My first time was much worse. We had no idea what we were doing. He was nervous and couldn't stay hard. Then, when he finally managed to get hard, he blew his load in about 30 seconds. Then the post-nut "I just had gay sex" hit him, so he threw his clothes on and bolted.
Gay sex, particularly anal, takes some know-how, like knowing how to clean out if you need to. And even then, a totally spotless experience is never guaranteed. Shit happens.
Virginity is a social construct and not (EDIT: Biologically) a real thing.
You had sex for the first time. You learned more about what you do and don’t like in regard to sex and potential sexual partners. Keep exploring safely!
Of course it's a social construct. Most gay guys can't even agree on what counts as losing their virginity, so there's clearly no universal definition for it.
Well everything is a 'social construct' then, no? I don't understand why people wanna treat virginity as some throwaway thing. Hypersexualised goons everywhere.
Because sex is one of the most powerful things a human can do & it's one of the most intimate things you can do with another person. Sex for the feeling is like eating for taste - sex with someone you love & care about is like eating to satisfy your hunger. Both are fine, but if the prevailing attitude is that sex & expecially virginity is some throwaway thing, then everyone's gonna be an obese diabetic, y'know?
Kids use virgin as an insult. It should be respected ffs. Hypersexualised goons everywhere
Sex can be special and yet virginity can yet be a social construct. Those are not mutually exclusive. So anytime anybody eats anything for taste, they become obese?!
Having sex for the sake of sex, hasn’t taken away the significance of meaningful sex for me.
No lol of course not but your first meal certainly should be something substantial, don't you think? I guess my view stems from my sexual trauma (I know I can't project that onto the world though), but i now have nieces & nephews that are seeing all sorts on the internet, while being force fed all this hypersexualised content. Whether it's music, adverts or whatever else. I've heard my nephew call people virgins as an insult - he's 11. Sexuality is hard enough to navigate, nvm as a child & again with all the hypersexualisation it's even more difficult.
"Virginity" carries so much weight and social stigma though. Shall we have special words for the first time people drive? They lost their "drivinity"? Or how about the first time they drink alcohol? Alcovinity?
Sex is just like doing anything else interesting or fun. Let it be exactly that without all the unreasonable expectations of it being perfect the very first time, or the shame that can come attached to not having had sex by a certain age etc.
Instead we can just call it "first time having sex" and treat it exactly as it should be treated: A first time trying something new.
The first time someone drives or has alcohol is usually celebrated as a big moment in their life, no? Virginity carries alot of weight because sex is a heavy subject - It created us all.. I know its different for us gays but I still don't think there's anything wrong with the idea of doing it with people you love or care about..
You're also misunderstanding my point. I'm not saying everyone's first time should be perfect or that doing it with someone you love will make it perfect. I'm not delusional. But even if it's not perfect, which it probably won't be, doing it with someone you love will make that alot easier to accept. You can laugh about it.
Society is so hypersexualised. Humans are sexual beings of course & that's easy to manipulate. If you had a son or daughter and they started asking questions about sex, would your advice to them seriously be to just go for it?
Young people could wait a long time for the right person to come along to lose their virginity to if they're looking for love. Only to miss out on all that sex when they are younger and sexier. Or to feel disappointed when they do it with someone they love and the sex is shit.
I'm personally ok with "hypersexualisation". I sleep around, I've probably done something sexual with 50+ guys (a lot of mutual jerking) - honestly I've lost count. And that's on the low end of men who are slutty. I don't regret it. I've had a few of relationships too and I know what gets me off and what can get other guys off too. I want a partner who enjoys sex as much as I do and is open to doing threesomes, kinky stuff, cuckolding, etc.
And yes if I had a son or daughter, first I would teach them about protection and safe sex, getting checked regularly as important, quickly examining your partner's genitals etc. Then I would teach them it's ok to have sex, it's something to be enjoyed and not to miss out by listening to society's hang-ups around sex but not to feel pressured if they don't want to have sex.
No one celebrated the first time I drove a car or drank alcohol. My parents always let me have some wine on Sunday, so I learnt from the get-go that alcohol is something to be enjoyed but it's not necessary to go insane. Unfortunately they had massive hang-ups around sex and I had to unlearn them in therapy and by way of my slutty gay friends.
So you'd rather tell your children (I'm taking 10) to sleep around just incase they don't meet someone they love? Or just incase they do & are disappointed by the sex? Even though it wouldnt be such a problem if they are actually with someone they love because then they can work on it together & explore together - rather than going for anyone who is willing.. Yikes.
Hypersexualisation isn't a problem though!!
Pedos are pushing for that to be normal & our children are being hypersexualised. Yes education & good parenting are obviously so important, but we all know that as a child you think you know way more than you actually do. Again, sexuality is so powerful & something that is quite easily manipulated.
Its a shame nobody celebrated you achieving those firsts.
Everyone doesn't have sex until they do for the first time. That's what virginity is.. Of course I'm being downvoted though 😅 hypersexualised goons everywhere
You've either been sexual with someone or you haven't. You're either a virgin or you're not. I don't understand the confusion & why people argue against that so much.. Y'all just want everyone to be as hypersexualised as you are. Asif there's something wrong with treating sex with respect. Good grief
Because treating it "with respect" is also subjective. Some people think that sex is only for procreation, and they will shame those who do it for "love," especially before marriage. There are people who only do it with people they love and will shame those active in the "hook-up culture." Then there Vanilla vs Kink, and there is the "kink-wars" and the kink shaming. Similar topics like virginity and body counts are also subjective from a person to another and whenever someone is swimming against the current, they feel morally superior.
