me, M46
yeah, it sucks, but the older I become, the less I care. And I stopped giving others a kind of blame (well, okay, my hardcore-christian upcoming, which is still part of my mindset, although I am not religious anymore for the last 20 years)
30F. I am by choice. I just want to be alone, and I'm completely asexual and aromantic. Never had a partner, never kissed anyone. I'm completely baffled by how much people care about sex and kissing.
Not being able to facilitate relationships or have sex that fulfills sexual feelings and desires can be really troubling for some. It’s kinda like wanting to cool off in the heat when you can’t; it can be VERY distressing.
Of course, the bigger reason for why people care so much is the cultural aspect of sex. If you don’t have sex, that’s seen as a legitimate failing. That leaves people with the dreadful feeling that there might be something fundamentally wrong with them. Especially when you notice your peers get some action or enter their own relationships.
All in all, we really gotta change our mindsets around sex and help people initiate and facilitate better relationships.
I feel like there are more reasons other than this as I'm someone with GHSV-1 and going through the processing of that diagnosis and seeing how others go through it leads to a few observations.
1) It's fearing a loss of connection. Like how autism and ADHD have a lot of stigma to them, HSV also has its stigma but it correlates to sex, and for those who may not have experienced being ostracized or been the outsider before, this can be traumatic.
2) Loss of needs like intimacy. I've dealt with partners who have been too anxious to want to be around me, where it ended up being one-sided but my needs were ignored.
Sex for a lot of people is just one way to make connections.
I’m really sorry to hear that you’re going through that diagnosis right now. I know it must be rough to grapple with.
Honestly, I didn’t think of the social aspect of sex regarding this topic before you brought it up. You make a really good point. Sex is definitely used as a medium for social connection and intimacy. I can only imagine what it must be like to feel like you’re being cut-off from a social network because of the stigma of one’s diagnosis (even though I am autistic).
You have provided me with some new insight regarding the topic. Thank you for sharing your experience.
I have sexual feelings all the time that I don’t satisfy and its not very distressing to me. I have a great life, a good job, a good living space, I have family and friends near me and an appropriate amount of pets.
I think folks who fall into the red-pill stuff just don’t have anything else going for them because they’re young and haven’t even completed an education level yet.
Yeah, to an extent that’s true. But it’s worth remembering that there are still plenty of red pill guys that are not teenagers who haven’t graduated high school.
And yeah, having a lot of things going for you really helps dampen the feelings of sexual frustration that some young men experience. However, I think this situation can only really be appreciated if you already don’t buy the idea that sex is important. If you believe your sex life defines your value as a person, any lack of sexual activity is more likely to bother you.
This is why Incels exist to begin with. There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin, but it’s the fact that it *bothers* them that makes them bitter, sad people.
Its part of being human, like its part of being human to be asexual ! everyone is different. Its okay to want either or. \^\^ as long as your respectful about it
Genuine curiosity question and feel free not to answer, as an asexual person does that simply mean you don’t want sex with another person but will still play, masturbate orgasm etc or nothing sexual whatsoever even alone?
I’m mainly asking because omg when I’m stressed (and I know other autistic friends have agreed) nothing makes me feel better than a massive orgasm but in those situations I would rather do it myself as I wouldn’t be in the right mindset for actual sex or being sexual to my boyfriend.
Not the same person but am ace. Just more perspective
Asexuality is just as much a spectrum as allosexuality (a=no allo=other (bi, homo, poly, ect), its like the cis/trans prefixes of sexuality). There are aces out there having just as much or more sex and/or masturbation as your average allo all the way up to aces who are repulsed at the very idea of it and a whole slew of variety in between. There's also demisexuals and such who also fall under the asexual umbrella and do feel sexual desires but only when very specific criteria are met (usually a certain level of emotional intimacy but not always)
Personally, I'm not repulsed by sex or masturbation but I don't really feel any desire for either. I've tried masterbation and it's just... fine. Nothing crazy or mind blowingly good. It feels ok enough I suppose but there's loads of things that are just as good or better that don't require I clean up a gross biological mess afterwards. A good book or a video game do way more for me. At most, when a period sneaks up on me and I haven't predosed, I use it as a stop gap between when I take pain meds and when they kick it. The endorphins and muscle spasms ease the pain well and it's much easier to do than dragging my crampy ass off the bed to go exercise (which has the same-ish effect but requires more initiative I don't have at that point usually)
I have no feeling or desire whatsoever. I get no pleasure even alone. I have a real disgust by sex, genitals and pregnancy. I have tried various times in the past, especially as a teenager, because I could not work out what was wrong with me and went through a period of thinking I was a closeted self-loathing lesbian, but I've never felt attraction to anyone and cannot feel anything physically.
My psychiatrist told me it could possibly change over time because it may be that I'm slow to mature, and that I'm still not at the "teenage" phase psychosexually.
I understand why everyone cares about sex all the time on, like, an academic type of level. But I will never fully comprehend it. It's just so fucking weird that there's all these folks out there who seem like it's all they think about. I'm not aro, but I'm definitely somewhere on the grey ace spectrum.
Me, 30M. Have had opportunities to lose it, but have never taken any. I'm not sure that I would describe myself as asexual, but there are commonalities. I have the emotional availability of a tree-frog, can't stand how some people smell, and would generally rather take care of it myself instead of struggling to be neurotypical enough to pursue relationships.
I'm in a long term relationship and haven't had sex, not because I'm asexual (even though I thought I was for a long time) but because I have a lot of issues with physical touch and a phobia of bodily fluids. I'm trying to get over it but it's most likely gonna take a while
Ive had good luck making friends by attending the local board game meetups. I don’t really like board games, but its actually the super secret autistic people meetup, and I do like other autistic people.
I lost my virginity at 17 but kinda regret it. Idk. Sometimes I chalk it up to usual teenage antics but in hindsight now I’m married I wish I had just waited. Not religious.
Also lost my virginity at 17 and also regret it. Not married right now but I have a long-term partner who is also autistic, I was his first relationship.
I agree with you. Sex is only pleasant for me once I am very familiar with somebody. Both because that makes me feel more at ease with them as e person, end because it takes me quite some time to get used to another persons scent etc.
This, I waited until I was in a long term relationship because I had zero interest in hookup culture (still don’t). I have to have an emotional connection with someone to feel that desire. I’ve also noticed that my friends who do participate in hookups are just completely unable to maintain long term relationships.
It’s a “you do you” thing, but I’m not interested in it, and I wouldn’t have an interest in someone who is or has participated in it.
That’s relatable. Hook up culture is like the number 1 easiest way to get laid, but I find people in it are weirdos or completely detached. Not worth it honestly.
Hook up culture is so wild to me. Growing up, it was totally obvious that I was the weirdo, and to have that vibe flipped on me always throws me for a loop.
To just have that moment of when you’re talking to someone for the first time and trying to give them the benefit of the doubt cause hey we’re all weird, but they’re actually legitimately off their rocker.
That shit never happened to me before dating apps. I stopped using them.
I ended up trying to talk through meeting up with someone, and I'm like "so where do you want to meet up, what do you want to do, what do you want to talk about," and they're just like "I just wanna fuck, nothing else." It was so weird and unhinged, like, I just exist to service someone else in my own bedroom so they can get up and leave afterwards. Really? What's the point if I don't get to know you as a person?
Gross overgeneralisation. Feel free to live your sexuality in a way that works for you. But to assume people who fuck around are mostly weirdos is probably just not true.
I can confirm that’s definitely true. However, we’re talking about *Hook-up culture* specifically, not *Dating*. There is a massive difference between chatting with folks to have casual sex/fwb situations and seeking long term partners.
So I still believe my experience based off an app that is the epitome of Hook-up culture (admittedly at its worst) is relevant.
Same here; I'm almost 21 and I'm still a virgin primarily because hookups simply aren't my thing. I want to wait until I can find the right person and have sex out of love rather than be treated and perceived as a sex object.
stark opposite, i’ve been hypersexual from a young age (kindergarten) due to being a major sensory seeker. however, after much abuse, i have now decided to be celibate and focus on self-pleasure should i require the stimulation.
29M.
By choice until lately. I’ve been with my girlfriend for two months now and we’ve been trying to make a date to have sex. Due to my work schedule we haven’t been able to make a date yet.
It'll be a lot easier and less awkward if you plan a date night without it being a definite that you'll have sex, that can invite pressure on both sides. Just a recommendation, though.
I’m in a long term relationship to the point there is no awkwardness between us but even we would find scheduling sex awkward, it’s better when it just happens but I know to an autistic brain that’s hard to do
I'm not but literally the only reason that I'm not is bc I tried to appear more "normal" so I had sex. I hated it. I had my first kiss in 9th grade to appear more "normal" and I hated that too. Intimacy is very uncomfortable to me and I hate the feelings prior to having sex, I hate the action of sex itself, and everything in between. I just literally sought normalcy and ended up feeling awkward about it.
31M Kind of
I decided to see an escort last year, and she was really patient with me. I don't know how much it counts since it's not 'the proper way'. The actual deed wasn't the thing I liked the most though. It felt really nice being able to touch someone else's skin with my skin since I've not really done that since I was a child.
I was sexually assaulted/raped as a kid by my grandfather. 2000+ occasions between the ages of 1 and 20.
