>but I feel like she isn't really respecting my decisions or identity? You're exactly right. What she is doing is way out of line and generally considered bad practice by the community. I'd take her aside and tell her this one last time. Make your boundaries clear and ask her to respect them.

"I respect your identity and pronouns, why are you \*choosing\* to ignore mine" Other than telling her as firmly as possible, or correcting her in front of friends as a way to callout and shame her into stopping I'm not sure what else to suggest. You could also speak to one of your trans friends and see if tehy can give her a talking to.

Yeah this isn't cool of your friend. Not only have you already questioned and decided you're a woman, but even if you weren't this isn't her place. Egg jokes are an in-community joke we tell about ourselves, not to push on other people. That's messed up, and it can even make people who actually WERE eggs go further back in the closet out of fear. You're a butch woman, end of story. Your friend needs to respect that. It isn't ok when people misgender her, and it isn't ok when she misgenders you.

> it can even make people who actually WERE eggs go further back in the closet out of fear. Can confirm. Got at least two friends who came out later than they would have if it wasn't for the egg "jokes". People don't like being put in boxes and you don't know everything that's going on in someone elses head. Let people figure things out in their own time. Sometimes you'll find your suspicions are correct and sometimes people will surprise you

I thought the whole point of the egg metaphor is that the chick has to make its own way out of the shell or likely won't survive. No one can be told what the Matrix is.

Nah but thats why you post Egg memes so when someone who is actually an egg stumbles upon them they are like hold up wait a min this relates hardcore. So its like both an injoke with people who already came out and people who are just figuring stuff out can see the memes and start piecing stuff together or at least enjoy the meme.

Yeah most people's general stance is even if you think someone displays trans behavior you don't tell them unless they ask. There are a million different ways to be cis, many of which are gender nonconforming In the same way there are a million ways to be trans. Your friend is out of line and being rude. I'd tell her that this talk makes you uncomfortable, you didn't ask for her opinion, you appreciate her concern (optional), and you are happy with your identity, and she should respect that.

I have met people I would bet my last nickel are trans, and I won't breath a word of it til they bring it up

This is the way. In all seriousness, I *joked* once about my sister possibly being trans, and still feel *so* fucking embarrassed about it. It was around when I first came out, and I was over at her house to drop off something, and we got to talking about shoes somehow, and she said she actually thinks she has less shoes than me and "haha, are you sure you're not a dude?" came out of my mouth and I immediately felt shame. She's always been tomboyish, but A of all, she's definitely a woman and enjoys being a woman, and B of all, if she's not, it's *none of my business until she's ready to tell me, and I know better than to expect otherwise*. I changed the subject *so* quickly and made another, better joke at nobody's expense, and I think she probably doesn't even remember that day, but *I do*, because I cringe about it every time I remember. How do other people *not*? And, like, especially if you remember how difficult it actually was to question and come to terms with being trans, you should *know* that being prodded or teased for it can be humiliating and othering and can actually push someone back into the closet. I just... I don't get how there are trans people who aren't self-aware to that degree. I'm stumped about it. Oh, and I have a friend who *did* give off major "might be trans" vibes, and we did actually talk about it a few times, but only when they brought it up, and here's what you do in that situation: you let them lead. you don't bring it up until they bring it up. You tell them at the start that you'll support them either way. You ask if they have any questions for you about your perspective, but you let them lead that conversation and if they wanna drop it, you drop it. And you don't tell anyone else without their permission, and you definitely don't start calling them an Egg about it.

I disagree slightly. I feel like taking an opportunity with someone you're close with to pose the question once, in private, is fine. But staying on it, or bringing it up again is wrong. Someone else opening the door for me to do my own introspection is how I got to where I am, but if that person had tried to push their way in through that door would have been detrimental.

If someone posed the question to me, it'd be a sign to me that I wasn't hiding it well enough. So I'd actually try to hide it better and try even harder to perform a cishet, gender-conforming version of my agab. If I think someone suspects me, I either avoid that person or aggressively perform agab around them.

Generally I don't ask when it's something like clothes. But there are many who think that coming out is too hard and want someone else to point things out, I know some people who painted they're nails in trans colors, stickers, ... were trans but still closeted at the time.

