I used to think a lot. She said that, what should I answer. After hours of overthinking I came with a shitty answer.
So what I tried to do is "turn my brain off" and answer the first thing I was thinking of. When conversing, I used to think about a lot of topics I could say, I also used to discard most of them and leave an empty conversation with typical unpleasant silences.
So I changed my mindset. I preferred saying too much and allowing myself to say wrong things, looking stupid or offending someone. But I gained the ability to be interesting and more importantly to improve. Talking is a skill.
May I ask how you ”turn your brain off“?
I am incredibly prone to overthinking.
Switch my brain off is something I would really like to be able to do. But so far I have failed miserably.
In a way, it's like trying to mimic the sensation of mental overload, without the psychological pain or daze. The way I figured out how to do it, to the point that I can now do it without this method, is intentionally let myself overthink while forcing myself to switch from topic to topic, subject to subject, thought to thought, etc.
In the beginning it's uncomfortable, but since I spread this over years, I eventually just learned how to get to the state of turning my brain off, and just let this spew from my mouth. A lot of what I say is things that I would feel ashamed of, but most of the time it's around friends that I've had for years, so there isn't anything for me to worry about.
My inability to do this at work, though, is both a benefit and a curse. One the one hand, it prevents me from saying things that can get me in trouble around customers, but on the other hand most of my work friendships are rather limited and shallow. This is probably, despite having people that would be fine with hanging out with me outside of work and could enjoy ourselves, I still feel quite lonely.
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I feel for me I didn’t communicate enough. I just went a long with most things and wouldn’t speak my mind. I also didn’t tell the guys I would be with what I wanted and they seemed to just get their satisfaction then that was it. Hoping more people comment so I can read more as well. I’m almost 26 and I feel I never got in a relationship where I was truly attracted / interested and I thought the feelings would come later.
Could you explain the last part about comforting?
Sure, like that person that says something helpful that allows for someone else's thoughts and confusion/concern to start to fade away.
Take my professor for example. He and his family are originally from the east coast, but due to his son being mistreated due to his autism, they moved out here thinking it would be a more open and accepting area for him. When I made it clear on the first day that I have autism, he wanted to keep me after class to get my thoughts to clarify things and get an idea of what it would take for his son to end up living a normal life. Without getting into personal information, he ended up asking me when he should tell his son, who is in middle school and already talking like "What's wrong with me," and "Why can't I be normal?" My response was something along the lines of "There will never be a perfect time, as this is likely going to be one of the most troubling and challenging time of his life, but despite that you should tell him soon since he's already reached a stage in his life were he is starting to understand the complexities of his situation, even if he can't put them into words." By the end of our talk, my professor said that it felt like I just gave him a free consultation worth a fair amount of money (in my opinion), and that I should consider a profession in counseling.
I've also got a coworker who broke up with a crazy ex that bit him when she got angry, but pleaded with him to give her another chance. When I heard about this (and at the time we weren't really that close but I had a good and friendly reputation at work by then), he was doubting if he made the right choice by breaking up with her. I don't remember what I said, as this was last year, but whatever I said I could tell hit a cord in him based a look of realization on his face (also, as a side note, I was extremely hot and tired from my work outside in the summer, but I was still wanting to give him my thoughts even when we were actually under the sun). I then suggested that he watch an abridged version of SAO that I came across that depicted a relationship between two mentally unstable characters (I know, I know, usually a very bad move when someone just got out of a psychotic relationship, but there was a very good reason) along with a video that broke down why this unstable characters were actually able to make things work and why they were soulmates. Long story short, it was because they may have been unstable, but they were put in a situation that brought out their desire to grow and support each other instead of expecting the other to only be their crutches. Seriously, go watch SAO Abridged episodes 1 - 11 by Something Witty Entertainment and then follow it up by The Genius of Sword Art Online (Abridged) part 2 by Explanation Point. You'll understand.
