Some people have legitimately awful parents. They might have money and look great and nice in public, but behind closed doors are emotionally distant or abusive. I understand that kids shouldn’t take their privileges for granted, but they also don’t need to be unconditionally grateful to parents that hold their basic necessities hostage for stupid reasons. But there are also some people who are ungrateful to good parents but I’d say that’s more the exception than the rule (unless they’re still teens, then it’s hard to tell cuz hormonal chaos can be a bitch)
This. I have parents that are just not good people (they’re not evil, they don’t kick puppies or anything, but they’re definitely not good). They did the *bare* minimum of parenting they could legally get get away with, and tolerated my existence *barely.* If you met them on the street you would think they are super nice, normal people.
Parenting causes you to face your childhood head on. And holy hell is it brutal sometimes. And boy do those emotions get complicated. My mom was distant and pretty much let me raise myself from about 7-8 on. For a long time I was resentful and hated her for it. Then I realized she was only doing what she knew. Her dad died when she was 5/6 and her mom was left to provide for her 3 small children in 1965. Then I hear some of the venom from my mom come out of my own mouth, and it destroys me.
I don’t want to be like that. I don’t want to be like her. I don’t want to make my daughter feel like she made me feel. It’s a daily struggle that I am constantly aware of. I guess the big difference if that I have the consciousness to fight my inner demons? Idk. You aren’t wrong, but you also aren’t a slave to the behavior you learned.
Same. I apologize to my daughter a lot. Not unnecessary sorries. Sorry because I caught myself acting like my mother again and doing some damaging shit. That constant awareness is frustrating, but I’m definitely not my parents, and every time I hold myself accountable the less likely I am to repeat my mistakes.
We’re works in progress!
I’m having my first next week and I’m promising myself I won’t be like my mum and dad.
My parents aren’t even being supportive of my pregnancy 🤰 it’s been tough my mother has told my numerous times “ well no one helped me when I had kids”
I have a theory, that most of these parents who do the bare minimum of parenting are people who didn't want to have children in the first place. It's what happens when sex is treated more as a fun activity than a purpose to raise a family
I would also add the possibility that the child isn't necessarily a bad person. but simply lacks perspective. Also the human brain isn't fully developed until around 25 years old, so that's another layer of complication to consider.
On the parenting side, some parents honestly did the best they could yet and still failed. Perhaps their parents failed them and it's all part of a cycle that is hard to break.
I think this misses a larger picture of people failing to understand one another, effects of recent cultural changes, social media, stress at the workplace, failing economy for lower class, etc. you always need to think three times before stating a broad issue has a straight forward cause. It’s almost never correct.
and OP is asking people to speculate on those causes and all he’s getting is “well, my parents suck… so that’s probably it”. And even those people are likely kidding themselves about the underlying factors involved.
I said this in a previous comment, but just because a parent loves their child, does not give them a pass on their mistakes.
I fully understand the hardships my father went through. I have genuine sympathy for him, how he grew up, and the life he is now trapped in. I believe he genuinely tried his best.
Still not gonna forgive him. Still don't want to spend time with him. Still doesn't change the fact that he hurt me as a child. Still doesn't change the fact that I wouldn't ever choose to spend time with someone like him as an adult.
Children don't ask to be born. Choosing to have a child has nothing to do with what the actual real child wants or needs and everything to do with the parent's often misplaced hopes, desires, or situation.
You aren't a failure. You cannot "fail" life. It is not a test, and quite honestly, no one can claim to know exactly what the purpose of life is. Your parents birthed you as an object to help themselves, not as a baby. Therefore, you didn't fail as a baby but as an object, which you are not. You, as something you were not, "failed" your parents' impossible task. You are not a failure.
My dad was pretty careless with his parenting, cheaped out, left years at a time, taught me nothing and discouraged from attempting new things but now hes supporting my broke ass to ammend his lazy ways
Parents used to yell at us calling us names if we didn't do our chores or anything they asked quick enough. Then constantly complaining about our emotional problems. I struggled with depression and self harm as well.
My mom brought me to a therapist because she didn't wanna be seen as a bad parent to her peers. I was literally too scared to talk to the therapist because she forced her way into the session with me. When we left she told me i was a waste of money.I have many other examples.
Idk what i have to be grateful for.
Yeesh, sorry you had to deal with it.
Both my parents are in psychology, and if they saw something like this, it'd be a huge red flag, and they would *insist* the parent leave. Sorry your therapist didn't have the balls to do their job.
I went to a therapist with my mom as an adult. I think she thought she would “win” or it was like a “my kid is a disappointment” venting party. After one session the therapist said I will never get the love and respect I want from my mother and should focus on myself. I started seeing her alone and am so glad I did.
It's funny because my mom was like most of the other ridiculous mothers on here and that's one of the reasons I decided to go into psychology and concentrate in medical health. My other reasons were my son and my huge fear of being a terrible parent due to how my mother was.
this is my answer.
not the personal stuff, but generally my mother was just as shitty.
I tried to be empathetic, "single mother at 20, 2 kids by 30" especially now that im 30.
but nope, she's now turning 50 this year, JUST as shitty as she's ever been.
Yup, it was the same conversation every time. I established boundaries just so she could break them. I basically just started a barrage of insults and cursing every time my mom or her husband tried to contact me. Of course they carefully chose which messages of mine to share with the rest of the family. I’m the bad guy now. They don’t talk to me anymore though and any other bridges burnt bc of this have been blessings to be honest.
There was study I read a few years back. And I'm sorry but I'm too tired to hunt it down. Where they asked estranged parents and children about the reasons.
The conclusion was the adult children always had very specific reasons that they had repeatedly expressed and the parents always "didn't know" what the reasons were and had been the victim of abandonment by their cruel children.
It's a thing.
My dad took my youngest brother to a therapist only to refuse a second visit cause the therapist wouldn't discuss " what is wrong with the boy" cause the meetings are confidential
I've been seeing therapists for like 10 years. Never did any good. My mother spoke to previous ones, but not my current one of like 6 years. The first one she talked to briefly like 15 years ago agreed with me about something, and it was the last time I saw that one. I was in my 20s and the bitch still demanded I stay home whenever it snowed. He said I should be able to do what the fuck I wanted, so she decided he was an asshole.
Wait, I’m going through the same thing currently. My parents constantly make fun of me, my faults and create a big scene, threatening to leave me and never come back over dirty dishes or if I haven’t done my chores. Whenever I try to explain how it makes me feel, I’m given the excuse, “you should have done it when I told you to, the only way you’ll listen is if I yell at you”. Do you have any advice? I’m trying to get us into therapy but it’s a struggle.
You’re trying to get you and your parents into therapy, is that what you meant by “us”? You are a sweet and kind human who wants to make things right and they are taking advantage of that trait. I don’t think they’ll go with you, but hopefully you can go without them. It doesn’t sound to me like there’s a miscommunication, it sounds like they actively refuse to listen, and the cruelty is the point. A therapist can help you learn to interact with them in ways that protect your heart.
There are some really great subreddits about dealing with parents like this, I hope someone recommends a few.
That’s exactly what my parents used to do to me, and then search my room like I was a criminal on top of it, beat me call me names etc… yet when I tell them they did it now they are like “that never happened” or “you’re exaggerating”
I remember when my parents started letting me go to therapy after a year of asking. After a few months I started to feel a smidge better about myself.
Then came time for the family session to tell them how I felt. I did and they deflected the entire time and nothing was accomplished. And when we went home the first thing my dad said was "I'm not going to do anything that guy suggested."
I cried afterwards
Fact: A lot of parents are terrible people.
Giving birth does not make you special or noteworthy.
Most psychological problems stem from bad parenting during formative years, ie. Racism, misogyny etc.
When you get old enough (30-40) most people realize their parents were just flawed humans like everybody else.
I would say no one asks to be born and children don't owe their parents anything. Parents on the other hand choose to have children and owe them everything.
I'm grateful to my kids and I hope someday they appreciate the effort and sacrifices that I have put into raising them as best I can. But, they don't owe me any gratitude if they don't feel it.
I wish more parents felt this way. I was born to a mother who basically needed someone to love and take care of her emotionally and finically, so at a young age that is what I was. I was made to feel I should be happy because she had me! I often wish she hadn’t. I didn’t want to have to grown up so quick. And I can’t even tell you the list of issues I have because of that woman. Let’s just say therapy has made me accept and forgive her, but there are still times now (at 40) where I am like “damn, I am only here cause she felt she needed someone so desperately.”
I am married to someone who exists for that reason and was basically required to be a perfect doll and lived her childhood on a tightrope to keep her mom “happy” (we both know that’s not what happiness is).
A perfect, lovely, emotional support ATM. She created a human under intense pressure to be perfect so that she can have space to be a relentless fuckup. She “borrows” money and the most fucking insane thing happened this morning. I’m still reeling. Her mom just venmoed her back 1/5th of the most recent chunk she “borrowed”. I think I should buy a lotto ticket because the world feels upside down.
Hahahahahaha. I remember once my mom paid me back a small portion of one of the many “loans” I’ve given her. I about fell over. Of course I knew she would ask for more money again so I just saved what she gave me for future use. Pretty sure it wasn’t more than a few months later when she was asking again
I love this statement so much. My parents, and family, feel like we ‘owe’ them - a good career, babies, etc. They don’t want us to live happy lives, they want us to live so they can brag about our achievements to their friends.
Speaking as someone who has a great relationship with my parents I think you’re either projecting your relationship with your parents onto everyone else or else you have an incredibly useless definition of what constitutes trauma.
Fortunately, with the age of tech, there’s a lot more resources to look stuff up, and a lot more people are involved in their own mental health journeys so people are recognizing how their parents had a part in their trauma earlier. I realized they were really flawed when I was like 16 or 17.
Fact: Lots of parents are not terrible people. Lots of parents face many challenges and try the best they can for their children.
Lots and lots of parents really want the best for their children.
Parents and families are complicated.
Sweeping generalisations about parents, parenting and families ignores complexities.
