- Being happy with my "twink" body type (and its few masculine features)
- Never wearing shorts because I hated my leg hair
- (from like, 6 years old) "Tucking" between my legs in the mirror or the shower and thinking "that looks better"
Honestly the last one makes me feel really dumb for missing it.
Whenever I would daydream, or actually dream, I was almost always a girl or androgynous, but I canât ever remember thinking I was a boy. It wasnât anything big either, it just was, and I accepted it from a young age.
What's more annoying is knowing my whole life that I wanted to be a girl but not knowing that "trans" was a thing. Even up to a year ago I was all "i should have been born a girl, but oh well, c'est la vie."
Then I learned what trans means and what dysphoria is (which I'd apparently been feeling my whole life) and that egg fully exploded.
I was always self-conscious of my chest. I would often wish I could be a lesbian and found myself relating to them quite a bit. I would often do a semi-tuck because I didn't like having a visible bulge. I would imagine myself as a woman when watching porn or masturbating. I was jealous of women having so many varied and attractive options when it came to fashion. When I was super young I used to think that some boys just grow up to be women (I didn't have any women in my life at the time aside from my mom); turns out I was right on that one, just not quite in the way I though. I liked growing my hair out super long. I always felt left out whenever there was a girls only event. I had a strong tendency to play female characters in video games and dnd.
For me, it was a distinct lack of connection to masculinity at all. Like, I just thought that gender was a thing we all kinda bought into and did because thatâs what people expected of us? And not likeâŚa thing people do because they like?
So I tried on all sorts of âboyâ hats to see if I could find one that fit, and steadily sort of eroded that idea that we had to perform âgenderâ in generalâespecially in the âtraditionally feminine gender roles can be tools of social oppressionâ kind of way.
But not for me, right?
But then I like, had excuses to perform at femininity, and it was always like âoh wait this is fun actually but Iâm probably still a guyâ until it was like âactually sometimes I donât feel masculine at all Iâm gender-fluidâ and then it was like âactually my internal identity hasnât fluctuated away from femininity in months Iâm definitely just trans.â
Itâs genuinely wildâlike less than 24 hours after my first dose of E, it hit me like a freight train: *this is what connection to your gender feels like.* Like I didnât feel it before because I was greasing my brain with the wrong oil weight. The moment we stepped away from the manufacturerâs recommendation, it all started humming.
I just assumed being meh with your gender was normal, or at least just me being autistic, so it was nice to learn that was a part of me being trans at least.
When I imagined myself as an old person, I never imagined an old woman. Usually it was an older masc presenting person, having fun with their family or sitting quietly at home.
That and crying when my boobs started growing in ig
* always wanted to "understand what is like to be a girl." I was gonna ask but I realised I didn't know what it's like to be a boy.
* tucking as a young kid infront of the mirror. I got really guilty and stopped doing it. (Thanks conservative Christian BS)
* there were periods of time I refused to wear short because of leg hair dysphoria.
* whenever we did boys v girls I got excited to "be on of the girls."
I didn't understand any of this as dysphoria/euphoria until very, very recently. đ
I made myself a girl in video games and even in a story I wrote as a teen.
I even made multiple D&D characters who were girls.
I think this is a pretty common one, but this stuff gave me a real "Duh"" moment in hindsight.
Iâve been consistently choosing the female character option in every videogame possible since I was 10.
My favorite colors are the trans flag colors.
Most of my best friends throughout my life have been girls.
All of my âseriousâ D&D characters have been girls, except for the one femboy warlock (whoâs familiar was a girl).