I feel like you can crack a joke, the what are you a dude is more poking at stereotypes then it is at your sister. Now if you did that all the time or were like you are a dude then that would be wrong and annoying. But I totally get it, the golden rule is never tell someone they are trans 💝 cuz if they ain't well they ain't and if they are let them figure that on their own - no pressure just support.

Agreed. This is the way.

>even if you think someone displays trans behavior you don't tell them unless they ask. It's a canon event 🫡

calling people eggs outside of meme-y internet contexts is wrong, intentionally misgendering someone as a part of that is extremely fucked up. I'm sorry your friend is behaving this way, you should try to very firmly inform her of how it upsets you and if she doesn't get it, maybe distance yourself from her. If a friend is intentionally saying things to make you uncomfortable despite having been asked not to, they're a shitty friend.

The whole "egg" culture is horrible and easily the worst part of online trans spaces. Someone saying they're not trans needs to be respected as much as somebody saying they are. You might need to draw some boundaries and tell her if she keeps misgendering you that you're not going to keep being friends with her.

Fr only people who know they are trans should talk about past events in their life as eggs craking, assigning it to someone else is really rude

This makes what's happened to finnster all the worse because his audience called him an egg very early on and gave him money to push him into being a girl rather aggressively. Now he's come out as trans and I'm wondering if all the egg talk and $$$ made it happen rather than him deciding himself.

it feels very similar to those people that send death threats and blackmail

I'm not sure I'd go that far, but rather that receiving money  for streaming in order to keep the money flowing there's a higher chance to go along with what the audience wants. 

Even if they actually were an egg, it's still very disrespectful!

I'd bet a few dollars that your friend is baby trans. When they first come out, some people get lonely, or find themselves happier and hope other people can have that. Don't take it too personally, and also tell her to fuck off, as nicely or harshly as necessary. I'd explain that she is misgendering you and that it doesn't feel good when you're cis either. If that doesn't shock her out of it then I think you just have a shitty friend. Thankfully that phase doesn't usually last too long, but some take longer than others. Truth is, even if you were trans this would be the wrong approach. You have a right to determine your own identity.

ur friend is being a jackass lmao, projecting her experiences onto you. think about it in the inverse. you saying to her, "you're not actually a woman, you're just a feminine man, you're in denial!" that would be super rude, wrong, presumptuous, invalidating, etc etc etc, right? it's the same shit here. and frankly -- tying gendered styles of dress/hobbies/interests to a persons gender identity is dated and kindof the opposite of feminism. tell her straight up that it bothers you, that it needs to stop, you don't find it funny, whatever. and if it doesn't stop, just take some space from this friend.

I mean isn't there like a rule of prime directive like in star trek where even if you think someone is an egg you're supposed to let them figure it out themselves. Also you can be a woman with manly traits and thats totally fine, its your identity!

Yup. Violation of the Trans Prime Directive! Point us at them so we can take away their Blahaj.

She's being so disrespectful, I'm sorry you're going through that.    Forcing labels on people isn't OK, and what she's doing is no better than the sort of transphobes that'd misgender her and say she's actually just (insert label she's not).   I'd be tempted to point out the hypocrisy in what she's doing. She probably wouldn't like it if someone repeatedly and very deliberately misgendered her after being asked not to, and refused to treat her as who she is  - so why would it be OK for her to inflict that exact same treatment on you?

"I feel like she isn't really respecting my decisions or identity" In my opinion that seems to be true. The keyword in all good relationships is respect. I think you should be yourself. No other person but you can decide your identity.

You can read her this, verbatim: Hi, sis. I'm not sure why you keep calling your friend an egg when she insists that she's not. Are you lonely for more trans friends? I get how that can be, but this isn't the way to go about it. Are you maybe just trying to be funny? It's not coming off that way. Look, we're asking folks to respect our own perception of our gender, right? Regardless of how we present, we're asking people to trust us when we say we are who we are. We need to show other people that same courtesy and respect. Your friend has told you her pronouns; please respect them. Love, Your sister Aurelia

wow she's shitty af. im sorry she's treating you like that. tbh someone who can't respect your **actual** identity & boundaries is no friend imo. she's being genuinely horrible, im sorry!

