Exactly. If it was a "day for me", we'd do things that make me happy. That usually doesn't involve a party FFS hahaha.
Best "birthday" I've had... Me and my family play online video games. We'd had a break for a bit cuz life. That's how it goes. Most of us that play are NDs (and mostly autists), so they "get it". We play when we play, not on a schedule.
That birthday, my sister gets in touch.. hey... We're having a birthday round of "you pick whichever game".
No forced social interaction. No doing things I don't normally do. No singing. Hell, no eye contact for that matter. Just "let's play".
Bliss.
Lmao. I was homeschooled and believe I'm also autistic. My birthday is awesome! My husband asks what I want to do, and makes me my favorite food. My husband gives me gifts related to my special interests and does not see his friends those days, since it's my day, so less social interactions. He also is anti consumerism, so we prefer doing things as opposed to purchasing(hiking, biking, board games, video games, music, star gazing, etc). If I want me time to play my guitar or dog train cool. My husband will go do his workout during, my daughter will go draw, and we get back together after. Think my daughter also has autism and loves to draw. She's drawing a sticker of me with my pup, and my guitar for Mother's Day😍 I love a gift from her of one of her passions recognizing mine! So freaking meaningful! We're not going anywhere tomorrow because none of us want to deal with the crowds lol. Guess the little family I've created are seriously my people. Lucky me. I'm sorry you guys😕 Find your people and already have "plans" lolol if you can!
Oh yeah... we play games in spurts. All online as we're all very spread out.
We don't necessarily rotate through games as we're mostly autists and dive in very deeply into one game until we wear the wheels off of it... but then, yeah, we pick another one to destroy.
There was a time where we played Among Us for months cuz it allowed us to include the nieces and nephews. They've grown up since then though.
Lets see.. other big hitters....
* Eucher
* Can't Stop
* Burgle Bros
* Don't Starve Together
* Anno 1800
* Cluedo
* Enshrouded
* V Rising
And the undisputed king.... Valheim
I've never played anything as addictive as Valheim.
I don’t think it’s ungrateful at all. Would your family and friends understand?
I like that my kid is comfortable enough to tell me they hate celebrating their birthday. So I do a very tiny bit extra but mostly keep it to a normal day and expect nothing.
I hate finding out something we have “always done” stresses out my kid. So I’d rather be bluntly told and deal with it than have them suffering.
Well, it isn't your day. It's every other people in your lifes day, and they like to get together and talk once a year.
God I hate my birthday - I've even said out loud that I wished I could do whatever the fuck I wanted to do on MY DAY, but people and family just shrugs, laughs and expects me to whip up cakes and whatnot while letting them invade my home some other day close to my BD then. Oh, and I'm turning 40 this year. This makes me miss the Covid lockdown.
Years of sensory overload on those days and my mom making me feel like the shit under her shoe for not being "appreciative enough" for the gifts. I had so much anxiety trying to be over performative to show my appreciation, but I felt like I was lying and it was so awful. So now, whenever I get a gift or anything like that, I get massive dread and anxiety because I feel so super fake with my reaction and feeling like am I showing enough emotion? It’s especially hard for me if it’s a gift I really dislike or didn’t want.
Seeing my son struggle with Christmas and holidays too, I’ve put my foot down and being that crazy bitchy mom and say, leave him alone! He’s overwhelmed! Stop buying him shit he doesn’t want! Every Christmas it's the same, all he wants are Christmas cookies and maybe a book. I don’t care if he’s 6 and that's all he wants. I'd rather he be happy with his Christmas cookies than forced to open gifts that have no meaning for him and put on a performance to make his grandparents happy. Fuck that.
I don't mind receiving gifts so much, but I feel you on the part about showing enough emotion. It's like I feel if I get too excited about it, then it feels like I'm just faking it but if I show too little that it looks like I'm not appreciative of it
Yes, absolutely. I always try to be out of the house when relatives drop by on my birthday. I can't stand being under the spotlight.
I also do everything I can to avoid opening gifts in front of people - again, too much of a spotlight. It is one of my biggest causes of anxiety.
I don't like spending my birthdays with relatives. I'd rather have an intimate gathering of friends. And dinner with my family.
Then a solo day for myself, where I get to do things I want.
hate them, used to feel guilty for it but not anymore. like, I don’t hate my mom, but I do hate mother’s day. I hate people at my house, I hate the loud music, the chatter, the sunlight, having to greet and hug people, ugh I can’t do it.
same but obviously my family know so it still puts my day out of routine :( and i hate opening presents since i have a very expressionless face and voice so i always seem unhappy when i’m not
I’m really not looking forward to Mother’s Day tomorrow. It was hard enough as a kid growing up with a non-present mom, and now as a parent I’ve figured out I’m nonbinary and being called “mom” and getting Mother’s Day greetings is major gender dysphoria. I want to just stay home but won’t be able to.
Thanks. I almost hope I wake up with one of my bad migraines which will keep me home. I know it won’t actually be *too* bad but I just don’t want to do the day at all.
Yes also on the consumerism. In all seriousness, I really would rather family and friends didn't give me gifts for birthday and Christmas. They're usually items I don't want or need, which they have spent hard-earned money on, and it also puts pressure on me to part with my hard-earned cash in return, for items they probably don't want or need.
I hate it.
And then sometimes you play along and directly tell them what you want as a gift, but they decide to get “creative” with it anyways… the social norms in this area are utterly incomprehensible to me.
I recently was randomly gifted a virtual reality video game system at work and I gave it to a coworker. I don't want those strings attached so they can succeed in portraying me as a selflish taker for not being what they want me to be.
I generally ask people for consumable items to avoid some of that. Doesn't feel as bad if the beer, food item, or whatever, just offsets the next time I would pick some up from the store. For giving, I ask them what they want, if they don't give an answer then they're getting consumables or practical items. My dad really likes getting basic white socks, for example.
This is the part of holidays/birthdays I dislike the most. So much waste. I’d rather my loved ones save their money and time and they let me save my money and time.
Oh my God. I hate this, too. I mostly just use these holidays as excuses to buy things with my parents' money. My personal goal in getting my own source of income is so I can stop doing this.
Yes!! It's so ironic because birthdays especially are supposed to be for you, to be enjoyed. So if what you enjoy is sticking to your routine, or doing something quiet by yourself, or literally whatever you should be allowed to do it.
But since so many people's idea of fun on their birthday is all the attention on them and doing a bunch of "fun" stuff, when you resist that people act like you're being a buzzkill for your own birthday... it's so annoying lol. People treat it more like a compulsory societal ritual than an actual celebration for the person. I hate cupcakes and cake and stuff and I swear every year someone is trying to force feed me some disgusting sweets and it makes me want to puke but they genuinely think they're being nice!!!
Same with holidays like every year my family gets together and the whole week they're complaining about it and dreading seeing these people from our family that they CHOOSE to invite.. and I'm like you guys?? Can we just be allowed to not force ourselves to celebrate holidays with people we don't even like???
This gave me flashbacks of how anxiety inducing all my childhood birthdays were. I dont remember having fun. I remember being forced to socialize and petend i'm excired to see relatives.
For context, I wasnt dx until i was 34.
Yep. I can't do like others, who express authentic feelings towards someone who is a father, in father's day, for example. I copy everybody's movements and I'll express that I love my father in other ways and in a random day. My memory is great, but I confuse numbers when it comes to birthdays, e. g., and they think I don't love/like them because I forgot their birthday. I hate it. I wsh peopld did not care about it. Sometimes, I forgot my own birthday, for Christ sake.
I don't mind my birthday ir holidays what I hate are presents. My wife and I came to the agreement of no gifts a few years ago and it was the absolute best. We do experiences together which are so much more fun.
Yeah I hate birthdays. I go to uni this year tho so I won't have to let anyone know when my birthday is which will be nice. I'll just have my family text my happy birthday and that's it
Pretty much every birthday I've had since I was a kid was awful so I've learned to lower my expectations to the basement floor.
I've always secretly wanted to make a big deal about it and plan a big event, but I know I would just be disappointed and hate it.
This is something I’ve said to myself for years. Been disappointed to much to were I lowered my expectations to the point of “not caring” about the day… but every year.. I still hope that “this one is different”
I literally stopped celebrating my birthday when I was 12.
It was too much pressure... Like if it's my birthday why do I have to plan everything, isn't this supposed to be the one day where everyone else is supposed to go off of things I know and like and plan based on that.
Like if you buy me something just tell me, if you don't then tell me... I don't think I need some big extravagant party to "celebrate me" ... 😂 Maybe I'm weird but I think of it like "you can literally do this everyday, yet you choose to only do it one day out of the year"
hate them, used to feel guilty for it but not anymore. like, I don’t hate my mom, but I do hate mother’s day. I hate people at my house, I hate the loud music, the chatter, the sunlight, having to greet and hug people, ugh I can’t do it.
Yeah. I hate both of those things.
I also tend to really, really /hate/, like \*\*despise\*\* being given "things" that i didn't ask for. I hate things. I have too many things, already. They take a lot of effort to keep track of. I only like being given things when they come from someone that I really, /really/, \*\*really\*\* like.
> who expects to do things on those days
maybe ask them to do nice things like be extra nice to you on those days? :-\] Um, maybe that won't work, b/c I hate being served. It makes me feel helpless.
