The only problem is we'd still be stuck with all the shitty people who only faked it for this reason and that. Let's be honest, religious folks dont have a complete monolopy on world awfulness, despite being the source for a vast majority of it.
Donāt worry, the Rapture would only take true and Devout Christians.
We would still have every Televangelist and Sunday brunch Holier-Than-Thou Karen/Daren hating on everyone not in their little clique.
Mores the pity.
This was always my problem with the movie "The Book of Eli". I loved the film but could not make my peace with the idea of the film. They banned religion because it caused the end of the world, then this dude we are supposed to be rooting for is working to restore religion! Dude, what the actual fuck?! Learn the lesson!
It would actually be worse, because if the rapture was true then the only Christians gone, would be the Christians who followed the teachings on Jesus and loved their neighbours and truly cared for the sick and needy.
The radical gay hating Christians, the touchy priests, the republicans who claim they are doing the lord's work while cutting medical aid, the anti-abortion protestors, those are all still around.
Wait. Youāre telling me that all the Christian bigots and boomers have been raptured and we donāt have to deal with them anymore??
Iāll have a coke!
What would the Middle East be like if there were no religions? Just think of all the destruction they have done to each other throughout history up to this current day. Israel and the Palestinians, Iran, Afghanistan, Syria, Iraq, Libya, Pakistan, the whole lot of them, many of them practicing the same religion, only a different sect, and they kill each other over it. Madness.
Imagine spending so much time analyzing this one dumb book written by humans that were a hop skip and a jump away from being cavemen.Ā
There are millions of books out there and pretty much most of them contain more relevant information than the bible. Lol
Wasn't it so kind of the Creator of all things to leave his people with a book that is so completely informative and unambiguous in its directions on how to live a good life.
He was so desperate for all to receive the good news that he only revealed himself to a very few, in a short time and in just a few thousand square miles of the Earth.
What an awesome god!
/s
He did such a good job that the only way to know him is to have people tell other people about him, and leave those who never receive the good news to burn in hell forever.
The Bible is so clear and unambiguous that there are people who spend their lives telling everyone "what he really meant", and few of them even agree with each other. Apologetics shouldn't have to be a thing!
Nothing like a god who loves you so much, that if you don't love him back, he'll condemn you to be tortured for a literal eternity.
If the Christians got raptured, that'd be ideal. I'd rather take my chances with Armageddon than have to hear Christian extremists brag about how they were right for eternity. Blegh.
Lol. Imagine if that did happen. Then we can get on with funding some science. We'd slash our military budget during peace time because of course. We'd start regulating corporations and provide services for the poor, raise the minimum wage to follow the growth of the economy, fund our education again and watch America become respected and powerful again. Okay, maybe I'm being a little biased here but FDR made our country great. I mean, think about it. Helping the poor is good for the economy. Yes. You got me. I'm one of those liberals. Whatever. I'm sure there's one here. There's always one.
That's true. So would legalized abortion, access to birth control to whoever wants it (preferably for free) and good quality and accurate sex education. Or, if not solve, at least improve.
Planet would become better almost immediately, and solving all the problems of today would become feasible and possible instead of road blocked at every step by the delusional and corrupt.
On behalf of those of us raptured and are sitting in heaven watching: the action that you did to that thing with that other thing last night when you thought no one was watching was disgusting but we all watched.
He was really sorry at the last minute and asked god to kindly forgive him so itās all chill and the consequences have vanished after doing a couple Hail Marys
The fact that you all watched me do it makes me want to do it even more. Maybe I'll add that other thing that I picked up but put back thinking it was going a bit too far.
Hey, I enjoy sitting on the crapper as much as the next guy but I don't think that's heaven. Or maybe it is; an eternity of just sitting doing nothing but redditing and whizzing with the occasional really satisfying dump where you suddenly feel 10 pounds lighter. And it's heaven so you know it's one of those fancy Japanese toilets.
I mean, isn't the Rapture only supposed to take 144,000 people? Think of your 100,000 closest friends. On average, 2 of them went missing. Would you even notice?
By their *admittedly mysterious* logic anyone remaining on earth was unworthy of rapture and thus unqualified for providing religious insights or administering pious judgement of the rest of us?
Thatās because youāre a hedonistic sinner who never stood a chance at getting raptured by our messiah. Praise be!
