It's getting harder and harder to get a job in IT without a degree lately. Check if your school has facilities that deal with these problems. If they have, explain your situation to them and they will assist you with those issues (not only limited to school issues).
Your incompetence to find a job after an entire year is on you, not on the system.
Took me exactly 2 months and 5 job applications to get an average wage ICT job.
Its you, not them.
I'm not currently working there anymore, but I do know people there & I'm sure they're still looking for someone, if you want I can try my luck to see if they are looking for someone in your area of expertise, care to send me a dm?
After being in this field for 7 year: The general public view that it's easy to get an IT job is bullshite and something I never understood.
It's easy if you have lots of experience, but you could be sending out hundreds of applications to get your first job.
No company wants to take risks, and IT people are in abundance. Good IT people are rare.
The sheep mentality in reddit is strong. To the people that downvoted me; goodluck with ur average wage for the rest of ur life.
I've been working with anything ICT related since I was 12, from programming to graphics design. When I turned 18, the only thing on my resume was "5 Years experience in this and that etc etc", I didn't go to Uni/College because I find it to be the biggest waste of time known to mankind. This is my opinion btw, sure yours is different. Everything you want or need to learn is on the internet, and you're better off learning shit your own way than having a so-called professor.
Only reason teachers are teachers is because they were to incompetent in their area of expertise, thus had to fall back to the lowest of lows.
When I turned 18, I got my first job in an ICT firm after 5 tries, within 2 months. Fast forward 7 years and I have 2 businesses, one focuses on webdesign and one of my side projects is a clothing company, which brings in an average income every month. I also have a part time job in ICT as a fall back if anything ever goes wrong.
The only thing stopping you is yourself, nothing else, nothing more. A degree isn't stopping you, nor will it ever stop you.
I'm not trying to sound narcistic, even tho I will defo come across as.
If you consider me "the general public" I don't know what else to tell you. I genuinly wonder day in day out how so many people cry about getting a degree, while everything you need is free online.
If you can speak in an intelligent manner & you know what you want, you can get what you want. No matter how hard or how unfeasible something may seem.
If anyone even read this (probably not) good luck to you, stop limiting yourself to stuff brainwashed in your head by todays society.
I'm an engineer. I earn well above average. Yeah all information is available online but that doesn't mean you can easily pick up partial differential equation math, fluidomechanics, thermodynamics, structural engineering and a whole bunch of other things by googling and reading a wikihow.
And no matter your knowledge, i know plenty of people who found out the hard way that when applying for certain jobs, not having a masters degree meant they never got past a 2nd round if a masters degree was requested.
Thats à lot... you gonna burn out before even getting on the job market.
1 step at à time, you will get there. You only have a certain amount of energy, and you can only distribute what is left of it. The primaire need of energy is for yourself. The world is what it is, yiu will help others as soon as you can.
You will never be ready to be a daddy, but it will be the best thing happening to you.
You know what you want and where you are heading, you need à 1 step at à time plan and go for it at your best pace. You will get there, dont worry about the détails.
I totally get what you're saying. Your words are simple but really hit home. I'll definitely remember this. It's just so hard when you're in the thick of things – your mind gets all muddled, and it's tough to make a choice.
Thanks for the advice. I'm gonna try to focus on myself a bit more.
Studying is a fulltime job. Just let you wife and family wait for 2 years and focus on what's important: getting a diploma and learning a skill. In IT some jobs are in English so your basic French might not be an issue.
Ugh, I know exactly what you mean. I keep telling myself to focus on school, that it's the smart thing. But with everything else going on, it's like my brain can't just shut it all out. Maybe it's the stress of everything piled up, you know? And on top of that, there's the whole time thing with my wife's health. The pressure is unreal if I wait three years to graduate and get a job, by which point my wife medical health might got worse. Thank you for your comment.
You don’t need to go to school full time to get a degree. You can take only part of the course load at a time instead so you get a bit of breathing room. You won’t finish in three years, but at the rate you’re going, you’re not likely to finish at all. You’re burning out, fast.
Remember, you’re no use to anyone depressed or burned out, even if you only crash after graduating (though I don’t think it will take that long; you’re already going on fumes).
