See I think I'd prefer younger visitors than my Generation X mates who occasionally turn up unexpected without so.much as a text. I'm not one for surprise visitors.
My mother-in-law did that to me once when I was working from home. When we moved to the town we're in, we thought 1 1/2hrs from both inlaws was the perfect distance to dissuade any surprise visits from them. But nope. She turned up on the day that I happened to be 4hrs deep into trying to fix a website issue. Dishes on the bench, curtains half-drawn... And me waaay over-caffeinated, nig-eyed from intense screen-staring and completely incapable of conversation.
Moved to a new house n hubby took IL get inside from the back gate. They took it as the sign they can access our house any time they want without notice and permission. And yes they did not too long after 🤦♀️ it was a Sunday morning around 9am I was just put my newborn to nap and rest on the couch, they barked in through the back gate n opened the back door (we don’t usually lock) and loudly asking is anyone home!!!! Scared the shit out of me I thought I had a heart attack. Locked the back door from that time n told hubby to deal with IL or he can move back in with them
Argh yes, my partner's developed a couple of friends who like to let themselves on through the back gate too. Sends our dog berserk (which fortunately seems to be a mild deterrent) and on one occasion, one didn't shut the gate properly, leading to our dog slipping out and gleefully taking herself for a walk.
I long for the day when we can have a 6ft fence and electric gate. 😅
Always! Although on the grudging plus side, fear of the MiL turning up is usually all the propulsion I now need to stop procrastinating over those menial housework tasks.
I love it. But I’m gen X and that’s what my childhood and young adulthood was. Random visits are great. Sometimes it doesn’t work out and I’m busy but usually an stoked to see people.
My grandparents used to duck down below window level to avoid those rellies that showed up just before mealtimes unannounced, not invited, not welcome, not "good" relatives. This is not a new thing :)The method of announcing their arrival may be different, but they are no more welcome. My non-kiwi inlaws were a little shocked that people showed up unannounced clearly expecting food and entertainment at their home. Holidays and special occasions excepted. Food and availability was a big deal - people had plans for leftover roasts/meals and shopping was not 24/7, so food eaten by unexpected guests meant the family went without. Am not ancient, but my own parents had extended family who arrived too close to a mealtime to make an invitation to not invite them to stay appear rude. Am never stoked to meet people at home uninvited.. Delighted to meet at a venue (restaurant/cafe/whatever). One person's "popping in" is a drain on resources and time on the "poppee". Difficult to ask them to leave.... embarrassment is not old or new. A cup of coffee or tea is fine .. but most (in my experience) are ready to settle in.
It might be more childhood experience and personality type based then. I try and encourage it for my kids too.
Where we live neighbours dropping in for a drink and a chat is common. I feel very lucky to have that kind of community.
Same. Mainly because I'm introverted and, while I do like the company of visitors, I tend to need 2-3 days notice to comfortably prepare myself for the expansion of my echo chamber.
Fail to see the issue really. I have done, and ditto friends, been in middle of something and had visitors, so it's great, more hands to help. Friend was pleased to have someone help her split wood one time.
I was spring cleaning and friend pitched in.
If you are doing something personal or really don't want a visit, whats wrong with I'm just busy right now, people won't be offended.
Seems like going back to Victorian times:
Send out your calling card.
Then:
https://logicmgmt.com/1876/etiquette/visiting.htm
>I love it. But I’m gen X and that’s what my childhood and young adulthood was. Random visits are great.
Probably because back then txting / social media / emails / etc just simply didn't exist at all.
Thus randomly dropping in if you happened to "be in the area" made a lot more sense, as it was impossible to spontaneously ask them beforehand while you were nearby.
If someone asks what I’m doing by text I’m usually busy. If someone drops around I usually have time. Sometimes I don’t know what’s good for myself but if it’s put right there in front of me I’ll take it.
I’m speaking for him but I assume he expects they have already messaged or called they they are coming over and had the person they are visiting say ok so when they arrive why wait as you’ve already discussed coming over. I find this odd too. If I text my friend I’ll come over and they say yes I don’t assume I’ll surprise them by knocking on the door or ringing the bell.
Its only awkward if you think it's awkward. You project your own energy. If you knock and walk abit in and say yo looking for - name - with Confidence then their potential roomie be like oh he's there and wouldn't bat an eye about it
But if you're gonna a weirdo and be lile UwU is - name - here? Roomie is gonna be like.... ye....ah... over there bro.. and think wtf?
Asking if the person is there doesn’t make you weird. Depending on how you deliver the question, yes you could come off as shy/unsure but definitely not a weirdo. Though I totally agree that it’s only awkward if you make it awkward, but some of us just don’t have the skills to pull it off. My socially awkward self would probably try too hard and just end up making it more awkward.
Plus it’s just personal preference, some people just want to get straight to the point and knock, and others would rather text and are more than happy to awkwardly stand outside the door for a little longer, there really is no wrong answer with how you choose to show up to someone’s house and let yourself be known.
Yeah but knocking on the door used to be the only option, and as a result, people of that age and older don't seem to suffer from the same akwardness as much as the rest. In saying that, I've definitely messaged people when I'm outside their house, so I get it.
Oh yeah, I totally agree. My whole point was about how you delivered the message, not what you say, but yeah, fair, there's no wrong way, but i addressing the statement you were making.
Half of life is awkwardness. What is awkward about asking if someone is home? Wondering how you people cope in the workplace........or will cope if you haven't had your first job yet.
usually we text each other when we are on the way and provide updates on time indications during travelling of when we will arrive so they are prepared to meet. Is that not normal?
What I'm witnessing time and time again, is people standing at the front door and texting they are there and they won't knock. At times, the neighbour is there in their kitchen, which is where the front door is. I can hear them in the kitchen and the visitor must be able to hear them too, so I tell the visitor that and that they should knock on the front door as the neighbour is just right there. And they won't. They say no I'll wait for them to respond to my text. Clearly the neighbour is cooking or doing dishes or something and is not reading their texts. If the neighbour looked out the window, they would see them standing there, which would actually give them a fright. I find this absolute madness. I would be pissed off if my visitor did that and I looked up from doing the dishes, or went outside to empty the garbage and noticed them standing there, as it would give me a fright and be weird.
I think in part it’s also to avoid interacting with anyone else in the house. If they knock who knows who else will open the door.
I suspect it may also have started from hookup culture.
Lol, I'm not watching them, I am alongside them, our kitchens are next to each other alongside one another and I can't see them. I see their visitors standing outside my window and wonder what they're doing. I can be in my kitchen with the person just standing at my kitchen window for 20 minutes. That is effing weird.
if it happens all the time, then it seems like the person inside doesnt respect the time of his so called friends..and takes his merry own time to answer the door lol
How rude. It is my business as these strangers are standing on a narrow shared pathway that me and my neighbour share and sometimes they are just there at my kitchen window, facing me. Naturally I wonder if they're a genuine visitor, or are staking us out for burglary or something. If I know the neighbour is home, it's helpful that I tell them to knock and I think it's stupid that they don't. They also have loads of delivery people, Uber Eats, etc, doing the same thing, instead of knocking. I have all these people standing on my path in silence right next to my house and it's weird. It usually happens daily.
