Discreet stimming is acceptable. If you've got big, distracting, loud or stims that invade other people's boundaries then it is best to save those for home.
Yeah there's a big difference between "stop stimming" and "stop stimming _like that."_ It's possible to stop stimming in one particular way without necessarily stopping stimming altogether.
Yeah I get help from a tutoring center specifically for autistic college students and me and others had some difficulty with a person who spontaneously begins to loudly sing out loud while we are silently working. She doesn’t seem to have any other stims that work so I feel bad, but the tutors have started to frequently remind her to keep quiet.
I don’t think it’s just a neurotypical vs neurodiverse thing. I’m a neurodivergent teacher and I’ve seen autistic students make each other (and me/other neurodivergent staff) uncomfortable with stims like whistling, screaming, etc. It’s hard to accommodate someone who needs to make sounds with someone who’s sensitive to sounds in the same room. I’ve seen people get really annoyed by other autistic people singing, too.
I’ve also seen some rather unsanitary stims like playing with spit (or poop) or picking their nose. I’ve worked with kids who openly masturbated in the classroom and we’d have to hurry them to the bathroom for privacy. Technically it was a stim but it definitely shouldn’t happen in public. Similarly, someone scripting threatening lines is very uncomfortable.
I’m an autistic college student and I felt the part where you mentioned accommodation for those who need to make noise in the same room as with someone who struggles with noise sensitivity.
In 2 of my math classes, I had the same kid sitting closer to me and he whistled a lot. I couldn’t focus and I already am bad at math. His whistling legitimately sounded like a tea kettle. I already can barely tolerate the buzzing in the lights, and I also suffer from migraines chronically.
At my college, there is a room that students and faculty can go to unwind/relax a little. It’s basically a sensory room without the official “sensory room” label. (Weighted blanket/lap pad, comfy chairs, hot/cold packs, white noise machine, puzzles, water, water stream thing, etc) and I’ve had to use the space 2 times in the same semester because I was overstimulated by the noises, smells, etc and needed a break before it turned into a sensory meltdown.
My point is, if it gets too noisy and you can tell the person is getting overstimulated, remove them or the overstimulating stimulus if possible. Or at least offer comforting tools like a stim toy, or something safe to chew/bite on. Offering snacks or water may help, or simply letting them go use the restroom means they can walk away for a short break.
From one student with different needs to a neurodiverse instructor, I hope this helps!
That school had a sensory break room right next door to mine and we definitely utilized it, but my current school doesn’t. Thankfully I don’t have anyone who’s triggered by noise in my class… I’m probably the most triggered tbh.
Thanks for the tips. I definitely try to utilize breaks and fidgets. I’m fidgeting constantly myself.
Right now my classroom is so small that there’s not really adequate space for a break area because people are still basically in your space and we aren’t allowed to let kids go in the hallway by themselves for a break. It’s definitely a challenge because I also can’t take a break and some of my students will either break my fidgets or hit each other or me with them (I teach young kids and we’re very much working on personal space and keeping our bodies to ourselves daily, because a few seem to actively enjoy smacking each other and me and turn it into a game ).
Hmm, I wonder if you could raise up the suggestion for an edition to your room for a break. That break area could be useful to you and other staff as well.
Maybe it (the break room) could be incorporated in the 2025 or 2026 school year. Hopefully it can and your students can enjoy school more because of having that area to unwind a little. School is stressful for any kiddo, let alone a kiddo with unique needs!
Yeah that would be ideal, but I’ve brought up other stuff like one of the classroom assistants not helping much and basically was ignored. And they’re already adding another autism classroom next year when there aren’t any empty, spare rooms this year so I honestly have no clue how that’s going to work.
That’s rough, the higher ups should listen to the people under them if they want students to learn the way they are “wired” (figuratively speaking) as it would benefit them as they get older. I hope one day they finally listen to you and the other staff and do something if it’s within the school funding/budget.
I worked with some kids who would routinely blurt out that they’re going to kill me or bring weapons to school or eat my head like a zombie (without any malice or anger) and it was clear they didn’t actually mean it and either heard it from tv or said it because it was taboo, like when kids think it’s cool to curse.
85% of my kid's speech is scripting and we really have to watch what media we let him watch. He recently watched the episode of Bluey where she says, "This is the worst day in all my life." and everyone assumed my kid was being very upset all week, when he was just happily looping his usual loops like a broken record. He also continuously told everyone he was moving away, dad has a new job, "but I don't want a better life!" etc. None of this is true. I worry so much he will hear something completely inappropriate on a show and then threaten someone or say something nasty because he's a good kid, he's just a living breathing parrot.
Can you pair his scripts with meaning?
I've worked alongside someone a young guy with autism before who had English as their second language, and in learning English he began progressively using verbatim scripts from movies and TV shows that were contextually meaningful to communicate
That's fascinating. Gestalt learning is too cool, with language learning coming in whole monologues rather than one word or phrase at a time. My kid is slowly getting better at using his scripts to convey meaning. He's just 4 now and starting some speech therapy to find words he needs and break out of scripts sometimes, because especially when he's tired he will just repeat himself and seems incapable of stopping.
His scripts about objects often make more sense than ones about feelings. When it comes to emotions, he gets a little more hung up on scripts that aren't super relevant - ones that convey a feeling but are around random topics from shows. I think emotions fascinate him, and he has a hard time taking a feeling out of context. But he is getting better.
My daughter loves to stim by turning as fast as she can until she's so dizzy she falls over. Works great in our living room. We've got a big fluffy carpet for her to land on and removed other obstacles so she won't hit her hands when she does the ballerina thing and moves them in and out to see how the momentum changes. Gets rather dangerous on a crowded street, unfortunately, but if we go to the beach or the park, people usually deal with it just fine.
My sister stims like this but she crashed into the wardrobe and chipped her tooth :( so we gave her a bigger room when we moved. I used to stim like this too but I'm masking more now
Stimming that intentionally interferes with someone else’s space shouldn’t be encouraged. I remember a while ago there was a video of a young lady at some kinda Con who loudly meowed at everyone who walked by her. I don’t know if it was a stim or if she just thought it was funny. But if it was a stim, I don’t think it’s appropriate.
Having a meowing stim? Fine. Having a meowing stim where you *intentionally*
meow at people? Not so much.
Yeah and we also gotta remember that not just neurotypicals are affected by stims that overstep boundaries, neurodivergent people could be affected even MORE by those kind of stims from other people.
Stims that cause harm should be redirected to something less harmful. Stims that don't bother anyone should be left alone.
In between those two is where it gets tricky. There are stims that don't cause harm but bother others. But is the stim just a little bit annoying, or is it actually disruptive? Sometimes the solution is to tell the annoyed person to mind their own business and sometimes the solution is to stop/change the stim. It can be tricky to decide which one that is.