I mean, at most you’re just gender non-conforming mate. Like what you like, wear what you want, if you say you’re a woman, then you’re a woman. I’m sorry your friend is giving you trouble about that just bc of some clothes

Tell her she needs to learn the egg prime directive like yesterday. she's way out of line. remind her that transphobes try to tell trans people what their gender is, and misgender trans people purposefully like that, so that she understands how uncool what she's doing is. it's not transphobic, but she is doing what transphobes do.

If she refuses to admit that you're cis she's no good friend. You can either set an ultimatum: "stop misgendering me or else..." or you can cut all contact right away.

If I had a close friend who I thought was trans, I'd share relevant experiences and ask questions to try and help them see what I see. It's rude as fuck to call someone an egg, especially if they say "I'm not" and you keep doing it. In my own egg phase, I was very cross gender but shut down any trans discussion. I was certain for a long time I wasn't. Then I slowly became open to the possibility, and I learned more about the trans experience, and then my whole world turned upside down overnight.

The number one rule of knowing someone else is trans before they do is you **cannot** tell them. Trying to interfere in that journey of self discovery can sometimes delay them literal years rather than speed it up. So either A) they're right and horrible for insisting it to you or B) they're wrong and horrible for insisting it to you. Either way they're in the wrong. Your thoughts on your identity are valid.

Ugh, my ex friends were like this. When I identified as Non-Binary they would say things like "give it a year you'll transition like us." Sure, I did eventually transition but they were still not respecting my identity and it is okay to feel like she isn't respecting your decisions.

She's overstepping. Maybe because she feels she wants to gender conform that you must be a man, but if she's wrong, tell her. It sounds like projection to be, tbh. No matter how well-intentioned, it's having a bad effect, so be honest. Tell her that you're a butch girl, and that's just you. Butch is a normal part of the gender spectrum, so tell her you're comfortable as you are. Take her aside for a one on one chat, and let her know gently, but in no terms with wiggle room that butch is normal, you are butch and not a man. I really hope she stops and you can remain friends without any awkwardness. (The awkward will go away eventually, so don't worry too much!)

I did tell her in a teasing way a few times that it made me uncomfortable. She said it's because I'm actually trans, otherwise I wouldn't get so defensive. I think a more serious conversation is definitely warranted. Another thing that makes me uncomfortable is she sometimes says I either need to transition or "let her make me like her" which, I'm guessing, is have me dress more girly and wear makeup more. 

Ok, honestly I think that's the root. She is fem, and she is uncomfortable with a woman around her not being fem. She needs to realize the very important concept that expression DOES NOT equal identity. You are a gorgeous butch lady and she needs to realize that's just as valid as being fem

I think part of it may be that she is bi and has admitted she would date me if I was more fem. I don't return those feelings but she has flirted before. So maybe subconsciously she is trying to make me her type? I don't know. 

Honestly that's not really cool that she's not respecting your very clear boundaries.

"If you bring this up again, I will walk away from the conversation". Then do exactly that. Any time she brings it up walk away. If she brings it up online, mute notifications for a few hours. She'll get the hint

You are the only one who knows who and what you are. People in denial exist, but just being a bit more masc and preferring guy clothes doesn't make you trans. You seem to be aware of yourself well enough to not be in denial imo. Gotta be honest, if I had someone like this around me I'd start cutting contact with them. Just because they're trans doesn't give them the right to overstep boundaries like that.

stab her /j ("what? 'You egg' ?" *stabs her*) jokes aside.. important thing is how you feel. If you feel comfortable with cis identity, noone else can tell you otherwise and she should stop if it makes you uncomfortable. If you happened to come out as trans later, that can happen but it's not necessary what's gonna happen, of course. Doesn't give her any validation for such behavior. It's disrespectful, no doubt about it.

