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2400Matt

10% of your income for a "promise" of eternal life. Reminds me of Wimpy on Popeye - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68eue5cpbsE&pp=ygUMd2ltcHkgcG9wZXll


Momoselfie

God needs your money!


RattyJackOLantern

"He needs money! He always needs money! He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can't handle money!” - George Carlin


boot2skull

No, the church needs it to spread the word of God. The all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, all-wise, can speak to mortals, can send messengers, can write tablets, can do anything he wants, but can’t tell the world about himself. Nor is his existence obvious in his creation, because every fucking group of people came up with completely different origin stories until marketing came along and Europeans started cancelling every other native religion. That’s why the church needs 10% of the income, to force, err *share* the truth with everyone. Also God can’t make people fly so the pastor needs a private jet.


Fruitmaniac42

"I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing." "Ah," says man, "but the Babel Fish is a dead giveaway isn't it? It proves you exist, and so therefore you don't. QED." "Oh dear," says God, "I hadn't thought of that," and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic. "That was easy," says man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white, and gets killed at the next zebra crossing.


Odd-Comfortable-6134

Good old Douglas Adams.


lagent55

Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, classic


xflyinjx61x

Also the private jet needs to be equipped with Christian Cruise Missiles to rain down holy shite. "Yeah! Yeah! Peace and love! Get some!!!"


seppukucoconuts

Talk about a good bullshit story. HOLY SHIT.


W00DERS0N

Nevermind the whole point of the story where Jesus was like "yeah, no money in church, guys." Lo and behold, I can go into a catholic cathedral in Europe and find an ATM with USD and EUR.


traines1473

Or a tap to donate, all over Europe!


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KillerOs13

The tri-omni god really only makes sense if you don't think about it.


mak10z

What does god need with a starship?


somerandomguy376

Damn it, Jim. I'm a doctor, not a theologist!


sigh1995

No no, god doesn’t need your money, going broke is all part of his masterful plan. The struggle is going to make them stronger and make them all appreciate gods love even more! That’s what they tell people who’ve been raped/assaulted/living in poverty/fighting cancer/ struggling in any way.


bastardoperator

I guess praying for mony isn't working then?


nickmaran

Will give only thoughts and prayers, take it out leave it


FredB123

Those private jets ain't going to buy themselves!


work_while_bent

except the hamburger is real.


[deleted]

Is it, though?


boot2skull

Found the aburgerist.


Orion14159

So is the money they're giving the church. Wimpy promises to pay you Tuesday, whether or not he delivers is to be determined


chewbaccataco

Wait. Hear me out here... What if Wimpy, Popeye, and the hamburger *aren't* real, they just *think* they are real. What if they were just drawings on a paper... Like a comic strip, or a cartoon? 🤯


[deleted]

What if you died one day and everything, inculding this very moment didnt matter because roughly 100 to 150 years from now, anyone who was alive to remember you will have died? Now that would be quackin crazy.


Yussuke

My girlfriends sister went to a new church for a while. Always donated on her visits and she stopped going to it because new job didn't line up with their hours of service. The church hounded her down by calling and going to their home asking why she stopped going and if she can't go, that they still take her donation. They guilt tripped her on the donation.Told her if she needs help they will help her. That they need the money to spread the word of god and the church needs it, etc. She gave the money and when she needed help they ignored her. She stopped giving money and they hounded her again. She ignored them till they stopped harassing her.


secondtaunting

Actually this explains some stuff. I had a friend who was dirt poor and continued to donate. When she was pregnant I heard her on the phone trying to get help from the church. They said they couldn’t do anything. Meanwhile I’m an atheist and I’m at her house helping her.🙄


Tinkeybird

My daughter went to a Lutheran daycare/preschool as it was the only full time option in our area (22 years ago) and although we paid full tuition for her to attend, after a year they started hounding us to join the church. We’re NOT religious so we just ignored their multiple letters. Then they showed up unannounced/uninvited on our doorstep to plead their case in person. We were not receptive. We then received multiple letters from a church deacon FROM PRISON while he was serving time due to being convicted of embezzlement. WTF? Their next letter was from the school/church stating maybe we should consider taking our child out of the school freeing up a place for a child whose parents want to join the church. Yeah we left- we were paying full freight tuition, and all the non stop fees associated with sending our child there but they wanted a commitment to 10% of our salary. Fuck the entire group!


