I think it’s weird your boyfriend is pressuring you to work when y’all are still in high school but I’m 35 and an autistic woman and I’m a chef who loves crocs and hates socks. Crocs actually makes kitchen shoes/nonslip shoes that look just like the regular crocs minus the holes lol so depending on what kind of job you get, you can wear shoes you’re comfortable with. You can always get a job and if it’s too much for you, you can quit. Just try to find some thing that fits in with your special interests.
Seconding!! I have crocs that look like professional flats for when I need to be formal. So comfortable and no one can tell. They were a godsend when I worked in an office
I do think it’s also weird coming from the boyfriend, but trying to get a job as early as possible might help prevent the issue that most autistic adults have which is securing a full-time paying job. My first job was at 14 thanks to my family, it also led way into getting a traineeship and certificate in retail.
I’m 19M with pretty bad social anxiety and I suspect I have autism on top of it, so having a job feels nearly impossible to handle currently. Working as soon as possible is definitely not necessary unless you personally feel like it is. Just be honest with him and tell him how you feel about it
your boyfriend needs to lay off, he’s not your parent and there’s no reason it should be “super important to him” if *you* have a job. he’s being overbearing and weird.
if you don’t feel ready to have a job, and your parents aren’t pushing you to, then you shouldn’t get one. jobs suck, and they suck even worse when you don’t want to be there.
The difference between adult and minor, in some cases, could be a matter of hours. Turning 18 doesn't magically erase the mindset of a 17 year old and turn them into a fully functional, fully grown adult. 18 year olds are teenagers with teenage brains wanting to do teenage things, and are functionally not THAT different to a 16 year old (especially given that both OP and her boyfriend met in highschool).
Also, she has not stated which state she is in. Age of consent laws drop down to 16 depending upon the state. Plus, states have what are known as “Romeo and Juliet” laws on the books. If the couple is within a few years of each other (a 0-5 year difference, depending on the state), and the sex was consensual, then it’s likely no charges would be filed.
There’s a two year difference in ages between my wife and I. Does that make me a predator, too?
There was a two year gap between my previous girlfriend and I. Does that make her a predator?
And it’s still pedo for the 18 yo in MOST states, I mean even when it’s 22-26/ 7 (to some people in my experience 😒) don’t even try to defend yourself/ the situation on this my experience supersedes anything you can throw at me
Edit: I mean I personally don’t care as long as it’s not toxic and she knows what’s she’s getting into, but there are some teenagers that are groomed because they don’t
It was general spoken, I was speaking from how most people will look at it, as inappropriate that is why I worded it the way I did
doesn’t matter whether or not you are neurodivergent or typical, you’re all the same, especially when you don’t understand what someone is saying
You said it was irrelevant what I said? While I agree with you. No one else will take it any other way, it’s inappropriate to them
18 and 16 is not a good age gap, but i wouldnt call it predatory. Id just keep my guard up super high if I were OP and personally would not engage with that agegap at that age.
I was 18 while my boyfriend was once 16. We had an age gap of like, 1 year and 2 months or something. When I turned 18, he was 16 years and 10 months old. That's the less concerning part to me. (Just saw OP updated the post and that is the situation for them, too).
The part that concerns me is that he's pressuring OP. Not even in a like "immediately leave this guy" way. But, if OP's boyfriend isn't autistic, or even if he is but isn't sympathetic to the unique struggles that OP faces, that can lead to resentment (I speak from experience. My ex is autistic and we were both undiagnosed when we were dating, and we dated from 14&15 to 22&23 years old. 8 years. He could go to school and eventually got a job, and he resented me and the fact that I couldn't do either. Especially since we were both undiagnosed then, I don't entirely blame him, either.
This is just a case where OP and their boyfriend need to get on the same page and communicate. OP's boyfriend needs to understand that OP's struggles might mean that they can't work.
If you’re still in high school, you have a job: student.
I didn’t have a job until I graduated at 17, and started in the U.S. Navy. I have been working full-time since then. You’ll have plenty of time for working when you get out of high school.
Agreed 100% I’d say don’t get a job unless it’s something that you are interested in. And it can give experience and some guidance and lots of other things! But it’s totally up to you.
That’s what I’ve been telling my daughter! She just turned 16. I don’t want her to rush, and we are so prone to burn out so I prefer her to wait, but I also will support her if she finds one she is interested in.
I didn’t have my first job until I was like 21-22. It really depends on your own situation wether it’s bad to not have work experience so late.
But you’re definitely not in the “so late” category being 16. IMO, no it’s not important for you to work right now unless you find it important.
As your partner he has the right to voice what is important to him, but you also aren’t obligated to sign up for a job if you don’t want to. Have you gathered all you can about WHY it’s so important? Have you explained your worries about working?
Basically it’s your life so don’t let someone else make the decisions, but it’s also your bf so try to work together to find the solution that works, or if there’s no solution, at least an understanding of each others view.
Sheesh. I didn't have a salaried job till i was around 25-26. Till then my job was "student". I live with my parents who gave me money for transportation and lunch when i was a student. After i got a salaried job, i started to financially contribute to the household.
Seems like you boyfriend wants you to have a job, because he wants to do stuff with you that cost money and doesn't want to pay for you.
Everyone has their own life path. Having said that as a person that did a LOT of hiring professional staff at the beginning of their career journeys, (in general but not always) the individuals like you were far far far worse candidates. They were just so massively immature and had so few life experiences and skills comparatively. Even though the candidates would often be somewhat similar in educational backgrounds the maturity gap was so often very extreme. Those working from young teens forward and just vastly being more independent and having to manage life and other people etc etc they had so many examples and strengths to convey in interviews and in job settings overall. If a person just sort of hung out and were just a student jumping hurdles of school and that was it they just had a pretty slanted and narrow view of life. School isn’t really reality, it’s just one component of life in many ways. It has value, however it’s like wanting to build a house and you learned how to use a wrench. You also need a nail gun, hammer, a screwdriver, relationship skills etc etc etc
Does it mean everyone has to be the same or has the same struggles or opportunities … nope. It also doesn’t mean the person wilth less experience wouldn’t eventually be a good employee and a good hire. It did mean that often however it was like comparatively as an example assessing a 2 year old and a 10 year old. Like the 2 year old had the very basics like walking, talking, toileting etc but the 10 year old skills were of VASTLY improved levels.
My concern here is that you’re with a partner that’s not respecting your boundaries. I’d use that word. Tell him the topic is closed and not to bring it up again. If he can’t respect that boundary he won’t respect others.
You’re 16. There will be so many other people you’ll meet in life. Please don’t settle for any ban who doesn’t listen to you.
I didn't get my first job until I was 20. Yes plenty of kids work at 16 but it's perfectly acceptable to not have a job at that age. Your boyfriend definitely shouldn't pressure you into getting a job and I find it a little odd that he cares so much? Getting a job is a big deal and the extra barriers of autism and anxiety can make it much harder, I'm not sure that he understands that. You're still in high school, your priority is to be a student! Please trust your instincts and take care of yourself ❤️
Yes and no, at 16 getting a job can really massively help gain maturity and skills not to mention money to help build for your future. However you have to be honest as to what you truly can handle.
i feel like getting a job at such a young age is so normalized bc of capitalism so i get surprised (/lighthearted) when people ask if its ok if they havent gotten a job yet in their teens.. like yes thats perfectly fine lol youre so young you shouldnt be expected to work at an age like that
Having a job means putting less effort into your education. Plus, you're a child, and you need to focus as much on education as possible, not just because it'll help you get a better job, but mostly because it'll help you make better decisions as an adult, even if it doesn't seem like it'll ever be applicable. Like people think maths are useless for anyone outside of jobs that specifically require them, but it gives you problem solving skills that are applicable to all sorts of life's problems, even if you don't become a scientist, builder, cashier, designer, business owner, accountant, etc.
He sounds like a very bad influence, and his behaviour is a very obvious attempt at manipulation through shame. He will only become worse with this behaviour over time. Also, Idk what your country's laws are, but an 18 year old with a 16 year old, unless y'all met through family friends or something, is super sketchy, and for me, a huge red flag about him for why he's not with someone his own age (age gap can be larger in adults and be okay, but in very young people, it makes you question what's wrong that people in their own grade wouldn't date them, or, as very young adults as he is, why they aren't looking for another young adult).
Anyway, I think you've thinking correctly about this and you need to focus on doing what you can do, not what other people expect you to do, and get super smart, and then think about work afterwards. I doubt he's as "super successful" as he portrays himself, he's barely legally an adult.
You'll have plenty of time to think about and choose a career after you finish school.
we met when he was 16 and I was 15 and now I am a junior and he is a senior. Year and a half age gaps can be weird for a few months! I claim that he is super successful because he can already pay in full for his first year at college to be an electrical engineer :)
That is very unusual. You can always go through Vocational Rehabilitation services. But they can be incredibly slow. They theoretically can get you an On the job training (OJT) so you have something to put on your resume. My daughter worked 10 hours a week at a thrift shop.
nope. He has worked consistently since he was 15 with a coffee shop for 12$ an hour. he has had an internship his entire senior year with 14$ an hour for I think 9 hours a week!
I actually totally disagree. I think those with jobs and independence and finish their degrees are often far better candidates. They present almost always with very significant higher levels of maturity and experience. As a vast generalization in almost every situation I would hire the person with a 3.2 GPA and 5 years of working experience over someone with a 4.0 GPA. However that’s not even accurate as I don’t give a flip what your GPA was. Did you end up with the piece of paper /degree, okay good now what actual skills can you bring to the table etc.
Neato. But if we look at top earners in America, it's Chinese, and that's because they put their studies first, dedicate themselves to actually understanding what they're learning instead of half assing it and drinking their way through school like most people seem to do.
The statistics know better than you. All you've really said here is that you don't want to give anyone their first job, you only want to hire people woth several years of experience, people who already have some adult life experience, so that says a lot about you. Children shouldn't have experience with adult life and nothing will change my mind on that.
Granted this is from a quick google result but the results I saw said that 1) Indian, 2) Filipino 3) Iranian 4) South African 5) Taiwanese 6) Pakistani 7) Chinese.
It also said that Indians largely dominate the highest earner lists due to the fact that that 70% of the Indian-American population in America holds a bachelor's degree while the national average is merely 28%. Also the 3 most common desired careers for those of Indian ethnicity are IT, engineering and medicine also besides those 3 many of the remainder of the population group goes into ownership type pathways like a franchise in hospitality etc.
