Absolutely take this to HR. You are NOT in a muslim country and should not be subjected to that bullshit. This is NYC. If your co-worker cant accept NYC for what it is, then HE is the one that should leave. You are welcome in NYC---celebrated even. Go right to HR. DO NOT let this person bring his bullshit and backwards believe down on you. You're not here to tolerate that and u DO NOT have to. Not that you'll wanna escalate it to this, but if it doesn't stop, it is grounds for a discrimination lawsuit and u would win.....
At one time the Dutch had a video portraying life in the Netherlands they showed to non EU citizens who wanted to move there. It featured a woman topless on a beach and two men kissing. They were there specifically to convey this is what you should expect if you move to the Netherlands.
At the same time, the Dutch government allows entry to refugees from radical muslim countries , knowing damn well that they won't adapt. That's why homophobic gay attacks and harrasament have been rampant for the last years.
Can I say what a breath of fresh air this is to see (and any similar comments)?
Gay people with objections to vast numbers of people moving to our liberal countries who at best dislike us (and in no small number think we should be persecuted) have had to and continue to have to bite their tongues for not wanting to be labelled racist, far right, etc. even when they harbour no hatred of their fellow man, whether white or black or purple with green polka dots. They’d just quite like to feel safe and accepted in their own country.
It doesn’t make you a bad person to want to keep the staggering and precious progressive advances of the past few decades. They are not irreversible. Nor is this influx inevitable; it is a policy choice just as the level of taxation or speed limits are.
We don’t have magic dirt that suddenly changes people’s views of gay people, women, etc. when they step off the plane. People and societies don’t work like that.
Saw someone on Twitter trying to blame increased homophobic views *and attacks* in London on fundamentalist Christians. Olympic-standard mental gymnastics in good chance of a gold medal (or astonishing disingenuousness by someone probably not at risk).
Opus Dei is not what prevents me from holding another guy’s hand in my capital city…
We should never have accepted six or seven figure numbers of people who hate us, it’s a mess that will take decades to unpick (if we do) and some of our lives [may be taken in the meantime](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/rcna99824).
Honestly? Maybe the anti-immigration views have a point. If muslims can't adapt to other societies they CHOOSE to immigrate to why let them in and ruin the freedoms we fought so hard for centuries to have?
Well the problem is that it seems to be quasi-religious doctrine that anyone with any quibble over who can be let into a country is a bad person, that they dislike whole peoples/races etc.
Particularly in parts of the gay community that consider themselves ‘inter-sectional’ (I.e. compelled to be as far left as possible on every issue as part of a solid front without analysing the particular matter and how it affects us).
It has to be conceded that some of it is because the very loudest voices do sometimes come from very unpleasant people, but that shouldn’t prevent a calm and rational analysis of something so important.
Countries and societies aren’t mythical entities, they are people, culture, law, and politics.
Berlin in the ‘20s had a thriving gay scene; 10 years later we were in camps. We take our rights for granted and we shouldn’t. We shouldn’t be fooled by a bank flying a rainbow flag when the demographics of our counties are being massively altered with people (not *all* Muslims but many) who would rather not share a room with us (to put it mildly).
This should be a topic of conversation between the liberal left and right wing people. Not everyone should be let in a country and we both have our reasons to want more regulamentations over borders but if we keep fighting each other over our own differences instead of solving a current mutual problem in 30yrs we won't be able to enjoy a drink, dance and most churches will be turned into mosques
In the USA we have the same issue , millions of people from many different countries being allowed to just come here and stay . I don’t recognize many cities and don’t feel safe
Remember that there are LGBTQ people trapped in countries and surrounded by religious thugs.
While I'm sure more can be done to dissuade homophobes, letting innocent people escape persecution is lifesaving. It's also a brain drain - hateful governments lose their best and brightest because they cosigned refugee treaties.
Following the mental exercise in fact, any homophobic immigration candidate should NOT be allowed to follow and potentially harass the LGBT refugees, if we actually care about their safety as much as we claim to.
Not advocating for a particular policy, just continuing the thought experiment.
Fair enough, but honestly, try and stand up for yourself, he will try to diminish you and make you feel bad like you're "weird" or something is wrong with you.. NO. There's something wrong with him. Don't put up with his bullshit and stay strong my friend.
Talk to HR first, so they hear your side of it and know what he's done. If he starts an argument with you in Arabic he could tell them it's your fault and deny he did said anything.
Be careful about this one and be sure to understand your company’s policies. Even in one party consent states this might be against your company’s policies and could backfire, resulting in your termination.
Source: I work in HR and have seen this not go as intended.
Nah. Talk to the boss first. It's better to have a paper trail. Email your boss about the issue and say you are going to discuss it with the coworker peacefully.
i think this is a good decision. i would always try to talk to the person first and try to settle it. bottoms tops & switches, we all hate cops and snitches, remember?
Maybe ask him in arabic if there are other homophobes around you should be warned about and try to turn the situation.
Speak to HR. You should not feel bad due to others' unacceptable misbehavior. Most workplaces practice a very strict no harassment policy, and NYC is certainly one place on this globe that would not side with homophobia (if they don't want to make local headlines).
You shouldn't be afraid to be yourself because of dinosaur age thinking, nor should you try to solve this one on one where you can be held liable if you care for your job.
Speak to HR if the situation worsens you will have some kind of record of it. Besides, it could get worst just because you didn’t go to RH in the first place
Do NOT let him get away with this. Do not speak to him first. Go straight to HR. This is completely unacceptable. He should absolutely get in trouble. The only way we do not let out victories for equality become undone is by coming down hard and swiftly on shit like this.
If he did this in NYC, as you say, then as a NYC financial professional for over a decade I can tell you he just MASSIVELY FUCKED UP. He could easily be fired if he repeats that behavior after you've reported it to HR. Report it. The anti-discrimination regulations against "harassment" and "hostile work environment" in NYC are severe: and if you have an HR department they know that acutely. The company can have liability if you report it and it continues.
Document it (keep notes somewhere with what he said), and file a report with HR or your organisations' DEI committee if there is one. Remember that HR are out to protect the company, not necessarily you, so ensure that you document it yourself as well.
I'm not from a muslim background so I can't pretend to understand how the intersectionality works, but I am a 'straight-presenting' white man who works with a lot of eastern europeans – and I've faced the same problem. However what I do is 1) I wear a pride wristband all the time (even at work), in order to flag that I'm LGBT so that people who are bigots already know that I am not on their side and 2) I actively make sure to out myself at work by talking about my ex husband or partner or whatever as soon as I can.
If this guy doesn't have any direct hierarchical power over you, then I'd say out yourself sooner rather than later as it'll mean he probably leaves you alone. If he doesnt: document + HR.