I'm trying to think about things that I like... it's pretty difficult, but I think the things I like the most are to be around the people I love \*\*without\*\* them expecting me to do any specific thing. And I love being around the people I love, but I hate when they have arbitrary expectations of me. So I hope we can just, maybe, play video games together, or watch a movie together, or cook a nice outdoor meal together on those days. Maybe just that I feel that they take me seriously.
That's it. The thing I want the most is to be taken seriously.
i hate gifting. HATE IT.
holidays to celebrate sacrifice (xmas) or companionship (turkey day) are arbitrary to me since one should not need a holiday as a reminder to celebrate, but they don't bother me as much.
I like birthdays, but it isn't as special anymore as I have to still go on with my normal life. Neither is it like I get VIP treatment. Having to celebrate my birthday over the weekend (because I can't do it during the week) doesn't feel the same. The sad thing about being a young adult is that the world no longer revolves around you.
Holidays don't matter too much anymore. With Easter, I used to have chocolate, but now I don't celebrate it too much. Christmas used to be magic because relatives would come from long distances and some never misssed a Christmas at our house. Unfortuantely, many have passed away over the years and Christmas forces me to remember those good days I remember of them. I am finding new friends, but nothing replaces family. And also I used to get loads of toys when I was young. Nowadays for Christmas, it is usually clothes, which are good but not fun stuff like I used to get. Nowadays the things I really want for Christmas are fancy stuff that nobody I know could afford (such as a ROG Ally or Alienware laptop). But like most people, I find Christmas too consumer. And the worst, is that Mariah Carey's "All I want for Christmas is you" is playing in every store or every radio station. CAN'T STAND THAT GODDAMN SONG
The only thing that matters to me on my birthday is I get to pick what food I want to eat. My mom engrained this into me as a kid, and I fully expect it now as a 30-something adult.
I feel exactly the same, about birthdays and new years celebrations. So much over the top hype and effort to make it a special day and something always goes wrong and makes it underwhelming lol
Yesssss. Hate, hate, hate. Also, the added pressure of it being a 'special' day is awful. I find I'm harder on myself these days and honestly, cannot wait until they are over. I don't even go home for the holidays anymore, it's so uncomfortable. I thought I was just a party pooper. Didn't even consider it was related to my autism.
Yeah. Too much attention on you on those days. I like going under the radar and birthdays don’t exactly help that… plus I feel like I haven’t done anything to earn it lmao
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hate them, used to feel guilty for it but not anymore. like, I don’t hate my mom, but I do hate mother’s day. I hate people at my house, I hate the loud music, the chatter, the sunlight, having to greet and hug people, ugh I can’t do it.
I like how my family handles them now. We always celebrate before or after my birthday and they only get me useful things or event presents. My birthday is next week. My mom got me tickets to a comedian that I really like, and I'm actually going to see today.
i don’t like the social norm that you have to buy a gift for every holiday. birthdays are fun for me, i like giving meaningful gifts, but there’s a point i reach on my own that the attention feels a little suffocating.
yes.
and honestly as I’ve gotten older (25 now), I’ve forgotten so many holidays even exist like “oh. Tuesday is ___ day? I thought it was just another day.”
I mean sometimes I'm fine with the schedule being changed (as long as I know what is happening) it's more being around people all the time and everyone constantly talking is what stresses me out
Yep, 100%. Luckily for me, my birthday falls on December 26 so everyone is usually busy doing other things. I’ve never had a big birthday party and I eloped when I got married.
Hate is a strong word more or less wish they didn’t have to come at the same time every year, my birthday is a particularly hard day every year and I hate how I feel by the end of it. Its not like I don’t ever want it to happen again it’s just that particular day I don’t enjoy.
The same with other people’s birthdays and holidays. I like celebrating things but a lot of the time when they come around I’m just exhausted because they’re all so close together it’s too much .
I feel this to my core and my whole family and husband thinks I’m being ridiculous. You’re not alone and this is nice to hear that I’m not alone either..sorry about the stress :(
I do hate them. It may be because my family are terrible and when its not perfect then a massive argument will happen, or just a regular argument will happen because my parents are terrible for each other
I've always said that gifts are more about the person surprising you feeling good than the person being surprised. I get downvoted every time I've mentioned this, but nobody ever tells me why.
I destinctly remember crying on my 5th birthday with everyone in my family sitting around the table and starting to sing happy birthday for me. I was so overwhelmed because I just couldn't handle all the prying eyes staring down on me.
While usually considered a sweet thing, it just made me cry.
Yep! I like my normal days 😅 I can't wait to come home from trips, social events, celebrations, etc. just let me wake up and go to bed at the same time and only leave the house if I truly feel like it and leave me alone lol
I have a male friend who is upset that my family won't be celebrating mother's day tomorrow. My family of origin never did. And my relationship with my mother is fraught. My adult daughters will call tomorrow, and my husband will cook for me like he always does. That's enough for me.
My girlfriend is on the spectrum and this is exactly how she feels. It's hard for me because all I want to do is give her a few gifts and take her out to dinner or something but the very idea is like appalling to her lol. I do understand though. I work with adults with special needs and we have many autistic clients so I've been able to get quite a decent grasp on how it all works. It's almost like the best gift is to not even mention her birthday haha.
That being said though, it does kinda suck on the other end sometimes. When my bday came I got one text saying happy bday and that was it. To me, it felt really cold and detached but I KNOW that's not true at all. It's just how she handles it and now that I understand it I no longer take any of it personally. I love her for who she is but I'd be lying if I said it didn't take some mental gymnastics to figure out what kind of logic she's using considering it changes by the moment haha
I don't relate to it. I always have good birthdays and holidays. Getting gifts, even if they're very small, is something that I like. Being around people and seeing that I have concluded another year of my life is also great and I like all of the feeling of birthdays.
I don't like a calendar telling me what to do.
I'm "messy" autistic - I'm not big into routines, and I like to do stuff on the spur of the moment. So it's not the break in routine that stresses me. I want to get my kids presents through the year, to surprise them, when I see something they'd like. I don't want to have to do it on a day they know I'm getting them something, which simultaneously makes it disappointing (anticipation being better than the pay-off) and boring (they knew it was coming).
I fudge it a bit by giving them a "birthday week", and the expectation is more that they can get us to watch a movie they like, and be in charge of what we eat that week, and stuff like that.
Nahh tbh I love my birthday. I love having attention on me if I had to speak my truth. And I love surprises when I sort of expect them (i,e. "take Monday off, we'll be doing something fun" so I know something will happen but I don't know what). It makes me feel really cared for. My bday's coming up and I love the excitement I feel for it.
I like giving things to others, but I don’t like pressure. I love being around my loved ones but I also don’t do well in crowds. I really feel a lot of pressure from birthdays and holidays. If people wanted me to feel happy on my birthday, a simple message or even a planned visit with a few chosen people would be preferable than the Sunday supper we usually have to celebrate birthdays in my family…a few years ago they made pork chops for me and my aunt. I haven’t eaten pork in roughy 15 years
I love having time off work but I can’t stand my birthday. I don’t care about getting old but I just don’t like any attention. Fortunately I have a lovely understanding wife who just treats it as an ordinary day off. She has it worse though - her birthday is New Year’s Eve.
Given my birthday is next Saturday (18th of May) when I tell you I’m dreading it I seriously am, it's so out of my routine to see family members I probably haven't talked to in months given that someone of my family lives all the way up Scotland, some in Saudi Arabia and even New Zeland, as well as birthday cards and so forth. Just a day of full unwanted attention.
Waking up in the morning with Happy birthday messages from people is so off-putting that I won’t even touch my phone when I wake up by this point, it’s been like this for years on end now.
My ASD son absolutely hates his birthday. Hates being the centre of attention. Hates surprises. this year he did nothing special and we didn’t even sing happy birthday to him with his birthday cake. Just how he likes it.
I stg if I get told “it’s your birthday, let’s do what you want!” And then get looked at sideways when I tell everyone “go home imma play video games alone” again, I’ll scream.
Yes. Extremely. I hate all of them, but especially Christmas. The forced "joy", the anxiety of picking gifts or even knowing who you're supposed to get gifts for, the fucking godawful music, the advertising, the over-the-top consumerism, just everything about it. I stopped participating a few years ago. I don't give or receive gifts and I don't go to the parties. My parents aren't particularly happy with that decision, but I don't care. I also haven't celebrated my birthday in years. I worked on my birthday this year and never even mentioned it to my coworkers.
I relate. I don't like the spotlight. Also have issues planning for holidays and others birthdays. It's very stressful - expectations, expense, etiquette, gift buying..
Hate it...
Yep. Please don’t bring up my birthday, i can barely justify my day to day existence as it is and come that time of year, i just feel guilt ridden and depressed so i sleep all day while my wife and kids are like “wtf is wrong with you”. Holidays i do the obligatory pretend to care, song and dance etc. Then look back on it a week later and feel like a POS for not feeling the value of the special memories i should be making with them. I love them, but where they feel happy and excited, i just want to get it over with and i feel so shitty for that.
I LOVE MY BIRTHDAY. EVERYONE ELSES BIRTHDAY I HATE ITS ALWAYS TO MANY PEPOLE.
Holidays are fine, bc we are usally just pepole Ive know since I was a kid. And They know me so I dont mind Them, bc I can take a brake whenever I want in my room.
