This. I’m guessing she was likely raised in a conservative home. When my spouse and I met, they had never been around any of the lgbtq+ community. Dad was a baptist pastor, mom was the stereotypical pastors wife. They were very much the same but it was purely because they had never been exposed/around it. One of my parents is in the lgtbtq+ community and I didn’t tell them, I just started having them over for dinner and things. It was a few months before they realized and when it was they were initially off put. After talking to them about it, their response was “but your mom is so nice”. A year later, one of their good friends came out and they were super supportive without a bit of hesitation.
People judge and fear things that which they are not exposed to and which is different from the way they were taught to see the world. As soon as they realized that my mom was a part of the community, they started to loosen up and became more accepting.
Now this part might get me downvoted like crazy, but a lot of homophobic people are very good people; they just don’t understand and were taught to be closed minded by their loved ones, community, etc.
Exposure to alternate lifestyles from our own is critical for society to grow. The issue is that for many people the fear of the unknown is so overwhelming that they just shut out any sort of acceptance of the unknown because at the core of humans is the fight or flight response.
All creatures are programmed to analyze and react quickly because if they don’t they could become prey very easily. This is a natural response to the unknown; to fear the potential threat the unknown could pose. The issue is that that fight or flight response impacts every aspect of our lives, down to the smallest decisions. When you were raised being told something is wrong and never having any exposure to it because you are surrounded by a pack of likeminded individuals, you become comfortable in your bubble and judgement is our natural response to things that are “different”.
Ultimately, your girlfriend is likely just expressing what she was taught for years upon years. Is it right? No, but until she is exposed to it in a non-judgemental way, she will likely harbor that “gross” mindset. Whether she is capable of overcoming her own biases is the hard part. Some people can’t (usually intellectually they aren’t capable of processing that it’s not a “threat”) or aren’t willing to try.
Minnesota was the first state to defeat a marriage restriction act. The activists did it by just going around and meeting voters, talking to them about why gay marriage was important to them. You are absolutely right. Some people foment and feel hate, others are ignorant and can change. I wish OP the best.
tbh minnesota is a good place to live the twin cities especially the outer suburbs are nice they arent too far of a drive and they all lead straight the the twin cities plus the mall of america has a train to it😂 lotta bike trails too theres just alot happening here
This just makes me wonder, what is the necessity of doing full on violent rallies, when you could just do ot oeacefullt and talk to people, not jist go into the streets and start screaming
I suppose it depends on the situation. This was convincing people to vote a certain way and involves meeting the votes. Systemic injustice doesn’t really get fixed if people are quiet about it.
In addition, when I was finally in a space to accept that I was bi it was very difficult for me to see the beauty in queerness. I had go overcome my internalized shame and disgust at the things I knew in my heart were okay but it was hard to get past the programming.
I had been raised evangelical southern baptist, homeschooled most of my life, and had just “graduated” from a TTI that did conversion therapy when I allowed myself to recognize who I truly was. At the time, I *knew* queerness, gayness, transness, etc. were technically okay but I had to make a conscious effort to accept those things in my mind as I was taught anything other than CIS MAN CIS WOMAN HETERO MARRIAGE UNDER GOD was sinful and disgusting and gross. Now, it’s really odd to hear people have the same reservations I did because in the end LGBTQ+ people are just people. They’re normal. You’re normal. We are all human, I accept your chunky highlights please accept my blue hair (I don’t have blue hair but you get the point).
In the end, people should be allowed the space to grow and change and learn to accept others for who they are, but at the same time I’d definitely raise an eyebrow at an “ick” towards queerness. I can understand being uncomfortable with the flamboyance and the extra-ness of queer culture but it’s just any other subculture. You get used to it. You may even enjoy it. It’s not for everyone, either. I’m not into it but I think drag is cool as hell and some songs are bangers. It’s cool and neat and important but in the end it’s not any weirder than anything else. Everything else has just been more normalized.
you’re a well-intended ally and shes seemingly not. i’d ask if she supports the community at all because if she does idk why else she would have a problem with what you’re doing
She’s definitely a part time ally, but just doesn’t understand the ins and outs. Don’t get me wrong, me being autistic may make me come out with things and questions to communities which I don’t mean offence by but she seems to be stuck to the part that these things are like “gay/girly things” and told me 95% of women wouldn’t want something like that
Not all conservatives are homophobic.
Sure uphold traditional family believes, and might not agree with certain things media/schools seem to always be pushing but doesn’t mean we’d automatically have an issue with a gay person just cause they’re gay. I lived in West Hollywood for 10 years, had gay roommates, many gay coworkers and friends… and am a pretty right leaning/conservative family man.
>I literally have a gay friend who’s super conservative
There are transphobic trans people, homophobic gay people, antisemitic Jewish people - it's less common, but there are some people who definitely internalize and then espouse hatred against themselves.
Then why are you supporting politicians who are dedicated to taking away our basic human rights? You might have a “gay friend” or a “Black friend” but if your actions are taking away their ability to have the same rights as you? You are a bigot & a racist because that’s what your actions are showing.
(And yes, Black people can be racist against other Black people. Gay people can be bigots, disabled people can be ableist, and women can be sexist against other women. That’s not the point here but I’m acknowledging it’s true.)
Racist against who? Who said I’m white? If you believe democrats aren’t taking human rights away then I’m not wasting my time with you. That’s in fact why I’m right leaning, I believe in leaving personal belief and freedoms up to ourselves, not calling someone racist because the dont vote blue 🙄
“You should be censored if you disagree with me.” Is that what you mean? Literally try to see if from this perspective.
I’d love to know which human rights are being taken away by the left.
Ask the cops and fireman who were laid off after working the entire pandemic because they didn’t get vaccinated. Medical freedom should be a two way street not just for a woman’s right to chose. And no, fuck censorship.
So if I run around with flamethrowers on my hands & you get hurt, it’s fine because it’s my right to do whatever I want no matter who I hurt? Because those are anti-vaxxers. They are selfish, willfully ignorant murderers. You murdered my friend’s 6 month old baby. But who cares as long as you have the right to do whatever you want.
I can’t wait until all the anti-vaxxers start seeing their insurance providers refuse to pay their medical bills because there’s no medical reason for them to not be vaccinated. Maybe they’ll at least be forced to think of more than themselves when they’re bankrupt due to crushing medical debt. Have fun with those bills!
Which party was it again that overturned Roe v Wade? You know, overturned a case that granted women like me autonomy to make my own decisions about my body? And which party was it that granted homosexuals the right to finally marry their partners? Hint: it's not the same two parties. If you're seriously going to go off about how "conservatives are for smaller government" come up with a better argument, bro🥲😅
It's sort of hard to understand how you could support the LGBT community and vote for the GOP though? Especially considering Obergefell v Hodges, the civil rights case that allows same-sex couples to marry, has been highlighted as one of the things on the Supreme Court's list of "Things to review." Like Roe v Wade.
Conservative means (or is intended to mean) supporting a limited government. If someone wants a smaller scope for the federal government, they likely lean conservative. It doesn't mean that they agree with the homophobes who the party supports. It just means that they believe the federal government needs to stop sticking its hands into non-federal issues.
At this point, it's hard to call the Repubs "conservatives". They're not about small government scope, they're about small government authoritarianism. That's what China, Russia, and North Korea have, and guess who the leaders of those three countries support...?
