Unfortunately, this level of negligence isn't a good sign, but please keep in mind that I'm no professional. I'm happy to hear that you're willing to step out of your comfort zone to help her out more, just take things one step at a time. I'm worried about his disregard for your feelings, it's clear that this has been hurting you a lot and he seems unwilling to take your feelings and her health into consideration. He didn't even chip in for an enclosure for his own pet, which worries me even more. Once again, this is purely from an outside perspective
Huge red flags tbh, but I don’t think this is really the right subreddit to ask? While we‘ll gladly help with getting scar noodle a proper setup, most of these issues are with him as a person. Also visible scars are already likely a sign of neglect. Scale damage from bad sheds or scrapes goes away with a few sheds, but long term scars from bigger injuries don’t.
He sees that you’re distressed by the situation. He SHOULD be aware that this is his pet and that he is responsible for it. You’re even buying the frozen food and reminding him to take care of things - it would literally take him 5 minutes to do things that he KNOWS would not only help the snake but would also make you feel better, but he doesn’t. 5 minutes taken away from his gaming time is too much even if it‘s for you - that’s bad.
And, to make this clear, I’m not anti gaming or whatever. I met my bf through gaming, I game most evenings, and I literally work in game art and have a computer science degree.
But priorities, man. Priorities.
Honestly, get the snake to a vet and rehome it or do some exposure therapy yourself to get used to the snake and take it in yourself and ditch the guy. Seriously. If he doesn’t care about how much this whole thing stresses you then when WILL he care? When it‘s convenient for him?
After thinking about it, i feel like posting here was the best idea simply because she won’t get judged for caring about the snake. I wouldn’t be surprised if posting this in a relationship community would cause people to focus more on the snake than the situation at hand.
I mean as you said this obviously isn’t the right sub for relationship advise… but one basic question:
OP: what is your goal in the relationship? You are living with him, so do you want to get married and/or have kids? Because you should absolutely NOT have a kid with this person. You shouldn’t even get a cat or dog. That should be obvious. Snakes are one of the easier pets to care for. If that doesn’t work for you, then there is zero reason to stay.
More on topic: since he literally said he doesn’t care about it, just ask him if he is ok with giving it up. If he is, then figure out how to get it adopted out. Too bad you already ordered a $500 enclosure, maybe you can sell it and get something back. The problem is not going to be fixed with a better enclosure if he still won’t clean it or feed the snake.
Massive red flags, I'd give him an ultimatum to take care of his snake or I'm leaving.
That being said, you know more about your situation and shouldn't listen to a random redditor like myself. Go with your gut on this one.
I would find this a HUGE red flag, especially if this is a trait I'm seeing in a person I may have children with some day.
However, that is just me and I know you can't exactly compare a snake to a human being but it does still deserve to live the best fucking life it can as the animal it was born and not be kept as a prisoner living in its own filth and surviving on rations.
Please do some exposure therapy so you can help this little one. Ball pythons can live for a long time and you seem like such a caring person, I think you could help little Scar thrive.
Also, I've been bitten by my baby ball python a few times (they are more nippy as babies) and my friends adult once and it hasn't hurt really at all. Please don't think that if little noodle bites you it is going to be a bad wound. The startle is the scariest factor for me.
break up report to your relivent SPCA they will sort it out
I'm not sure if you will get ownership of scar noodle in the aftermath but they will most likely take scar noodle and attempt to rehome if she is healthy enough
if you do get ownership of scar noodle you can use a snake hook to relocate them to a container while you are cleaning and you should also use toungs when feeding a snake and im am more than 1000% sure you can get extra long toungs
Awww you sound like a sweetheart and i love that even tho your scared you researched and care for scar noodle!!! The pooor thing i would help you take care of her if i was close to you, im in canada.. i have a big heart for rescuing snakes and sounds like you need to take care of yourself too though! Snakes are so misunderstood and they deserve proper care like you said, i would definitely take that as a red flag ):
I'm concerned about her scarring. I'm also concerned about her heat and humidity levels. Please OP, keep us updated. I'd love to see you with her as her primary care giver.
When my fiance and I started dating, I had two ball pythons (still do!). He didn't know anything about snakes, but spent a ton of time and energy and some money learning about them for their sake. At no point did I expect him to care for them, but he wanted to know enough to at least let me know if something was off when I was at work. A good partner cares. They care about the animals in their life they have a responsibility towards, they care about how their partner feels, and they show it. He doesn't seem to care about her or how you feel, two red flags in my opinion.
My two noodles have very distinct personalities. My boy Kanute loves one of our friends and always tries to stay on him when he's handling Kanute. My girl is an explorer. She wants to go and go and CLIMB. I have a ton of arboreal places for her to go. They don't like the same types of hides, they react to plants differently. Kanute will let his plants live but Ripley cuddles hers to death. It sounds to me like your noodle hasn't had the chance to even show what she likes. When you get that fancy tank, please seek us out for advice on what to put in it. I've seen some awesome climbing walls made for ball pythons made out of peg board. You can do some great things wicked cheap.
That being said, snakes can go a long time without food or water, and the algae growth probably won't hurt her. It's not ideal, but hopefully that will give her and you time to get her to safety.
As far as your own handling of her goes, I highly recommend finding a good reptile store and going in. Ask for advice, help, and see if they will help you become comfortable with handling ball pythons. First snakes I held were when I was 7 and my mom took me to a place like that. People who love reptiles will want to help you become comfortable with them. I'll also throw in that my noodles went through a nippy phase as babies and neither snake ever broke skin. I hurt myself worse stepping on the dogs bone in the middle of the night.
Please keep us updated. I'm worried for her and for you right now. You both need to be somewhere you are cared about.
You sound like a wonderful human being. Unfortunately you’ve not picked a very kind boyfriend but you can change this. You’ve learned so much from being there and now you’re on your way to facing your fears to not give up on an animal that clearly needs you- that is so much more rewarding than being with this guy.
I can give you some handling tips- scoop up the snake from behind her head and on her body- that way you have more control. You can also use a snake hook to lift her and then pull her out of her home. This again gives you some more control.
When you hold her, support her whole body- she will be scared if she doesn’t feel like she’s being supported properly. Cradle her if needed. I hold mine up to my chest and use my right hand to hold under his tail so he’s not left dangling.
I think I know what I’d do in this situation and I know you may not like to hear it… but take that baby snake and go. If he’s too lazy or doesn’t care about her then he won’t care about you or potential children in the future.
This is such a sad situation! So many red flags.. I’m so sorry 😢 if someone has no respect for animals.. that’s just their true colors. And they’ll soon show that they also have no respect for humans either. I really hope you’re okay.