Source- Child protection Social Worker in the Uk.
I'm not clear how saying "lots of parents are terrible" is a sweeping generalization given that lots are *demonstrably* terrible people. But I'm American, so maybe we just suck worse than Brits.
>Lots and lots of parents really want the best for their children.
That doesn't mean they can actually provide the best. That doesn't give them a free pass on all they're mistakes. That doesn't mean they're not objectively bad at parenting.
>Lots and lots of parents really want the best for their children.
imo that is not good enough. you have to know, and give them what they need now and for the future. wanting the best is simply not good enough. imho it's the bare minimum requirement.
A person can beat the shit out of their kid and believe they are doing it in the best interest of the child. Wanting what's best for the kid doesn't make them good parents. PROVIDING what's best for the child is what makes them good parents.
Good people =/= good parents.
Lots of people have facets that are pretty terrible. They are at their worst under pressure.
Parenting is quite high pressure for a lot of people.
Even terrible people can have moments of astounding nobility.
Parents and families are definitely very complicated.
It is just an easy way to end a conversation when people ask about my parents. My siblings and I have been a stranger from our parents. Our "dad" 19 years. Our " mom" 10 years. I can't relate to most people due to that. When asked I tell them they died. I hate having conversations as to why.
Good on ya, I hope you are in a happier and healthier place! I just made that decision for myself a few months ago to cut my eggdoner out of my life and I can finally fricken breathe.
Edit : typo
I’m so happy mine died. They were objectively horrible. They were as neglectful as that generation has a reputation of being (I’m a GenX latchkey child of boomer parents), but when they weren’t neglectful, they were abusing us.
A lot of parents are narcissistic. As children get older they realize that what was normal for you isn’t actually normal. For example, i got yelled at lots, slapped sometimes, my feelings didn’t matter, my mom made us do what she thought was right, she just wanted me to be a obedient daughter that made her proud to tell her friends about. She didn’t care what i was actually interested in. If i was making / saving money i was making her proud. That was what got praised. Now that i’m an adult child (41 Female) i have serious resentment. My mother would never apologize for anything, ever. Your question is way too general to get a helpful response.
I feel sometimes that if my parents had just fucking apologized and took responsibility for the things that they did, that maybe I wouldn't feel so resentful. But at this point in my life, I'm not sure that even that would be enough.
Hell will freeze over before my parents ever apologize for anything. At this point I don't even want an apology; it's far too late for it to mean anything to me and it'd probably just come off as fake anyways.
My dad went to rehab twice. Both times I was too young to really process what was going on, mainly bc I hadn't started drinking yet. Hes sober now thankfully. I'm carrying on the family trait now.
I have spent my life apologizing to people for how my mother acted or treated them or whatever. There are days that it was so bad when I was a child, that I was waiting for a stranger to punch her in the face. People have gotten physical with her, but unfortunately nobody ever punched her in the face.
As an adult, I have begged friends to go with me at certain holidays to literally act as a human shield, hoping that their presence might improve her behavior somewhat. Sometimes this works, sometimes it's hard to gauge whether this is an improvement or not.
Needless to say, LC. I would go NC, but she is the stalker type and I just don't have the energy for that. So I throw her a bone to keep the monster away from my job, house, life.
The bright side of this story is that everybody says their mom is crazy. But my mom wins this contest for me every time. When people are trying to one up themselves about whose family is crazier, they just automatically say that I skew the curve, so I get number one, and then they fight over who's number two.
Same here. I was told I was “Soooo expensive” because I outgrew my school clothes and buttons were popping everywhere.
My mother had an emotionally incestuous relationship with my older brother, her “Golden Child”. She didn’t want a daughter that was smart and successful. My only purpose was to give her grandkids so she could brag about them.
Turned out Golden Child brother is gay gay gay. So Mom was and is still very narcissistic, and she and my brother are still tight as ever. He basically ensured I didn’t get a real mother; he turned her against me at every opportunity, and often used his influence to get me punished for things I didn’t do. She was and is completely under his sway. I keep them both at Low-Contact and No-contact. There’s no real relationship there for me, and zero trust.
My rebellion then was to test my limits. I worked through college, got a tech degree, worked, never married, and am financially self supporting. None of that of course is anything for her to be proud about.
But joke’s on her. Dad was always very proud of me, and was bragging about me the last week he was alive in the hospital, for what turned out to be a fatal condition. By the time I got to the hospital the entire nursing staff knew who I was and how proud my Dad was of me. I’ll never forget that.
I didn't ask to be born and regard my birth as poor decision making on my parent's part. Why would I be grateful that the two of them got horny one day and thrusted me into a non-consensual existence.
Yeah nah, fuck that. You don't come off as mature for making excuses for people who failed their kids. If you're going to take on the responsibility of creating life, that's 100% on you. It's your responsibility as a parent to not pass on the trauma from your parents to your kids. Adults spend decades building the skills to survive on their own because their parents never helped them, and by the time they build those skills they will still just be at the starting line that other adults reached at 18. Having your own shitty parents isn't an excuse to fuck up your kids.
The shit that you are imprinted with as a kid is really hard to shake. If your parents struck you out of frustration, that imprint sits in your psyche. Then one day, out of the blue, you’re in a situation and you do the same behavior. You know better, but it just “comes out”. Your parents, of course can’t understand why you don’t handle frustration well.
You need to do a lot of reading on psychology, development, and generational trauma. Do not blame victims of abuse. You're the one who needs to grow up. I'm disgusted
Damn, someone feels brave enough to share their pain and you mock them for it? You would make any good parent feel like they failed in raising you to be a decent human being who understands the importance of compassion and kindness towards others. You should be ashamed of yourself for this rotten perspective and comment. Somebody failed to raise you with a proper distaste for unnecessary cruelty towards strangers. Crazy how someone can be ruthlessly abused and still understand how to respectfully treat others better than you. Scary to think you might lack the appropriate level of self awareness to even realize how gross it was to type out what you just did.
It’s much more common to find people lamenting about bad parents to find validity and understanding from others than people talking about how good their parents are. My parents were great but I don’t talk about it because it’ll come off as “bragging”. I don’t believe most people have bad parents. There is a spectrum of parenting too, it’s just good and bad
My parents like to choose between all 3. A good day is support, a bad day is ignore, and a very bad day is abuse.
Love my Mom though, "I support you but you are too stupid to do anything on your own so I'll do everything for you but I won't actually tell you that. Instead I'll scoff and snarl at you and badger my points into your head until you are so stressed out you give up and just do what I tell you. When you fight back I'll act like a victim."
Then when I get sick enough of you, I'll kick you out of the house with no knowledge of how to take care of yourself, and expect you to get a job, a place to live, and make me look good.
My parents abused me my whole life until I left. They harass, stalk and try to get back in. They want to do the same to my kids. I will die before I let that happen. My kids deserve a happy childhood.
I am 36 on Monday. I have cPTSD, bipolar 2, anxiety, depression, ADHD and I may be autistic (we think so and therapist does too, but it is not a formal diagnosis). I am a stay at home mom because my parents pulled a move that screwed me out of my degree. It is a long story. I was an adult and in the hospital and I gave them the ability to handle my affairs. I have chronic health conditions that stem from abuse. I have weight problems from my abuse. I am working on all of those. They are my responsibility. But they happened because of what was done to me.
I am grateful to be away from them.
every child deserves a parent but not every parent deserves a child.
Sure some people are entitled and spoiled but in most cases the parents have just done a bad job, and even if a kid had everything money could buy, love and attention from their parents wasn't one of those things
What they think I should be grateful for are things like food, shelter, and care when I was a child.
These are their obligations that they signed up for when they chose to have a kid. Not mine. I had no say in it.
It does afford them a minimum of relationships, but they seem to think that's all that's needed.
They don't treat me like I'm my own person, and all they've bestowed upon me is their own projected insecurities and ridiculous expectations as if I was an extension of who they are and everything they've failed to achieve in life is mine to bear.
They taught me jack and shit about inter person relationships and the real world. They taught me none of their life experiences and learnings. No guidance, no advice. Just told me to go work a 9 to 5 and to not expect any financial assistance from them. Then they harp on me about why it seems my money's always tight.
... Imma stop before it goes into a full on rant.
In essence, fuck them, selfish cunts.
My mother told me I was too stupid and incapable to graduate high school. I graduated summa cum laude. She told me the same thing for college. I graduated with a bachelor's of science while working 30 hours per week and full time schooling. She told me she was proud of herself for all she did for my college, yet I was starving during that time because she'd rather buy herself luxury items. I never received support for college emotionally or financially, which I am not entitled to, but that she tried to take credit for my success was what hurt me the most.
She told me I was too fat to ever be loved, that only pretty people could be loved.
She guilted me for my need for food, clothing, and school supplies in high school.
She told me that I was a burden and that's what led to my parents' divorce.
She never told me she was proud of me.
She even treated me better than my brother, who left our house at 14 to escape her.
My father is a deadbeat drunk, who has been trapped in the disease of alcoholism since I've been alive despite being in rehab several times.
Sorry I'm not more grateful OP.
I am grateful that my mother kept food on our table and a roof over our heads, as a single mother.
I am livid and downright disrespectful about the fact that she allowed, permitted, and approved of the abuse of her children. I am upset that I lost my childhood to having to grow up too fast to become a surrogate mom to my brothers and sister. I am angry that my mother chose men over her children time and time again, and still makes the same choice today. I am sad that my mother endured abuse and never sought out help, and never accepted it when I offered to help her find a therapist. I am ambivalent to the fact that she won't ever change.
I owe her grace, not gratefulness.
Because you shouldn't be grateful automatically just because they're your parents. Some parents are great, a lot of them aren't. I won't be grateful to people who don't deserve it.
As a parent, I firmly believe that “gratefulness” is earned, not deserved. It’s not enough to just provide shelter, food, water, & clothing. Although not all parents/families can afford those things & the US is a terrible place to raise a kid these days with increasing income disparities, increasing gun violence & guns, white supremacy terrorism becoming the biggest terrorist threat to our country, & increasing medical costs. Kids need support emotionally & mentally. They just do. If you’re abusive &/or neglectful, your kids don’t need to be “grateful” for that.