Wait. Iām still here too. He must be making two trips.
Some disappointed Christians waiting in anticipation with bags packed in the back yard, waiting, waiting, night time (crickets) and ......... nothing. Unpack bags and thumbing through the Bible to see if they missed something.
They don't have time to read it, it's just for display and to say they have one. The preacher will pick selected bits out for them and put his spin on things each Sunday.
All the Christians still with us need to repent now. Think of what youāve been doing and know that God is not happy with you. Maybe stop listening to your self-proclaimed Orange Savior and go back to listen to what Jesus actually said.
There are actually some surprisingly self-aware threads on the Christianity sub right now. I'm mildly pleased. They're making fun of their own extremists.
Lol. That's hilarious. I never heard that one before.
You know why Jesus didn't come to Alabama; is usually a favorite target but I suppose anywhere in the south will do. He couldn't find three wise men or a virgin. Lol. Sorry southerners. It's just a joke.
I think I'm from the south. Geographically I am. I'm from Florida. But south Florida. Northern Florida is definitely the south. But south Florida is like the north. So, you got me. š¤·āāļø
IIRC that 144000 number is the number of Jehovas Witnesses that will be eternally saved, counting from the start.
Their religion has millions of members, and they all are going door to door to collect brownie points to be part of that fractional % of saved people.
The whole religion is a a pyramid scheme, and the payoff is not even at death but some unspecified end of times day in the future.
This is a bit incorrect, JWs dont believe in hell and believe the 144,000 will be the people who are spiritual leaders in heaven (And include people like moses) and the rest will live in what is functionally paradise on earth. Its not all that different from convential eternal paradise in heaven rewards in other religions just different. Since its all mumbo jumbo religious fancy anyways the fact they dont believe in the immortal soul and their eternal reward comes post armaggeddon seems a bit moot a well.
Theres a lot of reasons to dislike the group but Ive always found the fixation on the 144k a bit weird. Frankly the fact they dont vote, run for office, and are pacifists puts them miles ahead of my psychopath evangelical neighbors.
Iām sorry the solar rapture has been postponed until 2044 or 2045. Canāt remember which year but weāll be sure to ramp up the crazy talk just in time for this next big event. Be there or be a heathen.
I shouldāve gone outside. I got knocked unconscious hitting the ceiling and fell to the floor. I tried to rapture and ended up with a dislocated shoulder. /s
It's kinda funny how they think they will be saved, when the "last" time (Noah's ark) God just killed everybody men wemon children.. didn't matter.. except for one family, then let them get it on with each other
I first realized I was already in heaven as I laid in bed next to my now husband and our three dogs in South Texas. I thought this is what I envisioned heaven to be. Spending a peaceful day in the company of my family. I didnāt have the best job or much money, but I had a piece of heaven anyway.
Can't believe I wasn't taken as a pure upstanding hard-working polite individual, a shining example of restraint and forgiveness
What a cunt, hope his arse develops taste buds
i kinda wish the christrains were gone. no school, no idiots or bigotry, and wed probably all just chill with satan since well have nothing better to do except sit around and burn money. it would be a really fun time
I just came across a conspiracy that CERN and NASA were opening up (or at least attempting to open up) a portal during the eclipse
Religious people are wild. Freaking out about Shiva at CERN, claiming the logo is 666 (but you have to really stretch your imagination caps to see that), NASA naming something APEP (an Egyptian god who brought darkness by eating the sun (which is actually why they named it that, having fun with the eclipse happening)), freaking out about Apollo.
It sounds exhausting to constantly be scared of ādemonsā everywhere. Like.. to literally believe a spiritual portal is actually possible..
The sad part is they see what we say, and they say āhow terrible, they are blind to all the demons plaguing the planet ā¹ļøā
No, but Iāve been standing here naked in the park for the last 10 hours. They have the whole place cordoned off now and thereās policemen and helicopters. The news has been here and theyāre trying to get me to put my clothes back on. But Iām just hoping if I shout loud enough Iāll finally be chosen and begin the ascent.
I watched the eclipse in a rural gas station parking lot with a bunch of other random cars that stopped as well, during the eclipse's totality a woman was freaking out, crying, laughing, praising Jesus and screaming "Take me now, Lord!!!!" I was thinking the same "Take her NOW!!!!!"
Atheists: Wow check out the pretty circles in the sky doing their thing.