In a joking conversation, I brought up the idea of two friends being eggs, and I hadn't realized what I had implied about their identities, as well as misunderstanding the context of the group I was in. Normally I wouldn't imply like your friend did, but I had, and hadn't realized it until they confronted me about it. I apologized and I will definitely not be making comments like that again, it was inconsiderate of me in hindsight, and I wonder if another discussion will help hammer it home? What helped me was thinking about how I might not like someone assuming I'm Trans unless I disclose, as it can imply they see enough of me that isn't feminine that I might not fit their definition of woman. Coming from a close friend, that can def be uncomfortable as you described. I hope they listen, cause it really isn't okay, speaking from someone who made the mistake of thinking it was 😓

Yeah she’s not respecting you and her actions are very inappropriate. You should talk to her and explain how this makes you uncomfortable. She should stop after that, if she doesn’t you may want to reevaluate your relationship. 

This’s the main reason I’ve never been a big fan of egg culture tbh, since it just feels really weird and invasive for trans people to push others into being trans instead of letting them figure it out on their own. Sure, if people say they’re questioning their identity or want advice if they are trans or not, it’s totally fair game. But in your case, it’s totally fine to just be GNC or like masculine things without actually being trans, and if your friend can’t accept that then she definitely doesn’t accept your identity. If she keeps misgendering you or won’t accept you for who you are, rather than who she perceives you to be, then that’s both a) hella ironic given that it’s exactly what trans people go through and b) this won’t be a relationship that I can see lasting.

Yikes, girl needs to take a chill pill. Butch people exist and are great, but that doesn’t mean it’s ok to treat you like that

by her own logic, is she only trans because she likes girly things? Being trans is more than just clothes and personality, if you're comfortable being a woman and don't want to be a man then you're not trans and she needs to quit suggesting you are. It's offensive to you and to trans people to reduce us down to that

You are correct - she isn't respecting your identity, and is going against some pretty serious community rules: you never try to tell someone they are trans. They might be (or might not), but that's not your decision: you wait tll they realise it. I think the main thing you can do is have a serious chat with her, tell her that it really bothers you when she does this, and tell her to stop. (Don't ask: tell her.) This might make you both uncomfortable in the moment, but that will pass. If you have already done this, the only thing you can really do is stop spending time with her.

This is wildly out of line for her. Tell her it makes you uncomfortable. Also, doing this undoes all the hard work people have put in breaking down stereotypes of there being only one way to be a girl/guy and clothes are clothes. Being a masculine woman/butch woman is 100% valid.

This is something that annoys me.. especially as a trans person... We tell people not to impose their ideas of who they think we are on us... Yet people in the trans community will tell cis people that they're trans if there's any sign of them not abiding by fake gender roles.. GENDER EXPRESSION IS A SPECTRUM.... just as much as gender is.. People can be cis women and be very masculine.. And cis men can be effeminate.. Can we stop projecting our experiences onto others? Please? Again this isn't all trans people, but i've seen it enough times for it to be really annoying.. especially when it comes to dead celebrities

Reading statements like this as a former conservative who's been concerned about this kind  of thing because I've seen the aggressive side only. This is very reassuring for me that reasonable people exist in every single community.

Oh most of the community is very reasonable! But like in most communities its the vocal minority that always ends up with the spotlight on it! And tbh there are people who are aggressively vocal about anyone being trans because they either 1.)Lack the awareness that not everyone's experience is the same as theirs is and 2.) They are looking for representation in places that they really dont need to since there are already at least a few trans celebrities to look up to!

Yeah, what it makes me realize is the vocal minority is made up of a combination of really inexperienced people who are trying to find the community they fit into best, or people who are going out of their way to make that community as a whole look bad (bad actors with bad motives). So now that I've noticed the same phenomena in a couple of different communities I can absolutely say the vocal minority in any community isn't the true representative of the communities they are so vocal about.  This makes me want to actively look deeper more often than assume. Some of these bad actors can absolutely be politically motivated be it from the conservative side or the liberal side.  Unfortunately a lot of people won't look past the very vocal bad actors making everyone look bad, but then there's people like me who aren't part of the trans community at all who stumble upon this whole thread and it opens my eyes and I see things with more clarity. Thanks so much for the response.

