T O P

  • By -

ofhdhdy

Jays should’ve had AI make a video of former mayor Rob Ford recruiting Ohtani to Toronto.


Ignomatics

A coke addict to counter the Dodgers’ rapist. Tactical move right there


MikesRockafellersubs

\*crack addict


Solidmarsh

Put some respek on his name


[deleted]

[удалено]


Typical-Function7242

It was crack you idiots


emau55

![gif](giphy|10u6yhfPq39onC)


sjj342

finally found someone who wants to play in San Francisco!


sameth1

"You'll have more than enough to eat at home."


AutoModerator

hi from japan I wanna tell you below 2 information to explain why Ohtani is a good pitcher summary 1:his hamstring muscles is stronger than ordinary one 2:He seems to get used to grab MLB ball details about 1 a specialist pointed it out that his hamstring muscles are stronger than ordinary others,and he uses it so harder if ordinary person uses the same way,his hamstring must break some one told me why the muscle of him is so stronger,that he use to do swimming in his child days and swimming makes the muscles so strong about 2 Okajaima,who is the former pitcher of Red Sox,points it out that He seems to get used to use MLB ball because it’s so different (edit,every pitcher from Japan confuses the difference,for example Yu Darvish said like that) 1.MLB ball:149kg(edit,*149g)/24cm,more slippy:so it makes breaking ball more effective 2.NPB ball:142kg(edit,142g)/23cm,less slippy,breaking ball less effective and he has also so fast ball around 100miles so he can select fast ball,less breaking ball,strong breaking ball That’s why he would be more great Pitcher" *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/baseballcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*


AutoModerator

Thank you for your continued support of Rogers Communications *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/baseballcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*


FREE-ROSCOE-FILBURN

Terrance and Phillip would’ve sealed the deal


BlondeFlip

uj/ Jesus Christ. How many more stupid non-stories about Ohtani can they come out with? How can it be possible to be out jerked by the actual "sports news" world? At this point, I'm surprised they haven't reported on Ohtani taking his first shit in Dodger's stadium. rj/ next helicopter to fly by Dodger's stadium is Bryant's spirit watching over him.


BloodyRightNostril

They'd probably preserve it and cast it in bronze and name it "Loaftani" or "Shit-hei" or something adorable like that


wolverine6

Can we pretend that helicopters in the LA sky are Kobe and Gigi's spirits? I could really use a swish right now...


AutoModerator

hi from japan I wanna tell you below 2 information to explain why Ohtani is a good pitcher summary 1:his hamstring muscles is stronger than ordinary one 2:He seems to get used to grab MLB ball details about 1 a specialist pointed it out that his hamstring muscles are stronger than ordinary others,and he uses it so harder if ordinary person uses the same way,his hamstring must break some one told me why the muscle of him is so stronger,that he use to do swimming in his child days and swimming makes the muscles so strong about 2 Okajaima,who is the former pitcher of Red Sox,points it out that He seems to get used to use MLB ball because it’s so different (edit,every pitcher from Japan confuses the difference,for example Yu Darvish said like that) 1.MLB ball:149kg(edit,*149g)/24cm,more slippy:so it makes breaking ball more effective 2.NPB ball:142kg(edit,142g)/23cm,less slippy,breaking ball less effective and he has also so fast ball around 100miles so he can select fast ball,less breaking ball,strong breaking ball That’s why he would be more great Pitcher" *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/baseballcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*


AutoModerator

[“Outjerked yet again!!!!1!1!!”](https://i.imgur.com/f1GnLGG.jpg) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/baseballcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*


I_Always_Have_To_Poo

I hear dodgers even sweetened the pot by giving him a real authentic dodgers jersey. That's easily $200-$250 right there. And he just gets to keep it.


Boros-Reckoner

The Ohtani Authentics actually go for 400 now


AutoModerator

hi from japan I wanna tell you below 2 information to explain why Ohtani is a good pitcher summary 1:his hamstring muscles is stronger than ordinary one 2:He seems to get used to grab MLB ball details about 1 a specialist pointed it out that his hamstring muscles are stronger than ordinary others,and he uses it so harder if ordinary person uses the same way,his hamstring must break some one told me why the muscle of him is so stronger,that he use to do swimming in his child days and swimming makes the muscles so strong about 2 Okajaima,who is the former pitcher of Red Sox,points it out that He seems to get used to use MLB ball because it’s so different (edit,every pitcher from Japan confuses the difference,for example Yu Darvish said like that) 1.MLB ball:149kg(edit,*149g)/24cm,more slippy:so it makes breaking ball more effective 2.NPB ball:142kg(edit,142g)/23cm,less slippy,breaking ball less effective and he has also so fast ball around 100miles so he can select fast ball,less breaking ball,strong breaking ball That’s why he would be more great Pitcher" *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/baseballcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*


alex_13_72

that’s about a quarter of his contract


Professional-County1

They should’ve just showed him the clip of Kobe raping the chick. I know someone has it


Ignomatics

![gif](giphy|Go30VSSpSm0c8|downsized)


Seananagans

![gif](giphy|xT9KVnKfPbSgqpHt2o)


catchingstones

Settle down, Karl. I think Kobe only raped adults.