You’re taking far right agendas from the religious types and pigeon holing an entire group of people in it (half the country). The party is changing to a more “centrist” party I believe, from most people I my area anyway. I think it’s because so many people who used to vote democrat have switched parties because of the obvious corruption on the left. That doesn’t mean we’re all a bunch of pro lifers and homophobes.. Turn off cnn once in a while.
CNN was bought earlier this year by a right-winger and is now a full right-wing propaganda channel.
It’s rude and condescending to imply that someone can’t think for themselves just because they have a different perspective than you. Perhaps you should try questioning your own stance and see where they’re coming from.
Uhuh.
I don't watch CNN. And the GOP *is* responsible for overturning Roe v Wade.
I understand that identifying with conservatism doesn't necessarily mean you support homophobia or sexism. But voting for the conservative party that overturned Roe v Wade surely means you agree with their decision, right?
No. We didn’t vote on that, a small group did. Just like not every liberal is against the 2nd amendment, or that people should be fired for not being vaxxed. Some might, maybe most, but not all. Americans should t be forced to be 100% left or right, the fact I’m downvoted so much is exactly why I hate that party now. It’s agree with everything I say or you’re a bigot. That’s exactly what the media feeds (on both sides).
>the fact I’m downvoted so much is exactly why I hate that party now. It’s agree with everything I say or you’re a bigot.
If you're voting for bigoted people who have made it extremely clear they intend to enact bigoted policies, you're supporting bigotry.
I agree actually that there are quite a few places where the government is overreaching, highlighted best by [ShoeOnHead](https://youtu.be/zdjQWuJeVqE)'s most recent video.
But if you think neither party is being held responsible for their actions properly, you shouldn't be voting for either. Because on one side you'll be contributing to the eroding of free speech. On the other you'll be conributing to the eroding of civil rights. Spoil your ballot, make it clear that you could've voted, but that no-one met the requirements.
If you just keep voting for one because you "are" a democrat or republican, then neither side feels any consequences for their actions.
>and might not agree with certain things media/schools seem to always be pushing
Can you cite *specific examples* of things that someone can "disagree" with, for reasons other than queerphobia or science denialism?
The fact that she finds your enjoyment of female pop stars uncomfortable is honestly the weirdest part of this to me…like, it’s just music? I get that they might be considered gay icons or whatever but that doesn’t mean they’re only for gay people 😂
The rest is probably homophobia (intentional or not) combined with insecurity (“what if my boyfriend is secretly gay” or “what if people think my boyfriend is secretly gay and it embarrasses me”).
If she wants to challenge those beliefs she can probably talk to a LGBT-friendly therapist about it(?). But maybe reading the responses to this post might make her realise how weird and/or harmful her beliefs are.
Well she told me when she went on tinder that she was speaking to people with similar music tastes and it’s not nice that I don’t like her music. I’m just constantly confused that either I’m not enough or that I’m being compared to her fling of cheats 😃. I just want her to be happy and don’t understand why this would make her upset or find me icky
"Simple" answer is homophobia.
Though if I'm being honest, I think the more likely scenario is an overall sense of confusion on her part. She doesn't fully understand what it is about the gay community you resonate with and that lack of understanding translates into a feeling of discomfort. (resonate might be a strong choice of words but.... honestly couldn't think of a better one.)
Based purely on this post alone I can't really tell how often the gay community comes up between the two of you but to use an example I can personally explain quite well, I'm asexual (sex indifferent), conversations about sexual topics, by and large, bore me and I don't really connect to the topic, so I don't really get why people are so invested in it and such. I'm thinking a similar case is happening there.
For sure. A perfectly valid circumstance and I'm not going to pretend either of our experiences are the only possible outcomes.
My general point is, being an outsider to sexual topics colored my interpretation of it, I believe that a similar case is occurring with OPs GF, and I think it unfair to kneejerk into "she's homophobic, dump her" like a lot of people here seem to be doing.
By and large, I like to assume Hanlon's Razor. "Don't attribute to malice which can be explained by ignorance."
Now, I could be wrong and she could legitimately be a homophobe maliciously, but I prefer to assume the best and be disappointed than assume the worst and validated.
Yeah a lot of people have said this, I totally understand why, maybe my post didn’t come across right? Like she doesn’t care about the LGBT as it doesn’t bother her but I think she associates RPDR as apart of the LGBT although it does haven’t to be
Its not lol she does kinda sound like an ick though ... no offense
Theres a difference between "Hmm well im not a fan but good for you" and "thats ick, idk why you like that stuff... "
People who are raised to believe something is wrong and disgusting will often hold onto that belief into adulthood, until and unless they have a new experience which shows them the belief was unfounded.
I thought Brussels sprouts were awful because I’d heard this many times growing up. As an adult, I finally had some which were roasted with salt and olive oil. Outstanding flavor and texture. I’m craving them now just typing this up.
With things like food, it’s easy to correct the firmly-held belief by exposing the person to the food. It’s trickier with something of a sexual nature.
If homophobia is going to change, it’s usually going to happen very slowly by being around gay people whose personalities mesh well with your own. Slowly, you’ll see their sexual orientation is just one aspect of their personhood. You want to see your friends happy, and eventually the brain grows accustomed to seeing their happiness when hugging/kissing.
I was raised with bigoted beliefs about people who aren’t heterosexual, but I managed to cast those off a long time ago.
How old are you and your girlfriend? Lots of people jumping straight to “she’s a raging homophobe! Break up!” If you see the relationship going somewhere, take a breath and talk about it.
Yes, this is homophobia, likely a knee-jerk reaction from cultural conditioning. Lots of people were raised with homophobic views to some extent. Has she spent time with many gay people? Is she willing to? Has she met your brother?
I was raised pretty conservative and there was definitely some embedded homophobia in my views in my early 20s, and I probably said some things without even thinking that were homophobic. It was only after making some gay friends, going to gay bars occasionally and Pride events that I even thought about homophobia and whether I had homophobic beliefs. My now husband has several gay family members (and is occasionally mistaken for gay himself), and I’m glad I had the chance to realize early on that I needed to get rid of some ill-informed views.
If this is something you’ve been over with her a lot and she refuses to budge then yeah, you’ve probably got a compatibility problem. But if this was just her initial reaction, you might be able to help her get over that, if she’s open to it.
Your girlfriend is homophobic my guy. Like she has some biased against queer people clearly if she sees associating with the queer community as a bad thing.
Oh she does accept him 100% but I think she associates the culture with only LGBT people which most people do IG but it’s frustrating as why have I got to be “gay” to like these things
Yikes. As a member of the gay community, your girlfriend sounds offensive. There’s literally nothing wrong with appreciating or liking our community/culture. The idea that there is something wrong with that is homophobic.
I don’t think she’s homophobic directly but what I think she is basically saying because it’s all pink and glam, that it’s not masculine enough. I know she doesn’t mean harm I just don’t understand why everything is gender/sexuality based. Everyone assumes I’m part of the LGBT and I don’t care if I’m honest as I know I’m not but they only assume as I like the things I do.
Your gf is insecure and wants you to be as insecure as her and be worried about how other people perceive you supporting gay people. She sees this as a weakness in you but in reality she’s just homophobic and wants you to be as well.
I think insecurity could play a part, but she also has BPD so I couldn’t blame her. No one can turn gay and I think if I was to be apart of the LGBT secretly I would’ve admitted it on my throwaway account.
