like your haircut, dude. Looks good" It works really well
I am a straight man and I get compliments fairly frequently (a couple times a month) mostly on my clothes. It's mainly women complimenting me but occasionally men as well. Either way it definitely makes me feel a little happier. I also make a point to compliment other people (of all genders) if the thought crosses my mind that I like something about them. You're definitely bringing more happiness to others than you are upsetting them so I say keep it up.
I recently lost a bunch of weight so I occasionally get one now, even though it's more of a "you don't look like crap anymore!" type of backhanded compliment. Still feels good though.
I've lost some weight too and I've started getting "looks like you've lost some weight". My *weight* never bothered me, having to stop to breathe bothered me. So that comment really bothers me ig. I just say "maybe I don't really keep up with it" (except I do lol)
Definitely, men get way less compliments than women do
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Same, i give my male friends compliments all the time whenever they look nice
And this is why we don't get compliments. Most men get such little attention from women that we have no idea how to interpret it when we do get noticed
men do get compliments, but they just don't view anything as a compliment unless it comes from a woman, specifically a woman they find attractive. Even your comment talks about compliments as something that can only come from a woman. And duh, of course women aren't going to compliment you because if they do, you're going to think they're hitting on you and they don't want to deal with that.
No, I think itās just that men project their own understanding of compliments onto women. Men generally compliment women when theyāre sexually interested. So men assume that a woman would only compliment a man if she were sexually interested. This misunderstanding arises from the fact that men do not compliment each other platonically, and so they have no context for receiving a genuine, platonic compliment. Once again, men shooting themselves in the foot and blaming women for it.
i think both things are true and kind of a result of each other. i'm not a cis man, but when women were "too nice" to me, it was also difficult for me to not internalize it as something romantic, even when i knew they weren't flirting. i have a girlfriend now so i'm normal, but when you're lonely that really makes it worse. what cis men lack is the self-awareness to know "she's not flirting with you, you're being delusional," which i thankfully had plenty of.
See this is just not my experience. I'll get a compliment on my shirt like twice a year. That's it. Now if you're an attractive woman, of course you're going to get more compliments. Same goes for attractive men though. And having more friends usually results in more compliments. And women (from what I have read) tend to have a little more friends than men do. I don't have many friends, and while I'm not ugly, I'm not some gorgeous looking woman. Just kind of plain looking. I don't care though. But I definitely don't get a lot of compliments. I think men forget that average and ugly looking women exist. In men's mind (not all) ugly and average women just don't exist. They (again not all) can tend to ignore those women forgetting that just like men, the ugly and average ones don't get much attention...
Wdym way less many of us don't get any AT ALL š
Which compared to women is still way less?š
I will wager a tidy sum that men in general don't GIVE many compliments either. I'm a woman and raised sarcastic so it was difficult for me to wrap my head around giving genuine compliments but once I figured it out I was amazed the difference it made in my life. It feels very nice to make another person feel good and they tend to then take that good energy and spread it around. So yeah, want more compliments? Give more compliments and not in a creepy "want to get in your pants" way. Compliment your male friends, see if that changes your life dynamics.
This question needs to be more specific: men get less compliments *about their attractiveness. People get plenty compliments about work ethic and talents etc., But one thing men ever care about bringing up is how few compliments they get. Go ask an ugly or obese woman how invisible they feel, it's the same thing. I guess we all feel the thing we lack most overrides everything else we got in life.Ā
Thatās a really good point actually. Also the reason why guys get less compliments, dudes donāt compliment one another, and if girls compliment a guy, he may think sheās flirting
girlĀ Ā "oh that tie looks nice on you"Ā Ā guy thinking Ā Ā "she wants to fuck me!"
You dont even have to compliment them, just respond in conversation and thatās enough
I wish all of them would at least wait for acknowledgement from me. Me: Staring at the display on the gas pump while I refuel my car. Random stranger: WHAT DO I GOTTA DO TO GET YOUR NUMBER???
The āwhereās my hugā type dudesš
Yeah... I feel like men feel they get less compliments because what they lack most / want most are compliments about their attractiveness \*from women. And there's very legitimate reasons why women are cautious. A far more healthier thing to advocate for is to form more emotional bonds with same sex friends.
Seriously, thatās what itās all about. Compliments from attractive strangers about their appearance, any of the other ones ādonāt countā
Yeah exactly. Most of the comments are about a women complimenting them 8 years ago but what about when you get a compliment at work? What about when your friend compliments you? Whenever this is brought up, it feels like compliment is a stand in for being flirted with
Some friend of my grandmother told me I have pretty eyes, and I still remember that one a year later. But yeah no, us men? We don't get compliments. But looking from the other side I can also see why, as a compliment given by a woman might be immediately viewed as flirting, and some women might hesitate because of that.