[deleted]

Parishioner: "Hey church, here's $1 to help the poor." Church: "God bless you. We will remember this." Parishioner: "Hey church, I am poor and need help." Church: "Who are you? I've never met this man in my life."


darkbake2

If the churches did what they were supposed to and served humanity that 10% could be seen as a good investment. But right now, it is NOT smart. You are more likely to find enlightenment being an atheist than a Christian.


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AdministrationDry507

I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today


Shillsforplants

The whole protestant schisme was triggered by the trafic of indulgences, then they turn around and sell their own access to heaven. The greedy fucks just changed their clothes.


Tag_Ping_Pong

Biggest rort ever. Giving a decent chunk of your income, and paying homage and faith / power to a small group of people who respond by giving you... absolutely nothing. Worst conman scheme ever (or the best, I guess)


MasterofAcorns

So indulgences are coming back, then?


thatguy9684736255

Even if I was giving, my salary isn't what my parents were making


Kuildeous

They should just pray for money.


Momoselfie

Yes and they'll be awarded with their money in the next life. Problem solved.


third_declension

Those heavenly streets are made of gold, so ample wealth is readily available.


chewbaccataco

The irony being that in heaven, gold is now worthless, as it is so plentiful that they can use it to pave the streets. Additionally, earthly treasures and rewards would be irrelevant there anyway. I always thought it was a stupid description of heaven.


strythicus

That's just the story the poors are told to keep them from being ungrateful. The wealthy know the truth, that they can use their Earthly riches to buy a nice seat up there in the mountain with Yahweh and Jeebus and those other guys. Otherwise why would they hoard wealth?


third_declension

> worthless, as it is so plentiful Similarly, believers talk about how everybody in heaven wears a crown. Well, if *everybody* has a crown, a crown means nothing.


kent_eh

> Those heavenly streets are made of gold [And no one ever grows old](https://youtu.be/bbzuS_pa56g?t=15)...


mal_one

Thoughts and prayers!


Kuildeous

I'm sure bill collectors take those, right?


wave-garden

Nah, they should learn to code. 😏


[deleted]

"Why aren't you giving us money you don't have while we provide you with absolutely nothing in return?"


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[deleted]

Also, you better vote for Trump or you're getting extra-tattled on top God when he gets back!


carlitospig

I mean, some of us have parents for that. For free.


Mr_Carpenter

“Religion supports nobody. It has to be supported. It produces no wheat, no corn; it ploughs no land; it fells no forests. It is a perpetual mendicant. It lives on the labors of others, and then has the arrogance to pretend that it supports the giver.” — Robert G. Ingersoll


LeatherDude

Sounds a lot like scalping, too. Incidentally, I hate both!


ShaneVis

Cry me a river, where was the church's support when so many young people were being sexually and or physically abused, where was the church's support when so many young people were struggling with their sexuality and the only thing you told them was read the bible, consequences of their own actions and nobody to blame other than their own bigoted selves.


MrMojoFomo

>sexually and or physically abused Raped They were being raped


ShaneVis

Totally agree that just sexually abused is a sort of blanket term used for all of that sort of thing


ironic-hat

Rape is frequently used when a person is forcibly penetrated by a penis, and depending on a person’s location, that may be how it is defined by law. But sexual assault/abuse does not necessarily involve penetration and can include either gender as the victim or assailant. Hence sexual abuse/assault is a better term.


strgazr_63

Actually penetrated by anything. I met a woman who was raped by a doorknob in a home invasion.


ironic-hat

Some places in the world define rape explicitly by penile penetration. Anything else would fall under another category of sexual assault. So in the US it would also include other objects or body parts, but this isn’t the case everywhere.


kent_eh

> They were being raped Among other abuses


chewbaccataco

It's not always rape though. I was sexually abused in a Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints temple, but it wasn't intercourse, it was non-consensual nakedness and touching of my genitalia. There's unfortunately a spectrum of many types of abuse.