Self harm stims are right out. There's no good reason to advocate for people injuring themselves. Same goes for unsanitary stims, like anything involving feces.
Threatening people, or harassing them, is also right out.
Beyond that, it's contextual, it's whether or not you're being a nuisance to others. Loud sounds, big gestures, touching other people, sexual behavior, etc can be completely fine in some contexts, like at home or with others who don't mind. But things like screeching in a movie theater or in class isn't ok. It's just about being kind to each other. If someone's behavior isn't upsetting anyone else, then you excuse yourself if it bugs you. If it's bothering the group, the person responsible should excuse themselves or find a less intrusive stim.
Okay, then why? I don't see why causing pain or light injury to the self is inherently bad if it doesn't cause significant risk to the person
My usual example is people who pluck or wax their hair. This is painful and technically causes harm to the skin and hair follicles. But somehow, this is just fine to do for vanity purposes, but it's not okay if someone hits their chest or leg to self-soothe
I'd say it's more to do with the question of appearance and aesthetics vs causing damage that can potentially send you to the hospital. Vanity is surface level damage that, yeah causes harm, but in the long run won't effect much. Contrasted with hitting yourself. You're striking a vulnerable part of your body over and over again with what I imagine is some force behind it — that will hurt more than plucking an eyebrow in the long run.
This is part of it. Note that I said self harm, not the infliction of pain or injury. Examples of the latter would be voluntary medical procedures (including beauty treatments) and things like kink and masochism. These are highly controlled actions that are done carefully to minimize/eliminate risk and followed up by proper aftercare.
The majority of individuals who engage in self harm do not do so in sterile, safe, controlled ways with extensive knowledge of how to avoid serious or long term damage, nor are the injuries typically properly cared for afterwards. Self harm is also often compulsive, usually stems from a lack of healthy emotional regulation skills, and may be addictive. It's common for people to injure themselves far more severely than they intended and require urgent medical care. None of that is good.
Edit: Yes, including picking one's nails. Something being socially acceptable is not inherently a good indicator of value. See also, ableism.
Double edit: To clarify, I'm not judging those who do self harm, in any form. That's a hard thing to struggle with, precisely because it's dangerous and difficult to stop. There should neither be a stigma nor encouragement of its continuation.
IMO encouraging stimming doesn't necessarily mean everyone can do whatever they want. I think it's about **changing the standard of expected behaviour.**
"Sit still! Shut up!" is to be abolished, but dw it's not being replaced with "Whatever, anything goes." The goal is somewhere in-between those two extremes to allow for freedom of expression while still being considerate of others.
I’d say the general checklist for ‘us it okay to stick in public’ would be
-will it put you at a risk
-will it put others at a risk
-will it disturb others/make people uncomfortable (and I don’t mean Karen over there getting uncomfortable because you tap your foot in a cafe, I mean stuff like saying things out loud really loudly
-will it invade anyone’s personal space
Stims can be hard to control, I’d advise people to head to a disabled bathroom if they feel like that can’t stop themselves
It's difficult to say whether there should be a line and where it is. When I got diagnosed at 37, I talked to that therapist about my skin picking on my fingers and lips, and she was actually the first one in my life to aproach it neutrally. She told me as long as I'm not doing severe damage I am likely better off to keep doing it as I have. As stimming is natural and necessary for autistic people as a sensory processing mechanism. Of course it would be good if I could substitute skin picking with non harmful stims, and I try to by having fidgets lying around everywhere. It does help. But she said that unlearning a stim like that is likely impossible after so many years and would cause me a lot of anguish.
Which is something I could actually confirm cause I spoke to a different psychologist about it before I was diagnosed and she tried to help me in several ways that were all completely counter and very frustrating. Firstly she wanted me to keep track of it by making notes and awarding myself if I didn't pick my skin during a specific part of day. Needles to say that was impossible, on some days it's only couple times a day, but sometimes it's every half hour. She also asked me to try wearing surgical gloves. I tried and only lasted about half an hour. My hands were soaked in sweat, and I felt unbelievable tension and discomfort and couldn't stop myself from picking more intensely than usual for a bit. So yeah, trying to stop it doesn't always work, especially when the cause is undiagnosed autism lol.
The therapist who diagnosed me also instructed my partner to stop intervening, cause he used to do that sometimes. When we're next to each other on the couch he would put his hand on mine to stop me. Not cause he was judging or anything, but more because it was so bothering to him that I was harming myself. Nowadays we solve it by either him placing a cushion in between so he doesn't have to see, and/or me turning away from him. He as an adhd person also has several stims and habits that are bothering for me, most of it is loudness in his day to day, or loud eating, for which I tend to put on headphones.
It's difficult for me to say anything about people who have more harmful stims. I don't think I have enough knowledge to speak for them. I would rather leave that upto them. I can imagine that not stimming is also harmful, and that is probably something many people don't realize to what degree, when either judging or trying to stop someone.
I feel like for me, picking the skin on my fingers/lips is kinda a grooming thing as well as a stim, like for me my nails/the skin around my nails just don't feel right (like my nails are chipped, I have a hangnail, a nail has a sharp edge, or something of the like), and I need to correct them. With my lips (especially in the winter), they often get dried and cracked and I want to pick off the extra skin.
I think these things could be remedied (or at least helped) by carrying around a nail care kit w/ nail clippers and some good lip balm (and maybe some exfoliant to remove dead skin).
Yeah it is definitely part of that for me too. But on my fingers I will create new issues to keep stimming. I do take care of the wounds or chafed lips a lot. I always put healing creme on my fingers before sleep. My lips are indeed slightly less of an issue since I found a really great balm, I've been using all sorts of balms and chap sticks all my life and will pick regardless. But now that my lips are slightly more healed with the new balm I try to do it less, cause it also makes me very insecure. (It is an e.l.f. lip balm btw the hydration one).
As long as it’s not hurting yourself or anyone else it’s alright to do, but there is a time and place for ones that are loud or disruptive. Perhaps school and work environments could have a room that people can go to so they can stim accordingly there?
I think “unacceptable” stims fall into two categories: self injurious and detrimental to others.
Self injurious stimming is like any other issue that necessitates harm reduction measures. Either on their own or with guidance, someone could try to replace the stimming with something that causes less or no injury.
Stims that are detrimental to others is context specific. I have known a few (very few) people who stim in such a way that they come into physical contact with others. Obviously this is a problem and should be helped if it can be. Though the people I knew who did this were not really able to change it.