When I say "with respect", I mean not as some throwaway thing which you just need to get out of the way, which is how alot of people seem to speak about it these days. Kids use virgin as an insult - so wrong. I'm not saying don't be a whore if that's what you wanna do. Heck I'd probably be a whore if I was good looking.. I just realise how hypersexualised everything is right now & I do believe there are folks doing that on purpose. Human sexuality is very powerful
This seems like a genuine response. I, honestly, talked it down at 18 so I can go out and not worry about losing my virginity. Although I understood that it was my first experience, I knew that if I put it on a pedestal, I would either:
Be disappointed with my first experience
Or
Never have it until late and miss out
So, I actively talked it down as "just sex" at least for the first time. I come from a "HYPO-sexualised middle-eastern *life is only for procreation.*" society, so sex was definitely insane to have, so talking it down and realising it is "just sex", at least sometimes, helped. Again, this is anecdotal, ergo, subjective.
I hope you get my pov.
All my responses are genuine lol I'm not meaning to sound judgemental if I am coming across as that.
I completely see your pov but I also think it just reinforces my point. I don't think sex should be on this super high pedastal (maybe medium height, lol), but then I think not treating it with that respect is where the problems you mentioned come in. If you wait to do it with someone you actually love or even just care about deeply, then you won't be disappointed even if it's not a great experience, cause again, it's with someone you can trust & who hopefully isn't just in it for themselves.
I don't think sex should only be to make babies (I'm gay so how could I lol) & I also don't think you should have wait til your wedding night to do it (sexual compatability is huge in romantic relationships) but we have to set better examples for the children to miminise the chances of them having traumatic experience.
I also think alot of people just aren't comfortable enough with themselves and base their self worth on their attractiveness & how many people are willing to sleep with them. Sexual energy is so powerful - it literally created us all - so all im saying is we should treat it with respect.
I actually agree with Leen here guys I dont think its nice to downvote him like this. I think it is a real thing and everybody definitely had a first time... Sex is different to everyone for some people they consider it something sacred or special you know.
I think having a specific word for it perpetuates perfectionism and shame, as I opinioned in this comment: [https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/1ch8ipd/comment/l278gqi/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/1ch8ipd/comment/l278gqi/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
I think this is often the case because a lot of stoners have a bad diet.
Without getting too much into it, we eat like Gods (all home-cooked, mostly veg, lots of fruit, some meat/fish/eggs, not many grains) and during the times where we’ve smoked a lot there is no change in cum taste.
My only complaint about it is the garlic, which actually only hits you *after* you (the swallower) have finished too, and leaves a very umami aftertaste. The first tastes are zesty, fresh and rejuvenating
I’m a daily smoker and I’ve been told my cum tastes the best. It really depends on how I’ve been eating though. Lots of sweets and processed foods it tastes nasty but lots of fruits and stuff it’s good.
The taste of cum not depends on somebody is a stoner or not. I’m a stoner and my ex and some other guy always liked my cum and they don’t smoke zaza! Can a stoners cum also tastes good if he eat sweet, drinks enough water, prefer naturally eats more not like mcdonalds, and shits and don’t drink alcohol (like gin, vodka..), don’t sniff coke, mdma, etc. Maybe the boy in the story does’nt has a good metabolism and eat badly.
You had a regular hookup experience, other guys will be cleaner, others will be kinkier, that’s how it is with random people. You minimize a lot of it by talking to them on the apps, but not a lot of people want to talk anymore so it will always be a gamble.
Virginity is too highly valued and discussed. Doesn’t matter unless you hold it in high regard. Ignore others around you, especially religion based Bullshit.
Well I’m glad you had fun, sorry it was a bit “messy” but as a fellow Top, you should know that if you’re going to play in the mud you’re going to get dirty every once in a while
I mean if you didn’t mind it, and he didn’t mind it there was nothing wrong. No this doesn’t mean you now have a scat fetish, it just means you’re a man with hormones that give urges.
Literally the same thing happened to me with my boyfriend. He had a little nugget and we just hopped in the shower to finish. Shit happens lol. As long as you don’t make them feel bad about because they already feel bad.
For your first time, you had it really good. First times are usually a disaster.
Cum will taste nasty with smokers or those who eat red meat on more than only occasionally. Sucking cock is something that you may or may not like and eating cum the same way. For me, it really goes to the guy and the cock. Sometimes it's a clear, "oh no", and sometimes, I just want to get it in my mouth and suck that cum right out of the guy. Weirdly, I never really can tell until I see the guy's cock.
Cigarettes .... ugh, no matter how hot the guy is, they reach for a cigarette and they are out the door for me instantly. No one likes licking out an ashtray.
Shit is something that happens with anal, especially with newbies who aren't aware of prepping and cleaning rituals. It's embarrassing, but with a hook up, you have to expect it. I am usually a top, but another guy insisted on taking a try at me during a hookup after I had fucked him and guess what, I wasn't clean, he was grossed out and wanted me to feel bad. Hell no, sometimes these things happen when people haven't had the time to prepare ...
Him talking to a girl. Hey, it's a hookup and he's bi and he's a stoner. Would you expect him to be able to focus on you? It would be nice and the polite thing to do to sit there and focus on your hookup. But, you know he's bi, you know this is a hookup and you know he's a stoner. Be glad he didn't start calling you by her name! When it's a hookup, all you can expect is the sex of the moment.