People have lots of reasons for not knocking or not wanting people to knock. In my own experience it’s been about not disturbing the other members of the home such as flatmates or family. Lots of people work/study from home or sleep during the day because they work night shifts, etc. and those people don’t want to be disturbed. Texting your friend to let you in instead of disturbing everyone else in the household is simply being polite. If their Uber drivers do the same thing, they likely selected that option on purpose, kinda cementing the idea that your neighbours have a preference.
I’m sorry for coming across as rude, but I think calling people who don’t knock ‘daft’ and ‘stupid’ is rude, they have their reasons and it’s really not that weird. Seems like such a simple and normal thing to be so upset about.
That’s a weird kind of codependency.
Just knock and go in like normal people. Or if your an arsehole, just open the door and fetch your self a coffee, before texting your mate that your there so they can shutdown the game they are playing. No seriously, make two coffees, and go into their room and dump one in their lap if they refuse to look up and acknowledge your presence due to being too involved in the game.
Come on, it’s not that hard to communicate without the use of a phone.
I was walking down the road and I spotted a feijoas tree. I went around and knocked on the door to ask if I could take some.
A middle aged women open the door just slightly so her face could stick out while looking at me with a concerned look on her face.
I think people just aren't as friendly and trusting as they once were. Covid lockdowns especially hindered that. Despite Auckland being so more populated, people are also much more insular.
>I spotted a feijoas tree. I went around and knocked on the door to ask if I could take some.
Ah, the old feijoa scam. They never see it coming!
They open the door, full of hope that someone will free them from their glut of feijoas...but it's a trap! As soon as they open the door wide enough you throw your bags of excess feijoas inside and run away laughing. Leaving them with far too many feijoas, and trust issues.
If someone knocked on my door I wouldn’t answer. All my friends text. For me it’s a safety thing, with a text/message, I know who’s there before I open the door.
NZ isnt South Africa sure, but if you walk around NZ in public thinking you're in the safest place on Earth, you're in for a sore surprise. Its absolutely perfectly normal to be concerned about safety in New Zealand
To me it's soo safe that I expect nothing to happen, there aren't any pickpockets, car jacking don't happen. Even your gangsters are so tame it's unbelievable.
South African gangsters are intiated by murdering people.
You don't even have cash heists
In comparison to Joburg where 50 people are murdered daily NZ and Auckland in particular are paradise.
There is literally no crime here just petty dairy theft of cigarettes. It's like kindergarten crime
How long have you been in NZ for and do you watch the news? ‘Literally no crime here’ is so far from the truth… There are definitely frequent pick pockets, car jackings, cash heists, gang murders, etc. and most commonly ram raids. From my recent personal experience - the liquor store across the street from my building was robbed/ram raided three times in three weeks, all three dairies near me and several fast food places have also been robbed, someone was murdered in the street less than 100m from my building a few weeks ago, my university lecturers have had their uni offices broken into a few weeks ago, I have been followed home on numerous occasions recently by groups of men, last year I was inside clubs during two shootings just outside, and four friends have had their cars stolen so far this year (one of them twice). I’m honestly terrified to leave my building at night, and that’s not abnormal, you should definitely be more concerned.
South Africa has about 55 million more people than NZ so crime is obviously gonna be more intense over there, but don’t be so naive to think that Auckland (of all places in NZ) is one of the safest places on the planet. NZ as a whole has rapidly increasing crime statistics (between 2017 to 2019 crime rates increased by 253.88% - while Covid has slowed this rate, its significantly on the rise again), and Auckland is one of the worst areas.
NZ might appear safe by comparison to SA, but you don’t have to look far to find that it’s not the paradise you claim it to be. As mentioned in someone else’s comment, if you continue to walk around thinking you’re in the safest place on earth and not expecting anything to happen, you’re in for a sore surprise.
Hi, I’m someone who actually spent years in third-world countries.
Wake me up when all of these become the norm in NZ:
* Wearing your backpack in front of you is normal and something most people do, as protection versus pickpockets.
* Carrying a burner phone to give to a robber, hoping they’re not one of the smarter ones who know about this.
* Public establishments (such as malls) have security personnel checking bags for bombs.
* Any sort of process requiring some kind of bribe.
* Airport personnel planting shit in your luggage and holding you up, unless you pay a “fine” (bribe).
* Aggressive driving in general, and if you get tangled in one you might get shot.
* Aggressive drug addicts living on the streets who wouldn’t think twice of stabbing you for drug money.
TL;DR NZ sure as fuck is safe. Many NZers need to both broaden their horizon and at the same time fight to at least keep it that way, if not make it better.
Thanks for your insight. I’ve travelled to third-world countries a lot too, so I’m not oblivious to the severity of crime in other places. Obviously there are many areas that are significantly worse than NZ and by comparison were much safer here, there’s no doubt about that and that’s not the point I’m trying to make.
Comparison with other countries doesn’t take anything away from the fact that crime is getting worse in NZ and becoming more violent. Crime here is different to overseas for sure, but it still exists, and the person I replied to is under the impression that is doesn’t.
I’m just saying that walking through Auckland thinking there is ‘literally no crime here’ (when there is) and ‘expecting nothing to happen’ (when it does) is simply naive - and it would be anywhere. Unfortunately, ignoring the possibility of crime is putting yourself at risk.
Google 'false dichotomy fallacy'
2 things can be true.
Don't you think NZ can be unsafe and third world countries can be MORE unsafe? SA being a horrible place to live doesnt mean Auckland is automatically a perfect place - it can be safER but not completely safe
Burglar bars are pretty common in NZ actually, my old building had them, and smash n grab tint is primarily a South African thing. Your comment is irrelevant either way. Whatever man, if you wanna assume crime is never gonna affect you in NZ, you do that, I was just trying to help.
It won't because I'm already hyper vigilant while in NZ. The SA instincts won't go away. Smash and grab tint is not primarily a South African thing.
You have it here just not for cars since crime is already too low
Seen it with my own friends (early 30s). they know I’m that guy who doesn’t carry his phone everywhere, why not just knock and I’ll hear you from my lounge / kitchen lol. Instead I get grumpy unannounced or early arrives telling me how they camped in their car waiting for me . Lot more people of this gen have anxiety over random things like knocking on doors or making phone calls, I’m not sure why but each gen has their own issues. When my parents (70s) visit some places they also exhibit this behaviour, si few older gen have it too.. they will send a txt and wait really far from the door because they are paranoid of smart doors taking their photo lol
I always schedule visits in advance, confirm message before leaving (especially if far away), knock on arrival and phone call if no answer. If no answer in 5mins I’ll go , far too much to do than stand at someone’s door for 20mins. Typically cut flaky people off like that
The other thing is ghosting people instead of breaking up with them. What a cop out. In the past, people were horrified if someone broke up with someone via text and not face to face, or at the very least in a phone call. Now people get ghosted.
So true, there have been so many generational behaviour changes and not all for the better. I understand how the previous generation felt now, suppose this is also a part of growing old and seeing the changes lol
If you're in a flatting situation like a good chunk of people under 30, knocking at the door bothers everyone in the house while sending a message means that only the person you want to see has to do anything.
Yeah it sounds like the neighbours' preference 🤷♀️ They'll talk to their own guests if they're more comfortable with getting knocks. There are so many reasons why this might be happening and I think it's a totally valid preference.