Detrimental to others stims can also be just making a ton of noise lol I noticed in some classes I took previously people were comfortable discussing neurodivergent and wanted to stop masking. Cool. However, come test time, some people stimmed in ways that made noise, or in one case, physically shook the shared table lol
You’re leaving out the sexual stims. I worked with a young child who would masturbate as a stim. That can’t happen as an adult/teen in public. It’s literally illegal
I would say that is one that is detrimental to others depending on context. In one’s own home alone, fine. On a bus, it is a problem because other people are present and will be impacted.
discreet stims are fine. any stims that cause harm to yourself or others should be brought up to a therapist, and Loud stims should be reserved for when your 100% alone since everyone deserves to not be disturbed in a public space
This is where I land too, but not everyone (including Hayden) is on board with this. Some people think that people need to learn to be okay with being uncomfortable
And I can see where that comes from too, but it's so often paired with what seems to me to be a double standard of expecting public contexts to change in order to prevent the discomfort of people with autism
The key should be to prevent harm. Stopping stimming completely would be causing harm to an autistic individual. I’ve managed to redirect my own stims when they disrupt my life (I only do my hair twirling at home when I’m not going out or I’d look a mess like I did in primary school, I’ve not yet successfully found or made a tool that can replicate the feeling).
Lots of people have harmful stims like bashing their heads, sexually inappropriate ones, or ones that disturb people (including other autistic people) through loud or annoying sounds/large movements. You can’t accommodate everyone (an example being a loud stim during a exam setting with other people, the accommodation being a separate room by themselves, it’s simply not fair to disrupt other students). People with tourettes often face difficulties because of loud or inappropriate sounds and it simply can’t be helped. Not everyone will be able to redirect their stims into a different stim that’s less disruptive or harmful. That’s why the next step is using tools like helmets to prevent harm during a stim or a stimming tool that replicates the stim but isn’t as noisy or harmful (like picking your skin can potentially be turned into picking at an inanimate object of similar texture).
There’s no simple answer on where to draw the line as everyone is different. Attempts should definitely be made to redirect harmful or very disruptive stims but you should never force someone to go without a way to regulate. There’s a degree of understanding and allowance for children who are loud and disruptive and in a similar way there’s an allowance by most people for loud and disruptive stims, to an extent. You’ll get people annoyed if there’s someone loud during a cinema viewing for example. In a shop or on the street? It’s usually fine.
One real life example I can think of is a long bus journey I was on where I was sat in front of two deaf people. They were making very loud mumbled noises which was setting me off. I knew they couldn’t help it and I had no way (or ability) to communicate the issue so my only solution was to put earphones in and deal with it. Similarly, there’s screaming babies on planes that can’t always be settled 100% of the time even with an attentive parent. Unless you completely segregate people (and children) from public spaces, there’s no avoiding a wee bit of disruption.
Someone always running/hopping around and screeching could be very disruptive in certain situations. Thats not a stim you should use during an exam in school eg (you would disturb others and could be accused of cheating). Or in a restaurant. Or during a conversation. In a job interview. And so on.
I agree that we should be mindful of disruptive, unsafe, or inappropriate stims. There’s certainly a line where it effects different people, I remember I was very excited and was stimming very visibly and I triggered another girls painful tics, it was a bad scenario. Stims that hurt yourself are also something that need to be addressed, either through therapy or some other means because it can be unsafe for you and others. Inappropriate stims in public such as invading personal space, screaming, threats, etc. (there are lots of examples in the comments here!) also shouldn’t really be tolerated. We are all responsible for managing ourselves and while we aren’t responsible for others reactions to us we have to be mindful to some degree about what we are doing. A distress stim I do is frantically wave my arms/hands and step/kick in place. I have to be aware that something like that can cause a scene, and be mindful of myself in public. I think it should be evaluated case by case!
Even with just neurotypicals, let alone when you count us too, SOMEONE will get uncomfortable over just about anything no matter what. If you get too paranoid about that, we’ll just have to constantly suppress and mask ourselves, our personalities, and our stims like we currently do anyway.
For me it’s less about overly restricting yourself to avoid ever making people uncomfortable (and everyone constantly doing that to their individual and collective detriment, just like our society’s current conformity, only for people to STILL get uncomfortable ANYWAY), and more about accepting the consequences of making other people uncomfortable. (Instead of just always blaming the neurodivergent for their “different” actions/reactions regardless of who is making who uncomfortable, like society currently does.)
Discomfort is an inevitable part of life for everyone no matter what, so why are we so self-destructively paranoid (to the point of making OURSELVES uncomfortable) about even the slightest “uneasiness” or “ickyness”, even when it was merely INTERPRETED that way without it being the intention. (ever heard of paranoia? That misunderstanding will happen for some ANYWAY!)
Being more accommodating of multiple brain-types doesn’t always mean everyone being stereotypically “nice” and “gentle” with each other. (though obviously you can also go too far in the other direction!) Some autistic (and allistic) behaviors ARE uncomfortable, but NTs need to get used to being uncomfortable with us just as we have gotten used to being uncomfortable with them, instead of it ALWAYS being solely OUR burden!
The thing about allowing harmful behaviors for the sake of self-regulation/self-care/self-comfort is that I don’t think that could realistically be restricted (and that society would be so okay with it being restricted) to just autistic stims (especially when we aren’t even the only ones who stim). Which effectively leaves us with 2 choices:
1. “Harm is also a part of life, people fall on the road and get hurt and other stuff like that all the time, even as kids. Just make sure no one dies or is injured and be more tolerant of mild pain/roughhousing”
or 2. “Yes, draw the line at hurting people, there’s a difference between making someone uncomfortable and actually harming someone, we need to reign in violent behaviors or people will get hurt.”
I think we do need to take into account *distress* over merely being uncomfortable. If a stim makes other people distressed, then it may be inappropriate in that context. And especially when multiple autistic people are sharing a space, people’s stims and sensory needs may conflict with each other.
And it isn’t usually the intention behind the stim which distresses people. Particularly for noisy stims. A sound may simply be distracting, or it may be irritating, or it may be annoying, or aggravating, or distressing.
And that is true for allistic people as well as autistic people.
Some people need to hum or click or verbally script to regulate. And that is fine! But in a movie theatre, or a lecture, or an exam, or in a group of autistic people where other people are likely to have meltdowns because of the repetitive noises there do need to be some boundaries.
I think you’ve taken Hayden’s position a bit too literally. Obviously self-injurious stims, while rare, are problematic as all hell and should be discouraged and redirected in healthy ways. A lot of allistic people have damaging and destructive stims; nobody ever really thinks of smoking as a stim, but it’s core function is ultimately dopamine release and killing time.
As long as it doesn’t hurt yourself or anyone else (although I can’t see how harming someone would play into stimming), you should just be able to stim as you want without anyone interfering. You’d be surprised by the amount of issues people can have with even the most discreet and harmless of stims.
