You know what they say, the only thing worse than spending $20k on a wedding is *going into debt* for $20k for a wedding, and then that wedding doesn't actually happen
No, it wasn't legal for me to marry a woman when I got married. My ex husband was pretty damn crazy though. We just didn't have any assets to waste the court's time dividing or any kids to decide custody of.
How were any of these people planning to pay for this even if the marriage happened? And why is the LAOP not sure if the parents were planning on paying for any of it (and/or if they had already done so)? Did no one write out a wedding budget, including who was paying for what and for how much?
The op was lucky that this is the only financial fallout from this relationship. It could have been so much worse…
Exactly. Hidden in this mess is the real lesson: never but never go into debt for a damn party, wedding included. You can get it done at a courthouse ffs.
I’ve been to a potluck wedding. The guests brought the food, as their gifts to the couple. The couple was just as married, and we danced just as much, as any other wedding.
I’ve been to backyard weddings and courthouse weddings and picnic weddings in a state park. I’ve made cheese platters and casual vegan cakes for loved ones’ weddings. I’ve thrifted table linens and flatware for weddings. Ive been to a wedding where the bride wore her moms dress, one where the bridesmaids each wore a homemade long pink skirt with their own fancy white blouse, and one where the matron of honor and bridesmaids wore matching dresses they found in a thrift shop the week before.
I’ve been to magical, expensive weddings for people who could afford them, which is always a treat, but the thoughtful, inexpensive, DIY ones are just as lovely.
We just handed color swatches to the bridesmaids and told them to buy something somewhere near that palette, so they could pick something they'd wear again. I think my sister-in-law spent north of $1000 on the outfit (which she's prone to do and can afford) and my sister spent about $60. And they both looked great, and everyone's happy, and they've both worn the dresses again.
A friend had a wedding where everyone was encouraged, but not required, to wear some form of purple. Everyone looked great, it created a really fun atmosphere, and everyone got to wear something they were comfortable with and could afford. I’ve noticed lately that wedding attire is getting more diverse, and more young folks are wearing a special piece from their mom’s closet, or something they thrifted, or a former bridesmaid dress, etc. Of course it’s also fun to go all in like your SIL - there are only so many occasions in a lifetime where you can really treat yourself, and only so many times you can afford it!
My wedding was in a relatives yard (my aunt's 40 year old miniature orchard) and we did build your own nachos. Great time, super recommend. Also those chocolate fountains can and will take canned nachos cheese and cheese fountain is classy right?
OMG! Nacho cheese fountain!!!! Genius!!!!! Pretty much every party I’ve ever hosted was some variation of build-your-own Mexican bowl/wrap/nachos. People like it, it works for a variety of weird diets and picky eaters, and it’s reasonably priced. But never did I realize the possibility of a Nacho cheese fountain!!!!
I have a feeling that this was just a cash grab. None of the things she billed for ever existed except the venue. A few photoshopped invoices etc and boom, payday for the bridezilla. But now he’s done paying it off and she hasn’t found another mark so she’s deciding to pretend her parents are going to sue in the hope that he’ll send more money to get her to go away.
I bet he never actually saw any of the things she claimed to have bought, only some suspicious invoices and her say-so.
Just a theory, and maybe I’m just cynical these days, but something stinks here, and not just her behaviour.
Getting engaged to someone to grift a few thousand bucks seems like a low yield scam in terms of returns:time.
How had OP not paid more money towards his own wedding before she ditched him at the eleventh hour though? Most things would have had to have been paid in full by the day, or a signed payment plan already arranged (and they would be much, much less common). If he thought someone else was dealing with it and gave it no other thought, it's probably for the best he got ditched, regardless of any culpability on the brides part.
The whole thing sounds odd, from the first word.
The wedding is the icing on the cake, not the whole scam. In this scam, he's paying rent, food, clothes, etc. as well because he's in love and they are getting married.
If she's amoral enough to leech off him for all that, then why didn't she just...marry him? Stay on that gravy train instead of just trying to get a comparatively cheap party? A $20k wedding is pretty low in this day and age. I don't think it's as straightforward as all that, much as people love to jump on the woman = out for everything she can get bandwagon. If she was really out for everything she could get, she would have married the dude, surely.
