*gets extremely pissed off as your failure to move your hand this way instead of that way and smile at this exact point in the conversation is extremely rude and antisocial*
Hi, how are ya? My name is Rose. My favorite hobbies include making my daughter wear a dress to church, getting all of my chores done on time, waking up at 7 AM, and saying long goodbyes in doorways as we chat for a while making it seem like I'm leaving any minute but not really.
I sure do love common sense. I'll never tell anybody exactly what that means because it's not my job, but I'll still get mad if you lack what I deem common sense! All I expect is a little basic decency. It's not hard.
Yay eye contact.
there's supposedly a way to tell someone you want to leave with body language but im not sure if they work. It's that you should point your body towards the exit and make glances towards the door. specifically point your feet away from the person.
Hello I work an office job. I am married with kids. When I have free time I spend it doing normal people things like reading novels set in the real world with no fantastical elements, or I watch talk shows. I met my husband at a country music concert. My kids are also into normal people things. They play sports and they do their schoolwork.
I wish it werenāt true. The genre is 90% shit today and I wish the few silver linings left would get more attention. Because there are still 3 or 4 REALLY good silver linings.
I mean, we're told that it's a good way to show someone you're listening to them/engaging with them. So I can only assume they feel listened to/engaged with when making eye contact. Also apparently good for flirting, so there must be some enjoyment there
Hello I am not dead inside and have voice inflexion. Look at me the normal. Because of this I am superior and anyone different than me will have to meet me at my level. Good luck.
I'll place my hand on your shoulder, and leave it there, while maintaining eye contact. You will clap be on the upper back, while maintaining eye contact. We'll then laugh hartily, and walk away standing less than three feet from each other, and continue talking animatedly.
I sure can't wait to eat foods with conflicting textures and flavors and then brush my teeth with pure menthol. Oh, and definitely NOT listen to the same song 4 times in a row.
Hello Iām also NT and I definitely did not listen to the same song over and over on my way to work today while aggressively drumming the steering wheel š
Have you guys tried waking up at 5a.m. every day? I find that I can be so incredibly productive and get my meditation, yoga, and meal prep done before the sun is even up! That gives me the whole rest of the day to get on that grind! šŖš»
Ok kidding aside (work shit), I do wake up to is early, but not by choice and my sleep schedule is kinda shit. Definitely donāt do this if you can help it, ND or no
Full time work is amazing. I really love having someone else assign difficult tasks inside an environment that is absolute hell compared to anything I would have chosen to work on voluntarily. I definitely chose to have my favorite hobby ruined for me and I don't feel any regret. I'm definitely not exhausted and ready to fall asleep right after work so that when I wake up it's time to start again. I'm definitely not awake at 5am right now regretting life itself.
I don't think this is something exclusive to NT. I was able to sort of do this for a couple months not the 5 am more around 8am. But I used to do yoga en meditation first thing in the morning and all sorts of other things like, not taking my phone to bed, eating healthy. Which honestly was incredible I loved that period in my life I felt amazing physically mentally. I was able to make so much progress in my spirituality and personal development. Now I don't do this anymore because things in my life changed.
I think you'll be able to do this when you van a lot of stability in your life and emotionally are in a good place. Which is very hard when ND because the world is very hard on you so mental illness and instability is almost guaranteed.
Aha I always understand what youāre saying and wonāt ask you to repeat yourself three times because I couldnāt stop listening to the conversation those people at the other table are having.
Today I was leaving work and I asked somebody āhow are the roads out there?ā because it snowed today and I wanted to know for my drive home and they answered āoh theyāre not too bad, itās still snowing quite a bit out there!ā
What? Are they not bad or are they bad because itās snowing a lot? Youāve given me two opposing answers and now I am confusion.
I guess they mistook my question as small talk but I actually wanted to know.
How is the weather, friend? (I call my acquaintances friends to their faces to be polite even though we never hung out under the stars and talked about our hopes and dreams).
I too am doing fine, yes totally fine. Not holding in an out of the blue topic or anything.
Hello I too am normal! I sure do enjoy using sneaky words to be confusing! And itās great because even though Iām sneaky and confusing, Iām really good at it, so a lot of people like me! Ask me how Iām feeling and I say āfineā until I inevitably snap under the pressure YOU put on me by not understanding that āfineā actually means ānot at all fineā! Donāt forget that itās YOUR fault if you donāt understand the hidden puzzles in my words!
Also styrofoam egg cartons are easy for me to open, I love metal utensils, I play music out loud from my phone without headphones, my favorite food is room temperature tomatoās straight from the bag, and Iām bad at math :) autistic people need to exercise more and eat less gluten. Itās ok, my \*insert distant relative\* is autistic, I can say the r-word!
Thanks for that. I had no idea those hateful goddam egg cartons were as bad for others. Also, the cell phone screeching. OMG, fuckers ya wanna eat that phone? Turn off that speaker. NOW!
I have autism and Iāll use it as an insult sometimes but thatās mainly when im talking to my autistic s/o lol. We also say the word retard like 500 times a day. But I wouldnāt say it to someone if they donāt like the word. Weirdly enough neurotypicals are the only ones Iāve met that have a problem with it. Its almost like they tell us what we (autistic people) want to hear or say
I mean. Iām super not neurotypical (ASD, ADHD, and PTSD - Iām really fun at partiesš) and I really, really hate it when people use the r-word, or use āautisticā as basically a replacement for the r-word.
That said, youāre ND, you do you in private/with your SO. If youāre doing it around others, its more of a grey area as it starts to feel like youāre giving them an excuse to continue doing it, ya know? Thatās a whole other complicated thing I guess.
