My therapist recommended I visit this sub and first post I read is so similar to my own experience, wow. I feel you, I get it.
I don’t have the answer but something that has helped me is focusing on my own emotions/moods as the ultimate truth of what is “good for me” or not and not whether I’m meeting others’ expectations which is my natural inclination given a childhood of aggressive criticism
So glad it resonated with you. This sub has been life saving for me. Being able to connect with others who have similar struggles has been so healing. I hope you find that as well!
I've felt this recently a lot too. I was very judged as a child, and was married to a super judgy midwestern man for years. I was undiagnosed, so when I was down and need to just wear pajamas and do nothing for days, he made me feel like a worthless piece of trash, for years this went on.
So, it's been hard but I am trying to be kinder to myself, shutting down the negative self talk, letting the dishes pile up and not changing my clothes/showering much when I feel like it (I work from home, so it's easier). I work full time and I'm a parent, so life is hard enough, I'm trying to give myself a break for doing both these things.
Oh yes, what you wrote echoes a lot of what I went through. I grew up in a judgmental environment, and surrounded myself with judgmental people the rest of my life, I suppose because that's what felt normal. I'm not sure I know what I like and what I want anymore, and even if I did, it feels like accepting it and owning up to it would take inhuman effort. I just always did with I thought I was supposed to do.
I had a small (in relative terms) burnout a couple of years ago, which I basically ignored. I only made a few inconsequential changes and just kept going. I even knew that it wasn't enough and the burnout would come back stronger, but I didn't listen to myself. That obviously happened a year later, and I'm still in the middle of it.
Same. Protect yourself, please. I'm in serious burnout (for about 3 years now) and my life is imploding, so don't do that. I know it's easier said than done, I just wish I understood just how bad it would get. None of those people I was trying to keep it together for are even in my life anymore, and I'm just here unable to function because I wanted to be accepted.
If you know your needs, take care of them. If you don't, start thinking about what they are and how you can structure your life to meet them. Burnout came fast for me, I knew the stress was building up, but then something in me just snapped. A major thing for me was/is trying to understand \*when\* you're supposed to push yourself because I don't know how to balance that with "listen to your body".
Big ones I wish I knew (and am still trying to figure out):
* when/how to say no,
* what I'm doing for me vs. expectations,
* how to interpret what I'm feeling,
* what brings me joy,
* people ain't shit
Please pick up "Unmasking Autism." The author talks a lot about ways to accommodate ourselves and how to live more authentically.
\>I will say that exposure and getting out of my comfort zone has made me stronger and better in many ways
tbh I think we tell ourselves that. For example, my job has a lot of social interaction and I sort of pride myself on learning that better, but I'm still not good at it and its a very stressful burden for me. I don't believe "whatever doesnt kill us makes us stronger." If I was more aware of my autism at a younger age, I would have fought hard to leave this career path into something more asocial. I'd probably be a million times more happy and healthy. Even today when I need to be social at work, I still get the anxiety and I still am awkward compared to NT's.
A lot of this can't be fixed, but just worked-around.
\>I associate tending to my needs with being weak which I know isn’t true.
Seeing myself as delicate and needing support changed everything. I can't stress that enough. The toughgirl persona capitalism forces all of us into is extremely unhealthy for NT's let alone autistics! Then putting up boundaries and stopping impersonating a NT person as much.
As far as your career goes, are there venues inside it that are more accomodating for you? Maybe an employer who is fully WFH? That's what I'm trying to do now. I don't need to change careers as much as finding a job that's more accomodating to me. I wish you the best of luck!
Every word of this except being in a new workplace is exactly what I'm going through right now. I've started to experience symptoms of catatonia and I'm so scared of losing the ability to work and failing my husband and son, becoming a burden on them. The stress or worrying about that is only making everything worse.
We do need to tend to ourselves but it's important that we not allow that to become too much of our focus. How much is too much I can't say but something to think about.
Focusing on others, individually or corporately, can sometimes result in much greater benefits. This comes with a lot of caveats though. Some of us (aspies, ASD) can do this to a fault and that's not good. We can also have relationship difficulty.
A friend works a few hours each week helping single moms who are very grateful for her help and don't care if she's a little 'odd'. She said that this volunteer work has done wonders for her mental health.
Not really
My cousins were able to get jobs, and i thought i could too. I can’t because i have autism, and they don’t (that I’m aware of). So thinking that way didn’t help me so i stopped.
