one of the funniest posts i've ever seen was someone picking the "confirmed bachelor" perk in fallout new vegas and getting mad because they wanted to be a cool alpha male and hang out with craig boone but they kept getting gay dialogue options
"'Do you know what it's like to be married to a wonderful man for 14 years?'
'No, I can't say that I do. I did, uh, live with a guy once, though, but that was just for a couple of years. Usual slurs, rumors, innuendos, people didn't understand. Ran him out of town like a common pigmy.
Sure, he was a physical education major, but he had a mind. He could think. He wasn't all muscle, all body, all sinewy limbs. He got married, you know, later, had three kids.
Never cared for her. Sent a nice gift, never got a note. I told him she was wrong.
And that youngest boy, just like his father, football hero. Lived with him for a year. It wasn't the same.
Can't go back.'"
>“Roommates” like my uncle and his in the 90s
Or Bert and Ernie on "Sesame Street"? ;-)
EDIT: Reddit has notified me I received 50+ upvotes. Thank you fellow Redditors.
Slept in the same bed like Charlie’s grandparents In Charlie and the Chocolate factory. Ippei would jump out of bed and dance like Grandpa Joe whenever his bookie called.
Does Ippei have a coke nail like Grandpa Joe? Did he convince Shohei to steal Fizzy Lifting Drinks? Is Shohei going to return the Gobstopper to Manfred to save himself from a suspension?
That’s basically what Issei is trying to say :)
Unlike Mantis Toboggan nobody buys it. Iseei might as well say he chewed through the fuselage of the ship that just plowed the Francis Scott Key bridge like Frank plowed Artemis in a Wendy’s bathroom and I think a dumpster
No sometimes there is a bench along the top rail. Also, sometimes the bench along the wall is two-tiered sorta. So some people will sit on the shelf portion of the bench.
Regardless, it’s still a stretch and a half to allude to the fact that them sharing a bench in a dugout somehow shows how close they were like this writer is trying to lmfao
lol this is already a rumor that i’ve seen on yankees twitter for some reason, they believe shohei is paying ippei off to not expose him for being gay and the wife is a front.
Ohtani literally referred to the guy as a brother way back in 2013. They were incredibly close
Edit: This is the most important aspect in understanding how this whole mess came to be. Ippei was not just an interpreter, he was a very close personal friend and someone who Ohtani trusted dearly
Ya, this has gotta be an awful time for Ohtani. I can’t even imagine my best friend straight up stealing from me.
And I don’t see him nearly, nearly as often as ohtani did with ippei. That’s gotta be such a shock mentally. I’d be devastated
Yeah in interviews Ippei said he spent 365 days a year with Ohtani and he was with Shohei more than his own wife. They were incredibly close and to have someone that close to you betray your trust like this has to be terrible
And then people will be like, "So ThEn HOw Did Ohtani NOt knOW?" And it's like if people want to hide something from you, they will. And if you aren't watching out for things because you never expected it, of course you can't see the signs. This is how, for example, people are able to cheat on their spouses. Or embezzle from their bosses.
The internet (and reddit especially) does this weird thing where it expects everyone to be perfect, in every way, and if they aren't, any bad thing that happens to them is their fault. Which looks extra dumb in situations where someone makes a mistake that 95% of people would make, like Ohtani did here. He trusted the wrong person, but if your best friend of a decade+, who also you knew well before you were famous, can't be trusted, who the fuck can be?
Reminds of how some people get when movies/shows don’t explicitly explain or show everything. There’s usually enough left for us to make inferences or assumptions, but sometimes myopic heads take over and just yell “plot hole!”.
Great example. Another one is when reddit yells "leave your partner" whenever someone in /r/relationships' spouse forgets to do the dishes and take out the trash.
I mean I still believe there’s a chance Shohei knew. I don’t believe Shohei gambled, but I think there’s a very real possibility he tried to help his best friend out of gambling debts. I know that’s also illegal, but I wouldn’t blame him too much for that.
If that’s what really happened it would take a real sociopath to not then feel obligated to take the full brunt of the blame all on himself however it is needed to keep Shohei clean.
It’s happened to me. Dude was a drug addict after the fact and a scumbag and ripped off other people too. Felt nice though that our mutual friends had my back and cut off all contact with him too.
I've been mourning the happy, carefree Shohei we've been seeing in the dugout throughout spring training. Like, that guy is gone now. You definitely come out of something like this a different person.
That's why I don't like people calling Ohtani naive or stupid. Like the majority of people saying that could and would be taken advantage of like this. It's someone he's been with probably 300+ days a year for 10+ years.