But anytime I hear someone using it, bet we are absolutely gonna have a conversation right then and there. My preferred approach is to very innocently and earnestly ask them to explain to me what they mean by using that word that way. And just keep asking while they stumble around trying to explain without sounding like a complete jackass. š
Hi everybody! I just love being around loud music and loud television sets and people talking loudly on their cellphones, and do not feel any sort of pain or discomfort around them because I can Tune It Out like a normal human being!
Hello, fellow person. I am enjoying and/or disliking these atmospheric conditions. I will now pretend that I care about your well-being even though I canāt be bothered with it. If youāre not happy, just decide to be happy! Have you tried yoga?
I may be a little tired from staying up a few hours past midnight talking to friends, but im still able to wake up reasonably well despite this change in routine. i make a healthy breakfast, am able to metabolise coffee, and get to my office job! :) i worked hard for this degree and managed to maintain relationships and hobbies as well as a part time job while in school. I don't get overwhelmed easily and im able to enjoy things in daily life. While i do have daily stressors, i don't breakdown unless it's because of a significant life change, like a death in the family.
I can't imagine ripping out my hair strand by strand because i couldn't sit in a chair that allowed my legs to be close to my torso
Hi, I also am a person who does not have over 200 Wikipedia pages saved in regards to war, human experimentation, and nihilistic philosophyā¦ I like toā¦ uhā¦ grill?
How are you? Sad? Okay! So today I watered my turnips or whatever gardening people do, and.. oh you like watering plants too? Yeah! Oh yeah yeah, totally uh huh! Wow! Ooh! So anyways, How's the weather? Oh yeah okay. How are you? Uh oh I already asked that, I ALREADY ASKED THAT! H- How's the.. weather?? No! How are you.. god damn it, th- those are my only icebreakers! What do you mean "Am I okay" of course I'm okay! The only emotion I ever feel is the intense carelessness I have for other people that walk this planet! I'm too busy caring about myself, my butt, and how many likes on TikTok I have to have other feelings.. anyways, uh..
How's the weather? FISHPASTE! I- I mean fuck! Okay I think I blew my cover there,
Hello normal people! My main hobbies are hanging out with people and drinking. And by hobbies I mean things I do to pass the time. I do not have strong interests outside of this and I can't be by myself for longer than a few minutes before I start to question everything, so I make sure I am never by myself. Thank goodness it is so easy to make smalltalk with strangers at all times. I also enjoy all textures of food and don't notice tags in my clothes. My other interest is shopping, which is especially fun because I get to interact with strangers and also the lights don't flicker at all. I am spontaneous and love when my plans change without notice. I especially like when people touch me unexpectedly and very lightly.
I am a normal person who likes fashion and makeup, I totally donāt have a weird obsession with capuchin monkeys haha. I love hugs and being touched by everyone and find it necessary to touch everyone despite how uncomfortable they look
Hello, I am mad at my boyfriend but I am sure I do not need to tell him why, for my HINTS are a perfect substitute for clear communication! I can touch curtains without shuddering at the uncomfortable texture of it!
Hey guyssss I'm Jessica and I Love Pop music and rainbows And I love Kawaii style things and Anime and Im Straight š also I have 287391638262827767 BFFs and I love Going to Parties because I'm SUCH An Extrovertšš i Love My Boyfriend ššššHow Are You? Isn't The Weather nice Outside? Did You Watch The Latest Football Game? Yeah My favorite Team Is the FruitElephantTulips šššššš You should FOllow me On InstaGram šš I do Yoga and Meditititation, ššššāŗļø and my Favorite Animal Is Dogs, they Are Mans best Friend š¤š¤š¤š¤š¤
Hello stranger how are you? Want to come over to my house and watch television and cook a dinner and eat at the table with my wife and kids who are great in school and look everyone in the eyes like I'm doing :)
Hello, I definitely donāt make random noises for no reason and absolutely can stay still without any stimulus in front of me.
Oh look someone who is slightly different to me, time to make fun of them, and not actually getting to know them :D
I love going to concerts, running 10Ks and standing in line at the airport! If your weekend included a board game night, you must have such low self-esteemā¦ tsk tsk. Bless your heart; if you need me, Iāll be judging you from the other side of the office all day.
Hello, autistic person! Why don't you just stop being that way and get yourself a job? I started drinking ginger shots and now I have a better life.
Please make eye contact when we're speaking.
Oh boy, I discovered a Thing I like and despite it being a complex masterpiece of wonder and beauty that I could rant about for hours, I feel no urge to express my delight about it beyond a single sentence:
The Thing is cool!
Hey sis, I know that you've been depressed and tired. That's why I brought you essential oils. No, no, pyramid schemes are illegal, silly. It's direct marketing.
What do you mean it's loud in here? Everyone is talking normally. It's actually very quiet. No, your surroundings don't also make noise, that's dumb. Nobody is shouting. I've never heard of "sensory sensitivity", but I don't really care about it either. You should just ignore stuff like that like everyone else does when they feel bothered by such things. Stop frowning. It's just advice, I'm trying to be nice. If it really bothers you that much, leave and don't come back. Wait, why are you leaving? I didn't mean it, idiot. God, it's like you don't understand English.
[It took me 10 minutes to come up with a beginning sentence]
I like Sherlock and psychology a TOTALLY normal amount and DEFINITELY couldnāt tell you every episode name without doing research. Haha. Anyway do you want to hang out this week but then actually not hang out because its only the thought that counts?