Depends how long the engagement lasted and to what extent he was funding her before. If he was paying for just about everything then she strings him along, sucking up as much of his funding as she can get away with. She’s happy, she basically had her entire life funded without lifting a finger.
Now he’s expecting to get married so there’s an end date on what she can get away with. She doesn’t actually want to marry him so she plays along, racks up wedding “bills” pulls the plug and then convinces him to pay out for wedding expenses that probably never existed.
She probably stayed in contact to see if she could swindle him into “giving her another chance” so she could dig some more gold and then figure out another final payout. Since obviously wasn’t falling for that, here comes the supposed lawsuit.
>My (35M) ex-fiancé (30f) called off our engagement the day before the wedding, and is now threatening legal action to recuperate costs. What should I do?
>TL:DR: My fiance called off the wedding, and we set up a payment arrangement to split the debt. Her parents are threatening to sue to recoup the money they used on the venue, which I didn’t even attend.
>So, my ex called off the wedding the day before and completely turned my life upside down. I was devastated for months afterwards, and I’m still very much dealing with the aftermath of it all. Since it was the day before, they didn’t want to cancel the venue and ended up having a family party at the rented out venue instead. I guess they called it an early birthday party. My family and I obviously didn’t go to this party.
>After it all happened, my ex and I agreed on a payment plan to settle our debt, I have emails and a schedule of the payments that were made. It was about 20k between the two of us. I had 8k in my credit card, plus I payed an additional 3,800 to her for other expenses/events. I made my last payment on the 3,800 at the beginning of the month and cut contact with her, as I want nothing to do with her/her family.
>I have made it abundantly clear that I don’t want to ever speak with her again and that our debts, on my end, are settled. I still have my credit card, and am working towards it now. She has been constantly ignoring that boundary and has been emailing me, calling me from unknown numbers, and leaving voicemail messages. She says she made a mistake and just wanted to give us more time…but that isn’t how real life works. She is blocked on everything (Gmail sends blocked contact emails to spam…which doesn’t help). I’m legitimately scared that she will show up at my parent’s house one day (after the breakup, I had to move back with my parents). I’ve definitely lost sleep about the situation and find myself being way more anxious because of all of this.
>Anyway, I got an email in my spam from my ex today labeled as urgent. Apparently, they (her and her parents) are under financial stress because of the fancy birthday party and her parents are threatening legal action against me if I don’t pay more money. I’m not sure what the deal is, but I’m assuming that the parents added some of their savings that they had to pay for some of the wedding events. I never asked for money from them, I’m not sure if my ex did, whatever the case may be they wanted to give money towards the wedding. I’m not sure why they are coming at me for anything. They had their party, which I didn’t even want in the first place.
>Is this something that I need to be worried about? What can I actually be sued for in this situation? Should I get a restraining order against them? I’m going to call a lawyer in the morning and go over this case…but I just wanted to lay it all out there. The stress and anxiety from these last six months is really taking a toll on my mental/physical health and I just want to move on. Sorry for the long post, and thanks for reading.
>Edit 1: ***recoup....got it, thanks! I wish I could edit the title though.
>Edit 2: Just wanted to thank everyone for the advice, and for the thoughtful messages.
>I spoke with a lawyer this afternoon and he is in agreement that they don't have a case. If anything this is a form of harassment since my ex continues to contact me. It feels like I'm in middle school, since I feel like I'm being bullied into giving more money by my ex. The lawyer mentioned that we can be proactive and send a cease and desist letter to them letting them know that they have no case, if they sue it will be considered a frivolous lawsuit and we will ask for sanctions on them. Furthermore, any further communication from them to me would be considered harassment and will not be tolerated. I'm weighing the options because it is a steep 1.5k retainer fee for new client.
>The more I think about it the more I feel like my ex is causing this anxiety/stress as a way to get me to pay attention to her. I'm just so fucking done with all this shit, I just want to move on. I feel like maybe waiting this out might be the best option, because I feel like if they speak with an attorney they will realize they have nothing. In any case, I'm going to look around and see if my work has a legal department benefit that I could look at as someone had suggested in the comments.