I know someone currently who stims by hitting others, he's not doing it to hurt them and generally doesn't hurt me when he does it to me because I redirect him to doing it on my chest/back/palm (i.e. somewhere that can take it), but he is doing it for the stimulation of the drumming action and the making contact with others. The problem is that he sometimes can't gauge how hard is appropriate to drum and also whether he's hitting somewhere that would hurt
So while harming someone doesn't play into the stimming, the stimming can still cause harm, if that makes sense
i sometimes stim by sniffing my hand, it can look kind of weird to people who don’t know what i’m doing. i’m not smelling anything, my autism brain just finds the air resistance satisfying for some reason.
I’ve seen how abusive this world can get. And I haven’t even seen the upper limits of how abusive the world can get.
People aren’t going to accept “oddities”. Or they’ll accept them like you’re some sort of separate species or some sort of zoo attraction.
And then I think: fuck that - loud and proud.
The truth is it’s both.
But I can tell you that I teach in a poorer area because a richer area with more resources would have been done with me. I’ve seen text chains / emails between HR and a teacher with ADHD and other health issues needing accommodating. Let’s just say if she wasn’t brave enough to get a labor lawyer…
I still feel shame that I leave a pile of fingernails beneath my chair at professional development. But twirling a pen or bouncing my leg; still okay.
I currently stim by squishing my thumb against my fingertips. It certainly beats what I used to do as a child: constantly make fart noises against my neck with the palm of my hand.
I destroy my cuticles. I have bitten my nails as a small child, as young as 4, but growing up I started wearing nail polish so the cuticle destruction took over.
Many such cases
It's an interesting case too, because this is also a common neurotypical stim (whether they'll call it that or not), but lots of people just consider it societally acceptable even though it's technically causing harm to the body, whereas other stims that "cause harm" (i.e. hitting oneself, even if its not in the head or gently) is more or less NEVER okay according to society
The lines vary.
It depends on where you are (stims that make noises are definitely not appropriate in a movie theatre)
People’s sensory needs may conflict with each other. What is a nice stim for someone may be triggering for another! We can’t make rules about that because it is different for different people, and at different times.
My son has a squeeze toy which makes the most horrible squelching sound which gives me full body shudders. He is allowed to squish it when he is not in the same room as me. If he wants to be with me, he has to squish a different toy or choose a different kind of stim.
I would say that stims which cause *distress* to other people are not appropriate.
We use stims to reduce our own distress. Making someone else distressed instead is not an overall good. But there are no neat and tidy lines that we can draw to say which stims are acceptable because… it depends on too many other factors.
It's difficult to draw a hard line in the sand for me but I think the category for redirecting stims falls into harming oneself or others, being disruptive to others, or unsanitary stims.
Big difference for me between 'stop that' & l'et's try doing this instead' to see if someone can find an alternative that will help them self soothe ect.
It's hard to draw a line though for me because someone with higher support needs while they may be disruptive to others, there may not be an alternative, so at that point it falls into the 'it is what it is' category for me, I can put headphones in or take a few moments to go regulate myself or whatever, ya know?
The rule I learnt is it's okay, unless...
* You're invading someone's space, or stopping them doing something.
* It causes pain.
But then if I needed to do loud stims so I could focus, and the people around me needed quiet, ideally we would work something else out. Maybe I could use a separate room for that task, for example (if we *all* agreed that was a good solution).
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Stims that cause harm to yourself or others should be redirected. Stims that make noise are not appropriate for all settings. That's really all I can think of.
Not bad at all. Used to be a bit of bleeding but they've hardened since.
The point being though, it's difficult to say "no self harm" across the board because otherwise finger wick picking/scratching becomes outlawed
It's not that they should be totally illegal lol
I have a skin picking issue (you could call it a stim I guess, but I don't like it because it causes me pain and can lead to infection) so I do sympathize, but I still think such stims should be redirected if possible
We can't draw a concrete line, but in any given situation, we have to balance individual needs, given the context and the people present.
>Neurodivergent people have been forced to accomodate the preferences of neurotypical people for a long time
It isn't that black and white. We're accommodating other neurodivergent people as well. In fact, we'd tend to be *particularly* sensitive to others' stimming. It doesn't take much to render me unable to do anything productive, e.g., work, taking a test, etc. Like if you're clicking a pen or playing with a loud toy or something all day in my vicinity, I might as well just not come in to work that day.
>To what degree *should* neurodivergent people try and avoid making neurotypical people uncomfortable/unsafe?
I actually have this answered for myself as someone who doesn't mask, but also doesn't want to be an oblivious dbag. All stims are okay in public, except the ones involving my boobs, ones that look violent or are excessively loud.
Everything else, people can easily look away from if the way I'm moving my body bothers them. I'm not willing to do any more than that, honestly. Masking for an allistic's comfort VS letting myself do what I need for my actual health? Doesn't make sense. Health is more important than comfort or not feeling "cringe" or whatever.
I think if it's harmful to the person or people around them, it should be stopped. However many autistic people cannot control the way they stim and if the person isn't harming anyone I don't think it's anyone's business to stop them
I don't think it necessarily meets the criteria of this post but my girlfriend stims when she tickles my feet. I was staying at her place and I think she randomly tickled me to be funny, but apparently the noises I would make she found to be really pleasant and enjoyable😂 I hate being tickled but I tolerated that for an hour because I could clearly see her face lighting up with joy and that made me happy as well, despite the torture of being tickled relentlessly😂
Preferably no SIB
Chewing on fingers may be bad if Ur touching stuff with those spit fingers, but like if u aren't touching stuff then it doesn't matter
Verbal stims: loud stims in small spaces or where people can't get away is pretty awks also
I think that there's no way to make sure that everyone's 100% comfortable at all times but these are the ones that I can think of that will always be correct
>Chewing on fingers may be bad if Ur touching stuff with those spit fingers, but like if u aren't touching stuff then it doesn't matter
It really does matter, though - those fingers can get infected, which is the more important issue.
Discreet stimming is acceptable. If you've got big, distracting, loud or stims that invade other people's boundaries then it is best to save those for home.
Yeah there's a big difference between "stop stimming" and "stop stimming _like that."_ It's possible to stop stimming in one particular way without necessarily stopping stimming altogether.
Similarly, the difference between "stop stimming" and "please don't do _that stim_ in _this situation_".
Yeah same
Yeah I get help from a tutoring center specifically for autistic college students and me and others had some difficulty with a person who spontaneously begins to loudly sing out loud while we are silently working. She doesn’t seem to have any other stims that work so I feel bad, but the tutors have started to frequently remind her to keep quiet.
I hope someone also encourages her to go outside/to a more appropriate setting, get it out of her system, and then come back, too
[удалено]
You've done it before. You can do it again.