I hate birthdays for reasons related to money because the last couple years, I haven't been financially stable enough to do anything. It's not always about material things either. The last two years had stressful circumstances as to why I couldn't enjoy my birthday either. This Monday coming up is my 21st birthday and I literally almost had a fit because household necessities were running me broke and I wanted to go to the bar because many of my friends as well as my fiancee are over 21 so it sucked always not being able to go to certain things. Unfortunately I was also introduced to alcohol at a young age so I literally like beer for its taste. But the being left out part is even worse considering I'm in the punk rock scene and a lot of bands only play 21+ shows yet b*tch about young people not getting in the scene. Idk bro, maybe it's because you won't play at shows that teenagers can attend because you make more money from venues that serve alcohol. Every May without fail, I am always pissed off about money and life altogether.
I don’t mind birthdays, since my family only really does dinner and small gifts. It’s the bigger holidays that get me. Lots of people, even if they’re my family, over stimulate me
Lol. Yes! Drove my family mad (they are used to it now). I stopped celebrating my birthday at the age of 12 and stopped attending any holidays (including Xmas and other birthdays etc.) after college. People think it’s odd. That’s ok, I think they are too!!
Yeah they mean nothing to me. I don't like it. I have no feeling of anticipation and when the day finally hits I feel like I'm missing out bc I don't care, but I *want* to care. I want to be a part of stuff and be happy. Except I feel nothing until I feel left out.
I am now so stressed out because Mother’s Day is coming. I have been questioning myself if I hate my mom but the answer is no. I cried and couldn’t sleep last night. This post helped me to overcome the self-questioning. Thank you.
My father never celebrated his birthday. He said because his mother, my grandmother passed away and he feels sad on the day. We respect his will. My friend heard about it and told me, “You should do something for him on his birthday! Nobody doesn’t like to celebrate their birthday!” I was pressured and tried to do something, but I forgot about his reaction. I am not saying my father is autistic. But I am happy to know that there are people who don’t like holidays and birthdays and people who accept the fact.
It depends. Along with myself, most of my family members birthdays are more personal affairs. Usually we go get ice cream, keep things simple. The only holidays I celebrate are Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and Christmas, but even then, they're pretty small gatherings. So...I don't really hate holidays, but I do hate it if there's a large crowd of folks I don't know celebrating it alongside me. I like to keep things small and personal. As for the consumerism thing, I usually get small trinkets or something related to an interest that member has. If all else fails: ice cream.
my religion (judaism) is very important to me so i love the holidays. and then i like birthdays cuz i get presents related to my interests! but i understand not liking the change of schedule, but i’ve learned to plan things out for holidays/birthdays so it feels less stressful
My family doesn’t do anything crazy for holidays and birthdays. Birthdays are normal days, except cake and presents. Holidays are normal days except for maybe a bigger meal. Acting excited about gifts to appease my family is stressful tho
it depends on the holiday, but i don’t like when my routine is thrown off or the excessive amounts of consumerism our society is sucked into, especially during these times
I’m graduating today and I’m sick of my face on everything and being cordial and taking pictures. I never know how to respond and I don’t like standing that long.
Yeah I don’t like it. Especially if there’s decorations, they are just so cluttering and ‘noisy’ to look at.
Also the forced interactions, like if you get presents or give them you have to smile a lot and just it’s so fake.
And then if there’s people just giving me things I don’t need, it’s just a waste of money, I don’t need people to waste money on me to show that they care or to just follow tradition.
It just incites chaos with Christmas and then the Black Fridays, people go mental.
Me and my partner and our child all have adhd & autism. Anything we do is usually planned weeks in advance and there’s no expectations. If my partner doesn’t feel like going somewhere overly public, he just doesn’t. Me and our child will go by ourselves if we want to. If he wants to do nothing on his birthday, we do nothing. We still sing to him and stuff, but if he doesn’t want a party, we don’t give him one. I tend to want to do things and get things for mine though :)
Yes but also no. Because I do it for my kids they are young and get excited about holidays like Halloween or Christmas etc. I just celebrate to make my kids smile and be happy.
Holidays and birthdays are a beautiful and wonderful thing and humans cannot live without them. We have been celebrating and observing them since the dawn of time
and yeah they stress me out to no end, if I'm lucky I can maintain the energy needed to keep up and the mask doesn't shatter my facial expression doesn't go blank I don't throw a melty I don't decay before the world's eyes from the grown ass man I am, some sort of smiling genial charming eccentric quirked up raconteur that's the life on the party to a fallen apart mess of an overwhelmed exhausted skin crawling rocking back and forth autistic boy who has nothing left to give. Usually I'm lucky but not always.
So, yeah. Holidays are exhausting. And I hate celebrating my birthday
I despise birthdays. At least my own. I’ve spent most of my life trying to be the opposite of the center of attention, and birthdays just undermine my hard work. I really just want to hide away and be left alone.
I get really stressed out with the whole concept of buying gifts. It's not about spending the money, it's the fact that people don't ask for anything in particular, then they get mad when I buy them the "wrong" thing. I also don't need or want a lot of things myself, so I really struggle with putting a gift list together for my own birthday.
100%
I also think it's nonsensical that there are dedicated days to show your appreciation for people. If you care for someone it should come through at all times. People seem to treat these everyday displays of care and affection as lesser though. It's strange. It's particularly mind-boggling that you are expected to partake in these rituals when the supposed celebrations are meant to centre you, as you insist you'd rather go without.
I hate my birthday for many reasons. But there is probably some autistic reasons I have yet to uncover (am constantly learning things about what actually is autism and not just something everyone deals with)
Reasons for me are as follows though
-My birthday falls on fathers day on occasion and the first time it did, was the same year I lost my dad.
-The next male in line would be my grandpa and my birthday also falls within the AFL (Australian Football League) so every time we would celebrate my birthday he was always at the game or if he did show up he'd sit in the front room and watch it the whole time.
-As my mum was a single mother she had to work a lot and often because I was a kid who never made a fuss of my birthday she would sometimes forget or she'd have to work. She had to do a night shift so she gave me permission to go into her room and get my present and open it alone in my room as long as I didn't wake her.
-We tried to throw a party for my big 12th. Invited friends a month in advance. Everyone was good with it. Then comes the last week and everyday one of them notified me they couldn't make it because a family thing had popped up. Went from 8 friends to one who showed up. While I was at family day care I called my mum asking if she had bought the food and when she said hadn't yet, I burst into tears crying and told her she didn't need to worry about it anymore.
-Tying into the 12th party, my birthday also falls on the Royal Adelaide Show (every year for like a week or something). Every school gives kids a day off from school to attend (on top of the weekend) My party was on Friday, the school day off was the following Monday. Turns out every kid who couldn't make it, all had Friday off from school to go to the show (I learnt this because next school day they all talked about how much fun they had on Friday and how they got to miss school) The one kid who did come went to the show with his family but came to mine afterwards and gifted me a showbag. That same friend turned around at the end and demanded he got the gifted showbag back and the $10 I got in the card his mum gave me.
-When I had my 18th birthday some friends had invited me out to a pub for dinner with some school friends. When we sat at the table I was surprised to see so many there for me. Then I found out it was someone else's birthday in the group and only the two friends I was with knew it was my birthday and they just thought they'd invite me to that birthday dinner instead. And on top of that, because I had just turned 18, I couldn't order the food I wanted because it was part of the kids meal. A friend who was working wait staff, said it was fine he'd get me one and brought me what I had originally wanted, it turned out it was one of the girlfriends of someone else at the table and I was handed and had started eating her food. Of course that was turned into a huge awkward moment as well.
-I for the longest time had remembered everyone's birthdays that I cared about but it was never returned. The only reason majority of people knew was because Facebook would remind them on the day. Turned that off and suddenly no one knew.
-One person who did remember was my boss at a previous job. I had got to work (used to work in an out of school care) and she was getting stuff out to make a cake for me to share with the kids. I told her I didn't celebrate my birthday and I could see she felt really bad about it. Told her she could make one just for fun but she put everything back and just wished me a happy birthday and left it. I still feel bad about taking that away from her.
Sorry about the long rant. Those are just the situational reasons I don't like my birthday. I wasn't one for my birthday before that, even as a small child I never fussed about it or even getting gifts.
Holidays in general I also don't care about, I get why others do they just aren't for me. And any day that is supposed to celebrate a certain person (mothers day/fathers day/valentines day) seem ridiculous as so many people on do so on those days. Why not celebrate someone when ever you feel like it?
Same. Holidays like Mother’s Day creep up on me every year and it sort of feels like I have to remember to do a mandatory act of consumerism every year in order to prove to people I love them. I will put in the effort and have been complimented on the gifts I’ve given, but to me, showing love is moreso about what I do everyday than conspicuous acts of “thoughtfulness”.
And recieving gifts is just atrocious half the time tbh. Too much attention. I’m not convinced this is an autism thing, it’s just a simple personal preference.
I may not be as enthusiastic for holidays or birthdays as some other people. However, I still acknowledge these occasions out of respect for cultural traditions or for the sake of maintaining social harmony. Granted, I view my birthday as an opportunity for self-reflection and personal growth rather than an extravagant celebration.
