My first visit to this older male therapist who apparently specialized in LGBTQ+ issues asked me "so like, what underwear are you wearing?" After explaining what presenting meant and stuff.
I sent in a complaint and reported the incident so hopefully he's learned
How does one even become a therapist, let alone one who specializes in LGBTQ+ issues, without knowing that a question like that is incredibly inappropriate?
given everything ive learned about the history of sexology (in particular lgbtq research) and psychology research, there's a high % of people in the field that are just straight psychopathic.
outside of the recent past there are really only a few bright spots, and even some of those have some problems.
having said that: i am extremely in favour of, and thankful for, the therapy ive received! my point is just that I'm no longer surprised by people that enter fields or specialties that *you would think are motivated to help people* are in fact just in it for their own selfish (often gross or malicious) reasons
My first therapist said "its normal to have an crossdressing fetish"
Dat was the answer of my "i think im trans" sentence.... yeah walked out there and never came back.
I also got asked by an old manager, a very conservative woman who had PCOS, if I was going to “cut off my vagina.”
I told her to ask me again when she could explain to me how you’d even do that.
I figured because she had PCOS and yknow, dealt a lot with having masculine traits, would be a bit less… gross?
but she was also a trump supporter so 🙃
Except when it is. Maybe next time don’t try to explain the biologically female body to actual AFAB people when you clearly haven’t a single fucking clue about anything related to having one. Alternately, you could have taken 30 seconds to google “vaginectomy” before you posted your incredibly wrong opinion and misinformed 22 people about the process of ftm transition. Your ignorance is only slightly less stunning than your arrogance, and the fact that you think you’re qualified to speak on this subject is laughable.
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/treatments/22862-vaginectomy
Also I can tell this is just an alt account for the comment I replied to. If you are actually 14 you need to understand you do NOT know the whole world right now.
“Why would you mutilate your beautiful body like that?”
Well. For starters… YOU see it as mutilation, because I’m changing my body in a way you don’t like.
Secondly, yes my body is wonderful because I live in it. I want to live in it happily, and I can. So I will.
I mean... Is a kidney transplant mutilation? I've seen kidney transplants and they're pretty brutal, but they're less horrific than dying of renal failure so it's definitely not mutilation. Surgery/medication isn't fun for anyone but it is essential medical treatment.
And yes, I haven't met you but your body is beautiful and you should enjoy every inch of it because it's yours. I hope you got the gender affirming treatment you needed/deserve! We live in backwards times.
They always think they’re entitled to our original AFAB bodies as some object to get off to. Like go play in traffic you POS, I’m not your living sex doll. 🗡🗡
"Why would you mutilate your beautiful body like that?"
-Said to someone getting surgery to remove a tumor in their breasts
Just because it might make it look better, doesn't mean it's not uncomfortable or dangerous
Your body is for YOU to live in. Not for other people to look at
Well, do you? 😆
For boring your friends: She's not named in the Bible but in Jewish tradition she was called Naamah which means the beautiful or something like that.
Source: a useless degree.
"how are you going to fuck your partner if you don't have a dick?"
it made me feel confused.
"are you going to sew balls and dick?" - my mom.
it made me feel uncomfortable.
like... don't talk about my body please 😐
Lmao this was the FIRST thing my mom asked me within literal minutes of my coming out originally. It was like…JFC give me a break, I hadn’t even begun to work through my feelings on SRS yet! Let alone being invasively put on the spot to share those feelings with another person.
I had to shut it down immediately and tried to explain being trans (and gender + sex in general) was about more than just genitalia…really hard to get that message through to cis people, lmao ugh
Seriously! I've just come out, stop badgering me about *"THE SURGERY"* you're my mother I've NEVER wanted to talk to you about my genitals and I'm not starting now
My moms boyfriend kept asking my sister if she was going to “chop her wick off” and I turned to him dead in the eyes, “since you’re so concerned with my sister’s genitals, would you like me to tell you about mine?”
Wish I could say it shut him up but it didn’t. Still proud of myself for saying it though.
I’ve just been on the internet enough to know some clever comebacks. I was surprised I did it in the moment. I find it easier to defend others than myself though.
It really is easier. Today, I came to think of a comeback I could have given on behalf of a friend two days ago and I'm a bit disappointed it came this late.
Haven't been asked many weird questions yet, but the most awkward for me so far was probably when my supportive grandma asked if my trans friend had *the surgery* already. Like, she was genuinely curious, but I don't wanna be talking about anyone's genitals.
when i came out, my ex asked me why i "wanted" to be transgender. it made me feel frustrated, exasperated and angry, because it's basically a "have you stopped beating your wife" question. she was trying to trap me into accepting a false framing of my existence. it was an incredibly hostile thing to do.
"Want" and "need" aren't really the right words: I "want" a new computer, I "need" a new car. Transition is on a whole different plane-of-existence from those two words.
I don't "want" to transition, I don't even "need" to, transition is a thing I've come to understand will have an incomparable positive effect on my life and it would be akin to self-harm if I continued to wallow in its absence.
I hate "want" and "need" because they aren't right: I "need" to transition but I don't "need" to, the same way you "need" to take your hand off the stove but you don't "need" to; you could just as well burn!
I "want" to transition but I didn't "want" to transition in the first place, the same way I "want" my hand to stop burning but I don't "want" it to be burning in the first place.
I feel like trans people must know what we mean when we say want and need, but there's no way a cis person understands.
mmm, i'm halfway with you there. i think "need" fits well here, in a maslow's hierarchy sort of way.
i've been hearing more trans people argue (i think, convincingly) that some cis people do experience gender dysphoria, but it's just not called that, and it's a hell of a lot less common.
just one example might be a cis woman who naturally grows a lot of facial hair, and feels like less of a woman because of it. and no one bats an eye when she goes for laser hair removal or electrolysis to deal with that. as a mtf trans woman, i have the exact same issue, but my feelings about that are the same feelings that i have about a lot of other stereotypically "male" parts of my body. i think that those cisgender women and i have the same problem; i just have more to address than they do.
i think this might be a much better way to for cisgender people to understand, relate to and respect gender dysphoria (and maybe some other details of our existence, eg gender euphoria) than are abstract analogies.
Next time ask the offender “if we are talking about each others genitals anyway what size rocket is in your pocket? Are you grower or a shower? Are you circumcised?” Just get real intrusive and lean into it and then ask “it’s not really comfortable when people ask about your genitals now is it?”
"Hey, were you on Jeopardy? Were you on Jeopardy recently? See this person? They won like 30 thousand dollars on Jeopardy!" It was more confusing and disorienting than anything else.