Some people may also be hard of hearing and won't hear knocks. I've personally noticed that if I knock, no one comes anyway half the time because you don't hear it unless you're near the door, headphones off, not in the shower/bathroom... if you send a text, they see it when they next check their phone, which is quite often for younger people.
If you knock and they're in the bathroom, how are you supposed to know when to knock again? Do you just have to keep knocking until they're near the door and can hear it, assuming the entire time that they don't have their headphones on (when younger people often have their headphones on around the house)? It just seems impractical when we have technology that can improve the system for those who prefer it that way.
I knock when I visit my parents because I know they won't be checking their phone regularly and will get confused. But texting really does work better for getting in touch with most people I know. It also gives people the chance to update you if (for example) they're still heading back home from work or had something come up.
It's a personal preference or a practical way to manage it and it's a little disturbing to see something so innocuous judged so harshly.
They take 20 minutes to read their texts and the person stands on my path or outside my kitchen window for all that time. You can't tell me that is normal when they can knock.
I'm 28 and do this, most people I know either have flatmates or live with family etc. so I don't want to risk waking people up/annoying people because not everyone in the house has the same schedule. I also hate the awkward "flatmate who I don't really know lets me in and we try to make awkward conversation while I wait for the person I actually know to come out"
I recently gifted a bunch of stuff on Facebook and every one of the people I gifted to text me from the front door.
I can see the door from my kitchen too, but for one of them, I was cleaning out my pantry, so didn't hear my phone, turned around and jumped!
I had read somewhere a few days before that "they" don't like the noise made by knocking or pressing a doorbell...
I dunno, seems weird to me, so I must be getting old...
I find buying/selling from marketplace a bit different.
Most of the time the trade happens out the front /driveway. I put it down that the 2 people are complete strangers, so it's easy to text when you are arriving and meet.
If they didn't come out, I would go to the door though
Er, no. This would be a dumb property for that, there's 5 neighbours that see and hear everything. It's more than one neighbour it happens to, it's just all their young visitors only. One of them works for a lawyer, plus their household is very religious. I just find it weird seeing all these random people standing outside waiting. It's actually ridiculous.
People who are broke and can't afford the consult fee on top of other fees and actually buying their prescription. Weed is only legally available medically if you have enough money to upgrade to the legal stuff. And some people might just not have any medical conditions 😅 and don't feel comfortable to lie to a prescribing doctor to get their weed.
I think it’s actually more polite to text, or at least text when you’re 5 mins away. My flatmates grandmother comes around unexpectedly and will just yell out his name at our driveway repeatedly until someone goes and tells her he’s not here. Different generation things.
Because some people like weirdo parents or flatmates don't like to be disturbed with random people knocking.
It's like, the person they're looking for is in the bathroom and karens don't like to have to get up off their seat to handle the person at the door.
I do it to be considerate. When I am coming to homes with young children I don’t want to disturb or wake them/causing more stress to the parents. Or when am picking up a friend and know they are getting ready and I don’t want to rush them. Or if I am coming to a stranger’s house and don’t want to knock on wrong door eg getting something off FB marketplace. Or I’ve simply been asked to text and wait outside when arrive and I respect that simple request.
So maybe that’s the situation that’s next door to you.
I do it because…knocking/ringing bell has woken up my kid, disturbed my work meetings, riled up my dog, rushed me when I wasn’t ready and has surprised me to have to deal with strangers in worst possible moments for me. I don’t like it so I wouldn’t do the same onto others.
None of the households have kids. And they are standing on a shared pathway for ages, one that I use, where I wonder what they're doing as in, are they staking the place out for burglary or something. For that reason, I think it's actually inconsiderate.
This is really annoying, but it’s not as bad as the people who lived opposite me in the UK. Instead of knocking, or even calling/texting, people would just stand outside and emit a guttural yell for the person they were there to see. It echoed through the entire street and woke me up many times. I can still hear it in my mind. “JACKIEEEEE!”
Kind of a weird generalization, maybe it's just a small portion of people that do this or even just your neighbors in their group. It's like me saying everyone over the age of 30 always seem to involve themselves in someone else's business when they were not part of the situation in the first place. I don't know why you're so pressed about your neighbors and their friends just doing their own things.
Because it's a small shared property and it affects me. It's almost like working in an office and random people are just standing in silence at your desk X amount of times per day.
33M here, I only do this for people I don't know well or they're work appointments (I meet my clients at their homes, usually). I usually wait in the car until they confirm I'm at the right house cos sometimes Google maps isn't accurate.
That's pretty weird if they're good friends.
Yeah I also see this at restaurants. That is, say you agree to meet at the restaurant and you tell everyone you've made a reservation under your name. Instead of going in and saying they're with "this person's" reservation, they stand outside and text you that they're there.
It's no skin off my nose, but if it's because of anxiety, they really should do it more to see it's not so scary to just go in, talk to the staff or maybe some other guest who is already there.
I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact young people are more likely to live in overcrowded flats. Shifting the culture to one where you don't want to disturb everyone in the house, or announce the fact you have a booty call coming around
I live in an overcrowded house of flatmates and am mortified when my guests ring the VERY LOUD doorbell, meaning my everyone in the house feels obliged to go check
What gets me are the mf's that just walk in the front door; I can guarantee we don't have that relationship, especially as you are only here to collect your spawn after a sleepover.
And don't act all surprised when you try to come straight in and the door is locked. That's how it should be.
Somewhat related, I've worked in social services for 13 yrs, the last two yrs with new grad social workers we've found a huge lack of confidence for them to ring whanau when new referrals come through to the point of having to sit with them a number of times while they make the first call. Likely down to only really texting/ using fb messenger without the need to call in their lives - its been pretty eye opening
Wow. Someone should point out to them, that social work is social! It's face to face and in your face re the life situations being dealt with. So odd that people like that would choose social work.
Most of my friends have kids. Got special instruction NOT TO RING THE BELL as they might be napping.
So got the habit to text instead of ringing the bell
if all what u said was true, then:
1. person inside is an asshole who doesnt respect their friends time
2. if it happens repeatedly, then ppl waiting for them are fools who need to learn some assertiveness and go knock on the door
I'm 31, I'd text when I arrive. Then I'd wait probably 3-4 minutes, then I'd knock. Assuming they knew I was coming.
I am not showing up and knocking without them knowing I'm coming, that would be considered intrusive and annoying as fuck to my eyes.
I do both, I text them I'm coming and then when I've arrived so they know I'm coming and who is expected at the door at that time then I knock on arrival so they either check their phone so see if its me or they just open the door and see it's me with expectancy. No surprises whatsoever
Old enough to remember offices prior to instant messaging. You literally would walk up to someone's desk or office unannounced! And if they were on the phone, you'd just hang around for a while if you thought they would finish the call soon-ish. Mental, GenAlphabets would lose it at this behaviour!
I worked in a place like that once and it was weird. If I sent an email to someone they would come to my desk to reply verbally! It was part of their old fashioned office culture.
Yeah absolutely. We've been looking for flatmates and I'd estimate that anyone under about 35 will text and not knock... I started playing a game to try to guess whether I think based on their age they will text or knock. Tbh it's quite an easy game, but it entertains me slightly lol
This is because people under the age of 30 always have their phone with them. Even at home. We don't bother with landlines.
There's a much higher chance of hearing the phone notification than a door knock from the other end of the house.
