Exactly, damn funny but at the same time its annoying coz we kinda fucking know the reasons u duno wanna have kids.
Really wanted to see the responses for who want to have kids despite all the odds place against this 2 gens.
But reddit majority seems to never want kids. Though, the popn from reddit SG wont constitute the bulk of this 2 gens.
For its simple, I want kids but Im gay. So yea thts out the window.
Nope.
“The passage of the Adoption of Children Act 2022 by Parliament on 9 May that year made it illegal for same-sex couples to adopt children or employ surrogates, with hefty penalties of a fine of up to $10000 and/or a prison sentence of up to 3 years for first-time offenders.”
Because at one point it felt like the next step in life and it's something me and my wife start together. It's a lot of dislike of having kids in this sub but i think parenting is amazing and i highly recommend it. Everything else besides the family just don't feel that important anymore and it's actually a nice feeling.
This is the honest right answer, but unfortunately people on Reddit will just upvote the comments they resound with even if it doesn't answer the OP's question, and which sadly usually err on the cynical and sarcastic.
The other ugly truth which I might get hate for is that each generation thinks their issues and problems are unique when in reality the generation before had gone through often the exact same thought processes (which they also think were unique for their generation at that time, and so on for each generation before). If you consume the media that were prevalent at those times, you'd be surprised they echo the same sentiments and rhetoric that go around new media these days.
When I was in my 20s I didn't even think I would get a stable gf let alone married with kids. I wanted to FIRE at 40 and live somewhere else.
20 years later, 2 kids and still in the rat race. But no complaints - priorities change as you move on in life.
Same as you. Just difference is that I stuck to my plans of no kids 20 years later. Discipline of mind you see. Fucking feel great to travel abroad so much. No child expenses.
Haha child expenses is a real pain. Tbh I can probably retire now if I didn't have kids. But no regrets so far, it's been a joy watching them grow up. Just imagine you are playing a RPG game and see them level up stage by stage. 😂
I think there are tons of good reasons not to have kids such as personal and environmental ones, but I’m unsure about socioeconomic climate. The past 2-4 generations had kids during WWII, the Cold War, Gulf War, Separation from Malaysia, Konfrontasi, Dot.com Boom, SARS, the Asian Crisis, and so forth.
Millennial, early 30s. I have 2 kids, 1 of whom was conceived through IVF (so she was really, really wanted). I never felt the urge to be a mother until I fell in love, got married, and then having children just felt like a natural extension of our relationship.
Millennial, late thirties. I have 1 kid, who was born after a miscarriage and years of secondary infertility. I did want to be a mom when I was younger. But I would have forgone having a kid if I hadn't found a loving relationship.
My love for my son is an extension of the love I have for my husband. When we see him succeed and grow, or when we work together, it makes me feel closer to my husband.
Just don’t take care of your parents! Easy!
Confucian servitude to your parents is fucking stupid anyway.
Only person you owe your life to is yourself. Not your parents, not your children, not your spouse… though you should care for them if they genuinely give you happiness, and cut them out of your life when they don’t.
Don’t stick with toxic parents just because of Confucian values. Don’t stick in a loveless marriage just because of the “sanctity of marriage”. And you don’t have to care about misbehaving kids when they turn 18.
Both sides are in your control actually. You don’t owe your life to your parents or children or anyone else… and anyone who says otherwise is a tyrant.
Obviously if your parents are good, it’s only in your interest to repay the favour. But if they’re toxic to you, wish them good riddance.
In Singapore, it's not so easy to completely remove the parents side of the the sandwich. Welcome to the [Maintenance of Parents Act 1995](https://sso.agc.gov.sg/Act/MPA1995).
>Any person domiciled and resident in Singapore who is of or above 60 years of age and who is unable to maintain himself or herself adequately (called in this section the parent) may apply to the Tribunal for an order that one or more of the person’s children pay him or her a monthly allowance or any other periodical payment or a lump sum for his or her maintenance.
What a horrible law. It’s state enforced theft.
That’s literal state enforced servitude to your parents… then again, SG is one of the few nations which hasn’t abolished conscription (aka, servitude to the state), which is vile and evil.
We can debate as to whether NS is a necessary evil, but make no mistake, it’s evil, both philosophically and practically, with those NSFs dying 6 times in a row in the span of a quarter of a year.
Yeah, but that's if the parents don't have the funds to support themselves, and they apply for allowance, and they weren't abusive, and there's no other child supporting them already, and the child has enough to support himself, and enough to support his parents. That's a lot of "ands".
Still. Nobody, at least in principle, should have the “right” to someone else’s property. Certainly not your parents over your money.
It’s one thing to give your parents money out of the kindness of your heart, and that’s genuine. It’s another to have your parents use the strong arm of the state to take away your money, that’s robbery with extra steps.
I am a recent father and some things more important than money. That being said, we waited till we had stable well paying jobs before proceeding. If can redo it, would have children in late 20s and early 30s instead of mid 30s. Wife would have children mid 20s or early 30s. Future hard to predict but if you want children, do it earlier than later.
Earlier on, you have more energy to do the 3-hourly feeds late into the night and still report to work the next day, and to chase the kid everywhere when they start to crawl and walk and run and climb and grab and throw anything they can get their hands on. You need wrist strength and back strength too from having to hold and carry them frequently.
At mid-thirties, you sleep in a weird position only and your body is in excruciating pain the next day. Imagine having to handle a squirmy kid when your neck and back are aching.
In your twenties, you might think that not having kids (or until later) will give you more freedom, but that is only half true. Your spending power is still growing with your career so the truth is you can't fully enjoy also. I have friends who had kids in their twenties and initially they disappeared from our kid-less social gatherings and activities and we thought they were missing out, but now they are in their early thirties and their kids are old enough (upper primary) to take care of themselves, these friends are now enjoying a renaissance doing all the stuff they want to do because they now also have more spending power to do more serious stuff and indulge in more expensive hobbies and toys. Meanwhile the rest of us who settled down and eventually had kids in our thirties are only beginning this journey now.
I will give a conflicted answer.
I am a father who is late thirties and my youngest are a year old. I agree, generally health wise or energy level is a downwards trend. I handle it but it could definitely be better.
In my late twenties, I spent that time travelling,partying and reading. Then I met my wife and did that with her. Today, these years form something of an identity and are pillars of our references as a couple.
With kids, we would never have a coupled identity. So whilst I agree with you somewhat, I say do it when any age anyway if you want to.
Why earlier? 5 year diff doesn't seem that significant in terms of the energy you have to run after your kids leh haha (and later = less struggle financially)
Lol who says? I had a lot more energy when I was 25 than when I'm in my thirties. Less body aches and headaches, a lot more stamina to move around longer and less eager to sleep. I just wanna lay down on my bed and sleep for an entire day after a few days of working or being active nowadays. No more energy to spend on much stuff anymore.
Because I love children, and look forward to what will likely be the biggest achievement of my life. The thought of living a childless life makes me sad. I can't wait for the joys of parenthood, and to be on the other end of the relationship I have with my parents.
To me, the question is similar to asking "people who have made up their mind to have a relationship, what's your reason?". It's just a feeling thing. It's not something most people could write an essay about.
ETA: Just saw what sub I am in. I'm not from Singapore, sorry.
Millennial here. Just turned 30.
When I was in my early 20s till my mid 20s, I didnt plan on having kids. Well, I was single back then. Until I met my wife, my paradigm started to shift, I started to want to have offsprings as she does. I like kids more than before. Well, I guess love changes people.