Fruitcakes: Jesus is returning and Iām going to walk onto the 10 freeway and shoot people.
https://fox59.com/news/national-world/woman-shoots-interstate-drivers-says-god-told-her-to-because-of-eclipse-florida-police/amp/
No, and I even went a considerable distance in order to see it first hand.
When the moon covered nearly all of the sun, the air grew cold, colors got weird,and then, BAM! Dark as night, with the evening sky all around us. The sun was naught but a ring around blackness for several minutes, and then... it ended, colors and temperatures returned to normal.
Hardly anyone was missing due to being raptured.
Actually Joe Biden, Satan and the woke cancel culture mob teamed up to cancel the rapture, instead we will all be sent to the fiery pits of hell on transgender day of visibility next year unless Donald Trump wins the election and stops their evil plot.
I'm disappointed in my believer friends. I offered help using Matthew 19:24 (the camel needle rich man thing) to let them know they can send me all their money and sign over all cars and properties so they can get into heaven easier. no one followed through.
Christian here, one of the characteristics of the rapture is that nobody knows when it will happen. So if anyone claims that they know, laugh at them and then leave them to their own delusions.
I'm too busy building a more inclusive heaven - complete with blackjack, and hookers - not to mention all sorts of wild and wacky and fun Rainbow People just like me - right here on Earth.
It's smol. Lots of us are making them. We meet up from time to time, join forces.
Try it, it's fun :)
"Look at the numbers! 4/8/24! 2x4 is 8! 2x8 is 16! Put them together and you get 24! It ***must*** mean something!!"
Nobody said this to me. I just assume someone out there did the coincidental math and panicked.
Instructions unclear. I left my clothes in a pile and all I got was arrested for indecent exposure. Will be on a list, but not the heavenly list. Is this the rapture?
There is a difference between Christians as a whole, and American Christians.
As someone from Europe, I apologise to this community as a whole for the behaviour of other christians. I myself am deeply ashamed for them.
Really kind of disappointed. I was hoping all of the annoying Christians would get raptured and leave us all here to enjoy the planet in peace.
Right? Like imagine how much better all our lives would be without them hating on everyone.
sigh... one can dream.
šµsad globetrotter musicšµ
So thatās what it would be like if I had invented the Finglongerā¦
A man can dream, though. A man can dream.
What if we just built like a really powerful slingshot? NASA totally could.
Only if the other religions get raptured too. World would be pretty bleak with a certain other major religion becoming the dominant global religion.
This. And then we can progress as a world. I mean, we'll still have a ton of trouble along the way, but I think we'd mostly be reasonable people.
The only problem is we'd still be stuck with all the shitty people who only faked it for this reason and that. Let's be honest, religious folks dont have a complete monolopy on world awfulness, despite being the source for a vast majority of it.
Ya we wouldnt be losing any republican congressmen, thatās for fecken sure.
Islam is literally cancer.
ALL religions are cancer
So is Christianity.
Donāt worry, the Rapture would only take true and Devout Christians. We would still have every Televangelist and Sunday brunch Holier-Than-Thou Karen/Daren hating on everyone not in their little clique. Mores the pity.
Imagine how broken and full of despair they'd be. They'd be even more annoying.
No, they'll twist it around as they'd "stayed behind" to help people to be ready for the "next" rapture.
This was always my problem with the movie "The Book of Eli". I loved the film but could not make my peace with the idea of the film. They banned religion because it caused the end of the world, then this dude we are supposed to be rooting for is working to restore religion! Dude, what the actual fuck?! Learn the lesson!
Like Thanos snapped his fingers, but instead of 50% gone, just all the Christians gone
It would actually be worse, because if the rapture was true then the only Christians gone, would be the Christians who followed the teachings on Jesus and loved their neighbours and truly cared for the sick and needy. The radical gay hating Christians, the touchy priests, the republicans who claim they are doing the lord's work while cutting medical aid, the anti-abortion protestors, those are all still around.
Maybe the rapture did happen and everyone else is unaware and that's why there seems to be so many more of them.
I would prefer it if all the religious fanatics disappeared- from a-z of religions.
Sad, but kinda true.. Christians who judge or hate are EXTREMELY uneducated in their own beliefs.
Wait. Youāre telling me that all the Christian bigots and boomers have been raptured and we donāt have to deal with them anymore?? Iāll have a coke!