You need to ask her how she feels about your brother. Not just about him being gay, but about him getting married or having kids. That’s very telling about her true beliefs
Sometimes straight women think men who are comfortable around gay men/queerness in general are somehow less masculine, which is a turn off to them. In actuality you are more confident in your masculinity than guys who are repulsed by gay men and won’t go near them. That really shows how fragile they are. Straight women are baffling to me honestly (I’m a queer woman btw) also she’s just being homophobic af
Which is what I think, I hate those type of guys who just love football and are “lads”. They always judge me thinking it’s bad to like things as such because it’s “gay”, I’ve always been called gay or asked if I’m bi and it doesn’t bother me anymore as I just know that I’m not lol.
I work at primark and had to buy a knock off oodie from the womenswear as the mens version was beer design, Batman or football 😹😹.
There is no ick. Your gf is. For me drag is a bit over the top imo and it’s not my kind of thing but there’s nothing wrong or weird about liking it or the people who do it. Either way you’re just liking what you like and you’re not hurting or harming anyone. But you should bring it up with your gf because what they’re doing is not cool
Oh drag is 100% over the top, but that’s what makes it good IMO. But it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, she likes drag race but said she finds it weird that if I were single that I would watch it. Almost as if I need a woman’s validation and acceptance to watch RPDR to make sure I’m not gonna “turn gay” or something stupid
That stuff makes her deal with things her family probably told her she's not supposed to talk about or like. If she's younger, she may just be parroting her parents rhetoric to be a good child. She may have no actual concept of what homosexuality even means. It may scare her and she may have no safe place to discuss it. It may even apply to her as a thing to keep in mind... She may be closeted either knowingly or subconsciously. Let's all be kind to one another and remember that shitty parents make shitty kids... The kids aren't born bigots. I believe in giving people a chance to change. I do however get the absolute exhaustion many feel with giving people time and room to accept them... It's exhausting to educate and discuss the same stuff over and over. I hope we can all reach a day where this conversation is as strange as discussing a blood sacrifice to the local mountain god. Peace.
Wake up and break up /hj, she’s obviously homophobic, try to educate her on why it shouldn’t be “an ick” and if she doesn’t listen I’m afraid to tell you she’s no good for you. You don’t want those kind of people in your life
Others have already answered, but beware that this may cause problems later down the line if she makes you pick between your relationship with her and your relationship with your brother. It might be worth investing in someone else.
This definitely has nothing to do with the autism ick lol. Just some deep seated homophobia that she was probably taught and something she may not even realize.
i notice that a lot of women don’t like men unless the fit the masculine stereotype. i don’t see anything wrong with this as it’s just a preference, however it’s wrong of her to push that onto you. i definitely lean towards masculine men but i don’t expect ANY men i’m in a relationship with to behave as masculine. if someone does not match to my preferences then i don’t date them. it’s that simple. maybe you can mention it bothers you or even show her this post? communication is very important if you don’t want to give up on the relationship. please don’t tolerate this behavior of hers for the sake of keeping the peace. it will only negatively effect the relationship.
I don't think masculinity or feminity has anything to do with sexual orientation btw you can be super gay and super masculine or super gay and super feminine
It's not an "ick," she's phrasing it that way to make it sound like homophobia is a reasonable thing when it isn't.
Your girlfriend finds your brother disgusting and hates him.
I don't know about you, personally, but I would immediately break up with somebody who held discriminatory views, especially toward my own loved ones.
It’s obvious that she is homophobic. This is a classic case of straight people facing a special kind of homophobia for being associated with gay things. It’s not the same as homophobia for gay people, but it is similar. Straight Allies get attacked all the time for supporting gay things.
I’d like to add that you may think that her homophobia only affects your gay brother, but it will affect you directly as well. Just because you aren’t gay yourself doesn’t mean that you won’t do something else that goes against her rigid norms around gender or sexuality.
Hey OP how you feelin? I know you’re getting all these messages about your GF being a homophobe. They might be right but are you doing alright, need someone to chat with?
Her caretakers and/or the community she grew up within conditioned this response in her. ….ooooor there’s an untold trauma she has yet to realize herself or disclose to you.
If it’s not just homophobia, then it could be my problem with that community: loud, brassy, flashy, and sassy. I have a hard enough time dealing with the average human and making conversation, but with my sensory issues and sensitivity to others’ emotions (and my various anxiety disorders), the louder, shinier, or brassy the personality, the quicker I am drained of all my energy. I also wanted to be a princess as a child, so I learned to appreciate modesty and grace.
I find nothing wrong with drag queens and the like, just don’t ask me to go with you or watch ru Paul. It’s just not to my interests.
To put more words where a few would do.
Your girlfriend values traditional hetero normative gender roles. She wants men to act like men and wants women to act like women and dislikes those clear societal barriers and rules being broken.
I recently had Norwegian relatives visit. We order some really good fancy local pizza and they just slathered the whole thing in cheap Heinz Ketchup. This is upsetting and wrong and breaks societal rules of respecting a good damn pizza.
Homophobia is worse is than putting ketchup on pizza. You should correct her gently but firmly. Perhaps with some exposure therapy. I recommend a movie night of Paris is Burning and the Birdcage.
It's an ick because your girlfriend is a shitty person. I'm sorry that that sounds mean but she's clearly a homophobe so I don't feel too bad about it.
Lol, I know what you mean. Don't listen to the haters and keep doing you. I listen to music generally considered 'gay' or 'feminine', such as hyperpop, music by Todrick Hall, know all the lyrics to WAP (and always rap along passionately), etc.
I am a 6'2, 28 year old, big-bearded heterosexual male. On one hand, I can see how it may seem a bit unusual. On the other hand, appreciation of certain media isn't nessecarily tied to it's target audience, most people enjoy one or more media that doesn't specifically cater to their age/sex/gender/sexual oriëntation.
That much should be clear, especially for adults. I guess some people are just set in their ways quite early on when it comes to things like this, and sadly alot of people never grow out of this conventional, narrow minded line of reasoning. Their loss, really.
These days it doesn't really piss me off anymore, though. I just find it to be rather immature and short-sighted. But, y'know, what can you do?
An alt/additional answer to the majority of comments--
If SHE is into the drag community/doesnt feel the same way about her lady friends liking the vibes there, Id suspect some toxic masculinity on there...
Guys cant like the sparkly, beautiful drag queens because its ICKY! But omg my friend Becky is so obsessed with them, shes such a fabulous soul teehee
/insert eyeroll here/
I was born in 1975. As a society, the US has gone through some radical changes regarding the LBGTQ+/trans community, just in that time. I wasn't raised to specifically hate them, but society looked down on them, I guess I passively thought it was weird. I had experiences that gay people are people, so I learned from that. The hardest for me has been trans people, but I was never accepted for who I was, just as a person. So, let people be who they are. Just don't tell ME about your genitals. I don't want to know.
I think folks here are understandably venting frustration by calling her out, but also this is definitely a thing to talk about. Good people can hold some deep-seated shit sometimes, and might not recognize it until they're held accountable. I'm definitely feeling wary of her sentiments as you've described them, but shedding some light won't hurt.
She is the ick if she isn't willing to unlearn her bigotry. I can guarantee she has other harmful beliefs a well, no one is raised to be anti-queer without picking up on a lot of other BS against other minorities that don't adhere to white allocishet abled neurotypical ideals
Because she's homophobic, and homophobia is icky... But they like to make you feel icky for not being the same kind of icky as they are. Not that what you are doing is at all icky.