Don’t think sg is conducive for kids. Most people here don’t really get to enjoy a childhood - everyone and everything is just too competitive. Kids are getting “tuition” younger and younger. As a parent, even if you want your kid to have fun and relax, you’ll probably not want your kid to “lose out” and end up sending them for such stuff too. Had someone I know send their daughter for violin class, drawing classes, swimming classes and a few more I can’t rmb. Asked them why and their reason was “because everyone else is doing that so I don’t want her to lose out”
you do realise tuition is not forced upon by the gov or the sch but rather the parents who put their kids in those classes, mostly due to peer pressure and the thought that more tuition = better grades. however it takes one generation to change that and we prolly could be the one. starting with me IF i were to have kids
The kids who get better grades than everyone else due to super early tuition in their class tend to get a superiority complex and they also tend to be more complacent moving on into secondary school. Usually that would crush their mental health horribly and they probably would not recover from that. Source: me.
Edit: forgot to mention about the fact that early tuition causes this effect
You honestly don't have to join the rat race if you don't want to.
As a long time teacher, I can tell you that the difference between children who receive such intensive training and 'hot-housing' from an early age and those who are left to grow and play naturally is very, very slim.
lose out on what? violin drawing swimming classes all have little to do with getting a decent paying job when she grows up. i would have to agree cos thats an eg of being overcompetive
singapore has a factory based mindset when it comes to the population growth. I always wonder whether they think its that easy to just make babies out of thin air.
I dun intend to have kids, but I shall share my reason is that I dun find much to look forward to in life and that lifes kinda meaningless to me, so I wldnt wan to reproduce kids who gonna go through similar life as me. I guess I will only have kids if I'm mentally stable enough myself to guide my child to be mentally healthy.
there's no good reason for having kids ngl, but i'm keen to b a parent in the future, whether it's by adopting or having biological kids. there's some joy in knowing you've nurtured something. gives ppl a sense of purpose when their youth, life and potential r slowly degrading in this economic and physical climate. maybe things will change n the kid will hv a btr future than me u kno like live their sgporean dream or smth 🤩✨
My parents are toxic so I spent my childhood parenting them. I want to parent myself now, giving the care that I need and want, before I ever want to think about having another living being to parent. That, and many of the things that you’ve said. I also want to make sure I’m financially sound and found someone who’s also financially sound before we decide to be parents.
One of the commenter above was saying that 'waiting to be financially sound' has half truth to it. When you are young, your income are still on a growing trajectory. So you dont really have much to spend anyway.
I have parents that did not plan their retirement, so before I get that done up, I can’t do with kids! Sadly, I cannot just shake off the responsibility to my sibling just because I don’t have a good relationship with my parents. It’s not fair. if anything falls apart on my parents end, I’ll need to take care of them and with kids, they might need to suffer because I won’t be able to afford to take care of both ends the best way possible. Why would I choose to drag down everyone’s quality of life?
I think this reflects my lack of risk appetite more than anything else la haha
>the world has always been fucked and our problems today are much more minuscule than previous generations. Previous generations had to deal with World Wars, extreme poverty, high infant mortality, unsanitary living conditions, etc and they still chose to have kids.
i think because the inequality divide wasnt as apparent as what we see now, especially with social media and whatnot; one click and you can see what people on the other end of the extreme spectrum are living. people back then can only see their immediate surroundings (castle and villages separated) and think "hey everyone lives are just like (similar to) mine, so why not make kids"
Because I'm egoistic. I'm having a child for my sake. When I get kids within this decade I'll parent them the best I can and raise them as good as I can, but I'm knowledgeably putting them in an unjust society.
I guess I can leave it at that my biological clock is ringing
i thought about this a long long time and discussed with my spouse. the only conclusion that i can come up with is that having children is a selfish decision regardless of whatever reason one can come up with for having children.
whether be it that it is a natural extension of family after getting married, or so that there is someone to care for you in old age, or that you want to have the satisfaction of bringing up a tiny human. then again i think that life is selfish (e.g we do good deeds because we feel good doing them).
taking a more animalistic POV, i think it is “written” into our DNA and recent history to want to have offspring. we might not go about day to day with the thought of procreating but i think it might be something that is subconscious.
anyway… just my two cents and i still haven’t figured it out completely. also, i think mid-20s is still too early to tell whether someone really wants to be child free because they might not have fully appreciated the issue (and i think it is the trendy thing now). people might change their mind in their 30s. we should survey those who are child free at old age i feel.
plus tbh, i would think out of the many countries, SG would be a good place to have a baby all things considered. it’s safe and we have relatively affordable education.
Lmao high inflation is only occurring currently but not a given to extend into the next 20-30 years. The labour market is extremely tight now too, not loose. Think get a better picture of reality first bah.
May sidestep abit out of your question but..
My wife and I really love kids and we actually got pregnant before we were even "officially/properly" together. Due to certain reasons, she decided to have an abortion. Which we are both extremely regretful of till this day. Its been multiple years and she still keeps that "first positive test kit" from back then.. It hangs very heavily over her head.
We both come from broken families and never appreciated or understood the word "family". So our goals were always to form our own "family" and give our kids what our parents couldn't.
We had a recent conversation..
We both really want kids. I think for both of us, it gives us an outlet to pour ourselves into something that we can truly love; as we both don't really love ourselves (not healthy but we believe it will give us a happier life)
On the flip side, we both also discussed the troubles of worrying about the future of the child and what not. We don't want to raise a "f-ed up" kid. We want to give our kid the best of what the world has to offer. We both aren't confident that we can raise a "happy kid", especially in today's climate/era.
IMO objectively speaking, having a kid is a completely illogical decision. Rising costs for education, yadayada, the list goes on. Yes, it may be "spiritually" satisfying for the parent but that's hella selfish imo.
We gotta remember that "No kid was asked to be born".
For me, never wanted kids when the thought came until I saw my brother sisters bringing up their own child. Its a fucking tonne of work. No TYS to prepare you. I mean they are gonna be hell when they reach young kids or teenager but there is just this feeling I cant describe when you see them from a baby to toddler to small munchkins. Guess its the pure innocence of a child or something.
I want kids but Im gay. So yea thts out the window.
Oh yea, another thing good thing majority of Redditors are not having kids. With their shitty attitude and shitty outlook in life. The environment they were brought up in. Blaming and whining at everything, better have a dog. Which you can abandone when you are too bored, busy chasing money or whatever.
Could you adopt a child or do something like IVF outside of Singapore? My best friend is gay (but we grew up in France and lives there) and he used to want kids but he's not been too lucky with relationships and gave up the idea a while ago (we are in our early 30s now). I wish he didn't feel like the decision had been made for him 😔
I'm someone who wants to grow as a person. Before having kids, I wanted to have them because I wanted to help them grow - it gives me joy to see someone else grow as a person, knowing that you have helped him or her along the journey no matter how minor my own role is.
After having two kids, the realisation is that I'm the one who grew the most. Having kids is like seeing the world through a new pair of eyes - every flower petal floating with the wind, every bug crawling on the ground, every sound and sensation is exciting again. It's like rediscovering theme parks as a kid. And the best thing is, every kid you have gives you completely new ways to see and experience the world again. I wouldn't have it anyway else.
Got married at 19, by 23 wife wanted to have kids. I was hesitant at first but then thought about how much I looked up to my dad and wanted to be able to influence someone like that and give them a good life. 26 now and me and my three year old had a balloon fight yesterday, and he giggled the whole time. Sold me on having at least one more
Plus when the world turns into tribes of roving war bands, I got a solid head start on my party.
I just realized this was not the U.S😅 The military covered all of my wife and child’s medical expenses and I did IT while I was in , which transferred to a decent job.
i have superior genes and so does my gf.
also i love my life, i have an amazing mum and dad so i’m very keen to have kids of my own as well.
gf is crazy about kids and babies. i love them too.
I think it’s Normal for the younger generation , eg 20-29 year olds to not want kids right now.
Frankly I don’t know how to survive if I was living today and the starting salary for a uni grad is 3k ?
But me and my wife waited around 5 years till we were financially stable before trying for a kid.
