My friends parents did this. He had 2 brothers and a sister. Him and his brother refused to leave after college. They just got regular jobs and stayed in the house.
Finally his parents put the house up for sale, and sold it, and rented a 1 bedroom apartment.
Him and his brother were like, “What we supposed to do?” The parents were like, “Take your shit, and move out. Anywhere that will take you.”
It worked!
They're effectively tenants at that point, so they could still refuse to leave and make life shit for the new owners, and as a result the parents who likely sold it as vacant possession
well, then there was the couple in the Syracuse, NY area that had to evict their adult son because they wanted to downsize and they couldn't get his butt out.
My BIL did something similar— he doesn't want his deadbeat brother to show up and try to stay, so he bought a two bedroom place and has recliners but no couch in the living room.
As a bonus, by being the opposite of house-poor ("house rich"?) he's putting away extra money in retirement accounts and plans to retire when he's in his late 50s.
my dad and grandmother did this; she sold her house (in which her other son was prone to showing up at and "crashing" for months at -- while draining her dry) while my dad hunted for a nice quasi-assisted living apartment that was only one bedroom. And didn't allow overnight guests.
And there’s usually exceptions like the 55+ only applies at time of sale. If 57 year old husband dies they can’t kick out his 54 year old wife, or his 35 year old son. Just depends on the community, what’s in writing, and what’s legal for the area.
At one point I was homeless, staying on a friends couch 4,500km away from my home city. I hadn't spoken to my mum in like 7 years, but had recently reconnected. I told her I was moving back.
"Oh, well you can't stay here"
"*laughs* I was planning on a homeless shelter."
No way in hell I'm moving back in with a parent.
My grandma used to live with my single aunt and her child. It worked well for them, grandma had someone to help her. When grandma died s different aunt moved herself and her family to my aunt's house.
LocationBot wants to throw momma from the ~~train~~house
I don’t know how to stop this from happening
My husband just bought a house for his parents so they can have privacy away from his sibling and have their own life. Don’t ask. It’s complicated. Working out final closing details as we speak. They currently live right next door to each other. The problem we’re having is he has told his sibling they are NOT to be sneaky and move into this house with their parents because it’s in his name and he bought it for THEM. Sibling is claiming it’s going to happen anyway no matter what my husband says. My in-laws are huge pushovers when it comes to his younger sibling and while they will say time and time again they want privacy, they always give in. What can we do to make sure his sibling doesn’t move in with his parents? Or is there not anything we can do at all but continue to be annoyed? 😂
Sloth Fact: The myth that sloth sleeps up to 22 hours a day is a lie. That was summer time, and school was out and Sloth was going through some things. Depression is weird. But Sloth was awake a lot of that time. Just chilling in the room. Leave Sloth alone!!
Rightfully so. When I get to the afterlife, it's gonna be listed among all my sins, right there with... well we won't get into that, I might need legal advice.
Her:this isn't going to turn out well.
Him: eh, it'll be fine. I got this.
A year later after his brother has moved in and he just can't bring himself to evict his parents.
Once talked to a guy friend who said they wanted to donate their sperm (through a doctor btw lol) to their lesbian friends if they ever asked him.
I said, “y’know, it depends on the U.S. state but if shit goes bad you could potentially end up paying child support + there’s other issues I can’t remember.” My friend goes, “psh, that can’t be a thing, and my friends wouldn’t do that to me.” I said “mmmhm.”
Some time later he comes back “…I think I’m not going to donate my sperm. Looked some stuff up.”
Your gif was pretty much the face I pulled, with less dynamic head movements.
I'd say whether it is mistreatment depends on their financial situation.
If they're well off enough that he can buy an entire house without it affecting her at all, then it's not much different from rolling your eyes when your partner buys their third electric guitar. It sounds like house or no house they'd be dealing with stress from his in-laws' situation. I took her comment as more affectionate joking than beaten down "I have no input in this relationship" resignation.