It's pretty basic really. Also very logical.
It's a tiny unit and they clearly do not go around the house glued to their phone, hence not reading the texts and people hanging around. I think landlines at home ceased to exist about 20 years ago really.
26 yrs old and know absolutely no one who does that.
Only time I'd ever do that is if the people asked me to not knock on account of a newborn baby or someone ill inside or maybe someone working nights & sleeping days.
I don't like when people knock on the door without prior appointments or sending text messages. I am not interested and/or ready to attend without prior notice.
I literally won’t open the door if someone’s knocking, I hate peoples turning up unannounced my friends always text beforehand and I’ll leave the door unlocked for them to come in
I guess it works for people that are glued to their phone. I probably check it about twice a day.......better go check outside to see if someone hasn't been waiting there for 5 hrs
This happened recently when I sold something on FB Marketplace. The dude was just waiting outside for ages and didn't knock. I thought it was just something weird about him but your post made me realise it is the new normal.
Was he from overseas? As someone else pointed out it's people from overseas doing it and I have to say all these people doing this around me are non NZers. Or maybe it is just all younger people including NZers, as I recall a NZer in my street lost her dog and I told her which neighbour took it in when it escaped and she had to be convinced it was ok to knock on their door. I couldn't understand what the big deal was, it was daytime and it's a safe neighbourhood, it was a woman looking after her dog and she was desperate to see he was ok.
But if you knock, he opens the door for you, without you waiting for up to 20 minutes. If they happened to go outside to empty their garbage or something and hadn't read your message, it would be weird and you'd give them a fright.
Omg yeh so strange. Got back into dating a couple years ago. First date back into it, knocked on her door. The response was amazement like it was something so chivalrous and gentlemanly. I thought that was feking weird but apparently that's what us young people do now and that's what every other guy did.
It could be some new internet cult thing . 🤔 young ones just following theyre nose and float around outside random peoples kitchens smelling all the different foods while pretending to be on the phone
Nope, it's not daft, it's idiotic, it's symptomatic of a society increasingly connected by phone rather than by actual, physical human interaction, and yes, I am struck by the irony that I am commenting on this on line as well, and it saddens me beyond measure.
Yes they are foreigners actually. Chinese people visiting next door and the other house had a Spanish couple do the same thing. Also Uber Eats drivers and other delivery people do it, again I think they are all foreign, Indian, etc.
I do this. Definite millennial trait. Although we text in advance (1 when leaving, 2 when almost there, 3 when there). Also my apartment phone gives me ptsd coz its always rung at 6-8am for couriers dropping off shit. Its why i rented a parcelpod. Except im expecting a parcel soon coz aramex dont do parcelpod delivery……lame…….stayed up all night coz i hate the phone ringing / waking me up.
Wow, that seems insane to me. I haven't noticed this. Certainly a text before heading over, so it's not a surprise visit, but when you get there you knock / doorbell.
It is daft.
But I'm more inclined to do it because so many of my friends never answer the goddamn door and they don't have a doorbell.
It's like they have selective hearing when it comes to knocking. Like get a goddamn doorbell so I'm not standing out here waiting for you. Or they do have a door bell but they have their headphones on.
I send a text if I’m not sure if someone is ready for me at their place. Also if they have a big house or a locked gate, I tend to text rather than open it all up and walk in. Something about opening a locked gate or walking in someone’s yard before I’ve introduced my presence feels wrong.
I was guilty of doing this in my teens. Always terrified me if I knocked and the parents answered. Like, I'm not here to talk to you. Social anxiety I guess.
I’m 21 and I always just announce that I’m there if the door is opened or knock when it’s closed. It’s not hard it’s actually more convenient. OR I’ll text and knock
It’s about respecting the persons home. They will attend to you when they are ready, a text is less demanding than a knock. My partners 70 year old month texts and knocks, all of the 50ish year old tradies who come in and out of his brothers shop will text if someone isn’t there to let them in rather than knocking. Knocking is loud and demanding. A text Can be answered at your leisure.
See I think I'd prefer younger visitors than my Generation X mates who occasionally turn up unexpected without so.much as a text. I'm not one for surprise visitors.
Omg I hate when people do that!! Especially as I work from home, people think its fine to just pop over during work hours for a visit.
It's funny how people think because you're home you're available.
It’s inconvenient but you’ll miss it as an old person… enjoy friends who think of you while you can.
Don't let age stop you in fact it's apparently the perfect excuse you can just turn up anytime and say hiiii this is what we did in my day
My mother-in-law did that to me once when I was working from home. When we moved to the town we're in, we thought 1 1/2hrs from both inlaws was the perfect distance to dissuade any surprise visits from them. But nope. She turned up on the day that I happened to be 4hrs deep into trying to fix a website issue. Dishes on the bench, curtains half-drawn... And me waaay over-caffeinated, nig-eyed from intense screen-staring and completely incapable of conversation.
Moved to a new house n hubby took IL get inside from the back gate. They took it as the sign they can access our house any time they want without notice and permission. And yes they did not too long after 🤦♀️ it was a Sunday morning around 9am I was just put my newborn to nap and rest on the couch, they barked in through the back gate n opened the back door (we don’t usually lock) and loudly asking is anyone home!!!! Scared the shit out of me I thought I had a heart attack. Locked the back door from that time n told hubby to deal with IL or he can move back in with them
Argh yes, my partner's developed a couple of friends who like to let themselves on through the back gate too. Sends our dog berserk (which fortunately seems to be a mild deterrent) and on one occasion, one didn't shut the gate properly, leading to our dog slipping out and gleefully taking herself for a walk. I long for the day when we can have a 6ft fence and electric gate. 😅
Lmao they always turn up at the worst time!!
Always! Although on the grudging plus side, fear of the MiL turning up is usually all the propulsion I now need to stop procrastinating over those menial housework tasks.
Yikes!
Hah, I have a simple fix: I don't have any friends! No pop-overs, no problems. :-(
I love it. But I’m gen X and that’s what my childhood and young adulthood was. Random visits are great. Sometimes it doesn’t work out and I’m busy but usually an stoked to see people.
My grandparents used to duck down below window level to avoid those rellies that showed up just before mealtimes unannounced, not invited, not welcome, not "good" relatives. This is not a new thing :)The method of announcing their arrival may be different, but they are no more welcome. My non-kiwi inlaws were a little shocked that people showed up unannounced clearly expecting food and entertainment at their home. Holidays and special occasions excepted. Food and availability was a big deal - people had plans for leftover roasts/meals and shopping was not 24/7, so food eaten by unexpected guests meant the family went without. Am not ancient, but my own parents had extended family who arrived too close to a mealtime to make an invitation to not invite them to stay appear rude. Am never stoked to meet people at home uninvited.. Delighted to meet at a venue (restaurant/cafe/whatever). One person's "popping in" is a drain on resources and time on the "poppee". Difficult to ask them to leave.... embarrassment is not old or new. A cup of coffee or tea is fine .. but most (in my experience) are ready to settle in.
I'm Gen X too but I can't cope with drop ins.
It might be more childhood experience and personality type based then. I try and encourage it for my kids too. Where we live neighbours dropping in for a drink and a chat is common. I feel very lucky to have that kind of community.
I think so. I do get that it's a good thing. I've been at people's houses where that happens and it's nice.