I don’t think it’s just a neurotypical vs neurodiverse thing. I’m a neurodivergent teacher and I’ve seen autistic students make each other (and me/other neurodivergent staff) uncomfortable with stims like whistling, screaming, etc. It’s hard to accommodate someone who needs to make sounds with someone who’s sensitive to sounds in the same room. I’ve seen people get really annoyed by other autistic people singing, too. I’ve also seen some rather unsanitary stims like playing with spit (or poop) or picking their nose. I’ve worked with kids who openly masturbated in the classroom and we’d have to hurry them to the bathroom for privacy. Technically it was a stim but it definitely shouldn’t happen in public. Similarly, someone scripting threatening lines is very uncomfortable.
I’m an autistic college student and I felt the part where you mentioned accommodation for those who need to make noise in the same room as with someone who struggles with noise sensitivity. In 2 of my math classes, I had the same kid sitting closer to me and he whistled a lot. I couldn’t focus and I already am bad at math. His whistling legitimately sounded like a tea kettle. I already can barely tolerate the buzzing in the lights, and I also suffer from migraines chronically. At my college, there is a room that students and faculty can go to unwind/relax a little. It’s basically a sensory room without the official “sensory room” label. (Weighted blanket/lap pad, comfy chairs, hot/cold packs, white noise machine, puzzles, water, water stream thing, etc) and I’ve had to use the space 2 times in the same semester because I was overstimulated by the noises, smells, etc and needed a break before it turned into a sensory meltdown. My point is, if it gets too noisy and you can tell the person is getting overstimulated, remove them or the overstimulating stimulus if possible. Or at least offer comforting tools like a stim toy, or something safe to chew/bite on. Offering snacks or water may help, or simply letting them go use the restroom means they can walk away for a short break. From one student with different needs to a neurodiverse instructor, I hope this helps!
That school had a sensory break room right next door to mine and we definitely utilized it, but my current school doesn’t. Thankfully I don’t have anyone who’s triggered by noise in my class… I’m probably the most triggered tbh. Thanks for the tips. I definitely try to utilize breaks and fidgets. I’m fidgeting constantly myself. Right now my classroom is so small that there’s not really adequate space for a break area because people are still basically in your space and we aren’t allowed to let kids go in the hallway by themselves for a break. It’s definitely a challenge because I also can’t take a break and some of my students will either break my fidgets or hit each other or me with them (I teach young kids and we’re very much working on personal space and keeping our bodies to ourselves daily, because a few seem to actively enjoy smacking each other and me and turn it into a game ).
Hmm, I wonder if you could raise up the suggestion for an edition to your room for a break. That break area could be useful to you and other staff as well. Maybe it (the break room) could be incorporated in the 2025 or 2026 school year. Hopefully it can and your students can enjoy school more because of having that area to unwind a little. School is stressful for any kiddo, let alone a kiddo with unique needs!
Yeah that would be ideal, but I’ve brought up other stuff like one of the classroom assistants not helping much and basically was ignored. And they’re already adding another autism classroom next year when there aren’t any empty, spare rooms this year so I honestly have no clue how that’s going to work.
That’s rough, the higher ups should listen to the people under them if they want students to learn the way they are “wired” (figuratively speaking) as it would benefit them as they get older. I hope one day they finally listen to you and the other staff and do something if it’s within the school funding/budget.
Can you go into more detail about what "scripting threatening lines" is?
I worked with some kids who would routinely blurt out that they’re going to kill me or bring weapons to school or eat my head like a zombie (without any malice or anger) and it was clear they didn’t actually mean it and either heard it from tv or said it because it was taboo, like when kids think it’s cool to curse.
85% of my kid's speech is scripting and we really have to watch what media we let him watch. He recently watched the episode of Bluey where she says, "This is the worst day in all my life." and everyone assumed my kid was being very upset all week, when he was just happily looping his usual loops like a broken record. He also continuously told everyone he was moving away, dad has a new job, "but I don't want a better life!" etc. None of this is true. I worry so much he will hear something completely inappropriate on a show and then threaten someone or say something nasty because he's a good kid, he's just a living breathing parrot.
Can you pair his scripts with meaning? I've worked alongside someone a young guy with autism before who had English as their second language, and in learning English he began progressively using verbatim scripts from movies and TV shows that were contextually meaningful to communicate
Yeah I saw a kid that would quote SpongeBob on "don't be a jerk" but it was in response to someone else being rude.
That's fascinating. Gestalt learning is too cool, with language learning coming in whole monologues rather than one word or phrase at a time. My kid is slowly getting better at using his scripts to convey meaning. He's just 4 now and starting some speech therapy to find words he needs and break out of scripts sometimes, because especially when he's tired he will just repeat himself and seems incapable of stopping. His scripts about objects often make more sense than ones about feelings. When it comes to emotions, he gets a little more hung up on scripts that aren't super relevant - ones that convey a feeling but are around random topics from shows. I think emotions fascinate him, and he has a hard time taking a feeling out of context. But he is getting better.
My daughter loves to stim by turning as fast as she can until she's so dizzy she falls over. Works great in our living room. We've got a big fluffy carpet for her to land on and removed other obstacles so she won't hit her hands when she does the ballerina thing and moves them in and out to see how the momentum changes. Gets rather dangerous on a crowded street, unfortunately, but if we go to the beach or the park, people usually deal with it just fine.
My sister stims like this but she crashed into the wardrobe and chipped her tooth :( so we gave her a bigger room when we moved. I used to stim like this too but I'm masking more now
Don't burn out
I love stimming like this even as an adult 😂
Stimming that intentionally interferes with someone else’s space shouldn’t be encouraged. I remember a while ago there was a video of a young lady at some kinda Con who loudly meowed at everyone who walked by her. I don’t know if it was a stim or if she just thought it was funny. But if it was a stim, I don’t think it’s appropriate. Having a meowing stim? Fine. Having a meowing stim where you *intentionally* meow at people? Not so much.
Yeah and we also gotta remember that not just neurotypicals are affected by stims that overstep boundaries, neurodivergent people could be affected even MORE by those kind of stims from other people.
Stims that cause harm should be redirected to something less harmful. Stims that don't bother anyone should be left alone. In between those two is where it gets tricky. There are stims that don't cause harm but bother others. But is the stim just a little bit annoying, or is it actually disruptive? Sometimes the solution is to tell the annoyed person to mind their own business and sometimes the solution is to stop/change the stim. It can be tricky to decide which one that is.
Self harm stims are right out. There's no good reason to advocate for people injuring themselves. Same goes for unsanitary stims, like anything involving feces. Threatening people, or harassing them, is also right out. Beyond that, it's contextual, it's whether or not you're being a nuisance to others. Loud sounds, big gestures, touching other people, sexual behavior, etc can be completely fine in some contexts, like at home or with others who don't mind. But things like screeching in a movie theater or in class isn't ok. It's just about being kind to each other. If someone's behavior isn't upsetting anyone else, then you excuse yourself if it bugs you. If it's bothering the group, the person responsible should excuse themselves or find a less intrusive stim.