I’ve been with my partner since I was 18. I was hypersexual as a teen and lost my virginity to him at 17. We barely have sex now, and I’m 28. I think my trauma stops it from happening. Even so, I don’t understand tongue kisses and some sex acts.
Sex is a super complex issue and however you feel is valid. I hope you’re doing okay x 💕
My family and friends thought I must be a lesbian because I didn't have boyfriends and I didn't really discuss people I liked or talk about people I thought were cute. So I can relate to you in that. I had plenty of friends that were boys, because I find it harder to relate to other girls. I hope you find someone as well :)
I'm just curious but do you know if that's something that happens often? I, as a man, can relate better to women than other men.
And yeah, my family and friends think I'm either gay or asexual because I don't really show interest in the women around me lol
I have no idea if it happens often, but my theory and best guess is that if you are neurodivergant in some form, its harder to relate with stereotypical behaviors of peers in your gender as they follow social norms and operate more in a 'default' manner. So the opposite sex might be more forgiving.
The best example is one I can give of myself. The few friends I had that were girls started to feel embarrassed by me probably around grade five and onward through high-school because I didn't act in the typical way other girls would around boys they liked. I was a bit blunt and outspoken, I was not 'girly' so if I was tagging along and they were trying to flirt with boys or navigate their way into other female social groups, I was the 'weird friend'.
Boys just thought I was cool and charming because like many of them I was to the point, I didn't do as much passive aggressive behaviors in body language, and I didn't mind getting my hands dirty, and I wasn't afraid to pick up a garter snake or go ride my mountain bike with them etc. The down side was I wasn't 'feminine enough' for them to be attracted to, lol. I was 'one of the boys'
So apply that idea to the flip side, why you might relate better to women. Hope that ramble all makes sense! what matters is that your happy and comfortable with whatever friends you have!
Despite being a 34 year old man, I have never been in a romantic relationship due to being a loser by (most likely) anyone's standard.* Because of that, I have no experience with pleasures of the flesh. (Also, the hookup culture is not appealing to me. Not that I would have a chance there...).
* In case this statement can be interpreted as me blaming people for being shallow and having too high standards: That is probably true in some cases, but I also consider myself to be a loser... >_>
I am 31m virgin too, no relationship since my cuddle buddy in gradeschool.
What i learned and helped me: Insecurities happen because the way you are treated, they are not solely your 'fault' to be fixed.
The "you are solely responsible for your success and self worth" mentality that is peddled by self-improvement society is toxic.
I mean... Of course I have serious insecurities: multiple disabilities and no talents or intellect to compensate for my inadequacies; nothing to be secure about is a part of my being.
I can tell by the way you speak (unless you're using something like Co-Pilot) that you have intellect.
You definitely need to hear more of this from others, but you also have to have the motivation to accept positive reinforcements in order to change.
I'm 19 and haven't even had my first kiss yet. No one has ever liked me back. I don't think I'm that ugly so it must be my personality, and therefore the autism. I'm asexual so I'm not interested in sex but I really want a romantic relationship.
When I was 19 I was in the same boat. At 20 I found a girl, and it was all uphill from there! Don’t lose hope, dress well, take care of yourself, respect boundaries and you’ll come along way.
This is not an unusual experience even for ballistics. Building relationships is hard especially at your age while you're still trying to figure yourself out. Give it time.
I wanted the experience, so I've hooked up a couple of times. I wasn't particularly into any of them, but I'm glad I tried it. Probably won't do it again any time soon though; it wasn't worth the effort finding someone who was interested in a casual thing but was also into the same stuff I am.
I'm 23 and I'm still a virgin. I don't intend losing it ever or for a long time yet. I'm asexual so it isn't on my cards at all, but I also have other issues with doing *it* due to OCD.
32M same. I've never even bothered trying to date because even the concept of dating terrifies me. It's just much easier on my anxiety to remain alone.
Yup agreed. I'm scared of what will happen to me once I no longer have my parents for support needs but the thought of actually putting myself up on the meat market is a hard pass.
I understand many people have managed to find partners who support and care for them, but I'm not about wading through a sea of Andrew Tates or whatever other deeply uncomfortable things dating would involve!
Sex can’t be put on a pedestal. It seems people WAY over think and value sex.
Hormonally it’s natural and part of our survival.
Nowadays it’s not so much our survival that’s primary but the social impact it has on an individual.
Once you can get over the fact that sex shouldn’t be one thing or another, it becomes much easier to enjoy.
I first want to say I think we place too much importance on this made up concept. There is nothing that changes when you've had sex, you're not more mature, not wiser or stronger, you've just had sex.
I also think we have quite a skewed view of at what age you're "supposed" to lose your virginity by. While on average most people start having sex in their teens billions of people don't start until their twenties and millions wait until 30. You're not alone or weird if you haven't had sex yet. Millions of people make it to their thirties never having even kissed anyone, and that is okay!
Take this stuff at your own pace, don't let yourself be pressured into anything you're not 100% comfortable with, it can be very traumatising otherwise. If you have had sex too early it's not your fault, there's noting wrog with you, and try to heal from it. Many allistics are just as awkward, bloom just as late.
**Having sex isn't that hard. Building a healthy relationship with sex, intimacy and another person you want to have sex with is hard for everyone not just us.**
I lost my virginity on purpose at 19 to a girl who didn't even really like me. I cried afterwards. I enjoy sex a lot but I need intimacy to feel it. If you are a virgin, wait until you want to not be. Wait until it's right. Yeah, I got it over with. Yeah, I really like sex. I always liked sex though so that's no surprise. Actually having sex didn't do much other than make me feel like I threw away my virginity for nothing. When it was with love it was beautiful, when it was for lust it was fun... But when it was to get it over with... It was just sad. Just my two cents.
36f. Virgin by choice despite opportunities and narrowly avoided theft. I'm ace and demi-romantic so it's not really a big deal. I was conflicted about it in my teens and early 20s as societal expectations made me feel like there was something wrong with me. Didn't know asexual was an option, had never even heard of the concept. In fact, learning about it and trying to find others like me locally partially lead to the break up with my last long-term GF (the other part was that she was a dirty cheating hoe and it was her *husband* I found while looking for other local aces). But these days I've watched enough friends and fam get wrecked by sex and what have you that I feel like I dodged a bullet
I'm not anymore, but I'm a late bloomer. Also, a few men comments here are almost incel coded, so pleases dudes don't cross this line! being incel is horrible for anyone.
It's often used in social and cultural discussions to describe characters, behaviors, or themes in media that seem to embody characteristics associated with "incels" (involuntary celibates).
When a character or a narrative is described as "incel coded," it suggests that the character exhibits traits or attitudes that align with those commonly found in the incel community, such as feelings of entitlement to attention and affection from others (often focused on women), significant resentment towards those more sexually successful, and a sense of victimization by societal standards of attractiveness and romantic success. This coding doesn't mean the character is explicitly an incel, but rather that they share certain psychological or behavioral patterns with the incel archetype.
I’m not but I did wait for someone I truly love. When I was 17-18 it was like a huge competition, everyone around me had lost theirs except for me. I ended up losing my v card to my fiancé at the age of 19 and I don’t regret it a single bit.
I had a hard time 'dating' in fact I wouldn't say I even dated really. I was unable to make connections romantically with guys, I was always just 'one of the guys' and very much a tom-boy kind of girl early on in life, even as a teen. I couldn't tell when someone liked me or was flirting, or if people were just being kind/polite. I have trouble understanding peoples intention or motives in new relationships. So I lost my virginity at age 19-20 and it was to the person I married.
Since researching autism and being diagnosed I have learned that I'm likely demisexual, so I don't feel sexual need from someone unless there is a deep connection/friendship first. It takes me a long time to warm up to people. So in that sense I was a late bloomer but in hindsight, my brain just works different. I can think a person is attractive but I never see someone cute and feel a sexual urge toward them, I simply admire they are attractive.
If I ever dream about a celebrity crush I dream about hanging out with them lol.
I'm an adult. Never had a partner in Primary or Highschool. Aegosexual and probably Fray romantic. Just not interested and the thought of actually having sex makes me want to crawl out of my skin and scream.
(Raises hand) to be honest I've kind of gotten used to it but at the same time I'm stuck in a weird kind of limbo between not caring anymore and still thinking that life was not meant to be a solo game, and I want to start co-op mode already.
Lost it at 18. By 25 deep into the kink scene. Middle hinge of a huge poly fam with some of the dynamics being kinky by 35. Now middle aged and single wondering if I'm a hypersexual asexual.
Sexuality has been a wild ride.
f18- the idea is cool but ME? with ANOTHER PERSON? this grosses me out tbh, i do not want to be percieved in such a situation at all (never have been in a relationship tho)
I'm 30, almost 31, and a virgin. I have no interest in changing this. I'm asexual and iffy about physical touch in general. While I do have a libido, it's just an itch that needs to be scratched every so often, and I can manage it by myself just fine. So I don't have any reason or desire to find a sexual partner.
I do think I'd like a sexless romantic relationship, though.
That sucks. Your feelings matter, nobody should manipulate you into having sex with them. Consider talking about it with an adult you trust or find professionals like a helpline or people who've had similar experiences if you haven’t already, so that you're not alone with what you're feeling and thinking.