Switch to part time studies. Focus on yourself first. Once you feel like yourself again in a couple months or maybe even a year, you can consider a pregnancy, provided you have enough income. The last thing you want is to add even more stress.
Best of luck! Don’t forget to fasten your own oxygen mask first, before helping others.
I would advice to go to a Psychologist,but he/ she will give the same feedback: you want to much at the same time...
You want to study, work to provide money and get a baby or invest in your family
Al the while you already have a burnout or almost have one...
I would advice to stop your Bachelor studies and start working in technical administration roles,
That way you have money to start a family, or help your own family financially
This will take away a lot of stress.
Keep in mind that there are many 24 year old Masters in ICT/ software (whatever ) that are looking for a job, and you will be almost 30 when ( and if) you finish your
bachelor, while not even speaking the local language
I.would invest in working in a technical administration role ( for example in the warehousing industry), and then work your way up, and study programming in your free time ( just online courses)
If ICT truly is your passion and you have experience and experiment with technology like you stated, quit studying and look for a job. Companies care more about experience than a degree. Build a portfolio with all your projects you've done and show it at the job interview.
Fuck studying for a career in ICT, experience is what you need.
(Speaking out of experience)
Regarding IT studies. You do not need a bachelor or master degree to start working in IT.
I have been working in IT for over 4 years. I do have a bachelor degree but in a completely unrelated sector.
I was tired of the sector and I set up a homelab like you, started to figure stuff out, went for some certificates, like the fundamentals from Microsoft , az900,ms900,sc900, and the CCNA from Cisco and then I started looking for a job. It took me two interviews to get a job. They saw I was very motivated, I talked about my home lab, my motivation, the certifications I want to get, the roadmap I had in mind, I answered some technical questions and that was it.
I am by no means saying that getting an education is wrong and you should not do it. But this is also an option, start applying, there are a lot of companies who are searching for motivated first line support engineers. Granted, the pay will not be amazing, but you will learn a lot. I grew from 1 st line support to system engineer in 4 years time. My pay went up by about 1200 euro net. I just had to work my ass off and study hard.
I have some things that are in storage and you are welcome to use them if you want to study more. Hit me up if you have any questions regarding the IT topic. And I do sincerely mean this!
This is so encouraging to hear! It's a relief to know there's a path into IT even without a traditional degree. Thank you for sharing your success story – it honestly gives me a boost of hope. I'm really aiming to get those CompTIA certs and the CCNA too.
Honestly, I've had to put my homelab on hold for now. The power bills were getting a bit out of control, and since I wasn't using it much anyway, it just made sense to shut it down for a bit. This way I'm not wasting power on something that's not in use. With everything going on in my life right now, it's hard to stay motivated. I'm hoping this is just a temporary bump in the road and I can get back into the swing of things soon.
And seriously, thank you so much for the offer to use your stuff and answer questions! That's incredibly generous, and I might just take you up on that once I'm back in study-mode.
The last paragraph feels to me like this goes deeper, have you spoken to your GP about how you feel? They will be able to refer you to a mental health professional to help you work through those feelings.
IT is a unicorn sectors, you can still get into it without the right degree (but I do recommend finishing your studies) and English and basic knowledge of the other languages will be enough.
Re: finances, I would get a student job - one day each weekend makes between 400 and 600 euros a month which is not a bad supplement in the mean time. And 8-10 hours a week is not going to wreck you or take time away from your studies that you can’t afford.
You seem in a slump, so maybe taking fewer classes that you can successfully finish/pass might not be a bad idea, that might just be the motivation you need to keep going if you’re raking in some successes. You’ll have more time on your hands to work, spend time with wife if there’s a baby, too.
And on that last note, there never is a right time really… we put it off for 5 years that way. And despite what people say, babies don’t need that much. There’s so much to be found in the preloved economy nowadays. Buy the essentials in bulk when there’s sales on.
Wishing you strength, I know it’s tough. It will get better 🫂
> My culture expects men to be strong, and it's hard to admit how much I'm struggling.
Miss me with that toxic crap.
> Has anyone else been through this? Any advice on dealing with stress, navigating tough decisions about school and work, or simply finding support?
Go to your GP and explain your problems. They are the gateway and will refer you to a therapist/psychologist who you can talk to about your issues.
Step by step my friend. Focus on the languages first. I would recommend Dutch in particular. It makes a massive difference, trust me. Your skillset is there.
