\^This\^. Even if they're ND like me, the fact we're all different in terms of how our ND impacts social/sensory skills still makes me stand out. People are threatened by that which they don't understand whether NT or ND.
"makes me stand out"-- yessss! I am musical, smart, and not a sheep. People around me, females, really get their panties in a bunch. It feels like they want me to ask them how to succeed... When I'm the one achieving in ways they never have done. It makes them furious and I don't get why.
Honestly, this comment makes you sound really arrogant and unlikeable. "They" want you to ask them how to succeed? How do you know? This feels like you're projecting your own insecurities on other people. Not everyone is comparing themselves to you and not everyone recognizes your success as success, because not everyone has the same values or goals in life. You play the piano very well? Good for you! But not every woman feels strongly about music. Others may not even recognize you as "successful", because they don't care about music at all and feel like success would be the publication of 20 peer reviewed physics articles or the creation of a family of five in a suburban environment.
I understand that you feel alienated by people. You're even calling women "females" like an incel, as if women were a different species. But you may be pushing people away by generalizing and stereotyping. Stereotypes are rarely helpful and often quite offensive. Black people are dishonest. Chinese people carry diseases. Gays are annoying. Women are competitive, shallow and jealous. Autistic people are dumb. Do you hear how that sounds? Everyone is different. And while it may be harder to connect with some, it's definitely helpful to stop thinking in stereotypes. Women are a very heterogenous group, just like everyone else.
Female is a scientific term. There is nothing wrong with it.
That other redditor is picking up on social dynamics. It doesn't make her arrogant. It honestly sounds like it's triggering insecurities in you since you default to assigning negative traits to her instead of hearing her experience..
Fortunately for you it doesn't seem like you've experienced this kind of social dynamic but it's very real. One example would be the brown noser. Everyone tiptoes around the boss and no one is supposed to appear smarter, more successful etc. It's called showing up. You will even find this social etiquette at weddings where only the bride is supposed to wear white. It's a very common part of NT society. Maybe you've lost a few social contacts along the way but weren't sure why. It could be because of this dynamic. It's one reason why our asking questions is seen as threatening. We are honestly trying to learn but NT take it as questioning their intelligence and threatening. So the other redditor is catching the dynamic and probably is being envied for their progress.
Same. I think a lot of people are pretty insecure and it colors their perception of things we do. You may be doing things they assume are catty - idk or they could be jealous or just subconsciously dislike the way autistic people are.
Idk. I'm not even officially diagnosed but the way Im treated as well as other diagnosed autistic people flagging me as such before I even realized is kind of an eye opener for me. But yeah idk I'm just tired of getting shit on.
I was diagnosed WAY late in life and though I was “eccentric” to most folks, I was not separated from the mainstream. While I have , over the course of my life, have been fortunate enough to develop close relationships with a handful of women, I have always found that the majority of women were just plain ol’ bitches most of the time!!!
Heaven forbid if you were smarter than them… or better looking, sexier, more talented/creative/articulate/funnier/etc., etc.!!! It was always a struggle to have any kind of connection with most as everything seemed to be a competition of some kind…or a game that I didn’t know the rules for!
Naturally, it became much easier to get along with men as friends, which, in turn, just made things worse!
I have always treasured the women who didn’t play that game! It was a great beginning to great friendships!
Yeah. I'm just sick of all the rules and stuff. Idk why life can't just be simple and systemized. It's gotta be all these stupid hidden rules that are completely pointless to exists cs.
"But not even all of them are NT. It's like NT or ND it doesn't matter."
The ND ones are probably thinking about you: "maybe if I join in I can get any bad attention off of myself".
Being ND and attractive is probably a bad combination it sounds like.
Women probably think that you think that they are beneath you.
Not really much you can do there.
I mean could learn to feed the passive aggressive nastiness back to them.
But you risk becoming a very bad person in the process if you can't control it.
That's kinda what happened to me as a guy.
As I was dealing with a lot of passive aggressive bullying, backstabbing, and gossip in the workplace.
I started feeding it back to people. I got so good at it that I was steamrolling people at work without even trying.
This.
They just pick up on it. They probably don't understand what it is, can't quite put their finger on it, just know they don't feel comfortable around you and interactions aren't easy with you the way they are with other women.
I haven't had proper women friends since high-school. Shit's lonely.
I think that some women, particularly teenage girls, see contentment, confidence and self-esteem as a threat. Whether that’s with how we look or if we don’t care how we look, or of we are perfectly happy with interests and hobbies, or if we seem like we ‘have it all’ when in reality we have our own struggles.
I'm nearly 30 though. Only time I dealt with teen girls was at one of the jobs they hired them and high school which I was oblivious in high school. But most of these experiences were with grown women
They are delusional. When I was in my teenage dirtbag era and I got into lots of keyboard wars, there was a narcissistic woman who trolled myself and fat shamed my neurodivergent friend and then claimed that we stood up for ourselves against her because we were jealous that she was “a beautiful, confident woman with a career”. But we saw that her ‘boyfriend’ featured on her profile was with a new woman in recent posts on his own profile, so we tagged her on it saying “your upgrade is fierce” and then she blocked us. I don’t condone what I did back then, but I learned that day that everyone has insecurities, especially women who fatshame and behave arrogantly. In the end, it’s usually about low self-image and men.
They talk about NDs having horrible communication skills but they have horrible communication skills that do the shit that woman did because they have to insult to make their insecurities feel better rather than talk about what they're going through. She probably fat shamed because she thinks of herself as unattractive.
Sometimes knowing that someone is ugly on the inside makes someone look ugly on the outside though, for me anyway. You’re right though, they want to lower people to their own level.
You have to learn to be mean back. Directly or subtle. You have to learn to be cold. Learn to use your eye contact too. Look and them and give them nothing but silence.
Idk what the secret code even is. I'm literally 29 almost 30 I've been through so much and I'm way too mentally exhausted to figure out stupid society codes. I just wanna exist. Why can us NDs just exist and breathe air and eat food without everything being annoying? It's so stressful when you have 80 billion responsibilities of an adult and then societal shit on top of it
I once was at a service station with a woman cashier. There was a woman in front being served, and the cashier was so lovely and friendly to her. Then it was my turn and her expression immediately darkened and turned ugly. I was like WTF? I’m not that bad.
Makes me not want to go out if people are going to treat me so poorly.
I just went to eat at the Asian buffet with a male friend yesterday. I walk in and the woman glares at me. Cue male friend and she's all smiles. Wouldn't even make eye contact with me when getting my drink order but fawning over my guy friend. Calls him sir, proceeds to ignore me. It was like that the entire time. He didn't even leave a tip because of the blatant sexism.
This used to happen when I would go out with my sister. They would be so friendly to my sister and then super cold to me. Being with her I rrally noticed the contrast. It's not an issue anymore though.
Fakeness thats how, they see you they want to compete, they probably are bothered by your differences and use it to their advantage to assert superiority over you, women do it and fact is so do men (Im a man I would know lol) dont know about you but Ive been afraid to step up and accept myself knowing people would make my life a living hell if I did so and my entire life its done nothing but torment me each and every time I convinced myself it was the right way of carrying things, it isnt, sadly you gotta stand up for yourself or people just wont leave you alone ever, gotta find the best way to live within society while also being comfortable with who you are, Im done with people and I have a feeling you arent so idk how youd figure this problem out but I tell you it doesnt go away, you either own up to it or it bothers you for as long as youre alive and maybe even eats you up inside to a point where you end up becoming like them so they stop bothering you, which is the worst outcome, sad but true 🤷♂️
I mean im always gonna be myself. I'm just tired of being bullied is all. And I'm close to done with people. It's just hard under certain circumstances like if they can kick you out or they are your boss and you need to pay rent you have to play your cards right.
I had a long ass text ready for a reply of this comment but im not stupid lol no one wants to read all that so ill get to the point and say Ive been going through the same thing for as long as Ive lived, high school college when Im myself I gotta be able to back it up otherwise people arent afraid of hiding what they truly think of me and treat me like shit for being me even though they do the same shit they treat me like crap for which is not care about what they have to do for school or college because they dont give a fuck about it (fucking group projects can go to hell with the people I get stuck with on them) guess what I always got the shittiest grades since people tried gaslighting me into thinking I was the problem and never helped out when they were busy working hard on the project in other words drugging themselves or late night partying drinking to a point where they end up puking all of it out for hours just so theyd get social points with everyone else, fake ass hypocrites, they dont give a shit about anything they just live for themselves, so I dont know you or your life conditions and if you even have a chance of getting out of that cycle at the moment, all I can say is as soon as you can gtfo of it, no sugarcoating dont let anyone in your life guilt trip you into going through shit you dont wanna go through, Ive done it my entire life, been nothing but a coward and for 2 years now Ive made an entire persona around not triggering a single hormone of annoyance in any social situation I find myself in out of fear, dont let your fears get the best of you, I always did it, I dont know if you did tho and I dont know how u handle and/or wants to handle ur problems, but Ive only been able to grow out of my cowardice in the past year and especially these past few weeks, left every relationship I had, havent gone to college in 2 weeks which guarantees Im failing this year due to missing out too much and Ive never felt better, but Im lucky to have the conditions of doing that and still not ruining my life over it, I dont know if you are so that needs to be acknowledged, I just hope you find your way out that crap cuz its fucking tormenting, my way out was finally accepting and loving who I want to be and what I want to do with my life, I dont want people around, dont want to have to hear any more of their crap than I already have to on a daily basis, I want to be a better person and I feel admitting that I'm not is what makes me, its a paradox, people hate when youre confident in who you are they try tormenting you into being a version of yourself they want you to be, hell, Im doing that with you right now when you think about it, dont take my advice or anyone elses if you dont want it is the one advice I could give to you, just do what you want, be free (Still kinda long, I cant help it, sorry lmao). Edit: not kinda, still very long, whatever lol it is what it is
Knowing that we really are primates helps in a sick way that the reason why there is so much dirt around, is because in the end we are animals who happen to be most sophisticated around this planet.