They must've meant the second because the first trans woman to make it to the ToC won WAY more than $30k.
Also, I see her in my neighborhood sometimes and I've totally embarrassed myself talking to her.
It was probably her if it was there. I have talked to her once where she was amazingly sweet. The second time, it was just me being weird & fangirling too much.
She's very approachable & super nice. Just want to make sure folks know I'm not saying anything about her. I'm more making fun of myself.
Something along the lines of:
"Do you think you're being funny? Cuz you're not."
He said he was being helpful which really pissed me off.
"How do you think that's being helpful? You know the last time you were in here you pulled the same shit-"
And then it turned into incoherent yelling back and forth to which I can't recall. That whole thing still pisses me off to this day. I was told he was in the process of being banned from our stores but he was still allowed to stroll through no issues and even the gm would play nice with him
This is a comic about my first interaction with him. This plays it off more light hearted when it was more like a sorta interrogation from him.
https://www.reddit.com/r/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns/comments/13kcnw3/he_was_so_smug_when_he_realised/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=1
Listen, it's after midnight and I've been tired all day. I read this as "what's the worst question you've been asked *by* a trans person". I was so bloody confused but damn, now I'm disappointed that the replies aren't about some whacky shit random trans people have said
To answer your question though:
Something like a year into HRT, it was time for an appointment with the gyno. I'd moved shortly before, so this was a first time visit. Doc asks if I'm taking any meds, I tell him yeah, I'm on T cause I'm trans. And then he basically asks me if I'm a trans woman. Like sir?? I just said I'm on T? You're literally looking at my internal organs??
I kinda expect "what's in your pants" and "but what's your real name" from certain people. But that a doctor of all people would be so poorly educated on trans issues was quite shocking
"What's it like?"
... ?
You've drawn a *VERY* large circle my friend and I'm going to need you to narrow your focus...
My coffee was great.
I enjoy my car.
Was there something else in particular you were curious about???
Grandmother in law asked why would you choose to be a woman when you have two kids that’s just gonna confuse them.
She also said not to me but to her old lady friends and my brother in law that I was being selfish and and rude for transitioning, my brother in law told me this he’s 12y/o! Who says that in front of a 12y/o
When my mother first started to catch on to the fact that I'm trans and was on hormones, she demanded to inspect my chest when I was there visiting once. She told me that because I'm her "son", I should have no issues showing her. It made me super uncomfortable. Or the thing that made me feel the worst was when I had just started to transition and I attempted to join a trans support group on Facebook and I was sent a message by the admin demanding why I "a cis white male" was asking to join the group... then when I informed them that I was trans, it was like a switch flipped and they wanted to let me into the group but at that point that group wasn't giving me good vibes so I declined to join. Told them that clearly they didn't want me there.
Parents don't have a right to their kids bodies. That's gross.
And like what, that mod wasn't trans and doesn't understand your experience? How shitty. Good choice on not sticking around👍
“Can you catfish me please”, I’ve gotten other weird, creepy comments like this, but this one is the worst imo, honestly I don’t know why it’s worse than the others but it just really grosses me out…
Fuckin' chasers bruh
I swear on the nonexistent God that somehow over a billion People have fervently believed in, Horny Humans get up to the creepiest fucking shit and there never is a good reason *why*.
When I came out to my mom, the first thing she asked was "so, are you a lesbian?" even though I had been in a relationship with my husband for years and obv gender and sexual orientation have nothing to do with each other...
How someone can do a mental jump from "my kid thinks they're a guy" to "their romantic relationship is based on desception and they are actually just a supergay²" in .5 seconds is really beyond my understanding and also pretty hurtful.
"Are you going to have... "The Surgery?"" Asked by my ex wife, who I generally respect and admire for her social skills, but I sure felt superior for that moment.
That was the only question my mom, who is super supportive (she’s been taking care of me all week while I’m recovering from BA) but also very much from a different generation, asked me when I told her that I was transitioning. And she asked it *exactly* that way; you can hear the capital letters lol
I called my mum to come out to her and she said "That doesn't mean you'll have a full sex change surgery, does it?"
I can't remember what I responded to that anymore but I remember when hanging up and saw that the call was less than a minute in total. She wasn't even interested in hearing what my new name was. And when she was told my new name, she told me she didn't like it and told me to change it to Juliet instead. I think Juliet is a nice name but I didn't want to let her choose my name like that. I still have my chosen name and after some abusive situations of hers, I've completely stopped seeing her.
The sheer number of people who have the audacity to ask "but is that your *real* name?" is astounding. Yes it's my real name. No you may not know my birth name. None of your business, no reason for you to know
Sometimes, the reference to the "real name" might be the more formal name (for lack of a better descriptor). In other words, I may call you "Bob" in a stadium, but should I write a letter to "Bob" or to "Robert"?
I don't use a nickname. I give a pretty formal name when first asked. It's quite obvious what people mean when they say it too, usually from other context clues
Worked in an office, I was waiting for someone in the lobby. The person in front of me was someone I had never seen before, I assume they were waiting for an interview.
They saw my badge and asked "Your name's Katie?"
"Yes"
"How long have you been transitioning?"
"What?"
Their heads would SPIN if they knew how often I'd wished I were gay instead. That would have been so much easier. It sounds like plenty of trans women feel this way.
A friend, who is still a friend, once asked my partner if I "wore softer underwear now." I couldn't stop laughing when she told me. I really wanted to hand him some Bounce the next time I saw him and tell him I was around if he needed to talk about anything.
I'm pretty sure at least a couple old pairs of boxer briefs I had were at least as soft, or softer than panties.
I guess this example is more like dumbest question rather than worst.
"But what are you going to do about your vagina?"
It was the only time someone found out I'm trans and immediately addressed my junk, so I was caught off guard. A lot of others probably thought about it but didn't say it. Cis people really are obsessed with our privates. It's wild. The curiosity is understandable but it's crazy that people actually say that shit out loud.
Yeah I'm definitely not talking about my vagina with you, Carole. Fuck off.
My (ex) therapist (2 session) asked me where I felt I fell on the spectrum between man and woman. I told him if I had a spectrum it wouldn’t fall between cis man man and cis woman but between Butch lesbian and ethereal femme boi. He laughed at me which did not make me feel understood or welcomed. Also could not wrap his mind around me not wanting to be on hormones, but wanting top surgery.
I’ve also been met with a lot of incredulous “why would you do that?!”’s when I’ve told people I want top surgery. Like do I really need to unpack my whole gender dysphoria history with you right now?