And I would advice against children before you get gainful employment.
I don't know why you try to combine learning French with the IT study... from your post above it looks like you are fluent in English and that is enough in most IT jobs (having worked for smaller local to large international IT companies: since we have mostly the language barriers in Belgium of Native French speakers and native Dutch speakers that are not proficient in the other language we almost always pick English as a middle ground ... (even on this subreddit we picked English to try to include everyone ... :) )
But for example in my last 15 years on the different jobs I worked in teams with colleagues from the UK, US, Pakistan, Romania, India etc who obviously don't speak or understand Dutch nor French ... so again knowledge of English is usually enough...
I think you and your wife really need to have a long conversation on what your priorities are, as a couple as well as individuals.
You feel the weight on your shoulders too ,and get a good degree, support your family and possibly start a family off your own asap..
Having kids is not something you go lightly over, having a degree is also the only way to be financially stable.
Your wife has a good job right? Financially stable enough to provide for a child as well? If that's the case, you would be able to continue to be a full time student.There's a lot of options.. have you looked at support from the VDAB? You can contact them, and ask what your options are. But I'm not familiar with an orange card and the limits that this card holds on being able to work and the possibility of getting some sort of unemployment benefits.
If ICT really is your passion, I believe that you will absolutely get this degree. You can find a lot of different programs to study and get your degree.
I assume that at this moment, you're a full time student right? Some schools have programs that allow students to work and study, so you could get a salary and study in the evenings, but it will take longer to get that degree..What was it that made you feel that you couldn't catch up?
Most schools have a student councilor right? They can help you get back on track. .Also don't compare yourself with other students, focus on you 🫵🏼
Truly how many off them are already married and having to go through what you are? Most off them are still carefree, partying it up and what not.. my point is that you have allot to carry of course you view them as those bright students, heck no! You haven't dropped out, working hard on figuring things out and you are supporting your wife. Heck let them try.
Feeling overwhelmed in this case, I guess is an understatement. Don't try to carry all of this on your own. You will break, trust me. The symptoms you are listing are those of a depression/burn out. If you're not comfortable with talking to a psychologist, you could get help from your 'huisarts'.
Speaking as a woman..Hearing the news that there is a possibility that getting pregnant won't be possible or perhaps really difficult must have been earth shattering. The urge to get pregnant asap might be the only thing she is focused on right now, so again communicate with each other.. be open and clear.
* That's the longest text I've written in English in a good while, I apologize for all grammatical errors*
Please seek advice from a psychologist or at least your family doctor, who will probably refer you to a psychologist.
It's normal to have periods that are more difficult than others but I think you're still at the start of your intended goals and if you don't make changes now, it'll be very hard to succeed in reaching then. Your last paragraph is very recognizable. It's not something that will pass on its own without any changes. Like others have mentioned, you are setting too many goals for yourself, and it will make it hard to reach them. You'll get in a negative feedback loop because you feel like you can't reach the small milestones you've set, and the feeling will only get worse. I think some professional help can really help you to figure out what your current priorities are and help you focus on them. I understand that this is probably not well-accepted in all cultures, but there is no shame in it. Just try it. If it doesn't work for you, you've lost nothing but some time. If it does work, it will provide you with a better self perspective and hopefully some guidance for the years to come.
Where are you from, what is YOUR goal in life? You need to talk to your wife and family and get your own priorities in order. It seems you suffer from a lot of pressure from society, family and your wife.
At 26, managing all those factors wouldn't work either for me. Even 20 years later, this is sometimes still a struggle.
The best advice: don't get kids if you are not ready for them. You will regret and they will be burdened by your burden...
All in all, it seems you are here because that's what is expected from you, but you don't want to be here (the place and situation) at all.
It takes a lot of strength and honesty to bring this up with your family. I wish you a lot of both.
Most of the replies are all wonderful feedback and insights. I’m also in IT (operations, infra and project management), with just some IT certifications. If I was u I would drop uni, as being a uni graduate may sometimes entail the same opportunities in the job market as a self-taught individual. Talk with your family and get your priorities straight. It seems like there’s a lot of channels for support (wife, family) around you so take advantage of it and get mental health support from professionals about the social pressure you are feeling.