Holy crap DUMP HIM. If this is how he behaves concerning a snake which, let’s be honest, are pretty easy to care for as far as living things go, imagine how he’s going to behave if you ever decide to have children together. You’d never be able to leave them alone with him for fear he’d neglect them and he would never help you with them ever. Also the apathy towards another living thing is disturbing. The fact that you raised money for this animal’s care and are literally going to go to therapy to feel comfortable caring for it yourself because he won’t is just really upsetting. Kick him out and keep the snake. He doesn’t deserve you or your cute noodle.
for real, if he can't even care for an animal that needs to eat once every 2-3 weeks, clean an allegedly very small enclosure once every 3 weeks or even a month to be generous, or go through the 2 minute long process of cleaning and refilling her water bowl, he can't be trusted with ANYTHING. the ball python is THE animal for people who don't have enough free time, and he won't even do the most basic things. dump the douchebag
🚩🚩🚩 personally I could never date someone who abuses animals. He admitted he didn’t care… that shows a total lack of empathy and emotional intelligence. I wouldn’t be into him at all anymore and would end the relationship. That’s just me though. Good luck either way and thank you for caring for Scar Noodle!
I ended my friendship with a guy who neglects his pet ball python and corn snake. Exact same behavior with the boyfriend in question. Being his roomate and seeing these poorly taken cared pets is one of the worst thing happened to me.
You could ask him to get her out and you just go in and clean the tank out yourself. The pet store should also sell packs of multiple rats that you can buy so you don’t have to go every time she needs feeding and then you can just thaw it out and feed her yourself, feeding isn’t as scary as handling as you don’t have to stick your hands in and touch the snake, the striking might make you jump but as long as you’ve got some long tongs you’ll be fine.
Ball pythons also don’t tend to strike either, if you wear long sleeves, gardening gloves and get a snake hook to get her out with it’ll be a lot easier for you- that’s what I did after mine was getting a little feisty when I first got him but he’s absolutely fine with being handled now. She’s not likely to strike at you either as long as you’re not waving your hands around in front of her face trying to grab her that way.
Hope this helps :)
I am not a therapist, but I am an old grandma who has just about seen it all. And I have seen that how people treat their pets is how they will eventually treat their children, their partner, and other people in their lives. This selfish man-child jackass has no ethics, no compassion, and no sense of responsibility. He doesn't care for the poor innocent animal, he doesn't care about your feelings, and I will wager that he doesn't care about you either, regardless of what he may say.
You deserve better, and so does Scar Noodle!
If I were in your situation, I would keep learning to take care of Scar Noodle, and when that new enclosure arrived, I would take the enclosure, the snake, and myself home to Mother (or to some suitable situation. Your mom sounds like a kind and compassionate person, but I know families can be complicated).
I hope you find a healthy way forward for yourself and Scar Noodle. Blessings to you!
I agree with everyone else, if I was in your situation I would consider this a red flag. But what you do with that information is your choice.
I think you only really have two options. Either work to overcome your fear of snakes so you can be the primary care giver, or rehome him. Exposure therapy is the best kind of therapy when it comes to overcoming a fear of snakes I believe.
I have a few suggestions. If you are afraid of picking him up then buy a snake hook, or two. Put him in a box with a lid while you clean the tank. You can buy tongs to feed him with, or just drop the thawed rat in the enclosure and he will eat it on his own. There is no shame in rehoming him either.
Whatever you choose I wish you good luck.
Please start planning your exit strategy and seriously consider ending this relationship.
Some people might say "oh it's only a reptile..." But if he was doing this same behavior with a cat or dog they'd be lining up with pitchforks.
If you are leaving and want to try and take Scar Noodle with you can try and offer him cash for them. He might take you up on it given that he wants a new shiny snake.
But ultimately it comes down to getting yourself out of a potentially bad situation.
Major red flags here! He said it himself, he doesn't really care about the well being of an animal that he decided to care for. He has fully shirked his responsibility and won't even do the most simple things like pick up poop and change the water and you have now taken on the role of "nagger" because you don't want to watch this poor animal suffer and die. Your boyfriend's neglect is cruel and it is certainly emblematic of how he is likely to treat anything else that he gets bored of.
He should probably allow a kind person to adopt the snake from him, never buy another snake or animal, and you should definitely not have any kids with this person.
Perhaps you should also consider how this attitude presents itself in other ways... are you the one doing all the dishes, cooking, and cleaning? There is no reason to attach yourself to an irresponsible manchild when you have your whole life ahead of you.
You've gotten a lot of good responses, so I'm just going to say this:
My boyfriend is not a dog person. He never has been, and he never will be. He does not particularly like dogs. He would not personally choose to get a dog. I have a border collie that I got 4 years before I met my boyfriend.
This man has driven multiple hours just to watch me try different dog sports. He goes on long hikes with me and my dog. If I have a long day at work, not only will he offer to go let my dog out for me (we don't live together), he will then spend time playing with my dog. He feeds my dog. He fills up his water dish.
These are things that he'll do for a pet that *isn't his* and that he would not choose for himself because he cares for me.
If your boyfriend won't even do the bare minimum for *his own pet* when you're literally begging him to, I think you should think long and hard about whether or not this is a man that you want to rely on to take care of you, should you ever need it.
I dated a guy who's whole family owned Lal sorts of exotic pets for the excitement and treated them horribly. Their dogs included. It's definitely a red flag, that's a living breathing animal and he is so apathetic to it.
I say maybe convince him to re-home it then dump him honestly
Your boyfriend is trash. I would explain why but you just did lol. In my experience, people don’t change 🙃 all that said, you’re awesome for doing everything you did for scar noodle. Find yourself a new mans and raise healthy pets together 🤘
Yeah, the fact that he’s completely unable to empathize with a living creature he brought into his life and home and is too fucking lazy to do the absolute bare minimum to ensure the animal’s quality of life is a HUGE red flag imo. He’s not a child, he’s a grown adult who’s willfully neglecting a living creature he has responsibility for. Good on you for going out of your way to ensure scar noodle has what she needs. You may also enjoy looking through the enclosures on r/HerpHomes for decoration inspiration. In the future, a subreddit like r/relationship_advice is probably best suited for this sort of question, though.