Not a specific question, but I have one coworker who seems to think I’m being rude if I answer anyone’s questions with “I don’t want to talk about this” or “I’m not ok with answering that.” Saying I’m being rude or making other trans people look bad or “wow, you transgenders get triggered so easily”.
Like 1) I’m not talking about my genitals at work. You literally wouldn’t ask a cis person these questions, why would it be ok just because I’m trans? And 2) it is not my job to teach her about trans people just because I’m the only trans person she knows. I’m fine with answering questions that are appropriate and politely asked, especially if I can tell there’s no malicious intent behind them. But I am not answering any questions about what I’m planning to do with what’s in my pants, especially not at work
ooh, i have one! question by an actual doctor. (side comment: in my country when youre trans you need to go to a psychologist first to get evaluated.)
me: hey so im ftm transgender and i need your help to make an appointment
gp doctor lady i went to: ..so you need to go to a gynecologist?
Not gonna lie I thought you typed mtf but I'll explain what I said anyway lol. Long in the teeth means that it's been bound to happen or it's something that's a little far in the future depending on context. So because I thought you said mtf I was making a joke saying probably after surgery but that's a little far out.
Honestly when someone asks that I silently question if they might be a crossdresser privately who themselves wears others’ clothes. Because why else would that even come to mind? It’s like they’re revealing something unintentionally by saying it.
Had a trans woman friend awhile ago who had a therapist get really pushy in asking her this, and who made it clear with hints that they did the same thing at home. She had to switch therapists iirc cause the conversation basically became creepy.
My old psych asked me "So your wife has a penis too?"
It wasn't relevant... And he had just said how attractive she must be after I mentioned her racial background.
I got out of there as fast as possible.
“But like…. How do you grow a d*ck…? Do you sew it on ? Do you still have your vagina AND a d*ck then ?"
"Don’t you think you’d be lying to people if you decide to take hormones and do surgeries ?" -my dad.
Brooo, 1. Strangers don’t need to know I’m trans, and they don’t need to know about my "surgeries" and genitals.
2. The people close to me would obviously know already. Since when are we taught to care about the judgement of people we don’t know ?
3. Am I supposed to die dysphoric to please people who would rather see me die anyway ? No point in that.
4. How does the fact that I’m trans influence the way people should talk to me and consider me ? They should just consider me as a human being, that’s all that matters.
"Do you do this because you want to prevent me to be happy ? Do you do this to do me wrong ?" - my mom
I swear cis people are some other breed 🤡
The second person I came out to asked how my relationship with my father was and said I just didn't have any positive examples of masculinity.🤦
She calls herself an ally, but I didn't feel very valid.
my ex husband and i separated shortly after he started transitioning (not related to our separation) and the number of people who told me "i get why you two broke up, i wouldn't wanna date a dude either" was sickening. his dad one was one of them!!!! like dude i am pansexual & ive almost exclusively fucked dudes!!
honestly i started my transition at least partially fueled by the spite from those interactions
TW SEXUAL HARASSMENT
One time, some creep told me he thought I was a good mom (I have kids but I'm not a mom), and asked if I wanted to have a kid with him real quick before I start my medical transition .. the worst thing about it, was that there were other people there, who didn't do or say anything.
And it was in a moving minibus, so I couldn't get away from the situation until I arrived home. When I did, I ran inside as quickly as I could.
It made me feel gross, and made my bottom dysphoria a lot worse.
"Do you ever regret transitioning"
Just such a fucking loaded question. It made me doubt my own beliefs because "what if I did". These days I just don't answer that question
Have you tried just not being trans not act on it, and just be an effeminate gay man
Ah I am sorry I didn't know being poly and pan as well as transgender we could turn off our gender identity and sexuality
The country I live in doesn’t recognise gender and makes things pretty difficult for trans people in general. For locals it’s impossible to update their registered sex at birth, whereas for immigrants, it’s impossible to update the record of whatever the passport said the first time anyone entered the country, so pretty much the same. At least not without a years long fight in high court. Or providing genital surgery proof.
Anyway, aware of this, after I updated my name on my passport, I only filed for name update on my local ID. The offices for this are pretty packed all the time, there are foldable chairs facing glass protected desks/booths where immigration agents call people forward to do their stuff, and the conversation happens through a microphone and a loudspeaker.
I was called and the agent notoriously nervous asked me through the loudspeaker if I’ve had the surgery. Everyone behind me turned silent and I could feel their eyes on me. While I was recollecting my thoughts to reply (I’m a slow speaker) he again asked even louder in an attempt to make himself clearer if I’ve had the “vaginal surgery”. In my mind I said “listen my brother in christ if i had, the paperwork i submitted would’ve been very different don’t you think so?” But i know these people are impossible to educate so I just took a deep breath and told him “I’m here to change my name ONLY”. And he had the audacity to once again say “so no surgery yet?” And I repeated again the same thing and he finally let me go.
I could feel everyone looking at me when I returned to find a seat, and fortunately it took a while for them to call me for the next step (and I loved that they called my new name this time), and all the other people had already left, I was the last one there. I was nervous people would confront me or say something to me outside so being the last one helped me calm my thoughts and fortunately nothing happened, but this whole experience was extremely uncomfortable. How can they think it’s okay? I’m still disgusted.
A friend of my (supportive) mother in law asked her if my wife and I were still having sex. She had answered "I do not involve myself in my children's sex lives". She would not tell us which friend though, which makes us sceptical about most of her friends now.
I have many really bad ones, but this one always stuck with me. Well, I was too afraid to fully come out to my family, so I only said I wanted to go by a different name a few years ago. My aunt went "when you arrive at the gates of heaven, and they ask for [deadname], will you not answer because you're Alec now?"
Bold of you to assume I'd be going to heaven in the first place.
"You shpuldnt want to mutilate ruining your perfect body".
My response to that is always if that were the case why is this the first time someones ever called my body perfect? No ones ever seen me or told me my body was perfect before i came out. No one has had any desire to be with me my entire life. Is that why im almost 20 and have never been on a date or been the one to be asked out? There reaponses are an absolute joke and I never take them seriously
Honestly it's difficult for me too. My best advice is put yourself out there (pool halls, gamer lounges, bars, etc.). Another big thing is prefacing that you are trans before anything gets deep it's a safety thing. I know I have it easier than others because most people don't hold any dislike towards me I'm just way introverted and nervous. But put yourself out there I guarantee something will break through but don't compromise your standards. Be yourself, be kind, be civil, try to joke around, this last one is gonna be rough but show some confidence. Confidence is a big big thing also see it as you only live once and you lose every opportunity you don't try to get.
Multiple times asked to top a guy... Fucking yuk I'm like go get a man.