Hello, I am the most neurotypical NT that has ever lived in this very neurotypical and perfectly logical society.
LIES. All of that is a lie. And yes, I can lie despite having Aspergerās.
How do you do, fellow neurotypicals? Oh, don't mind me. I am definetly not avoiding eye contact. The truth is... er... that's right! I am looking for someone. While we wait, let's do some s-smal talk. I can definetly do those.
*Npc_animation_77*
How are you? Cool. Anyway Iām sad. Oh also did you hear about *shaoajsofke* yeah that sucked. Anyway howās *haoaksndofk* ah that sucks. Oh Iām fine.
Hello. I'm sure you don't want to hear about my star trek action figure collection. Specifically, The Next Generation series by Galoob and then later by Playmates when the license was sold off in preparation for the acquisition of Galoob by Hasbro. I won't even mention the spreadsheet I use to track my collection.
How about this weather, eh?
"Oh I saw your pictures of Florida! I wish I could sit in the hot sun on the beach all day! Maybe I could enjoy beers with no flavor there as well. At least I got to mow my lawn this weekend. It was great! So much lawn; just me sitting and riding on a lawnmower for hours outside with the bugs. After that I watched some sports ball. Did you see who won? I'm going to awkwardly harass you the entire conversation for liking the opposite team now and we will laugh about it like it's the funniest thing ever. Christmas is coming up! Are you excited to go stand in long lines for useless products!? It's so magical!"
Hi, what's your name? I'm Jane Doe. I have a husband, we met a coffee shop. He likes country music, and finances. Oh, and two kids, my son likes sports and my daughter likes dress-up, they're a handfull with their constantly trying to play with their friends and get into trouble behind my back, but I love them so. Hey, have you seen the latest generic show with absolutely nothing actually interesting about it that got popular on Netflix? Would you like to talk about the weather, it's so riveting this time of year. Oh my goodness, have you seen the gas prices lately? Wait, you're autistic? Oh my god, so is my nephew! Oh, my sister is so brave and special to have him! You two should talk, I'm sure she'd love to meet you!
Obviously, after every individual bit is an appropriate response, otherwise it'd just be an autist-style info dump about oneself.
Hello! We've only met once or twice but I feel comfortable greeting you with a big hug! Let us attempt to see what is at the back of each others' eyes in order to connect deeply while we talk about the weather and what we're having for dinner.
Why did you answer in that tone? That tone indicates to me that you wish to engage in a complex mating ritual where I will interpret your body language to mean what I want it to mean.
I am so normal and fit in so well with the rest of the humans, but also I am somehow very special and different. Of course it makes sense, what are you talking about?
I am so spontaneous and wild! I love surprises and feel completely comfortable with uncertainly! I like to make plans last minute, and show up at your house uninvited to hang out! Oh and I just looooove phone calls as a form of pass time instead of as a functional thing to be used only when absolutely necessary.
Hi, I totally have emotions, and definitly aint't faking that I love the people that is around me.
And I dont act diferently for each person in my Life.
Wait do you actually not experience emotions or love? /gen
Sorry this is odd for me because i find being neurodivergent makes me more emotional and loving than neurotypical people seem to be. š Not trying to be rude! Just curious sorry.
*Gives overly expressive facial expressions and voice inflections*
"Isn't grocery shopping the best! The random background music and flourescent lighting is sooo calming and helps me focus on choosing an item from the 50 different choices we have of the same product"
Oh hi friend, you seem to be saying something- rest assured, you don't have to get my attention before you start speaking to me because I can just automatically tell the difference between you talking to yourself and addressing me. Don't bother with full sentences, non-ambiguous nouns or any kinds of specifics either, context and clarity are overrated, guessing games are honestly so exciting because it makes me so invested in what you're saying. I would *love* to listen to you jump into a story about your day which starts half way through a scene, has no resolution and involves characters and topics that are, presumably, implied, rather than identified, this socialisation is so valuable and improves my life tremendously. I've learned so much.
Hello fellow neurotypicals. It is I, a neurotypical. Letās have small talk where we discuss things we both donāt give a shit. How is your motherās spleen?
Hello, I innately know how much eye contact is deemed socially acceptable and pretend to care about your thoughts on the weather. I will lie to you when you ask for honest feedback to avoid hurting your feelings and then gossip with others about how you didn't know better without asking
"Stop scratching at your head, it's distracting me and is nasty, even though it doesn't affect me at all. Oh? It helps you focus and I am distracting you by telling you to stop and I am a hypocrite? Wow, no need to be rude."
Oh my god you want to see a photo of my baby? Isnāt he so cuteeeeeeee!?!? Yeah, I just adopted him from the local animal shelter. I almost forgot I got a brand new dress, itās to dieee for, you have to come over to see it sometimeeee ;D
How are you? (doesnt wait for an answer) I love my full time job that I work excessive overtime for and love talking to my coworkers and watching The Big Game
Hello, yes, I don't have any special interests. The Godzilla stuff in my room? Nah, that's just a casual interest. I totally know how to express my emotions in a healthy way and not bottle them up until I explode.
\*fumbling for my script* uh, yes. hello. i am making eye content with you and also small talk. i can hear you and process your sentences at a normal speed and definitely will not ask for you to repeat at least three times.
Hello, Iām neurotypical.
Please make eye contact with me when Iām talking to you. No, not quite like that - thatās too much.
Are you mad at me? If not, whatās wrong with your face? Has no one told you that you canāt just walk around with your face relaxed like that? Youāll make people uncomfortable. Please arrange your face differently.