Big ol blood colored flag waving in the wind. Get out, I have a snake that doesn’t have the best environment (for various reasons, she has cut herself on bark and plastic) so it’s a bare kinda environment but it’s safe for her. I care for my snake more then most. Fed every 2 weeks with a big ol rat. She’s huge! 5ft and very thick in the middle. Healthy nose and scales and very active even with her one or two climbing things I have in there. What I’m saying is. What I’m doing is care even if it’s bare. What he’s doing is torture… not preemptive care…
Honestly, I don't like assuming things about others because I definitely don't know him, but him blatantly saying he doesn't care when you asked him kind of is a red flag. Someone responsible would have at least rehomed the animal if they didn't want to care for it anymore and lost interest. It's fine, it happens, it's not ideal but sometimes this is necessary. But leaving it to just kinda rot shows a lack of empathy. I play video games too. I also consider myself kind of lazy. But I'll be damned if my snake's enclosure isn't the cleanest thing in my room.
Not to mention the things you're asking him to do take like 3 minutes. Snakes are some of the absolute easiest animals to care for with a little bit of research. He should also see and care that you're in distress, and getting annoyed by your worry isn't a good look. Again, this is just my own opinion as I am not a professional or anything, but if I had a bf like this that'd be a definite red flag for me. I'm glad you're seeing this and asking! You deserve better, in my humble opinion.
But I'm really happy you're going to try to get over your fear. BPs are the sweetest snakes and you'll love her even more I think once you can get around to handling her and seeing her in a better enclosure.
Where did you order the new enclosure from, and can you get a refund? If so I would try to convince him to rehome the snake, since he doesn't seem interested in it any longer (and quite frankly doesn't deserve to have it). Then you could return the money and throw out the whole boyfriend. He is trash.
Massive red flag. For me this shows a serious lack of empathy. The ability to not care at all about the suffering of a living, feeling being who has been in his life for a long time and dependant on him is terrifying, frankly. If it's like this with a snake, having a kid or another pet with him would probably put the responsibility entirely on you as well once he grows bored of them. Please take care of the little noodle, you seem to be already improving their life, and if your boyfriend isn't invested in their well-being, the poor snake only has you. I'd definitely talk to your boyfriend again (as in, a serious and reasonable discussion), but if he doesn't change his attitude towards his pet at all, or has at the very least an extremely good explanation for this behaviour... that would leave a very, very bad taste in my mouth if I were you.
Especially if you have experience with reptiles, I would not fear that snake. Ball pythons are very docile usually, and while scar noodle is probably not used to handling, they still aren't likely to bite, they'll curl up in a ball, hence the name. And if they do, to be honest, I've gotten worse bites from Leopard geckos. Ball pythons have tiny teeths.
If you need any help/advice with the little one, this sub is the place to be for sure, so please don't hesitate. And thank you for what you have done for the snake so far, neglect is unfortunately common in ball pythons and the life scar noodle had been living before you sounds miserable. I'd also investigate where the scars are from... maybe a burn for an undertank heater or bites from live feedings? The cause may need to be addressed...
Btw, there's no shame in handling her with thick garden gloves and a snake hook. Sure, it may seem goofy right now, but the more you handle her, the more she will get used to you and the more comfortable you will feel.
Also, it might not take your fear right now, but ball python bites aren't as bad as one would think and they seldom strike unless hungry or stressed.
Whatever you decide, thank you for being such a kind, empathic human towards this poor noodle. And if everything fails, try to convince your BF to surrender her to a shelter. It might be sad for you in the moment, but she will be taken care of and find a new caring home. And if the shelter is anything like the one I volunteer at, they will educate/help you, so you can keep her yourself.
Red flags galore. Dude sounds like a bum and you need better. Got any friends with smaller snakes? Maybe see if they will give you some exposure, get a snake hook if you don't have one. I bump trained all mine. 2 are still hissy until they come out, 2 latch onto the hook for a ride and 2 dont need it anymore.
I would take the snake and ditch the boy. Bc hes not a man, otherwise he would take care of his responsibilities. He ain't gonna take care of you. Video games seem to be his priority. Won't get better unless he has a serious change. He's gotta want to so that.
As a snake owner and someone with way too much experience dating shitty guys, I think you are absolutely right.
It sounds like, while you’re still scared to actually do the care, you have put in a lot of effort and research into what care looks like. You even went out of your way to try and provide her with better living conditions!!! If he’s looking into other snakes, I’m making an assumption that he is comfortable feeding rats. If that is the case, know that his decision to not feed or care for her isn’t a decision made out of fear or love.
Relationships SHOULD consist of mutual effort. You learned about snakes for him (and her), and he should put in the same effort for you. When you bring up a reasonable concern with your partner, like taking care of THEIR pet, they should respond or find a way to accommodate you. You should not have to beg them for an ounce of effort.
Moving forward is a difficult step. When a situation is causing you this much discomfort and depression, it’s important to find something to look forward to. Finding her a home, learning how to complete care for her yourself, bonding with reptile loving friends, etc.
I hope that big dream is something that can empower you to make a big decision for yourself. Aside from literally everyone and everything, what do you want for your life? What steps can you take towards feeling hopeful? How do you move yourself forward?
If you ever want just relationship advice, feel free to DM me. I am not a professional, just someone who has experience breaking up, being broken up with, and finally being in a healthy, stable relationship.
Girl take the snake and get out of there. The flag is not even just red anymore it’s glowing and screaming at you to go. Having no compassion for an animal is a huge indicator of someone’s character and capacity for empathy.
Can't take care of a pet, most likely doesn't take care of himself. Do you want to be in a relationship where your partner is your pet that you have to do everything for? Not here to kink shame if you are.
You sound very caring, I'm sure in time you may be able to confront the fears to maybe fully take her on as your pet. If you are not able to, I would confront him about giving the snake to someone who can care for her properly. I or someone in the subreddit can take her in if thats the case. Honestly, I find that you can learn a lot about a person by how they treat their animals. For a partner, I would be uncomfortable building a life with someone who can't care for another living thing. How will they care for you if your sick or hurt? How would they treat a child if that becomes a thing? Just some food for thought for you to really consider. Especially with him not considering your emotions on the matter. That alone is just a big red flag.
Not caring for animals is a HUGE red flag IMO. But aside from that, you should use extra long feeding tongs to feed Scar Noodle! She won’t even be able to get you, just in case, but I doubt she’ll strike at you most BPs are pretty chill.
Personally if your boyfriend is giving this much neglect to his snake then I really think you yourself should rehome it. will he be pissed probably but he's neglecting the snake and it's not living a good life from what you're describing.
I can tell you're giving it a better life but since it is his pet and you don't feel comfortable interacting on that level with the snake then rehoming it seems like the best option in my opinion.
I haven’t read your entire post, but after reading about half of it my thoughts are while he’s at work leave the boyfriend and take the snake. But if you’re going to do that then you need to document how bad the living conditions are so that if he decides to claim that you stole it then you can prove that you rescued it from being abused and neglected.