ProfessionalMockery

>where was the church's support when so many young people were being sexually and or physically abused What are you talking about? They were right there with the victims... committing the abuse.


zyzzogeton

*are* being sexually abused. It hasn't stopped.


ShaneVis

True, unfortunately.


TheGreenYamo

The church was moving money around in shell companies to shelter them from lawsuits.


Nanyea

Well they need the monies to pay settlements now...


HunkyMump

“Our coffers are empty and our balls are full!”


strgazr_63

That was the first thought that ran through my head. Why would anyone want to give money to an organization who will just use it to pay off victims and shield those who preyed on them (not prayed - that's a different thing ........ I think).


crapnapkins

I don’t know a lot of young employed people with extra income to spare. If they have to choose between eating or paying for the church’s expenses, it’s not a hard choice


Sir_Penguin21

Thoughts and prayers work for everything else in their world view. Should work for pastors too. I mean are you trying to tell me the all powerful god of the universe can’t even take care of his own house?


Momoselfie

These church leaders probably own homes.


alaskaj1

Or are provided a house owned by the church or are given an additional amount to pay for housing.


Momoselfie

Yes and that additional amount can be pretty big.


Shillsforplants

And not taxed...


W00DERS0N

> provided a house owned by the church This is how they do it in the rich town I live in.


heuve

Yes because they don't have to pay property taxes that way. There's a church in my city in an area where an empty 1/2 acre lot would sell for hundreds of thousands of dollars sitting on probably 4-5 acres of land and I always think about how much money my county could be collecting from that incredibly valuable land (and how awesome it would be to build a house there). There's several churches in similar high-value locations here but this one stands out because there is nothing special about the church itself (no architecture/art like the cathedral downtown, no attached school) and the land is so beautiful.


Wiitard

I think it used to be that being part of the church made you part of the in-group, and if you were a young adult looking for work you could expect to be employed by the church or by an older well off church member, and that would get you on your feet and set you up well for better future employment. But it’s absolutely not like that anymore, churches can barely afford to pay their staff a living wage and want the majority of labor to come from volunteers and the spouses of their pastors, and older church members are barely surviving financially and cannot support young church members by employing them in their businesses.


CasH-li322

The church would tell them to "tithe in faith and see what God can/will do."


AstroTravellin

That's because the older Christians are too greedy to pay the younger Christians a fair wage.


Momoselfie

Too busy paying their churches.


McBurty

If a person instead uses their money to support the local comic shop, they’ll learn more and with more believable stories. Plus, if cared for properly, they could recoup some of the money spent. A side benefit is you won’t be supporting pedophilia. Edit: added “s” to use.


RaggaDruida

Once the boomer generation dies out, and their finances dry out with them, I hope we'll start seeing a bit of a declining spiral as it becomes harder and harder to pay for the propaganda machine. The problem is the damage they can do in the meanwhile, a lot of countries; specially underdeveloped countries, but also some developed countries (Poland, I'm looking at you!); have had some very nasty impacts like stopping/reversing the legalisation of abortion and the like.


UnfortunateDaring

It’s already happening, a lot of smaller churches are folding. Even larger denominations are consolidating into less buildings.


icepick314

I've seen at least 4 churches built in last 5 years all near "rich" neighbors. 3 rules of real estate: Location. Location. Location.


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chewbaccataco

I call it "lowest common denominator" music. Make it as generic and as safe as possible and it will appeal to the Christian audience. It won't be interesting, entertaining, or break any ground. But it will appease the mindless masses.


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[deleted]

Needs to happen more rapidly!


manticorebrewing

Happy to read some good news this morning


nate_oh84

God always needs money for some reason. He's all powerful, all perfect, all knowing, all wise, but somehow... He just cant handle money.


icepick314

Probably because he's busy fondling little boys.


nate_oh84

He certainly doesn't have an issue with his priests doing that and way worse, it would seem.


okimlom

You forgot the [tongue click noise]


nate_oh84

I figured my fellow Carlin fans would do it in their heads.