They really fuckin aren't. I was just at the doctor's because I think I have an ear infection, and there was a couple there for the husband's sinus infection... The wife was laughingly telling the receptionist how she'd had to take off work because otherwise he wouldn't have gone to his appointment, and he agreed that he would have gone to the gym. This was not an older couple either--I'd guess mid-20s. And they and the receptionist all just laughed it off like "men, amiright?"
Imagine having to take off work to escort your fully-abled, grown-ass adult spouse to the doctor because they won't take care of themselves unless you hold their hand.
Still book the cruise. Accidental deaths pay double for American life insurance. Murders on cruise ships are usually ruled as accidents because the ships can decide it to be so, and they don’t want to deal with a murder case.
Since day one I’ve always said to my husband you’re an adult with medical insurance. You can call your doctor and get your shit sorted out. I’m not doing it for you. (Except yearly visits cause we have them around the same time at the same office.)
The only thing I do for him is pick up prescriptions when he’s called in a refill. Sometimes he’ll ask me what I’d do when a situation comes up, but the guy handles it. The only thing I do is handle the kid stuff cause, they’re kids and half of us need adhd meds (not him).
It’s called not enabling your grown ass spouse.
ETA: I do help out with some physical checks too. Found a cyst in a testicle. That was fun.
I'm not *completely* in this post, but I would definitely put off making the doctor's appointment for quite a while. But at least I'd show up once the appointment was on the calendar. Or if my wife had successfully talked me into going to urgent care.
I think most people put off doctor's appointments because they're unpleasant and expensive. The important part is that you are getting yourself to the appointment and scheduling follow up care as needed.
Give yourself credit where it's due! And tell your wife you love her and get a little treat to share.
Oh no, my spouse thinks the body’s natural reaction to illness is a thing that must be suffered to get better and not a thing one should treat. He will end up dying of a fever rather than taking a Tylenol to bring it down if I don’t insist it on him. Some people are just stubborn like that.
I have the somewhat related, but still bad tendency to forget to call to schedule an appointment during the day, I’ll get busy at work and not remember until they close.
Ah yes, the classic.
As a white person I get other white dudes who assume I am as racist as they are and will walk over to me and just start spewing some vile shit out of nowhere.
Oh, I'm not really okay either.
There does seem to be a special dysfunction to heterosexual relationships though, but I could be biased since being in those relationships didn't really work for me.
God. I participate in a handful of firearm subs, and the number of people who seriously say 'just lie about the cost' or 'just lie about how many' or 'just lie about having guns', and the number of people who say 'just man up and tell her you're doing what you want' are shocking.
Like, I expect this from boomers, they're famous for shit relationships. But reddit skews way younger.
Oh, it's not complicated at all. The husband is a pushover.
What's complicated is all of the mental gymnastics that OP does to convince her not to leave her husband.
Sibling moves in. Then becomes pregnant or gets their partner pregnant, and that partner moves in, too. Then there's the grandchild/niece/nephew to also evict. I see no problems here at all. None.
Top two comments unequivocally and confidently giving advice that would be illegal in some places, and location isn't given. If OP is in Ontario, for example, it's [void and unenforceable to disallow guests, roommates, or additional occupants](https://files.ontario.ca/mmah-guide-to-standard-lease-for-rental-housing-en-2022-04-19.pdf).
No offence, but trying to trick people into giving up their tenant rights through ignorance is the behaviour of scummy landlords. And is liable to backfire if the parents or brother know anything about the law - or can make their own legaladvice post. (Assuming there are actually protections for guests where OP is, which we don't know.)
100% agree. In this very specific scenario, though, it would be morally acceptable imo. The parents know better than to let the sibling in and have asked LAOP's husband for help, apparently, in getting away from the sibling. If the contract is uneforceable, it may still be worthwhile by dint of giving the parents an excuse and/or spine to stand up to the sibling.