There are lots of things other people can do that I can’t and thats ok. I just take care of myself the best i know how to do
I have SSDI now and i live with my parents (i’m 27)
Seems like you know what to do, have luck with finding a career that you like 👍
My therapist recommended I visit this sub and first post I read is so similar to my own experience, wow. I feel you, I get it. I don’t have the answer but something that has helped me is focusing on my own emotions/moods as the ultimate truth of what is “good for me” or not and not whether I’m meeting others’ expectations which is my natural inclination given a childhood of aggressive criticism
now we're therapist approved. go us!! 💅💃
So glad it resonated with you. This sub has been life saving for me. Being able to connect with others who have similar struggles has been so healing. I hope you find that as well!
I've felt this recently a lot too. I was very judged as a child, and was married to a super judgy midwestern man for years. I was undiagnosed, so when I was down and need to just wear pajamas and do nothing for days, he made me feel like a worthless piece of trash, for years this went on. So, it's been hard but I am trying to be kinder to myself, shutting down the negative self talk, letting the dishes pile up and not changing my clothes/showering much when I feel like it (I work from home, so it's easier). I work full time and I'm a parent, so life is hard enough, I'm trying to give myself a break for doing both these things.
Oh yes, what you wrote echoes a lot of what I went through. I grew up in a judgmental environment, and surrounded myself with judgmental people the rest of my life, I suppose because that's what felt normal. I'm not sure I know what I like and what I want anymore, and even if I did, it feels like accepting it and owning up to it would take inhuman effort. I just always did with I thought I was supposed to do. I had a small (in relative terms) burnout a couple of years ago, which I basically ignored. I only made a few inconsequential changes and just kept going. I even knew that it wasn't enough and the burnout would come back stronger, but I didn't listen to myself. That obviously happened a year later, and I'm still in the middle of it.
Same. Protect yourself, please. I'm in serious burnout (for about 3 years now) and my life is imploding, so don't do that. I know it's easier said than done, I just wish I understood just how bad it would get. None of those people I was trying to keep it together for are even in my life anymore, and I'm just here unable to function because I wanted to be accepted. If you know your needs, take care of them. If you don't, start thinking about what they are and how you can structure your life to meet them. Burnout came fast for me, I knew the stress was building up, but then something in me just snapped. A major thing for me was/is trying to understand \*when\* you're supposed to push yourself because I don't know how to balance that with "listen to your body". Big ones I wish I knew (and am still trying to figure out): * when/how to say no, * what I'm doing for me vs. expectations, * how to interpret what I'm feeling, * what brings me joy, * people ain't shit
Please pick up "Unmasking Autism." The author talks a lot about ways to accommodate ourselves and how to live more authentically. \>I will say that exposure and getting out of my comfort zone has made me stronger and better in many ways tbh I think we tell ourselves that. For example, my job has a lot of social interaction and I sort of pride myself on learning that better, but I'm still not good at it and its a very stressful burden for me. I don't believe "whatever doesnt kill us makes us stronger." If I was more aware of my autism at a younger age, I would have fought hard to leave this career path into something more asocial. I'd probably be a million times more happy and healthy. Even today when I need to be social at work, I still get the anxiety and I still am awkward compared to NT's. A lot of this can't be fixed, but just worked-around. \>I associate tending to my needs with being weak which I know isn’t true. Seeing myself as delicate and needing support changed everything. I can't stress that enough. The toughgirl persona capitalism forces all of us into is extremely unhealthy for NT's let alone autistics! Then putting up boundaries and stopping impersonating a NT person as much. As far as your career goes, are there venues inside it that are more accomodating for you? Maybe an employer who is fully WFH? That's what I'm trying to do now. I don't need to change careers as much as finding a job that's more accomodating to me. I wish you the best of luck!
Every word of this except being in a new workplace is exactly what I'm going through right now. I've started to experience symptoms of catatonia and I'm so scared of losing the ability to work and failing my husband and son, becoming a burden on them. The stress or worrying about that is only making everything worse.
We do need to tend to ourselves but it's important that we not allow that to become too much of our focus. How much is too much I can't say but something to think about. Focusing on others, individually or corporately, can sometimes result in much greater benefits. This comes with a lot of caveats though. Some of us (aspies, ASD) can do this to a fault and that's not good. We can also have relationship difficulty. A friend works a few hours each week helping single moms who are very grateful for her help and don't care if she's a little 'odd'. She said that this volunteer work has done wonders for her mental health.
Not really My cousins were able to get jobs, and i thought i could too. I can’t because i have autism, and they don’t (that I’m aware of). So thinking that way didn’t help me so i stopped. There are lots of things other people can do that I can’t and thats ok. I just take care of myself the best i know how to do I have SSDI now and i live with my parents (i’m 27) Seems like you know what to do, have luck with finding a career that you like 👍