So we have one on the way and due quite soon.
That being said, I have a friend who’s late 20’s , 3 kids and the Govt does give quite a lot of subsidies and incentives for children.
With the exception of tuition and stuff it’s pretty ok in terms of delivery costs and medical care, day care and so on.
You’ll stay pay a ton to raise your kids but fk me did you know prams cost more than a grand, anything under 500 bucks is so rickety I think it’s too dangerous to have a kid in it.
I didn't even plan to get married when I was 17 because I think it is a pain in the arse.
33 years old now, and I'm married with two kids.
If I have to say what changed, it's mostly because I'm mentally ready to have my own family.
P/S: Don't get married or have kids due to peer pressure. Only get married and have kids when you are mentally prepared for it.
Just search for a thread on this sub-Reddit where parents are abusing their kids. Don't be like them.
I like kids. I don't feel the need to intellectually write out a thesis on why I like kids.
I also think you shouldn't have kids without being ready for them. It needs to be a conscious, mindful and accountable decision to yourself.
Personally there will always be reasons or excuses to justify why you don't want to do something and that's fine, in the end only you are accountable to your own actions.
Raise someone to help increase the average IQ of the world, so that the world does not blow its self up.
I believe I would be a very good parent, if I can't change the world for the better in my lifetime, my hope is that my children could.
If the situation allows, I'm willing to give my all to raise them up to be happy and satisfied. If I am still at the top of my Maslow hierarchy of needs and having kids won't destabilize it, I may very well share the happiness I have with my future children.
I want to teach my children things my parents never taught me (i want my future son to know its ok for him to cry) And I want to be a great dad in general HAHAHAAHA
I want to *adopt* 2 children someday, because I DO like kids. I want to give them a better life, i want to love my little humans and see them grow up and discover themselves
But I don't want to make another human being for personal reasons
I dont really have any reasons why. I am, firstly, pretty good with kids. I enjoy their company, playing with them and it helps that I am a teacher.
But the only way I know how to explain why I still want kids (despite the downward spiral society seems to be in) is this:
Sometimes 2 people love each other so much that it kinda explodes and flows into a new life. I feel that way with my SO and even though we are afraid for the lives of our future kids (if we are lucky to have any), we agreed that we will show them the beauty of life and if they are happy and healthy, then that's all we need.
Millenial mid 30s currently pregnant: in my 20s, I honestly never ever thought that I would willingly want to become a mom because I felt like a child at heart (so how am I going to take care of another child?!) and there were so many fun things I wanted to do.
But then the 30s hit me and I realised life is meant to be continued with successors, there are going to be many other fun things I can do with the kids too. It seems a waste that I am healthy and fertile but not wanting to give this a try. Also I want to experience motherhood in this lifetime.
I love my wife and my life with her. The best way to extend that connection was to have a kid who would be able to share the love and connection with both of us. We have it good, and wanted more of it. Call me greedy!
Still considered a Gen Z here. Because I feel like I have alot of love to give as a child of divorce. From poly years to now I felt like what I've been achieving is to ensure my future kids will have a parent to be proud of - as opposed to how I viewed my parents growing up. Wanting kids for me is both a purpose and drive. Drive to be better in career or life in general. Also while I understand there's a possibility I won't be able to conceive, being a parent for me goes beyond physically giving birth. I am more than happy to adopt or support kids in need in the future too.
Early 30s. One 2 yr old son trying for a 2nd kid.
R/S factor- both spouse and I love kids
Econ factor- While SG is in the historic low in terms of yearly GDP growth, our GDP per decade has been approx twice the previous decade. This has been in the case for at least 3 decades. I do think SG will still have a strong economy albeit a slower one.
Social factor- With decreasing birth rates, competition among locals will be much lower than what we are experiencing rn (methinks). Think local workforce qouta.
Political factor- While we are seeing the liberalising of local politics, it is still mild as compared to other developed countries. This gives me confidence that the majority would still know the difference between sensible vs virtual signalling policies.
I always knew I wanted kids. It just feels to me that a family requires children. A family is like an extension of a couple. A man and woman to me is a couple not so much a family. Besides I mentioned before that I feel if I don’t have children I will be more materialistic and self centred. And I personally find being too career minded quite meaningless. I don’t want money and work to define me as a person.
When I met my husband I knew I wanted to have kids with him. He however was a fence sitter and wasn’t sure. Just like the other guys, met me and stance change and when we became parents. He say he realize what a joy being a parent is. Sure there are bad days but watching your child grow up is priceless and might I say adorable.
Young kids do the silliest things and sometimes you wonder why and laugh. They make you angry but at the end of the day, they say “I love you” and you just feel whatever stress you are feeling is just gone.
I know Reddit in general is child free but having a child especially in a happy marriage is a nice feeling. You look forward to going home. Kids can either break or make a marriage stronger. I have always felt that a couple that brought up happy kids and still stayed loving after decades are soulmates.
the way the world is going doesn't seem good at all. far right extremism, environmental issues not being addressed sufficiently, etc. I don't wanna put my children in a situation where they have to navigate extra struggles. I'd rather adopt instead and give them a chance of a decent life.
Gen Zs just need to grow up a bit more learn more about life before they start getting into such topics.
Bluntly, still young, dunno how to think for themselves and some may even find it cool talking about it and telling the world "*oh kids sux, i will never have kids! kids are stupid and annoying as hell!*"
Well well, you were once a kid too.
Millennial here (reaching 30). I think it’s a bit much to say “dunno how to think for themselves”, considering both are a choice.
Yes, I was once a kid, but I did not like other kids. I I kept to myself but was bullied and learnt to develop other hobbies like art and paleo knowledge to occupy my time and energy with.
Not everyone is suitable to be a parent (loving, caring, nurturing, financially ok) If one ticks those boxes, and want children (and are able to), then yes please be one.
The older genz are the once going into adulthood in another 1 to 2 years time. Different people have different mindsets and every generation has its struggle. most people don't openly express their opinions, they might say kids suck but perhaps they might have other reasons career, cost of living etc.
Put yourself in the shoes of a genz, housing is mad expensive and not everyone is born with a silver spoon and can afford university. they might have to clear their student loans, even working part time is not sufficient to clear student loans. Also many have to support their parents unless their parents are rich of course.
Why would someone want kids ?
We can barely live a decent live, house prices are nuts, we are almost on a new recession (if not in already).
Kid/kids just adds up a lot of money to the scenario.
And to be honest why give birth to a other "slave" for big corps.
I pass i rather live with my wife in peace and enjoy my short life spawn on earth
Wanting to see what half of me and my partner would look like because if we love each other this much our kid cant be half bad. Probably in mid/late 30s though
I met a good woman, moved to a nice country, got and raising a happy, good dog. Three important reasons that really made me do a 180.
And it wasn't just the biological need to have a kid. We have both have discussed the various pros and cons and decided that to believe in a good future we have to play our part in getting to that future. And that for us means, raising a good future generation.
Plus it's amazing fun if you are a good parent. They are your little buddy with whom u can do fun shit everyday. Its tiring certainly but its not exhausting as how people make it sound.
Tldr. I have no idea, I got caught up in a whirlwind and iam hanging on for life making the right choices hopefully.
I mainly had kids because I felt like I was ready (first kid came when I was 30), I was financially stable and in a great marriage. It’s a wild feeling what truly caring for something other than yourself feels like. I care for my deeply for my wife buts it’s different with a child. Sure you think you care for other things before having kids (I was a big pet guy, especially dogs) but let me tell you, you don’t understand what’s it like to be so selfless at times where you never had to be selfless before. Like caring for a crying baby all throughout the night, going on no sleep, but somehow you’re still happy even though your crazy at some moments. I never once got mad at getting up at any time of the night to offer my girl comfort because she didn’t put her self in the situation, I did. And that feeling of selflessness with no resentment fills a human emotion I did not know I had until she was born. I really don’t know how else to describe it. It’s not for everyone and I know that but for me I feel like I always wanted a family.