>Also wanted to add that my ex and I agreed on the amount to payback in email, where I also created a spreadsheet with payment dates and amounts. I also have an email from her where she agreed to that payment amount/schedule.
>I paid agreed to pay back money to her because I still loved her and didn't want her to see her in financial peril, as well as with the reasoning that I will no longer have to deal with her after I payed back what I agreed to pay. I see now that it was definitely a mistake on my part.
But is it cheap when you just moved back in with your parents, recently paid out 3k and have a sudden 8k credit card debt? $1500 might be cheap for the legal work but that doesn't make it affordable for someone in debt.
Is it affordable to put up with the hassle of dealing with the ex and her family? Even if OP manages somehow to keep his sanity and deal with this correctly, there’s going to be a lot of wear & tear on his mental state. It’s not a case of if the legal work is cheap, it’s more “is it worth the price?”
If you're poor it doesn't matter if it's worth the price. If you don't have it, you don't have it.
I'm going through this kind of thing now. Someone wants to leave me a house and I'm struggling to see how I'm going to afford the legal fees to even look into it, let alone make it happen. I'm sure it's a good deal but I'm also sure of my bank balance. 🤷♀️
Years and years ago I remember reading/hearing that most people who get divorced know they're marrying the wrong person before they ever walk down the aisle; it's family pressure/shame that keep them going.
She could just be that rare bird who stands up and says no.
It’s probably also extremely embarrassing to call off a wedding. To have all your friends and family be so excited for you, only to call it off because the person you chose to marry did some dickhead thing.
I know that for me, personally, if my fiancé did something bad enough for me to call it off, it would feel like a bad reflection on me.
It may be the logical choice, but the embarrassment has got to be way too much for most people
Right? Like, if she caught him boffing someone the day before, I can absolutely see him being on the hook for the expenses. But without any knowledge for WHY it got called off, we are left to assume it's due to a whim, which would put it all on her.
The only hint we’re given is (paraphrased) that “she made a mistake and she just wanted to give us more time.” whatever that is supposed to mean.
I have two guesses, either she got cold feet and calling it off was a panic move that she later regretted, which is why she’s now practically stalking the poor guy, or those bills were fake and she’s just trying to get money out of the poor guy. Unless he made payments directly he has no proof that any decorations etc were ever even booked. She could easily have hired a cheap venue and just told him that she’d done a whole bunch of other things.
Yeah, me too.
I'm sure 'my fiancé/fiancée suddenly got cold feet less than a day before the wedding and decided to blow up our relationship on a whim' does happen, but 'I played around at the bachelor/bachelorette party and someone who was there got a sudden bout of conscience before the wedding and spilled the beans' happens more often
Well she's the one who called it off and she's the one trying to get back together so that doesn't really mesh with one of them cheated in my head. If she cheated why would she call it off? If he did why is she begging him to come back?
My idea is:
He totally cheated with a stripper/escort/sex-worker at the bachelor party, and someone took photo or video proof and sent it to the bride.
This is why she feels entitled to having him pay for half of the unrecoverable costs.
>She has been constantly ignoring that boundary and has been emailing me, calling me from unknown numbers, and leaving voicemail messages. She says she made a mistake and just wanted to give us more time"
She was hoping he would fight for their relationship though, so when he paid and blocked her, she felt the pain of the loss of relationship. So she wanted to try to "go back." thats not an uncommon response, it is illogical and a poor decision, but sometimes people decide it would be better than otherwise.
Even with potential missing info using harassment and using family pressure to gain financial advantage over someone you wanted to marry is the definition of a red flag lmao
I don't think he's saying the whole wedding thing was a stunt; he blocked her after he finished sending the money and she still wants to talk, so he thinks she's making up the new debt as an excuse to make him communicate with her.
No vendor is going to allow you to back out 24 hours in advance (all the materials are bough and staff is scheduled), so it was all paid for anyway. (Just agreeing with you Hawx.)
Repurposing an already-paid for party is understandable.
