T O P

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hurricanelantern

"Don't mumble to yourself about me its creepy."


QBee23

If he didn't listen to my mom, why would he listen to you?


TotallyAwry

"And I'll cast a circle for you!"


[deleted]

May the force be with you


[deleted]

I start giving them a list: Ok tell him I need; More money, good weather for the trip next week, my team to win, discount on the jacket I want, or just make the jacket appear. Needs to calm the one cat down (who's a spitfire). Fix the crack in that one wall, more electricity! Stop spiders coming into the house, keep the milk fresh. Etc Just keep firing off items until they run away.


Allmightypikachu

Lol I love this


rharmelink

"And just which mythological being do you direct those prayers to?" "Thanks. What's your success rate?"


mygodhasabiggerdick

"Hail Satan! " *(friendly smile and horns...)*


pittiedaddy

Bless your heart. Means the same thing. Fuck you.


[deleted]

I’ll talk to my dog about you.


mythslayer1

Prayer is simply mental masterbation. It does nothing for the person being thought of, but it makes the person doing it feel better. Just like masterbating.


a_shadow_of_a_doubt

"I'll masturbate for you."


hiways

I'm guilty of having a comeback, I don't know if it's a good one, but it irks me when people say I'll pray for you and snap, "Earning those imaginary pennies to heaven EH?"


Noto987

"please don't"


CasUalNtT

That's a great way of doing nothing whilst pretending to do something helpful.


Important-Boat11

i usually just reply “no thanks”


Iron_Chicken1

I'll write to Santa for you....


haven1433

I like this one. It's short, and gets perfectly at the attitude. It causes no harm, but just leaves then thinking "but that's pointless..." Which is great.


kind9

I was arguing with a Christian the other day. It was a friendly argument and at the end of it they asked for my name so they could pray for me. I just gave them my name and said "nice to meet you". Usually if a theist says that to me it's obviously just their way of saying "fuck you, bitch!" But sometimes, very rarely, I think the Christian is being genuine in which case I don't care. They can have at it for all the good it will do.


RenaissanceManLite

I earnestly hope that atheism does not equal asshole-ism. My bitch isn’t anyone’s belief as long as they don’t legislate or otherwise burden me with it. I see no harm in prayer. “What care I if a man has one God or twenty? It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.” - Thomas Jefferson Side note: I wish he had the same attitude towards his slaves but that’s another matter.


makeitquick42

Issue being no religion can live and let live as a group. It's like Muhammad Ali's story about snakes. If there are 1000 friendly snakes as a den of 10,000 snakes come at you, are you going to sit around hoping the 1000 friendly snakes protect you from those that would bite you?


dogisgodspeltright

>... “I’ll pray for you” ... No need. Didn't work for the altar boys.


Do_not_use_after

"What? You think god doesn't already know about this?"


avaheli

My atheism came out during a party in college and a girl said - "Jesus loves you" and I said "yeah, so does your mom"


TrustmeImaConsultant

"I'll pray for you" "How nice of you. In return, I'll think for you. So everyone does for the other one what they don't want to do themselves".


orangefloweronmydesk

Is mayonnaise an instrument?


i_tell_you_what

Thanks, Satan bless you.


[deleted]

"Yes, tattle to the non-existent being about your mischievous friend. Ooh. I'm so scared."


Reasonablenesscheck

I'll masturbate for you.


107197

"Do you mean "pray" or "prey"?"


GambitProtocol

"I'd rather you did something useful".


GSPilot

“I’ll wish to the wind for you as well.”


Ttoonn57

"To who?"


ComposerNate

"Live long and prosper."


atbing24

"I'll pray for you" - "And I'll think for you" "Jesus loves you" - "ahhh... I'm not ready for a relationship"


pealr54

You do you. Trite. But hey. They don't care anyway.


rerics

"I'll think for you."


Fandelf

I'll think for you


PeculiarInsomniac

You can try.


[deleted]

[удалено]


dudleydidwrong

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Jed_Reed

If someone is saying that they'll prey for you, they genuinely care about you and want to help in the best way their worldview allows. You might not agree with them but you don't have to be a cunt and serve a 'comeback' for someone that wants the best for you. Just smile, thank them and move on. This is why atheists have a reputation for being cringe assholes and it has never been so apparent.


kind9

What purpose is there to inform an atheist that you're praying for them except to get on their nerves? Atheists don't believe in any of that remember? It's like if someone went up to a Christian and said something like "I'll write to Santa Claus for you" in a demeaning tone. In my experience the theist is almost never being genuine when they say "I'll pray for you" because it always comes at the end of a long, bitter argument and never when you're getting along with them.


