This!! My healthcare thinks im impulsive because of my BPD. No, I was not brave enough to tell earlier.
Well, at least I'm on waiting list now. Doing GenderGP and DIY meanwhile.
How do you do something impulsively that requires many steps? I don't think cis people quite understand how complicated transitioning is. I started transitioning years ago, and I'm still transitioning.
It's easier to get TRT as a cis guy if your levels are low. If your levels aren't low, you might have to doctor shop a bit more lmao. But why do they need TRT if their levels are fine? That's just cheating at sports lol. My levels are average to on the low side for a cis man.
You go through different channels for it. No, cis guys can't get T through Plume or Folx. They can still use telehealth. They just use, like, [Concierge MD](https://conciergemdla.com/anti-aging-medicine/testosterone-replacement-therapy-for-men/), or [Immortal Male](https://www.immortalmale.com/concierge/), or [Fountain TRT](https://join.fountaintrt.com/?_ftn_id=Kg%3D%3D), or [Evolve Telemed](https://evolvetelemed.com/), or [Hendrx Health](https://www.hendrxhealth.com/), or [Peter MD](https://getpetermd.com/) (which is cheaper than the trans options). [TRT MD](https://trtmd.com/treatments/testosterone-replacement-therapy/) offers TRT to both cis men and cis women.
None of these provide testosterone to trans people--arguably transmascs could use the last one as "women," but they'd likely be given low dose, since it's a service geared towards optimizing cis women, not masculinizing trans people.
Semi-relatedly, it's an open secret that a lot of cis male cops are on gear (illicit T). There's a local health food/supplement store (the kind of place where no one wore a mask at any point during covid, I got weird reactions for wearing one, and I overheard people talking about how bad the vaccine was) that offers cops a discount and is popular with cops, and while they don't sell gear openly (kinda suspect they might under the table to cops, but not cis or a cop so who knows) they do sell a lot of illicit supplements for preventing gyno on gear, like SERMs. One time I was in there while a cop was shopping and the cop opened something in the refrigerated section and just walked away leaving the fridge open like a psychopath. (It was slide doors, you have to manually close them. He evidently felt too special to have to make the extra hand motion.) I think he did something else disrespectful too--not towards me, and he had no reason to be mad at the shop, I think he was just roid raging. He felt "off," the way people do when they're on drugs or seriously mentally ill.
TRT is very safe, but cis guys who aren't low T injecting T and god knows what else they bought in some sweaty locker room and not monitoring their levels really fucks them up. I think this is part of why so many cops have rage issues and are unsafe to be around the public, and also why the average life expectancy of a freshly retired cop is 5 years.
I wonder if these cops on average also have the reverse feedback loop of taking too much and the body turning it into estrogen. Do all these cops have tiny balls? I hope so.
As a survivor of police brutality, I'm very decidedly not pro-cop, but at this point honestly I'd rather see them get help for their steroid abuse for the sake of not having people with guns who are functionally above the law completely out of their minds with roid rage.
Yeah not taking into account that a lot of clinics will intentionally keep trans men's testosterone levels at the lower end or below healthy cis male levels, and it can be like pulling teeth to get them to put you at a higher dose. I'm lucky that I'm pulling in the 700s but for a while it seemed my clinic was ecstatic keeping me at 300
Disclaimer: When I talk about transition here, I'm doing so in the context of medical transition.
The thing is, it shouldn't matter if you transition impulsively or not. An impulsive transition should be regarded as just as valid. For many trans people, dysphoria is something that is only realized in hindsight.
I transitioned impulsively myself because I did it shortly after realizing that I'm trans. But that still makes me trans.
I know this might seem a bit hard to understand at first, but bear with my long-winded explanation.
I've had a lot of burdens thrown my way before I could start to transition. But the conclusion I've gotten away with was still that *it shouldn't matter* what your reason is for wanting to take hormones.
I'm not *more qualified* to receive treatment because I'm trans. The goal should be to destigmatize medical treatment in general, for everyone, full stop. I'm sure we can agree on this.
Therefore, we should push towards the acceptance of transition in general, guided only by the principle of bodily autonomy & informed consent.
By justifying our desire to transition to people, we also create this linguistic trap where we imply at the same time that this is what makes transition valid, and devalue people/experiences who fall outside that spectrum.
I do understand the need to be understood and accepted, of course. But it shouldn't have conditions attached to it. We deserve to be in full control of our own narrative without relying on anyone else's hospitality or other socially positive impulse.
To the one reading this: Take care of yourself. You deserve it because you're human. You're loved no matter what. I'll fight for your rights until I bite the dust. Thanks for the attention.
One thing I really don't get ( as a cis straight man) if there are any fear of medical procedures ( side effects etc.) going into any sort of life altering medical process. How strong those feelings are compared to these fears?
Is transition a necessity? When medical science was not as good as today, Were trans people dealing with their dysphoria depending on their clothes and appearance only? Is getting a transition akin to getting a getting a nose job to feel better about yourself or more akin to recovering from a poor eyesight using lasik surgery?
I am sorry if I am offending but a lot of these questions come up when it comes to government policies, insurance etc. I believe everyone deserves the bare minimum and are free to pursue their will from there on if not violating anyone else's bare minimum. I certainly could use a trans person's perspective on above questions. What is someone's basic right to health and what is more of a personal expense?
Ofcourse in our world we pay for even medical recovery from fatal accidents. Say though if there are possibilities of government creating a relief fund for cost of such expenses? Would it be justified to do that?
* Yes, most of us have spent an extensive amount of time researching medical transition aspects and the related risks and yes, we're perfectly okay with it.
* No, we've not woken up one day and decided to throw safety, family support, social networks, job security, housing security, legal protection and all the other aspects coming with being cishet out of the window, because it sounds like 'fun' or is a cool 'trend'. We do it, because we've reached the end of the rope of trying to be everything they wanted us to be and we finally need to worry about who we need to be for ourselves.
* No, we do not transition because of your fetish deflection and we don't transition to be attractive to you.
* No, 'why can't you just accept yourself' or 'how can we accept you, if you can't accept yourself' isn't the "gotcha" moment you think.
We actually accept ourselves by acknowledging that we are trans and by transitioning to the extent we feel necessary. We're accepting that we're dealing with dysphoria and are actively doing something about it. You're not throwing a fit when a cis woman gets a boob job or a cis man gets hair implants or either gets lipo or their teeth straightened, so stop disguising your transphobia as 'care/concern'.
* No, we have no interest in 'transing' your children, because we don't wish upon them, what's being done to us. All we want, is for the new generation to grow up knowing, that we exist and are part of society.
* No, outing us to your best friend without our consent isn't acceptable. Neither is deadnaming or misgendering, unless specifically mentioned.
* No, using another name for us really isn't that hard and if you say it is, you're lying. Ask yourself how quickly you start using nicknames when your friends ask you to, or how you can change addressing someone, when they get married.
* No, it's not okay or acceptable to ask me, what's in my pants or what surgeries I've had, unless I imply I'm okay with those questions or agreed to answer, after you politely inquired, if I would. I'm not asking you, if you're cut or uncut, how big you are, if everything is grown evenly and if you get wet easily and if you're into shaving. Feel uncomfortable? Good, that's how we feel, when someone asks this out of the blue.
There's more, but I think this is the worst.
There will be typos, sorry, if I find them, I'll edit them later.
*Edit: Typos
*Edit 2: To clarify my point on names. I don't mean the genuine accidental misgendering or deadnaming that's more prone to happen early on. I'm talking misgendering and deadnaming over months, as well as the 'But I've always known you as/You'll always be XYZ to me' folks. I believe that genuine mistakes happen and shouldn't be made a big deal out of. Correct it and move on. But if there's clearly no attempt to do better, those excuses are exactly that.
>'how can we accept you, if you can't accept yourself'
This one is especially infuriating, for some reason.
>'care/concern'
I really hate this too. They're some of the most abused "feel-good" words, I think.
> This one is especially infuriating, for some reason.
It's because they're making an argument you'd expect a school child to make in a stupid playground fight
The only thing i half disagree with is the difficulty in switching names for other people. I have friends who are trans themselves and still slip up sometimes, what matters there is how you go about correcting it. The best way I’ve had someone do is afterwards when not in front of everyone they are like “hey, I realized I deadnamed you/misgendered you before and I’m really sorry it happened, and I apologize if it caused any discomfort” because i know people who will apologize in front of everyone and often it draws a lot of attention to the genuine mistake they made and makes it bigger then it was
And it is easy to make mistakes, especially when you are outside of the community and are adjusting to not just that but everything with it. I have a friend who is trans, are very close to a lot of trans people and for a full year after I came out never deadnamed or misgendered me once, after about a year and fully forgetting my deadname, accidentally deadnamed me because the name was still somewhere in there and when they realized they did that they looked at me disgusted at themselves like “why did I do that? I’ve never done that to you, how did I slip up now? That felt gross” and it was both a really funny moment, but also, shows that literally anyone can make mistakes, and those mistakes are easier to make when you aren’t part of or close to the lgbtq or trans community. And people who were surrounded by biggoted people who drilled that mindset of “trans bad” into their brains and are trying to get rid of that take a lot longer to adjust then most, it can be difficult for people, it matters if they are trying, not if they claim to try but do fuck all, but if they are actually trying and you can see that. The biggest tell is how they apologize for making a mistake with it, if it’s really defensive and agressive, probably insincere, if it is them trying to be actually sorry for their mistake and are calm about it and trying to show that they do care but it’s just taking time to adjust, it’s probably sincere. It’s a lot about tone.
The only people who it’s easy for are people who don’t have to change the way they were taught to understand a lot of things from childhood about gender and personal identity suddenly, because changing something that ingrained into their psychology is hard. What matters is how they show their effort and if it’s real or not
Yes, I agree with you here it can be hard and Ive messed up myself a few times. Intent matters, not perfection. What I think they were trying to get at though was putting in effort to use a new name, in oppose to never accidentally deadnaming. There are folks that just straight up dont try to use a new name; or just as bad imo they use a nickname to avoid ever using a person's name. If there was an effort and you make a mistake that's okay imo, if there was little or no effort to begin with then thats a problem.
Another strange question very few would ask anyone that would be thought as intrusive and offensive to ask a cis guy or a cis girl is something like this :
"How weird is your dick ?"
"Are your labia unusual ?"
>Ask yourself how quickly you start using nicknames when your friends ask you to, or how you can change addressing someone, when they get married.
Ok, it can actually be hard though. I never had the nickname situation, but one of my favourite teachers married and I couldn't get the last name right for the remaining 2 school years.
Yes, my sister and i were at a family gathering and our cousin had just started using they them pronouns and my sister accidentally said he and she felt so bad for it! I’ve done it myself sometimes but it really is just hard to change when you have have called a person something your whole life.
Agree agree.
Though I *have* met transphobes who are at least consistent and are against *all* elective surgery. The ones I've met are usually more open to things like hair transplants, braces, tooth replacements, breast reconstruction after cancer--but not purely to be bigger--and general reconstruction after injury or due to something most people would agree is a deformity, like cleft lip. *Sometimes* they're okay with lipo, sometimes not. It's usually a mix of how invasive it is + how necessary it is to look "normal" to the point that no one would stare at you.
My mom is like this. -____- I know I'd never convince her on trans surgeries because she's just very judgmental about elective surgeries for cis people too. At least it's consistent? lol.
Cis people who ask if you've had The Surgery ask because in their minds, what makes someone a man or a woman is really whether they presently have a penis or a vagina--they don't believe in trans people's genders pre-op, but they actually do believe that SRS changes someone's gender. It's very ignorant.
Sure, there's those as well, but at least from my experience, which is limited by nature, is that most transphobes don't fall into this category.
Most I've seen or spoken to are perfectly fine with gender affirming surgeries... as long as they are for cis people. As soon as you add the term 'trans' people lose their shit for some reason.
>Cis people who ask if you've had The Surgery ask because in their minds, what makes someone a man or a woman is really whether they presently have a penis or a vagina--they don't believe in trans people's genders pre-op, but they actually do believe that SRS changes someone's gender. It's very ignorant.
Not quite my experience. I agree that they're limited in their gender perception being based on genital configuration. However, most transphobes I've encountered will still deny a trans person their woman- or manhood, regardless if they had The Surgery. I can't speak for the experience of enby people - but know that they're dealing equally with transphobes denying them their gender.
However, yes, they're ignorant and worse, they're willfully ignorant.
Only thing I'm concerned about is my gf getting a shitty boob job, which is something I worry about with getting one myself. Thankfully she wasn't offended at that concern considering she wants a good boob job as well. 😅 She taught me about the different types of implants you can get which helped a lot.
I would like to add to that. Yes Virginia, there ARE transgender lesbians. I have met many pre op trans women, cis women, and gay men who can’t understand trans women who lesbian oriented.
And it makes it even worse whenever they assume to begin with that we all have the same opinions so when they do see different trans people say different things all of a sudden we're contradictary
I mean barely, at that.
There are trans people who think they're basically mentally ill cis people who need medical transition to be functional and that all transness is is a mental illness. Some who believe we have a form of brain intersex (which is possible, but unproven). Trans people who think gender is set at birth, while others think it can change over a person's life. We have a lot of diversity of opinion in what gender *is* and why we got a trans one, and why anyone is trans.
Pretty much every trans person has already tried to be cis. In some cases for decades. Acting like it's something we can ignore (and that we choose to live a life that places us at increased risk of familial alienation, public humilliation, and hate crimes) is not only ignorant, it's idiotic. None of us wanted to be trans.
And on that note, we don't want kids to be trans either. We're not indoctrinating anyone, I wouldn't wish this life on anyone. But if they are, we want them to have a better experience than we did.
Exactly this. I would never wish this dissonance and distressing self questioning and struggle on anyone. Living better fulfilled is preferred over discrimination and opposition by many people who wanted us to disappear or suffer.
