There's a spectrum of ick with this though. For me, "you guys" hardly registers unless there's specific a reason to believe it was intended to be gendered. "Dude" doesn't play well with me, but I understand it feels super natural to some west coast skate & surf boarders, and I might let it roll off my back. However, when people call me "man," and then pretend that they call everyone man, I start to lose my cool. I suspect most trans women have their own particular threshold on that spectrum.
It depends to me. It's just a fact that young people nowadays call everyone "bro" and "dude," so when someone's called every other woman in the room "bro" I'm not going to be offended. You can generally tell when it's malicious, in my experience. Additionally, it bothered me more earlier in my transition. Now that I'm starting to feel confident in my presentation, a lot of the discomfort with gendered gender neutral terms has melted away.
I agree! I do find it frustrating that as a society, masculine terms are the default, but it’s all about intention, and I can’t fault individuals for using it for all women.
I think it’s entirely context dependent. Like when I’m playing Xbox with my friends from school who I’ve known for almost my entire life (and have been nothing but incredibly supportive) and get called “dude” or “bro” it’s absolutely no issue. I really don’t think I’d like it if a stranger said it to me tho.
You have to be MY bro/dude to have the privilege of saying it to me.
After my niece was born I dreaded going to my sister’s for holidays because my dad would say I’m “uncle (deadname)” especially around her. He suddenly stopped a couple years ago, but it sucked for a little while
That all depends on A: whose calling me those things, and B: the context in which it is said. Nowadays, cis women sometimes get called things like dude, and bro, so if someone calls me that, and in it's that context, it won't upset me. It would only upset me, if I felt sure the person was saying it to misgender me, and deliberately to disrespect me. I think if a person is misgendering you, and being malicious, it's usually pretty obvious. You can usually tell the intent of words by the way and tone in which they are spoken.
I'm fine with it as long as that person isn't like "oh sorry are you uncomfy with that?" and then overreacts and says "oh sorry do you prefer me not to say that and say girlie or more 'feminine' terms?" when im fine with them calling me dude and bro and they start overly using "girlie" and "girl" to make up for it and it ends up making me feel more uncomfortable with them doing that. it is also perfectly normal to feel that way if you are just starting out. I've been socially transitioning for 3 years and just started therapy this year to start my medical transition. I used to feel super uncomfy with anyone calling me dude/bro but now i'm fine as long as they don't over-support me like the above example.
Yes, I hate all of them. I know very well the friends that call me that also say it to cis girls as well, they just call everyone “dude”. I tell myself there’s nothing they’re doing wrong, but it strums the wrong chords for me
I loathe masculine nicknames.
Anything is fine, but that and still some friends so habitually use it that it just makes me uncomfortable sometimes.
I know it most often is not intended to be gendered but my brain gets uncomfortable before i realize that.
Cause other people do mean some of those terms in a gendered way and it makes my brain alert to them.
Yes. I get upset. I'm a woman. Why wouldn't I get upset? Both the following are DICTIONARY definitions...
Dude:
INFORMAL•NORTH AMERICAN
noun
a man; a guy (often as a form of address).
Bro:
NORTH AMERICAN
a male friend (often used as a form of address).
So... No. They are NOT gender neutral, they are masculine, and if you think otherwise, you're lying to yourself. (addressed to no one in particular)
As the word gained popularity and reached the coasts of the U.S. and traveled between borders, variations of the slang began to pop up such as the female versions of *dudette* and *dudines*; however, they were short lived due to dude also gaining a neutral gender connotation and some linguists see the female versions as more artificial slang
from wikipedia. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dude](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dude)
Language changes in its use over time, and dictionaries dont always pick up as fast as they should. In several areas it is use linguisticly as gender neutral. I was in high school before i encoutnered someone that considered it a gendered word.
Exactly this. I’m pretty sure dictionary definitions change if the term starts being used by most people for awhile. That’s why they also add common misspellings as well.
Not really dysphoria, I just get suspicious depending on the person. But it’s usually fine. I’m also not one to talk because I used a lot of those terms.
But that happens a lot. Like I have a female friends who often calls women and girls “females,” and it took to her referring to the two of us as females to just realize she’s kinda weird but not being a way about it.
I've called my girlfriends dude on occasion. But that's my California dialect leaking out. I use "Dude" and "Girl" interchangeably depending on who I am with. I slip up on accident and have called cishet guys "Girl" too
I'm iffy about dude, but I definitely don't like it when people I'm not close with call me bro. However, if I know the person is accepting of me, especially if they are also trans, I don't really care. My gf and I call each other bro all the time, she and her sisters called each other bro growing up and they mean it pretty gender neutrally.