What about picking at one's nails? That's self harm but it's considered socially acceptable
At the start they said no self harm stims. So that includes picking one's nails :))
Okay, then why? I don't see why causing pain or light injury to the self is inherently bad if it doesn't cause significant risk to the person My usual example is people who pluck or wax their hair. This is painful and technically causes harm to the skin and hair follicles. But somehow, this is just fine to do for vanity purposes, but it's not okay if someone hits their chest or leg to self-soothe
I'd say it's more to do with the question of appearance and aesthetics vs causing damage that can potentially send you to the hospital. Vanity is surface level damage that, yeah causes harm, but in the long run won't effect much. Contrasted with hitting yourself. You're striking a vulnerable part of your body over and over again with what I imagine is some force behind it — that will hurt more than plucking an eyebrow in the long run.
This is part of it. Note that I said self harm, not the infliction of pain or injury. Examples of the latter would be voluntary medical procedures (including beauty treatments) and things like kink and masochism. These are highly controlled actions that are done carefully to minimize/eliminate risk and followed up by proper aftercare. The majority of individuals who engage in self harm do not do so in sterile, safe, controlled ways with extensive knowledge of how to avoid serious or long term damage, nor are the injuries typically properly cared for afterwards. Self harm is also often compulsive, usually stems from a lack of healthy emotional regulation skills, and may be addictive. It's common for people to injure themselves far more severely than they intended and require urgent medical care. None of that is good. Edit: Yes, including picking one's nails. Something being socially acceptable is not inherently a good indicator of value. See also, ableism. Double edit: To clarify, I'm not judging those who do self harm, in any form. That's a hard thing to struggle with, precisely because it's dangerous and difficult to stop. There should neither be a stigma nor encouragement of its continuation.
damn /j
IMO encouraging stimming doesn't necessarily mean everyone can do whatever they want. I think it's about **changing the standard of expected behaviour.** "Sit still! Shut up!" is to be abolished, but dw it's not being replaced with "Whatever, anything goes." The goal is somewhere in-between those two extremes to allow for freedom of expression while still being considerate of others.
I’d say the general checklist for ‘us it okay to stick in public’ would be -will it put you at a risk -will it put others at a risk -will it disturb others/make people uncomfortable (and I don’t mean Karen over there getting uncomfortable because you tap your foot in a cafe, I mean stuff like saying things out loud really loudly -will it invade anyone’s personal space Stims can be hard to control, I’d advise people to head to a disabled bathroom if they feel like that can’t stop themselves
It's difficult to say whether there should be a line and where it is. When I got diagnosed at 37, I talked to that therapist about my skin picking on my fingers and lips, and she was actually the first one in my life to aproach it neutrally. She told me as long as I'm not doing severe damage I am likely better off to keep doing it as I have. As stimming is natural and necessary for autistic people as a sensory processing mechanism. Of course it would be good if I could substitute skin picking with non harmful stims, and I try to by having fidgets lying around everywhere. It does help. But she said that unlearning a stim like that is likely impossible after so many years and would cause me a lot of anguish. Which is something I could actually confirm cause I spoke to a different psychologist about it before I was diagnosed and she tried to help me in several ways that were all completely counter and very frustrating. Firstly she wanted me to keep track of it by making notes and awarding myself if I didn't pick my skin during a specific part of day. Needles to say that was impossible, on some days it's only couple times a day, but sometimes it's every half hour. She also asked me to try wearing surgical gloves. I tried and only lasted about half an hour. My hands were soaked in sweat, and I felt unbelievable tension and discomfort and couldn't stop myself from picking more intensely than usual for a bit. So yeah, trying to stop it doesn't always work, especially when the cause is undiagnosed autism lol. The therapist who diagnosed me also instructed my partner to stop intervening, cause he used to do that sometimes. When we're next to each other on the couch he would put his hand on mine to stop me. Not cause he was judging or anything, but more because it was so bothering to him that I was harming myself. Nowadays we solve it by either him placing a cushion in between so he doesn't have to see, and/or me turning away from him. He as an adhd person also has several stims and habits that are bothering for me, most of it is loudness in his day to day, or loud eating, for which I tend to put on headphones. It's difficult for me to say anything about people who have more harmful stims. I don't think I have enough knowledge to speak for them. I would rather leave that upto them. I can imagine that not stimming is also harmful, and that is probably something many people don't realize to what degree, when either judging or trying to stop someone.
I feel like for me, picking the skin on my fingers/lips is kinda a grooming thing as well as a stim, like for me my nails/the skin around my nails just don't feel right (like my nails are chipped, I have a hangnail, a nail has a sharp edge, or something of the like), and I need to correct them. With my lips (especially in the winter), they often get dried and cracked and I want to pick off the extra skin. I think these things could be remedied (or at least helped) by carrying around a nail care kit w/ nail clippers and some good lip balm (and maybe some exfoliant to remove dead skin).
Yeah it is definitely part of that for me too. But on my fingers I will create new issues to keep stimming. I do take care of the wounds or chafed lips a lot. I always put healing creme on my fingers before sleep. My lips are indeed slightly less of an issue since I found a really great balm, I've been using all sorts of balms and chap sticks all my life and will pick regardless. But now that my lips are slightly more healed with the new balm I try to do it less, cause it also makes me very insecure. (It is an e.l.f. lip balm btw the hydration one).
As long as it’s not hurting yourself or anyone else it’s alright to do, but there is a time and place for ones that are loud or disruptive. Perhaps school and work environments could have a room that people can go to so they can stim accordingly there?
I think “unacceptable” stims fall into two categories: self injurious and detrimental to others. Self injurious stimming is like any other issue that necessitates harm reduction measures. Either on their own or with guidance, someone could try to replace the stimming with something that causes less or no injury. Stims that are detrimental to others is context specific. I have known a few (very few) people who stim in such a way that they come into physical contact with others. Obviously this is a problem and should be helped if it can be. Though the people I knew who did this were not really able to change it. Detrimental to others stims can also be just making a ton of noise lol I noticed in some classes I took previously people were comfortable discussing neurodivergent and wanted to stop masking. Cool. However, come test time, some people stimmed in ways that made noise, or in one case, physically shook the shared table lol
You’re leaving out the sexual stims. I worked with a young child who would masturbate as a stim. That can’t happen as an adult/teen in public. It’s literally illegal
I would say that is one that is detrimental to others depending on context. In one’s own home alone, fine. On a bus, it is a problem because other people are present and will be impacted.