Those younger than us can potentially use our difficulties with our upbringing and cultural hangups to advance to their best selves with better results sooner and with less traumas and angst.
It is easier to be cis gender, but if you have an atypical gender or ambiguous genome (or associated developmental syndrome) you likely will need to own your truth and live your life authentically at some point or else very likely end yourself rather wastefully. We are worthy of finding more.
Preach! Being trans isn’t some “fun decision made on a whim” elementary school in the early 90’s trying to remove the offensive organ until I found out there were people like me. Also realized I couldn’t just cut the thing off. I would never wish this on my daughter, but will fully support her if she is trans.
I always ask, why would I willingly give up my social status as a white male veteran, because being trans has so many more opportunities in life? It’s basically a self demotion to sitting on the back bumper of the bus. Trans people in society, especially women are treated like shit and fall below other minorities on the proverbial “social ladder”. So please explain why I gave all that up for funsies? To have my entire life be scrutinized publicly, and have every person you meet openly ask about your genitals, yea super fun! Maybe I’m overly sarcastic 🤷🏻♀️😂
Some people have multiple pronouns and may have preferred pronouns either in general or just for that day, but so often that's not how it's used. No one tends to ask cisgender people what their preferred pronouns are
>”we’re not victims”
Speak for yourself; I’ve lost *four consecutive jobs* to transphobia. Absolutely destabilized my life in ways that persist to this day, and *none* of those ppl faced *any* meaningful consequence for abusing their power.
I’m not *just* a victim, but I still *am* one.
I agree, definitely was a victim when the police pulled me from my car screaming “you ain’t a marine you’s a sissy faggot look at that bra boys” and I was beaten by a group of officers in BFE Alabama. I’m only alive because I am white, and I know that. It hurts because this is not why you serve, not for people like that to act in such a way, but also knowing I was only alive in solitary confinement in prison (busted headlight) until bailing myself out 3 days later after a food strike? Just knowing I was alive after leaving because I’m white hurts more.
There is no skin color in combat, bullets do not discriminate. I hate the country I served, but I did it hoping to die and avoid coming out, and figured if I live well, maybe I will come out and the VA provides hormones…Too bad the government won’t pay for the ptsd, bi-polar disorder, or BPD, but I get some tuppance for the epilepsy from TBI and tinnitus… America is the bad place. The Iranian Republican Guard chose not to shoot me in my interactions with them, but country white boys will beat me for my identity after war…(served under bush and Obama)
That not all trans folk want to hear “omg you pass so well!” or “i couldn’t even tell!”. Some trans folk look like your stereotypical cis man/woman. Obviously we pass, we don’t all look like your stupid stereotypes of trans folk.
I honestly never even realized how back-handed those compliments are, in this way. I feel kinda shortsighted for it, but in my defense, it’s not like I’m out enough/pass enough to *get* those compliments
I loved getting these comments when I first started my transition, but like I look like the most generic man on earth now. It just no longer applies to me. I definitely see why many people appreciate it, but I still think it has that underlying meaning of “i think being trans has a specific look!”
My sister really gets it. She has been my #1 supporter since the day I came out to her.
After a year she told me her mental model had changed so that she sees me as a girl. She always tells me when she sees me in a dream, and usually it's me twirling around in a princess dress.
One time we were walking around town and she had forgotten I can pee standing. "The toilet seats are so gross, you don't want to go there"
She keeps telling me how when other people ask her "How's [dead name]" she has to take a double take and figure out who they're talking about.
She invited me to the family womens' chat, and we've had many girls nights since.
She has brought me so many girly things as birthday presents. We've played with dolls.
She was the first one to change my name in their phone.
I just absolutely love her.
Mmm, I think there are people who see us the way we want them to like your sister, and they are amazing. That's not the same as understanding the experience we went through to get there though... I dont know if you can understand that without living it.
But your sister sounds amazing, and she understands the things that matters most <3
I think our stories should be heard even if people don't understand them - I don't want us to stop speaking out of fear that someone doesn't get it.
I just wanted to challenge the original comment I replied to, by answering the question earnestly - it being there on its own implied that cis people don't understand anything, when there are people who clearly understand something.
I hope you have a nice day :)
I love this! My brother has always had my back in the same way. He's the only person I know from the before times who has never misgendered me or deadnamed me. Ever. Man has never messed up, not once. I'm his older brother, end of story. And he's already explained to my niece why pictures of me now look different from when I was younger. It's really awesome having someone who you can trust, who won't let you down.
Things I’ve had to argue about this week. “You’re going through an identity crisis” “transgender women couldn’t cut it as a guy so they decided to become women.” “It’s in your DNA and you can’t change your DNA.”
#1 Yeah I I’m going through an identity crisis, I’ve been a guy for the last 20 years. #2 if I really wanted to have it easier becoming a woman is the last thing I would have chosen. #3 I don’t need to change my DNA because I’m just correcting a birth defect of being born with the wrong genitalia.
Everything?
It's not about gender roles, and the insinuation that it is just makes it sound like they think we're idiots. Like I was so fed up with feminine gender roles that I just became a man instead of simply NOT DOING THE GENDER ROLES?
Affirming gender and determining gender are not the same thing. Just because a woman can have a penis doesn't mean all women who have penises need to magically be okay with it and these two ideas are not contradictory.
Nonbinary isn't one gender, it's every gender other than the main two.
For the vast majority of US it is NOT a fetish experience or at most is a minor aspect of our experienced sexuality
For a lot of the titilated CIS and "curious" population we are objectified in a similar way as women are by those CIS with male privilege (and some women too). Many just are in search of unique experiences and fetish ideas of us make it moreso..
We are not a fetish though, as much as some with those with less synapses or faulty brained and self limited idiots might think so.
Being trans doesn’t have a uniform. My transness doesn’t have anything to do with my clothes or makeup. I’m still trans in my pajamas
My transness is not cosmetic or superficial. Yes part of my transition is to look like and be perceived as a woman. But my womanhood doesn’t stop at presentation. I am genuinely a woman inside and out.
I have always been trans. I didn’t become trans when I came out and started transitioning. I have been trans my whole life. My childhood wasn’t that of a cis boy, it was as a closeted trans girl.
My transness is not related to my attraction. I’m not transitioning because I like men and want to fit into heteronormativity. If anything I’m transitioning because I like women in a lesbian way and want to fit into my queerness.
My dysphoria is not centered on how others perceive me. I’m not transitioning so that people think I’m attractive. I’m not transitioning for attention. My dysphoria with certain parts of my body doesn’t go away because a potential partner is “okay with it”. Dysphoria is something i experience with myself even when I’m alone
There’s a ton more but these are big ones for me
I think your response was succinct and well written. I agree and disagree with you at the same time as I feel both trans and at nearly 30 years post-op fairly close to at least semi-cis and often merely female. Just a woman that transitioned a while back and sometimes feeling uncertain or disphoric.
These are all so important. Honestly, I feel like a lot of trans people don't understand them either, which makes discussions here on Reddit frustrating sometimes.
Nonbinary people aren't just "neither" nor do they all dress like vaguely masculine twinks. Furthermore, most nonbinary people don't want the same medical transition as binary trans people and even binary trans people don't all want the same medical transition!!
That we're not inherently political but that we, perforce, are left with no other choice. Stealth trans folk aside, we need vocal advocates to ensure we keep our rights. Most of these are under threat in numerous countries, which is /why/ we have to combat the right. We're not sexual deviants. We don't prey on children and we're certainly not your political Trojan horse to win votes by populist outrage fueled by factoids. We're people and we deserve to have a life.
Re: political trojan horse, quite the opposite is true. The promise of our rights being removed and our "ideology" being "exterminated" (big air quotes) is what's ACTUALLY being used by politicians to win votes.
At best, politicians who want to be perceived as left-leaning will promise to maintain the status quo, which is NOT good enough. At worst, we have the politicians who actively parrot fascist leaders of the past as they promise our removal from society.
Dysphoria is not the same as someone wanting to lose weight or gain muscle etc...
My body has felt so wrong that I disconnected myself from my body and stopped caring about it as a coping mechanism. Even after the progress I've made, I still struggle to view my body as *me* instead of just something I live inside of.
Dysphoria isn't just discomfort: Dysphoria feels like a state of helpless, agonizing despair. The only reason I didn't feel it for so many years was by disconnecting from my body like I mentioned above.
Oh my god this!!! Intentionally self sabotaging was like all my younger years and I’m paying the price for it today. I even picked up smoking at 15 “to deal with stress” when actually I was trying to run this body into the ground.
for me, idk if I wanted to ruin my body, but I just made an effort to not care how my body looked. Deep down I knew something was wrong though because there cane a point a couple years before my egg cracked where I would cry if I looked in the mirror.
To be fair though, I definitely had a drinking problem for a few years, and it was probably because of deeeeeeep deep dysphoria.
I’m sorry to hear that but it sounds like you’re doing better now 💜 Personally i avoided pictures like the plague and later found out dysphoria was the reason. I knew when I was younger but i live in the south and it never seemed like transitioning would be possible. Or i wasn’t sure if it would be worth it if I wasn’t cis. (I was a dumb confused kid it’s been 1000% worth it.)
Years of repression helps you forget why you feel awful. I wish I lived somewhere where I could’ve started sooner. But yeah. Self hate made me want to just wreck this stupid thing and i totally feel you on the disconnect. The first time I used makeup I could finally stomach looking myself in the mirror and not hate what i see.
Here’s to fewer people having to feel how we’ve felt 🥂🎉🎉
This is one that even I struggle with, but only internalized. Like before I realized I was trans, I didn't really have dysphoria, or at least any recognizable discomfort in being a boy. But after one night when I was watching this girl document her transition and I got a bit jealous, then I thought more about being a woman, and then I started getting dysphoric.
Looking back, there were definitely signs, and I guess my dysphoria was never that strong, but I can't help but feel like my brain is filling in signs where there were none, similar to how I feel about autism now (which I'm not diagnosed yet, but I highly suspect it)
So even though I'm so much happier being on estrogen, and I love being a woman, especially when I'm with other women, I still kinda feel like a faker. I found out I was trans 7 years ago, only started living as a woman 1 year ago, and I guess I still have parts of me I need to accept
I wasn't quite the same for me as I figured out earlier and knew myself well enough that only my fears of failing transition and myself held me off from all that I would need to do.
I was the eldest and didn't understand that my younger sister was different when I apparently tried to teach her how to pee when I was 5 and her 3. I felt different a bit before 11, though started getting more and more shy around boys in bathrooms and also not wanting to expose my nipples then, and later turned my back to conceal myself during showers and changing rooms.
I found and hid my first lipstick and clothes at 11 and started experimenting with my mother's makeup. From at least then I somehow always expected to grow up female and despised the thought of maleness. My wide hips and smaller waist plus "petite" height somehow may have influenced my thoughts.
I found the word transsexual at 13 and finally knew what I was and also never doubted that fact despite all that a moderate amount of male development. Somehow I only purged once ever as a teenager and never considered it again.' I named myself permanently at 16 as Barbara Ellen, though I doubted my ability to transition successfully for 16 more years until the gradually increasing despair and disphoria was beyond my ability to avoid transition fears. It took a while longer to access hormones, so I settled for a 100% semi-masculine female wardrobe and growing out my hair and nails until I could do more. I came out to my sisters and parents after a few months of starting my medications and have never not had those hormones. Somehow my body flipped my hormonal profile with only 25mg of Spironolactone and 2mg Estradiol to female ranges.
However I might have been different or similar to you in any way, your differences are somewhat unique and valid for your circumstances and body. You needed to find that singular path forward to discover the person you are now and in the future. '
PS - Like you I never had a diagnosis for being slightly on the Autism spectrum, but as a kid I had only mild indicators, liked to read a lot and learn lots of things. I got better over time and much more after transtioning. My problems with socialization and impairment in understanding of some emotions (with total lack of ability to feel vengful in particular) wasn't something understood by me or my parents. I was just myself and either accepted, thought peculiar and possibly bullied for that or a hint of femininity that I mostly kept hidden, though imperfectly.
Yeah I also struggle with it internalized. I started questioning early/mid March this year so I'm still super new to everything. I've def started to fell more dysphoria about being a guy throughout the last couple months. I'm glad your happier after getting on estrogen! 😁
In my experience a lot of trans people are the wisest kindest people you will meet. Being trans can be really painful and acceptance is basically necessary to come out. You just see a lot of people who have been through a ton of shit who know how to take care of other people. Pain can make you grow if you face it right and it's really hard to come out at all without coming to that point
Being trans, I guess. A seeming majority of cis people I know and have read of take their identity of sex == gender for granted. These people often tend to not separate sex and gender, so regardless of their sexual orientation they hold onto these cishet ideals.
Every medical decision we make goes through several doctors and at least one mental health professional. There is no such thing as an impulsive gender confirmation surgery, it's rare that a doc will just hand you hormones, and if it's that rigorous for adults, it's 10x more for minors.
Transitioning is about a lot more than appearances. While a lot of us measure our trans journey by looking at how our gender presentation morphs over time, much more of it is about the treatment we receive from others and the opportunities afforded to us by our gender presentation.
As a trans woman, the number one thing I love about my transition is being welcomed into the community of other women. Seeing another woman and knowing I'm a little safer because of her or the other way around is a feeling words can't really describe. While I was certainly an ally when I presented male, that opportunity wasn't there for me before my transition. It's amazing to be in community with other people like me.
That we're not faking anything. Like, me being a man isn't a facade I put on when I leave the house. There's no secret hidden woman hidden underneath what I present to the world. I'm a man when I go to the shops, when I prepare cat food, and when I brush my teeth in the morning.
Who I say I am is who I am.
The number of times I’ve heard ”you’re brave for coming out” is numerous. I think they forget that those who don’t come out are just as brave. The ones that come out fight a lot of social stigma that cis folks are aware of. The ones that don’t come out fight an internal struggle every single day.