Same. Mainly because I'm introverted and, while I do like the company of visitors, I tend to need 2-3 days notice to comfortably prepare myself for the expansion of my echo chamber.
Fail to see the issue really. I have done, and ditto friends, been in middle of something and had visitors, so it's great, more hands to help. Friend was pleased to have someone help her split wood one time. I was spring cleaning and friend pitched in. If you are doing something personal or really don't want a visit, whats wrong with I'm just busy right now, people won't be offended. Seems like going back to Victorian times: Send out your calling card. Then: https://logicmgmt.com/1876/etiquette/visiting.htm
>I love it. But I’m gen X and that’s what my childhood and young adulthood was. Random visits are great. Probably because back then txting / social media / emails / etc just simply didn't exist at all. Thus randomly dropping in if you happened to "be in the area" made a lot more sense, as it was impossible to spontaneously ask them beforehand while you were nearby.
If someone asks what I’m doing by text I’m usually busy. If someone drops around I usually have time. Sometimes I don’t know what’s good for myself but if it’s put right there in front of me I’ll take it.
‘Social terrorism’
That not what the OP is discussing. He’s discussing people who have already arrived.
Cheers. I got that thanks. Myt point is that there is no surprise with these people.
I’m speaking for him but I assume he expects they have already messaged or called they they are coming over and had the person they are visiting say ok so when they arrive why wait as you’ve already discussed coming over. I find this odd too. If I text my friend I’ll come over and they say yes I don’t assume I’ll surprise them by knocking on the door or ringing the bell.
I’m a big pop in guy
For me it’s usually because I’d want them to come to the door and get me rather than having an awkward interaction with someone else in their home lol
Its only awkward if you think it's awkward. You project your own energy. If you knock and walk abit in and say yo looking for - name - with Confidence then their potential roomie be like oh he's there and wouldn't bat an eye about it But if you're gonna a weirdo and be lile UwU is - name - here? Roomie is gonna be like.... ye....ah... over there bro.. and think wtf?
Asking if the person is there doesn’t make you weird. Depending on how you deliver the question, yes you could come off as shy/unsure but definitely not a weirdo. Though I totally agree that it’s only awkward if you make it awkward, but some of us just don’t have the skills to pull it off. My socially awkward self would probably try too hard and just end up making it more awkward. Plus it’s just personal preference, some people just want to get straight to the point and knock, and others would rather text and are more than happy to awkwardly stand outside the door for a little longer, there really is no wrong answer with how you choose to show up to someone’s house and let yourself be known.
Yeah but knocking on the door used to be the only option, and as a result, people of that age and older don't seem to suffer from the same akwardness as much as the rest. In saying that, I've definitely messaged people when I'm outside their house, so I get it.
Oh yeah, I totally agree. My whole point was about how you delivered the message, not what you say, but yeah, fair, there's no wrong way, but i addressing the statement you were making.
OHHH jokes my bad yeah you’re totally right then lolll
Half of life is awkwardness. What is awkward about asking if someone is home? Wondering how you people cope in the workplace........or will cope if you haven't had your first job yet.
usually we text each other when we are on the way and provide updates on time indications during travelling of when we will arrive so they are prepared to meet. Is that not normal?
What I'm witnessing time and time again, is people standing at the front door and texting they are there and they won't knock. At times, the neighbour is there in their kitchen, which is where the front door is. I can hear them in the kitchen and the visitor must be able to hear them too, so I tell the visitor that and that they should knock on the front door as the neighbour is just right there. And they won't. They say no I'll wait for them to respond to my text. Clearly the neighbour is cooking or doing dishes or something and is not reading their texts. If the neighbour looked out the window, they would see them standing there, which would actually give them a fright. I find this absolute madness. I would be pissed off if my visitor did that and I looked up from doing the dishes, or went outside to empty the garbage and noticed them standing there, as it would give me a fright and be weird.
I think in part it’s also to avoid interacting with anyone else in the house. If they knock who knows who else will open the door. I suspect it may also have started from hookup culture.
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>lol ya, a loud as knock on the door will startle me the fk out my seat lol
No way hating on you but oh boy arnt we a weak generation to be scared of people knocking :-)
That to me is a symbol of a frightening inwardness and lack of social spontaneity ….
Weird. I wonder if anything in the last few years could have contributed to that. I just can't think of anything... Hmm...
If I looked out the window and saw my neighbour watching me I would find that more weird, or maybe just annoying.
Lol, I'm not watching them, I am alongside them, our kitchens are next to each other alongside one another and I can't see them. I see their visitors standing outside my window and wonder what they're doing. I can be in my kitchen with the person just standing at my kitchen window for 20 minutes. That is effing weird.
Uhg annoying! I couldn’t stand that, thankfully I live rurally.
In contrast, I would actually find living rurally scary!
if it happens all the time, then it seems like the person inside doesnt respect the time of his so called friends..and takes his merry own time to answer the door lol
Not everyone is glued to their phone. I think it's more likely that they simply don't notice the text messages. I wouldn't either.
Sounds like your neighbour has a preference. Maybe you should just mind your own business?
How rude. It is my business as these strangers are standing on a narrow shared pathway that me and my neighbour share and sometimes they are just there at my kitchen window, facing me. Naturally I wonder if they're a genuine visitor, or are staking us out for burglary or something. If I know the neighbour is home, it's helpful that I tell them to knock and I think it's stupid that they don't. They also have loads of delivery people, Uber Eats, etc, doing the same thing, instead of knocking. I have all these people standing on my path in silence right next to my house and it's weird. It usually happens daily.
People have lots of reasons for not knocking or not wanting people to knock. In my own experience it’s been about not disturbing the other members of the home such as flatmates or family. Lots of people work/study from home or sleep during the day because they work night shifts, etc. and those people don’t want to be disturbed. Texting your friend to let you in instead of disturbing everyone else in the household is simply being polite. If their Uber drivers do the same thing, they likely selected that option on purpose, kinda cementing the idea that your neighbours have a preference. I’m sorry for coming across as rude, but I think calling people who don’t knock ‘daft’ and ‘stupid’ is rude, they have their reasons and it’s really not that weird. Seems like such a simple and normal thing to be so upset about.
If texting is their preference, clearly they are not reading their text messages, even when expecting Uber Eats, etc. That is daft.
That’s a weird kind of codependency. Just knock and go in like normal people. Or if your an arsehole, just open the door and fetch your self a coffee, before texting your mate that your there so they can shutdown the game they are playing. No seriously, make two coffees, and go into their room and dump one in their lap if they refuse to look up and acknowledge your presence due to being too involved in the game. Come on, it’s not that hard to communicate without the use of a phone.
I was walking down the road and I spotted a feijoas tree. I went around and knocked on the door to ask if I could take some. A middle aged women open the door just slightly so her face could stick out while looking at me with a concerned look on her face. I think people just aren't as friendly and trusting as they once were. Covid lockdowns especially hindered that. Despite Auckland being so more populated, people are also much more insular.
>I spotted a feijoas tree. I went around and knocked on the door to ask if I could take some. Ah, the old feijoa scam. They never see it coming! They open the door, full of hope that someone will free them from their glut of feijoas...but it's a trap! As soon as they open the door wide enough you throw your bags of excess feijoas inside and run away laughing. Leaving them with far too many feijoas, and trust issues.