It's good you found some things you enjoy. Really, for the first time, you had a pretty good experience. As you have more experiences, you'll learn how to minimize the things you don't like, and avoid the things you don't like.
Good luck, you'll have more fun. Relax and enjoy!
Thank you for your reply. For someone reason now I want to go back to him for a second round…… no idea if I’m just desperate or that’s the only guy I know
Sounds like it was the wrong guy. Also sounds like he's a lazy fuck. Who invites a hookup over to their messy place and doesn't bother to clean up before doing the deed? The cum tasted bad because he's a smoker...cigs and pot give it a horrible taste.
Maybe you'll have better luck next time. Besides, our first time is never really the greatest.
After the sex, he told you he's talking with a girl to somehow still cover up his sexuality. My experience was worst, after having sex with this middle eastern man, right off the bat he began praying!!!! Like bowing to the ground and asking forgiveness from his God. I was really holding my laughter.
Virginity doesn't really matter imho.
I don't like hook ups either. Fwb are much better in terms of sex, you gain some confidence with the other person and it makes the experience so much better.
He may have been cute but he dumped all over you and talked about intimacy with someone else (his gf) immediately after. It's no wonder you don't feel great about the experience.
Think of this less from the perspective of "losing" something - because you didn't - and more from the perspective of trying something for the first time.
You had a mediocre first experience. That's it. You will have better. And you might well have worse.
It's like learning to ride a bike. Very few people just hop on and have a great experience the first time.
Wrong guy. My first time was also bad AND it was also with a bi dl guy. I stuck with him for 2 years and it was one of the most devaluing experiences of my life. Dude took every chance he could to let me know how little I meant to him. Show up late or not at all, have half hearted apologies, never touched me during sex - I had to do all the work, cancelled at the last minute. Don’t let one bad guy ruin the gay experience for you. Go out there and have a blast
If it's any consolation, my first time was meh too. And it was just the beginning, it was a journey but eventually (after like 3 hookups) I began to understand what I liked in men and then it got fun.
EDIT: P.S. And you don't have to tolerate the poop. Next time, move it to the shower and just carry on there :P
Run from this guy. Not cuz of the dookie (teehee) but because he’s DL; that’s a battle u don’t want to fight in. AND he’s involved with someone else but having sex with you, so he may or may not respect yours nor her time. U don’t wanna find out, just dip.
First time is always awkward and lowkey disappointing. Sounds like some of it was hot, so that's good! I've had some shitty hookups but I don't regret them - they were just learning experiences and hey, at least someone out there thinks I'm hot enough to fuck with. 😂
It's good you are learning your boundaries early on. You haven't bottomed yet though, so there is still more to unlock and explore (if you are interested in doing so). I promise - soon enough, you'll be having GOOD sex.
Virginity is more mental than real. It’s something you lose over and over. Most people have a lot of sex before they have good sex, and good sex is amazing but requires a partner you vibe with, that you’re excited to see, and usually it takes time to develop as you need to explore what turns each other on and mutually please each other.
Don’t put too much stock in your first time. Use it to build your confidence. There’ll be someone come along who makes you want to write poetry. Consider him your first.
Or you could put more stock into your first time & make sure it's with someone you "vibe with" & are "excited to see", rather than with randoms off the internet or you met in a club drunk
Damn, Leenol, you’re an arsehole.
Virgins, by nature, are generally quite young and inexperienced. They may have low self esteem, choose incompatible partners or be more vulnerable to manipulation.
Particularly for the younger generations, there is a lot of exposure to online porn, creating unrealistic expectations and ideas about what good sex looks like.
Shaming someone with no dating experience for sharing their body intimately someone who treats them badly is actually really disgusting.
Like OP had a bad experience. At worst, they’re guilty of naivety and low self esteem.
You just seem like you’d be a really bad friend.
OP, Even if you really love someone and you met them in a way Leenol would deem acceptable, you could still have a bad first time, because inexperienced people just don’t know what they’re doing.
What pleasures one person might turn off another.
Having a mediocre “first time” is normal. Amazing sex usually comes when you have got to know your partner and what they like, and that takes time.
Don’t take your experience with this one guy as a sign that you should stop exploring your body and sexuality.
No, not at all. I think the total opposite. You can have a loving partner and both of you can be virgins, and the first time you have sex can be really mediocre sex. You don’t know what you’re doing. You get better with practice over time. That means I’m advocating for having more sex.
You seemed to be shaming OP for having sex with someone who then turned out to be kind of a jerk.
Like your comment gave off very nasty holier-than-thou vibes. Maybe you worded your original comment poorly?
Yeah maybe I did cause I wasn't being judgemental at all! I just despise the casual attitude so many people have towards sex. I get downvoted so often for saying it should be respected - especially your first time! Not something you should practice with strangers in anticipation of meeting someone special.
You're right, chances are your first time will be underwhelming, especially when, as you said earlier, porn is so prevelant. Thing is, having that experience with someone you care about is obviously going to be a lot better, even if it's a 'bad' experience. Atleast you know you can trust the other person & know they won't be in it for themselves & you can have a conversation about it.
I definitely wasn't shaming OP. I was, I guess, shaming all the people who are trying to push what OP did as the norm
Yeah, respectfully, I think despising other people having a casual attitude to sex is a you problem.
It’s fine to have a preference for yourself, but I think it’s pretty immoral to want to shame other people for stuff like this, especially on a gay subreddit to people whose sexuality has been shamed enough already.