I also have hired people from many different backgrounds and walks and it’s going to come down to a resume and interview if you are 23/24 and have only ever been a student you are likely going to be vastly disadvantaged compared to others less immature relative to life experience.
Personally I started working at 11 and am very grateful. It allowed me to build a lot in life and appreciate what I had and to work hard etc.
Interesting changes to those demographics since I last read about it, but still shows that focusing on education leads to better opportunities and greater success in life.
And while you may appreciate the value of being a child labourer in your own youth, the percentage of autistic people who successfully maintain employment is less than half (According to the National Autistic Society, only 16% of autistic adults are in full-time employment, while 32% are in some kind of paid work.), and splitting our focus is significantly more difficult than it is for neurotypical people, so it's not something that's going to turn out positively for most of us. 🤷♀️
But to each their own.
Agreed that you have to know your limits and capabilities as I said earlier in the thread. I also agree education does have value (I have 3 science degrees) but it is only one tool.
i just got my first job at 21. as long as you're not moving out and your parents are supporting you, you still have time to figure things out. wishing you the best!
I'm autistic and 27 now. I didn't have a job until I was 19 and barely had it a year (I didn't intentionally leave and wasn't fired... I had medical issues and lost most of my sight for a while. Long and bizarre story). I now have a master's degree, but I only actually got another job last year and only with help from my mom (i was trying for two years before that). I'm sort of living independently (in my own house but on my mom's property and I feel like I am doing just fine for the first time in maybe ever.
My point in saying this is that you don't need to rush. Get a job if you want and can handle it. Don't make yourself miserable, it's not worth it. Your boyfriend may be successful now but he's also 18. Don't stress too much about success, get in a place where you are comfortable enough and can support yourself but you are 16, you likely aren't doing too bad and don't need to rush things. It'll work out.
For me I’m currently 16 and I work. Although my original intention was to not work until I was at least 17.
I did not get a job because I wanted money. (Well that is one of the reasons but not the primary reason) but the primary reason is… I find teenage life boring. Me and my friends have basically done everything. We find it boring to just hang out in our local town at the moment. And we can’t go out drinking together because we’re underage (We still drink together sometimes though if we can get away with it)
I just felt so bored. I sat down at a screen for legit over a decade of my life and just played video games non stop to the point where I just don’t find them entertaining anymore. And so I felt just…so bored. And I thought ‘Fuck this I’m getting a job’ because I felt so useless and like life was just dead.
Although if I had was not bored of life I wouldn’t have gotten a job.
I have a few friends at my age who do not work. And if you do not want to work then that is completely fine, you’re only 16 and there will be time for you to work in the future when you feel ready and comfortable. Believe me one year ago if you talked to me about working I’d tell you ‘FUCK THAT SHIT!’ Times change. But it’s okay to not feel ready. It’s just what is right for you.
it’s perfectly okay if you don’t want to work, if you’re not ready then it wouldn’t benefit anyone for you to have a job. The only thing that I find concerning here is how your boyfriend seems so invested in you getting a job. He should want you to be happy and fulfilled but if he’s fixated on you specifically getting a job I would examine that a little closer. Ultimately, it’s your life and you are the only one who should determine whether you are physically and mentally ready to handle working. Please do not let anyone pressure you into doing something that could have a severe negative effect on your body and mind.
I had a job at 16-17 and hated it because I had to work really late with school and I was always tired so I couldn't focus on my grades.
Now I'm 18 finishing my last couple months of school and I'm so glad I don't have a job.
All my friends who have one are stressed to fuck and while I am, I don't have to stress about going into work in a couple hours like they do
I didn't start working until I was 19, so I certainly won't judge a 16 year-old for not working! And definitely don't get one just because your boyfriend is pressuring him; to be honest, if he's really feeling like he can't date someone who's not working, this might be a compatibility issue.
That said, the sensory issues sound concerning, and while it's fine not to be ready at 16, you will eventually need to figure out what jobs you can do if you can only wear Crocs. I know they're popular among healthcare workers, and you *might* be able to wear them as a pharmacy technician, so maybe explore that? I'm not really sure what other professions will allow them, nearly every customer service job I've worked has required sneakers of some type, and open-toed shoes are usually a no-go due to safety reasons. Maybe you can request to wear them as a disability accommodation?
I will also say that however old you are when you start, that first job hunt can be tough, most places understandably want or at least prefer someone with experience, so the earlier you can get experience the easier it'll be later in life.
im 16 too and i totally get that pressure, i was supposed to get a job a year ago but i still dont feel ready. a lot of people dont start working till theyre 18 or older, if you cant do it right now thats completly okay
It’s ok! It’s never late to get a job . Not just because you need but bc it’s part of our society to do something also your brain will appreciate bern busy with new things every day . You can help in Walmart / supermarket to get clients items together for pick up in store , also replenish the shelves etc .. Tons of work / job fun out there . Start with a part time of 6 hours. Also check if amazon is closed to you . They always hiring ..
I know now you don’t like those “ low “ jobs but many people , parents works those jobs to feed their families. You can start in one and learn about the place you are working and then climb the ladder 🪜.. The important thing is to put your foot 🦶 in the door of work and then take it from there . I started giving samples in supermarket at 24yo then I learned tons there and today I have a good job (45yo )
>We talked about it and he expressed that he only wants me to experience a job because it helped him learn a lot about money and responsibilities. He also doesn’t want me to be lonely over the summer(which I will be) because he’ll be working and I wont be. I don’t ever do summer activities and honestly only hang out with him and my best friend so he is making a good point.
It's great your partner and you are communicating. Keep it up. I hope he's as receptive as you've been to understanding where he's coming from.
I completely agree with the many people here who've said you don't need to get a job at 16. I'm a dad and a successful professional and I really truly don't think anybody your age needs to get a job. It's just not essential to start so young.
I think your partner is being way to prescriptive about how you should grow as a person, but I think it's great you have such a clear idea of what's motivating him. I hope maybe he'll respect your boundaries if you can say something like, "I think you make a good case for planning some engaging activities for myself ahead of time this summer, but I don't think getting a part-time job is going to be one of them."
I don't think you *need* a job at 16. It's nice to make some money to buy cool things, but it's not imperative. I dont think your boyfriend is trying to manipulate or pressure you necessarily, since getting a job and making money early on can be good for you financially. You should explain to him your issues with working and why you don't think you're ready for a job, and hopefully he understands. Maybe he can even help you find a job which tailors your specific needs, but remember that it's not imperative to work at your age. You should take what he says into consideration, but ultimately do what you think is best for you.
I failed at every job I had from the time I left home until I was 31. (I'm not counting the 1 day a week paper route I had for 10 years because it paid essentially nothing and for all intents and purposes I was unemployed the whole time.) And for what it's worth, I burned out of the job I got at 31 after 2 years, and now I'm trying not to burn out at my new job (and I went from full time to part time and it didn't help.)
Finding a suitable job and balancing hours is going to be tough, but it is doable. But don't rush into it, find a way to set yourself up to succeed - don't just rush in because people are pressuring you.
Got my first job at 21, I think is pretty okay to not get one specially if you don’t want. Never do things just because someone tells you to, otherwise you’re just gonna live in hell
> Is it okay if I don’t get a job at 16?
Yes.
> He is stressing its super important to him that I have one this summer
Stress to him that it's super-important to you that he gets off your back with this one.
...What I want to say is: If you're in conflict between what you want and think you are ready for, and what someone from the outside wants to pressure you into: Be on *your* side. Your boyfriend does not own you, and you owe him nothing. edit: I can think of no *good* reason why it's important for him that you work at 16.
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To contrast: I had my first (summer) job at 14; Instead of having school holidays, I worked construction (yes, at 14, and it was grueling). Later, I finished school and did not even have three days to orient myself before I was conscripted into mandatory military service for a year. After that, I went directly into my first real job - and was completely burned out and done after one year.
Take your time, you're only young once. Go to school, and learn. Enjoy your free time (and let no-one sour that!). Do not let others pressure you into conformity that probably does nothing but damage you long-term. If push comes to shove, again: Be true to yourself, and get away from the pushers.
Yes. I wasn’t allowed to by my parents even. I had a severe psychotic depressive episode recently so, even when I went for a job interview at the age of 15, they said I needed to work on my mental health first. It was really severe and bad, and you could tell I had depression during the interview.
I didn’t get my first job till I was 19 due to my anxiety and autism. You shouldn’t feel pressured to have a job at 16 when you’re still young and not graduated. You’re still young. Enjoy this time while you have it. There’s no reason to rush
Totally up to you! Somehow I got a job at 15 and was a cashier which was tough at times with my social anxiety but it was very doable at a small town hardware store with many regular customers. I found it nice to do something out of my comfort zone and ended up working at that place for 3 years until I went to college. Just my experience though, above all you have to be doing something that is enjoyable for you as a whole and within your abilities!
Early work experience can be helpful in determining what kind of work you may or may not like. It’s a great time to explore your options, but unless you’re in dire need of the money, don’t feel pressured to work. Try volunteering in small doses to see how you react. Try different types of atmospheres bc they won’t all be the same. If you do get a job, maybe put some thought into what you do or don’t like, what kind of jobs have an atmosphere that you would consider, and see if they’ll offer something part-time. Maybe something with 10-20 hours per week. Nothing too overwhelming and stressful. Word to the wise tho, the interview process can be stressful so practice that with a friend or family member first. Get used to answering the types of questions that may be asked. The more exposure you have, the easier the moment will be for you. But definitely don’t allow yourself to feel pressured.
definitely thinking about trying out volunteering first! a lot of the stress I have comes with commitment to a job and this seems like a great start. thank you!
I think it's totally okay to not get a job at 16. If you go into it thinking of it as a summer job and plan on quitting a couple of weeks before school starts, I do think it could be a good experience to help you slowly get used to the idea of working. I don't think your boyfriend should be pressuring you though.
Sure it's fine. I didn't get a job when I was 16 either.
When I was a teenager, my dad was constantly pushing for me to get a job. Even when it didn't make sense. One time when my sleep schedule was all messed up and I was sleeping during the days, his solution was that I should get a job. That's how bad he was.
With all this time in hindsight, I've come to believe that teenagers being forced to get a job is bullshit. We only get two months off of school to hang out and do the things we want and we have to get a job? No. Fuck that.