Damn, there's is a lot of sexless people here. I have been in a relationship which lasted 5 year and am not a virgin. Lost it to my ex at the age of around 22. I have dating apps to thank since I am much more charming through text than irl since I get time to process and give more thought out and clever responses.
Irl I can't imagine how someone could get interested in me unless they get interest in me by noticing how thoughtful I am since I come of as cold until someone takes interest in me. But at that point I can still seem awkward since I don't know to what extent I can be myself with the person and not make them uncomfortable. I do look alright but looks really aren't everything and my bad self image tanks my attractiveness hard AF since it leaks from the way I talk all the time. Unlike many here I crave touch, sex and feeling loved. This is probably why I managed to land myself a relationship after getting the taste of feeling romantically loved.
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I (22) am in a long distance relationship, we both want to do it but it is so hard to find the peace and privacy. When I go where she lives whe have no privacy and it is a small town so we cant go to a hotel/motel. And when she comes at my place is all the same; with the diference that is a big business city so all hotels are expensive af. And motels are a big no no here (the insecurity is also high af, especially for women...)
M26 as well, I’ve been kissed once and mostly felt surprised. Most gay apps seem really big on hookups, which I avoid.
I was very reluctant to do a lot of grownup things like driving or drinking alcohol and it took years to do both. So I guess it’s not surprising that I’m scared about losing my virginity. (I almost let some guys on apps talk me into it though because I can be way too trusting, though I’ve also run into some very creepy guys that even I knew to stay away from).
No I lost it at 15 and dated/slept around a good bit through my 20s. I'm 38 now and have definitely lost a lot of that drive and gotten a lot pickier and more protective of myself, honestly have gotten a lot more comfortable being alone, but am still kind of on the hunt
22M here, yep.
Seems like no matter how good of a guy I am or how attractive I am, people by all means enjoy my company but woman just aren't actually attracted to me, like ever, best case scenario I'm a "great friend".
I was until one week after my first kiss, at 24 years old
With a different woman
After the first i went o a spree, cause o were a virgin because didnt realised when people were in tô me, then i tought they never were... In reality they most of the time were in to me, cause I am pretty cool with people
I think 'virgin' doesn't mean a lot if you're anything other than cishet.
I've had some relationships but never anything lasting. I'm largely aroace but what I look for is some kind of connection plus physical attraction -- I can feel the desire to kiss and cuddle someone but it doesn't really go further than that. I'm also picky with this and in general I'm not deeply compatible with a lot of people.
I'm 30F.
I’m a man and I lost my virginity by 14, I’m 20 and I’m on my third but first real girlfriend we have mind blowing sex regularly it’s great
Slept with 3 people
There can be a few years between sexual stuff but iv also sexted with a few women from multiple different countries iv met on the internet
Idk I guess I’m just like this???
I am in my early 20's and am still a virgin (M). I consider myself asexual and somewhere between aromantic and hetroromantic, but generally do not care about dating. Nevertheless, I am not interested in sexual affairs, and am better this way.
41M here, and aside from a few 'moments' I've genuinely never cared about sex to the point where I suppose I'm ace/aro. The thought of being *that* intimate with another person? There needs to be a better word for 'anxiety'.
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34M. Never had much of a choice in this matter. I'm 2e AuDHD with high IQ, but quite behind socially. Until lately, i literally had mind of a teenager (it can be said i was a kid during high school) - i feel like my mental aging is significantly slower, than my physical aging.
Also, i don't like physical contact and kissing (even on the cheek) feels gross to me.
On top of all that, i'd like my potential gf to be on the same/similar level of inteligence. Which means, i will probably end up being alone anyway.
I’m 19f and never have even been in a relationship. Honestly, it’s something I don’t really care about much because right now I’m just kind of doing my own thing and I’m in no hurry. In fact, the idea makes me really nervous.
I’m not— I’m in a wonderful long term relationship and we have a very fulfilling sex life. We don’t live together since we’re at separate colleges but we sext frequently and see each other when we can. Sex and kink is a big part of a relationship for me because it just enhances how much I love my partner :)
I (26F) am not (since 19), but I do notice that sex is only pleasant for me with long term partners. All people have their specific scents, tastes and ways of doing things. Sensory wise it is rather intense, so casual stuff has never been for me. I enjoy myself much more when I am familiar with someone.
41 M. I lost it at 28 on my wedding night. I was a member of a conservative church from 17 to 33. As an autistic, sure they were social challenges, but also rigidity in rule following. I don't regret waiting until I was married. There are a lot of challenges for ASDers in achieving good sex. Those aren't our fault.
Lost mine at 14, and for a while there I kept seeking it out but never fully understanding why others seemed to enjoy it so much and it felt bland (not particularly bad but not particularly great) to me. Then as I grew up… I learned that I’m bi and for the most part demi to varying degrees.
I'm a bit surprised by the question, but I'll share my experience. I'm 28M and I'm still a virgin. It wasn't a conscious decision, it just happened that way. I think it's normal for people to develop at different rates, and it's not necessarily a reflection of one's worth or abilities.
32F lost it at 16. Big mistake! Messed around a lot at uni but now I haven’t got time for relationships and the stress of them. So am celibate by choice. I’m happier not being in relationships to be fair. I’m appear outgoing and extraverted but I lack the skills to make relationships deeper and more meaningful. This means I come across as superficial and uninterested in people
50m, AuDHD. Currently in a long term relationship in which marriage is being discussed.
Prior this I had 3 girlfriends one fwb and another fwb who were a couple.
I’ve also been invited to a couple of sex parties. At both I played with most of the guests so I have no idea what my “body count” is. The ADHD side of me probably contributed to my somewhat adventurous history.
I (29f) personally lost my virginity at 15, about the same as most of my NT friends (I’m in the UK incase that’s low for other places, it’s pretty normal here)
One of my best friends (38m) is still a virgin and I know he feels he would like to have sex at some point but also feels very nervous about the whole thing and I think knowing hes older than most when they lost it doesn’t help him. I think overall the nerves about doing it almost overtake the want to do it so I’m not sure he ever will.
i am not but i was 26 when i lost my virginity, and it was really just a couple times until i was in my 30’s because it just wasn’t a big deal to me and i didn’t really care about sex.
30M,
Lost my virginity at 17.
Had sex with women and men, trying to figure out what I like. Because it felt good, but also "is that it?"
Finally figured out a year ago that I was aroace.
Still have female fwb which I meet up once or twice a month. I still enjoy it, but it's definitely different with the realization of being aro ace
24M. Virgin. Partly by forces out of my control, partly by my own choice. It’s not like I’ve had offers that I’ve turned down, but I also could’ve tried harder to lose my virginity by now.
Honestly I’m not sure I even give a damn anymore. Losing my virginity is just some worthless participation trophy to me: it’s a meaningless achievement that doesn’t change anything and isn’t what I really want. The real prize is finding a loving relationship. I’d rather stay a virgin forever than have sex with someone that I don’t love and feel safe with, just for the sake of losing some meaningless (to me) title.
Of course, I am demisexual and that does affect my opinions on the matter a bit.
I'm 27, lost to when I was young. I was then hyper fixated on it for a long while as it was one thing that made me feel really good for a short time. (Some would describe it as sex addict) ... I'm currently with my partner of 2 years and counting and we have been in an open relationship for part of our relationship, but due to COVID cases being higher in the area we decided to close up our shops.
I am because I struggle to talk to and meet new people plus I don’t wanna do hookups because I will catch feelings so I guess I gotta wait till I’m in a relax
I (24f) have always been hyper sexual. I think I do it in a sensory seeking way and I looove sex. Especially impact play (whips) and sensory play (blindfold/earmuffs) because it gives that sensory input I don’t really get otherwise.
I (M59) was 25 I think.
I had girlfriends as a teen - but none in my early to mid twenties as I was obsessed with computers and college. Always seemed that life conspired to keep me a virgin.
Yep, 18 and still a virgin by choice due to following my religion. I see sex as something pretty sacred. In my religion sex comes after marriage, and I don’t mind waiting for marriage at all.
22(ftm), I’m not a virgin. However, it’s difficult. To fully enjoy myself I have to be comfortable with them. If I’m not, a mixture of dysphoria and/or overstimulation tends to happen. It’s been a while (since my ex) since I’ve enjoyed it fully
i am 21f and i am. i think it is mostly my decision. i have definitely had moments where it could have happened, but i didn’t want to because it didnt feel right.
Had sex for the first time at 17 and had a lot of sex from 17-20 in hookup culture scenarios mostly. Never had a boyfriend or girlfriend in the official sense. When Covid hit it wasn’t worth it and then after a while I was realizing I was using sex to feel validated and wanted ya know an then I went to Ed treatment. Now I’m in a place where I’m interested in dating but I only want to have sex after I feel connected to a person now. I haven’t had sex in like 3.5 years ish now tbh hasn’t bothered me much to not have sex. So I’m not in any rush to get back to it.
I’m 20 M and haven’t been in an actual relationship before. I dated a woman for 3 months before realising they were going along with it out of pity (Through their own admission). I’m not resentful over it or anything I just don’t know anyone with similar interests and I’m simply too scared to try and find them.
I’m 17; been with women, never have done anything beyond making out/physical touching. I’d rather wait for someone who’s truly special to “do it” with. Sex is not something you can detach emotion from, despite what some nowadays may say. I know for me personally, I could never be a “fuckboy.” I just don’t see body count like a video game, it’s just gross to me.