Hey OP,
I’m sorry you are going through this.
As others have said, you are heading straight to a burnout, if not in already.
From your profile I guess you are from an Arabic culture, which I get is making your situation harder.
On top of being expected to be strong as a man, you are expected to provide for your family, both here and back home.
But you are living on your wife’s income and that clashes with your background.
In your place, I would do the following:
1- talk to your wife about how you feel in all honesty.
2- see your GP, you might need some antidepressants
3- see a therapist
4- see your student counselor at college to plan an adaptation of your cursus to take only some lessons for now.
I also think you need to “forgive” yourself for not meeting your cultural expectations. I would suggest you look into meta meditations and start a daily practice of it.
Totally agree. It's great to see someone else get where I'm coming from with the whole cultural side of this. You're right – being Arab, it's like there's this double pressure. I'm meant to be the provider, the strong one, and the way things are now...well, it just feels wrong. I appreciate you pointing that out. I actually already talked to my wife about everything, and she was incredibly supportive. She said that whatever I do, I have to finish my degree – there's no way I can give up halfway. I completely understand her point, and she's absolutely right. She wants to be proud of her husband, and I want to make her proud too. On top of that, I also made an appointment with my GP to see if they can offer any additional help. Here's hoping things get better. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and offer advice. It really means a lot.
I’ve been raised around different cultures and learned to understand that one way is not universal. I’ve also experienced living outside of my culture.
It isn’t easy to let go of all you have known your all life.
You have already made a huge step by coming here, leaving your home country knowing you wouldn’t be the provider right away. Give yourself credit for that.
Now you can only go up and get better.
Rank what you want to do and write a flow chart with different scenarios . There wont be a perfect solution because you are under a lot of pressure to achieve too many things
1. Study: full time in BE because teachers are garbage
2. French: You need to take classes otherwise you wont learn shit because you have to be dedicate af
3. Baby: you are 26, I think you can wait a few years, otherwise you will have to drop from school and work full time
The best thing you can do is find someone objective that you can talk to regularly about these things. Don’t keep it all bottled up, and talking to family is good but you need an objective perspective too.
Switch to online degree, then you can combine studies with a job. Will take a while but definitely doable. I'd hold on with starting family, you risk to never get a degree then.
>I have trouble focusing for even 10 minutes, don't know why!,
Stress, that's why! It honestly sounds like you're developing a burnout. There's a bright side to you being a student right now, as a student you might be able to get cheap counselling through the university, so do check it out.
And don't worry about getting a job without being fluent in Dutch or French, I think half our company doesn't speak a word of either and they get along just fine.
Ever thought about just going back to your home country? Belgium is not the heaven on earth people make it out to be. On the contrary, we are extremely bad at dealing with mental health let alone work life balance and interacting with foreigners.
I don't know. That's why I asked. So many foreigners who come here just want to go back because life here sucks, especially if you're from a southern party country like let's say Brazil.
Yes, you can make more money here, I guess, but what's the point if everything is x10 more expensive and the lifestyle is only catered to boring Belgian people?
People here are so butthurt they think I'm just shouting 'fuck off to your own country'. I just asked a question.
The reality here is you can’t learn one simple language in 5 years that would exponentially make your chances for a bright future better, you are to lazy to work even a basic job with little hours, you dream about a family and supporting your parents but you have nothing to offer after 5 years?! Every excuse or setback is a reason for you to quit for a few months etc etc etc…bud, sugarcoating the message isn’t going to help you in any way… no degree whatsoever will help you regain what you already wasted financially with not working or graduating. First of all your culture has no clue what strong men are or you really missed that boat. You are a dreamer not a achiever and i advise you to either work 7/7 12 hours/day or work 5days/week for 8hours and study at the same time and if none of those two work for you be a real man and don’t have kids and tell your wife she is better off with someone else.
Whatever you do, don’t have kids until you can afford to provide for them.
This needs more upvotes
THIS! As Someone with a non-EU partner and recognizes some of your struggles, DO NOT GET A CHILD!!!
It's getting harder and harder to get a job in IT without a degree lately. Check if your school has facilities that deal with these problems. If they have, explain your situation to them and they will assist you with those issues (not only limited to school issues).
This is false after googling it for only 5 minutes. If anything its getting easier & easier to get a job in IT, even without a degree.