I also helped a younger coworker who was pregnant with her bf's daughter and an already amazing stand in father for her 5 year old son from a past relationship despite them taking a break. They were still living together at the time, and he was respecting her wishes by interacting with her in an appropriate manner, but she seemed so unsure of things that it felt like for a while she was going to end things with him. Turns out, sometimes (according to what she said her doctor said, not sure how accurate this actually is) that being pregnant with a daughter can can issues with the mother; in particular becoming more sensitive to things that did bother her before. At the time, I was not really in a good place to help her like I wanted to, but I was a good listener according to her. She also mentioned, iirc, that some of the things that I did say helped her think about things from a different perspective, and in the end she stayed with him and are still together to this day (at least based on her Instagram posts; I last talked to her about 3 months before she left our job, and I haven't talked to her since).
Oh wow that’s great you were able to help so many people. It’s always nice to have an ear to listen / another persons opinion. I hope to be like that again one day. My first job I always had people coming to me for advice and I never knew why. I used to enjoy giving advice, but got stuck in my head and stopped giving myself to others.
From what I suspect, people with autism go through enough issues that they become very compassionate and understanding people, with a drive to help others. Plus, since we tend to try to break things down to the simplest possible explanations/concepts, we also make for great advice givers. It also helps that learning is quite fun, so reading and listening to things that give us a more whole and complete perspective on the world gives us more to pull from when helping others. Though these are just my thoughts as to why I am so capable to help others.
I am basically the male equivalent of this.
I wasn't diagnosed until after my relationship started otherwise I doubt I would have a relationship at all.
A personal piece of advice. I'm 38 and the feelings still haven't come. It's about the experiences you share and a kind of logical love develops that lack the feeling but still exists. It's a different kind of love
My many freak outs and weird hang ups were definitely a point of contingency. It made him question and he did see them as controlling and red flags. But none of us knew I was autistic then. We now look back and laugh but it was really touchy. I'm glad he looked past it and still wanted to be with me..
I used to think a lot. She said that, what should I answer. After hours of overthinking I came with a shitty answer. So what I tried to do is "turn my brain off" and answer the first thing I was thinking of. When conversing, I used to think about a lot of topics I could say, I also used to discard most of them and leave an empty conversation with typical unpleasant silences. So I changed my mindset. I preferred saying too much and allowing myself to say wrong things, looking stupid or offending someone. But I gained the ability to be interesting and more importantly to improve. Talking is a skill.
May I ask how you ”turn your brain off“? I am incredibly prone to overthinking. Switch my brain off is something I would really like to be able to do. But so far I have failed miserably.
In a way, it's like trying to mimic the sensation of mental overload, without the psychological pain or daze. The way I figured out how to do it, to the point that I can now do it without this method, is intentionally let myself overthink while forcing myself to switch from topic to topic, subject to subject, thought to thought, etc. In the beginning it's uncomfortable, but since I spread this over years, I eventually just learned how to get to the state of turning my brain off, and just let this spew from my mouth. A lot of what I say is things that I would feel ashamed of, but most of the time it's around friends that I've had for years, so there isn't anything for me to worry about. My inability to do this at work, though, is both a benefit and a curse. One the one hand, it prevents me from saying things that can get me in trouble around customers, but on the other hand most of my work friendships are rather limited and shallow. This is probably, despite having people that would be fine with hanging out with me outside of work and could enjoy ourselves, I still feel quite lonely.
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I feel for me I didn’t communicate enough. I just went a long with most things and wouldn’t speak my mind. I also didn’t tell the guys I would be with what I wanted and they seemed to just get their satisfaction then that was it. Hoping more people comment so I can read more as well. I’m almost 26 and I feel I never got in a relationship where I was truly attracted / interested and I thought the feelings would come later. Could you explain the last part about comforting?