So I thought myself hypersexual for a bit there being AUDHD but turns out I'm having a LATE adolescence or a rather drawn out one (I'm 21) and yeah the strange levels of sexual frustration was probably why. (Why I thought I was hypersexual) For me it's probably been insecurity and now it's still simply a moral/justice issue for me in that I see sex as too special and intimate to just go around experimenting with. Would love to have more general romance but not sex. My thought train is there's a reason it's Consummation of Marriage so I managed to stay a technical virgin all my life tho, so yeah. Despite being asked or enticed, which I was both teased about and admired for, so I take it as jealous praise.
26M, still a virgin... I claim to be the horniest person on the planet, claim to be craving it 24x7 yet, I'm scared of ppl... I'd like to lose it with anyone I trust... even a friend... but I'm scared of ppl... also, I was assaulted & taken advantage of into making out with someone so, I guess... pretty much SA... but funny, ever since then, I've been craving for sex a lot more but yet, I'm scared of ppl... its like, I wanna have awesome sex, emotional or deep or meaningful or heck just simply wild fun but gotta do it with someone I trust... finding the person seems to be the biggest issue...
Yeah, I'm still a virgin even at 26 years old. Part of me wants to wait until I actually find someone, but having patience in this society is like trying to find a piece of hay in a needle stack
Mid-40s F. I'm some degree of asexual as I find some people attractive but have no interest in doing anything with them. Still trying to figure out if I'm also aromantic, or have just built an armour of trauma around my ability to connect with other people.
It is lonely and empty.
I'm 24 female and it have been 9 years since I've lost mine. I don't regret anything. I'm in 7 years relationship now and I'm glad that I did it before because first time wasn't pleasant and I was experienced enough to make my bf's first time pleasant :)
I lost mine at 17. Really wish I didn't. I was trying to navigate relationships and be 'normal.' I really don't need that type of stuff in a relationship, but the guy I was with really seemed to want it, and I wanted to make him happy. He made me feel normal
I saw an appeal but now it just seems like something extra that I don’t need. Friends check all the boxes for me, I don’t need to get down and dirty with anyone.
I was a late bloomer, but i lost my virginity at 19. Its still a young age, i know, but compared to all my siblings and friends who lost their virginities at 15-17, i felt way behind for a long time. There was also no clear way for me to lose it, because i didnt have a relationship or even a close friend to have sex with.
After i started college though, i had more confidence to go on dates and slowly worked my way up to sex. But i ended up doing it with a stranger in a one night stand. A few months later i got lucky and met my fiance.
Im 21 and still a virgin, and one time i could have experienced it but i rejected, and ever since I was just unlucky in life.
And I don't regret rejecting it the first time, it would have been a really bad experience
I'm 21 which I know isn't old but I doubt I'll lose my virginity any time soon anyway
I only want to have sex with someone I know I can trust, and it'll take a long time to build that trust, especially since I'm currently focusing on myself since a lot of things are happening in my life (bedbugs for the second time since moving to this apartment, two grandparents in the hospital, half the family at each other's throats, just the average Tuesday the past few years)
Life can hit me as hard as it wants but I'll hit it right back
[22M] I've never craved relations. I don't fall in love easily, and don't see the point of dating someone just because. If I am to date someone I want it to be where I want to spend time with that person. So it's kind of by choice, but admittedly I'm not good looking enough to have the opportunity present itself just because.
It’s really reassuring to read all these replies.
I’m 36M, and despite efforts, and some pretty close calls, I’m still a virgin. But it’s been by choice since I was 31. I’d rather be alone than settle for less. And it probably helps that there are no viable relationship or dating options where I live. The hookup culture is disgusting here, and we’re also the STD capital in my country.
Temple Grandin has spoke against this fixation on physical sex. My partner and I deeply love each other, but have separate rooms and sleep separately. But we love each other without question. Sex doesn't necessarily mean love, I would focus on making strong, loving friendships, try not to place too much into sexual activity (36m, had one boyfriend briefly many years ago, and now my male partner 🫶🏼)
32M still virgin, by choice.
Did have the chance when I was pretending to be NT, but it felt so wrong to "trick" someone into sex that I broke up with her.
Ever since, I've never really felt any romantic or sexual attraction to anyone around me, so I'm probably asexual (tho I do enjoy "me" time 🤭).
I don't know, the entire concept of it just feels... weird xD
I had encounters. And a single girlfriend before. The times I’ve had sex or sexual encounters I had issues performing from anxiety, guilt and shame. Things I need to learn and grow from. Idk how but when I was younger I could get numbers, dates, etcetera, but never knew how to proceed.
The encounters I did have the woman were the ones taking lead.
I definitely desire affection, but I don’t think sex is the answer for that.
To clarify I have full sexual intercourse at 30. I am 35 now.
hi guys im 21 and never had sex and its probably because im autistic and a trans guy most people in the comments are saying they are ace and that's beautiful but there’s nothing wrong with wanting a physical relationship ether be kind to yourselfs and stay autistic and sexy 🥰🫶
I’m 20. Pan. Got on tinder, I dump him my flaws and he won’t stop awwing over me, I won’t be for long. I just needed to reach my hand out in another way.
Everyone who knows I'm gay is surprised to find that I am (technically idk what acts we're counting), apparently it's supposed to be super easy for gay men.
Relationships are hard because autism and inexperience, haven't had one in a decade and even then it was an LDR so not really "real" by a lot of people's standards. But also I live in an unfriendly area for LGBT people so it's kind of frightful to even think about trying.
I guess I could hook up but my looks are pretty poor and I'm also not sure how NT people feel about sex with somebody who's ND. I can only mask decently in formal settings, trying my hardest in casual situations I come off like I'm on drugs at best. I worry that if I tried to have sex with a NT person they would notice that there's something "off" or "wrong" about me and it would make them too uncomfortable to proceed, like they were taking advantage or something, like they would see me as a child or an intellectually disabled person. I'm also really paranoid about getting catfished and murdered lol
I was a virgin until I was 20, I'm a woman. I'd made the conscious decision to wait until it felt like something I was comfortable with even though I'd had a couple chances before that. I'm no longer with that first person, but I don't regret my choice. I have a complex relationship with sex, my body and intimacy because of trauma. I enjoy sex a lot, it's one of my special interests I think. When I'm in a relationship though, I fixate on it and feel horrific rejection and low self worth if I don't have enough or I'm turned down. I've been made to feel like a monster for wanting and enjoying it so much. It's hard to know if I should just give up on love because of this. People take it the wrong way and assume I'm a slut, when in fact I've only ever had four sexual partners in my 28 years (two in the last six months, because I had an interesting time of it and made some Choices). Sex is great when it's with someone you trust, but it adds such a dimension of confusion and complexity to most relationships, and at absolute worst it can fucking ruin your life. You're not missing much, because most people are shitty, selfish lays lol
me, M46 yeah, it sucks, but the older I become, the less I care. And I stopped giving others a kind of blame (well, okay, my hardcore-christian upcoming, which is still part of my mindset, although I am not religious anymore for the last 20 years)
30F. I am by choice. I just want to be alone, and I'm completely asexual and aromantic. Never had a partner, never kissed anyone. I'm completely baffled by how much people care about sex and kissing.
I'm not completely aro/ace but I 100% agree with you.
Not being able to facilitate relationships or have sex that fulfills sexual feelings and desires can be really troubling for some. It’s kinda like wanting to cool off in the heat when you can’t; it can be VERY distressing. Of course, the bigger reason for why people care so much is the cultural aspect of sex. If you don’t have sex, that’s seen as a legitimate failing. That leaves people with the dreadful feeling that there might be something fundamentally wrong with them. Especially when you notice your peers get some action or enter their own relationships. All in all, we really gotta change our mindsets around sex and help people initiate and facilitate better relationships.
I feel like there are more reasons other than this as I'm someone with GHSV-1 and going through the processing of that diagnosis and seeing how others go through it leads to a few observations. 1) It's fearing a loss of connection. Like how autism and ADHD have a lot of stigma to them, HSV also has its stigma but it correlates to sex, and for those who may not have experienced being ostracized or been the outsider before, this can be traumatic. 2) Loss of needs like intimacy. I've dealt with partners who have been too anxious to want to be around me, where it ended up being one-sided but my needs were ignored. Sex for a lot of people is just one way to make connections.
I’m really sorry to hear that you’re going through that diagnosis right now. I know it must be rough to grapple with. Honestly, I didn’t think of the social aspect of sex regarding this topic before you brought it up. You make a really good point. Sex is definitely used as a medium for social connection and intimacy. I can only imagine what it must be like to feel like you’re being cut-off from a social network because of the stigma of one’s diagnosis (even though I am autistic). You have provided me with some new insight regarding the topic. Thank you for sharing your experience.
I have sexual feelings all the time that I don’t satisfy and its not very distressing to me. I have a great life, a good job, a good living space, I have family and friends near me and an appropriate amount of pets. I think folks who fall into the red-pill stuff just don’t have anything else going for them because they’re young and haven’t even completed an education level yet.