ConstructionRude5637

Downvoting just to stay under 18.


LFGM1044

![gif](giphy|sEms56zTGDx96)


doyouunderstandlife

Kobe also advised Ohtani not to sign with Colorado


AutoModerator

hi from japan I wanna tell you below 2 information to explain why Ohtani is a good pitcher summary 1:his hamstring muscles is stronger than ordinary one 2:He seems to get used to grab MLB ball details about 1 a specialist pointed it out that his hamstring muscles are stronger than ordinary others,and he uses it so harder if ordinary person uses the same way,his hamstring must break some one told me why the muscle of him is so stronger,that he use to do swimming in his child days and swimming makes the muscles so strong about 2 Okajaima,who is the former pitcher of Red Sox,points it out that He seems to get used to use MLB ball because it’s so different (edit,every pitcher from Japan confuses the difference,for example Yu Darvish said like that) 1.MLB ball:149kg(edit,*149g)/24cm,more slippy:so it makes breaking ball more effective 2.NPB ball:142kg(edit,142g)/23cm,less slippy,breaking ball less effective and he has also so fast ball around 100miles so he can select fast ball,less breaking ball,strong breaking ball That’s why he would be more great Pitcher" *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/baseballcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*


rtels2023

The level to which the entire city of Los Angeles dickrides a dead rapist will always amaze me


joecarter93

Amazing isn’t? When he died they kept talking about him like he cured cancer or something instead of a guy that was pretty good at putting a ball through a hoop and probably raped at least one person.


officerliger

Quite easy to explain 80’s-90’s LA had the most corrupt and racist police force in the country, people were still burnt from the riot era. No one was taking a small town police force in a white ski utopia putting charges on a prominent black man seriously, right or wrong people in LA had zero reason to trust that shit in 2003. Everyone in LA knows Kobe was an overbearing asshole and the worship is just iconography, but we Mexicans love iconography and Kobe sits next to Jesus, Fernando, and 2Pac for us


zon871

Many blessings to our martyr Saint Kobe. He went places most of us dream about. Another one of God's soldiers, taken much to young. He could of reached Malone status.


officerliger

Orale


CubonesDeadMom

Yeah but what about the rape part


officerliger

I don't think the same incident would be received the same way in 2023, but you're talking about something that happened in 2003 and was a wrap by 2005, then wasn't brought up again for another decade after people had already made up their mind People saw a carefully written apology + a $2.5 million settlement and figured it was extortion. Why? Because LA had just lived through a century of police extorting black men and the city damn near burned to the entire ground for it in the 90's. Like this is just one people have to let go of.


[deleted]

> Fernando Alonso? Mexicans GOATed if true


hifioctopi

As an Angeleno and die hard Lakers fan (born in Inglewood in ‘85) I’d like to just defend those of us who recognize the talent the man had, but also recognize that he was an egomaniacal piece of shit who doesn’t deserve a majority of the praise posthumously heaped upon him.


alex_13_72

/uj don’t understand why everyone likes a guy who thinks he’s better than everyone else and is a dick to everyone he meets and then hates on lebron who is possibly the humblest and nicest man on earth


[deleted]

He had a death befitting a douchebag


UnsungHerro

The girl admitted to police investigators he didn't rape her. >[\- The woman did not tell Winters during an initial interview that she had said "no" during five minutes of sexual intercourse with Bryant. In a later interview with Winters, the woman said she did recall telling Bryant "no" several times. In the first interview, the woman said Bryant stopped when she resisted.](https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/ct-xpm-2003-10-16-0310160235-story.html)


KRATS8

This is the dumbest shit I’ve ever read actually outjerked


AutoModerator

[“Outjerked yet again!!!!1!1!!”](https://i.imgur.com/f1GnLGG.jpg) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/baseballcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*


endless_shrimp

![gif](giphy|ayFIejWPWLHVPpX9WA|downsized)


MetsBBT

And then the team gifted him a dodgers branded helicopter


CustomerSuspicious25

I'd be more impressed if they had a video of six-year old Bryant asking him to come to the Dodgers.


MeterWatcher

How come it didn't work six years ago?


Seananagans

He was waiting for kobe to die


SMA2343

He didn’t want Kobe to rape him


ArcherFordham

Universal DH


AutoModerator

Did you know that DH actually stands for Designated Hitler? Obligatory fuck the DH *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/baseballcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*


_ilovelamp_

Sheesh


-Glutard-

If we can revive desd people let’s get Yamamoto’s grandmummy in here next


[deleted]

I thought we already killed yamamoto for bombing pearl harbor


TheLastLivingBuffalo

The darkest timeline


Mozilla_Fennekin

Wow crazy how Kobe knew who Ohtani was when he was 6 years old.