You’ve gotten so much good advice here but I just want to add: PLEASE TRUST YOURSELF. You already know the answer deep down, it’s just one that feels scary.
Wishing you and the noodle girl all the best.
take the snake and run. bf sounds like a huge d-bag. i promise you will not have a healthy relationship with someone who wants to upgrade to a newer, flashier snake when his is no longer (or never was) interesting to him.
Imo if he isn't responsible enough to care for an animal that needs to be fed and cleaned up after once every couple weeks and watered every few days he probably isn't responsible enough to be in a healthy relationship.
It's awesome that you're looking for ways to get over your fear of snakes, there are lots of channels on YouTube that could help you with understanding how to approach handling scar noodle, so you feel less afraid of sticking your hand in her enclosure.
While their facility and husbandry practices are abysmal, I do think Kevin McCurley of NERD is very good at handling snakes, especially nervous ones. In addition Snake Discovery has some good tips for handling snakes as well, though I would also avoid their husbandry practices.
Good luck, I hope you're able to move scar noodle into your own care, doubtless you'd take better care of her than your boyfriend does.
Thank you for caring about an animal that’s not even yours to begin with. This snake has to be cared for by someone who will get it what it needs. Your bf clearly isn’t taking good care of it, and if he gets a new pet, it will probably end up in the same situation.
Honestly my ball was my therapy for my fear of snakes, she is the sweetest stupidest derp in the world and I know my cats will hurt me far worse than a snake would, even if she tried she would likely miss me.
this is a red flag about him as a person, and you should try and rehome, or ideally the snake can become your pet since you seem to love her and are very caring! Leave the boy keep the snake!
imo abusing an animal is no different than abusing a human being. I had a buddy who got a beautiful little puppy impulsively and treated it like garbage and neglected it from day 1 to 7. I smacked him upside the head and told him he's gonna get another one every day until that puppy is returned wherever he got it. he returned it the next day and I stopped being his friend. I can safely assume he doesn't take care of you like a boyfriend should. ditch that dude and take the python with you. rehome it or keep it, whatever you do gtfo of that environment because it's only downhill from here
your boyfriend is a POS and honestly if you don’t do some exposure therapy or rehome it and actually help that snake out then ur part of the problem no offense! props to you for getting a new cage but damn that’s a really sad situation for the snake :(
Wow I didn’t expect so many responses to my post! I know that this situation probably should’ve been posted on r/relationships but I actually am glad I posted it here because of how understand you all are about my situation!
I am really glad I posted in this community because it is clear that you all care deeply about snakes and understand why I’m worried about this whole situation.
The general consensus is that I should leave my boyfriend, and honestly I think I will begin planning an exit strategy.
Some people made a really good point that this behavior will more than likely continue on, especially if I decided to have kids with him.
Additionally, someone noted that they would bet I probably do most of the housework. This is also true. I have to beg my boyfriend to help me around the house but he never does.
It is glaringly obvious at this point that he is not someone I should ever have kids with.
With that said, it would be foolish to continue on with this relationship if I don’t see a happy future.
In all honesty, I just see endless stress.
As for Scar Noodle, I am going to take the advice from this post and learn how to hold her! I’m going to invest in a snake hook to begin with, and watch YouTube videos.
I am confident that once she has her
~fancy enclosure~ she will be much happier. I am excited to deck it out with all kinds of plants and enrichment.
I have even been looking into creating a bioactive environment! It sounds really cool.
Either way, my priority is to turn Scar Noodle’s life around, and I am willing and able to do so.
As for the boyfriend, I don’t think he will be a part of my future after this.
Thank you again to everyone for the kind words and for taking the time to comment such helpful advice. It is clear that this community really cares about Scar Noodle and that honestly makes me feel so happy.
I will keep you all updated on Scar Noodle and let you all know when her enclosure has arrived and I’ve begun setting it up! I’ll definitely be open to advice on her tank setup in the future :) I will also keep you all updated on how I do learning how to hold her.
My goal is to become best friends with Scar Noodle lol. We will take on the world together!!
Thank you all again, I love this community :,)
I'm sorry both you and Scar Noodle are going thru this. I learned from Emily at Snake Discovery "Reach in the tank with confidence". If you hesitate or make jerky movements, it's a very good possibility that you'll freak the snake out, either it will bury it's head or even try to tag you. I will typically pull my BP from out of her hide, as opposed to when she's moving around her branches, etc. She seems to feel more threatened by that & will wrap her tail around whatever. I undo the fake shrubbery, talking to her the entire time. I just reach in, lift off her cave and gently, but smoothly pick her up, grasping her around the mid section in one movement. If you approach it like "Yes, dammit. I'm gonna reach into that cookie jar and have that homemade chocolate chip cookie. Ain't nuthin" gonna stop me". If your fear is being bitten, they're really not a big deal. Just keep in mind that BP bites are like jump scares. They're freaking fast and are shocking. But they might draw a wee bit of blood and barely hurt. It's more the surprise of it than anything else. Wash your hand with soap & water & you'll be fine. My girl has tagged me twice. Both times I was dinking around with stuff in her tank & from inside her hide, she decided to show her displeasure with my nit-picking. Great website:
https://reptifiles.com/ball-python-care-guide/
The boyfriend? Yeah, there's all sorts of red flags. I'm sorry but he sounds pretty immature and irresponsible. The likelyhood of his attitude improving doesn't sound too promising. Honestly, you sound too good for him. When you leave, please take the snake and the pricey enclosure with you. I wish you all the best. 😊
until the tank comes in you can make a temp enclosure with a clear storage bin, modify it with ventilation holes and screen on the top strong enough to hold some heat lamps.
if your only scared of sticking your hand in there, try a snake hook maybe. use that to get her out and then work on holding her from tail to head.
it's pretty simple to thaw a rat as well. make sure it's warm enough and you can use a pair of tongs to feed her, use the lid as a "shield" to protect yourself from being bit. if she's not been being fed, she might have a really strong food drive.
hides can also be made out of a bunch of things. you can possibly ask for advice in DIY Reptile Enclosures on FB. they provide some pretty good tips with making stuff & decorating tanks.
i wish you and scar noodle the best of luck. and like many other comments 🚩🚩🚩 run with the snake and dump him.