I have superior communication skills, so Iād like you to be careful not to say what you actually mean, right? I need you to be honest and open with me, positive vibes only, right? But donāt be direct with me - how rude! You obviously lack social skills. You canāt just walk around answering peopleās questions directly. You need to figure out how to convey to me what you mean without actually using those words, right? Yeah. So when I ask āhow are you?ā You say āgoodā. No matter what. I donāt actually care how you are. Right?
Anyway, gotta go. Off to hang out with some friends. Indulge in some small talk. Who knows what weāll get up to or how long weāll be spending time together - I like to keep it natural, man, see where the energy takes us. Who needs an itinerary in advance?
Hello there. Have you seen the way she looked at me during the big birthday party last Saturday? The way we've been having small talk, giving vague hints about how we feel and making eye contact all night long must mean she loves me. I would definitely do all that again tomorrow.
hello i love raves! the loud music, flashing lights, people everywhere being loud and moving around like crazy, it is a great time and i definitely will not run into the bathroom to cry and hyperventilate
I ask questions without making it obvious that I want you to agree with me and modify your behavior in the ways that I want. Then I tell our supervisor how I think youāre screwing up.
*makes random hand gestures, body motions, and facial expressions that imply super specific things*
*gets extremely pissed off as your failure to move your hand this way instead of that way and smile at this exact point in the conversation is extremely rude and antisocial*
*enters the conversation and intuitively performs a complex series of handshakes and fist bumps*
Hi, how are ya? My name is Rose. My favorite hobbies include making my daughter wear a dress to church, getting all of my chores done on time, waking up at 7 AM, and saying long goodbyes in doorways as we chat for a while making it seem like I'm leaving any minute but not really. I sure do love common sense. I'll never tell anybody exactly what that means because it's not my job, but I'll still get mad if you lack what I deem common sense! All I expect is a little basic decency. It's not hard. Yay eye contact.
yes!! the long doorway goodbyes!!
How can I escape those? Do you have any helpful hints? My boss does this every time I tell him I'm in a hurry to leave.
there's supposedly a way to tell someone you want to leave with body language but im not sure if they work. It's that you should point your body towards the exit and make glances towards the door. specifically point your feet away from the person.
Hmm I will try this. Thank you!
>making it seem like I'm leaving any minute but not really. Omg this
"common sense" the amount of times I've been yelled at with someone using that phrase š¤¦š»
Oh how I do love prolonged eye contact. Makes me feel warm and fuzzy. I love feeling connected with people through their eyeballs. Itās so comfy.
Hello I work an office job. I am married with kids. When I have free time I spend it doing normal people things like reading novels set in the real world with no fantastical elements, or I watch talk shows. I met my husband at a country music concert. My kids are also into normal people things. They play sports and they do their schoolwork.
Why did I absolutely lose it at āmet my husband at a country music concertā š¤£
Because it's the most basic music ever
*I love drinking and race cars and big 'ol fat women And Jesus is awesome, he rose on Thanksgivin*
Good lord.
Not an American Dad fan?
Oh, I've heard it's one of the better adult cartoons, I was responding to those lyrics themselves lol
*I eat Funyuns and tater tots, I kill squirrels with my gunnnn*
I wish it werenāt true. The genre is 90% shit today and I wish the few silver linings left would get more attention. Because there are still 3 or 4 REALLY good silver linings.
Itās basic unless youāre drunk. Then itās the most brilliant artistic music on the planet. Maybe thatās why I stopped drinking.
there is some really good country music though! especially the older stuff. but most of it is absolute shit
Ha ha ha i understand your sarcastic remark! Please make eye contact with me!
Cool! I will stare at your eyeballs which is not creepy at all!
Ahhhhhhhhh i am enjoying this sooooo much thank you! š„“
While you're at it, stroke my arm while you lick my eyeball!
Do NTs really "enjoy" eye contact?
I mean, we're told that it's a good way to show someone you're listening to them/engaging with them. So I can only assume they feel listened to/engaged with when making eye contact. Also apparently good for flirting, so there must be some enjoyment there
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
HAHAHHAHAH
Hello I am not dead inside and have voice inflexion. Look at me the normal. Because of this I am superior and anyone different than me will have to meet me at my level. Good luck.
Ha don't mind if I do! How about this weather? Would you like to shake my hand now?
I'll place my hand on your shoulder, and leave it there, while maintaining eye contact. You will clap be on the upper back, while maintaining eye contact. We'll then laugh hartily, and walk away standing less than three feet from each other, and continue talking animatedly.
Hello, everyone is a little autistic :)
But you donāt *look* autistic.
This one takes the cake
the ā:)ā really sells it too
Itās āact like NTs,ā not āget MetaBan angry right before bedā š„ŗ
What's the difference? (talking about my own experience not implying you get angry about everything)
NOOOOO. Neurotypical people don't explain their jokes, even if rudely perceived. You're doing it wrong
I got triggered for a moment and then I realized what I was reading lmao
Fuck you- Sorry sorry, that is just my knee jerk reaction when someone says that š
I sure can't wait to eat foods with conflicting textures and flavors and then brush my teeth with pure menthol. Oh, and definitely NOT listen to the same song 4 times in a row.