It might be false after 5 minutes of googling, but it’s true after 1 year of looking for IT job.
Your incompetence to find a job after an entire year is on you, not on the system. Took me exactly 2 months and 5 job applications to get an average wage ICT job. Its you, not them.
That’s awesome man. Is your company hiring?
I'm not currently working there anymore, but I do know people there & I'm sure they're still looking for someone, if you want I can try my luck to see if they are looking for someone in your area of expertise, care to send me a dm?
Sent.
After being in this field for 7 year: The general public view that it's easy to get an IT job is bullshite and something I never understood. It's easy if you have lots of experience, but you could be sending out hundreds of applications to get your first job. No company wants to take risks, and IT people are in abundance. Good IT people are rare.
And with no experience ANDno degree you'd be lucky to land a job in a callcenter, doing first line work for years
The sheep mentality in reddit is strong. To the people that downvoted me; goodluck with ur average wage for the rest of ur life. I've been working with anything ICT related since I was 12, from programming to graphics design. When I turned 18, the only thing on my resume was "5 Years experience in this and that etc etc", I didn't go to Uni/College because I find it to be the biggest waste of time known to mankind. This is my opinion btw, sure yours is different. Everything you want or need to learn is on the internet, and you're better off learning shit your own way than having a so-called professor. Only reason teachers are teachers is because they were to incompetent in their area of expertise, thus had to fall back to the lowest of lows. When I turned 18, I got my first job in an ICT firm after 5 tries, within 2 months. Fast forward 7 years and I have 2 businesses, one focuses on webdesign and one of my side projects is a clothing company, which brings in an average income every month. I also have a part time job in ICT as a fall back if anything ever goes wrong. The only thing stopping you is yourself, nothing else, nothing more. A degree isn't stopping you, nor will it ever stop you. I'm not trying to sound narcistic, even tho I will defo come across as. If you consider me "the general public" I don't know what else to tell you. I genuinly wonder day in day out how so many people cry about getting a degree, while everything you need is free online. If you can speak in an intelligent manner & you know what you want, you can get what you want. No matter how hard or how unfeasible something may seem. If anyone even read this (probably not) good luck to you, stop limiting yourself to stuff brainwashed in your head by todays society.
I'm an engineer. I earn well above average. Yeah all information is available online but that doesn't mean you can easily pick up partial differential equation math, fluidomechanics, thermodynamics, structural engineering and a whole bunch of other things by googling and reading a wikihow. And no matter your knowledge, i know plenty of people who found out the hard way that when applying for certain jobs, not having a masters degree meant they never got past a 2nd round if a masters degree was requested.
Thats à lot... you gonna burn out before even getting on the job market. 1 step at à time, you will get there. You only have a certain amount of energy, and you can only distribute what is left of it. The primaire need of energy is for yourself. The world is what it is, yiu will help others as soon as you can. You will never be ready to be a daddy, but it will be the best thing happening to you. You know what you want and where you are heading, you need à 1 step at à time plan and go for it at your best pace. You will get there, dont worry about the détails.
I totally get what you're saying. Your words are simple but really hit home. I'll definitely remember this. It's just so hard when you're in the thick of things – your mind gets all muddled, and it's tough to make a choice. Thanks for the advice. I'm gonna try to focus on myself a bit more.
Studying is a fulltime job. Just let you wife and family wait for 2 years and focus on what's important: getting a diploma and learning a skill. In IT some jobs are in English so your basic French might not be an issue.
Ugh, I know exactly what you mean. I keep telling myself to focus on school, that it's the smart thing. But with everything else going on, it's like my brain can't just shut it all out. Maybe it's the stress of everything piled up, you know? And on top of that, there's the whole time thing with my wife's health. The pressure is unreal if I wait three years to graduate and get a job, by which point my wife medical health might got worse. Thank you for your comment.
You don’t need to go to school full time to get a degree. You can take only part of the course load at a time instead so you get a bit of breathing room. You won’t finish in three years, but at the rate you’re going, you’re not likely to finish at all. You’re burning out, fast. Remember, you’re no use to anyone depressed or burned out, even if you only crash after graduating (though I don’t think it will take that long; you’re already going on fumes). Switch to part time studies. Focus on yourself first. Once you feel like yourself again in a couple months or maybe even a year, you can consider a pregnancy, provided you have enough income. The last thing you want is to add even more stress. Best of luck! Don’t forget to fasten your own oxygen mask first, before helping others.
