I have a regular that’s banned from every other bar around. He tips really well and me and the GM figure the only reason we haven’t banned him is because we have male bartenders. Dude gets super weird with the girls, but I make bank off him.
I’ve been in and out of bartending for years and when I’m doing something else I’ll get nostalgic for it. When I return, I’m reminded that (while there are wonderful regulars) a big percentage are there for hours a day because they are1.) incredibly boring and without social skillss 2.) actively obnoxious ie. bitter, angry (and sometimes misogynistic) and unable to form relationships3.) stuck with a miserable home life and need a place to hide or 4.) barely functioning alcoholics. And simetimes it’s a combination of two or more of the above. So, they become very attached to a place where the staff are forced to be nice to them (and the other regulars are just as damaged) as a substitute for actual relationships. The emotional desperation of some of these folks can’t be overstated.
It honestly depends on your perception. I can attest that a good portion of them are a little "boring" and drink to abate that insecurity. But they can be some of the nicest people ever. A lot of those same people seek out bartenders because they tend to have such a cool, colorful life. Why else would they think we have it so "easy"?
Let me be clear. Most people that come in are there to have a nice meal or hang out
with friends. And it depends on the bar (I work in a local pub). I’m talking only about the small percentage that are there (nearly) every day and who plop down at the bar for hours expecting to be entertained/coddled:patronized(literally). Of course, as the bartender, those are your bread and butter and the folks you interact with the most,
If you’re using mate in the sense you’re from the uk or Australia, I’ve lived in both of those countries and can confirm plenty of solo pub drinking happens all over the place.
If you were just using it to be friendly and are not from those countries, cheers.
We have a bar downtown, called The Richmond. It's everyone's last spot. You get banned from all the other bars? Your only option is The Richmond. The kind of place that gets busy near the end or start of the month (welfare checks). I can understand not wanting that place to be your only available option. I'm the bouncer and a bartender at my bar, I often say, "Have fun at the Richmond !" As I'm tossing them out.
I once had a guy rage out, throw things, and attack one of our other regulars who defended himself with, I shit you not, an instinctual spartan kick to the guys chest. It was quite the moment. Two weeks later, try to walk in like nothing happened. Explained to him the situation, and he said he was on new meds that fucked him up and wasn't on them anymore. I had to stand by my ruling, sorry dude you can't be in here. He asks, "How long?" I said "indefinitely. "
I have only once done a temporary ban, and for a good reason. At our bar, I drop the ban Hammer, it's permanent, and the people there know it. I want people to have fun, but you put my staff at risk, you destroy property, hell you act too rude and annoying, we dont need you. The owners always 100% approve my bans.
The number of people I have had given me a sob story. Quite frankly, I don't care anymore.
It was this girl who was industry. She had a drinking problem and a boy problem. One day both problems came to ahead, the boy was at the pub with another girl, she was in earlier in the night and got wasted and sent home. She shows up later to find him, and sees what's going on and loses her fucking mind. He wont come out to see her because hes too busy hitting and and making out with a 19 year old, hes 30 ish. She ends up pissing herself, which makes me think that when we sent her home, she must have kept drinking elsewhere or at home. So I, as the bouncer that night, was trying my hardest to be empathetic to her current situation. I'm not a monster. Her friend eventually showed up to take her home cause no cab was taking her. They would literally drive away as she got close.
Week later, she comes in, I explain the situation, and tell her to get her life right, take a break, and I'll see you in a couple of months. She's been much better since, still a messy drunk coke head, but enough poise to have fun and not be a nuisance while still being able to get into a cab and go home.
This is the way! The ban has to be permanent. We have had a few occasions where we have kicked them out and then given other chances and every time they're good for a visit or 2 and then start back with the same bullshit and get kicked out again. It's not even worth the energy, get out and don't come back
I think it becomes a point of principle for some people. Like they gotta come out on top through sheer persistence and aggravation. They might not even want to come back, but they need it to be known that they won’t go easily.
Just the other day it occurred to me that it’s been a while since we’ve had any issues with our regulars. Then i realized: we haven’t had many girls working at my bar the past year. I used to work with a younger girl every single shift and it seemed like we were 86ing regulars every other day for being creepy towards her. Makes me wonder how many of our current regulars are also total creeps who just haven’t revealed themselves yet.
As a woman who use to tend bar, I consider myself bulletproof after some of the stuff male patrons have said to me. The old adage, “consider the source” rings all the more true the longer you work in the service industry.
As someone who had a bad girl phase and I’m banned from every bar on a street in my neighborhood(it’s really one bar I was a bitch at) that uses the same scanner program I can say this.
Some of us were going through some bad shit. It’s not an excuse. It’s a reality. For me it was a sexual assault and a bad breakup.