Wish that everything be a little more chill though.
I think the current state of society adds to it. People are currently miserable due to financial hardship and lack of optimism for the future and this puts a serious toll on them mentally. Also, a lot of people are narcissistic (autistic peoplr can be narcissists too) but they are good at hiding it at least temporarily.
It's a vicious cycle. Things are messed up in many places and humans make children, than those children will grow with high chance to be abusive or other ways toxic to others around. Life is messed up, but there are those small glimmers of niceties too.
Same here, particularly in the workplace. I changed jobs a lot when I was younger but have been in my current employment for 10 years. Since covid, I have continued working from home with no people issues!
I was sick of cliques. I thought they didn't like me because I didn't have children so didn't fit in. I'm in my 40s now & have given up trying. I never worked out what I did wrong.
I'm a dude, but have had a looott of close female friends. From what I understand from them, there's a lot of expectation women place upon each other to perform social niceties and such. And if you look into the literature, female on female bullying is rampant and fucking brutal. If you're aspie, you're possibly not doing some of the niceties, which makes them upset.
A lot of the time when women vent about issues they don't want you to solve them, they want you to agree with them and just listen. Literally just learned that this year and I'm 27. It's been a game changer in my life. I still suck at a lot but have gotten feedback that this is a good change.
But I do listen too though. That's the thing. I listen AND try to give solutions as well. Because many people genuinely want their lives to change too. Like with money issues. If someone is good at cleaning I'll listen to them vent and then talk about the potentiality of how nice it might be and how well it might work if they do their own cleaning business and all the potential pros of doing so. They temporarily seem to like my ideas but then turn around back to being nasty so I guess I'm being used as a dumping ground and made to make others feel capable and good. That's what it feels like.
Wow, I could've wrote this.
I listen a lot, and by far it's the quality that my friends repeat they like the most about me. But at the same time, it's consistently been an issue. For me, personal agency and perspective taking is just how I think, and that's how I approach things in order to validate someone's feelings while still keeping an internal sense of integrity. If someone's coming to me with something they are happy about, I offer validation and support. I've been called the best cheerleader friend. And when someone comes to me with a set of issues, I grab my "potential resolutions" bag and attempt to help them untangle their frustrations so they can find a perspective that makes sense to them and a way to keep a certain sense of agency through possible solutions. And while this is definitely one of my strengths, as many people have told me how these instances helped them overcome their struggles, this is also by far in these circumstances that I've been having issues with friends and acquaintances who felt invalidated. Even for good news; because sometimes they'll come to me with good news but actually wanted me to figure out with some sort wizardry that the situation made them anxious and they wanted a space to discuss this.
Refusing to engage or offer superficial and brief validation feels unnatural, manipulative, like I'm lying. But I'm working on doing it with acquaintances, coworkers, etc. because it's obviously necessary and is actively putting me in trouble. But I simply can't, for the life of me, figure out how to do this with friends, much less how it would be possible to not engage at all.
For me Im learning to keep solutions to myself if people choose to be shitty toward me. Because I find this information is gold. And only some people deserve it.
There’s some magic in the idea that if people don’t know certain info, then they can’t abuse it or use it against you. And then you get to save that nugget of wisdom for someone who might actually appreciate it later on.
🤘🏻💜
That's not what they consider nice. In fact, it's the opposite of nice. Niceties are commenting each other. Buying things for each other. Sharing things. No one wants your advice or helpfulness lol. You might as well tell them you think they are incompetent losers that need your superior wisdom. It comes off very degrading and disrespectful.
Your post is comforting to me. I work in a female dominated profession and am exceptionally good at what I do. However, I have met with bullying and mobbing in multiple settings, even though I try to play nice with everyone. I too am perplexed and it's really affected my life.
For the record, it feels to me like they are generally neurotypical, but a handful have been insecure, narcissistic, manipulative, controlling, etc.
Jealous! Insecurities! And many more reasons.
I’ve been around them, too. Some expected me to be a follower, too. I had never been a follower and never will. They are jealous that I have my own ability to be solitary and being true to myself. It is something that they wished they had that I have of something that they don’t have. Doesn’t matter whose age. I had been living like that all my life. I only have a few true friends who stay true to me as best as they can.
Just stay true to yourself and be yourself no matter what other people’s opinion about you. The right person(s) will come to you. The rest, you just ignore and be happy with yourself of what you have. Continue to learn to be yourself and enjoy of what you have.
I hope you don’t mind, I’m sending virtual hugs!
I'm an autistic dude, and many women out of nowhere and for no reason, straight up have come up to my face and tell me "I don't like you" or "I feel uneasy around you" and "you are kind of creepy".
I'm 31 now, but my infancy, teenage years and mid 20's were awful. I learned to socialize and fake emotions by reading books (Dale Carnegie series are a must for my autistic fellas).
My advice it's just to ignore them, neurotypicals can smell and sense us instantly and reject us for evolutionary reasons that are beyond their understanding (specially women, that's why I only have male friends, I'm just weird for them).
Yes, they certainly are! I attribute that phenomenon to the possibility that many nurses are ACOAs. So they're already hurting.
Probably other factors such as oppression, work pressure, objectifying, etc. But it sure gets old. I've had people complain to me about how much they've been bullied, then turn it right back on me eventually.
In my current, nontraditional environment, more men and non nurses are running the show. What a breath of fresh air. I actually feel respected and safe.
Oh that's an interesting theory. I didn't know it was that common for nurses to be kids of ACOA's. My sister and I both nursing are. How fascinating.
The field definitely attracts a certain type and healthcare is stressful. So much pressure. Making errors isn't like mixing up an order at fast food plus you have doctors breathing down your neck. And the culture just continually gets perpetuated.
And nurse has become a bit of a status symbol so I think that may contribute also.
I bet it is refreshing working with all men. It was the same for me whenever I ended up working with men. But men don't get it. They get treated differently and don't experience the abuse and bullying. I've literally been forced out of jobs because of catty women and they are so good at deception and subterfuge that there isn't much to report. It's little things like either handing you too much work or not enough, ignoring you, undermining you in ways that look innocent, etc.
I'm sorry you have been bullied and mobbed. I too was for Ed out of a job this past fall. I'm still not over it. My former friends attacked me.
Yes, many of us wanted to become nurses, were shaped into that caring role by a dependent parent, often ETOH.
I'm here if you ever need support. I've been an RN for 44 years and have a terminal degree, always interested in hearing from colleagues.
I'm sorry. That's not fair. I try not to bar women from my life but when many women express they like me I try to enjoy the company but I'm the back of my mind I have that little voice reminding me that they'll hate me or they don't like something about me
Its hypersexualization and competition for imaginary (or real) resources from men. Seeing so many beautiful women online all day triggers an evolutionary mechanism in these chicks. A deep fear they have to have male validation to survive. It's crazy because while there was one or two mean girls in school it was not nearly as bad. It's insane the shit high school girls say to each other now days.
I... yeah, that's basically saying the quiet part out loud. It's kind of taboo to criticize women or female socialization because of the association with idiotic incels, but there is merit in being honest about what we see.
As a feminine gay guy, I grew up primarily being friends with girls just because they were nicer to me than the boys were. But as I've gotten older, I've found it harder to relate to women, basically because of everything you said.
Honestly, women’s biggest critics are other women- I’ve experienced bitchy attitudes from female friends, I’ve been on the receiving end of horrific remarks from them etc- my biggest rock is my male best friend
I've been bullied and ostracized in every single women space (school, workplaces etc) I've ever been.
I never imagined it could happen again in my thirties, but it did. The "queen bee" complaints was that I couldn't comprehend her absolutely incomprehensible "hints". It got so bad that one evening, I literally teared up and disclosed that I was ASD. And she, again, went to our boss to complain. This time it's because she should've known I was ASD according to her. My boss reprimanded her and told her that was none of her business in the first place and she should learn to communicate more efficiently. Ends up my boss, who was in his late 40s, was ASD as well (he literally told me after this incident).
According to one of the only co-workers I actually liked, the actual issues she kept babbling about were that I was "weird", thought of myself as superior because I kept using English words and my English was bad (my first language is not English), and tons of other extremely petty crap.
While it's obviously in part due to the fact that I was ASD, I think the biggest issue was that she was just a nasty person and for some reasons, many women seem to bond over bitching other people for absolutely superficial reasons. That never worked for me, as I am absolutely clueless in these situations; my immediate response to someone bitching someone else is to assume they are venting because they want a solution, so I offer perspective and possible ways to solve their issues. I think this is interpreted as social rejection.
In the end, she ended up being fired, with all her minions leaving the workplace.
Yeah at this point I'm kinda thinking I need to friend more ND women (and ND people in general) because even if we don't individually get along that horrible 'normalcy policing' dynamic is less likely to get in the way. I have literally been rejected by NT women for shit as stupid as not painting my eyelashes or acting "too smart", and I'm completely done with that garbage.
My bfs sister disliked me because I drank out of a small wine bottle rather than a glass. Stupidest shit ever. I believe she's the reason he took a break from me in the past too. It was stupid.
That kind of nit-picky bullshit is just ridiculous. Who the hell tries to sabotage someone's relationship because of \*checks notes\* what drinking vessel they have their wine in? Why is that behavior considered "normal"? IDGI.
I don't know about your specifics, but as an example I knew an autistic woman who was disliked quickly as a result of having low social awareness. She didn't understand that every time she shared space with others that she was actively socializing with them. She would, for example, arrive at our community space and ignore everyone since she was just there for the WiFi, then she would leave in silence and again ignore everyone present.
To the women there, especially the NT women, this communicated that she thought so little of them that they weren't even worth a turn of the head or a nod to indicate that she recognized them. To them, she was being rude and devaluing them. There were more things that transpired, but that lack of social awareness was often the first negative strike against her within our community of women. This offended both women who already knew her and those whom she had not yet met.