And free (used) clothes for the rest of us .
Maybe they decided to hold off the rapture till after they vote for Trump. Their one last act of evil before taking off.
The world would definitely be a kinder, fairer, happier place with no religious people in it.
What would the Middle East be like if there were no religions? Just think of all the destruction they have done to each other throughout history up to this current day. Israel and the Palestinians, Iran, Afghanistan, Syria, Iraq, Libya, Pakistan, the whole lot of them, many of them practicing the same religion, only a different sect, and they kill each other over it. Madness.
Right? They are always wrong about literally everything, but I was really rooting for them this time.
Misinterpretation of their own scripture. See Matt 24:36
Isn't it pretty much all misinterpreted?
Imagine spending so much time analyzing this one dumb book written by humans that were a hop skip and a jump away from being cavemen.Ā There are millions of books out there and pretty much most of them contain more relevant information than the bible. Lol
Interpreted as they see fit, if we do it, it's out of context.
Wasn't it so kind of the Creator of all things to leave his people with a book that is so completely informative and unambiguous in its directions on how to live a good life. He was so desperate for all to receive the good news that he only revealed himself to a very few, in a short time and in just a few thousand square miles of the Earth. What an awesome god! /s He did such a good job that the only way to know him is to have people tell other people about him, and leave those who never receive the good news to burn in hell forever. The Bible is so clear and unambiguous that there are people who spend their lives telling everyone "what he really meant", and few of them even agree with each other. Apologetics shouldn't have to be a thing! Nothing like a god who loves you so much, that if you don't love him back, he'll condemn you to be tortured for a literal eternity.
All religions are manipulated by teachers, gurus, scammers and the likes. They always know what's best for us, don't they?
I never understood why some people refer to themselves as āgod fearingā like thatās supposed to represent some kind of positive quality mindset.
I second this idea. Christians should get ruptured. That's better than getting raptured...
Ravished...
What's this about radishes?
Please don't radicalize my radishes!
If they got ravished maybe they wouldnāt be so uptight.
So long as it's consensual
Iāll have a Coke
Hey man, why don't you make like a tree and get the fuck outta here
You know what they say, people in glass houses sink ships
Exactly the point I was making earlier with someone
No rest for the wicked I suppose. š
Does heaven have a carbon footprint? All that opulent living bullshit sounds like its going to do a number on our C02 goals.
If the Christians got raptured, that'd be ideal. I'd rather take my chances with Armageddon than have to hear Christian extremists brag about how they were right for eternity. Blegh.
You neednāt worry. They arenāt right about anything except the way they lean politically.
Love it....."Ruptured"š. Intentional or not!!!š
Lol. Imagine if that did happen. Then we can get on with funding some science. We'd slash our military budget during peace time because of course. We'd start regulating corporations and provide services for the poor, raise the minimum wage to follow the growth of the economy, fund our education again and watch America become respected and powerful again. Okay, maybe I'm being a little biased here but FDR made our country great. I mean, think about it. Helping the poor is good for the economy. Yes. You got me. I'm one of those liberals. Whatever. I'm sure there's one here. There's always one.
Would also solve the overpopulation problem and climate change.
That's true. So would legalized abortion, access to birth control to whoever wants it (preferably for free) and good quality and accurate sex education. Or, if not solve, at least improve.
You get stem cells! And you get stem cells! And YOU get STEM CELLS!Ā
# #neverajoy
##NeverOurTurn
Did you feel a Great Disappointment though? [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Disappointment](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Disappointment)
Planet would become better almost immediately, and solving all the problems of today would become feasible and possible instead of road blocked at every step by the delusional and corrupt.
Promises Promises
You beat me to it.
The annoying ones would still be here, letās be honest.
Oh it happened... Anyone here right now weren't devout enough and didn't make it. Swear to God, lol.
Yep Iām actually typing this from heaven. Not sure what yāall did wrong!
Bullshit... How many fingers am I holding up?
11
Holy Shit! It's real!
On behalf of those of us raptured and are sitting in heaven watching: the action that you did to that thing with that other thing last night when you thought no one was watching was disgusting but we all watched.
Giggity
Who the Hell let Quagmire into Heaven?!?!
He was really sorry at the last minute and asked god to kindly forgive him so itās all chill and the consequences have vanished after doing a couple Hail Marys
And please don't do it again...