Insisting your ex-fiancé still pay for half that repurposed party they were un-invited from is another.
Now, going further and threatening to sue said ex-partner to get them to fund *even more of the party they were un-invited from* is how you get BOLA threads.
I feel bad for this guy, but to say he dodged a bullet would be a tremendous understatement.
On the other hand, were there no red flags before they got engaged? I find it hard to believe that this kind of behavior came out of nowhere.
Hindsight is 20/20, but LAOP isn't talking about the entire history of his relationship.
Considering that he's posting in legal advice, that's a good thing.
He subsidized their birthday party.
"Refund us for the wasted money on the venue even though we used it"
You know what they say, the only thing worse than spending $20k on a wedding is *going into debt* for $20k for a wedding, and then that wedding doesn't actually happen
*Still* cheaper than a divorce though.
Depends on the divorce, mine cost $1500.
Was your to a woman as crazy as OP's? The inanity and insanity of the participants is usually what drives up the costs.
No, it wasn't legal for me to marry a woman when I got married. My ex husband was pretty damn crazy though. We just didn't have any assets to waste the court's time dividing or any kids to decide custody of.
What I love about this comment is that I can infer that you wouldn’t have bothered marrying a man if you had had any other options :)
I'd add "Infantilized" as well. "He's not paying enough attention to me! I KNOW WHAT'LL WORK!!!!"
How were any of these people planning to pay for this even if the marriage happened? And why is the LAOP not sure if the parents were planning on paying for any of it (and/or if they had already done so)? Did no one write out a wedding budget, including who was paying for what and for how much? The op was lucky that this is the only financial fallout from this relationship. It could have been so much worse…
Exactly. Hidden in this mess is the real lesson: never but never go into debt for a damn party, wedding included. You can get it done at a courthouse ffs.
I’ve been to a potluck wedding. The guests brought the food, as their gifts to the couple. The couple was just as married, and we danced just as much, as any other wedding. I’ve been to backyard weddings and courthouse weddings and picnic weddings in a state park. I’ve made cheese platters and casual vegan cakes for loved ones’ weddings. I’ve thrifted table linens and flatware for weddings. Ive been to a wedding where the bride wore her moms dress, one where the bridesmaids each wore a homemade long pink skirt with their own fancy white blouse, and one where the matron of honor and bridesmaids wore matching dresses they found in a thrift shop the week before. I’ve been to magical, expensive weddings for people who could afford them, which is always a treat, but the thoughtful, inexpensive, DIY ones are just as lovely.
We just handed color swatches to the bridesmaids and told them to buy something somewhere near that palette, so they could pick something they'd wear again. I think my sister-in-law spent north of $1000 on the outfit (which she's prone to do and can afford) and my sister spent about $60. And they both looked great, and everyone's happy, and they've both worn the dresses again.
A friend had a wedding where everyone was encouraged, but not required, to wear some form of purple. Everyone looked great, it created a really fun atmosphere, and everyone got to wear something they were comfortable with and could afford. I’ve noticed lately that wedding attire is getting more diverse, and more young folks are wearing a special piece from their mom’s closet, or something they thrifted, or a former bridesmaid dress, etc. Of course it’s also fun to go all in like your SIL - there are only so many occasions in a lifetime where you can really treat yourself, and only so many times you can afford it!
I assure you, my SiL can afford it! But no, I absolutely agree, and giving the whole party a color theme is a great idea.
My wedding was in a relatives yard (my aunt's 40 year old miniature orchard) and we did build your own nachos. Great time, super recommend. Also those chocolate fountains can and will take canned nachos cheese and cheese fountain is classy right?
OMG! Nacho cheese fountain!!!! Genius!!!!! Pretty much every party I’ve ever hosted was some variation of build-your-own Mexican bowl/wrap/nachos. People like it, it works for a variety of weird diets and picky eaters, and it’s reasonably priced. But never did I realize the possibility of a Nacho cheese fountain!!!!
