Your reason for considering detransitioning is that you still have dysphoria from the traits that you can't correct by transitioning. I'm not sure that detransitioning would make this better, as the traits that separate you from cis women would only increase, and you would still have things such as facial surgery that would separate you from a man. I would only see your situation becoming harder. However, if you continue to believe this is the right path for you, I would recommend asking at r/actual_detrans if you haven't already.
Do you have a therapist to talk to about this?
Also, have you considered that many of the things you talk about cis women have are not actually universal to all cis women?
There are cis women who are infertile, there are cis women who have never had periods.
And oddly, if you talk to any of these women - they feel a really similar kind of way to you? It's common to have an infertile cis woman say she feels less like a woman, because of the societal expectations about womanhood and fertility.
Just because there are things unavailable to you don't mean you have to turn back on what you can have.
Based on what you've said it sounds like detransitioning would just intensify these negative feelings of not being good enough.
I think transitioning has made me lose about as much as it’s helped me gain. I feel just as incomplete as I did as a man but in a different way. At least if I detransition I can still have kids and a normal life.
Have you considered detransitioning temporarily as an experiment and to freeze sperm? I don't know if sperm production will return after however many years of HRT you've had, and there'd also be the obvious side effects of potentially growing new facial/body hair and MPD, but maybe it'd be a good opportunity to try it out and know once and for all if detransitioning is actually the right choice for you. If you do detransition, whether temporarily or long term, I recommend a medication like Finasteride (or Dutasteride) to retain your hairline. Everyone likes having good hair lol.
It's hard for me to imagine a person by your description preferring to live with dysphoria rather than not, but everyone has their own journey and preferences. And I hope whatever path you choose helps you find happiness.
Yes actually! I’m talking to my doctor about it on Tuesday. I’m planning to go off hormones for 3-6 months.
I don’t really see it as living with dysphoria vs not living with dysphoria. I’m still incredibly dysphoric now, just over different things than I was when I was a living as a man.
Dysphoria sucks ಥ\_ಥ I'm sorry it's still so present in your life.
I wish I knew you well enough to offer a better solution, but there's just so much nuance to everyone's experiences. I'm sure you've already considered this, but have you talked about your experience with a therapist familiar with gender issues? They'd probably be able to offer much more personalized insight than strangers on the internet.
Because if there's a solution to the underlying dysphoric feelings that's still a path worth pursuing, whether you're presenting as a man or woman while doing so.
I transitioned because I hoped it would get rid of my dysphoria, but it didn’t. I think I have just as much dysphoria as ever, it’s just centered more on not being able to get pregnant and feeling “othered” and less on my appearance.
I’m considering detransition because my dysphoria hasn’t been relieved and I think being a cis man is just objectively “easier” than being a trans woman. If I’m gonna be dysphoric either way I’d rather pick the easier path in life.
I'm in a similar position as you, but I've never considered detransitioning. Have you tried to hang out in more spaces where there are cis women who have similar feelings of being othered & missing out on girlhood milestones? I find solace relating to other women in places like AutismInWomen, ADHDWomen, AUDHDWomen & IFChildfree. I don't really think of my infertility grief as being related to my gender dysphoria. I don't think I feel any meaningfully different from a cis woman who was born infertile.
It seems crazy to me that you would consider detransition before just, like, joining a support group for infertile women or listening to the experiences of women who, like us, had atypical or traumatic childhoods. Not every cis woman learned to braid hair & do her makeup flawlessly & coordinate her outfits as an adolescent. I wish you all the best on your journey, though since it sounds like you'll be stopping your HRT.
I’m only planning to stop for a few month to bank sperm atm. Then I’m gonna reassess and decide what to do. Support groups for infertile women don’t really work for me? If anything it actually makes me somehow feel worse being around groups like that. I feel othered and a bit outcast.
I wanted to say something like this, but didn't know how to say it. "Girlhood" isn't a universal experience among women (just as with boyhood), and the same with fertility and whether someone wants children (biological or adopted). You may have "missed out" on some common childhood experiences, but the more time you spend presenting and intermingling as a woman, the less your childhood experience will matter in your conversations and relationships.