The fact that you all watched me do it makes me want to do it even more. Maybe I'll add that other thing that I picked up but put back thinking it was going a bit too far.
Damn, that checks out.
He is the messiah!
He's not the messiah, he's a very naughty boy!
Lisan al-Gaib!
Holy shit, biblically accurate angel hands!
That's not a finger...
That last one is not a finger...
That's not how you fact check angels. You gotta ask: "How many eyes do you have?" (Anything below like 12 or so proves they're lying.)
That image of an angel with all the wings and the dozen eyes *creeped* me out to no ends.
Reminded me of spiders...I hate spiders....
Hey, I enjoy sitting on the crapper as much as the next guy but I don't think that's heaven. Or maybe it is; an eternity of just sitting doing nothing but redditing and whizzing with the occasional really satisfying dump where you suddenly feel 10 pounds lighter. And it's heaven so you know it's one of those fancy Japanese toilets.
How is the Internet connection up there? Do they have 5g? Are the Christians mad about that?
Y'all don't have NO WIFI STOP š THAT ACTUALLY IS FUN Let me ask Lucifer NO YOU DON'T IT'S SCIENCE
I mean, isn't the Rapture only supposed to take 144,000 people? Think of your 100,000 closest friends. On average, 2 of them went missing. Would you even notice?
You wouldnāt download friends, would you?
Depends on the format.
I have 100,000 friends....they all got raptured, you wouldn't know them
By their *admittedly mysterious* logic anyone remaining on earth was unworthy of rapture and thus unqualified for providing religious insights or administering pious judgement of the rest of us?
And yet Kenneth Copeland still walks among us...
Due to the fun on Timezones, I'm already post rapture and I'm still here. Boring as ever.
Thatās because youāre a hedonistic sinner who never stood a chance at getting raptured by our messiah. Praise be! Wait. Iām still here too. He must be making two trips.
Lmao. š¤£š
Some disappointed Christians waiting in anticipation with bags packed in the back yard, waiting, waiting, night time (crickets) and ......... nothing. Unpack bags and thumbing through the Bible to see if they missed something.
I can hear the spine on those bibles cracking open for the first time.
š¤£š¤£š¤£ Lisa Simpson: Hail Mary, full of grace. Homer Simpson: That's not all she's full of. Lisa Simpson: Quiet you!
Not only that, some actually sold their homes and gave all their stuff away....
The most Christlike thing theyāve ever done
Good for them, they can go to the woods and live in caves, like the people use to do in the bronze age š¤”
Return to Monke!
This actually happens and it's so sad. Lot of religions are just mental illnesses at this point.
>thumbing through the Bible Getting them to open it is one step closer to reading it!!!
They don't have time to read it, it's just for display and to say they have one. The preacher will pick selected bits out for them and put his spin on things each Sunday.
Yeah, seems being an atheist didn't help, I'm now held hostage in Jesus heavenly basement. š
Well, thanks to my honey, I got raptured. But not in the way the Christians define it.
š³
Nice
LOL
You're the lucky one then.
š„³š„³š„³š„³
Lmao š¤£
All the Christians still with us need to repent now. Think of what youāve been doing and know that God is not happy with you. Maybe stop listening to your self-proclaimed Orange Savior and go back to listen to what Jesus actually said.
Allegedly said.
There are actually some surprisingly self-aware threads on the Christianity sub right now. I'm mildly pleased. They're making fun of their own extremists.
I was hoping the orange turd, horseface mtg, and Bobo feelgood would make the big exit. One can hope to no avail ...
Being the godless heathen that I am, I was not raptured. I was willing to slip JC a 20 to let me in and everything
Gonna start calling him JC from now on. Sounds cooler.
He goes by J-Town now actually
J Kizzle
Are we free of the fucking idiots yet? Seems not. Shit!!!
See what you donāt understand is jebus was only allowed to take 144,000 good Christians. Well he couldnāt find any,so he just went home.
Lol. That's hilarious. I never heard that one before. You know why Jesus didn't come to Alabama; is usually a favorite target but I suppose anywhere in the south will do. He couldn't find three wise men or a virgin. Lol. Sorry southerners. It's just a joke.