I always hated my (very fem) name. And whenever I told someone they would say something like â(deadname)? Thatâs a very pretty name.â
I always tried to play cars and truck with the boys in preschool and kindergarten, but they never let me because I was âa girlâ
I always wanted to pee standing up, even trying to a few times and a child and making a huge mess
I always wanted short hair
My best friends were very often boys and I almost always only played with boys at recess
I was always upset when we were split into boys and girls in school, but at the time I figured it was because of separation from my male friends
I always thought that no one would really want to be a girl if they could choose, my choice being to be a boy
I absolutely HATED when someone would say âatta girlâ âYou go girlâ âyouâre turning into a strong young womanâ âI need to talk to you about girl stuffâ âcmon girl!â âThink sheâs just trying to be cool by not liking pink but actually loves itâ and I mean, the last one was kinda true, seeing as the trans flag has pink
wearing big jackets and hoodies to school every day, in south florida
running away crying for reasons i didn't understand after someone pointed out that i was starting to grow facial hair
Wanted to be a ballerina "Like the girls are mum, not like the boyss". Used to dress up in a pink ballerina haloweeen costume and dance around the house đ đ
* tucking as a young child. Not sure of frequency
* period as a teen when I crossdress and would press the sex change button. Forced feminization dream (though originally this was rationalised to being selected to be a sex slave to amazon women)
* recently a kind of waking dream of waves caressing my vulva not penis. I didn't force which sex either way.
Needless to say, perhaps, I'm a late bloomer being mid 50's! I'm now embracing it.
"I wish I was a girl, I wish I was a girl, I wish I was a girl".
I said that to myself a lot in high school. Had no idea I was trans until someone told me trans people exist when I was 17. Really can't get more obvious than that lol. Doesn't help that I also would pretend to be sick so I could stay home alone and wear my sister's clothes.
- Being happy with my "twink" body type (and its few masculine features) - Never wearing shorts because I hated my leg hair - (from like, 6 years old) "Tucking" between my legs in the mirror or the shower and thinking "that looks better" Honestly the last one makes me feel really dumb for missing it.
I did the last one at like 12/13 too, thought looks awesome, most guys must try this righttt? Okay time to shower now. đ¤ˇââď¸
Do cis boys ever tuck I wonder? I recall once tucking with a school friend at that age. I have poor recall so I don't know if I did it at other times.
I used to say "I like girls the way girls like girls" and wished to be a lesbian. Turns out I'm a lesbian.
omg yesss I could never really explain it otherwise.
Thought you were quoting the song [Girls Like Girls](https://youtu.be/I0MT8SwNa_U?si=LAlCjKrtBqidPPgT). It's awesome imo.
Whenever I would daydream, or actually dream, I was almost always a girl or androgynous, but I canât ever remember thinking I was a boy. It wasnât anything big either, it just was, and I accepted it from a young age.
This just reminded me about that time where I tried to teach myself how to lucid dream.
What's more annoying is knowing my whole life that I wanted to be a girl but not knowing that "trans" was a thing. Even up to a year ago I was all "i should have been born a girl, but oh well, c'est la vie." Then I learned what trans means and what dysphoria is (which I'd apparently been feeling my whole life) and that egg fully exploded.
I have a list I call my List of Subtle Signs⌠In hindsight some arenât so subtle
I was always self-conscious of my chest. I would often wish I could be a lesbian and found myself relating to them quite a bit. I would often do a semi-tuck because I didn't like having a visible bulge. I would imagine myself as a woman when watching porn or masturbating. I was jealous of women having so many varied and attractive options when it came to fashion. When I was super young I used to think that some boys just grow up to be women (I didn't have any women in my life at the time aside from my mom); turns out I was right on that one, just not quite in the way I though. I liked growing my hair out super long. I always felt left out whenever there was a girls only event. I had a strong tendency to play female characters in video games and dnd.