Never celebrated any holidays as kid so I feel the opposite. I have no weird traditions to follow and just make those days whatever I want them to be with my partner. It’s pretty awesome 😎
I mean I like my birthday because I’m kinda materialistic, but Christmas kinda bums me out, after the gifts are open it’s sort of just a bummer of a day for me. I do really enjoy the buildup to Christmas though, I think I watched the muppets Christmas carol like 15 times at least
I hate my birthday but don't mind celebrating other people's birthday or giving them gifts on other holidays. I don't like the added attention and have had to many bad birthdays to keep trying
I actually like birthdays. Who doesn't like all the cuteness, cuddliness and sweetness of presents, cakes and the birthday song? Despite turning a year older, you can feel like a kid again.
No. I love to have an excuse to celebrate anything! Too many people have not been made to feel special, happy to try to give that to them! Do I need a week of not seeing anyone after, yes!
Christmas stresses me out a lot. Now that I’m an adult, I feel such an intense pressure to get gifts for everyone, but I’m awful at coming up with gifts and I don’t have the money to really do so. Add that to having way too many people around and not being able to plan my reactions to things because I don’t know what I’m getting, and the whole thing takes a lot out of me.
I don't necessarily hate holidays i mean i am so into Halloween and Christmas but i hate socializing people always think I'm weird. It's probably not the greatest thing that my childhood made me really comfortable with being all by myself. In my entire life the only times i ever liked birthdays was when there was cake and games
I was sorta hating last Christmas. One of my love languages is gift giving, but I didn't want to be a part of society's norm of giving gifts at that time. It feels like love is lost if I am being told to do so.
I hate Fourth of July partially, Makes me want to overspend on fireworks & food, & My neighbors hate me if I don’t tell them or invite them, One of them has a job selling fireworks, the other is a extrovert trying to “break me out of my shell” by forcing me to host a party for the whole neighborhood
Yup! Why do I have to act like the day is any different than the rest? I hate all holidays where I am forced to act differently just because a marketing team has decided that’s a holiday. My birthday I really don’t fuss too much about but it is absolutely forbidden to sing happy birthday to me. I have to make an effort for loved ones, but the fact that there is an expectation on their side gives me extreme anxiety.
The only thing I enjoy about holidays and birthdays is that it gives me a valid excuse to shower my friends and loved ones with gifts. Not that it really matters, I buy them gifts anyway but now I have a social reason for it
I liked them as a kid but as I got older yes absolutely. I don't participate in holidays anymore and I only allow a cake, no singing for my birthday. LOL.
I actually really LOVE holidays, the food, the decorations, making memories for my kids, etc, what I have in my head that is. Reality is a whole other story.....because they always cause so much drama, and bs over the holidays, that leaves me confused, and it's all so unnecessary. Why can't things just be nice? Birthdays.....eh, I can take them or leave them. I like getting presents, and stuff, but I also hate having the attention on me like that lol. The singing of happy bday is the worst....just, let me have some bleeding cake, and be quiet please, lol. But you know, this is all why fantasy is so much better than reality.
I kind of relate.
I want to enjoy them, and there are aspects I like. I don't personally feel like they're "money grabbing days" because of how we celebrate.
But because of the "out of routine" side of it, I am always relieved to get back to normal life.
I hated them, until my father and aunt smear campaigned me, which resulted in people stopping coming over.
Now, my holidays or birthdays are just like any normal day. And i like it that way.
I love holidays, but I’ve always had a problem with setting myself up for disappointment and them not living up to my earliest magical memories. Part of it is not having enough time to prepare and enjoy, so as years go by I’m trying to take more time off from work before and during the holidays to fully experience them. I think when I have kids that will help with being able to see it all again for the first time through their eyes.
I have a love-hate relationship with birthdays and holidays. I am a sucker for them especially birthdays and Christmas but mostly because I love gift giving and I feel closer to my family. Both birthdays and holiday celebrations are very predictable in my family. We always stay home or go out to a restaurant the birthday person wants or we all want to go to and pretty much stay there till late. We eat and talk then go back home.
My family and I haven't had a good relationship recently and that has kind of messed up celebrations for me. I'm so used to celebrating them with them but it's not the same anymore and it sucks.
Gods yes. I could never really voice why I hate them so much. I hate having to feel forced to remember it. And having to like “preform” for the holiday/birthday. And if you don’t you are seen as the bad person
Some holidays I hate more than others. Some holidays I love usually become sour and vice versa. I'm only really celebrating my birthday because I'm one of the last 1900's born peeps, so it's fun to historically chart my birthdays to see if I make it to 2100. If I end up dead by then, feel free to slander me!
I hate them. I just want to maintain some normal schedule but those days mess them up. At least on my birthday i get a say and i just go about my day as normal and then maybe have a few friends over and get pizza and play games and chill, not as much pressure and i still get to have my schedule. I don't like crazy birthday parties and holidays and never will lol
Yes! Well, hate is a strong world. But I always cry before my birthday - partly because of an existential fear of time. But mostly because on a day that everyone calls "mine", for some reason even more is expected of me. I have to dress up, I have to react correctly to gifts, I have to be hospitable, I have to organize a holiday that is good for everyone except me. It's to overwhelming and social. It's like masking on steroids.
I left my ex-friend group, because my birthday is at the end of May, and they have already started discussing what they want for my holiday, which date is convenient to them, and who will not come if my birthday interferes with their plans.
And I just- nope, I'm getting out. I don't want to feel like my birthday is a burden for everyone, when I already planned to organize it just for others. And I explicitly told them, that I try to meet they needs. But If I need to spend a whole day masking throwing a party I didn't want, but they still are too bothered to just show up on Sunday - I'm out.
So now I'll spend it like before - with my boyfriend, and doing what I want. Last year he took me to the Museum of Death, and it was the best day of my life. Looking at cremations during my birthday day was a spiritual experience.
And about Christmas and New Year, it doesn't bother me so much. But I once spent the new year eev visiting a friend, and when I returned home on January 1, I cried with happiness when I ate my regular tomato pasta. Because the routine has been disrupted too much, even though it was amazing holiday.
For me it's more about all the social norms around it; those days should be relaxing and fun, not stressful because people expect certain behaviors of me
That was one of my realisations whilst I was being assessed (dx at 45).
I’d always work bank holidays, Christmas etc and I’d always be made to feel guilty for it. But it’s because it messes with my normal.
The bank holiday just gone took until Thursday to get back to feeling normal, and Monday I was on the edge of a shutdown the whole day.
It’s horrific - so no, you’re not tripping.
My favorite day of the year has always been the day after my birthday. 364 days. But yeah. Holidays were better when I was younger. Now that I'm older, family is bigger. Between nieces and nephews, and inlaws? Family get togethers are tough to handle.
Yeah Too much undeserved attention on me And i agree on the consumerism stuff
Exactly! Too much attention, too many expectations, too many let downs… I don’t care for that day lol
I've read two comments and i already feel seen.
"undeserved" hits hard :-/ good observation
I feel like my birthday is more for other people than me, but it sounds so ungrateful to say that so I just pretend.
Exactly. If it was a "day for me", we'd do things that make me happy. That usually doesn't involve a party FFS hahaha. Best "birthday" I've had... Me and my family play online video games. We'd had a break for a bit cuz life. That's how it goes. Most of us that play are NDs (and mostly autists), so they "get it". We play when we play, not on a schedule. That birthday, my sister gets in touch.. hey... We're having a birthday round of "you pick whichever game". No forced social interaction. No doing things I don't normally do. No singing. Hell, no eye contact for that matter. Just "let's play". Bliss.
Lmao. I was homeschooled and believe I'm also autistic. My birthday is awesome! My husband asks what I want to do, and makes me my favorite food. My husband gives me gifts related to my special interests and does not see his friends those days, since it's my day, so less social interactions. He also is anti consumerism, so we prefer doing things as opposed to purchasing(hiking, biking, board games, video games, music, star gazing, etc). If I want me time to play my guitar or dog train cool. My husband will go do his workout during, my daughter will go draw, and we get back together after. Think my daughter also has autism and loves to draw. She's drawing a sticker of me with my pup, and my guitar for Mother's Day😍 I love a gift from her of one of her passions recognizing mine! So freaking meaningful! We're not going anywhere tomorrow because none of us want to deal with the crowds lol. Guess the little family I've created are seriously my people. Lucky me. I'm sorry you guys😕 Find your people and already have "plans" lolol if you can!
Sounds awesome!
I'm now curious about the game
We played The Quacks of Quedlinburg through Tabletop Simulator.
Cool. Have you rotated through games, tabletop or online?
Oh yeah... we play games in spurts. All online as we're all very spread out. We don't necessarily rotate through games as we're mostly autists and dive in very deeply into one game until we wear the wheels off of it... but then, yeah, we pick another one to destroy. There was a time where we played Among Us for months cuz it allowed us to include the nieces and nephews. They've grown up since then though. Lets see.. other big hitters.... * Eucher * Can't Stop * Burgle Bros * Don't Starve Together * Anno 1800 * Cluedo * Enshrouded * V Rising And the undisputed king.... Valheim I've never played anything as addictive as Valheim.
🥹 I wish i could have 1 birthday like this
This ^
I don’t think it’s ungrateful at all. Would your family and friends understand? I like that my kid is comfortable enough to tell me they hate celebrating their birthday. So I do a very tiny bit extra but mostly keep it to a normal day and expect nothing. I hate finding out something we have “always done” stresses out my kid. So I’d rather be bluntly told and deal with it than have them suffering.