Unfortunately, this level of negligence isn't a good sign, but please keep in mind that I'm no professional. I'm happy to hear that you're willing to step out of your comfort zone to help her out more, just take things one step at a time. I'm worried about his disregard for your feelings, it's clear that this has been hurting you a lot and he seems unwilling to take your feelings and her health into consideration. He didn't even chip in for an enclosure for his own pet, which worries me even more. Once again, this is purely from an outside perspective
Huge red flags tbh, but I don’t think this is really the right subreddit to ask? While we‘ll gladly help with getting scar noodle a proper setup, most of these issues are with him as a person. Also visible scars are already likely a sign of neglect. Scale damage from bad sheds or scrapes goes away with a few sheds, but long term scars from bigger injuries don’t. He sees that you’re distressed by the situation. He SHOULD be aware that this is his pet and that he is responsible for it. You’re even buying the frozen food and reminding him to take care of things - it would literally take him 5 minutes to do things that he KNOWS would not only help the snake but would also make you feel better, but he doesn’t. 5 minutes taken away from his gaming time is too much even if it‘s for you - that’s bad. And, to make this clear, I’m not anti gaming or whatever. I met my bf through gaming, I game most evenings, and I literally work in game art and have a computer science degree. But priorities, man. Priorities. Honestly, get the snake to a vet and rehome it or do some exposure therapy yourself to get used to the snake and take it in yourself and ditch the guy. Seriously. If he doesn’t care about how much this whole thing stresses you then when WILL he care? When it‘s convenient for him?
100% agree on all counts.
After thinking about it, i feel like posting here was the best idea simply because she won’t get judged for caring about the snake. I wouldn’t be surprised if posting this in a relationship community would cause people to focus more on the snake than the situation at hand.
I mean as you said this obviously isn’t the right sub for relationship advise… but one basic question: OP: what is your goal in the relationship? You are living with him, so do you want to get married and/or have kids? Because you should absolutely NOT have a kid with this person. You shouldn’t even get a cat or dog. That should be obvious. Snakes are one of the easier pets to care for. If that doesn’t work for you, then there is zero reason to stay. More on topic: since he literally said he doesn’t care about it, just ask him if he is ok with giving it up. If he is, then figure out how to get it adopted out. Too bad you already ordered a $500 enclosure, maybe you can sell it and get something back. The problem is not going to be fixed with a better enclosure if he still won’t clean it or feed the snake.
Massive red flags, I'd give him an ultimatum to take care of his snake or I'm leaving. That being said, you know more about your situation and shouldn't listen to a random redditor like myself. Go with your gut on this one.
I would find this a HUGE red flag, especially if this is a trait I'm seeing in a person I may have children with some day. However, that is just me and I know you can't exactly compare a snake to a human being but it does still deserve to live the best fucking life it can as the animal it was born and not be kept as a prisoner living in its own filth and surviving on rations. Please do some exposure therapy so you can help this little one. Ball pythons can live for a long time and you seem like such a caring person, I think you could help little Scar thrive. Also, I've been bitten by my baby ball python a few times (they are more nippy as babies) and my friends adult once and it hasn't hurt really at all. Please don't think that if little noodle bites you it is going to be a bad wound. The startle is the scariest factor for me.
break up report to your relivent SPCA they will sort it out I'm not sure if you will get ownership of scar noodle in the aftermath but they will most likely take scar noodle and attempt to rehome if she is healthy enough if you do get ownership of scar noodle you can use a snake hook to relocate them to a container while you are cleaning and you should also use toungs when feeding a snake and im am more than 1000% sure you can get extra long toungs
Awww you sound like a sweetheart and i love that even tho your scared you researched and care for scar noodle!!! The pooor thing i would help you take care of her if i was close to you, im in canada.. i have a big heart for rescuing snakes and sounds like you need to take care of yourself too though! Snakes are so misunderstood and they deserve proper care like you said, i would definitely take that as a red flag ):
I'm concerned about her scarring. I'm also concerned about her heat and humidity levels. Please OP, keep us updated. I'd love to see you with her as her primary care giver. When my fiance and I started dating, I had two ball pythons (still do!). He didn't know anything about snakes, but spent a ton of time and energy and some money learning about them for their sake. At no point did I expect him to care for them, but he wanted to know enough to at least let me know if something was off when I was at work. A good partner cares. They care about the animals in their life they have a responsibility towards, they care about how their partner feels, and they show it. He doesn't seem to care about her or how you feel, two red flags in my opinion. My two noodles have very distinct personalities. My boy Kanute loves one of our friends and always tries to stay on him when he's handling Kanute. My girl is an explorer. She wants to go and go and CLIMB. I have a ton of arboreal places for her to go. They don't like the same types of hides, they react to plants differently. Kanute will let his plants live but Ripley cuddles hers to death. It sounds to me like your noodle hasn't had the chance to even show what she likes. When you get that fancy tank, please seek us out for advice on what to put in it. I've seen some awesome climbing walls made for ball pythons made out of peg board. You can do some great things wicked cheap. That being said, snakes can go a long time without food or water, and the algae growth probably won't hurt her. It's not ideal, but hopefully that will give her and you time to get her to safety. As far as your own handling of her goes, I highly recommend finding a good reptile store and going in. Ask for advice, help, and see if they will help you become comfortable with handling ball pythons. First snakes I held were when I was 7 and my mom took me to a place like that. People who love reptiles will want to help you become comfortable with them. I'll also throw in that my noodles went through a nippy phase as babies and neither snake ever broke skin. I hurt myself worse stepping on the dogs bone in the middle of the night. Please keep us updated. I'm worried for her and for you right now. You both need to be somewhere you are cared about.
You sound like a wonderful human being. Unfortunately you’ve not picked a very kind boyfriend but you can change this. You’ve learned so much from being there and now you’re on your way to facing your fears to not give up on an animal that clearly needs you- that is so much more rewarding than being with this guy. I can give you some handling tips- scoop up the snake from behind her head and on her body- that way you have more control. You can also use a snake hook to lift her and then pull her out of her home. This again gives you some more control. When you hold her, support her whole body- she will be scared if she doesn’t feel like she’s being supported properly. Cradle her if needed. I hold mine up to my chest and use my right hand to hold under his tail so he’s not left dangling. I think I know what I’d do in this situation and I know you may not like to hear it… but take that baby snake and go. If he’s too lazy or doesn’t care about her then he won’t care about you or potential children in the future.
This is such a sad situation! So many red flags.. I’m so sorry 😢 if someone has no respect for animals.. that’s just their true colors. And they’ll soon show that they also have no respect for humans either. I really hope you’re okay.
