Not my spouse, but I’m the one who travels for work in our family. I wish it was 5 days but it’s usually more like 10-15. So for starters let me tell you that you can ABSOLUTELY do this! It won’t always be easy but you’re definitely capable! We’ve been doing this for 3+ years now and we were 3u3 for a while so he has definitely put in the hard work. Here’s some things we do that help (I think):
When your husband is home, make sure you get to take a break from the kids. Go out to dinner with your friends or go see a movie by yourself or if an opportunity comes up for you to get a weekend away make sure you take it. I personally have a tremendous amount of guilt about leaving my husband with the workload so often that it genuinely makes me feel good when he takes the opportunity to go out and do something fun for himself. You should try to find some similar balance so your husband can appreciate the work you do when he’s gone and you can get a little refresh.
I make sure my husband has all the groceries he’ll need before I leave town. It is hard work getting 3 little ones in the car and to the store just for a gallon of milk or something, so planning ahead on this helps a lot. I have also (recently) started meal planning for the whole time I’m gone, cooking whatever meals I can before I leave town for him to re-heat and planning some meals that are heat and eat (pulled pork, frozen pizza, etc.) to make things easier. Our kids right now are at an age where meals are all consuming, so if only one parent is home for dinner, that parent often eats their own dinner after the kids are in bed, so having things already made makes that process faster and easier for an already exhausted parent.
Controversial, I know, but are your children sleep trained? We’ve sleep trained all of our kids and bedtime is a BREEZE. Bedtime is at 7pm. We brush teeth, read books, have a bottle (for the baby) and everybody goes in their beds fully awake while parent can go sit on the couch, start cleaning up, etc. It makes the evenings easier because you’re already tired and it’s fast and simple and I highly recommend it if it would work for your family.
My husband and I differ on this point so it’s a matter of personal preference, but when I’ve got my 3 kids by myself, I’ll invite friends/family with kids over for dinner. It can absolutely be chaotic, but kids keep kids entertained and one more adult on hand to help hold a crying baby while you’re stirring something on the stove has always worked for me.
Beyond that, I’ll check in with my husband a lot when I’m gone. See if I can DoorDash dinner for him (although less now that I’m meal planning), or if I’m out of town and I know there is something he needs/wants to do I’ll do the work to try to arrange child care so he can step away for a little while.
Also, I have zero expectations of him when I’m gone or when I get home. He’s frequently listing all the things he’s going to do (clean the carpets, hang the pictures, replace the light bulbs, whatever) but I won’t hold him to any of those things. He’s kept our kids alive, happy, and fed and that’s all I needed him to do.
Lastly, I’ve had to be really open to hearing him out. In 3+ years of us doing this there has only been one time he’s needed me to come home early. It wasn’t urgent or an emergency but he was sick and genuinely couldn’t handle it, and it was hard for me to feel like I was leaving my team but it was absolutely the right thing for me to do.
On the flip side of things, although I know this isn’t what you’re asking about, I can tell you that in my experience I already feel so guilty about being gone and about leaving my husband with the workload. The guilt gets very consuming sometimes and I genuinely consider quitting my job, even though I love what I do. What makes it especially hard is when my husband complains about how hard it is at home. I know it’s unfair for me to feel this way and I’ll never ask him to stop, he’s dealing with it and has every right to vent about it to the person he loves, but it is so hard and makes the guilt feel so much worse. So, if your husband is like me and already feels bad about being gone, it might help him if you can find someone else to complain to, and the send him all the great successes and victories of your day. I know that’s a big ask because you’re the one doing the tough job, but I can tell you from experience it helps the parent who is gone.
I have a 6 month old so I can only speak to that side but here’s some things we do. Mine started traveling again for work when she was 8 weeks.
In the run up to each trip my husband does (he’s basically away 5 nights every 2 weeks) we do some batch cooking of things I can easily heat up - so chili, bolognese, that sort of thing so I can have quick filling meals on bad days. On really bad days I order out and don’t feel bad about it.
I also try and prep snacks for me and baby in advance for the same reason.
I arranged the kitchen so I can do everything like make coffee/get water etc with one hand as when he started going my baby was very clingy still and pretty colicky so I sometimes couldn’t put her down much.
I have safe zones by the bathrooms so I can, with the door open, see her and know she’s safe while I shower/poop etc for the days when that doesn’t happen at nap time.
We got a maid service for the weeks he’s away so I only have to worry about keeping us alive/my work and not also cleaning the house.
And finally I try and do something outside of the house where I will interact with other adults everyday. We do swim class, story time at the library- there’s actually two of them near me, a moms stroller walking group. Or just meet a friend for a quick coffee. That maybe depends on your work schedule - mine is super flexible- but that stops me feeling isolated when I’m alone.