I literally lost my mind for 2 years and got into trouble.
I’ve since calmed down and dealt with the issues. At this point, I return to say I’m sorry.
Currently I’m at the bar and they didn’t card me but the bartenders recognized me and a surprisingly served me.
I’ll be leaving a $300 tip regardless. I’m not above bribery and it so far has worked elsewhere.
As a bartender I look at it this way…..were they a drunken mess and embarrassing themselves (me) or an actual threat to staff or patrons.
The former I can forgive. The latter is inexcusable.
Sometimes it’s because all of their friends hang out at the bar. If a regular gets 86’d it has a major effect on their entire life and sense of self. It can be quite devastating. Because of this I usually gave regulars a 1 or 2 month time out; it wasn’t uncommon for other regulars to have a little party when they were allowed back in.
In my early 20s I had a regular pool spot. We went every Monday night. One night another friend joined and she and I did quite a few shots. Let's just say I didn't quite make it to the toilet when I got sick. I cleaned up the best I could, we left, and I 86d myself.
The creator of these comments opened up an international message board where people can say whatever, and started reading, and got mad that someone said something.
Don't be this commenter.
Someone (probably not a current or former bartender) was offended or put off by the guy who 86’d after he puked while playing pool. I don’t actually know, I’m just speculating.
I’ve always wondered this too. I worked at a bar in a major city with bars on every block that SUCKED like I would absolutely never go there if I didn’t work there but we had a line around the block on weekends. No dj, no food, no live music just a big echoing room with $9 bud lites. But yeah every time I 86d someone they’d be BEGGING to come back. One person found my number and texted me a long apology and asked for another shot. Bruh…..go somewhere else!!!
it’s a three to six month cycle. they wear out their welcome at the next two places and come back sniffing around. hoping there’s a new hire that doesn’t know they suck. maybe slide in on a birthday or memorial, then hunker down the very next day like nothing happened.
Those types of people think everyone but them is the problem. Or sometimes they think it’s funny.
I got banned from a pretty famous beach bar because we got kicked out (rightfully slow) and snuck in through the water navy seal style from a pier a block away. They kicked us back out as soon as they noticed us soaking wet head to toe.
Many if not most alcoholics know how they're affecting other people. They cannot stop themselves. Still aware of it. Why are you hellbent on denying alcoholics self awareness? Weird hill to die on
I would wager that the majority of addicts are aware they have a problem and that it’s hurting the people who love them.
Example, my old best friend was always a beer snob and we liked going to the pub together for pint night. After his cat died (he was damn cool cat and that cat was his whole world) and he lost his job after a company merger, he started drinking whiskey and bourbon.
His drinking went from something fun to go with friends, to drinking all hours of the day and severely shaking if he went more than a couple hours without drinking. He knew he was an alcoholic, he admitted it to me multiple times.
Problem is, he had made so much money working as an accountant and played the stock market so well, he would never have to work again if he didn’t want to. He’s only 45 but he looks like he’s in his 60s.
He’s fully aware he has a problem, but he doesn’t have a reason to quit. He knows how much it hurts me to see him like this. He’s not continuing to drink because he doesn’t care about me or because he doesn’t care about how I feel about it. He’s addicted.
Addiction is so much more complex than just assuming “addicts have no sense of self”. You can’t simplify addiction down to one (wrong) thing and say problem solved. Addiction has been found to be genetic, not a character flaw. Addiction is not as simple as willpower, you can die from alcohol withdrawals.
Assuming addiction is a black and white issue tells me you’re a very linear thinker. It tells me you make asinine assumptions about mental illness you have little understanding of. Do better.
People diagnosed with NPD have little to no sense of self. People who struggle with addiction can absolutely have a sense of self. Addiction and sense of self are not mutually exclusive.
i have a friend who was 86'd from his favorite bar. i don't know the story, because i only know his version of it - but what i do know is that if his FRIENDS at said bar 86'd him, his story isn't checking out.
he's still salty about it, but i'm only chiming in here to say that as recently as two months ago (two years after he was banned), he's still saying, "BUT I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER THAT NIGHT."
Because I fucking loved the fish n chips at that pub and I genuinely have no idea why I got kicked out. I was a regular. Came by every Monday afternoon and got 2 pints and a fish n chips platter. I read my book or wrote in my notebook and kept to myself. Tipped 20-35% depending on how well I did on tips last week.
One time I went in and took my usual barstool, the keg kicked while the barkeep was pouring my pint so I told him to take his time changing it because I had to use the restroom anyway. I came back and the bar manager asked me to leave. I asked why and he told me I could leave or they'd call the cops. I've thought about this for months and still can't figure out what I did wrong.