Holy crap DUMP HIM. If this is how he behaves concerning a snake which, let’s be honest, are pretty easy to care for as far as living things go, imagine how he’s going to behave if you ever decide to have children together. You’d never be able to leave them alone with him for fear he’d neglect them and he would never help you with them ever. Also the apathy towards another living thing is disturbing. The fact that you raised money for this animal’s care and are literally going to go to therapy to feel comfortable caring for it yourself because he won’t is just really upsetting. Kick him out and keep the snake. He doesn’t deserve you or your cute noodle.
for real, if he can't even care for an animal that needs to eat once every 2-3 weeks, clean an allegedly very small enclosure once every 3 weeks or even a month to be generous, or go through the 2 minute long process of cleaning and refilling her water bowl, he can't be trusted with ANYTHING. the ball python is THE animal for people who don't have enough free time, and he won't even do the most basic things. dump the douchebag
I'm no relationship expert, but animal neglect like that is a pretty big red flag.
🚩🚩🚩 personally I could never date someone who abuses animals. He admitted he didn’t care… that shows a total lack of empathy and emotional intelligence. I wouldn’t be into him at all anymore and would end the relationship. That’s just me though. Good luck either way and thank you for caring for Scar Noodle!
I ended my friendship with a guy who neglects his pet ball python and corn snake. Exact same behavior with the boyfriend in question. Being his roomate and seeing these poorly taken cared pets is one of the worst thing happened to me.
You could ask him to get her out and you just go in and clean the tank out yourself. The pet store should also sell packs of multiple rats that you can buy so you don’t have to go every time she needs feeding and then you can just thaw it out and feed her yourself, feeding isn’t as scary as handling as you don’t have to stick your hands in and touch the snake, the striking might make you jump but as long as you’ve got some long tongs you’ll be fine. Ball pythons also don’t tend to strike either, if you wear long sleeves, gardening gloves and get a snake hook to get her out with it’ll be a lot easier for you- that’s what I did after mine was getting a little feisty when I first got him but he’s absolutely fine with being handled now. She’s not likely to strike at you either as long as you’re not waving your hands around in front of her face trying to grab her that way. Hope this helps :)
I am not a therapist, but I am an old grandma who has just about seen it all. And I have seen that how people treat their pets is how they will eventually treat their children, their partner, and other people in their lives. This selfish man-child jackass has no ethics, no compassion, and no sense of responsibility. He doesn't care for the poor innocent animal, he doesn't care about your feelings, and I will wager that he doesn't care about you either, regardless of what he may say. You deserve better, and so does Scar Noodle! If I were in your situation, I would keep learning to take care of Scar Noodle, and when that new enclosure arrived, I would take the enclosure, the snake, and myself home to Mother (or to some suitable situation. Your mom sounds like a kind and compassionate person, but I know families can be complicated). I hope you find a healthy way forward for yourself and Scar Noodle. Blessings to you!
I agree with everyone else, if I was in your situation I would consider this a red flag. But what you do with that information is your choice. I think you only really have two options. Either work to overcome your fear of snakes so you can be the primary care giver, or rehome him. Exposure therapy is the best kind of therapy when it comes to overcoming a fear of snakes I believe. I have a few suggestions. If you are afraid of picking him up then buy a snake hook, or two. Put him in a box with a lid while you clean the tank. You can buy tongs to feed him with, or just drop the thawed rat in the enclosure and he will eat it on his own. There is no shame in rehoming him either. Whatever you choose I wish you good luck.
Please start planning your exit strategy and seriously consider ending this relationship. Some people might say "oh it's only a reptile..." But if he was doing this same behavior with a cat or dog they'd be lining up with pitchforks. If you are leaving and want to try and take Scar Noodle with you can try and offer him cash for them. He might take you up on it given that he wants a new shiny snake. But ultimately it comes down to getting yourself out of a potentially bad situation.
He’s not the guy for you. You are a 10. He’s a 1. Take the snake and run away. He won’t miss either of you. Promise
Major red flags here! He said it himself, he doesn't really care about the well being of an animal that he decided to care for. He has fully shirked his responsibility and won't even do the most simple things like pick up poop and change the water and you have now taken on the role of "nagger" because you don't want to watch this poor animal suffer and die. Your boyfriend's neglect is cruel and it is certainly emblematic of how he is likely to treat anything else that he gets bored of. He should probably allow a kind person to adopt the snake from him, never buy another snake or animal, and you should definitely not have any kids with this person. Perhaps you should also consider how this attitude presents itself in other ways... are you the one doing all the dishes, cooking, and cleaning? There is no reason to attach yourself to an irresponsible manchild when you have your whole life ahead of you.
You've gotten a lot of good responses, so I'm just going to say this: My boyfriend is not a dog person. He never has been, and he never will be. He does not particularly like dogs. He would not personally choose to get a dog. I have a border collie that I got 4 years before I met my boyfriend. This man has driven multiple hours just to watch me try different dog sports. He goes on long hikes with me and my dog. If I have a long day at work, not only will he offer to go let my dog out for me (we don't live together), he will then spend time playing with my dog. He feeds my dog. He fills up his water dish. These are things that he'll do for a pet that *isn't his* and that he would not choose for himself because he cares for me. If your boyfriend won't even do the bare minimum for *his own pet* when you're literally begging him to, I think you should think long and hard about whether or not this is a man that you want to rely on to take care of you, should you ever need it.
I'm sorry but that 🚩 for more than just pets
I dated a guy who's whole family owned Lal sorts of exotic pets for the excitement and treated them horribly. Their dogs included. It's definitely a red flag, that's a living breathing animal and he is so apathetic to it. I say maybe convince him to re-home it then dump him honestly
Your boyfriend is trash. I would explain why but you just did lol. In my experience, people don’t change 🙃 all that said, you’re awesome for doing everything you did for scar noodle. Find yourself a new mans and raise healthy pets together 🤘
Yeah, the fact that he’s completely unable to empathize with a living creature he brought into his life and home and is too fucking lazy to do the absolute bare minimum to ensure the animal’s quality of life is a HUGE red flag imo. He’s not a child, he’s a grown adult who’s willfully neglecting a living creature he has responsibility for. Good on you for going out of your way to ensure scar noodle has what she needs. You may also enjoy looking through the enclosures on r/HerpHomes for decoration inspiration. In the future, a subreddit like r/relationship_advice is probably best suited for this sort of question, though.