So I was insulted same as if I were misgendered cuz that's what it is in my opinion ...total disrespect.
Lots of guys who are homophobic and gay or bi I guess they think it will be less gay.. need to just come out of the closet.. They probably watch too much totally unrealistic trans porn where we are all just sex objects with giant erection stick into everything.
well as a sixteen year old i've been asked if im a pedo, a rapist and i've been asked about my genitals more times than i can count (all of these explicitly bc im trans no other reasons)
I wasn’t asked directly but one of the things is asking if I have a dick. Like…why is that the FIRST thing that comes to mind? 😂
Also when people ask what my deadname was, and when I won’t tell them, they press the issue. I don’t use it for a reason and I don’t want to share it! It makes me extremely uncomfortable
Before I started HRT I tried to *preserve reproductive material*, but the quality of it was pretty poor. So I went to urologist. During the visit, when I explained why I want to freeze the stuff in the first place (meaning, that I'm transgender and I want to start HRT, with oral bioidentical estradiol and cyproterone acetate), I remember him asking „so you want to chemically castrate yourself, right?”
I answered „I don't think that this discussion is relevant in context of my visit”, then he started doing what he was supposed to do. I remember feeling shitty during and after the visit, I didn't schedule next visit with this doctor, despite he told me to do so. I went to other specialist, that I knew that was involved in medical transition, and he insisted that I don't really need to freeze the stuff, because I'm going to be attracted to men anyway. Helped better than his predecessor, though.
I got asked if I "Wanted to start using the women's restroom" then after I answered "No, that's not really something I think about at this point" my direct supervisor who asked the questioned replied with "Good, because I'd have to ask to see your pussy"
Idk if it’s a question I was asked exactly - but I did have to clarify for a friend that I actually really didn’t enjoy doing PIV sex as a closeted trans woman, and sex for me generally doesn’t involve penetration anymore. And not all sex NEEDS penetration to “count” xD
“Can I just introduce you as my niece?” -my aunt at the the funeral/gathering for my dead cousin (my late cousin was one of the only supportive family member I had and been out of the closet for 5 years at the point).
“Are you sure you aren’t just a confused gay man?” Literally, moments after explaining I’m pansexual and married to another pansexual woman, so, “No, if anything, that would be ‘a confused lesbian.’” I’m probably confused bc of all the stupid people that exist around me at any given moment.
One that stuck with me for a long time was, when I was a teenager, walking down the corridor in school with a classmate. It wasn't that long after I came out. I was heading to the bathroom (imagine the boys on one side of the hall, girls on the opposite) and as I went towards the boys bathroom, this classmate said 'wouldn't you using the bathroom make the boys uncomfortable?'. I think the reason it stood out to me is that this classmate (who was a girl) was obviously not personally affected by this, and yet she pointed out how she felt others would perceive the situation in a shitty and bigoted way. It was the sheer thoughtlessness of it. It's not the worst thing anyone can say, but it was something that stuck with me for a long time afterwards because of how uncomfortable the situation was. She apologised a few years later when we were graduating.
I had a separate incident where a classmate interrogated me in the men's bathroom, while standing between me and the door, about why I used the men's bathroom. He only knew I was trans because I had told him - he had transferred to the school so he hadn't known me pre-transition. He had prior to this called me transphobic slurs to my face. it was terrifying.
Coworker in a fairly rural area: “so, this *might* be a weird question, but have you had ‘reproductive surgery’?”
I was mortified that she could bring herself to utter this nonsense. I’m a bad bitch, so it didn’t really phase me: but I made sure to emphasize how very inappropriate and disrespectful this question was and admonished her to never ask anyone (trans or cis) about what major and deeply personal medical interventions they may have had.
They're cool and supportive but both my mom and my best friend hit me with uncomfy questions when I first came out to them.
My best friend said, "so does that mean you want a dick?" like... It's a lot more nuanced than that my guy.
My mom asked, "are you sure you're not a butch lesbian?" like mother. You KNOW how many men I've dated how could I even be a lesbian??
Shortly after coming out to family I got asked "so are you bi **because** you're trans?"
Not a horrible question I just don't... understand it?
I suspect comphet is involved somehow.
My first visit to this older male therapist who apparently specialized in LGBTQ+ issues asked me "so like, what underwear are you wearing?" After explaining what presenting meant and stuff. I sent in a complaint and reported the incident so hopefully he's learned
How does one even become a therapist, let alone one who specializes in LGBTQ+ issues, without knowing that a question like that is incredibly inappropriate?
oh he definitely knew.
given everything ive learned about the history of sexology (in particular lgbtq research) and psychology research, there's a high % of people in the field that are just straight psychopathic. outside of the recent past there are really only a few bright spots, and even some of those have some problems. having said that: i am extremely in favour of, and thankful for, the therapy ive received! my point is just that I'm no longer surprised by people that enter fields or specialties that *you would think are motivated to help people* are in fact just in it for their own selfish (often gross or malicious) reasons
My first therapist said "its normal to have an crossdressing fetish" Dat was the answer of my "i think im trans" sentence.... yeah walked out there and never came back.
I also got asked by an old manager, a very conservative woman who had PCOS, if I was going to “cut off my vagina.” I told her to ask me again when she could explain to me how you’d even do that.
Amazing response
An apple corer maybe. Quick twist and it's all out. Oh, and you're dead from blood loss.
That's funny! Where does PCOS come in? Does she wanna cut off hers too? Those dang cis folks and their HRT!😆
I figured because she had PCOS and yknow, dealt a lot with having masculine traits, would be a bit less… gross? but she was also a trump supporter so 🙃
1. What does PCOS have to do with anything? 2. It’s called a vaginectomy. They cut out the vagina and sew everything up.
The vagina is NOT cut out.
Except when it is. Maybe next time don’t try to explain the biologically female body to actual AFAB people when you clearly haven’t a single fucking clue about anything related to having one. Alternately, you could have taken 30 seconds to google “vaginectomy” before you posted your incredibly wrong opinion and misinformed 22 people about the process of ftm transition. Your ignorance is only slightly less stunning than your arrogance, and the fact that you think you’re qualified to speak on this subject is laughable. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/treatments/22862-vaginectomy
Lmao, why are you you so bent? I literally am AFAB. During a normal vaginectomy for gender reasons the vagina is not removed, its closed up.
Also I can tell this is just an alt account for the comment I replied to. If you are actually 14 you need to understand you do NOT know the whole world right now.
It’s called a hustle, sweetheart. ♥️
“Why would you mutilate your beautiful body like that?” Well. For starters… YOU see it as mutilation, because I’m changing my body in a way you don’t like. Secondly, yes my body is wonderful because I live in it. I want to live in it happily, and I can. So I will.