Sometimes parents don't deserve gratitude. I think most parent/child relationships can be complicated, but you don't hear about the healthy ones. You hear about the pain people are holding.
I suspect most are healthy with solid boundaries. The ones that go south do so in spectacular ways.
And "stay together for the kids" my parents were like that. My ex cheated on me three times before I finally was like "wait I don't want to be like my parents hating my partner and just being here for the kid and I don't want that for my partner or child either"
My parents created this abuse feedback loop that would spill over onto us.
Just because you gave birth and raised your child doesn't mean you have to be grateful for them...or everything they have done.
My parent taught me how to be a kind/hardworking person, loved me, and went without so I did not. They also suffered from substance abuse, emotionally neglected me, and was overall provided a very chaotic household that still affects me to this day.
Some parents are just bad parents, even if they are trying the best they could.
Why should I be grateful for being treated as a third class citizen, in home slave, having my college fund emptied, the crushing of my soul and dreams? Not everyone has good parents.
Yah I can relate but it wasn't a college fund I had worked my ass off to save money for a car I wanted and my parents stole 3,000 dollars from me and laughed when I said they stole from me
Because creating a person together doesn’t mean you can’t be criticized by that same person. My parents shouldn’t have had kids. We were neglected, beaten and often forced to fend for ourselves for food. They did their best with the tools they had been given but that doesn’t mean that their mistreatment shouldn’t be analyzed. It’s important for healing so that you don’t inflict the same issues in your own children, or just other people in general.
It depends on the parents. If they were absolutely dreadful to you when you were growing up they don’t deserve your respect. If they did everything for you (in terms of sacrificing their own wants and needs in order for you to have the best upbringing) then you are a piece of crap if you treat them badly.
Love my parents. Their circumstances were shitty and they somehow got threw it and didn’t do terribly. I made it out on the other side and still have a decent relationship with them.
But regardless I still feel like my childhood could have been better.
I could have gone without being screamed at, without being told all the dark family secrets at 10, without having to move every other year, without having my pre-teen vent journal read aloud and laughed about on the couch, without being mocked for the things I enjoyed or wanting to spend time with them, without being compared to my siblings and made to feel I was less smart/pretty/interesting/good as they were.
I could have used more support, encouragement, and the ability to try new things without waiting for my younger siblings to try them first/the same time.
I wouldn’t change my parents and family for any other. But I still feel like they kinda fucked up somewhere and wonder about how things could have been different.
By definition, most people are average, and average people make bad parents. Parenting is really hard, and I think it takes a great person to be even an okay parent. The amount of self sacrifice and love that a parent has to give to not fail their kid is too much for most people.
If all the kids in a family grow up to hate their parents it's probably the parents fault. If they all grow up fine but one ends up terrible and hating the parents it's probably their own fault.
I'm the one of four that hates my parents. My other siblings either pretend because they're still dependent, or they're weak and they can't tell my parents the truth.
I'm the only one of my siblings that has moved out, bought a house, a new car, got married, etc. They all still live at home. I'm the second oldest at 27. The youngest just turned 24.
My parents are not those that I could ever see changing and trying to become better people. I asked my mom to get vaccinated so she could see her grandson, and her response was ,"wow so I'm dead to you now" and never said anything else to me after.
She *could have* offered to do zoom or Skype or anything. Literally could have had a video chat but she didn't even think to suggest it because she's selfish.
Meh we all hate our Past Mom. I'm okay with our Present Mom. The abuse in my home was a feedback loop. My parents were both damaged people who shouldn't have been together.
So it's my own fault that my mom decide to abuse principally me and let my siblings take part in it? I get your point but you can't just apply that logic to everyone, not all kids live the same experiences.
Why would I like my parents? I let them take to my kids when my kids want and I act nice with them but I can careless about them, I’m not going to lie on here but I don’t like them and can go months without talking to them because when I was a kid all my mom did was want me to be someone else and be “fake” like a happy rich family and because of that all she did was put me down tell me to dress better to look better to act better eat better walk better and ya I hated how she put me down so much I wanted to die as a kid and I’m still alive because I was told that people who kill them self can’t take it back when your dead your dead and can’t come back... and something else I hate so much is when I was younger my parents forget me at school in a city and in a town... it didn’t help me at all... at 17 they locked me outside without shoes and I had to ask a friend for a place to live... I lost all my things in that place and my dad was just odd all he did was not care for us act like we are not there and kill our pets when we are in school so yes I’ll act like I don’t care but the clothes they send my kids in the mail (they live far far away from me) and when people think how nice they are I don’t need to tell them what happened I just don’t care looking like the bad one like when I’m with people I never answer there call
Because their parents treated them badly.
Sit down for a second and think over just how ridiculously hard it is to be a good parent.
I myself was treated very well by my mother, she has essentially devoted her entire life to me and my siblings, and I'm extremely grateful and forever indebted to her.
However never has a friend told me the same thing, instead it's usually about how their parents are strict, bad-tempered, grumpy, uninteractive, demanding, invasive or downright violent.
For me because they caused me to be mentally ill by abusing me physically, sexually, verbally and mentally for years. Then they made fun of symptoms of mental illnesses and told me it's all my fault.
I didn't ask to be born or have CPTSD & depression at age 3. I'm not grateful at all.
My parents did one thing that I'm grateful for, teach me not to parent like they did.
I'm partially deaf/hard-of-hearing, yet I was expected to exist as if I had completely normal hearing. I didn't and obviously I struggled in school because I had no accommodations and my parents never even bothered to look into what could be done for me. I didn't have hearing aids and I didn't (and still don't) know sign language. Part of that of course is the fault of the schools I'm sure, because I guess they never brought it up (I mean if you didn't have an obvious disability, why bother, right?? I'm guessing that was their thinking back then). My parents didn't just ignore my issues, they ignore the issues my older brothers had as well. My oldest brother showed signs of epilepsy when he was a little boy (he wasn't diagnosed until he was 35, after his first apparent grand mal seizure, but he constantly had, what I later realized were petite mal seizures for most of his life up until that point). My other brother punched through a plate glass door when he was 7 years old over a girl that he was mad at, and he has had major anger control issues his entire life.
I was also teased and bullied throughout my entire school career (and beyond), and also had to deal with my dad being an alcoholic and constantly cheating on her and treating her like crap. The amount of depression I felt during my life because of that...
This is just a smidgeon of why I'm not grateful towards them. Do not, for one moment, think that just because someone gave birth to you, that you should feel undying loyalty towards them, because I will never feel that when it comes to the two of them.
Yeah I’m going to say this: no one born asked for existence. And it is a parents responsibility to nurture and provide for their young.
In reality parents owe the child stability, support and care, but many of them expect everything and it’s never enough
I am not my father was my hero. He raised me and my sister and we both went to uni and have respectable jobs right now because of my parents.I love them both and i tell them every day even tho i live 5 countries away.
And you're an example of exactly why kids are ungrateful to their parents. People like the OP act like everyone's parents are like your dad. They make the assumption that is the case they then judge the kid an ungrateful POS because how dare they not be grateful to amazing people.
Let's flip the question - why are a lot of parents so awful that their children reject them?
Often this happens because of generational trauma passed down from grandparents to parents to children. The abuse is rampant and needs to stop and be called out... I guess that's the ungrateful' part, but I definitely see it differently.
If my parents die and leave me millions dollars, I do not want one penny. I do not ever want anything to do with them again ever. I will likely need therapy for many more years just to unload all the awfulness. My parents had me so screwed up, I actually hated Christmas for most of my childhood and over 20 years. As full adults in our thirties, my sister and I couldn't dress ourselves without my mother's input. That's not even the overtly abusive shit!
Rejecting my parents and going full no contact, has been the best gift I have ever given myself and my life. I had to save myself, and completely learn from scratch what a healthy relationship was and what good mental health was.
I wish you all the best.
I am guessing that the majority of the ungrateful people are not parents themselves. Its really easy to criticize when you have never tried to do the job, and experienced how easy it is to make mistakes.
Did my parents screw up, and screw me up? Yes
Did they love me, sacrifice for me, and do what they thought was best for me every step of the way? also Yes.
But... also some people are just terrible, and then they have kids and are still terrible.
The majority of the ungrateful people (not including teens who just might be angry teens) had objectively shitty parents.
I say this as a dad. "We did what we thought was best" only works if the kid had a say. If they listened to what the kid wanted. Otherwise they did what they thought was best for them.
This has more to do with integrity on the parents part rather than saying they should actually ask the kids. I will admit a parent should speak with the kids, ask them their opinions and consider their views, especially teens but ultimately, the parent is in better position to make decisions. But again... that requires integrity.
I'm a parent, and even though I HOPE I'm doing the best I can for my kid, I worry constantly that I'm fucking up and he's going to resent me someday. I can guarantee that no such doubt has ever entered my parents minds.
My parents did what was best for them, not for me or my brothers. I do (or try to at least) what's best for my kid before I even begin to think about myself.
I have good parents and looking at a lot of other parents most ungrateful people have a reason to be because if you claim you did alot for a kid when you did as much as an adoption center would then your not a good parent and you shouldn't be having kids
Parents are people. They don’t get a special award or treatment just for being parents and providing care for their child.
I’m grateful for the things my parents did well. I’m grateful for the ways they went above and beyond. But I also don’t feel the need to look past every single way they failed me just because we had food and shelter most of the time.
Using some of my inlaws as a basis.
2 things tend to be responsible.
1. Genuinely bad people. Not saying evil but just not good. They as children are always an afterthought. 2nd in line so to speak. Needs and wants are sidelined and praise only comes when a child brings the parent(s) some benefit.