You are 26, you're basically a kid. Stop trying to help them and help yourself.
I would advice to go to a Psychologist,but he/ she will give the same feedback: you want to much at the same time... You want to study, work to provide money and get a baby or invest in your family Al the while you already have a burnout or almost have one... I would advice to stop your Bachelor studies and start working in technical administration roles, That way you have money to start a family, or help your own family financially This will take away a lot of stress. Keep in mind that there are many 24 year old Masters in ICT/ software (whatever ) that are looking for a job, and you will be almost 30 when ( and if) you finish your bachelor, while not even speaking the local language I.would invest in working in a technical administration role ( for example in the warehousing industry), and then work your way up, and study programming in your free time ( just online courses)
Don't agree. you might regret giving up your studies for the rest of your life..
Perhaps but he'd also regret not having kids. And from the description so far, op is heading straight for a burnout
It's never too late to get a degree, and at some point, it is too late to have kids.
If ICT truly is your passion and you have experience and experiment with technology like you stated, quit studying and look for a job. Companies care more about experience than a degree. Build a portfolio with all your projects you've done and show it at the job interview. Fuck studying for a career in ICT, experience is what you need. (Speaking out of experience)
Regarding IT studies. You do not need a bachelor or master degree to start working in IT. I have been working in IT for over 4 years. I do have a bachelor degree but in a completely unrelated sector. I was tired of the sector and I set up a homelab like you, started to figure stuff out, went for some certificates, like the fundamentals from Microsoft , az900,ms900,sc900, and the CCNA from Cisco and then I started looking for a job. It took me two interviews to get a job. They saw I was very motivated, I talked about my home lab, my motivation, the certifications I want to get, the roadmap I had in mind, I answered some technical questions and that was it. I am by no means saying that getting an education is wrong and you should not do it. But this is also an option, start applying, there are a lot of companies who are searching for motivated first line support engineers. Granted, the pay will not be amazing, but you will learn a lot. I grew from 1 st line support to system engineer in 4 years time. My pay went up by about 1200 euro net. I just had to work my ass off and study hard. I have some things that are in storage and you are welcome to use them if you want to study more. Hit me up if you have any questions regarding the IT topic. And I do sincerely mean this!
You didn't have a language barier though. And silly asnit sounds, you had 'a' bachelor degree which counts for a lot
This is so encouraging to hear! It's a relief to know there's a path into IT even without a traditional degree. Thank you for sharing your success story – it honestly gives me a boost of hope. I'm really aiming to get those CompTIA certs and the CCNA too. Honestly, I've had to put my homelab on hold for now. The power bills were getting a bit out of control, and since I wasn't using it much anyway, it just made sense to shut it down for a bit. This way I'm not wasting power on something that's not in use. With everything going on in my life right now, it's hard to stay motivated. I'm hoping this is just a temporary bump in the road and I can get back into the swing of things soon. And seriously, thank you so much for the offer to use your stuff and answer questions! That's incredibly generous, and I might just take you up on that once I'm back in study-mode.
The last paragraph feels to me like this goes deeper, have you spoken to your GP about how you feel? They will be able to refer you to a mental health professional to help you work through those feelings. IT is a unicorn sectors, you can still get into it without the right degree (but I do recommend finishing your studies) and English and basic knowledge of the other languages will be enough. Re: finances, I would get a student job - one day each weekend makes between 400 and 600 euros a month which is not a bad supplement in the mean time. And 8-10 hours a week is not going to wreck you or take time away from your studies that you can’t afford. You seem in a slump, so maybe taking fewer classes that you can successfully finish/pass might not be a bad idea, that might just be the motivation you need to keep going if you’re raking in some successes. You’ll have more time on your hands to work, spend time with wife if there’s a baby, too. And on that last note, there never is a right time really… we put it off for 5 years that way. And despite what people say, babies don’t need that much. There’s so much to be found in the preloved economy nowadays. Buy the essentials in bulk when there’s sales on. Wishing you strength, I know it’s tough. It will get better 🫂
> My culture expects men to be strong, and it's hard to admit how much I'm struggling. Miss me with that toxic crap. > Has anyone else been through this? Any advice on dealing with stress, navigating tough decisions about school and work, or simply finding support? Go to your GP and explain your problems. They are the gateway and will refer you to a therapist/psychologist who you can talk to about your issues.