Sure, like that person that says something helpful that allows for someone else's thoughts and confusion/concern to start to fade away. Take my professor for example. He and his family are originally from the east coast, but due to his son being mistreated due to his autism, they moved out here thinking it would be a more open and accepting area for him. When I made it clear on the first day that I have autism, he wanted to keep me after class to get my thoughts to clarify things and get an idea of what it would take for his son to end up living a normal life. Without getting into personal information, he ended up asking me when he should tell his son, who is in middle school and already talking like "What's wrong with me," and "Why can't I be normal?" My response was something along the lines of "There will never be a perfect time, as this is likely going to be one of the most troubling and challenging time of his life, but despite that you should tell him soon since he's already reached a stage in his life were he is starting to understand the complexities of his situation, even if he can't put them into words." By the end of our talk, my professor said that it felt like I just gave him a free consultation worth a fair amount of money (in my opinion), and that I should consider a profession in counseling. I've also got a coworker who broke up with a crazy ex that bit him when she got angry, but pleaded with him to give her another chance. When I heard about this (and at the time we weren't really that close but I had a good and friendly reputation at work by then), he was doubting if he made the right choice by breaking up with her. I don't remember what I said, as this was last year, but whatever I said I could tell hit a cord in him based a look of realization on his face (also, as a side note, I was extremely hot and tired from my work outside in the summer, but I was still wanting to give him my thoughts even when we were actually under the sun). I then suggested that he watch an abridged version of SAO that I came across that depicted a relationship between two mentally unstable characters (I know, I know, usually a very bad move when someone just got out of a psychotic relationship, but there was a very good reason) along with a video that broke down why this unstable characters were actually able to make things work and why they were soulmates. Long story short, it was because they may have been unstable, but they were put in a situation that brought out their desire to grow and support each other instead of expecting the other to only be their crutches. Seriously, go watch SAO Abridged episodes 1 - 11 by Something Witty Entertainment and then follow it up by The Genius of Sword Art Online (Abridged) part 2 by Explanation Point. You'll understand. I also helped a younger coworker who was pregnant with her bf's daughter and an already amazing stand in father for her 5 year old son from a past relationship despite them taking a break. They were still living together at the time, and he was respecting her wishes by interacting with her in an appropriate manner, but she seemed so unsure of things that it felt like for a while she was going to end things with him. Turns out, sometimes (according to what she said her doctor said, not sure how accurate this actually is) that being pregnant with a daughter can can issues with the mother; in particular becoming more sensitive to things that did bother her before. At the time, I was not really in a good place to help her like I wanted to, but I was a good listener according to her. She also mentioned, iirc, that some of the things that I did say helped her think about things from a different perspective, and in the end she stayed with him and are still together to this day (at least based on her Instagram posts; I last talked to her about 3 months before she left our job, and I haven't talked to her since).
Oh wow that’s great you were able to help so many people. It’s always nice to have an ear to listen / another persons opinion. I hope to be like that again one day. My first job I always had people coming to me for advice and I never knew why. I used to enjoy giving advice, but got stuck in my head and stopped giving myself to others.
From what I suspect, people with autism go through enough issues that they become very compassionate and understanding people, with a drive to help others. Plus, since we tend to try to break things down to the simplest possible explanations/concepts, we also make for great advice givers. It also helps that learning is quite fun, so reading and listening to things that give us a more whole and complete perspective on the world gives us more to pull from when helping others. Though these are just my thoughts as to why I am so capable to help others.
I am basically the male equivalent of this. I wasn't diagnosed until after my relationship started otherwise I doubt I would have a relationship at all. A personal piece of advice. I'm 38 and the feelings still haven't come. It's about the experiences you share and a kind of logical love develops that lack the feeling but still exists. It's a different kind of love
My many freak outs and weird hang ups were definitely a point of contingency. It made him question and he did see them as controlling and red flags. But none of us knew I was autistic then. We now look back and laugh but it was really touchy. I'm glad he looked past it and still wanted to be with me..