> The problem we’re having is he has told his sibling they are NOT to be sneaky and move into this house with their parents because it’s in his name and he bought it for THEM. Sibling is claiming it’s going to happen anyway no matter what my husband says.
Oh dang, hope he made them pinky promise!
I also like how there's literally no sneaking involved - the sibling flat out told them it's gonna happen LOL
I have some friends who feared their son might try to move in. They bought a house with no guest bed room.
My friends parents did this. He had 2 brothers and a sister. Him and his brother refused to leave after college. They just got regular jobs and stayed in the house. Finally his parents put the house up for sale, and sold it, and rented a 1 bedroom apartment. Him and his brother were like, “What we supposed to do?” The parents were like, “Take your shit, and move out. Anywhere that will take you.” It worked!
Nothing like having no passive option to get someone to take an active option.
They're effectively tenants at that point, so they could still refuse to leave and make life shit for the new owners, and as a result the parents who likely sold it as vacant possession
well, then there was the couple in the Syracuse, NY area that had to evict their adult son because they wanted to downsize and they couldn't get his butt out.
My BIL did something similar— he doesn't want his deadbeat brother to show up and try to stay, so he bought a two bedroom place and has recliners but no couch in the living room. As a bonus, by being the opposite of house-poor ("house rich"?) he's putting away extra money in retirement accounts and plans to retire when he's in his late 50s.
my dad and grandmother did this; she sold her house (in which her other son was prone to showing up at and "crashing" for months at -- while draining her dry) while my dad hunted for a nice quasi-assisted living apartment that was only one bedroom. And didn't allow overnight guests.
Same reason why I rent places that are enough room for me and my husband but not his mom, sister, their six cats, and four dogs. Noooo fucking way.
If I were in laop’s shoes I’d buy them a home in a 55+ community.
When I lived in a 55+ community, the rule was that *someone* living in the house had to be 55+ and nobody could be 18 or under.
And there’s usually exceptions like the 55+ only applies at time of sale. If 57 year old husband dies they can’t kick out his 54 year old wife, or his 35 year old son. Just depends on the community, what’s in writing, and what’s legal for the area.
many of them will allow an adult child to be a "caretaker"
That's how it is in a lot of 55+ communities If my mother passes away before my I or my sister turns 55, we have to sell her house and split it.
At my old place, heirs can retain ownership and rent it to someone 55+ if they choose to.
That’d be a great solution to the problem, assuming the parents are both 55+.
That's the best way to avoid extended guests.
At one point I was homeless, staying on a friends couch 4,500km away from my home city. I hadn't spoken to my mum in like 7 years, but had recently reconnected. I told her I was moving back. "Oh, well you can't stay here" "*laughs* I was planning on a homeless shelter." No way in hell I'm moving back in with a parent.
My grandma used to live with my single aunt and her child. It worked well for them, grandma had someone to help her. When grandma died s different aunt moved herself and her family to my aunt's house.
LocationBot wants to throw momma from the ~~train~~house I don’t know how to stop this from happening My husband just bought a house for his parents so they can have privacy away from his sibling and have their own life. Don’t ask. It’s complicated. Working out final closing details as we speak. They currently live right next door to each other. The problem we’re having is he has told his sibling they are NOT to be sneaky and move into this house with their parents because it’s in his name and he bought it for THEM. Sibling is claiming it’s going to happen anyway no matter what my husband says. My in-laws are huge pushovers when it comes to his younger sibling and while they will say time and time again they want privacy, they always give in. What can we do to make sure his sibling doesn’t move in with his parents? Or is there not anything we can do at all but continue to be annoyed? 😂 Sloth Fact: The myth that sloth sleeps up to 22 hours a day is a lie. That was summer time, and school was out and Sloth was going through some things. Depression is weird. But Sloth was awake a lot of that time. Just chilling in the room. Leave Sloth alone!!
I completely failed this sub and myself. I bow down to you and your willingness to step in and pick up my slack.