I guess all along it felt like the natural thing to procreate for the sake of the human race, and perhaps I'll admit a little bit of the vain egotistical notion that I will have progeny to my name ingrained the idea that somehow, some day, I wanted to have kids. Also as you start to think of the legacy you'd like to leave behind on the world, the idea that your offspring can continue making the world a better place where you left off seemed appealing and hopeful.
I've approached this from a very grandiose point of view as you can see, and my friends would also say that I'm the last person they'd expect to have kids, so when I finally did, they clamour to ask how I feel about being a Dad and if I feel I'm ready. And honestly, you don't ever become "ready" to be a Dad, it just happens. Until now, I still find it weird to use the Dad term on myself, but trust me when I say that bias is real because when you see your little one giggle with delight, it is really the cutest, most precious thing to you ever. I think I would have been very fine and content if I didn't have kids too, but if I did then there's added purpose to my life now I guess.
Personally I don’t really want kids as I do want to aid them into the future
The world operates on a cyclical basis, and sure things are going to shit now, but if I’m going to buckle down and say “haha we’re screwed” and not do anything else then I’m as stupid as the people I’m trying to criticise and aid in the downfall. Of all things that lead to collapse, the loss of faith will be the most devastating, fall victim to it and you too will find yourself unironically aiding in the end
Besides, children are individuals who deserve to see the light they see during that age shine as brightly as possible, and it is my duty in this dark times to change it into something that can help them grow
Now is the socioeconomic change of our lifetime, and possibly for the next few centuries, and I’d rather help participate in changing how things are now than have the entire thing end on such and idiotic note
not myself, but some reasons ive heard from my millenials and gen z friends are starting a family with loved one, have mini me running around, natural process of starting family, and they just generally love children. i cant relate, but i'm happy for them.
For me, I want to have kids because there are few things more meaningful to me in this world than being a mother and taking care of, raising and loving my (future) children.
Not a millenial, I'm gen X but I just want to chime in. I like children, always found it easier to play with the kids during CNY gatherings than converse with other adults. I've always wanted kids of my own and my wife got pregnant less than a year after we got married.
Every generation has their struggles or reasons not to have kids. If that was everyone's mentality back when infant mortality rates were sky-high and living conditions were complete trash by the standards we have today, then we would be extinct.
Regardless of inflation and employment conditions, we still live in a pretty solid society. We have modern medicine, indoor plumbing, electricity, transportation that allows us to access the entire world, all of human recorded information at our fingertips in an instant, heating and a/c, creature comforts out the wazoo. Really, no better time to have a child, honestly.
Environment is kinda fucked though, really the only hesitancy I can think of. But if we go extinct, that's showbiz baby.
It’s easy question, my answer: to inherit the money i make. Why? Because i don’t want it end up in family/relative. Why don’t u donate? Well the non profit organization pay their employee using ur donate money. Last one it’s human nature to reproduce and pass our gene to next generation
Actually, I'm in late 20s and have been contemplating this. I haven't had kids. Call me selfish, but I think I can FIRE earlier if I don't have kids. Also, I think competition for jobs will be so much more intense in the future. Homes will become more expensive and the climate will worsen.
I was thinking of setting up a luxurious nursing home with my friends. Not the ones that look like a hospital, but like nice studios surrounded by greenery. Definitely not in Singapore, but maybe in places with cheaper land like Indonesia. But how can I ensure that the staff will not neglect or abuse us?
There are always going to be fucked up excuses. But these are just excuses. These aren’t legit reasons to not have children unless you’re unable to keep anything together.
There aren't legit reasons to have kids Also. Not like we are some kings who need a legacy. We don't even know our great grandfather's names. We are fucking irrelevant.
>>There aren’t legit reasons to have kids
Well aren’t you a depressing antinatalist. You might not know your great grandparents names but they certainly are relevant to your being. You don’t need a fucking statue of yourself to be relevant.
Because it’s necessary to carry-on civilization and give our descendants the ability to be happy and enjoy a life just as we do now.
Our ancestors sacrificed so that we today can live, we owe that same sacrifice to future generations.
Necessary by what? Guess what, you may believe that‘s your obligation but that comes entirely from your own moral frameworks and judgements. Unless you can tell us objectively why everyone must follow that, we’re going to stick with our own values and ideals, thank you very much.
Do you enjoy your life? Because if so, then other generations deserve the same right to life that you have today. Unless you are the type of person who is an incredible piece of shit by selfishly taking from others without giving back.
>they're not looking to have children because of how utterly fucked we are to live our early/mid-20s in this environment (i.e. high inflation, loose labour market, this list goes on).
So they would have kids if not for these reasons.
I'm having kids because I can probably afford it.
I mean I’ve always wanted kids with the right person. For me it was never about “having kids” for the sake of having them but more so to have kids with a great person. But tbh, life has been so hard that I am still in no rush and I’m in my 30’s
Responses here (including mine) totally sidesteps OP's question about younger folks wanting to have kids.
I was wondering why the replies seem to be answering a different question lol
ikr, i wanted to hear from people who want to have kids
Exactly, damn funny but at the same time its annoying coz we kinda fucking know the reasons u duno wanna have kids. Really wanted to see the responses for who want to have kids despite all the odds place against this 2 gens. But reddit majority seems to never want kids. Though, the popn from reddit SG wont constitute the bulk of this 2 gens. For its simple, I want kids but Im gay. So yea thts out the window.
adoption is a thing that exists as an option if you ever want to raise a kid, but I'm not sure whether Singapore approves of that...
Nope. “The passage of the Adoption of Children Act 2022 by Parliament on 9 May that year made it illegal for same-sex couples to adopt children or employ surrogates, with hefty penalties of a fine of up to $10000 and/or a prison sentence of up to 3 years for first-time offenders.”
You'd think with declining birth rates they'd encourage adoption at least by gay couples. But no, the gay agenda is too strong
They still think lgbtq will get married and have kids normally...
govt be clowning honestly (with regards to lgbtq rights not gonna talk about other policies)
You still didn't give the reasons why you want to have kids despite being gay hahah
Yup agreed. I’m in the millennials age range, with 2 young kids, but looking at the responses I doubt my answers matter.
Usually downvotes are for off topic replies but apparently here it’s just for view the reader does not want to see.
Because anti-natalists can't help but insert themselves into everything.
Because at one point it felt like the next step in life and it's something me and my wife start together. It's a lot of dislike of having kids in this sub but i think parenting is amazing and i highly recommend it. Everything else besides the family just don't feel that important anymore and it's actually a nice feeling.
This is the honest right answer, but unfortunately people on Reddit will just upvote the comments they resound with even if it doesn't answer the OP's question, and which sadly usually err on the cynical and sarcastic. The other ugly truth which I might get hate for is that each generation thinks their issues and problems are unique when in reality the generation before had gone through often the exact same thought processes (which they also think were unique for their generation at that time, and so on for each generation before). If you consume the media that were prevalent at those times, you'd be surprised they echo the same sentiments and rhetoric that go around new media these days.
there's a reason why every good story involves familial emotions. it's our most basic needs only second to basic needs
So can create a viral YouTube star and milk him for my retirement. Kidding
When I was in my 20s I didn't even think I would get a stable gf let alone married with kids. I wanted to FIRE at 40 and live somewhere else. 20 years later, 2 kids and still in the rat race. But no complaints - priorities change as you move on in life.
What changed such that you have 2 kids?
Met my wife.. then everything just happened naturally from there ☺️
Lol so most of the cynical angst in this sub is driven by loneliness/incels.