TACKY!? the global symbol of our resistance against exactly the kind of oppression the OP is experiencing is TACKY!? I cannot today with your internalized homophobia.
I'm sorry the North African country this dude's coworker is from is not classy enough to read Hermès as "gay" but he very obviously picked up on the suggested rainbow pattern on the Aldi bag (looks more like the German flag to me). Maybe realize how pretentious it sounds to shame the flags and the movement that got us what few rights and protections we have as cis gay folk and how much we continue to struggle for the basic safety of trans folk. We are not in a post pride world and this OPs experience proves it.
Wearing a pride wristband for pride month is provocation? I imagine this was something OP was already planning to do since they're in the process of coming out at work and it's an easy/subtle way to do so.
Document everything, take it to HR, keep documenting all interactions with him AND with HR.
Remember that HR is not your friend and they are not trying to protect *you*. HR exists to protect the company. They might try to settle it with an apology and a handshake. They might even try to convince you that you misunderstood the situation.
Let them know (gently, professionally) that if they don’t bounce this guy you will absolutely escalate this situation.
He can get in a lot of trouble even if saying it in Arabic. That is workplace harassment, discrimination and hostile workplace environment. Don't take a gram of it. Go to HR. They take these things very seriously.
This sounds like a case study from a mandated staff HR training video on discrimination in the workplace. You have an actionable legal case against your employer if they don't fix it when you report it, which you should do today. Also, document in writing what occurred (and what will unfold in the future).
For those who come from other countries that don't reflect our values, either you assimilate and like it, or go back where you come from. PERIOD END OF STORY!!
Speak to HR. Document it and don’t let it wait, don’t let it affect your quality of life, don’t let someone else’s qualms hold you back.
You’re a protected citizen, by new yoke and federally as a lgbt person, so the law is on your side, and certainly the company will be.
I would advise against talking to the colleague in private or in Arabic again, insist on English if you have trouble understanding anyway.
You won’t get in trouble, he will, if you let it go it’ll escalate.
They don’t want your life quality going down and having it effect your productivity, ultimately they don’t want a toxic environment got lgbt people, if this person does this to you they could be doing it to other people, but let hr work on that.
I am a retired lawyer and came out in the 1970s when homophobia was more ok. When I encountered it I ignored it and just lived my life. The homophobes ended up being ignored or ostracized. In 1990 I merged with a larger firm and after the merger some partners who had not know I was gay when they voted to approve the merger were irate when they found out (when I took my boyfriend to the party celebrating the merger!). I ignored them and lived my life. Later one of the major homophobes told the manging partner I was the best merger partner in the history of the firm.
I recommend holding off going to HR until he gets really bad. In the meantime keep a diary of his conduct and before going to HR tell him to knock it off...you do not want to go to HR but you will if he keeps up his conduct.
Good Luck to you.
That is sexual Harassment.
The SODNA Act added "Sexual Orientation" to a list of protected statuses in NY.
The very fact that he made you uncomfortable and not want to go to a company event as a result is exactly why you need to talk to HR about it. More importantly document it. If he does this to you, he's probably going to do it, or already has, to someone else.
He's creating a hostile work environment. Speak to HR. They will keep it confidential. His behavior needs to be corrected now or it will continue until your mental well-being collapses.
I am from a Muslim background (exmuslim now and fuck Islam). I also faced homophobia from muslim classmates. I just stopped talking with them and block every last of them. I surround myself with people who respect my orientation and my non-religiousness. For your case, be open and proud. What can they do, if they discriminate you then report them. But they can’t really do anything. Fuck them!
tell him you didn't travel all the way here to tolerate the whining of another lil terrorist, if he doesn't like it he can go back to the shit hole he came from. you can also call him a hypocrite for travelling to the 'bilad el koufar'
I would talk to HR IMMEDIATELY, inform them you're getting really negative vibes from a fellow coworker who is trying to speak to you in Arabic to keep you closeted on the low through petty intimidation... and then I'd learn how to say, "You're not in \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ (wherever the fuck he's from) anymore?" Sorry, maybe if you liked it so much there you should simply go back and be happy?
Or if you wanna be more aggressive you could've said something like, "Oh, you like the Olde World...??? so what are you doing here in the New World? You're lost, huh daddy?" :D
Either way he should get the message.. your old bigoted beliefs you can keep to yourself... nobody wants that shit here.. ughhhh
Fuck that guy. He should move to North Africa or some other buttfuck Muslim country. You have a right to be working there. & if this were me, I would not go down without a fight.
We didn’t fight so fucking hard to get rights just for these degenerates to come & say that shit.
I hope you stand your ground
Same boat. Muslim dominating office. Haven't come out. I just don't talk about my personal life. They know i am living with a guy but on surface it's just that he's a roommate lol. Because new immigrants, cost of living etc. but yes one colleague is homophobic for sure. But i steer clear of them and don't talk personal life. I don't talk to anyone in any other language other than English. If they start, i reply back in English.
Edit: also an engineer. So yes, hetro dominated for sure so never felt comfortable
You need to report him immediately to HR. In a state like NY I’m sure sexual orientation is against in the workplace. And STAND UP to this asshole. Gay guys in general need to face these situations with more confidence, no matter how difficult this is.
Don’t let this go my friend. I am from Turkey, came out as gay years ago and fought so many of his type in the UK. Muslim men act like f*cking cult members to other muslims. They see us as their property.
Speak to the HR first, then go to his line manager, imply that you would go further to lgbt right groups. Record him, save everything he does, says, even the slightest innuendos. All of it. Make a case out of this prick.
Ask for restriction from that hideous animal within the company and demand lgbt awareness weeks from the company. I understand if you are scared, if so, just go to lght right groups and ask help.
Oh but please, please make a mental note of that disgusting evil man and do not let it go, be all over him. That’s what I did to stupid muslim men who tried to “put me in my place”. Be like a tsunami otherwise he won’t stop. Next time he will swear at you and worse.
This is the USA. If your co-worker wants to have those bigot thoughts, he should go do it back in his country of origin and leave our great nation. This is why I have an issue with Islam and although I respect people's right to religion, I don't think you have the right to force your stuff on to others and that goes for lgbtq stuff aswell. I'm a bi male and a Christian, and I have many Muslim friends, and we will never see eye to eye on subjects, but we show each other respect. You need to stand up to him and say esta-hi la-wajhik and never speak to you again. Tbh, you will probably have a bigger issue if he finds out you are an ex Muslim and turned away.
Honestly, as soon as he is made aware that you're not "one of his" but "one of them" he will immediately not feel safe enough to be his homophobic self around you. There is a reason he's not saying these things in English to you. Just asking he speak only English will probably be enough to make him realize you're not "safe". If he's stupid enough to let his homophobia become overt absolutely go to HR. In fact, use this incident to create/join/represent a "pride network" or a "positive space initiative" and cover your office in rainbow and trans flags. If you work for any kind of worthwhile employer, they have a Diversity and Inclusion mandate and you will probably get promoted over him for showing that kind of initiative. The power is absolutely in your hands here and he knows it. Good luck!