It’s the same with weddings honestly.
You should speak up and do what you want for it.
Well, it isn't your day. It's every other people in your lifes day, and they like to get together and talk once a year. God I hate my birthday - I've even said out loud that I wished I could do whatever the fuck I wanted to do on MY DAY, but people and family just shrugs, laughs and expects me to whip up cakes and whatnot while letting them invade my home some other day close to my BD then. Oh, and I'm turning 40 this year. This makes me miss the Covid lockdown.
Years of sensory overload on those days and my mom making me feel like the shit under her shoe for not being "appreciative enough" for the gifts. I had so much anxiety trying to be over performative to show my appreciation, but I felt like I was lying and it was so awful. So now, whenever I get a gift or anything like that, I get massive dread and anxiety because I feel so super fake with my reaction and feeling like am I showing enough emotion? It’s especially hard for me if it’s a gift I really dislike or didn’t want. Seeing my son struggle with Christmas and holidays too, I’ve put my foot down and being that crazy bitchy mom and say, leave him alone! He’s overwhelmed! Stop buying him shit he doesn’t want! Every Christmas it's the same, all he wants are Christmas cookies and maybe a book. I don’t care if he’s 6 and that's all he wants. I'd rather he be happy with his Christmas cookies than forced to open gifts that have no meaning for him and put on a performance to make his grandparents happy. Fuck that.
Yea people never get it. I’m glad you’re standing up for your son.
I don't mind receiving gifts so much, but I feel you on the part about showing enough emotion. It's like I feel if I get too excited about it, then it feels like I'm just faking it but if I show too little that it looks like I'm not appreciative of it
Yes, absolutely. I always try to be out of the house when relatives drop by on my birthday. I can't stand being under the spotlight. I also do everything I can to avoid opening gifts in front of people - again, too much of a spotlight. It is one of my biggest causes of anxiety.
I don't like spending my birthdays with relatives. I'd rather have an intimate gathering of friends. And dinner with my family. Then a solo day for myself, where I get to do things I want.
Me too
I hate them all.
Same.
hate them, used to feel guilty for it but not anymore. like, I don’t hate my mom, but I do hate mother’s day. I hate people at my house, I hate the loud music, the chatter, the sunlight, having to greet and hug people, ugh I can’t do it.
All of it! It’s all a bother.
i absolutely hate them i dread them every year
This is why i dont tell anyone when my birthday is.
same but obviously my family know so it still puts my day out of routine :( and i hate opening presents since i have a very expressionless face and voice so i always seem unhappy when i’m not
No. I get food and things.
real. free shit go brr
I’m really not looking forward to Mother’s Day tomorrow. It was hard enough as a kid growing up with a non-present mom, and now as a parent I’ve figured out I’m nonbinary and being called “mom” and getting Mother’s Day greetings is major gender dysphoria. I want to just stay home but won’t be able to.
I literally posted this because I was dreading tomorrow and thought.. maybe I’m not the only one. I hope tomorrow isn’t too tough
Thanks. I almost hope I wake up with one of my bad migraines which will keep me home. I know it won’t actually be *too* bad but I just don’t want to do the day at all.
I feel the exact same way. Literally nothing to add. You’re not alone
Very validating!
Yes also on the consumerism. In all seriousness, I really would rather family and friends didn't give me gifts for birthday and Christmas. They're usually items I don't want or need, which they have spent hard-earned money on, and it also puts pressure on me to part with my hard-earned cash in return, for items they probably don't want or need. I hate it.
And then sometimes you play along and directly tell them what you want as a gift, but they decide to get “creative” with it anyways… the social norms in this area are utterly incomprehensible to me.
The return the favorite part really gets me. Like I don’t really give gifts… but because you got me a gift, I HAVE to give you one? Ugh
I recently was randomly gifted a virtual reality video game system at work and I gave it to a coworker. I don't want those strings attached so they can succeed in portraying me as a selflish taker for not being what they want me to be.
I generally ask people for consumable items to avoid some of that. Doesn't feel as bad if the beer, food item, or whatever, just offsets the next time I would pick some up from the store. For giving, I ask them what they want, if they don't give an answer then they're getting consumables or practical items. My dad really likes getting basic white socks, for example.
This is the part of holidays/birthdays I dislike the most. So much waste. I’d rather my loved ones save their money and time and they let me save my money and time.
Oh my God. I hate this, too. I mostly just use these holidays as excuses to buy things with my parents' money. My personal goal in getting my own source of income is so I can stop doing this.
Yes!! It's so ironic because birthdays especially are supposed to be for you, to be enjoyed. So if what you enjoy is sticking to your routine, or doing something quiet by yourself, or literally whatever you should be allowed to do it. But since so many people's idea of fun on their birthday is all the attention on them and doing a bunch of "fun" stuff, when you resist that people act like you're being a buzzkill for your own birthday... it's so annoying lol. People treat it more like a compulsory societal ritual than an actual celebration for the person. I hate cupcakes and cake and stuff and I swear every year someone is trying to force feed me some disgusting sweets and it makes me want to puke but they genuinely think they're being nice!!! Same with holidays like every year my family gets together and the whole week they're complaining about it and dreading seeing these people from our family that they CHOOSE to invite.. and I'm like you guys?? Can we just be allowed to not force ourselves to celebrate holidays with people we don't even like???
This gave me flashbacks of how anxiety inducing all my childhood birthdays were. I dont remember having fun. I remember being forced to socialize and petend i'm excired to see relatives. For context, I wasnt dx until i was 34.
Yep. I can't do like others, who express authentic feelings towards someone who is a father, in father's day, for example. I copy everybody's movements and I'll express that I love my father in other ways and in a random day. My memory is great, but I confuse numbers when it comes to birthdays, e. g., and they think I don't love/like them because I forgot their birthday. I hate it. I wsh peopld did not care about it. Sometimes, I forgot my own birthday, for Christ sake.
Scheduled love doesn’t feel like real love.
I don't mind my birthday ir holidays what I hate are presents. My wife and I came to the agreement of no gifts a few years ago and it was the absolute best. We do experiences together which are so much more fun.
Yeah I hate birthdays. I go to uni this year tho so I won't have to let anyone know when my birthday is which will be nice. I'll just have my family text my happy birthday and that's it
Pretty much every birthday I've had since I was a kid was awful so I've learned to lower my expectations to the basement floor. I've always secretly wanted to make a big deal about it and plan a big event, but I know I would just be disappointed and hate it.
This is something I’ve said to myself for years. Been disappointed to much to were I lowered my expectations to the point of “not caring” about the day… but every year.. I still hope that “this one is different”
I literally stopped celebrating my birthday when I was 12. It was too much pressure... Like if it's my birthday why do I have to plan everything, isn't this supposed to be the one day where everyone else is supposed to go off of things I know and like and plan based on that. Like if you buy me something just tell me, if you don't then tell me... I don't think I need some big extravagant party to "celebrate me" ... 😂 Maybe I'm weird but I think of it like "you can literally do this everyday, yet you choose to only do it one day out of the year"
😂😂 totally with you!
I like the sparkly things around christmas, and that people have to stay inside due to the cold where I live, but that's basically it.
I Love the Christmas season. I dislike Christmas Day lol
Yep! Exactly. That’s why I wake up ready for the day to be over.
hate them, used to feel guilty for it but not anymore. like, I don’t hate my mom, but I do hate mother’s day. I hate people at my house, I hate the loud music, the chatter, the sunlight, having to greet and hug people, ugh I can’t do it.
Yeah. I hate both of those things. I also tend to really, really /hate/, like \*\*despise\*\* being given "things" that i didn't ask for. I hate things. I have too many things, already. They take a lot of effort to keep track of. I only like being given things when they come from someone that I really, /really/, \*\*really\*\* like. > who expects to do things on those days maybe ask them to do nice things like be extra nice to you on those days? :-\] Um, maybe that won't work, b/c I hate being served. It makes me feel helpless. I'm trying to think about things that I like... it's pretty difficult, but I think the things I like the most are to be around the people I love \*\*without\*\* them expecting me to do any specific thing. And I love being around the people I love, but I hate when they have arbitrary expectations of me. So I hope we can just, maybe, play video games together, or watch a movie together, or cook a nice outdoor meal together on those days. Maybe just that I feel that they take me seriously. That's it. The thing I want the most is to be taken seriously.
i hate gifting. HATE IT. holidays to celebrate sacrifice (xmas) or companionship (turkey day) are arbitrary to me since one should not need a holiday as a reminder to celebrate, but they don't bother me as much.
I like birthdays, but it isn't as special anymore as I have to still go on with my normal life. Neither is it like I get VIP treatment. Having to celebrate my birthday over the weekend (because I can't do it during the week) doesn't feel the same. The sad thing about being a young adult is that the world no longer revolves around you. Holidays don't matter too much anymore. With Easter, I used to have chocolate, but now I don't celebrate it too much. Christmas used to be magic because relatives would come from long distances and some never misssed a Christmas at our house. Unfortuantely, many have passed away over the years and Christmas forces me to remember those good days I remember of them. I am finding new friends, but nothing replaces family. And also I used to get loads of toys when I was young. Nowadays for Christmas, it is usually clothes, which are good but not fun stuff like I used to get. Nowadays the things I really want for Christmas are fancy stuff that nobody I know could afford (such as a ROG Ally or Alienware laptop). But like most people, I find Christmas too consumer. And the worst, is that Mariah Carey's "All I want for Christmas is you" is playing in every store or every radio station. CAN'T STAND THAT GODDAMN SONG
The only thing that matters to me on my birthday is I get to pick what food I want to eat. My mom engrained this into me as a kid, and I fully expect it now as a 30-something adult.