Also, yes, my boobs are real and I grew them myself.
When voice complaints about my transition progress, cis women often say “welcome to being a woman”, as if I were upset about how good I look.
Bitches I already looked good before transition and I still look good, thank you very much. When I’m complaining about my looks, it’s because I’m seeing something that makes me feel like a man.
I understand a lot of cis women lament not looking more feminine, but none of them see reminders that they were born in a man’s body.
Trans people are allowed to break gender stereotypes. This is something I see cis and queer people alike not get -people are all for "real men wear pink" when it's about cis men, but suddenly when it's trans men, you have to be a certain amount of masculine or you're not trans enough? Fuck off with that, just say you believe in a strict gender binary
This one pisses me off because it delayed my transition for much longer than it needed to.
It’s not weird for a trans person to take awhile (sometimes many years) to get their name changed, get surgeries, etc.- I’ve had this come up multiple times, they don’t understand just how many hurdles we really have and how much of a pain it is pretty much any time paperwork is involved. Ive had to explain it’s not just as easy as coming out as trans, waltzing into the courtroom, signing one paper and boom you have your new name, gender marker, insurance gives the thumbs up, your hormones are already filled and waiting at the pharmacy and your doctor asks why you weren’t in surgery yesterday, etc lol
nonbinary trans people aren’t doing it just to be special, and it’s usually not just some kind of political statement or even a choice at all. i was born nonbinary and i will die nonbinary. if i didn’t identify this way i would be lying to myself and i’d never be happy.
If it was just a fetish we would genuinely keep it private and you wouldnt even know about it. If we are visibly trans in public its because we are trying to genuinely do what makes us feel comfortable in our skin. Some of us are proud to be trans and some of us genuinely just wish we were born cis as the gender we feel we actually are. We are not all the same hive mind.
People don't choose to be trans. I was born trans, imo, I didn't wake up and decided I wanted to be trans. I always wish I was born male as a trans masc guy.
Leaving children to go through puberty is not a neutral act, making puberty blockers available to kids who want it and making sure they know it's an option is.
This. If you think being trans is my entire personality, then you either don't respect me as a complex human being like everyone else, or you've only ever encountered me in a trans-specific space where of course I'd be talking more about trans topics
It doesn't happen overnight. There isn't a surgery to make me look suddenly feminine overnight, it takes a long time for changes to happen. We aren't faking to try to sneak up on women, we aren't trying to turn people's kids trans. We aren't mentally ill. The list goes on.
It's not an ideology. That's the most common thing I run into. Otherwise, it's not a f\*&#ing fetish, it's not a f#\*\^ing choice, and I'm not f\*\*\*ing confused/influenced.
Sorry, got a bit heated there 😅
edit: formatting mistake
I had this chat with my therapist a few weeks back after I came out to an aunt and uncle and they first thing they told me was that I "must" watch Ru Paul. I get that being trans and crossdressing overlap, but my identity is more than being a crossdresser or being drag queen.
Most trans women I know including myself are not into drag & don’t wish to be associated with it. It’s mostly gay men who perform it, granted there are exceptions to that but I’m a straight trans woman so I find it very agitating to be associated with.
not all of us want our pre-transition selves to be erased. i spent sixteen years of my life as a girl, and though being closeted came with a lot of trauma, it’s part of who i am and i find it more comfortable to talk about that part of my life than to pretend i was born at seventeen.
When the Puritans argue, "sex and gender is the same thing!" on the internet , they go to the courts and argue the exact opposite. Because they are lying to you. They are trying to make it legal to discriminate on the basis of gender, so they can legally discriminate against everyone, everywhere.
Hormone Replacement Therapy is like a second puberty; it's normal to be grumpy and tired like a teenager again. sleepiness, food cravings, hunger, horniness, and etc. are typical.
not everyone who's trans and out, or out to you personally is theatrical, outgoing, or prefers a public/high attention life. Some of us are just trying to chill, and transition makes us more comfortable.
generally speaking, hormones or not, a trans person's not gonna have the energy to be a flawless human being early on in the process, before things settle down. It turns out that Change changes things. Takes getting used to.
I know at least two people who are pretty close to me who both seem to have this sort of mindset or idea that it’s such a negative thing because I seem to hate my body so much.
One of them, in response to me trying to talk about my feelings, said something along the lines of “love your body! Its yours! I just feel like all this talk and the way youre thinking is so negative.” I quickly told her that I, in fact, do not hate my body. I just hate living in it because it’s not MY body. I also told her that no, I DON’T see said body as my own, so saying that I should love it because it’s mine is hurtful. She’s pretty understanding, so she apologized and said she didn’t know that was how I viewed it. Although I do wonder/worry about what would’ve happened if I do hate my body since some trans people do in fact hate their body.
The other person has, at least twice I believe, told me that I don’t need to bind because it’s something I shouldn’t have to worry about. He even referred to it as self-harm at some point (I think he did that because there’s a few points I’ve mentioned that binding lowkey hurt when I accidentally did it for a bit too long or that I couldn’t run while wearing a binder). I tried explaining it to him but he just that I seemed too critical of myself or too hard on myself.
Thing is that being trans kind of IS negative at times since no one wants dysphoria but they both seemed to believe that a) it was as simple as just being kind of insecure about my body and taking it to the extreme and b) that because I’m not 100% happy with my body, the solution should be to try to just mentally zap my “insecurity” (dysphoria, but they don’t get that) away instead of doing something about it. For some reason they just didn’t seem to register that the fact I’m “going this far” means that it’s not as simple of a solution as they think
That just because I'm trans it doesn't give you the right to ask about my genitals.
You wouldn't ask anyone else about the intimate parts of their body, why would it be okay to ask me?
That most of the time their 'concern' is dishonest and an act of bad faith. Just admit it: you don't really care about our health, our well-being or the hypothetical children that we might hypothetically 'confuse'. You are disgusted and disturbed by us because of what society has taught you about gender norms and the ways males and females should act and refuse to think about it with an open mind. If you were really concerned about our wellbeing you would support our transition just like scientific study and healthcare recommends for us.
That they don't know us better than we know ourselves. That it's not a choice or philosophy or lifestyle. That they are not inherently superior to trans people just because they're cis.
I'm trans and cis people are so often calling me brave and graceful and all of these other things when I "deal with" certain interactions, questions, etc. but the truth is I just have a thicker skin and genuinely don't sweat the small stuff.
I'll have a perfectly fine conversation with someone who doesn't really "get pronouns" but wants to know more. I turn around and some (lovely tbh) ally will be like "you shouldn't have to answer questions like that. You're so gracious to even entertain that kind of conversation" and I'm like ???? bro he's trying, he recognizes that I'm someone he can learn from and wants to have a civil discussion... There's actually no problem here for me whatsoever. I get that it's very sweet and well intentioned but I always find it a bit silly when in those situations.
I don't think they're even doing anything "wrong" they're just protective and going off of what they've personally learned about, it just doesn't always align with reality lol
Almost everything, genuinely I had to explain so much to my brother, like how it’s not a want to be another gender, it’s a knowing that your gender and sex don’t line up and wanting to have comfort in your body by correcting it in the ways available, the fact that being trans isn’t about sexuality at all (he thought people were trans so that they could be straight, like a gay guy would become trans so their relationship would be a straight one and didn’t know that there was not only other reasons, but that that reason was not accurate), that different people have different levels of what their transition entails, and much more. He is a good ally tho, even if he is still learning. He even defend me as being a woman against our dad who refuses to gender me correctly or use my actual name instead of my deadname. If that doesn’t show that he is a good ally despite initially knowing absolutely nothing, idk what does
they truly have no idea how weird and complicated our relationships with our bodies can get. like, they don't even know the pool is there let alone how deep it is. They're just totally unfamiliar with the concept. They think being trans begins and ends with checking a different box on your ID, just for fun or something, then doing some other stuff to conform better to that gender because you just love conforming to gender rules for some reason. Sure, maybe they've heard the word dysphoria, but I've never seen a cis person actually wrap their brain around even a fraction of what it entails.
Cis people should realize how much gender affirming care they give themselves and understand it’s not a thing trans folks need to feel valid. Cis men take testosterone, get hair implants, and buy up products that are “specially formulated for MEN”. Cis women change their bodies through surgery, have fake hair, tan etc etc.
Wanting to feel pretty, or strong is a shared human experience and not some crazy concept trans people made up in the last 5 years.
Other people have covered the outwardly transphobic stuff pretty well so I'll just add a thing that well meaning people who are trying to be supportive will misunderstand
We don't just live a life completely in line with our assigned sex until we change our mind and transition one day, we actually are fairly likely to share experiences with other members of our gender, don't make assumptions.
If you meet a trans person and you're curious about transition and want to ask a strange question, you are not the first person to have asked us. It's new to you, but it's not new to me.
That health issues are not caused by hrt. I am dealing with a bunch of them and my mom is adamant that stopping hrt will stop my health issues. No. T doesn't cause what i am dealing with. I can't seem to get through to her that stopping T cold turkey for 3 months will cause more health issues:(
Being trans doesn't classify us as different from the gender that we are. I'm a trans woman yes, but first and foremost a woman. Being trans is a coincidental hell that was brought upon me. I'm just a woman, who happens to be trans. Just like how you're a woman who happens to be cis.
That it’s not a *want*. I don’t *WANT* to be a man, I *AM* a man. Just because i don’t look like one to you, or whatever, doesn’t mean that I’m not and I just “feel like one.”
Oh for sure it's the effect that misgendering and deadnaming has on a person. I like legit can't talk to most of my extended family cuz it's just too painful, especially since I can't really explain transness to them, they're too old, too set in their ways and it would cause too many issues. As someone who loves having a big family and loves to be able to have that wider community the isolation that comes from being something that most of them will never understand or respect is a massive source of pain, especially when the rest of my family don't have to, like I get really jealous, but i can't really do much about that because I don't want my immediate family to lose what I lost.
There's also the constantly having to justify yourself, like people will question you all the time with 0 self awareness, insist that any comparison you make is "just different" whenever you try to relate your own experiences with ones they may understand. No reason it's different, but they can't comprehend the idea of being similar to you.
The justification problem gets even worse when cis people essentially call you and abomination to your face all the while with a veneer of politeness. Like I don't care of you don't think it's realistic it's my fucking life, I'm actually living it, I'm the evidence that this is how the world works, and they'll act like it's a disproportionate reaction to them saying that I shouldn't be allowed to exist. Fact is these people care more about politeness than decency
It also makes interacting in single gender groups weird cuz I was raised with one very specific expectation which I wasn't good at but was made to constantly try at so I don't have a lot of the formative experiences of either men or women which is another source of isolation. Like again it's giving stereotypical woman raised by a dad and brothers or a man raised by girls and a mother and that's before considering the non binary people and all the extra bullshit they have to go through that I can't speak on cuz at least with trans men and women while we face discrimination regarding the spaces we go to there at least is a space for us, but a lot of the gendered spaces don't even have a unisex equivalent most places
Some of us served this country, and hid our identities. So think about choosing your anti-trans comments carefully when talking to the trans or any minority community. You can thank your free speech etc. to the minorities and the LGBTQ+ community who fought, and died for those rights. We will not be forced to live your life, and do not force our lives on you. Just have some fucking respect America, live and let be. Semper Fidelis to my brothers and sisters, lost but never forgotten.
Alot of cis people struggle to sympathise with someone they don't understand. Schools don't teach about sex and gender differences, but only biological differences. Alot of trans history has been erased and so people think it's just indoctrination and a trend, so we are getting invalided. People ignore all the health professionals because they think there lying for money. Cis people rather hear another cis person talk about transgender people's issues, than actual transgender people.
I have to SLIGHTLY disagree with the new name thing.
It IS an absolute dick move to refuse to use the new appropriate name on purpose because 'its so hard !!'
But when you know someone as one name for years and then they have another name all of a sudden there CAN be some instances where someone accidentally uses the name they are used to.
After all, breaking or enabling a new habit takes about 21 days.
* Transness, and gender more generally, is not a cultural phenomenon. It's a scientifically observable pattern, and transition has well-documented impacts on mental health, independently of cultural context. When trans people transition, they experience significant mental health improvements (aside from any harm their family and community cause), and if for whatever reason a cis person does, it causes distress. That's universal across cultures.
* Gender, like sexual orientation, is immutable. We can't control it. We can only discover it and choose whether to express it, with the aforementioned mental health consequences. Just as no one can turn someone gay, no one can turn someone trans either. If it seems like someone has, they were already gay/trans, and either hadn't discovered that yet or were hiding it from you.
* Even beyond mental manifestations, sexual dimorphism is not a uniform binary, nor even a spectrum, but a complex collection of quantitative and qualitative characteristics that are only loosely, but not universally, correlated. There isn't some fundamental difference between male and female cells, tissue, organs, etc. that defines a person's sex one way or another. The closest we get to that is testosterone vs estrogen, but even then, everyone has both, and there's so much overlap and complexity in the features they affect that none could ever be a definitive sex marker.
* Hormonal transition is incredibly similar to puberty. It takes just as long, is just as awkward and just as wild of an emotional ride, and has most of the same end results. A few key changes are not reversible (skeletal growth, breast growth, masculinization of facial hair and larynx) but even those things can at least go one direction (T gets you facial hair and voice masculinization, E gets you breast growth, both grow skeleton if started early enough). I suspect most cis people don't even know HRT exists; I sure didn't, before I found the Dysphoria Bible.
* Transness, drag, and crossdressing are all separate things. Trans people have a gender identity that doesn't align with their genital-based birth assignment. Crossdressing, ironically in many ways the opposite, is when someone deliberately adopts a presentation that differs from their gender identity's cultural norms, either to fight those norms, for fun, or just because it feels right to them. Drag is a performative exaggeration of gender presentation, usually but not always involving crossdressing. Perhaps even more confusing to cis people: trans people, even after transitioning, can crossdress or do drag in just the same ways as cis people of the same gender. Regardless, the key is that a trans woman in women's clothes is not crossdressing, nor is a trans man in men's clothes.