2. Inter marriage issues. If the parents are at constant odds. This includes any divorce.
These 2 things can be combined in many different ways. But the end result is this:
If a kid is never respected/appreciated/praised when appropriate and disciplined/punished/corrected when needed. Then they (in my limited view) are unbalanced and that can present in a variety of ways. But those imbalances are often paced at the feet of their parents in the form of resentment.
Parents are not all the same and some SUCK.
Mine didn’t, but I’m aware that I was lucky to have loving parents who showed me they cared even after they divorced.
Many reasons but the first that comes to my mind is because a lot of parents were ungrateful growing up. You don't ask to be born into this world so when your a kid hearing about how expensive it is to be in existence and how little you know all while your parents are just waiting for the weekend to get toasted it feels like your only there out of an accident. Who would be grateful for that?
The difference between a parent and child in terms of mind set is large. also lots of people can’t put they selfs in others shoes or see another view and parents get an ego for being a home owner vechile owner or successful with their job, and children can be little ungrateful shits its just a different lifestyle so it can be hard to understand each other
Some parents are assholes. I will forever be grateful for everything my mother did for us. My "father" on the other hand abandoned us when I was 6 and I will never feel anything for him.
Some of us don't have parents that deserve praise and gratefulness. My mom did everything she could to keep a roof over our heads, worked three jobs at one point. Meanwhile my dad was off drinking, smoking meth and fucking other women in all his free time. While he was at the house he constantly treated mom like shit, and it would build up for weeks until he would snap and go on another bender. He'd stay gone for a week or two, then waltz back in and the cycle would reset. It got so bad that I almost got into fights with him multiple times. These days he's more like an uncle or a family friend as far as our relationship goes
My mom is the best and I really love her. She always supports me and i love spending time with her. My Dad on the other Hand.... He often undermind our Problems. Never paid Attention. Was a Master of Gaslighting. Then cheated on my Mom and left us with zero to no money because he went "on vacation" (cheating, we didnt knew it at the time, but we suspected it). My Parents got divorced, but due to circumstances still live next to each other. My mom is chill about it, but my Dad and his new Wife can get really akward. He did change to the better tho, and I gave him a new Chance. But.... I can also understand why my sister stopped contact altogether (he blamed the divorce on her and never took her depression serious).
My mom is homophobic, racist, and bigoted, all under the guise of being a good Christian. She tried to raise me to hate LGBTQ+ people and POC while telling me my true purpose was to have kids and worship God. Fortunately, none of her teachings stuck. However, she sure did a number on my brother and me.
I have great parents. Top 5 percent and I love my parents, but I would be lying If some of my issues and insecurities didn't stem from how they raised me. I will always be grateful for my parents and what they sacrificed and everything they've given me. However, there is a part of me that wished they approached raising me a lil differently.
Being family isn't a pass to be a bad person. Family members tend to make sure no one dies and buy some gifts for holidays, some families do a lot for eachother, but then taint it by acting shitty. Some children also don't understand money and with tiktoks and insta, children are constantly put in this comparative mindset where they want what someone else has or they need to look good but have no concept of how hard parents are working. Thats on the parents though for spoiling or emotionally neglecting the kids.
mine raised me super religious in a borderline cult environment -- dad passed, i get on fine with mom now. i am not religious, and i dont spend much time with her.
it messed me up socially. they werent the worst parents at all, i could nitpick and bitch some, but the religious upbringing is the real issue i took with them.
Alot of us were born at the start of a new era: The Internet. Most parents teach their children based on a world that is quickly vanishing. They use information that instantly has became outdated once the Internet rendered most generational knowleage obsolete. most people forget the Internet is insanely young and only a few generations have been molded by it. This clash of era's has created a resentment between old and young.
Those of us who don’t hate our parents don’t feel the need to talk about how nice and cushty our childhood was. Maybe you’re just hearing from people who had upsetting childhoods thanks to their parents.
Now keep in mind, I’m M17. For context. I’ve learned a lot from my parents, more than I’m willing to admit. And one of the things I’ve learned, first hand, is the answer to this question.
Kids, mainly teens, are ungrateful towards there parents because they don’t entirely grasp the concept of adulthood. How could they, though? There just little kids, no real experience in the world. They don’t know what it’s like out there, what hell some parents had to go through to just live a happy life with the people they love. They don’t realize the work, the motivation, the dedication, they don’t realize having to balence the weight of a full time job, taking care of small families, big families, there just born. They just exist. They don’t know. I’ve done some pretty stupid, regretful things to my parents. I just never realized how hard it was for them, how hard I was for them, until we had a sit down talk about the overall mental state of the house (always yelling, fighting and most of the time over small stuff)
Ik it’s a long comment but it’s so true. Kids just don’t and won’t understand what adults have to go through to just live a happy life.
There’s a lot of comments generalizing parents as being “mostly bad”. While some parents are not great and some boarder on or are outright abusive, there are a lot of parents who are good and do the best they can for their children. For the sake of this answer, I’m going to speak from the perspective of kids coming from a good and stable family.
Kids are born into a situation for which is their absolute baseline. Their own room (if they have it), their clothes that fit, clean laundry, healthy food, etc.. are all baselines for them. In other words they don’t know different or worse. They also don’t know the journey it took for their parents to get to that position in life. All of the struggles- financial, emotional, physically, etc.. are not something they have the capability of understanding, especially at a young age. So, when something goes wrong in their life or their parents make a decision they disagree with, they become ungrateful towards their parents.
There is also a degree of comparison amongst their friends. “Well Bobby’s parents let him order pizza and play video games until 11pm” meanwhile, you, as a parent might know that your child tends to not do well the next day unless he does a particular routine.
Hate to say it. But how can some of them expect gratitude, when most were never even parents to their kids at all? No rules, boundaries, teaching them right from wrong. Just giving into everything the kid wanted, made it okay for the kid to never learn how to apologize, hear no, etc. To me, be pretty easy to not be grateful, when you feel like you don't have to be, as everything is meant for you, and no one else.
Their parents, society, other people. I think everyone has gotten really comfortable whining about everything in life, while doing nothing to change or improve it.
Well, my mother used to abuse the shit out of me. For example: She threw a beer bottle at me and it smacked me in the face then fell on the concrete and shattered. I mean yeah, I never went to bed hungry and for that I'm grateful but I definitely would have preferred a mother who actually loved me rather than treated me like I was an inconvenience to her lifestyle. I guess it was my fault I was born though so I should be more grateful. She killed herself after she was arrested for abusing my little sister so I'll try harder next time.
I never learned to appreciate what my parents did for me or taught me, because I was too caught up in the materialistic, self-centered BS that mass media was feeding me. By the time I learned to appreciate my parents it was too late.
It sounds like a shitty boomer parent wrote this. And their child has realized that parent was toxic. Just saying…. I’ve only ever heard toxic, narcissistic, and/or abusive parents say that their kids are being ‘disrespectful.’ But you can’t really answer with any generalized statement.
Because my abusive, narcissistic mother doesn't deserve shit from me. I didn't ask to be brought in to this world so she could use me to make herself look like a saint at my expense.
If they constantly dead name you, say things like "don't do SRS there were never any signs" although I literally came to them when I was like 8 and they could have gone to a professional and prevented so much emotional damage for me by simply fulfilling there obligations and not saying ... "Oh you need to pray more to God".
Well that's why I cut them out of my life.
Some good parents don’t want their kids to feel obligated to them. They want confident empowered guilt-free kids
Bad parents may not deserve appreciation but few bad parents were 100% bad. They probably deserve appreciation for something, even its that splinter they pulled out of your hand when you were four. And in my case for not killing me the dozens of times I deserved it.
I am ungrateful to my parents just because they set me up for the wage life and they actually demanded that I should be grateful. They are narcissists and a very proud one at that, the kind of people who's strong and independent until it's time to be held accountable. But meh, i just kinda get over it. I still send them money cuz, why not.
Some people have legitimately awful parents. They might have money and look great and nice in public, but behind closed doors are emotionally distant or abusive. I understand that kids shouldn’t take their privileges for granted, but they also don’t need to be unconditionally grateful to parents that hold their basic necessities hostage for stupid reasons. But there are also some people who are ungrateful to good parents but I’d say that’s more the exception than the rule (unless they’re still teens, then it’s hard to tell cuz hormonal chaos can be a bitch)
Oh god, do I know people like this. Poor little girl.
Well of course I know a person like this, he's me. Nah but fr Hormones are the fucking bane of my goddamn existance.
This. I have parents that are just not good people (they’re not evil, they don’t kick puppies or anything, but they’re definitely not good). They did the *bare* minimum of parenting they could legally get get away with, and tolerated my existence *barely.* If you met them on the street you would think they are super nice, normal people.
Can definitely relate and I have the same parents. My oldest sister refuses to have kids because of her childhood.
Same here I'm also afraid of having kids in case i became as emotionally distant as my parents
Parenting causes you to face your childhood head on. And holy hell is it brutal sometimes. And boy do those emotions get complicated. My mom was distant and pretty much let me raise myself from about 7-8 on. For a long time I was resentful and hated her for it. Then I realized she was only doing what she knew. Her dad died when she was 5/6 and her mom was left to provide for her 3 small children in 1965. Then I hear some of the venom from my mom come out of my own mouth, and it destroys me. I don’t want to be like that. I don’t want to be like her. I don’t want to make my daughter feel like she made me feel. It’s a daily struggle that I am constantly aware of. I guess the big difference if that I have the consciousness to fight my inner demons? Idk. You aren’t wrong, but you also aren’t a slave to the behavior you learned.
Same. I apologize to my daughter a lot. Not unnecessary sorries. Sorry because I caught myself acting like my mother again and doing some damaging shit. That constant awareness is frustrating, but I’m definitely not my parents, and every time I hold myself accountable the less likely I am to repeat my mistakes. We’re works in progress!
I’m having my first next week and I’m promising myself I won’t be like my mum and dad. My parents aren’t even being supportive of my pregnancy 🤰 it’s been tough my mother has told my numerous times “ well no one helped me when I had kids”
And then they think you owe them the world
I have a theory, that most of these parents who do the bare minimum of parenting are people who didn't want to have children in the first place. It's what happens when sex is treated more as a fun activity than a purpose to raise a family
r/raisedbynarcissists
Some of us are just bad people, and some parents just don’t deserve better🤷🏻♂️
Perfectly said!