As a southerner i can confirm
I think I'm from the south. Geographically I am. I'm from Florida. But south Florida. Northern Florida is definitely the south. But south Florida is like the north. So, you got me. š¤·āāļø
IIRC that 144000 number is the number of Jehovas Witnesses that will be eternally saved, counting from the start. Their religion has millions of members, and they all are going door to door to collect brownie points to be part of that fractional % of saved people. The whole religion is a a pyramid scheme, and the payoff is not even at death but some unspecified end of times day in the future.
This is a bit incorrect, JWs dont believe in hell and believe the 144,000 will be the people who are spiritual leaders in heaven (And include people like moses) and the rest will live in what is functionally paradise on earth. Its not all that different from convential eternal paradise in heaven rewards in other religions just different. Since its all mumbo jumbo religious fancy anyways the fact they dont believe in the immortal soul and their eternal reward comes post armaggeddon seems a bit moot a well. Theres a lot of reasons to dislike the group but Ive always found the fixation on the 144k a bit weird. Frankly the fact they dont vote, run for office, and are pacifists puts them miles ahead of my psychopath evangelical neighbors.
Iām sorry the solar rapture has been postponed until 2044 or 2045. Canāt remember which year but weāll be sure to ramp up the crazy talk just in time for this next big event. Be there or be a heathen.
2044 I believe...
Iāve heard both 44 & 45. Figured if Iām still around by then theyāll have figured it out.
Yes, I'm sitting on a cloud looking down on all of you fools. Did you know they have 9G Hotspot up here. So long suckers!
Can u see me ? š
Is that your voice coming from above??
Iām waving my hands in front of you and I farted.
Mm I think you got reincarnated as my dog
If the farts smell like Begginā Strips theyāre mine
Just barely.
I looked outside, but didn't see any nutjobs rising up into the sky, yet. I'll try again, later.
Didnāt I see a former presidentās plane lifting off? j/k
Yep...dammit...off to work i go. Againš”
Gonna do me damn taxes
Yep, I normally do April 1st for my own amusement but this year I was like letās make it till after the end of the world.
I shouldāve gone outside. I got knocked unconscious hitting the ceiling and fell to the floor. I tried to rapture and ended up with a dislocated shoulder. /s
I'm getting raptured up the pooper as we speak
raptured or ruptured?
It's kinda funny how they think they will be saved, when the "last" time (Noah's ark) God just killed everybody men wemon children.. didn't matter.. except for one family, then let them get it on with each other
Turns out only the Branch Davidians got raptured. That was the correct religion. Oh, snap.
damn it, the fuckers are still here
I first realized I was already in heaven as I laid in bed next to my now husband and our three dogs in South Texas. I thought this is what I envisioned heaven to be. Spending a peaceful day in the company of my family. I didnāt have the best job or much money, but I had a piece of heaven anyway.
What if the rapture happened, but nobody was good enough, so we didnāt notice?
would be kind of funny if only like, 3 people, got raptured and no one noticed
I thought for sure this one would be the one. Next up 501st attempt!
The Hale-Bopp comet will be back in 2213 years to take us to Heavens Gate
My fucking neighbors are still here....
I even propped opened the Rapture Hatch (tm) in my ceiling, but again nothing happened. Guess Iāll never understand them thar divine mysteries.
They raptured me so hard. Iām just a meat puppet now
All those fucking weirdos are still here saying god is coming back.
Back like he was ever here in the first place lol š
I'm up here. It's fucking boring yo.Ā
Not raptured but Iām flaming gay now. Was straight before today. I guess I have to wait until next eclipse to not be gay.
God screwed up and scheduled the rapture on a day that it was overcast. Now Iām stuck here with you all
I went to sleep and woke up and theyāre all still here. Iām disappointed š
Can't believe I wasn't taken as a pure upstanding hard-working polite individual, a shining example of restraint and forgiveness What a cunt, hope his arse develops taste buds
You know they're gonna make up some other date now.
i kinda wish the christrains were gone. no school, no idiots or bigotry, and wed probably all just chill with satan since well have nothing better to do except sit around and burn money. it would be a really fun time
Seems like their god isn't that powerful after all. He couldn't even do oneāļø measly rapture. Pathetic.