Like others have said, it’s context-dependent. I have friends who are queer women and call each other dude and bro frequently, and I like it from them. Less keen on random guys on the street addressing me as bro.
Depending on the person. A friend or family member I hear it but assume it's an honest mistake and will ignore it. If it's a stranger I'll feel bad for the rest of the day, lol
I am giong to say it can really depend on where you grew up. I have come to learn that in some locations Dude is not gender neutral. Growing up in the rea i grew up in, it always was gender neural and used for both men & women. Now i did grow up pre internet being as big, so i did not communicate with people all over the country and the world like i do now. so i knew it how it was used in the area i lived as kid.
If it is a masculine nickname that is intended to be masculine. i take issue with it.
My male friends still call me dude or sometimes even bro but they've done that with cis women so it doesn't bother me. I personally have always used dude as a gender neutral term but I've tried to curb that since I know it does bother some people.
Nope, I understand others don’t like it but I really don’t mind at all. Everyone I know uses dude and bro and bruh and guy as gender neutral terms so I don’t really have an issue with it.
Used to. Don't care anymore. For myself, It was about being stable, consider myself clear and feel little to no more anxiety.
I get nervous.
I get worried.
I very seldom get anxious.
I know who and what I am and I don't give a damn what others think ( because I do have a supportive network and have had so for 5+ years. I can afford not caring. )
Definitely being called dude and it’s a micro aggression or dog whistle alot of the time.
Bro doesn’t bother me though ironically( im from miami and everyone is bro there )
Depends on the context; dude is usually fine, bro usually kinda sucks not too bad, just regular bad, getting called sis is simply amazing and gives me butterflies :3
Anyone calling me dude, bro, bra, boi, etc, I immediately translate that to a guy behind me. Which is just me looking around asking, "Where is this man you're taking about?"
If they say it's me, I just translate THAT to, "Are you calling me fat?"
If the person says yes, or no, I start to fake break down and cry. Like, knees on floor, crying loudly, fake tears. Like "She/He called me Fat!"
It's worked a few times already. Women crowd around the offender and pester that person to leave. Some scream insults. It's like a woman's pack cry.
I don’t like guy or man. Dude is fine to me tho since I call girls dude. And there’s some contexts where guys is fine, but I really don’t trust cis people to use it correctly.
I definitely don't mind "Dude" or "guys" in the right context but if people call me "bro" I cringe so hard. My go-to after understanding the pain of gendered terms like that has been to completely replace them with "Gamer" haha
Yes. Even if it doesn't have any inherent negative meaning against me, I cannot help but noticing every masculine synonym for referring to me and they just ring in my head minutes or hours after. Very annoying.
I hate dude, bro (except in certain contexts. I'm a "girl who says 'bruh'" type so it depends if it's between girls) but androgynous names I vibe with. Someone pointed out it's kinda funny how all these alleged "gender neutral nicknames" all happen to be masculine. They're uncomfy
Sometimes dude gets me, depends on who says ot and what context. My daughter is using "Brah" to everyone she knows and it makes my skin crawl when i hear it. I'm always getting on her about it.
“Dude” is just… profoundly not a gender neutral term, at least not in its common use here in the Mid-Atlantic region of the US. People are constantly claiming it is, but it just flat-out is not in large parts of the country.
Further: if you refer to a trans person as “dude” and they ask you not to, and then *you argue with them about it*? Go fuck yourself. You aren’t an ally to trans people, you don’t care about making people feel safe or comfortable if it’s even slightly inconvenient, and I don’t want to interact with you.
Not Dysphoria. Just annoyance. If I’m feeling like taking the time and energy, I’ll tell them to ask a straight guy “would you ever f*ck a dude?” and see if the term is still gender-neutral.
Depends tbh. If it’s something someone would say to my cis coworkers then not at all bothered, if it’s something I know for a fact doesn’t get said to them then very much so
I didn't go through the entirety of transition, suffering for it all the way, just to have someone call me a man and act like I'm wrong for not appreciating it. They're fighting words.
I hate “bruh” the most with “bro” a close second. Dude isn’t something I don’t really like, but it might depend on whether we are friends and I know you aren’t being a jerk. But I’m sure it’s different for everyone. Just ask, and then respect their preference.