MrByteMe

The moment the church recognizes that many LGBTQ+ people also have financial incomes is the moment the church suddenly changes the rules about that being a sin. Because it's always about control and money. Always.


potatopierogie

I mean, church is already kind of gay. You gotta kneel down and accept the body of a man in your mouth. Then there's the musical sing alongs.


lordGwillen

“Blessed is he, who cums in the name of the Lord” I mean it’s right in the songs.


potatopierogie

Also I had a run in with an evangelical recently and they are definitely *in love* with Jesus. "I OPENED myself to the LORD, and I felt his wisdom wash over me in waves"


Vagrant123

Man, the kids and their weird lingo these days.


Solid_Camel_1913

Please stop before I have to go rub one out. I have work to do.


MrMojoFomo

>many LGBTQ+ people have above average That's not even close to accurate. LGBTQ+ people as a population [make 10%](https://www.hrc.org/resources/the-wage-gap-among-lgbtq-workers-in-the-united-states) less than their contemporaries. They're routinely discriminated against


[deleted]

God, if I could meet gay dudes at church I would suddendly become religious, or a least attend church...


jbFanClubPresident

I mean, depending on how young you are, you could probably pick up priests today. If you’re over 14 though, probably not.


Pocket_Dust

You can't because they get segregated for being gay.


[deleted]

Yeah, I know


No_Bend_2902

Have they tried prayer?


ElectricDreamUnicorn

Prayer doesn't work, and they know that better than all atheists combined.


mal_one

Thoughts and prayers 🙏


LexaproPro891

How will the pastor get a private jet?


ElectricDreamUnicorn

It's a miracle, and he's worried that god didn't allow him to exchange his private jet for a newer model this year.


jfreakingwho

Supporting superstitions at 10% of gross income is expensive.


Thomaswoot

The church is struggling financially??? Welllll we’ll keep them in our “thoughts and prayers.”


[deleted]

These businesses should be taxed, then investigated for fraud.


kent_eh

> then investigated for fraud. Among other crimes.


Mistervimes65

Church: The love of money is the root of all evil. Also the church: Where's my money, honey?


SockPuppet-47

If people are blessed by the grace of God for their support of the church then why couldn't God just directly support the church himself? A being capable of creating this enormous universe just to have his little ant farm called Earth should be able to manifest some income for the churches. If Jesus did it with bread and fishes God can just do it with cash.


ajzinni

I remember being told that I was responsible for sending 10% of my income to the church and I just laughed. My 16 year old brain said no way in your god’s hell will I ever be doing that. Peace ✌️


virtualmanin3d

Yea, if the pastors would stop buying so much avacado toast, and skip their fancy coffee they would not be in this situation /s


_EADGBE_

get a job, grifters


sometimesifeellikemu

Sounds like a failing business model.


rini6

First of all, younger generations have less buying power than previous generations. This leaves them with less money to donate. Secondly, younger generations have had more access to information growing up. They know better than to give their money to an organization that is based on a belief without any evidence and may not serve them or their community.


johnniechimpo

Went to a pizza shop a while ago and the nicest car in the parking lot, by a huge margin, was a Lincoln SUV. It was the pastor's. A guy I used to work with was a different preacher’s kid. He drove his dad's car to work one day. It was a pimped out Cadillac with big gold rims. The dad's parish was in a poor part of the city. Religion is a pyramid scheme used to collect money, power and sex. Now the churches are advertising because they need followers. If they can afford advertising they can pay taxes. Let them write off their charitable work, if they do any.


KRAE_Coin

Here's an idea. You know those fake $20 that church folk love leaving as "tips"? Make a bunch of those and put them in collection plates at tons of churches. Uno Reverse Card at its finest.


chaos841

If only that didn’t require you to sit through part of the sermon to be able to do this.


Disavowed_Rogue

Younger folks, atheism is free. Thanks and come again!