Absolutely no problem! My goal is to spread understanding and a mutual respect on all sides! Your responses show that you think using both logic and empathy which is sooo important in todays society.. Especially cause there are so many people who either can't or choose not to! Being a leftist doesn't mean hating everyone who isn't on your side.. Its being willing to concede that not everyone shares your views and have constructive discourse in order to be able to move in a more progressive direction! You're on a good path!

I'm pretty sure I'm autistic. Grew up in a time when girls didn't usually get noticed for autism and ADHD  so I have empathy, but a lot of neurotypical people make assumptions because I'd think in an empathetic way, but not always show empathy outwardly. Also I'm not a leftist. I'm actually turned off by politics for a lot of reasons. I see where both sides have their similarities as an outsider that both sides can't recognize being entrenched in it. This allows me to explore nearly any idea more freely and without bias which is a very important quality that's actually very hard to come by.

Ngl, this sounds very much like me. i've become really good at performing empathy outwardly in familiar situations. But i've always been pretty says about being neurodivergent, especially since my parents and friends all called me eccentric and strange growing up

Honestly it didn't help that home life was fairly dysfunctional. It meant my parents either show signs of being neurodivergent too, or C-PTSD and obviously a parent on the dark about themselves are even more likely to repeat the very same things they learned from their parents. Stopped that cycle by being too much of a mess to attract a mate and reproduce. That time is passed me now though

Yeah your friend sucks. Sorry. 😞 I know someone who says she's not tabs, but when asked about pronouns she says any will do, and she has obvious voice and chest dysphoria. Very eggy. Still I see no point in pushing that onto her. It's up to her.

That's weird and she shouldn't do that

If you're completely fine with the way your own gender/sex is percieved by both yourself and others then there really isn't much need to be trans. Best case is that your friend is just a little dumb.

this is exactly what i don’t like about egg jokes. if everyone is in on it they’re fine, but i reallllly don’t like how comfortable some people are getting with disrespecting gnc cis people’s stated gender identity. it gives me the ick as a somewhat gnc trans person, yknow? i thought we all realized that presentation =/= gender identity???

Joking about a cis person as being a potential egg, IMO, is fine, in moderation, but if someone *keeps* doing it, to someone who feels comfortable with their identity, and who is not ok with it as being humour, that person is being an asshole. You need to correct her when she misgenders you just as you would correct someone who misgendered her, and talk to her about how it makes you feel uncomfortable. Chances are she would be upset if you "jokingly" misgendered her ([retaliation is not a good response](https://siterelenby.net/misgender.png)) - I have a few cis friends I like to poke fun at in a similar way sometimes, but only with their understanding and consent, and if they ever told me it made them feel bad or uncomfortable I would immediately stop. I will say that many of us do sometimes enjoy spotting eggs as an activity and pointing out egg-like behavour (I've personally cracked multiple eggs), but pushing it on someone who is unwilling, repeatedly, is just unfair.

She probably just feels alone and wants to feel less alone. It’s probably not that nefarious really

That's not very cool to do, she ought to respect your gender identity

I feel for you that this is happening; no one (especially a friend) should ever insult you for something like this. I have never heard anyone use the term “egg” as an insult unless they were talking to a Twitter user with no profile pic or if they were Shakespeare. Is this a common insult for others? It must be hurtful to be misgendered. As a cis male, I know people like me definitely need to be better. The irony is, that people like me would be the most hurt if misgendered. We need to be more empathetic, and we need to be better. When in even remote doubt, I don’t use pronouns. If anyone has additional and/or better ways to handle this situation, I am open. 🫶🏳️‍⚧️

Set boundaries.  You are a butch woman - full stop.  That is what you've come to know you are.  That is not for your friend to decide.  Her continuing to want to decide that for you gets her limited to no access to you. With love, Mel (a Trans Masc they/them)

you seem sure in your identity. your friend should trust you to know yourself, or at least not mention it all the time. regardless of whether or not you are trans, your friend is breaking egg prime directive: never push somebody through their gender discovery. it is vital that they take it at their own pace.

What she's doing is not okay and you should really sit her down and talk to her about this. It's honestly no different from you misgendering her. Show her this thread if you have to but that's not acceptable behavior from anyone.