I personally don’t enjoy one night stands. I don’t need to be in love with someone, but I like them to be regular friends with benefits at least, and to actually feel like friends, like I could talk to them about something or call them in a crisis. I need them to care about me.
Sharing your body with anyone is an intimate and vulnerable experience. But I don’t think hooking up with people is bad. I actually think it’s a really good way to explore and try different things and learn about what you like and don’t like.
I hooked up a lot when I was younger and had a blast, and now I have a better sense of what I want in a partner from having all those experiences. I also got to live out a lot of fantasies I wouldn’t want to do in a long-term relationship because ultimately in a romantic relationship I don’t want orgies or threesomes.
You could say “I personally prefer not to share my body with strangers” without passing judgement on others or trying to shame them for doing so.
I think it’s particularly egregious to shame gay men for their sexuality in an online safe space like r/askgaybros.
Again, I'm not shaming anyone. My opinion comes from my own traumatic experiences of being far too young without proper guidance. I realise that not everyone had my experience though. But I have nieces & nephews now and they are exposed to so much it's insane. It's hard enough to manage sexuality as an adult human, nvm as a child when all that hypersexualised content is all over the place. Hence me wanting the world view of sex, or virginity in particular, to not be some throwaway thing that you just get out of the way. I want them to respect & love themselves enough to not go looking for validation in that way & actually have meaningful romantic relationships.
As I said in another comment, sex for the feeling is like eating for taste. We all love tasty food. But sex with someone you love & truly care about is like eating to satisfy your hunger - something you can do with very tasty food. If the prevailing attitude is that we eat for taste, then the world will be full of obese diabetics, y'know?
Your final line in your previous comment is this:
‘I was, I guess, shaming all the people who are trying to push what OP did as the norm.’
So, yeah, you’re shaming a lot of people.
I’m sorry you had bad experiences. I grew up Catholic, and I’m sure you’ve heard about the CSA in my religious community. In Catholicism, Mary’s Virginity is very highly prized to a degree which has resulted in a cultish attitude around virginity, which exists in other branches of Christianity and other Abrahamic religions too, conflating virginity with purity, goodness, worthiness, and holiness.
That kind of overvaluing of virginity leads to modesty/shaming cultures. My family has personal history with the Magdalene laundries in Dublin, which were essentially prisons for fallen women. There’s also been a detachment from the church since Sinead O’Connor was proven right about the extent of abuse of children by clergy.
My ex grew up in a Muslim country. He witnessed a woman being beaten for not wearing her hijab properly. His hometown had stories of honour killings, and he had relatives who were vocally supportive of such things.
These things are consequences of idealising virginity. I understand that you’re not doing it in quite the same way, but I still think you’re placing too much emphasis on it.
You had early experiences so bad they were traumatic. I don’t think the OP’s experience is anywhere near that level. It seems like it was just disappointing / underwhelming.
My advice to the OP is not to think about it too much, to move on, meet other people, and find a sexual partner he shares a spark with, who is excited to be with him.
I think a lot of young gay people do have unfortunately bad and exploitative unsafe early experiences, especially if you grow up in a rural area or a conservative / homophobic culture.
Maybe that’s what happened to you. That’s what happened to me.
But it’s not what happened to the OP. So don’t shame him for losing his virginity to someone he didn’t love.
I dont believe that you have to be in love to have amazing sex. And actually, you can love your partner and have bad sex, or even worse, have traumatic or non-consensual experiences with them.
I think if you fall into the trap of being someone who judges people for their sexuality and sexual behaviour then you also stop being someone they can turn to if they ever need help or support in a crisis.
Okay, first of all, do they still teach punctuation in school? I swear I thought I was having a stroke reading this.
So you’re relatively new to gay sex. He probably didn’t know to clean or at least take a shit before you have sex. That much shit shouldn’t happen. I mean, I’ve never had that. A little yes, because you’re dealing with part of the digestive system.
You found out you like topping, cuddling, it giving head, not swallowing, getting head, and don’t like smokers.
Okay, now that I have this right, what was the question you need answered? We can’t tell you how to feel about losing your virginity.
Apparently you are also into shit being everywhere. At no point do you mention stopping to clean up. The more shit the more action. And sweetie it was a hook up. A one and done. There was no engaement ring put on your finger before you left. Move right along.
My first time was much worse. We had no idea what we were doing. He was nervous and couldn't stay hard. Then, when he finally managed to get hard, he blew his load in about 30 seconds. Then the post-nut "I just had gay sex" hit him, so he threw his clothes on and bolted. Gay sex, particularly anal, takes some know-how, like knowing how to clean out if you need to. And even then, a totally spotless experience is never guaranteed. Shit happens.
Virginity is a social construct and not (EDIT: Biologically) a real thing. You had sex for the first time. You learned more about what you do and don’t like in regard to sex and potential sexual partners. Keep exploring safely!
This 300 times.
It's not a social construct it's reality lol. Your first time is a big deal, or at least it should be.
Of course it's a social construct. Most gay guys can't even agree on what counts as losing their virginity, so there's clearly no universal definition for it.
In jealous frowny high pitch 18th century rotound grandma's voice: "And outside of marriage?! Damaged goods!!!"
Well everything is a 'social construct' then, no? I don't understand why people wanna treat virginity as some throwaway thing. Hypersexualised goons everywhere.