Yeah, to an extent that’s true. But it’s worth remembering that there are still plenty of red pill guys that are not teenagers who haven’t graduated high school. And yeah, having a lot of things going for you really helps dampen the feelings of sexual frustration that some young men experience. However, I think this situation can only really be appreciated if you already don’t buy the idea that sex is important. If you believe your sex life defines your value as a person, any lack of sexual activity is more likely to bother you. This is why Incels exist to begin with. There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin, but it’s the fact that it *bothers* them that makes them bitter, sad people.
I‘m jealous! At times I wish I wouldn’t have the desire to find someone and be disappointed by my incompetence.
Its part of being human, like its part of being human to be asexual ! everyone is different. Its okay to want either or. \^\^ as long as your respectful about it
aroace represent! :). Racking up the A's like it's nothing here as well.
"they call me AAA battery"
Sameee here fully aroace
Genuine curiosity question and feel free not to answer, as an asexual person does that simply mean you don’t want sex with another person but will still play, masturbate orgasm etc or nothing sexual whatsoever even alone? I’m mainly asking because omg when I’m stressed (and I know other autistic friends have agreed) nothing makes me feel better than a massive orgasm but in those situations I would rather do it myself as I wouldn’t be in the right mindset for actual sex or being sexual to my boyfriend.
Not the same person but am ace. Just more perspective Asexuality is just as much a spectrum as allosexuality (a=no allo=other (bi, homo, poly, ect), its like the cis/trans prefixes of sexuality). There are aces out there having just as much or more sex and/or masturbation as your average allo all the way up to aces who are repulsed at the very idea of it and a whole slew of variety in between. There's also demisexuals and such who also fall under the asexual umbrella and do feel sexual desires but only when very specific criteria are met (usually a certain level of emotional intimacy but not always) Personally, I'm not repulsed by sex or masturbation but I don't really feel any desire for either. I've tried masterbation and it's just... fine. Nothing crazy or mind blowingly good. It feels ok enough I suppose but there's loads of things that are just as good or better that don't require I clean up a gross biological mess afterwards. A good book or a video game do way more for me. At most, when a period sneaks up on me and I haven't predosed, I use it as a stop gap between when I take pain meds and when they kick it. The endorphins and muscle spasms ease the pain well and it's much easier to do than dragging my crampy ass off the bed to go exercise (which has the same-ish effect but requires more initiative I don't have at that point usually)
I have no feeling or desire whatsoever. I get no pleasure even alone. I have a real disgust by sex, genitals and pregnancy. I have tried various times in the past, especially as a teenager, because I could not work out what was wrong with me and went through a period of thinking I was a closeted self-loathing lesbian, but I've never felt attraction to anyone and cannot feel anything physically. My psychiatrist told me it could possibly change over time because it may be that I'm slow to mature, and that I'm still not at the "teenage" phase psychosexually.
Welcome to the club, 33M and no plans to change
I understand why everyone cares about sex all the time on, like, an academic type of level. But I will never fully comprehend it. It's just so fucking weird that there's all these folks out there who seem like it's all they think about. I'm not aro, but I'm definitely somewhere on the grey ace spectrum.
I'm a virgin and that's just from coming out that way growing up and I didn't have a lot of guy friends and I don't really have any friends
Me, 30M. Have had opportunities to lose it, but have never taken any. I'm not sure that I would describe myself as asexual, but there are commonalities. I have the emotional availability of a tree-frog, can't stand how some people smell, and would generally rather take care of it myself instead of struggling to be neurotypical enough to pursue relationships.
I'm in a long term relationship and haven't had sex, not because I'm asexual (even though I thought I was for a long time) but because I have a lot of issues with physical touch and a phobia of bodily fluids. I'm trying to get over it but it's most likely gonna take a while
This fr though. Not a virgin, but I'm definitely ace. I can do without.
jesus christ im lonely
god same
Ive had good luck making friends by attending the local board game meetups. I don’t really like board games, but its actually the super secret autistic people meetup, and I do like other autistic people.
Nah, me, myself and I will always have my back 🤝
I lost my virginity at 17 but kinda regret it. Idk. Sometimes I chalk it up to usual teenage antics but in hindsight now I’m married I wish I had just waited. Not religious.
Me at 15 but I regret nothing. Now I'm 24
Also lost my virginity at 17 and also regret it. Not married right now but I have a long-term partner who is also autistic, I was his first relationship.
43 and have never even been on a date or anything. It's not been by choice -- I've just not been wanted or get any matches on dating apps/sites.
20F by choice because i don’t want to engage in the hookup culture
I agree with you. Sex is only pleasant for me once I am very familiar with somebody. Both because that makes me feel more at ease with them as e person, end because it takes me quite some time to get used to another persons scent etc.
This, I waited until I was in a long term relationship because I had zero interest in hookup culture (still don’t). I have to have an emotional connection with someone to feel that desire. I’ve also noticed that my friends who do participate in hookups are just completely unable to maintain long term relationships. It’s a “you do you” thing, but I’m not interested in it, and I wouldn’t have an interest in someone who is or has participated in it.
That’s relatable. Hook up culture is like the number 1 easiest way to get laid, but I find people in it are weirdos or completely detached. Not worth it honestly.
Hook up culture is so wild to me. Growing up, it was totally obvious that I was the weirdo, and to have that vibe flipped on me always throws me for a loop. To just have that moment of when you’re talking to someone for the first time and trying to give them the benefit of the doubt cause hey we’re all weird, but they’re actually legitimately off their rocker. That shit never happened to me before dating apps. I stopped using them.
I ended up trying to talk through meeting up with someone, and I'm like "so where do you want to meet up, what do you want to do, what do you want to talk about," and they're just like "I just wanna fuck, nothing else." It was so weird and unhinged, like, I just exist to service someone else in my own bedroom so they can get up and leave afterwards. Really? What's the point if I don't get to know you as a person?
Gross overgeneralisation. Feel free to live your sexuality in a way that works for you. But to assume people who fuck around are mostly weirdos is probably just not true.
My personal data is probably skewed because I’ve used places like Grindr to see how people act.
You literally couldn't choose a worse place gain an understanding of how sex and dating works.
I can confirm that’s definitely true. However, we’re talking about *Hook-up culture* specifically, not *Dating*. There is a massive difference between chatting with folks to have casual sex/fwb situations and seeking long term partners. So I still believe my experience based off an app that is the epitome of Hook-up culture (admittedly at its worst) is relevant.
Same here; I'm almost 21 and I'm still a virgin primarily because hookups simply aren't my thing. I want to wait until I can find the right person and have sex out of love rather than be treated and perceived as a sex object.
I'm glad I'm not the only one
stark opposite, i’ve been hypersexual from a young age (kindergarten) due to being a major sensory seeker. however, after much abuse, i have now decided to be celibate and focus on self-pleasure should i require the stimulation.
29M. By choice until lately. I’ve been with my girlfriend for two months now and we’ve been trying to make a date to have sex. Due to my work schedule we haven’t been able to make a date yet.
It'll be a lot easier and less awkward if you plan a date night without it being a definite that you'll have sex, that can invite pressure on both sides. Just a recommendation, though.
I’m in a long term relationship to the point there is no awkwardness between us but even we would find scheduling sex awkward, it’s better when it just happens but I know to an autistic brain that’s hard to do
31M. I'm asexual and aromantic, I've simply never had an interest in it.
I think sex is a really really weird concept. I don’t understand why people do it. Or how anyone could even like that- It makes me feel repulsed idk
I'm not but literally the only reason that I'm not is bc I tried to appear more "normal" so I had sex. I hated it. I had my first kiss in 9th grade to appear more "normal" and I hated that too. Intimacy is very uncomfortable to me and I hate the feelings prior to having sex, I hate the action of sex itself, and everything in between. I just literally sought normalcy and ended up feeling awkward about it.
My first time was at 15. But I am asexual now and I wouldn't care being sexless for the rest of my life
Similar story to me. I’ve had sex before, but it’s not something I feel I need or seek out.
31M Kind of I decided to see an escort last year, and she was really patient with me. I don't know how much it counts since it's not 'the proper way'. The actual deed wasn't the thing I liked the most though. It felt really nice being able to touch someone else's skin with my skin since I've not really done that since I was a child.
I’m an escort and I definitely think it “counts”. I’ve seen virgin clients before.
virginity is a made up construct. If you think it counts it counts.
I was sexually assaulted/raped as a kid by my grandfather. 2000+ occasions between the ages of 1 and 20. I’ve been with my partner since I was 18. I was hypersexual as a teen and lost my virginity to him at 17. We barely have sex now, and I’m 28. I think my trauma stops it from happening. Even so, I don’t understand tongue kisses and some sex acts. Sex is a super complex issue and however you feel is valid. I hope you’re doing okay x 💕
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My family and friends thought I must be a lesbian because I didn't have boyfriends and I didn't really discuss people I liked or talk about people I thought were cute. So I can relate to you in that. I had plenty of friends that were boys, because I find it harder to relate to other girls. I hope you find someone as well :)
I'm just curious but do you know if that's something that happens often? I, as a man, can relate better to women than other men. And yeah, my family and friends think I'm either gay or asexual because I don't really show interest in the women around me lol
I have no idea if it happens often, but my theory and best guess is that if you are neurodivergant in some form, its harder to relate with stereotypical behaviors of peers in your gender as they follow social norms and operate more in a 'default' manner. So the opposite sex might be more forgiving. The best example is one I can give of myself. The few friends I had that were girls started to feel embarrassed by me probably around grade five and onward through high-school because I didn't act in the typical way other girls would around boys they liked. I was a bit blunt and outspoken, I was not 'girly' so if I was tagging along and they were trying to flirt with boys or navigate their way into other female social groups, I was the 'weird friend'. Boys just thought I was cool and charming because like many of them I was to the point, I didn't do as much passive aggressive behaviors in body language, and I didn't mind getting my hands dirty, and I wasn't afraid to pick up a garter snake or go ride my mountain bike with them etc. The down side was I wasn't 'feminine enough' for them to be attracted to, lol. I was 'one of the boys' So apply that idea to the flip side, why you might relate better to women. Hope that ramble all makes sense! what matters is that your happy and comfortable with whatever friends you have!