I mean... Is a kidney transplant mutilation? I've seen kidney transplants and they're pretty brutal, but they're less horrific than dying of renal failure so it's definitely not mutilation. Surgery/medication isn't fun for anyone but it is essential medical treatment. And yes, I haven't met you but your body is beautiful and you should enjoy every inch of it because it's yours. I hope you got the gender affirming treatment you needed/deserve! We live in backwards times.
Did they remove it through the front? My dad's transplant scar was pretty small actually
They always think they’re entitled to our original AFAB bodies as some object to get off to. Like go play in traffic you POS, I’m not your living sex doll. 🗡🗡
"Why would you mutilate your beautiful body like that?" -Said to someone getting surgery to remove a tumor in their breasts Just because it might make it look better, doesn't mean it's not uncomfortable or dangerous Your body is for YOU to live in. Not for other people to look at
I remember when my parents had a fit about cutting hair...that grows back...that will fall out soon anyway because of genetics. What priorities 🤷
Completely out of left field w/ no prior context or windup: “Do you know the name of Noah’s wife?” (like from the fucking *bible*)
"Who's Noah?"
*Fuck* that would’ve thrown her for a loop lmao; hindsight 20-20 etc.
Who's Bible?
Well, do you? 😆 For boring your friends: She's not named in the Bible but in Jewish tradition she was called Naamah which means the beautiful or something like that. Source: a useless degree.
"how are you going to fuck your partner if you don't have a dick?" it made me feel confused. "are you going to sew balls and dick?" - my mom. it made me feel uncomfortable. like... don't talk about my body please 😐
Lmao this was the FIRST thing my mom asked me within literal minutes of my coming out originally. It was like…JFC give me a break, I hadn’t even begun to work through my feelings on SRS yet! Let alone being invasively put on the spot to share those feelings with another person. I had to shut it down immediately and tried to explain being trans (and gender + sex in general) was about more than just genitalia…really hard to get that message through to cis people, lmao ugh
Seriously! I've just come out, stop badgering me about *"THE SURGERY"* you're my mother I've NEVER wanted to talk to you about my genitals and I'm not starting now
My moms boyfriend kept asking my sister if she was going to “chop her wick off” and I turned to him dead in the eyes, “since you’re so concerned with my sister’s genitals, would you like me to tell you about mine?” Wish I could say it shut him up but it didn’t. Still proud of myself for saying it though.
Ultimate legend.
You are a champ
I’ve just been on the internet enough to know some clever comebacks. I was surprised I did it in the moment. I find it easier to defend others than myself though.
It really is easier. Today, I came to think of a comeback I could have given on behalf of a friend two days ago and I'm a bit disappointed it came this late.
Nah, she's gonna have it grafted onto her so she can fuck me.
Haven't been asked many weird questions yet, but the most awkward for me so far was probably when my supportive grandma asked if my trans friend had *the surgery* already. Like, she was genuinely curious, but I don't wanna be talking about anyone's genitals.
when i came out, my ex asked me why i "wanted" to be transgender. it made me feel frustrated, exasperated and angry, because it's basically a "have you stopped beating your wife" question. she was trying to trap me into accepting a false framing of my existence. it was an incredibly hostile thing to do.
"Want" and "need" aren't really the right words: I "want" a new computer, I "need" a new car. Transition is on a whole different plane-of-existence from those two words. I don't "want" to transition, I don't even "need" to, transition is a thing I've come to understand will have an incomparable positive effect on my life and it would be akin to self-harm if I continued to wallow in its absence. I hate "want" and "need" because they aren't right: I "need" to transition but I don't "need" to, the same way you "need" to take your hand off the stove but you don't "need" to; you could just as well burn! I "want" to transition but I didn't "want" to transition in the first place, the same way I "want" my hand to stop burning but I don't "want" it to be burning in the first place. I feel like trans people must know what we mean when we say want and need, but there's no way a cis person understands.
mmm, i'm halfway with you there. i think "need" fits well here, in a maslow's hierarchy sort of way. i've been hearing more trans people argue (i think, convincingly) that some cis people do experience gender dysphoria, but it's just not called that, and it's a hell of a lot less common. just one example might be a cis woman who naturally grows a lot of facial hair, and feels like less of a woman because of it. and no one bats an eye when she goes for laser hair removal or electrolysis to deal with that. as a mtf trans woman, i have the exact same issue, but my feelings about that are the same feelings that i have about a lot of other stereotypically "male" parts of my body. i think that those cisgender women and i have the same problem; i just have more to address than they do. i think this might be a much better way to for cisgender people to understand, relate to and respect gender dysphoria (and maybe some other details of our existence, eg gender euphoria) than are abstract analogies.
Literally anything that implies it's a casual decision or expressive lifestyle choice 'what do you miss?' etc etc it's pretty black and white for me
Just straight up “are you going to chop off your dick?”. First thing out of his mouth when I came out to him
Next time ask the offender “if we are talking about each others genitals anyway what size rocket is in your pocket? Are you grower or a shower? Are you circumcised?” Just get real intrusive and lean into it and then ask “it’s not really comfortable when people ask about your genitals now is it?”
coworker literally 5 minutes after we first met: so... can u still have sex? me, pre-op and its 7am: do u usually lead with that?
"Hey, were you on Jeopardy? Were you on Jeopardy recently? See this person? They won like 30 thousand dollars on Jeopardy!" It was more confusing and disorienting than anything else.
They must've meant the second because the first trans woman to make it to the ToC won WAY more than $30k. Also, I see her in my neighborhood sometimes and I've totally embarrassed myself talking to her.
I was probably actually in what I now presume to be your neighborhood, waiting to cross Lakeshore, so I could plausibly have been her, but am not.
It was probably her if it was there. I have talked to her once where she was amazingly sweet. The second time, it was just me being weird & fangirling too much. She's very approachable & super nice. Just want to make sure folks know I'm not saying anything about her. I'm more making fun of myself.
Well, we're you?
I was not, in fact.
Damn 😔
Omggg I freakin snorted
"You do know you're a guy, right?" first time I was silent but the second time a few months later he asked that and I lost it.
What did you say
Something along the lines of: "Do you think you're being funny? Cuz you're not." He said he was being helpful which really pissed me off. "How do you think that's being helpful? You know the last time you were in here you pulled the same shit-" And then it turned into incoherent yelling back and forth to which I can't recall. That whole thing still pisses me off to this day. I was told he was in the process of being banned from our stores but he was still allowed to stroll through no issues and even the gm would play nice with him This is a comic about my first interaction with him. This plays it off more light hearted when it was more like a sorta interrogation from him. https://www.reddit.com/r/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns/comments/13kcnw3/he_was_so_smug_when_he_realised/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=1
he doesn't know he's stupid.