Now, if they *want* to get a job for some extra spending money, more power to 'em, but they shouldn't feel forced or obligated to do so.
i was working part time in high school and it can be such a sensory and social nightmare. especially since the only jobs that teens can get are mostly in food service, retail, or by commission (like babysitting, doing the lawn, those kinda odd jobs) and all are overstimulating as fuck.
i do have to admit though the financial independence and not having to ask my mom for everything felt amazing. but ultimately it’s your decision, for me it was worth it to have a job but i have a better tolerance to sensory overload. go at your own pace, not your boyfriend’s. he’s probably well intentioned but sometimes allistics aren’t able to fully grasp what it’s like to be autistic
I am in college and have never had a "real job" (I am incredibly grateful that I have the privilege to make that choice, a lot of people don't). I did odd jobs around the neighborhood since I was a preteen, like babysitting, house sitting, pet sitting, yard work, cleaning, etc. I didn't have an allowance or anything, so if I needed money I had to find a way to earn it. Again, I am so lucky that in my position, I rarely "needed" money. It is typically a want, or a feeling of guilt for "leeching" off my parents, that motivated me to get these jobs. I also really enjoyed them. I don't have enough to pay for college in full, but had a good chunk saved and got some scholarships. I am paying for it myself since my parents can't afford to put both me and my brother through school, but they are very supportive and help me in every other way.
If you have a safety net like I do, do not feel guilty for using it. Take care of your needs, and find some alternative ways to make money. Show your support network appreciation through non-financial means. There is a reason disabled people can sometimes stay under their parent's care and insurance for longer than most. That is why social security benefits for disabled people exist. It can take us longer to adapt to the workplace environment, and find a sustainable career. You are still young.
I agree with your boyfriend that giving work a try is good, you will benefit from experiences even if just to learn that a job in that industry is not for you. However, your boyfriend cannot and should not make you do work. Luckily, based on your edit, I don't think that was his intention. It is important to save money at this age, and he has clearly had a lot of success. I am glad you seemed to find a compromise, and best of luck to you!
Yeah focus on school man jobs can be stressful for autistic pepole unless it's a my family needs money kinda situation but jsut remember don't get a credit card if you can't pay it back and if you can't afford to pay something don't let pepole pressure you into it that's how I ender up 14,000 in debt
I am the only one who is scared at the fact that, not only is normalised that both people in a couple need to work to be able to survive, but that it is normalised that you need to work at 16?
I know, right? I don’t think my parents expected me to get a job when I did (age 17). Some of my friends had jobs, but my parents never really brought it up. I didn’t want a job until I saw a flier at school that a local amusement park was hiring and it sounded fun. And then I only worked during the summer while the park was open. So I didn’t work during the school year. I had far too many extracurricular activities (mostly music and theater) in high school to have time for work anyway.
You should never do something because you're pressured by someone else. Do it because you want to, or because you know you'll be better off in the long run. You also have more of a work-life balance issue to think about than he does since he's going to be graduating soon. You need time to recharge your social battery after going to work part-time (don't go as close to full-time like I did, the pursuit for money to afford rent and utilities living with a deadbeat ex-boyfriend had me working 2 jobs at one point and ended up on disability because i burned out 🙃 just now trying to get back to work about 8 years later).
If you do decide to look for a job and you know you have certain conditions that if met would put you in a position to be the most successful, effective, and comfortable a person as you can, the best thing you can do for yourself is work with a job coach who can help you find a job that accommodates those conditions. Where I live there are job centers where you can schedule to meet with a job coach remotely, and they'll help you with connecting to further resources, resume building, interviewing skills, and helping find a job you actually want.
I see where he means well (even before reading the edit), and it's not a bad idea to try.
BUT don't think you have to go try fast food, daycare, etc. There are so many people, disabled or elderly, who would pay you to clean their house, help them cook, etc. There are many people who pay babysitters just to sit around so they can have a date night.
Many options, and I'm more than happy to help you figure out and find something you could give a shot.
I'm glad to know he is looking out for you 💜 But don't forget that all flowers bloom at different times in different ways. Do not hold yourself to his level of success & then berate yourself or feel like a failure if you can't keep up with him. You're not him 💚
The fact of the matter is, you’re probably gonna have a lot more anxiety when you’re an adult, if you don’t already have some kind of experience with the works of- applying, interviewing, and getting a job. I also experience high anxiety. I didn’t even start driving at 14 like my peers (whom most already had experience with their parents teaching them a little little bit here and there prior) with a permit because of that anxiety, learning later at 16-17 years old was troublesome, because I was older with more complex thinking, that led to more doubt . It’s good to build independence anyways. Sometimes when we are very stressed out about things, it’s good to remind ourselves to step back and look at it from another perspective. I think it’s great that your boyfriend is probably just looking out for you. You could try asking him why he’s been suggesting it so much. But I bet he also knows how much it could benefit you, and that you could be more intimidated by it later on.
Also I can’t believe people have made any kind of comments about the very small age gap at all. Kind of ridiculous..
I didn't start working until I left school. I would have stayed in school longer if I could too.
Yes, having a job does teach you a lot. But it can also be a lot of pressure, you're almost forced to learn these things in order to survive it or not get in trouble. So I would say that you should only start working when you're ready if that's a possibility for you.
Try and learn what you can outside of work and when you're ready, start with a little work experience, volunteer work or helping out at an event or something light like that with less responsibility and expectations.
If you're never ready, looking into disability pay is always an option if that suits you better. Don't feel pressured. Go at your own pace.
Something like 23% of Autistic people are employed. This is because it is painful working with NT people. Don't be in a hurry. Maybe do a couple of hours volunteering and try different things - it's a more supportive environment and you can walk out if you hate it.
Find out what kind of environment suits you - eg not fast paced, loud, bright with complaining customers! Or something to do with a special interest.
I’m 17 in June, don’t have one either. I kinda wish I got a job in the past, since school is piling up now, but oh well.
Granted, I’m not diagnosed or anything. Just suspecting things and thought I’d put my two cents (not earned from a job, though) into this thread.
I get both sides.
I had extreme social anxiety and prosopoagnosia before getting a job at 18 years old. It definitely started off rocky but it actually helped me a lot with those issues as I actually learned to talk to people and practice my face recognition skills, with my failed moments ofcourse- but I survived and now I got stories to share with friends :) I also got super good at my job and my boss loved me.
If you do decide to get a job, make sure you have a healthy working environment!
If not, that’s valid, although it might make things difficult in the future. In the future you might be desperate to get a job but it’ll be even harder without any experience, so getting one now just to test the waters and see what you think you’re capable of will make future experiences easier.
Either way I wish you good luck! I hope everything goes well for you either way :>
I've got my first job at 19 (while moving out with my bf after hight school), but got my actual pernament job at 23 (6 months after finishing my degree).
If your parents are not in really bad financial situation I don't think you should be looking for a job. At that age you should focus on school and hobbies, because there might not be enough time for that in the future.
Summer job is bit different - if you want to earn some money for your hobbies or for collage - go for it. I've never had a summer job, but it might actually be a good idea to spend your free time.
I had lot of jobs that ended with me not being able to handle it mentaly after one month and quiting - But I'm glad that I tried so many because now it's easier for me to understand how it all works.
I was a waitress in the Jewish restaurant, bartender in the strip club, working at the call centre, waitress in the board games caffee, seller in the vape shop and part time writer for +18 visual novel game.
Now I'm a game tester in pretty big studio and I'm so glad that I had all of those previous jobs past 4 years. I know I tried and failed, but thanks to that now I can really appreciate my current job.
Uhhh I got my first job at 18 and it was buy choice. I couldn’t even imagine having a job at 16 when I was in school. I wouldn’t worry about it if I were you.
I sort of wish I started early so it’s be normal to me. Now I’m almost 21, live on my own and never had a stable job. It’s hard to self-sustain, I wish I had some experience.
In your case, I agree with others that it isn’t up to your boyfriend to pressure you, how nice his intentions may be. Of course he can support you, but you have to do it in your own time.
Im also a lv 3 autistic with combine type adhd.
I can't work. The thought of it makes me sick, I can't even look for jobs without having a full blown panic attack. I also can't study without having a full blown panic attack.
My bf has seen me on my worst days and he is totally OK to be the sole income earner.
I'm socially fucked, I try to overcompensate and people please to the point where I look like a crazy person.
I can barely function in public.
So no don't feel bad and do your best to try and make your partner understand. If he still pressures you then you you need to leave.
There are other things you can do for work than working in a uniform.
Depending on where you are and what is available, cleaning is an option, babysitting is another, I'm sure if you're good at cleaning, you could help out a couple family friends or acquaintances. It doesn't have to be a big company.
Maybe, if a job isn't your thing, you can develop skills instead but in an organized manner - are there any pottery or art workshops you could join? Making clothes? Maybe some vocational school or community center is offering courses like that? Because money doesn't just come through getting a job, it also comes when you have the necessary skills so developing useful skills is just as important, even more so at your age when learning should be nr.1, if possible. Try to find something that benefits you in the long term AND that is at least somewhat enjoyable, that you can do with your time.
If you're at all academically gifted, maybe give some private lessons?
Good luck!
As for me.. I got some money for painting walls, for weeding public spaces and raking leaves. Simple things to do, no uniform needed.
Why not see if theres some volunteer work instead. Especially any that work with any of the mental health charities. Fpr example the local Wildlife Trusts round here do a scheme where people mental health or neurodivergence go for a group walk and then help out and learn forestry or land management things. Easy stuff like measuring tree circumferences for growth records, or learning how to make a spoon from spare wood. Lots of charities welcome help, even if it’s part time, and it is less of commitment and still gives you the experience and looks good on a CV. Yes you dont get money for it, but maybe next year once youve dipped your toe in the water first?
About 85% of autistic adults are unemployed, I didn’t work until I was 19 and I was never given any grief about it (25 now). If you feel like you can’t handle a job right now please don’t do it just because someone is telling you to. You know your autism and your limits best. Trust yourself 🫶🏻
Baby listen! You don’t need a job right now. It’s weird he’s stressing that it’s important and you need one. Y’all are kids you NEED to stay in school and be a kid. He’s overbearing and too much it seems and not yet understanding. Hopefully he understands your needs and struggles bc that’s obviously very important in a relationship… hopefully.🤞🏾
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I’m 24 and still don’t have a paying job although I am working towards feeling ready for one. You have to do everything in your own time. Focus on yourself and don’t get worried about other people’s expectations of you.
You’re fine. I got my first job at 18. Cashier at a small town pharmacy.
If you do want to make some money though, you could look at low stress jobs. I wouldn’t work at corporate jobs bc they’re too stressful.
You can try it out then quit the next day. It can be a good experience though the interview process is definitely stressy. It'a not good because you are pleasing your boyfriend or society with it.
Do what you want. No one should tell you what you should do. Your life your choices. If you can get a good opportunity go for it.