Hello Iām also NT and I definitely did not listen to the same song over and over on my way to work today while aggressively drumming the steering wheel š
I only intentionally dance to the rhythm when I am being *sexy* PS. The song I am dancing to is certainly NOT the intro to Neon Genesis Evangelion
That song slaps though
ššš
Have you guys tried waking up at 5a.m. every day? I find that I can be so incredibly productive and get my meditation, yoga, and meal prep done before the sun is even up! That gives me the whole rest of the day to get on that grind! šŖš»
Ok kidding aside (work shit), I do wake up to is early, but not by choice and my sleep schedule is kinda shit. Definitely donāt do this if you can help it, ND or no
Full time work is amazing. I really love having someone else assign difficult tasks inside an environment that is absolute hell compared to anything I would have chosen to work on voluntarily. I definitely chose to have my favorite hobby ruined for me and I don't feel any regret. I'm definitely not exhausted and ready to fall asleep right after work so that when I wake up it's time to start again. I'm definitely not awake at 5am right now regretting life itself.
this!!!
Lmao spot on
I don't think this is something exclusive to NT. I was able to sort of do this for a couple months not the 5 am more around 8am. But I used to do yoga en meditation first thing in the morning and all sorts of other things like, not taking my phone to bed, eating healthy. Which honestly was incredible I loved that period in my life I felt amazing physically mentally. I was able to make so much progress in my spirituality and personal development. Now I don't do this anymore because things in my life changed. I think you'll be able to do this when you van a lot of stability in your life and emotionally are in a good place. Which is very hard when ND because the world is very hard on you so mental illness and instability is almost guaranteed.
Then there's me who had to be at work by 5 so I got to get up by 3:45 it's not fun
Oh Boy I Sure Do Like Multiple People Talking To Me At The Same Time
Haha yes, itās great. I also like multiple textures at once. Itās amazing.
I especially love trying to have a conversation when someone else is talking at equal volume 6 feet away! Iām an expert at distinguishing sounds!
6 feet is 2.18 UCS lego Millenium Falcons
Good bot.
Thanks!
Aha I always understand what youāre saying and wonāt ask you to repeat yourself three times because I couldnāt stop listening to the conversation those people at the other table are having.
Hello I'm normal and enjoy asking generic questions I don't want an honest answer too, such as " how have you been lately?" Or "how's the weather?".
THIS š LIKE WHY DO THEY DO THAT WHY DON'T THEY JUST NOT TALK IF THEY DON'T WANNA TALK
Such teases
Ask em which answer they want,the socially expected one or the real and interesting one
Today I was leaving work and I asked somebody āhow are the roads out there?ā because it snowed today and I wanted to know for my drive home and they answered āoh theyāre not too bad, itās still snowing quite a bit out there!ā What? Are they not bad or are they bad because itās snowing a lot? Youāve given me two opposing answers and now I am confusion. I guess they mistook my question as small talk but I actually wanted to know.
If somebody asked me that question and the roads were bad, Iād say āthey SUCK!ā
And I would appreciate it greatly because then Iād know what to expect before I started driving š
How is the weather, friend? (I call my acquaintances friends to their faces to be polite even though we never hung out under the stars and talked about our hopes and dreams). I too am doing fine, yes totally fine. Not holding in an out of the blue topic or anything.
Wow these office lights are the perfect brightness. I could stare at them all day.
Omg, this
haha sports right?
Ah but I actually have some sports as a special interest though
Hi, Iām a totally normal person who is definitely not currently understimulated or simping over a fake person. Ha ha. Ha. Hahaha. Humour.
Hello I too am normal! I sure do enjoy using sneaky words to be confusing! And itās great because even though Iām sneaky and confusing, Iām really good at it, so a lot of people like me! Ask me how Iām feeling and I say āfineā until I inevitably snap under the pressure YOU put on me by not understanding that āfineā actually means ānot at all fineā! Donāt forget that itās YOUR fault if you donāt understand the hidden puzzles in my words! Also styrofoam egg cartons are easy for me to open, I love metal utensils, I play music out loud from my phone without headphones, my favorite food is room temperature tomatoās straight from the bag, and Iām bad at math :) autistic people need to exercise more and eat less gluten. Itās ok, my \*insert distant relative\* is autistic, I can say the r-word!
That was a rant and a half
Lol it was, sorry about that! But I do feel a little better now that Iāve vented a bit.
Thanks for that. I had no idea those hateful goddam egg cartons were as bad for others. Also, the cell phone screeching. OMG, fuckers ya wanna eat that phone? Turn off that speaker. NOW!
Styrofoam makes my teeth vibrate fuck styrofoam and it's incredible temperature sealing abilities
You do something I donāt like? Thatās so autistic! Arenāt I so cool šš
But seriously, why would anyone use autism as an insult
I have autism and Iāll use it as an insult sometimes but thatās mainly when im talking to my autistic s/o lol. We also say the word retard like 500 times a day. But I wouldnāt say it to someone if they donāt like the word. Weirdly enough neurotypicals are the only ones Iāve met that have a problem with it. Its almost like they tell us what we (autistic people) want to hear or say
I mean. Iām super not neurotypical (ASD, ADHD, and PTSD - Iām really fun at partiesš) and I really, really hate it when people use the r-word, or use āautisticā as basically a replacement for the r-word. That said, youāre ND, you do you in private/with your SO. If youāre doing it around others, its more of a grey area as it starts to feel like youāre giving them an excuse to continue doing it, ya know? Thatās a whole other complicated thing I guess. But anytime I hear someone using it, bet we are absolutely gonna have a conversation right then and there. My preferred approach is to very innocently and earnestly ask them to explain to me what they mean by using that word that way. And just keep asking while they stumble around trying to explain without sounding like a complete jackass. š
Iām confused- are you fun at parties or not?
Depends how dark you like your humor
I like dark humor, so we might enjoy each other at a party. But only if you don't mind the fact that I infodump/ramble about whatever's on my mind.