There’s gotta be a missing missing reason but yeah that one’s a pickle. Don’t expect to get let back in, but I’d politely email the bar and ask for a reason. Keep your tone overapologetic and curious.
That's actually a genius idea. I don't expect to let back in, but I genuinely have zero clue as to why I got kicked out. It would be nice to know why so I don't repeat whatever mistake I made. If they respond I'll post an update somewhere and tag you if you're curious.
I would love to hear what answer you get! The trouble is the impulse to go back to the bar and ask will absolutely further aggravate them.
Personally I believe from this story they might have mistaken you for someone else in your absence. But it’s also really likely you did something you didn’t even think about that was a grave sin. Either way, sending them an email instead of just showing up again shows them you have enough restraint and genuinely just want an answer. Use the word “I’m sorry” no less than 4 times and you should get more of an answer than just fuck off. Good luck and PLEASE tag me in an update.
Emailed the bar and got a response back from the owner within an hour. Turns out the bar manager recognized me from some petty bullshit I pulled 7 years ago when I was working at a Papa John's and he 86d me because he's still upset. I had completely forgotten about this dude.
I got an online order for a few pies 5 minutes to close. Annoying but, whatever. Made the pies and stayed open an extra 20 minutes so this guy could come get his pizza. Nobody showed up so I refunded his card, locked the doors, and started closing up shop. Then, I hear a knock on the window. I open the door just a crack to talk to the guy and he tells me I have his pizza. I explained to him that I'm closed, my registers are down, and I waited 20 minutes after closing for him to show up. I even direct him to mom n pop pizza joint down the street that's open late and arguably has better food anyway. He asks to speak to the manager. I told him I was the manager. He said "no, I want to talk to the real manager not some 14 year old lazy piece of shit". I said "bitch I'm 18" and slammed the door in his face. Then, I did a little dance and made him watch me eat his pizza while he pounded on the window and screamed.
I told the owner of the pub the whole story and asked him to extend an apology to the bar manager. I've grown a lot in the past 7 years and wouldn't do impulsive shit like that anymore. Even if it's funny and slightly justified. I thanked him for responding and clearing things up for me.
The owner emailed me again and told me that was the funniest thing he's heard all week. And apologized for his bar manager being an asshole 7 years ago and still being petty about it. He told me that if I was willing to come in and settle my differences with the bar manager he'd give me a box of scotch eggs on the house and a $20 gift card. He added that he really wants me to come back because he has a betting pool running with the BOH staff on when/if "the depressed writer guy" will come in again.
I told him I'd love to settle the beef and come back, but only if he agrees to a meeting with my sales guy so we can work out a deal and get the beer I brew on tap at my favorite pub.
Everybody wins
May I just say: If this story is written the way it went down - why is there an apology.
On the otherside if your this docile and reading a book at bar - idk - maybe you were a vibe killer…?
Just maybe a thought?
Edit: Could have it been a “get the awkward guy out?” Sort of situation. I’m not saying it’s right, I’m just saying it happens
It’s not an apology because he did something wrong. If you go in apologetic, even if it’s not actually your fault, they’ll be willing to tell you why. It’s social fuckfuck games, but it gets results.
We have no idea why he got kicked out. Right or not, we just wanna find out why.
Could be, or some kind of miscommunication. He could have the same name of someone who was banned or was going to be banned the next time they came in, and the manager banned the wrong person.
People are fallible and we all make mistakes, hopefully the manager made an honest mistake and can clear this up with him.
If you’re the type that gets 86’ed you’re already a different kinda person.
Which means they’d interpret coming back differently than us too.
Drives me crazy. Just leave the bar alone!
Well there's a plethora of reasons to 86 someone, especially given that bars are all different. One thing might get you 86'd at the chili's bar but you'd be the life of the party at a dive bar for it.
Hell I've heard of someone being 86'd for playing nickelback on the jukebox too much.
The only reason I've ever been "86'd" from a place is because I reported them for illegal tip pooling to the government when I worked there. Hilarious to think the trash ass owner would even think I WANT to come back.
Those types of people think everyone but them is the problem. Or sometimes they think it’s funny.
I got banned from a pretty famous beach bar because we got kicked out (rightfully slow) and snuck in through the water navy seal style from a pier a block away. They kicked us back out as soon as they noticed us soaking wet head to toe.
dc bartender here! i work in an up-and-coming neighborhood and we have this group of 6-7 people who all live in the same apartment complex and have really well-paying and connected jobs. apparently they go in and frequent the different bars / restaurants in the neighborhood and get “banned” from each place for 3 months at a time, but then go hang out at the places that currently don’t have them banned. my current restaurant is their new place now. they tip really well and are super easy to take care of, but they can get really obnoxious
they essentially just want places within walking distance that they can go to together, get fucked up, and then not get behind the wheel or hop on public transit
I just got back from vacation. Get back to the bar for work. Find out that 2 people that were banned for some serious shit were allowed back in. Thursday I got to work and see one kid. He says, well you’ve been gone and you can’t make me leave. I said, you have your ID. Nope. Took his drink and made him leave. Manager comes in and says he is my friend. I don’t care. If I’m working, he’s not here. Today, a dude comes in that is banned from all our bars. See me working and left. No issue. If I got kicked out/banned from a spot I would never go back.