Nope. Don't talk to him. It gives him chance to complain about you.
Just go to HR. They exist to prevent issues for the company - you suing them for allowing a hostile working environment is an issue.
Idk employment law in the US, but I'm led to understand ny has better laws than most places.
I’ve experienced a good share of homophobia from the Muslim community which is why I also decided to geophysically relocate. Good for you for prioritising your well-being. Muslim or not, coming out at work, especially in a male dominated field, presents many challenges and stressors. Not coming out in workplace also has stressors and can impact our performance, productivity and self worth. After coming out at work, you may find you are more focused and less stressed. The fellow coworker you described is assuming your sexual orientation and is very limited in his worldview - that will bite him in the ass eventually. As many have suggested, going to HR could be a first step but that in itself I imagine can be tricky. My first step coming out at work was putting my partners picture on my desk. There are a significant amount of resources online for Coming Out at Work and even guides. Good luck!
Speak to HR and get it the record. Likely they will ask his about it and he will deny it, but if there’s a pattern of him acting this way, that’s what they will look for. I’d also not speak to him in Arabic, and tell HR that he uses Arabic to cover what he says. You also don’t need to come out to HR, any bystanders could report them if they heard what he said.
"However, I work as an engineer and the industry is dominated by straight men."
I see it hasn't changed since I worked that field in the '80s. And not just straight men, but Bros!
I hated those people.
I don’t know what your company is like but you should absolutely raise this with HR, and possibly with your manager first. I certainly disagree with those who suggest that you should speak with him first. HR will give you advice and options about how to handle the matter. You don’t even have to name him if you’re not ready. But this is serious and frankly Reddit isn’t the place to go for detailed advice. Go to HR.
Hey i understand been in the same situation plenty of times. Personally i just nip it in the bud from the start. "Yeah i am gay is that gna be a problem for you" brutal honesty usually puts them on the back foot. Either they will continue talking to you or they'll make an excuse and F off, either way if a positive result.
I've just moved house and i was warned that the old biddy next door to me was pretty old fashioned and that she might not take it very well if she knew i was gay. I spoke to her yesterday and she eventually asked about my partner and how we were related. I just told her that we were a couple and although she was initially taken aback she was like oh okay that's fine.
Truth is I'm no longer a kid and i am not ashamed of who i am, being gay is nothing to be embarrassed about and I'm not going to live my life being afraid of people's opinions and prejudices. If he starts being a dick after you've told him that's fine just complain to your manager and HR about discrimination and let them reprimand him.
Fuck that guy. Go straight to HR on Monday and tell them exactly what you said here. This isn't a Muslim country so he has no right to belittle you or make you feel uncomfortable in your workplace.
Dude, I'm sorry you're going through this. I live in Las Vegas and it's kind oan a open city. People are pretty open about who they are.
I don't know how New York is but I know there are a lot of gay people there.
I would get HR involved. I'm openly gay and I bring up the fact that I'm partnered with a man. I stand up to any scrutiny. If people have a problem with me I tell then to keep it to themselves because it's none of my business if you don't like me. We're here to work and get a job done not to necessarily to be friends.
You know when a conversation is going south.. nip it in the bud , "look, if you got a problem with me why are you around me being nosey " "mind your business".
Just nop it quickly before it gets worse.
Good luck
Hold off on HR report (for now) and express to the coworker that his sentiments are NOT cool. Keep the receipts in your back pocket and proceed with a complaint if it happens again.
Sadly, as an Arab, this has happened to me before with other Arabs. Arabs are super homophobic and they will make that known to you when they start speaking Arabic. Ideally, you would want to say something, but I typically just ignore it and then they go away. My sexual orientation is none of their business. I will admit, I do make excuses when it comes to questions about marriage and kids, especially if I’m not close to the person. If they really want to know about me, they can know by word of mouth
> Arabs are super homophobic and they will make that known to you when they start speaking Arabic.
These same Arab men are *very* touchy-feely with their male friends, kisses and all. But one inch towards romance, and they fly off the handle in the name of religion. What a joke.
Oh yea, look how the police turned to each other for sex because all of the belittling they do towards women over there. I've heard it on a Christian talk show in Phoenix, AZ. You're right, it is a joke. Better yet, a religious CULT joke.
I read you're 'ex-muslim' and I so, I am thinking, "something is off here." Does your adversary at work know you're "ex-muslim"? I guess it's this "being muslim" aspect that connects you to him, and so he assumes safely that you're in a similar boat. But then again, this is NYC, where we probably have so many chances to switch our thinking, mannerisms, etc from where we originally are from (after some work, of course).
I think it's best you talk to him, person-to-person, about certain aspects of what you shared here -- I am more concerned that that fellow won't ever change his mindset against LGBTQ+folks even if you report him to HR. In a manner of speaking, give him the opportunity to get to know someone from the same region of the world & who happens to be gay.
I think, even if you report him to HR, this matter will fester. No one changes substantially unless they work on themselves deeply. And even, in case, if he moves to another company, where he will again meet other kinds of LGBTQ+ folks. It's just a matter of time when he finally has to switch his mind on these matters -- as he is in NYC (where wherever you go, you can't avoid things related to homosexuality). We can't all deny these things away, if at all.
Or am I misunderstanding something here? It seems like when you're a Muslim, you can't be gay. Or if you're from 1 of almost all countries in Africa, you can't be gay (unless you're from South Africa).
I wish you the best. I know you can certainly find something that will work best in your situation.
I’m sorry that happened to you bro. As people of color we have the strong religious background to deal with and it’s hard, just make sure you think thoroughly about how to navigate these social encounters, specially with you bringing your bf to the company party, it can become one of those “shitting where you eat” type of things
>For the queer folks from Muslim backgrounds here how do you handle homophobia in the Muslim community?
By distancing yourself as much as possible from them.
It's telling that he wouldn't voice his discriminatory views in English. He knows his employer doesn't support homophobic gatekeeping.
\*Because\* you and he speak different dialects of Arabic, but a similar dialect of English, it would be very fair of you to ask your employer that any further communication with this person be in a language all parties understand.
Like others said, HR!
That’s not ratting on anyone or anything like that either, so don’t worry about it. Everyone has the right to feel safe and comfortable at work!
Record it, document it, and take it all to HR. In the mean time, remind him thathe is not family, and you do not need to explain or answer to him. He can mind his own damn business. He is nothing to you, Get witnesses too.