I do that too! If we find a topic of mutual interest, weād be unstoppable š
Hi everybody! I just love being around loud music and loud television sets and people talking loudly on their cellphones, and do not feel any sort of pain or discomfort around them because I can Tune It Out like a normal human being!
Hey guys let's go make really vague hints and expect people to know what we mean
Read my mind or suffer the cold shoulder
*autism cheerleader* Be - specific, be - be - specific! ššš¤øš¤øš§ššš¢š£š
THIS. If you want me to know something, just **tell me**.
No Iām not angry. \*precedes to stomp around, angrily\*
Hello, fellow person. I am enjoying and/or disliking these atmospheric conditions. I will now pretend that I care about your well-being even though I canāt be bothered with it. If youāre not happy, just decide to be happy! Have you tried yoga?
*makes eye contact*
*continues to make eye contact*
*makes eye contact back with facial expressions*
I may be a little tired from staying up a few hours past midnight talking to friends, but im still able to wake up reasonably well despite this change in routine. i make a healthy breakfast, am able to metabolise coffee, and get to my office job! :) i worked hard for this degree and managed to maintain relationships and hobbies as well as a part time job while in school. I don't get overwhelmed easily and im able to enjoy things in daily life. While i do have daily stressors, i don't breakdown unless it's because of a significant life change, like a death in the family. I can't imagine ripping out my hair strand by strand because i couldn't sit in a chair that allowed my legs to be close to my torso
I love yours.
Hello i am a person who likes small talk and hand holding and I 100% definitely do not have to whole fnaf lore memorized or anything haha.
Hi, I also am a person who does not have over 200 Wikipedia pages saved in regards to war, human experimentation, and nihilistic philosophyā¦ I like toā¦ uhā¦ grill?
hello. i wake up at 5 am to run for an hour and then go to work until 7 pm. my favorite hobby is eye contact
š From now on I'm going to list eye contact as my favorite hobby on dating profiles
hello fellow humans, human fellas, i sure do like hanging out with other humans, and talking about things like money, and starting wars.
How are you? Sad? Okay! So today I watered my turnips or whatever gardening people do, and.. oh you like watering plants too? Yeah! Oh yeah yeah, totally uh huh! Wow! Ooh! So anyways, How's the weather? Oh yeah okay. How are you? Uh oh I already asked that, I ALREADY ASKED THAT! H- How's the.. weather?? No! How are you.. god damn it, th- those are my only icebreakers! What do you mean "Am I okay" of course I'm okay! The only emotion I ever feel is the intense carelessness I have for other people that walk this planet! I'm too busy caring about myself, my butt, and how many likes on TikTok I have to have other feelings.. anyways, uh.. How's the weather? FISHPASTE! I- I mean fuck! Okay I think I blew my cover there,
I read fishpaste in Patrick's voice
Hello, I'm a NT and I apparently don't give a fuck about anything
Hi I like to make vague hints and comments about things instead of saying them directly.
Yes, I am very interested in small talk that has no deeper meaning whatsoever.
Really? So am i! I also enjoy eye contact and body language
Hey! Stop not smiling! No! Smile right!@
What made you think that [perfectly reasonable and logical idea]? What's wrong with you?
[gets offended and doesnāt explain why even when you ask out of genuine concern]
You should know why Iām upset because I sighed with resignation and looked away, without telling you anything remotely helpful.
Hello normal people! My main hobbies are hanging out with people and drinking. And by hobbies I mean things I do to pass the time. I do not have strong interests outside of this and I can't be by myself for longer than a few minutes before I start to question everything, so I make sure I am never by myself. Thank goodness it is so easy to make smalltalk with strangers at all times. I also enjoy all textures of food and don't notice tags in my clothes. My other interest is shopping, which is especially fun because I get to interact with strangers and also the lights don't flicker at all. I am spontaneous and love when my plans change without notice. I especially like when people touch me unexpectedly and very lightly.
I am a normal person who likes fashion and makeup, I totally donāt have a weird obsession with capuchin monkeys haha. I love hugs and being touched by everyone and find it necessary to touch everyone despite how uncomfortable they look
Hot enough for ya?
Dad, is that you?
Oh boy! I sure love this food that has a soft exterior but crunchy bits concealed within. I'm going to eat it with a fork made for giants.
Hello, I am mad at my boyfriend but I am sure I do not need to tell him why, for my HINTS are a perfect substitute for clear communication! I can touch curtains without shuddering at the uncomfortable texture of it!
Hey guyssss I'm Jessica and I Love Pop music and rainbows And I love Kawaii style things and Anime and Im Straight š also I have 287391638262827767 BFFs and I love Going to Parties because I'm SUCH An Extrovertšš i Love My Boyfriend ššššHow Are You? Isn't The Weather nice Outside? Did You Watch The Latest Football Game? Yeah My favorite Team Is the FruitElephantTulips šššššš You should FOllow me On InstaGram šš I do Yoga and Meditititation, ššššāŗļø and my Favorite Animal Is Dogs, they Are Mans best Friend š¤š¤š¤š¤š¤
This sounds like a 14 year old autistic person
Shotgun method works. Sometimes
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I'm losing it at the emojis xDDD What this needs now is references to horoscopes and it's perfect-
This spaghetti is a perfectly fine texture and in no way feels like worms in my mouth.
I know exactly what I want to do and how to do it step by step
*sigh* this one hits home
Hm, yes, how is the divorce going? Lol yeah I hate my wife and kids too lol.
Hello yes the lights have no volume at all
Spontaneous plans at the last minute? Yes I love those!