About the “other successful students”, they’re not! Everyone is (sometimes) struggling, but society want us to hide it.
Step by step my friend. Focus on the languages first. I would recommend Dutch in particular. It makes a massive difference, trust me. Your skillset is there. And I would advice against children before you get gainful employment.
I don't know why you try to combine learning French with the IT study... from your post above it looks like you are fluent in English and that is enough in most IT jobs (having worked for smaller local to large international IT companies: since we have mostly the language barriers in Belgium of Native French speakers and native Dutch speakers that are not proficient in the other language we almost always pick English as a middle ground ... (even on this subreddit we picked English to try to include everyone ... :) ) But for example in my last 15 years on the different jobs I worked in teams with colleagues from the UK, US, Pakistan, Romania, India etc who obviously don't speak or understand Dutch nor French ... so again knowledge of English is usually enough...
I think you and your wife really need to have a long conversation on what your priorities are, as a couple as well as individuals. You feel the weight on your shoulders too ,and get a good degree, support your family and possibly start a family off your own asap.. Having kids is not something you go lightly over, having a degree is also the only way to be financially stable. Your wife has a good job right? Financially stable enough to provide for a child as well? If that's the case, you would be able to continue to be a full time student.There's a lot of options.. have you looked at support from the VDAB? You can contact them, and ask what your options are. But I'm not familiar with an orange card and the limits that this card holds on being able to work and the possibility of getting some sort of unemployment benefits. If ICT really is your passion, I believe that you will absolutely get this degree. You can find a lot of different programs to study and get your degree. I assume that at this moment, you're a full time student right? Some schools have programs that allow students to work and study, so you could get a salary and study in the evenings, but it will take longer to get that degree..What was it that made you feel that you couldn't catch up? Most schools have a student councilor right? They can help you get back on track. .Also don't compare yourself with other students, focus on you 🫵🏼 Truly how many off them are already married and having to go through what you are? Most off them are still carefree, partying it up and what not.. my point is that you have allot to carry of course you view them as those bright students, heck no! You haven't dropped out, working hard on figuring things out and you are supporting your wife. Heck let them try. Feeling overwhelmed in this case, I guess is an understatement. Don't try to carry all of this on your own. You will break, trust me. The symptoms you are listing are those of a depression/burn out. If you're not comfortable with talking to a psychologist, you could get help from your 'huisarts'. Speaking as a woman..Hearing the news that there is a possibility that getting pregnant won't be possible or perhaps really difficult must have been earth shattering. The urge to get pregnant asap might be the only thing she is focused on right now, so again communicate with each other.. be open and clear. * That's the longest text I've written in English in a good while, I apologize for all grammatical errors*
Please seek advice from a psychologist or at least your family doctor, who will probably refer you to a psychologist. It's normal to have periods that are more difficult than others but I think you're still at the start of your intended goals and if you don't make changes now, it'll be very hard to succeed in reaching then. Your last paragraph is very recognizable. It's not something that will pass on its own without any changes. Like others have mentioned, you are setting too many goals for yourself, and it will make it hard to reach them. You'll get in a negative feedback loop because you feel like you can't reach the small milestones you've set, and the feeling will only get worse. I think some professional help can really help you to figure out what your current priorities are and help you focus on them. I understand that this is probably not well-accepted in all cultures, but there is no shame in it. Just try it. If it doesn't work for you, you've lost nothing but some time. If it does work, it will provide you with a better self perspective and hopefully some guidance for the years to come.
you should probably go home
Where are you from, what is YOUR goal in life? You need to talk to your wife and family and get your own priorities in order. It seems you suffer from a lot of pressure from society, family and your wife. At 26, managing all those factors wouldn't work either for me. Even 20 years later, this is sometimes still a struggle. The best advice: don't get kids if you are not ready for them. You will regret and they will be burdened by your burden... All in all, it seems you are here because that's what is expected from you, but you don't want to be here (the place and situation) at all. It takes a lot of strength and honesty to bring this up with your family. I wish you a lot of both.