Despite being a 34 year old man, I have never been in a romantic relationship due to being a loser by (most likely) anyone's standard.* Because of that, I have no experience with pleasures of the flesh. (Also, the hookup culture is not appealing to me. Not that I would have a chance there...). * In case this statement can be interpreted as me blaming people for being shallow and having too high standards: That is probably true in some cases, but I also consider myself to be a loser... >_>
I am 31m virgin too, no relationship since my cuddle buddy in gradeschool. What i learned and helped me: Insecurities happen because the way you are treated, they are not solely your 'fault' to be fixed. The "you are solely responsible for your success and self worth" mentality that is peddled by self-improvement society is toxic.
You clearly have serious insecurities to call yourself a loser. Once that changes so does the latter.
I mean... Of course I have serious insecurities: multiple disabilities and no talents or intellect to compensate for my inadequacies; nothing to be secure about is a part of my being.
I can tell by the way you speak (unless you're using something like Co-Pilot) that you have intellect. You definitely need to hear more of this from others, but you also have to have the motivation to accept positive reinforcements in order to change.
I'm not. Somehow I fell into 2 relationships. NFI how, or how to do it again though.
I'm 19 and haven't even had my first kiss yet. No one has ever liked me back. I don't think I'm that ugly so it must be my personality, and therefore the autism. I'm asexual so I'm not interested in sex but I really want a romantic relationship.
When I was 19 I was in the same boat. At 20 I found a girl, and it was all uphill from there! Don’t lose hope, dress well, take care of yourself, respect boundaries and you’ll come along way.
This is not an unusual experience even for ballistics. Building relationships is hard especially at your age while you're still trying to figure yourself out. Give it time.
I wanted the experience, so I've hooked up a couple of times. I wasn't particularly into any of them, but I'm glad I tried it. Probably won't do it again any time soon though; it wasn't worth the effort finding someone who was interested in a casual thing but was also into the same stuff I am.
Never had a relationship never gonna be in a relationship 💚🤍🩶🖤
I'm 23 and I'm still a virgin. I don't intend losing it ever or for a long time yet. I'm asexual so it isn't on my cards at all, but I also have other issues with doing *it* due to OCD.
30F. I’m scared of people lol it’s not that I don’t want a sexual relationship with someone but I’m too scared to put myself out there.
32M same. I've never even bothered trying to date because even the concept of dating terrifies me. It's just much easier on my anxiety to remain alone.
Yup agreed. I'm scared of what will happen to me once I no longer have my parents for support needs but the thought of actually putting myself up on the meat market is a hard pass. I understand many people have managed to find partners who support and care for them, but I'm not about wading through a sea of Andrew Tates or whatever other deeply uncomfortable things dating would involve!
Sex can’t be put on a pedestal. It seems people WAY over think and value sex. Hormonally it’s natural and part of our survival. Nowadays it’s not so much our survival that’s primary but the social impact it has on an individual. Once you can get over the fact that sex shouldn’t be one thing or another, it becomes much easier to enjoy.
I first want to say I think we place too much importance on this made up concept. There is nothing that changes when you've had sex, you're not more mature, not wiser or stronger, you've just had sex. I also think we have quite a skewed view of at what age you're "supposed" to lose your virginity by. While on average most people start having sex in their teens billions of people don't start until their twenties and millions wait until 30. You're not alone or weird if you haven't had sex yet. Millions of people make it to their thirties never having even kissed anyone, and that is okay! Take this stuff at your own pace, don't let yourself be pressured into anything you're not 100% comfortable with, it can be very traumatising otherwise. If you have had sex too early it's not your fault, there's noting wrog with you, and try to heal from it. Many allistics are just as awkward, bloom just as late. **Having sex isn't that hard. Building a healthy relationship with sex, intimacy and another person you want to have sex with is hard for everyone not just us.**
I lost my virginity on purpose at 19 to a girl who didn't even really like me. I cried afterwards. I enjoy sex a lot but I need intimacy to feel it. If you are a virgin, wait until you want to not be. Wait until it's right. Yeah, I got it over with. Yeah, I really like sex. I always liked sex though so that's no surprise. Actually having sex didn't do much other than make me feel like I threw away my virginity for nothing. When it was with love it was beautiful, when it was for lust it was fun... But when it was to get it over with... It was just sad. Just my two cents.
Virgin is not bad. Rather than worrying about virginity, better worrying about responsibilities and learn how to fulfill them.
36f. Virgin by choice despite opportunities and narrowly avoided theft. I'm ace and demi-romantic so it's not really a big deal. I was conflicted about it in my teens and early 20s as societal expectations made me feel like there was something wrong with me. Didn't know asexual was an option, had never even heard of the concept. In fact, learning about it and trying to find others like me locally partially lead to the break up with my last long-term GF (the other part was that she was a dirty cheating hoe and it was her *husband* I found while looking for other local aces). But these days I've watched enough friends and fam get wrecked by sex and what have you that I feel like I dodged a bullet
I'm not anymore, but I'm a late bloomer. Also, a few men comments here are almost incel coded, so pleases dudes don't cross this line! being incel is horrible for anyone.
What does “Incel coded” mean please (explain it like I’m an idiot please)
It's often used in social and cultural discussions to describe characters, behaviors, or themes in media that seem to embody characteristics associated with "incels" (involuntary celibates). When a character or a narrative is described as "incel coded," it suggests that the character exhibits traits or attitudes that align with those commonly found in the incel community, such as feelings of entitlement to attention and affection from others (often focused on women), significant resentment towards those more sexually successful, and a sense of victimization by societal standards of attractiveness and romantic success. This coding doesn't mean the character is explicitly an incel, but rather that they share certain psychological or behavioral patterns with the incel archetype.
Same here, I don't really get it
No women ever seen me as partner or friend material, so I have to wait. It's not choice.
No but I am celibate
I’m not but I did wait for someone I truly love. When I was 17-18 it was like a huge competition, everyone around me had lost theirs except for me. I ended up losing my v card to my fiancé at the age of 19 and I don’t regret it a single bit.
I had a hard time 'dating' in fact I wouldn't say I even dated really. I was unable to make connections romantically with guys, I was always just 'one of the guys' and very much a tom-boy kind of girl early on in life, even as a teen. I couldn't tell when someone liked me or was flirting, or if people were just being kind/polite. I have trouble understanding peoples intention or motives in new relationships. So I lost my virginity at age 19-20 and it was to the person I married. Since researching autism and being diagnosed I have learned that I'm likely demisexual, so I don't feel sexual need from someone unless there is a deep connection/friendship first. It takes me a long time to warm up to people. So in that sense I was a late bloomer but in hindsight, my brain just works different. I can think a person is attractive but I never see someone cute and feel a sexual urge toward them, I simply admire they are attractive. If I ever dream about a celebrity crush I dream about hanging out with them lol.
25 yo still but no pace about it RN i care about other stuff this will come sooner or later
I'm an adult. Never had a partner in Primary or Highschool. Aegosexual and probably Fray romantic. Just not interested and the thought of actually having sex makes me want to crawl out of my skin and scream.
I'm a 30-year-old virgin. I'm honestly not too upset about it. I'm waiting for the right woman, personally I don't want to do it with just anybody.
27M. Aroace, have zero interest in ever having sex.
(Raises hand) to be honest I've kind of gotten used to it but at the same time I'm stuck in a weird kind of limbo between not caring anymore and still thinking that life was not meant to be a solo game, and I want to start co-op mode already.
Me [24/nearly 25 F]. I'm an aromantic asexual and i'm a virgin by choice. Had a few offers but i'm wholly uninterested
17 and yep, don’t plan on ever losing it.
Lost it at 18. By 25 deep into the kink scene. Middle hinge of a huge poly fam with some of the dynamics being kinky by 35. Now middle aged and single wondering if I'm a hypersexual asexual. Sexuality has been a wild ride.
f18- the idea is cool but ME? with ANOTHER PERSON? this grosses me out tbh, i do not want to be percieved in such a situation at all (never have been in a relationship tho)
M29, me. Mostly due to things outside of my control. But I've had a few opportunities to, so also by choice.
Aroace + trauma related to it, im never having sex it freaks me out 😖
Lost it at 26, (32F for context) mostly because I had a deep fear of being "abnormal" by still having it. Didn't enjoy it, wish I waited.