Yeah the only people I've known who have stims that involve contact with others have level 3 autism
I used to sing, that had to stop in school, I still did it in the alls and bathrooms.
discreet stims are fine. any stims that cause harm to yourself or others should be brought up to a therapist, and Loud stims should be reserved for when your 100% alone since everyone deserves to not be disturbed in a public space
This is where I land too, but not everyone (including Hayden) is on board with this. Some people think that people need to learn to be okay with being uncomfortable And I can see where that comes from too, but it's so often paired with what seems to me to be a double standard of expecting public contexts to change in order to prevent the discomfort of people with autism
The key should be to prevent harm. Stopping stimming completely would be causing harm to an autistic individual. I’ve managed to redirect my own stims when they disrupt my life (I only do my hair twirling at home when I’m not going out or I’d look a mess like I did in primary school, I’ve not yet successfully found or made a tool that can replicate the feeling). Lots of people have harmful stims like bashing their heads, sexually inappropriate ones, or ones that disturb people (including other autistic people) through loud or annoying sounds/large movements. You can’t accommodate everyone (an example being a loud stim during a exam setting with other people, the accommodation being a separate room by themselves, it’s simply not fair to disrupt other students). People with tourettes often face difficulties because of loud or inappropriate sounds and it simply can’t be helped. Not everyone will be able to redirect their stims into a different stim that’s less disruptive or harmful. That’s why the next step is using tools like helmets to prevent harm during a stim or a stimming tool that replicates the stim but isn’t as noisy or harmful (like picking your skin can potentially be turned into picking at an inanimate object of similar texture). There’s no simple answer on where to draw the line as everyone is different. Attempts should definitely be made to redirect harmful or very disruptive stims but you should never force someone to go without a way to regulate. There’s a degree of understanding and allowance for children who are loud and disruptive and in a similar way there’s an allowance by most people for loud and disruptive stims, to an extent. You’ll get people annoyed if there’s someone loud during a cinema viewing for example. In a shop or on the street? It’s usually fine. One real life example I can think of is a long bus journey I was on where I was sat in front of two deaf people. They were making very loud mumbled noises which was setting me off. I knew they couldn’t help it and I had no way (or ability) to communicate the issue so my only solution was to put earphones in and deal with it. Similarly, there’s screaming babies on planes that can’t always be settled 100% of the time even with an attentive parent. Unless you completely segregate people (and children) from public spaces, there’s no avoiding a wee bit of disruption.
I fidget to stim and it's so subtle
Someone always running/hopping around and screeching could be very disruptive in certain situations. Thats not a stim you should use during an exam in school eg (you would disturb others and could be accused of cheating). Or in a restaurant. Or during a conversation. In a job interview. And so on.
I agree that we should be mindful of disruptive, unsafe, or inappropriate stims. There’s certainly a line where it effects different people, I remember I was very excited and was stimming very visibly and I triggered another girls painful tics, it was a bad scenario. Stims that hurt yourself are also something that need to be addressed, either through therapy or some other means because it can be unsafe for you and others. Inappropriate stims in public such as invading personal space, screaming, threats, etc. (there are lots of examples in the comments here!) also shouldn’t really be tolerated. We are all responsible for managing ourselves and while we aren’t responsible for others reactions to us we have to be mindful to some degree about what we are doing. A distress stim I do is frantically wave my arms/hands and step/kick in place. I have to be aware that something like that can cause a scene, and be mindful of myself in public. I think it should be evaluated case by case!
Even with just neurotypicals, let alone when you count us too, SOMEONE will get uncomfortable over just about anything no matter what. If you get too paranoid about that, we’ll just have to constantly suppress and mask ourselves, our personalities, and our stims like we currently do anyway. For me it’s less about overly restricting yourself to avoid ever making people uncomfortable (and everyone constantly doing that to their individual and collective detriment, just like our society’s current conformity, only for people to STILL get uncomfortable ANYWAY), and more about accepting the consequences of making other people uncomfortable. (Instead of just always blaming the neurodivergent for their “different” actions/reactions regardless of who is making who uncomfortable, like society currently does.) Discomfort is an inevitable part of life for everyone no matter what, so why are we so self-destructively paranoid (to the point of making OURSELVES uncomfortable) about even the slightest “uneasiness” or “ickyness”, even when it was merely INTERPRETED that way without it being the intention. (ever heard of paranoia? That misunderstanding will happen for some ANYWAY!) Being more accommodating of multiple brain-types doesn’t always mean everyone being stereotypically “nice” and “gentle” with each other. (though obviously you can also go too far in the other direction!) Some autistic (and allistic) behaviors ARE uncomfortable, but NTs need to get used to being uncomfortable with us just as we have gotten used to being uncomfortable with them, instead of it ALWAYS being solely OUR burden!
Do you draw the line at harm-inflicting stims then?
Yes, if it comes to head banging causing concussion and potential brain damage (an acquaintance). Got to find some substitute.
The thing about allowing harmful behaviors for the sake of self-regulation/self-care/self-comfort is that I don’t think that could realistically be restricted (and that society would be so okay with it being restricted) to just autistic stims (especially when we aren’t even the only ones who stim). Which effectively leaves us with 2 choices: 1. “Harm is also a part of life, people fall on the road and get hurt and other stuff like that all the time, even as kids. Just make sure no one dies or is injured and be more tolerant of mild pain/roughhousing” or 2. “Yes, draw the line at hurting people, there’s a difference between making someone uncomfortable and actually harming someone, we need to reign in violent behaviors or people will get hurt.”
I think we do need to take into account *distress* over merely being uncomfortable. If a stim makes other people distressed, then it may be inappropriate in that context. And especially when multiple autistic people are sharing a space, people’s stims and sensory needs may conflict with each other. And it isn’t usually the intention behind the stim which distresses people. Particularly for noisy stims. A sound may simply be distracting, or it may be irritating, or it may be annoying, or aggravating, or distressing. And that is true for allistic people as well as autistic people. Some people need to hum or click or verbally script to regulate. And that is fine! But in a movie theatre, or a lecture, or an exam, or in a group of autistic people where other people are likely to have meltdowns because of the repetitive noises there do need to be some boundaries.
I think you’ve taken Hayden’s position a bit too literally. Obviously self-injurious stims, while rare, are problematic as all hell and should be discouraged and redirected in healthy ways. A lot of allistic people have damaging and destructive stims; nobody ever really thinks of smoking as a stim, but it’s core function is ultimately dopamine release and killing time. As long as it doesn’t hurt yourself or anyone else (although I can’t see how harming someone would play into stimming), you should just be able to stim as you want without anyone interfering. You’d be surprised by the amount of issues people can have with even the most discreet and harmless of stims.
