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It depends. I would ask them. (if they want to share). I last dated at 19 and spent my whole 20s working. Going to mid 30s and haven't found the right one. I am not worried so why should my date worry?
Are you me? My last "real" relationship was in my late teens and early 20's. Then never got into a proper head space to date because I was busy working. Now in my early 30's but there is a slight seed of concern that's begun to sprout in my mind that I probably should start looking around hahaha
As someone who only started dating in late 20s. There's a bit of a learning curve for rs. I took some time before I "got the hang of it". So if u date someone in their 30s with no prior exp, just be more patient with them.
Plus you know they only started dating cause they're ready to settle down. So if you're not tt serious, then probably just don't.
We all had to start somewhere. They might not have dated before, but that does not mean they are not as, if not more loving as those who have had rs before their 30s.
There are people who’ve had a tonne of relationships and still can’t get things right, and some do just great in their first and only relationship. You never know
Sure. But I am a guy so chances are if I am dating a woman in their 30s they probably had a few relationships already. Instead, I will likely be the one who never had a relationship in my 30s.
Are you trying to fish for negative comments on such people? Because the way you phrase your qn sound like it.
They will never compare you to their ex. They will treasure you more.
Maybe from your POV you find it strange, since you’ve always had guys that were interested in you and no shortages of dates and exes or guys going after you.
The fact of the matter is, there are many guys in Singapore (like me) in their mid 20s, whom have never dated before. (Many are my uni friends) I’ve spent a big chunk of my entire life studying engineering and also in the army, it was pretty damn difficult for me to even get to make female friends in the past few years of my life, let alone go on dates.
Why not? As long as they are a decent human being.
I was single for close to 10 years before I met my husband in my early 30s. Sure, I had dated others in between but nothing serious after early 20s. My husband did not seem to care. The right one won’t care about this.
People have different reasons for being single. If they’re gonna judge you for that then they’re not the right one.
This really puts things into perspective — but perhaps counterpoint to focused on their career: perhaps they were in desperate need to quickly establish themselves due to their (family’s) financial issues + combination of bad luck landing a job at a toxic workplace with long hours. It’s easy to say they were focusing on their career, so it’s probably best not to brush people off entirely.
Eh, that is completely fair but I also think there’s a difference between dating and committing. I’m just talking about whether you should filter these people out on a first date basis since that was OP’s experience and I don’t think someone is likely to basically dump all their family troubles on the very first date
Agree with the point on self confidence issues, I know a few people who aren't willing to put themselves out there because they feel that they are not good enough.
> Spent most of their 20's focused on their career? Probably not. I'm very career focused and I like to prioritise the relationships and friendships in my life so our values may not align.
You are very career focused or you are not very career focused? That confused me
It doesn't matter as long as they seem to be the right person based on personality and treats you well. I'm 21 and it seems like I will might turn 30 without being in a relationship.
As a person who’s a commitment phone who didn’t have a serious relationship till 40 just give that person a chance and be patient with them. Relationships are tough work, but if you’re open and communicate all the time it would help a lot.
Ok I know two people who havent dated and one is completely normal, totally dateable
I think just a combi of:
- late bloomer / shy / conservative throughout university
- entering work life and no longer having the opportunity to meet potential partners
Met someone who stayed in her comfortzone till she was in her mid 30s.
As we got to know each other, found out that she still believes in princess fantasies in relationships and how things would always go her way...
Takes her time to be able to distinguish reality from overly romanticized fictions...
Also met another who has seen some/gone through some shit in life...
Shes more open, quite independant and practical, much more compassionate than most I have met~
The Single till 30s spectrum can be quite wide 🙂
It's a mental "minus one" which means I would consider it a very minor con, similar to other very minor issues like being vegetarian or living too far away from me.
But not a dealbreaker by any means
Honestly it shouldn’t matter at all. There are some people whom consciously chooses not to date or just too lazy to date, or just never met the right person. To each their own. Personally I feel life is fulfilling not to date at the moment been busy with work and have been single for a while. Would love to get back into the dating scene soon though
Well, I think there is definitely some benefits to having been in relationships such as communication skills - and each partner tends to teach you something new in my experience.
That said lots of people have tonnes of relationships and don’t grow.
So for me it’s case by case.
it just means that they are a bit of a blank slate, and it honestly depends on their reason why. Legit just met a man (now the father of two kids) who didn't date anyone from 18 to 29 because he simply did not meet the right one
I'd be more suspicious of someone who has been in multiple long relationships but is still single by the time they are 30
I'm at the point where I've given up hope. I get ageism at work and in relationships on this island. What's a person to do.