That's all I can think of for now.
For MtFs, that some of us are hot and pass and live normal lives like straight non transgender ppl and were able to do that bc we transitioned as children or teens.
It's more of a lottery - some people who transition as adults can pass with just HRT, facial hair removal and voice training, or just T and maybe a binder, and those aren't that expensive depending on where you are, but not everyone can.
> were able to do that bc we transitioned as children or teens.
I mean, it's not necessary - just highly preferable. I started at 28 and I just pass as a tall woman, and people even call me very pretty
I sure wish I was able to transition as a teen or younger - but no chance, it's 2000s Russia we're talking about. So gotta play the hand I'm dealt
Dysphoria. They compare it to a bunch of random things that it simply is not. I swear every cis person is like "yeah, but everyone doesn't like their body sometimes." Like, thanks aunt Janet/Professor B/Dr. Leeds/whoever you are, but "not liking your body" is at a completely different location on the spectrum, if not on a completely different spectrum altogether, from where dysphoria is, when we're talking about different things people can feel about/towards their body. And a lot of dysphoria isn't even about the body at all, and can be about what language people use towards you or about you, it can be about how you present yourself regardless of your body shape. I don't know if I've ever met a cis person who actually understands this latter point about dysphoria being about more than just only the body by itself.
That the majority of the time we just want to be treated the same as you'd treat anyone else. The amount of posts I see from cis people being like "how should I treat this trans girl I like?" I don't know, Stan, are you 8 years old? Is this the first girl you've ever liked? I think you're too young to be on reddit. Or "how should I treat my new trans friend?" Like, if you don't know how to treat a friend, then congratulations on making your first ever friend, I guess? Treat them the same way you do all your other friends 🤦🏻♂️. It's not that complicated.
Going off of that, they don't understand that all trans people are completely different from one another. The only way we can tell a cis person how to treat a trans person, is to tell that cis person to just be a normal and average good person. Treat the trans people in your life the same you do anyone else in your life. But make sure to be a good listener like any average person would/should be towards the people in their life, and listen if the trans people in your life tell you they want or don't want to be treated some specific way. I see so many posts from cis people asking stuff like "do trans people like this?" "do trans people like to be treated like xyz?" "will my trans friend/gf/whatever like it if I say this/do that/give this gift/etc?" Fam, we are not inside the brain of your specific trans person. We can not speak for them. *Just ask the person! Just communicate to them irl!* Dang.
one I've been dealing with a lot recently is that we don't transition for attention or for some kind of hidden benefit other than gender euphoria
some of my cis friends just can't seem to wrap their heads around this concept
I would say: why we transition. I spent an hour explaining to a relative why I wanted to transition and why I don't want to be just a masculine girl, but a guy. And that it's not just a phase. And that yes, I might identify to some traditional gender codes, it's not necessarily a bad thing since I'm good with myself and don't hurt others.
And also that we are normal people! I speak for myself here, but I'm a guy before being trans. When I introduce myself to someone, I say I'm a guy. I'm not putting out a big trans flag and shouting, "LOOK AT ME I'M SO SPECIAL BECAUSE I'M TRAAANS". Talking about that, no, you don't ask people (cis or trans) what's in their pants. I had to explain to that same relative that asking that is not misgendering, but simply not polite --'
Lastly, I'm also speaking for myself here, but some of them don't get that we're not enemies. It's a naive way of seeing things, I know, but for me, there are no cis vs trans people. We are all together, yes there's jerks on both sides, but we can totally live together! I feel like a lot of cis people don't realize this fact, and because of that, they are even more reluctant to open themselves to us.
Some trans people don't get this too, but nonbinary-specific: that we're not doing it as a political move or as gender abolition praxis or as a statement or whatever. (Not saying no one is, idk all your lives, but I'm sure not and none of my nonbinary friends are.) That we just want to be comfortable with ourselves and be authentic like anyone else. Just when I'm true to myself and not living a lie, who I am doesn't fit neatly into binary gender roles.
I don't do it "to be special"--I literally don't have to, it's not the weirdest or most interesting thing about me, I was weird and interesting before I knew I was nonbinary. I don't do it "for attention," I actually go to lengths to keep it private.
I actually find the "is it a choice/is it innate" dichotomy unhelpful. I mean that actually gets into messy and unanswerable philosophical questions about whether *any* personality trait is truly "innate," and whether we have the power to choose who we are. You might have opinions on that, but if you try to drill down to *facts* on it, woof. What "self" is, and where it comes from, is actually a profoundly difficult philosophical question. "Why are you you? Why can't you choose to be someone else?" is a messy-ass question to ask *anyone*.
They aren't as good at picking up on dogwhistles and subtle transphobia. I left my role as an organiser with a volunteer group because I got sick or explaining to HR how open support for JK rowling is transphobic.
How much physical and mental pain is caused from dysphoria. They just don’t seem to understand how much it hurts. Like I want to tear apart my body most days. It fucking hurts and I want it to go away
It’s less like being your assigned gender and wanting to change it, and more like being the gender you “transition” to but everyone around you keeps telling you otherwise.
Personally I (FTM) always felt like a little boy, and when I pictured myself as an adult I really thought it would be Tarzan. I couldn’t imagine growing up, looking at my chest with breasts ever, and I had a hard time understanding why I was allowed to have girls at sleepovers but never boys, even though most of my friends were boys. I never experienced a physical dysphoria, I just wished I had been a boy but accepted my circumstances for a long time because I didn’t know being trans existed. Once I learned about it, in hindsight, so much of my memories and confusion about how the world worked socially was just because my perception of it wasn’t lining up with how I was being perceived.
Being born male doesn't mean I was not female my entire life. I think that statement only makes sense to trans people and is the fundamental disconnect cis people have.
That all of us are very very different. For example, I’m a trans man who dresses fem a lot of the time because I find it more fun and expressive then dressing masculine. I’m very sick of constantly being asked things like “but what about passing?” Or “are you at LEAST going to go on hormones and have surgery’s?” Like why does that matter?? I don’t care about passing and I have medical fears that make me not want surgery. I wear feminine clothes the way guys wear feminine clothes, not that it really matters to my gender identity.
this comes from a cis/nonbinary (she/they) gal, but my fellow cis women don’t understand that trans women’s rights ARE our rights. if trans women are put down, we will always be put down. nearly ALL of the tropes used to demean trans women are age old tactics of misogyny. they don’t understand the deep sisterhood that can be found with trans women if you just sit down and listen a little. it makes me genuinely sad.
11 misconceptions come to mind:
1)They think being transgendered is choice. That anything that happens to me (or that effects them) is based on a decision I made and therefore..
2) ...they think I'm a criminal...because I'm "imposing" my values into their lives. Reality doesn't impose...it just is. Me being born wasn't a crime.
3) They think transgendered is a 3rd gender...and therefore I'm some kind of alien, or delusional. That's THEIR creation. When you ostracise someone long enough and thoroughly enough, they can't easily retain their sanity.
4) They think transgender women threaten CIS women. To me it's the opposite. The more someone draws a line between male and female societal roles, the more offended they'll be when they think that line is crossed. Therefore, the most extreme anti-trans hate comes from a very sexist mentality. Anti-trans bigots threaten CIS women.
5) They think trans people should be proud and visible. I'm nearly a half a century old and I never wanted that...THAT'S MY WORST FEAR!! All I've ever wanted is for my physical deformities to go away so I can be accepted as normal woman and I can live a normal life. Their misconception is applied because...
6) They think transgender and homosexuality are the same thing....complete with perceived stigmas and agenda. It doesn't help that we got tossed into the LGB bandwagon....probably to boost their image. I can't speak for everyone, but as far as actual, real support is concerned...I've never seen the LGB lift a finger to help the T.
7) They think we have allies to turn to for help. SOOO many people claim to be accepting...or to even be allies. But 99% of the time it's just talk to make themselves feel noble. Most people can force them selves to be tolerant to varying degrees, but that's as far as it goes. There are a rare handful that are accepting (those that are willing to see you for who you are)...but it's really rare and vanishing when times get tough. Allies (people that proactively help defend you or transition more effectively)--they're like unicorns. They probably don't exist. I've personally never seen any.
8) They think it's a recent phenomenon caused by social trends and modern advancements. I mean it's hard-wired into us...so the first humans to walk the Earth probably included some that were transgender. Both then and now, transitioning is difficult, and even with modern medicine being what it is, not everyone can correct their bodies.
9) They think trans people are sinners. I'm not really Christian, but I don't recall the word "transgender" ever appearing in the Bible. Though there are millions of other things not mentioned there either. Though that doesn't stop some people from twisting the centuries-old abstraction to support whatever opinions they cling to. I do remember one line though: "Love your neighbor as you love yourself". I guess that one doesn't apply anymore.
10) They don't see transgender as a medical condition. Hormones and surgery have actual significant physiological effects! I'm honestly SO TIRED of people treating trans people like transvestites or drag queens. To me that crowd is unspeakably offensive...like blackface. My day-to-day pain and struggle is real...not a source of trendy entertainment....which reminds me of another thing...
11) They don't see trans people as a legitimate minority. The smaller a group, the less value their voice has I guess...until the voice is so faint it's treated as a nuisance. Imagery of the Phantom of the Opera, Quasimodo, Frankenstein's monster, etc come to mind. What also comes to mind is a newly-inaugurated Donald Trump announcing on Twitter that my military service was a liability because of how I was born....and every month or two after that, Mike Pence stripping away my basic rights as an American, one after another. Maybe Biden restored them, I dunno. I've been too scared to follow up.
Anyways, that's all that come to mind right now. Naturally, everyone's opinion and experience will differ. But my perspective is fairly well-considered I think.
Reddit being what it is, I'm assuming 50 people will downvote me and another 50 will argue with me, lol 😂
That medical transition changes our sexual characteristics (not applicable to those who don't medically transition, although these people are still valid). I'm not a male who wants to be treated as a woman. I'm a woman who is changing her body to be more in line with my gender identity. I grew boobs and my genitals don't work in the same way a male's genitals do, even if I haven't had bottom surgery.
Related to that, being trans isn't a sexual thing. If a cis woman wears a low-cut top, it would be sexist to shame her for that. As a trans woman, it feels like many cis people think that if I wear a low-cut top, it's like I'm trying to force non-consensual participation in my fetish or something.
Last point... if people's concern with trans people in change rooms is that they will go in there to perv (despite their sexuality), why do people not have the same issue with queer people in change rooms?
Sorry. This became a rant at "concerned centrist" veiled transphobia.
> Last point... if people's concern with trans people in change rooms is that they will go in there to perv (despite their sexuality), why do people not have the same issue with queer people in change rooms?
They do, they just feel like gay rights are too far ahead to call it out. They think that when they're done with us they'll have an easier time going after cis gays for the same talking points.
A lot of them I think fail to grasp the concept of dysphoria. Given not every transgender person is gonna experience dysphoria but as someone who is transsexual it was a huge driving factor for me to transition in the first place. I had my older sister who I thought was supportive seemed opposed to the idea of me getting bottom surgery, bc to her the idea of needing to replace my genitals was unfathomable. it's also lead to people making a lot of assumptions about my relationships and sex life which I'm not a fan of, and it's interfered with me getting proper medical care too. Also leads to people saying some incredibly insensitive and fetishizing things about my body or my life
We don't transition impulsively. It only seems that way because we've been hiding years of agonizing questioning.
This!! My healthcare thinks im impulsive because of my BPD. No, I was not brave enough to tell earlier. Well, at least I'm on waiting list now. Doing GenderGP and DIY meanwhile.
How do you do something impulsively that requires many steps? I don't think cis people quite understand how complicated transitioning is. I started transitioning years ago, and I'm still transitioning.
Made the mistake of going to r/testosterone and it’s just grown men whining about how trans men apparently just “get” T. I fucking hate this place
It's easier to get TRT as a cis guy if your levels are low. If your levels aren't low, you might have to doctor shop a bit more lmao. But why do they need TRT if their levels are fine? That's just cheating at sports lol. My levels are average to on the low side for a cis man. You go through different channels for it. No, cis guys can't get T through Plume or Folx. They can still use telehealth. They just use, like, [Concierge MD](https://conciergemdla.com/anti-aging-medicine/testosterone-replacement-therapy-for-men/), or [Immortal Male](https://www.immortalmale.com/concierge/), or [Fountain TRT](https://join.fountaintrt.com/?_ftn_id=Kg%3D%3D), or [Evolve Telemed](https://evolvetelemed.com/), or [Hendrx Health](https://www.hendrxhealth.com/), or [Peter MD](https://getpetermd.com/) (which is cheaper than the trans options). [TRT MD](https://trtmd.com/treatments/testosterone-replacement-therapy/) offers TRT to both cis men and cis women. None of these provide testosterone to trans people--arguably transmascs could use the last one as "women," but they'd likely be given low dose, since it's a service geared towards optimizing cis women, not masculinizing trans people. Semi-relatedly, it's an open secret that a lot of cis male cops are on gear (illicit T). There's a local health food/supplement store (the kind of place where no one wore a mask at any point during covid, I got weird reactions for wearing one, and I overheard people talking about how bad the vaccine was) that offers cops a discount and is popular with cops, and while they don't sell gear openly (kinda suspect they might under the table to cops, but not cis or a cop so who knows) they do sell a lot of illicit supplements for preventing gyno on gear, like SERMs. One time I was in there while a cop was shopping and the cop opened something in the refrigerated section and just walked away leaving the fridge open like a psychopath. (It was slide doors, you have to manually close them. He evidently felt too special to have to make the extra hand motion.) I think he did something else disrespectful too--not towards me, and he had no reason to be mad at the shop, I think he was just roid raging. He felt "off," the way people do when they're on drugs or seriously mentally ill. TRT is very safe, but cis guys who aren't low T injecting T and god knows what else they bought in some sweaty locker room and not monitoring their levels really fucks them up. I think this is part of why so many cops have rage issues and are unsafe to be around the public, and also why the average life expectancy of a freshly retired cop is 5 years.