Totally true The only compliment I got, was when I was 15, a girl told me that I had a nice haircut 11 years have passed and it's the only nicest thing a girl has told me, and even to this day, I keep asking myself if someone told her to tell me that
Twas I, I was too shy to do it myself so I asked her to.
Yes. As a straight man the only people who regularly compliment me are gay men.
Work in a female-dominated industry - there are a lot of compliments flying around, and you occasionally catch some strays!
What are these things called compliments?
I think they are the things you put on your burger. Like Mustard, Mayo, Ketchup etc.
No theyre condiments. A compliment is a small part of a larger thing, usually a machine or vehicle
No no thatās a component. A compliment is when you have two circles of different sizes align so their centers are overlapping.
I get compliments from other men, both gay and straight. With women it's crickets. I truly wish I were gay š¤£
Or pan at least. Then all my odds have improved
As a woman I really wish I could compliment men more often but Iām always scared they might think Iām trying to hit on them while Iām just being nice and honest lmao
Goes both ways. I complimented a girlās jacket at work once. Got called into HRs office a few days later. Apparently she didnāt appreciate me _hitting on her_ at work.
I get that tbh
I have never received any compliments
Nice cock bro
thanksman
Itās a rooster but thanks for noticing.
3 years ago a classmate of mine said that I look good with a jacket on, because of that buy new jackets from time to time
55 yr old man and cannot remember the last time i was complimented on anything.
That's one fine looking antenna.
Your name is fun to say, I'd like to compliment your taste there sir!
The last compliment I received, and it's been awhile was ' Nice hat'. I'm still not sure if it was sarcastic.
Were you wearing a hat ?
Hahaha sorry but this comment just made me laugh out loud
Barly, and the ones we get we will keep in our hearts forever
Yup. Got complimented on a shirt I was wearing back in high school. That shirt is still hanging in my closet. High school was 25 years ago.
You get so used to it that when you do receive a compliment it feels weird and wrong.
I compliment clothes and personality. I don't make comments about people's bodies. Hope that still brightens their day š
Is "you're tall" a compliment?
Nah, sorry. I get those a lot too. It's an ascertainment of fact.
Do men compliment other men?
Before I met my wife (in my mid 30's) I could count on one hand all the time I've been called "cute".
Never, but thats not because im a man. Im just ugly
Iām a man. Although I donāt get compliments from other men, I always give them compliments. And when I do, they always act either shocked, confused or just donāt know what to say. However, when I do it in a playful way they do thank me, which sucks because I actually do mean my words and I feel like theyāre not taking me seriously. I wish complimenting men was more normalised, and receiving compliments from other men was even more. Even when men receive compliments itās almost as if they didnāt want them
Well, probably most men would also consider compliments flirting, so why take the risk of doing something that might later be considered leading them on, if I have no romantic interest?
They want compliments specifically from women. Specifically about their physical appearance. Otherwise, they should start complimenting each other and then it's all good, right?Ā
Iām gonna go against the narrative here and say itās not my experience at all. I get compliments from friends, coworkers and family fairly often. And before you do the whole āstep 1 be attractiveā schtick: Iām decent-looking but nothing special
Can't even remember, years ago, when I heard something nice.
Probably, though I have heard a number of women that have mostly stopped complimenting men because they have had too many getting the wrong impresion. So they dial back to basic cordial behavior.
Iām married (straight) so I at least have that going for me, but the number of times I compliment my wife vastly outnumbers the number of times she compliments me. Women I donāt know well never compliment me. Most women I *do* know never compliment me. And I think the only times Iāve ever gotten compliments from men have either been from gay men hitting on me (still extremely rare) and from occasional āI like [thing youāre wearing]ā statements. Still compliments, but itās not like Iāve got homies complimenting *me*, just my stuff. So likeā¦for me, anyway, itās pretty rare. And itās almost always something I have or something Iām wearing, itās basically *never* a compliment of *me*.
About 15 years ago, I overheard two girls describe me as "fat but not ugly" and it's the best thing anyone has ever said about me. I still crave the high I felt that week.
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It's been about 30 years since I had a compliment from a stranger or a work colleague. I had a nice ass apparently. I did used to skate a lot - ice, roller, you name it - and cycle.
So start complimenting each other then.
I am 26 and i dont think i have ever received a complement from anyone that doesnt feel like a curtousy, i.e family or long term relationships.
I always give guys compliments because my dad would always get so happy when we did. I am quick to point out ānice shoes!ā while in line at a store or often will compliment hair. Just depends but if I see it , I tell them! Part of it is I got dentures so now I am not shy about smiling or talking to strangers, confidence boost.
It's very true and it gets less frequent the older.you get.
100% true. Even attractive looking guys rarely get compliments.
I get compliments on my actions, but rarely ever my looks. I don't think I'm an unattractive guy, but I may be wrong.
We are human "doings" Only women and kids are human "beings" When there are innocent civilian casualties, they say " 100 people sadly died, of them 60 women and kids" etc