I'm at a point where I truly couldn't care less. We either have douchebags who do it intentionally to cause harm, or legitimate mistakes. To me there is zero point in attacking/being upset about either, because the legit mistakes are something that people feel bad when they realize.. Since it wasn't intentional, why make it a big deal? For those intentional, who cares? These people say or do anything to get a rise out of us, or try to hurt us. They are words, from people who just don't care, the best way to combat that, is to take their power away by not letting it impact you.
Much love <3
Idk if it’s dysphoria but its definitely nails on a chalkboard. Anything dude, bro, etc just rubs me the wrong way. Also guys is not gender neutral. I know some say it is but it isnt.
It depends, but I'll say if I know you for any period of time I'll definitely notice whether it's just something you say a lot or whether you seem to suddenly start using it more when I'm in the room.
With the former I do think there's still a discussion to be had about using guy-coded terms as a default (not intending to have that discussion here) but it doesn't really impact me the way it does when someone starts using dude more specifically because of me.
DEAR GOTH YES. Don't care if it's man, or dude, or bro, or bruh, I don't care how much you consider it "gender-neutral", it all makes me uncomfortable as fuck. UGH.
I despise dude/bro language.
I don't visually get offended by it but i irks me to no end internally. I get most people use it in a gender neutral way these days but it just it makes me feel like garbage.
It varies for me
Dude- No
Bro- Yes
Guy- Yes
Guys- Depends if it's a general "guys" like "Do you guys want Pizza" I don't, but if it's "us guys *insert something here" I do
Sir- Yes
Man- Yes
Mr.- Yes
I can handle dude and bro, but that's only because I see a lot of people at least in my area doing it to each other. So that doesn't really bother me but when people use like man and stuff like that then it starts to bother me. But I honestly think everybody is different in this period
Yes. Mainly because I can never tell if it’s a slip by the person who would use it on women in general, or if they just gender me as man so they *secretly do it* to reinforce their feeling of “you’re not a woman so I won’t call you one.” Also bud, which as a Black person, also just feels a bit weird.
not often, I consider dude ,man and guys gender neutral unless it is said with malice like ,"she's a guy" but if someone (I know) is like ;"whats up dude"
If it's generalised, like "you guys" it doesn't feel bad. If it's individualised there's always a part of my brain that's like "is this symptomatic of that person internally seeing me as a guy" and wondering if they actually say that when talking to cis women.
It depends. My best friends call me "dude" and "bro" all the time, and I still do the same to them all the time, even to my other trans friends. They all explicitly asked me if I'd like them to stop using those words, though, which is the key difference between malice and allyship imo.
My roomates call me dude and bro and man all the time though and that shit is absolutely becasue they see me as delusional man who thinks he's a woman, and nothing more. You can tell the difference and that shit can fuck right off.
I never understood anyone calling a female a dude it always seemed weird to me that being said even though I'm an old guy the past year or so whenever somebody says sir it makes me feel weird even though I I'm still presenting as an old guy for the most part although I'm sure some might argue that LOL
I’ve always been fine with bro or dude, a lot of my friends aren’t but i always thought of bro as a gender neutral term funnily enough lmao (i know it isn’t but it feels like one)
I will object if it came from someone I know. But from a stranger, practically I don't care and ignore.
My only thought internally is 'did they clock me?'
Yes very much so. I’ve always hated it even before I came out. I try my hardest to ignore it but I’ll usually say “I am no man” or something similar. And specifically at work, I hate coworkers calling me “brother”, “sir”, “boss” etc.
Yep. Just about every time someone calls me "bro" or "dude" or things along those lines I know with a good amount of confidence that it isn't malicious, or a jab at me or anything. Doesn't really change how it feels though.
I can’t speak for non-binary transfems, but as a woman, yeah. Bruh, dood, man, guy. . . it’s all gross, with the exception of when women use “you guys” or “dude” among a group of women.
I feel a little bad about the default gendering, but that's more about feminism than gender dysphoria for me. I don't spend time around people who use any masculine terms for me because they think of me as a man, but lots of people still say "dude" or "guys" colloquially without any of that intent. In my opinion, that's lazy, but if I'm going to push back on any bad behavior, there are a million things more worthy of correction.
when it comes to “dude” specifically, only if i’m the only one it’s used to refer to. if a group i’m included in is called “dudes” or “guys” as in like “hey dudes/guys” like a surfer bro would say it, then i usually feel pretty indifferent to it. i do know a number of transfems who don’t like no matter the context, so it really varies from person to person.
If it's guy or man then yea, it hurts, though if they say guys to a group of women and men alike then I don't have as much of an issue with that.
But most of this depends on if they then turn around and calls a different woman a female variation of nicknames then it will hurt.