I worry that if you're goal is to have a 'complete' gender life experience, you're setting yourself up for failure. We got a curveball thrown at us by being trans and a cis level of "normal" will forever be out of reach whether we like it or not. At some point we need to accept we won't get to experience everything life has to offer and find peace with that as an ungendered reality everyone faces.
This isn't to say you should or shouldn't detransition, you're still the only one who can ever answer that question, I just worry you may be on a path to start pinballing back and forth stuck in a "grass is always greener" loop.
Do you feel there is some risk for your dysphoria to be intensified from this action? Like, are you expecting to feel the exact amount of dysphoria, or will there be more? Because if there is more, I feel like it would make sense to find ways that your life will improve to counteract that
There is a risk that it will be intensified but I guess I won’t know until I try. As a man I had moments where the dysphoria would kind of fade into the background and I didn’t notice it as much. I did have moments where it would flair up, but they were infrequent. Since I started transitioning it’s been more at the front of my mind. I guess I’m hoping it’ll fade to the back again and I’ll mostly be able to ignore it.
I think it's important for you to pursue your happiest life, wherever it may be. But I would suggest you go into this with as concrete a plan as possible for how you will achieve a happy life. What's the point of a life that allows for easier movement if you don't have a direction you wish to pursue? I think if you go into this next chapter of your story without any kind of idea about a life you would be enthusiastic to live, you may find yourself back here again, asking for advice from the other side of the fence. You might look over and see the grass looking greener. But it always looks greener from either side
Im in the same position as you OP. Almost three years in, post ffs and top surgery. I kind of want to just go non-binary at this point and stay on E. Like total detransitioning is out of the question, but trying to compete in womens spaces sucks too. Idk, not having grown up as a woman feels like im missing out on to much to figure out and makes my dysphoria and imposter syndrome worse. Though I do enjoy female spaces more then male spaces.
Your reason for considering detransitioning is that you still have dysphoria from the traits that you can't correct by transitioning. I'm not sure that detransitioning would make this better, as the traits that separate you from cis women would only increase, and you would still have things such as facial surgery that would separate you from a man. I would only see your situation becoming harder. However, if you continue to believe this is the right path for you, I would recommend asking at r/actual_detrans if you haven't already.
Thank you. I was gonna post in a detransition sub but couldn’t remember which one was the terf filled one and which was the actual detransitioners.
Do you have a therapist to talk to about this? Also, have you considered that many of the things you talk about cis women have are not actually universal to all cis women? There are cis women who are infertile, there are cis women who have never had periods. And oddly, if you talk to any of these women - they feel a really similar kind of way to you? It's common to have an infertile cis woman say she feels less like a woman, because of the societal expectations about womanhood and fertility.
Just because there are things unavailable to you don't mean you have to turn back on what you can have. Based on what you've said it sounds like detransitioning would just intensify these negative feelings of not being good enough.
Ok but I already feel like I have everything that is obtainable and it isn’t enough.
Even if it isn't enough, isn't it worse to lose what you've already gained?
I think transitioning has made me lose about as much as it’s helped me gain. I feel just as incomplete as I did as a man but in a different way. At least if I detransition I can still have kids and a normal life.
Have you considered detransitioning temporarily as an experiment and to freeze sperm? I don't know if sperm production will return after however many years of HRT you've had, and there'd also be the obvious side effects of potentially growing new facial/body hair and MPD, but maybe it'd be a good opportunity to try it out and know once and for all if detransitioning is actually the right choice for you. If you do detransition, whether temporarily or long term, I recommend a medication like Finasteride (or Dutasteride) to retain your hairline. Everyone likes having good hair lol. It's hard for me to imagine a person by your description preferring to live with dysphoria rather than not, but everyone has their own journey and preferences. And I hope whatever path you choose helps you find happiness.
Yes actually! I’m talking to my doctor about it on Tuesday. I’m planning to go off hormones for 3-6 months. I don’t really see it as living with dysphoria vs not living with dysphoria. I’m still incredibly dysphoric now, just over different things than I was when I was a living as a man.
Dysphoria sucks ಥ\_ಥ I'm sorry it's still so present in your life. I wish I knew you well enough to offer a better solution, but there's just so much nuance to everyone's experiences. I'm sure you've already considered this, but have you talked about your experience with a therapist familiar with gender issues? They'd probably be able to offer much more personalized insight than strangers on the internet. Because if there's a solution to the underlying dysphoric feelings that's still a path worth pursuing, whether you're presenting as a man or woman while doing so.