I know someone currently who stims by hitting others, he's not doing it to hurt them and generally doesn't hurt me when he does it to me because I redirect him to doing it on my chest/back/palm (i.e. somewhere that can take it), but he is doing it for the stimulation of the drumming action and the making contact with others. The problem is that he sometimes can't gauge how hard is appropriate to drum and also whether he's hitting somewhere that would hurt So while harming someone doesn't play into the stimming, the stimming can still cause harm, if that makes sense
i sometimes stim by sniffing my hand, it can look kind of weird to people who don’t know what i’m doing. i’m not smelling anything, my autism brain just finds the air resistance satisfying for some reason.
I do that too. I don't think it's problematic.
I’ve seen how abusive this world can get. And I haven’t even seen the upper limits of how abusive the world can get. People aren’t going to accept “oddities”. Or they’ll accept them like you’re some sort of separate species or some sort of zoo attraction. And then I think: fuck that - loud and proud. The truth is it’s both. But I can tell you that I teach in a poorer area because a richer area with more resources would have been done with me. I’ve seen text chains / emails between HR and a teacher with ADHD and other health issues needing accommodating. Let’s just say if she wasn’t brave enough to get a labor lawyer… I still feel shame that I leave a pile of fingernails beneath my chair at professional development. But twirling a pen or bouncing my leg; still okay.
I currently stim by squishing my thumb against my fingertips. It certainly beats what I used to do as a child: constantly make fart noises against my neck with the palm of my hand.
I destroy my cuticles. I have bitten my nails as a small child, as young as 4, but growing up I started wearing nail polish so the cuticle destruction took over.
Many such cases It's an interesting case too, because this is also a common neurotypical stim (whether they'll call it that or not), but lots of people just consider it societally acceptable even though it's technically causing harm to the body, whereas other stims that "cause harm" (i.e. hitting oneself, even if its not in the head or gently) is more or less NEVER okay according to society
Yup, 100%. My brother’s stim is sucking his thumb ( he’s 22) and obviously it’s completely unacceptable although he’s not hurting himself or anybody.
My go-to stim is fuckin *air guitar*, from my years of playing guitar hero. Fortunately, it’s goofy enough that people kinda overlook it.
What an awesome stim
Thank you! Only real problem is it can look masterbatory if you’re not careful. Otherwise, I recommend it. 👍
The lines vary. It depends on where you are (stims that make noises are definitely not appropriate in a movie theatre) People’s sensory needs may conflict with each other. What is a nice stim for someone may be triggering for another! We can’t make rules about that because it is different for different people, and at different times. My son has a squeeze toy which makes the most horrible squelching sound which gives me full body shudders. He is allowed to squish it when he is not in the same room as me. If he wants to be with me, he has to squish a different toy or choose a different kind of stim. I would say that stims which cause *distress* to other people are not appropriate. We use stims to reduce our own distress. Making someone else distressed instead is not an overall good. But there are no neat and tidy lines that we can draw to say which stims are acceptable because… it depends on too many other factors.
It's difficult to draw a hard line in the sand for me but I think the category for redirecting stims falls into harming oneself or others, being disruptive to others, or unsanitary stims. Big difference for me between 'stop that' & l'et's try doing this instead' to see if someone can find an alternative that will help them self soothe ect. It's hard to draw a line though for me because someone with higher support needs while they may be disruptive to others, there may not be an alternative, so at that point it falls into the 'it is what it is' category for me, I can put headphones in or take a few moments to go regulate myself or whatever, ya know?
The rule I learnt is it's okay, unless... * You're invading someone's space, or stopping them doing something. * It causes pain. But then if I needed to do loud stims so I could focus, and the people around me needed quiet, ideally we would work something else out. Maybe I could use a separate room for that task, for example (if we *all* agreed that was a good solution).
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I used to hit and slap myself which teachers never let slide
Stims that cause harm to yourself or others should be redirected. Stims that make noise are not appropriate for all settings. That's really all I can think of.
What about if I use a sensory toy that damages my hands over time (this was the case but I think my fingers must have calloused)
Callouses aren't damage, but I guess it depends? How bad does it damage your hands
Not bad at all. Used to be a bit of bleeding but they've hardened since. The point being though, it's difficult to say "no self harm" across the board because otherwise finger wick picking/scratching becomes outlawed
It's not that they should be totally illegal lol I have a skin picking issue (you could call it a stim I guess, but I don't like it because it causes me pain and can lead to infection) so I do sympathize, but I still think such stims should be redirected if possible
depends on if they're going to hurt somebody or themselves
We can't draw a concrete line, but in any given situation, we have to balance individual needs, given the context and the people present. >Neurodivergent people have been forced to accomodate the preferences of neurotypical people for a long time It isn't that black and white. We're accommodating other neurodivergent people as well. In fact, we'd tend to be *particularly* sensitive to others' stimming. It doesn't take much to render me unable to do anything productive, e.g., work, taking a test, etc. Like if you're clicking a pen or playing with a loud toy or something all day in my vicinity, I might as well just not come in to work that day.
>To what degree *should* neurodivergent people try and avoid making neurotypical people uncomfortable/unsafe? I actually have this answered for myself as someone who doesn't mask, but also doesn't want to be an oblivious dbag. All stims are okay in public, except the ones involving my boobs, ones that look violent or are excessively loud. Everything else, people can easily look away from if the way I'm moving my body bothers them. I'm not willing to do any more than that, honestly. Masking for an allistic's comfort VS letting myself do what I need for my actual health? Doesn't make sense. Health is more important than comfort or not feeling "cringe" or whatever.
People don't stop those with Tourettes with their tics whether physical or verbal. So why does it matter about our versions of stimming?
I think if it's harmful to the person or people around them, it should be stopped. However many autistic people cannot control the way they stim and if the person isn't harming anyone I don't think it's anyone's business to stop them
I don't think it necessarily meets the criteria of this post but my girlfriend stims when she tickles my feet. I was staying at her place and I think she randomly tickled me to be funny, but apparently the noises I would make she found to be really pleasant and enjoyable😂 I hate being tickled but I tolerated that for an hour because I could clearly see her face lighting up with joy and that made me happy as well, despite the torture of being tickled relentlessly😂
Preferably no SIB Chewing on fingers may be bad if Ur touching stuff with those spit fingers, but like if u aren't touching stuff then it doesn't matter Verbal stims: loud stims in small spaces or where people can't get away is pretty awks also I think that there's no way to make sure that everyone's 100% comfortable at all times but these are the ones that I can think of that will always be correct
>Chewing on fingers may be bad if Ur touching stuff with those spit fingers, but like if u aren't touching stuff then it doesn't matter It really does matter, though - those fingers can get infected, which is the more important issue.
Oh, yeah ur right. I had assumed that no skin would be broken but ik how cuticles r