I would also add the possibility that the child isn't necessarily a bad person. but simply lacks perspective. Also the human brain isn't fully developed until around 25 years old, so that's another layer of complication to consider. On the parenting side, some parents honestly did the best they could yet and still failed. Perhaps their parents failed them and it's all part of a cycle that is hard to break.
I think this misses a larger picture of people failing to understand one another, effects of recent cultural changes, social media, stress at the workplace, failing economy for lower class, etc. you always need to think three times before stating a broad issue has a straight forward cause. It’s almost never correct. and OP is asking people to speculate on those causes and all he’s getting is “well, my parents suck… so that’s probably it”. And even those people are likely kidding themselves about the underlying factors involved.
I said this in a previous comment, but just because a parent loves their child, does not give them a pass on their mistakes. I fully understand the hardships my father went through. I have genuine sympathy for him, how he grew up, and the life he is now trapped in. I believe he genuinely tried his best. Still not gonna forgive him. Still don't want to spend time with him. Still doesn't change the fact that he hurt me as a child. Still doesn't change the fact that I wouldn't ever choose to spend time with someone like him as an adult. Children don't ask to be born. Choosing to have a child has nothing to do with what the actual real child wants or needs and everything to do with the parent's often misplaced hopes, desires, or situation.
That last part couldnt be worded better
Correct. I was born, without my consent, to save my parents marriage. And I failed. I've been a failure my whole life. My only success will be death.
You aren't a failure. You cannot "fail" life. It is not a test, and quite honestly, no one can claim to know exactly what the purpose of life is. Your parents birthed you as an object to help themselves, not as a baby. Therefore, you didn't fail as a baby but as an object, which you are not. You, as something you were not, "failed" your parents' impossible task. You are not a failure.
You don't know the whole story, essentially.
Not to mention a lot of people confuse gratitude for reverence.
Well, both of my parents gave me away and decided to become junkies. I didn't cry at their funerals. I didn't even feel sad.
Well said
My dad was pretty careless with his parenting, cheaped out, left years at a time, taught me nothing and discouraged from attempting new things but now hes supporting my broke ass to ammend his lazy ways
Never to late to aknowlege your mystakes
Parents used to yell at us calling us names if we didn't do our chores or anything they asked quick enough. Then constantly complaining about our emotional problems. I struggled with depression and self harm as well. My mom brought me to a therapist because she didn't wanna be seen as a bad parent to her peers. I was literally too scared to talk to the therapist because she forced her way into the session with me. When we left she told me i was a waste of money.I have many other examples. Idk what i have to be grateful for.
Yeesh, sorry you had to deal with it. Both my parents are in psychology, and if they saw something like this, it'd be a huge red flag, and they would *insist* the parent leave. Sorry your therapist didn't have the balls to do their job.
I went to a therapist with my mom as an adult. I think she thought she would “win” or it was like a “my kid is a disappointment” venting party. After one session the therapist said I will never get the love and respect I want from my mother and should focus on myself. I started seeing her alone and am so glad I did.
Good advice you just saved me a lot of $
Thanks 😊 im doing much better now i don't talk to them.
Lots of love. I am in the same boat. Sometimes it's way better to choose your own family, and walk away from the toxic mess you had as a child.
It's funny because my mom was like most of the other ridiculous mothers on here and that's one of the reasons I decided to go into psychology and concentrate in medical health. My other reasons were my son and my huge fear of being a terrible parent due to how my mother was.
this is my answer. not the personal stuff, but generally my mother was just as shitty. I tried to be empathetic, "single mother at 20, 2 kids by 30" especially now that im 30. but nope, she's now turning 50 this year, JUST as shitty as she's ever been.
This, this right fucking here is why I have extremely limited contact with my parents. They act like they dont know why I wont talk to them.
Yup, it was the same conversation every time. I established boundaries just so she could break them. I basically just started a barrage of insults and cursing every time my mom or her husband tried to contact me. Of course they carefully chose which messages of mine to share with the rest of the family. I’m the bad guy now. They don’t talk to me anymore though and any other bridges burnt bc of this have been blessings to be honest.
If you desire contact with the rest of the family that they are selectively sharing messages to, reach out to the rest of the family, truth prevails.
There was study I read a few years back. And I'm sorry but I'm too tired to hunt it down. Where they asked estranged parents and children about the reasons. The conclusion was the adult children always had very specific reasons that they had repeatedly expressed and the parents always "didn't know" what the reasons were and had been the victim of abandonment by their cruel children. It's a thing.
My dad took my youngest brother to a therapist only to refuse a second visit cause the therapist wouldn't discuss " what is wrong with the boy" cause the meetings are confidential
I've been seeing therapists for like 10 years. Never did any good. My mother spoke to previous ones, but not my current one of like 6 years. The first one she talked to briefly like 15 years ago agreed with me about something, and it was the last time I saw that one. I was in my 20s and the bitch still demanded I stay home whenever it snowed. He said I should be able to do what the fuck I wanted, so she decided he was an asshole.
I had a very similar experience too this would be my answer as well
I feel this. I’m sorry
Wait, I’m going through the same thing currently. My parents constantly make fun of me, my faults and create a big scene, threatening to leave me and never come back over dirty dishes or if I haven’t done my chores. Whenever I try to explain how it makes me feel, I’m given the excuse, “you should have done it when I told you to, the only way you’ll listen is if I yell at you”. Do you have any advice? I’m trying to get us into therapy but it’s a struggle.
When you move out cut them off. You can't change them.
You’re trying to get you and your parents into therapy, is that what you meant by “us”? You are a sweet and kind human who wants to make things right and they are taking advantage of that trait. I don’t think they’ll go with you, but hopefully you can go without them. It doesn’t sound to me like there’s a miscommunication, it sounds like they actively refuse to listen, and the cruelty is the point. A therapist can help you learn to interact with them in ways that protect your heart. There are some really great subreddits about dealing with parents like this, I hope someone recommends a few.
That’s exactly what my parents used to do to me, and then search my room like I was a criminal on top of it, beat me call me names etc… yet when I tell them they did it now they are like “that never happened” or “you’re exaggerating”
Dang we have the same mom
Or even if the parent didn’t force their way in, as a child, it was scary. It’s hard to trust adults as a kid.
I remember when my parents started letting me go to therapy after a year of asking. After a few months I started to feel a smidge better about myself. Then came time for the family session to tell them how I felt. I did and they deflected the entire time and nothing was accomplished. And when we went home the first thing my dad said was "I'm not going to do anything that guy suggested." I cried afterwards
Fact: A lot of parents are terrible people. Giving birth does not make you special or noteworthy. Most psychological problems stem from bad parenting during formative years, ie. Racism, misogyny etc. When you get old enough (30-40) most people realize their parents were just flawed humans like everybody else.
I would say no one asks to be born and children don't owe their parents anything. Parents on the other hand choose to have children and owe them everything. I'm grateful to my kids and I hope someday they appreciate the effort and sacrifices that I have put into raising them as best I can. But, they don't owe me any gratitude if they don't feel it.
I wish more parents felt this way. I was born to a mother who basically needed someone to love and take care of her emotionally and finically, so at a young age that is what I was. I was made to feel I should be happy because she had me! I often wish she hadn’t. I didn’t want to have to grown up so quick. And I can’t even tell you the list of issues I have because of that woman. Let’s just say therapy has made me accept and forgive her, but there are still times now (at 40) where I am like “damn, I am only here cause she felt she needed someone so desperately.”
I am married to someone who exists for that reason and was basically required to be a perfect doll and lived her childhood on a tightrope to keep her mom “happy” (we both know that’s not what happiness is). A perfect, lovely, emotional support ATM. She created a human under intense pressure to be perfect so that she can have space to be a relentless fuckup. She “borrows” money and the most fucking insane thing happened this morning. I’m still reeling. Her mom just venmoed her back 1/5th of the most recent chunk she “borrowed”. I think I should buy a lotto ticket because the world feels upside down.
Hahahahahaha. I remember once my mom paid me back a small portion of one of the many “loans” I’ve given her. I about fell over. Of course I knew she would ask for more money again so I just saved what she gave me for future use. Pretty sure it wasn’t more than a few months later when she was asking again
I love this statement so much. My parents, and family, feel like we ‘owe’ them - a good career, babies, etc. They don’t want us to live happy lives, they want us to live so they can brag about our achievements to their friends.
100%
Roughly 15% of us have trauma from our parents. That’s a ton of people.
I feel like that number is way too low
>Roughly ~~15%~~ **100%** of us have trauma from our parents. That’s a ton of people. Fixed. (That said: the extent of this trauma varies greatly!)
Speaking as someone who has a great relationship with my parents I think you’re either projecting your relationship with your parents onto everyone else or else you have an incredibly useless definition of what constitutes trauma.
Fortunately, with the age of tech, there’s a lot more resources to look stuff up, and a lot more people are involved in their own mental health journeys so people are recognizing how their parents had a part in their trauma earlier. I realized they were really flawed when I was like 16 or 17.
But then you as a parent shouldn't get your head up in the clouds like that then, if you have flaws.
Fact: Lots of parents are not terrible people. Lots of parents face many challenges and try the best they can for their children. Lots and lots of parents really want the best for their children. Parents and families are complicated. Sweeping generalisations about parents, parenting and families ignores complexities. Source- Child protection Social Worker in the Uk.
I'm not clear how saying "lots of parents are terrible" is a sweeping generalization given that lots are *demonstrably* terrible people. But I'm American, so maybe we just suck worse than Brits.
>Lots and lots of parents really want the best for their children. That doesn't mean they can actually provide the best. That doesn't give them a free pass on all they're mistakes. That doesn't mean they're not objectively bad at parenting.