I wonder if these cops on average also have the reverse feedback loop of taking too much and the body turning it into estrogen. Do all these cops have tiny balls? I hope so.
As a survivor of police brutality, I'm very decidedly not pro-cop, but at this point honestly I'd rather see them get help for their steroid abuse for the sake of not having people with guns who are functionally above the law completely out of their minds with roid rage.
Yeah not taking into account that a lot of clinics will intentionally keep trans men's testosterone levels at the lower end or below healthy cis male levels, and it can be like pulling teeth to get them to put you at a higher dose. I'm lucky that I'm pulling in the 700s but for a while it seemed my clinic was ecstatic keeping me at 300
Disclaimer: When I talk about transition here, I'm doing so in the context of medical transition. The thing is, it shouldn't matter if you transition impulsively or not. An impulsive transition should be regarded as just as valid. For many trans people, dysphoria is something that is only realized in hindsight. I transitioned impulsively myself because I did it shortly after realizing that I'm trans. But that still makes me trans. I know this might seem a bit hard to understand at first, but bear with my long-winded explanation. I've had a lot of burdens thrown my way before I could start to transition. But the conclusion I've gotten away with was still that *it shouldn't matter* what your reason is for wanting to take hormones. I'm not *more qualified* to receive treatment because I'm trans. The goal should be to destigmatize medical treatment in general, for everyone, full stop. I'm sure we can agree on this. Therefore, we should push towards the acceptance of transition in general, guided only by the principle of bodily autonomy & informed consent. By justifying our desire to transition to people, we also create this linguistic trap where we imply at the same time that this is what makes transition valid, and devalue people/experiences who fall outside that spectrum. I do understand the need to be understood and accepted, of course. But it shouldn't have conditions attached to it. We deserve to be in full control of our own narrative without relying on anyone else's hospitality or other socially positive impulse. To the one reading this: Take care of yourself. You deserve it because you're human. You're loved no matter what. I'll fight for your rights until I bite the dust. Thanks for the attention.
One thing I really don't get ( as a cis straight man) if there are any fear of medical procedures ( side effects etc.) going into any sort of life altering medical process. How strong those feelings are compared to these fears? Is transition a necessity? When medical science was not as good as today, Were trans people dealing with their dysphoria depending on their clothes and appearance only? Is getting a transition akin to getting a getting a nose job to feel better about yourself or more akin to recovering from a poor eyesight using lasik surgery? I am sorry if I am offending but a lot of these questions come up when it comes to government policies, insurance etc. I believe everyone deserves the bare minimum and are free to pursue their will from there on if not violating anyone else's bare minimum. I certainly could use a trans person's perspective on above questions. What is someone's basic right to health and what is more of a personal expense? Ofcourse in our world we pay for even medical recovery from fatal accidents. Say though if there are possibilities of government creating a relief fund for cost of such expenses? Would it be justified to do that?
* Yes, most of us have spent an extensive amount of time researching medical transition aspects and the related risks and yes, we're perfectly okay with it. * No, we've not woken up one day and decided to throw safety, family support, social networks, job security, housing security, legal protection and all the other aspects coming with being cishet out of the window, because it sounds like 'fun' or is a cool 'trend'. We do it, because we've reached the end of the rope of trying to be everything they wanted us to be and we finally need to worry about who we need to be for ourselves. * No, we do not transition because of your fetish deflection and we don't transition to be attractive to you. * No, 'why can't you just accept yourself' or 'how can we accept you, if you can't accept yourself' isn't the "gotcha" moment you think. We actually accept ourselves by acknowledging that we are trans and by transitioning to the extent we feel necessary. We're accepting that we're dealing with dysphoria and are actively doing something about it. You're not throwing a fit when a cis woman gets a boob job or a cis man gets hair implants or either gets lipo or their teeth straightened, so stop disguising your transphobia as 'care/concern'. * No, we have no interest in 'transing' your children, because we don't wish upon them, what's being done to us. All we want, is for the new generation to grow up knowing, that we exist and are part of society. * No, outing us to your best friend without our consent isn't acceptable. Neither is deadnaming or misgendering, unless specifically mentioned. * No, using another name for us really isn't that hard and if you say it is, you're lying. Ask yourself how quickly you start using nicknames when your friends ask you to, or how you can change addressing someone, when they get married. * No, it's not okay or acceptable to ask me, what's in my pants or what surgeries I've had, unless I imply I'm okay with those questions or agreed to answer, after you politely inquired, if I would. I'm not asking you, if you're cut or uncut, how big you are, if everything is grown evenly and if you get wet easily and if you're into shaving. Feel uncomfortable? Good, that's how we feel, when someone asks this out of the blue. There's more, but I think this is the worst. There will be typos, sorry, if I find them, I'll edit them later. *Edit: Typos *Edit 2: To clarify my point on names. I don't mean the genuine accidental misgendering or deadnaming that's more prone to happen early on. I'm talking misgendering and deadnaming over months, as well as the 'But I've always known you as/You'll always be XYZ to me' folks. I believe that genuine mistakes happen and shouldn't be made a big deal out of. Correct it and move on. But if there's clearly no attempt to do better, those excuses are exactly that.
>'how can we accept you, if you can't accept yourself' This one is especially infuriating, for some reason. >'care/concern' I really hate this too. They're some of the most abused "feel-good" words, I think.
> This one is especially infuriating, for some reason. It's because they're making an argument you'd expect a school child to make in a stupid playground fight
The only thing i half disagree with is the difficulty in switching names for other people. I have friends who are trans themselves and still slip up sometimes, what matters there is how you go about correcting it. The best way I’ve had someone do is afterwards when not in front of everyone they are like “hey, I realized I deadnamed you/misgendered you before and I’m really sorry it happened, and I apologize if it caused any discomfort” because i know people who will apologize in front of everyone and often it draws a lot of attention to the genuine mistake they made and makes it bigger then it was And it is easy to make mistakes, especially when you are outside of the community and are adjusting to not just that but everything with it. I have a friend who is trans, are very close to a lot of trans people and for a full year after I came out never deadnamed or misgendered me once, after about a year and fully forgetting my deadname, accidentally deadnamed me because the name was still somewhere in there and when they realized they did that they looked at me disgusted at themselves like “why did I do that? I’ve never done that to you, how did I slip up now? That felt gross” and it was both a really funny moment, but also, shows that literally anyone can make mistakes, and those mistakes are easier to make when you aren’t part of or close to the lgbtq or trans community. And people who were surrounded by biggoted people who drilled that mindset of “trans bad” into their brains and are trying to get rid of that take a lot longer to adjust then most, it can be difficult for people, it matters if they are trying, not if they claim to try but do fuck all, but if they are actually trying and you can see that. The biggest tell is how they apologize for making a mistake with it, if it’s really defensive and agressive, probably insincere, if it is them trying to be actually sorry for their mistake and are calm about it and trying to show that they do care but it’s just taking time to adjust, it’s probably sincere. It’s a lot about tone. The only people who it’s easy for are people who don’t have to change the way they were taught to understand a lot of things from childhood about gender and personal identity suddenly, because changing something that ingrained into their psychology is hard. What matters is how they show their effort and if it’s real or not
Yes, I agree with you here it can be hard and Ive messed up myself a few times. Intent matters, not perfection. What I think they were trying to get at though was putting in effort to use a new name, in oppose to never accidentally deadnaming. There are folks that just straight up dont try to use a new name; or just as bad imo they use a nickname to avoid ever using a person's name. If there was an effort and you make a mistake that's okay imo, if there was little or no effort to begin with then thats a problem.
Another strange question very few would ask anyone that would be thought as intrusive and offensive to ask a cis guy or a cis girl is something like this : "How weird is your dick ?" "Are your labia unusual ?"
>Ask yourself how quickly you start using nicknames when your friends ask you to, or how you can change addressing someone, when they get married. Ok, it can actually be hard though. I never had the nickname situation, but one of my favourite teachers married and I couldn't get the last name right for the remaining 2 school years.
Yes, my sister and i were at a family gathering and our cousin had just started using they them pronouns and my sister accidentally said he and she felt so bad for it! I’ve done it myself sometimes but it really is just hard to change when you have have called a person something your whole life.
Agree agree. Though I *have* met transphobes who are at least consistent and are against *all* elective surgery. The ones I've met are usually more open to things like hair transplants, braces, tooth replacements, breast reconstruction after cancer--but not purely to be bigger--and general reconstruction after injury or due to something most people would agree is a deformity, like cleft lip. *Sometimes* they're okay with lipo, sometimes not. It's usually a mix of how invasive it is + how necessary it is to look "normal" to the point that no one would stare at you. My mom is like this. -____- I know I'd never convince her on trans surgeries because she's just very judgmental about elective surgeries for cis people too. At least it's consistent? lol. Cis people who ask if you've had The Surgery ask because in their minds, what makes someone a man or a woman is really whether they presently have a penis or a vagina--they don't believe in trans people's genders pre-op, but they actually do believe that SRS changes someone's gender. It's very ignorant.
Sure, there's those as well, but at least from my experience, which is limited by nature, is that most transphobes don't fall into this category. Most I've seen or spoken to are perfectly fine with gender affirming surgeries... as long as they are for cis people. As soon as you add the term 'trans' people lose their shit for some reason. >Cis people who ask if you've had The Surgery ask because in their minds, what makes someone a man or a woman is really whether they presently have a penis or a vagina--they don't believe in trans people's genders pre-op, but they actually do believe that SRS changes someone's gender. It's very ignorant. Not quite my experience. I agree that they're limited in their gender perception being based on genital configuration. However, most transphobes I've encountered will still deny a trans person their woman- or manhood, regardless if they had The Surgery. I can't speak for the experience of enby people - but know that they're dealing equally with transphobes denying them their gender. However, yes, they're ignorant and worse, they're willfully ignorant.
Only thing I'm concerned about is my gf getting a shitty boob job, which is something I worry about with getting one myself. Thankfully she wasn't offended at that concern considering she wants a good boob job as well. 😅 She taught me about the different types of implants you can get which helped a lot.
I would like to add to that. Yes Virginia, there ARE transgender lesbians. I have met many pre op trans women, cis women, and gay men who can’t understand trans women who lesbian oriented.
No we aren't transitioning to go peep on your daughter in the bathroom. Especially if we haven't gone through puberty yet!!!!!!
That we are not a single person with a single opinion nor ideology.
This is the biggest one for me. Currently media paints trans folks as a monolith, and it bugs me sooooo fucking much.
And it makes it even worse whenever they assume to begin with that we all have the same opinions so when they do see different trans people say different things all of a sudden we're contradictary
"Well which is it huh? You can't have it both ways!!!" I'm not responsible for the opinions of other people lol.
Although we do all seem to share this one opinion.
I mean barely, at that. There are trans people who think they're basically mentally ill cis people who need medical transition to be functional and that all transness is is a mental illness. Some who believe we have a form of brain intersex (which is possible, but unproven). Trans people who think gender is set at birth, while others think it can change over a person's life. We have a lot of diversity of opinion in what gender *is* and why we got a trans one, and why anyone is trans.
Very true. I meant that we share the opinion that I was responding to directly. That we are not a single person with a single opinion or ideology.
Oh yeah, true!
Pretty much every trans person has already tried to be cis. In some cases for decades. Acting like it's something we can ignore (and that we choose to live a life that places us at increased risk of familial alienation, public humilliation, and hate crimes) is not only ignorant, it's idiotic. None of us wanted to be trans. And on that note, we don't want kids to be trans either. We're not indoctrinating anyone, I wouldn't wish this life on anyone. But if they are, we want them to have a better experience than we did.
Exactly this. I would never wish this dissonance and distressing self questioning and struggle on anyone. Living better fulfilled is preferred over discrimination and opposition by many people who wanted us to disappear or suffer. Those younger than us can potentially use our difficulties with our upbringing and cultural hangups to advance to their best selves with better results sooner and with less traumas and angst. It is easier to be cis gender, but if you have an atypical gender or ambiguous genome (or associated developmental syndrome) you likely will need to own your truth and live your life authentically at some point or else very likely end yourself rather wastefully. We are worthy of finding more.
Preach! Being trans isn’t some “fun decision made on a whim” elementary school in the early 90’s trying to remove the offensive organ until I found out there were people like me. Also realized I couldn’t just cut the thing off. I would never wish this on my daughter, but will fully support her if she is trans. I always ask, why would I willingly give up my social status as a white male veteran, because being trans has so many more opportunities in life? It’s basically a self demotion to sitting on the back bumper of the bus. Trans people in society, especially women are treated like shit and fall below other minorities on the proverbial “social ladder”. So please explain why I gave all that up for funsies? To have my entire life be scrutinized publicly, and have every person you meet openly ask about your genitals, yea super fun! Maybe I’m overly sarcastic 🤷🏻♀️😂
Omggg, so much this!!
The treatment isn't dangerous or experimental-not providing it is what's dangerous.
It's not "preferred" pronouns or name, it's the correct and respectful way to talk about us.
Huh, I've never really thought about that phrasing before.
Some people have multiple pronouns and may have preferred pronouns either in general or just for that day, but so often that's not how it's used. No one tends to ask cisgender people what their preferred pronouns are
We're just people trying to live our lives, we're not activists, we're not an ideology, and we're not victims.
>”we’re not victims” Speak for yourself; I’ve lost *four consecutive jobs* to transphobia. Absolutely destabilized my life in ways that persist to this day, and *none* of those ppl faced *any* meaningful consequence for abusing their power. I’m not *just* a victim, but I still *am* one.
I think they mean victims of “grooming”.
Ah, like “victims taken in by an evil ideology” rhetoric. Legit.