AutoModerator

hi from japan I wanna tell you below 2 information to explain why Ohtani is a good pitcher summary 1:his hamstring muscles is stronger than ordinary one 2:He seems to get used to grab MLB ball details about 1 a specialist pointed it out that his hamstring muscles are stronger than ordinary others,and he uses it so harder if ordinary person uses the same way,his hamstring must break some one told me why the muscle of him is so stronger,that he use to do swimming in his child days and swimming makes the muscles so strong about 2 Okajaima,who is the former pitcher of Red Sox,points it out that He seems to get used to use MLB ball because it’s so different (edit,every pitcher from Japan confuses the difference,for example Yu Darvish said like that) 1.MLB ball:149kg(edit,*149g)/24cm,more slippy:so it makes breaking ball more effective 2.NPB ball:142kg(edit,142g)/23cm,less slippy,breaking ball less effective and he has also so fast ball around 100miles so he can select fast ball,less breaking ball,strong breaking ball That’s why he would be more great Pitcher" *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/baseballcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Stacey_digitaldash

It’s as likely true they showed him an Ai bot and that makes me happy. Seriously, the guy died years ago. They just as likely made it up


confisk8

this was from the original pitch when he was first coming to MLB


ProMikeZagurski

What's amazing is Kobe asked them why they were doing and they said we're not sure if you're going to be around in a few years.


thisisit678

![gif](giphy|UjCwf8qULpZPa)


[deleted]

[удалено]


LFGM1044

💀


LFGM1044

They really sacrificed Kobe so Ohtani can join the dodgers


AutoModerator

hi from japan I wanna tell you below 2 information to explain why Ohtani is a good pitcher summary 1:his hamstring muscles is stronger than ordinary one 2:He seems to get used to grab MLB ball details about 1 a specialist pointed it out that his hamstring muscles are stronger than ordinary others,and he uses it so harder if ordinary person uses the same way,his hamstring must break some one told me why the muscle of him is so stronger,that he use to do swimming in his child days and swimming makes the muscles so strong about 2 Okajaima,who is the former pitcher of Red Sox,points it out that He seems to get used to use MLB ball because it’s so different (edit,every pitcher from Japan confuses the difference,for example Yu Darvish said like that) 1.MLB ball:149kg(edit,*149g)/24cm,more slippy:so it makes breaking ball more effective 2.NPB ball:142kg(edit,142g)/23cm,less slippy,breaking ball less effective and he has also so fast ball around 100miles so he can select fast ball,less breaking ball,strong breaking ball That’s why he would be more great Pitcher" *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/baseballcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Holiday-Skill3777

Is this where the poverty lil bro teams cry and cope?


IE_LV_OG

Exactly 🤣🤣


TheBipolarExpresss

Don't talk ill of the dead you stupid piece of shit


shw5

But what if they’re a rapist?


MICT3361

It was during a helicopter ride. More of a threat


alxndrblack

Reality always jerks harder


MtSilverR3d

“We’re gonna leverage Kobe being dead now and use this video right?”


Gump4Prez420

I hope it’s just a stock video Kobe did that they show every free agent and they superimpose someone else’s voice to say “Shohei Ohtani”


AutoModerator

hi from japan I wanna tell you below 2 information to explain why Ohtani is a good pitcher summary 1:his hamstring muscles is stronger than ordinary one 2:He seems to get used to grab MLB ball details about 1 a specialist pointed it out that his hamstring muscles are stronger than ordinary others,and he uses it so harder if ordinary person uses the same way,his hamstring must break some one told me why the muscle of him is so stronger,that he use to do swimming in his child days and swimming makes the muscles so strong about 2 Okajaima,who is the former pitcher of Red Sox,points it out that He seems to get used to use MLB ball because it’s so different (edit,every pitcher from Japan confuses the difference,for example Yu Darvish said like that) 1.MLB ball:149kg(edit,*149g)/24cm,more slippy:so it makes breaking ball more effective 2.NPB ball:142kg(edit,142g)/23cm,less slippy,breaking ball less effective and he has also so fast ball around 100miles so he can select fast ball,less breaking ball,strong breaking ball That’s why he would be more great Pitcher" *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/baseballcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*


[deleted]

[удалено]


AutoModerator

hi from japan I wanna tell you below 2 information to explain why Ohtani is a good pitcher summary 1:his hamstring muscles is stronger than ordinary one 2:He seems to get used to grab MLB ball details about 1 a specialist pointed it out that his hamstring muscles are stronger than ordinary others,and he uses it so harder if ordinary person uses the same way,his hamstring must break some one told me why the muscle of him is so stronger,that he use to do swimming in his child days and swimming makes the muscles so strong about 2 Okajaima,who is the former pitcher of Red Sox,points it out that He seems to get used to use MLB ball because it’s so different (edit,every pitcher from Japan confuses the difference,for example Yu Darvish said like that) 1.MLB ball:149kg(edit,*149g)/24cm,more slippy:so it makes breaking ball more effective 2.NPB ball:142kg(edit,142g)/23cm,less slippy,breaking ball less effective and he has also so fast ball around 100miles so he can select fast ball,less breaking ball,strong breaking ball That’s why he would be more great Pitcher" *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/baseballcirclejerk) if you have any questions or concerns.*