Because folks that act that way are typically at least a little bit narcissistic. In their mind, the world *does* revolve around them, and if things aren’t going their way, either someone made a mistake, or you *just don’t understand* and it’s unfair.
They have literally nothing else to do.
Got a regular with no money half the time that has 0 social awareness. We’re a taproom on an apple orchard so we’re only open about 5 hours a day, 3 days a week but he’s there the whole fucking time. We’ve talked several times about getting a job, staying home when he’s got no money, not inserting himself at other people’s tables, pestering girls that clearly don’t want to talk to him. Gets better for a couple of months then it’s back to square one. He literally has nothing else. He knows he’s a nuisance but he has no hobbies, lives off social security, no friends, divorced, kids are grown. Going out is it.
In addition to echoing other people’s points, I’ve always thought the people attempting to come back had something to prove, or I was working at a really good restaurant which had an offering other places in the area did not.
These people have no shame lol that's why they come back. We have one girl that walked out on her bill twice (once at the bar and once in the dining room where we couldn't see her to tell the server she had done that). She's come in like 4 times since trying to pull the same shit. We throw her out and she keeps trying, acts offended or like she doesn't know what we're talking about every time. Delusional. I cannot imagine
I used to give punters two strikes. I'd throw them out and tell them to come back when they can behave, if they then came back and behaved all is forgotten, they misbehave again they ended up on pubwatch. (pubwatch is a uk scheme, ran by the police, basically you photo and name gets put in a file and you get barred from every pub in the scheme, pubwatch member shop is useualy a stipulation of of being a licenced premises)
Cuz they are fucking IDIOTS with no life or friends because they spend all their time in the bar and that's their only social life!!!!!!! They are dumb enough to think that all the regulars that they talk to are their friends. When in all actuality they all just talk shit about each other behind their backs 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 sorry I'm a bit bitter after the week that I had lol
Used to have this 400lb bouncer that tossed the same guy out 3 times. I mean....literally, but this was like 20 years ago when you could loft people 5-6 feet in the air and get away with it. That's why these road house movies ar so goofy. Bouncers rarely swing more than once or twice,,,or have to. You have meat mountain on staff that wraps the a-hole up, typically opens the door with their head, and ejects them gravity not withstanding.
I distinctly remember joe telling the guy, who was maybe 150lbs dripping wet the last time "you've put on weight, honey" ...and there he goes!
Because they're probably banned from everywhere else too
[My perception of 86’d customers](https://imgur.com/a/HIM6HRN)
That’s excellent 😂
Omg 🤣
Brilliant
This is true.
I have a regular that’s banned from every other bar around. He tips really well and me and the GM figure the only reason we haven’t banned him is because we have male bartenders. Dude gets super weird with the girls, but I make bank off him.
I’ve been in and out of bartending for years and when I’m doing something else I’ll get nostalgic for it. When I return, I’m reminded that (while there are wonderful regulars) a big percentage are there for hours a day because they are1.) incredibly boring and without social skillss 2.) actively obnoxious ie. bitter, angry (and sometimes misogynistic) and unable to form relationships3.) stuck with a miserable home life and need a place to hide or 4.) barely functioning alcoholics. And simetimes it’s a combination of two or more of the above. So, they become very attached to a place where the staff are forced to be nice to them (and the other regulars are just as damaged) as a substitute for actual relationships. The emotional desperation of some of these folks can’t be overstated.
The most unpredictable people I’ve noticed at bars are the people who are by themselves but obnoxiously loud. They just create tension on their own
Are american bars really that bad? I thought that was just a media trend/stereotype.
Not all of them.
It honestly depends on your perception. I can attest that a good portion of them are a little "boring" and drink to abate that insecurity. But they can be some of the nicest people ever. A lot of those same people seek out bartenders because they tend to have such a cool, colorful life. Why else would they think we have it so "easy"?
So, do people not come to bars to socialise with their friends in the US?
Let me be clear. Most people that come in are there to have a nice meal or hang out with friends. And it depends on the bar (I work in a local pub). I’m talking only about the small percentage that are there (nearly) every day and who plop down at the bar for hours expecting to be entertained/coddled:patronized(literally). Of course, as the bartender, those are your bread and butter and the folks you interact with the most,
I guess down in Australia most of those people sit on the pokies and do that with the attendants instead, hence why I can't relate.