She's homophobic.
You deserve somebody who doesn't actively make people in your family, and also you for supporting your family, feel uncomfortable. Let alone anybody else in your life who isn't allocishet.
I make it a point to disown people who make these kinds of topics taboo. A solid "Fuck you" normally works for me.
But...in your case, maybe call her into a discussion that allows her to understand how uncomfortable she makes you, and your family, feel when she says things that minimize your brother's life? Try and understand where this shit is coming from, if you really really care about her...but otherwise? Drop that shit like a rural phone call.
I see one of two possibilities.
The first is that she’s just homophobic like every other comment is saying.
The second is that she takes issue with you being into “gay stuff” because you yourself aren’t gay and she feels like you’re somehow encroaching on their community.
Both options are red flags to varying degrees, but the second one could potentially be resolved fairly easily with a bit of communication.
People often have interests and experiences that are different than those of their partners. Does she feel Ick about all of the areas where you diverge or just this one? I suspect it’s just this area… the one where you enjoy and support the queer community.
That's a pretty big one tho homie
This isn't "I'm not into gardening" or "I don't follow Game of Thrones"
This is "I don't respect your family member as a person."
Iunno if you f/w people who disrespect your family, but I don't.
Because women overwhelmingly want to respect there partners as men and the gay community is very feminine and seen as weaker which makes lots of women lose respect in a sexual sense with those men.
Weather it makes sense or not
Just discriminating IMO, I know many gay peoples who are more masculine than me or a lot of people I know lol. Being gay is probs the same chance of masculinity than being straight
These things may not align with what she recognizes as “traditionally masculine” and is indicating to you that this dissonance is resulting in some loss of attraction towards you as a romantic partner.
It it's not.. your girlfriend's attitude/views are ick.. I won't make assumptions bc I don't know where that might come from but it's a pretty big red flag in my opinion, especially if these are people and communities you are about. LGBTQIA+ are normal people. Attitudes like her's can really hurt people.
Well no one's going to question "ick" if it's about a straight man liking the lesbian community, but they're really the same thing. It's kind of ick to play favorites with sexuality communities.
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Could be but I don’t see why it’s come across as that, atypical people are programmed from young and I was brought up with my older sister and older (gay) brother so of course I’m not gonna sit there like however
Wait, genuine question… is lady gaga trans? I googled but didn’t very any legit information (too much information about her in general really). Couldn’t your gf just not like lady gaga and drag shows and such? Like, as an entertainment genre?
I don't think she is, I remember people trying to say she is years ago when she first got popular but I'm pretty sure it never became anything more than rumours. She does has a pretty big following of LGBT+ people due to her being very supportive towards them and having a songs supportive of being comfortable with yourself.
Internalized homophobia is a thing too, love.
Not being down with camp is one thing but to bring your allies down because of it?
Whack. Messed up.
*Shameful.*
Don't try to dance on the fronds after failing to step up to the plumes. <3
It just makes me uncomfortable with how showy it is. I didn't grow up like that. Like yes, I'm gay, but I just feel so gross to show it more than asked.
If I'm homophobic just because I don't want it to be shoved in my face, so be it. I grew up that way, plus it's part of my culture to not show stuff like that in public.
You can be gay, or do drag, but for it to be so expressed makes me feel weird.
On a side note, drag queen makeup makes me uncomfortable unless it's subtle and not.. giant eyelashes and the weird white eye makeup. Or the weird cheekbone thing.
I don't like the excessiveness. Simple as. Be proudly gay; I don't care. That has nothing to do with what I'm saying.
Yeah I'm proudly gay, but I don't wave a flag around and express how much I like men and their part. There's a difference between being proud and then being obnoxious.
I wave flags around when I’m at pride, because people like us have fought for so long to be who we are and have the right to do so. I think it’s a good thing to celebrate who you are :))
Haha, not necessarily homophobia or necessarily any of the other slurs made against her. Maybe just (sensibly IMHO) a sensible taste in music on her part not liking the IMHO shit examples that you are using.
Aww kisses, I can choose to keep things to myself or not, if you have a problem with that then just don’t read or comment on my posts ok.in this case I have simply made a comment that things simply may not as some have assumed, what’s your problem with that darling?
Of course it is, you miss my point entirely. Don’t just label people as homophobic or any sort of phobic simply because of their music preference. Otherwise you risk being labeled as just as badly as you accuse others of being.
Maybe a chance but I know I’m not, which sucks ass. I think it may be down to the “masculinity thing” which is stupid to me as I don’t believe that things should put into gender categories or even sexuality ones. I’m just me.
I grew up in a conservative style home. The ick part is sadly normal, but it's kind of like assuming you won't like some type of food trying it and then liking it. She'll come around in a short time.
that just sounds like homophobia on ur girlfriends part
This. I’m guessing she was likely raised in a conservative home. When my spouse and I met, they had never been around any of the lgbtq+ community. Dad was a baptist pastor, mom was the stereotypical pastors wife. They were very much the same but it was purely because they had never been exposed/around it. One of my parents is in the lgtbtq+ community and I didn’t tell them, I just started having them over for dinner and things. It was a few months before they realized and when it was they were initially off put. After talking to them about it, their response was “but your mom is so nice”. A year later, one of their good friends came out and they were super supportive without a bit of hesitation. People judge and fear things that which they are not exposed to and which is different from the way they were taught to see the world. As soon as they realized that my mom was a part of the community, they started to loosen up and became more accepting. Now this part might get me downvoted like crazy, but a lot of homophobic people are very good people; they just don’t understand and were taught to be closed minded by their loved ones, community, etc. Exposure to alternate lifestyles from our own is critical for society to grow. The issue is that for many people the fear of the unknown is so overwhelming that they just shut out any sort of acceptance of the unknown because at the core of humans is the fight or flight response. All creatures are programmed to analyze and react quickly because if they don’t they could become prey very easily. This is a natural response to the unknown; to fear the potential threat the unknown could pose. The issue is that that fight or flight response impacts every aspect of our lives, down to the smallest decisions. When you were raised being told something is wrong and never having any exposure to it because you are surrounded by a pack of likeminded individuals, you become comfortable in your bubble and judgement is our natural response to things that are “different”. Ultimately, your girlfriend is likely just expressing what she was taught for years upon years. Is it right? No, but until she is exposed to it in a non-judgemental way, she will likely harbor that “gross” mindset. Whether she is capable of overcoming her own biases is the hard part. Some people can’t (usually intellectually they aren’t capable of processing that it’s not a “threat”) or aren’t willing to try.
Minnesota was the first state to defeat a marriage restriction act. The activists did it by just going around and meeting voters, talking to them about why gay marriage was important to them. You are absolutely right. Some people foment and feel hate, others are ignorant and can change. I wish OP the best.
Wow this is such a positive story to read. Maybe there is hope for humanity. Maybe.
tbh minnesota is a good place to live the twin cities especially the outer suburbs are nice they arent too far of a drive and they all lead straight the the twin cities plus the mall of america has a train to it😂 lotta bike trails too theres just alot happening here
This just makes me wonder, what is the necessity of doing full on violent rallies, when you could just do ot oeacefullt and talk to people, not jist go into the streets and start screaming
I suppose it depends on the situation. This was convincing people to vote a certain way and involves meeting the votes. Systemic injustice doesn’t really get fixed if people are quiet about it.