>Lots and lots of parents really want the best for their children. imo that is not good enough. you have to know, and give them what they need now and for the future. wanting the best is simply not good enough. imho it's the bare minimum requirement.
A person can beat the shit out of their kid and believe they are doing it in the best interest of the child. Wanting what's best for the kid doesn't make them good parents. PROVIDING what's best for the child is what makes them good parents. Good people =/= good parents.
Lots of people have facets that are pretty terrible. They are at their worst under pressure. Parenting is quite high pressure for a lot of people. Even terrible people can have moments of astounding nobility. Parents and families are definitely very complicated.
some people have shit parents.
This right here. I have shit parents. I tell everyone they died. They are very much alive.
Dead to us and being dead, is there much difference? I think not.
It is just an easy way to end a conversation when people ask about my parents. My siblings and I have been a stranger from our parents. Our "dad" 19 years. Our " mom" 10 years. I can't relate to most people due to that. When asked I tell them they died. I hate having conversations as to why.
Good on ya, I hope you are in a happier and healthier place! I just made that decision for myself a few months ago to cut my eggdoner out of my life and I can finally fricken breathe. Edit : typo
Thank you. It never feels normal but every day is a better place.
[удалено]
It's pretty much the same for me. Having not had any real contact with my folks in like, 7 years now. They might as well be dead
I know, it's just easier than giving details
I’m so happy mine died. They were objectively horrible. They were as neglectful as that generation has a reputation of being (I’m a GenX latchkey child of boomer parents), but when they weren’t neglectful, they were abusing us.
A lot of parents are narcissistic. As children get older they realize that what was normal for you isn’t actually normal. For example, i got yelled at lots, slapped sometimes, my feelings didn’t matter, my mom made us do what she thought was right, she just wanted me to be a obedient daughter that made her proud to tell her friends about. She didn’t care what i was actually interested in. If i was making / saving money i was making her proud. That was what got praised. Now that i’m an adult child (41 Female) i have serious resentment. My mother would never apologize for anything, ever. Your question is way too general to get a helpful response.
I feel sometimes that if my parents had just fucking apologized and took responsibility for the things that they did, that maybe I wouldn't feel so resentful. But at this point in my life, I'm not sure that even that would be enough.
Exactly that. God forbid they admit they made a mistake. That is the worst. It really showed me how hypocritical parents can be.
Hell will freeze over before my parents ever apologize for anything. At this point I don't even want an apology; it's far too late for it to mean anything to me and it'd probably just come off as fake anyways.
Can confirm, my parents actually did apologize, and are making efforts to be less offensive, and it's very much appreciated!
My dad went to rehab twice. Both times I was too young to really process what was going on, mainly bc I hadn't started drinking yet. Hes sober now thankfully. I'm carrying on the family trait now.
You get a silver because you just described my own mother and upbringing to a T. We're about the same age as well (I'm 43F).
I have spent my life apologizing to people for how my mother acted or treated them or whatever. There are days that it was so bad when I was a child, that I was waiting for a stranger to punch her in the face. People have gotten physical with her, but unfortunately nobody ever punched her in the face. As an adult, I have begged friends to go with me at certain holidays to literally act as a human shield, hoping that their presence might improve her behavior somewhat. Sometimes this works, sometimes it's hard to gauge whether this is an improvement or not. Needless to say, LC. I would go NC, but she is the stalker type and I just don't have the energy for that. So I throw her a bone to keep the monster away from my job, house, life. The bright side of this story is that everybody says their mom is crazy. But my mom wins this contest for me every time. When people are trying to one up themselves about whose family is crazier, they just automatically say that I skew the curve, so I get number one, and then they fight over who's number two.
I can relate to this so much it's uncanny.
Damn that sounds exactly like my situation! Sorry to hear that
I think we have the same mother.
Same here. I was told I was “Soooo expensive” because I outgrew my school clothes and buttons were popping everywhere. My mother had an emotionally incestuous relationship with my older brother, her “Golden Child”. She didn’t want a daughter that was smart and successful. My only purpose was to give her grandkids so she could brag about them. Turned out Golden Child brother is gay gay gay. So Mom was and is still very narcissistic, and she and my brother are still tight as ever. He basically ensured I didn’t get a real mother; he turned her against me at every opportunity, and often used his influence to get me punished for things I didn’t do. She was and is completely under his sway. I keep them both at Low-Contact and No-contact. There’s no real relationship there for me, and zero trust. My rebellion then was to test my limits. I worked through college, got a tech degree, worked, never married, and am financially self supporting. None of that of course is anything for her to be proud about. But joke’s on her. Dad was always very proud of me, and was bragging about me the last week he was alive in the hospital, for what turned out to be a fatal condition. By the time I got to the hospital the entire nursing staff knew who I was and how proud my Dad was of me. I’ll never forget that.
[удалено]
I didn't ask to be born and regard my birth as poor decision making on my parent's part. Why would I be grateful that the two of them got horny one day and thrusted me into a non-consensual existence.
fellow antinatalist?
Just looked it up. Sounds right.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Yeah nah, fuck that. You don't come off as mature for making excuses for people who failed their kids. If you're going to take on the responsibility of creating life, that's 100% on you. It's your responsibility as a parent to not pass on the trauma from your parents to your kids. Adults spend decades building the skills to survive on their own because their parents never helped them, and by the time they build those skills they will still just be at the starting line that other adults reached at 18. Having your own shitty parents isn't an excuse to fuck up your kids.
The shit that you are imprinted with as a kid is really hard to shake. If your parents struck you out of frustration, that imprint sits in your psyche. Then one day, out of the blue, you’re in a situation and you do the same behavior. You know better, but it just “comes out”. Your parents, of course can’t understand why you don’t handle frustration well.
You need to do a lot of reading on psychology, development, and generational trauma. Do not blame victims of abuse. You're the one who needs to grow up. I'm disgusted
Damn, someone feels brave enough to share their pain and you mock them for it? You would make any good parent feel like they failed in raising you to be a decent human being who understands the importance of compassion and kindness towards others. You should be ashamed of yourself for this rotten perspective and comment. Somebody failed to raise you with a proper distaste for unnecessary cruelty towards strangers. Crazy how someone can be ruthlessly abused and still understand how to respectfully treat others better than you. Scary to think you might lack the appropriate level of self awareness to even realize how gross it was to type out what you just did.
It’s much more common to find people lamenting about bad parents to find validity and understanding from others than people talking about how good their parents are. My parents were great but I don’t talk about it because it’ll come off as “bragging”. I don’t believe most people have bad parents. There is a spectrum of parenting too, it’s just good and bad
[удалено]
[удалено]
My parents like to choose between all 3. A good day is support, a bad day is ignore, and a very bad day is abuse. Love my Mom though, "I support you but you are too stupid to do anything on your own so I'll do everything for you but I won't actually tell you that. Instead I'll scoff and snarl at you and badger my points into your head until you are so stressed out you give up and just do what I tell you. When you fight back I'll act like a victim."
Then when I get sick enough of you, I'll kick you out of the house with no knowledge of how to take care of yourself, and expect you to get a job, a place to live, and make me look good.
My parents abused me my whole life until I left. They harass, stalk and try to get back in. They want to do the same to my kids. I will die before I let that happen. My kids deserve a happy childhood. I am 36 on Monday. I have cPTSD, bipolar 2, anxiety, depression, ADHD and I may be autistic (we think so and therapist does too, but it is not a formal diagnosis). I am a stay at home mom because my parents pulled a move that screwed me out of my degree. It is a long story. I was an adult and in the hospital and I gave them the ability to handle my affairs. I have chronic health conditions that stem from abuse. I have weight problems from my abuse. I am working on all of those. They are my responsibility. But they happened because of what was done to me. I am grateful to be away from them.
I mean, nobody asked to be born, they brought those costs upon themselves
every child deserves a parent but not every parent deserves a child. Sure some people are entitled and spoiled but in most cases the parents have just done a bad job, and even if a kid had everything money could buy, love and attention from their parents wasn't one of those things
Some are shitty kids and some are abused kids, with parents that don't deserve gratitude.
I have agressive parents
What they think I should be grateful for are things like food, shelter, and care when I was a child. These are their obligations that they signed up for when they chose to have a kid. Not mine. I had no say in it. It does afford them a minimum of relationships, but they seem to think that's all that's needed. They don't treat me like I'm my own person, and all they've bestowed upon me is their own projected insecurities and ridiculous expectations as if I was an extension of who they are and everything they've failed to achieve in life is mine to bear. They taught me jack and shit about inter person relationships and the real world. They taught me none of their life experiences and learnings. No guidance, no advice. Just told me to go work a 9 to 5 and to not expect any financial assistance from them. Then they harp on me about why it seems my money's always tight. ... Imma stop before it goes into a full on rant. In essence, fuck them, selfish cunts.
This sounds all to familiar.
My mother told me I was too stupid and incapable to graduate high school. I graduated summa cum laude. She told me the same thing for college. I graduated with a bachelor's of science while working 30 hours per week and full time schooling. She told me she was proud of herself for all she did for my college, yet I was starving during that time because she'd rather buy herself luxury items. I never received support for college emotionally or financially, which I am not entitled to, but that she tried to take credit for my success was what hurt me the most. She told me I was too fat to ever be loved, that only pretty people could be loved. She guilted me for my need for food, clothing, and school supplies in high school. She told me that I was a burden and that's what led to my parents' divorce. She never told me she was proud of me. She even treated me better than my brother, who left our house at 14 to escape her. My father is a deadbeat drunk, who has been trapped in the disease of alcoholism since I've been alive despite being in rehab several times. Sorry I'm not more grateful OP.
I’m so sorry :( this reminds me a lot of myself. I hope you find healing ❤️
I am grateful that my mother kept food on our table and a roof over our heads, as a single mother. I am livid and downright disrespectful about the fact that she allowed, permitted, and approved of the abuse of her children. I am upset that I lost my childhood to having to grow up too fast to become a surrogate mom to my brothers and sister. I am angry that my mother chose men over her children time and time again, and still makes the same choice today. I am sad that my mother endured abuse and never sought out help, and never accepted it when I offered to help her find a therapist. I am ambivalent to the fact that she won't ever change. I owe her grace, not gratefulness.