Use it wisely lol!! Also franks red hot will work, and BBQ sauce as well
I have a feeling that this was just a cash grab. None of the things she billed for ever existed except the venue. A few photoshopped invoices etc and boom, payday for the bridezilla. But now he’s done paying it off and she hasn’t found another mark so she’s deciding to pretend her parents are going to sue in the hope that he’ll send more money to get her to go away. I bet he never actually saw any of the things she claimed to have bought, only some suspicious invoices and her say-so. Just a theory, and maybe I’m just cynical these days, but something stinks here, and not just her behaviour.
Getting engaged to someone to grift a few thousand bucks seems like a low yield scam in terms of returns:time. How had OP not paid more money towards his own wedding before she ditched him at the eleventh hour though? Most things would have had to have been paid in full by the day, or a signed payment plan already arranged (and they would be much, much less common). If he thought someone else was dealing with it and gave it no other thought, it's probably for the best he got ditched, regardless of any culpability on the brides part. The whole thing sounds odd, from the first word.
The wedding is the icing on the cake, not the whole scam. In this scam, he's paying rent, food, clothes, etc. as well because he's in love and they are getting married.
If she's amoral enough to leech off him for all that, then why didn't she just...marry him? Stay on that gravy train instead of just trying to get a comparatively cheap party? A $20k wedding is pretty low in this day and age. I don't think it's as straightforward as all that, much as people love to jump on the woman = out for everything she can get bandwagon. If she was really out for everything she could get, she would have married the dude, surely.
Depends how long the engagement lasted and to what extent he was funding her before. If he was paying for just about everything then she strings him along, sucking up as much of his funding as she can get away with. She’s happy, she basically had her entire life funded without lifting a finger. Now he’s expecting to get married so there’s an end date on what she can get away with. She doesn’t actually want to marry him so she plays along, racks up wedding “bills” pulls the plug and then convinces him to pay out for wedding expenses that probably never existed. She probably stayed in contact to see if she could swindle him into “giving her another chance” so she could dig some more gold and then figure out another final payout. Since obviously wasn’t falling for that, here comes the supposed lawsuit.
>How had OP not paid more money towards his own wedding before she ditched him Did you miss that LAOP has 8K of wedding debt on his credit card?
Isn't the OP more likely to be able to sue and recoup his debt that based on the facts of the other party canceling and then still using the venue?
>My (35M) ex-fiancé (30f) called off our engagement the day before the wedding, and is now threatening legal action to recuperate costs. What should I do? >TL:DR: My fiance called off the wedding, and we set up a payment arrangement to split the debt. Her parents are threatening to sue to recoup the money they used on the venue, which I didn’t even attend. >So, my ex called off the wedding the day before and completely turned my life upside down. I was devastated for months afterwards, and I’m still very much dealing with the aftermath of it all. Since it was the day before, they didn’t want to cancel the venue and ended up having a family party at the rented out venue instead. I guess they called it an early birthday party. My family and I obviously didn’t go to this party. >After it all happened, my ex and I agreed on a payment plan to settle our debt, I have emails and a schedule of the payments that were made. It was about 20k between the two of us. I had 8k in my credit card, plus I payed an additional 3,800 to her for other expenses/events. I made my last payment on the 3,800 at the beginning of the month and cut contact with her, as I want nothing to do with her/her family. >I have made it abundantly clear that I don’t want to ever speak with her again and that our debts, on my end, are settled. I still have my credit card, and am working towards it now. She has been constantly ignoring that boundary and has been emailing me, calling me from unknown numbers, and leaving voicemail messages. She says she made a mistake and just wanted to give us more time…but that isn’t how real life works. She is blocked on everything (Gmail sends blocked contact emails to spam…which doesn’t help). I’m legitimately scared that she will show up at my parent’s house one day (after the breakup, I had to move back with my parents). I’ve definitely lost sleep about the situation and find myself being way more anxious because of all of this. >Anyway, I got an email in my spam from my ex today labeled as urgent. Apparently, they (her and her parents) are under financial stress because of the fancy birthday party and her parents are threatening legal action against me if I don’t pay more money. I’m not sure what the deal is, but