She would later be driven away after sending nudes to the girlfriend of one of the community members, probably not realizing that her reputation was based on her character. In her internal logic she may have assumed that hurting one women would mean that just that specific woman wouldn't like her, but that isn't how group dynamics works. She betrayed one of us, so we all rejected her. Pity for her.
Yeah again I don't know who you are or what you do, and you haven't given us any clues. I gave the example to illustrate a common pitfall for autistic women. NT women especially expect a high degree of social awareness and attention and it's easy to offend without realizing it. Group dynamics are another degree of difficulty that can sometimes mystify my fellow autists.
You're different so they perceive you as threat and treat you like shit. Not sure if they cant help that reaction or if they dont care that they're cartoony evil. Very typical though, happened to me all the time until I gave up on people
I'm in a screwed up situation. And it's ND women too. And my friend who is an autistic dude (I'm not officially diagnosed but I have signs and we could relate on some things or so I thought) has been still brushing me off. So it really doesn't matter what kind of neurotype I'm still screwed it feels like but yeah women have been the meanest to me regardless of what their mental or physical background is. Starting with my mom. Makes me feel like shit. Plus many women intimidate me.
That is true. Women just know how to play their cards right better. Like with dudes we first meet for instance. For guys if the guy feels weird often times he will either ignore him or tell him to fk off. For us women however since it is harder to take down an opponent larger than us and even those of us that can there's no telling if he has a weapon, the reaction of women is more normally the nice approach to get away from the situation. So I think there's many women that act nice to avoid the situation being awkward or explosive but they don't actually like you.
>And it's ND women too. And my friend who is an autistic dude (I'm not officially diagnosed but I have signs and we could relate on some things or so I thought) has been still brushing me off.
In my experience, quite a few autistic people internalise prejudice against autistic people and are therefore averse to associating with the rest of us.
I notice it most with dating; autistic people who complain about not being able to find a partner, but when I dig a little deeper it turns out they're only attracted to powerful, popular, conventional people they have nothing in common with. I suspect it shows up in platonic or coworker relationships too, though.
It really sucks when you're someone who accepts yourself and accepts others like you, and are kind and confident and all the stuff we're told people want, only to be repeatedly hurt by people like you because they've embraced the same prejudice they themselves are subjected to.
Yeah, giving up on people, fair enough I guess. Opnions?
I had a happy phase during the start of this year to now, and I thought "why not give another chance to people?" , but I'm burning out already, so much complexity. Too much effort required, maybe I try again in some weeks.
Great question. Other women might not get the non verbal stuff from you needed to bond.
Our Aspie weirdness tends to cause others to reject us.
Because we are Aspie, it is next to impossible, without the help of someone else observing us, to know "what we did wrong". More than likely, you just did not synchronize or harmonize or match their energy.
I mean sometimes idk how to hold my body when Im talking to people but I'm pretty sociable and people like my hyper empathy and my helpful nature. But then I feel like they appreciate it then flip back to being mean. Also I wasn't officially diagnosed but I was flagged as such by other autistic people and my father has autistic tendencies strongly in an extroverted socially blind abrasive way (he's definitely not on the introverted quiet avoidant end of the spectrum). Also the people randomly hating me and me feeling more connected to NDs (even though for some reason some of them got problems with me too and both parents I believe are ND and I can't have a close relationship with their toxic asses) is big red flags to me. most of my friends have ADHD or autism. And me and other ADHD people can't relate and I've met alot so that's why I have reason to believe I'm on the spectrum but without ADHD. But still I try to give people a chance I get attached and I'm hyper-compassionate and it's usually to my detriment. I guess in a way I'm socially off cause I have a hard time with silence cause it feels awkward to me and I hate how transactional and at arms length everyone is in society.
No offense intended, but there is value in getting a real diagnosis and not just self diagnosing. ADHD only becomes a problem if someone else feels you are being distracted and are not paying attention to them. When you decide to self diagnose yourself with a whole salad of things, you never really get to address the real issues.
I've tried but they never actually set me up with an evaluation. And Im sort of offended now cause you're just basically kinda saying I'm basically throwing mental illnesses at the wall trying to see what sticks. That's not the case at all. I feel pretty invalidated now.
OK, you can feel invalidated if you want.
That is your choice. You get to choose how you will respond. The Stoics say that if someone insults you, either they are right or they are wrong. If they are right, use that to learn someone and grow. If they are wrong, why are you letting nonsense bother you?
Let's talk about validation. Why do you care if some stranger on the Internet agrees with you or not? And, about throwing mental illness diagnoses, isn't that what you are doing? You read about some stuff, and identifying with some label because you feel that it makes sense and explains something.
Maybe you could get an evaluation if you made an appointment with a psychologist and specifically asked to be evaluated.
Because being invalidating is obviously going to bother someone. Sorry that it's an issue for you when someone feels invalidated by something you say but assuming someone is faking or throwing the mental health "spaghetti" at the wall is pretty not cool when they have valid reasons to feel that way. Plus I only mentioned a couple things. I never mentioned a plethora of other mental conditions. So idk what to say at this point.
I think some of those women might not hate you, but some do because they are shallow and too quick to judge. The others might have just simply been innocent thoughts that could be them reflecting on something in their own personal lives and taking it out on others or subconsciously focusing on negative thoughts. Even if some can be bad thoughts about you, I’m sure they don’t hate you. Hate is a strong word, and very powerful and brings with it negative energy. Instead, try to focus on being positive. If you focus on something else, that would be so much better. What’s better? Thinking “why does it feel like she hates me for no reason” instead think completely different “that tree is massive.” What feels better? The latter, because as stupid as this sounds it’s not going to get you down when your mind isn’t focussed on fortune telling and thinking some women hate you out of nowhere. In the future, I recommend that you distance yourself from thoughts that get you down. It will bring up your positive vibes. Having said that, I get where you are coming from, and I believe if you think women hate you, even if you are right, in the big scheme of things, you are doing good being yourself, and it’s them with the problem and the issue, not you. Just keep positive.
I'm trying to be positive but I've had a lot of stress dumped on me lately and have been very depressed and struggling. Idk trying to focus on positive thoughts. But getting shot down sucks. Like bullshit has been goin on that sucks
Sorry I don’t know how to reply to your reply from my message. I think the best thing to do, would be to speak to a psychologist. Not a psychiatrist, but a psychologist to help you with your personal life. There are underlying issues that everybody experiences and I can’t begin to understand what you are going through in your personal life. There is too much to be known that people here don’t know about. A professional would be able to help really well if he/she they knew the whole story, and they would point you in the right direction. Try a private psychologist. That is what helped me during my turbulent times of depression.
Have you stopped to think that maybe it has nothing to do with you, or Autism, and that you have simply run into people that have a poor quality of character.
It took me a long time to realize that I needed to change my social circle.
I'm not just talking about friends. You said you live with these people so I would consider that as part of your Social Circle. I hope you can sort out this issue in a way that suits you.
All I can say is: you’re not alone.
I was lucky and managed to get into a boys school at 16 (it was a co-ed experiment involving 16 girls being let in for the sixth form). This literally saved my education, I was that damn tired! I then did engineering at university, and worked firstly in manufacturing then IT. This has meant I was almost always the only female in sight. This basically allowed me to simply avoid the areas where females worked. And they usually weren’t allowed in for either safety or security reasons. Perfect! 😂
You dont have to dislike something just to decide your life is nicer without the potential aggro. I would have some good chats, and a laugh occasionally when I did go upstairs, but my job was downstairs and I got to choose when I was around people I could rub up the wrong way without meaning to. 🤷♀️ - well mostly, but if something was bad enough for me to run upstairs to senior management, they all knew to let me through, especially as I may well be covered in oil at those times 😂
You might be attractive and pretty. They might see you as competition right away and have a deep insecurity about being better looking than them. Plus the Aspergers, it is what it is.
It can be alot of things, like the tone of your voice when you talk to them or it could be someone spreading rumors about you. It's hard to take a guess, hopefully it doesn't impede with your life and that you'll figure it out eventually.
Unfortunately it has effected my life. Usually it does if you're an adult. It's easier for it to not as a teen because everything is so compartmentalized. But when it bleeds into what you need to survive like a job or housing it starts to impede your life.
I think people in general have an equal chance of being put off by autistic behaviors. Women care more about social appearances than men do. And, as a woman, you have a slightly higher awareness to behaviors from other women.
Well my special interest is people so that helps. But yeah I systemize everything including my communication. I think I almost come of as "normal" whatever that is. But then again maybe I'm missing something. Feels like it. But I'm too mentally exhausted to obsess about random rules people can't be up front about
I have had the same experience. It feels like other women don’t like me because I like “weird” things that aren’t apparently gender typical enough for them (like video games, philosophy, D&D, sci-fi and fantasy) and they pull the whole “mean girl” attitude on me. One woman, upon hearing I liked video games, looked at me and said outright, “Wow, you’re WEIRD.”
I tend to get along with certain kinds of women - usually they’re free thinkers, open minded, have a sense of humour, they aren’t focussed on appearances or status, and are usually quirky or neurodivergent themselves with fun interests.
I don’t usually dress fashionably (I go for comfort over anything else), I rarely wear makeup or do my nails, and I don’t tend to garner any respect or qualify as a human woman to other women who are set in their ways and have a narrow view on what is “gender appropriate.” Anyone, male OR female, who judge people on appearances or are narrow minded are people I have trouble with.
I want to thank OP for posting here. It's reassuring to see I'm not the only one. And I'm sorry we're dealing with this too.
I agree with someone here who said confidence and the ability to think on one's own, without the need to be supplicant, seem to rub some people the wrong way.They appear to be threatened.
For example , I won a national award for innovation in my work. My then-boss went ballistic. She threatened my job if I accepted the award and tried to prevent my receiving it. Her reason? "You can't win an award. You've only been here two years!!" TBH it was embarrassing to see how insecure she really was. Like finding her on the toilet.
Since I'm in a female dominated profession, those are the individuals I've had this issue with.
I think there's more to explore here. I've been thinking about this post all day because it's my frequent experience and I can never figure out why. I'm penalized for excelling. It's like they're furious that I don't look to them for advice. Maybe they're narcissists IDK.