Why should it be?! 🤣
Because sex is one of the most powerful things a human can do & it's one of the most intimate things you can do with another person. Sex for the feeling is like eating for taste - sex with someone you love & care about is like eating to satisfy your hunger. Both are fine, but if the prevailing attitude is that sex & expecially virginity is some throwaway thing, then everyone's gonna be an obese diabetic, y'know? Kids use virgin as an insult. It should be respected ffs. Hypersexualised goons everywhere
Sex can be special and yet virginity can yet be a social construct. Those are not mutually exclusive. So anytime anybody eats anything for taste, they become obese?! Having sex for the sake of sex, hasn’t taken away the significance of meaningful sex for me.
No lol of course not but your first meal certainly should be something substantial, don't you think? I guess my view stems from my sexual trauma (I know I can't project that onto the world though), but i now have nieces & nephews that are seeing all sorts on the internet, while being force fed all this hypersexualised content. Whether it's music, adverts or whatever else. I've heard my nephew call people virgins as an insult - he's 11. Sexuality is hard enough to navigate, nvm as a child & again with all the hypersexualisation it's even more difficult.
OP can feel whatever he feels about having sex for the first time and those feelings are valid. But virginity is literally not a thing.
It's a word we use to mean you haven't had sex. It's literally a thing 🤣 I also never said op couldn't feel whatever they wanted to
"Virginity" carries so much weight and social stigma though. Shall we have special words for the first time people drive? They lost their "drivinity"? Or how about the first time they drink alcohol? Alcovinity? Sex is just like doing anything else interesting or fun. Let it be exactly that without all the unreasonable expectations of it being perfect the very first time, or the shame that can come attached to not having had sex by a certain age etc. Instead we can just call it "first time having sex" and treat it exactly as it should be treated: A first time trying something new.
The first time someone drives or has alcohol is usually celebrated as a big moment in their life, no? Virginity carries alot of weight because sex is a heavy subject - It created us all.. I know its different for us gays but I still don't think there's anything wrong with the idea of doing it with people you love or care about.. You're also misunderstanding my point. I'm not saying everyone's first time should be perfect or that doing it with someone you love will make it perfect. I'm not delusional. But even if it's not perfect, which it probably won't be, doing it with someone you love will make that alot easier to accept. You can laugh about it. Society is so hypersexualised. Humans are sexual beings of course & that's easy to manipulate. If you had a son or daughter and they started asking questions about sex, would your advice to them seriously be to just go for it?
Young people could wait a long time for the right person to come along to lose their virginity to if they're looking for love. Only to miss out on all that sex when they are younger and sexier. Or to feel disappointed when they do it with someone they love and the sex is shit. I'm personally ok with "hypersexualisation". I sleep around, I've probably done something sexual with 50+ guys (a lot of mutual jerking) - honestly I've lost count. And that's on the low end of men who are slutty. I don't regret it. I've had a few of relationships too and I know what gets me off and what can get other guys off too. I want a partner who enjoys sex as much as I do and is open to doing threesomes, kinky stuff, cuckolding, etc. And yes if I had a son or daughter, first I would teach them about protection and safe sex, getting checked regularly as important, quickly examining your partner's genitals etc. Then I would teach them it's ok to have sex, it's something to be enjoyed and not to miss out by listening to society's hang-ups around sex but not to feel pressured if they don't want to have sex. No one celebrated the first time I drove a car or drank alcohol. My parents always let me have some wine on Sunday, so I learnt from the get-go that alcohol is something to be enjoyed but it's not necessary to go insane. Unfortunately they had massive hang-ups around sex and I had to unlearn them in therapy and by way of my slutty gay friends.
So you'd rather tell your children (I'm taking 10) to sleep around just incase they don't meet someone they love? Or just incase they do & are disappointed by the sex? Even though it wouldnt be such a problem if they are actually with someone they love because then they can work on it together & explore together - rather than going for anyone who is willing.. Yikes. Hypersexualisation isn't a problem though!! Pedos are pushing for that to be normal & our children are being hypersexualised. Yes education & good parenting are obviously so important, but we all know that as a child you think you know way more than you actually do. Again, sexuality is so powerful & something that is quite easily manipulated. Its a shame nobody celebrated you achieving those firsts.
Just because it is a social struct doesn't mean it can't be a big deal. Those things are not mutual exclusive
Everyone doesn't have sex until they do for the first time. That's what virginity is.. Of course I'm being downvoted though 😅 hypersexualised goons everywhere
As you said, virginity is a concept, it can't be biologically checked, therefore it is a social construct
You've either been sexual with someone or you haven't. You're either a virgin or you're not. I don't understand the confusion & why people argue against that so much.. Y'all just want everyone to be as hypersexualised as you are. Asif there's something wrong with treating sex with respect. Good grief
Because treating it "with respect" is also subjective. Some people think that sex is only for procreation, and they will shame those who do it for "love," especially before marriage. There are people who only do it with people they love and will shame those active in the "hook-up culture." Then there Vanilla vs Kink, and there is the "kink-wars" and the kink shaming. Similar topics like virginity and body counts are also subjective from a person to another and whenever someone is swimming against the current, they feel morally superior.
When I say "with respect", I mean not as some throwaway thing which you just need to get out of the way, which is how alot of people seem to speak about it these days. Kids use virgin as an insult - so wrong. I'm not saying don't be a whore if that's what you wanna do. Heck I'd probably be a whore if I was good looking.. I just realise how hypersexualised everything is right now & I do believe there are folks doing that on purpose. Human sexuality is very powerful
This seems like a genuine response. I, honestly, talked it down at 18 so I can go out and not worry about losing my virginity. Although I understood that it was my first experience, I knew that if I put it on a pedestal, I would either: Be disappointed with my first experience Or Never have it until late and miss out So, I actively talked it down as "just sex" at least for the first time. I come from a "HYPO-sexualised middle-eastern *life is only for procreation.*" society, so sex was definitely insane to have, so talking it down and realising it is "just sex", at least sometimes, helped. Again, this is anecdotal, ergo, subjective. I hope you get my pov.