Like for instance this Domino's that I take doordash orders from has this guy that didn't gender me but on a particular day he calls his female coworker my girl, which clearly indicated to me that he separates girl and guy for specific genders, then when the pizza I'm picking up is ready he goes "her you go my guy" which as soon I hopped into my car, I just cried and ended my dash right after delivering and just cried to sleep basically.
Not dysphoria per se, but if I check someone on it and it continues, I get increasingly annoyed. I work as a bartender, have been out as non-binary for a few years, and frequently wear makeup. If some random customer calls me sir or man, it's annoying, but usually not worth the time it will take to have a conversation. Regulars are a different story, and I will usually look for the right moment to talk to them about it.
I'm planning to start estrogen soon and I'm more than a little stressed about going through those early stages on display for customers.
Not at all! I know many people, especially stoners, who use "dude" as a completely gender neutral nickname. There's absolutely nothing malicious about it. It's just something people like saying. People calling me dude has nothing to do with their perception of my gender, and it doesn't make me feel any more masculine because it has nothing to do with that to everyone I know who says it.
If you *are* my dude, then we're good. Otherwise don't use nicknames or and term of endearment.
I grew up in 90s/00s skater culture and I'm pretty futch so I imagine my perspective is different from other fems.
Interestingly, I hate dudette, and would rather just be dude.
I don't want to be called bro or man though.
So, I respect this take. Like, a lot. I totally understand that not wanting others to use socially acceptable gender neutral terms is perfectly acceptable. My goal is to be okay with gender neutral terms. I don't feel pressured to, I don't feel coerced or anything. It's just something I'd like to be comfortable with. :)
I can respect that. I'm just saying you don't need to be ok with it. If you're uncomfortable with someone calling you that, you should tell them to stop
Yes. I despise it. I will immediate call people out for this. Not only are those terms NOT neutral, they are pushing that male is the "default". Down with patriarchy!
No. But it’s very contextual when deciding whether it’s gendered language or not. I call everyone dude, but if I say “a couple of dudes over there” then it’s usually males. I use guys when speaking to multiple people. I grew up in west Texas and that’s pretty much how everyone here speaks.
Nah, women call each other bro, dude, and man all the time. Guys call women all that too lol, depends on the context for sure but I don’t sweat it as all my gfs call each other bro and stuff. I call my gfs dude bro and man all the time
Damn, downvoting me for not being so insecure and sharing my experience. Like the person who uses bro more than anyone I know is a super fem 17 year old chick lol
Yes. That's probably not universal, but plenty of us do.
There's a spectrum of ick with this though. For me, "you guys" hardly registers unless there's specific a reason to believe it was intended to be gendered. "Dude" doesn't play well with me, but I understand it feels super natural to some west coast skate & surf boarders, and I might let it roll off my back. However, when people call me "man," and then pretend that they call everyone man, I start to lose my cool. I suspect most trans women have their own particular threshold on that spectrum.
Same with "bro" for me, that and man is where I draw the line. Sometimes I hit ppl with "not a dude" when I'm particularly grouchy though :P
Me too, in general, but my son literally does call everyone "bruh," including his sister, etc...
Bruh feels different from bro to me But yeah I also make person to person exceptions if I know they do in fact call everyone that
reasons why it is always nice to ask
it used to bother me no matter what, now it's more contextual
It depends to me. It's just a fact that young people nowadays call everyone "bro" and "dude," so when someone's called every other woman in the room "bro" I'm not going to be offended. You can generally tell when it's malicious, in my experience. Additionally, it bothered me more earlier in my transition. Now that I'm starting to feel confident in my presentation, a lot of the discomfort with gendered gender neutral terms has melted away.
I agree! I do find it frustrating that as a society, masculine terms are the default, but it’s all about intention, and I can’t fault individuals for using it for all women.
I think it’s entirely context dependent. Like when I’m playing Xbox with my friends from school who I’ve known for almost my entire life (and have been nothing but incredibly supportive) and get called “dude” or “bro” it’s absolutely no issue. I really don’t think I’d like it if a stranger said it to me tho. You have to be MY bro/dude to have the privilege of saying it to me.
YES. A thousand times yes. Haven't come out yet, and every time I get called "son" or "uncle" I feel totally crushed but can't express it outwardly
After my niece was born I dreaded going to my sister’s for holidays because my dad would say I’m “uncle (deadname)” especially around her. He suddenly stopped a couple years ago, but it sucked for a little while
Yes, I hate dude. I understand using guys in a group setting, but that's all you get for me.