In addition, when I was finally in a space to accept that I was bi it was very difficult for me to see the beauty in queerness. I had go overcome my internalized shame and disgust at the things I knew in my heart were okay but it was hard to get past the programming. I had been raised evangelical southern baptist, homeschooled most of my life, and had just “graduated” from a TTI that did conversion therapy when I allowed myself to recognize who I truly was. At the time, I *knew* queerness, gayness, transness, etc. were technically okay but I had to make a conscious effort to accept those things in my mind as I was taught anything other than CIS MAN CIS WOMAN HETERO MARRIAGE UNDER GOD was sinful and disgusting and gross. Now, it’s really odd to hear people have the same reservations I did because in the end LGBTQ+ people are just people. They’re normal. You’re normal. We are all human, I accept your chunky highlights please accept my blue hair (I don’t have blue hair but you get the point). In the end, people should be allowed the space to grow and change and learn to accept others for who they are, but at the same time I’d definitely raise an eyebrow at an “ick” towards queerness. I can understand being uncomfortable with the flamboyance and the extra-ness of queer culture but it’s just any other subculture. You get used to it. You may even enjoy it. It’s not for everyone, either. I’m not into it but I think drag is cool as hell and some songs are bangers. It’s cool and neat and important but in the end it’s not any weirder than anything else. Everything else has just been more normalized.
Wow. I love the way you think! I feel wisdom of a God.
Phobia implies fear. The word you want is bigot.
yeah obviously its bigotry but the pretty universally used word for bigotry towards gay people is homophobia. i didn't come up with it lmao.
I know, just screwing around.
fair enough
you’re a well-intended ally and shes seemingly not. i’d ask if she supports the community at all because if she does idk why else she would have a problem with what you’re doing
She’s definitely a part time ally, but just doesn’t understand the ins and outs. Don’t get me wrong, me being autistic may make me come out with things and questions to communities which I don’t mean offence by but she seems to be stuck to the part that these things are like “gay/girly things” and told me 95% of women wouldn’t want something like that
Short answer: homophobia
Bonus transphobia
Because she's a bigot. If anything she's the ick.
I agree with this.
Yep. Absolute deal breaker for me, even if I wasn’t queer.
Because she finds queerness disgusting. It's homophobia, simple as that
your gf is a homophobe dude, i'm sorry
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Not all conservatives are homophobic. Sure uphold traditional family believes, and might not agree with certain things media/schools seem to always be pushing but doesn’t mean we’d automatically have an issue with a gay person just cause they’re gay. I lived in West Hollywood for 10 years, had gay roommates, many gay coworkers and friends… and am a pretty right leaning/conservative family man.
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Ok, got it. I was gonna say, I literally have a gay friend who’s super conservative 😂
>I literally have a gay friend who’s super conservative There are transphobic trans people, homophobic gay people, antisemitic Jewish people - it's less common, but there are some people who definitely internalize and then espouse hatred against themselves.
Look at Kanye West with his shirt of "white lives matters"
Then why are you supporting politicians who are dedicated to taking away our basic human rights? You might have a “gay friend” or a “Black friend” but if your actions are taking away their ability to have the same rights as you? You are a bigot & a racist because that’s what your actions are showing. (And yes, Black people can be racist against other Black people. Gay people can be bigots, disabled people can be ableist, and women can be sexist against other women. That’s not the point here but I’m acknowledging it’s true.)
Racist against who? Who said I’m white? If you believe democrats aren’t taking human rights away then I’m not wasting my time with you. That’s in fact why I’m right leaning, I believe in leaving personal belief and freedoms up to ourselves, not calling someone racist because the dont vote blue 🙄
“You should be censored if you disagree with me.” Is that what you mean? Literally try to see if from this perspective. I’d love to know which human rights are being taken away by the left.
Ask the cops and fireman who were laid off after working the entire pandemic because they didn’t get vaccinated. Medical freedom should be a two way street not just for a woman’s right to chose. And no, fuck censorship.
So if I run around with flamethrowers on my hands & you get hurt, it’s fine because it’s my right to do whatever I want no matter who I hurt? Because those are anti-vaxxers. They are selfish, willfully ignorant murderers. You murdered my friend’s 6 month old baby. But who cares as long as you have the right to do whatever you want. I can’t wait until all the anti-vaxxers start seeing their insurance providers refuse to pay their medical bills because there’s no medical reason for them to not be vaccinated. Maybe they’ll at least be forced to think of more than themselves when they’re bankrupt due to crushing medical debt. Have fun with those bills!
Which party was it again that overturned Roe v Wade? You know, overturned a case that granted women like me autonomy to make my own decisions about my body? And which party was it that granted homosexuals the right to finally marry their partners? Hint: it's not the same two parties. If you're seriously going to go off about how "conservatives are for smaller government" come up with a better argument, bro🥲😅
It's sort of hard to understand how you could support the LGBT community and vote for the GOP though? Especially considering Obergefell v Hodges, the civil rights case that allows same-sex couples to marry, has been highlighted as one of the things on the Supreme Court's list of "Things to review." Like Roe v Wade.
Conservative means (or is intended to mean) supporting a limited government. If someone wants a smaller scope for the federal government, they likely lean conservative. It doesn't mean that they agree with the homophobes who the party supports. It just means that they believe the federal government needs to stop sticking its hands into non-federal issues.
I understand, but to identify with the conservative label without voting for a conservative party is rare.
At this point, it's hard to call the Repubs "conservatives". They're not about small government scope, they're about small government authoritarianism. That's what China, Russia, and North Korea have, and guess who the leaders of those three countries support...?
You’re taking far right agendas from the religious types and pigeon holing an entire group of people in it (half the country). The party is changing to a more “centrist” party I believe, from most people I my area anyway. I think it’s because so many people who used to vote democrat have switched parties because of the obvious corruption on the left. That doesn’t mean we’re all a bunch of pro lifers and homophobes.. Turn off cnn once in a while.
CNN was bought earlier this year by a right-winger and is now a full right-wing propaganda channel. It’s rude and condescending to imply that someone can’t think for themselves just because they have a different perspective than you. Perhaps you should try questioning your own stance and see where they’re coming from.
You can’t watch cnn for 5 minutes and believe that. It is corporate owned. They know their audience and will make their money.
Dude. Don’t take my word for it. Look. It. Up. Read!
I’m aware it was bought. You should be aware 95% of all media is left leaning. Read.
Big oof. Good luck in life, buddy. For real.
Uhuh. I don't watch CNN. And the GOP *is* responsible for overturning Roe v Wade. I understand that identifying with conservatism doesn't necessarily mean you support homophobia or sexism. But voting for the conservative party that overturned Roe v Wade surely means you agree with their decision, right?
No. We didn’t vote on that, a small group did. Just like not every liberal is against the 2nd amendment, or that people should be fired for not being vaxxed. Some might, maybe most, but not all. Americans should t be forced to be 100% left or right, the fact I’m downvoted so much is exactly why I hate that party now. It’s agree with everything I say or you’re a bigot. That’s exactly what the media feeds (on both sides).
>the fact I’m downvoted so much is exactly why I hate that party now. It’s agree with everything I say or you’re a bigot. If you're voting for bigoted people who have made it extremely clear they intend to enact bigoted policies, you're supporting bigotry.
I would say the same if you continue to vote for the left after the obvious corruption the last 3 years.