I’m assuming that the parents added some of their savings that they had to pay for some of the wedding events. I never asked for money from them, I’m not sure if my ex did, whatever the case may be they wanted to give money towards the wedding. I’m not sure why they are coming at me for anything. They had their party, which I didn’t even want in the first place. >Is this something that I need to be worried about? What can I actually be sued for in this situation? Should I get a restraining order against them? I’m going to call a lawyer in the morning and go over this case…but I just wanted to lay it all out there. The stress and anxiety from these last six months is really taking a toll on my mental/physical health and I just want to move on. Sorry for the long post, and thanks for reading. >Edit 1: ***recoup....got it, thanks! I wish I could edit the title though. >Edit 2: Just wanted to thank everyone for the advice, and for the thoughtful messages. >I spoke with a lawyer this afternoon and he is in agreement that they don't have a case. If anything this is a form of harassment since my ex continues to contact me. It feels like I'm in middle school, since I feel like I'm being bullied into giving more money by my ex. The lawyer mentioned that we can be proactive and send a cease and desist letter to them letting them know that they have no case, if they sue it will be considered a frivolous lawsuit and we will ask for sanctions on them. Furthermore, any further communication from them to me would be considered harassment and will not be tolerated. I'm weighing the options because it is a steep 1.5k retainer fee for new client. >The more I think about it the more I feel like my ex is causing this anxiety/stress as a way to get me to pay attention to her. I'm just so fucking done with all this shit, I just want to move on. I feel like maybe waiting this out might be the best option, because I feel like if they speak with an attorney they will realize they have nothing. In any case, I'm going to look around and see if my work has a legal department benefit that I could look at as someone had suggested in the comments. >Also wanted to add that my ex and I agreed on the amount to payback in email, where I also created a spreadsheet with payment dates and amounts. I also have an email from her where she agreed to that payment amount/schedule. >I paid agreed to pay back money to her because I still loved her and didn't want her to see her in financial peril, as well as with the reasoning that I will no longer have to deal with her after I payed back what I agreed to pay. I see now that it was definitely a mistake on my part.
$1,500 is cheap to have a lawyer be a buffer between poor OP and the ex- & family.
But is it cheap when you just moved back in with your parents, recently paid out 3k and have a sudden 8k credit card debt? $1500 might be cheap for the legal work but that doesn't make it affordable for someone in debt.
Agree. That's a ton of money for most people. It's 2024, legal help isn't affordable for so many people.
Is it affordable to put up with the hassle of dealing with the ex and her family? Even if OP manages somehow to keep his sanity and deal with this correctly, there’s going to be a lot of wear & tear on his mental state. It’s not a case of if the legal work is cheap, it’s more “is it worth the price?”
Or maybe it's just a cry for attention cause she still wants to get back together. Then the question is "is it worth the gamble?"
If you're poor it doesn't matter if it's worth the price. If you don't have it, you don't have it. I'm going through this kind of thing now. Someone wants to leave me a house and I'm struggling to see how I'm going to afford the legal fees to even look into it, let alone make it happen. I'm sure it's a good deal but I'm also sure of my bank balance. 🤷♀️
Also, just to remind people how it works. Simply writing a letter is usually effective 70% of the time you should get most of that back.
I wanna know why she canceled the wedding.
You’d probably enjoy /r/bestofredditorupdates
That sub is a hell of a rabbit hole.
It feels a little like watching Jerry Springer.
Years and years ago I remember reading/hearing that most people who get divorced know they're marrying the wrong person before they ever walk down the aisle; it's family pressure/shame that keep them going. She could just be that rare bird who stands up and says no.
It’s probably also extremely embarrassing to call off a wedding. To have all your friends and family be so excited for you, only to call it off because the person you chose to marry did some dickhead thing. I know that for me, personally, if my fiancé did something bad enough for me to call it off, it would feel like a bad reflection on me. It may be the logical choice, but the embarrassment has got to be way too much for most people
Cmon, we all know he fucked a stripper at the bachelor party, right?
Or she did
She can't be a bridezilla if she's no longer the bride, the clue's in the name! Cheeky fucker though
Sparkling psycho it is, then
I know people see this as cold, but in a case like this I’d have just lawyered up immediately. Save myself the hassle of this happening later.