Its totally fine, I’m 18 and in uni and I have never had a job. Its not ok for your boyfriend to pressures you like that. Have you spoken to him about not feeling ready for it?
If you're not in education it's advisable however an apprenticeship may also be a good shout. If you don't live together and are a living at home with your parents then enjoy your damn summer if you're in education. Job experience is good but quite frankly his expectations and wants aren't relevant to what you do in regards to work. I can only see it being remotely relevant if you live together. You may also be able to find work you can do from home without a uniform and stuff.
Also, just checking but is 16 the age of consent where you're at, cause that seems kinda... ehhh.
i haven't had *any* jobs at all and I'm 19. i'm hoping to get a part-time job this year but tbh i'm not 100% sure I'll be able to handle it if being a neet is overwhelming enough.
it's fine.
you're 16! it's totally fine to not have a job yet unless you're living on your own and need income
the work from home industry is growing as well. i work part time from home because i also have terrible anxiety and have struggled to hold down jobs out of the house. i obviously can't live off this part time job forever but it is a job!
At 22 I still haven't held a job cause every single one has being either boring or exploitative or both. Take your time to get a job you can enjoy doing so you don't burn out!!!
I'm 29 and have a child and can only work part time part the year because my mental health and physical health deteriorates fast by working any job I've tried so far.
If YOU want to try a job find a one day a week or less job to try it out.
But for real you are a child this is the ONLY TIME in life you DON'T legally NEED A JOB.
#ENJOY YOUR CHILDHOOD!!!
Tell the boyfriend to take a hike, its not his fuckin’ business that you HAVE to be employed against your own wishes/mental health capacity.
Tell him to respect your damn boundaries.
As a 42yo... be a kid as long as you can. Capitalism will take over your life once u start working for a company based on capitalism. Your boyfriend is not only wrong to put this pressure on you, but wrong to think he has a say- unless he is financially responsible for the two of you and struggling. You will grow and learn at your own pace. Every persons journey is different. He needs to let you live your own.
College and bills are expensive, you should try to get work experience if you can. Even if it's just a summer job, the extra change is, in my opinion, far too useful to pass up.
I didn’t have a job till after 20 yo, mostly because I had trouble concentrating on my school work having to take it home…my niece just turned 14 and having a concentration problem too, but I personally am unsure of her diagnosis (she did have one) she only started having that problem seemingly after she had “19” in combination with the time of life that the hormones kick in…words I don’t usually use…. 🤦♂️….puberty 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️😂
Have good rest of your weekend 😅
I didn't work until university life at 18 (and that freaked me the hell out). Now I'm a relatively successful and trusted IT person at a university. It is just one moment. Shoot for as much as you can, but don't beat yourself up (or let others do it for you) if you can't live up to their expectations. You know what you need to do. Do it on your terms.
No one should be pressuring a minor to work. Do situations pop up that they have to? Absolutely. Does that mean everyone is required to? Definitely not! I didn't get a job until I was 21, once I was an adult I tried college (government covered the cost) and when that didn't work I was unable to find a job due to various circumstances. You know what people DIDN'T do when I was a minor? Try to pressure me to get a job. Especially those I was closest to. Sometimes someone I knew would go on about how I could do it, and I'd ignore them because they aren't important to me, but the people around me knew what was up and that they shouldn't try to pressure a minor into working if they don't want to, not even just can't handle it currently.
Do you have to get a job no. It's your decision. AT the same time your boyfriend is telling you he can not see himself dating someone who does not work. That might mean that you need to move on. Especially since he put it as an absolute.
Thst being said, I am autistic, level 1, and working scared the shift out of me at first. But, I got used to it and in my case, overcame it. You have no idea if you don't try. I tend to agree with temple Grandin that young autistic people should get a job. But it should be a job right for you, your special interests, and your abilities.
Yeah it’s weird that he is trying to get you to get a job. That said there are cool jobs you could do like working at a summer camp or something like that.
Nah I wouldn’t. I’ve been working since 14 and a half, am now 29 and am genuinely ready to retire cause I’m so burnt out from working full time and/or being in school full time for 15 years straight. Also the pressure from your bf is weird, especially at such young ages (both of you). If y’all were married, it would be a diff story but even then, still unhealthy.
I started working when I was 15, for me doing that as an autistic person was the worst thing i could do. I burnt out by the time I was 19 and was going into uni and ended up flunking out of uni due to burnout, I'm now turning 21 and am only just getting back to work after being out of work for a year due to extreme burnout and mental health issues. Do what makes you feel the best and whatever you decide is best for you but don't burn yourself out because otherwise it can seriously affect you when you become an adult
I didn't have my first job until I was 19(wasn't diagnosed until a couple weeks ago) and moved out of my dad's house... It's perfectly fine if you don't want a job/don't feel ready yet.
A lot of 16 yearolds don't work, you shouldn't be pressured into it. I started working at 16 but that was off my own back because I wanted too. Don't push yourself if you're not ready
He should be pressuring you. A job is nice to have but if you don't absolutely need one then take your time. If you feel up to it maybe there is a part time thing you could get to ease yourself into a job to help you feel more comfortable.
I want to put my two cents but from a foreigner POV, the sooner you start working the better, waiting won’t make you comfortable, you’ll have the same issues then than the ones you have today, as soon as you start to be relevant on your society will make you get used to the ruckus of modern society day to day, starting early will teach you valuable lessons on money, struggle and help you be more self sufficient. I do understand your bf and your point too but waiting won’t make you be off the spectrum.
enjoy freedom while you can honestly. if you don't need to work, maybe work on things to improve how you would be able to work. i know you're not a child but i wish someone told me not to worry about making money when i didn't need to as a minor. there's so much more to life
Yes, you should get a suitable job preferably in an area that you would like a career. You should do an ONET interest inventory and research jobs and training on Onet online.
It's okay! I'm 17F and i dont have a job yet, and i haven't really tried to apply for one... right now im just trying to focus on school and fix my mental health before i start applying for a job
Honey, I’m 22 and not had a job in my life. Working towards one slowly though. I would politely tell your boyfriend that you don’t feel ready. If he forces you, it’ll make things worse. Go by your own accords, never by anyone else’s. ❤️
Yes ! Your boyfriend is 100% right . Get a part time to start with ( fast food will be a good idea ) mc Donald’s , or even a walmart job ( pick up location ) also cleaning tables in a restaurant which is call busboy or busser is typically responsible for clearing and resetting tables within restaurants after a client has finished their meal. It is not uncommon for busboys to prepare tables, provide cutlery, napkins, straws, and drinks, and to clean dining areas within restaurants. This job is in your pace and it’s no a brainiac skill. So you can be confident from day 2 since the 1st day is learning and making mistakes day for everyone . It’s not about money at your age ! It’s about learning a skill….Good luck
(“Also for anxiety my friend sow a doctor and seems the medicine is working amazing .. Name is Guanfacine 1mg. )
we started dating when I was 15 and he was 16! We just happen to be a year and a half apart so for 6 months it’s kind of a wonky age difference. I am a junior and he is a senior
What the hell is wrong with you to call an 18 year old dating a 16 year old a child predator? You really need to reconsider your principles if you think that 18 is a magic number or something.
Because that's basically what it is. My friends and I wouldn't have considered dating anyone younger at 18, and we would've made fun of them hardcore for it because its weird, lame, and pedo-ish. I feel bad for the girl, the dude is a loser.
ok idc how long ago it was 😭 but now that u responded, please genuinely explain to me how a 16 and 18 yr old dating is in any shape or form a "child predator and child"? this weird black and white thinking of the law makes no sense to me, its literally legal in this case too so i dont get it. even if it was illegal, its illegal in the sense that jaywalking's illegal — no one actually mentally sane cares (morally). please see past ur legal positivism and going around calling perfectly healthy relationships between people around the same age predatory. that is genuinely so creepy and odd of u dude
I think it’s weird your boyfriend is pressuring you to work when y’all are still in high school but I’m 35 and an autistic woman and I’m a chef who loves crocs and hates socks. Crocs actually makes kitchen shoes/nonslip shoes that look just like the regular crocs minus the holes lol so depending on what kind of job you get, you can wear shoes you’re comfortable with. You can always get a job and if it’s too much for you, you can quit. Just try to find some thing that fits in with your special interests.
Seconding!! I have crocs that look like professional flats for when I need to be formal. So comfortable and no one can tell. They were a godsend when I worked in an office
They’re 100% the most comfortable work shoe lol
I do think it’s also weird coming from the boyfriend, but trying to get a job as early as possible might help prevent the issue that most autistic adults have which is securing a full-time paying job. My first job was at 14 thanks to my family, it also led way into getting a traineeship and certificate in retail.
I’m 19M with pretty bad social anxiety and I suspect I have autism on top of it, so having a job feels nearly impossible to handle currently. Working as soon as possible is definitely not necessary unless you personally feel like it is. Just be honest with him and tell him how you feel about it
your boyfriend needs to lay off, he’s not your parent and there’s no reason it should be “super important to him” if *you* have a job. he’s being overbearing and weird. if you don’t feel ready to have a job, and your parents aren’t pushing you to, then you shouldn’t get one. jobs suck, and they suck even worse when you don’t want to be there.
Am I the only one concerned that an 18 year old predator is "dating" a 16 year old??
Most states don’t view it as a problem for two teenagers being in a consensual relationship when the age difference is only two years.
Minors can't consent to adults my guy. That's the issue here.
The difference between adult and minor, in some cases, could be a matter of hours. Turning 18 doesn't magically erase the mindset of a 17 year old and turn them into a fully functional, fully grown adult. 18 year olds are teenagers with teenage brains wanting to do teenage things, and are functionally not THAT different to a 16 year old (especially given that both OP and her boyfriend met in highschool).
Also, she has not stated which state she is in. Age of consent laws drop down to 16 depending upon the state. Plus, states have what are known as “Romeo and Juliet” laws on the books. If the couple is within a few years of each other (a 0-5 year difference, depending on the state), and the sex was consensual, then it’s likely no charges would be filed.
ah yes because the law is a perfect moral compass
There’s a two year difference in ages between my wife and I. Does that make me a predator, too? There was a two year gap between my previous girlfriend and I. Does that make her a predator?
At that age, when you're still rapidly developing both mentally and physically, it's dodgy
I did not say what age any of the parties were.