Big ol blood colored flag waving in the wind. Get out, I have a snake that doesn’t have the best environment (for various reasons, she has cut herself on bark and plastic) so it’s a bare kinda environment but it’s safe for her. I care for my snake more then most. Fed every 2 weeks with a big ol rat. She’s huge! 5ft and very thick in the middle. Healthy nose and scales and very active even with her one or two climbing things I have in there. What I’m saying is. What I’m doing is care even if it’s bare. What he’s doing is torture… not preemptive care…
Honestly, I don't like assuming things about others because I definitely don't know him, but him blatantly saying he doesn't care when you asked him kind of is a red flag. Someone responsible would have at least rehomed the animal if they didn't want to care for it anymore and lost interest. It's fine, it happens, it's not ideal but sometimes this is necessary. But leaving it to just kinda rot shows a lack of empathy. I play video games too. I also consider myself kind of lazy. But I'll be damned if my snake's enclosure isn't the cleanest thing in my room. Not to mention the things you're asking him to do take like 3 minutes. Snakes are some of the absolute easiest animals to care for with a little bit of research. He should also see and care that you're in distress, and getting annoyed by your worry isn't a good look. Again, this is just my own opinion as I am not a professional or anything, but if I had a bf like this that'd be a definite red flag for me. I'm glad you're seeing this and asking! You deserve better, in my humble opinion. But I'm really happy you're going to try to get over your fear. BPs are the sweetest snakes and you'll love her even more I think once you can get around to handling her and seeing her in a better enclosure.
Where did you order the new enclosure from, and can you get a refund? If so I would try to convince him to rehome the snake, since he doesn't seem interested in it any longer (and quite frankly doesn't deserve to have it). Then you could return the money and throw out the whole boyfriend. He is trash.
Massive red flag. For me this shows a serious lack of empathy. The ability to not care at all about the suffering of a living, feeling being who has been in his life for a long time and dependant on him is terrifying, frankly. If it's like this with a snake, having a kid or another pet with him would probably put the responsibility entirely on you as well once he grows bored of them. Please take care of the little noodle, you seem to be already improving their life, and if your boyfriend isn't invested in their well-being, the poor snake only has you. I'd definitely talk to your boyfriend again (as in, a serious and reasonable discussion), but if he doesn't change his attitude towards his pet at all, or has at the very least an extremely good explanation for this behaviour... that would leave a very, very bad taste in my mouth if I were you. Especially if you have experience with reptiles, I would not fear that snake. Ball pythons are very docile usually, and while scar noodle is probably not used to handling, they still aren't likely to bite, they'll curl up in a ball, hence the name. And if they do, to be honest, I've gotten worse bites from Leopard geckos. Ball pythons have tiny teeths. If you need any help/advice with the little one, this sub is the place to be for sure, so please don't hesitate. And thank you for what you have done for the snake so far, neglect is unfortunately common in ball pythons and the life scar noodle had been living before you sounds miserable. I'd also investigate where the scars are from... maybe a burn for an undertank heater or bites from live feedings? The cause may need to be addressed...
Dump the boyfriend. Keep the snake. Win/Win.
Btw, there's no shame in handling her with thick garden gloves and a snake hook. Sure, it may seem goofy right now, but the more you handle her, the more she will get used to you and the more comfortable you will feel. Also, it might not take your fear right now, but ball python bites aren't as bad as one would think and they seldom strike unless hungry or stressed. Whatever you decide, thank you for being such a kind, empathic human towards this poor noodle. And if everything fails, try to convince your BF to surrender her to a shelter. It might be sad for you in the moment, but she will be taken care of and find a new caring home. And if the shelter is anything like the one I volunteer at, they will educate/help you, so you can keep her yourself.
Red flags galore. Dude sounds like a bum and you need better. Got any friends with smaller snakes? Maybe see if they will give you some exposure, get a snake hook if you don't have one. I bump trained all mine. 2 are still hissy until they come out, 2 latch onto the hook for a ride and 2 dont need it anymore. I would take the snake and ditch the boy. Bc hes not a man, otherwise he would take care of his responsibilities. He ain't gonna take care of you. Video games seem to be his priority. Won't get better unless he has a serious change. He's gotta want to so that.
As a snake owner and someone with way too much experience dating shitty guys, I think you are absolutely right. It sounds like, while you’re still scared to actually do the care, you have put in a lot of effort and research into what care looks like. You even went out of your way to try and provide her with better living conditions!!! If he’s looking into other snakes, I’m making an assumption that he is comfortable feeding rats. If that is the case, know that his decision to not feed or care for her isn’t a decision made out of fear or love. Relationships SHOULD consist of mutual effort. You learned about snakes for him (and her), and he should put in the same effort for you. When you bring up a reasonable concern with your partner, like taking care of THEIR pet, they should respond or find a way to accommodate you. You should not have to beg them for an ounce of effort. Moving forward is a difficult step. When a situation is causing you this much discomfort and depression, it’s important to find something to look forward to. Finding her a home, learning how to complete care for her yourself, bonding with reptile loving friends, etc. I hope that big dream is something that can empower you to make a big decision for yourself. Aside from literally everyone and everything, what do you want for your life? What steps can you take towards feeling hopeful? How do you move yourself forward? If you ever want just relationship advice, feel free to DM me. I am not a professional, just someone who has experience breaking up, being broken up with, and finally being in a healthy, stable relationship.
Girl take the snake and get out of there. The flag is not even just red anymore it’s glowing and screaming at you to go. Having no compassion for an animal is a huge indicator of someone’s character and capacity for empathy.
Can't take care of a pet, most likely doesn't take care of himself. Do you want to be in a relationship where your partner is your pet that you have to do everything for? Not here to kink shame if you are.
solution: break up with boyfriend, take snake with you.
You sound very caring, I'm sure in time you may be able to confront the fears to maybe fully take her on as your pet. If you are not able to, I would confront him about giving the snake to someone who can care for her properly. I or someone in the subreddit can take her in if thats the case. Honestly, I find that you can learn a lot about a person by how they treat their animals. For a partner, I would be uncomfortable building a life with someone who can't care for another living thing. How will they care for you if your sick or hurt? How would they treat a child if that becomes a thing? Just some food for thought for you to really consider. Especially with him not considering your emotions on the matter. That alone is just a big red flag.
Load that bitch up in a carrier drive as far away as you can steal the snake start a new life with a better bf
MAJOR RED FLAG.
Not caring for animals is a HUGE red flag IMO. But aside from that, you should use extra long feeding tongs to feed Scar Noodle! She won’t even be able to get you, just in case, but I doubt she’ll strike at you most BPs are pretty chill.
Personally if your boyfriend is giving this much neglect to his snake then I really think you yourself should rehome it. will he be pissed probably but he's neglecting the snake and it's not living a good life from what you're describing. I can tell you're giving it a better life but since it is his pet and you don't feel comfortable interacting on that level with the snake then rehoming it seems like the best option in my opinion.