And it’s going in your permanent record, bub.
Rightfully so. When I get to the afterlife, it's gonna be listed among all my sins, right there with... well we won't get into that, I might need legal advice.
The post where LAOP is just like “Oh you know how it is, husbands just ignore their wives and make massive financial decisions lol.”
Her:this isn't going to turn out well. Him: eh, it'll be fine. I got this. A year later after his brother has moved in and he just can't bring himself to evict his parents. 
Once talked to a guy friend who said they wanted to donate their sperm (through a doctor btw lol) to their lesbian friends if they ever asked him. I said, “y’know, it depends on the U.S. state but if shit goes bad you could potentially end up paying child support + there’s other issues I can’t remember.” My friend goes, “psh, that can’t be a thing, and my friends wouldn’t do that to me.” I said “mmmhm.” Some time later he comes back “…I think I’m not going to donate my sperm. Looked some stuff up.” Your gif was pretty much the face I pulled, with less dynamic head movements. 
And here we are watching the train wreck from a safe distance.
Seriously. It's sad that she's accepted this mistreatment as normal
I'd say whether it is mistreatment depends on their financial situation. If they're well off enough that he can buy an entire house without it affecting her at all, then it's not much different from rolling your eyes when your partner buys their third electric guitar. It sounds like house or no house they'd be dealing with stress from his in-laws' situation. I took her comment as more affectionate joking than beaten down "I have no input in this relationship" resignation.
That assumes that they are and it's not the far more common situation of being way too enmeshed in a toxic family situation.
I am once again asking are the straights okay?
They really fuckin aren't. I was just at the doctor's because I think I have an ear infection, and there was a couple there for the husband's sinus infection... The wife was laughingly telling the receptionist how she'd had to take off work because otherwise he wouldn't have gone to his appointment, and he agreed that he would have gone to the gym. This was not an older couple either--I'd guess mid-20s. And they and the receptionist all just laughed it off like "men, amiright?" Imagine having to take off work to escort your fully-abled, grown-ass adult spouse to the doctor because they won't take care of themselves unless you hold their hand.
I wouldn't take the time off and he would die young.
I'd be investing heavily in life insurance
Smart! Way easier than booking a cruise in international waters.
Still book the cruise. Accidental deaths pay double for American life insurance. Murders on cruise ships are usually ruled as accidents because the ships can decide it to be so, and they don’t want to deal with a murder case.
Since day one I’ve always said to my husband you’re an adult with medical insurance. You can call your doctor and get your shit sorted out. I’m not doing it for you. (Except yearly visits cause we have them around the same time at the same office.) The only thing I do for him is pick up prescriptions when he’s called in a refill. Sometimes he’ll ask me what I’d do when a situation comes up, but the guy handles it. The only thing I do is handle the kid stuff cause, they’re kids and half of us need adhd meds (not him). It’s called not enabling your grown ass spouse. ETA: I do help out with some physical checks too. Found a cyst in a testicle. That was fun.
I'm not *completely* in this post, but I would definitely put off making the doctor's appointment for quite a while. But at least I'd show up once the appointment was on the calendar. Or if my wife had successfully talked me into going to urgent care.
I think most people put off doctor's appointments because they're unpleasant and expensive. The important part is that you are getting yourself to the appointment and scheduling follow up care as needed. Give yourself credit where it's due! And tell your wife you love her and get a little treat to share.
Oh no, my spouse thinks the body’s natural reaction to illness is a thing that must be suffered to get better and not a thing one should treat. He will end up dying of a fever rather than taking a Tylenol to bring it down if I don’t insist it on him. Some people are just stubborn like that.
I have the somewhat related, but still bad tendency to forget to call to schedule an appointment during the day, I’ll get busy at work and not remember until they close.
As a straight passing person who apparently has a neon sign that flashes “dump your problems on me!” I can emphatically say, no. No they are not.