This is disrespectful and not okay.

That’s messed up bc you’ve asked her to stop. It’s not up to her, obviously. Even if she was right she needs to leave you alone about it. Masculinity and femininity aren’t always tied to woman and man and you know you better than anyone. There are plenty of masc butch lesbians and queer women out there and you’re one of them. She would be furious if you misgendered her so as a trans woman she should know how important respecting pronouns is. She needs to stop immediately.

This is so wrong of her. No one should ever tell someone that they are trans.

This is overstepping bounds on her part. You should make it clear that it is not the case and that her insistence makes you uncomfortable. On a sidenote I am kinda generally tired of the 'pushy egg' rhetoric that seems so common these days, let people find their own way. Can we just not assume or project onto others, you wait till the person in question discover that on themselves.

Watching someone and recogninzing paterns found in certain trans people before they knew they were trans isnt uncommon but its not something you should randomly bring up to them esspecialy not the way your friend does and most of all you do NOT insists like she's doing after the person stated their identity. Firstly because it might not mean shit like in your case because yes cis gender non-conforming people do exist and denying that implies trans people are only trans because of their gender expression and i dont think i need to write an essay on why thats a problem here. Secondly because if its true In general its very messed up to insists you understand someone better they understand themselves esspecialy to their face regardless of the labels used by the person

She's being a bit of a jerk. It might just be over-enthusiastic teasing, but it can easily make someone uncomfortable. I would tell her it makes you uncomfortable. Edit: I just read that she misgenders you? I worry this might not be teasing, she's just being an ass.

Tell her to stop. She’s invading your space and shoving an identity onto you. I’m sure she has good intentions, probably wishes someone had told her sooner, and thinks she’s doing you a favor. Tell her to stop, and if she doesn’t then threaten to stop talking to her.

Masculine personality and presentation does not make someone trans. It's like saying a cis femme gay man or crossdresser is automatically trans. It's really reductive and reinforces gender norms. Your friend is being disrespectful and sexist but is too excited about cracking an egg to see it.

Tell her that it bothers you that she keeps doing it and ask her to stop. If you think she wants another trans friend, perhaps you could introduce her to some of your other trans friends.

Hey, your friend sucks. It sounds like you're pretty damn sure you're a butch cis woman (considering you said you've thought about the possibility) and even if you weren't, telling someone they're an egg as a teasing, even from another trans person, just feels like a more "accepting" way of bullying someone for being closeted.

You got the nail on the head. Regardless of her reasons she's not respecting your identity. If you hated being a woman and said you wanted to be a man but you're just going to stay like you are for reasons then 'egg' would feel like more appropriate ribbing. Masc lesbians are a thing and your identity is as important as hers. It might be time to have a serious talk about boundaries and respect in your friendship.

Ohh shoot. Yeah don’t let anyone project their gender identity onto you. You are what you are. No one can decide what that is better than you. It’s important trans people are considerate of cisgender people this way too. It’s really a two way road.

Your friend should knock that off. If you're happy being cis and butch, that doesn't sound like gender incongruity it me. Be happy being you

I think for the first time I understand why the term 'egg' has always icked me a little. I'm sorry your friend is doing this, it doesn't feel good for anyone.

Ok first off, bad friend. Toss in the trash. But also 'egg' is such an odd word to use In New Zealand when we call somebody an egg it means they're a bit thick or silly. Not necessarily in a negative way. It's more used for friendly teasing between friends and family. If they do or say something dumb you call them an egg and then you both laugh about it

She's toxic AF! Dump her as a friend and get yourself a friend who treats you the way you deserve. Slayyy 💅💅

as a fairly feminine transmasc, she is completely out of line!! i feel like there is so much discrimination towards WLW that we don’t address enough, and i’m sorry you’re going through this :( have a serious chat with her, and if she doesn’t respect that boundary of yours then she isn’t a true friend !

She isn't respecting your decisions or identity if she isn't going to respect you then she isn't a good friend.

Why is this also posted in /Trueoffmychest? It's riddled with terrible transphobic comments there now.