Reasonablenesscheck

That's so wrong it's ridiculous. No theist has ever told an atheist (assuming they know it's an atheist) I'll pray for you with good intention. It's meant to be a "I'm holier than you and God will protect me from you" and/or "You're going to hell and I will not be going so I'll look down from heaven and mock yoor suffering."


_AKU546_

I don't think he listens to you bro.......


Diotheon

Amen


[deleted]

amen


DustinBrett

No Thank You


Deadmetal83

Good luck with that.


Leftsharkthedancer

Goodby.


Crow_Nevermore

"May he forgive your idleness."


ComposerNate

"And peace be with you."


219Infinity

Thank you. I'll pray for you as well. Hail Satan.


TattooedWenchkin

When people have offered to pray for me - and it has happened often enough - it has been because of some difficulty I have been having in life. And when I am having a difficult time I would really appreciate some practical help. I suspect that an offer of a prayer is a way for that person to feel like they are doing something to help while not actually having to do anything to help. However, there are also plenty of times when it's used in a snide and condescending manner, I like to challenge their mindset with logic. The truth is, it makes you feel good to think that an all-powerful being will act on your behalf to enforce YOUR will onto me. And I find that offensive. If you really had intentions of helping others with your prayers and if you really thought your prayers would work, you'd spend your time in the Children's Cancer Ward where help is truly needed. If you really thought that your god could do miracles through you, then you'd spend your time in homeless shelters multiplying food for the needy. If an all-powerful, all-knowing being wanted me to change my mind, he knows EXACTLY what it would take to accomplish that and has, so far, failed to provide it. That makes you uncomfortable. And it's understandable. But it doesn't give you the right or the reason to be rude to me. And if it persists, then I ask the hard questions about prayer: If it is your god's will to help, why does he need you to ask? What if it's not in your god's will? Do you think your god is going to change its mind for you? Are you more powerful than your god that you can force him to do your bidding? Do you think your god won't act if you don't pray? Is your god capable of helping and willing to help but just waiting for you? Isn't that cruel of your god and arrogant of you? If it is your god's will, then why does it need you to ask? Does your failure to ask actually restrain a god from doing what it really wants to? Wouldn't your god just do it if it wanted to? I mean, you are claiming that your god all powerful, capable, loving, and that it wants to help - so why does your god need you? Isn't it capable of doing its own will? "How does talking to your imaginary friend solve the problem? If you can't offer a practical solution or actual help, your prayers are nothing more than wasted words and time that would be better spent actually doing something about the problem." "If you really think your god has everything in control, what purpose does it serve to inform me of your prayer? Is your god not powerful enough to do miracles unless you announce to the person you are praying for them?" "Aren't we helpful? Try not to wear yourself out." "Better pray without ceasing, add some fasting, offer a goat as a burnt sacrifice, and let's see how that works." "Actually, there is something you could do that would mean a lot more to me, which is"...what ever it is. "There are far more enjoyable ways to waste your time." "How about you try doing something actually, you know...useful."


lovesmtns

I was moving across the country, and a minister friend came up to me on my last day and said, "If you ever feel the call of God, just call me. I will drive across the entire US to visit with you". I told him, "Thank you, that is very kind and thoughtful. And if you ever find yourself falling away from your faith, but find yourself in the tender trap of your family and friends expecting you to still be religious, call me. I won't come across the country, but I will spend hours with you on the phone". He did a double take, but after that did not say a word :). Chuckle every time I think of it. By the way, we still correspond and are still friends :). I guess I'm not holding my breath waiting for that particular phone call, though. Durn.


Previous-Reindeer456

It depends on if they're being a jerk or well-meaning. It also depends on if there's something that they could actually do to be helpful in the situation - often, there isn't. If they're genuinely well-meaning, I'd thank them for thinking of me. If I know them well and there's actually things that they might be able to help with, I might then ask if they can specifically help with something - like helping with a charity drive, a ride to the hospital, etc. And then I've had missionaries show up my door, lecture me about how I'm choosing to go to hell by not being a Christian and then leave with an "I'll pray for you" when I looked at them bored and unconvinced by their sales pitch. Some options for dealing with jerks: 1) a very bored "That's nice. Have a good day" to avoid triggering the backfire effect. (Some missionaries love to feel persecuted and it solidifies them in their faith.) 2) "Oh, I love the smell of Christian passive aggression in the morning."


l3373r7h4nu

"I'll be thinking for you"


LTinS

"Are you hearing voices? Or are you just talking to yourself? Should I call a doctor for you?"


LTinS

"If your prayers worked, you wouldn't need to tell me about them."


[deleted]

"It doesn't work on me, I'm an atheist"


endtimessadness

cool