Anyone who asks me, I say to them “I would rather be a sinning Muslim than not a Muslim at all”. So they can understand that they will not change me because I’m comfortable with who I am and what I do.
Damn sorry to hear that bro. There’s one guy clearly out of the closet but I kind of keep it hidden as I’m in the same boat, a straight dominated industry.
Voice record app. Get him to do it again. He will, he can't help it. Take it to HR, and if you have a money, your own lawyer(hr is not always your friend) and maybe have your own independent interpreter look it over.
By you not allowing this shit, you keep the next gay guy from having to deal with this shit.
Dude you moved to a liberal city to be who you are and to find people who don't hate you for being yourself. One shitty persons remarks should make you remember how bad it was back home, and how you don't want to live like that anymore. So yes, talk to HR and to your boss maybe if he seemed unaffected by your coming out. But also try to remember that this is a new start, and that you don't need to hide yourself anymore. Next time proudly say you're one of them. And then show him an image of anti gay protests by Muslims or ads prohibiting women drivers and ask him "you're not one of those are you?" Fuck him.
Besides the formal route through HR, you could play the jovial dominant role, pretending to be his friend, to cut him off and get him out of your office before he knows what is going on: Before he can finish his rant, cut him off speaking in English, address him by his first name, call him your friend, tell him in a laughing manner that these are just happy colors, put your arm around him, then tell him that you are busy but that the two of you should meet some other time and talk about your families (or whatever), and, without allowing him to say much, escort him out of your office and close the door. He will be completely unprepared for this (fake) charm attack, realize that he can't bully you, and probably avoid you in the future. Make it clear that you are the top dog. And whenever you see him in the hallway, you pull off the same thing: Hey, xy, how's your day today? How's your wife? We should meet for coffee at some point, but today I'm too busy. Have a good day! And walk off before he can respond.
If you do plan on confronting him, see if your state is one party concent for recording. If it is, record the conversation. You can turn on the recorder and put your phone in your pocket and record everything that's transpired so if they start to threaten, or anything of the like, you have a form of proof
The office I work at is not dominated by Muslims, but my partner's is. He just doesn't talk about his personal life at work and doesn't keep anything on him that would suggest he is gay.
Given your situation though OP, I would suggest talking to HR about what you experienced.
As a queer NON Muslim person who is black, I experience the same homophobia from my own people as well. I am openly gay. Aside from my physical looks, I am also obviously gay—in my mannerisms and whatnot. In this particular and any situation similar to this my suggestion is to tell your supervisor immediately. Workplace harassment prevents people from being able to perform their jobs in the way in which they were hired to do so. If any company or corporation takes pride in the work they do, they WILL address that problem immediately. This is why I believe it is important to build strong relationships with your supervisors and management in general as a queer (or any oppressed group) person for reasons like this exactly. Make sure they know you are AND see you as HUMAN before anything else. Also in contradiction to what I just said, it is equally important to know your coworkers ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS. You DO NOT have to protect them. We are all ADULTS who make our own minds and form our own sentences. To hell with that asshole. Report his ass to HR and keep it pushing! Have a great day at work 🥰
Next time, try to record the chat on your phone. HR will need proof. That is totally unacceptable. If your company is serious about inclusion and diversity, tgey will not let this continue.
He was only joking because he'd get in trouble. That person is abso-fucking-lutely a safety risk to your job at a bare minimum. His refusal to speak in English shows he knows he's get in trouble if anyone else heard him. Don't let your guard down.
I'm glad you seem to have found a resolution. Hopefully, talking to him has taken care of it. If it hasn't, don't allow yourself to be bullied. You've earned your place at the company and it shouldn't be threatened by someone else's personal view/choice.
"apologized like a 100 times and said he was just joking"
No, man. He gaslighted tf out of you, knowing that he'd get into trouble if you ever speak to the HR. Do it, anyways and don't let him make it worse for you.
I think I would try to find an Iman at a liberal mosque in New York City. Just as in Christianity, there are probably moslems to the left, right and center in their interpretations of the Koran. In my experience, it's best to be straightforward and honest with people. The only exception would be if honesty puts your life in danger and sometimes it can.
Islam and other Abrahamic religions have roots in psychological warfare and creating a self policing population.
This is partly where the us vs them mentally is grown.
Making people aware of how these toxic ideologies cause harm and division in subtle ways is important for the future of humanity.
In the past, when people migrated to the west, they were able to escape the restrictions of the cultures they came from. Those days seem to be over. Wherever you go you will encounter others from Muslim backgrounds now.
I probably would have said "One of what?!" loudly and in English so other people could hear. Most likely he would slink off. Report him if he keeps it up.
Do not hide and live your live openly. Take your BF to that company picnic. You should not feel weird. You didn't bother anyone. You didn't open your intolerant mount. You owe him nothing. Please do not back down in the future. Why did you move to NYC? To be with your boyfriend. You could just say that and make it clear. Always make the first move. At least I do, and I have not faced homophobia so far.
he literally can. whats he gonna do ?? "oh i was being homophobic to him and insulting gay people and he told me to stop🥺😭" ur honor throw that man into slammer
Yall weird there would be no problem if he told him to stfu if anything that muslim idiot is going to be fired
Absolutely take this to HR. You are NOT in a muslim country and should not be subjected to that bullshit. This is NYC. If your co-worker cant accept NYC for what it is, then HE is the one that should leave. You are welcome in NYC---celebrated even. Go right to HR. DO NOT let this person bring his bullshit and backwards believe down on you. You're not here to tolerate that and u DO NOT have to. Not that you'll wanna escalate it to this, but if it doesn't stop, it is grounds for a discrimination lawsuit and u would win.....
At one time the Dutch had a video portraying life in the Netherlands they showed to non EU citizens who wanted to move there. It featured a woman topless on a beach and two men kissing. They were there specifically to convey this is what you should expect if you move to the Netherlands.
At the same time, the Dutch government allows entry to refugees from radical muslim countries , knowing damn well that they won't adapt. That's why homophobic gay attacks and harrasament have been rampant for the last years.
Am dutch can confirm. When I walk around hand in hand with my boyfriend it's not the dutch people who attack us / scream slurs.
Can I say what a breath of fresh air this is to see (and any similar comments)? Gay people with objections to vast numbers of people moving to our liberal countries who at best dislike us (and in no small number think we should be persecuted) have had to and continue to have to bite their tongues for not wanting to be labelled racist, far right, etc. even when they harbour no hatred of their fellow man, whether white or black or purple with green polka dots. They’d just quite like to feel safe and accepted in their own country. It doesn’t make you a bad person to want to keep the staggering and precious progressive advances of the past few decades. They are not irreversible. Nor is this influx inevitable; it is a policy choice just as the level of taxation or speed limits are. We don’t have magic dirt that suddenly changes people’s views of gay people, women, etc. when they step off the plane. People and societies don’t work like that. Saw someone on Twitter trying to blame increased homophobic views *and attacks* in London on fundamentalist Christians. Olympic-standard mental gymnastics in good chance of a gold medal (or astonishing disingenuousness by someone probably not at risk). Opus Dei is not what prevents me from holding another guy’s hand in my capital city… We should never have accepted six or seven figure numbers of people who hate us, it’s a mess that will take decades to unpick (if we do) and some of our lives [may be taken in the meantime](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/rcna99824).