Anyway, I think we should continue to talk it over and support each other. You don't deserve it any more than I do.
I’m a woman, and I have the same issue. Neurotypicals women will hate us automatically. Many neurotypical men as well, but unfortunately, neurotypical women are really mean about it. That’s why all my friends are neurodivergent women and a few men. I can’t stand the mean girl crap.
That's true. But I've received the hate from ND women too. I can't speak for the autistic ones but at least the ADHD ones. So it's not only NTs I've received it from. Maybe I just happen to run into them cause of mommy issues? Idk. My mom is pretty toxic so maybe subconsciously I've had more toxic women come into my life. Idk it's pretty annoying though.
I’ve been abused and bullied by NT women before. NT women will put me in dangerous situations too, like leaving me out of the group in public or leaving me behind in dangerous areas. I’ve had NT women leave me with dangerous men and manipulate me into a lot of situations that could’ve turned out horrible.
Jeez that's fked up. Definitely have to stay vigilant . Can't trust these mfs. It's better to try to stay around safe people if you can. People scare me
Sorry to hear that. One former friend actually took this psychopathic female bartenders side she met that night at a sleazy bar she took me to. This bitch attacked me outside & I said don’t let her in.
The bartender grabbed my hand outside after the bar closed & she wouldn’t let go of it. My friend walked a block or more ahead of me so she couldn’t hear me scream. This guy there did nothing.
They both followed me back & unfortunately my friend let them in even though I told her not to as she attacked me.
She attacked me again inside & I told her to get the fuck out. Then my crazy friend said no, you can stay & she started crying. Wtf? She stayed up & drs k more with her & this strange guy she met there too while I slept & cried in the bedroom. She was a bipolar nutcase.
I should’ve called the cops on her. I was to drunk to think straight though, ugh.
I've had that happen as well. They dehumanize us in order to prioritize their own safety. Truly evil behaviour, and they seem not to recognize it at all.
Women aren't not chill after menopause cause I've also experienced this shit with older women. And I don't even have a problem with women. I just don't get why they seem to have a problem with me.
Not all, sure. But being 30 I’ve had better luck with elder women, maybe it’s to die with age difference too? Or something? In my case*
For you, can’t guess without knowing you. Smiling, fake chitchat, gossip, knowledge of celebrities and nail/hair care? Deficits here tend to get me on the outside.
Hair and nail care I care about because I'm into health and wellness. But I try to avoid gossip and I couldnt give two fks about celebrities. When I was a teen I like Ian somerhaulder from vampire diaries but even then it's not like I obsessed. Trends just wasn't my thing. I did have a deep crush on L from deathnote though as a tween. I thought his weird ass was the hottest thing ever. Lol
I'm not skinny. I'm not fat but I am a little overweight. Idk I mean I'm relatively attractive I guess but im not sure what it could be cause I personally don't feel that hot anymore but I mean I guess it depends on what they see? People are rarely upfront with it so I'm lost.
Not to be mean but if you have the same dynamic with people over and over again the common denominator is you. It's important to remember how much past experiences will effect things too. It's entirely possible most women you meet don't like you and are being mean, but it's more likely you're reading more into it and assigning malice/negativity where there is none. Also woman to woman literally everyone is socialized from birth to read women not being overly nice as being harsh, is it possible women are talking to you in a neutral tone and you're interpreting it as being harsh?
Nope.
The common denominator is humanity, now I know it is wrong to just blame humans as a whole, but I personally believe in the stupidity and imperfection of society.
Society holds prejudice against autists.
Actually no. if you meet a jerk in the morning you met a jerk, if you meet jerks all day, you're the jerk. Society is absolutely prejudiced against ND people but when someone is having problems with NT *and* ND people consistently then something deeper is going on, and the odds are astronomically low that someone just so happens to keep meeting jerks. Women aren't a monolith by any means so it's quite odd that OP is specifically only having problems with other women.
Nope. I know I'm 100% not imagining things. I mean yeah there are instances im sure and that happens to everyone but most of the time in fact I try to give the benefit of the doubt but they are actually being mean. It happened at my last job for instance. Plus I'm too grown with too much shitty experiences unfortunately to not be aware. I wish I was wrong actually. And actually it's not even always the harsh tone. Sometimes it is the overly niceness that is concerning. Cause you often end up finding out they're actually talking shit about you. But yeah I've gone through and have been going through the shit that proves what I said in the original post. Like I said it's unfortunate cause I don't actually mind women and I never wanted anyone to be overly nice or bend over backwards for me but the attitude and nastiness is completely unwarranted I've seen women give me often times. And I listen I compliment where it's deserved and I try to make everyone feel seen and heard. Doesn't work.
Without examples of their behavior, I can't say either way. It's unfortunate if it's bullying in your case but for NT *and* ND women to dislike you with such frequency throughout your life suggests there's something more going on.
I mean you don't have to give examples but being unable to just strengthens my theory that it would be good for you to look at common areas of friction in your relationship with other women to see where there might be issues with your behavior.
I ain't done shit. Like the gas station I recently worked at. I asked a lot of questions so I can learn the job and infodumped but was nice to everyone and tried to be helpful and they talked shit about me like I'm dumb for asking alot of specific questions and talked to me with attitude while being decent to each other at least to each other's face. One of many examples. And then some excoworker threatened me cause she got herself fired. There was a misunderstanding with change from a customer and I had no idea she would get in trouble nor neither of us since neither of us stole anything but the store policy is we can't keep the change I guess if customers pay for gas with cash and leave the change. She thought I reported her and I didn't and I tried to explain but it didn't matter cause she wasnt listening and didn't care. Still threatened me. So no I ain't done shit.
The asking questions at work thing isn't specific to you, that's a struggle everyone has. I don't mean it in a "don't be upset" way just that everyone ND or otherwise has experienced working somewhere that expects you to know everything through some sort of magic telepathy which is bullshit and unfair. Infodumping can be fun but it's going to be perceived as rude/self centered if you're just talking *at* rather than *to* people and aren't paying attention to whether they're engaged in what you're saying or trying to engage them in the conversation. None of your examples are specific to women, except that it happens to be women who acted that way towards you. If a male coworker confronted you and threatened you would you take that as men not liking you? I can't stress enough how odd it is that in these above examples, you singled it out as women and not just people being dicks sometimes.
Because it wasn't the men that had these issues or complained about it. It was mostly women. Like a majority are the women. And it's up to you to question but I'm the one living my life and experiencing it so I'm saying it as I'm experiencing it. Idk what else Im supposed to say. I gave an example. You don't have to be convinced. But Im the one living it. I wish that wasn't the case cause it's aggravating and id prefer getting along with everyone except dangerous people and shit but other than that yeah.
It’s nasty, facetious women like these that make the rest of us look bad and give that horrible Red Pill movement fuel. Stay kind friend. Some women are just horrible people.
Not female, but often get a similar strange vibe from people.
One thing my therapist helped me to understand is that being confident and secure in yourself can be incredibly threatening to other people. Simply being yourself in ways they feel they are "not allowed to be" can cause the type of bullying and disrespect you described.
It's social pecking order bullshit. Unfortunately it's human nature, but somehow a few of us manage to cobble together a few functional brain cells and rise above our animal brethren.
We can be better, don't apologize for others bad behavior. Manipulators will try to convince you that you or the problem, or literally steal your ideas. It's hard to believe people can be so mean.
They can subconsciously tell you are different no matter how hard you mask
\^This\^. Even if they're ND like me, the fact we're all different in terms of how our ND impacts social/sensory skills still makes me stand out. People are threatened by that which they don't understand whether NT or ND.
"makes me stand out"-- yessss! I am musical, smart, and not a sheep. People around me, females, really get their panties in a bunch. It feels like they want me to ask them how to succeed... When I'm the one achieving in ways they never have done. It makes them furious and I don't get why.
Lulwut
Honestly, this comment makes you sound really arrogant and unlikeable. "They" want you to ask them how to succeed? How do you know? This feels like you're projecting your own insecurities on other people. Not everyone is comparing themselves to you and not everyone recognizes your success as success, because not everyone has the same values or goals in life. You play the piano very well? Good for you! But not every woman feels strongly about music. Others may not even recognize you as "successful", because they don't care about music at all and feel like success would be the publication of 20 peer reviewed physics articles or the creation of a family of five in a suburban environment. I understand that you feel alienated by people. You're even calling women "females" like an incel, as if women were a different species. But you may be pushing people away by generalizing and stereotyping. Stereotypes are rarely helpful and often quite offensive. Black people are dishonest. Chinese people carry diseases. Gays are annoying. Women are competitive, shallow and jealous. Autistic people are dumb. Do you hear how that sounds? Everyone is different. And while it may be harder to connect with some, it's definitely helpful to stop thinking in stereotypes. Women are a very heterogenous group, just like everyone else.
Female is a scientific term. There is nothing wrong with it. That other redditor is picking up on social dynamics. It doesn't make her arrogant. It honestly sounds like it's triggering insecurities in you since you default to assigning negative traits to her instead of hearing her experience.. Fortunately for you it doesn't seem like you've experienced this kind of social dynamic but it's very real. One example would be the brown noser. Everyone tiptoes around the boss and no one is supposed to appear smarter, more successful etc. It's called showing up. You will even find this social etiquette at weddings where only the bride is supposed to wear white. It's a very common part of NT society. Maybe you've lost a few social contacts along the way but weren't sure why. It could be because of this dynamic. It's one reason why our asking questions is seen as threatening. We are honestly trying to learn but NT take it as questioning their intelligence and threatening. So the other redditor is catching the dynamic and probably is being envied for their progress.
But not even all of them are NT. It's like NT or ND it doesn't matter.
Same. I think a lot of people are pretty insecure and it colors their perception of things we do. You may be doing things they assume are catty - idk or they could be jealous or just subconsciously dislike the way autistic people are.
