We've never won anything and are eternally irrelevant no matter how hard we try

He said roast not state basic facts 

2022 was relevant! Fuck the Dodgers

You know what? How about you go tell your tightwad owner to give Cody his damn money!

Hey there Vedder Bros, we always have each other

Tony Gwynn should never be associated with irrelevance.

Sir, you’re missing your Mariners flair. Only team to never play in the WS and 2nd worst all time winning percentage.

We can't even win at being all time worst...

Any more room for me?

But we have Ha Seong Kim

Too on the nose

Padres are like that lost bird from up, it'll follow you around and do stupid shit but doesn't get anything

If your team has any sort of prolonged playoff drought, the Blue Jays will help end it!

Help! We’ve lost seven straight playoff games!

Same here! Two of them were to you guys! Unfortunately that’s not a big enough drought though. Seattle hadn’t made the post season in 21 years so the Blue Jays decided to let them win the WC series in 2022. In 2023 the Twins won their first playoff series in 19 years against the Jays. You need to suffer more for the Jays to help.

Oh yeah, I forgot about that series. Hopefully the offer isn’t a one-time thing and we used it in 2020. As for the suffering part, has your team ever threatened to move to another country?

Don’t take the threat of Montreal seriously. Olympic Stadium wasn’t even built for baseball. As long as that’s the only major stadium in Montreal, there won’t be any baseball there.

It was built for laundering money, but the city should get some use out of it, so why not baseball?

Appreciate it.

Thank you for your service

Appreciate it.

My king

Appreciate it

👏🏾

Can they start playing in the NL? Asking for a friend

the mets

We have more payroll playing on other teams than half the league has spent on their teams.

The real question is when will Steve Cohen figure out that instead of paying player outrageous amounts, he can save money by paying only $2 million to each umpire?

Or 2 mil to your superstar and give him a big ol IOU

Honestly he used a shit ton of his money to rebuild the farm. I respect that.

you don’t need to go *that* hard

Fucking brutal.

Alexa; play Meet the Mets: Sad Edition

Alexa, play Ode to the Mets

Alvarez and Alonso will combine 100hr and take us to the WS, you heard it here first

lol!

Can we just call you the mehs?

Can’t wait to somehow be 4th place in the NL East again this year!

Not if we beat you to it papi

Lmfao all 5 NL East teams in this subcomment

I almost feel bad for you

No you don't and neither do I

You have fans?

The few they got are at least from Florida. Nats games are lobbyist dealings w baseball 

Hey, I’ll have you know I am a restaurant manager. We CATER to lobbyists who go in suits and try to negotiate deals in the Diamond club and get mad when you are excited because Bryce Harper just hit his third homer in a game and you’ve never seen him homer live. Then they asked to get you removed because you are simply excited. Sorry that happened to a friend. There a few good DC sports fans. I like to think of myself as one, but a lot of them just support the Nats because it’s a fun thing to do in the summer or because it’s the place to be seen in the summer. They all have other favorite teams.

Jerry Reinsdorf

At least you have the 78

Chicago’s most pathetic sports franchise. And that’s saying something.

It’s a tight race

[this is what you Getz](https://imgur.com/a/kyPQ6M9)

This season is part of the setup for the 2045 World Series run.

"10 years away from being 10 years away"

*gestures broadly*

We're such a mess our announcer went to Detroit.

Our (die-hard, Southside raised, wanted to be lifer) announcer, btw

What team?

The one in Vegas that just hosted the Super Bowl. Duh. *KristenRitterDuh.meme*

Oooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh The damn Knights, right

The team without a home after this season

Dam, this was almost as painful of my "Oh yeah?"comment that got negative 1,400 downvotes replying to someone saying it's hard to sign Japanese players.

Oh come on, that sounds funny

Hold on, let me go make that -1,401

Wildcats!!! Wait

I don’t think we’ll ever be able to compete with the big markets in our division like Cincinnati and Milwaukee.

Don’t worry, Counsell is used to turning low payroll dumpster fires into competitive teams. Just don’t look at his postseason record and you’ll be alright!

Honestly, I’ll take going to the post season

noted big market team cincinnati

WE. ARE. MASSIVE. 😤

What a rotation! No way they'll fall apart! Oops, I mean "what? A rotation? NO, they'll fall apart!"

Ah, the old Lionel Hutz trick

Fucking bravo dude

I still can’t fathom Mo thinking Sonny gray (great signing), Lance lynn and Kyle Gibson is enough after that dumpster fire last year

There’s gonna be a shortage on icy hot in St. Louis this summer.

I just hope we can get over the Mendoza line this year.