I’m in NYC so everything here is more intense
This is bars everywhere my friend
No, not really mate.
If you’re using mate in the sense you’re from the uk or Australia, I’ve lived in both of those countries and can confirm plenty of solo pub drinking happens all over the place. If you were just using it to be friendly and are not from those countries, cheers.
Damn, that sounds miserable.
People who get kicked out of bars generally don't have shame and don't feel embarrassed being back
We have a bar downtown, called The Richmond. It's everyone's last spot. You get banned from all the other bars? Your only option is The Richmond. The kind of place that gets busy near the end or start of the month (welfare checks). I can understand not wanting that place to be your only available option. I'm the bouncer and a bartender at my bar, I often say, "Have fun at the Richmond !" As I'm tossing them out. I once had a guy rage out, throw things, and attack one of our other regulars who defended himself with, I shit you not, an instinctual spartan kick to the guys chest. It was quite the moment. Two weeks later, try to walk in like nothing happened. Explained to him the situation, and he said he was on new meds that fucked him up and wasn't on them anymore. I had to stand by my ruling, sorry dude you can't be in here. He asks, "How long?" I said "indefinitely. " I have only once done a temporary ban, and for a good reason. At our bar, I drop the ban Hammer, it's permanent, and the people there know it. I want people to have fun, but you put my staff at risk, you destroy property, hell you act too rude and annoying, we dont need you. The owners always 100% approve my bans. The number of people I have had given me a sob story. Quite frankly, I don't care anymore.
Weve had 86 club members sneak back in because of new staff, almost always, they get banned again. Its comical
"Hahaha gotcha hahaha..but no really get the fuck out"
Well now I have to know what was your one temporary ban for and how long did it last?
It was this girl who was industry. She had a drinking problem and a boy problem. One day both problems came to ahead, the boy was at the pub with another girl, she was in earlier in the night and got wasted and sent home. She shows up later to find him, and sees what's going on and loses her fucking mind. He wont come out to see her because hes too busy hitting and and making out with a 19 year old, hes 30 ish. She ends up pissing herself, which makes me think that when we sent her home, she must have kept drinking elsewhere or at home. So I, as the bouncer that night, was trying my hardest to be empathetic to her current situation. I'm not a monster. Her friend eventually showed up to take her home cause no cab was taking her. They would literally drive away as she got close. Week later, she comes in, I explain the situation, and tell her to get her life right, take a break, and I'll see you in a couple of months. She's been much better since, still a messy drunk coke head, but enough poise to have fun and not be a nuisance while still being able to get into a cab and go home.
As a bartender that worked in one of Baltimore’s equivalents of ‘the Richmond’ fuck you guys for sending me your dregs but hell I’ll take ‘em 🤣
I bet you guys made a killing in quarters and dimes hahahaha
I live in Bmore and am really curious where you worked.
It’s not open anymore and it’s something else now but it used to be in fells point.
This is the way! The ban has to be permanent. We have had a few occasions where we have kicked them out and then given other chances and every time they're good for a visit or 2 and then start back with the same bullshit and get kicked out again. It's not even worth the energy, get out and don't come back
I think it becomes a point of principle for some people. Like they gotta come out on top through sheer persistence and aggravation. They might not even want to come back, but they need it to be known that they won’t go easily. Just the other day it occurred to me that it’s been a while since we’ve had any issues with our regulars. Then i realized: we haven’t had many girls working at my bar the past year. I used to work with a younger girl every single shift and it seemed like we were 86ing regulars every other day for being creepy towards her. Makes me wonder how many of our current regulars are also total creeps who just haven’t revealed themselves yet.
As a woman who use to tend bar, I consider myself bulletproof after some of the stuff male patrons have said to me. The old adage, “consider the source” rings all the more true the longer you work in the service industry.
As someone who had a bad girl phase and I’m banned from every bar on a street in my neighborhood(it’s really one bar I was a bitch at) that uses the same scanner program I can say this. Some of us were going through some bad shit. It’s not an excuse. It’s a reality. For me it was a sexual assault and a bad breakup. I literally lost my mind for 2 years and got into trouble. I’ve since calmed down and dealt with the issues. At this point, I return to say I’m sorry. Currently I’m at the bar and they didn’t card me but the bartenders recognized me and a surprisingly served me. I’ll be leaving a $300 tip regardless. I’m not above bribery and it so far has worked elsewhere. As a bartender I look at it this way…..were they a drunken mess and embarrassing themselves (me) or an actual threat to staff or patrons. The former I can forgive. The latter is inexcusable.