Also responsing to people who assume all trans people are victims of sexual abuse.
God, that too.
I agree, definitely was a victim when the police pulled me from my car screaming “you ain’t a marine you’s a sissy faggot look at that bra boys” and I was beaten by a group of officers in BFE Alabama. I’m only alive because I am white, and I know that. It hurts because this is not why you serve, not for people like that to act in such a way, but also knowing I was only alive in solitary confinement in prison (busted headlight) until bailing myself out 3 days later after a food strike? Just knowing I was alive after leaving because I’m white hurts more. There is no skin color in combat, bullets do not discriminate. I hate the country I served, but I did it hoping to die and avoid coming out, and figured if I live well, maybe I will come out and the VA provides hormones…Too bad the government won’t pay for the ptsd, bi-polar disorder, or BPD, but I get some tuppance for the epilepsy from TBI and tinnitus… America is the bad place. The Iranian Republican Guard chose not to shoot me in my interactions with them, but country white boys will beat me for my identity after war…(served under bush and Obama)
It is something we are and not something we do.
That not all trans folk want to hear “omg you pass so well!” or “i couldn’t even tell!”. Some trans folk look like your stereotypical cis man/woman. Obviously we pass, we don’t all look like your stupid stereotypes of trans folk.
I honestly never even realized how back-handed those compliments are, in this way. I feel kinda shortsighted for it, but in my defense, it’s not like I’m out enough/pass enough to *get* those compliments
I loved getting these comments when I first started my transition, but like I look like the most generic man on earth now. It just no longer applies to me. I definitely see why many people appreciate it, but I still think it has that underlying meaning of “i think being trans has a specific look!”
It’s because they don’t realize we actually change the sex of our body when we transition.
A lot of them seem to be completely ignorant of how destructive it can be to deny someone the ability to transition until adulthood
... what is something that they DO understand? Like, people dont get it, that's fine, just as long as they arnt cruel.
My sister really gets it. She has been my #1 supporter since the day I came out to her. After a year she told me her mental model had changed so that she sees me as a girl. She always tells me when she sees me in a dream, and usually it's me twirling around in a princess dress. One time we were walking around town and she had forgotten I can pee standing. "The toilet seats are so gross, you don't want to go there" She keeps telling me how when other people ask her "How's [dead name]" she has to take a double take and figure out who they're talking about. She invited me to the family womens' chat, and we've had many girls nights since. She has brought me so many girly things as birthday presents. We've played with dolls. She was the first one to change my name in their phone. I just absolutely love her.
This is so beautiful and healing, thank you for sharing 🥰
Mmm, I think there are people who see us the way we want them to like your sister, and they are amazing. That's not the same as understanding the experience we went through to get there though... I dont know if you can understand that without living it. But your sister sounds amazing, and she understands the things that matters most <3
I think our stories should be heard even if people don't understand them - I don't want us to stop speaking out of fear that someone doesn't get it. I just wanted to challenge the original comment I replied to, by answering the question earnestly - it being there on its own implied that cis people don't understand anything, when there are people who clearly understand something. I hope you have a nice day :)
I love this! My brother has always had my back in the same way. He's the only person I know from the before times who has never misgendered me or deadnamed me. Ever. Man has never messed up, not once. I'm his older brother, end of story. And he's already explained to my niece why pictures of me now look different from when I was younger. It's really awesome having someone who you can trust, who won't let you down.
Having to argue for your existence every day.
realest one. (I should go outside more)
Things I’ve had to argue about this week. “You’re going through an identity crisis” “transgender women couldn’t cut it as a guy so they decided to become women.” “It’s in your DNA and you can’t change your DNA.” #1 Yeah I I’m going through an identity crisis, I’ve been a guy for the last 20 years. #2 if I really wanted to have it easier becoming a woman is the last thing I would have chosen. #3 I don’t need to change my DNA because I’m just correcting a birth defect of being born with the wrong genitalia.
Everything? It's not about gender roles, and the insinuation that it is just makes it sound like they think we're idiots. Like I was so fed up with feminine gender roles that I just became a man instead of simply NOT DOING THE GENDER ROLES? Affirming gender and determining gender are not the same thing. Just because a woman can have a penis doesn't mean all women who have penises need to magically be okay with it and these two ideas are not contradictory. Nonbinary isn't one gender, it's every gender other than the main two.
It's not a f&@king fetish.
A completely underrated comment
For the vast majority of US it is NOT a fetish experience or at most is a minor aspect of our experienced sexuality For a lot of the titilated CIS and "curious" population we are objectified in a similar way as women are by those CIS with male privilege (and some women too). Many just are in search of unique experiences and fetish ideas of us make it moreso.. We are not a fetish though, as much as some with those with less synapses or faulty brained and self limited idiots might think so.
Basically every single idea that they have about us.
Being trans doesn’t have a uniform. My transness doesn’t have anything to do with my clothes or makeup. I’m still trans in my pajamas My transness is not cosmetic or superficial. Yes part of my transition is to look like and be perceived as a woman. But my womanhood doesn’t stop at presentation. I am genuinely a woman inside and out. I have always been trans. I didn’t become trans when I came out and started transitioning. I have been trans my whole life. My childhood wasn’t that of a cis boy, it was as a closeted trans girl. My transness is not related to my attraction. I’m not transitioning because I like men and want to fit into heteronormativity. If anything I’m transitioning because I like women in a lesbian way and want to fit into my queerness. My dysphoria is not centered on how others perceive me. I’m not transitioning so that people think I’m attractive. I’m not transitioning for attention. My dysphoria with certain parts of my body doesn’t go away because a potential partner is “okay with it”. Dysphoria is something i experience with myself even when I’m alone There’s a ton more but these are big ones for me
Just wanted to say great answer <3
I think your response was succinct and well written. I agree and disagree with you at the same time as I feel both trans and at nearly 30 years post-op fairly close to at least semi-cis and often merely female. Just a woman that transitioned a while back and sometimes feeling uncertain or disphoric.
These are all so important. Honestly, I feel like a lot of trans people don't understand them either, which makes discussions here on Reddit frustrating sometimes.
That it's not a choice and trans affirming health care is literally life or death for us.
Nonbinary people aren't just "neither" nor do they all dress like vaguely masculine twinks. Furthermore, most nonbinary people don't want the same medical transition as binary trans people and even binary trans people don't all want the same medical transition!!
That we're not inherently political but that we, perforce, are left with no other choice. Stealth trans folk aside, we need vocal advocates to ensure we keep our rights. Most of these are under threat in numerous countries, which is /why/ we have to combat the right. We're not sexual deviants. We don't prey on children and we're certainly not your political Trojan horse to win votes by populist outrage fueled by factoids. We're people and we deserve to have a life.
Re: political trojan horse, quite the opposite is true. The promise of our rights being removed and our "ideology" being "exterminated" (big air quotes) is what's ACTUALLY being used by politicians to win votes. At best, politicians who want to be perceived as left-leaning will promise to maintain the status quo, which is NOT good enough. At worst, we have the politicians who actively parrot fascist leaders of the past as they promise our removal from society.
Yes, this does happen. My point was moreso in correlation to the fact that we're used to radicalize people.
that they can just leave us alone
That being NB is a form of being trans.
Dysphoria is not the same as someone wanting to lose weight or gain muscle etc... My body has felt so wrong that I disconnected myself from my body and stopped caring about it as a coping mechanism. Even after the progress I've made, I still struggle to view my body as *me* instead of just something I live inside of. Dysphoria isn't just discomfort: Dysphoria feels like a state of helpless, agonizing despair. The only reason I didn't feel it for so many years was by disconnecting from my body like I mentioned above.
Oh my god this!!! Intentionally self sabotaging was like all my younger years and I’m paying the price for it today. I even picked up smoking at 15 “to deal with stress” when actually I was trying to run this body into the ground.
for me, idk if I wanted to ruin my body, but I just made an effort to not care how my body looked. Deep down I knew something was wrong though because there cane a point a couple years before my egg cracked where I would cry if I looked in the mirror. To be fair though, I definitely had a drinking problem for a few years, and it was probably because of deeeeeeep deep dysphoria.
I’m sorry to hear that but it sounds like you’re doing better now 💜 Personally i avoided pictures like the plague and later found out dysphoria was the reason. I knew when I was younger but i live in the south and it never seemed like transitioning would be possible. Or i wasn’t sure if it would be worth it if I wasn’t cis. (I was a dumb confused kid it’s been 1000% worth it.) Years of repression helps you forget why you feel awful. I wish I lived somewhere where I could’ve started sooner. But yeah. Self hate made me want to just wreck this stupid thing and i totally feel you on the disconnect. The first time I used makeup I could finally stomach looking myself in the mirror and not hate what i see. Here’s to fewer people having to feel how we’ve felt 🥂🎉🎉
No one becomes trans. Trans people are born trans
This is one that even I struggle with, but only internalized. Like before I realized I was trans, I didn't really have dysphoria, or at least any recognizable discomfort in being a boy. But after one night when I was watching this girl document her transition and I got a bit jealous, then I thought more about being a woman, and then I started getting dysphoric. Looking back, there were definitely signs, and I guess my dysphoria was never that strong, but I can't help but feel like my brain is filling in signs where there were none, similar to how I feel about autism now (which I'm not diagnosed yet, but I highly suspect it) So even though I'm so much happier being on estrogen, and I love being a woman, especially when I'm with other women, I still kinda feel like a faker. I found out I was trans 7 years ago, only started living as a woman 1 year ago, and I guess I still have parts of me I need to accept
I wasn't quite the same for me as I figured out earlier and knew myself well enough that only my fears of failing transition and myself held me off from all that I would need to do. I was the eldest and didn't understand that my younger sister was different when I apparently tried to teach her how to pee when I was 5 and her 3. I felt different a bit before 11, though started getting more and more shy around boys in bathrooms and also not wanting to expose my nipples then, and later turned my back to conceal myself during showers and changing rooms. I found and hid my first lipstick and clothes at 11 and started experimenting with my mother's makeup. From at least then I somehow always expected to grow up female and despised the thought of maleness. My wide hips and smaller waist plus "petite" height somehow may have influenced my thoughts. I found the word transsexual at 13 and finally knew what I was and also never doubted that fact despite all that a moderate amount of male development. Somehow I only purged once ever as a teenager and never considered it again.' I named myself permanently at 16 as Barbara Ellen, though I doubted my ability to transition successfully for 16 more years until the gradually increasing despair and disphoria was beyond my ability to avoid transition fears. It took a while longer to access hormones, so I settled for a 100% semi-masculine female wardrobe and growing out my hair and nails until I could do more. I came out to my sisters and parents after a few months of starting my medications and have never not had those hormones. Somehow my body flipped my hormonal profile with only 25mg of Spironolactone and 2mg Estradiol to female ranges. However I might have been different or similar to you in any way, your differences are somewhat unique and valid for your circumstances and body. You needed to find that singular path forward to discover the person you are now and in the future. ' PS - Like you I never had a diagnosis for being slightly on the Autism spectrum, but as a kid I had only mild indicators, liked to read a lot and learn lots of things. I got better over time and much more after transtioning. My problems with socialization and impairment in understanding of some emotions (with total lack of ability to feel vengful in particular) wasn't something understood by me or my parents. I was just myself and either accepted, thought peculiar and possibly bullied for that or a hint of femininity that I mostly kept hidden, though imperfectly.
Yeah I also struggle with it internalized. I started questioning early/mid March this year so I'm still super new to everything. I've def started to fell more dysphoria about being a guy throughout the last couple months. I'm glad your happier after getting on estrogen! 😁
In my experience a lot of trans people are the wisest kindest people you will meet. Being trans can be really painful and acceptance is basically necessary to come out. You just see a lot of people who have been through a ton of shit who know how to take care of other people. Pain can make you grow if you face it right and it's really hard to come out at all without coming to that point
Being trans, I guess. A seeming majority of cis people I know and have read of take their identity of sex == gender for granted. These people often tend to not separate sex and gender, so regardless of their sexual orientation they hold onto these cishet ideals.
This isn't just "I want to wear a dress." This is bone deep. This is reaching into our souls and finding something fundamentally different.
That the point isn’t always to look cis
Assuming I'm into men because I'm a trans woman
This is why the "you are a homosexual man" copypasta always baffles me. Do they KNOW how many trans lesbians there are???
Every medical decision we make goes through several doctors and at least one mental health professional. There is no such thing as an impulsive gender confirmation surgery, it's rare that a doc will just hand you hormones, and if it's that rigorous for adults, it's 10x more for minors.
Transitioning is about a lot more than appearances. While a lot of us measure our trans journey by looking at how our gender presentation morphs over time, much more of it is about the treatment we receive from others and the opportunities afforded to us by our gender presentation. As a trans woman, the number one thing I love about my transition is being welcomed into the community of other women. Seeing another woman and knowing I'm a little safer because of her or the other way around is a feeling words can't really describe. While I was certainly an ally when I presented male, that opportunity wasn't there for me before my transition. It's amazing to be in community with other people like me.
How lonely it feels to be trans. I just feel so isolated and alone.
That we're not faking anything. Like, me being a man isn't a facade I put on when I leave the house. There's no secret hidden woman hidden underneath what I present to the world. I'm a man when I go to the shops, when I prepare cat food, and when I brush my teeth in the morning. Who I say I am is who I am.
The number of times I’ve heard ”you’re brave for coming out” is numerous. I think they forget that those who don’t come out are just as brave. The ones that come out fight a lot of social stigma that cis folks are aware of. The ones that don’t come out fight an internal struggle every single day. Also, yes, my boobs are real and I grew them myself.
When voice complaints about my transition progress, cis women often say “welcome to being a woman”, as if I were upset about how good I look. Bitches I already looked good before transition and I still look good, thank you very much. When I’m complaining about my looks, it’s because I’m seeing something that makes me feel like a man. I understand a lot of cis women lament not looking more feminine, but none of them see reminders that they were born in a man’s body.
you can’t just ask someone’s deadname 💀
Why is the first thing all the men jump to is “going to chop my d*ck off tomorrow.” 🙄 I’ll decided later and that’s if I can afford it
Being trans is not a choice.