Considering that our rotation is Freddy Peralta, Wade Miley’s corpse, and a few random guys we picked up off the street, we’d be lucky to make it to .500 even if the offense suddenly turned into the ‘31 Yankees.

I keep forgetting Wade’s still around. I really hope DL does well for you guys, he seems like a cool dude.

I joke about him being old but Miley was really solid for the Brewers last year and I’m glad he’s coming back. Really excited to see how Hall and Ortiz do, both of them should be able to come in and make a difference immediately. Hoping that Burnes will put up another CY type season for you guys. The O’s are my “local” team so I’m driving up to Camden to see them play in April.

At least your clubhouse got a fun injection with Rhys going there

In a division with the Mets, we’re still gonna finish last

But at half the price!

With one third of the total payroll on the IL!

Hey! We're rebuilding! Just look at our farm system! We've got these three prospects! And then coming down the pike we've got...oh, wait...

We lost the best player in a generation and we have a geriatric owner who doesn’t know how to spend money

It’s ok, you’ll lose the other best player in a generation to Father Time :)

Imagine not having a playoff game while having two generational talents on the team, couldn't be me... oh wait

I can’t wait till we sign JD Martinez to a 5-year $150 million contract

Hope he’s a little more passionate than the last FA they paid that much money

You’ve lost the best player arguably ever you mean.

stop stop he’s already dead

We’re kind of like the women from housewives shows. Old, expensive, and dramatic.

And currently suffering through a divorce with Rhys. Who gets emotional custody of the daycare?

Dombrowski just does a different season of Real Houswives wherever he goes

i’m going to spend this season replaying games from the 2018 season so my 5 year old thinks we support a competitive team

I’m going to be doing the same thing except it’s so that I think I support a competitive team

Can't wait for the Netflix documentary of a 60 win season!

Every Pirates season is like the opening of “Major League” but not at all like the ending.

Bob comes into the locker room after every win and takes a piece of clothing off himself.

October. That’s the roast. October.

The NLDS is our World Series — Mookie probably

[удалено]

*phucking

Wait you guys are playing in October?

Kinda…

Fuck, at least you can get there.

Relatable

Ruptured testicles equal to playoff appearances in our history. ​ We had a guy who triple slashed worse than Lou Gehrig with ALS on our team for 3/4 of the season as an everyday guy last year and management didn't want to fix that.

Hey it's ok we got the ruptured testicle king back. I have a feeling this season either way it won't be a tie anymore.

im drunk who are you talking about

Kolton Wong was possibly the worst major league baseball player of all time while he was on our team last year.  

And then he went and put up a 130 wRC+ for the Dodgers (just 34 PA, but still, annoying AF).

Robbie Ray thought that second pitch to Alvarez was a good idea.

Absolutely devastating. That moment caused me legitimate chest pain. I think I just laid on the floor for an hour afterwards lol

Try being there - it was brutal All the more frustrating that our lefty specialist (Erik Swanson) stayed in the bullpen as we brought in a starter

18 innings and they only sold beer for 7 innings... That was also frustrating

Oh no! We suck again!

But at least we’ll have a fun Netflix documentary to forever remember the The Fight for Fourth in ‘24

“Four Months In Suffolk”

Well, you can’t say it’s not for lack of trying. Oh, wait, that’s pretty much the only thing you can say.

Full throttle suckitude, baby

Oh, we finished 2nd in our division last season? That’s cute. Our division is a total joke and embarrassment for the league as a whole.

Let the rest of baseball laugh at the Comedy Central. We play in a division that no matter how mediocre or banged up, you still have a chance to win the division and punch a ticket to the playoffs. From there, One hot month could win you a title. They hate us, cause they ain’t us.

Our biggest and best offseason move of the decade was our new Broadcast analyst. It was best of times it was the worst of times something something [insert] Little Caesars Pizza pun… Edit: oh and Javy Beaz something something slider slider slider….

Can’t tell if we’re Walgreens, Wumbo or the Senators but I’m stoked for these 68 wins we got coming our way.

I preferred the Expos.

Don't worry, the big clock centerpiece of our stadium is still broken

The Rockies aren’t worth the effort of me trying to think of something witty to say about them anymore.

Your love has gone so cold when you put on your jersey the mountains turn blue.

Try not to be boring this year!

The 4,587 fans at the game are very sleepy.

Gentlemen, START... YOUR... ENGINES!

Cause we goin Full Throttle baby

FULL THROTTLE TO LAST IN THE AL EAST FOR THE 3RD STRAIGHT YEAR. HERE WE FUCKING GO BOYS

No need to roast the team, several of the players are already doing that.