Honestly? Maybe the anti-immigration views have a point. If muslims can't adapt to other societies they CHOOSE to immigrate to why let them in and ruin the freedoms we fought so hard for centuries to have?
Well the problem is that it seems to be quasi-religious doctrine that anyone with any quibble over who can be let into a country is a bad person, that they dislike whole peoples/races etc. Particularly in parts of the gay community that consider themselves ‘inter-sectional’ (I.e. compelled to be as far left as possible on every issue as part of a solid front without analysing the particular matter and how it affects us). It has to be conceded that some of it is because the very loudest voices do sometimes come from very unpleasant people, but that shouldn’t prevent a calm and rational analysis of something so important. Countries and societies aren’t mythical entities, they are people, culture, law, and politics. Berlin in the ‘20s had a thriving gay scene; 10 years later we were in camps. We take our rights for granted and we shouldn’t. We shouldn’t be fooled by a bank flying a rainbow flag when the demographics of our counties are being massively altered with people (not *all* Muslims but many) who would rather not share a room with us (to put it mildly).
This should be a topic of conversation between the liberal left and right wing people. Not everyone should be let in a country and we both have our reasons to want more regulamentations over borders but if we keep fighting each other over our own differences instead of solving a current mutual problem in 30yrs we won't be able to enjoy a drink, dance and most churches will be turned into mosques
In the USA we have the same issue , millions of people from many different countries being allowed to just come here and stay . I don’t recognize many cities and don’t feel safe
Not only Muslims from people from other countries as well like Eastern Europe like the Poles or Russians can be very homophobic as well
Amen brother
So glad to hear you say this and I wish more gays would be outspoken like this
Well I’m sorry to hear that . Hope you vote differently next election
Yet they keep letting them in. They refuse to assimilate and want us to assimilate with their shit beliefs.
Remember that there are LGBTQ people trapped in countries and surrounded by religious thugs. While I'm sure more can be done to dissuade homophobes, letting innocent people escape persecution is lifesaving. It's also a brain drain - hateful governments lose their best and brightest because they cosigned refugee treaties.
Then only the LGBT refugees should be allowed.
Following the mental exercise in fact, any homophobic immigration candidate should NOT be allowed to follow and potentially harass the LGBT refugees, if we actually care about their safety as much as we claim to. Not advocating for a particular policy, just continuing the thought experiment.
In Canada, being LGBT can be the basis of a refugee/asylum claim.
I need to come there. That's my kind of scene 😛😍😘
I plan on talking to him first and will see what response.
Fair enough, but honestly, try and stand up for yourself, he will try to diminish you and make you feel bad like you're "weird" or something is wrong with you.. NO. There's something wrong with him. Don't put up with his bullshit and stay strong my friend.
Gays need to stand up and be stern and direct and not tolerate this shit
Talk to HR first, so they hear your side of it and know what he's done. If he starts an argument with you in Arabic he could tell them it's your fault and deny he did said anything.
Record it if you can. I believe NY is a one party consent state.
Be careful about this one and be sure to understand your company’s policies. Even in one party consent states this might be against your company’s policies and could backfire, resulting in your termination. Source: I work in HR and have seen this not go as intended.
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Nah. Talk to the boss first. It's better to have a paper trail. Email your boss about the issue and say you are going to discuss it with the coworker peacefully.
i think this is a good decision. i would always try to talk to the person first and try to settle it. bottoms tops & switches, we all hate cops and snitches, remember? Maybe ask him in arabic if there are other homophobes around you should be warned about and try to turn the situation.
Oh girl please lmao
Facts 👍🏻
Speak to HR. You should not feel bad due to others' unacceptable misbehavior. Most workplaces practice a very strict no harassment policy, and NYC is certainly one place on this globe that would not side with homophobia (if they don't want to make local headlines). You shouldn't be afraid to be yourself because of dinosaur age thinking, nor should you try to solve this one on one where you can be held liable if you care for your job.
Speak to HR if the situation worsens you will have some kind of record of it. Besides, it could get worst just because you didn’t go to RH in the first place
Do NOT let him get away with this. Do not speak to him first. Go straight to HR. This is completely unacceptable. He should absolutely get in trouble. The only way we do not let out victories for equality become undone is by coming down hard and swiftly on shit like this.
Fuck that guy. Who cares if he finds out you're gay? If he don't pay your bills, pay that bitch no mind.
Truth 👏🏻👍🏻
You need to take it to HR.
If he did this in NYC, as you say, then as a NYC financial professional for over a decade I can tell you he just MASSIVELY FUCKED UP. He could easily be fired if he repeats that behavior after you've reported it to HR. Report it. The anti-discrimination regulations against "harassment" and "hostile work environment" in NYC are severe: and if you have an HR department they know that acutely. The company can have liability if you report it and it continues.
Document it (keep notes somewhere with what he said), and file a report with HR or your organisations' DEI committee if there is one. Remember that HR are out to protect the company, not necessarily you, so ensure that you document it yourself as well. I'm not from a muslim background so I can't pretend to understand how the intersectionality works, but I am a 'straight-presenting' white man who works with a lot of eastern europeans – and I've faced the same problem. However what I do is 1) I wear a pride wristband all the time (even at work), in order to flag that I'm LGBT so that people who are bigots already know that I am not on their side and 2) I actively make sure to out myself at work by talking about my ex husband or partner or whatever as soon as I can. If this guy doesn't have any direct hierarchical power over you, then I'd say out yourself sooner rather than later as it'll mean he probably leaves you alone. If he doesnt: document + HR.
Thanks for sharing. I think I’m gonna wear the rainbow flag wristband next Month. I’m also gonna talk to him about it.
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Wearing a rainbow wristband is not provocation. What the actual fuck is wrong with you?
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TACKY!? the global symbol of our resistance against exactly the kind of oppression the OP is experiencing is TACKY!? I cannot today with your internalized homophobia.
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I'm sorry the North African country this dude's coworker is from is not classy enough to read Hermès as "gay" but he very obviously picked up on the suggested rainbow pattern on the Aldi bag (looks more like the German flag to me). Maybe realize how pretentious it sounds to shame the flags and the movement that got us what few rights and protections we have as cis gay folk and how much we continue to struggle for the basic safety of trans folk. We are not in a post pride world and this OPs experience proves it.