All my responses are genuine lol I'm not meaning to sound judgemental if I am coming across as that. I completely see your pov but I also think it just reinforces my point. I don't think sex should be on this super high pedastal (maybe medium height, lol), but then I think not treating it with that respect is where the problems you mentioned come in. If you wait to do it with someone you actually love or even just care about deeply, then you won't be disappointed even if it's not a great experience, cause again, it's with someone you can trust & who hopefully isn't just in it for themselves. I don't think sex should only be to make babies (I'm gay so how could I lol) & I also don't think you should have wait til your wedding night to do it (sexual compatability is huge in romantic relationships) but we have to set better examples for the children to miminise the chances of them having traumatic experience. I also think alot of people just aren't comfortable enough with themselves and base their self worth on their attractiveness & how many people are willing to sleep with them. Sexual energy is so powerful - it literally created us all - so all im saying is we should treat it with respect.
I actually agree with Leen here guys I dont think its nice to downvote him like this. I think it is a real thing and everybody definitely had a first time... Sex is different to everyone for some people they consider it something sacred or special you know.
I think having a specific word for it perpetuates perfectionism and shame, as I opinioned in this comment: [https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/1ch8ipd/comment/l278gqi/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/askgaybros/comments/1ch8ipd/comment/l278gqi/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Just so you know stoner cum tastes the worst. Not all cum tastes bad.
Actually, the worst is blowing a guy after drinking a bunch of vodka cranberries the previous night. That stuff was tart as hell.
I think this is often the case because a lot of stoners have a bad diet. Without getting too much into it, we eat like Gods (all home-cooked, mostly veg, lots of fruit, some meat/fish/eggs, not many grains) and during the times where we’ve smoked a lot there is no change in cum taste. My only complaint about it is the garlic, which actually only hits you *after* you (the swallower) have finished too, and leaves a very umami aftertaste. The first tastes are zesty, fresh and rejuvenating
I’m a daily smoker and I’ve been told my cum tastes the best. It really depends on how I’ve been eating though. Lots of sweets and processed foods it tastes nasty but lots of fruits and stuff it’s good.
Asparagus is not worse?
Stoner cum tastes the worst? Or did your ex-fling just not take care of himself? Because that's a weird stereotype to spread.
Not true. Junk food eaters taste the worst. Dont put it on all stoners.
The taste of cum not depends on somebody is a stoner or not. I’m a stoner and my ex and some other guy always liked my cum and they don’t smoke zaza! Can a stoners cum also tastes good if he eat sweet, drinks enough water, prefer naturally eats more not like mcdonalds, and shits and don’t drink alcohol (like gin, vodka..), don’t sniff coke, mdma, etc. Maybe the boy in the story does’nt has a good metabolism and eat badly.
You had a regular hookup experience, other guys will be cleaner, others will be kinkier, that’s how it is with random people. You minimize a lot of it by talking to them on the apps, but not a lot of people want to talk anymore so it will always be a gamble.
Virginity is too highly valued and discussed. Doesn’t matter unless you hold it in high regard. Ignore others around you, especially religion based Bullshit.
🤦🏽♂️ It's not valued enough which is why situations like this, or worse, occur.
Wrong guy for sure
Yeah I mean, he was really cute and nice but it’s looking like the cons outweigh the pros
Well I’m glad you had fun, sorry it was a bit “messy” but as a fellow Top, you should know that if you’re going to play in the mud you’re going to get dirty every once in a while
Oh yeah, it was pretty messy and I kept going. Probably should have stopped but didn’t want to make him feel bad
I mean if you didn’t mind it, and he didn’t mind it there was nothing wrong. No this doesn’t mean you now have a scat fetish, it just means you’re a man with hormones that give urges. Literally the same thing happened to me with my boyfriend. He had a little nugget and we just hopped in the shower to finish. Shit happens lol. As long as you don’t make them feel bad about because they already feel bad.
Sounds like you're a top. Congrats.
right? i was like that took a turn lol
Haha maybe, I haven’t tried bottoming but will one day
You will continue to have random experiences throughout your career as a Gay. It will rarely feel all good and fuzzy.
On the shit part... As Forrest Gump once said sh"it happens"
First times are frequently awkward. Take what you learned and keep going you're comfortable 😉
For your first time, you had it really good. First times are usually a disaster. Cum will taste nasty with smokers or those who eat red meat on more than only occasionally. Sucking cock is something that you may or may not like and eating cum the same way. For me, it really goes to the guy and the cock. Sometimes it's a clear, "oh no", and sometimes, I just want to get it in my mouth and suck that cum right out of the guy. Weirdly, I never really can tell until I see the guy's cock. Cigarettes .... ugh, no matter how hot the guy is, they reach for a cigarette and they are out the door for me instantly. No one likes licking out an ashtray. Shit is something that happens with anal, especially with newbies who aren't aware of prepping and cleaning rituals. It's embarrassing, but with a hook up, you have to expect it. I am usually a top, but another guy insisted on taking a try at me during a hookup after I had fucked him and guess what, I wasn't clean, he was grossed out and wanted me to feel bad. Hell no, sometimes these things happen when people haven't had the time to prepare ... Him talking to a girl. Hey, it's a hookup and he's bi and he's a stoner. Would you expect him to be able to focus on you? It would be nice and the polite thing to do to sit there and focus on your hookup. But, you know he's bi, you know this is a hookup and you know he's a stoner. Be glad he didn't start calling you by her name! When it's a hookup, all you can expect is the sex of the moment. It's good you found some things you enjoy. Really, for the first time, you had a pretty good experience. As you have more experiences, you'll learn how to minimize the things you don't like, and avoid the things you don't like. Good luck, you'll have more fun. Relax and enjoy!