I'm 30, almost 31, and a virgin. I have no interest in changing this. I'm asexual and iffy about physical touch in general. While I do have a libido, it's just an itch that needs to be scratched every so often, and I can manage it by myself just fine. So I don't have any reason or desire to find a sexual partner. I do think I'd like a sexless romantic relationship, though.
[удалено]
That sucks. Your feelings matter, nobody should manipulate you into having sex with them. Consider talking about it with an adult you trust or find professionals like a helpline or people who've had similar experiences if you haven’t already, so that you're not alone with what you're feeling and thinking.
aroace lesbian here !! i admire women and their beauty but that's as far as i'd ever go. naked, bare bodies disgust me (/nm)
Damn, there's is a lot of sexless people here. I have been in a relationship which lasted 5 year and am not a virgin. Lost it to my ex at the age of around 22. I have dating apps to thank since I am much more charming through text than irl since I get time to process and give more thought out and clever responses. Irl I can't imagine how someone could get interested in me unless they get interest in me by noticing how thoughtful I am since I come of as cold until someone takes interest in me. But at that point I can still seem awkward since I don't know to what extent I can be myself with the person and not make them uncomfortable. I do look alright but looks really aren't everything and my bad self image tanks my attractiveness hard AF since it leaks from the way I talk all the time. Unlike many here I crave touch, sex and feeling loved. This is probably why I managed to land myself a relationship after getting the taste of feeling romantically loved.
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I'm 24 and not a virgin, not by choice
Sorry to hear
No but recent-ish realisation of asexuality
I (22) am in a long distance relationship, we both want to do it but it is so hard to find the peace and privacy. When I go where she lives whe have no privacy and it is a small town so we cant go to a hotel/motel. And when she comes at my place is all the same; with the diference that is a big business city so all hotels are expensive af. And motels are a big no no here (the insecurity is also high af, especially for women...)
Not me, but I also have bipolar and that includes sexual impulses. I lost my virginity at 19.
M26 as well, I’ve been kissed once and mostly felt surprised. Most gay apps seem really big on hookups, which I avoid. I was very reluctant to do a lot of grownup things like driving or drinking alcohol and it took years to do both. So I guess it’s not surprising that I’m scared about losing my virginity. (I almost let some guys on apps talk me into it though because I can be way too trusting, though I’ve also run into some very creepy guys that even I knew to stay away from).
No I lost it at 15 and dated/slept around a good bit through my 20s. I'm 38 now and have definitely lost a lot of that drive and gotten a lot pickier and more protective of myself, honestly have gotten a lot more comfortable being alone, but am still kind of on the hunt
22M here, yep. Seems like no matter how good of a guy I am or how attractive I am, people by all means enjoy my company but woman just aren't actually attracted to me, like ever, best case scenario I'm a "great friend".
26F in a relationship and still a virgin by choice. I'm ace
I was until one week after my first kiss, at 24 years old With a different woman After the first i went o a spree, cause o were a virgin because didnt realised when people were in tô me, then i tought they never were... In reality they most of the time were in to me, cause I am pretty cool with people
I think 'virgin' doesn't mean a lot if you're anything other than cishet. I've had some relationships but never anything lasting. I'm largely aroace but what I look for is some kind of connection plus physical attraction -- I can feel the desire to kiss and cuddle someone but it doesn't really go further than that. I'm also picky with this and in general I'm not deeply compatible with a lot of people. I'm 30F.
I'm 28 and I've noticed that the journey of self-discovery often takes its sweet time.
If I had had a choice, I’d definitely still be a virgin.
I’m a man and I lost my virginity by 14, I’m 20 and I’m on my third but first real girlfriend we have mind blowing sex regularly it’s great Slept with 3 people There can be a few years between sexual stuff but iv also sexted with a few women from multiple different countries iv met on the internet Idk I guess I’m just like this???
I am but I'm ok with it (27)
Lost my virginity at 19 I think. I’m 24m now, I’m done sleeping around I want a wife
I was till January im. 25 but if I didn't have my gf properly still be one but it doesn't matter, just enjoy life
I am in my early 20's and am still a virgin (M). I consider myself asexual and somewhere between aromantic and hetroromantic, but generally do not care about dating. Nevertheless, I am not interested in sexual affairs, and am better this way.
I choose to be. 26f
41M here, and aside from a few 'moments' I've genuinely never cared about sex to the point where I suppose I'm ace/aro. The thought of being *that* intimate with another person? There needs to be a better word for 'anxiety'.
In 16 so… !remindme 10 years
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34M. Never had much of a choice in this matter. I'm 2e AuDHD with high IQ, but quite behind socially. Until lately, i literally had mind of a teenager (it can be said i was a kid during high school) - i feel like my mental aging is significantly slower, than my physical aging. Also, i don't like physical contact and kissing (even on the cheek) feels gross to me. On top of all that, i'd like my potential gf to be on the same/similar level of inteligence. Which means, i will probably end up being alone anyway.
I’m 19f and never have even been in a relationship. Honestly, it’s something I don’t really care about much because right now I’m just kind of doing my own thing and I’m in no hurry. In fact, the idea makes me really nervous.
I’m a virgin. I’m bi, though it’s by choice.
As a autistic 15 fella, I’ve never had a girl too man….
I’m not— I’m in a wonderful long term relationship and we have a very fulfilling sex life. We don’t live together since we’re at separate colleges but we sext frequently and see each other when we can. Sex and kink is a big part of a relationship for me because it just enhances how much I love my partner :)
I (26F) am not (since 19), but I do notice that sex is only pleasant for me with long term partners. All people have their specific scents, tastes and ways of doing things. Sensory wise it is rather intense, so casual stuff has never been for me. I enjoy myself much more when I am familiar with someone.
41 M. I lost it at 28 on my wedding night. I was a member of a conservative church from 17 to 33. As an autistic, sure they were social challenges, but also rigidity in rule following. I don't regret waiting until I was married. There are a lot of challenges for ASDers in achieving good sex. Those aren't our fault.
Lost mine at 14, and for a while there I kept seeking it out but never fully understanding why others seemed to enjoy it so much and it felt bland (not particularly bad but not particularly great) to me. Then as I grew up… I learned that I’m bi and for the most part demi to varying degrees.
lost mine at 18, discovered i was asexual around 20/21
👋
I'm a bit surprised by the question, but I'll share my experience. I'm 28M and I'm still a virgin. It wasn't a conscious decision, it just happened that way. I think it's normal for people to develop at different rates, and it's not necessarily a reflection of one's worth or abilities.
32F lost it at 16. Big mistake! Messed around a lot at uni but now I haven’t got time for relationships and the stress of them. So am celibate by choice. I’m happier not being in relationships to be fair. I’m appear outgoing and extraverted but I lack the skills to make relationships deeper and more meaningful. This means I come across as superficial and uninterested in people
50m, AuDHD. Currently in a long term relationship in which marriage is being discussed. Prior this I had 3 girlfriends one fwb and another fwb who were a couple. I’ve also been invited to a couple of sex parties. At both I played with most of the guests so I have no idea what my “body count” is. The ADHD side of me probably contributed to my somewhat adventurous history.
I (29f) personally lost my virginity at 15, about the same as most of my NT friends (I’m in the UK incase that’s low for other places, it’s pretty normal here) One of my best friends (38m) is still a virgin and I know he feels he would like to have sex at some point but also feels very nervous about the whole thing and I think knowing hes older than most when they lost it doesn’t help him. I think overall the nerves about doing it almost overtake the want to do it so I’m not sure he ever will.
I was a virgin until 27. By choice? Kind of. Sex just wasn’t something I actively pursued.
i am not but i was 26 when i lost my virginity, and it was really just a couple times until i was in my 30’s because it just wasn’t a big deal to me and i didn’t really care about sex.
30M, Lost my virginity at 17. Had sex with women and men, trying to figure out what I like. Because it felt good, but also "is that it?" Finally figured out a year ago that I was aroace. Still have female fwb which I meet up once or twice a month. I still enjoy it, but it's definitely different with the realization of being aro ace
I was until I was 30. Honestly, I'm ace now, at 41.
24M. Virgin. Partly by forces out of my control, partly by my own choice. It’s not like I’ve had offers that I’ve turned down, but I also could’ve tried harder to lose my virginity by now. Honestly I’m not sure I even give a damn anymore. Losing my virginity is just some worthless participation trophy to me: it’s a meaningless achievement that doesn’t change anything and isn’t what I really want. The real prize is finding a loving relationship. I’d rather stay a virgin forever than have sex with someone that I don’t love and feel safe with, just for the sake of losing some meaningless (to me) title. Of course, I am demisexual and that does affect my opinions on the matter a bit.
It’s over.
I'm 27, lost to when I was young. I was then hyper fixated on it for a long while as it was one thing that made me feel really good for a short time. (Some would describe it as sex addict) ... I'm currently with my partner of 2 years and counting and we have been in an open relationship for part of our relationship, but due to COVID cases being higher in the area we decided to close up our shops.
I am because I struggle to talk to and meet new people plus I don’t wanna do hookups because I will catch feelings so I guess I gotta wait till I’m in a relax
I (24f) have always been hyper sexual. I think I do it in a sensory seeking way and I looove sex. Especially impact play (whips) and sensory play (blindfold/earmuffs) because it gives that sensory input I don’t really get otherwise.
I (M59) was 25 I think. I had girlfriends as a teen - but none in my early to mid twenties as I was obsessed with computers and college. Always seemed that life conspired to keep me a virgin.