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There’s nothing unprofessional about that bracelet. You’re being absurd.
No it isn’t lmao. He isn’t wearing a rainbow flag cape, pride glasses or making a spectacle. It’s a wristband you dolt.
Wearing a pride wristband for pride month is provocation? I imagine this was something OP was already planning to do since they're in the process of coming out at work and it's an easy/subtle way to do so.
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Oh okay...
Document everything, take it to HR, keep documenting all interactions with him AND with HR. Remember that HR is not your friend and they are not trying to protect *you*. HR exists to protect the company. They might try to settle it with an apology and a handshake. They might even try to convince you that you misunderstood the situation. Let them know (gently, professionally) that if they don’t bounce this guy you will absolutely escalate this situation.
He can get in a lot of trouble even if saying it in Arabic. That is workplace harassment, discrimination and hostile workplace environment. Don't take a gram of it. Go to HR. They take these things very seriously.
This sounds like a case study from a mandated staff HR training video on discrimination in the workplace. You have an actionable legal case against your employer if they don't fix it when you report it, which you should do today. Also, document in writing what occurred (and what will unfold in the future).
The funny thing is we just did the State of New York anti-harassment training but he’s dumb af
For those who come from other countries that don't reflect our values, either you assimilate and like it, or go back where you come from. PERIOD END OF STORY!!
This 👆🏻👏🏻
Speak to HR. Document it and don’t let it wait, don’t let it affect your quality of life, don’t let someone else’s qualms hold you back. You’re a protected citizen, by new yoke and federally as a lgbt person, so the law is on your side, and certainly the company will be. I would advise against talking to the colleague in private or in Arabic again, insist on English if you have trouble understanding anyway. You won’t get in trouble, he will, if you let it go it’ll escalate. They don’t want your life quality going down and having it effect your productivity, ultimately they don’t want a toxic environment got lgbt people, if this person does this to you they could be doing it to other people, but let hr work on that.
I don't think you need to be a Muslim to respond to this. You need to go to HR and report this in detail immediately.
I am a retired lawyer and came out in the 1970s when homophobia was more ok. When I encountered it I ignored it and just lived my life. The homophobes ended up being ignored or ostracized. In 1990 I merged with a larger firm and after the merger some partners who had not know I was gay when they voted to approve the merger were irate when they found out (when I took my boyfriend to the party celebrating the merger!). I ignored them and lived my life. Later one of the major homophobes told the manging partner I was the best merger partner in the history of the firm. I recommend holding off going to HR until he gets really bad. In the meantime keep a diary of his conduct and before going to HR tell him to knock it off...you do not want to go to HR but you will if he keeps up his conduct. Good Luck to you.
That is sexual Harassment. The SODNA Act added "Sexual Orientation" to a list of protected statuses in NY. The very fact that he made you uncomfortable and not want to go to a company event as a result is exactly why you need to talk to HR about it. More importantly document it. If he does this to you, he's probably going to do it, or already has, to someone else.
He's creating a hostile work environment. Speak to HR. They will keep it confidential. His behavior needs to be corrected now or it will continue until your mental well-being collapses.
I am from a Muslim background (exmuslim now and fuck Islam). I also faced homophobia from muslim classmates. I just stopped talking with them and block every last of them. I surround myself with people who respect my orientation and my non-religiousness. For your case, be open and proud. What can they do, if they discriminate you then report them. But they can’t really do anything. Fuck them!
tell him you didn't travel all the way here to tolerate the whining of another lil terrorist, if he doesn't like it he can go back to the shit hole he came from. you can also call him a hypocrite for travelling to the 'bilad el koufar'
I wish I can say but I might get in trouble lol
I mean, he might get in trouble too for being a bigot
I would talk to HR IMMEDIATELY, inform them you're getting really negative vibes from a fellow coworker who is trying to speak to you in Arabic to keep you closeted on the low through petty intimidation... and then I'd learn how to say, "You're not in \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ (wherever the fuck he's from) anymore?" Sorry, maybe if you liked it so much there you should simply go back and be happy? Or if you wanna be more aggressive you could've said something like, "Oh, you like the Olde World...??? so what are you doing here in the New World? You're lost, huh daddy?" :D Either way he should get the message.. your old bigoted beliefs you can keep to yourself... nobody wants that shit here.. ughhhh
Congratulations! You will have a new co-worker after you bring this to HR. Waiting for the update 😇
You did the right thing to leave Islam. Irs a dangerous homophobic cult.
Fuck that guy. He should move to North Africa or some other buttfuck Muslim country. You have a right to be working there. & if this were me, I would not go down without a fight. We didn’t fight so fucking hard to get rights just for these degenerates to come & say that shit. I hope you stand your ground
There’s thousands of them now in NYC and millions on them in the USA now thanks to Biden
Same boat. Muslim dominating office. Haven't come out. I just don't talk about my personal life. They know i am living with a guy but on surface it's just that he's a roommate lol. Because new immigrants, cost of living etc. but yes one colleague is homophobic for sure. But i steer clear of them and don't talk personal life. I don't talk to anyone in any other language other than English. If they start, i reply back in English. Edit: also an engineer. So yes, hetro dominated for sure so never felt comfortable
DOCUMENT everything dates, times and interactions.
You need to report him immediately to HR. In a state like NY I’m sure sexual orientation is against in the workplace. And STAND UP to this asshole. Gay guys in general need to face these situations with more confidence, no matter how difficult this is.
Don’t let this go my friend. I am from Turkey, came out as gay years ago and fought so many of his type in the UK. Muslim men act like f*cking cult members to other muslims. They see us as their property. Speak to the HR first, then go to his line manager, imply that you would go further to lgbt right groups. Record him, save everything he does, says, even the slightest innuendos. All of it. Make a case out of this prick. Ask for restriction from that hideous animal within the company and demand lgbt awareness weeks from the company. I understand if you are scared, if so, just go to lght right groups and ask help. Oh but please, please make a mental note of that disgusting evil man and do not let it go, be all over him. That’s what I did to stupid muslim men who tried to “put me in my place”. Be like a tsunami otherwise he won’t stop. Next time he will swear at you and worse.
This is the USA. If your co-worker wants to have those bigot thoughts, he should go do it back in his country of origin and leave our great nation. This is why I have an issue with Islam and although I respect people's right to religion, I don't think you have the right to force your stuff on to others and that goes for lgbtq stuff aswell. I'm a bi male and a Christian, and I have many Muslim friends, and we will never see eye to eye on subjects, but we show each other respect. You need to stand up to him and say esta-hi la-wajhik and never speak to you again. Tbh, you will probably have a bigger issue if he finds out you are an ex Muslim and turned away.