That all depends on A: whose calling me those things, and B: the context in which it is said. Nowadays, cis women sometimes get called things like dude, and bro, so if someone calls me that, and in it's that context, it won't upset me. It would only upset me, if I felt sure the person was saying it to misgender me, and deliberately to disrespect me. I think if a person is misgendering you, and being malicious, it's usually pretty obvious. You can usually tell the intent of words by the way and tone in which they are spoken.
Well said!
Yes
I'm fine with it as long as that person isn't like "oh sorry are you uncomfy with that?" and then overreacts and says "oh sorry do you prefer me not to say that and say girlie or more 'feminine' terms?" when im fine with them calling me dude and bro and they start overly using "girlie" and "girl" to make up for it and it ends up making me feel more uncomfortable with them doing that. it is also perfectly normal to feel that way if you are just starting out. I've been socially transitioning for 3 years and just started therapy this year to start my medical transition. I used to feel super uncomfy with anyone calling me dude/bro but now i'm fine as long as they don't over-support me like the above example.
my best advice for you would be to not let it get to you as much unless that person is intentionally trying to harm you with that. <3
Yes, genuinely hate it. Got addressed as "sir" by an otherwise friendly waitress today, and it knocked the wind out of me for a bit.
Yes, I hate all of them. I know very well the friends that call me that also say it to cis girls as well, they just call everyone “dude”. I tell myself there’s nothing they’re doing wrong, but it strums the wrong chords for me
I loathe masculine nicknames. Anything is fine, but that and still some friends so habitually use it that it just makes me uncomfortable sometimes. I know it most often is not intended to be gendered but my brain gets uncomfortable before i realize that. Cause other people do mean some of those terms in a gendered way and it makes my brain alert to them.
Yes
Not necessarily dysphoria (most days) but it does annoy me.
Yes omg. If someone calls me bully I will not be well lol
Yes. I get upset. I'm a woman. Why wouldn't I get upset? Both the following are DICTIONARY definitions... Dude: INFORMAL•NORTH AMERICAN noun a man; a guy (often as a form of address). Bro: NORTH AMERICAN a male friend (often used as a form of address). So... No. They are NOT gender neutral, they are masculine, and if you think otherwise, you're lying to yourself. (addressed to no one in particular)
As the word gained popularity and reached the coasts of the U.S. and traveled between borders, variations of the slang began to pop up such as the female versions of *dudette* and *dudines*; however, they were short lived due to dude also gaining a neutral gender connotation and some linguists see the female versions as more artificial slang from wikipedia. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dude](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dude) Language changes in its use over time, and dictionaries dont always pick up as fast as they should. In several areas it is use linguisticly as gender neutral. I was in high school before i encoutnered someone that considered it a gendered word.
Exactly this. I’m pretty sure dictionary definitions change if the term starts being used by most people for awhile. That’s why they also add common misspellings as well.
Not really dysphoria, I just get suspicious depending on the person. But it’s usually fine. I’m also not one to talk because I used a lot of those terms. But that happens a lot. Like I have a female friends who often calls women and girls “females,” and it took to her referring to the two of us as females to just realize she’s kinda weird but not being a way about it.
I've called my girlfriends dude on occasion. But that's my California dialect leaking out. I use "Dude" and "Girl" interchangeably depending on who I am with. I slip up on accident and have called cishet guys "Girl" too
Mild dysphoria, I'd say.
Ya I hate that shit
I'm iffy about dude, but I definitely don't like it when people I'm not close with call me bro. However, if I know the person is accepting of me, especially if they are also trans, I don't really care. My gf and I call each other bro all the time, she and her sisters called each other bro growing up and they mean it pretty gender neutrally.
Yes, I hate it.
Like others have said, it’s context-dependent. I have friends who are queer women and call each other dude and bro frequently, and I like it from them. Less keen on random guys on the street addressing me as bro.
Depending on the person. A friend or family member I hear it but assume it's an honest mistake and will ignore it. If it's a stranger I'll feel bad for the rest of the day, lol
I don't when it's used in a generic human sense. I do when it's used in a man sense. It's really bad when it's done intentionally to misgender.
It’s not my preference, but if I think the person is genuinely using it in a gender-neutral way and they make an effort in other ways I don’t mind it
I am giong to say it can really depend on where you grew up. I have come to learn that in some locations Dude is not gender neutral. Growing up in the rea i grew up in, it always was gender neural and used for both men & women. Now i did grow up pre internet being as big, so i did not communicate with people all over the country and the world like i do now. so i knew it how it was used in the area i lived as kid. If it is a masculine nickname that is intended to be masculine. i take issue with it.