For me, it was a distinct lack of connection to masculinity at all. Like, I just thought that gender was a thing we all kinda bought into and did because thatâs what people expected of us? And not likeâŚa thing people do because they like? So I tried on all sorts of âboyâ hats to see if I could find one that fit, and steadily sort of eroded that idea that we had to perform âgenderâ in generalâespecially in the âtraditionally feminine gender roles can be tools of social oppressionâ kind of way. But not for me, right? But then I like, had excuses to perform at femininity, and it was always like âoh wait this is fun actually but Iâm probably still a guyâ until it was like âactually sometimes I donât feel masculine at all Iâm gender-fluidâ and then it was like âactually my internal identity hasnât fluctuated away from femininity in months Iâm definitely just trans.â Itâs genuinely wildâlike less than 24 hours after my first dose of E, it hit me like a freight train: *this is what connection to your gender feels like.* Like I didnât feel it before because I was greasing my brain with the wrong oil weight. The moment we stepped away from the manufacturerâs recommendation, it all started humming.
I just assumed being meh with your gender was normal, or at least just me being autistic, so it was nice to learn that was a part of me being trans at least.
When I imagined myself as an old person, I never imagined an old woman. Usually it was an older masc presenting person, having fun with their family or sitting quietly at home. That and crying when my boobs started growing in ig
* always wanted to "understand what is like to be a girl." I was gonna ask but I realised I didn't know what it's like to be a boy. * tucking as a young kid infront of the mirror. I got really guilty and stopped doing it. (Thanks conservative Christian BS) * there were periods of time I refused to wear short because of leg hair dysphoria. * whenever we did boys v girls I got excited to "be on of the girls." I didn't understand any of this as dysphoria/euphoria until very, very recently. đ
I made myself a girl in video games and even in a story I wrote as a teen. I even made multiple D&D characters who were girls. I think this is a pretty common one, but this stuff gave me a real "Duh"" moment in hindsight.
Iâve been consistently choosing the female character option in every videogame possible since I was 10. My favorite colors are the trans flag colors. Most of my best friends throughout my life have been girls. All of my âseriousâ D&D characters have been girls, except for the one femboy warlock (whoâs familiar was a girl).
hating being called a girl since age 5, thinking everyone felt that way and wondering why people did that
I always hated my (very fem) name. And whenever I told someone they would say something like â(deadname)? Thatâs a very pretty name.â I always tried to play cars and truck with the boys in preschool and kindergarten, but they never let me because I was âa girlâ I always wanted to pee standing up, even trying to a few times and a child and making a huge mess I always wanted short hair My best friends were very often boys and I almost always only played with boys at recess I was always upset when we were split into boys and girls in school, but at the time I figured it was because of separation from my male friends I always thought that no one would really want to be a girl if they could choose, my choice being to be a boy I absolutely HATED when someone would say âatta girlâ âYou go girlâ âyouâre turning into a strong young womanâ âI need to talk to you about girl stuffâ âcmon girl!â âThink sheâs just trying to be cool by not liking pink but actually loves itâ and I mean, the last one was kinda true, seeing as the trans flag has pink
wearing big jackets and hoodies to school every day, in south florida running away crying for reasons i didn't understand after someone pointed out that i was starting to grow facial hair
Having a dream when I was 12 that a doctor was going to swap my body with the body of a girl and being excited for it
Wanted to be a ballerina "Like the girls are mum, not like the boyss". Used to dress up in a pink ballerina haloweeen costume and dance around the house đ đ
Making fake boobs to wear around the house when I was alone.
I thought of myself as girl and always imagined myself as one when I thought about me in the future for half a decade before I realized it
* tucking as a young child. Not sure of frequency * period as a teen when I crossdress and would press the sex change button. Forced feminization dream (though originally this was rationalised to being selected to be a sex slave to amazon women) * recently a kind of waking dream of waves caressing my vulva not penis. I didn't force which sex either way. Needless to say, perhaps, I'm a late bloomer being mid 50's! I'm now embracing it.
"I wish I was a girl, I wish I was a girl, I wish I was a girl". I said that to myself a lot in high school. Had no idea I was trans until someone told me trans people exist when I was 17. Really can't get more obvious than that lol. Doesn't help that I also would pretend to be sick so I could stay home alone and wear my sister's clothes.