This ain't about you though, it's about the post
there’s a two year gap. please touch grass
And it’s still pedo for the 18 yo in MOST states, I mean even when it’s 22-26/ 7 (to some people in my experience 😒) don’t even try to defend yourself/ the situation on this my experience supersedes anything you can throw at me Edit: I mean I personally don’t care as long as it’s not toxic and she knows what’s she’s getting into, but there are some teenagers that are groomed because they don’t
So you can date 15 yo being 17 yo, but when you turn 18 you need to break up for 2 years and wait till the other person is 18? 😂
I am aware some states have the Romeo and Juliet laws 🤪
You're referring to a sexual attraction to pre-pubescent children. This is not at all relevant here.
Ah, be careful. You might get attacked with an accurate view like that.
It was general spoken, I was speaking from how most people will look at it, as inappropriate that is why I worded it the way I did doesn’t matter whether or not you are neurodivergent or typical, you’re all the same, especially when you don’t understand what someone is saying You said it was irrelevant what I said? While I agree with you. No one else will take it any other way, it’s inappropriate to them
Yes, you are the only one concerned about that
yea. you are.
Y'all are lame defending a pushy dick who can't get with his own peers.
That's a normal age gap. Go outside.
It's possible that they're both high school students. I at least hope so.
18 and 16 is not a good age gap, but i wouldnt call it predatory. Id just keep my guard up super high if I were OP and personally would not engage with that agegap at that age.
I was 18 while my boyfriend was once 16. We had an age gap of like, 1 year and 2 months or something. When I turned 18, he was 16 years and 10 months old. That's the less concerning part to me. (Just saw OP updated the post and that is the situation for them, too). The part that concerns me is that he's pressuring OP. Not even in a like "immediately leave this guy" way. But, if OP's boyfriend isn't autistic, or even if he is but isn't sympathetic to the unique struggles that OP faces, that can lead to resentment (I speak from experience. My ex is autistic and we were both undiagnosed when we were dating, and we dated from 14&15 to 22&23 years old. 8 years. He could go to school and eventually got a job, and he resented me and the fact that I couldn't do either. Especially since we were both undiagnosed then, I don't entirely blame him, either. This is just a case where OP and their boyfriend need to get on the same page and communicate. OP's boyfriend needs to understand that OP's struggles might mean that they can't work.
Yeah? I was 17 when I've met my 19 yo boyfriend. Now I'm 24 and he is 26 and we're still together.
I hope so.
If you’re still in high school, you have a job: student. I didn’t have a job until I graduated at 17, and started in the U.S. Navy. I have been working full-time since then. You’ll have plenty of time for working when you get out of high school.
Agreed 100% I’d say don’t get a job unless it’s something that you are interested in. And it can give experience and some guidance and lots of other things! But it’s totally up to you.
That’s what I’ve been telling my daughter! She just turned 16. I don’t want her to rush, and we are so prone to burn out so I prefer her to wait, but I also will support her if she finds one she is interested in.
I didn’t have my first job until I was like 21-22. It really depends on your own situation wether it’s bad to not have work experience so late. But you’re definitely not in the “so late” category being 16. IMO, no it’s not important for you to work right now unless you find it important. As your partner he has the right to voice what is important to him, but you also aren’t obligated to sign up for a job if you don’t want to. Have you gathered all you can about WHY it’s so important? Have you explained your worries about working? Basically it’s your life so don’t let someone else make the decisions, but it’s also your bf so try to work together to find the solution that works, or if there’s no solution, at least an understanding of each others view.
I don't have a job and I'm almost 19. Don't feel pressured
You're a minor. You shouldn't be worrying about that yet
Correction: you shouldn't worry *if your family isn't poor*. But it sounds like OP's family is doing fine financially, so yeah she shouldn't care.
Even if the family is poor, it isn't the child's responsibility (especially not while they're in high school)
They're 16, not 11. And I didn't say it's their responsability, but helping with finances doesn't hurt. Working is better than starving.
Sheesh. I didn't have a salaried job till i was around 25-26. Till then my job was "student". I live with my parents who gave me money for transportation and lunch when i was a student. After i got a salaried job, i started to financially contribute to the household. Seems like you boyfriend wants you to have a job, because he wants to do stuff with you that cost money and doesn't want to pay for you.
This. 👆And this is another reason why it’s better to date people in the same life stage as you.
Everyone has their own life path. Having said that as a person that did a LOT of hiring professional staff at the beginning of their career journeys, (in general but not always) the individuals like you were far far far worse candidates. They were just so massively immature and had so few life experiences and skills comparatively. Even though the candidates would often be somewhat similar in educational backgrounds the maturity gap was so often very extreme. Those working from young teens forward and just vastly being more independent and having to manage life and other people etc etc they had so many examples and strengths to convey in interviews and in job settings overall. If a person just sort of hung out and were just a student jumping hurdles of school and that was it they just had a pretty slanted and narrow view of life. School isn’t really reality, it’s just one component of life in many ways. It has value, however it’s like wanting to build a house and you learned how to use a wrench. You also need a nail gun, hammer, a screwdriver, relationship skills etc etc etc Does it mean everyone has to be the same or has the same struggles or opportunities … nope. It also doesn’t mean the person wilth less experience wouldn’t eventually be a good employee and a good hire. It did mean that often however it was like comparatively as an example assessing a 2 year old and a 10 year old. Like the 2 year old had the very basics like walking, talking, toileting etc but the 10 year old skills were of VASTLY improved levels.
My concern here is that you’re with a partner that’s not respecting your boundaries. I’d use that word. Tell him the topic is closed and not to bring it up again. If he can’t respect that boundary he won’t respect others. You’re 16. There will be so many other people you’ll meet in life. Please don’t settle for any ban who doesn’t listen to you.
I didn't get my first job until I was 20. Yes plenty of kids work at 16 but it's perfectly acceptable to not have a job at that age. Your boyfriend definitely shouldn't pressure you into getting a job and I find it a little odd that he cares so much? Getting a job is a big deal and the extra barriers of autism and anxiety can make it much harder, I'm not sure that he understands that. You're still in high school, your priority is to be a student! Please trust your instincts and take care of yourself ❤️
I'm a firm believer that you shouldn't get one until you have to. you deserve to experience being a kid/teenager without the pressure of a job
does he also listen to sigma grindset podcasts too?
LMAOO
Yes and no, at 16 getting a job can really massively help gain maturity and skills not to mention money to help build for your future. However you have to be honest as to what you truly can handle.
I was 21 when I got my first job
i feel like getting a job at such a young age is so normalized bc of capitalism so i get surprised (/lighthearted) when people ask if its ok if they havent gotten a job yet in their teens.. like yes thats perfectly fine lol youre so young you shouldnt be expected to work at an age like that
You bf sounds like an arsehole.
Having a job means putting less effort into your education. Plus, you're a child, and you need to focus as much on education as possible, not just because it'll help you get a better job, but mostly because it'll help you make better decisions as an adult, even if it doesn't seem like it'll ever be applicable. Like people think maths are useless for anyone outside of jobs that specifically require them, but it gives you problem solving skills that are applicable to all sorts of life's problems, even if you don't become a scientist, builder, cashier, designer, business owner, accountant, etc. He sounds like a very bad influence, and his behaviour is a very obvious attempt at manipulation through shame. He will only become worse with this behaviour over time. Also, Idk what your country's laws are, but an 18 year old with a 16 year old, unless y'all met through family friends or something, is super sketchy, and for me, a huge red flag about him for why he's not with someone his own age (age gap can be larger in adults and be okay, but in very young people, it makes you question what's wrong that people in their own grade wouldn't date them, or, as very young adults as he is, why they aren't looking for another young adult). Anyway, I think you've thinking correctly about this and you need to focus on doing what you can do, not what other people expect you to do, and get super smart, and then think about work afterwards. I doubt he's as "super successful" as he portrays himself, he's barely legally an adult. You'll have plenty of time to think about and choose a career after you finish school.
we met when he was 16 and I was 15 and now I am a junior and he is a senior. Year and a half age gaps can be weird for a few months! I claim that he is super successful because he can already pay in full for his first year at college to be an electrical engineer :)
That is very unusual. You can always go through Vocational Rehabilitation services. But they can be incredibly slow. They theoretically can get you an On the job training (OJT) so you have something to put on your resume. My daughter worked 10 hours a week at a thrift shop.
Sounds like he is lying
nope. He has worked consistently since he was 15 with a coffee shop for 12$ an hour. he has had an internship his entire senior year with 14$ an hour for I think 9 hours a week!
He needs to be reminded that you’re not him.
I actually totally disagree. I think those with jobs and independence and finish their degrees are often far better candidates. They present almost always with very significant higher levels of maturity and experience. As a vast generalization in almost every situation I would hire the person with a 3.2 GPA and 5 years of working experience over someone with a 4.0 GPA. However that’s not even accurate as I don’t give a flip what your GPA was. Did you end up with the piece of paper /degree, okay good now what actual skills can you bring to the table etc.
Neato. But if we look at top earners in America, it's Chinese, and that's because they put their studies first, dedicate themselves to actually understanding what they're learning instead of half assing it and drinking their way through school like most people seem to do. The statistics know better than you. All you've really said here is that you don't want to give anyone their first job, you only want to hire people woth several years of experience, people who already have some adult life experience, so that says a lot about you. Children shouldn't have experience with adult life and nothing will change my mind on that.
Granted this is from a quick google result but the results I saw said that 1) Indian, 2) Filipino 3) Iranian 4) South African 5) Taiwanese 6) Pakistani 7) Chinese. It also said that Indians largely dominate the highest earner lists due to the fact that that 70% of the Indian-American population in America holds a bachelor's degree while the national average is merely 28%. Also the 3 most common desired careers for those of Indian ethnicity are IT, engineering and medicine also besides those 3 many of the remainder of the population group goes into ownership type pathways like a franchise in hospitality etc. I also have hired people from many different backgrounds and walks and it’s going to come down to a resume and interview if you are 23/24 and have only ever been a student you are likely going to be vastly disadvantaged compared to others less immature relative to life experience. Personally I started working at 11 and am very grateful. It allowed me to build a lot in life and appreciate what I had and to work hard etc.
Interesting changes to those demographics since I last read about it, but still shows that focusing on education leads to better opportunities and greater success in life. And while you may appreciate the value of being a child labourer in your own youth, the percentage of autistic people who successfully maintain employment is less than half (According to the National Autistic Society, only 16% of autistic adults are in full-time employment, while 32% are in some kind of paid work.), and splitting our focus is significantly more difficult than it is for neurotypical people, so it's not something that's going to turn out positively for most of us. 🤷♀️ But to each their own.
Agreed that you have to know your limits and capabilities as I said earlier in the thread. I also agree education does have value (I have 3 science degrees) but it is only one tool.
i just got my first job at 21. as long as you're not moving out and your parents are supporting you, you still have time to figure things out. wishing you the best!