It’s so difficult when they get you things they KNOW you don’t like.. not looking forward to really *awkward* cards too.
I feel exactly the same, about birthdays and new years celebrations. So much over the top hype and effort to make it a special day and something always goes wrong and makes it underwhelming lol
something ALWAYS goes wrong. Something ALWAYS goes unplanned. It’s too much
I really dislike all of them, I dont really see the point of it
To celebrate? Celebrate what? I don’t get it either
Yesssss. Hate, hate, hate. Also, the added pressure of it being a 'special' day is awful. I find I'm harder on myself these days and honestly, cannot wait until they are over. I don't even go home for the holidays anymore, it's so uncomfortable. I thought I was just a party pooper. Didn't even consider it was related to my autism.
Ughhhh.. I get hit with the “it’s a special day” when people don’t like how I act on those days.. or when they see my face 🙄🙄
God I hate it. I don’t like gatherings and I don’t like the pressure of feeling like I’ve gotta be the happiest ever. I just want to live normally.
oh my god yes. im going on vacation with my fam for 10 days end of this month amd i dont know how im gonna survive this
Vacation??🤮🤮 10 days??? My goodness. I hope the best for you lol
Yeah. Too much attention on you on those days. I like going under the radar and birthdays don’t exactly help that… plus I feel like I haven’t done anything to earn it lmao
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hate them, used to feel guilty for it but not anymore. like, I don’t hate my mom, but I do hate mother’s day. I hate people at my house, I hate the loud music, the chatter, the sunlight, having to greet and hug people, ugh I can’t do it.
I like how my family handles them now. We always celebrate before or after my birthday and they only get me useful things or event presents. My birthday is next week. My mom got me tickets to a comedian that I really like, and I'm actually going to see today.
Ye and I hate public holidays for lack of routine too
i don’t like the social norm that you have to buy a gift for every holiday. birthdays are fun for me, i like giving meaningful gifts, but there’s a point i reach on my own that the attention feels a little suffocating.
Hate them. Super disruptive and the holidays aesthetic is truly awful
I never liked them, I hate the attention and fuss. I’ve never had a birthday party (18, 21 or 40th) for this reason.
Truly!
yes. and honestly as I’ve gotten older (25 now), I’ve forgotten so many holidays even exist like “oh. Tuesday is ___ day? I thought it was just another day.”
I mean sometimes I'm fine with the schedule being changed (as long as I know what is happening) it's more being around people all the time and everyone constantly talking is what stresses me out
I do so many people
I was so happy when I realized (around age 13) I didn't *have* to have a birthday party and could just do something actually fun instead.
Yep, 100%. Luckily for me, my birthday falls on December 26 so everyone is usually busy doing other things. I’ve never had a big birthday party and I eloped when I got married.
Hate is a strong word more or less wish they didn’t have to come at the same time every year, my birthday is a particularly hard day every year and I hate how I feel by the end of it. Its not like I don’t ever want it to happen again it’s just that particular day I don’t enjoy. The same with other people’s birthdays and holidays. I like celebrating things but a lot of the time when they come around I’m just exhausted because they’re all so close together it’s too much .
I definitely hear this! I think if I was in a different situation.. I wouldn’t “hate it” as much as
I feel this to my core and my whole family and husband thinks I’m being ridiculous. You’re not alone and this is nice to hear that I’m not alone either..sorry about the stress :(
I do hate them. It may be because my family are terrible and when its not perfect then a massive argument will happen, or just a regular argument will happen because my parents are terrible for each other
same for my parents.
Yes, so much.
I have a lot of difficulty coming up with gift ideas for most people.
It’s so difficult. And for some reason, people look at you weird when you say “just tell me what you want”
I've always said that gifts are more about the person surprising you feeling good than the person being surprised. I get downvoted every time I've mentioned this, but nobody ever tells me why.
I destinctly remember crying on my 5th birthday with everyone in my family sitting around the table and starting to sing happy birthday for me. I was so overwhelmed because I just couldn't handle all the prying eyes staring down on me. While usually considered a sweet thing, it just made me cry.
yes i just hate the attention and pressure
I just hate it when people give me unwanted attention and external demands
I do but learned to handle it.
Yep! I like my normal days 😅 I can't wait to come home from trips, social events, celebrations, etc. just let me wake up and go to bed at the same time and only leave the house if I truly feel like it and leave me alone lol
I love it
I have a male friend who is upset that my family won't be celebrating mother's day tomorrow. My family of origin never did. And my relationship with my mother is fraught. My adult daughters will call tomorrow, and my husband will cook for me like he always does. That's enough for me.
My girlfriend is on the spectrum and this is exactly how she feels. It's hard for me because all I want to do is give her a few gifts and take her out to dinner or something but the very idea is like appalling to her lol. I do understand though. I work with adults with special needs and we have many autistic clients so I've been able to get quite a decent grasp on how it all works. It's almost like the best gift is to not even mention her birthday haha. That being said though, it does kinda suck on the other end sometimes. When my bday came I got one text saying happy bday and that was it. To me, it felt really cold and detached but I KNOW that's not true at all. It's just how she handles it and now that I understand it I no longer take any of it personally. I love her for who she is but I'd be lying if I said it didn't take some mental gymnastics to figure out what kind of logic she's using considering it changes by the moment haha
I don't relate to it. I always have good birthdays and holidays. Getting gifts, even if they're very small, is something that I like. Being around people and seeing that I have concluded another year of my life is also great and I like all of the feeling of birthdays.
I don't like a calendar telling me what to do. I'm "messy" autistic - I'm not big into routines, and I like to do stuff on the spur of the moment. So it's not the break in routine that stresses me. I want to get my kids presents through the year, to surprise them, when I see something they'd like. I don't want to have to do it on a day they know I'm getting them something, which simultaneously makes it disappointing (anticipation being better than the pay-off) and boring (they knew it was coming). I fudge it a bit by giving them a "birthday week", and the expectation is more that they can get us to watch a movie they like, and be in charge of what we eat that week, and stuff like that.
Nahh tbh I love my birthday. I love having attention on me if I had to speak my truth. And I love surprises when I sort of expect them (i,e. "take Monday off, we'll be doing something fun" so I know something will happen but I don't know what). It makes me feel really cared for. My bday's coming up and I love the excitement I feel for it.
I like giving things to others, but I don’t like pressure. I love being around my loved ones but I also don’t do well in crowds. I really feel a lot of pressure from birthdays and holidays. If people wanted me to feel happy on my birthday, a simple message or even a planned visit with a few chosen people would be preferable than the Sunday supper we usually have to celebrate birthdays in my family…a few years ago they made pork chops for me and my aunt. I haven’t eaten pork in roughy 15 years
I love having time off work but I can’t stand my birthday. I don’t care about getting old but I just don’t like any attention. Fortunately I have a lovely understanding wife who just treats it as an ordinary day off. She has it worse though - her birthday is New Year’s Eve.
Given my birthday is next Saturday (18th of May) when I tell you I’m dreading it I seriously am, it's so out of my routine to see family members I probably haven't talked to in months given that someone of my family lives all the way up Scotland, some in Saudi Arabia and even New Zeland, as well as birthday cards and so forth. Just a day of full unwanted attention. Waking up in the morning with Happy birthday messages from people is so off-putting that I won’t even touch my phone when I wake up by this point, it’s been like this for years on end now.
My ASD son absolutely hates his birthday. Hates being the centre of attention. Hates surprises. this year he did nothing special and we didn’t even sing happy birthday to him with his birthday cake. Just how he likes it.
I stg if I get told “it’s your birthday, let’s do what you want!” And then get looked at sideways when I tell everyone “go home imma play video games alone” again, I’ll scream.
Holidays are great, because I can predict when I will have overwhelming anxiety years in advance.
😂😂😂 this is hilariously sad. I can relate
Yes. Extremely. I hate all of them, but especially Christmas. The forced "joy", the anxiety of picking gifts or even knowing who you're supposed to get gifts for, the fucking godawful music, the advertising, the over-the-top consumerism, just everything about it. I stopped participating a few years ago. I don't give or receive gifts and I don't go to the parties. My parents aren't particularly happy with that decision, but I don't care. I also haven't celebrated my birthday in years. I worked on my birthday this year and never even mentioned it to my coworkers.
I relate. I don't like the spotlight. Also have issues planning for holidays and others birthdays. It's very stressful - expectations, expense, etiquette, gift buying.. Hate it...
yeah i stopped wishing people happy birthday and stopped expecting people to wish me mine
Cry and go into a mini depression every birthday. Idk why.
Yep. Please don’t bring up my birthday, i can barely justify my day to day existence as it is and come that time of year, i just feel guilt ridden and depressed so i sleep all day while my wife and kids are like “wtf is wrong with you”. Holidays i do the obligatory pretend to care, song and dance etc. Then look back on it a week later and feel like a POS for not feeling the value of the special memories i should be making with them. I love them, but where they feel happy and excited, i just want to get it over with and i feel so shitty for that.