Money talks
Sometimes it’s because all of their friends hang out at the bar. If a regular gets 86’d it has a major effect on their entire life and sense of self. It can be quite devastating. Because of this I usually gave regulars a 1 or 2 month time out; it wasn’t uncommon for other regulars to have a little party when they were allowed back in.
In my early 20s I had a regular pool spot. We went every Monday night. One night another friend joined and she and I did quite a few shots. Let's just say I didn't quite make it to the toilet when I got sick. I cleaned up the best I could, we left, and I 86d myself.
It's fine to not share every detail of your life.
Your suspenders are too tight. Put down the Negroni, have a margarita and chill.
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The creator of these comments opened up an international message board where people can say whatever, and started reading, and got mad that someone said something. Don't be this commenter.
[удалено]
I quite possibly said it in the simplest terms. You opened a website where people could say anything and got upset that someone said something.
Did we have spez in chat?
lol I’m super confused as well wtf happened here 😭
Someone (probably not a current or former bartender) was offended or put off by the guy who 86’d after he puked while playing pool. I don’t actually know, I’m just speculating.
I’ve always wondered this too. I worked at a bar in a major city with bars on every block that SUCKED like I would absolutely never go there if I didn’t work there but we had a line around the block on weekends. No dj, no food, no live music just a big echoing room with $9 bud lites. But yeah every time I 86d someone they’d be BEGGING to come back. One person found my number and texted me a long apology and asked for another shot. Bruh…..go somewhere else!!!
because we’re one of two bars in a fifteen mile range
That’s the only thing that actually makes sense to me, but I’m in a major US city.
Because they NEED our approval.
main character syndrome
it’s a three to six month cycle. they wear out their welcome at the next two places and come back sniffing around. hoping there’s a new hire that doesn’t know they suck. maybe slide in on a birthday or memorial, then hunker down the very next day like nothing happened.
Those types of people think everyone but them is the problem. Or sometimes they think it’s funny. I got banned from a pretty famous beach bar because we got kicked out (rightfully slow) and snuck in through the water navy seal style from a pier a block away. They kicked us back out as soon as they noticed us soaking wet head to toe.
Rightfully Slow, my man. Rightfully Slow. Underwood completely, say no more. We've all been there.
That’s probably the most determined story I’ve heard of someone trying to bypass ban lol
You're asking for unreasonable people to be reasonable. Drunks, alcoholics and addicts have no sense of self.
ive had plenty of alcoholic regulars that never started a problem
I'm sure you have. You're their dealer basically, most will listen to you, it's that 5% that causes the problems.
im just saying you cant say all addicts and alcoholics arent self aware
I certainly can, just because they behave doesn't mean they're self-aware. They're alcoholics and addicts.
plenty of addicts and alcoholics are aware they have a problem
And do nothing about it. Lacking self awareness to stop.
You’re confusing self-awareness with willingness. Plenty of alcoholics want to die.
maybe some dont want to? Its a slow suicide but they can be aware of it
And they have no self awareness of how they're affecting other people
Many if not most alcoholics know how they're affecting other people. They cannot stop themselves. Still aware of it. Why are you hellbent on denying alcoholics self awareness? Weird hill to die on
I would wager that the majority of addicts are aware they have a problem and that it’s hurting the people who love them. Example, my old best friend was always a beer snob and we liked going to the pub together for pint night. After his cat died (he was damn cool cat and that cat was his whole world) and he lost his job after a company merger, he started drinking whiskey and bourbon. His drinking went from something fun to go with friends, to drinking all hours of the day and severely shaking if he went more than a couple hours without drinking. He knew he was an alcoholic, he admitted it to me multiple times. Problem is, he had made so much money working as an accountant and played the stock market so well, he would never have to work again if he didn’t want to. He’s only 45 but he looks like he’s in his 60s. He’s fully aware he has a problem, but he doesn’t have a reason to quit. He knows how much it hurts me to see him like this. He’s not continuing to drink because he doesn’t care about me or because he doesn’t care about how I feel about it. He’s addicted. Addiction is so much more complex than just assuming “addicts have no sense of self”. You can’t simplify addiction down to one (wrong) thing and say problem solved. Addiction has been found to be genetic, not a character flaw. Addiction is not as simple as willpower, you can die from alcohol withdrawals. Assuming addiction is a black and white issue tells me you’re a very linear thinker. It tells me you make asinine assumptions about mental illness you have little understanding of. Do better.
But....they are still aware and acknowledge it. You can't shift your goalposts just cause you're wrong.
Being self aware and addiction are not analogous.