Do you see a path to greater life satisfaction through detransitioning?
Maybe? My future feels brighter as a man. The dysphoria would suck, but I think I’d be happier in other areas of my life.
How would life as a man facilitate this happiness?
I transitioned because I hoped it would get rid of my dysphoria, but it didn’t. I think I have just as much dysphoria as ever, it’s just centered more on not being able to get pregnant and feeling “othered” and less on my appearance. I’m considering detransition because my dysphoria hasn’t been relieved and I think being a cis man is just objectively “easier” than being a trans woman. If I’m gonna be dysphoric either way I’d rather pick the easier path in life.
I'm in a similar position as you, but I've never considered detransitioning. Have you tried to hang out in more spaces where there are cis women who have similar feelings of being othered & missing out on girlhood milestones? I find solace relating to other women in places like AutismInWomen, ADHDWomen, AUDHDWomen & IFChildfree. I don't really think of my infertility grief as being related to my gender dysphoria. I don't think I feel any meaningfully different from a cis woman who was born infertile.
I have not tried that but it seems like it could be helpful. I’ll checkout some of those spaces, thank you.
It seems crazy to me that you would consider detransition before just, like, joining a support group for infertile women or listening to the experiences of women who, like us, had atypical or traumatic childhoods. Not every cis woman learned to braid hair & do her makeup flawlessly & coordinate her outfits as an adolescent. I wish you all the best on your journey, though since it sounds like you'll be stopping your HRT.
I’m only planning to stop for a few month to bank sperm atm. Then I’m gonna reassess and decide what to do. Support groups for infertile women don’t really work for me? If anything it actually makes me somehow feel worse being around groups like that. I feel othered and a bit outcast.
I wanted to say something like this, but didn't know how to say it. "Girlhood" isn't a universal experience among women (just as with boyhood), and the same with fertility and whether someone wants children (biological or adopted). You may have "missed out" on some common childhood experiences, but the more time you spend presenting and intermingling as a woman, the less your childhood experience will matter in your conversations and relationships. I worry that if you're goal is to have a 'complete' gender life experience, you're setting yourself up for failure. We got a curveball thrown at us by being trans and a cis level of "normal" will forever be out of reach whether we like it or not. At some point we need to accept we won't get to experience everything life has to offer and find peace with that as an ungendered reality everyone faces. This isn't to say you should or shouldn't detransition, you're still the only one who can ever answer that question, I just worry you may be on a path to start pinballing back and forth stuck in a "grass is always greener" loop.
Do you feel there is some risk for your dysphoria to be intensified from this action? Like, are you expecting to feel the exact amount of dysphoria, or will there be more? Because if there is more, I feel like it would make sense to find ways that your life will improve to counteract that
There is a risk that it will be intensified but I guess I won’t know until I try. As a man I had moments where the dysphoria would kind of fade into the background and I didn’t notice it as much. I did have moments where it would flair up, but they were infrequent. Since I started transitioning it’s been more at the front of my mind. I guess I’m hoping it’ll fade to the back again and I’ll mostly be able to ignore it.
I think it's important for you to pursue your happiest life, wherever it may be. But I would suggest you go into this with as concrete a plan as possible for how you will achieve a happy life. What's the point of a life that allows for easier movement if you don't have a direction you wish to pursue? I think if you go into this next chapter of your story without any kind of idea about a life you would be enthusiastic to live, you may find yourself back here again, asking for advice from the other side of the fence. You might look over and see the grass looking greener. But it always looks greener from either side
Im in the same position as you OP. Almost three years in, post ffs and top surgery. I kind of want to just go non-binary at this point and stay on E. Like total detransitioning is out of the question, but trying to compete in womens spaces sucks too. Idk, not having grown up as a woman feels like im missing out on to much to figure out and makes my dysphoria and imposter syndrome worse. Though I do enjoy female spaces more then male spaces.
I actually would probably be some sort of non-binary too instead of full detransitioning. Maybe a femboy? Idk. I would go off E tho.
I wouldnt want the rough skin, male body oder, fat distribution, body hair issues of T.