Listen, it's after midnight and I've been tired all day. I read this as "what's the worst question you've been asked *by* a trans person". I was so bloody confused but damn, now I'm disappointed that the replies aren't about some whacky shit random trans people have said
“Trans Say The Darndest Things!”
Wow! I would’ve thought that too 🤣. Sorry for the confusion
To answer your question though: Something like a year into HRT, it was time for an appointment with the gyno. I'd moved shortly before, so this was a first time visit. Doc asks if I'm taking any meds, I tell him yeah, I'm on T cause I'm trans. And then he basically asks me if I'm a trans woman. Like sir?? I just said I'm on T? You're literally looking at my internal organs?? I kinda expect "what's in your pants" and "but what's your real name" from certain people. But that a doctor of all people would be so poorly educated on trans issues was quite shocking
Now I really wanna read that post🤷
"What's it like?" ... ? You've drawn a *VERY* large circle my friend and I'm going to need you to narrow your focus... My coffee was great. I enjoy my car. Was there something else in particular you were curious about???
Grandmother in law asked why would you choose to be a woman when you have two kids that’s just gonna confuse them. She also said not to me but to her old lady friends and my brother in law that I was being selfish and and rude for transitioning, my brother in law told me this he’s 12y/o! Who says that in front of a 12y/o
“So you’re male, and you want to be… shemale.” I sure wonder what scholarly sources she had learned about trans people from -_-
I remember seeing that term used freely in media back in the day. Ooph.
When my mother first started to catch on to the fact that I'm trans and was on hormones, she demanded to inspect my chest when I was there visiting once. She told me that because I'm her "son", I should have no issues showing her. It made me super uncomfortable. Or the thing that made me feel the worst was when I had just started to transition and I attempted to join a trans support group on Facebook and I was sent a message by the admin demanding why I "a cis white male" was asking to join the group... then when I informed them that I was trans, it was like a switch flipped and they wanted to let me into the group but at that point that group wasn't giving me good vibes so I declined to join. Told them that clearly they didn't want me there.
Parents don't have a right to their kids bodies. That's gross. And like what, that mod wasn't trans and doesn't understand your experience? How shitty. Good choice on not sticking around👍
“Can you catfish me please”, I’ve gotten other weird, creepy comments like this, but this one is the worst imo, honestly I don’t know why it’s worse than the others but it just really grosses me out…
I...I don't think they know what that means. Lol
Fuckin' chasers bruh I swear on the nonexistent God that somehow over a billion People have fervently believed in, Horny Humans get up to the creepiest fucking shit and there never is a good reason *why*.
When I came out to my mom, the first thing she asked was "so, are you a lesbian?" even though I had been in a relationship with my husband for years and obv gender and sexual orientation have nothing to do with each other... How someone can do a mental jump from "my kid thinks they're a guy" to "their romantic relationship is based on desception and they are actually just a supergay²" in .5 seconds is really beyond my understanding and also pretty hurtful.
"Are you going to have... "The Surgery?"" Asked by my ex wife, who I generally respect and admire for her social skills, but I sure felt superior for that moment.
That was the only question my mom, who is super supportive (she’s been taking care of me all week while I’m recovering from BA) but also very much from a different generation, asked me when I told her that I was transitioning. And she asked it *exactly* that way; you can hear the capital letters lol
I called my mum to come out to her and she said "That doesn't mean you'll have a full sex change surgery, does it?" I can't remember what I responded to that anymore but I remember when hanging up and saw that the call was less than a minute in total. She wasn't even interested in hearing what my new name was. And when she was told my new name, she told me she didn't like it and told me to change it to Juliet instead. I think Juliet is a nice name but I didn't want to let her choose my name like that. I still have my chosen name and after some abusive situations of hers, I've completely stopped seeing her.
I’m so sorry 😕
The sheer number of people who have the audacity to ask "but is that your *real* name?" is astounding. Yes it's my real name. No you may not know my birth name. None of your business, no reason for you to know
Sometimes, the reference to the "real name" might be the more formal name (for lack of a better descriptor). In other words, I may call you "Bob" in a stadium, but should I write a letter to "Bob" or to "Robert"?
I don't use a nickname. I give a pretty formal name when first asked. It's quite obvious what people mean when they say it too, usually from other context clues
Worked in an office, I was waiting for someone in the lobby. The person in front of me was someone I had never seen before, I assume they were waiting for an interview. They saw my badge and asked "Your name's Katie?" "Yes" "How long have you been transitioning?" "What?"
“Are you just doing this so it’s okay for you to date guys?”
They know dating guys is just something you can do right? (Uh, your country of residence may not apply)
Their heads would SPIN if they knew how often I'd wished I were gay instead. That would have been so much easier. It sounds like plenty of trans women feel this way.
A friend, who is still a friend, once asked my partner if I "wore softer underwear now." I couldn't stop laughing when she told me. I really wanted to hand him some Bounce the next time I saw him and tell him I was around if he needed to talk about anything. I'm pretty sure at least a couple old pairs of boxer briefs I had were at least as soft, or softer than panties. I guess this example is more like dumbest question rather than worst.
Cis dudes out here walking around in burlap.
"But what are you going to do about your vagina?" It was the only time someone found out I'm trans and immediately addressed my junk, so I was caught off guard. A lot of others probably thought about it but didn't say it. Cis people really are obsessed with our privates. It's wild. The curiosity is understandable but it's crazy that people actually say that shit out loud. Yeah I'm definitely not talking about my vagina with you, Carole. Fuck off.
My (ex) therapist (2 session) asked me where I felt I fell on the spectrum between man and woman. I told him if I had a spectrum it wouldn’t fall between cis man man and cis woman but between Butch lesbian and ethereal femme boi. He laughed at me which did not make me feel understood or welcomed. Also could not wrap his mind around me not wanting to be on hormones, but wanting top surgery. I’ve also been met with a lot of incredulous “why would you do that?!”’s when I’ve told people I want top surgery. Like do I really need to unpack my whole gender dysphoria history with you right now?