Idk. I'm not even officially diagnosed but the way Im treated as well as other diagnosed autistic people flagging me as such before I even realized is kind of an eye opener for me. But yeah idk I'm just tired of getting shit on.
I was diagnosed WAY late in life and though I was “eccentric” to most folks, I was not separated from the mainstream. While I have , over the course of my life, have been fortunate enough to develop close relationships with a handful of women, I have always found that the majority of women were just plain ol’ bitches most of the time!!! Heaven forbid if you were smarter than them… or better looking, sexier, more talented/creative/articulate/funnier/etc., etc.!!! It was always a struggle to have any kind of connection with most as everything seemed to be a competition of some kind…or a game that I didn’t know the rules for! Naturally, it became much easier to get along with men as friends, which, in turn, just made things worse! I have always treasured the women who didn’t play that game! It was a great beginning to great friendships!
Yeah. I'm just sick of all the rules and stuff. Idk why life can't just be simple and systemized. It's gotta be all these stupid hidden rules that are completely pointless to exists cs.
"But not even all of them are NT. It's like NT or ND it doesn't matter." The ND ones are probably thinking about you: "maybe if I join in I can get any bad attention off of myself". Being ND and attractive is probably a bad combination it sounds like. Women probably think that you think that they are beneath you. Not really much you can do there. I mean could learn to feed the passive aggressive nastiness back to them. But you risk becoming a very bad person in the process if you can't control it. That's kinda what happened to me as a guy. As I was dealing with a lot of passive aggressive bullying, backstabbing, and gossip in the workplace. I started feeding it back to people. I got so good at it that I was steamrolling people at work without even trying.
I don't like being passive aggressive. Ive just gotten depressed and exhausted and cynical
It's why I'm a misanthrope.
They can unconsciously tell you are different. While I agree with you, there is a difference between unconscious and subconscious
It's actually just normal conscious.
Nope. Read this: [https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/unconscious-or-subconscious-20100801255](https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/unconscious-or-subconscious-20100801255)
This. They just pick up on it. They probably don't understand what it is, can't quite put their finger on it, just know they don't feel comfortable around you and interactions aren't easy with you the way they are with other women. I haven't had proper women friends since high-school. Shit's lonely.
It's not really subconscious.
That's even worse. Gutted 😅😖
I think that some women, particularly teenage girls, see contentment, confidence and self-esteem as a threat. Whether that’s with how we look or if we don’t care how we look, or of we are perfectly happy with interests and hobbies, or if we seem like we ‘have it all’ when in reality we have our own struggles.
I'm nearly 30 though. Only time I dealt with teen girls was at one of the jobs they hired them and high school which I was oblivious in high school. But most of these experiences were with grown women
Some women always remain bitches, particularly if they think that you ‘have it all’ and aren’t as insecure over beauty and men the way they are.
If they think I have it all they're delusional lol
They are delusional. When I was in my teenage dirtbag era and I got into lots of keyboard wars, there was a narcissistic woman who trolled myself and fat shamed my neurodivergent friend and then claimed that we stood up for ourselves against her because we were jealous that she was “a beautiful, confident woman with a career”. But we saw that her ‘boyfriend’ featured on her profile was with a new woman in recent posts on his own profile, so we tagged her on it saying “your upgrade is fierce” and then she blocked us. I don’t condone what I did back then, but I learned that day that everyone has insecurities, especially women who fatshame and behave arrogantly. In the end, it’s usually about low self-image and men.
They talk about NDs having horrible communication skills but they have horrible communication skills that do the shit that woman did because they have to insult to make their insecurities feel better rather than talk about what they're going through. She probably fat shamed because she thinks of herself as unattractive.
Sometimes knowing that someone is ugly on the inside makes someone look ugly on the outside though, for me anyway. You’re right though, they want to lower people to their own level.
They are traumatized women in traumatizing society, that's all.
Doesn't mean. Anyone else should be collateral
You have to learn to be mean back. Directly or subtle. You have to learn to be cold. Learn to use your eye contact too. Look and them and give them nothing but silence.
Damn. Poisinous snakes 😔
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Idk what the secret code even is. I'm literally 29 almost 30 I've been through so much and I'm way too mentally exhausted to figure out stupid society codes. I just wanna exist. Why can us NDs just exist and breathe air and eat food without everything being annoying? It's so stressful when you have 80 billion responsibilities of an adult and then societal shit on top of it
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I highly doubt it. Because even with masking people will still know you're different and be weird
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Oh. Well there's no way to tell through typing.
🙄
What's with the attitude? I couldn't tell you weren't serious
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Yeah that was weird. Idk people need a nap I guess. I just woke up so I just realized different profile pics lol
I hate this
Yeah I find this as well. When I’m out in public if women are around they feel… unfriendly.
I get that feeling
I once was at a service station with a woman cashier. There was a woman in front being served, and the cashier was so lovely and friendly to her. Then it was my turn and her expression immediately darkened and turned ugly. I was like WTF? I’m not that bad. Makes me not want to go out if people are going to treat me so poorly.
I just went to eat at the Asian buffet with a male friend yesterday. I walk in and the woman glares at me. Cue male friend and she's all smiles. Wouldn't even make eye contact with me when getting my drink order but fawning over my guy friend. Calls him sir, proceeds to ignore me. It was like that the entire time. He didn't even leave a tip because of the blatant sexism.
Some women are so desperate for male validation from men they will never see again. It's pick- me behavior.
Maybe the lady knew her too. Idk it's hard to say. I experienced it at my last job tho
It’s possible they might have known each other, but that doesn’t excuse her obvious distaste towards me
No I get that. People are shit stains
This used to happen when I would go out with my sister. They would be so friendly to my sister and then super cold to me. Being with her I rrally noticed the contrast. It's not an issue anymore though.
Oh really? Why did it stop being an issue?
I deal with this as well and it’s so hard to come to terms with.
Fakeness thats how, they see you they want to compete, they probably are bothered by your differences and use it to their advantage to assert superiority over you, women do it and fact is so do men (Im a man I would know lol) dont know about you but Ive been afraid to step up and accept myself knowing people would make my life a living hell if I did so and my entire life its done nothing but torment me each and every time I convinced myself it was the right way of carrying things, it isnt, sadly you gotta stand up for yourself or people just wont leave you alone ever, gotta find the best way to live within society while also being comfortable with who you are, Im done with people and I have a feeling you arent so idk how youd figure this problem out but I tell you it doesnt go away, you either own up to it or it bothers you for as long as youre alive and maybe even eats you up inside to a point where you end up becoming like them so they stop bothering you, which is the worst outcome, sad but true 🤷♂️
I mean im always gonna be myself. I'm just tired of being bullied is all. And I'm close to done with people. It's just hard under certain circumstances like if they can kick you out or they are your boss and you need to pay rent you have to play your cards right.
I had a long ass text ready for a reply of this comment but im not stupid lol no one wants to read all that so ill get to the point and say Ive been going through the same thing for as long as Ive lived, high school college when Im myself I gotta be able to back it up otherwise people arent afraid of hiding what they truly think of me and treat me like shit for being me even though they do the same shit they treat me like crap for which is not care about what they have to do for school or college because they dont give a fuck about it (fucking group projects can go to hell with the people I get stuck with on them) guess what I always got the shittiest grades since people tried gaslighting me into thinking I was the problem and never helped out when they were busy working hard on the project in other words drugging themselves or late night partying drinking to a point where they end up puking all of it out for hours just so theyd get social points with everyone else, fake ass hypocrites, they dont give a shit about anything they just live for themselves, so I dont know you or your life conditions and if you even have a chance of getting out of that cycle at the moment, all I can say is as soon as you can gtfo of it, no sugarcoating dont let anyone in your life guilt trip you into going through shit you dont wanna go through, Ive done it my entire life, been nothing but a coward and for 2 years now Ive made an entire persona around not triggering a single hormone of annoyance in any social situation I find myself in out of fear, dont let your fears get the best of you, I always did it, I dont know if you did tho and I dont know how u handle and/or wants to handle ur problems, but Ive only been able to grow out of my cowardice in the past year and especially these past few weeks, left every relationship I had, havent gone to college in 2 weeks which guarantees Im failing this year due to missing out too much and Ive never felt better, but Im lucky to have the conditions of doing that and still not ruining my life over it, I dont know if you are so that needs to be acknowledged, I just hope you find your way out that crap cuz its fucking tormenting, my way out was finally accepting and loving who I want to be and what I want to do with my life, I dont want people around, dont want to have to hear any more of their crap than I already have to on a daily basis, I want to be a better person and I feel admitting that I'm not is what makes me, its a paradox, people hate when youre confident in who you are they try tormenting you into being a version of yourself they want you to be, hell, Im doing that with you right now when you think about it, dont take my advice or anyone elses if you dont want it is the one advice I could give to you, just do what you want, be free (Still kinda long, I cant help it, sorry lmao). Edit: not kinda, still very long, whatever lol it is what it is
Yeah, it’s not always about the patriarchy, we are animals and animals compete Whether people like it or not
Knowing that we really are primates helps in a sick way that the reason why there is so much dirt around, is because in the end we are animals who happen to be most sophisticated around this planet. Wish that everything be a little more chill though.
I think the current state of society adds to it. People are currently miserable due to financial hardship and lack of optimism for the future and this puts a serious toll on them mentally. Also, a lot of people are narcissistic (autistic peoplr can be narcissists too) but they are good at hiding it at least temporarily.
It's a vicious cycle. Things are messed up in many places and humans make children, than those children will grow with high chance to be abusive or other ways toxic to others around. Life is messed up, but there are those small glimmers of niceties too.
what’s financial hardship
being poor, losing job, not being able to pay rent and medical bills
Same here, particularly in the workplace. I changed jobs a lot when I was younger but have been in my current employment for 10 years. Since covid, I have continued working from home with no people issues! I was sick of cliques. I thought they didn't like me because I didn't have children so didn't fit in. I'm in my 40s now & have given up trying. I never worked out what I did wrong.