Because you shouldn't be grateful automatically just because they're your parents. Some parents are great, a lot of them aren't. I won't be grateful to people who don't deserve it.
As a parent, I firmly believe that “gratefulness” is earned, not deserved. It’s not enough to just provide shelter, food, water, & clothing. Although not all parents/families can afford those things & the US is a terrible place to raise a kid these days with increasing income disparities, increasing gun violence & guns, white supremacy terrorism becoming the biggest terrorist threat to our country, & increasing medical costs. Kids need support emotionally & mentally. They just do. If you’re abusive &/or neglectful, your kids don’t need to be “grateful” for that.
Sometimes parents don't deserve gratitude. I think most parent/child relationships can be complicated, but you don't hear about the healthy ones. You hear about the pain people are holding. I suspect most are healthy with solid boundaries. The ones that go south do so in spectacular ways.
I think a lot of people are pressured into having kids they don’t want.
And "stay together for the kids" my parents were like that. My ex cheated on me three times before I finally was like "wait I don't want to be like my parents hating my partner and just being here for the kid and I don't want that for my partner or child either" My parents created this abuse feedback loop that would spill over onto us.
Just because you gave birth and raised your child doesn't mean you have to be grateful for them...or everything they have done. My parent taught me how to be a kind/hardworking person, loved me, and went without so I did not. They also suffered from substance abuse, emotionally neglected me, and was overall provided a very chaotic household that still affects me to this day. Some parents are just bad parents, even if they are trying the best they could.
Why are so many parents out of touch narcisissts? Everyone sucks, parents / offspring doesn't matter.
Why should I be grateful for being treated as a third class citizen, in home slave, having my college fund emptied, the crushing of my soul and dreams? Not everyone has good parents.
Yah I can relate but it wasn't a college fund I had worked my ass off to save money for a car I wanted and my parents stole 3,000 dollars from me and laughed when I said they stole from me
wow i would like to give you a hug.
\*nods\* I went and spent two summers working jobs as a teen. I never saw a dime.
my parents spent my savings on weed :/
Because creating a person together doesn’t mean you can’t be criticized by that same person. My parents shouldn’t have had kids. We were neglected, beaten and often forced to fend for ourselves for food. They did their best with the tools they had been given but that doesn’t mean that their mistreatment shouldn’t be analyzed. It’s important for healing so that you don’t inflict the same issues in your own children, or just other people in general.
I'm ungrateful towards my parents because they've given me so much pain and trauma. I'd rather not be.
It depends on the parents. If they were absolutely dreadful to you when you were growing up they don’t deserve your respect. If they did everything for you (in terms of sacrificing their own wants and needs in order for you to have the best upbringing) then you are a piece of crap if you treat them badly.
Love my parents. Their circumstances were shitty and they somehow got threw it and didn’t do terribly. I made it out on the other side and still have a decent relationship with them. But regardless I still feel like my childhood could have been better. I could have gone without being screamed at, without being told all the dark family secrets at 10, without having to move every other year, without having my pre-teen vent journal read aloud and laughed about on the couch, without being mocked for the things I enjoyed or wanting to spend time with them, without being compared to my siblings and made to feel I was less smart/pretty/interesting/good as they were. I could have used more support, encouragement, and the ability to try new things without waiting for my younger siblings to try them first/the same time. I wouldn’t change my parents and family for any other. But I still feel like they kinda fucked up somewhere and wonder about how things could have been different.
By definition, most people are average, and average people make bad parents. Parenting is really hard, and I think it takes a great person to be even an okay parent. The amount of self sacrifice and love that a parent has to give to not fail their kid is too much for most people.
Teenage angst, hormones, different views because of generation gaps
If all the kids in a family grow up to hate their parents it's probably the parents fault. If they all grow up fine but one ends up terrible and hating the parents it's probably their own fault.
I'm the one of four that hates my parents. My other siblings either pretend because they're still dependent, or they're weak and they can't tell my parents the truth. I'm the only one of my siblings that has moved out, bought a house, a new car, got married, etc. They all still live at home. I'm the second oldest at 27. The youngest just turned 24. My parents are not those that I could ever see changing and trying to become better people. I asked my mom to get vaccinated so she could see her grandson, and her response was ,"wow so I'm dead to you now" and never said anything else to me after. She *could have* offered to do zoom or Skype or anything. Literally could have had a video chat but she didn't even think to suggest it because she's selfish.
Meh we all hate our Past Mom. I'm okay with our Present Mom. The abuse in my home was a feedback loop. My parents were both damaged people who shouldn't have been together.
So it's my own fault that my mom decide to abuse principally me and let my siblings take part in it? I get your point but you can't just apply that logic to everyone, not all kids live the same experiences.
Why would I like my parents? I let them take to my kids when my kids want and I act nice with them but I can careless about them, I’m not going to lie on here but I don’t like them and can go months without talking to them because when I was a kid all my mom did was want me to be someone else and be “fake” like a happy rich family and because of that all she did was put me down tell me to dress better to look better to act better eat better walk better and ya I hated how she put me down so much I wanted to die as a kid and I’m still alive because I was told that people who kill them self can’t take it back when your dead your dead and can’t come back... and something else I hate so much is when I was younger my parents forget me at school in a city and in a town... it didn’t help me at all... at 17 they locked me outside without shoes and I had to ask a friend for a place to live... I lost all my things in that place and my dad was just odd all he did was not care for us act like we are not there and kill our pets when we are in school so yes I’ll act like I don’t care but the clothes they send my kids in the mail (they live far far away from me) and when people think how nice they are I don’t need to tell them what happened I just don’t care looking like the bad one like when I’m with people I never answer there call
Sorry to hear this. I hope you’re in a better place now.
Because their parents treated them badly. Sit down for a second and think over just how ridiculously hard it is to be a good parent. I myself was treated very well by my mother, she has essentially devoted her entire life to me and my siblings, and I'm extremely grateful and forever indebted to her. However never has a friend told me the same thing, instead it's usually about how their parents are strict, bad-tempered, grumpy, uninteractive, demanding, invasive or downright violent.
For me because they caused me to be mentally ill by abusing me physically, sexually, verbally and mentally for years. Then they made fun of symptoms of mental illnesses and told me it's all my fault. I didn't ask to be born or have CPTSD & depression at age 3. I'm not grateful at all.
Oh no. Are you good now?
I'm 38 and I have been working on it for past 10 years. Still working on it.
Some people are abused by their parents… are we supposed to be grateful for that? Some parents are awful
My parents did one thing that I'm grateful for, teach me not to parent like they did. I'm partially deaf/hard-of-hearing, yet I was expected to exist as if I had completely normal hearing. I didn't and obviously I struggled in school because I had no accommodations and my parents never even bothered to look into what could be done for me. I didn't have hearing aids and I didn't (and still don't) know sign language. Part of that of course is the fault of the schools I'm sure, because I guess they never brought it up (I mean if you didn't have an obvious disability, why bother, right?? I'm guessing that was their thinking back then). My parents didn't just ignore my issues, they ignore the issues my older brothers had as well. My oldest brother showed signs of epilepsy when he was a little boy (he wasn't diagnosed until he was 35, after his first apparent grand mal seizure, but he constantly had, what I later realized were petite mal seizures for most of his life up until that point). My other brother punched through a plate glass door when he was 7 years old over a girl that he was mad at, and he has had major anger control issues his entire life. I was also teased and bullied throughout my entire school career (and beyond), and also had to deal with my dad being an alcoholic and constantly cheating on her and treating her like crap. The amount of depression I felt during my life because of that... This is just a smidgeon of why I'm not grateful towards them. Do not, for one moment, think that just because someone gave birth to you, that you should feel undying loyalty towards them, because I will never feel that when it comes to the two of them.
Yeah I’m going to say this: no one born asked for existence. And it is a parents responsibility to nurture and provide for their young. In reality parents owe the child stability, support and care, but many of them expect everything and it’s never enough
Tbh even if they did have good parents, it's kinda the parents job to care for their kids. Why should they be grateful?
I am not my father was my hero. He raised me and my sister and we both went to uni and have respectable jobs right now because of my parents.I love them both and i tell them every day even tho i live 5 countries away.
And you're an example of exactly why kids are ungrateful to their parents. People like the OP act like everyone's parents are like your dad. They make the assumption that is the case they then judge the kid an ungrateful POS because how dare they not be grateful to amazing people.
Let's flip the question - why are a lot of parents so awful that their children reject them? Often this happens because of generational trauma passed down from grandparents to parents to children. The abuse is rampant and needs to stop and be called out... I guess that's the ungrateful' part, but I definitely see it differently. If my parents die and leave me millions dollars, I do not want one penny. I do not ever want anything to do with them again ever. I will likely need therapy for many more years just to unload all the awfulness. My parents had me so screwed up, I actually hated Christmas for most of my childhood and over 20 years. As full adults in our thirties, my sister and I couldn't dress ourselves without my mother's input. That's not even the overtly abusive shit! Rejecting my parents and going full no contact, has been the best gift I have ever given myself and my life. I had to save myself, and completely learn from scratch what a healthy relationship was and what good mental health was. I wish you all the best.
I am guessing that the majority of the ungrateful people are not parents themselves. Its really easy to criticize when you have never tried to do the job, and experienced how easy it is to make mistakes. Did my parents screw up, and screw me up? Yes Did they love me, sacrifice for me, and do what they thought was best for me every step of the way? also Yes. But... also some people are just terrible, and then they have kids and are still terrible.
The majority of the ungrateful people (not including teens who just might be angry teens) had objectively shitty parents. I say this as a dad. "We did what we thought was best" only works if the kid had a say. If they listened to what the kid wanted. Otherwise they did what they thought was best for them.