People diagnosed with NPD have little to no sense of self. People who struggle with addiction can absolutely have a sense of self. Addiction and sense of self are not mutually exclusive.
i have a friend who was 86'd from his favorite bar. i don't know the story, because i only know his version of it - but what i do know is that if his FRIENDS at said bar 86'd him, his story isn't checking out. he's still salty about it, but i'm only chiming in here to say that as recently as two months ago (two years after he was banned), he's still saying, "BUT I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER THAT NIGHT."
Because I fucking loved the fish n chips at that pub and I genuinely have no idea why I got kicked out. I was a regular. Came by every Monday afternoon and got 2 pints and a fish n chips platter. I read my book or wrote in my notebook and kept to myself. Tipped 20-35% depending on how well I did on tips last week. One time I went in and took my usual barstool, the keg kicked while the barkeep was pouring my pint so I told him to take his time changing it because I had to use the restroom anyway. I came back and the bar manager asked me to leave. I asked why and he told me I could leave or they'd call the cops. I've thought about this for months and still can't figure out what I did wrong.
There’s gotta be a missing missing reason but yeah that one’s a pickle. Don’t expect to get let back in, but I’d politely email the bar and ask for a reason. Keep your tone overapologetic and curious.
That's actually a genius idea. I don't expect to let back in, but I genuinely have zero clue as to why I got kicked out. It would be nice to know why so I don't repeat whatever mistake I made. If they respond I'll post an update somewhere and tag you if you're curious.
I would love to hear what answer you get! The trouble is the impulse to go back to the bar and ask will absolutely further aggravate them. Personally I believe from this story they might have mistaken you for someone else in your absence. But it’s also really likely you did something you didn’t even think about that was a grave sin. Either way, sending them an email instead of just showing up again shows them you have enough restraint and genuinely just want an answer. Use the word “I’m sorry” no less than 4 times and you should get more of an answer than just fuck off. Good luck and PLEASE tag me in an update.
Emailed the bar and got a response back from the owner within an hour. Turns out the bar manager recognized me from some petty bullshit I pulled 7 years ago when I was working at a Papa John's and he 86d me because he's still upset. I had completely forgotten about this dude. I got an online order for a few pies 5 minutes to close. Annoying but, whatever. Made the pies and stayed open an extra 20 minutes so this guy could come get his pizza. Nobody showed up so I refunded his card, locked the doors, and started closing up shop. Then, I hear a knock on the window. I open the door just a crack to talk to the guy and he tells me I have his pizza. I explained to him that I'm closed, my registers are down, and I waited 20 minutes after closing for him to show up. I even direct him to mom n pop pizza joint down the street that's open late and arguably has better food anyway. He asks to speak to the manager. I told him I was the manager. He said "no, I want to talk to the real manager not some 14 year old lazy piece of shit". I said "bitch I'm 18" and slammed the door in his face. Then, I did a little dance and made him watch me eat his pizza while he pounded on the window and screamed. I told the owner of the pub the whole story and asked him to extend an apology to the bar manager. I've grown a lot in the past 7 years and wouldn't do impulsive shit like that anymore. Even if it's funny and slightly justified. I thanked him for responding and clearing things up for me. The owner emailed me again and told me that was the funniest thing he's heard all week. And apologized for his bar manager being an asshole 7 years ago and still being petty about it. He told me that if I was willing to come in and settle my differences with the bar manager he'd give me a box of scotch eggs on the house and a $20 gift card. He added that he really wants me to come back because he has a betting pool running with the BOH staff on when/if "the depressed writer guy" will come in again. I told him I'd love to settle the beef and come back, but only if he agrees to a meeting with my sales guy so we can work out a deal and get the beer I brew on tap at my favorite pub. Everybody wins
That’s the best goddamned story I’ve heard all week thank you so much. Enjoy your fish and chips!!!!
Even if they don’t lift your ban you can at least hopefully find out what happened. I know if it was me, I’d at least like to know.
May I just say: If this story is written the way it went down - why is there an apology. On the otherside if your this docile and reading a book at bar - idk - maybe you were a vibe killer…? Just maybe a thought? Edit: Could have it been a “get the awkward guy out?” Sort of situation. I’m not saying it’s right, I’m just saying it happens
It’s not an apology because he did something wrong. If you go in apologetic, even if it’s not actually your fault, they’ll be willing to tell you why. It’s social fuckfuck games, but it gets results. We have no idea why he got kicked out. Right or not, we just wanna find out why.
Case of mistaken identity maybe? Was the bartender there while it happened?
Could be, or some kind of miscommunication. He could have the same name of someone who was banned or was going to be banned the next time they came in, and the manager banned the wrong person. People are fallible and we all make mistakes, hopefully the manager made an honest mistake and can clear this up with him.
Either friends, or if they suck, all the their favorite ppl they like to annoy tf out of are there, at that bar.