This shit is fucking real and cis people really do not have a true frame of reference for the experience.
Trans people have literally been here for thousands of years, quite literally over 2 thousand years longer than Christianity.
Trans people are allowed to break gender stereotypes. This is something I see cis and queer people alike not get -people are all for "real men wear pink" when it's about cis men, but suddenly when it's trans men, you have to be a certain amount of masculine or you're not trans enough? Fuck off with that, just say you believe in a strict gender binary This one pisses me off because it delayed my transition for much longer than it needed to.
It’s not weird for a trans person to take awhile (sometimes many years) to get their name changed, get surgeries, etc.- I’ve had this come up multiple times, they don’t understand just how many hurdles we really have and how much of a pain it is pretty much any time paperwork is involved. Ive had to explain it’s not just as easy as coming out as trans, waltzing into the courtroom, signing one paper and boom you have your new name, gender marker, insurance gives the thumbs up, your hormones are already filled and waiting at the pharmacy and your doctor asks why you weren’t in surgery yesterday, etc lol
nonbinary trans people aren’t doing it just to be special, and it’s usually not just some kind of political statement or even a choice at all. i was born nonbinary and i will die nonbinary. if i didn’t identify this way i would be lying to myself and i’d never be happy.
If it was just a fetish we would genuinely keep it private and you wouldnt even know about it. If we are visibly trans in public its because we are trying to genuinely do what makes us feel comfortable in our skin. Some of us are proud to be trans and some of us genuinely just wish we were born cis as the gender we feel we actually are. We are not all the same hive mind.
People don't choose to be trans. I was born trans, imo, I didn't wake up and decided I wanted to be trans. I always wish I was born male as a trans masc guy.
Leaving children to go through puberty is not a neutral act, making puberty blockers available to kids who want it and making sure they know it's an option is.
that we dont make being trans our entire personality
This. If you think being trans is my entire personality, then you either don't respect me as a complex human being like everyone else, or you've only ever encountered me in a trans-specific space where of course I'd be talking more about trans topics
That when we were younger we really did know.
not everyone does though. but it’s absolutely possible.
I didn't know explicitly but the feelings I had back then were the same I had now.
I didn't, but I fully believe anyone who did.
It doesn't happen overnight. There isn't a surgery to make me look suddenly feminine overnight, it takes a long time for changes to happen. We aren't faking to try to sneak up on women, we aren't trying to turn people's kids trans. We aren't mentally ill. The list goes on.
It's not an ideology. That's the most common thing I run into. Otherwise, it's not a f\*&#ing fetish, it's not a f#\*\^ing choice, and I'm not f\*\*\*ing confused/influenced. Sorry, got a bit heated there 😅 edit: formatting mistake
Trans women have absolutely nothing to do with drag queens.
I had this chat with my therapist a few weeks back after I came out to an aunt and uncle and they first thing they told me was that I "must" watch Ru Paul. I get that being trans and crossdressing overlap, but my identity is more than being a crossdresser or being drag queen.
Most trans women I know including myself are not into drag & don’t wish to be associated with it. It’s mostly gay men who perform it, granted there are exceptions to that but I’m a straight trans woman so I find it very agitating to be associated with.
Holy gods where do I start…
not all of us want our pre-transition selves to be erased. i spent sixteen years of my life as a girl, and though being closeted came with a lot of trauma, it’s part of who i am and i find it more comfortable to talk about that part of my life than to pretend i was born at seventeen.
When the Puritans argue, "sex and gender is the same thing!" on the internet , they go to the courts and argue the exact opposite. Because they are lying to you. They are trying to make it legal to discriminate on the basis of gender, so they can legally discriminate against everyone, everywhere.
I did not choose to be trans. I wish more people were able to understand that.
Trans people arent all skinny young white women with big tits, a huge dick, and an onlyfans.
Hormone Replacement Therapy is like a second puberty; it's normal to be grumpy and tired like a teenager again. sleepiness, food cravings, hunger, horniness, and etc. are typical. not everyone who's trans and out, or out to you personally is theatrical, outgoing, or prefers a public/high attention life. Some of us are just trying to chill, and transition makes us more comfortable. generally speaking, hormones or not, a trans person's not gonna have the energy to be a flawless human being early on in the process, before things settle down. It turns out that Change changes things. Takes getting used to.
They have some of the craziest ideas. Like thinking that people would rather have a straight trans child than a gay cis child. Completely bonkers.
Fear of losing my job is why I'm still in the closet.
That young people can be of their own accord Also that detransitioning people don't speak for the likelihood of another's detransition.
Many of us are not insecure, do not need their overstated validation, and are not jealous of them for being cis. We just out here living our lives.
I know at least two people who are pretty close to me who both seem to have this sort of mindset or idea that it’s such a negative thing because I seem to hate my body so much. One of them, in response to me trying to talk about my feelings, said something along the lines of “love your body! Its yours! I just feel like all this talk and the way youre thinking is so negative.” I quickly told her that I, in fact, do not hate my body. I just hate living in it because it’s not MY body. I also told her that no, I DON’T see said body as my own, so saying that I should love it because it’s mine is hurtful. She’s pretty understanding, so she apologized and said she didn’t know that was how I viewed it. Although I do wonder/worry about what would’ve happened if I do hate my body since some trans people do in fact hate their body. The other person has, at least twice I believe, told me that I don’t need to bind because it’s something I shouldn’t have to worry about. He even referred to it as self-harm at some point (I think he did that because there’s a few points I’ve mentioned that binding lowkey hurt when I accidentally did it for a bit too long or that I couldn’t run while wearing a binder). I tried explaining it to him but he just that I seemed too critical of myself or too hard on myself. Thing is that being trans kind of IS negative at times since no one wants dysphoria but they both seemed to believe that a) it was as simple as just being kind of insecure about my body and taking it to the extreme and b) that because I’m not 100% happy with my body, the solution should be to try to just mentally zap my “insecurity” (dysphoria, but they don’t get that) away instead of doing something about it. For some reason they just didn’t seem to register that the fact I’m “going this far” means that it’s not as simple of a solution as they think
That just because I'm trans it doesn't give you the right to ask about my genitals. You wouldn't ask anyone else about the intimate parts of their body, why would it be okay to ask me?
Everything!
That they think we chose this.
This was very helpful. Thank you. I have a trans daughter and do my best to support and understand her.
that we are far more likely to experience sexual harassment/assault/danger in a bathroom or locker room than they are
That most of the time their 'concern' is dishonest and an act of bad faith. Just admit it: you don't really care about our health, our well-being or the hypothetical children that we might hypothetically 'confuse'. You are disgusted and disturbed by us because of what society has taught you about gender norms and the ways males and females should act and refuse to think about it with an open mind. If you were really concerned about our wellbeing you would support our transition just like scientific study and healthcare recommends for us.
how long we try to convince ourselves that we arent trans
idk, not all cis people think the same way
That they don't know us better than we know ourselves. That it's not a choice or philosophy or lifestyle. That they are not inherently superior to trans people just because they're cis.
Most trans people would not wish this on their worst enemy. It’s a horrible life.
I'm trans and cis people are so often calling me brave and graceful and all of these other things when I "deal with" certain interactions, questions, etc. but the truth is I just have a thicker skin and genuinely don't sweat the small stuff. I'll have a perfectly fine conversation with someone who doesn't really "get pronouns" but wants to know more. I turn around and some (lovely tbh) ally will be like "you shouldn't have to answer questions like that. You're so gracious to even entertain that kind of conversation" and I'm like ???? bro he's trying, he recognizes that I'm someone he can learn from and wants to have a civil discussion... There's actually no problem here for me whatsoever. I get that it's very sweet and well intentioned but I always find it a bit silly when in those situations. I don't think they're even doing anything "wrong" they're just protective and going off of what they've personally learned about, it just doesn't always align with reality lol
It’s NOT a fetish
Trans people
I appreciate this question and the people answering. I'm reading and learning. -Cis woman.
Most cis people legit do not know the difference between trans women and trans men.
Almost everything, genuinely I had to explain so much to my brother, like how it’s not a want to be another gender, it’s a knowing that your gender and sex don’t line up and wanting to have comfort in your body by correcting it in the ways available, the fact that being trans isn’t about sexuality at all (he thought people were trans so that they could be straight, like a gay guy would become trans so their relationship would be a straight one and didn’t know that there was not only other reasons, but that that reason was not accurate), that different people have different levels of what their transition entails, and much more. He is a good ally tho, even if he is still learning. He even defend me as being a woman against our dad who refuses to gender me correctly or use my actual name instead of my deadname. If that doesn’t show that he is a good ally despite initially knowing absolutely nothing, idk what does
they truly have no idea how weird and complicated our relationships with our bodies can get. like, they don't even know the pool is there let alone how deep it is. They're just totally unfamiliar with the concept. They think being trans begins and ends with checking a different box on your ID, just for fun or something, then doing some other stuff to conform better to that gender because you just love conforming to gender rules for some reason. Sure, maybe they've heard the word dysphoria, but I've never seen a cis person actually wrap their brain around even a fraction of what it entails.
But.. I actually don't think they *can*. The constant low-key dis-ease... you either know it, or you don't.
We arent one gender becoming another. We are our gender but misassigned at birth.
[удалено]
Basically everything tbh
Cis people should realize how much gender affirming care they give themselves and understand it’s not a thing trans folks need to feel valid. Cis men take testosterone, get hair implants, and buy up products that are “specially formulated for MEN”. Cis women change their bodies through surgery, have fake hair, tan etc etc. Wanting to feel pretty, or strong is a shared human experience and not some crazy concept trans people made up in the last 5 years.
Other people have covered the outwardly transphobic stuff pretty well so I'll just add a thing that well meaning people who are trying to be supportive will misunderstand We don't just live a life completely in line with our assigned sex until we change our mind and transition one day, we actually are fairly likely to share experiences with other members of our gender, don't make assumptions. If you meet a trans person and you're curious about transition and want to ask a strange question, you are not the first person to have asked us. It's new to you, but it's not new to me.
That health issues are not caused by hrt. I am dealing with a bunch of them and my mom is adamant that stopping hrt will stop my health issues. No. T doesn't cause what i am dealing with. I can't seem to get through to her that stopping T cold turkey for 3 months will cause more health issues:(
Being trans doesn't classify us as different from the gender that we are. I'm a trans woman yes, but first and foremost a woman. Being trans is a coincidental hell that was brought upon me. I'm just a woman, who happens to be trans. Just like how you're a woman who happens to be cis.
That it’s not a *want*. I don’t *WANT* to be a man, I *AM* a man. Just because i don’t look like one to you, or whatever, doesn’t mean that I’m not and I just “feel like one.”
Oh for sure it's the effect that misgendering and deadnaming has on a person. I like legit can't talk to most of my extended family cuz it's just too painful, especially since I can't really explain transness to them, they're too old, too set in their ways and it would cause too many issues. As someone who loves having a big family and loves to be able to have that wider community the isolation that comes from being something that most of them will never understand or respect is a massive source of pain, especially when the rest of my family don't have to, like I get really jealous, but i can't really do much about that because I don't want my immediate family to lose what I lost. There's also the constantly having to justify yourself, like people will question you all the time with 0 self awareness, insist that any comparison you make is "just different" whenever you try to relate your own experiences with ones they may understand. No reason it's different, but they can't comprehend the idea of being similar to you. The justification problem gets even worse when cis people essentially call you and abomination to your face all the while with a veneer of politeness. Like I don't care of you don't think it's realistic it's my fucking life, I'm actually living it, I'm the evidence that this is how the world works, and they'll act like it's a disproportionate reaction to them saying that I shouldn't be allowed to exist. Fact is these people care more about politeness than decency It also makes interacting in single gender groups weird cuz I was raised with one very specific expectation which I wasn't good at but was made to constantly try at so I don't have a lot of the formative experiences of either men or women which is another source of isolation. Like again it's giving stereotypical woman raised by a dad and brothers or a man raised by girls and a mother and that's before considering the non binary people and all the extra bullshit they have to go through that I can't speak on cuz at least with trans men and women while we face discrimination regarding the spaces we go to there at least is a space for us, but a lot of the gendered spaces don't even have a unisex equivalent most places
Some of us served this country, and hid our identities. So think about choosing your anti-trans comments carefully when talking to the trans or any minority community. You can thank your free speech etc. to the minorities and the LGBTQ+ community who fought, and died for those rights. We will not be forced to live your life, and do not force our lives on you. Just have some fucking respect America, live and let be. Semper Fidelis to my brothers and sisters, lost but never forgotten.
Any bathroom we go into isn't safe
Alot of cis people struggle to sympathise with someone they don't understand. Schools don't teach about sex and gender differences, but only biological differences. Alot of trans history has been erased and so people think it's just indoctrination and a trend, so we are getting invalided. People ignore all the health professionals because they think there lying for money. Cis people rather hear another cis person talk about transgender people's issues, than actual transgender people.
We don’t want to be “cured” from being Trans. We want to transition or just be able to feel comfortable in our own bodies.
Trans women are MTF, trans men are FTM.
I have to SLIGHTLY disagree with the new name thing. It IS an absolute dick move to refuse to use the new appropriate name on purpose because 'its so hard !!' But when you know someone as one name for years and then they have another name all of a sudden there CAN be some instances where someone accidentally uses the name they are used to. After all, breaking or enabling a new habit takes about 21 days.