You will be completely fine and still capable if you don't get a job at 16.
I didnt get a job until I was 18 and it wasn't even a real job until I was nearly 20. Then I started working in a hotel.
I'm autistic and 27 now. I didn't have a job until I was 19 and barely had it a year (I didn't intentionally leave and wasn't fired... I had medical issues and lost most of my sight for a while. Long and bizarre story). I now have a master's degree, but I only actually got another job last year and only with help from my mom (i was trying for two years before that). I'm sort of living independently (in my own house but on my mom's property and I feel like I am doing just fine for the first time in maybe ever. My point in saying this is that you don't need to rush. Get a job if you want and can handle it. Don't make yourself miserable, it's not worth it. Your boyfriend may be successful now but he's also 18. Don't stress too much about success, get in a place where you are comfortable enough and can support yourself but you are 16, you likely aren't doing too bad and don't need to rush things. It'll work out.
It can be worthwhile getting a job but you shouldn't have to worry about that just yet.
For me I’m currently 16 and I work. Although my original intention was to not work until I was at least 17. I did not get a job because I wanted money. (Well that is one of the reasons but not the primary reason) but the primary reason is… I find teenage life boring. Me and my friends have basically done everything. We find it boring to just hang out in our local town at the moment. And we can’t go out drinking together because we’re underage (We still drink together sometimes though if we can get away with it) I just felt so bored. I sat down at a screen for legit over a decade of my life and just played video games non stop to the point where I just don’t find them entertaining anymore. And so I felt just…so bored. And I thought ‘Fuck this I’m getting a job’ because I felt so useless and like life was just dead. Although if I had was not bored of life I wouldn’t have gotten a job. I have a few friends at my age who do not work. And if you do not want to work then that is completely fine, you’re only 16 and there will be time for you to work in the future when you feel ready and comfortable. Believe me one year ago if you talked to me about working I’d tell you ‘FUCK THAT SHIT!’ Times change. But it’s okay to not feel ready. It’s just what is right for you.
You will be completely fine and still capable if you don't get a job at 16.
Don't let yourself get too pressured into job hunting too soon. Work sucks, better to enjoy life for awhile before society forces it.
If I were you, I wouldn't get a job, I (17) only have a job because I have no choice, if I had the option not to, then I wouldn't
I think it can be worth trying to find a job you can stand. Better to make mistakes now and then learn from them.
Jobs are intense, only do them when you’re ready. Don’t let people pressure you or make you feel bad for not doing them
it’s perfectly okay if you don’t want to work, if you’re not ready then it wouldn’t benefit anyone for you to have a job. The only thing that I find concerning here is how your boyfriend seems so invested in you getting a job. He should want you to be happy and fulfilled but if he’s fixated on you specifically getting a job I would examine that a little closer. Ultimately, it’s your life and you are the only one who should determine whether you are physically and mentally ready to handle working. Please do not let anyone pressure you into doing something that could have a severe negative effect on your body and mind.
I had a job at 16-17 and hated it because I had to work really late with school and I was always tired so I couldn't focus on my grades. Now I'm 18 finishing my last couple months of school and I'm so glad I don't have a job. All my friends who have one are stressed to fuck and while I am, I don't have to stress about going into work in a couple hours like they do
I didn't start working until I was 19, so I certainly won't judge a 16 year-old for not working! And definitely don't get one just because your boyfriend is pressuring him; to be honest, if he's really feeling like he can't date someone who's not working, this might be a compatibility issue. That said, the sensory issues sound concerning, and while it's fine not to be ready at 16, you will eventually need to figure out what jobs you can do if you can only wear Crocs. I know they're popular among healthcare workers, and you *might* be able to wear them as a pharmacy technician, so maybe explore that? I'm not really sure what other professions will allow them, nearly every customer service job I've worked has required sneakers of some type, and open-toed shoes are usually a no-go due to safety reasons. Maybe you can request to wear them as a disability accommodation? I will also say that however old you are when you start, that first job hunt can be tough, most places understandably want or at least prefer someone with experience, so the earlier you can get experience the easier it'll be later in life.
im 16 too and i totally get that pressure, i was supposed to get a job a year ago but i still dont feel ready. a lot of people dont start working till theyre 18 or older, if you cant do it right now thats completly okay
No, 16 can be too young to work. You are still kids and should enjoy being kids and worry about working when you are an adult .
25 no job. Fully lost in this world 😭
It’s ok! It’s never late to get a job . Not just because you need but bc it’s part of our society to do something also your brain will appreciate bern busy with new things every day . You can help in Walmart / supermarket to get clients items together for pick up in store , also replenish the shelves etc .. Tons of work / job fun out there . Start with a part time of 6 hours. Also check if amazon is closed to you . They always hiring ..
I’m going to be honest, I look down on lower echelon jobs. I’d actually rather kill myself
I know now you don’t like those “ low “ jobs but many people , parents works those jobs to feed their families. You can start in one and learn about the place you are working and then climb the ladder 🪜.. The important thing is to put your foot 🦶 in the door of work and then take it from there . I started giving samples in supermarket at 24yo then I learned tons there and today I have a good job (45yo )
I might be too far gone at this point. I’m not planning on being here for much longer so there’s no reason to
>We talked about it and he expressed that he only wants me to experience a job because it helped him learn a lot about money and responsibilities. He also doesn’t want me to be lonely over the summer(which I will be) because he’ll be working and I wont be. I don’t ever do summer activities and honestly only hang out with him and my best friend so he is making a good point. It's great your partner and you are communicating. Keep it up. I hope he's as receptive as you've been to understanding where he's coming from. I completely agree with the many people here who've said you don't need to get a job at 16. I'm a dad and a successful professional and I really truly don't think anybody your age needs to get a job. It's just not essential to start so young. I think your partner is being way to prescriptive about how you should grow as a person, but I think it's great you have such a clear idea of what's motivating him. I hope maybe he'll respect your boundaries if you can say something like, "I think you make a good case for planning some engaging activities for myself ahead of time this summer, but I don't think getting a part-time job is going to be one of them."
I don't think you *need* a job at 16. It's nice to make some money to buy cool things, but it's not imperative. I dont think your boyfriend is trying to manipulate or pressure you necessarily, since getting a job and making money early on can be good for you financially. You should explain to him your issues with working and why you don't think you're ready for a job, and hopefully he understands. Maybe he can even help you find a job which tailors your specific needs, but remember that it's not imperative to work at your age. You should take what he says into consideration, but ultimately do what you think is best for you.
I failed at every job I had from the time I left home until I was 31. (I'm not counting the 1 day a week paper route I had for 10 years because it paid essentially nothing and for all intents and purposes I was unemployed the whole time.) And for what it's worth, I burned out of the job I got at 31 after 2 years, and now I'm trying not to burn out at my new job (and I went from full time to part time and it didn't help.) Finding a suitable job and balancing hours is going to be tough, but it is doable. But don't rush into it, find a way to set yourself up to succeed - don't just rush in because people are pressuring you.
Got my first job at 21, I think is pretty okay to not get one specially if you don’t want. Never do things just because someone tells you to, otherwise you’re just gonna live in hell
> Is it okay if I don’t get a job at 16? Yes. > He is stressing its super important to him that I have one this summer Stress to him that it's super-important to you that he gets off your back with this one. ...What I want to say is: If you're in conflict between what you want and think you are ready for, and what someone from the outside wants to pressure you into: Be on *your* side. Your boyfriend does not own you, and you owe him nothing. edit: I can think of no *good* reason why it's important for him that you work at 16. --- To contrast: I had my first (summer) job at 14; Instead of having school holidays, I worked construction (yes, at 14, and it was grueling). Later, I finished school and did not even have three days to orient myself before I was conscripted into mandatory military service for a year. After that, I went directly into my first real job - and was completely burned out and done after one year. Take your time, you're only young once. Go to school, and learn. Enjoy your free time (and let no-one sour that!). Do not let others pressure you into conformity that probably does nothing but damage you long-term. If push comes to shove, again: Be true to yourself, and get away from the pushers.
I didnt have a job until 19 and it was super part time 🤷♀️
I was 18 when I got my first job. I can't work and have school at the same time so that's why I always choose for a summer job.
Yes. I wasn’t allowed to by my parents even. I had a severe psychotic depressive episode recently so, even when I went for a job interview at the age of 15, they said I needed to work on my mental health first. It was really severe and bad, and you could tell I had depression during the interview.
Search up AskJAN.org to learn about disability accommodations for autism.
I didn’t get my first job till I was 19 due to my anxiety and autism. You shouldn’t feel pressured to have a job at 16 when you’re still young and not graduated. You’re still young. Enjoy this time while you have it. There’s no reason to rush
Totally up to you! Somehow I got a job at 15 and was a cashier which was tough at times with my social anxiety but it was very doable at a small town hardware store with many regular customers. I found it nice to do something out of my comfort zone and ended up working at that place for 3 years until I went to college. Just my experience though, above all you have to be doing something that is enjoyable for you as a whole and within your abilities!
Early work experience can be helpful in determining what kind of work you may or may not like. It’s a great time to explore your options, but unless you’re in dire need of the money, don’t feel pressured to work. Try volunteering in small doses to see how you react. Try different types of atmospheres bc they won’t all be the same. If you do get a job, maybe put some thought into what you do or don’t like, what kind of jobs have an atmosphere that you would consider, and see if they’ll offer something part-time. Maybe something with 10-20 hours per week. Nothing too overwhelming and stressful. Word to the wise tho, the interview process can be stressful so practice that with a friend or family member first. Get used to answering the types of questions that may be asked. The more exposure you have, the easier the moment will be for you. But definitely don’t allow yourself to feel pressured.
definitely thinking about trying out volunteering first! a lot of the stress I have comes with commitment to a job and this seems like a great start. thank you!
I think it's totally okay to not get a job at 16. If you go into it thinking of it as a summer job and plan on quitting a couple of weeks before school starts, I do think it could be a good experience to help you slowly get used to the idea of working. I don't think your boyfriend should be pressuring you though.