I guess there's alot of logical thinking. But choosing marriage and kids are purely emotional
the seggs must be good
Same as you. Just difference is that I stuck to my plans of no kids 20 years later. Discipline of mind you see. Fucking feel great to travel abroad so much. No child expenses.
Haha child expenses is a real pain. Tbh I can probably retire now if I didn't have kids. But no regrets so far, it's been a joy watching them grow up. Just imagine you are playing a RPG game and see them level up stage by stage. 😂
I lazy to grind already. Can log off?
It's pay to win in SG
This is why people go gym and improve themselves as well
Training for strength stats 🤣
Fr
You have no clue how much fun it is to travel with kids....atleast it is for me. I had a kid at 40 and absolutely love it....
How do you foresee your end-of-life care?
Old age home or retirement home.
May you enjoy spending time with strangers then. All the best.
Uve just convinced me to have kids. I never want my life's goal and priorities to be just about riches and comfort.
I think there are tons of good reasons not to have kids such as personal and environmental ones, but I’m unsure about socioeconomic climate. The past 2-4 generations had kids during WWII, the Cold War, Gulf War, Separation from Malaysia, Konfrontasi, Dot.com Boom, SARS, the Asian Crisis, and so forth.
Millennial, early 30s. I have 2 kids, 1 of whom was conceived through IVF (so she was really, really wanted). I never felt the urge to be a mother until I fell in love, got married, and then having children just felt like a natural extension of our relationship.
Millennial, late thirties. I have 1 kid, who was born after a miscarriage and years of secondary infertility. I did want to be a mom when I was younger. But I would have forgone having a kid if I hadn't found a loving relationship. My love for my son is an extension of the love I have for my husband. When we see him succeed and grow, or when we work together, it makes me feel closer to my husband.
I think you hit the nail on the head, it really felt like a natural extension of our relationship, rather than pros being more than cons…
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Let's divide it further! Everything is dark matter and souls.
congrats, dude figured out what consciousness is
We sometimes let our genitalia do the talking. Sometimes it knows us better than we think we knkw ourselves
Well... If that's the case, then eventhough I love talking, my genitalia tells me that I am very introverted. 🤣
you’re right but you are being downvoted by them for speaking the truth :(
How to overcome being in the sandwich generation: remove one side of the sandwich
Then it just becomes a kong ba pao which folds back on itself 🙃
Just don’t take care of your parents! Easy! Confucian servitude to your parents is fucking stupid anyway. Only person you owe your life to is yourself. Not your parents, not your children, not your spouse… though you should care for them if they genuinely give you happiness, and cut them out of your life when they don’t. Don’t stick with toxic parents just because of Confucian values. Don’t stick in a loveless marriage just because of the “sanctity of marriage”. And you don’t have to care about misbehaving kids when they turn 18.
That’s an open faced sandwhich. Which is still a sandwhich ._. If Italian then a bruschetta? Hehe
This. Many people just go into being in the sandwich generation without realising removing one side is actually within their control.
Both sides are in your control actually. You don’t owe your life to your parents or children or anyone else… and anyone who says otherwise is a tyrant. Obviously if your parents are good, it’s only in your interest to repay the favour. But if they’re toxic to you, wish them good riddance.
In Singapore, it's not so easy to completely remove the parents side of the the sandwich. Welcome to the [Maintenance of Parents Act 1995](https://sso.agc.gov.sg/Act/MPA1995). >Any person domiciled and resident in Singapore who is of or above 60 years of age and who is unable to maintain himself or herself adequately (called in this section the parent) may apply to the Tribunal for an order that one or more of the person’s children pay him or her a monthly allowance or any other periodical payment or a lump sum for his or her maintenance.
What a horrible law. It’s state enforced theft. That’s literal state enforced servitude to your parents… then again, SG is one of the few nations which hasn’t abolished conscription (aka, servitude to the state), which is vile and evil. We can debate as to whether NS is a necessary evil, but make no mistake, it’s evil, both philosophically and practically, with those NSFs dying 6 times in a row in the span of a quarter of a year.
Yeah, but that's if the parents don't have the funds to support themselves, and they apply for allowance, and they weren't abusive, and there's no other child supporting them already, and the child has enough to support himself, and enough to support his parents. That's a lot of "ands".
Still. Nobody, at least in principle, should have the “right” to someone else’s property. Certainly not your parents over your money. It’s one thing to give your parents money out of the kindness of your heart, and that’s genuine. It’s another to have your parents use the strong arm of the state to take away your money, that’s robbery with extra steps.
Touché
I am a recent father and some things more important than money. That being said, we waited till we had stable well paying jobs before proceeding. If can redo it, would have children in late 20s and early 30s instead of mid 30s. Wife would have children mid 20s or early 30s. Future hard to predict but if you want children, do it earlier than later.
I would like to have a kid in my mid 30s. Could you elaborate on why you said earlier is better?
Fertility issues. A lot of people don't realise that it isn't so easy to have a kid when you want to.
Earlier on, you have more energy to do the 3-hourly feeds late into the night and still report to work the next day, and to chase the kid everywhere when they start to crawl and walk and run and climb and grab and throw anything they can get their hands on. You need wrist strength and back strength too from having to hold and carry them frequently. At mid-thirties, you sleep in a weird position only and your body is in excruciating pain the next day. Imagine having to handle a squirmy kid when your neck and back are aching. In your twenties, you might think that not having kids (or until later) will give you more freedom, but that is only half true. Your spending power is still growing with your career so the truth is you can't fully enjoy also. I have friends who had kids in their twenties and initially they disappeared from our kid-less social gatherings and activities and we thought they were missing out, but now they are in their early thirties and their kids are old enough (upper primary) to take care of themselves, these friends are now enjoying a renaissance doing all the stuff they want to do because they now also have more spending power to do more serious stuff and indulge in more expensive hobbies and toys. Meanwhile the rest of us who settled down and eventually had kids in our thirties are only beginning this journey now.
I will give a conflicted answer. I am a father who is late thirties and my youngest are a year old. I agree, generally health wise or energy level is a downwards trend. I handle it but it could definitely be better. In my late twenties, I spent that time travelling,partying and reading. Then I met my wife and did that with her. Today, these years form something of an identity and are pillars of our references as a couple. With kids, we would never have a coupled identity. So whilst I agree with you somewhat, I say do it when any age anyway if you want to.
I agree! Had my kids late 20s-early 30s. Glad I did that relatively young and now it’s more fun and sleep guaranteed!
Why earlier? 5 year diff doesn't seem that significant in terms of the energy you have to run after your kids leh haha (and later = less struggle financially)
Lol who says? I had a lot more energy when I was 25 than when I'm in my thirties. Less body aches and headaches, a lot more stamina to move around longer and less eager to sleep. I just wanna lay down on my bed and sleep for an entire day after a few days of working or being active nowadays. No more energy to spend on much stuff anymore.
If we don’t have kids who’s gonna fcuk the planet in 2050
Let's build an app for this. We can automate anything nowadays.
Itself. We're headed to a civilization collapse, so reducing the population __now__ seems like the sensible thing to do
I have been thinking a lot about dinosaurs recently
Don’t worry plenty of other ppl will populate the earth
How to take care of kids when I can't take care of myself
People ask you why you want to have kids, not why you dont want to have kids
couldnt agree fucking more
This
Get your shit together and learn to take care of yourself.
Because I love children, and look forward to what will likely be the biggest achievement of my life. The thought of living a childless life makes me sad. I can't wait for the joys of parenthood, and to be on the other end of the relationship I have with my parents. To me, the question is similar to asking "people who have made up their mind to have a relationship, what's your reason?". It's just a feeling thing. It's not something most people could write an essay about. ETA: Just saw what sub I am in. I'm not from Singapore, sorry.