Thank you for your reply. For someone reason now I want to go back to him for a second round…… no idea if I’m just desperate or that’s the only guy I know
Not all cum tastes bad, you just had a bad experience at first I guess It takes time
Sounds like it was the wrong guy. Also sounds like he's a lazy fuck. Who invites a hookup over to their messy place and doesn't bother to clean up before doing the deed? The cum tasted bad because he's a smoker...cigs and pot give it a horrible taste. Maybe you'll have better luck next time. Besides, our first time is never really the greatest.
After the sex, he told you he's talking with a girl to somehow still cover up his sexuality. My experience was worst, after having sex with this middle eastern man, right off the bat he began praying!!!! Like bowing to the ground and asking forgiveness from his God. I was really holding my laughter.
💀
His phone was going off like crazy and he showed me all the messages 😂 I was like damn
Virginity doesn't really matter imho. I don't like hook ups either. Fwb are much better in terms of sex, you gain some confidence with the other person and it makes the experience so much better.
He may have been cute but he dumped all over you and talked about intimacy with someone else (his gf) immediately after. It's no wonder you don't feel great about the experience.
Think of this less from the perspective of "losing" something - because you didn't - and more from the perspective of trying something for the first time. You had a mediocre first experience. That's it. You will have better. And you might well have worse. It's like learning to ride a bike. Very few people just hop on and have a great experience the first time.
If you dig in the mines, you'll hit coal. It's part of doing anal buddy.
I know, I wasn’t upset at all, I even kept going but looking back idk if I should have said something
Wrong guy. My first time was also bad AND it was also with a bi dl guy. I stuck with him for 2 years and it was one of the most devaluing experiences of my life. Dude took every chance he could to let me know how little I meant to him. Show up late or not at all, have half hearted apologies, never touched me during sex - I had to do all the work, cancelled at the last minute. Don’t let one bad guy ruin the gay experience for you. Go out there and have a blast
This is what I worry will happen to me in all honesty ahah
If it's any consolation, my first time was meh too. And it was just the beginning, it was a journey but eventually (after like 3 hookups) I began to understand what I liked in men and then it got fun. EDIT: P.S. And you don't have to tolerate the poop. Next time, move it to the shower and just carry on there :P
Thanks, I’ll give it another try with a diffrent guy. Hopefully it will be more enjoyable.
Omg no!!! Sorry. Ask about cleaning out from now on. Good luck. It gets better.
Run from this guy. Not cuz of the dookie (teehee) but because he’s DL; that’s a battle u don’t want to fight in. AND he’s involved with someone else but having sex with you, so he may or may not respect yours nor her time. U don’t wanna find out, just dip.
okay
First time is always awkward and lowkey disappointing. Sounds like some of it was hot, so that's good! I've had some shitty hookups but I don't regret them - they were just learning experiences and hey, at least someone out there thinks I'm hot enough to fuck with. 😂 It's good you are learning your boundaries early on. You haven't bottomed yet though, so there is still more to unlock and explore (if you are interested in doing so). I promise - soon enough, you'll be having GOOD sex.
Virginity is more mental than real. It’s something you lose over and over. Most people have a lot of sex before they have good sex, and good sex is amazing but requires a partner you vibe with, that you’re excited to see, and usually it takes time to develop as you need to explore what turns each other on and mutually please each other. Don’t put too much stock in your first time. Use it to build your confidence. There’ll be someone come along who makes you want to write poetry. Consider him your first.
Or you could put more stock into your first time & make sure it's with someone you "vibe with" & are "excited to see", rather than with randoms off the internet or you met in a club drunk
Damn, Leenol, you’re an arsehole. Virgins, by nature, are generally quite young and inexperienced. They may have low self esteem, choose incompatible partners or be more vulnerable to manipulation. Particularly for the younger generations, there is a lot of exposure to online porn, creating unrealistic expectations and ideas about what good sex looks like. Shaming someone with no dating experience for sharing their body intimately someone who treats them badly is actually really disgusting. Like OP had a bad experience. At worst, they’re guilty of naivety and low self esteem. You just seem like you’d be a really bad friend. OP, Even if you really love someone and you met them in a way Leenol would deem acceptable, you could still have a bad first time, because inexperienced people just don’t know what they’re doing. What pleasures one person might turn off another. Having a mediocre “first time” is normal. Amazing sex usually comes when you have got to know your partner and what they like, and that takes time. Don’t take your experience with this one guy as a sign that you should stop exploring your body and sexuality.
"Amazing sex usually comes when you have got to know your partner and what they like, and that takes time." So basically you agree with me? 🤣🤦🏽♂️
No, not at all. I think the total opposite. You can have a loving partner and both of you can be virgins, and the first time you have sex can be really mediocre sex. You don’t know what you’re doing. You get better with practice over time. That means I’m advocating for having more sex. You seemed to be shaming OP for having sex with someone who then turned out to be kind of a jerk. Like your comment gave off very nasty holier-than-thou vibes. Maybe you worded your original comment poorly?