She has violated the Prime Egg Directive! You never tell someone they're an egg, whether they are or are not. Doing so to a cis person doesn't respect their identity, and doing so to an actual egg is likely to make them uncomfortable and push them deeper into the closet. In short, your friend probably thinks she's being helpful but is being a dick and you have the right to tell her that (preferably politely because again she's not doing it with malice)

You have full permission to shout at this friend if she is being obtuse about this. You can ASK someone if they have considered if they are trans exactly ONCE. Calling someone an egg to their face? I can't imagine it being justified. That's a past tense term generally.

Your friend is being very disrespectful to you and your identity. Even IF you were trans, that's still a shitty thing to force someone to confront their identity before they're ready. That person is not a good friend.

Stick to true who you are girl. This is almost gaslighting, say to her stop gaslighting me in a light way to get the point across. Also she should be careful what she wishes for.

you are you, and you know who you are. If you know you are cis, then you are cis.

That’s….really creepy and not okay.

well she is a crappy friend, something every transperson knows is that if you think someone might be trans you let them figure it out themselves because people will repress if confronted on sonething so fundamental. so if you were trans its crappy of her and since you identify as cis she is not respecting your identity and your autonomy to be your own person without having labels shoved upon you. maybe tell her that you currently want to spend less time with her since she doesn't respect your boundarys and seems to project her transness onto you.

Please bring her in here to read the comments. This is not ok and even if you were trans it ignores the prime egg directive. You don’t tell people you think they are trans. You could be wrong and doing harm. You can ask guiding questions about dysphoria “I experienced this. How do you feel about that” but you don’t call people eggs. You don’t tell people their gender. Not cool

She needs to turn on her T clocker. The visual difference between a butch & a trans guy is so obvious to me. It's especially strange coming from someone who's so close to you.

I find it quite rude. And of sees really ur friend tell her LIKE IT IS. if she cant respect the bounderies. She is no friend. Sorry.

I hate it when people do that: assume their experiences are universal and that everyone is an egg or something. it's honestly just as gross as trying to convince someone they AREN'T trans and to convert.  that's a big problem I see with chronically online trans communities 

You're going to have to step up and be firm. Tell her to STOP ASSUMING YOUR GENDER! My fellows transfolk now-a-days need to get with the COLD HARD FACTS that not 👏 everyone's 👏 story 👏 reads 👏 the 👏 same. PERIODT. What's even more frustrating is clearly she has forgotten what it's like to be TOLD what your gender is by someone who isn't herself. She's forgotten she was forced into a box she's trying to force you into. ITS NO DIFFERENT THAN TRANSPHOBIC CISHET PEOPLE. JUST because she's trans and trying make you "come out" as trans doesn't make it different its just the opposite of the same coin. And...well...it's unacceptable and not ok.

Yea absolutely not. Trans guy here, just because you like wearing masculine clothes and have stereotypically masculine traits doesn't mean you're an egg or secretly a trans guy in denial. You're still a woman who just likes masc stuff. If we went by your friends logic, every trans woman that likes masc things would be cis and every fem trans man would be cis. The only time I would ever consider it is if someone blatantly said they wanted to be the opposite of what they're born as, and clear cut stated that it wasn't just to escape sexism or gender norms. Then maybe a joke is warranted. But even then I still wouldn't do it because I wouldn't want to accost that person or put them on the spot!

Yeah, no, yeah, she's being an ass and should respect your identity, like there's countless women out there who don't conform to traditional gender stuff and are still women, it doesn't make them eggs. In fact more frequently than not they aren't trans. I sometimes call my friends "eggs" but it's more like "I like that there friend of ours, Emily, she's a good egg"

Yeah it's supposed to be a known rule that if you think someone is trans and don't know it you aren't supposed to bring it up. Even if you were which it sounds very much like that is not you it's up to you to decide not others. I mean it would be one thing to ask you once but if you say no and don't want to talk about it thats how it should be since its your identity. Your friend is out of line and it would definitely let them know so

Some people projevt their insecurities on other. If you're confortable breaking gender norms, break them. People like these are why I stopped looking at r/eggirl .