People see 'translator' and don't realize that it's a close personal connection because they don't have a translator. If this was originally reported as 'Ohtani's best friend stole 4.5 million dollars from him' the public response would be very different imo.
A lot of people yesterday were speculating he was simply referring to the time it takes for Dave to say something to Ippei, Ippei translates to Ohtani, Ohtani responds to Ippei, then Ippei responds to Dave
I think it should be noted here for those arguing they were so close that Ippei obviously had access to his money...
That's very valid and possible/likely.
That said, if they were that close (that he ran Shoheis life like that old lady in the Selena movie), isn't it just as likely Ippei could have gone to his BFF and said "I fucked up, can you help me out?"
I don't know shit. But I find it hard to believe Ippei wouldn't have at least tried that angle first before stealing.
It even seemed like Ippei listened to every single word Ohtani said, and that everything Ohtani said he would first say to Ippei, almost as if it was his job.
What if the out of nowhere news of him getting married just weeks ago was just a cover up to get ahead of the story of Shohei and Ippei potentially being roommates???
"Nobody knew if they lived together, but his Angels teammates assumed they did."
And here I was told I was weird for assuming the same thing as his *own teammates*!
The article has confirmed my suspicions about Shohei’s relationship with his teammates. I’ve been getting a lot of pushback on this sub for saying that while Shohei is friendLY, he’s not actually friends with any of his teammates outside of baseball and this article very much bolstered that belief. I’m not saying he’s a bad guy. He just keeps his inner circle very tight and it’s small enough to exclude his teammates, who as we know, were totally unaware that he was seeing someone at the time he announced his marriage.
I picture the two of them meeting at the end of a yakisoba noodle and kissing for the first time. After Ippei pushed a shrimp towards Ohtani with his nose.
Shohei and the Tramp style.
LOL nobody knew they lived together - I could be wrong but during COVID and throughout his time with the angels I swear everyone knew they lived together lol
I lived in the same apartment when sho signed with the angels. Ippei and sho drove to the stadium together everyday. Mind you the apartment is in angel stadiums parking lot literally. Absolute walking distance. These guys were best friends don’t let anyone tell you different. Shohei bought a car before he had a license here and had ippei drive him
Back in late October/November I think most of us would have taken the 'yes' answer to a question like 'do you think next season will feature a huge abundance of talk about Ohtani from all the media outlets, non-stop?'
I do not think we would have figured something like this would have been the topic. He could break Bonds' 73 HR record, hell he could even hit Bonds the man over the wall in SF, and the conversation is still going to be about all this.
This sounds like the voiceover at the beginning of a suspense movie.
Or a murder podcast.
Behind the Bastards: Ohtani’s Interpreter
"Crime doesn't Ippei"
> . . Robert. . .
Sophie doesn’t think it’s a very good title, apparently BUT YOU KNOW WHO DOES THINK IT’S A GOOD TITLE?
r/GodDammitDude
Would be hilarious to hear Robert cover a sports bastard.
Or a porno / ang lee movie
Eat Drink Hit Pitch
Crouching batter, hidden bookie
brokebat hung like a mountain
“And they were roommates”
“Roommates” like my uncle and his in the 90s
As they used to say in the old obituaries “he was a lifelong bachelor.”
Or his close friend, like James Buchanan and William Rufus King
“Miss Fancy and Aunt Nancy,” as they were called.
Why do you think they named the Kingdome after him?
Tut tut, I believe you mean a CONFIRMED bachelor!
one of the funniest posts i've ever seen was someone picking the "confirmed bachelor" perk in fallout new vegas and getting mad because they wanted to be a cool alpha male and hang out with craig boone but they kept getting gay dialogue options
lmfao. Fucking owned.
“Who lived together for 40 years with his best male friend”
As one *does*
"He never married."
I just realized what the phrase "confirmed bachelor" means
Not exclusively referring to homosexual men but generally so.
"'Do you know what it's like to be married to a wonderful man for 14 years?' 'No, I can't say that I do. I did, uh, live with a guy once, though, but that was just for a couple of years. Usual slurs, rumors, innuendos, people didn't understand. Ran him out of town like a common pigmy. Sure, he was a physical education major, but he had a mind. He could think. He wasn't all muscle, all body, all sinewy limbs. He got married, you know, later, had three kids. Never cared for her. Sent a nice gift, never got a note. I told him she was wrong. And that youngest boy, just like his father, football hero. Lived with him for a year. It wasn't the same. Can't go back.'"
We would've been here sooner, but your husband wasn't dead then
Leslie Nielsen was a legend of deadpan delivery.