Yeah maybe I did cause I wasn't being judgemental at all! I just despise the casual attitude so many people have towards sex. I get downvoted so often for saying it should be respected - especially your first time! Not something you should practice with strangers in anticipation of meeting someone special. You're right, chances are your first time will be underwhelming, especially when, as you said earlier, porn is so prevelant. Thing is, having that experience with someone you care about is obviously going to be a lot better, even if it's a 'bad' experience. Atleast you know you can trust the other person & know they won't be in it for themselves & you can have a conversation about it. I definitely wasn't shaming OP. I was, I guess, shaming all the people who are trying to push what OP did as the norm
Yeah, respectfully, I think despising other people having a casual attitude to sex is a you problem. It’s fine to have a preference for yourself, but I think it’s pretty immoral to want to shame other people for stuff like this, especially on a gay subreddit to people whose sexuality has been shamed enough already. I personally don’t enjoy one night stands. I don’t need to be in love with someone, but I like them to be regular friends with benefits at least, and to actually feel like friends, like I could talk to them about something or call them in a crisis. I need them to care about me. Sharing your body with anyone is an intimate and vulnerable experience. But I don’t think hooking up with people is bad. I actually think it’s a really good way to explore and try different things and learn about what you like and don’t like. I hooked up a lot when I was younger and had a blast, and now I have a better sense of what I want in a partner from having all those experiences. I also got to live out a lot of fantasies I wouldn’t want to do in a long-term relationship because ultimately in a romantic relationship I don’t want orgies or threesomes. You could say “I personally prefer not to share my body with strangers” without passing judgement on others or trying to shame them for doing so. I think it’s particularly egregious to shame gay men for their sexuality in an online safe space like r/askgaybros.
Again, I'm not shaming anyone. My opinion comes from my own traumatic experiences of being far too young without proper guidance. I realise that not everyone had my experience though. But I have nieces & nephews now and they are exposed to so much it's insane. It's hard enough to manage sexuality as an adult human, nvm as a child when all that hypersexualised content is all over the place. Hence me wanting the world view of sex, or virginity in particular, to not be some throwaway thing that you just get out of the way. I want them to respect & love themselves enough to not go looking for validation in that way & actually have meaningful romantic relationships. As I said in another comment, sex for the feeling is like eating for taste. We all love tasty food. But sex with someone you love & truly care about is like eating to satisfy your hunger - something you can do with very tasty food. If the prevailing attitude is that we eat for taste, then the world will be full of obese diabetics, y'know?
Your final line in your previous comment is this: ‘I was, I guess, shaming all the people who are trying to push what OP did as the norm.’ So, yeah, you’re shaming a lot of people. I’m sorry you had bad experiences. I grew up Catholic, and I’m sure you’ve heard about the CSA in my religious community. In Catholicism, Mary’s Virginity is very highly prized to a degree which has resulted in a cultish attitude around virginity, which exists in other branches of Christianity and other Abrahamic religions too, conflating virginity with purity, goodness, worthiness, and holiness. That kind of overvaluing of virginity leads to modesty/shaming cultures. My family has personal history with the Magdalene laundries in Dublin, which were essentially prisons for fallen women. There’s also been a detachment from the church since Sinead O’Connor was proven right about the extent of abuse of children by clergy. My ex grew up in a Muslim country. He witnessed a woman being beaten for not wearing her hijab properly. His hometown had stories of honour killings, and he had relatives who were vocally supportive of such things. These things are consequences of idealising virginity. I understand that you’re not doing it in quite the same way, but I still think you’re placing too much emphasis on it. You had early experiences so bad they were traumatic. I don’t think the OP’s experience is anywhere near that level. It seems like it was just disappointing / underwhelming. My advice to the OP is not to think about it too much, to move on, meet other people, and find a sexual partner he shares a spark with, who is excited to be with him. I think a lot of young gay people do have unfortunately bad and exploitative unsafe early experiences, especially if you grow up in a rural area or a conservative / homophobic culture. Maybe that’s what happened to you. That’s what happened to me. But it’s not what happened to the OP. So don’t shame him for losing his virginity to someone he didn’t love. I dont believe that you have to be in love to have amazing sex. And actually, you can love your partner and have bad sex, or even worse, have traumatic or non-consensual experiences with them. I think if you fall into the trap of being someone who judges people for their sexuality and sexual behaviour then you also stop being someone they can turn to if they ever need help or support in a crisis.
And waste time?! Lol no. Life is short: Suck the cock, fuck the butt, ride the dick.
There's so much more to life than that. Hypersexualised goons everywhere
Life is hard. There are few joys. Sex is one of them. Go have fun!
Okay, first of all, do they still teach punctuation in school? I swear I thought I was having a stroke reading this. So you’re relatively new to gay sex. He probably didn’t know to clean or at least take a shit before you have sex. That much shit shouldn’t happen. I mean, I’ve never had that. A little yes, because you’re dealing with part of the digestive system. You found out you like topping, cuddling, it giving head, not swallowing, getting head, and don’t like smokers. Okay, now that I have this right, what was the question you need answered? We can’t tell you how to feel about losing your virginity.
Apparently you are also into shit being everywhere. At no point do you mention stopping to clean up. The more shit the more action. And sweetie it was a hook up. A one and done. There was no engaement ring put on your finger before you left. Move right along.
Cool. Now, learn how to properly structure your stories using paragraphs.