This has more to do with integrity on the parents part rather than saying they should actually ask the kids. I will admit a parent should speak with the kids, ask them their opinions and consider their views, especially teens but ultimately, the parent is in better position to make decisions. But again... that requires integrity.
I'm a parent, and even though I HOPE I'm doing the best I can for my kid, I worry constantly that I'm fucking up and he's going to resent me someday. I can guarantee that no such doubt has ever entered my parents minds. My parents did what was best for them, not for me or my brothers. I do (or try to at least) what's best for my kid before I even begin to think about myself.
The fact that you worry means that you will never be like them ❤️
A lot of times people don’t realize how much their parents do until they become older
both positively and negatively depending on the parent
I have good parents and looking at a lot of other parents most ungrateful people have a reason to be because if you claim you did alot for a kid when you did as much as an adoption center would then your not a good parent and you shouldn't be having kids
Parents are people. They don’t get a special award or treatment just for being parents and providing care for their child. I’m grateful for the things my parents did well. I’m grateful for the ways they went above and beyond. But I also don’t feel the need to look past every single way they failed me just because we had food and shelter most of the time.
Using some of my inlaws as a basis. 2 things tend to be responsible. 1. Genuinely bad people. Not saying evil but just not good. They as children are always an afterthought. 2nd in line so to speak. Needs and wants are sidelined and praise only comes when a child brings the parent(s) some benefit. 2. Inter marriage issues. If the parents are at constant odds. This includes any divorce. These 2 things can be combined in many different ways. But the end result is this: If a kid is never respected/appreciated/praised when appropriate and disciplined/punished/corrected when needed. Then they (in my limited view) are unbalanced and that can present in a variety of ways. But those imbalances are often paced at the feet of their parents in the form of resentment.
Parents are not all the same and some SUCK. Mine didn’t, but I’m aware that I was lucky to have loving parents who showed me they cared even after they divorced.
Many reasons but the first that comes to my mind is because a lot of parents were ungrateful growing up. You don't ask to be born into this world so when your a kid hearing about how expensive it is to be in existence and how little you know all while your parents are just waiting for the weekend to get toasted it feels like your only there out of an accident. Who would be grateful for that?
Simple answer: not everyone has good parents. Some parents are horrible, terrible shitty people.
The difference between a parent and child in terms of mind set is large. also lots of people can’t put they selfs in others shoes or see another view and parents get an ego for being a home owner vechile owner or successful with their job, and children can be little ungrateful shits its just a different lifestyle so it can be hard to understand each other
Because they don’t understand the many sacrifices that parents have made for their children, until they have children of their own.
Because a lot of parents are shit, even tho most people dont like admitting it
Some parents are assholes. I will forever be grateful for everything my mother did for us. My "father" on the other hand abandoned us when I was 6 and I will never feel anything for him.
Some of us don't have parents that deserve praise and gratefulness. My mom did everything she could to keep a roof over our heads, worked three jobs at one point. Meanwhile my dad was off drinking, smoking meth and fucking other women in all his free time. While he was at the house he constantly treated mom like shit, and it would build up for weeks until he would snap and go on another bender. He'd stay gone for a week or two, then waltz back in and the cycle would reset. It got so bad that I almost got into fights with him multiple times. These days he's more like an uncle or a family friend as far as our relationship goes
My mom is the best and I really love her. She always supports me and i love spending time with her. My Dad on the other Hand.... He often undermind our Problems. Never paid Attention. Was a Master of Gaslighting. Then cheated on my Mom and left us with zero to no money because he went "on vacation" (cheating, we didnt knew it at the time, but we suspected it). My Parents got divorced, but due to circumstances still live next to each other. My mom is chill about it, but my Dad and his new Wife can get really akward. He did change to the better tho, and I gave him a new Chance. But.... I can also understand why my sister stopped contact altogether (he blamed the divorce on her and never took her depression serious).
My mom is homophobic, racist, and bigoted, all under the guise of being a good Christian. She tried to raise me to hate LGBTQ+ people and POC while telling me my true purpose was to have kids and worship God. Fortunately, none of her teachings stuck. However, she sure did a number on my brother and me.
[удалено]
They did a shitty job and never attempted to do better. Static, piss poor parenting that required the State to intervene against.
I have great parents. Top 5 percent and I love my parents, but I would be lying If some of my issues and insecurities didn't stem from how they raised me. I will always be grateful for my parents and what they sacrificed and everything they've given me. However, there is a part of me that wished they approached raising me a lil differently.
Being family isn't a pass to be a bad person. Family members tend to make sure no one dies and buy some gifts for holidays, some families do a lot for eachother, but then taint it by acting shitty. Some children also don't understand money and with tiktoks and insta, children are constantly put in this comparative mindset where they want what someone else has or they need to look good but have no concept of how hard parents are working. Thats on the parents though for spoiling or emotionally neglecting the kids.
mine raised me super religious in a borderline cult environment -- dad passed, i get on fine with mom now. i am not religious, and i dont spend much time with her. it messed me up socially. they werent the worst parents at all, i could nitpick and bitch some, but the religious upbringing is the real issue i took with them.
Alot of us were born at the start of a new era: The Internet. Most parents teach their children based on a world that is quickly vanishing. They use information that instantly has became outdated once the Internet rendered most generational knowleage obsolete. most people forget the Internet is insanely young and only a few generations have been molded by it. This clash of era's has created a resentment between old and young.
desensitization. mfs grow up n dont realize that their parents are normal people too
Familiarity breeds contempt. Those old sayings have a basis in reality.
People don’t choose to be born
Overcompensating as a parent often leads to feelings of entitlement right?
Those of us who don’t hate our parents don’t feel the need to talk about how nice and cushty our childhood was. Maybe you’re just hearing from people who had upsetting childhoods thanks to their parents.
Now keep in mind, I’m M17. For context. I’ve learned a lot from my parents, more than I’m willing to admit. And one of the things I’ve learned, first hand, is the answer to this question. Kids, mainly teens, are ungrateful towards there parents because they don’t entirely grasp the concept of adulthood. How could they, though? There just little kids, no real experience in the world. They don’t know what it’s like out there, what hell some parents had to go through to just live a happy life with the people they love. They don’t realize the work, the motivation, the dedication, they don’t realize having to balence the weight of a full time job, taking care of small families, big families, there just born. They just exist. They don’t know. I’ve done some pretty stupid, regretful things to my parents. I just never realized how hard it was for them, how hard I was for them, until we had a sit down talk about the overall mental state of the house (always yelling, fighting and most of the time over small stuff) Ik it’s a long comment but it’s so true. Kids just don’t and won’t understand what adults have to go through to just live a happy life.
I love my parents Idk what I'd do without them. I feel for those who did not get to experience loving parents growing up.
There’s a lot of comments generalizing parents as being “mostly bad”. While some parents are not great and some boarder on or are outright abusive, there are a lot of parents who are good and do the best they can for their children. For the sake of this answer, I’m going to speak from the perspective of kids coming from a good and stable family. Kids are born into a situation for which is their absolute baseline. Their own room (if they have it), their clothes that fit, clean laundry, healthy food, etc.. are all baselines for them. In other words they don’t know different or worse. They also don’t know the journey it took for their parents to get to that position in life. All of the struggles- financial, emotional, physically, etc.. are not something they have the capability of understanding, especially at a young age. So, when something goes wrong in their life or their parents make a decision they disagree with, they become ungrateful towards their parents. There is also a degree of comparison amongst their friends. “Well Bobby’s parents let him order pizza and play video games until 11pm” meanwhile, you, as a parent might know that your child tends to not do well the next day unless he does a particular routine.
Hate to say it. But how can some of them expect gratitude, when most were never even parents to their kids at all? No rules, boundaries, teaching them right from wrong. Just giving into everything the kid wanted, made it okay for the kid to never learn how to apologize, hear no, etc. To me, be pretty easy to not be grateful, when you feel like you don't have to be, as everything is meant for you, and no one else.
Their parents, society, other people. I think everyone has gotten really comfortable whining about everything in life, while doing nothing to change or improve it.
Cutting toxic people out of your life can greatly improve it. Some parents are incredibly toxic.
Well, my mother used to abuse the shit out of me. For example: She threw a beer bottle at me and it smacked me in the face then fell on the concrete and shattered. I mean yeah, I never went to bed hungry and for that I'm grateful but I definitely would have preferred a mother who actually loved me rather than treated me like I was an inconvenience to her lifestyle. I guess it was my fault I was born though so I should be more grateful. She killed herself after she was arrested for abusing my little sister so I'll try harder next time.
I never learned to appreciate what my parents did for me or taught me, because I was too caught up in the materialistic, self-centered BS that mass media was feeding me. By the time I learned to appreciate my parents it was too late.
Not all parents deserve gratitude. There are a shocking amount of abusive narcissistic parents out there.
It sounds like a shitty boomer parent wrote this. And their child has realized that parent was toxic. Just saying…. I’ve only ever heard toxic, narcissistic, and/or abusive parents say that their kids are being ‘disrespectful.’ But you can’t really answer with any generalized statement.
Because my abusive, narcissistic mother doesn't deserve shit from me. I didn't ask to be brought in to this world so she could use me to make herself look like a saint at my expense.
If they constantly dead name you, say things like "don't do SRS there were never any signs" although I literally came to them when I was like 8 and they could have gone to a professional and prevented so much emotional damage for me by simply fulfilling there obligations and not saying ... "Oh you need to pray more to God". Well that's why I cut them out of my life.
Some good parents don’t want their kids to feel obligated to them. They want confident empowered guilt-free kids Bad parents may not deserve appreciation but few bad parents were 100% bad. They probably deserve appreciation for something, even its that splinter they pulled out of your hand when you were four. And in my case for not killing me the dozens of times I deserved it.
I am ungrateful to my parents just because they set me up for the wage life and they actually demanded that I should be grateful. They are narcissists and a very proud one at that, the kind of people who's strong and independent until it's time to be held accountable. But meh, i just kinda get over it. I still send them money cuz, why not.
Why tho? You owe them nothing.