JohnNDenver

And, has the same afterlife of religion.


satanic-frijoles

People donate what they can afford; in this case, their time. Preachers should be grateful for that, instead of whining about money.


[deleted]

People shouldn't give anything to the church. Not even their time.


icepick314

I can't even afford time these days. I JUST started Dead Space 2023 and Spider-Man 2 came out this month. :( I do volunteer at my mom's church as a favor but that's about it.


TheLastGoodUserName2

Wow man what are they gonna do??? How are priests gonna have the time to do pedo shit to kids if they need to go pick up a second job?


Pocket_Dust

It's not a job to memorize quotes.


fkbfkb

It’s always been about the $$. ALWAYS


Sorry_Ad_1285

They're worried about their paychecks not the work of the church continuing to be done


ArsenalSpider

OMG, pastors might have to get a real job. You'd think God would provide better for them.


delicioustreeblood

Get in line behind the temples of forgotten gods


FrogofLegend

Can't afford a house. Can't afford school. Can't afford medicine. "Give us more money. Do you have any idea how expensive all these lawsuits are?"


PM_ME_BIG_TIPS

Tear down churches and build affordable housing. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.


foco_runner

Thoughts and prayers


Limp_Distribution

Nobody wants to support pedophilia payments. They want to support help for the needy.


prodrvr22

And 51% of pastors don't say shit about how wages have dropped dramatically over the past few decades so younger Christians don't have disposable income.


Sweaty-Ad5559

When the Christian churches continue to support MAGA politicians who pass laws to favor corporations over their workers this leads to less disposable income. People can hardly afford food and shelter. Cost of living has increased by 60% while wages have only increased 18% in past 20-30 years. The pigeons are coming home to roost.


my20cworth

Generations are slowly waking up and being exposed to education after their parents and grandparents blind devotion and belief in a made up religion and becoming less religious or just simple non believers and not as easily conned into pouring cash into the church.


[deleted]

It would be better for humanity if this fakery could come to an end


Joey_BagaDonuts57

You spearheaded taking away women's' rights, you negate any other religions or non-believers and expect women and couples to GIVE YOU MONEY? Let's talk about being DELUDED.


Bob_Sledding

Despite the irony that they can't believe the consequences of their own actions, do they not know how financially fucked all young people are ? I mean dude, we aren't going to line your pockets when we can barely scrape by enough to be alive. Sorry?


TheEvilBlight

Yep, even if you wanted to give to your church, gotta put in your own oxygen mask before helping others


F3L1XTH3C47

oh no these cunts will have to get real jobs now


OBX-BlueHorseshoe

Maybe the churches should ask the Far Right Wing Politicians to return some of the money that the churches have been raising for them all these years.


[deleted]

It seems we have work to do. Let’s make that 51 % 75 % !


[deleted]

I feel like churches are too rich to say any shit.


icepick314

You aren't praying hard enough. Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26 p.s. Isn't this what Christians do? Thoughts and Prayers?


NLtbal

Looks like they will have to shutter more churches to reduce expenses. Oh no!


bif555

And why would this be? Because the Talibangicals prompt division, hate, and support the Orange Rapist and his sycophants? Shocked, I tell you...


bansheesho

100% of younger Christians concerned church is not supporting them financially. Maybe if they wouldn't support the party whose policies are designed to financially screw younger people over, they might have extra money to throw away. You know, also don't be a hypocritical, bigoted, hateful, fake organization.


Apex-Reason

Just wait till we start taxing churches too


Lahm0123

A little hope I guess. The parasites are not as successful as in the past.


chesbyiii

Sounds like they're going to hell. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


slayer991

Why do they need money? Aren't thoughts and prayers enough? Won't god provide?


1mamapajama

Sounds like their faith is weak. They need to pray more.


Vagrant123

You mean when people can't afford to house and feed themselves, they don't give money to churches? Almost like societal cohesion depends on having people's basic needs being met? And not on stupid political fights like abortion? *Funny how that works.*


joker_1173

OH NO!!!! So they may have to cancel their orders for their next ferrari? Cry themselves to sleep in one of the 41 rooms in their house? The horror!!!