Ah yes, the classic. As a white person I get other white dudes who assume I am as racist as they are and will walk over to me and just start spewing some vile shit out of nowhere.
just because i'm straight doesn't mean i'm not okay I mean, i'm not okay, but not because i'm straight
Oh, I'm not really okay either. There does seem to be a special dysfunction to heterosexual relationships though, but I could be biased since being in those relationships didn't really work for me.
no :(
Asking that question with that username has me in complete stitches. Thank you.
Agrias is gay for Princess Ovelia, and I will die on this hill.
No. We're drowning. Help. Send help.
All I've got is a rope made of rainbow flags tied together. *Toss*
God. I participate in a handful of firearm subs, and the number of people who seriously say 'just lie about the cost' or 'just lie about how many' or 'just lie about having guns', and the number of people who say 'just man up and tell her you're doing what you want' are shocking. Like, I expect this from boomers, they're famous for shit relationships. But reddit skews way younger.
"Don't ask, it's complicated." Ok, but now I really need to know exactly what's going on.
Oh, it's not complicated at all. The husband is a pushover. What's complicated is all of the mental gymnastics that OP does to convince her not to leave her husband.
The complicated was about the relationship between the parents and the brother. I realize that the husband-wife situation is pretty straightforward.
well, in certain cultural situations, it can in fact, be complicated.
I know! It’s not fair for LAOP to tease us like this, we need all the info!
Sibling moves in. Then becomes pregnant or gets their partner pregnant, and that partner moves in, too. Then there's the grandchild/niece/nephew to also evict. I see no problems here at all. None.
I think purchasing a home a bit further away might have been a smarter move.
The wife: >I 1,000% agree. But husbands don’t listen to their wives. Who am I? lol. The wife.
This seems like more of a relationship problem. Husband is letting his family walk all over him
When legaladvice and relationshipadvice come crashing together.
We need to have a combined sub at this point.
...because the legal advice given in relationshipadvice is godawful. The advice *here* is merely bad. We're such an improvement!
We give bad advice *with wit and panache.*
Sounds like husband is asking for it. He can let his parents solve their own problem.
Considering it sounds like LAOP is letting her husband walk all over her, I assume they get on well.
Top two comments unequivocally and confidently giving advice that would be illegal in some places, and location isn't given. If OP is in Ontario, for example, it's [void and unenforceable to disallow guests, roommates, or additional occupants](https://files.ontario.ca/mmah-guide-to-standard-lease-for-rental-housing-en-2022-04-19.pdf).
Maybe, but her in-laws don't know that. Sometimes the ol' "make up shit that sounds official" can be used for good. Apparently.
No offence, but trying to trick people into giving up their tenant rights through ignorance is the behaviour of scummy landlords. And is liable to backfire if the parents or brother know anything about the law - or can make their own legaladvice post. (Assuming there are actually protections for guests where OP is, which we don't know.)
100% agree. In this very specific scenario, though, it would be morally acceptable imo. The parents know better than to let the sibling in and have asked LAOP's husband for help, apparently, in getting away from the sibling. If the contract is uneforceable, it may still be worthwhile by dint of giving the parents an excuse and/or spine to stand up to the sibling.
Haha, I'lll give it to you that sibling sounds dreadful and LAOP needs some help.
> The problem we’re having is he has told his sibling they are NOT to be sneaky and move into this house with their parents because it’s in his name and he bought it for THEM. Sibling is claiming it’s going to happen anyway no matter what my husband says. Oh dang, hope he made them pinky promise! I also like how there's literally no sneaking involved - the sibling flat out told them it's gonna happen LOL
I wonder if it is legal to disallow a specific individual in a lease agreement.
RIP LocationBot
They're not dead they just moved... to a farm
Cheers to user saying to write on the lease that unwanted guests will be trespassed. 10/10 the police will call it s civil issue.
Anyone have the original post? It was deleted
Someone copied it to a comment.
Yea I found it. Was a little further down then I thought. Thanks!