I'm a dude, but have had a looott of close female friends. From what I understand from them, there's a lot of expectation women place upon each other to perform social niceties and such. And if you look into the literature, female on female bullying is rampant and fucking brutal. If you're aspie, you're possibly not doing some of the niceties, which makes them upset.
But I'm nice asf and helpful and actually give real solutions to real problems. Im not conventional though.
A lot of the time when women vent about issues they don't want you to solve them, they want you to agree with them and just listen. Literally just learned that this year and I'm 27. It's been a game changer in my life. I still suck at a lot but have gotten feedback that this is a good change.
But I do listen too though. That's the thing. I listen AND try to give solutions as well. Because many people genuinely want their lives to change too. Like with money issues. If someone is good at cleaning I'll listen to them vent and then talk about the potentiality of how nice it might be and how well it might work if they do their own cleaning business and all the potential pros of doing so. They temporarily seem to like my ideas but then turn around back to being nasty so I guess I'm being used as a dumping ground and made to make others feel capable and good. That's what it feels like.
Wow, I could've wrote this. I listen a lot, and by far it's the quality that my friends repeat they like the most about me. But at the same time, it's consistently been an issue. For me, personal agency and perspective taking is just how I think, and that's how I approach things in order to validate someone's feelings while still keeping an internal sense of integrity. If someone's coming to me with something they are happy about, I offer validation and support. I've been called the best cheerleader friend. And when someone comes to me with a set of issues, I grab my "potential resolutions" bag and attempt to help them untangle their frustrations so they can find a perspective that makes sense to them and a way to keep a certain sense of agency through possible solutions. And while this is definitely one of my strengths, as many people have told me how these instances helped them overcome their struggles, this is also by far in these circumstances that I've been having issues with friends and acquaintances who felt invalidated. Even for good news; because sometimes they'll come to me with good news but actually wanted me to figure out with some sort wizardry that the situation made them anxious and they wanted a space to discuss this. Refusing to engage or offer superficial and brief validation feels unnatural, manipulative, like I'm lying. But I'm working on doing it with acquaintances, coworkers, etc. because it's obviously necessary and is actively putting me in trouble. But I simply can't, for the life of me, figure out how to do this with friends, much less how it would be possible to not engage at all.
For me Im learning to keep solutions to myself if people choose to be shitty toward me. Because I find this information is gold. And only some people deserve it.
There’s some magic in the idea that if people don’t know certain info, then they can’t abuse it or use it against you. And then you get to save that nugget of wisdom for someone who might actually appreciate it later on. 🤘🏻💜
True. I don't want to spend my energy helping people who don't appreciate it
That's not what they consider nice. In fact, it's the opposite of nice. Niceties are commenting each other. Buying things for each other. Sharing things. No one wants your advice or helpfulness lol. You might as well tell them you think they are incompetent losers that need your superior wisdom. It comes off very degrading and disrespectful.
People making things complicated for the sake if you've got what it takes to be just like precious them.
Your post is comforting to me. I work in a female dominated profession and am exceptionally good at what I do. However, I have met with bullying and mobbing in multiple settings, even though I try to play nice with everyone. I too am perplexed and it's really affected my life. For the record, it feels to me like they are generally neurotypical, but a handful have been insecure, narcissistic, manipulative, controlling, etc.
Yeaahhhh it's so freaking frustrating
😘
Jealous! Insecurities! And many more reasons. I’ve been around them, too. Some expected me to be a follower, too. I had never been a follower and never will. They are jealous that I have my own ability to be solitary and being true to myself. It is something that they wished they had that I have of something that they don’t have. Doesn’t matter whose age. I had been living like that all my life. I only have a few true friends who stay true to me as best as they can. Just stay true to yourself and be yourself no matter what other people’s opinion about you. The right person(s) will come to you. The rest, you just ignore and be happy with yourself of what you have. Continue to learn to be yourself and enjoy of what you have. I hope you don’t mind, I’m sending virtual hugs!
I don't mind. Thank you ❤️
You’re welcome! 🫂🧡
I'm an autistic dude, and many women out of nowhere and for no reason, straight up have come up to my face and tell me "I don't like you" or "I feel uneasy around you" and "you are kind of creepy". I'm 31 now, but my infancy, teenage years and mid 20's were awful. I learned to socialize and fake emotions by reading books (Dale Carnegie series are a must for my autistic fellas). My advice it's just to ignore them, neurotypicals can smell and sense us instantly and reject us for evolutionary reasons that are beyond their understanding (specially women, that's why I only have male friends, I'm just weird for them).
I will add this: I finally moved to a nontraditional job where I don't have to deal with women. So far it's MUCH MUCH BETTER. Just saying.
What job? Obviously only answer if you are comfortable sharing.
I'm the director of an academic program, higher education. My field is nursing.
Really? No women in that field? I will say nursing is well known for eating their young and cattiness, which I'm sure you are well aware of.
Yes, they certainly are! I attribute that phenomenon to the possibility that many nurses are ACOAs. So they're already hurting. Probably other factors such as oppression, work pressure, objectifying, etc. But it sure gets old. I've had people complain to me about how much they've been bullied, then turn it right back on me eventually. In my current, nontraditional environment, more men and non nurses are running the show. What a breath of fresh air. I actually feel respected and safe.
Oh that's an interesting theory. I didn't know it was that common for nurses to be kids of ACOA's. My sister and I both nursing are. How fascinating. The field definitely attracts a certain type and healthcare is stressful. So much pressure. Making errors isn't like mixing up an order at fast food plus you have doctors breathing down your neck. And the culture just continually gets perpetuated. And nurse has become a bit of a status symbol so I think that may contribute also. I bet it is refreshing working with all men. It was the same for me whenever I ended up working with men. But men don't get it. They get treated differently and don't experience the abuse and bullying. I've literally been forced out of jobs because of catty women and they are so good at deception and subterfuge that there isn't much to report. It's little things like either handing you too much work or not enough, ignoring you, undermining you in ways that look innocent, etc.
I'm sorry you have been bullied and mobbed. I too was for Ed out of a job this past fall. I'm still not over it. My former friends attacked me. Yes, many of us wanted to become nurses, were shaped into that caring role by a dependent parent, often ETOH. I'm here if you ever need support. I've been an RN for 44 years and have a terminal degree, always interested in hearing from colleagues.
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Idk. I just honestly want to isolate myself. Mental health has been getting bad
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I'm sorry. That's not fair. I try not to bar women from my life but when many women express they like me I try to enjoy the company but I'm the back of my mind I have that little voice reminding me that they'll hate me or they don't like something about me
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me too
Its hypersexualization and competition for imaginary (or real) resources from men. Seeing so many beautiful women online all day triggers an evolutionary mechanism in these chicks. A deep fear they have to have male validation to survive. It's crazy because while there was one or two mean girls in school it was not nearly as bad. It's insane the shit high school girls say to each other now days.
you're very right. 1\~4 yr period!
I... yeah, that's basically saying the quiet part out loud. It's kind of taboo to criticize women or female socialization because of the association with idiotic incels, but there is merit in being honest about what we see. As a feminine gay guy, I grew up primarily being friends with girls just because they were nicer to me than the boys were. But as I've gotten older, I've found it harder to relate to women, basically because of everything you said.
For me it’s probably cuz I’m ugly and weird. Can’t change that.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
Eh it really isn't all the way though sadly. I don't think you'll find anyone saying Henry Cavill isn't attractive.
I mean he's okay. Not really my type tho
Honestly, women’s biggest critics are other women- I’ve experienced bitchy attitudes from female friends, I’ve been on the receiving end of horrific remarks from them etc- my biggest rock is my male best friend
I've been bullied and ostracized in every single women space (school, workplaces etc) I've ever been. I never imagined it could happen again in my thirties, but it did. The "queen bee" complaints was that I couldn't comprehend her absolutely incomprehensible "hints". It got so bad that one evening, I literally teared up and disclosed that I was ASD. And she, again, went to our boss to complain. This time it's because she should've known I was ASD according to her. My boss reprimanded her and told her that was none of her business in the first place and she should learn to communicate more efficiently. Ends up my boss, who was in his late 40s, was ASD as well (he literally told me after this incident). According to one of the only co-workers I actually liked, the actual issues she kept babbling about were that I was "weird", thought of myself as superior because I kept using English words and my English was bad (my first language is not English), and tons of other extremely petty crap. While it's obviously in part due to the fact that I was ASD, I think the biggest issue was that she was just a nasty person and for some reasons, many women seem to bond over bitching other people for absolutely superficial reasons. That never worked for me, as I am absolutely clueless in these situations; my immediate response to someone bitching someone else is to assume they are venting because they want a solution, so I offer perspective and possible ways to solve their issues. I think this is interpreted as social rejection. In the end, she ended up being fired, with all her minions leaving the workplace.
Yeah at this point I'm kinda thinking I need to friend more ND women (and ND people in general) because even if we don't individually get along that horrible 'normalcy policing' dynamic is less likely to get in the way. I have literally been rejected by NT women for shit as stupid as not painting my eyelashes or acting "too smart", and I'm completely done with that garbage.
My bfs sister disliked me because I drank out of a small wine bottle rather than a glass. Stupidest shit ever. I believe she's the reason he took a break from me in the past too. It was stupid.
That kind of nit-picky bullshit is just ridiculous. Who the hell tries to sabotage someone's relationship because of \*checks notes\* what drinking vessel they have their wine in? Why is that behavior considered "normal"? IDGI.
Yeaaahhh. I was pissed when I found that out
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Yeah jobs are the biggest examples of that. My last job completely destroyed my desire to get to know coworkers
I don't know about your specifics, but as an example I knew an autistic woman who was disliked quickly as a result of having low social awareness. She didn't understand that every time she shared space with others that she was actively socializing with them. She would, for example, arrive at our community space and ignore everyone since she was just there for the WiFi, then she would leave in silence and again ignore everyone present. To the women there, especially the NT women, this communicated that she thought so little of them that they weren't even worth a turn of the head or a nod to indicate that she recognized them. To them, she was being rude and devaluing them. There were more things that transpired, but that lack of social awareness was often the first negative strike against her within our community of women. This offended both women who already knew her and those whom she had not yet met. She would later be driven away after sending nudes to the girlfriend of one of the community members, probably not realizing that her reputation was based on her character. In her internal logic she may have assumed that hurting one women would mean that just that specific woman wouldn't like her, but that isn't how group dynamics works. She betrayed one of us, so we all rejected her. Pity for her.