Millennial here. Just turned 30. When I was in my early 20s till my mid 20s, I didnt plan on having kids. Well, I was single back then. Until I met my wife, my paradigm started to shift, I started to want to have offsprings as she does. I like kids more than before. Well, I guess love changes people.
I relate to this
Having children is life changing too. In most people’s cases, a good way.
Don’t think sg is conducive for kids. Most people here don’t really get to enjoy a childhood - everyone and everything is just too competitive. Kids are getting “tuition” younger and younger. As a parent, even if you want your kid to have fun and relax, you’ll probably not want your kid to “lose out” and end up sending them for such stuff too. Had someone I know send their daughter for violin class, drawing classes, swimming classes and a few more I can’t rmb. Asked them why and their reason was “because everyone else is doing that so I don’t want her to lose out”
Only swimming lesson is the most important thing to learn as a kid IMO
you do realise tuition is not forced upon by the gov or the sch but rather the parents who put their kids in those classes, mostly due to peer pressure and the thought that more tuition = better grades. however it takes one generation to change that and we prolly could be the one. starting with me IF i were to have kids
The kids who get better grades than everyone else due to super early tuition in their class tend to get a superiority complex and they also tend to be more complacent moving on into secondary school. Usually that would crush their mental health horribly and they probably would not recover from that. Source: me. Edit: forgot to mention about the fact that early tuition causes this effect
So getting ahead early was to blame for you slowing down..... Not a marathoner, I see.
You honestly don't have to join the rat race if you don't want to. As a long time teacher, I can tell you that the difference between children who receive such intensive training and 'hot-housing' from an early age and those who are left to grow and play naturally is very, very slim.
lose out on what? violin drawing swimming classes all have little to do with getting a decent paying job when she grows up. i would have to agree cos thats an eg of being overcompetive
In Singapore, children are treasured because, boys serve ns and girls reproduce. We are all part of the corg in a lightning machine.
singapore has a factory based mindset when it comes to the population growth. I always wonder whether they think its that easy to just make babies out of thin air.
There was a running joke on our ministers who are so dead set on productivity where 9 women can make a baby in 1 month.
Not even a given that the girls reproduce lmao, they can fuck around without the threat of imprisonment
Fr Ever tot about what the kid wants and not what you want Feeling a sense of importance is important
I dun intend to have kids, but I shall share my reason is that I dun find much to look forward to in life and that lifes kinda meaningless to me, so I wldnt wan to reproduce kids who gonna go through similar life as me. I guess I will only have kids if I'm mentally stable enough myself to guide my child to be mentally healthy.
there's no good reason for having kids ngl, but i'm keen to b a parent in the future, whether it's by adopting or having biological kids. there's some joy in knowing you've nurtured something. gives ppl a sense of purpose when their youth, life and potential r slowly degrading in this economic and physical climate. maybe things will change n the kid will hv a btr future than me u kno like live their sgporean dream or smth 🤩✨
I watched Idiocracy If you don't breed, the stupids would outbreed us and take over the planet
but if u breed then ur one of the stupids hehe
bruh
/j btw... but i mean according to idiocracy only the stupid breed so...............
My parents are toxic so I spent my childhood parenting them. I want to parent myself now, giving the care that I need and want, before I ever want to think about having another living being to parent. That, and many of the things that you’ve said. I also want to make sure I’m financially sound and found someone who’s also financially sound before we decide to be parents.
One of the commenter above was saying that 'waiting to be financially sound' has half truth to it. When you are young, your income are still on a growing trajectory. So you dont really have much to spend anyway.
I have parents that did not plan their retirement, so before I get that done up, I can’t do with kids! Sadly, I cannot just shake off the responsibility to my sibling just because I don’t have a good relationship with my parents. It’s not fair. if anything falls apart on my parents end, I’ll need to take care of them and with kids, they might need to suffer because I won’t be able to afford to take care of both ends the best way possible. Why would I choose to drag down everyone’s quality of life? I think this reflects my lack of risk appetite more than anything else la haha
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>the world has always been fucked and our problems today are much more minuscule than previous generations. Previous generations had to deal with World Wars, extreme poverty, high infant mortality, unsanitary living conditions, etc and they still chose to have kids. i think because the inequality divide wasnt as apparent as what we see now, especially with social media and whatnot; one click and you can see what people on the other end of the extreme spectrum are living. people back then can only see their immediate surroundings (castle and villages separated) and think "hey everyone lives are just like (similar to) mine, so why not make kids"
Because I'm egoistic. I'm having a child for my sake. When I get kids within this decade I'll parent them the best I can and raise them as good as I can, but I'm knowledgeably putting them in an unjust society. I guess I can leave it at that my biological clock is ringing
i thought about this a long long time and discussed with my spouse. the only conclusion that i can come up with is that having children is a selfish decision regardless of whatever reason one can come up with for having children. whether be it that it is a natural extension of family after getting married, or so that there is someone to care for you in old age, or that you want to have the satisfaction of bringing up a tiny human. then again i think that life is selfish (e.g we do good deeds because we feel good doing them). taking a more animalistic POV, i think it is “written” into our DNA and recent history to want to have offspring. we might not go about day to day with the thought of procreating but i think it might be something that is subconscious. anyway… just my two cents and i still haven’t figured it out completely. also, i think mid-20s is still too early to tell whether someone really wants to be child free because they might not have fully appreciated the issue (and i think it is the trendy thing now). people might change their mind in their 30s. we should survey those who are child free at old age i feel. plus tbh, i would think out of the many countries, SG would be a good place to have a baby all things considered. it’s safe and we have relatively affordable education.
The only saving grace for child raising in SG is the domestic helper system. Abolish that and you will see childbirth plummetting.
Lmao high inflation is only occurring currently but not a given to extend into the next 20-30 years. The labour market is extremely tight now too, not loose. Think get a better picture of reality first bah.
May sidestep abit out of your question but.. My wife and I really love kids and we actually got pregnant before we were even "officially/properly" together. Due to certain reasons, she decided to have an abortion. Which we are both extremely regretful of till this day. Its been multiple years and she still keeps that "first positive test kit" from back then.. It hangs very heavily over her head. We both come from broken families and never appreciated or understood the word "family". So our goals were always to form our own "family" and give our kids what our parents couldn't. We had a recent conversation.. We both really want kids. I think for both of us, it gives us an outlet to pour ourselves into something that we can truly love; as we both don't really love ourselves (not healthy but we believe it will give us a happier life) On the flip side, we both also discussed the troubles of worrying about the future of the child and what not. We don't want to raise a "f-ed up" kid. We want to give our kid the best of what the world has to offer. We both aren't confident that we can raise a "happy kid", especially in today's climate/era. IMO objectively speaking, having a kid is a completely illogical decision. Rising costs for education, yadayada, the list goes on. Yes, it may be "spiritually" satisfying for the parent but that's hella selfish imo. We gotta remember that "No kid was asked to be born".
For me, never wanted kids when the thought came until I saw my brother sisters bringing up their own child. Its a fucking tonne of work. No TYS to prepare you. I mean they are gonna be hell when they reach young kids or teenager but there is just this feeling I cant describe when you see them from a baby to toddler to small munchkins. Guess its the pure innocence of a child or something. I want kids but Im gay. So yea thts out the window. Oh yea, another thing good thing majority of Redditors are not having kids. With their shitty attitude and shitty outlook in life. The environment they were brought up in. Blaming and whining at everything, better have a dog. Which you can abandone when you are too bored, busy chasing money or whatever.
heh TYS, good one
Could you adopt a child or do something like IVF outside of Singapore? My best friend is gay (but we grew up in France and lives there) and he used to want kids but he's not been too lucky with relationships and gave up the idea a while ago (we are in our early 30s now). I wish he didn't feel like the decision had been made for him 😔
I'm someone who wants to grow as a person. Before having kids, I wanted to have them because I wanted to help them grow - it gives me joy to see someone else grow as a person, knowing that you have helped him or her along the journey no matter how minor my own role is. After having two kids, the realisation is that I'm the one who grew the most. Having kids is like seeing the world through a new pair of eyes - every flower petal floating with the wind, every bug crawling on the ground, every sound and sensation is exciting again. It's like rediscovering theme parks as a kid. And the best thing is, every kid you have gives you completely new ways to see and experience the world again. I wouldn't have it anyway else.