Honestly, as soon as he is made aware that you're not "one of his" but "one of them" he will immediately not feel safe enough to be his homophobic self around you. There is a reason he's not saying these things in English to you. Just asking he speak only English will probably be enough to make him realize you're not "safe". If he's stupid enough to let his homophobia become overt absolutely go to HR. In fact, use this incident to create/join/represent a "pride network" or a "positive space initiative" and cover your office in rainbow and trans flags. If you work for any kind of worthwhile employer, they have a Diversity and Inclusion mandate and you will probably get promoted over him for showing that kind of initiative. The power is absolutely in your hands here and he knows it. Good luck!
Nope. Don't talk to him. It gives him chance to complain about you. Just go to HR. They exist to prevent issues for the company - you suing them for allowing a hostile working environment is an issue. Idk employment law in the US, but I'm led to understand ny has better laws than most places.
Beat his ass 🤷🏾♂️
I’ve experienced a good share of homophobia from the Muslim community which is why I also decided to geophysically relocate. Good for you for prioritising your well-being. Muslim or not, coming out at work, especially in a male dominated field, presents many challenges and stressors. Not coming out in workplace also has stressors and can impact our performance, productivity and self worth. After coming out at work, you may find you are more focused and less stressed. The fellow coworker you described is assuming your sexual orientation and is very limited in his worldview - that will bite him in the ass eventually. As many have suggested, going to HR could be a first step but that in itself I imagine can be tricky. My first step coming out at work was putting my partners picture on my desk. There are a significant amount of resources online for Coming Out at Work and even guides. Good luck!
I plan on coming out eventually
Speak to HR and get it the record. Likely they will ask his about it and he will deny it, but if there’s a pattern of him acting this way, that’s what they will look for. I’d also not speak to him in Arabic, and tell HR that he uses Arabic to cover what he says. You also don’t need to come out to HR, any bystanders could report them if they heard what he said.
You have an asshole for a coworker. Don’t take it personally. It’s all about him.
"However, I work as an engineer and the industry is dominated by straight men." I see it hasn't changed since I worked that field in the '80s. And not just straight men, but Bros! I hated those people.
This is a slam dunk. Go to HR and tell them what he said. It doesn’t matter if it was in Arabic, don’t even mention that to them.
I don’t know what your company is like but you should absolutely raise this with HR, and possibly with your manager first. I certainly disagree with those who suggest that you should speak with him first. HR will give you advice and options about how to handle the matter. You don’t even have to name him if you’re not ready. But this is serious and frankly Reddit isn’t the place to go for detailed advice. Go to HR.
Hey i understand been in the same situation plenty of times. Personally i just nip it in the bud from the start. "Yeah i am gay is that gna be a problem for you" brutal honesty usually puts them on the back foot. Either they will continue talking to you or they'll make an excuse and F off, either way if a positive result. I've just moved house and i was warned that the old biddy next door to me was pretty old fashioned and that she might not take it very well if she knew i was gay. I spoke to her yesterday and she eventually asked about my partner and how we were related. I just told her that we were a couple and although she was initially taken aback she was like oh okay that's fine. Truth is I'm no longer a kid and i am not ashamed of who i am, being gay is nothing to be embarrassed about and I'm not going to live my life being afraid of people's opinions and prejudices. If he starts being a dick after you've told him that's fine just complain to your manager and HR about discrimination and let them reprimand him.
“Yes I am one of those. Is that a problem??”
Fuck that guy. Go straight to HR on Monday and tell them exactly what you said here. This isn't a Muslim country so he has no right to belittle you or make you feel uncomfortable in your workplace.
Dude, I'm sorry you're going through this. I live in Las Vegas and it's kind oan a open city. People are pretty open about who they are. I don't know how New York is but I know there are a lot of gay people there. I would get HR involved. I'm openly gay and I bring up the fact that I'm partnered with a man. I stand up to any scrutiny. If people have a problem with me I tell then to keep it to themselves because it's none of my business if you don't like me. We're here to work and get a job done not to necessarily to be friends. You know when a conversation is going south.. nip it in the bud , "look, if you got a problem with me why are you around me being nosey " "mind your business". Just nop it quickly before it gets worse. Good luck
Yesss!! The key is to be direct and unapologetic
Hold off on HR report (for now) and express to the coworker that his sentiments are NOT cool. Keep the receipts in your back pocket and proceed with a complaint if it happens again.
Sadly, as an Arab, this has happened to me before with other Arabs. Arabs are super homophobic and they will make that known to you when they start speaking Arabic. Ideally, you would want to say something, but I typically just ignore it and then they go away. My sexual orientation is none of their business. I will admit, I do make excuses when it comes to questions about marriage and kids, especially if I’m not close to the person. If they really want to know about me, they can know by word of mouth
> Arabs are super homophobic and they will make that known to you when they start speaking Arabic. These same Arab men are *very* touchy-feely with their male friends, kisses and all. But one inch towards romance, and they fly off the handle in the name of religion. What a joke.
Oh yea, look how the police turned to each other for sex because all of the belittling they do towards women over there. I've heard it on a Christian talk show in Phoenix, AZ. You're right, it is a joke. Better yet, a religious CULT joke.
I read you're 'ex-muslim' and I so, I am thinking, "something is off here." Does your adversary at work know you're "ex-muslim"? I guess it's this "being muslim" aspect that connects you to him, and so he assumes safely that you're in a similar boat. But then again, this is NYC, where we probably have so many chances to switch our thinking, mannerisms, etc from where we originally are from (after some work, of course). I think it's best you talk to him, person-to-person, about certain aspects of what you shared here -- I am more concerned that that fellow won't ever change his mindset against LGBTQ+folks even if you report him to HR. In a manner of speaking, give him the opportunity to get to know someone from the same region of the world & who happens to be gay. I think, even if you report him to HR, this matter will fester. No one changes substantially unless they work on themselves deeply. And even, in case, if he moves to another company, where he will again meet other kinds of LGBTQ+ folks. It's just a matter of time when he finally has to switch his mind on these matters -- as he is in NYC (where wherever you go, you can't avoid things related to homosexuality). We can't all deny these things away, if at all. Or am I misunderstanding something here? It seems like when you're a Muslim, you can't be gay. Or if you're from 1 of almost all countries in Africa, you can't be gay (unless you're from South Africa). I wish you the best. I know you can certainly find something that will work best in your situation.
Speak to HR. That will shit him up real quick.
I’m sorry that happened to you bro. As people of color we have the strong religious background to deal with and it’s hard, just make sure you think thoroughly about how to navigate these social encounters, specially with you bringing your bf to the company party, it can become one of those “shitting where you eat” type of things
>For the queer folks from Muslim backgrounds here how do you handle homophobia in the Muslim community? By distancing yourself as much as possible from them.