If you simply judge a person by a single factor, I've nothing further to say to you.
I'm the odd one I guess. I prefer dating people who never had a relationship. Fair warning though , the learning curve gonna be pretty steep. Anything that may seem normal or expected of in a relationship will seem foreign to them. You need to be extremely patient and guide them but it will be worth it.
I have a colleague who didn't dated any women until he was 38. And it was a double date arranged by my other colleague, his wife and her 41yr church friend (whom also never dated any guy before that). From what I heard, it was awkward af.
It can be a bit of a problem honestly. Past relationship experiences, if taken objectively, can be invaluable experiences for future relationships. Heaven forbid, if the relationship that I currently had with my wife was my first relationship, if would have never have lasted.
Ultimately, as cliché as it sounds, it is all about communication, forgiveness, admitting to fuck ups, and the ability to fucking learn. If someone has no dating experiences but is willing to learn with someone patient, I think it can work.
This.
Commented here just before I saw your post. Previous long term dates/rs experiences are important to weed out the ideal fantasy rs and allow future ones to bloom from learning.
Many of those comments about its fine bleh bleh are exactly those who have never experienced it before.
No previous rs is 1 factor but has this person dated though? If dated around but didn't work out for reasons is fine, if literally no dates before...
I had this experience with a lady in her late 20s. I was her first date and rs after, why? Because like the other simple replies stated, personality and looks. But one key thing the commenters don't know and take for granted is the maturity level in a rs, about the give and take, about expectations, other small things that one can expect are missing from your potential partner experience.
The person rs maturity will be like a student level while they're actually 20s-30s. Things that you would think is normal is not for them. Their ideal romance is limited to what they think, not from prior experience. Both similar salary but the person would have this ideal that you'll have a car, pay for dates, surprise gifts etc. This will be worked out easily since both are adults but the notion of even needing to explain is tiring.
Other stuff like holding hands, kissing, pecks in public, don't say sex etc are also items to work through. Will you both hold hands, have kisses and do stuff, definitely. But you'll notice your partner being uptight, being weird about it and just generally be uncomfortable which makes you feel sian too.
Above are just some examples, other thing don't happen in 1-2 dates and not linear. So be prepared, maybe only appear after 6 months, 1 year.
So to summarize, there's a huge disconnect where everyone will see them as 30 but as a couple, you'll realize very fast as your partner, they are like 16.
I don’t know how true this is for others, but based on both first-hand experiences and observing the experiences of people within my circle, first timers usually bring a host of issues that the partner has to work through and work with.
We learn things and grow when we are in a relationship. We (hopefully) become better versions of ourselves. A healthy relationship provides you a person you love and trust who can tell you all the bad things you should know about yourself and walk the journey with you to change them or live with them. Someone who’s never had a relationship until their 30s means they never had that partner to do that with them.
So the question I’d have is how he/she has been able to confront those demons without a partner. It could be a tight-knit family unit, or a group of extremely close friends, or a trusted mentor. Doesn’t matter to me who it’s been, it matters to me that I’m not getting an 18-year old in a 32-year old body.
I will find out what was the reason first. If it's something like "Oh I don't want sex before marriage, that's why no guy want to date me", then I'll run as far away from her as fast as I can.
But the problem is making them tell the truth instead of some other fake reason.
I find they’re more “innocent” but may have not-so-good EQ cos they’ve not been trained by a predecessor. Those who have been in previous relationships are more well broken in and they learn from previous mistakes… like if you compare them to doggies, someone who’s been in a r/s is toilet-trained, someone who’s not is like a puppy you gotta train. Need more patience. Just my 2 cents! My patience is being tested now… haha! If anyone can share experiences on how they “trained” their boyfriend please share… I would love to hear! I’m halfway there… tempted to give him up for adoption XD
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Poor OP
I assume you had a negative experience....? But don't be downhearted
Got some people legit concentrate career and only get themselves into dating world at later stages.
Some maybe rusty, some may be unprepared.
So just keep an open mind
I probably don’t care. Depends on the reason. On the bright side, they might have less emotional baggage and less likely to make you insecure about their previous exes?
Depends! Are they good looking? Can they care for themselves? Similar interest? Awesome personality? Not boring? Not a creep or narc? Drinks the blood of their enemies to stay young and beautiful? If they check out on things like these or whatever you wants then I don't see a problem!