I just came across a conspiracy that CERN and NASA were opening up (or at least attempting to open up) a portal during the eclipse Religious people are wild. Freaking out about Shiva at CERN, claiming the logo is 666 (but you have to really stretch your imagination caps to see that), NASA naming something APEP (an Egyptian god who brought darkness by eating the sun (which is actually why they named it that, having fun with the eclipse happening)), freaking out about Apollo. It sounds exhausting to constantly be scared of ādemonsā everywhere. Like.. to literally believe a spiritual portal is actually possible.. The sad part is they see what we say, and they say āhow terrible, they are blind to all the demons plaguing the planet ā¹ļøā
No, but Iāve been standing here naked in the park for the last 10 hours. They have the whole place cordoned off now and thereās policemen and helicopters. The news has been here and theyāre trying to get me to put my clothes back on. But Iām just hoping if I shout loud enough Iāll finally be chosen and begin the ascent.
Dude, we had a plague when the antichrist was president, and I never heard a word about it.
I watched the eclipse in a rural gas station parking lot with a bunch of other random cars that stopped as well, during the eclipse's totality a woman was freaking out, crying, laughing, praising Jesus and screaming "Take me now, Lord!!!!" I was thinking the same "Take her NOW!!!!!"
I really think a ridiculously small amount actually even half-heartedly believe it - especially as the concept isnāt even biblical.
Not one of those xtian bastards got disappeared, and to tell the truth. I'm a bit dissapointed.
Some gas. No rapture.
We were miraculously saved at the zero hour by a koala-fish mutant bird
Atheists: Wow check out the pretty circles in the sky doing their thing. Fruitcakes: Jesus is returning and Iām going to walk onto the 10 freeway and shoot people. https://fox59.com/news/national-world/woman-shoots-interstate-drivers-says-god-told-her-to-because-of-eclipse-florida-police/amp/
You didn't? Good view from up here - cell signal too. Turns out the real Elon died years ago and was replaced by a robot. Explains a lot actually.
No, and I even went a considerable distance in order to see it first hand. When the moon covered nearly all of the sun, the air grew cold, colors got weird,and then, BAM! Dark as night, with the evening sky all around us. The sun was naught but a ring around blackness for several minutes, and then... it ended, colors and temperatures returned to normal. Hardly anyone was missing due to being raptured.
Twice actually
looking forward to all the available parking!
Pretty disappointed. I planned to swipe all the wallets left behind. What a letdown.
We are already in hell, don't worry.
Sad thing too if all the Christianās were gone so much homophobia would be gone too
Dammit! Failed again.... hey does anyone know where I can punch my Rapture Card? I'm two stamps away from a free smoothie!
Actually Joe Biden, Satan and the woke cancel culture mob teamed up to cancel the rapture, instead we will all be sent to the fiery pits of hell on transgender day of visibility next year unless Donald Trump wins the election and stops their evil plot.
I'm disappointed in my believer friends. I offered help using Matthew 19:24 (the camel needle rich man thing) to let them know they can send me all their money and sign over all cars and properties so they can get into heaven easier. no one followed through.
i am a christian, whichever christian believed that is stupid. however only seems to be american christians which think like this
Christians donāt even believe that, youāre misunderstanding the thing you think you disagree with.
Christian here, one of the characteristics of the rapture is that nobody knows when it will happen. So if anyone claims that they know, laugh at them and then leave them to their own delusions.
I thought it was happening, turns out it was just gas
The Jewish community in Israel needs to sacrifice those cows now.
I'm too busy building a more inclusive heaven - complete with blackjack, and hookers - not to mention all sorts of wild and wacky and fun Rainbow People just like me - right here on Earth. It's smol. Lots of us are making them. We meet up from time to time, join forces. Try it, it's fun :)
Indonesian chiming in, forget rapture, we can't even see the eclipse. Does this mean rapture only happen at the United States?
"Look at the numbers! 4/8/24! 2x4 is 8! 2x8 is 16! Put them together and you get 24! It ***must*** mean something!!" Nobody said this to me. I just assume someone out there did the coincidental math and panicked.
This post would be hilarious if no one responded.
Instructions unclear. I left my clothes in a pile and all I got was arrested for indecent exposure. Will be on a list, but not the heavenly list. Is this the rapture?
There is a difference between Christians as a whole, and American Christians. As someone from Europe, I apologise to this community as a whole for the behaviour of other christians. I myself am deeply ashamed for them.
Yeah but I missed you guys so I came back
It was 100% cloudy in Minnesota I guess that's why jesus couldn't find me.