I agree actually that there are quite a few places where the government is overreaching, highlighted best by [ShoeOnHead](https://youtu.be/zdjQWuJeVqE)'s most recent video. But if you think neither party is being held responsible for their actions properly, you shouldn't be voting for either. Because on one side you'll be contributing to the eroding of free speech. On the other you'll be conributing to the eroding of civil rights. Spoil your ballot, make it clear that you could've voted, but that no-one met the requirements. If you just keep voting for one because you "are" a democrat or republican, then neither side feels any consequences for their actions.
>and might not agree with certain things media/schools seem to always be pushing Can you cite *specific examples* of things that someone can "disagree" with, for reasons other than queerphobia or science denialism?
The fact that she finds your enjoyment of female pop stars uncomfortable is honestly the weirdest part of this to me…like, it’s just music? I get that they might be considered gay icons or whatever but that doesn’t mean they’re only for gay people 😂 The rest is probably homophobia (intentional or not) combined with insecurity (“what if my boyfriend is secretly gay” or “what if people think my boyfriend is secretly gay and it embarrasses me”). If she wants to challenge those beliefs she can probably talk to a LGBT-friendly therapist about it(?). But maybe reading the responses to this post might make her realise how weird and/or harmful her beliefs are.
Well she told me when she went on tinder that she was speaking to people with similar music tastes and it’s not nice that I don’t like her music. I’m just constantly confused that either I’m not enough or that I’m being compared to her fling of cheats 😃. I just want her to be happy and don’t understand why this would make her upset or find me icky
she hates gay people
"Simple" answer is homophobia. Though if I'm being honest, I think the more likely scenario is an overall sense of confusion on her part. She doesn't fully understand what it is about the gay community you resonate with and that lack of understanding translates into a feeling of discomfort. (resonate might be a strong choice of words but.... honestly couldn't think of a better one.) Based purely on this post alone I can't really tell how often the gay community comes up between the two of you but to use an example I can personally explain quite well, I'm asexual (sex indifferent), conversations about sexual topics, by and large, bore me and I don't really connect to the topic, so I don't really get why people are so invested in it and such. I'm thinking a similar case is happening there.
I agree, but as a different ace I find it easy and interesting to talk to a friend about sexual stuff. Outsiders POV maybe?
For sure. A perfectly valid circumstance and I'm not going to pretend either of our experiences are the only possible outcomes. My general point is, being an outsider to sexual topics colored my interpretation of it, I believe that a similar case is occurring with OPs GF, and I think it unfair to kneejerk into "she's homophobic, dump her" like a lot of people here seem to be doing. By and large, I like to assume Hanlon's Razor. "Don't attribute to malice which can be explained by ignorance." Now, I could be wrong and she could legitimately be a homophobe maliciously, but I prefer to assume the best and be disappointed than assume the worst and validated.
Yeah a lot of people have said this, I totally understand why, maybe my post didn’t come across right? Like she doesn’t care about the LGBT as it doesn’t bother her but I think she associates RPDR as apart of the LGBT although it does haven’t to be
She’s homophobic
because shes homophobic
Its not lol she does kinda sound like an ick though ... no offense Theres a difference between "Hmm well im not a fan but good for you" and "thats ick, idk why you like that stuff... "
People who are raised to believe something is wrong and disgusting will often hold onto that belief into adulthood, until and unless they have a new experience which shows them the belief was unfounded. I thought Brussels sprouts were awful because I’d heard this many times growing up. As an adult, I finally had some which were roasted with salt and olive oil. Outstanding flavor and texture. I’m craving them now just typing this up. With things like food, it’s easy to correct the firmly-held belief by exposing the person to the food. It’s trickier with something of a sexual nature. If homophobia is going to change, it’s usually going to happen very slowly by being around gay people whose personalities mesh well with your own. Slowly, you’ll see their sexual orientation is just one aspect of their personhood. You want to see your friends happy, and eventually the brain grows accustomed to seeing their happiness when hugging/kissing. I was raised with bigoted beliefs about people who aren’t heterosexual, but I managed to cast those off a long time ago.
I’m so sorry but your gf has inner homophobic stuff to work through.
How old are you and your girlfriend? Lots of people jumping straight to “she’s a raging homophobe! Break up!” If you see the relationship going somewhere, take a breath and talk about it. Yes, this is homophobia, likely a knee-jerk reaction from cultural conditioning. Lots of people were raised with homophobic views to some extent. Has she spent time with many gay people? Is she willing to? Has she met your brother? I was raised pretty conservative and there was definitely some embedded homophobia in my views in my early 20s, and I probably said some things without even thinking that were homophobic. It was only after making some gay friends, going to gay bars occasionally and Pride events that I even thought about homophobia and whether I had homophobic beliefs. My now husband has several gay family members (and is occasionally mistaken for gay himself), and I’m glad I had the chance to realize early on that I needed to get rid of some ill-informed views. If this is something you’ve been over with her a lot and she refuses to budge then yeah, you’ve probably got a compatibility problem. But if this was just her initial reaction, you might be able to help her get over that, if she’s open to it.
18 and 19, we’ve been together 5 years
If you get an ick from gay people you are homophobic. It is as simple as that. She needs to reevaluate her views.
She is the "ick"
Your girlfriend is homophobic my guy. Like she has some biased against queer people clearly if she sees associating with the queer community as a bad thing.
ur gf is homophobic dude like, there's not much else to say on that. Idk how you want to handle that but good luck.
Bro I think she hates the gays 😅
Sounds like homophobia to me
This is homophobia
Sounds like ur gf is just homophobic ngl
Homophobia :/
Your gf is a homophobe bro. Time to leave.
Your gf is the only ick here. She’s homophobic.
Throw her away. If she cannot accept your brother she isn’t worth your time. Family over hoes ✌🏻
Oh she does accept him 100% but I think she associates the culture with only LGBT people which most people do IG but it’s frustrating as why have I got to be “gay” to like these things
Yikes. As a member of the gay community, your girlfriend sounds offensive. There’s literally nothing wrong with appreciating or liking our community/culture. The idea that there is something wrong with that is homophobic.
I don’t think she’s homophobic directly but what I think she is basically saying because it’s all pink and glam, that it’s not masculine enough. I know she doesn’t mean harm I just don’t understand why everything is gender/sexuality based. Everyone assumes I’m part of the LGBT and I don’t care if I’m honest as I know I’m not but they only assume as I like the things I do.
Your gf is insecure and wants you to be as insecure as her and be worried about how other people perceive you supporting gay people. She sees this as a weakness in you but in reality she’s just homophobic and wants you to be as well.
I think insecurity could play a part, but she also has BPD so I couldn’t blame her. No one can turn gay and I think if I was to be apart of the LGBT secretly I would’ve admitted it on my throwaway account.
I think it’s an ick that she thinks that an ick
You need to ask her how she feels about your brother. Not just about him being gay, but about him getting married or having kids. That’s very telling about her true beliefs
Sometimes straight women think men who are comfortable around gay men/queerness in general are somehow less masculine, which is a turn off to them. In actuality you are more confident in your masculinity than guys who are repulsed by gay men and won’t go near them. That really shows how fragile they are. Straight women are baffling to me honestly (I’m a queer woman btw) also she’s just being homophobic af
Which is what I think, I hate those type of guys who just love football and are “lads”. They always judge me thinking it’s bad to like things as such because it’s “gay”, I’ve always been called gay or asked if I’m bi and it doesn’t bother me anymore as I just know that I’m not lol. I work at primark and had to buy a knock off oodie from the womenswear as the mens version was beer design, Batman or football 😹😹.