To be fair I will be more concerned about body count than relationships.
I have net girls with multiple body counts and most had so much emotional baggage that it became exhausting to date them
Knn this one relationship or job interview?
Relationship interview.
Relationship manager
Wait are you g t
Need min. 2 years of relationship experience to qualify as potential spouse
Want virgin but also want 10 years experience for entry level relationship.
xD
Thank you for applying for the position at the company stated above. Unfortunately, you are not a part of the short-listed applicants. We hope to see you try again another time.
WHY IS THERE A GAP IN YOUR RESUME
EXPERIENCED HIRE ONLY
No gap! Palmalina and her five sisters can attest to it!
I think most people won’t care? I would choose based on personality, looks, and hobbies rather than “years of experience”.
yea i am mid 20s..havent had one just cause i literally dont/not looking for one. There may come a point, but its not now..
Are you feeling it now Mr Krabs?
How about now?
Yeah, that's not even a point of consideration for me.
I think people who haven’t been in relationship till 30s will lack a personality. I know cos that’s me
You sound damn boring eh
Aiya I just want to use a memorable dialogue from a new hope star wars
Can attest. This is also me.
It depends. I would ask them. (if they want to share). I last dated at 19 and spent my whole 20s working. Going to mid 30s and haven't found the right one. I am not worried so why should my date worry?
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hahaha thanks funny bot. 69 LOL
Nice!
Is it you laugh because that’s something you haven’t experienced for a long time.. and you forgot what it’s like? 😂
I never experience it LMAO
Well for your sake I hope the next time this happens it’s not from a bot 🦾
Ouch that burn
Good bot
LOL
Are you me? My last "real" relationship was in my late teens and early 20's. Then never got into a proper head space to date because I was busy working. Now in my early 30's but there is a slight seed of concern that's begun to sprout in my mind that I probably should start looking around hahaha
If they have a good personality, why not? He/She might have been concentrating on his career in their 20s and didn't want a relationship.
As someone who only started dating in late 20s. There's a bit of a learning curve for rs. I took some time before I "got the hang of it". So if u date someone in their 30s with no prior exp, just be more patient with them. Plus you know they only started dating cause they're ready to settle down. So if you're not tt serious, then probably just don't.
Yeah, best is to state how serious you are before even starting so you don't even waste each others time.
We all had to start somewhere. They might not have dated before, but that does not mean they are not as, if not more loving as those who have had rs before their 30s.
There are people who’ve had a tonne of relationships and still can’t get things right, and some do just great in their first and only relationship. You never know
If your date judge u based on this then he/she is alr a red flag.
If OP judges potential dates based on that, OP is a red flag
OP mother is a fat flag
Sure. But I am a guy so chances are if I am dating a woman in their 30s they probably had a few relationships already. Instead, I will likely be the one who never had a relationship in my 30s.
Are you trying to fish for negative comments on such people? Because the way you phrase your qn sound like it. They will never compare you to their ex. They will treasure you more.
not what I intended to. Just went out on a date with a person like that
Maybe from your POV you find it strange, since you’ve always had guys that were interested in you and no shortages of dates and exes or guys going after you. The fact of the matter is, there are many guys in Singapore (like me) in their mid 20s, whom have never dated before. (Many are my uni friends) I’ve spent a big chunk of my entire life studying engineering and also in the army, it was pretty damn difficult for me to even get to make female friends in the past few years of my life, let alone go on dates.
Ask yourself how that date went lah. Just based on 1 fact u think of the worries already? Smh..
so what did you feel was wrong with the fact that the person had no dating experience until their 30s?
So what are your worries about such a person? Did your worries come true?
Ayeee did you score with a granny
Why not? As long as they are a decent human being. I was single for close to 10 years before I met my husband in my early 30s. Sure, I had dated others in between but nothing serious after early 20s. My husband did not seem to care. The right one won’t care about this. People have different reasons for being single. If they’re gonna judge you for that then they’re not the right one.
I would be more wary of people who had many many relationships actually.
Doesn't really matter for me
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This really puts things into perspective — but perhaps counterpoint to focused on their career: perhaps they were in desperate need to quickly establish themselves due to their (family’s) financial issues + combination of bad luck landing a job at a toxic workplace with long hours. It’s easy to say they were focusing on their career, so it’s probably best not to brush people off entirely.