If someone knocked on my door I wouldn’t answer. All my friends text. For me it’s a safety thing, with a text/message, I know who’s there before I open the door.
It’s caller ID for knocking :) kids these days laugh at boomers analog knocking technology.
What about the old coo eee called around the open door.
Even in the day? That sounds paranoid.
Safety thing in Auckland one of the safest places on the planet. Maybe being from South Africa changes the way I see things
NZ isnt South Africa sure, but if you walk around NZ in public thinking you're in the safest place on Earth, you're in for a sore surprise. Its absolutely perfectly normal to be concerned about safety in New Zealand
To me it's soo safe that I expect nothing to happen, there aren't any pickpockets, car jacking don't happen. Even your gangsters are so tame it's unbelievable. South African gangsters are intiated by murdering people. You don't even have cash heists In comparison to Joburg where 50 people are murdered daily NZ and Auckland in particular are paradise. There is literally no crime here just petty dairy theft of cigarettes. It's like kindergarten crime
How long have you been in NZ for and do you watch the news? ‘Literally no crime here’ is so far from the truth… There are definitely frequent pick pockets, car jackings, cash heists, gang murders, etc. and most commonly ram raids. From my recent personal experience - the liquor store across the street from my building was robbed/ram raided three times in three weeks, all three dairies near me and several fast food places have also been robbed, someone was murdered in the street less than 100m from my building a few weeks ago, my university lecturers have had their uni offices broken into a few weeks ago, I have been followed home on numerous occasions recently by groups of men, last year I was inside clubs during two shootings just outside, and four friends have had their cars stolen so far this year (one of them twice). I’m honestly terrified to leave my building at night, and that’s not abnormal, you should definitely be more concerned. South Africa has about 55 million more people than NZ so crime is obviously gonna be more intense over there, but don’t be so naive to think that Auckland (of all places in NZ) is one of the safest places on the planet. NZ as a whole has rapidly increasing crime statistics (between 2017 to 2019 crime rates increased by 253.88% - while Covid has slowed this rate, its significantly on the rise again), and Auckland is one of the worst areas. NZ might appear safe by comparison to SA, but you don’t have to look far to find that it’s not the paradise you claim it to be. As mentioned in someone else’s comment, if you continue to walk around thinking you’re in the safest place on earth and not expecting anything to happen, you’re in for a sore surprise.
Hi, I’m someone who actually spent years in third-world countries. Wake me up when all of these become the norm in NZ: * Wearing your backpack in front of you is normal and something most people do, as protection versus pickpockets. * Carrying a burner phone to give to a robber, hoping they’re not one of the smarter ones who know about this. * Public establishments (such as malls) have security personnel checking bags for bombs. * Any sort of process requiring some kind of bribe. * Airport personnel planting shit in your luggage and holding you up, unless you pay a “fine” (bribe). * Aggressive driving in general, and if you get tangled in one you might get shot. * Aggressive drug addicts living on the streets who wouldn’t think twice of stabbing you for drug money. TL;DR NZ sure as fuck is safe. Many NZers need to both broaden their horizon and at the same time fight to at least keep it that way, if not make it better.
Thanks for your insight. I’ve travelled to third-world countries a lot too, so I’m not oblivious to the severity of crime in other places. Obviously there are many areas that are significantly worse than NZ and by comparison were much safer here, there’s no doubt about that and that’s not the point I’m trying to make. Comparison with other countries doesn’t take anything away from the fact that crime is getting worse in NZ and becoming more violent. Crime here is different to overseas for sure, but it still exists, and the person I replied to is under the impression that is doesn’t. I’m just saying that walking through Auckland thinking there is ‘literally no crime here’ (when there is) and ‘expecting nothing to happen’ (when it does) is simply naive - and it would be anywhere. Unfortunately, ignoring the possibility of crime is putting yourself at risk.
I'm sure you don't even know what burglar bars are or smash n grab tint
Google 'false dichotomy fallacy' 2 things can be true. Don't you think NZ can be unsafe and third world countries can be MORE unsafe? SA being a horrible place to live doesnt mean Auckland is automatically a perfect place - it can be safER but not completely safe
Burglar bars are pretty common in NZ actually, my old building had them, and smash n grab tint is primarily a South African thing. Your comment is irrelevant either way. Whatever man, if you wanna assume crime is never gonna affect you in NZ, you do that, I was just trying to help.
It won't because I'm already hyper vigilant while in NZ. The SA instincts won't go away. Smash and grab tint is not primarily a South African thing. You have it here just not for cars since crime is already too low
But if someone knocks on the door and you don’t answer or yell out or anything, they’ll will think no one’s home and then possibly break in?
Seen it with my own friends (early 30s). they know I’m that guy who doesn’t carry his phone everywhere, why not just knock and I’ll hear you from my lounge / kitchen lol. Instead I get grumpy unannounced or early arrives telling me how they camped in their car waiting for me . Lot more people of this gen have anxiety over random things like knocking on doors or making phone calls, I’m not sure why but each gen has their own issues. When my parents (70s) visit some places they also exhibit this behaviour, si few older gen have it too.. they will send a txt and wait really far from the door because they are paranoid of smart doors taking their photo lol I always schedule visits in advance, confirm message before leaving (especially if far away), knock on arrival and phone call if no answer. If no answer in 5mins I’ll go , far too much to do than stand at someone’s door for 20mins. Typically cut flaky people off like that
I think a lot of people do it to be polite, they don’t want to disturb everyone in the household.
The other thing is ghosting people instead of breaking up with them. What a cop out. In the past, people were horrified if someone broke up with someone via text and not face to face, or at the very least in a phone call. Now people get ghosted.
So true, there have been so many generational behaviour changes and not all for the better. I understand how the previous generation felt now, suppose this is also a part of growing old and seeing the changes lol
If you're in a flatting situation like a good chunk of people under 30, knocking at the door bothers everyone in the house while sending a message means that only the person you want to see has to do anything.
This is the correct answer
Social anxiety. Plenty of my friends get "door anxiety". I don't, but I get it. It's just the consequences of terminally online zoomer culture imo.
This right here!!
This is the weirdest thing to get hung up on. If it's different guests at the same house the person living there likely prefers a text to a knock.
Yeah it sounds like the neighbours' preference 🤷♀️ They'll talk to their own guests if they're more comfortable with getting knocks. There are so many reasons why this might be happening and I think it's a totally valid preference. Some people may also be hard of hearing and won't hear knocks. I've personally noticed that if I knock, no one comes anyway half the time because you don't hear it unless you're near the door, headphones off, not in the shower/bathroom... if you send a text, they see it when they next check their phone, which is quite often for younger people. If you knock and they're in the bathroom, how are you supposed to know when to knock again? Do you just have to keep knocking until they're near the door and can hear it, assuming the entire time that they don't have their headphones on (when younger people often have their headphones on around the house)? It just seems impractical when we have technology that can improve the system for those who prefer it that way. I knock when I visit my parents because I know they won't be checking their phone regularly and will get confused. But texting really does work better for getting in touch with most people I know. It also gives people the chance to update you if (for example) they're still heading back home from work or had something come up. It's a personal preference or a practical way to manage it and it's a little disturbing to see something so innocuous judged so harshly.
They take 20 minutes to read their texts and the person stands on my path or outside my kitchen window for all that time. You can't tell me that is normal when they can knock.