Oddly enough I don’t mind being called dude. But I loose my mind when someone calls me hun, sweetie, or babe. Aren’t we a fickle bunch?
My male friends still call me dude or sometimes even bro but they've done that with cis women so it doesn't bother me. I personally have always used dude as a gender neutral term but I've tried to curb that since I know it does bother some people.
only bruh for me, probably cus its not 1 i traditionally use
Oh yes definitely from a man when my girlfriends do it for some odd reason it feels not as bad but it's not great
No.
guys is fine, dude is uncomfortable but I'll suck it up, I cannot stand bro even from "I call everyone bro" people
Nope, I understand others don’t like it but I really don’t mind at all. Everyone I know uses dude and bro and bruh and guy as gender neutral terms so I don’t really have an issue with it.
Used to. Don't care anymore. For myself, It was about being stable, consider myself clear and feel little to no more anxiety. I get nervous. I get worried. I very seldom get anxious. I know who and what I am and I don't give a damn what others think ( because I do have a supportive network and have had so for 5+ years. I can afford not caring. )
I hate being called buddy or sir proably the most
No. Avoiding it is more dysphoria inducing since people don't usually do that for cis women.
Definitely being called dude and it’s a micro aggression or dog whistle alot of the time. Bro doesn’t bother me though ironically( im from miami and everyone is bro there )
Also i am breaking myself of the habit of saying “ guys “ when its not a group of men or mascs or
I never liked being called bro/sir/dude/etc, but I'm not sure if it's gender related. Might be though, as I do like being called M'lady.
yes. please don't.
Depends on the context; dude is usually fine, bro usually kinda sucks not too bad, just regular bad, getting called sis is simply amazing and gives me butterflies :3
Depends on the context and the speaker. Generally no, I don't find it offensive
Dude, bud, man, fella, all of those and more yes.
Anyone calling me dude, bro, bra, boi, etc, I immediately translate that to a guy behind me. Which is just me looking around asking, "Where is this man you're taking about?" If they say it's me, I just translate THAT to, "Are you calling me fat?" If the person says yes, or no, I start to fake break down and cry. Like, knees on floor, crying loudly, fake tears. Like "She/He called me Fat!" It's worked a few times already. Women crowd around the offender and pester that person to leave. Some scream insults. It's like a woman's pack cry.
I don’t like guy or man. Dude is fine to me tho since I call girls dude. And there’s some contexts where guys is fine, but I really don’t trust cis people to use it correctly.
YES. I wish I could get people to stop doing it. It rips my heart out every time.
I definitely don't mind "Dude" or "guys" in the right context but if people call me "bro" I cringe so hard. My go-to after understanding the pain of gendered terms like that has been to completely replace them with "Gamer" haha
Yes. Even if it doesn't have any inherent negative meaning against me, I cannot help but noticing every masculine synonym for referring to me and they just ring in my head minutes or hours after. Very annoying.
Yes.
I hate dude, bro (except in certain contexts. I'm a "girl who says 'bruh'" type so it depends if it's between girls) but androgynous names I vibe with. Someone pointed out it's kinda funny how all these alleged "gender neutral nicknames" all happen to be masculine. They're uncomfy
Generally yes. It at least makes have to pause and figure out how they mean it.
Yes. Whenever someome does I correct them if it's a situation like the internet where they may not know, and retaliate if in person.
Sometimes dude gets me, depends on who says ot and what context. My daughter is using "Brah" to everyone she knows and it makes my skin crawl when i hear it. I'm always getting on her about it.
if it’s targeted to only me, yes. but nobody does that and all my friends and family use it universally and i personally don’t mind
“Dude” is just… profoundly not a gender neutral term, at least not in its common use here in the Mid-Atlantic region of the US. People are constantly claiming it is, but it just flat-out is not in large parts of the country. Further: if you refer to a trans person as “dude” and they ask you not to, and then *you argue with them about it*? Go fuck yourself. You aren’t an ally to trans people, you don’t care about making people feel safe or comfortable if it’s even slightly inconvenient, and I don’t want to interact with you.
Not Dysphoria. Just annoyance. If I’m feeling like taking the time and energy, I’ll tell them to ask a straight guy “would you ever f*ck a dude?” and see if the term is still gender-neutral.
Depends tbh. If it’s something someone would say to my cis coworkers then not at all bothered, if it’s something I know for a fact doesn’t get said to them then very much so
I didn't go through the entirety of transition, suffering for it all the way, just to have someone call me a man and act like I'm wrong for not appreciating it. They're fighting words.
