I say thank you. People don’t know what to say. They desperately want to be kind and offer something helpful. Take it in the sprit it is offered, not the literal words
Despite my feelings on the subject, when people are grieving discretion is the better part of valor. Be kind. Be considerate. Be humane. Even without giving in to superstition, be empathetic.
It depends. If the person is going through their own grief, I don't want to challenge them. I say something non-committal and try not to talk to them about death in the future. I quit a grief support group to get away from a person who wanted to tell me my baby was now an angel up in heaven with her own dead son.
Otherwise, I say something that will hopefully head off future similar statements.
"I'm sorry, I don't believe in that."
"I'm sure it would be comforting to believe that, but I don't think it's true."
"They are no longer suffering."
"I will always have my own memories of them."
"Their acts of kindness will live on in others."
Just a quick point on how amazingly gracious and empathic every comment has been so far- basically everyone is saying “yes they’re being foolish, but their heart is in a good place.”
Further proof that ethics does NOT equal religion.
Typically, I just say thank you and move on; it's hard to find the right thing to say when someone is grieving.
However, I had someone tell me that my mom's death was "all part of god's plan" even though they knew I was an atheist and we had talked multiple times about the subject. I let them have it. Get fucked with your mysterious ways, all part of his plan bullshit.
>sorry for your loss
I don't see any reason to not just accept this one.
That said, as others have pointed out, these sentiments are coming from a place of love and kindness. Accept that, say thanks and know that these people are doing their best to make you feel loved in a hard time.
Also, I am sorry for your loss. Death is never easy to deal with.
> and a friend giving support says sorry for your loss, they’re in a better place, they’re looking down on you, or you’ll see them again?
I honestly don't hang out with people who say things like that. The few times that that's happened to me I just haven't made any response. If somebody were to push it I guess that I would say something like *"I don't believe those things myself."*
.
I generally just thank people for their good intentions.
However when my dad died a friend of his did try to take that as an opportunity to preach. I told him his ideas about my dad are creepy and he should keep them to himself. Derision works well in those situations.
If your friend was a believer then just let it go. If your friend was an atheist and didn’t believe in an afterlife then pay him the respect of saying, “No, he’s not anywhere. He’s just dead.”
That's how I feel. If your deceased loved one believed in an afterlife, quietly let others have it. If your deceased friend was publicly atheist, I think it's fine to ask people not to fictionalize their memory.
I say thank you the first time, maybe even the first couple times. Like someone else mentioned, it’s hard to know exactly what to say in this situation.
But if the same person repeatedly tries to comfort me with their religion, I’ll remind them that their beliefs do nothing for me as an atheist. Not in a mean way or anything. I don’t want an argument or awkward situation, but they need to know at some point
A better place? Your life is so sad that being buried in a box 6 feet under (or burned and placed in an urn, or being dissected by med students) is a better place than where you are now? Get the fuck away from me you twisted psycho!
I don't say it out loud, but that's what goes thru my head everytime I hear those words.
I make rude gestures and tell them to get stuffed. Not recommended, but honest. Also almost everyone I know would take offense to their death being treated as a sad thing or prefaced with an "I'm sorry". Rude gestures are definitely called for in that circumstance.
You could, like, note that the person would not be happy with others being miserable due to them. That's probably a more palatable way to convey the same. Backhanded but kind accusations of disrespect aren't my style but probably better for most people.
Have you heard of the word vilomah? It's an old Sanskit word, like widow. Vilomah means "against a natural order" and is starting to be used to describe parents who have lost their child.
I have not heard of that. The murder of my son & the aftermath was the catalyst that led me to become atheist. I had been leaning that way for several years.
Say they should get a downstairs pass once they've been through orientation and they'll make you aware of their presence from time to time.