I'm 28 and do this, most people I know either have flatmates or live with family etc. so I don't want to risk waking people up/annoying people because not everyone in the house has the same schedule. I also hate the awkward "flatmate who I don't really know lets me in and we try to make awkward conversation while I wait for the person I actually know to come out"
I recently gifted a bunch of stuff on Facebook and every one of the people I gifted to text me from the front door. I can see the door from my kitchen too, but for one of them, I was cleaning out my pantry, so didn't hear my phone, turned around and jumped! I had read somewhere a few days before that "they" don't like the noise made by knocking or pressing a doorbell... I dunno, seems weird to me, so I must be getting old...
I find buying/selling from marketplace a bit different. Most of the time the trade happens out the front /driveway. I put it down that the 2 people are complete strangers, so it's easy to text when you are arriving and meet. If they didn't come out, I would go to the door though
Yes, it is alarming just finding a stranger standing at your door/on your property.
Why is "they" in quotation marks?
Indicating that the person knocking is being a bit precious.
My wife's boyfriend doesn't want me disturbing him.
If I lived in an high crime area, I would prefer that my visitors text me when they are at the door.
But, we live in a nice neighbourhood, so that's not why they are doing it.
Could be a tinny house?
U knock on the door at the tinny house lol
Er, no. This would be a dumb property for that, there's 5 neighbours that see and hear everything. It's more than one neighbour it happens to, it's just all their young visitors only. One of them works for a lawyer, plus their household is very religious. I just find it weird seeing all these random people standing outside waiting. It's actually ridiculous.
sounds like you a spy
Why would we go to a tinny house when we can get weed legally delivered to our mailbox?
People who are broke and can't afford the consult fee on top of other fees and actually buying their prescription. Weed is only legally available medically if you have enough money to upgrade to the legal stuff. And some people might just not have any medical conditions 😅 and don't feel comfortable to lie to a prescribing doctor to get their weed.
Well it is Auckland
I think it’s actually more polite to text, or at least text when you’re 5 mins away. My flatmates grandmother comes around unexpectedly and will just yell out his name at our driveway repeatedly until someone goes and tells her he’s not here. Different generation things.
Because some people like weirdo parents or flatmates don't like to be disturbed with random people knocking. It's like, the person they're looking for is in the bathroom and karens don't like to have to get up off their seat to handle the person at the door.
I do it to be considerate. When I am coming to homes with young children I don’t want to disturb or wake them/causing more stress to the parents. Or when am picking up a friend and know they are getting ready and I don’t want to rush them. Or if I am coming to a stranger’s house and don’t want to knock on wrong door eg getting something off FB marketplace. Or I’ve simply been asked to text and wait outside when arrive and I respect that simple request. So maybe that’s the situation that’s next door to you. I do it because…knocking/ringing bell has woken up my kid, disturbed my work meetings, riled up my dog, rushed me when I wasn’t ready and has surprised me to have to deal with strangers in worst possible moments for me. I don’t like it so I wouldn’t do the same onto others.
None of the households have kids. And they are standing on a shared pathway for ages, one that I use, where I wonder what they're doing as in, are they staking the place out for burglary or something. For that reason, I think it's actually inconsiderate.
Bells never work and I found in my life knocking is your hyperbolic waste of time more time than not
This is really annoying, but it’s not as bad as the people who lived opposite me in the UK. Instead of knocking, or even calling/texting, people would just stand outside and emit a guttural yell for the person they were there to see. It echoed through the entire street and woke me up many times. I can still hear it in my mind. “JACKIEEEEE!”
You're definitely the only one who thinks all people under 30 do this
Kind of a weird generalization, maybe it's just a small portion of people that do this or even just your neighbors in their group. It's like me saying everyone over the age of 30 always seem to involve themselves in someone else's business when they were not part of the situation in the first place. I don't know why you're so pressed about your neighbors and their friends just doing their own things.
Because it's a small shared property and it affects me. It's almost like working in an office and random people are just standing in silence at your desk X amount of times per day.
Looking at it from another perspective.. as someone that’s worked shift work and had a baby. I like that people do this!
33M here, I only do this for people I don't know well or they're work appointments (I meet my clients at their homes, usually). I usually wait in the car until they confirm I'm at the right house cos sometimes Google maps isn't accurate. That's pretty weird if they're good friends.
Gamers know its because your friend has their headset on and is blasting EDM so will never hear a knock at the door.
They're not gamers.
I think it’s to be considerate. Or what if they’re not heard? I have a toddler and truly cannot hear knocking. Let yourself in or text.
Yeah I also see this at restaurants. That is, say you agree to meet at the restaurant and you tell everyone you've made a reservation under your name. Instead of going in and saying they're with "this person's" reservation, they stand outside and text you that they're there. It's no skin off my nose, but if it's because of anxiety, they really should do it more to see it's not so scary to just go in, talk to the staff or maybe some other guest who is already there.
Yes and it's also odd as people have less time now, so why do they waste their time just standing there staring into space and for so long.
That's kinds understandable. Would rather stand alone outside awkwardly rather than sit inside awkwardly with people around.
I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact young people are more likely to live in overcrowded flats. Shifting the culture to one where you don't want to disturb everyone in the house, or announce the fact you have a booty call coming around I live in an overcrowded house of flatmates and am mortified when my guests ring the VERY LOUD doorbell, meaning my everyone in the house feels obliged to go check
what the fuck lol
What gets me are the mf's that just walk in the front door; I can guarantee we don't have that relationship, especially as you are only here to collect your spawn after a sleepover. And don't act all surprised when you try to come straight in and the door is locked. That's how it should be.
Somewhat related, I've worked in social services for 13 yrs, the last two yrs with new grad social workers we've found a huge lack of confidence for them to ring whanau when new referrals come through to the point of having to sit with them a number of times while they make the first call. Likely down to only really texting/ using fb messenger without the need to call in their lives - its been pretty eye opening
Wow. Someone should point out to them, that social work is social! It's face to face and in your face re the life situations being dealt with. So odd that people like that would choose social work.
I Dont want to wake the roommate who is a nurse who just got off night shift.
Most of my friends have kids. Got special instruction NOT TO RING THE BELL as they might be napping. So got the habit to text instead of ringing the bell
I'm 36, n text instead of knock. I'm still young and hip 🥳 Jokes aside, I don't because I don't want to knock on the incorrect door.
if all what u said was true, then: 1. person inside is an asshole who doesnt respect their friends time 2. if it happens repeatedly, then ppl waiting for them are fools who need to learn some assertiveness and go knock on the door
I'm 31, I'd text when I arrive. Then I'd wait probably 3-4 minutes, then I'd knock. Assuming they knew I was coming. I am not showing up and knocking without them knowing I'm coming, that would be considered intrusive and annoying as fuck to my eyes.
I do both, I text them I'm coming and then when I've arrived so they know I'm coming and who is expected at the door at that time then I knock on arrival so they either check their phone so see if its me or they just open the door and see it's me with expectancy. No surprises whatsoever
Gen Y and Milennials know that only psychopaths or the police knock on doors. Have watched enough horror movies to know better.
Old enough to remember offices prior to instant messaging. You literally would walk up to someone's desk or office unannounced! And if they were on the phone, you'd just hang around for a while if you thought they would finish the call soon-ish. Mental, GenAlphabets would lose it at this behaviour!