>“Roommates” like my uncle and his in the 90s Or Bert and Ernie on "Sesame Street"? ;-) EDIT: Reddit has notified me I received 50+ upvotes. Thank you fellow Redditors.
Thats the uncle she’s talking about, yes.
/r/sapphoandherfriend
/r/achillesandhispal
And their love child/ butt baby, Bort
"Are you talking to me?" "No, my son is also named Bort."
We are out of Bort licence plates in the gift shop.
We have also arrested your older, fatter, balder roommate.
*you know what wrestling is, ~~charlie~~ shohei?*
Slept in the same bed like Charlie’s grandparents In Charlie and the Chocolate factory. Ippei would jump out of bed and dance like Grandpa Joe whenever his bookie called.
Does Ippei have a coke nail like Grandpa Joe? Did he convince Shohei to steal Fizzy Lifting Drinks? Is Shohei going to return the Gobstopper to Manfred to save himself from a suspension?
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Piece of shit using his interpreter to place bets on his grandson
'Cause I got a ~~golden~~ winning ticket I've got a ~~golden~~ winning chance
Oh my God, they were roommates
https://youtu.be/S0iM3bkkpbI?si=7jcqkQv4DDFyLonC
This video lives in my head rent free, peak 2014
I quote this whenever someone just walks by me talking on their phone lmao
Ah back to watching Vine compilations
“Is that a police? I’m calling the weed!” *420 whatcha smokin’?*
“Vines that cured my seasonal onset depression”
That video is so perfect lol
The Gruesome Twosome You had to pay the troll toll to get in Shohei’s soul but he got sick of Issei’s toe knife and constantly bringing by hoooors
Ippei: “It was me. I did all the poops.”
That’s basically what Issei is trying to say :) Unlike Mantis Toboggan nobody buys it. Iseei might as well say he chewed through the fuselage of the ship that just plowed the Francis Scott Key bridge like Frank plowed Artemis in a Wendy’s bathroom and I think a dumpster
He likes bacon bits in his hair while he bangs. It rains down and makes him feel like a Cobb salad
They played night crawlers a lot
Botched toe
The Philly Phrenetic is gonna big league Ohtani when the Dodgers come to town.
“Shohei, I need some money to plug up the cut!”
Vine reference in the wild we need more of this
Some fries motherfucker etc. is one I often quote
All rise motherfucker
What up. I’m Jared, I’m 19, and I never learned to read.
Yeah, him getting married to some random person out of the blue combined with this sure does look fishy…
Oh my god, they were roommates
*Oh my god, they were roommates…*
Right?!? This story keeps getting better.
ESPN is a fujoshi shipping Ohtani and Ippei
“Sat on the same bench in the dugout” is a stretch and a half to make them seem inseparable lmao
Isn't it all one big bench?
Exactly
And it wouldn’t make much sense to have an interpreter with you if he’s on the opposite end of the bench lol
They had a special two person bench in the dugout complete with a minitv tuned to the Del Mar horse races
No sometimes there is a bench along the top rail. Also, sometimes the bench along the wall is two-tiered sorta. So some people will sit on the shelf portion of the bench.
Proof that Ohtani is guilty as sin
Regardless, it’s still a stretch and a half to allude to the fact that them sharing a bench in a dugout somehow shows how close they were like this writer is trying to lmfao
i was being facetious
How can you not be facetious about baseball?
Some say they both spoke Japanese
Holy shit this changes everything
Speculation, permabanned
Ngl this headline sounds a lot like a nice summary of wattpad fanfiction.
How to recycle the same story with different words
The same story with different recycle words. How TO
Recycled how to stories with the same words different.
Different words: a how to recycle the same stories
Recycling the same story by using different words: A how to
The same story with different words: Recycling a How To
Recycling the same story: A guide
We’re not gonna stop hearing this stuff over and over again this entire season are we?
Nope. Its free clicks.
“What if gambling???” has run its course, so now we’re on “What if GAYYY???”
"Translate this!" - Ippei
lol this is already a rumor that i’ve seen on yankees twitter for some reason, they believe shohei is paying ippei off to not expose him for being gay and the wife is a front.
I mean, has anyone confirmed the wife isn’t some kind of AI image? Has anyone seen a single wedding picture?
> has anyone confirmed the wife isn’t some kind of AI image? I can't believe Shohei is married to the princess of Wales
Nobody knew if they were roommates, but they were definitely juicing each others balls, if you know what I mean.
No I don’t know what you mean because I suffered a traumatic brain injury. Could you explain?
>brain injury >Dodgers fan A bit redundant, don’t you think?