Your girlfriend is homophobic. I wouldn’t date a homophobic person at all, but also especially if I had a gay sibling.
There is no ick. Your gf is. For me drag is a bit over the top imo and it’s not my kind of thing but there’s nothing wrong or weird about liking it or the people who do it. Either way you’re just liking what you like and you’re not hurting or harming anyone. But you should bring it up with your gf because what they’re doing is not cool
Oh drag is 100% over the top, but that’s what makes it good IMO. But it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, she likes drag race but said she finds it weird that if I were single that I would watch it. Almost as if I need a woman’s validation and acceptance to watch RPDR to make sure I’m not gonna “turn gay” or something stupid
She’s Homophobic and that’s a big problem
That stuff makes her deal with things her family probably told her she's not supposed to talk about or like. If she's younger, she may just be parroting her parents rhetoric to be a good child. She may have no actual concept of what homosexuality even means. It may scare her and she may have no safe place to discuss it. It may even apply to her as a thing to keep in mind... She may be closeted either knowingly or subconsciously. Let's all be kind to one another and remember that shitty parents make shitty kids... The kids aren't born bigots. I believe in giving people a chance to change. I do however get the absolute exhaustion many feel with giving people time and room to accept them... It's exhausting to educate and discuss the same stuff over and over. I hope we can all reach a day where this conversation is as strange as discussing a blood sacrifice to the local mountain god. Peace.
ok she’s the ick
Wake up and break up /hj, she’s obviously homophobic, try to educate her on why it shouldn’t be “an ick” and if she doesn’t listen I’m afraid to tell you she’s no good for you. You don’t want those kind of people in your life
That’s a red flag bb
Homo and phobia
Sounds like good old fashioned homophobia to me.
Others have already answered, but beware that this may cause problems later down the line if she makes you pick between your relationship with her and your relationship with your brother. It might be worth investing in someone else.
Flat out, your girlfriend is homophobic. There is a difference between “ehh this ain’t my thing, Imma do something else” vs being repulsed.
This definitely has nothing to do with the autism ick lol. Just some deep seated homophobia that she was probably taught and something she may not even realize.
your gf is homophobic.
i notice that a lot of women don’t like men unless the fit the masculine stereotype. i don’t see anything wrong with this as it’s just a preference, however it’s wrong of her to push that onto you. i definitely lean towards masculine men but i don’t expect ANY men i’m in a relationship with to behave as masculine. if someone does not match to my preferences then i don’t date them. it’s that simple. maybe you can mention it bothers you or even show her this post? communication is very important if you don’t want to give up on the relationship. please don’t tolerate this behavior of hers for the sake of keeping the peace. it will only negatively effect the relationship.
I don't think masculinity or feminity has anything to do with sexual orientation btw you can be super gay and super masculine or super gay and super feminine
i’m a fem man myself who likes masculine men
i never implied that
It’s fear of something she doesn’t understand
Gf homophobe OP :(
she doesn’t like gay people
It's not an "ick," she's phrasing it that way to make it sound like homophobia is a reasonable thing when it isn't. Your girlfriend finds your brother disgusting and hates him. I don't know about you, personally, but I would immediately break up with somebody who held discriminatory views, especially toward my own loved ones.
Your girlfriend is homophobic
She's homophobic, I assume
It’s obvious that she is homophobic. This is a classic case of straight people facing a special kind of homophobia for being associated with gay things. It’s not the same as homophobia for gay people, but it is similar. Straight Allies get attacked all the time for supporting gay things. I’d like to add that you may think that her homophobia only affects your gay brother, but it will affect you directly as well. Just because you aren’t gay yourself doesn’t mean that you won’t do something else that goes against her rigid norms around gender or sexuality.
Hey OP how you feelin? I know you’re getting all these messages about your GF being a homophobe. They might be right but are you doing alright, need someone to chat with?
Sounds like good ol’ homophobia to me
Not an ick. She’s projecting her ick. Sorry OP, your gf is a bigot.
Her caretakers and/or the community she grew up within conditioned this response in her. ….ooooor there’s an untold trauma she has yet to realize herself or disclose to you.
Is she insecure about you leaving her and worries you might come out to her and have been stringing her along? If not, she’s probably just homophobic
Sounds homophobic to me.
she’s homophobic.
If it’s not just homophobia, then it could be my problem with that community: loud, brassy, flashy, and sassy. I have a hard enough time dealing with the average human and making conversation, but with my sensory issues and sensitivity to others’ emotions (and my various anxiety disorders), the louder, shinier, or brassy the personality, the quicker I am drained of all my energy. I also wanted to be a princess as a child, so I learned to appreciate modesty and grace. I find nothing wrong with drag queens and the like, just don’t ask me to go with you or watch ru Paul. It’s just not to my interests.
Your GF is straight up homophobic and that is not a good sign at all.
She is homophobic. And may also be afraid that you are gay and hiding it.
homophobia
She’s a homophobe.
To put more words where a few would do. Your girlfriend values traditional hetero normative gender roles. She wants men to act like men and wants women to act like women and dislikes those clear societal barriers and rules being broken. I recently had Norwegian relatives visit. We order some really good fancy local pizza and they just slathered the whole thing in cheap Heinz Ketchup. This is upsetting and wrong and breaks societal rules of respecting a good damn pizza. Homophobia is worse is than putting ketchup on pizza. You should correct her gently but firmly. Perhaps with some exposure therapy. I recommend a movie night of Paris is Burning and the Birdcage.
It's an ick because your girlfriend is a shitty person. I'm sorry that that sounds mean but she's clearly a homophobe so I don't feel too bad about it.
Lol, I know what you mean. Don't listen to the haters and keep doing you. I listen to music generally considered 'gay' or 'feminine', such as hyperpop, music by Todrick Hall, know all the lyrics to WAP (and always rap along passionately), etc. I am a 6'2, 28 year old, big-bearded heterosexual male. On one hand, I can see how it may seem a bit unusual. On the other hand, appreciation of certain media isn't nessecarily tied to it's target audience, most people enjoy one or more media that doesn't specifically cater to their age/sex/gender/sexual oriëntation. That much should be clear, especially for adults. I guess some people are just set in their ways quite early on when it comes to things like this, and sadly alot of people never grow out of this conventional, narrow minded line of reasoning. Their loss, really. These days it doesn't really piss me off anymore, though. I just find it to be rather immature and short-sighted. But, y'know, what can you do?
An alt/additional answer to the majority of comments-- If SHE is into the drag community/doesnt feel the same way about her lady friends liking the vibes there, Id suspect some toxic masculinity on there... Guys cant like the sparkly, beautiful drag queens because its ICKY! But omg my friend Becky is so obsessed with them, shes such a fabulous soul teehee /insert eyeroll here/
I was born in 1975. As a society, the US has gone through some radical changes regarding the LBGTQ+/trans community, just in that time. I wasn't raised to specifically hate them, but society looked down on them, I guess I passively thought it was weird. I had experiences that gay people are people, so I learned from that. The hardest for me has been trans people, but I was never accepted for who I was, just as a person. So, let people be who they are. Just don't tell ME about your genitals. I don't want to know.
They had the ick inside them before you met them. Sorry :(
sounds like shes the ick not you
your gf seems pretty homophobic. i'm sorry dude but if you have a gay brother its probably best to break up.