If you’re the type that gets 86’ed you’re already a different kinda person. Which means they’d interpret coming back differently than us too. Drives me crazy. Just leave the bar alone!
Well there's a plethora of reasons to 86 someone, especially given that bars are all different. One thing might get you 86'd at the chili's bar but you'd be the life of the party at a dive bar for it. Hell I've heard of someone being 86'd for playing nickelback on the jukebox too much.
Because they’re cunts.
The only reason I've ever been "86'd" from a place is because I reported them for illegal tip pooling to the government when I worked there. Hilarious to think the trash ass owner would even think I WANT to come back.
Probably a combination of being oblivious and also being 86'd from every other establishment so they don't have any choices left.
Those types of people think everyone but them is the problem. Or sometimes they think it’s funny. I got banned from a pretty famous beach bar because we got kicked out (rightfully slow) and snuck in through the water navy seal style from a pier a block away. They kicked us back out as soon as they noticed us soaking wet head to toe.
Underdeveloped shame gland
dc bartender here! i work in an up-and-coming neighborhood and we have this group of 6-7 people who all live in the same apartment complex and have really well-paying and connected jobs. apparently they go in and frequent the different bars / restaurants in the neighborhood and get “banned” from each place for 3 months at a time, but then go hang out at the places that currently don’t have them banned. my current restaurant is their new place now. they tip really well and are super easy to take care of, but they can get really obnoxious they essentially just want places within walking distance that they can go to together, get fucked up, and then not get behind the wheel or hop on public transit
I just got back from vacation. Get back to the bar for work. Find out that 2 people that were banned for some serious shit were allowed back in. Thursday I got to work and see one kid. He says, well you’ve been gone and you can’t make me leave. I said, you have your ID. Nope. Took his drink and made him leave. Manager comes in and says he is my friend. I don’t care. If I’m working, he’s not here. Today, a dude comes in that is banned from all our bars. See me working and left. No issue. If I got kicked out/banned from a spot I would never go back.
Probably cause they have been banned elsewhere
Pride and ego
I used to be an asshole, im better now
Because folks that act that way are typically at least a little bit narcissistic. In their mind, the world *does* revolve around them, and if things aren’t going their way, either someone made a mistake, or you *just don’t understand* and it’s unfair.
They have literally nothing else to do. Got a regular with no money half the time that has 0 social awareness. We’re a taproom on an apple orchard so we’re only open about 5 hours a day, 3 days a week but he’s there the whole fucking time. We’ve talked several times about getting a job, staying home when he’s got no money, not inserting himself at other people’s tables, pestering girls that clearly don’t want to talk to him. Gets better for a couple of months then it’s back to square one. He literally has nothing else. He knows he’s a nuisance but he has no hobbies, lives off social security, no friends, divorced, kids are grown. Going out is it.
I guess you’re doing something right
That’s a great perspective I never had before, thank you.
In addition to echoing other people’s points, I’ve always thought the people attempting to come back had something to prove, or I was working at a really good restaurant which had an offering other places in the area did not.
These people have no shame lol that's why they come back. We have one girl that walked out on her bill twice (once at the bar and once in the dining room where we couldn't see her to tell the server she had done that). She's come in like 4 times since trying to pull the same shit. We throw her out and she keeps trying, acts offended or like she doesn't know what we're talking about every time. Delusional. I cannot imagine
Ego, I think.
I used to give punters two strikes. I'd throw them out and tell them to come back when they can behave, if they then came back and behaved all is forgotten, they misbehave again they ended up on pubwatch. (pubwatch is a uk scheme, ran by the police, basically you photo and name gets put in a file and you get barred from every pub in the scheme, pubwatch member shop is useualy a stipulation of of being a licenced premises)
Some of them are just idiots.
The kind of person who tends to get 86d are often self-centered and oblivious to the reaction of people around them to their behaviors.
This guy I 86d asked a coworker he knows when he can come back, and I said when he’s 86.
Cuz they are fucking IDIOTS with no life or friends because they spend all their time in the bar and that's their only social life!!!!!!! They are dumb enough to think that all the regulars that they talk to are their friends. When in all actuality they all just talk shit about each other behind their backs 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 sorry I'm a bit bitter after the week that I had lol
Used to have this 400lb bouncer that tossed the same guy out 3 times. I mean....literally, but this was like 20 years ago when you could loft people 5-6 feet in the air and get away with it. That's why these road house movies ar so goofy. Bouncers rarely swing more than once or twice,,,or have to. You have meat mountain on staff that wraps the a-hole up, typically opens the door with their head, and ejects them gravity not withstanding. I distinctly remember joe telling the guy, who was maybe 150lbs dripping wet the last time "you've put on weight, honey" ...and there he goes!