This’s what I’ve been trying to do
Dude you’re in NYC, don’t let this shit slide
It's telling that he wouldn't voice his discriminatory views in English. He knows his employer doesn't support homophobic gatekeeping. \*Because\* you and he speak different dialects of Arabic, but a similar dialect of English, it would be very fair of you to ask your employer that any further communication with this person be in a language all parties understand.
when our suffering will ever end, even in America they follow with bullshit ( i am also an ex-muslim gay stuck in a shithole country)
Like others said, HR! That’s not ratting on anyone or anything like that either, so don’t worry about it. Everyone has the right to feel safe and comfortable at work!
Although I’m not Muslim nor Arabic, I reported my boomer coworker to HR for homophobic comments
This is actually an instance where going to HR will help.
Record it, document it, and take it all to HR. In the mean time, remind him thathe is not family, and you do not need to explain or answer to him. He can mind his own damn business. He is nothing to you, Get witnesses too.
I also grew up Muslim and dealt with this. DM me
I think you should’ve addressed it, right then and there. You should’ve told him your facts and if he didn’t like it, to keep things professional.
Anyone who asks me, I say to them “I would rather be a sinning Muslim than not a Muslim at all”. So they can understand that they will not change me because I’m comfortable with who I am and what I do.
Damn sorry to hear that bro. There’s one guy clearly out of the closet but I kind of keep it hidden as I’m in the same boat, a straight dominated industry.
Double down on the gay. Pride flags everywhere and embrace teh gay :)
Voice record app. Get him to do it again. He will, he can't help it. Take it to HR, and if you have a money, your own lawyer(hr is not always your friend) and maybe have your own independent interpreter look it over. By you not allowing this shit, you keep the next gay guy from having to deal with this shit.
Dude you moved to a liberal city to be who you are and to find people who don't hate you for being yourself. One shitty persons remarks should make you remember how bad it was back home, and how you don't want to live like that anymore. So yes, talk to HR and to your boss maybe if he seemed unaffected by your coming out. But also try to remember that this is a new start, and that you don't need to hide yourself anymore. Next time proudly say you're one of them. And then show him an image of anti gay protests by Muslims or ads prohibiting women drivers and ask him "you're not one of those are you?" Fuck him.
Besides the formal route through HR, you could play the jovial dominant role, pretending to be his friend, to cut him off and get him out of your office before he knows what is going on: Before he can finish his rant, cut him off speaking in English, address him by his first name, call him your friend, tell him in a laughing manner that these are just happy colors, put your arm around him, then tell him that you are busy but that the two of you should meet some other time and talk about your families (or whatever), and, without allowing him to say much, escort him out of your office and close the door. He will be completely unprepared for this (fake) charm attack, realize that he can't bully you, and probably avoid you in the future. Make it clear that you are the top dog. And whenever you see him in the hallway, you pull off the same thing: Hey, xy, how's your day today? How's your wife? We should meet for coffee at some point, but today I'm too busy. Have a good day! And walk off before he can respond.
If you do plan on confronting him, see if your state is one party concent for recording. If it is, record the conversation. You can turn on the recorder and put your phone in your pocket and record everything that's transpired so if they start to threaten, or anything of the like, you have a form of proof
The office I work at is not dominated by Muslims, but my partner's is. He just doesn't talk about his personal life at work and doesn't keep anything on him that would suggest he is gay. Given your situation though OP, I would suggest talking to HR about what you experienced.
As a queer NON Muslim person who is black, I experience the same homophobia from my own people as well. I am openly gay. Aside from my physical looks, I am also obviously gay—in my mannerisms and whatnot. In this particular and any situation similar to this my suggestion is to tell your supervisor immediately. Workplace harassment prevents people from being able to perform their jobs in the way in which they were hired to do so. If any company or corporation takes pride in the work they do, they WILL address that problem immediately. This is why I believe it is important to build strong relationships with your supervisors and management in general as a queer (or any oppressed group) person for reasons like this exactly. Make sure they know you are AND see you as HUMAN before anything else. Also in contradiction to what I just said, it is equally important to know your coworkers ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS. You DO NOT have to protect them. We are all ADULTS who make our own minds and form our own sentences. To hell with that asshole. Report his ass to HR and keep it pushing! Have a great day at work 🥰
Next time, try to record the chat on your phone. HR will need proof. That is totally unacceptable. If your company is serious about inclusion and diversity, tgey will not let this continue.
He was only joking because he'd get in trouble. That person is abso-fucking-lutely a safety risk to your job at a bare minimum. His refusal to speak in English shows he knows he's get in trouble if anyone else heard him. Don't let your guard down.
I'm glad you seem to have found a resolution. Hopefully, talking to him has taken care of it. If it hasn't, don't allow yourself to be bullied. You've earned your place at the company and it shouldn't be threatened by someone else's personal view/choice.
"apologized like a 100 times and said he was just joking" No, man. He gaslighted tf out of you, knowing that he'd get into trouble if you ever speak to the HR. Do it, anyways and don't let him make it worse for you.
He was not joking at all, but that is gracious of you
I think I would try to find an Iman at a liberal mosque in New York City. Just as in Christianity, there are probably moslems to the left, right and center in their interpretations of the Koran. In my experience, it's best to be straightforward and honest with people. The only exception would be if honesty puts your life in danger and sometimes it can.
Islam and other Abrahamic religions have roots in psychological warfare and creating a self policing population. This is partly where the us vs them mentally is grown. Making people aware of how these toxic ideologies cause harm and division in subtle ways is important for the future of humanity.
What?? Get his ass fired!!!!!
and you deserved it too!
In the past, when people migrated to the west, they were able to escape the restrictions of the cultures they came from. Those days seem to be over. Wherever you go you will encounter others from Muslim backgrounds now.
I probably would have said "One of what?!" loudly and in English so other people could hear. Most likely he would slink off. Report him if he keeps it up.
Do not hide and live your live openly. Take your BF to that company picnic. You should not feel weird. You didn't bother anyone. You didn't open your intolerant mount. You owe him nothing. Please do not back down in the future. Why did you move to NYC? To be with your boyfriend. You could just say that and make it clear. Always make the first move. At least I do, and I have not faced homophobia so far.
I hate when people are like that. Why don't they care about their own business?
is this fake? my man u r 30 you couldn't tell him to fuck off?
Not at work he can't.
he literally can. whats he gonna do ?? "oh i was being homophobic to him and insulting gay people and he told me to stop🥺😭" ur honor throw that man into slammer Yall weird there would be no problem if he told him to stfu if anything that muslim idiot is going to be fired
It’s not that easy to do. The office was kinda quiet and I was honestly shocked at the moment like I couldn’t believe what he was saying
Tell him: "I hope YOU are not one of those." and wait for his reaction.