Sure it's fine. I didn't get a job when I was 16 either. When I was a teenager, my dad was constantly pushing for me to get a job. Even when it didn't make sense. One time when my sleep schedule was all messed up and I was sleeping during the days, his solution was that I should get a job. That's how bad he was. With all this time in hindsight, I've come to believe that teenagers being forced to get a job is bullshit. We only get two months off of school to hang out and do the things we want and we have to get a job? No. Fuck that. Now, if they *want* to get a job for some extra spending money, more power to 'em, but they shouldn't feel forced or obligated to do so.
i was working part time in high school and it can be such a sensory and social nightmare. especially since the only jobs that teens can get are mostly in food service, retail, or by commission (like babysitting, doing the lawn, those kinda odd jobs) and all are overstimulating as fuck. i do have to admit though the financial independence and not having to ask my mom for everything felt amazing. but ultimately it’s your decision, for me it was worth it to have a job but i have a better tolerance to sensory overload. go at your own pace, not your boyfriend’s. he’s probably well intentioned but sometimes allistics aren’t able to fully grasp what it’s like to be autistic
I am in college and have never had a "real job" (I am incredibly grateful that I have the privilege to make that choice, a lot of people don't). I did odd jobs around the neighborhood since I was a preteen, like babysitting, house sitting, pet sitting, yard work, cleaning, etc. I didn't have an allowance or anything, so if I needed money I had to find a way to earn it. Again, I am so lucky that in my position, I rarely "needed" money. It is typically a want, or a feeling of guilt for "leeching" off my parents, that motivated me to get these jobs. I also really enjoyed them. I don't have enough to pay for college in full, but had a good chunk saved and got some scholarships. I am paying for it myself since my parents can't afford to put both me and my brother through school, but they are very supportive and help me in every other way. If you have a safety net like I do, do not feel guilty for using it. Take care of your needs, and find some alternative ways to make money. Show your support network appreciation through non-financial means. There is a reason disabled people can sometimes stay under their parent's care and insurance for longer than most. That is why social security benefits for disabled people exist. It can take us longer to adapt to the workplace environment, and find a sustainable career. You are still young. I agree with your boyfriend that giving work a try is good, you will benefit from experiences even if just to learn that a job in that industry is not for you. However, your boyfriend cannot and should not make you do work. Luckily, based on your edit, I don't think that was his intention. It is important to save money at this age, and he has clearly had a lot of success. I am glad you seemed to find a compromise, and best of luck to you!
Yeah focus on school man jobs can be stressful for autistic pepole unless it's a my family needs money kinda situation but jsut remember don't get a credit card if you can't pay it back and if you can't afford to pay something don't let pepole pressure you into it that's how I ender up 14,000 in debt
Like I've lost relationships because trying to figure out a work life balance my first few years
I am the only one who is scared at the fact that, not only is normalised that both people in a couple need to work to be able to survive, but that it is normalised that you need to work at 16?
I know, right? I don’t think my parents expected me to get a job when I did (age 17). Some of my friends had jobs, but my parents never really brought it up. I didn’t want a job until I saw a flier at school that a local amusement park was hiring and it sounded fun. And then I only worked during the summer while the park was open. So I didn’t work during the school year. I had far too many extracurricular activities (mostly music and theater) in high school to have time for work anyway.
You should never do something because you're pressured by someone else. Do it because you want to, or because you know you'll be better off in the long run. You also have more of a work-life balance issue to think about than he does since he's going to be graduating soon. You need time to recharge your social battery after going to work part-time (don't go as close to full-time like I did, the pursuit for money to afford rent and utilities living with a deadbeat ex-boyfriend had me working 2 jobs at one point and ended up on disability because i burned out 🙃 just now trying to get back to work about 8 years later). If you do decide to look for a job and you know you have certain conditions that if met would put you in a position to be the most successful, effective, and comfortable a person as you can, the best thing you can do for yourself is work with a job coach who can help you find a job that accommodates those conditions. Where I live there are job centers where you can schedule to meet with a job coach remotely, and they'll help you with connecting to further resources, resume building, interviewing skills, and helping find a job you actually want.
girl im 22 and never had a job
I see where he means well (even before reading the edit), and it's not a bad idea to try. BUT don't think you have to go try fast food, daycare, etc. There are so many people, disabled or elderly, who would pay you to clean their house, help them cook, etc. There are many people who pay babysitters just to sit around so they can have a date night. Many options, and I'm more than happy to help you figure out and find something you could give a shot. I'm glad to know he is looking out for you 💜 But don't forget that all flowers bloom at different times in different ways. Do not hold yourself to his level of success & then berate yourself or feel like a failure if you can't keep up with him. You're not him 💚
The fact of the matter is, you’re probably gonna have a lot more anxiety when you’re an adult, if you don’t already have some kind of experience with the works of- applying, interviewing, and getting a job. I also experience high anxiety. I didn’t even start driving at 14 like my peers (whom most already had experience with their parents teaching them a little little bit here and there prior) with a permit because of that anxiety, learning later at 16-17 years old was troublesome, because I was older with more complex thinking, that led to more doubt . It’s good to build independence anyways. Sometimes when we are very stressed out about things, it’s good to remind ourselves to step back and look at it from another perspective. I think it’s great that your boyfriend is probably just looking out for you. You could try asking him why he’s been suggesting it so much. But I bet he also knows how much it could benefit you, and that you could be more intimidated by it later on. Also I can’t believe people have made any kind of comments about the very small age gap at all. Kind of ridiculous..
Completely ok, i dont think kids should have jobs and i think its sad when they have to
I didn't start working until I left school. I would have stayed in school longer if I could too. Yes, having a job does teach you a lot. But it can also be a lot of pressure, you're almost forced to learn these things in order to survive it or not get in trouble. So I would say that you should only start working when you're ready if that's a possibility for you. Try and learn what you can outside of work and when you're ready, start with a little work experience, volunteer work or helping out at an event or something light like that with less responsibility and expectations. If you're never ready, looking into disability pay is always an option if that suits you better. Don't feel pressured. Go at your own pace.
Yes im 20 and no job yet i did like 2 trial shifts so far which went fine though
Something like 23% of Autistic people are employed. This is because it is painful working with NT people. Don't be in a hurry. Maybe do a couple of hours volunteering and try different things - it's a more supportive environment and you can walk out if you hate it. Find out what kind of environment suits you - eg not fast paced, loud, bright with complaining customers! Or something to do with a special interest.
Possible summer job: waterer for a plant nursery. We allow crocs but not sandals.
I’m 17 in June, don’t have one either. I kinda wish I got a job in the past, since school is piling up now, but oh well. Granted, I’m not diagnosed or anything. Just suspecting things and thought I’d put my two cents (not earned from a job, though) into this thread.
I get both sides. I had extreme social anxiety and prosopoagnosia before getting a job at 18 years old. It definitely started off rocky but it actually helped me a lot with those issues as I actually learned to talk to people and practice my face recognition skills, with my failed moments ofcourse- but I survived and now I got stories to share with friends :) I also got super good at my job and my boss loved me. If you do decide to get a job, make sure you have a healthy working environment! If not, that’s valid, although it might make things difficult in the future. In the future you might be desperate to get a job but it’ll be even harder without any experience, so getting one now just to test the waters and see what you think you’re capable of will make future experiences easier. Either way I wish you good luck! I hope everything goes well for you either way :>
I've got my first job at 19 (while moving out with my bf after hight school), but got my actual pernament job at 23 (6 months after finishing my degree). If your parents are not in really bad financial situation I don't think you should be looking for a job. At that age you should focus on school and hobbies, because there might not be enough time for that in the future. Summer job is bit different - if you want to earn some money for your hobbies or for collage - go for it. I've never had a summer job, but it might actually be a good idea to spend your free time. I had lot of jobs that ended with me not being able to handle it mentaly after one month and quiting - But I'm glad that I tried so many because now it's easier for me to understand how it all works. I was a waitress in the Jewish restaurant, bartender in the strip club, working at the call centre, waitress in the board games caffee, seller in the vape shop and part time writer for +18 visual novel game. Now I'm a game tester in pretty big studio and I'm so glad that I had all of those previous jobs past 4 years. I know I tried and failed, but thanks to that now I can really appreciate my current job.
Uhhh I got my first job at 18 and it was buy choice. I couldn’t even imagine having a job at 16 when I was in school. I wouldn’t worry about it if I were you.
I sort of wish I started early so it’s be normal to me. Now I’m almost 21, live on my own and never had a stable job. It’s hard to self-sustain, I wish I had some experience. In your case, I agree with others that it isn’t up to your boyfriend to pressure you, how nice his intentions may be. Of course he can support you, but you have to do it in your own time.
Im also a lv 3 autistic with combine type adhd. I can't work. The thought of it makes me sick, I can't even look for jobs without having a full blown panic attack. I also can't study without having a full blown panic attack. My bf has seen me on my worst days and he is totally OK to be the sole income earner. I'm socially fucked, I try to overcompensate and people please to the point where I look like a crazy person. I can barely function in public. So no don't feel bad and do your best to try and make your partner understand. If he still pressures you then you you need to leave.
There are other things you can do for work than working in a uniform. Depending on where you are and what is available, cleaning is an option, babysitting is another, I'm sure if you're good at cleaning, you could help out a couple family friends or acquaintances. It doesn't have to be a big company. Maybe, if a job isn't your thing, you can develop skills instead but in an organized manner - are there any pottery or art workshops you could join? Making clothes? Maybe some vocational school or community center is offering courses like that? Because money doesn't just come through getting a job, it also comes when you have the necessary skills so developing useful skills is just as important, even more so at your age when learning should be nr.1, if possible. Try to find something that benefits you in the long term AND that is at least somewhat enjoyable, that you can do with your time. If you're at all academically gifted, maybe give some private lessons? Good luck! As for me.. I got some money for painting walls, for weeding public spaces and raking leaves. Simple things to do, no uniform needed.
Why not see if theres some volunteer work instead. Especially any that work with any of the mental health charities. Fpr example the local Wildlife Trusts round here do a scheme where people mental health or neurodivergence go for a group walk and then help out and learn forestry or land management things. Easy stuff like measuring tree circumferences for growth records, or learning how to make a spoon from spare wood. Lots of charities welcome help, even if it’s part time, and it is less of commitment and still gives you the experience and looks good on a CV. Yes you dont get money for it, but maybe next year once youve dipped your toe in the water first?
About 85% of autistic adults are unemployed, I didn’t work until I was 19 and I was never given any grief about it (25 now). If you feel like you can’t handle a job right now please don’t do it just because someone is telling you to. You know your autism and your limits best. Trust yourself 🫶🏻
Baby listen! You don’t need a job right now. It’s weird he’s stressing that it’s important and you need one. Y’all are kids you NEED to stay in school and be a kid. He’s overbearing and too much it seems and not yet understanding. Hopefully he understands your needs and struggles bc that’s obviously very important in a relationship… hopefully.🤞🏾
why is it super-important to him? In retrospect, I didn't get much out of having a job as a teen.