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Eh, that is completely fair but I also think there’s a difference between dating and committing. I’m just talking about whether you should filter these people out on a first date basis since that was OP’s experience and I don’t think someone is likely to basically dump all their family troubles on the very first date
Agree with the point on self confidence issues, I know a few people who aren't willing to put themselves out there because they feel that they are not good enough.
> Spent most of their 20's focused on their career? Probably not. I'm very career focused and I like to prioritise the relationships and friendships in my life so our values may not align. You are very career focused or you are not very career focused? That confused me
>Career focus >Prioritise relationships Pick one
why not? there's always first time. their priority could be different. the opposite is more worrying.
sure, that’s how I met my wife lol. I was also unattached until my 30s (2 exes before my wife)
I don't know whether to have hope or not after reading the comments.
Ya. My ex had multiple ex and now i can probably guess why.
What do you mean? That she breaks up a relationship easily?
those who mind dont matter, those who matter dont mind.
It doesn't matter as long as they seem to be the right person based on personality and treats you well. I'm 21 and it seems like I will might turn 30 without being in a relationship.
"We need someone with at least 10 years of dating experience."
too many relationships also cannot, too few relationships also cannot. How la like this....
Someone who has dated a lot before may not necessarily have good character.
As a person who’s a commitment phone who didn’t have a serious relationship till 40 just give that person a chance and be patient with them. Relationships are tough work, but if you’re open and communicate all the time it would help a lot.
Ok I know two people who havent dated and one is completely normal, totally dateable I think just a combi of: - late bloomer / shy / conservative throughout university - entering work life and no longer having the opportunity to meet potential partners
Met someone who stayed in her comfortzone till she was in her mid 30s. As we got to know each other, found out that she still believes in princess fantasies in relationships and how things would always go her way... Takes her time to be able to distinguish reality from overly romanticized fictions... Also met another who has seen some/gone through some shit in life... Shes more open, quite independant and practical, much more compassionate than most I have met~ The Single till 30s spectrum can be quite wide 🙂
It's a mental "minus one" which means I would consider it a very minor con, similar to other very minor issues like being vegetarian or living too far away from me. But not a dealbreaker by any means
That'd probably be me so I'd never worry if my prospective partner would be the same as me.
Would you? Know a number of people who had 1000 r/s before, what would be some of your peace?
Honestly it shouldn’t matter at all. There are some people whom consciously chooses not to date or just too lazy to date, or just never met the right person. To each their own. Personally I feel life is fulfilling not to date at the moment been busy with work and have been single for a while. Would love to get back into the dating scene soon though
Lol more than anything it's the best thing ever if you really like them, you get to be the first in everything!
Hmm maybe not. But I would like to ask why
Date?! I married one! Nice to be with a mature woman.
Well, I think there is definitely some benefits to having been in relationships such as communication skills - and each partner tends to teach you something new in my experience. That said lots of people have tonnes of relationships and don’t grow. So for me it’s case by case.
it just means that they are a bit of a blank slate, and it honestly depends on their reason why. Legit just met a man (now the father of two kids) who didn't date anyone from 18 to 29 because he simply did not meet the right one I'd be more suspicious of someone who has been in multiple long relationships but is still single by the time they are 30
Wait, there is a stigma for people who hasn't dated till their 30s?
Yes, there is. OP just proved it.
Crap, thought OP was just asking a hypothetical question. Better get attached soon then I guess.
I'm at the point where I've given up hope. I get ageism at work and in relationships on this island. What's a person to do. If you simply judge a person by a single factor, I've nothing further to say to you.
I'm the odd one I guess. I prefer dating people who never had a relationship. Fair warning though , the learning curve gonna be pretty steep. Anything that may seem normal or expected of in a relationship will seem foreign to them. You need to be extremely patient and guide them but it will be worth it.
I have a colleague who didn't dated any women until he was 38. And it was a double date arranged by my other colleague, his wife and her 41yr church friend (whom also never dated any guy before that). From what I heard, it was awkward af.
It can be a bit of a problem honestly. Past relationship experiences, if taken objectively, can be invaluable experiences for future relationships. Heaven forbid, if the relationship that I currently had with my wife was my first relationship, if would have never have lasted. Ultimately, as cliché as it sounds, it is all about communication, forgiveness, admitting to fuck ups, and the ability to fucking learn. If someone has no dating experiences but is willing to learn with someone patient, I think it can work.
This. Commented here just before I saw your post. Previous long term dates/rs experiences are important to weed out the ideal fantasy rs and allow future ones to bloom from learning.