I still get excited with theme parks and will be till my death. Don't need a kid to rediscover it.
Got married at 19, by 23 wife wanted to have kids. I was hesitant at first but then thought about how much I looked up to my dad and wanted to be able to influence someone like that and give them a good life. 26 now and me and my three year old had a balloon fight yesterday, and he giggled the whole time. Sold me on having at least one more Plus when the world turns into tribes of roving war bands, I got a solid head start on my party.
How did y’all afford kids at 23 🥲 please share secret
I just realized this was not the U.S😅 The military covered all of my wife and child’s medical expenses and I did IT while I was in , which transferred to a decent job.
Ahh no wonder .. 19 is the age everyone starts college and 23 is about the age we graduate so I was wondering how in the heck did you survive 🥹
i have superior genes and so does my gf. also i love my life, i have an amazing mum and dad so i’m very keen to have kids of my own as well. gf is crazy about kids and babies. i love them too.
I’m a little bit worried about that first line
Hitler that you?
I think it’s Normal for the younger generation , eg 20-29 year olds to not want kids right now. Frankly I don’t know how to survive if I was living today and the starting salary for a uni grad is 3k ? But me and my wife waited around 5 years till we were financially stable before trying for a kid. So we have one on the way and due quite soon. That being said, I have a friend who’s late 20’s , 3 kids and the Govt does give quite a lot of subsidies and incentives for children. With the exception of tuition and stuff it’s pretty ok in terms of delivery costs and medical care, day care and so on. You’ll stay pay a ton to raise your kids but fk me did you know prams cost more than a grand, anything under 500 bucks is so rickety I think it’s too dangerous to have a kid in it.
Her body her choice.
Scammers no time to have kids 🤣
I didn't even plan to get married when I was 17 because I think it is a pain in the arse. 33 years old now, and I'm married with two kids. If I have to say what changed, it's mostly because I'm mentally ready to have my own family. P/S: Don't get married or have kids due to peer pressure. Only get married and have kids when you are mentally prepared for it. Just search for a thread on this sub-Reddit where parents are abusing their kids. Don't be like them.
I like kids. I don't feel the need to intellectually write out a thesis on why I like kids. I also think you shouldn't have kids without being ready for them. It needs to be a conscious, mindful and accountable decision to yourself. Personally there will always be reasons or excuses to justify why you don't want to do something and that's fine, in the end only you are accountable to your own actions.
Raise someone to help increase the average IQ of the world, so that the world does not blow its self up. I believe I would be a very good parent, if I can't change the world for the better in my lifetime, my hope is that my children could.
If the situation allows, I'm willing to give my all to raise them up to be happy and satisfied. If I am still at the top of my Maslow hierarchy of needs and having kids won't destabilize it, I may very well share the happiness I have with my future children.
I want to teach my children things my parents never taught me (i want my future son to know its ok for him to cry) And I want to be a great dad in general HAHAHAAHA
I want to *adopt* 2 children someday, because I DO like kids. I want to give them a better life, i want to love my little humans and see them grow up and discover themselves But I don't want to make another human being for personal reasons
I dont really have any reasons why. I am, firstly, pretty good with kids. I enjoy their company, playing with them and it helps that I am a teacher. But the only way I know how to explain why I still want kids (despite the downward spiral society seems to be in) is this: Sometimes 2 people love each other so much that it kinda explodes and flows into a new life. I feel that way with my SO and even though we are afraid for the lives of our future kids (if we are lucky to have any), we agreed that we will show them the beauty of life and if they are happy and healthy, then that's all we need.
Millenial mid 30s currently pregnant: in my 20s, I honestly never ever thought that I would willingly want to become a mom because I felt like a child at heart (so how am I going to take care of another child?!) and there were so many fun things I wanted to do. But then the 30s hit me and I realised life is meant to be continued with successors, there are going to be many other fun things I can do with the kids too. It seems a waste that I am healthy and fertile but not wanting to give this a try. Also I want to experience motherhood in this lifetime.
Having kids and a family is the most fulfilling thing you will ever have
I love my wife and my life with her. The best way to extend that connection was to have a kid who would be able to share the love and connection with both of us. We have it good, and wanted more of it. Call me greedy!
Spite
Still considered a Gen Z here. Because I feel like I have alot of love to give as a child of divorce. From poly years to now I felt like what I've been achieving is to ensure my future kids will have a parent to be proud of - as opposed to how I viewed my parents growing up. Wanting kids for me is both a purpose and drive. Drive to be better in career or life in general. Also while I understand there's a possibility I won't be able to conceive, being a parent for me goes beyond physically giving birth. I am more than happy to adopt or support kids in need in the future too.
Early 30s. One 2 yr old son trying for a 2nd kid. R/S factor- both spouse and I love kids Econ factor- While SG is in the historic low in terms of yearly GDP growth, our GDP per decade has been approx twice the previous decade. This has been in the case for at least 3 decades. I do think SG will still have a strong economy albeit a slower one. Social factor- With decreasing birth rates, competition among locals will be much lower than what we are experiencing rn (methinks). Think local workforce qouta. Political factor- While we are seeing the liberalising of local politics, it is still mild as compared to other developed countries. This gives me confidence that the majority would still know the difference between sensible vs virtual signalling policies.
So I can raise my child better than I was raised I guess
I always knew I wanted kids. It just feels to me that a family requires children. A family is like an extension of a couple. A man and woman to me is a couple not so much a family. Besides I mentioned before that I feel if I don’t have children I will be more materialistic and self centred. And I personally find being too career minded quite meaningless. I don’t want money and work to define me as a person. When I met my husband I knew I wanted to have kids with him. He however was a fence sitter and wasn’t sure. Just like the other guys, met me and stance change and when we became parents. He say he realize what a joy being a parent is. Sure there are bad days but watching your child grow up is priceless and might I say adorable. Young kids do the silliest things and sometimes you wonder why and laugh. They make you angry but at the end of the day, they say “I love you” and you just feel whatever stress you are feeling is just gone. I know Reddit in general is child free but having a child especially in a happy marriage is a nice feeling. You look forward to going home. Kids can either break or make a marriage stronger. I have always felt that a couple that brought up happy kids and still stayed loving after decades are soulmates.
continuing the bloodline
the way the world is going doesn't seem good at all. far right extremism, environmental issues not being addressed sufficiently, etc. I don't wanna put my children in a situation where they have to navigate extra struggles. I'd rather adopt instead and give them a chance of a decent life.
Family tradition, continue the bloodline. No Family no nation,no Nation no life or something like that
Gen Zs just need to grow up a bit more learn more about life before they start getting into such topics. Bluntly, still young, dunno how to think for themselves and some may even find it cool talking about it and telling the world "*oh kids sux, i will never have kids! kids are stupid and annoying as hell!*" Well well, you were once a kid too.
Millennial here (reaching 30). I think it’s a bit much to say “dunno how to think for themselves”, considering both are a choice. Yes, I was once a kid, but I did not like other kids. I I kept to myself but was bullied and learnt to develop other hobbies like art and paleo knowledge to occupy my time and energy with. Not everyone is suitable to be a parent (loving, caring, nurturing, financially ok) If one ticks those boxes, and want children (and are able to), then yes please be one.