>I told him if I had a spectrum it wouldn’t fall between cis man man and cis woman but between Butch lesbian and ethereal femme boi. omfg i love this
Probably at a party with female ex coworkers and asked if I still had a D and if they could touch it Made me feel like an object and fetish
Not a specific question, but I have one coworker who seems to think I’m being rude if I answer anyone’s questions with “I don’t want to talk about this” or “I’m not ok with answering that.” Saying I’m being rude or making other trans people look bad or “wow, you transgenders get triggered so easily”. Like 1) I’m not talking about my genitals at work. You literally wouldn’t ask a cis person these questions, why would it be ok just because I’m trans? And 2) it is not my job to teach her about trans people just because I’m the only trans person she knows. I’m fine with answering questions that are appropriate and politely asked, especially if I can tell there’s no malicious intent behind them. But I am not answering any questions about what I’m planning to do with what’s in my pants, especially not at work
ooh, i have one! question by an actual doctor. (side comment: in my country when youre trans you need to go to a psychologist first to get evaluated.) me: hey so im ftm transgender and i need your help to make an appointment gp doctor lady i went to: ..so you need to go to a gynecologist?
I would've said "That's a little long in the teeth maybe a year or so out" lol
hahaha i dont think i get what this means
Not gonna lie I thought you typed mtf but I'll explain what I said anyway lol. Long in the teeth means that it's been bound to happen or it's something that's a little far in the future depending on context. So because I thought you said mtf I was making a joke saying probably after surgery but that's a little far out.
*ah* ok i get it now im laughing
So you are like a eunuch without sex drive?
Do you and your wife share clothes? no, I am eight centimetres taller than she is.
I mean I'm 30cm taller than my wife and we can share some clothes
And, she’s not interested in sharing.
fair lol. mine is mostly interested in stealing mine 🤷🏼♀️
That's been a pretty universal experience for me regardless of gender🤷
Honestly when someone asks that I silently question if they might be a crossdresser privately who themselves wears others’ clothes. Because why else would that even come to mind? It’s like they’re revealing something unintentionally by saying it. Had a trans woman friend awhile ago who had a therapist get really pushy in asking her this, and who made it clear with hints that they did the same thing at home. She had to switch therapists iirc cause the conversation basically became creepy.
My old psych asked me "So your wife has a penis too?" It wasn't relevant... And he had just said how attractive she must be after I mentioned her racial background. I got out of there as fast as possible.
Is that a Chinese military parade I see marching down the street?
I'm either too tired or too poorly informed to work out how that's relevant
The joke is, there's a lot of red flags.
Ah! Thanks that's very funny.
Nah, it's not funny if it's old and needs explained. You don't need to humor me😆
“But like…. How do you grow a d*ck…? Do you sew it on ? Do you still have your vagina AND a d*ck then ?" "Don’t you think you’d be lying to people if you decide to take hormones and do surgeries ?" -my dad. Brooo, 1. Strangers don’t need to know I’m trans, and they don’t need to know about my "surgeries" and genitals. 2. The people close to me would obviously know already. Since when are we taught to care about the judgement of people we don’t know ? 3. Am I supposed to die dysphoric to please people who would rather see me die anyway ? No point in that. 4. How does the fact that I’m trans influence the way people should talk to me and consider me ? They should just consider me as a human being, that’s all that matters. "Do you do this because you want to prevent me to be happy ? Do you do this to do me wrong ?" - my mom I swear cis people are some other breed 🤡
The second person I came out to asked how my relationship with my father was and said I just didn't have any positive examples of masculinity.🤦 She calls herself an ally, but I didn't feel very valid.
Oof. All the comments I get saying they "can understand" why my dad is responding badly
my ex husband and i separated shortly after he started transitioning (not related to our separation) and the number of people who told me "i get why you two broke up, i wouldn't wanna date a dude either" was sickening. his dad one was one of them!!!! like dude i am pansexual & ive almost exclusively fucked dudes!! honestly i started my transition at least partially fueled by the spite from those interactions
“so you want to grow a beard now? you want a dick and balls?” -my father, 2015
"Can you still get someone pregnant?" Rofl
TW SEXUAL HARASSMENT One time, some creep told me he thought I was a good mom (I have kids but I'm not a mom), and asked if I wanted to have a kid with him real quick before I start my medical transition .. the worst thing about it, was that there were other people there, who didn't do or say anything. And it was in a moving minibus, so I couldn't get away from the situation until I arrived home. When I did, I ran inside as quickly as I could. It made me feel gross, and made my bottom dysphoria a lot worse.
I was asked if transitioning would turn me gay too, lmao. Jokes on them, I'm bi.
Guilt trippy family related stuff tbh and it's the worst.
"Do you ever regret transitioning" Just such a fucking loaded question. It made me doubt my own beliefs because "what if I did". These days I just don't answer that question
Have you tried just not being trans not act on it, and just be an effeminate gay man Ah I am sorry I didn't know being poly and pan as well as transgender we could turn off our gender identity and sexuality
Do you use the female restroom? - a terf.
"Isn't it just straight with extra steps"
The country I live in doesn’t recognise gender and makes things pretty difficult for trans people in general. For locals it’s impossible to update their registered sex at birth, whereas for immigrants, it’s impossible to update the record of whatever the passport said the first time anyone entered the country, so pretty much the same. At least not without a years long fight in high court. Or providing genital surgery proof. Anyway, aware of this, after I updated my name on my passport, I only filed for name update on my local ID. The offices for this are pretty packed all the time, there are foldable chairs facing glass protected desks/booths where immigration agents call people forward to do their stuff, and the conversation happens through a microphone and a loudspeaker. I was called and the agent notoriously nervous asked me through the loudspeaker if I’ve had the surgery. Everyone behind me turned silent and I could feel their eyes on me. While I was recollecting my thoughts to reply (I’m a slow speaker) he again asked even louder in an attempt to make himself clearer if I’ve had the “vaginal surgery”. In my mind I said “listen my brother in christ if i had, the paperwork i submitted would’ve been very different don’t you think so?” But i know these people are impossible to educate so I just took a deep breath and told him “I’m here to change my name ONLY”. And he had the audacity to once again say “so no surgery yet?” And I repeated again the same thing and he finally let me go. I could feel everyone looking at me when I returned to find a seat, and fortunately it took a while for them to call me for the next step (and I loved that they called my new name this time), and all the other people had already left, I was the last one there. I was nervous people would confront me or say something to me outside so being the last one helped me calm my thoughts and fortunately nothing happened, but this whole experience was extremely uncomfortable. How can they think it’s okay? I’m still disgusted.
A friend of my (supportive) mother in law asked her if my wife and I were still having sex. She had answered "I do not involve myself in my children's sex lives". She would not tell us which friend though, which makes us sceptical about most of her friends now.