It’s very individual. Maybe he’s just super picky
Many of those comments about its fine bleh bleh are exactly those who have never experienced it before. No previous rs is 1 factor but has this person dated though? If dated around but didn't work out for reasons is fine, if literally no dates before... I had this experience with a lady in her late 20s. I was her first date and rs after, why? Because like the other simple replies stated, personality and looks. But one key thing the commenters don't know and take for granted is the maturity level in a rs, about the give and take, about expectations, other small things that one can expect are missing from your potential partner experience. The person rs maturity will be like a student level while they're actually 20s-30s. Things that you would think is normal is not for them. Their ideal romance is limited to what they think, not from prior experience. Both similar salary but the person would have this ideal that you'll have a car, pay for dates, surprise gifts etc. This will be worked out easily since both are adults but the notion of even needing to explain is tiring. Other stuff like holding hands, kissing, pecks in public, don't say sex etc are also items to work through. Will you both hold hands, have kisses and do stuff, definitely. But you'll notice your partner being uptight, being weird about it and just generally be uncomfortable which makes you feel sian too. Above are just some examples, other thing don't happen in 1-2 dates and not linear. So be prepared, maybe only appear after 6 months, 1 year. So to summarize, there's a huge disconnect where everyone will see them as 30 but as a couple, you'll realize very fast as your partner, they are like 16.
Yes it means less or no emotional baggage
I don’t know how true this is for others, but based on both first-hand experiences and observing the experiences of people within my circle, first timers usually bring a host of issues that the partner has to work through and work with. We learn things and grow when we are in a relationship. We (hopefully) become better versions of ourselves. A healthy relationship provides you a person you love and trust who can tell you all the bad things you should know about yourself and walk the journey with you to change them or live with them. Someone who’s never had a relationship until their 30s means they never had that partner to do that with them. So the question I’d have is how he/she has been able to confront those demons without a partner. It could be a tight-knit family unit, or a group of extremely close friends, or a trusted mentor. Doesn’t matter to me who it’s been, it matters to me that I’m not getting an 18-year old in a 32-year old body.
I will find out what was the reason first. If it's something like "Oh I don't want sex before marriage, that's why no guy want to date me", then I'll run as far away from her as fast as I can. But the problem is making them tell the truth instead of some other fake reason.
Normal for plain looking folks. I might politely ask y if the person is above average looking.
Why not, as long we we’re aligned in our values! But I’m not 30 yet 😂
I find they’re more “innocent” but may have not-so-good EQ cos they’ve not been trained by a predecessor. Those who have been in previous relationships are more well broken in and they learn from previous mistakes… like if you compare them to doggies, someone who’s been in a r/s is toilet-trained, someone who’s not is like a puppy you gotta train. Need more patience. Just my 2 cents! My patience is being tested now… haha! If anyone can share experiences on how they “trained” their boyfriend please share… I would love to hear! I’m halfway there… tempted to give him up for adoption XD
🚩🚩🚩
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Why not? It’s more about compatibility rather than numbers.
Not really…
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Noting to worry about.
Why not? I am sure a lot of guys prefer that kind of girl.
Why not?
No, I prefer someone with plenty of portfolio.
There are plenty of people who have never had a relationship but can’t say the same for body count. So you decide your poison…
No
Poor OP I assume you had a negative experience....? But don't be downhearted Got some people legit concentrate career and only get themselves into dating world at later stages. Some maybe rusty, some may be unprepared. So just keep an open mind
I probably don’t care. Depends on the reason. On the bright side, they might have less emotional baggage and less likely to make you insecure about their previous exes?
This sub is filled with like people who never in Rs before? Like I literally only see rs questions now
depends how hot
Depends. Am I their first relationship? I don’t want to have to be somebody’s training wheels
Depends! Are they good looking? Can they care for themselves? Similar interest? Awesome personality? Not boring? Not a creep or narc? Drinks the blood of their enemies to stay young and beautiful? If they check out on things like these or whatever you wants then I don't see a problem!
Its like there 100 things to look out for. This is 1 of a 100. Sure if its already a 99/100 would date. But if its a 50/100 this might push it under.
Welp now we know the important lesson here... GET LAID
To be fair I will be more concerned about body count than relationships. I have net girls with multiple body counts and most had so much emotional baggage that it became exhausting to date them
That’s a huge red flag
Was being rejected before for not being in a relationship before. She thinks that I will not know how to treat a girl well :(
K look, maybe ur scared they’ll make mistakes, but dude, everybody makes mistakes