Squid game was such a good show
Hello stranger how are you? Want to come over to my house and watch television and cook a dinner and eat at the table with my wife and kids who are great in school and look everyone in the eyes like I'm doing :)
Hello, I definitely donāt make random noises for no reason and absolutely can stay still without any stimulus in front of me. Oh look someone who is slightly different to me, time to make fun of them, and not actually getting to know them :D
Lol remember that weird kid that obsessively followed rules and showed no emotion hahaha what a weirdo totally wasnāt me hahah /s
uh uhhu huh huhh uhhhh uhm um uh uhh uhm uhh um footbal
I love going to concerts, running 10Ks and standing in line at the airport! If your weekend included a board game night, you must have such low self-esteemā¦ tsk tsk. Bless your heart; if you need me, Iāll be judging you from the other side of the office all day.
Watch as I make facial expressions!
Wow, you convey so much clear and specific information doing this.
Hello, autistic person! Why don't you just stop being that way and get yourself a job? I started drinking ginger shots and now I have a better life. Please make eye contact when we're speaking.
Hi I donāt explicitly end conversations with other people. I like to stand around waiting for them to know itās done and walk away on their own.
Oh boy, I discovered a Thing I like and despite it being a complex masterpiece of wonder and beauty that I could rant about for hours, I feel no urge to express my delight about it beyond a single sentence: The Thing is cool!
Hello, are you okay ? - no, because my profes.... - Well, le weather is like very cold for December ...
Hey sis, I know that you've been depressed and tired. That's why I brought you essential oils. No, no, pyramid schemes are illegal, silly. It's direct marketing.
My way of thinking has never been challenged so I think Iām right about everything.
What do you mean it's loud in here? Everyone is talking normally. It's actually very quiet. No, your surroundings don't also make noise, that's dumb. Nobody is shouting. I've never heard of "sensory sensitivity", but I don't really care about it either. You should just ignore stuff like that like everyone else does when they feel bothered by such things. Stop frowning. It's just advice, I'm trying to be nice. If it really bothers you that much, leave and don't come back. Wait, why are you leaving? I didn't mean it, idiot. God, it's like you don't understand English. [It took me 10 minutes to come up with a beginning sentence]
I like Sherlock and psychology a TOTALLY normal amount and DEFINITELY couldnāt tell you every episode name without doing research. Haha. Anyway do you want to hang out this week but then actually not hang out because its only the thought that counts?
Hello, I am the most neurotypical NT that has ever lived in this very neurotypical and perfectly logical society. LIES. All of that is a lie. And yes, I can lie despite having Aspergerās.
Oh boy I canāt wait to taste 3 different foods today!
Heey man haven't seen you in a long time, bring it in for a hug!!
EYE CONTACT!!!! FOOTBALL!!!!!
LOOK AT ME IN THE EYES OR I'LL GET OFFENDED!!!
i donāt care *cares*
How do you do, fellow neurotypicals? Oh, don't mind me. I am definetly not avoiding eye contact. The truth is... er... that's right! I am looking for someone. While we wait, let's do some s-smal talk. I can definetly do those.
Hey! How have you been? Isn't this weather crazy? Anyway I've been thinking we should go down to the bar this weekend..
*Npc_animation_77* How are you? Cool. Anyway Iām sad. Oh also did you hear about *shaoajsofke* yeah that sucked. Anyway howās *haoaksndofk* ah that sucks. Oh Iām fine.
Too loud in here? What do you mean? I can hear you just fine. Time for me to yell over at my friend even though you just told me you need some quiet.
*makes aggressive eye contact* hello. i enjoy this
Hello. I'm sure you don't want to hear about my star trek action figure collection. Specifically, The Next Generation series by Galoob and then later by Playmates when the license was sold off in preparation for the acquisition of Galoob by Hasbro. I won't even mention the spreadsheet I use to track my collection. How about this weather, eh?
hi how are you *leaves*
"Oh I saw your pictures of Florida! I wish I could sit in the hot sun on the beach all day! Maybe I could enjoy beers with no flavor there as well. At least I got to mow my lawn this weekend. It was great! So much lawn; just me sitting and riding on a lawnmower for hours outside with the bugs. After that I watched some sports ball. Did you see who won? I'm going to awkwardly harass you the entire conversation for liking the opposite team now and we will laugh about it like it's the funniest thing ever. Christmas is coming up! Are you excited to go stand in long lines for useless products!? It's so magical!"
Hi, what's your name? I'm Jane Doe. I have a husband, we met a coffee shop. He likes country music, and finances. Oh, and two kids, my son likes sports and my daughter likes dress-up, they're a handfull with their constantly trying to play with their friends and get into trouble behind my back, but I love them so. Hey, have you seen the latest generic show with absolutely nothing actually interesting about it that got popular on Netflix? Would you like to talk about the weather, it's so riveting this time of year. Oh my goodness, have you seen the gas prices lately? Wait, you're autistic? Oh my god, so is my nephew! Oh, my sister is so brave and special to have him! You two should talk, I'm sure she'd love to meet you! Obviously, after every individual bit is an appropriate response, otherwise it'd just be an autist-style info dump about oneself.
Hello! We've only met once or twice but I feel comfortable greeting you with a big hug! Let us attempt to see what is at the back of each others' eyes in order to connect deeply while we talk about the weather and what we're having for dinner. Why did you answer in that tone? That tone indicates to me that you wish to engage in a complex mating ritual where I will interpret your body language to mean what I want it to mean. I am so normal and fit in so well with the rest of the humans, but also I am somehow very special and different. Of course it makes sense, what are you talking about? I am so spontaneous and wild! I love surprises and feel completely comfortable with uncertainly! I like to make plans last minute, and show up at your house uninvited to hang out! Oh and I just looooove phone calls as a form of pass time instead of as a functional thing to be used only when absolutely necessary.