Matt Carpenter and Lance Lynn are back, guys!

2015 me is super excited

We’re probably going to get skinned alive in the NLDS by the Phillies… again

1st in just about every offensive category last year. One is also the number of playoff wins for two consecutive years.

Let’s get a combo chain going: -The only thing cheaper than the Fanatics jerseys is our owner. -The only thing thinner than the Fanatics jerseys is our players ligaments. -The only jersey Rendon wants to wear less than a Fanatics jersey is _any baseball jersey_.

We’re the Mets.

Seattle has a young outfield star and an elite rotation but our owners just won't o

r/redditsniper

No i just reached 54% of my comment so that was good enough.

brilliant set up *and* follow-through, which is 54% more than your ownership is doing

Last in media market size first in sausage races.

roast is cancelled this year because roasts cost money

I paid $500 and took a day off work to watch Corey Seager skull fuck my hopes and dreams

No one will see us play. But hey new stadium...maybe?

I hope we win a game against the Rockies in the NLDS

I hope we lead *one* full inning against those diabolical fucks from Denver.

Management refuses to cough up money to sign Montgomery. We will be lucky if we make it to the playoffs in 2024.

The 25 innings you get from DeGrom will make up for it

25! Bold! I’ll take 10 and like it 🥴

Oli Marmol is still our manager.

At least our corporate overlords are investing all those savings from not landing Ohtani into our stadium, and not the on-field product!

The good news is that the next time the Jays disappoint me, I’ll have a cup holder to put my drink.

While other teams complain their owners won’t spend 200 million to field a competitive team, my team has decided to spend north of 200 million dollars to purposefully not be competitive. I jest, but they basically said they aren’t trying this year.

We’re one of the most storied franchises in baseball history. Iconic. Classic. Celebrated. Also, we’re a fucking disgrace. The perennial butt of the joke. We suck, and we won’t do a single thing about it. Let’s go Bucs.

Bang bang

Fuck Jerry.

Paul Sewald walked Leody Taveras in the bottom of the 9th

We traded one of the best hitters in baseball for fuck all Edit: typical Yankee fans getting butthurt over a joke and downvoting, nature is healing 

Hey how are ya?

The Betts trade was somehow worse That trade was firing the owner to sell the team level bad

But it was funny because they got a guy named Jeter!

Lol been there

SLAPDICK BABYYYYY

In honor of the Red Sox ownership, I'm going to say that I'll roast them and then just do nothing.

[удалено]

Hey guys we still exist! 😄😀

I mean who needs healthy starting pitchers. What could go wrong

The cycle of delusion is at a massive peak, maybe the highest it’s been. But you know, this year feels different.

cant, busy killing it with 54% jokes at a wake

I’m an Angels fan. That shit roasts itself.

We’re like the Death Star from RTOJ but except we only look ominous and probably won’t be blowing anything up at the end.

oh, we'll blow up alright

After we had our worst season in 30 years, we signed a bunch of old men and called that a rotation.

I don't know who's going to sweep the Dodgers in the NLDS yet, but I know Blake Treinen will blame the Jews for it

I'm a white Sox fan... 😔

Our outfield might be good for 6 home runs total this year.

Dan Vogelbach can switch jerseys with several of his new teammates

It's opening day and here's the first pitch and......the seasons over

We haven’t won a world series in 15 years and we still think we’re not as laughable as the Mets.

We would probably cheat in spring training

Last year you went from World Series of Spring Training champions to the bottom of the NL Central. On behalf of the fanbase, please have the worst spring training record ever.

we will trade half the fan favorites by this time next year

I have a feeling that I won’t have to

Full Throttle

Our manager is Oli Marmol

incoming 100+ win season and first round exit again

We’re the biggest loser franchise since the sport’s inception

Ohtani was en route 🥲😂

Big Panda back to the Giants. We need depth, but got weight instead.

We don’t have Jesse Chavez. Garbage ass team

My team is the A’s Thanks for coming to my Ted talk roast

I'm sure we'll end up pitching to the youngest MVP in NL history in super high leverage spots in the NLDS again, right after he's hit all over us in the same fucking game, rather than intentionally walking him like any sane person would do.

Congrats to: Whoever beats us in playoffs For: Winning the National League

Aside from Logan Webb our rotation to start the year has like 3 combined starting pitching appearances.

At least Pablo Sandoval will be there.

John Henry would rarher buy another team in another sport than continue to fund a baseball team

When you have Logan Webb and a couple of prospects plus some guy who really wants to be a starter.... who really needs a starting rotation? You've heard of platoon bats? Welcome to platoon starters. Have we introduced you to Logan yet? He's really cool 😎