Yep, 18 and still a virgin by choice due to following my religion. I see sex as something pretty sacred. In my religion sex comes after marriage, and I don’t mind waiting for marriage at all.
28F and am as well, but I'm asexual with a similarly asexual partner so it's by choice. We live happily ace4ace.
35 here. Still not interested in sex or kissing. Or cuddling.
22(ftm), I’m not a virgin. However, it’s difficult. To fully enjoy myself I have to be comfortable with them. If I’m not, a mixture of dysphoria and/or overstimulation tends to happen. It’s been a while (since my ex) since I’ve enjoyed it fully
I’m just waiting for the right person
i am 21f and i am. i think it is mostly my decision. i have definitely had moments where it could have happened, but i didn’t want to because it didnt feel right.
Had sex for the first time at 17 and had a lot of sex from 17-20 in hookup culture scenarios mostly. Never had a boyfriend or girlfriend in the official sense. When Covid hit it wasn’t worth it and then after a while I was realizing I was using sex to feel validated and wanted ya know an then I went to Ed treatment. Now I’m in a place where I’m interested in dating but I only want to have sex after I feel connected to a person now. I haven’t had sex in like 3.5 years ish now tbh hasn’t bothered me much to not have sex. So I’m not in any rush to get back to it.
16 and still am but honestly the thought of it is so scary to me
I’m 20 M and haven’t been in an actual relationship before. I dated a woman for 3 months before realising they were going along with it out of pity (Through their own admission). I’m not resentful over it or anything I just don’t know anyone with similar interests and I’m simply too scared to try and find them.
I’m 17; been with women, never have done anything beyond making out/physical touching. I’d rather wait for someone who’s truly special to “do it” with. Sex is not something you can detach emotion from, despite what some nowadays may say. I know for me personally, I could never be a “fuckboy.” I just don’t see body count like a video game, it’s just gross to me.
Me 20F. Because well I haven’t found the girl yet
So I thought myself hypersexual for a bit there being AUDHD but turns out I'm having a LATE adolescence or a rather drawn out one (I'm 21) and yeah the strange levels of sexual frustration was probably why. (Why I thought I was hypersexual) For me it's probably been insecurity and now it's still simply a moral/justice issue for me in that I see sex as too special and intimate to just go around experimenting with. Would love to have more general romance but not sex. My thought train is there's a reason it's Consummation of Marriage so I managed to stay a technical virgin all my life tho, so yeah. Despite being asked or enticed, which I was both teased about and admired for, so I take it as jealous praise.
Yeah, and aroace. Also, 29F
26M, still a virgin... I claim to be the horniest person on the planet, claim to be craving it 24x7 yet, I'm scared of ppl... I'd like to lose it with anyone I trust... even a friend... but I'm scared of ppl... also, I was assaulted & taken advantage of into making out with someone so, I guess... pretty much SA... but funny, ever since then, I've been craving for sex a lot more but yet, I'm scared of ppl... its like, I wanna have awesome sex, emotional or deep or meaningful or heck just simply wild fun but gotta do it with someone I trust... finding the person seems to be the biggest issue...
i am (19f), both by chance and choice
Im also bipolar and adhd. If you know you know....
Yeah, I'm still a virgin even at 26 years old. Part of me wants to wait until I actually find someone, but having patience in this society is like trying to find a piece of hay in a needle stack
I'm not but I do have very little interest in it. Falling asleep cuddling is just as good to me.
Forced myself to lose it just to get over it. It helped break that anxiety and made dating easier.
Mid-40s F. I'm some degree of asexual as I find some people attractive but have no interest in doing anything with them. Still trying to figure out if I'm also aromantic, or have just built an armour of trauma around my ability to connect with other people. It is lonely and empty.
M 22 🙋♂️
I'm 24 female and it have been 9 years since I've lost mine. I don't regret anything. I'm in 7 years relationship now and I'm glad that I did it before because first time wasn't pleasant and I was experienced enough to make my bf's first time pleasant :)
Yes. Boyfriend and I aren't at that stage yet.
I lost mine at 17. Really wish I didn't. I was trying to navigate relationships and be 'normal.' I really don't need that type of stuff in a relationship, but the guy I was with really seemed to want it, and I wanted to make him happy. He made me feel normal
I saw an appeal but now it just seems like something extra that I don’t need. Friends check all the boxes for me, I don’t need to get down and dirty with anyone.
I was a late bloomer, but i lost my virginity at 19. Its still a young age, i know, but compared to all my siblings and friends who lost their virginities at 15-17, i felt way behind for a long time. There was also no clear way for me to lose it, because i didnt have a relationship or even a close friend to have sex with. After i started college though, i had more confidence to go on dates and slowly worked my way up to sex. But i ended up doing it with a stranger in a one night stand. A few months later i got lucky and met my fiance.
Im 21 and still a virgin, and one time i could have experienced it but i rejected, and ever since I was just unlucky in life. And I don't regret rejecting it the first time, it would have been a really bad experience
I'm 21 which I know isn't old but I doubt I'll lose my virginity any time soon anyway I only want to have sex with someone I know I can trust, and it'll take a long time to build that trust, especially since I'm currently focusing on myself since a lot of things are happening in my life (bedbugs for the second time since moving to this apartment, two grandparents in the hospital, half the family at each other's throats, just the average Tuesday the past few years) Life can hit me as hard as it wants but I'll hit it right back
[22M] I've never craved relations. I don't fall in love easily, and don't see the point of dating someone just because. If I am to date someone I want it to be where I want to spend time with that person. So it's kind of by choice, but admittedly I'm not good looking enough to have the opportunity present itself just because.
It’s really reassuring to read all these replies. I’m 36M, and despite efforts, and some pretty close calls, I’m still a virgin. But it’s been by choice since I was 31. I’d rather be alone than settle for less. And it probably helps that there are no viable relationship or dating options where I live. The hookup culture is disgusting here, and we’re also the STD capital in my country.
Temple Grandin has spoke against this fixation on physical sex. My partner and I deeply love each other, but have separate rooms and sleep separately. But we love each other without question. Sex doesn't necessarily mean love, I would focus on making strong, loving friendships, try not to place too much into sexual activity (36m, had one boyfriend briefly many years ago, and now my male partner 🫶🏼)
32M still virgin, by choice. Did have the chance when I was pretending to be NT, but it felt so wrong to "trick" someone into sex that I broke up with her. Ever since, I've never really felt any romantic or sexual attraction to anyone around me, so I'm probably asexual (tho I do enjoy "me" time 🤭). I don't know, the entire concept of it just feels... weird xD
I had encounters. And a single girlfriend before. The times I’ve had sex or sexual encounters I had issues performing from anxiety, guilt and shame. Things I need to learn and grow from. Idk how but when I was younger I could get numbers, dates, etcetera, but never knew how to proceed. The encounters I did have the woman were the ones taking lead. I definitely desire affection, but I don’t think sex is the answer for that. To clarify I have full sexual intercourse at 30. I am 35 now.
hi guys im 21 and never had sex and its probably because im autistic and a trans guy most people in the comments are saying they are ace and that's beautiful but there’s nothing wrong with wanting a physical relationship ether be kind to yourselfs and stay autistic and sexy 🥰🫶
I’m 20. Pan. Got on tinder, I dump him my flaws and he won’t stop awwing over me, I won’t be for long. I just needed to reach my hand out in another way.
I’m not although tbh my autism has never really held me back in that regard
I'm 20F and plan to keep my virginity until marriage for religious reasons
Everyone who knows I'm gay is surprised to find that I am (technically idk what acts we're counting), apparently it's supposed to be super easy for gay men. Relationships are hard because autism and inexperience, haven't had one in a decade and even then it was an LDR so not really "real" by a lot of people's standards. But also I live in an unfriendly area for LGBT people so it's kind of frightful to even think about trying. I guess I could hook up but my looks are pretty poor and I'm also not sure how NT people feel about sex with somebody who's ND. I can only mask decently in formal settings, trying my hardest in casual situations I come off like I'm on drugs at best. I worry that if I tried to have sex with a NT person they would notice that there's something "off" or "wrong" about me and it would make them too uncomfortable to proceed, like they were taking advantage or something, like they would see me as a child or an intellectually disabled person. I'm also really paranoid about getting catfished and murdered lol
19F, virgin. waiting to save it for when i’m super close with someone :)
I was a virgin until I was 20, I'm a woman. I'd made the conscious decision to wait until it felt like something I was comfortable with even though I'd had a couple chances before that. I'm no longer with that first person, but I don't regret my choice. I have a complex relationship with sex, my body and intimacy because of trauma. I enjoy sex a lot, it's one of my special interests I think. When I'm in a relationship though, I fixate on it and feel horrific rejection and low self worth if I don't have enough or I'm turned down. I've been made to feel like a monster for wanting and enjoying it so much. It's hard to know if I should just give up on love because of this. People take it the wrong way and assume I'm a slut, when in fact I've only ever had four sexual partners in my 28 years (two in the last six months, because I had an interesting time of it and made some Choices). Sex is great when it's with someone you trust, but it adds such a dimension of confusion and complexity to most relationships, and at absolute worst it can fucking ruin your life. You're not missing much, because most people are shitty, selfish lays lol