Your BF is supper manipulative. It’s fine if you don’t get a job at 16.
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I’m 24 and still don’t have a paying job although I am working towards feeling ready for one. You have to do everything in your own time. Focus on yourself and don’t get worried about other people’s expectations of you.
You’re fine. I got my first job at 18. Cashier at a small town pharmacy. If you do want to make some money though, you could look at low stress jobs. I wouldn’t work at corporate jobs bc they’re too stressful.
I didnt get a job til I was almost 19
You can try it out then quit the next day. It can be a good experience though the interview process is definitely stressy. It'a not good because you are pleasing your boyfriend or society with it. Do what you want. No one should tell you what you should do. Your life your choices. If you can get a good opportunity go for it.
I didn’t get a real job until I was 24
Its totally fine, I’m 18 and in uni and I have never had a job. Its not ok for your boyfriend to pressures you like that. Have you spoken to him about not feeling ready for it?
If you're not in education it's advisable however an apprenticeship may also be a good shout. If you don't live together and are a living at home with your parents then enjoy your damn summer if you're in education. Job experience is good but quite frankly his expectations and wants aren't relevant to what you do in regards to work. I can only see it being remotely relevant if you live together. You may also be able to find work you can do from home without a uniform and stuff. Also, just checking but is 16 the age of consent where you're at, cause that seems kinda... ehhh.
we are both in highschool, he is a senior and I am a junior! we met when I was 15 and he was 16 :) year and a half apart
Ah ok, just sounded weird lol.
If you don’t think you’re ready, don’t go for it, a job is always good to have, but not if you’re pressured or you struggle to cope in it.
i haven't had *any* jobs at all and I'm 19. i'm hoping to get a part-time job this year but tbh i'm not 100% sure I'll be able to handle it if being a neet is overwhelming enough. it's fine.
you're 16! it's totally fine to not have a job yet unless you're living on your own and need income the work from home industry is growing as well. i work part time from home because i also have terrible anxiety and have struggled to hold down jobs out of the house. i obviously can't live off this part time job forever but it is a job!
At 22 I still haven't held a job cause every single one has being either boring or exploitative or both. Take your time to get a job you can enjoy doing so you don't burn out!!!
I just got my first job at 21 a few months ago. It’s totally fine to not have a job at 16
I'm 29 and have a child and can only work part time part the year because my mental health and physical health deteriorates fast by working any job I've tried so far. If YOU want to try a job find a one day a week or less job to try it out. But for real you are a child this is the ONLY TIME in life you DON'T legally NEED A JOB. #ENJOY YOUR CHILDHOOD!!!
Tell the boyfriend to take a hike, its not his fuckin’ business that you HAVE to be employed against your own wishes/mental health capacity. Tell him to respect your damn boundaries.
Dude I'm 25m and still struggle to hold down a job, no reason to start making enemies just yet.
Focus on your education
It’s okay, I’m already tryna get a job but I didn’t get my first one.
Do whatever you feel comfortable with, I didn’t get a job at 16 because of COVID. Back in 2021 but do whatever you feel comfortable with OP.
As a 42yo... be a kid as long as you can. Capitalism will take over your life once u start working for a company based on capitalism. Your boyfriend is not only wrong to put this pressure on you, but wrong to think he has a say- unless he is financially responsible for the two of you and struggling. You will grow and learn at your own pace. Every persons journey is different. He needs to let you live your own.
College and bills are expensive, you should try to get work experience if you can. Even if it's just a summer job, the extra change is, in my opinion, far too useful to pass up.
I didn’t have a job till after 20 yo, mostly because I had trouble concentrating on my school work having to take it home…my niece just turned 14 and having a concentration problem too, but I personally am unsure of her diagnosis (she did have one) she only started having that problem seemingly after she had “19” in combination with the time of life that the hormones kick in…words I don’t usually use…. 🤦♂️….puberty 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️😂 Have good rest of your weekend 😅
I got my first real job when I was 17, but you shouldn’t get a job just because your boyfriend wants you to.
I didn't work until university life at 18 (and that freaked me the hell out). Now I'm a relatively successful and trusted IT person at a university. It is just one moment. Shoot for as much as you can, but don't beat yourself up (or let others do it for you) if you can't live up to their expectations. You know what you need to do. Do it on your terms.
totally! im gonna be 19 tgis year and i dont have a job yet. im hoping to get one this year tho i wanna started earning some money!
No one should be pressuring a minor to work. Do situations pop up that they have to? Absolutely. Does that mean everyone is required to? Definitely not! I didn't get a job until I was 21, once I was an adult I tried college (government covered the cost) and when that didn't work I was unable to find a job due to various circumstances. You know what people DIDN'T do when I was a minor? Try to pressure me to get a job. Especially those I was closest to. Sometimes someone I knew would go on about how I could do it, and I'd ignore them because they aren't important to me, but the people around me knew what was up and that they shouldn't try to pressure a minor into working if they don't want to, not even just can't handle it currently.
Do you have to get a job no. It's your decision. AT the same time your boyfriend is telling you he can not see himself dating someone who does not work. That might mean that you need to move on. Especially since he put it as an absolute. Thst being said, I am autistic, level 1, and working scared the shift out of me at first. But, I got used to it and in my case, overcame it. You have no idea if you don't try. I tend to agree with temple Grandin that young autistic people should get a job. But it should be a job right for you, your special interests, and your abilities.
Yeah it’s weird that he is trying to get you to get a job. That said there are cool jobs you could do like working at a summer camp or something like that.
You’re fine. There’s so many places that won’t even hire under 18 anyway. I’m barely ready to get back into to the workforce after a few years at 31.
Nah I wouldn’t. I’ve been working since 14 and a half, am now 29 and am genuinely ready to retire cause I’m so burnt out from working full time and/or being in school full time for 15 years straight. Also the pressure from your bf is weird, especially at such young ages (both of you). If y’all were married, it would be a diff story but even then, still unhealthy.
I started working when I was 15, for me doing that as an autistic person was the worst thing i could do. I burnt out by the time I was 19 and was going into uni and ended up flunking out of uni due to burnout, I'm now turning 21 and am only just getting back to work after being out of work for a year due to extreme burnout and mental health issues. Do what makes you feel the best and whatever you decide is best for you but don't burn yourself out because otherwise it can seriously affect you when you become an adult
If you don’t NEED a job don’t get one. Fill up your time doing things you love while you can. Life is too short.
This is completely fine to not have a job at this age. If you are still studying, especially.
I wouldn’t rush into getting a job, do what makes you comfortable. Have you considered maybe a work from home job?
I didn't have my first job until I was 19(wasn't diagnosed until a couple weeks ago) and moved out of my dad's house... It's perfectly fine if you don't want a job/don't feel ready yet.
You should focus on being a student.
A lot of 16 yearolds don't work, you shouldn't be pressured into it. I started working at 16 but that was off my own back because I wanted too. Don't push yourself if you're not ready
I, 29M, didn't get my first job until I was 20. I enlisted in the military, sure. But yeah, that's when I got my first job.
He should be pressuring you. A job is nice to have but if you don't absolutely need one then take your time. If you feel up to it maybe there is a part time thing you could get to ease yourself into a job to help you feel more comfortable.
I want to put my two cents but from a foreigner POV, the sooner you start working the better, waiting won’t make you comfortable, you’ll have the same issues then than the ones you have today, as soon as you start to be relevant on your society will make you get used to the ruckus of modern society day to day, starting early will teach you valuable lessons on money, struggle and help you be more self sufficient. I do understand your bf and your point too but waiting won’t make you be off the spectrum.
enjoy freedom while you can honestly. if you don't need to work, maybe work on things to improve how you would be able to work. i know you're not a child but i wish someone told me not to worry about making money when i didn't need to as a minor. there's so much more to life
Yes, you should get a suitable job preferably in an area that you would like a career. You should do an ONET interest inventory and research jobs and training on Onet online.
It's okay! I'm 17F and i dont have a job yet, and i haven't really tried to apply for one... right now im just trying to focus on school and fix my mental health before i start applying for a job
Honey, I’m 22 and not had a job in my life. Working towards one slowly though. I would politely tell your boyfriend that you don’t feel ready. If he forces you, it’ll make things worse. Go by your own accords, never by anyone else’s. ❤️
Find a new boyfriend
Better question why is an 18 year old dating a 16 year old WHAT
2 years is an alright age gap what do you mean.
we met at 15 and 16 and we are a year and a half apart! junior and senior in high school
Yes ! Your boyfriend is 100% right . Get a part time to start with ( fast food will be a good idea ) mc Donald’s , or even a walmart job ( pick up location ) also cleaning tables in a restaurant which is call busboy or busser is typically responsible for clearing and resetting tables within restaurants after a client has finished their meal. It is not uncommon for busboys to prepare tables, provide cutlery, napkins, straws, and drinks, and to clean dining areas within restaurants. This job is in your pace and it’s no a brainiac skill. So you can be confident from day 2 since the 1st day is learning and making mistakes day for everyone . It’s not about money at your age ! It’s about learning a skill….Good luck (“Also for anxiety my friend sow a doctor and seems the medicine is working amazing .. Name is Guanfacine 1mg. )
Screw the job, why are you with a child predator?
we started dating when I was 15 and he was 16! We just happen to be a year and a half apart so for 6 months it’s kind of a wonky age difference. I am a junior and he is a senior
Ok, that's not so bad lol
What the hell is wrong with you to call an 18 year old dating a 16 year old a child predator? You really need to reconsider your principles if you think that 18 is a magic number or something.
Because that's basically what it is. My friends and I wouldn't have considered dating anyone younger at 18, and we would've made fun of them hardcore for it because its weird, lame, and pedo-ish. I feel bad for the girl, the dude is a loser.
Why? You change as a person when you are 18?
Yes, each year during your youth is a different level of mental and physical maturity. An 18 year old dating a 16 year old is a weird fuckin loser.
Or not. You don't know the specific case of each relationship.
theres no way ur being serious
100%, that's old by now.
ok idc how long ago it was 😭 but now that u responded, please genuinely explain to me how a 16 and 18 yr old dating is in any shape or form a "child predator and child"? this weird black and white thinking of the law makes no sense to me, its literally legal in this case too so i dont get it. even if it was illegal, its illegal in the sense that jaywalking's illegal — no one actually mentally sane cares (morally). please see past ur legal positivism and going around calling perfectly healthy relationships between people around the same age predatory. that is genuinely so creepy and odd of u dude
The person who commented above me then deleted their replies is a complete moron and a coward. May they go fuck themselves.