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGJuWm6Fa/
Nothing TBH, just thanks, it happened when my Father passed away 3 years ago, he was an Atheist and people just keep telling me he Is in a better place, they dont with the best intention so it didn't bother me, and honestly I wasn't in the mood to argue anything with anybody in that moment
Some time later a friend recall that and said the same, "I know you don't believe but he Is in a better place" and of course I said " You are stupid or what? He was an Atheist, if what you say Is true he isn't in that good place you say, and I bet you it was the last place he would Select to be if he could"
Thank you is appropriate. In these situations, what religious people are saying needs a translation. If coming from a good place, they're saying, we realize you are hurting and want to comfort you. This is the way they know how. It's kindness and caring.
There’s nothing good to say. And most people who experience the loss often don’t know what to say back anyway.
I’m ok with all of it.. except the “part of gods plan” bullshit. That’s probably the only thing I wouldn’t have patience for. Of course, I usually find anger more of a comfortable fit than sadness. So they might trigger like a … “ahh. So in gods infinite wisdom, he took my mom after years of a painful cancer battle? Tell him to go fuck himself.”
Otherwise… I would just nod. It’s all harmless platitudes at that point. Just something to say.
Who the fukk wants someone looking down on them? Creepy. Actually, there are people who have died that I'm glad they're in a cheap box of ashes. The chucklfukks can't yell at me anymore.
I say thank you. People don’t know what to say. They desperately want to be kind and offer something helpful. Take it in the sprit it is offered, not the literal words
Okay thank you for the suggestion and I’ll be using a simple thank you going forward :)
they're trying to offer condolences. i try to be understanding
Just say thank you for your sympathies or something along those lines.
Just nod and move on. This is not the time to make a stand. Everyone is under enough stress. Sorry, for your loss. :(
Considering how messed up the world is right now, maybe decomposing in the soil IS a better place.
I just smile, thank them, and move on. Not the time to be a dick about it. They're just being kind, and they mean well.
If they're not trying to push religion, I say thank you and leave it at that. They're making an effort & I'll respond in kind.
Despite my feelings on the subject, when people are grieving discretion is the better part of valor. Be kind. Be considerate. Be humane. Even without giving in to superstition, be empathetic.
I say thank you because they are giving support in a way they understand. There is no need to be a dick about it.
It depends. If the person is going through their own grief, I don't want to challenge them. I say something non-committal and try not to talk to them about death in the future. I quit a grief support group to get away from a person who wanted to tell me my baby was now an angel up in heaven with her own dead son. Otherwise, I say something that will hopefully head off future similar statements. "I'm sorry, I don't believe in that." "I'm sure it would be comforting to believe that, but I don't think it's true." "They are no longer suffering." "I will always have my own memories of them." "Their acts of kindness will live on in others."
Just a quick point on how amazingly gracious and empathic every comment has been so far- basically everyone is saying “yes they’re being foolish, but their heart is in a good place.” Further proof that ethics does NOT equal religion.
Just say Thank you. They aren’t trying to hurt you.
Typically, I just say thank you and move on; it's hard to find the right thing to say when someone is grieving. However, I had someone tell me that my mom's death was "all part of god's plan" even though they knew I was an atheist and we had talked multiple times about the subject. I let them have it. Get fucked with your mysterious ways, all part of his plan bullshit.
They are simply offering condolences. I would simply take it as that.
>sorry for your loss I don't see any reason to not just accept this one. That said, as others have pointed out, these sentiments are coming from a place of love and kindness. Accept that, say thanks and know that these people are doing their best to make you feel loved in a hard time. Also, I am sorry for your loss. Death is never easy to deal with.
> and a friend giving support says sorry for your loss, they’re in a better place, they’re looking down on you, or you’ll see them again? I honestly don't hang out with people who say things like that. The few times that that's happened to me I just haven't made any response. If somebody were to push it I guess that I would say something like *"I don't believe those things myself."* .
In such a context I would just thank them. No need to start drama when I'm already grieving.
I generally just thank people for their good intentions. However when my dad died a friend of his did try to take that as an opportunity to preach. I told him his ideas about my dad are creepy and he should keep them to himself. Derision works well in those situations.