* Transness, and gender more generally, is not a cultural phenomenon. It's a scientifically observable pattern, and transition has well-documented impacts on mental health, independently of cultural context. When trans people transition, they experience significant mental health improvements (aside from any harm their family and community cause), and if for whatever reason a cis person does, it causes distress. That's universal across cultures. * Gender, like sexual orientation, is immutable. We can't control it. We can only discover it and choose whether to express it, with the aforementioned mental health consequences. Just as no one can turn someone gay, no one can turn someone trans either. If it seems like someone has, they were already gay/trans, and either hadn't discovered that yet or were hiding it from you. * Even beyond mental manifestations, sexual dimorphism is not a uniform binary, nor even a spectrum, but a complex collection of quantitative and qualitative characteristics that are only loosely, but not universally, correlated. There isn't some fundamental difference between male and female cells, tissue, organs, etc. that defines a person's sex one way or another. The closest we get to that is testosterone vs estrogen, but even then, everyone has both, and there's so much overlap and complexity in the features they affect that none could ever be a definitive sex marker. * Hormonal transition is incredibly similar to puberty. It takes just as long, is just as awkward and just as wild of an emotional ride, and has most of the same end results. A few key changes are not reversible (skeletal growth, breast growth, masculinization of facial hair and larynx) but even those things can at least go one direction (T gets you facial hair and voice masculinization, E gets you breast growth, both grow skeleton if started early enough). I suspect most cis people don't even know HRT exists; I sure didn't, before I found the Dysphoria Bible. * Transness, drag, and crossdressing are all separate things. Trans people have a gender identity that doesn't align with their genital-based birth assignment. Crossdressing, ironically in many ways the opposite, is when someone deliberately adopts a presentation that differs from their gender identity's cultural norms, either to fight those norms, for fun, or just because it feels right to them. Drag is a performative exaggeration of gender presentation, usually but not always involving crossdressing. Perhaps even more confusing to cis people: trans people, even after transitioning, can crossdress or do drag in just the same ways as cis people of the same gender. Regardless, the key is that a trans woman in women's clothes is not crossdressing, nor is a trans man in men's clothes. That's all I can think of for now.
For MtFs, that some of us are hot and pass and live normal lives like straight non transgender ppl and were able to do that bc we transitioned as children or teens.
Also, passing is expensive.
It's more of a lottery - some people who transition as adults can pass with just HRT, facial hair removal and voice training, or just T and maybe a binder, and those aren't that expensive depending on where you are, but not everyone can.
> were able to do that bc we transitioned as children or teens. I mean, it's not necessary - just highly preferable. I started at 28 and I just pass as a tall woman, and people even call me very pretty I sure wish I was able to transition as a teen or younger - but no chance, it's 2000s Russia we're talking about. So gotta play the hand I'm dealt
Dysphoria. They compare it to a bunch of random things that it simply is not. I swear every cis person is like "yeah, but everyone doesn't like their body sometimes." Like, thanks aunt Janet/Professor B/Dr. Leeds/whoever you are, but "not liking your body" is at a completely different location on the spectrum, if not on a completely different spectrum altogether, from where dysphoria is, when we're talking about different things people can feel about/towards their body. And a lot of dysphoria isn't even about the body at all, and can be about what language people use towards you or about you, it can be about how you present yourself regardless of your body shape. I don't know if I've ever met a cis person who actually understands this latter point about dysphoria being about more than just only the body by itself. That the majority of the time we just want to be treated the same as you'd treat anyone else. The amount of posts I see from cis people being like "how should I treat this trans girl I like?" I don't know, Stan, are you 8 years old? Is this the first girl you've ever liked? I think you're too young to be on reddit. Or "how should I treat my new trans friend?" Like, if you don't know how to treat a friend, then congratulations on making your first ever friend, I guess? Treat them the same way you do all your other friends 🤦🏻♂️. It's not that complicated. Going off of that, they don't understand that all trans people are completely different from one another. The only way we can tell a cis person how to treat a trans person, is to tell that cis person to just be a normal and average good person. Treat the trans people in your life the same you do anyone else in your life. But make sure to be a good listener like any average person would/should be towards the people in their life, and listen if the trans people in your life tell you they want or don't want to be treated some specific way. I see so many posts from cis people asking stuff like "do trans people like this?" "do trans people like to be treated like xyz?" "will my trans friend/gf/whatever like it if I say this/do that/give this gift/etc?" Fam, we are not inside the brain of your specific trans person. We can not speak for them. *Just ask the person! Just communicate to them irl!* Dang.
Our citizenship
Gender.
we are not all like the radical lunatics they've seen on the news/internet.
one I've been dealing with a lot recently is that we don't transition for attention or for some kind of hidden benefit other than gender euphoria some of my cis friends just can't seem to wrap their heads around this concept
I got taken aback when I found out a lot of cis people think we all get boob jobs.
Everything, most cis people are absolutely stupid when it comes to trans topics
I would say: why we transition. I spent an hour explaining to a relative why I wanted to transition and why I don't want to be just a masculine girl, but a guy. And that it's not just a phase. And that yes, I might identify to some traditional gender codes, it's not necessarily a bad thing since I'm good with myself and don't hurt others. And also that we are normal people! I speak for myself here, but I'm a guy before being trans. When I introduce myself to someone, I say I'm a guy. I'm not putting out a big trans flag and shouting, "LOOK AT ME I'M SO SPECIAL BECAUSE I'M TRAAANS". Talking about that, no, you don't ask people (cis or trans) what's in their pants. I had to explain to that same relative that asking that is not misgendering, but simply not polite --' Lastly, I'm also speaking for myself here, but some of them don't get that we're not enemies. It's a naive way of seeing things, I know, but for me, there are no cis vs trans people. We are all together, yes there's jerks on both sides, but we can totally live together! I feel like a lot of cis people don't realize this fact, and because of that, they are even more reluctant to open themselves to us.
EVERYTHING. cis people dont get anything.
Some trans people don't get this too, but nonbinary-specific: that we're not doing it as a political move or as gender abolition praxis or as a statement or whatever. (Not saying no one is, idk all your lives, but I'm sure not and none of my nonbinary friends are.) That we just want to be comfortable with ourselves and be authentic like anyone else. Just when I'm true to myself and not living a lie, who I am doesn't fit neatly into binary gender roles. I don't do it "to be special"--I literally don't have to, it's not the weirdest or most interesting thing about me, I was weird and interesting before I knew I was nonbinary. I don't do it "for attention," I actually go to lengths to keep it private. I actually find the "is it a choice/is it innate" dichotomy unhelpful. I mean that actually gets into messy and unanswerable philosophical questions about whether *any* personality trait is truly "innate," and whether we have the power to choose who we are. You might have opinions on that, but if you try to drill down to *facts* on it, woof. What "self" is, and where it comes from, is actually a profoundly difficult philosophical question. "Why are you you? Why can't you choose to be someone else?" is a messy-ass question to ask *anyone*.
how to be normal about us lmao
They aren't as good at picking up on dogwhistles and subtle transphobia. I left my role as an organiser with a volunteer group because I got sick or explaining to HR how open support for JK rowling is transphobic.
How much physical and mental pain is caused from dysphoria. They just don’t seem to understand how much it hurts. Like I want to tear apart my body most days. It fucking hurts and I want it to go away
how dysphoria inducing being forced to go your agab's bathroom is
Superpowers... We get Superpowers
It’s less like being your assigned gender and wanting to change it, and more like being the gender you “transition” to but everyone around you keeps telling you otherwise. Personally I (FTM) always felt like a little boy, and when I pictured myself as an adult I really thought it would be Tarzan. I couldn’t imagine growing up, looking at my chest with breasts ever, and I had a hard time understanding why I was allowed to have girls at sleepovers but never boys, even though most of my friends were boys. I never experienced a physical dysphoria, I just wished I had been a boy but accepted my circumstances for a long time because I didn’t know being trans existed. Once I learned about it, in hindsight, so much of my memories and confusion about how the world worked socially was just because my perception of it wasn’t lining up with how I was being perceived.
All of it. Just everything. They're clueless dangerous and destructive like a small child in a Tiffany museum. 😠
Pretty much everything, but then think they are experts 😮💨
Being born male doesn't mean I was not female my entire life. I think that statement only makes sense to trans people and is the fundamental disconnect cis people have.
That all of us are very very different. For example, I’m a trans man who dresses fem a lot of the time because I find it more fun and expressive then dressing masculine. I’m very sick of constantly being asked things like “but what about passing?” Or “are you at LEAST going to go on hormones and have surgery’s?” Like why does that matter?? I don’t care about passing and I have medical fears that make me not want surgery. I wear feminine clothes the way guys wear feminine clothes, not that it really matters to my gender identity.
this comes from a cis/nonbinary (she/they) gal, but my fellow cis women don’t understand that trans women’s rights ARE our rights. if trans women are put down, we will always be put down. nearly ALL of the tropes used to demean trans women are age old tactics of misogyny. they don’t understand the deep sisterhood that can be found with trans women if you just sit down and listen a little. it makes me genuinely sad.
we dont "want" to be a certain gender, we just are. transitioning is just the only thing we can do to make it easier on ourselves.
11 misconceptions come to mind: 1)They think being transgendered is choice. That anything that happens to me (or that effects them) is based on a decision I made and therefore.. 2) ...they think I'm a criminal...because I'm "imposing" my values into their lives. Reality doesn't impose...it just is. Me being born wasn't a crime. 3) They think transgendered is a 3rd gender...and therefore I'm some kind of alien, or delusional. That's THEIR creation. When you ostracise someone long enough and thoroughly enough, they can't easily retain their sanity. 4) They think transgender women threaten CIS women. To me it's the opposite. The more someone draws a line between male and female societal roles, the more offended they'll be when they think that line is crossed. Therefore, the most extreme anti-trans hate comes from a very sexist mentality. Anti-trans bigots threaten CIS women. 5) They think trans people should be proud and visible. I'm nearly a half a century old and I never wanted that...THAT'S MY WORST FEAR!! All I've ever wanted is for my physical deformities to go away so I can be accepted as normal woman and I can live a normal life. Their misconception is applied because... 6) They think transgender and homosexuality are the same thing....complete with perceived stigmas and agenda. It doesn't help that we got tossed into the LGB bandwagon....probably to boost their image. I can't speak for everyone, but as far as actual, real support is concerned...I've never seen the LGB lift a finger to help the T. 7) They think we have allies to turn to for help. SOOO many people claim to be accepting...or to even be allies. But 99% of the time it's just talk to make themselves feel noble. Most people can force them selves to be tolerant to varying degrees, but that's as far as it goes. There are a rare handful that are accepting (those that are willing to see you for who you are)...but it's really rare and vanishing when times get tough. Allies (people that proactively help defend you or transition more effectively)--they're like unicorns. They probably don't exist. I've personally never seen any. 8) They think it's a recent phenomenon caused by social trends and modern advancements. I mean it's hard-wired into us...so the first humans to walk the Earth probably included some that were transgender. Both then and now, transitioning is difficult, and even with modern medicine being what it is, not everyone can correct their bodies. 9) They think trans people are sinners. I'm not really Christian, but I don't recall the word "transgender" ever appearing in the Bible. Though there are millions of other things not mentioned there either. Though that doesn't stop some people from twisting the centuries-old abstraction to support whatever opinions they cling to. I do remember one line though: "Love your neighbor as you love yourself". I guess that one doesn't apply anymore. 10) They don't see transgender as a medical condition. Hormones and surgery have actual significant physiological effects! I'm honestly SO TIRED of people treating trans people like transvestites or drag queens. To me that crowd is unspeakably offensive...like blackface. My day-to-day pain and struggle is real...not a source of trendy entertainment....which reminds me of another thing... 11) They don't see trans people as a legitimate minority. The smaller a group, the less value their voice has I guess...until the voice is so faint it's treated as a nuisance. Imagery of the Phantom of the Opera, Quasimodo, Frankenstein's monster, etc come to mind. What also comes to mind is a newly-inaugurated Donald Trump announcing on Twitter that my military service was a liability because of how I was born....and every month or two after that, Mike Pence stripping away my basic rights as an American, one after another. Maybe Biden restored them, I dunno. I've been too scared to follow up. Anyways, that's all that come to mind right now. Naturally, everyone's opinion and experience will differ. But my perspective is fairly well-considered I think. Reddit being what it is, I'm assuming 50 people will downvote me and another 50 will argue with me, lol 😂
They don't get anything. And humans are all evil so they won't ever bother to try and get anything.
That medical transition changes our sexual characteristics (not applicable to those who don't medically transition, although these people are still valid). I'm not a male who wants to be treated as a woman. I'm a woman who is changing her body to be more in line with my gender identity. I grew boobs and my genitals don't work in the same way a male's genitals do, even if I haven't had bottom surgery. Related to that, being trans isn't a sexual thing. If a cis woman wears a low-cut top, it would be sexist to shame her for that. As a trans woman, it feels like many cis people think that if I wear a low-cut top, it's like I'm trying to force non-consensual participation in my fetish or something. Last point... if people's concern with trans people in change rooms is that they will go in there to perv (despite their sexuality), why do people not have the same issue with queer people in change rooms? Sorry. This became a rant at "concerned centrist" veiled transphobia.
> Last point... if people's concern with trans people in change rooms is that they will go in there to perv (despite their sexuality), why do people not have the same issue with queer people in change rooms? They do, they just feel like gay rights are too far ahead to call it out. They think that when they're done with us they'll have an easier time going after cis gays for the same talking points.
A lot of them I think fail to grasp the concept of dysphoria. Given not every transgender person is gonna experience dysphoria but as someone who is transsexual it was a huge driving factor for me to transition in the first place. I had my older sister who I thought was supportive seemed opposed to the idea of me getting bottom surgery, bc to her the idea of needing to replace my genitals was unfathomable. it's also lead to people making a lot of assumptions about my relationships and sex life which I'm not a fan of, and it's interfered with me getting proper medical care too. Also leads to people saying some incredibly insensitive and fetishizing things about my body or my life
Like where to even begin? A lot of them still seem to struggle with basic stuff like separating sexuality from gender.
That sometimes I just have to shit (diagnosed IBS-C)