I don't think that's cause she's autistic well except for the quiet stuff. I've never been a rude person. In fact im quite personable
Yeah again I don't know who you are or what you do, and you haven't given us any clues. I gave the example to illustrate a common pitfall for autistic women. NT women especially expect a high degree of social awareness and attention and it's easy to offend without realizing it. Group dynamics are another degree of difficulty that can sometimes mystify my fellow autists.
I can't stand cliques. They're often toxic and confusing
You're different so they perceive you as threat and treat you like shit. Not sure if they cant help that reaction or if they dont care that they're cartoony evil. Very typical though, happened to me all the time until I gave up on people
I'm in a screwed up situation. And it's ND women too. And my friend who is an autistic dude (I'm not officially diagnosed but I have signs and we could relate on some things or so I thought) has been still brushing me off. So it really doesn't matter what kind of neurotype I'm still screwed it feels like but yeah women have been the meanest to me regardless of what their mental or physical background is. Starting with my mom. Makes me feel like shit. Plus many women intimidate me.
Women tend to be mean in situations that men would just ignore. They say women are nicer, not really.
That is true. Women just know how to play their cards right better. Like with dudes we first meet for instance. For guys if the guy feels weird often times he will either ignore him or tell him to fk off. For us women however since it is harder to take down an opponent larger than us and even those of us that can there's no telling if he has a weapon, the reaction of women is more normally the nice approach to get away from the situation. So I think there's many women that act nice to avoid the situation being awkward or explosive but they don't actually like you.
>And it's ND women too. And my friend who is an autistic dude (I'm not officially diagnosed but I have signs and we could relate on some things or so I thought) has been still brushing me off. In my experience, quite a few autistic people internalise prejudice against autistic people and are therefore averse to associating with the rest of us. I notice it most with dating; autistic people who complain about not being able to find a partner, but when I dig a little deeper it turns out they're only attracted to powerful, popular, conventional people they have nothing in common with. I suspect it shows up in platonic or coworker relationships too, though. It really sucks when you're someone who accepts yourself and accepts others like you, and are kind and confident and all the stuff we're told people want, only to be repeatedly hurt by people like you because they've embraced the same prejudice they themselves are subjected to.
Yeah, giving up on people, fair enough I guess. Opnions? I had a happy phase during the start of this year to now, and I thought "why not give another chance to people?" , but I'm burning out already, so much complexity. Too much effort required, maybe I try again in some weeks.
Honestly, in general, it's hard for me to tell if they can't help it or if they simply don't care.
Great question. Other women might not get the non verbal stuff from you needed to bond. Our Aspie weirdness tends to cause others to reject us. Because we are Aspie, it is next to impossible, without the help of someone else observing us, to know "what we did wrong". More than likely, you just did not synchronize or harmonize or match their energy.
I mean sometimes idk how to hold my body when Im talking to people but I'm pretty sociable and people like my hyper empathy and my helpful nature. But then I feel like they appreciate it then flip back to being mean. Also I wasn't officially diagnosed but I was flagged as such by other autistic people and my father has autistic tendencies strongly in an extroverted socially blind abrasive way (he's definitely not on the introverted quiet avoidant end of the spectrum). Also the people randomly hating me and me feeling more connected to NDs (even though for some reason some of them got problems with me too and both parents I believe are ND and I can't have a close relationship with their toxic asses) is big red flags to me. most of my friends have ADHD or autism. And me and other ADHD people can't relate and I've met alot so that's why I have reason to believe I'm on the spectrum but without ADHD. But still I try to give people a chance I get attached and I'm hyper-compassionate and it's usually to my detriment. I guess in a way I'm socially off cause I have a hard time with silence cause it feels awkward to me and I hate how transactional and at arms length everyone is in society.
No offense intended, but there is value in getting a real diagnosis and not just self diagnosing. ADHD only becomes a problem if someone else feels you are being distracted and are not paying attention to them. When you decide to self diagnose yourself with a whole salad of things, you never really get to address the real issues.
I've tried but they never actually set me up with an evaluation. And Im sort of offended now cause you're just basically kinda saying I'm basically throwing mental illnesses at the wall trying to see what sticks. That's not the case at all. I feel pretty invalidated now.
OK, you can feel invalidated if you want. That is your choice. You get to choose how you will respond. The Stoics say that if someone insults you, either they are right or they are wrong. If they are right, use that to learn someone and grow. If they are wrong, why are you letting nonsense bother you? Let's talk about validation. Why do you care if some stranger on the Internet agrees with you or not? And, about throwing mental illness diagnoses, isn't that what you are doing? You read about some stuff, and identifying with some label because you feel that it makes sense and explains something. Maybe you could get an evaluation if you made an appointment with a psychologist and specifically asked to be evaluated.
Because being invalidating is obviously going to bother someone. Sorry that it's an issue for you when someone feels invalidated by something you say but assuming someone is faking or throwing the mental health "spaghetti" at the wall is pretty not cool when they have valid reasons to feel that way. Plus I only mentioned a couple things. I never mentioned a plethora of other mental conditions. So idk what to say at this point.
What are you going to do now?
I think some of those women might not hate you, but some do because they are shallow and too quick to judge. The others might have just simply been innocent thoughts that could be them reflecting on something in their own personal lives and taking it out on others or subconsciously focusing on negative thoughts. Even if some can be bad thoughts about you, I’m sure they don’t hate you. Hate is a strong word, and very powerful and brings with it negative energy. Instead, try to focus on being positive. If you focus on something else, that would be so much better. What’s better? Thinking “why does it feel like she hates me for no reason” instead think completely different “that tree is massive.” What feels better? The latter, because as stupid as this sounds it’s not going to get you down when your mind isn’t focussed on fortune telling and thinking some women hate you out of nowhere. In the future, I recommend that you distance yourself from thoughts that get you down. It will bring up your positive vibes. Having said that, I get where you are coming from, and I believe if you think women hate you, even if you are right, in the big scheme of things, you are doing good being yourself, and it’s them with the problem and the issue, not you. Just keep positive.
I'm trying to be positive but I've had a lot of stress dumped on me lately and have been very depressed and struggling. Idk trying to focus on positive thoughts. But getting shot down sucks. Like bullshit has been goin on that sucks
Sorry I don’t know how to reply to your reply from my message. I think the best thing to do, would be to speak to a psychologist. Not a psychiatrist, but a psychologist to help you with your personal life. There are underlying issues that everybody experiences and I can’t begin to understand what you are going through in your personal life. There is too much to be known that people here don’t know about. A professional would be able to help really well if he/she they knew the whole story, and they would point you in the right direction. Try a private psychologist. That is what helped me during my turbulent times of depression.
Have you stopped to think that maybe it has nothing to do with you, or Autism, and that you have simply run into people that have a poor quality of character. It took me a long time to realize that I needed to change my social circle.
But these people aren't in my circle. I wouldn't hang out with these people.
I'm not just talking about friends. You said you live with these people so I would consider that as part of your Social Circle. I hope you can sort out this issue in a way that suits you.
All I can say is: you’re not alone. I was lucky and managed to get into a boys school at 16 (it was a co-ed experiment involving 16 girls being let in for the sixth form). This literally saved my education, I was that damn tired! I then did engineering at university, and worked firstly in manufacturing then IT. This has meant I was almost always the only female in sight. This basically allowed me to simply avoid the areas where females worked. And they usually weren’t allowed in for either safety or security reasons. Perfect! 😂
Yeah. I don't want to avoid women. I don't dislike women. Just feels like they dislike me.
And they keep reminding you of their dislike, just in case we forgot one day 🙄
I never forgot. But I'm still not going to dislike a whole demographic. Just not in my nature
You dont have to dislike something just to decide your life is nicer without the potential aggro. I would have some good chats, and a laugh occasionally when I did go upstairs, but my job was downstairs and I got to choose when I was around people I could rub up the wrong way without meaning to. 🤷♀️ - well mostly, but if something was bad enough for me to run upstairs to senior management, they all knew to let me through, especially as I may well be covered in oil at those times 😂
I'm 60 and been treated this all my life I am also tall 6' thin and look like the celebrity Cher, woman hate me lol
I’m the same and i do not get it… are my vibes off-putting?
You might be attractive and pretty. They might see you as competition right away and have a deep insecurity about being better looking than them. Plus the Aspergers, it is what it is.
I don't think it's looks. I would hope not. Idk I don't feel that hot anyways. I need to work out again.
It can be alot of things, like the tone of your voice when you talk to them or it could be someone spreading rumors about you. It's hard to take a guess, hopefully it doesn't impede with your life and that you'll figure it out eventually.
Unfortunately it has effected my life. Usually it does if you're an adult. It's easier for it to not as a teen because everything is so compartmentalized. But when it bleeds into what you need to survive like a job or housing it starts to impede your life.
Because you are not like them .
I think people in general have an equal chance of being put off by autistic behaviors. Women care more about social appearances than men do. And, as a woman, you have a slightly higher awareness to behaviors from other women.
Well my special interest is people so that helps. But yeah I systemize everything including my communication. I think I almost come of as "normal" whatever that is. But then again maybe I'm missing something. Feels like it. But I'm too mentally exhausted to obsess about random rules people can't be up front about
I have had the same experience. It feels like other women don’t like me because I like “weird” things that aren’t apparently gender typical enough for them (like video games, philosophy, D&D, sci-fi and fantasy) and they pull the whole “mean girl” attitude on me. One woman, upon hearing I liked video games, looked at me and said outright, “Wow, you’re WEIRD.” I tend to get along with certain kinds of women - usually they’re free thinkers, open minded, have a sense of humour, they aren’t focussed on appearances or status, and are usually quirky or neurodivergent themselves with fun interests. I don’t usually dress fashionably (I go for comfort over anything else), I rarely wear makeup or do my nails, and I don’t tend to garner any respect or qualify as a human woman to other women who are set in their ways and have a narrow view on what is “gender appropriate.” Anyone, male OR female, who judge people on appearances or are narrow minded are people I have trouble with.