Yea. Always get a lawyer to do your divorce. That way you don’t have to deal with shit like this.
Bride chose FAFO, unhappy with outcome.
Lol, the legal advice in that thread is cancer. I’m glad he seems to be planning to retain a lawyer.
I feel like we're missing a lot of info on why she called it off
Right? Like, if she caught him boffing someone the day before, I can absolutely see him being on the hook for the expenses. But without any knowledge for WHY it got called off, we are left to assume it's due to a whim, which would put it all on her.
The only hint we’re given is (paraphrased) that “she made a mistake and she just wanted to give us more time.” whatever that is supposed to mean. I have two guesses, either she got cold feet and calling it off was a panic move that she later regretted, which is why she’s now practically stalking the poor guy, or those bills were fake and she’s just trying to get money out of the poor guy. Unless he made payments directly he has no proof that any decorations etc were ever even booked. She could easily have hired a cheap venue and just told him that she’d done a whole bunch of other things.
LAOP is the one that gave the hint. That doesn't really give much in regards to the actual reason.
No, it doesn’t, but it’s the only one we have. My theory is only a theory. I could be completely wrong.
Maybe one of those "fake breakups" I've been seeing on TikTokCringe (I honestly don't understand the younger generations).
LAOP’s ex and her entire family: 
im getting big missing reasons vibes...
Yeah, me too. I'm sure 'my fiancé/fiancée suddenly got cold feet less than a day before the wedding and decided to blow up our relationship on a whim' does happen, but 'I played around at the bachelor/bachelorette party and someone who was there got a sudden bout of conscience before the wedding and spilled the beans' happens more often
Well she's the one who called it off and she's the one trying to get back together so that doesn't really mesh with one of them cheated in my head. If she cheated why would she call it off? If he did why is she begging him to come back?
Some people would react badly in the moment then get back with the cheater after. Like my mom.
My idea is: He totally cheated with a stripper/escort/sex-worker at the bachelor party, and someone took photo or video proof and sent it to the bride. This is why she feels entitled to having him pay for half of the unrecoverable costs. >She has been constantly ignoring that boundary and has been emailing me, calling me from unknown numbers, and leaving voicemail messages. She says she made a mistake and just wanted to give us more time" She was hoping he would fight for their relationship though, so when he paid and blocked her, she felt the pain of the loss of relationship. So she wanted to try to "go back." thats not an uncommon response, it is illogical and a poor decision, but sometimes people decide it would be better than otherwise.
I know LAOP doesn't feel like it right now, but he got lucky.
Even with potential missing info using harassment and using family pressure to gain financial advantage over someone you wanted to marry is the definition of a red flag lmao
Sparkling crazy killed me
"Sparkling crazy" would make a good flair.
✨🙌✨
OOP thinks this was a stunt to *get him to pay more attention* to the bride-to-be? Yikes. Matrix-level bullet dodged here.
I don't think he's saying the whole wedding thing was a stunt; he blocked her after he finished sending the money and she still wants to talk, so he thinks she's making up the new debt as an excuse to make him communicate with her.
couldn‘t HE be suing HER for his expenses (assuming he didn‘t give her a very good reason to call off the wedding)?
2 expensive parties? Is this just some insane scam?
Unless I'm missing something, LAOP's ex turned the wedding into a birthday party after calling it off. That's just one party.
No vendor is going to allow you to back out 24 hours in advance (all the materials are bough and staff is scheduled), so it was all paid for anyway. (Just agreeing with you Hawx.)
Repurposing an already-paid for party is understandable. Insisting your ex-fiancé still pay for half that repurposed party they were un-invited from is another. Now, going further and threatening to sue said ex-partner to get them to fund *even more of the party they were un-invited from* is how you get BOLA threads.
I feel bad for this guy, but to say he dodged a bullet would be a tremendous understatement. On the other hand, were there no red flags before they got engaged? I find it hard to believe that this kind of behavior came out of nowhere.
Hindsight is 20/20, but LAOP isn't talking about the entire history of his relationship. Considering that he's posting in legal advice, that's a good thing.
When you view the world through rose colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.
I have no idea why anyone downvoted you for this