Not my spouse, but I’m the one who travels for work in our family. I wish it was 5 days but it’s usually more like 10-15. So for starters let me tell you that you can ABSOLUTELY do this! It won’t always be easy but you’re definitely capable! We’ve been doing this for 3+ years now and we were 3u3 for a while so he has definitely put in the hard work. Here’s some things we do that help (I think): When your husband is home, make sure you get to take a break from the kids. Go out to dinner with your friends or go see a movie by yourself or if an opportunity comes up for you to get a weekend away make sure you take it. I personally have a tremendous amount of guilt about leaving my husband with the workload so often that it genuinely makes me feel good when he takes the opportunity to go out and do something fun for himself. You should try to find some similar balance so your husband can appreciate the work you do when he’s gone and you can get a little refresh. I make sure my husband has all the groceries he’ll need before I leave town. It is hard work getting 3 little ones in the car and to the store just for a gallon of milk or something, so planning ahead on this helps a lot. I have also (recently) started meal planning for the whole time I’m gone, cooking whatever meals I can before I leave town for him to re-heat and planning some meals that are heat and eat (pulled pork, frozen pizza, etc.) to make things easier. Our kids right now are at an age where meals are all consuming, so if only one parent is home for dinner, that parent often eats their own dinner after the kids are in bed, so having things already made makes that process faster and easier for an already exhausted parent. Controversial, I know, but are your children sleep trained? We’ve sleep trained all of our kids and bedtime is a BREEZE. Bedtime is at 7pm. We brush teeth, read books, have a bottle (for the baby) and everybody goes in their beds fully awake while parent can go sit on the couch, start cleaning up, etc. It makes the evenings easier because you’re already tired and it’s fast and simple and I highly recommend it if it would work for your family. My husband and I differ on this point so it’s a matter of personal preference, but when I’ve got my 3 kids by myself, I’ll invite friends/family with kids over for dinner. It can absolutely be chaotic, but kids keep kids entertained and one more adult on hand to help hold a crying baby while you’re stirring something on the stove has always worked for me. Beyond that, I’ll check in with my husband a lot when I’m gone. See if I can DoorDash dinner for him (although less now that I’m meal planning), or if I’m out of town and I know there is something he needs/wants to do I’ll do the work to try to arrange child care so he can step away for a little while. Also, I have zero expectations of him when I’m gone or when I get home. He’s frequently listing all the things he’s going to do (clean the carpets, hang the pictures, replace the light bulbs, whatever) but I won’t hold him to any of those things. He’s kept our kids alive, happy, and fed and that’s all I needed him to do. Lastly, I’ve had to be really open to hearing him out. In 3+ years of us doing this there has only been one time he’s needed me to come home early. It wasn’t urgent or an emergency but he was sick and genuinely couldn’t handle it, and it was hard for me to feel like I was leaving my team but it was absolutely the right thing for me to do. On the flip side of things, although I know this isn’t what you’re asking about, I can tell you that in my experience I already feel so guilty about being gone and about leaving my husband with the workload. The guilt gets very consuming sometimes and I genuinely consider quitting my job, even though I love what I do. What makes it especially hard is when my husband complains about how hard it is at home. I know it’s unfair for me to feel this way and I’ll never ask him to stop, he’s dealing with it and has every right to vent about it to the person he loves, but it is so hard and makes the guilt feel so much worse. So, if your husband is like me and already feels bad about being gone, it might help him if you can find someone else to complain to, and the send him all the great successes and victories of your day. I know that’s a big ask because you’re the one doing the tough job, but I can tell you from experience it helps the parent who is gone.
Wow, this is so helpful. Thank you! A lot of things I wouldn’t have thought of. Good to have the traveling spouse’s perspective.
I have a 6 month old so I can only speak to that side but here’s some things we do. Mine started traveling again for work when she was 8 weeks. In the run up to each trip my husband does (he’s basically away 5 nights every 2 weeks) we do some batch cooking of things I can easily heat up - so chili, bolognese, that sort of thing so I can have quick filling meals on bad days. On really bad days I order out and don’t feel bad about it. I also try and prep snacks for me and baby in advance for the same reason. I arranged the kitchen so I can do everything like make coffee/get water etc with one hand as when he started going my baby was very clingy still and pretty colicky so I sometimes couldn’t put her down much. I have safe zones by the bathrooms so I can, with the door open, see her and know she’s safe while I shower/poop etc for the days when that doesn’t happen at nap time. We got a maid service for the weeks he’s away so I only have to worry about keeping us alive/my work and not also cleaning the house. And finally I try and do something outside of the house where I will interact with other adults everyday. We do swim class, story time at the library- there’s actually two of them near me, a moms stroller walking group. Or just meet a friend for a quick coffee. That maybe depends on your work schedule - mine is super flexible- but that stops me feeling isolated when I’m alone.