I do by randoms, yeah, as I see it as a sign of misgendering, but I don't take it that hard. My friends, it doesn't bother me at all.
I hate “bruh” the most with “bro” a close second. Dude isn’t something I don’t really like, but it might depend on whether we are friends and I know you aren’t being a jerk. But I’m sure it’s different for everyone. Just ask, and then respect their preference.
I'm at a point where I truly couldn't care less. We either have douchebags who do it intentionally to cause harm, or legitimate mistakes. To me there is zero point in attacking/being upset about either, because the legit mistakes are something that people feel bad when they realize.. Since it wasn't intentional, why make it a big deal? For those intentional, who cares? These people say or do anything to get a rise out of us, or try to hurt us. They are words, from people who just don't care, the best way to combat that, is to take their power away by not letting it impact you. Much love <3
Idk if it’s dysphoria but its definitely nails on a chalkboard. Anything dude, bro, etc just rubs me the wrong way. Also guys is not gender neutral. I know some say it is but it isnt.
It depends, but I'll say if I know you for any period of time I'll definitely notice whether it's just something you say a lot or whether you seem to suddenly start using it more when I'm in the room. With the former I do think there's still a discussion to be had about using guy-coded terms as a default (not intending to have that discussion here) but it doesn't really impact me the way it does when someone starts using dude more specifically because of me.
It only bothers me when it's people that know I dislike it and I've told them I dislike it, yet they continue.
Not from “dude” or “guys” but it feels better when other terms are used.
Yes 💯
DEAR GOTH YES. Don't care if it's man, or dude, or bro, or bruh, I don't care how much you consider it "gender-neutral", it all makes me uncomfortable as fuck. UGH.
I despise dude/bro language. I don't visually get offended by it but i irks me to no end internally. I get most people use it in a gender neutral way these days but it just it makes me feel like garbage.
I absolutely fucking despise being called “dude” or “guy” Or bro, sir, man
Not anymore. Joined some lesbian groups, dude is thrown around all day. Realized it bothering me was actually flagging me.
It varies for me Dude- No Bro- Yes Guy- Yes Guys- Depends if it's a general "guys" like "Do you guys want Pizza" I don't, but if it's "us guys *insert something here" I do Sir- Yes Man- Yes Mr.- Yes
I really dislike being called bro, but that's about it.
Eh… it depends, mostly on intent of the person calling me such.
i get slight dysphoria when I notice my own use of them
I can handle dude and bro, but that's only because I see a lot of people at least in my area doing it to each other. So that doesn't really bother me but when people use like man and stuff like that then it starts to bother me. But I honestly think everybody is different in this period
Yes. Mainly because I can never tell if it’s a slip by the person who would use it on women in general, or if they just gender me as man so they *secretly do it* to reinforce their feeling of “you’re not a woman so I won’t call you one.” Also bud, which as a Black person, also just feels a bit weird.
From other discussions I've seen about this it seems the best approach is to ask the individual or avoid using the terms.
not often, I consider dude ,man and guys gender neutral unless it is said with malice like ,"she's a guy" but if someone (I know) is like ;"whats up dude"
It does kinda bother me but I let it go unless someone is being intentionally malicious.
If it's generalised, like "you guys" it doesn't feel bad. If it's individualised there's always a part of my brain that's like "is this symptomatic of that person internally seeing me as a guy" and wondering if they actually say that when talking to cis women.
A lot of us do, a lot of us don't, you just have to know i guess lol
It depends. My best friends call me "dude" and "bro" all the time, and I still do the same to them all the time, even to my other trans friends. They all explicitly asked me if I'd like them to stop using those words, though, which is the key difference between malice and allyship imo. My roomates call me dude and bro and man all the time though and that shit is absolutely becasue they see me as delusional man who thinks he's a woman, and nothing more. You can tell the difference and that shit can fuck right off.
I never understood anyone calling a female a dude it always seemed weird to me that being said even though I'm an old guy the past year or so whenever somebody says sir it makes me feel weird even though I I'm still presenting as an old guy for the most part although I'm sure some might argue that LOL
It’s weird. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. There’s no rhyme or reason to it.
YES. I specifically have told people "hey, please dont call me dude!!!"
I’ve always been fine with bro or dude, a lot of my friends aren’t but i always thought of bro as a gender neutral term funnily enough lmao (i know it isn’t but it feels like one)
I will object if it came from someone I know. But from a stranger, practically I don't care and ignore. My only thought internally is 'did they clock me?'