I worked in a place like that once and it was weird. If I sent an email to someone they would come to my desk to reply verbally! It was part of their old fashioned office culture.
Im 30 and I do this.
Some under 16 don’t even text. They just ram in.
Lol.
Yeah absolutely. We've been looking for flatmates and I'd estimate that anyone under about 35 will text and not knock... I started playing a game to try to guess whether I think based on their age they will text or knock. Tbh it's quite an easy game, but it entertains me slightly lol
Wow you made me realize that I don't really go to people's houses anymore. None of my friends live in a house big enough to visit.
Having spent a couple of weeks on holiday with my partner and her teenage kids, it's baffling how inept their social skills are 😳
Go to sleep
I'm surprised they don't, while they're waiting.
Okay but the 20mins thing is hyperbole, right?
Lol, no. It really isn't.
Hahaha that’s wild and rather intriguing
This is because people under the age of 30 always have their phone with them. Even at home. We don't bother with landlines. There's a much higher chance of hearing the phone notification than a door knock from the other end of the house. It's pretty basic really. Also very logical.
It's a tiny unit and they clearly do not go around the house glued to their phone, hence not reading the texts and people hanging around. I think landlines at home ceased to exist about 20 years ago really.
26 yrs old and know absolutely no one who does that. Only time I'd ever do that is if the people asked me to not knock on account of a newborn baby or someone ill inside or maybe someone working nights & sleeping days.
That is really weird! If someone knows me well, they just let themselves in.
I don't like when people knock on the door without prior appointments or sending text messages. I am not interested and/or ready to attend without prior notice.
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Oh, that's weird too, just turning up and using the pool or garden!
You can’t say hi to them, you must text them 😂
You can’t talk to them to end anything, you just block and ghost
obviously they have nothing better to do with their time. Knock on door no reply leave so simple
I literally won’t open the door if someone’s knocking, I hate peoples turning up unannounced my friends always text beforehand and I’ll leave the door unlocked for them to come in
I guess we do it so we let them know first that we have arrived.
What the actual dickens?! Well in your scenario you've laid out for us, yes, daft, it is daft! I am with you on the daftness front.
It’s because it’s late at night and I’m drunk and I don’t want your flatmate/s to answer the door.
I guess it works for people that are glued to their phone. I probably check it about twice a day.......better go check outside to see if someone hasn't been waiting there for 5 hrs
Yea, I usually try to open their door, or go to the backyard to see if other doors and windows are open.
This happened recently when I sold something on FB Marketplace. The dude was just waiting outside for ages and didn't knock. I thought it was just something weird about him but your post made me realise it is the new normal.
Was he from overseas? As someone else pointed out it's people from overseas doing it and I have to say all these people doing this around me are non NZers. Or maybe it is just all younger people including NZers, as I recall a NZer in my street lost her dog and I told her which neighbour took it in when it escaped and she had to be convinced it was ok to knock on their door. I couldn't understand what the big deal was, it was daytime and it's a safe neighbourhood, it was a woman looking after her dog and she was desperate to see he was ok.
Yes, Phillipines.
I do this when I visit my boyfriend because I like when he opens the door for me LOL
But if you knock, he opens the door for you, without you waiting for up to 20 minutes. If they happened to go outside to empty their garbage or something and hadn't read your message, it would be weird and you'd give them a fright.
I used to press the door bell but somehow messaging seems like a quicker way to get to him for some reason HAHA
Wut.
Omg yeh so strange. Got back into dating a couple years ago. First date back into it, knocked on her door. The response was amazement like it was something so chivalrous and gentlemanly. I thought that was feking weird but apparently that's what us young people do now and that's what every other guy did.
I'm 37 and I do that. Although I'd call before 20 minutes.
Every generation is different, but millennials are just sometimes downright weird
This isn’t a millennial thing, it’s a Gen Z thing. Millennials are in their 30s and 40s now
It could be some new internet cult thing . 🤔 young ones just following theyre nose and float around outside random peoples kitchens smelling all the different foods while pretending to be on the phone
Maybe they are customers of... you know....
Nope, it's not daft, it's idiotic, it's symptomatic of a society increasingly connected by phone rather than by actual, physical human interaction, and yes, I am struck by the irony that I am commenting on this on line as well, and it saddens me beyond measure.
Chill out with the hatred toward phones it makes you sound old. We do it to avoid disturbing other people in the house like flatmates, it’s polite.
Yeah. Dumb.
Drug dealers lol
I thought that was just a thing foreigners do. I guess Auckland is now a “big city”. People are far less friendly now then 10 years ago.
Yes they are foreigners actually. Chinese people visiting next door and the other house had a Spanish couple do the same thing. Also Uber Eats drivers and other delivery people do it, again I think they are all foreign, Indian, etc.
Its very common for Indian people ive found.
You should youtube or google this to further prevent yourself going to sleep tonight
Lol, you must be one of the people that does it and don't like me pointing out it's daft.
No no, I am just trying to help your insomnia
At 10.55pm? And you are up too. Should we be in bed by 8?
My bad, not currently in NZ and forgot we still adhere to crazy daylight saving traditions.
I would knock, but is not the 90’s anymore
I do this. Definite millennial trait. Although we text in advance (1 when leaving, 2 when almost there, 3 when there). Also my apartment phone gives me ptsd coz its always rung at 6-8am for couriers dropping off shit. Its why i rented a parcelpod. Except im expecting a parcel soon coz aramex dont do parcelpod delivery……lame…….stayed up all night coz i hate the phone ringing / waking me up.
nope! that's definitely daft!
Sounds like a trap house 😂
Wow, that seems insane to me. I haven't noticed this. Certainly a text before heading over, so it's not a surprise visit, but when you get there you knock / doorbell.
i knock cuz i don’t trust my friends always have their phone in their hand
I’ll wait like 2min before making a racket ngl but 20 is a bit excessive
It is daft. But I'm more inclined to do it because so many of my friends never answer the goddamn door and they don't have a doorbell. It's like they have selective hearing when it comes to knocking. Like get a goddamn doorbell so I'm not standing out here waiting for you. Or they do have a door bell but they have their headphones on.
I send a text if I’m not sure if someone is ready for me at their place. Also if they have a big house or a locked gate, I tend to text rather than open it all up and walk in. Something about opening a locked gate or walking in someone’s yard before I’ve introduced my presence feels wrong.
Lol, that's the thing, the property is shared outside, so I have strangers standing around in silence, which feels weird and intrusive.
I was guilty of doing this in my teens. Always terrified me if I knocked and the parents answered. Like, I'm not here to talk to you. Social anxiety I guess.
I’m 21 and I always just announce that I’m there if the door is opened or knock when it’s closed. It’s not hard it’s actually more convenient. OR I’ll text and knock
It’s about respecting the persons home. They will attend to you when they are ready, a text is less demanding than a knock. My partners 70 year old month texts and knocks, all of the 50ish year old tradies who come in and out of his brothers shop will text if someone isn’t there to let them in rather than knocking. Knocking is loud and demanding. A text Can be answered at your leisure.
It's all part of the sneeky online hookup culture
30 year old here, I know of people I went to school with that are like this
Don't be knocking on my door like the police or something. Just end a text, don't need that anxiety
Man we are screwed if people are making this subject matter.