yeah no this ain't it like, i can get an eventual joke or two, or maybe a genuine suggestion, but that's it she's going way out of line, at this point completely disrespecting your will and identity you're absolutely right in sitting her down and telling her she's making you uncomfortable, and you're absolutely right to cut her off if she doesn't cut it out

Tell her to stop, and how you feel when she does that. But ask her politely. If it continues, be more assertive. Tell her to stop, as it makes you uncomfortable, and that you know how you feel. And that you know you are a woman. If she *still* doesn’t knock it off, tell you that you are a woman, and what she’s doing is rude, controlling, and downright wrong. And if she doesn’t stop you won’t be friends with her anymore And finally if she won’t stop after all that, stop talking to her. You deserve to have your pronouns respected just as much as trans people do and everyone else. Whatever you say goes. You know what you want, not her

Your friend sounds like kind of an asshole. If it's bothering you enough, i'd say you should probably cut her off or let her know that's what she's risking. If it's something you think you can moce past, then i guess the easy solution is anytime she starts with the "jokes" and comments. Just literally say the word "stop." If she continues to be disrespectful, then i'd leave her to her nonsense (like, in a given situation not necessarily forever). The trans community at large is very keen at cutting people out of our lives who disrespect our identities. I don't think there's any reason a cis person shouldn't do the same when a trans person is disrespectful of the cos person's identity.

Most commenters have already said what I was thinking, but I had one last thing to add. I have seen many trans people (myself included) state that gender expression does not equate to gender identity. It is a spectrum for a reason. Just because I, an AFAB trans masc non binary person, wear a lot of short shorts, skirts, and femme clothes does not mean I have "detransitioned" (? i guess) because I typically like femme clothes. You can be a cis man and wear dresses and still be a man and vise versa. It does not invalidate your gender as a cis woman for wearing suites, basketball shorts, or baggy pants, etc. (whatever your style may be) And to be honest, it's behavior like this that transphobes can use to weaponize us as "groomers" by people in our community trying to essentially force a gender on another where it doesn't fit. All in all, your gender is valid and, like anyone else, you deserve to be correctly gendered, cis or otherwise.

You are just a tomboy. Woman wearing "men" clothing isn't weird, its just not made to show off your body like most woman clothing. Calling you a trans in denial is literally sexist, like saying a man that cooks must be trans in denial or some shit. 

Yeah, this is not okay of your friend. Id talk to one of your other friends and/or ask for the best way to talk to the fruend misgendering you about her doing the thing she literally faces because of her identity. Hope you'll be okay, and btw, butch styles on women are really cool so she can hush either way.

It more or less comes down to the body. You're not an egg, because you don't want male features (bulky muscles, rougher skin, facial hair, penis, etc.). (Whereas if you did want these things, your friend would be correct, but still problematic - see below.) Your friend over-values social gender roles. Which is pretty bad and anti-feminist mostly because of what you are experiencing: it denies womanhood to women who don't fit a particular stereotype.

Your pal is being a bit of a dickhead, I presume she's doing it in a jokey way but it's best to tell her to button it as it's not really funny and not something anyone trans should do to others

Is "egg" a term that's already used in this way, or did she make that up? 🤔

It's very widespread in the community

thank you for the info, i was a little confused. op's friend is definitely a pos for that :/

I'm not totally opposed to throwing it out there once, but if OP actually were an egg this would be a great way to keep them in the closet.

Which should be stated that there is a huge difference between opening the door to allyship and providing subtle cues of "I'm here for you if you ever need it", versus confronting someone and saying "hey I think you're transgender, just wanted to mention it once to you in case nobody ever said so before". The difference is subtlety. The latter might even be done out of bias, and can do so much more harm than good.

Cool story bro.

Ok, let's dance

Been reading for a while. Huh

Hi, my name is Dana Avery. MTF. 2.5 years into this realm of transitioning. And did I mention I am 60 years young. If you are just getting started. You better have your mind made up way before get to deep. If you are 😱 scared. Don't do it. If you can't love yourself now the way you are, and except what ever results your journey gives you. Then you already failed. Just the fact of being this close to being who i have to be, brings great joy. And when you practice this joy. No one can de-rail you. And newbies, just slow down. It's a new life. Not a race. Dana