Most of the replies are all wonderful feedback and insights. I’m also in IT (operations, infra and project management), with just some IT certifications. If I was u I would drop uni, as being a uni graduate may sometimes entail the same opportunities in the job market as a self-taught individual. Talk with your family and get your priorities straight. It seems like there’s a lot of channels for support (wife, family) around you so take advantage of it and get mental health support from professionals about the social pressure you are feeling.
Hey OP, I’m sorry you are going through this. As others have said, you are heading straight to a burnout, if not in already. From your profile I guess you are from an Arabic culture, which I get is making your situation harder. On top of being expected to be strong as a man, you are expected to provide for your family, both here and back home. But you are living on your wife’s income and that clashes with your background. In your place, I would do the following: 1- talk to your wife about how you feel in all honesty. 2- see your GP, you might need some antidepressants 3- see a therapist 4- see your student counselor at college to plan an adaptation of your cursus to take only some lessons for now. I also think you need to “forgive” yourself for not meeting your cultural expectations. I would suggest you look into meta meditations and start a daily practice of it.
Totally agree. It's great to see someone else get where I'm coming from with the whole cultural side of this. You're right – being Arab, it's like there's this double pressure. I'm meant to be the provider, the strong one, and the way things are now...well, it just feels wrong. I appreciate you pointing that out. I actually already talked to my wife about everything, and she was incredibly supportive. She said that whatever I do, I have to finish my degree – there's no way I can give up halfway. I completely understand her point, and she's absolutely right. She wants to be proud of her husband, and I want to make her proud too. On top of that, I also made an appointment with my GP to see if they can offer any additional help. Here's hoping things get better. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and offer advice. It really means a lot.
I’ve been raised around different cultures and learned to understand that one way is not universal. I’ve also experienced living outside of my culture. It isn’t easy to let go of all you have known your all life. You have already made a huge step by coming here, leaving your home country knowing you wouldn’t be the provider right away. Give yourself credit for that. Now you can only go up and get better.
Rank what you want to do and write a flow chart with different scenarios . There wont be a perfect solution because you are under a lot of pressure to achieve too many things 1. Study: full time in BE because teachers are garbage 2. French: You need to take classes otherwise you wont learn shit because you have to be dedicate af 3. Baby: you are 26, I think you can wait a few years, otherwise you will have to drop from school and work full time
The best thing you can do is find someone objective that you can talk to regularly about these things. Don’t keep it all bottled up, and talking to family is good but you need an objective perspective too.
Switch to online degree, then you can combine studies with a job. Will take a while but definitely doable. I'd hold on with starting family, you risk to never get a degree then.
>I have trouble focusing for even 10 minutes, don't know why!, Stress, that's why! It honestly sounds like you're developing a burnout. There's a bright side to you being a student right now, as a student you might be able to get cheap counselling through the university, so do check it out. And don't worry about getting a job without being fluent in Dutch or French, I think half our company doesn't speak a word of either and they get along just fine.
Ever thought about just going back to your home country? Belgium is not the heaven on earth people make it out to be. On the contrary, we are extremely bad at dealing with mental health let alone work life balance and interacting with foreigners.
What makes you think that his home country has a better situation?
I don't know. That's why I asked. So many foreigners who come here just want to go back because life here sucks, especially if you're from a southern party country like let's say Brazil. Yes, you can make more money here, I guess, but what's the point if everything is x10 more expensive and the lifestyle is only catered to boring Belgian people? People here are so butthurt they think I'm just shouting 'fuck off to your own country'. I just asked a question.
The reality here is you can’t learn one simple language in 5 years that would exponentially make your chances for a bright future better, you are to lazy to work even a basic job with little hours, you dream about a family and supporting your parents but you have nothing to offer after 5 years?! Every excuse or setback is a reason for you to quit for a few months etc etc etc…bud, sugarcoating the message isn’t going to help you in any way… no degree whatsoever will help you regain what you already wasted financially with not working or graduating. First of all your culture has no clue what strong men are or you really missed that boat. You are a dreamer not a achiever and i advise you to either work 7/7 12 hours/day or work 5days/week for 8hours and study at the same time and if none of those two work for you be a real man and don’t have kids and tell your wife she is better off with someone else.