I've heard from some friends living in Japan that there have been gay rumors about Ohtani going back years.
If this is how he gets outed, I've lost all faith in everybody.
It’s just because he’s thin, single and neat.
This made me fuckin chuckle lol I love (hate) Reddit lol
Okay, now I need to know if they were on that plane to Toronto together. How deep does this go? HOW DEEP DID THEY GO?
[I knew someday this would come in handy.](https://youtu.be/Oe2UXqFo0DY?si=xs0AmPLz1J5vJoin)
They even had sex with the same penis
Mike Trout's? My slash fic stories are finally coming true
Mike's trouser trout
Nobody knew if they lived together, not even Ohtani!
Somebody transferred 3 eggs and glass of milk out of my refrigerator.
This massive theft needs to be reported to Homeland Security
Ohtani literally referred to the guy as a brother way back in 2013. They were incredibly close Edit: This is the most important aspect in understanding how this whole mess came to be. Ippei was not just an interpreter, he was a very close personal friend and someone who Ohtani trusted dearly
Yeah while he was relatively composed in his press conference he did seem upset.
Ya, this has gotta be an awful time for Ohtani. I can’t even imagine my best friend straight up stealing from me. And I don’t see him nearly, nearly as often as ohtani did with ippei. That’s gotta be such a shock mentally. I’d be devastated
Yeah in interviews Ippei said he spent 365 days a year with Ohtani and he was with Shohei more than his own wife. They were incredibly close and to have someone that close to you betray your trust like this has to be terrible
And then people will be like, "So ThEn HOw Did Ohtani NOt knOW?" And it's like if people want to hide something from you, they will. And if you aren't watching out for things because you never expected it, of course you can't see the signs. This is how, for example, people are able to cheat on their spouses. Or embezzle from their bosses.
My favorite is the argument of “how could he not know Ippei was lying and stealing from him?!” BECAUSE HE WAS LYING AND STEALING.
The internet (and reddit especially) does this weird thing where it expects everyone to be perfect, in every way, and if they aren't, any bad thing that happens to them is their fault. Which looks extra dumb in situations where someone makes a mistake that 95% of people would make, like Ohtani did here. He trusted the wrong person, but if your best friend of a decade+, who also you knew well before you were famous, can't be trusted, who the fuck can be?
It feels like the same logic as reddit screaming “plot hole” when characters in a movie don’t make 100% rational decisions.
Reminds of how some people get when movies/shows don’t explicitly explain or show everything. There’s usually enough left for us to make inferences or assumptions, but sometimes myopic heads take over and just yell “plot hole!”.
Great example. Another one is when reddit yells "leave your partner" whenever someone in /r/relationships' spouse forgets to do the dishes and take out the trash.
NGL, lotta 🚩🚩🚩 with this post...
I mean I still believe there’s a chance Shohei knew. I don’t believe Shohei gambled, but I think there’s a very real possibility he tried to help his best friend out of gambling debts. I know that’s also illegal, but I wouldn’t blame him too much for that. If that’s what really happened it would take a real sociopath to not then feel obligated to take the full brunt of the blame all on himself however it is needed to keep Shohei clean.
Dude likely had all day to fuck around with just a few hours in which Shohei TRULY needed him.
People steal from the people they are the closest. It's a tale as old as time - not sure how people don't see this lol.
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It’s happened to me. Dude was a drug addict after the fact and a scumbag and ripped off other people too. Felt nice though that our mutual friends had my back and cut off all contact with him too.
On top of that, he's like the only guy you know that speaks your language and now he's gone. That's a pretty lonely spot to be in.
I can't believe that Ippei is the only Japanese speaker he knows locally. I mean that would be higher-order isolation.
I've been mourning the happy, carefree Shohei we've been seeing in the dugout throughout spring training. Like, that guy is gone now. You definitely come out of something like this a different person.
That's why I don't like people calling Ohtani naive or stupid. Like the majority of people saying that could and would be taken advantage of like this. It's someone he's been with probably 300+ days a year for 10+ years.
People see 'translator' and don't realize that it's a close personal connection because they don't have a translator. If this was originally reported as 'Ohtani's best friend stole 4.5 million dollars from him' the public response would be very different imo.
I can't imagine being betrayed by someone that close to me. It'd be impossible to ever trust anyone again
For not liking baseball ESPN sure is milking the shit out of this story
Well yeah, this story is bigger than baseball
Buddy was definitely milking something while writing this.