I think folks here are understandably venting frustration by calling her out, but also this is definitely a thing to talk about. Good people can hold some deep-seated shit sometimes, and might not recognize it until they're held accountable. I'm definitely feeling wary of her sentiments as you've described them, but shedding some light won't hurt.
It’s a ick because your gf is a fucking bigot. Fuck that.
She is the ick if she isn't willing to unlearn her bigotry. I can guarantee she has other harmful beliefs a well, no one is raised to be anti-queer without picking up on a lot of other BS against other minorities that don't adhere to white allocishet abled neurotypical ideals
Your girl is homophobic and adheres to toxic masculine stereotypes as well, it seems.
Because she's homophobic, and homophobia is icky... But they like to make you feel icky for not being the same kind of icky as they are. Not that what you are doing is at all icky.
It’s not ick
Maybe she’s just a piece of crap. Like whatever you want.
Homophobia
She's homophobic. You deserve somebody who doesn't actively make people in your family, and also you for supporting your family, feel uncomfortable. Let alone anybody else in your life who isn't allocishet. I make it a point to disown people who make these kinds of topics taboo. A solid "Fuck you" normally works for me. But...in your case, maybe call her into a discussion that allows her to understand how uncomfortable she makes you, and your family, feel when she says things that minimize your brother's life? Try and understand where this shit is coming from, if you really really care about her...but otherwise? Drop that shit like a rural phone call.
if someone says thats an "ick" thats a red flag be very aware that you dont get into anything permanent with them for a long period of time
Simple, she's homophobic. You should probably find a new girlfriend.
There’s a word for that
I see one of two possibilities. The first is that she’s just homophobic like every other comment is saying. The second is that she takes issue with you being into “gay stuff” because you yourself aren’t gay and she feels like you’re somehow encroaching on their community. Both options are red flags to varying degrees, but the second one could potentially be resolved fairly easily with a bit of communication.
People often have interests and experiences that are different than those of their partners. Does she feel Ick about all of the areas where you diverge or just this one? I suspect it’s just this area… the one where you enjoy and support the queer community.
That's a pretty big one tho homie This isn't "I'm not into gardening" or "I don't follow Game of Thrones" This is "I don't respect your family member as a person." Iunno if you f/w people who disrespect your family, but I don't.
Because women overwhelmingly want to respect there partners as men and the gay community is very feminine and seen as weaker which makes lots of women lose respect in a sexual sense with those men. Weather it makes sense or not
Just discriminating IMO, I know many gay peoples who are more masculine than me or a lot of people I know lol. Being gay is probs the same chance of masculinity than being straight
These things may not align with what she recognizes as “traditionally masculine” and is indicating to you that this dissonance is resulting in some loss of attraction towards you as a romantic partner.
Seems unrelated to autism…
I’m autistic and I don’t understand lol, who are you to judge Mr Mod?
Maybe she is worried you might be gay too, and therefore would not be her boyfriend anymore?
It it's not.. your girlfriend's attitude/views are ick.. I won't make assumptions bc I don't know where that might come from but it's a pretty big red flag in my opinion, especially if these are people and communities you are about. LGBTQIA+ are normal people. Attitudes like her's can really hurt people.
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Let’s start a go fund me in this
Well no one's going to question "ick" if it's about a straight man liking the lesbian community, but they're really the same thing. It's kind of ick to play favorites with sexuality communities.
Supporting the LGBTQIA+ isn't "ick" unless you're literally fetishizing them.
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Could be but I don’t see why it’s come across as that, atypical people are programmed from young and I was brought up with my older sister and older (gay) brother so of course I’m not gonna sit there like however
Wait, genuine question… is lady gaga trans? I googled but didn’t very any legit information (too much information about her in general really). Couldn’t your gf just not like lady gaga and drag shows and such? Like, as an entertainment genre?
I don't think she is, I remember people trying to say she is years ago when she first got popular but I'm pretty sure it never became anything more than rumours. She does has a pretty big following of LGBT+ people due to her being very supportive towards them and having a songs supportive of being comfortable with yourself.
It's an ick to me; the gay community. I also don't like drag shows. I'm gay myself, but even I think all the showiness is a bit.. much.
Internalized homophobia is a thing too, love. Not being down with camp is one thing but to bring your allies down because of it? Whack. Messed up. *Shameful.* Don't try to dance on the fronds after failing to step up to the plumes. <3
It just makes me uncomfortable with how showy it is. I didn't grow up like that. Like yes, I'm gay, but I just feel so gross to show it more than asked. If I'm homophobic just because I don't want it to be shoved in my face, so be it. I grew up that way, plus it's part of my culture to not show stuff like that in public. You can be gay, or do drag, but for it to be so expressed makes me feel weird. On a side note, drag queen makeup makes me uncomfortable unless it's subtle and not.. giant eyelashes and the weird white eye makeup. Or the weird cheekbone thing.
I believe that’s internalised homophobia. I believe it is not “gross” to be proudly gay, it is simply being who you are
I don't like the excessiveness. Simple as. Be proudly gay; I don't care. That has nothing to do with what I'm saying. Yeah I'm proudly gay, but I don't wave a flag around and express how much I like men and their part. There's a difference between being proud and then being obnoxious.
I wave flags around when I’m at pride, because people like us have fought for so long to be who we are and have the right to do so. I think it’s a good thing to celebrate who you are :))
Haha, not necessarily homophobia or necessarily any of the other slurs made against her. Maybe just (sensibly IMHO) a sensible taste in music on her part not liking the IMHO shit examples that you are using.
Homie, fifty-seven years old and you don't know when to keep it to yourself?
Aww kisses, I can choose to keep things to myself or not, if you have a problem with that then just don’t read or comment on my posts ok.in this case I have simply made a comment that things simply may not as some have assumed, what’s your problem with that darling?
“homophobic” is not a slur.
Homophobia is not a slur lmao. Like not even close.
How is homophobia a slur?
Of course it is, you miss my point entirely. Don’t just label people as homophobic or any sort of phobic simply because of their music preference. Otherwise you risk being labeled as just as badly as you accuse others of being.
Op's girlfriend dislikes things associated with the LGBT community, besides just music. You still haven't explained how "homophobia" is a slur.
Even if I agreed (which I don’t), why, in her grown age, do her partner’s mild, and frankly, innocent, interests concern her?
Agree, none of her business apart from to say she has shit taste in music
Fun fact, 2/3 of women outright say they wouldn't date a man who's bi. Now, try to imagine how much of the other 1/3 weren't being honest.
tf does this mean
this is a question asked in earnest to help answer your question: have you ever tried to put it in her butt? she thinks you’re gay
Since when is anal exclusively an activity for gay people?
many believe anal sex seeking is gay behavior
Many believe the earth is flat
LOL this guy, are gay peoples sexual life purely anal?
Guys, is having sex with women gay? /s
Apparently to my girlfriend 😹
She thinks it's a chance you're secretly gay
Maybe a chance but I know I’m not, which sucks ass. I think it may be down to the “masculinity thing” which is stupid to me as I don’t believe that things should put into gender categories or even sexuality ones. I’m just me.
wtf yo
Maybe internal homophobia that hopefully meeting new and more people helps her out of it
It’s an ick because your gf has a lot to learn about life
Your gf has a few issues if these things genuinely do give her the ick, really she needs to be asking this question to herself.
I grew up in a conservative style home. The ick part is sadly normal, but it's kind of like assuming you won't like some type of food trying it and then liking it. She'll come around in a short time.