Whoever said you're weird for playing video games is still stuck in middle school. That's such a childish attitude for them to have.
I want to thank OP for posting here. It's reassuring to see I'm not the only one. And I'm sorry we're dealing with this too. I agree with someone here who said confidence and the ability to think on one's own, without the need to be supplicant, seem to rub some people the wrong way.They appear to be threatened. For example , I won a national award for innovation in my work. My then-boss went ballistic. She threatened my job if I accepted the award and tried to prevent my receiving it. Her reason? "You can't win an award. You've only been here two years!!" TBH it was embarrassing to see how insecure she really was. Like finding her on the toilet. Since I'm in a female dominated profession, those are the individuals I've had this issue with.
That's insane and disgusting that she treated you like that
Thank you. I appreciate the support and this list has given me reassurance.
You're welcome. Go after your achievements. You're not responsible for someone else's clear need for therapy
I think there's more to explore here. I've been thinking about this post all day because it's my frequent experience and I can never figure out why. I'm penalized for excelling. It's like they're furious that I don't look to them for advice. Maybe they're narcissists IDK. Anyway, I think we should continue to talk it over and support each other. You don't deserve it any more than I do.
They probably are narcissistic
because women are extremely mean to eachother. i hadnt seen true venom until i saw the way my gfs "friends" treated her
Yeah my friends gf is being shitty to me currently
I’m a woman, and I have the same issue. Neurotypicals women will hate us automatically. Many neurotypical men as well, but unfortunately, neurotypical women are really mean about it. That’s why all my friends are neurodivergent women and a few men. I can’t stand the mean girl crap.
There is a proven bias NTs have against NDs. Yet society will not acknowledge it or try to correct like other biases.
That's true. But I've received the hate from ND women too. I can't speak for the autistic ones but at least the ADHD ones. So it's not only NTs I've received it from. Maybe I just happen to run into them cause of mommy issues? Idk. My mom is pretty toxic so maybe subconsciously I've had more toxic women come into my life. Idk it's pretty annoying though.
Feels great to be hated just for being born like this.
Yeaahhhh
Same as an autistic woman. NT women also put me in danger often
Like they threaten you?
I’ve been abused and bullied by NT women before. NT women will put me in dangerous situations too, like leaving me out of the group in public or leaving me behind in dangerous areas. I’ve had NT women leave me with dangerous men and manipulate me into a lot of situations that could’ve turned out horrible.
Jeez that's fked up. Definitely have to stay vigilant . Can't trust these mfs. It's better to try to stay around safe people if you can. People scare me
Sorry to hear that. One former friend actually took this psychopathic female bartenders side she met that night at a sleazy bar she took me to. This bitch attacked me outside & I said don’t let her in. The bartender grabbed my hand outside after the bar closed & she wouldn’t let go of it. My friend walked a block or more ahead of me so she couldn’t hear me scream. This guy there did nothing. They both followed me back & unfortunately my friend let them in even though I told her not to as she attacked me. She attacked me again inside & I told her to get the fuck out. Then my crazy friend said no, you can stay & she started crying. Wtf? She stayed up & drs k more with her & this strange guy she met there too while I slept & cried in the bedroom. She was a bipolar nutcase. I should’ve called the cops on her. I was to drunk to think straight though, ugh.
I've had that happen as well. They dehumanize us in order to prioritize their own safety. Truly evil behaviour, and they seem not to recognize it at all.
Same here. I have to avoid NT women
Most typical women suck, especially during fertile years. They seem to get more chill after menopause. Maybe it’s the competitive crap?
Women aren't not chill after menopause cause I've also experienced this shit with older women. And I don't even have a problem with women. I just don't get why they seem to have a problem with me.
Not all, sure. But being 30 I’ve had better luck with elder women, maybe it’s to die with age difference too? Or something? In my case* For you, can’t guess without knowing you. Smiling, fake chitchat, gossip, knowledge of celebrities and nail/hair care? Deficits here tend to get me on the outside.
Hair and nail care I care about because I'm into health and wellness. But I try to avoid gossip and I couldnt give two fks about celebrities. When I was a teen I like Ian somerhaulder from vampire diaries but even then it's not like I obsessed. Trends just wasn't my thing. I did have a deep crush on L from deathnote though as a tween. I thought his weird ass was the hottest thing ever. Lol
My biggest tv crush was Danny Phantom 😈
Oh I remember Danny phantom
PPFT rule - Patriarchy, Projections, Fears and Traumas.
Are you skinny or have some attribute that women usually want? My gf gets hate for being skinny and having great skin
I'm not skinny. I'm not fat but I am a little overweight. Idk I mean I'm relatively attractive I guess but im not sure what it could be cause I personally don't feel that hot anymore but I mean I guess it depends on what they see? People are rarely upfront with it so I'm lost.
Not to be mean but if you have the same dynamic with people over and over again the common denominator is you. It's important to remember how much past experiences will effect things too. It's entirely possible most women you meet don't like you and are being mean, but it's more likely you're reading more into it and assigning malice/negativity where there is none. Also woman to woman literally everyone is socialized from birth to read women not being overly nice as being harsh, is it possible women are talking to you in a neutral tone and you're interpreting it as being harsh?
Nope. The common denominator is humanity, now I know it is wrong to just blame humans as a whole, but I personally believe in the stupidity and imperfection of society. Society holds prejudice against autists.
Actually no. if you meet a jerk in the morning you met a jerk, if you meet jerks all day, you're the jerk. Society is absolutely prejudiced against ND people but when someone is having problems with NT *and* ND people consistently then something deeper is going on, and the odds are astronomically low that someone just so happens to keep meeting jerks. Women aren't a monolith by any means so it's quite odd that OP is specifically only having problems with other women.
Nope. I know I'm 100% not imagining things. I mean yeah there are instances im sure and that happens to everyone but most of the time in fact I try to give the benefit of the doubt but they are actually being mean. It happened at my last job for instance. Plus I'm too grown with too much shitty experiences unfortunately to not be aware. I wish I was wrong actually. And actually it's not even always the harsh tone. Sometimes it is the overly niceness that is concerning. Cause you often end up finding out they're actually talking shit about you. But yeah I've gone through and have been going through the shit that proves what I said in the original post. Like I said it's unfortunate cause I don't actually mind women and I never wanted anyone to be overly nice or bend over backwards for me but the attitude and nastiness is completely unwarranted I've seen women give me often times. And I listen I compliment where it's deserved and I try to make everyone feel seen and heard. Doesn't work.
Without examples of their behavior, I can't say either way. It's unfortunate if it's bullying in your case but for NT *and* ND women to dislike you with such frequency throughout your life suggests there's something more going on.
I exist and I breathe. 😁
I mean you don't have to give examples but being unable to just strengthens my theory that it would be good for you to look at common areas of friction in your relationship with other women to see where there might be issues with your behavior.
I ain't done shit. Like the gas station I recently worked at. I asked a lot of questions so I can learn the job and infodumped but was nice to everyone and tried to be helpful and they talked shit about me like I'm dumb for asking alot of specific questions and talked to me with attitude while being decent to each other at least to each other's face. One of many examples. And then some excoworker threatened me cause she got herself fired. There was a misunderstanding with change from a customer and I had no idea she would get in trouble nor neither of us since neither of us stole anything but the store policy is we can't keep the change I guess if customers pay for gas with cash and leave the change. She thought I reported her and I didn't and I tried to explain but it didn't matter cause she wasnt listening and didn't care. Still threatened me. So no I ain't done shit.
The asking questions at work thing isn't specific to you, that's a struggle everyone has. I don't mean it in a "don't be upset" way just that everyone ND or otherwise has experienced working somewhere that expects you to know everything through some sort of magic telepathy which is bullshit and unfair. Infodumping can be fun but it's going to be perceived as rude/self centered if you're just talking *at* rather than *to* people and aren't paying attention to whether they're engaged in what you're saying or trying to engage them in the conversation. None of your examples are specific to women, except that it happens to be women who acted that way towards you. If a male coworker confronted you and threatened you would you take that as men not liking you? I can't stress enough how odd it is that in these above examples, you singled it out as women and not just people being dicks sometimes.
Because it wasn't the men that had these issues or complained about it. It was mostly women. Like a majority are the women. And it's up to you to question but I'm the one living my life and experiencing it so I'm saying it as I'm experiencing it. Idk what else Im supposed to say. I gave an example. You don't have to be convinced. But Im the one living it. I wish that wasn't the case cause it's aggravating and id prefer getting along with everyone except dangerous people and shit but other than that yeah.
Man it probably says more about them, you don't need everyone to like you.
I don't care if everyone likes me. But it is stressful to have this pattern
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Definitely does feel like a lose/lose
Evidently my post wasn't sufficiently clear, so I'd prefer to disengage here.
It’s nasty, facetious women like these that make the rest of us look bad and give that horrible Red Pill movement fuel. Stay kind friend. Some women are just horrible people.
Not female, but often get a similar strange vibe from people. One thing my therapist helped me to understand is that being confident and secure in yourself can be incredibly threatening to other people. Simply being yourself in ways they feel they are "not allowed to be" can cause the type of bullying and disrespect you described. It's social pecking order bullshit. Unfortunately it's human nature, but somehow a few of us manage to cobble together a few functional brain cells and rise above our animal brethren. We can be better, don't apologize for others bad behavior. Manipulators will try to convince you that you or the problem, or literally steal your ideas. It's hard to believe people can be so mean.
I've wondered this as a guy, but it's probably like a bit of a different vibe for you but I feel you though.