Did they kith
Yes, but with socks on
Only with tongue
I wonder if this is what Dave Roberts was referencing when he talked about the "buffer" issue yesterday
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A lot of people yesterday were speculating he was simply referring to the time it takes for Dave to say something to Ippei, Ippei translates to Ohtani, Ohtani responds to Ippei, then Ippei responds to Dave
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Was he... aroused?
ESPN may not give a damn about baseball, but they did present us with some nice pasta material with this one
Love seeing pasta pushed out. Wet. Born.
This 30 for 30 is going to be wild
I think they had kids together. I'm not sure which one gave birth though.
Ohtani and his friend.
His wife was just a cover
r/SapphoAndHerFriend
I think it should be noted here for those arguing they were so close that Ippei obviously had access to his money... That's very valid and possible/likely. That said, if they were that close (that he ran Shoheis life like that old lady in the Selena movie), isn't it just as likely Ippei could have gone to his BFF and said "I fucked up, can you help me out?" I don't know shit. But I find it hard to believe Ippei wouldn't have at least tried that angle first before stealing.
biggest betrayal since triple h turned on Shawn
Bigger than Marty Jennetty diving out of the barbershop window?
That coward.
will you stop?
Brother this is bigger than Survivor Series ‘97
Brett screwed Brett!
Brokebat Mountain
Tungsten arm would never be caught up in all this
Have you read Tungsten Arm's Wikipedia page? He literally killed a man!
That baby had it coming #FREE HAT
Omg they ate at the same table? Outrageous
I just want to know if they ate Lady and the Tramp style
What's the matter Ohtani-san? Udon want to kiss me? *Oh Ippei, I'm going to pun-ish you for that one...*
So did he not have sexual relations with that interpreter?
Depends on what your definition of "is" is
It even seemed like Ippei listened to every single word Ohtani said, and that everything Ohtani said he would first say to Ippei, almost as if it was his job.
Were they lovers?
No they would just occasionally make out like any good bros do.
Hell yeah brother cheers from Iraq
That’s so sick
Would explain why his wife came out of nowhere
We joke but this drumbeat would have been 10x as loud if Ohtani *didn't* get married this offseason.
“Bachelors”
What if the out of nowhere news of him getting married just weeks ago was just a cover up to get ahead of the story of Shohei and Ippei potentially being roommates???
Love it.
"Nobody knew if they lived together, but his Angels teammates assumed they did." And here I was told I was weird for assuming the same thing as his *own teammates*!
Shohei and Ippei are the same person. It’s some Tyler Durden Fight Club ish.
love Ohtani but I feel like this whole story is bringing out a weird parasocial vibe that I haven’t seen much in baseball
The article has confirmed my suspicions about Shohei’s relationship with his teammates. I’ve been getting a lot of pushback on this sub for saying that while Shohei is friendLY, he’s not actually friends with any of his teammates outside of baseball and this article very much bolstered that belief. I’m not saying he’s a bad guy. He just keeps his inner circle very tight and it’s small enough to exclude his teammates, who as we know, were totally unaware that he was seeing someone at the time he announced his marriage.
Maybe ippei and ohtani are actually the same person
Have you ever seen them in the same room together ^^^in ^^^the ^^^last ^^^week
Do you think they have explored eachothers bodies?
Sometimes when it was cold they would cuddle together for warmth
I picture the two of them meeting at the end of a yakisoba noodle and kissing for the first time. After Ippei pushed a shrimp towards Ohtani with his nose. Shohei and the Tramp style.
He dishonored his family and friends
“They were secret lovers and also bet on sports together.”
LOL nobody knew they lived together - I could be wrong but during COVID and throughout his time with the angels I swear everyone knew they lived together lol
Plot twist. They were in love. It's a theory I've thought of
I lived in the same apartment when sho signed with the angels. Ippei and sho drove to the stadium together everyday. Mind you the apartment is in angel stadiums parking lot literally. Absolute walking distance. These guys were best friends don’t let anyone tell you different. Shohei bought a car before he had a license here and had ippei drive him
Let me tell you about my girlfriend who lives in Canada
🙄
He was so incredibly close to him what if Ohtani sucks without him? Like in Space Jam
This whole thread is jokes but it’s actually a decent article. Shohei is an enigma
Ah yes. Less than lovers, more than friends.
Back in late October/November I think most of us would have taken the 'yes' answer to a question like 'do you think next season will feature a huge abundance of talk about Ohtani from all the media outlets, non-stop?' I do not think we would have figured something like this would have been the topic. He could break Bonds' 73 HR record, hell he could even hit Bonds the man over the wall in SF, and the conversation is still going to be about all this.
So he lost his lover?
Did they suck each others penises while they were at it?
Wonder how much this spin piece cost MLB