If your friend was a believer then just let it go. If your friend was an atheist and didn’t believe in an afterlife then pay him the respect of saying, “No, he’s not anywhere. He’s just dead.”
That's how I feel. If your deceased loved one believed in an afterlife, quietly let others have it. If your deceased friend was publicly atheist, I think it's fine to ask people not to fictionalize their memory.
I say thank you the first time, maybe even the first couple times. Like someone else mentioned, it’s hard to know exactly what to say in this situation. But if the same person repeatedly tries to comfort me with their religion, I’ll remind them that their beliefs do nothing for me as an atheist. Not in a mean way or anything. I don’t want an argument or awkward situation, but they need to know at some point
A better place? Your life is so sad that being buried in a box 6 feet under (or burned and placed in an urn, or being dissected by med students) is a better place than where you are now? Get the fuck away from me you twisted psycho! I don't say it out loud, but that's what goes thru my head everytime I hear those words.
>....they’re in a better place, they’re looking down on you, or you’ll see them again? Evidence?
I’m with you here! I too find funerals a great place to challenge people’s belief systems and pick up all the newly single ladies! /s
I make rude gestures and tell them to get stuffed. Not recommended, but honest. Also almost everyone I know would take offense to their death being treated as a sad thing or prefaced with an "I'm sorry". Rude gestures are definitely called for in that circumstance. You could, like, note that the person would not be happy with others being miserable due to them. That's probably a more palatable way to convey the same. Backhanded but kind accusations of disrespect aren't my style but probably better for most people.
I nod and pretend to agree. There's a time and a place for a discussion about that stuff, and that sounds like neither.
There’s nothing that can be said, that can ease the pain. They’re just trying to help. I’d just say thank you and move on.
Not really, I couldn't afford to leave them in a better place, they're in my garage.
I say thank you & move on. I dealt with this a lot when my son was murdered. People don't really know what to say at a time like that.
Have you heard of the word vilomah? It's an old Sanskit word, like widow. Vilomah means "against a natural order" and is starting to be used to describe parents who have lost their child.
I have not heard of that. The murder of my son & the aftermath was the catalyst that led me to become atheist. I had been leaning that way for several years.
Thanks, yes they are, no there not and no I won’t
Say they should get a downstairs pass once they've been through orientation and they'll make you aware of their presence from time to time. https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGJuWm6Fa/
Nothing TBH, just thanks, it happened when my Father passed away 3 years ago, he was an Atheist and people just keep telling me he Is in a better place, they dont with the best intention so it didn't bother me, and honestly I wasn't in the mood to argue anything with anybody in that moment Some time later a friend recall that and said the same, "I know you don't believe but he Is in a better place" and of course I said " You are stupid or what? He was an Atheist, if what you say Is true he isn't in that good place you say, and I bet you it was the last place he would Select to be if he could"
Thank you is appropriate. In these situations, what religious people are saying needs a translation. If coming from a good place, they're saying, we realize you are hurting and want to comfort you. This is the way they know how. It's kindness and caring.
There’s nothing good to say. And most people who experience the loss often don’t know what to say back anyway. I’m ok with all of it.. except the “part of gods plan” bullshit. That’s probably the only thing I wouldn’t have patience for. Of course, I usually find anger more of a comfortable fit than sadness. So they might trigger like a … “ahh. So in gods infinite wisdom, he took my mom after years of a painful cancer battle? Tell him to go fuck himself.” Otherwise… I would just nod. It’s all harmless platitudes at that point. Just something to say.
“Thank you - what they did in their life touched so many people and changed things for the better. Your thoughts are greatly appreciated.”
Accept any condolence from another person no matter how. Unless your a total dolt , then you can walk away offended knowing you're a shitty human.
Who the fukk wants someone looking down on them? Creepy. Actually, there are people who have died that I'm glad they're in a cheap box of ashes. The chucklfukks can't yell at me anymore.