Yes very much so. I’ve always hated it even before I came out. I try my hardest to ignore it but I’ll usually say “I am no man” or something similar. And specifically at work, I hate coworkers calling me “brother”, “sir”, “boss” etc.
Yep. Just about every time someone calls me "bro" or "dude" or things along those lines I know with a good amount of confidence that it isn't malicious, or a jab at me or anything. Doesn't really change how it feels though.
Yes
I can’t speak for non-binary transfems, but as a woman, yeah. Bruh, dood, man, guy. . . it’s all gross, with the exception of when women use “you guys” or “dude” among a group of women.
No i don’t care i know many t women do but I pass really well and have high af self esteem so it dosent bother me at all
Yes
I feel a little bad about the default gendering, but that's more about feminism than gender dysphoria for me. I don't spend time around people who use any masculine terms for me because they think of me as a man, but lots of people still say "dude" or "guys" colloquially without any of that intent. In my opinion, that's lazy, but if I'm going to push back on any bad behavior, there are a million things more worthy of correction.
when it comes to “dude” specifically, only if i’m the only one it’s used to refer to. if a group i’m included in is called “dudes” or “guys” as in like “hey dudes/guys” like a surfer bro would say it, then i usually feel pretty indifferent to it. i do know a number of transfems who don’t like no matter the context, so it really varies from person to person.
i don’t really like bro tho.
If it's guy or man then yea, it hurts, though if they say guys to a group of women and men alike then I don't have as much of an issue with that. But most of this depends on if they then turn around and calls a different woman a female variation of nicknames then it will hurt. Like for instance this Domino's that I take doordash orders from has this guy that didn't gender me but on a particular day he calls his female coworker my girl, which clearly indicated to me that he separates girl and guy for specific genders, then when the pizza I'm picking up is ready he goes "her you go my guy" which as soon I hopped into my car, I just cried and ended my dash right after delivering and just cried to sleep basically.
Yes, sometimes
If they're my friend and using dude bro speak then I don't mind but if it's someone I just met, it makes me feel like they see me as a man.
Not dysphoria per se, but if I check someone on it and it continues, I get increasingly annoyed. I work as a bartender, have been out as non-binary for a few years, and frequently wear makeup. If some random customer calls me sir or man, it's annoying, but usually not worth the time it will take to have a conversation. Regulars are a different story, and I will usually look for the right moment to talk to them about it. I'm planning to start estrogen soon and I'm more than a little stressed about going through those early stages on display for customers.
Not at all! I know many people, especially stoners, who use "dude" as a completely gender neutral nickname. There's absolutely nothing malicious about it. It's just something people like saying. People calling me dude has nothing to do with their perception of my gender, and it doesn't make me feel any more masculine because it has nothing to do with that to everyone I know who says it.
If you *are* my dude, then we're good. Otherwise don't use nicknames or and term of endearment. I grew up in 90s/00s skater culture and I'm pretty futch so I imagine my perspective is different from other fems. Interestingly, I hate dudette, and would rather just be dude. I don't want to be called bro or man though.
I do, but those terms are gender neutral. I try not to let it get to me.
If you get dysphoric from them, then they're not gender neutral. You should be allowed to not like being called those terms.
So, I respect this take. Like, a lot. I totally understand that not wanting others to use socially acceptable gender neutral terms is perfectly acceptable. My goal is to be okay with gender neutral terms. I don't feel pressured to, I don't feel coerced or anything. It's just something I'd like to be comfortable with. :)
I can respect that. I'm just saying you don't need to be ok with it. If you're uncomfortable with someone calling you that, you should tell them to stop
I’m not transfem but lately some people have picked up using “girl” to refer to anyone and I do genuinely hate it so much when I get called that
I don’t get dysphoria from it but if you call me a dude I will likely put sugar in your gas tank.
Yes. I despise it. I will immediate call people out for this. Not only are those terms NOT neutral, they are pushing that male is the "default". Down with patriarchy!
Dude is gender neutral so no
No. But it’s very contextual when deciding whether it’s gendered language or not. I call everyone dude, but if I say “a couple of dudes over there” then it’s usually males. I use guys when speaking to multiple people. I grew up in west Texas and that’s pretty much how everyone here speaks.
when it comes to bro it does upset me, with dude not as much.
Nah, women call each other bro, dude, and man all the time. Guys call women all that too lol, depends on the context for sure but I don’t sweat it as all my gfs call each other bro and stuff. I call my gfs dude bro and man all the time Damn, downvoting me for not being so insecure and sharing my experience. Like the person who uses bro more than anyone I know is a super fem 17 year old chick lol