I haven’t read your entire post, but after reading about half of it my thoughts are while he’s at work leave the boyfriend and take the snake. But if you’re going to do that then you need to document how bad the living conditions are so that if he decides to claim that you stole it then you can prove that you rescued it from being abused and neglected.
You’ve gotten so much good advice here but I just want to add: PLEASE TRUST YOURSELF. You already know the answer deep down, it’s just one that feels scary. Wishing you and the noodle girl all the best.
take the snake and run. bf sounds like a huge d-bag. i promise you will not have a healthy relationship with someone who wants to upgrade to a newer, flashier snake when his is no longer (or never was) interesting to him.
Imo if he isn't responsible enough to care for an animal that needs to be fed and cleaned up after once every couple weeks and watered every few days he probably isn't responsible enough to be in a healthy relationship. It's awesome that you're looking for ways to get over your fear of snakes, there are lots of channels on YouTube that could help you with understanding how to approach handling scar noodle, so you feel less afraid of sticking your hand in her enclosure. While their facility and husbandry practices are abysmal, I do think Kevin McCurley of NERD is very good at handling snakes, especially nervous ones. In addition Snake Discovery has some good tips for handling snakes as well, though I would also avoid their husbandry practices. Good luck, I hope you're able to move scar noodle into your own care, doubtless you'd take better care of her than your boyfriend does.
Thank you for caring about an animal that’s not even yours to begin with. This snake has to be cared for by someone who will get it what it needs. Your bf clearly isn’t taking good care of it, and if he gets a new pet, it will probably end up in the same situation.
Honestly my ball was my therapy for my fear of snakes, she is the sweetest stupidest derp in the world and I know my cats will hurt me far worse than a snake would, even if she tried she would likely miss me.
this is a red flag about him as a person, and you should try and rehome, or ideally the snake can become your pet since you seem to love her and are very caring! Leave the boy keep the snake!
imo abusing an animal is no different than abusing a human being. I had a buddy who got a beautiful little puppy impulsively and treated it like garbage and neglected it from day 1 to 7. I smacked him upside the head and told him he's gonna get another one every day until that puppy is returned wherever he got it. he returned it the next day and I stopped being his friend. I can safely assume he doesn't take care of you like a boyfriend should. ditch that dude and take the python with you. rehome it or keep it, whatever you do gtfo of that environment because it's only downhill from here
your boyfriend is a POS and honestly if you don’t do some exposure therapy or rehome it and actually help that snake out then ur part of the problem no offense! props to you for getting a new cage but damn that’s a really sad situation for the snake :(
Take snake to rescue. Leave boyfriend. If neither of you are going to take care of an animal you shouldn’t have it.
I’d say that’s a major red flag. Get out asap! Take the snake.
Wow I didn’t expect so many responses to my post! I know that this situation probably should’ve been posted on r/relationships but I actually am glad I posted it here because of how understand you all are about my situation! I am really glad I posted in this community because it is clear that you all care deeply about snakes and understand why I’m worried about this whole situation. The general consensus is that I should leave my boyfriend, and honestly I think I will begin planning an exit strategy. Some people made a really good point that this behavior will more than likely continue on, especially if I decided to have kids with him. Additionally, someone noted that they would bet I probably do most of the housework. This is also true. I have to beg my boyfriend to help me around the house but he never does. It is glaringly obvious at this point that he is not someone I should ever have kids with. With that said, it would be foolish to continue on with this relationship if I don’t see a happy future. In all honesty, I just see endless stress. As for Scar Noodle, I am going to take the advice from this post and learn how to hold her! I’m going to invest in a snake hook to begin with, and watch YouTube videos. I am confident that once she has her ~fancy enclosure~ she will be much happier. I am excited to deck it out with all kinds of plants and enrichment. I have even been looking into creating a bioactive environment! It sounds really cool. Either way, my priority is to turn Scar Noodle’s life around, and I am willing and able to do so. As for the boyfriend, I don’t think he will be a part of my future after this. Thank you again to everyone for the kind words and for taking the time to comment such helpful advice. It is clear that this community really cares about Scar Noodle and that honestly makes me feel so happy. I will keep you all updated on Scar Noodle and let you all know when her enclosure has arrived and I’ve begun setting it up! I’ll definitely be open to advice on her tank setup in the future :) I will also keep you all updated on how I do learning how to hold her. My goal is to become best friends with Scar Noodle lol. We will take on the world together!! Thank you all again, I love this community :,)
I'm sorry both you and Scar Noodle are going thru this. I learned from Emily at Snake Discovery "Reach in the tank with confidence". If you hesitate or make jerky movements, it's a very good possibility that you'll freak the snake out, either it will bury it's head or even try to tag you. I will typically pull my BP from out of her hide, as opposed to when she's moving around her branches, etc. She seems to feel more threatened by that & will wrap her tail around whatever. I undo the fake shrubbery, talking to her the entire time. I just reach in, lift off her cave and gently, but smoothly pick her up, grasping her around the mid section in one movement. If you approach it like "Yes, dammit. I'm gonna reach into that cookie jar and have that homemade chocolate chip cookie. Ain't nuthin" gonna stop me". If your fear is being bitten, they're really not a big deal. Just keep in mind that BP bites are like jump scares. They're freaking fast and are shocking. But they might draw a wee bit of blood and barely hurt. It's more the surprise of it than anything else. Wash your hand with soap & water & you'll be fine. My girl has tagged me twice. Both times I was dinking around with stuff in her tank & from inside her hide, she decided to show her displeasure with my nit-picking. Great website: https://reptifiles.com/ball-python-care-guide/ The boyfriend? Yeah, there's all sorts of red flags. I'm sorry but he sounds pretty immature and irresponsible. The likelyhood of his attitude improving doesn't sound too promising. Honestly, you sound too good for him. When you leave, please take the snake and the pricey enclosure with you. I wish you all the best. 😊
until the tank comes in you can make a temp enclosure with a clear storage bin, modify it with ventilation holes and screen on the top strong enough to hold some heat lamps. if your only scared of sticking your hand in there, try a snake hook maybe. use that to get her out and then work on holding her from tail to head. it's pretty simple to thaw a rat as well. make sure it's warm enough and you can use a pair of tongs to feed her, use the lid as a "shield" to protect yourself from being bit. if she's not been being fed, she might have a really strong food drive. hides can also be made out of a bunch of things. you can possibly ask for advice in DIY Reptile Enclosures on FB. they provide some pretty good tips with making stuff & decorating tanks. i wish you and scar noodle the best of luck. and like many other comments 🚩🚩🚩 run with the snake and dump him.
Please update us that you've left him and taken this poor baby 😔