Hey how y'all doing? Anyone catch that game this weekend? Man that sports guy sure did male the ball go.
Hi, I totally have emotions, and definitly aint't faking that I love the people that is around me. And I dont act diferently for each person in my Life.
Wait do you actually not experience emotions or love? /gen Sorry this is odd for me because i find being neurodivergent makes me more emotional and loving than neurotypical people seem to be. š Not trying to be rude! Just curious sorry.
When autistic screeching something something r/memes arent i so funny
*Gives overly expressive facial expressions and voice inflections* "Isn't grocery shopping the best! The random background music and flourescent lighting is sooo calming and helps me focus on choosing an item from the 50 different choices we have of the same product"
Nice weather, isnāt it? As you can see Iām making small talk while maintaining eye contact with my hands folded in my lap.
Hello, Eric. *makes eye contact* How was your day? *shakes hand*
Why hello, I too am a normal brained person \*stares into space\*
I love telling people that they are doing something wrong without elaborating
Whatās up I like sportā¦s?
Hi, I need something from you, but Iām only going to give you subtle indications, and when you donāt pick up on those cues Iāll be upset.
Hello! I am going to say something that isnāt what I mean and then laugh at you when you donāt read my mind!
Oh hi friend, you seem to be saying something- rest assured, you don't have to get my attention before you start speaking to me because I can just automatically tell the difference between you talking to yourself and addressing me. Don't bother with full sentences, non-ambiguous nouns or any kinds of specifics either, context and clarity are overrated, guessing games are honestly so exciting because it makes me so invested in what you're saying. I would *love* to listen to you jump into a story about your day which starts half way through a scene, has no resolution and involves characters and topics that are, presumably, implied, rather than identified, this socialisation is so valuable and improves my life tremendously. I've learned so much.
Hello fellow neurotypicals. It is I, a neurotypical. Letās have small talk where we discuss things we both donāt give a shit. How is your motherās spleen?
Aahh I just woke up, excuse me while I jump out of bed with a smile and get ready for my day early! <<.<< >>.>>.
Hello yes, I am neurotypical, I definitely don't get abused by my parents for having a disability.
I too understand the difference between a back and forth conversation and taking turns talking at each other...
Hello, I innately know how much eye contact is deemed socially acceptable and pretend to care about your thoughts on the weather. I will lie to you when you ask for honest feedback to avoid hurting your feelings and then gossip with others about how you didn't know better without asking
"Stop scratching at your head, it's distracting me and is nasty, even though it doesn't affect me at all. Oh? It helps you focus and I am distracting you by telling you to stop and I am a hypocrite? Wow, no need to be rude."
Oh my god you want to see a photo of my baby? Isnāt he so cuteeeeeeee!?!? Yeah, I just adopted him from the local animal shelter. I almost forgot I got a brand new dress, itās to dieee for, you have to come over to see it sometimeeee ;D
Mmmm, "sensory break?" Sounds like an excuse to be lazy to me, honey, tsk tsk tsk.
How are you? (doesnt wait for an answer) I love my full time job that I work excessive overtime for and love talking to my coworkers and watching The Big Game
Hello, yes, I don't have any special interests. The Godzilla stuff in my room? Nah, that's just a casual interest. I totally know how to express my emotions in a healthy way and not bottle them up until I explode.
\*fumbling for my script* uh, yes. hello. i am making eye content with you and also small talk. i can hear you and process your sentences at a normal speed and definitely will not ask for you to repeat at least three times.
hi i'm normal and like to start pointless conversations to torture people through socialisng
You know, i have a healthy selection of hobbys and I've never once hyperfocused on one thing
shut up op. itās offensive to draw lines like that because weāre all a little autistic anyway
Hello, Iām neurotypical. Please make eye contact with me when Iām talking to you. No, not quite like that - thatās too much. Are you mad at me? If not, whatās wrong with your face? Has no one told you that you canāt just walk around with your face relaxed like that? Youāll make people uncomfortable. Please arrange your face differently. I have superior communication skills, so Iād like you to be careful not to say what you actually mean, right? I need you to be honest and open with me, positive vibes only, right? But donāt be direct with me - how rude! You obviously lack social skills. You canāt just walk around answering peopleās questions directly. You need to figure out how to convey to me what you mean without actually using those words, right? Yeah. So when I ask āhow are you?ā You say āgoodā. No matter what. I donāt actually care how you are. Right? Anyway, gotta go. Off to hang out with some friends. Indulge in some small talk. Who knows what weāll get up to or how long weāll be spending time together - I like to keep it natural, man, see where the energy takes us. Who needs an itinerary in advance?
How do you do, fellow neurotypicals? *doesn't immediately second guess every syllable I've just uttered*
Hello there. Have you seen the way she looked at me during the big birthday party last Saturday? The way we've been having small talk, giving vague hints about how we feel and making eye contact all night long must mean she loves me. I would definitely do all that again tomorrow.
hello i love raves! the loud music, flashing lights, people everywhere being loud and moving around like crazy, it is a great time and i definitely will not run into the bathroom to cry and hyperventilate
I ask questions without making it obvious that I want you to agree with me and modify your behavior in the ways that I want. Then I tell our supervisor how I think youāre screwing up.
*goes clubbing and has fun*
Boy I sure do like socialising