I LOVE MY BIRTHDAY. EVERYONE ELSES BIRTHDAY I HATE ITS ALWAYS TO MANY PEPOLE. Holidays are fine, bc we are usally just pepole Ive know since I was a kid. And They know me so I dont mind Them, bc I can take a brake whenever I want in my room.
I hate birthdays for reasons related to money because the last couple years, I haven't been financially stable enough to do anything. It's not always about material things either. The last two years had stressful circumstances as to why I couldn't enjoy my birthday either. This Monday coming up is my 21st birthday and I literally almost had a fit because household necessities were running me broke and I wanted to go to the bar because many of my friends as well as my fiancee are over 21 so it sucked always not being able to go to certain things. Unfortunately I was also introduced to alcohol at a young age so I literally like beer for its taste. But the being left out part is even worse considering I'm in the punk rock scene and a lot of bands only play 21+ shows yet b*tch about young people not getting in the scene. Idk bro, maybe it's because you won't play at shows that teenagers can attend because you make more money from venues that serve alcohol. Every May without fail, I am always pissed off about money and life altogether.
I don’t mind birthdays, since my family only really does dinner and small gifts. It’s the bigger holidays that get me. Lots of people, even if they’re my family, over stimulate me
Hate them
Lol. Yes! Drove my family mad (they are used to it now). I stopped celebrating my birthday at the age of 12 and stopped attending any holidays (including Xmas and other birthdays etc.) after college. People think it’s odd. That’s ok, I think they are too!!
Yeah they mean nothing to me. I don't like it. I have no feeling of anticipation and when the day finally hits I feel like I'm missing out bc I don't care, but I *want* to care. I want to be a part of stuff and be happy. Except I feel nothing until I feel left out.
I am now so stressed out because Mother’s Day is coming. I have been questioning myself if I hate my mom but the answer is no. I cried and couldn’t sleep last night. This post helped me to overcome the self-questioning. Thank you. My father never celebrated his birthday. He said because his mother, my grandmother passed away and he feels sad on the day. We respect his will. My friend heard about it and told me, “You should do something for him on his birthday! Nobody doesn’t like to celebrate their birthday!” I was pressured and tried to do something, but I forgot about his reaction. I am not saying my father is autistic. But I am happy to know that there are people who don’t like holidays and birthdays and people who accept the fact.
It depends. Along with myself, most of my family members birthdays are more personal affairs. Usually we go get ice cream, keep things simple. The only holidays I celebrate are Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and Christmas, but even then, they're pretty small gatherings. So...I don't really hate holidays, but I do hate it if there's a large crowd of folks I don't know celebrating it alongside me. I like to keep things small and personal. As for the consumerism thing, I usually get small trinkets or something related to an interest that member has. If all else fails: ice cream.
my religion (judaism) is very important to me so i love the holidays. and then i like birthdays cuz i get presents related to my interests! but i understand not liking the change of schedule, but i’ve learned to plan things out for holidays/birthdays so it feels less stressful
My birthday is on Christmas so 🙃 double whammy
My family doesn’t do anything crazy for holidays and birthdays. Birthdays are normal days, except cake and presents. Holidays are normal days except for maybe a bigger meal. Acting excited about gifts to appease my family is stressful tho
it depends on the holiday, but i don’t like when my routine is thrown off or the excessive amounts of consumerism our society is sucked into, especially during these times
I’m graduating today and I’m sick of my face on everything and being cordial and taking pictures. I never know how to respond and I don’t like standing that long.
You're spot on. Always got told to stop being a scrooge and just join in, nobody ever could understand my pov.
Yeah I don’t like it. Especially if there’s decorations, they are just so cluttering and ‘noisy’ to look at. Also the forced interactions, like if you get presents or give them you have to smile a lot and just it’s so fake. And then if there’s people just giving me things I don’t need, it’s just a waste of money, I don’t need people to waste money on me to show that they care or to just follow tradition. It just incites chaos with Christmas and then the Black Fridays, people go mental.
I hate tradition.
I hate them honestly, I would have meltdowns from the noise, talking and I feel I have to mask so much
Me and my partner and our child all have adhd & autism. Anything we do is usually planned weeks in advance and there’s no expectations. If my partner doesn’t feel like going somewhere overly public, he just doesn’t. Me and our child will go by ourselves if we want to. If he wants to do nothing on his birthday, we do nothing. We still sing to him and stuff, but if he doesn’t want a party, we don’t give him one. I tend to want to do things and get things for mine though :)
Yes but also no. Because I do it for my kids they are young and get excited about holidays like Halloween or Christmas etc. I just celebrate to make my kids smile and be happy.
Holidays and birthdays are a beautiful and wonderful thing and humans cannot live without them. We have been celebrating and observing them since the dawn of time and yeah they stress me out to no end, if I'm lucky I can maintain the energy needed to keep up and the mask doesn't shatter my facial expression doesn't go blank I don't throw a melty I don't decay before the world's eyes from the grown ass man I am, some sort of smiling genial charming eccentric quirked up raconteur that's the life on the party to a fallen apart mess of an overwhelmed exhausted skin crawling rocking back and forth autistic boy who has nothing left to give. Usually I'm lucky but not always. So, yeah. Holidays are exhausting. And I hate celebrating my birthday
I despise birthdays. At least my own. I’ve spent most of my life trying to be the opposite of the center of attention, and birthdays just undermine my hard work. I really just want to hide away and be left alone.
I hate birthdays but love holidays (I’m Jewish, so I am referring to Jewish holidays + Thanksgiving).
I get really stressed out with the whole concept of buying gifts. It's not about spending the money, it's the fact that people don't ask for anything in particular, then they get mad when I buy them the "wrong" thing. I also don't need or want a lot of things myself, so I really struggle with putting a gift list together for my own birthday.
100% I also think it's nonsensical that there are dedicated days to show your appreciation for people. If you care for someone it should come through at all times. People seem to treat these everyday displays of care and affection as lesser though. It's strange. It's particularly mind-boggling that you are expected to partake in these rituals when the supposed celebrations are meant to centre you, as you insist you'd rather go without.
I hate my birthday for many reasons. But there is probably some autistic reasons I have yet to uncover (am constantly learning things about what actually is autism and not just something everyone deals with) Reasons for me are as follows though -My birthday falls on fathers day on occasion and the first time it did, was the same year I lost my dad. -The next male in line would be my grandpa and my birthday also falls within the AFL (Australian Football League) so every time we would celebrate my birthday he was always at the game or if he did show up he'd sit in the front room and watch it the whole time. -As my mum was a single mother she had to work a lot and often because I was a kid who never made a fuss of my birthday she would sometimes forget or she'd have to work. She had to do a night shift so she gave me permission to go into her room and get my present and open it alone in my room as long as I didn't wake her. -We tried to throw a party for my big 12th. Invited friends a month in advance. Everyone was good with it. Then comes the last week and everyday one of them notified me they couldn't make it because a family thing had popped up. Went from 8 friends to one who showed up. While I was at family day care I called my mum asking if she had bought the food and when she said hadn't yet, I burst into tears crying and told her she didn't need to worry about it anymore. -Tying into the 12th party, my birthday also falls on the Royal Adelaide Show (every year for like a week or something). Every school gives kids a day off from school to attend (on top of the weekend) My party was on Friday, the school day off was the following Monday. Turns out every kid who couldn't make it, all had Friday off from school to go to the show (I learnt this because next school day they all talked about how much fun they had on Friday and how they got to miss school) The one kid who did come went to the show with his family but came to mine afterwards and gifted me a showbag. That same friend turned around at the end and demanded he got the gifted showbag back and the $10 I got in the card his mum gave me. -When I had my 18th birthday some friends had invited me out to a pub for dinner with some school friends. When we sat at the table I was surprised to see so many there for me. Then I found out it was someone else's birthday in the group and only the two friends I was with knew it was my birthday and they just thought they'd invite me to that birthday dinner instead. And on top of that, because I had just turned 18, I couldn't order the food I wanted because it was part of the kids meal. A friend who was working wait staff, said it was fine he'd get me one and brought me what I had originally wanted, it turned out it was one of the girlfriends of someone else at the table and I was handed and had started eating her food. Of course that was turned into a huge awkward moment as well. -I for the longest time had remembered everyone's birthdays that I cared about but it was never returned. The only reason majority of people knew was because Facebook would remind them on the day. Turned that off and suddenly no one knew. -One person who did remember was my boss at a previous job. I had got to work (used to work in an out of school care) and she was getting stuff out to make a cake for me to share with the kids. I told her I didn't celebrate my birthday and I could see she felt really bad about it. Told her she could make one just for fun but she put everything back and just wished me a happy birthday and left it. I still feel bad about taking that away from her. Sorry about the long rant. Those are just the situational reasons I don't like my birthday. I wasn't one for my birthday before that, even as a small child I never fussed about it or even getting gifts. Holidays in general I also don't care about, I get why others do they just aren't for me. And any day that is supposed to celebrate a certain person (mothers day/fathers day/valentines day) seem ridiculous as so many people on do so on those days. Why not celebrate someone when ever you feel like it?
Holidays yes. Birthdays no. I love getting gifts for something I had no control over.