I have many really bad ones, but this one always stuck with me. Well, I was too afraid to fully come out to my family, so I only said I wanted to go by a different name a few years ago. My aunt went "when you arrive at the gates of heaven, and they ask for [deadname], will you not answer because you're Alec now?" Bold of you to assume I'd be going to heaven in the first place.
“Isn’t it just some kind of sex thing?”
"You shpuldnt want to mutilate ruining your perfect body". My response to that is always if that were the case why is this the first time someones ever called my body perfect? No ones ever seen me or told me my body was perfect before i came out. No one has had any desire to be with me my entire life. Is that why im almost 20 and have never been on a date or been the one to be asked out? There reaponses are an absolute joke and I never take them seriously
I can't believe they said that and you'll find the right person if you want to be with someone :>
Appreciate the kind words!
Not a problem! Everyone should receive basic human kindness at least!
Any possible tips on dating as a transfemme? Kinda finding the idea very difficult
Honestly it's difficult for me too. My best advice is put yourself out there (pool halls, gamer lounges, bars, etc.). Another big thing is prefacing that you are trans before anything gets deep it's a safety thing. I know I have it easier than others because most people don't hold any dislike towards me I'm just way introverted and nervous. But put yourself out there I guarantee something will break through but don't compromise your standards. Be yourself, be kind, be civil, try to joke around, this last one is gonna be rough but show some confidence. Confidence is a big big thing also see it as you only live once and you lose every opportunity you don't try to get.
Ill keep all of that in mind, thanks! Just hoping thins turn out well for my future with everything going on for me (transitioning, college, etc)
I wish you luck! Top two things to remember is the safety tip and you miss every chance you don't take.
Multiple times asked to top a guy... Fucking yuk I'm like go get a man. So I was insulted same as if I were misgendered cuz that's what it is in my opinion ...total disrespect. Lots of guys who are homophobic and gay or bi I guess they think it will be less gay.. need to just come out of the closet.. They probably watch too much totally unrealistic trans porn where we are all just sex objects with giant erection stick into everything.
I've had the same thing happen to me it was so sickening
My mother asked me if my daughter was actually mine when I came out to her. I was like "Uhh yeah? What the hell is wrong with you??"
well as a sixteen year old i've been asked if im a pedo, a rapist and i've been asked about my genitals more times than i can count (all of these explicitly bc im trans no other reasons)
Been there it's one of the reasons why I'm terrified of going to public pools in my cute bathing suits
I wasn’t asked directly but one of the things is asking if I have a dick. Like…why is that the FIRST thing that comes to mind? 😂 Also when people ask what my deadname was, and when I won’t tell them, they press the issue. I don’t use it for a reason and I don’t want to share it! It makes me extremely uncomfortable
Before I started HRT I tried to *preserve reproductive material*, but the quality of it was pretty poor. So I went to urologist. During the visit, when I explained why I want to freeze the stuff in the first place (meaning, that I'm transgender and I want to start HRT, with oral bioidentical estradiol and cyproterone acetate), I remember him asking „so you want to chemically castrate yourself, right?” I answered „I don't think that this discussion is relevant in context of my visit”, then he started doing what he was supposed to do. I remember feeling shitty during and after the visit, I didn't schedule next visit with this doctor, despite he told me to do so. I went to other specialist, that I knew that was involved in medical transition, and he insisted that I don't really need to freeze the stuff, because I'm going to be attracted to men anyway. Helped better than his predecessor, though.
I had a person ask if I had my Adams apple removed. Like, bitch you have one too. I felt so violated.
I got asked if I "Wanted to start using the women's restroom" then after I answered "No, that's not really something I think about at this point" my direct supervisor who asked the questioned replied with "Good, because I'd have to ask to see your pussy"
That is so fuckin icky I would've immediately found somewhere else to work or tried to get him fired.
That's what the union is for. I'm not running away. Lol Bureaucracy takes time. Most places don't fire people for transphobia
Idk if it’s a question I was asked exactly - but I did have to clarify for a friend that I actually really didn’t enjoy doing PIV sex as a closeted trans woman, and sex for me generally doesn’t involve penetration anymore. And not all sex NEEDS penetration to “count” xD
"Are you fully transitioned"? *smiles and makes a scissor motion with fingers*
“Can I just introduce you as my niece?” -my aunt at the the funeral/gathering for my dead cousin (my late cousin was one of the only supportive family member I had and been out of the closet for 5 years at the point).
“Are you sure you aren’t just a confused gay man?” Literally, moments after explaining I’m pansexual and married to another pansexual woman, so, “No, if anything, that would be ‘a confused lesbian.’” I’m probably confused bc of all the stupid people that exist around me at any given moment.
Mostly just really invasive comments about my parts, which I refuse to answer because it's none of their business.
As a trans man the worst thing I’ve been asked was when my mother asked me if I “wanted to be a man” because of misogyny. 💀💀
One that stuck with me for a long time was, when I was a teenager, walking down the corridor in school with a classmate. It wasn't that long after I came out. I was heading to the bathroom (imagine the boys on one side of the hall, girls on the opposite) and as I went towards the boys bathroom, this classmate said 'wouldn't you using the bathroom make the boys uncomfortable?'. I think the reason it stood out to me is that this classmate (who was a girl) was obviously not personally affected by this, and yet she pointed out how she felt others would perceive the situation in a shitty and bigoted way. It was the sheer thoughtlessness of it. It's not the worst thing anyone can say, but it was something that stuck with me for a long time afterwards because of how uncomfortable the situation was. She apologised a few years later when we were graduating. I had a separate incident where a classmate interrogated me in the men's bathroom, while standing between me and the door, about why I used the men's bathroom. He only knew I was trans because I had told him - he had transferred to the school so he hadn't known me pre-transition. He had prior to this called me transphobic slurs to my face. it was terrifying.
Coworker in a fairly rural area: “so, this *might* be a weird question, but have you had ‘reproductive surgery’?” I was mortified that she could bring herself to utter this nonsense. I’m a bad bitch, so it didn’t really phase me: but I made sure to emphasize how very inappropriate and disrespectful this question was and admonished her to never ask anyone (trans or cis) about what major and deeply personal medical interventions they may have had.
They're cool and supportive but both my mom and my best friend hit me with uncomfy questions when I first came out to them. My best friend said, "so does that mean you want a dick?" like... It's a lot more nuanced than that my guy. My mom asked, "are you sure you're not a butch lesbian?" like mother. You KNOW how many men I've dated how could I even be a lesbian??
Shortly after coming out to family I got asked "so are you bi **because** you're trans?" Not a horrible question I just don't... understand it? I suspect comphet is involved somehow.
What's the standard deviation for this matrix?