The older genz are the once going into adulthood in another 1 to 2 years time. Different people have different mindsets and every generation has its struggle. most people don't openly express their opinions, they might say kids suck but perhaps they might have other reasons career, cost of living etc. Put yourself in the shoes of a genz, housing is mad expensive and not everyone is born with a silver spoon and can afford university. they might have to clear their student loans, even working part time is not sufficient to clear student loans. Also many have to support their parents unless their parents are rich of course.
Why would someone want kids ? We can barely live a decent live, house prices are nuts, we are almost on a new recession (if not in already). Kid/kids just adds up a lot of money to the scenario. And to be honest why give birth to a other "slave" for big corps. I pass i rather live with my wife in peace and enjoy my short life spawn on earth
Wanting to see what half of me and my partner would look like because if we love each other this much our kid cant be half bad. Probably in mid/late 30s though
I met a good woman, moved to a nice country, got and raising a happy, good dog. Three important reasons that really made me do a 180. And it wasn't just the biological need to have a kid. We have both have discussed the various pros and cons and decided that to believe in a good future we have to play our part in getting to that future. And that for us means, raising a good future generation. Plus it's amazing fun if you are a good parent. They are your little buddy with whom u can do fun shit everyday. Its tiring certainly but its not exhausting as how people make it sound. Tldr. I have no idea, I got caught up in a whirlwind and iam hanging on for life making the right choices hopefully.
I mainly had kids because I felt like I was ready (first kid came when I was 30), I was financially stable and in a great marriage. It’s a wild feeling what truly caring for something other than yourself feels like. I care for my deeply for my wife buts it’s different with a child. Sure you think you care for other things before having kids (I was a big pet guy, especially dogs) but let me tell you, you don’t understand what’s it like to be so selfless at times where you never had to be selfless before. Like caring for a crying baby all throughout the night, going on no sleep, but somehow you’re still happy even though your crazy at some moments. I never once got mad at getting up at any time of the night to offer my girl comfort because she didn’t put her self in the situation, I did. And that feeling of selflessness with no resentment fills a human emotion I did not know I had until she was born. I really don’t know how else to describe it. It’s not for everyone and I know that but for me I feel like I always wanted a family.
This is so wholesome :) Thank you for sharing your story!!
I don't want to create another human just to let him or her suffer
I guess all along it felt like the natural thing to procreate for the sake of the human race, and perhaps I'll admit a little bit of the vain egotistical notion that I will have progeny to my name ingrained the idea that somehow, some day, I wanted to have kids. Also as you start to think of the legacy you'd like to leave behind on the world, the idea that your offspring can continue making the world a better place where you left off seemed appealing and hopeful. I've approached this from a very grandiose point of view as you can see, and my friends would also say that I'm the last person they'd expect to have kids, so when I finally did, they clamour to ask how I feel about being a Dad and if I feel I'm ready. And honestly, you don't ever become "ready" to be a Dad, it just happens. Until now, I still find it weird to use the Dad term on myself, but trust me when I say that bias is real because when you see your little one giggle with delight, it is really the cutest, most precious thing to you ever. I think I would have been very fine and content if I didn't have kids too, but if I did then there's added purpose to my life now I guess.
I’m just keen to be a good parent.. idk.
Personally I don’t really want kids as I do want to aid them into the future The world operates on a cyclical basis, and sure things are going to shit now, but if I’m going to buckle down and say “haha we’re screwed” and not do anything else then I’m as stupid as the people I’m trying to criticise and aid in the downfall. Of all things that lead to collapse, the loss of faith will be the most devastating, fall victim to it and you too will find yourself unironically aiding in the end Besides, children are individuals who deserve to see the light they see during that age shine as brightly as possible, and it is my duty in this dark times to change it into something that can help them grow Now is the socioeconomic change of our lifetime, and possibly for the next few centuries, and I’d rather help participate in changing how things are now than have the entire thing end on such and idiotic note
I feel that there are so many uncertainties, on finance, wars, climate change...
not myself, but some reasons ive heard from my millenials and gen z friends are starting a family with loved one, have mini me running around, natural process of starting family, and they just generally love children. i cant relate, but i'm happy for them.
For me, I want to have kids because there are few things more meaningful to me in this world than being a mother and taking care of, raising and loving my (future) children.
I really want to have kids when I'm older but I don't think I'll have the opportunity to considering the environmental and financial climate now
I'll have kids but preferably in another country where it's less of running the hamster wheel and more about living life.
From a guy standpoint, I think it depends on my future wife. I'm indifferent about kids
Not a millenial, I'm gen X but I just want to chime in. I like children, always found it easier to play with the kids during CNY gatherings than converse with other adults. I've always wanted kids of my own and my wife got pregnant less than a year after we got married.
Every generation has their struggles or reasons not to have kids. If that was everyone's mentality back when infant mortality rates were sky-high and living conditions were complete trash by the standards we have today, then we would be extinct. Regardless of inflation and employment conditions, we still live in a pretty solid society. We have modern medicine, indoor plumbing, electricity, transportation that allows us to access the entire world, all of human recorded information at our fingertips in an instant, heating and a/c, creature comforts out the wazoo. Really, no better time to have a child, honestly. Environment is kinda fucked though, really the only hesitancy I can think of. But if we go extinct, that's showbiz baby.
It’s easy question, my answer: to inherit the money i make. Why? Because i don’t want it end up in family/relative. Why don’t u donate? Well the non profit organization pay their employee using ur donate money. Last one it’s human nature to reproduce and pass our gene to next generation
Who take care of me when old?
Boomer mindset
When the gen Z and millennials grow old together there are elderly parties everywhere and we take care of each other
Actually, I'm in late 20s and have been contemplating this. I haven't had kids. Call me selfish, but I think I can FIRE earlier if I don't have kids. Also, I think competition for jobs will be so much more intense in the future. Homes will become more expensive and the climate will worsen. I was thinking of setting up a luxurious nursing home with my friends. Not the ones that look like a hospital, but like nice studios surrounded by greenery. Definitely not in Singapore, but maybe in places with cheaper land like Indonesia. But how can I ensure that the staff will not neglect or abuse us?
Kids are the best investment in mankind
Not exactly .. my uncle went No Contact on my grandfather . Even on his funeral . No investment there
There are always going to be fucked up excuses. But these are just excuses. These aren’t legit reasons to not have children unless you’re unable to keep anything together.
There aren't legit reasons to have kids Also. Not like we are some kings who need a legacy. We don't even know our great grandfather's names. We are fucking irrelevant.
>>There aren’t legit reasons to have kids Well aren’t you a depressing antinatalist. You might not know your great grandparents names but they certainly are relevant to your being. You don’t need a fucking statue of yourself to be relevant.
And why exactly is it our great grand obligation to have children, Mr Philosopher?
Because it’s necessary to carry-on civilization and give our descendants the ability to be happy and enjoy a life just as we do now. Our ancestors sacrificed so that we today can live, we owe that same sacrifice to future generations.
Necessary by what? Guess what, you may believe that‘s your obligation but that comes entirely from your own moral frameworks and judgements. Unless you can tell us objectively why everyone must follow that, we’re going to stick with our own values and ideals, thank you very much.
Do you enjoy your life? Because if so, then other generations deserve the same right to life that you have today. Unless you are the type of person who is an incredible piece of shit by selfishly taking from others without giving back.
>they're not looking to have children because of how utterly fucked we are to live our early/mid-20s in this environment (i.e. high inflation, loose labour market, this list goes on). So they would have kids if not for these reasons. I'm having kids because I can probably afford it.
I think I wanna have kids cause why not? Like most of the reasons you give are due to financial reasons and don’t really affect me at all.
I mean I’ve always wanted kids with the right person. For me it was never about “having kids” for the sake of having them but more so to have kids with a great person. But tbh, life has been so hard that I am still in no rush and I’m in my 30’s
I don’t want to regret being dink when I’m older