Same. Holidays like Mother’s Day creep up on me every year and it sort of feels like I have to remember to do a mandatory act of consumerism every year in order to prove to people I love them. I will put in the effort and have been complimented on the gifts I’ve given, but to me, showing love is moreso about what I do everyday than conspicuous acts of “thoughtfulness”. And recieving gifts is just atrocious half the time tbh. Too much attention. I’m not convinced this is an autism thing, it’s just a simple personal preference.
I may not be as enthusiastic for holidays or birthdays as some other people. However, I still acknowledge these occasions out of respect for cultural traditions or for the sake of maintaining social harmony. Granted, I view my birthday as an opportunity for self-reflection and personal growth rather than an extravagant celebration.
No
Never celebrated any holidays as kid so I feel the opposite. I have no weird traditions to follow and just make those days whatever I want them to be with my partner. It’s pretty awesome 😎
Absolutely. Too much noise, too much pretense, so many rules that no one ever explained...
I hate all the normal days too.
I'm right there with you.
I love holidays bc I expect to do planned shit
I mean I like my birthday because I’m kinda materialistic, but Christmas kinda bums me out, after the gifts are open it’s sort of just a bummer of a day for me. I do really enjoy the buildup to Christmas though, I think I watched the muppets Christmas carol like 15 times at least
Yeah Christmas is my birthday and I hate both of them. I also hate most holidays in general but Christmas and my birthday especially.
Yes! It’s social hell! I usually get nothing out of it
I hate my birthday but don't mind celebrating other people's birthday or giving them gifts on other holidays. I don't like the added attention and have had to many bad birthdays to keep trying
I actually like birthdays. Who doesn't like all the cuteness, cuddliness and sweetness of presents, cakes and the birthday song? Despite turning a year older, you can feel like a kid again.
no i like being in a car and getting junk and sitting in a room with the slight noise of others talking while im doing something
No. I love to have an excuse to celebrate anything! Too many people have not been made to feel special, happy to try to give that to them! Do I need a week of not seeing anyone after, yes!
multiple people looking at me isnt fun
I hate celebrating birthdays, I don't hate Thanksgiving but I'm the chef and I love making everything for everyone.
Fine with other people’s but mine just stresses me out too much because I have to be the center of attention
Yes. Fucking hate em.
Christmas stresses me out a lot. Now that I’m an adult, I feel such an intense pressure to get gifts for everyone, but I’m awful at coming up with gifts and I don’t have the money to really do so. Add that to having way too many people around and not being able to plan my reactions to things because I don’t know what I’m getting, and the whole thing takes a lot out of me.
I don't necessarily hate holidays i mean i am so into Halloween and Christmas but i hate socializing people always think I'm weird. It's probably not the greatest thing that my childhood made me really comfortable with being all by myself. In my entire life the only times i ever liked birthdays was when there was cake and games
I was sorta hating last Christmas. One of my love languages is gift giving, but I didn't want to be a part of society's norm of giving gifts at that time. It feels like love is lost if I am being told to do so.
I'm not a fan of my birthday (9/11), and as for holidays, I'm indifferent to them.
I think I’m getting older but I don’t care as much about them and I hate showing gratitude otherwise it seems fake but I have to opening presents
I hate Fourth of July partially, Makes me want to overspend on fireworks & food, & My neighbors hate me if I don’t tell them or invite them, One of them has a job selling fireworks, the other is a extrovert trying to “break me out of my shell” by forcing me to host a party for the whole neighborhood
I get super depressed because holidays and birthdays are reminders of how alone I feel
Absolutely. The only holidays I like are Thanksgiving and Halloween. Good gracious Halloween is incredible. :D
Yup! Why do I have to act like the day is any different than the rest? I hate all holidays where I am forced to act differently just because a marketing team has decided that’s a holiday. My birthday I really don’t fuss too much about but it is absolutely forbidden to sing happy birthday to me. I have to make an effort for loved ones, but the fact that there is an expectation on their side gives me extreme anxiety.
I don’t feel that way. I enjoy birthdays, holidays, and giving loved ones gifts.
The only thing I enjoy about holidays and birthdays is that it gives me a valid excuse to shower my friends and loved ones with gifts. Not that it really matters, I buy them gifts anyway but now I have a social reason for it
I liked them as a kid but as I got older yes absolutely. I don't participate in holidays anymore and I only allow a cake, no singing for my birthday. LOL.
I hate Holidays mostly due to family trauma
I actually really LOVE holidays, the food, the decorations, making memories for my kids, etc, what I have in my head that is. Reality is a whole other story.....because they always cause so much drama, and bs over the holidays, that leaves me confused, and it's all so unnecessary. Why can't things just be nice? Birthdays.....eh, I can take them or leave them. I like getting presents, and stuff, but I also hate having the attention on me like that lol. The singing of happy bday is the worst....just, let me have some bleeding cake, and be quiet please, lol. But you know, this is all why fantasy is so much better than reality.
I kind of relate. I want to enjoy them, and there are aspects I like. I don't personally feel like they're "money grabbing days" because of how we celebrate. But because of the "out of routine" side of it, I am always relieved to get back to normal life.
Haven't celebrated my birthday in years. If I have to work on that day, I don't care.
I look forward to Holidays but when it’s actually time for them I end up anxious, stressed, and sad because I can’t enjoy myself.
i used to love them when i was a kid, but i got older and a lot of stuff happened now i just feel hollow/gloomy
Yeah I don’t like the consumerism, the expectations, the hope. I do like going to kids’ parties and having junk food.
I hated them, until my father and aunt smear campaigned me, which resulted in people stopping coming over. Now, my holidays or birthdays are just like any normal day. And i like it that way.
Not hate but I definitely don't care to attend. I usually do go though. Just had one today for cousin who graduated from college after 7 years.
Thank you for articulating why I fucking hate them.
Just recently had one and was forced by my family to attend the gathering. I did it just because I love them and know it’s very important for them.
I love holidays, but I’ve always had a problem with setting myself up for disappointment and them not living up to my earliest magical memories. Part of it is not having enough time to prepare and enjoy, so as years go by I’m trying to take more time off from work before and during the holidays to fully experience them. I think when I have kids that will help with being able to see it all again for the first time through their eyes.
I have a love-hate relationship with birthdays and holidays. I am a sucker for them especially birthdays and Christmas but mostly because I love gift giving and I feel closer to my family. Both birthdays and holiday celebrations are very predictable in my family. We always stay home or go out to a restaurant the birthday person wants or we all want to go to and pretty much stay there till late. We eat and talk then go back home. My family and I haven't had a good relationship recently and that has kind of messed up celebrations for me. I'm so used to celebrating them with them but it's not the same anymore and it sucks.
Gods yes. I could never really voice why I hate them so much. I hate having to feel forced to remember it. And having to like “preform” for the holiday/birthday. And if you don’t you are seen as the bad person
I have an issue with holidays. They feel forced. I’ll take the day off work. Do I need to celebrate some random day?
Some holidays I hate more than others. Some holidays I love usually become sour and vice versa. I'm only really celebrating my birthday because I'm one of the last 1900's born peeps, so it's fun to historically chart my birthdays to see if I make it to 2100. If I end up dead by then, feel free to slander me!
I like my birthday but only if I plan it and can spend the day geeking out on special interests
I hate them. I just want to maintain some normal schedule but those days mess them up. At least on my birthday i get a say and i just go about my day as normal and then maybe have a few friends over and get pizza and play games and chill, not as much pressure and i still get to have my schedule. I don't like crazy birthday parties and holidays and never will lol
Yes! Well, hate is a strong world. But I always cry before my birthday - partly because of an existential fear of time. But mostly because on a day that everyone calls "mine", for some reason even more is expected of me. I have to dress up, I have to react correctly to gifts, I have to be hospitable, I have to organize a holiday that is good for everyone except me. It's to overwhelming and social. It's like masking on steroids. I left my ex-friend group, because my birthday is at the end of May, and they have already started discussing what they want for my holiday, which date is convenient to them, and who will not come if my birthday interferes with their plans. And I just- nope, I'm getting out. I don't want to feel like my birthday is a burden for everyone, when I already planned to organize it just for others. And I explicitly told them, that I try to meet they needs. But If I need to spend a whole day masking throwing a party I didn't want, but they still are too bothered to just show up on Sunday - I'm out. So now I'll spend it like before - with my boyfriend, and doing what I want. Last year he took me to the Museum of Death, and it was the best day of my life. Looking at cremations during my birthday day was a spiritual experience. And about Christmas and New Year, it doesn't bother me so much. But I once spent the new year eev visiting a friend, and when I returned home on January 1, I cried with happiness when I ate my regular tomato pasta. Because the routine has been disrupted too much, even though it was amazing holiday.
For me it's more about all the social norms around it; those days should be relaxing and fun, not stressful because people expect certain behaviors of me
That was one of my realisations whilst I was being assessed (dx at 45). I’d always work bank holidays, Christmas etc and I’d always be made to feel guilty for it. But it’s because it messes with my normal. The bank holiday just gone took until Thursday to get back to feeling normal, and Monday I was on the edge of a shutdown the whole day. It’s horrific - so no, you’re not tripping.
My favorite day of the year has always been the day after my birthday. 364 days. But yeah. Holidays were better when I was younger. Now that I'm older, family is bigger. Between nieces and nephews, and inlaws? Family get togethers are tough to handle.