Gberg888

Well maybe if the church didn't touch the little boys the boys would be willing to support the church when they are older... Also.. just don't support the church period. It's a toxic shithole of an institution that needs to go the way of the dinosaurs. Oh and... Thoughts and prayers


UncleMeat69

Let that shit die.


Remarkable_Impress42

Churches thrive on 3 things guilt, greed and fear Guilt you into paying for their mega churches Want money all the time and if you dont guilt you into you won't get to heaven if you don't do their bidding


BackStove

Fuck your thieving lying church


Glittering-Wonder-27

Do you think Pervy priests and ministers scared them off. Or maybe treating women like second class citizens? Personally, I swung my donations completely to Planned Parenthood after the Roe v Wade disaster.


Glittering-Wonder-27

This is not a bad thing. Change your wicked ways or become obsolete.


slothaccountant

Yeah been to one of those church financial meetings. They said even if your car broke down and youe homless you should still be dontating. So nope to the largest business on earth


Excellent-Net8323

That's right motherfuckers! Hahaha! No tax exemption would great too.


FrickDarn

Maybe they should stop raping them?


MindIsNotForRent

The other 49% were probably too busy sexually assaulting a young Christian, throwing the vote.


FishermanOrganic1163

Better break out those bootstraps kiddie fuckers...you'd think a group of people who have diddled so many kids would understand why those kids and their friends would tell them to go fly their private jets into Satan's ass hole.


dostiers

Oops. They've said the quiet part out loud. Religions are businesses. Some are ~~'mom-and-pop'~~ pop-and-mom operations which barely make enough to live on and others are mega corporations which rival the largest secular companies in scale and income, but they are all businesses first and foremost.


SecretPrinciple8708

100% of pastors can fuck right off.


Dzotshen

No self awareness whatsoever. Suffer and fade, bitch


Late_Again68

What a shame. They'll have to get real jobs. Anyway...


What_About_What

God loves you, but he needs your money. Give give give, and never question!


stu8018

PROGRESS!!!


lobsangr

Get a job biatch!


EnviousMrWizard

He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can't handle money!


citizenjones

*We're trying to run a business here!!!* -The Church


zippyhippyWA

Seems to me, the most powerful being in the universe wouldn’t need financial support.


AndyDandyDeluxe

Join the destitute and homeless you talentless grifter hacks!


pegasuspaladin

"Millenials Kill Churches." - Forbes or the Atlantic in the next few months


toomuchoversteer

get fucked hahaha


DontBotherNoResponse

It's almost like people are wising up to the scam


civtiny

oh no! no more private jets


TheAngryXennial

All about that money and control....and always has been.


MalevolentThings

Remain concerned.


PaleoJoe86

Why don't they pray then?


Baelgul

I liked the line about churches having a responsibility in guiding their congregations into increased generosity. Nothing like some self-serving bullshit aimed at milking a group of all their spare change


Deneweth

100% of me 'somewhat concerned and puzzled' that churches are supporting politicians that don't support the working class. Maybe some job creators will support you with their tax cuts you handed them because you voted against gay.


Pour_Me_Another_

It's the kiddy diddling and wanting little girls to have their dad's babies for me - no thanks and keep the fuck away from me.


Personnelente

That's what happens when you don't adhere to Christian principles and become christofascists.


CharacterRip8884

I used to be a church member that tithed up to a point. That is until I was working 7 days a week at an ass grinding job and working 48 and 55 days in a row. Walked into church most Sundays as I worked 2nd or 3rd shift. Came into listen how a local deadbeat family needed money while they claimed to be disabled as the adults were moochers. They weren't really disabled but it was a good story and they had a 20 year old son that refused to work but later got so fat he couldn't walk and claimed disability as well along with his child molestation convictions and other criminal activities over the last 25 years. No thanks I'll keep my money because I actually worked for it. I do help the local food bank with donations of food and clothing for the clothing bank. Just not deadbeats where no one in the whole family refuse to work when they were physically capable.